5 Identity Shifts to Break Free From Belief Traps + Become UNLIMITED

I'm just not the person who's going to grab all the content when I'm out. I'm not the person who's going to put myself in uncomfortable situations. I'm not the person who's outgoing and is going to plan those dinners with people. I'm not the person who's going to be, you know, outspoken about something that I want. Well, if you want to get your thing, guess what? You have to let go of the identity of I'm not that person and you have to become that person. And we're back with another episode of He Said she said.

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Guys. You do not grow on the couch by yourself trying to figure it out. That's just a really fast way to waste time. Kris and I have always invested in ourselves, even when we had to scrape it up, and that is truly what helped us grow.

Speaking of growing, you have to kind of think about, who do you have to become to hit the goals you want to hit? Who do you have to become to receive the amount of money that you want to receive? Who do you have to become to own that business you dream of or be that entrepreneur or really anything that you desire to be? You have to become a different person than you are right now. And that's what today's episode's about.

So we were at dinner last night. We love to go out on a Friday night to our favorite date night spots. We've got a couple spots in the neighborhood that we're obsessed with. And so last night, I love it. I check open table all the time. And I was like, crap, there's nothing open in five minutes. Before we were about to leave and try somewhere else, I got a reservation at my favorite spot. But we always end up asking each other, you know, questions about our week and kind of like, really, I. I always try to dig in to get to really know kind of like the meat of your week. Like, what really happened? How were you feeling? And one of the questions I thought of mainly for me as well, because I'm asking myself this question right now, and I wanted to go through it together with you because we're really together on this set of goals that we have. We've got, like, this big, audacious goal that we really want to do in three years. And so I asked him last night, who do each of us individually have to be in order to accomplish that goal? And what that did is it really made us look at our habits, our attitudes, and how we're showing up, like, in the world for ourselves, for our health, all of the things. So this kind of spiraled into. Into obvious, this podcast now, but us really getting into some great conversation and realizing, like, you have to really change who you are at the core and those habits every single day.

Yeah. One of the answers that I gave Laurie was, who do I have to become to become who I really want to be? And that is, I want to have even more influence than we do right now on helping other people. And so that means we need Larger audiences. And if you need larger audiences, that means you have to really work at it. It doesn't just happen. Yeah. And so that means I have to become the person who prioritizes good content, even though I'm crazy busy, even though I'm tired, even though I don't feel like it. And so she said, okay, same question. Who do you have to become to be the person who feels like doing it and who will and willingly put out really good content? I said, okay, fair question. Like, what's the question behind the question? I have to stay in just slightly better shape than I already am. So I always feel good in front of camera at the drop of a hat. Instead of waiting to film on a day that I feel good, I have to maybe dress a little bit better, more consistently so we can grab content in the moment instead of being like, I haven't showered in two days and I'm wearing the same sweatshirt and same backwards hat for the last two days because that's my quote unquote efficient way of being right now. So who do I have to become? I have to become someone who is a little more prepared to capture the content when the moment strikes if we're going to have that much better content.

You know, right down to if we know we're going on date nights on the weekend when we're actually both dressed up, giving ourselves 30 minutes before, like, getting ready 30 minutes prior to get content. Because why would you add that to your week when you're already dressed, you're already ready if you already know you're going to do it? And you could just do things a little bit different. So planning ahead even more, like saving ourselves time, planning ahead and also not showing up irritated to that moment, like, oh, why are we, like, why are we doing this? We have to remember that everything around our content and around social media is for the greater goal. And for Chris and I, like, when we first got into business, we didn't sign up to be influencers like you. And I did not sign up to be like, oh, my gosh, let's get all the content. Oh, get videos of me, get photos of me. And that's great if you love it. I wish that I did, but I actually despise it and despise it more. Chris despises it more. And I'm learning to make myself have a really good attitude about it, knowing that if we get good at this and we feel good about it, this is going to be one of the easiest ways for us to grow.

And. And this is the truth. And, you know, we jotted down like five, six things that we think you need to consider if you want to grow into the person to hit the goals that you want to hit. And this kind of kicks off the first one. And that is become less attached to old versions of yourself or current beliefs of yourself. Think about that. Become less attached to old versions of yourself or current beliefs of yourself and Laurie to share mine is like, I hate making content. I hate stopping to film before we're going out somewhere. I literally despise it. But if you want the goal, you have to do the things you don't feel like doing to get the goal.

Mm.

I think we spend too much time in this world. Be like, how do I get there in a more aligned way? No, listen, roll up your sleeves and do the thing you don't feel like doing and get the reward. Or don't roll up your sleeves and don't do the thing you don't feel like doing and then get nothing in return. Those are your two choices. Guys, stop trying to live somewhere in the freaking middle.

You know, I think one of the biggest cop out things that we say to ourselves, I've said it multiple times, Chris has said it multiple times, is that's just not who I am.

I.

Whether it's about I'm just not the person who's going to grab all the content when I'm out. I'm not the person who's going to put myself in uncomfortable situations. I'm not the person who's outgoing and is going to plan those dinners with people. I'm not the person who's going to be, you know, outspoken about something that I want. Well, if you want to get your thing, guess what? You have to let go of the identity of I'm not that person and you have to become that person person or you're never gonna get it and you're gonna use that as a massive cop out.

The most powerful word in this podcast, the most powerful word in this title is that word become. Sometimes you have to become a version of yourself that you have been reluctant to become in order to get the very things that you have not been getting up to. Now, I couldn't make it any more clean cut than that. Right. There's no magically easy, comfortable way to get there. And that's kind of the second piece of that one is when we say become less attached to old versions of yourself. I would add to that. Become less attached to what's comfortable and be open to what's Uncomfortable in order to receive new things, because you're finally doing new things. Okay, so that's one of them. The second one is this. You got to become more efficient, right? In this quest to become someone who is the person who can receive the goals that you want to receive, you have to become more efficient. You have to stop spending so much time figuring things out on your own and instead start trading that time collaborating with other people to get faster answers. I can't stress this enough. Efficiency doesn't just mean like, ooh, I'm time blocking now, or ooh, I run my calendar better. Those are all parts of it, of course. Like, maybe you have to become someone who's more organized on your calendar. That's of course part of it. But what I'm saying is you have to become someone who is not always trying to figure it out yourself and instead spend that very same time and energy collaborating with people. That'll show you the faster, better way to do it. And when we do that, shit just takes off.

You know, I can think of this as for yesterday within my company, like, I need to find really good UGC creators and very influential people who are willing to share Glossy in a way that is truly authentic to them and loving the product. And instead of me going, okay, I can solve this on my own, I'll just be the person who creates all of the content. That's not collaborative. Collaborative. I'm not going to be able to grow this company in the way that I want through my own organic or Natalie Ellis's own organic, who is my co founder. Like, yes, those are amazing. But we have to have a much larger reach, which means I need to start asking and collaborating faster. And so, you know, yesterday, I took all of yesterday reaching out to people, asking favors, asking for help, asking to get on calls. And that's the shortcut. You literally need help. I can't just sit here and think I'm going to solve this problem by myself.

If you keep doing everything yourself and just working harder, working harder, working harder. You're still only going to be operating with when within what your own brain, your own paradigm knows, there's going to be no radical ideas, no radical new ways of doing things. You're just going to be trying harder at the same old way that you did it before. And that would have already worked by now if that was ever going to work. All right, the third one. Become someone who is excited to invest in growth. I gotta tell you a story. So back when we were first kind of creating personal brands and all this stuff, you know, more than 10 years ago, I was so reluctant to invest in anything. I always thought, hey, we can figure it out. Hey, I can do this part. Hey, my brother Nick can figure this out. And I would always take the cheapest route to accomplishing said project, right? So, hey, we gotta do the social media thing. One of us will figure it out. Hey, we got to do these ads. One of us will figure it out. Hey, we got to do it now. When you're in the beginning and you have no money to spend, that's a great trait. That's called resourcefulness. And I love it and I applaud it. But this was when we were in the phase where we had money to spend, but I was so cheap, I didn't want to part with any of that money. And I would always take the cheap way out of doing it. Well, guess what? Not wanting to part with a dollar cost us 10. Not wanting to part with 100 cost us 1000 in revenue. Not wanting to part with a thousand cost us 100,000 in. Right. Like, the minute I opened up the wallet. And really, kudos to Lori. She's like, stop being cheap, you son of a bitch. Like, I'm hiring the best person. And the minute we started doing that is when everything took off in our life. Let that sink in a minute. We went from scrappy and resourceful. Would you have to be in the beginning? To then once we had the money to invest, becoming open to parting with it to hire the best person for each project. And that's what really helped put us on the map and create a lot of the success that we've already had. All right, number four, this one's really important. Become a better decision maker.

So when you're in the beginning, you make decisions very slow, and it's going to cost you. Especially if you're not necessarily paying someone for decisions. It's smart to make decisions much faster. And I'm just going to use an example. Yesterday, I needed to start recording some different reels for my company glossy. And I was like, okay, but what route should I take? Like, what story should I tell? What should I be doing? Okay, I should really think about this and plan it out. And I looked at my brand coordinator and I said, you know what? Screw all of this. We don't need a plan right now. What we need is we need a reel up today and we need a reel up tomorrow, and we need a reel up the next day. So let's tear off the band aid and fricking do some things and get data from that and then make our plan. And that is one of the examples of you just need to freaking make decisions fast and start taking action every day and making your plan off of that.

I can't stress this enough. Listen up. This is the punchline that'll change everything for you. It's not about becoming a more perfect decision maker. It's about becoming a faster decision maker. So you can make the decision, get the feedback. Did it work? Did it not work? And then make the adjustments. And the adjustments are another decision that then gives you feedback. Did that work? Did that not? And then you make more adjustments. I can't stress this enough. It's not about becoming someone who makes perfect decisions. It's about becoming someone who makes faster decisions and welcomes the feedback and makes the adjustments. If you just grasp that, everything in your life will absolutely take off. And then the last one that we kind of kicked around and talked about when it comes to becoming the person who you want to become in order to receive the goals that you want to receive is you have to become the identity that matches the goals. You have to literally already embody and be that person.

So, again, I'm going to stay on this example because I have to be recording so much content right now that the old me feels very resistant around it. I feel embarrassed when my brand coordinator is following me around getting content. I feel like, let's just get this over with. And the example is that when I start feeling that resistance, I literally am like, okay, I'm noticing the resistance. How can I let this go? How can I get excited about this? How can I think about, you know, the outcome of what this is going to bring? How could I be someone who could, like, just be okay with it and be like, let's do it. Yes, you're right. Let's do it. Let's make this a great one. Let's have a great attitude about this. And that has been working for me. Meaning I'm noticing less and less resistance. As I notice it come up and go, okay, this is not who I want to be. I want to be someone who enjoys this. I want to be someone who can remember the goal. I think that's the main problem with all of this, you guys, is we get so far away from the goal because they are so far out sometimes that we forget that these are the actions that we need to get excited about, because these are the exact ones that will bring us there.

Sticking with the theme of become the identity that matches the goal this is great. I had somebody come up to us at the Elite Entrepreneur Mastermind that we ran last week, one of the members and it's his first year in it. You make a small talk with them. Why'd you join? He said, I'll tell you why I joined.

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To become the person who's already hanging out with the people who are doing what I want to do.

Yep.

Right. So this was his shortcut this was his fast track. This was his version of becoming the identity that matches the goal. He said, I need to be the person that hangs out with these people. He goes, I'll be honest with you, he lives in Minnesota, kind of rural Minnesota. He's like, I don't really have friends and I don't really have people, and I don't really have guys that think the way I want to think, that behave the way I want to behave. They're doing business at the level I want to do. But he's like, I don't have that at all. That's why I joined. I knew I'd be instantly surrounded by people who are already being the person who I want to become. And what he was saying, he's like all excited. He's like, it worked. Like, I've only been here a couple days and look around. Like, I've got these friends and you made this intro for me and. Because I made a cool intro for him back there. Like, I'm telling you, becoming the identity that matches the goal. There's so many ways to embody that person instantly. That means maybe changing who you spend more time with, maybe changing how you dress. Like the example I gave before, you know, I gotta be less sloppy all the time. Perhaps. Maybe it means becoming more fit or eating healthier so you have better energy. Maybe it means putting yourself in more luxurious spaces. So maybe you're walking through five star hotels to get inspiration or dining once in a great while at that place that intimidates you a little bit. You have to become the identity that matches the goal and already kind of embody as if you're that person.

This has been huge for us through the years. We've done this in so many different modalities. Whether it's been like, oh my God, we don't necessarily have money to be moving into that place. By the way, this is not financial advice. This is just what's worked for Chris and I. But we're like, let's reach a little bit higher for that condo to move into after we lost our home. And it worked because it put us around the people who were thinking bigger, which means the neighbors that we talked to and the neighbors that we got invited over for dinner, these people were thinking big, they had big businesses. And also just being in that surrounding was like, this is who you are, this is what you want, this is where you belong. And that for me, like, changed the game. I was like, I'm going to act like the person who freaking deserves to live here.

All right, guys, so listen. Hopefully these five ways to become the person who you need to become in order to receive the goal that you want to receive. Hopefully this helps out and I'm sure you can see a few opportunities in here where making sure you're a part of the mentor collective mastermind for all businesses that are currently making under $500,000 and want to transcend that mark. Like Laurie said, this is the most hands on, accessible, awesome mastermind that has ever been created for that level of business. We're going to focus on collaboration. We're going to focus on you guys building relationships in there. And you also get access to literally any type of coach in any area of your business that you need paid for by us. You just have to be a part of the program. But because of all that, the waitlist is going to be hot and heavy and you're going to have to be on it to even have a chance to get one of those seats. So right now, this episode's over. Go to lori harder.com forward/waitlist and we can't wait to see who gets some of these seats in 30 days.

We are so excited to work with you again. This is one of our favorite things that we get to do. And you guys, thank you so much for tuning in and we will talk to you next week.