6 Ways to Handle Judgment and Fear from the People Closest to You

You're going to hear things like, oh, that's risky. Are you sure you want to do that? What if it doesn't work out? And it sounds protective, but it's really their anxiety being handed to you and you're carrying it after that. The people who love us the most are often the ones who unintentionally hold us back the most. And it's not because they don't love us. It's because our dreams feel unsafe to them. Welcome back to the podcast. It's time for another quickie because always time to fit in inspiration. And today I want to chat with you about how your family, your partner, and maybe even some of your best friends are unintentionally or maybe even a little bit intentional sabotaging you. And it's usually the people that we care about the most when we set out to go for our big dreams that are going to be the people who actually end up making a dent and having us do it it or not do it. And we can't ever blame anybody else at all. That is not what this podcast is about. I want you to be aware of where your best friends, your partner, your family are human and where you can sort of be prepared and safeguard yourself and work through these conversations. So, number one, we can keep them in our lives, but we can grow together. But so we can be aware that this is a very, very normal thing that's going to happen, because it is. I know so many women who always try to come into our masterminds or groups, and I swear to you, one of the main conversations is that their husband kind of minimizes or makes fun of what they're doing or doesn't think they can do it. And I never see them again. They just kind of disappear out into the ether because somebody said something to them that didn't feel good or struck fear in them, and they let it get to them and completely take over. And look, I totally get it because my husband actually did this to me in the beginning and we talk about it all the time now because he used to say, oh, when is this little expensive hobby of yours going to finally make money? And he even said, if this doesn't start, you know, making the type of money that we need, like you need to piss or get off the pot and let this little hobby go. And so, you know, in the beginning, that can feel really, really threatening. It can feel really scary, it can feel demeaning, it can make you feel shameful, it can make you feel selfish, it can make you Be like, oh, my gosh, of course I need to be realistic. What am I thinking? Who am I to think that? Oh, my God, the audacity to think that I even could have done this, right? So it's definitely going to come, and I just want you to be prepared for it. And what we don't want is for you to get all frustrated and butt hurt by the people that you love the most. Because what I want you to know is they still love you, but they may not support you or be able to understand where your dreams are coming from or even know if you are capable of doing them. That's what you have to know. So let's talk about how the people that you love the most might be sabotaging your big dreams. Because let's be honest, the people who love us the most most are often the ones who unintentionally hold us back the most. And it's not because they don't love us. It's because our dreams feel unsafe to them. So let's talk about the sneaky little ways that our partners, parents, and even our best friends might be sabotaging us without knowing it. So the first one is fear projection. This is such a human thing to do. They project their fear onto you. And you're going to hear things like, ooh, that's risky. Are you sure you want to do that? What if it doesn't work out? And it sounds protective, but it's really their anxiety being handed to you and you're carrying it after that. So one of the reframes that you can just really sit in is realizing that that is actually their fear. They don't have the plan that you have. They don't see the vision that you can see. The fear is on them. And what you can do is you can thank them for caring and then you can keep going. Like, I, I thank you. I see you. I appreciate you caring, but I'm going to keep. Number two is withholding support. So they don't actively discourage you, but they also don't cheer you on. And a lot of times when people are waiting for people to cheer them on, this is almost a personal form of sabotage, where it's like, well, if they don't support me, if they don't cheer me on, then I'm upset with them and I don't have the support from my family, and this is why I can't do it right? Maybe they change the subject when you talk about your goals or act like it's not a big deal. And that silence is going to make you question yourself. So the reframe can be. Not everyone is meant to be your hype squad. Not everyone is going to understand. What you have to do is you have to find the people who light up when you talk about your big dreams and have the answers to help you with your big dreams and normalize any of these fears and any of these risks and also normalize the path and how challenging that path is going to be. This is why I pay to be in masterminds. This is why I pay a shitload for coaches. This is why you see me going to things all the time and putting myself around huge thinkers. Is they normalize the process where you guys. I went to coffee with some people the other day who were not entrepreneurs, and I was like, holy shit. Like, I can't even talk about what my life looks like every day because they couldn't even fathom, like, the things that I do on a daily basis. I am not making them bad. They just live in a very different world where if I said the risks that I carry, the decisions that I make and the things that I do and how fast I move and ask for really big things or go for big things on a daily basis, it was not even comprehendable to them. And I didn't love the feedback that I was getting. So I had this realization just like all of you right now or you've had in the past. I'm like, ooh, I really have to be careful what circles I'm speaking this massive dream into, because if people don't get it, the feeling that they deflect back onto you is pretty intense. Like, energy is a real thing. And I'm like, oh, you know what? We're just gonna. We're gonna talk about. We're gonna find some common ground. We're gon something totally different. So number three is guilt tripping. They make you feel guilty for putting time, energy, or money into your dream by saying, you're never around anymore. Or, it must be nice to just focus on yourself and, you know, oh, I hope that you're loving that little business and all the time that you're putting into it, because we sure haven't gotten to see you, or I sure hope that pays off because I really noticed that it's putting a strain on your relationships, or I feel like it's putting a strain on our relationship. And I think the reframe with this is really important to know where boundaries matter, because your dreams are going to require investment, and most of the time Those dreams are going to benefit the person who's probably saying it. So I think bringing them in, inviting them along, telling them why it's important that you're doing it, and the fact that you do want to grow something and grow something for the family, or you have big visions for your life, or maybe you just have not felt good or happy without doing these things for yourself, and it's starting to reflect in how you show up in the family, like really bring them along and tell them why this is so important to you. Most times stuff like this is just a communication problem. And if they don't have the vision and if they don't necessarily have the capacity to understand, you need to explain it to them in a way that is so loving and brings them along. Because if you know that you're the person who maybe has a little bit more emotional capacity in this particular experience, then the one who has to kind of buck up and turn the other cheek and carry that. I know that doesn't seem fair, but if you're talking to someone who doesn't have the capacity to understand what you're doing, don't argue with someone who's not going to listen and give you a chance to really talk. So it is your responsibility to kind of take them along. Or if you have to, you might have to cut this person out for a little while if it is someone that you can kind of hold to arm's length for a little bit. Number four, they're probably going to highlight worst case scenarios. I've had this so many times. So they're going to play devil's advocate over and over again. They're going to say, let me tell you why I don't think this is going to work. Or let me tell you about your cousin who did this, or your sister. Remember what happened to this person? Oh, I heard a story about this and they lost all this money. Or maybe this person's going to jail, you guys, I don't know. They say the craziest things sometimes, and I'm like, where did this even come from? But you have to decide yourself what worst case scenario is. Are people going to say stuff about you? You could you lose everything? Could you be okay with that? If that does happen? These are the questions that you have to ask yourself when you go into entrepreneurship. How far are you willing to go? And what is that line that maybe you put on yourself of, here's how far I'm going to go, here's the line I'm not going to cross. Here's the nest egg I'm always going to keep no matter what. Because it's very different if you have a family. I totally understand that. And those are the decisions that you have to make. So the reframe on this, though, is, what if it works? What if someone has to hold the vision for best case scenario, you guys, and that someone always has to be you. You always have to know, okay, what's the worst that could happen? Can I handle that? And then what is best case scenario? And once you've already covered what's worst case scenario, you can toss that out the window because you know you're set, right? And now the only vision I want you guys to hold, or the only vision that's going to hold you and get you to the finish line is best case scenario. And as a visionary, as an entrepreneur, you have to always be holding that Number five. They're going to sabotage you through subtle little undermining jokes or sarcasm. They're going to say things like, oh, here comes the entrepreneur of the year. And it feels playful, but it's actually really shitty when it lands on your heart. And we have to remember that the reframe is that jokes are often truth in disguise. And it's probably kind of pinging them in a way that they realize they did not go what they wanted to do. So don't take them as truth, you guys. Take them as fuel. Like, go and just take so much action that one day you can say, remember that little business? Yeah, well, that little business is going to take you on the trip of a lifetime. Or that little business, mom is going to buy you a house or whatever you want, whatever feels good, whatever sort of thing in your mind actually fuels you. Or maybe you're feeling opposite and you're like, remember that little business? Yeah, I'm out of here. Whatever it is, you guys, whatever fuels you in a loving, beautiful way to keep going for your big dream. That's what we want to hold on to. Number six, the last way, which there's plenty of more ways, but this is my last and final one, is that they're going to overemphasize stability. They're going to push you toward this safer, more traditional path because it's what they know. They're always going to say something like, you really need to get a stable job, or don't you just want something where you know your retirement is good and the reframe on that is stability for them doesn't equal fulfillment for you, and you're not here to repeat their path path in their cycle. You're here to create your own path and your own life. And also stability does not exist. Let me tell you a little story about stability and that is my husband was in the most incredible job in the financial industry and the entire mortgage and finance industry in 2008 completely collapsed to the point where there were no jobs. So we went from making a ton of money and overspending when we were in our twenties to completely in debt with him, no place to go, no jobs in actual existence of what he was doing in that time period from a job where everyone said, oh it's banking, I mean it's homes, it's. I mean it's the most stable thing out there to completely losing it. So nothing, nothing is stable. And I will say I will always bet on myself. And if for any reason anyone ever needs to go and find a job, let me just tell you there are jobs available especially for people who are willing to hustle. Like I love the creator economy. I love the fact that you could pick up a Uber or doordash or Instacart or anything like that for extra cash at the flip of turning something on on your phone. It's actually quite mind blowing. So the way that I look at the world is just the endless opportunities are out there. So I am going to bet myself first, if nothing is stable, I have the most control over me.

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And it can either bring you closer because you're going to have a hard conversation and you're going to say why this stuff matters and why you know you'd appreciate if you could just go and do your thing and not have them say the comments anymore, or you can also just deal with it and know that this is such a human thing and let it be okay that you don't share the same views and that it's okay that they're more risk averse than you. Like be the bigger person in this scenario and know that you got blessed with maybe a little more vision and a little bit more capacity. And you can also show Them what? What's possible for them. I know this is hard. I know it's not fun when it happens. I know it feels like a single person in your life who means a lot to you can completely take you down and demolish your dreams. But this is the path. The second you say you want to do something, people you love are going to come in and it's going to cut you at the knees. Like, it's going to take you down. And that's literally the first step of if you should be an entrepreneur or not. Like, if you can't handle that, you should not be in entrepreneurship. And it's okay. Okay, if you felt it. But now I want you to move through it and I want you to do these reframes and I want you to understand that you got the initiation. So congratulations. And I still get like things like this in my family. Like, there's still people who totally don't understand or make fun of what I do or, oh, you just have to film yourself for your career or what, whatever it is. And people who get totally cringed out by the fact that I'm filming parts of my life and they literally can't believe it and it's so off putting and they think it's horrible. And I've had different people unfollow me who are close to me, members and people in my life. So, you guys, it's just the initiation and it just says that you're on the path to breaking a pattern. 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