High Performance Coach the “F” Out of Yourself + Step Into Your Boldest Season Yet

This podcast is sponsored by the following sponsors. The Real Real Buy and sell luxury clothing, bags and more on the RealReal get 25 off your first purchase when you go to therealreal.com forward/happy shopify, the E commerce platform I trust for glossy. Sign up for your $1 a month trial period at shopify.com forward/happy get more when you start your business with Northwest Registered Agent. Your entire business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Visit northwestregisteredagent.com earn Airbnb start making money by listing your home on Airbnb with the support of an experienced co host. Find a co host at airbnb.com forward/host get notion mail for free right now@notion.com earn and try the inbox that thinks like you. That's all lowercase letters. Notion.com forward/earn to get notion mail for free right now, you have to decide you're not for everyone. Because being too much is exactly what makes you magnetic. And the ones who judge you, they're not your people, you guys. They're just proof that you're doing something different. And you're not here to be liked. You're here to be undeniable. You're here to become an undeniable magnet and inspire everybody else to move forward. Hey everyone, welcome back to the Earn your happy podcast. It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in. Inspiration. I just got off of my glossy subscriber call literally about 20 minutes ago, and I am on a high right now because I love that group so much. We're a small, intimate group right now, but we are growing. And if you guys don't know what it is, it is. If you are a subscriber on glosi, we always give you the opportunity once per month to join us on a call where I get out and teach something that is near and dear to my heart and then break you guys out in the community. And it is so incredibly cool. I'm meeting so many awesome people. Women are connecting in the most, like, epic, profound ways. I'm obsessed. And today I'm actually going to share what we talked about on the call as well. But this is like one of those topics that I just feel like you have this thing hit you, this idea hits you, hit you, this, you know, thing that you have a conversation about with somebody and it just impacts you more than you can possibly let on to other people. And I hope that today moves you in a way that you haven't been Moved in a really, really long time. So before I get into that, I want to let you know if you want to be a part of those calls as well. You can go get your subscription at Glossy. You can go to getglosey.com and use code happy for 25% off. I don't give that code out anywhere. I don't give 25% percent off anywhere. That is such an insane discount, you guys, to not only be able to get on the calls, but I'm telling you, this product is life changing. I will never, ever go a day without it ever again. So go and check it out. 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You're gonna be different after this. So prepare yourself, prepare your nervous system. Ladies, if you're feeling chill right now, get ready to not be chill. And I'm okay with that. I love, I love recalibrating our nervous system and feeling good and all that shit, but we're gonna, we're gonna get hopped up today. So I did a podcast with a woman the other day and she is like crazy high performance woman, but also like insanely grounded and was one of those women that you meet and you're like, wait, how are you doing so many things? And you're also like, you feel, your energy feels so grounded and she had a great family life and she was just very matter of fact, she wasn't super emotional like about the topics that we were talking about, which was all business. She just was very much like able to Talk on every single topic in such a linear, non emotional way. Which, don't get me wrong, I love the emotional journey. I'm all about talking about it. But there does get to be a point where you're like, what the actual. Like, let's move forward and let's stop overthinking shit and let's actually start doing a whole lot more of what we know we were put here to do. Because, my God, sitting on the fence and making up excuses and feeling sorry for ourself and thinking the world is tough and thinking things are really hard, all that does is slow things down. So I want to share with you something that she shared with me that has been just changing the way I think about everything. And I'm hoping that this really sticks and that I really do something about this even more so in such a way that it can impact you guys with what I talk about on the show. So, as I said, I was asking her all of these different business questions because she has been a part of some really big business deals like getting acquired by different companies, and she's done this multiple times for different companies. And if you guys don't know the journey of selling a company, I don't know it firsthand yet, but I've heard that the journey and the due diligence of selling a company is insane because they essentially dig into your company for like a year long, you think you're going to be bought. It's very emotional emotionally, like highs and lows. And a lot of times companies don't end up getting acquired. The deals fall through. So it can be a very emotional ride. And it requires somebody to just stay the course, keep going, keep selling, keep getting them the info that they need. And this essentially is what this woman does. And so I was talking to her because she has a lot of different things going on in her life, you know, a lot of different businesses that she moves forward on her own and that she has in the past and that she's been running, but she also helps these other businesses get acquired. I'm like, man, the emotional journey of what you do is pretty intense. And I was asking her how she's able to, like, seem so unshakable and seem so grounded and just move from thing to thing and get stuff done and still have energy at the end of her day for all of it. Because when I was talking to her, I just felt very like, you know, someone's energy can actually ground your energy. That's just how I felt when I was talking to Her. And so I was like, man, you are just a woman who gets shit done. Like, how are you doing this without, you know, second guessing yourself, attaching yourself to all these different stories and you're just moving from thing to thing and getting stuff done. And she was like, you know, I've had the same performance coach for over 10 years. And I was like, okay, tell me more, I'm leaning in. Like, who is this performance coach? Can they help me? Please, God, help me. And now, before you get attached to thinking this is about a performance coach, it absolutely isn't. Because I believe that what I'm about to share we can all do for ourselves. So she goes on to share about this performance coach. And I said, okay, how does this all work? And she said, you know, this performance coach works on a 48 hour basis. Okay, this is interesting. And she said, I have to give the one needle moving thing that I'm going to be doing in my business or for my day or the thing that's going to help move me forward towards the goal that I set for that quarter or, you know, for the next six months or for the year. Whatever works best for you guys. I like to work in quarters and I have to give them one needle moving thing for the next 48 hours. That's the biggest thing that I have to do in order to get to this goal as far as fast as possible. And so I give that one needle moving thing for the next 48 hours. And if I do not do the thing, then I have to have a really good excuse for why I didn't do it. And it can't pertain to me, it needs to pertain to the other party or it needs to be like a life emergency or I have to have the next date that maybe the thing didn't work out in that person's schedule. So you move it to the next date that you're getting that thing done? Yes, I set the schedule. You here's for what it's at. Here's when we're having that conversation. Here's when I'm doing the thing. Here's when it's set. If she does not have that, she does not get to work with this performance coach. So I don't know if the deal is that she loses money, but the deal is that you don't get to work together. Because why are you having a high performance coach if you're not showing up for the thing that you want? So in this moment, my soul was screaming, this is exactly what I need. And I had this moment of I don't even need the performance coach. I can actually do a lot of this myself. Like knowing if I had this performance coach, what would be the needle moving thing and why am I letting myself down if I don't do this thing? And what is getting in the way? So obviously this brought up so many different things that I know is bringing up for you right now. Around. Wait, that's so intense. Wait, why would like, this feels like way too much. Wait. This feels so scary. Wait. There's so many things I need to talk about. There's things I need to think about. There's things I need to overthink. There's things I need to plan. Bullshit. Like literal bullshit. We literally do not need to be thinking this much. We don't need to be discussing it this much. We don't need to be taking all the time overthinking and over analyzing and sitting and waiting is a luxury. It's a luxury to do those things. It's a luxury to sit and not have your dreams be a priority. And you're like, what the fuck do you mean it's a luxury? I mean that somehow something in your life is cushy enough and the discomfort of not getting to your dreams is not uncomfortable enough for you to go and do the thing. Like you're actually not taking itself seriously enough. And I had this moment talking to her where I was like, whoa. Like, that is a woman who is taking her purpose and her business and this goal serious. Now I'm not saying you're going to have a performance coach or performance coach yourself like this for the rest of your life, but I am saying if you took this instance and said, for the next three months, I am going to do this every 48 hours during the weekday. And I'm going to show up for myself and I'm going to show up for this vision and then I'm going to reanalyze and I'm going to reset. Maybe I'll take a week or two weeks and then I'm going to re performance coach myself like this for two to three months at a time. Do you have any idea where you would be on your dream? Okay, but let's talk about what came up for you. And you were like, oh shit. Like, I can't imagine doing this. This feels like a lot. Like every 48 hours I have to have this big thing done or I don't get to work with this person anym. Like, is there someone in your life that you could actually Pay to do this? Is there a performance coach that you know of that you could actually do this with? Is there a friend that you hold in really high regard that you could both do this together? Is there a friend that, you know, both of you could really hold yourself to the standard and not let yourself off and say, okay, for one month. Oh, my God, start with one month. For one month, do this thing. For every 48 hours you check in with your biggest needle mover. I can't even tell you where you would be in 30 days. But here's all the things that come up for you when we start to do this. Now, you might find yourself in some of these, you might not. I'm just going to talk about all of the things that came up for me and all of the things that I know have affected and impacted the women around me and how I was raised. You guys, we were trained. My generation can't believe I'm saying that. My generation makes me sound so old. We were trained to overthink over care and over give. And we were trained to underact, under claim and under receive. There's so much social conditioning that happens from a young age where girls are rewarded for being liked, likable, for being nice and not for being bold and not for being direct and not for being ambitious. We were praised for being nice, not powerful. And there's so much fear of judgment. High performing women are often labeled as like, too much or maybe you've heard like, oh my gosh, she's so bossy or intimidating or cold. And you're like, oh, see, it's just like the really successful women have to be cold or they're intimidating. I don't believe that that is true. But in our heads, we play small to stay liked, which means that we're safe. And oftentimes, you guys, what does safety mean? It's safe in our circles. And I know a lot of you are not even happy in your circles. And when you are bold, you are magnetic. We're going to talk more about that in a minute. But we have this perfection addiction. Women won't act typically until they feel a hundred percent ready, which, you guys, you're never going to do anything 100%. Like, all you need is 60% of the data to be ready and then you're going to figure it out on the way. 60% is all you're ever going to get. Most likely. 60% is all you're going to get. So you have to move forward. We're also deeply wired with this caretaker Energy to tune into everyone else's needs first, which makes it feel wrong to fully prioritize our own goals and boundaries. Which if you do not prioritize your goals and your boundaries, you never get to become the woman who could truly, actually, deeply inspire and take care of the people around her, if that is your ultimate goal. Because you're always just giving the scraps of what you have left to everybody else. And there's nothing left for anyone when we do that. So how on earth are we going to be able to break out of this and actually become a high performer? Like the person that you actually know that you are in, the visionary that you are? First thing you have to do, you have to decide you're not for everyone. Because being too much is exactly what makes you magnetic. And the ones who judge you are not. They're not your people, you guys. They're just proof that you're doing something different. And you're not here to be liked. You're here to be undeniable. You're here to become an undeniable magnet and inspire everybody else to move forward. I have a story about this. So this morning I was messaging back and forth with this woman who's in my area that I live, and I'm trying to make more friends here. And I was like, I'd really love to be friends with this woman. She lives this awesome life. She seems super fun and inspiring. And I've been messaging back and forth with her, and she also has this other friend who owns this company that I would love to have her on a podcast. And you know, when you're in the beginning of a relationship, you're just kind of like. You're kind of like tiptoeing. You're going back and forth and you're like, I don't want to be too much like. Which is so funny because I'm. I'm too much. Like, once you get to know me, that's just what I am. So it's funny that I'm like, pretending not to be in the beginning to go and like, bait and switch them, like, haha, I got you. I'm actually way too much. Like, I came on soft and here I am, but I get it. It's like just this weird relationship dance. So I had messaged, like, hey, would you ever be willing to do an intro for me? Because I've messaged your friend and she, you know, I don't know if it's going to her other inbox, but she's not responding. And I know Sometimes warm intros can be great. I asked for a warm intro that I'm not even warm with someone in the first place. So then I saw that she saw it because we were messaging back and forth before that, and then she never responded. And this was today. And so what happens in our brain? What do I do? Oh, my God. That was too much. I shouldn't have done that. Did I just ruin it? Oh, my God. And then I had this moment right afterward because I thought of this. I thought of this podcast, and I thought of the call that I did this morning, and I was like, you know what? It's actually really good if that was too much and I came on too strong and she doesn't respond, because if that's too much for her, she's going to hate who I actually am, and we wouldn't have been good friends anyway. Like, let that be okay. If people don't respond, which, by the way, so many times people see it and they get busy and they have their kids and they put their phone down. Like, you can't take that stuff personal. Because I want to go back to a place where I was raising money. And I have to tell you that a lot of my investors, I had to follow up 15 times or more. 15? How many times have you guys followed up lately on your dream? Has it been close to 15? If it's not, then you're not serious. And so if you want to get serious, you have to get to the place where you actually feel like you're not going to be liked. That's how much you have to ask. You have to ask to the point where you're like, oh, I'm starting to get to that place where I feel annoying. Feel annoying every day. Or you're going to annoy the shit out of yourself for the rest of your life for not going for what you want. So choose. Feel like you're annoying other people, but you're actually not at all. Because they'll tell you or they'll block you, or they'll ignore you, and who even cares? Who cares? They're not your people. Does it actually matter? Or be so irritated and annoyed with yourself your whole life that you can't stand to be around yourself and you can't escape and you don't enjoy your life and you sabotage all your relationships because you can't handle yourself anymore. Or just start to realize that that's what it takes. When I first started Glossy, I was so overwhelmed. I felt like I had to do everything on my own because you do and your to do list just keeps mounting. But let me tell you, when you're starting off with something new, it just seems like that list is growing and growing and growing and it can quickly overrun your life. So you have to start learning to find the right tools that can not only help you out, but simplify everything. And that is a game changer. And let me tell you, for millions of businesses, that tool is Shopify and I am included in those numbers. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started and I'm going to add mine to the list. Glossy get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store to match your brand style. And you guys, I love my website so much that's on Shopify. Go and check it out. Also, Shopify is your e commerce expert with world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Turn your big business idea into chetching With Shopify on your side. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com/happy go to shopify.com happy shopify.com happy okay, if you're like me and your inbox is stressing you out and you need to spend less time there and more time in your business actually moving the needle, bringing money in. I'm about to change your life notion. Mail is the inbox that thinks like you, automated, personalized and flexible to finally work the way you work. With AI that learns what matters to you. It can organize your inbox, label messages, draft replies and even schedule meetings. No manual sorting required you guys. It has AI organized inbox. You can tell notion AI what's important to you and it's going to automatically label them and so sort them so that they arrive in the way that you want. Custom views for focus. Split your inbox into custom views like topics, urgencies, senders or what you want to do to stay distraction free from those emails that you don't want to give your attention to. You can fly through emails with something called snippets. It's a one click email template where you can do different intros you can do follow ups. This is perfect for my podcast you guys because I get over 30 inquiries in my inbox a day so I can automate all of that. It can even include attachments and scheduling links. You can write beautiful emails faster. Get notion mail for free right now at notion.com forward/earn. And try the inbox that thinks like you. That's all lowercase letters, notion.com forward/earn to get Notion mail for free right now when you use our link, you're supporting our show, you guys. Notion.com forward/earn. So number two is you have to practice rejection training. I call this rejection therapy. You have to actually give yourself a daily rep and ask for something bold that you might get a no. You have to pitch a collab, you have to post a reel. You have to do something that you're gonna get feedback that maybe you suck or you're gonna get rejected. And you have to do this daily. You have to build the muscle of rejection therapy. The next one I wrote down was use masculine energy as a tool. It doesn't mean that you need to be a man. It doesn't mean that you have to stay in masculine energy all the time. It means that you have masculine energy so you should tap into it so you can borrow it for more structure in your life and higher performance, so you can look at routines as non negotiables. And you can use boundaries like armor. And don't over explain. Don't even explain. No guilt. Don't over explain. On the glossy call today, I had a woman say that she had gotten her first client in something that she just pitched. And she said the woman asked for her pricing, like bold, face forward, you know, she had sent it in an email and she's like, oh, I forgot what the pricing was. Can you tell me what it was? And she said, the pricing. And she found herself starting to explain right afterward. And the woman said, there's no need to explain to me, which doesn't normally happen. Right? I said, you got so lucky with that client who literally could help you see that you say the number and you don't say anything after you let it be okay, that that is your boundary and you stop. And if they tell you it's too much, that's fine. It's just not for them. Sit in that discomfort. Do not explain why you're that number. Don't over. Don't over explain why you feel like you need to be given that value in order to show up in a really valuable way. It doesn't matter unless it. It has to work for you. And that's the only thing that matters. And so you have to take action over emotion. That's what this whole performance coaching concept or this whole performance coach concept for this woman was about was there's no time to think. There's only time for action. That's all you do. It's just data, right? You have to become obsessed with data, not drama. And that's number four. You have to replace. What if they don't like me with? Let's test it and see what works. So men tend to iterate and women internalize. And if you're finding yourself that you're overthinking it, that's literally where you're going to be, the bottleneck all the time. So you're not here, here to be a fit. You're not here to be right. You're not here for people to like you. You're here to move forward. So action, don't think about it. More action, don't think about it. So you have to also work to get in rooms that stretch you. You need to normalize audacity. So being around other women who take bold, wild action and don't apologize for it is going to help you retrain your nervous system and make big energy and action your new way of being. So I just want to make this clear. You don't need to be more like a man. You don't need to be masculine all the time. You just need to be that, like, beautiful, magnetic, untamed version of you that if your life depended on your purpose and this vision, because I hate to tell you it does, or you'll never feel good. You'll never truly know why you were here, and you'll have to live with that regret. You would move. You would move. So become your own best performance Coach. Give yourself 48 hours. Watch the needle mover. Do it. Don't think. Stop thinking about it. And when you become an action taker and when you become bold, that's the magnet for all the right people. Let this repel everyone else around you. Let them all leave your life. It's great. Let them talk about you. It doesn't even matter. Those are not your people. And trust me, they're already talking about you. They already don't really care. They already don't really like you. They already don't want you in their life. So great. Let's let it be clear so we can find our people. Because right now you're living in the place of like, oh, I'm not really crazy about these people. And you want these people to like you who you don't really actually care about who. If you actually got to spend time with them. You may not like them anyway. I spent way too many years chasing people that I was like, you know, honestly, I wouldn't vacation with these people and I wouldn't even want to go to dinner. So why am I chasing these people? And that's really now the place where I'm like, do I really care? Because I really don't. And what I care about is that if I get to my dreams, you know what I do when I get to my dreams, I help other people get to theirs. And so that's the bottom line of what is most important to me, is I gotta blaze this trail. And I don't really care who doesn't like it, because I have to move forward in order. In order to help other women get there. And I only want to help the other women who are interested in getting there as well, and who can see, see that my intention is pure and about getting them there as well. So, you guys, I'm sending you so much love. Please send this to someone who is giving way too many fucks about everybody else, because this is the energy that we need to get in. Because action is going to be the only thing that's going to get rewarded. And I'm so grateful for you guys and truly send us off in a text. Say, listen to this over and over again until it gets into your bones, because this is all that matters. And we're going to performance coach together, and this is what we're doing. Okay? Goodbye. Amen. All right, I love you guys so much, and I will see you next week.