How to Be Seen & Build the Life You Want | Natalie Ellis, Jen Gottlieb, Lindsey Marie & Koya Webb

How many people agree that the world is drastically dysregulating, right? It's like, how can we be regulated in a dysregulated world? We have to use the one free tool that we have that God gave us when we dropped into this human body, which is the breath. At the end of the day, when you drop into your soul, that's what's going to divinely guide you.

I feel like it's my responsibility to be seen because every day that goes by that you're not going out there and being seen and being visible, talking about what you talk about and helping the people that need your help is another day that those people are going to go follow someone else.

So if you feel the pull to create, to share the message, to do the thing, to wear the outfit, your wearing the outfit might be someone else's permission to do the same. So stop being so stingy, okay? I love you, but cut that shit out.

All right, we're so excited you guys are here. Thank you for coming all, like, all the way. You guys are coming from all over to support us. And I think that those are the most fun text messages, is when you, when you're thinking of people and you send them and you're like, they might say no, I don't know, they could say no. And then you get yeses back and it's like, absolutely, I can't wait, I can't wait to celebrate you. And it's like, that's literally the best feeling as a friend, as a woman, as being supported in business like this. So I know on behalf of both of us, we're really grateful that you guys are here. So I'm going to start with Jen. So Jen, we've been talking about this. You're known for being one of the best public speakers out there, along with Erin King. Where is she?

What? What?

Erin.

But truly one of the best public speakers. I've seen you so many times, and it never gets old. You only get better. I can't wait to watch you again. I get to watch you again really soon. But now, you have like out of nowhere been growing your social by 30,000 to 60,000 people a month. Like, you are in a race to a million. You're going to be there tomorrow, basically.

And it's been— Everyone give her a follow if you're not yet.

Yeah.

Let's get that needle moving.

Exactly. And, you know, out of all that, how many of you like have people that you watch for inspiration? But it's kind of like you keep saying to yourself, but I can't do it like them. One of the things that I'm really inspired by with Jen is that she's showing people, number one, how you can do it like her, and you found a way that's really authentic, and it's giving me so much hope again. So with that said, I would love to know, like, tell me where your passion for the belief of being seen, having people be seen, and also kind of what reignited that came from.

Hi guys. So the fact that we're here celebrating Earn Your Happy is really monumental for me.

Mm-hmm.

And that you just asked me about being seen and why it's important to be seen and why this means something to me and why I wrote a book about visibility, really because back in the day, about almost, I would say about 9 years ago, call it 9 years ago, I was a personal trainer. That was my first company back in Manhattan. And I would spend hours and hours and hours walking up and down the streets of New York, just like going to my clients from 5 in the morning to 9 o'clock at night. And I was listening to podcasts, the podcast, the only podcast that I could find. And the only podcast that I could find was this pretty pink podcast that said Earn Your Happy on it with this beautiful blonde girl. And I'm like, oh my gosh. And I look her up on the internet and she's this like fitness girl and she's a personal trainer and she's gorgeous and she has a podcast. And I'm like, this is amazing. I want to be her. And I find this girl Lori Harder and she talks to me all day long as I walk up and down the streets of Manhattan. And I remember visualizing, one day I will meet Lori Harder. One day I will know her. What would I even say to her if I met her? I would— she was like a friend in my head. And I would always say to myself, if Lori can do it, I can do it.

Hmm.

She had no idea who the hell I was. I was just this girl out there building a business. And I would watch her on social media and I would listen to her podcast. And she empowered me without even realizing that she was empowering me. Just like Natalie, what you were talking about earlier, Think about the girl that you're helping. Think about that one girl you're talking to. Lori had no idea that she was talking to me, and she was empowering me one day at a time because she had the courage to be seen, because she had the courage to pick up the microphone even though she had anxiety. I didn't know that. I'm like, she's so confident. I need to be more confident like Lori. So because somebody else had the courage to get on a microphone and to talk about whatever the hell she felt like talking about that day, it, they all weren't perfect, but I loved every single one of them. I loved the imperfect. episodes. I felt like someone was there with me. And because she had the courage to do that, I then took her courage and I went out there and I did this. And so you guys, being visible is not a, it's not about you, right? I feel like it's my responsibility to be seen because every day that goes by that you're not going out there and being seen and being visible, talking about what you talk about and helping the people that need your help is another day that those people are gonna go follow someone else. Or they'll listen to someone else, they'll buy from someone else that's maybe not as good as you or doesn't care as much as you. Maybe it's even AI, it's not even a human.

Mm-hmm.

Because you were too nervous or worried about what people would think of you. So to answer your question, Lori, the reason that visibility is so important to me is because I've experienced it firsthand. You being seen, writing your books, doing your podcasts gave me the courage to do this, and now I can help other people too. And like, I secretly manifested my best friend.

Thank God.

That happened too.

Thank God. Someone is out there waiting for you to be their best friend. So go be seen, would you? But the second part of that question I'd really like to know is also— and thank you so much for that. And it's filmed, everybody, so I get to watch it back again and again and again. The second part is what ignited this like second portion of what's happening right now? Because it's been— I mean, you've been at this for a while, but there was a shift. So tell me a little bit about the shift. Why you fell back in love with social and what's happening?

I did not. I mean, I've been doing this for a really long time, you guys. I've been going live on Instagram every single day for 4 and a half years, every day putting my makeup on live. Like I have been, and I wanna make sure I say this part because it kind of looks like I like overnight popped and there was this moment and now all of a sudden I have been doing this for a long time and there were years where I was posting every single day, going live every single day and nothing was happening. Crickets. No one, no movement, no nothing. And I was pushing and I was like, is anybody ever going to see this? Is this ever going to matter? And so I kept going. I think the key is like, Lori, what you were saying also about your podcast is you kept going and you kept going and you kept sticking with commitments that you made with yourself and you build confidence along the way. So it was like social media kind of became like brushing my teeth for me.

Mm-hmm.

I didn't go a day without doing it, even if it didn't work. So A reel could shit the bed, an entire day of content could shit the bed. It didn't matter. The next day I was still gonna get up and I was gonna do it because it was a non-negotiable habit. If you keep doing something again and again and again and again, and it is a non-negotiable habit, you don't make a decision if you're going to do it or not, you just do it. You are eventually going to start winning. You're gonna eventually gonna start figuring it out. You're going to get a win. And when you start to get wins, you all know how this feels. When you get the dopamine of it working, then you get addicted to doing it. But you got to stay in it long enough to get the dopamine of doing it. So I stayed in it long enough, and eventually I got one that that hit right. We get one viral reel. Holy crap! Okay, I got a viral reel. What did I do? So what I do is I study why did this reel go viral? What did I do here? And then I just do it again, and I do it again until it hits again. So what we're doing is we're compounding. When it hits and when it wins, and we're also compounding the dopamine to inspire us and motivate us because motivation does not come from a motivation fairy that taps you on the head and is like, "Okay, you're gonna love social media now." No, I I started to love social media because I played the game long enough to figure out how to win, and every time you get a little win, like oh, I did that, I did the damn thing, it worked. Oh, now I like this, and then I started getting a little bit more creative with it and having fun, and it's almost like the stock market, right? Like compounding interest when you've put enough. in, all of a sudden it goes like this. And that's what happened. It was a long time in the making, but I've been doing it long enough. So my message to you guys would be, if you're sitting here thinking, why isn't this working? Natalie was right. We've never been in a better time. We have never. This is the moment, you guys. I'm like, this is the— anyone see Jacqueline Hyde the Musical? Any Broadway kids? This is the moment.

No?

Okay.

No.

Wrong room.

I'll take your word for it.

Wrong room.

Okay.

We have never— you guys can pop. I just saw there's this— has anyone seen Kumar? Has anyone watched that reel?

Kumar?

Okay, y'all, no, I have to tell you about this really quick. This is important. There is a retired accountant that just decided to hop onto Instagram last week. He has 3 videos on Instagram. 3. He already has over— I think he's at 800,000 followers now.

What?

3 videos. He is, he is a retired accountant, an old guy, and he just declared he made these amazingly, these beautiful reels. I'll tell you why they work if you gimme more time, but I could go on about this forever.

You have as much time as you want. Tell us what's going on.

Okay.

So you can, it's the, the Kumar method or something. He makes these videos that are, they're funny, they're beautifully edited, and they're like satire. So he is joking and he comes on and he is like, all of the finance bros, I'm Kumar and I have come to take your job. But the best part of the whole video, this is what I want you guys to lean into, onto, because authenticity is key no matter what. And yes, these videos are professionally edited. They were a lot of work and thought went into them. But the second half of the video, if you watch it long enough, it's like this like really fancy video of this guy, like, you know, with all these like this photo shoot situation. Watch it, you'll see. But the second half, it's him and his wife sitting at their desk with like regular lighting. It like looks like crap. And the wife comes in and she's like, please help my husband get famous. Please follow him. So it was like half professionally well done and half authentic, real, normal. And I think that is what did it. And so now everybody's watching, everyone's following Kumar. To, to close the loop here, he started that page last week.

Mm-hmm.

Anybody can do this. If you walk outta here with anything, I want you to walk outta here with 2 things, and then I will shut up and I will stop talking. Number one, it is your responsibility to be visible. Think about me and Lori. Think about anyone that's ever helped you. The reason that you're in this room right now, you're gonna meet a new friend today. You're gonna get inspired to go out there into the world and do something cool because you heard about this event because someone had the courage to be out on the internet talking about the fact that this event existed. So be that for somebody else. And then the second thing is that this is the moment. Post the video, post whatever the hell it is. It could be ugly, it could be bad, it could be gross. It doesn't matter. The only bad content is the content that stays in your drafts and doesn't get posted because the, the video that you post that you think is the worst video in the world, that's not gonna do anything, has the power to completely change your life. Kumar's life has changed. Watch forever.

Forever.

Forever. So that's it.

There you go.

I love that.

So good.

All right, I'm gonna pull some things out of my drafts you're gonna see real soon here.

Okay, may we all be like, come on, Kelly.

I can't wait for you to see him. I'm so excited.

So excited. That's the first thing I'm doing when I get off stage.

Steven's gonna be coming in the background of Make My Wife Famous.

Did you see his Times Square thing when he wore this? So just side tangent, this is so hilarious. So I was like, ready to tap out on book launch day. I didn't wanna make a big fuss of that day. I really wanted to enjoy it on my own. And my husband was like, I'll do the promo for you. You take the day, I'll do the promo for you. So he put this cardboard cutout saying, my wife wrote a book, and I thought he was gonna go stand in Times Square and take a picture. He spent the entire day walking around New York convincing people to buy my book. He went into WeWork, he's crying, he's doing Google Translate to the people that don't understand what he's saying. Hilarious.

It was the best.

Please share that video because he will, he will love that.

I mean, our husbands need to take notes. Just saying, Chris Harder. Okay. All right, Lindsay, you are also celebrating this year 10 years of Powerhouse Women, which is absolutely incredible. You guys, this event— who's, who's been to her event before? Raise your hand. How amazing is it? It's one of my favorite events of the entire year. I mean, 800 women from all over the world, and I have had I know what it takes to get 800 people in a room. That's mind-blowing, first of all. Second, you truly are somebody who, as I've watched you go through all of the things that you have been through, just this massive evolution since I have met you when we were little babies. You know, you have become a friend who's been able to just literally extract the wisdom out of some of the most painful experiences in life. Like, our friends really look at you like you are their personal Yoda. that they go to, truly, and sit across booths and say, even last night, say, how can I hire you? How can I get you in my life to do whatever it is that you're doing for me right now? I wanna know, you know, for you, you talk a lot about how it's been less of a strategy for you to get to this very embodied version of you, and it's been more of a beingness. Can you kind of speak into that?

I think as I went along, over the last decade scaling, especially the event, because I realize it's not normal to be able to easily fill an event with hundreds of women. And we do it all organically. It's no ads. It's just been actually easy for me to do that because I've always deeply followed my own intuition. I have not done it the way that most people told me to do it. And there's other areas of my life I'm not that willing to listen that deeply to my intuition, no matter what everyone else says. But I've always had this example in my life that there is a way I could operate that has ease. It feels fun. It feels like it's truly aligned with what I'm here on this earth to do. And every time I would get the question, more of a strategy-based question, okay, how did you do it? How did you build the community around it? Because it is very community-driven. I don't personally drive the results of all of those women being in the room. Even I met Constance earlier and she said, yeah, we're coming this year. And we've just been telling our girlfriends, yeah, you got to come. That's my marketing plan. But it wasn't intentional. It was a response to who I was being. And if I could give you anything, I think it's to realize that absolutely always ask the strategy questions, ask how someone did it, but also make sure that you're asking someone you admire, someone you look up to, Now tell me who you had to become. Because every single time my business had a very public uplevel, what most people didn't realize is it was preceded by a season that felt like a massive personal unraveling. Has anyone else experienced that? And so I just started to get really curious about that process. I'm deeply curious about personal transformation and growth. I have a lot of Scorpio in my chart, if anyone's an astrology girly.

So it's—

now it all makes so much sense. But I've just always been so enamored with how do I hack the game? How do I hack the system? I don't think it has to be hard. I, I've had experiences in my life where something felt easy, and I've had experiences where I really was more in that hustle energy. And that's why I've been loving your book, because I feel like you're speaking exactly to what I've And what I've found is that we can do it one of two ways. And this is really what the book is gonna also give you a game plan for, is we can do it the way where we find the best strategy, we hire all the best mentors. I've worked with some of the most brilliant mentors on the planet. We hustle, we follow and study what someone else is doing, we repeat that, and it feels a little bit like we have to force it. We have to force ourselves to do things that aren't naturally our gifting. We have to force ourselves to post consistently on social media where maybe our audience is somewhere else. We're trying to follow someone else's blueprint instead of learning how to tune into our own, which I'm so excited to hear more from you because a lot of mine has been through working with my body, understanding how breathwork can help me bring— help bring me back to my own intuition. But it's also been from realizing that every single time, every time, and if you study your own life, I bet this might also be true. Every single time I ask to be expanded, if I really study what's happening in that moment, I'm also asking to be shown where I'm limited. I can say I want a freedom-based business, In that moment, what I don't also realize, the soul contract that's happening is I'm saying, show me where I'm not free.

Hmm.

But then when those things show up in our life, when we start to feel that tension and feel that pressure, we think we're doing something wrong, or we think, oh gosh, this means I'm not meant for a freedom-based business. It means people hate me. I mean, I've gone to the depths of what it all means. And I started just in the last 2 years having some really big opportunities to be with some very big unraveling. And I just started to ask a better question. Okay, I've been asking for expansion. How is this showing me everywhere that I'm not yet ready to hold everything I'm asking for? And when I flipped it like that and said, well, maybe this doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong, maybe this means I absolutely can have— I am destined for the things that I desire. I'm just not ready for them yet. And if I look at everything that's challenging me as a moment where I get to choose my higher self, I get to choose to be that version of me who has the thing and stop thinking I'm fucking up somehow because everything is unraveling, literally everything, then maybe, just maybe, it's a little bit easier to find myself to the other side. So the result of all of it has been the most delicious emotional freedom I've ever experienced. I thought I was after financial freedom and all the other freedoms. I am. Time freedom. But, the emotional freedom has been the one that has been the unlock for all of the others.

Hmm.

So, I sit here today and I still don't have the physical end results that I've been calling in. I'm still going through a lot of learning all the places in myself where I'm still not free, I'm still not able to hold the freedom that I'm calling in, but I'm getting really close. And, I can tell because weird shit is starting to happen. It's where it gets fun because you're starting to get the dopamine hit to say, Okay, I knew it. I knew it could feel easier. I knew there could be more flow, there could be more freedom in it. And so that's the game I'm excited to play is I wanna learn how to hack this whole game we call like building the life that we want to realize that there's always an internal blueprint. And most often that's the last place that we look.

Hmm.

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That just resonated so much because it really is so true. You can have all the external freedom in the world, and if you don't feel that inner freedom, you've built a really beautiful cage, and it doesn't feel freeing at all. And Koya, this is such a big reason that I was so excited that you're joining us. You are such an expert in nervous system regulation, and you have built an incredible business showing people how to do that. And one of the things we were talking about backstage was very similar to what you were saying, Lindsay. A lot of the biggest unlocks for you when it comes to inner freedom have been on the other side of some really dark moments in your life. And we were talking about why are we both writing the books that we're writing at the exact same time? And part of it is because we don't want everyone to have to go through that dark night of the soul to get the lesson, even though if that's their journey, that's their journey. What is it that you are teaching that can help in that regulation and that inner freedom without necessarily having to go through that dark night of the soul?

That's such a good question. And the first thing I want to speak to, though, is the wounds that we all feel when we lose a parent, when we lose a job, when we go through a breakup. Like, all of these things are inevitably going to happen to each and every one of us. And what I want everyone to know is there's so much wisdom in your wounds if you're willing to lean in to ask yourself the question. Just like we look at our stats and we look at our numbers and we look at what's going to give me the dopamine hit, we get to do these same things emotionally, mentally, spiritually to make sure that we're aligned with our highest potential. And so I like to invite people, as you're going through life, we're in this human body. Our soul is— from my belief, our soul is whole and complete. And as we go through this human experience, we experience things that affect us in different ways. A lot of those things can cause constriction in the body, like when we, you know, lose something that we really loved, or someone hurt us, or someone said something negative, and that puts us in survival mode. When we're in survival mode, we're functioning out of, I just got to stay alive. I just— I need to get this thing. I need to do this thing. And that's not our highest self. It's not our highest calling. So we're not experiencing the life that we desire and the life we know is destined for us because we're just trying to survive. And the wisdom in the wound means if you look at a wound or when you're wounded and how you break open and where you break, Are you breaking physically? Are you drinking? Are you smoking? Are you going through negative self-talk? Are you ruminating in the mind? Those are your keys to where you need to heal the most. And if you're willing not to just look at one area, not to just look at your numbers, not to just look at one area, but in my book I talk about 7 areas of well-being: spiritual, mental, emotional, nutritional, physical, social, and financial. Each one of these are different from all of us. But if we're looking at them and saying, where is my weakest area? And when I get wounded, which one goes off, right? Do I go and eat all the things? Do I stop working out? Do I abandon my faith? Do I emotionally explode on the people that I love? Do I have a lot of negative self-talk? Do I retreat to myself and decide I don't want to be around people because I can't trust people anymore? And does my bank account tank because now I feel like I'm an imposter and I don't want to do my work? So each time we go through something challenging, if we look at what area of our life takes the biggest hit, that's where the wisdom is. That will take you to your next level of growth. That will take you to your next level of expansion. And it's not about— to me, I've realized that it's not about being like, anybody else. It's not about the number in the bank account. It's how connected do I feel with myself? How happy do I feel with myself? Because 4 years ago, I had a team of 21 people. I was making way more money than I thought I could ever make. One year I said, I want to make 6 figures. The next year I was paying my team 6 figures. So I had no idea that I was growing so fast, and I had no idea what I was doing. I was just doing everything that brought me joy. I was going to the beach. I was talking to my friends. I was working with brands. And then I— one day I woke up and I was like, yoga leggings can't pay my bills. Y'all give me some money. You know? And then I started with my first post, $50. And then some of my biggest posts have been $50K, you know? And so I scaled because I was doing what I loved. But then one day I woke up And I was like, I'm with brands that I don't even like. People are asking me to do things I don't want to do. How did I get here? You know, because sometimes you're moving so fast that you don't realize you're out of alignment. You're out of alignment with your soul. You're out of alignment with your authentic self. You've been watching everybody on social media and you're just trying to follow the trends, and next thing you know, you're in a ditch. Like, how did I get here? Or maybe you built a big community, but you're like, I don't be— I don't want to work 12 hours a day, right? And so what I learned is I had to take a step back because after I did my most successful virtual retreat, we had 8,000 opt-ins on Zoom. I had people from around the world in spirituality, wellness, and entrepreneurs that agreed to come and bring their communities and trusted me. And it was incredibly successful. And that night, I sat in my bathtub and I cried. I just cried. You know why? Because I was lonely. I built all this big community and big team, and I didn't even have anyone to celebrate with. I had been through a lot of toxic relationships and didn't trust men anymore. I had people that I knew, but I hadn't created depth in my sisterhoods and my friendships. I would do for you, you would do for me, and then everybody go about their merry way, right? But I wasn't having deep conversations. So I cry and I realize, like, what am I doing this for? So I achieved my purpose, but I hadn't really got clear on what I needed to be well. And so when I look at my breakdown in that moment, I realize that there lied my answer. I needed to heal my relationship with men and my father, and I needed to create deeper sisterhood. That was the wisdom that came with that wound that I felt when everyone else thought I should be happy. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. At the end of the day, it only matters if you're happy. It doesn't matter how many numbers you have on Instagram. It doesn't matter how many books you sell. If you're not happy in your soul, that's who you got to sit with at the end of the day. So I chose to move from LA to Atlanta. I went to this book called Sacred Woman by Queen Afua. I call her my spiritual mother. I took Epsom salts. I bathed myself. I got my morning sun. And I did all these rituals, which is why my book is named Well-Being Rituals now. Until I could come home to my soul. During Clubhouse days, y'all, we were staying up to 3 AM, right? I was in the room waiting to get to the top and pitch my business, the event, the Get Loved Up retreat that I was doing online. And I did it. But guess what? I was worn out. I was slipping vodka in my green juice. And I don't even drink vodka. Someone left it over my house and I just needed to take the edge off. So, you know, I was doing so many things out of alignment. And then I was like, no, I'm gonna stop drinking. I'm gonna go back green juice only. And I just, I just really start to look internal and say, what's really hurting you? And at the time I was making the transition, 3 women called me and they're like, okay, we want to do this big thing on Clubhouse. You're going to be great for it. I want you to do it. And normally I would say yes because I love these women. I love what they do. I love their businesses. But I was like, I just want to have dinner. I just need— I need something deeper. I'm feeling unfulfilled. And we had dinner every Tuesday, and we built a deep relationship. And those women were my bride angels at my wedding 6 months later.

Wow.

Right? Because I chose to not just let it stay on a surface level. I chose to go deep. And I chose also not to judge and shame myself. I built a big community. I'm happy. I'm reigniting now. But I want to invite you, if you're in a season of healing and readjusting, like if you're seeing your life is not fully aligned with where you want it to be, be okay with taking a pause, with going deeper, with not being there yet and just saying, I'm not there where I want to be. But right now I'm figuring out what I really want, not what media tells me I should want, not what my friend has, but what I really want. And that is your wisdom. And your wounds will show you every time because those those places you should be happy, the job you should be happy in, but you're not. Be honest with yourself. If you're not, you're not. And you can have the same job as someone else and you're like, no, it is not doing it for me. And the more you're honest with yourself, the more you can let your breakdowns be your breakthroughs. And just recently, when I was going through that, was during the pandemic, I was led to breath healing. And in breath healing, I was able to come back to myself and to release the frustration and the pain from abuse the frustration and the pain from betrayal. And I started to use that to heal. But I wanted a man, and I wanted these deep friendships. So I was very clear on what I was going for. And 6 months after I moved to Atlanta, I found my husband, and we got married. I found my dream house. But there was one little thing that was my next step that I forgot about. And it didn't come back to me until this last year. February last year, my mother unexpectedly transitioned. And this was the deepest grief I ever felt in my life. I was angry. I had sacred rage, and I didn't know if I wanted to be here. I blamed myself for not knowing. For anyone that knows me, I do energy work. I help people heal. I've brought people back from, like, cancer and all these different things with energy and well-being. And I couldn't save my mom. And it crushed me like the deepest thing I've ever felt in my life. And so in my darkest moment, I was like, God, I need help. Like, I need help. Like, the rituals ain't working. I still don't feel okay. And my mother came to me and she was like, just breathe. Just breathe.

Just breathe.

So I started to breathe. I went back to my certification with breathwork and I went deeper. I was doing an hour in the morning, an hour in the evening. I was going deep and I was yelling and screaming and crying and snotting. And you would've thought I was a crazy woman, but I was getting it all out, all the frustration, all the pain. And as I did it, I was like, wait a second. I started getting all these divine downloads about my business. About my marriage, even about everything. I started to tap into my highest self that I had abandoned so long ago doing what I thought I should, even chasing the dream I wanted of the dream man and the dream house. I was brought back to breath healing. And that was the wisdom that I felt when I lost my mother. It brought me back to the breath. that I left so many years ago. And now that's what I'm focused on teaching through breath healing. I'm teaching nervous system regulation so each one of you can come back to your highest self and your highest potential.

Thank you for sharing that. And you've got your beautiful book here, which I hope everyone is going to order. I know you've got some— a limited amount here that you can sign. So if you want to grab that right after, run to Koya. But I would love if you're open to tell the story of— there's a symbol inside of your book of why that's woven throughout your book.

Yes. So if you open the COVID of the book, you will see— I'll let you do it. You will see a butterfly. I was in my backyard talking to some friends after I was going through the things, and a butterfly— and I'd never seen a Black butterfly in my life. landed on my shoulder. And I was like, oh my God, did y'all see that? Did y'all see that? And then it landed again. And it landed a third time. And I was like, Mom. It was my mother letting me know she's always with me. And so I put it on the COVID of this book to remind you as you're going through your own chrysalis, when you don't know what's next, you don't know why or how or bad things keep happening or hell, you're going through perimenopause and you're like, what is my mind right now? Remember that inside you're a butterfly. And even though it might seem like it or feel like it at the moment, you're going through your own chrysalis and you will emerge on the other side if you lean into the wisdom in your wounds and allow them to guide you back to your highest self and embody your highest self. Thank you, Natalie.

I love that.

And it's at the opening of every single chapter to remind you.

It's absolutely beautiful. And I love that you're sharing breathwork as one of the biggest, let's call it a needle mover in your business because it brought you back to you. And I'm curious, Jen and Lindsay, we'll go to Jen first. What's one thing in your personal growth journey that you think's actually been one of the biggest needle movers in your business?

That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. I just met her. Isn't she amazing? I've had many, many needle movers in my business. I think that the past, I would say, 3 years of my life, I call them the year of and. I call them that because they were simultaneously the worst years of my life where some of the worst possible things that could ever— that have ever happened in my life were happening over the past 3 years while simultaneously the best best things were happening as well. A lot of the times people say, well, you know, it looked like everything was going perfectly on paper, and if you looked at it from the outside, everything looked great, but behind the scenes, everything was terrible. I would say both were true because everything was awesome that was happening. I was launching a book, I got married, I was connecting with incredible women, I was succeeding in business. But also behind the scenes, it was— and my husband was struggling with mental health and addiction, and there were a lot of things going on in our business and our personal life that were making me feel like I was holding my entire life together with duct tape. You know that feeling?

Mm-hmm.

But I, I really dial into the it can be and because it can. You can simultaneously hold, holy crap, this is amazing. I'm in a moment where I'm speaking on a stage, my dream, in front of thousands of people. This is true. This is amazing. I'm feeling so connected. I am doing the thing I am born to do, while also I can also hold the fact that I'm struggling very, very, very, very much. And that taught me going through that time where it was teetering between both, it really expanded my capacity to be able to receive both at the same time. It does not have to be or. I'm going through the worst possible time. This is the worst day ever. This is a shitstorm. Maybe it is, but it also can be, this is a shitstorm. And then I get home at night and oh my God, my dogs, my kid, my husband. And my life is beautiful, my life is amazing, and it can be both. So I've never even said this before. This is just coming out of my mouth right now, probably because I'm sitting with you guys. These 2 women just open up the vortex. But I really, I really feel like if you live a public life of visibility, right? This is what we're talking about here. Every single woman in here, can I just get a raise of hands if someone, if you feel a calling to be seen doing the thing that you're doing to inspire and help other people. Yeah, this is the room that we're in.

Wow.

So if you are, if you have that calling, you are stepping into a life where you are going to be seen as your regular day-to-day adventure. Your journey in life is, I am, I am living in front of people. I'm building in public. This is what we're committing to. It's, it's a crazy life. It's not for everybody. Definitely not. And everybody does not have to do this. But if you're sitting in this room and you raised your hand, you're feeling called to do And that means— that's a really important thing. That means that you have women, humans that are out there that are going to be greatly impacted by the work that you do. But it means that you also have this responsibility to show the world who you are, where you're at, and what you're doing. And there's going to be times in your life where shit's hitting the fan, where it is not going the way that you want it to go. That doesn't mean you have to show everybody everything that's going on, because I didn't. But I did show up anyway. And the reason that I— and I'll just loop into the Instagram Live thing. I think that this was one of the greatest lessons in my life and in my business was the Instagram Live that we talked about. So back in the day, I mean, like when I first met Lori and I was walking around the city, you know, listening to Lori Harder all day long, I was absolutely terrified to be visible as myself. I was an actress, so I was used to playing characters and putting on a whole bunch of makeup, having platinum blonde hair, and pretending to be somebody that I wasn't. So live streaming or speaking in front of people as me and telling my story was unbelievably terrifying. So doing something like going live was not something that I would ever do in my life. About 4 years ago, I decided to dare myself to start putting my makeup on in the morning while I went live every single day, no matter what. And this was essentially to get better at public speaking. That was why I wanted to be one of the greatest speakers in the world. And I knew that if I wanted to become a great speaker, I had to practice. speaking, and I don't have a stage all the time that I can stand on and speak, but we all have this beautiful stage in our pocket, right? So I'm like, I gotta practice. I gotta practice being vulnerable. I gotta practice answering questions. I've gotta practice telling my stories in front of an actual live audience. And I'm gonna practice, you better believe I'm gonna practice having no makeup on and being seen as I am, because that is the most terrifying thing for me. So I committed to it and I did it every day, no matter what. But that means over the past 3 years, doing that every day, no matter what, I was showing up and being seen on camera when behind the scenes everything was falling apart. I was trying to keep my husband alive. I mean, and that goes with a lot of other things that we won't talk about here on this stage because everything doesn't have to be talked about. But when you're living in a visible life and you were doing the 2 things simultaneously, yes, oh my God, people are showing up, I'm winning on social media, my business is crushing, a lot of things that are really beautiful are happening. Yes, that is true. And also something else is true. You have to learn how to be okay with both. And so what I did was I learned that I can show up and I can be seen and I can share with people, hey, I'm not feeling amazing today. I go live sometimes and there are tears coming down. Hey guys, I'm feeling anxious today. There's something going on. Sometimes I would share it and sometimes I, I wasn't. But learning how to be visible, be authentic, and be truthful, and truly allow yourself to connect with your audience while good things are happening and bad things are are happening was by far the greatest lesson that I think I've ever learned in stepping into what I think my purpose is, which is continuing to be seen and continuing to be on stages. Guys, it's not always going to be beautiful and pretty and shiny. It's not always going to be bad and shitty and awful. It's going to be both of those things all at once. And being authentic and being truthful and connecting and being seen and doing the thing that we've all raised our hand and said that we're being here— we're sent here to do is going to involve showing up anyway and bringing people along the journey. And so that's the answer. I don't know if I answered it in full, but—

You did. You can pass it down the line. Needle movers, right? I got a little hungry there, so I was making sure I remembered the question. You know when you're like, your blood sugar dips and you're like, what are words?

Somebody get this woman a bagel.

If anyone has a little snack No. There's so many things. And as Jen was sharing, and Koya, something that you said, I think the 2 things that are on my heart to share with you, one is a little bit more personal because I think, yes, it's about building the business, but at the end of the day, why do we even want the business? It's because of the life we think it'll give us. And over the last 2 years, if anyone else has experienced anything like this too, just raise your hand so we know we're not alone. I've just gone through a very unraveling of everything that I knew to be safe, everything that I knew to be secure. Has anyone just kind of been rocked over the last couple of years? And what I didn't realize until about a year ago, so I'm 2 years removed from this season, is I started to have people in my life say to me, I thought you were fine. We were kind of worried. You looked okay when you were going through it. Or a really super honest friend said to me, she was like, Lindsay, you called me and the day that you told me about what all was going on, you said it as though you were reading the dinner menu because that was my way of coping. And, it wasn't really until I started to notice this pattern in my life that truthfully wasn't allowing me to have the intimacy that I wanted. Not that I didn't feel supported, I knew I had support, but I still wasn't feeling as seen and as known in the relationships that I deeply desired that, as I could be. And then I was with my mom, you know, your family of origin often kind of like just, right, will show you exactly where your stuff is. And someone was, you know, acknowledging, they're like, wow, you know, Lindsay has built this incredible thing and you must be so proud. What was she like growing up? And she said something that I've heard her say over and over, and it hit me different this this time. She said, she's always been so easy. How many of you are the easy one? You're the one that you don't want to be a burden, you don't want to be weak. And I think specifically for those of us that are very powerful women, like those of us in the room, most of what we want is probably going to be unlocked by leaning into more of vulnerability than we feel is safe. And starting to open up, and even I remember this really pivotal conversation with Lori, we were talking about— I don't remember exactly even what it was, and we went into the mode that we typically do for each other where we want to solve it right away. And it was the first time, because now I'm practicing this muscle that feels very new for me, of noticing when I'm just feeling like, hi, I think I need something else right now, and then saying it. Horrifying if you're not used to speaking your needs. And I said, actually, you know, thank you so much. I know exactly what you're trying to do right now. You know what I need? I need you to just in this moment say, that sucks, and I'm really sorry you went through that. And then she cried, and then I cried, because she's like, thank God, I've been trying to support you this whole time, and I don't know what you need. And I'm like, I didn't know what I needed, because my entire life was built on this story that I'm valuable if I'm evil. I'm valuable if my emotions aren't too much and they don't make anyone else uncomfortable. So vulnerability for me has been this new place of allowing myself to lean into within myself. First, I have to get honest and truthful with myself about how I'm feeling and what I need, and tools like breathwork and just different spiritual practices have been a big part of that. But then on the other side, you know, when I look back, the most consistent through line of a needle mover for me, and I guess this kind of fits into it because now when I think about the version of myself I want to be and how she shows up, there's a vulnerability component that I didn't know was so important to me. I want deep intimacy. I want to feel deeply connected with the people that I serve, with the people that I'm around, with my future partner who I have yet to meet. I know that I want that, so I get to practice it now. And that has been the consistent theme that I have really leaned into in my business is casting a vision for what I want. Going back to what I was saying earlier, I see the outcome, but then I ask myself, okay, who's the woman who has that? How does she show up? How does she express herself? And the funniest and most tangible example I can give is, you know, so many of you today came up to me and they're like, I love your outfit. God, your outfits are always so great. Or now, the Powerhouse Women event has literally become this place. If you've been, you kind of know. It's just the ultimate permission to wear the thing that you wouldn't normally wear elsewhere. You get to try on a different version of you that you aren't regularly expressing. And what a lot of people don't know is it was around the time that I self-published my book, which led to the Powerhouse Women event. So the start of this season that people know me for today called Powerhouse Women, And I had this story about myself I used to say out loud, and I just thought it was kind of— I wasn't actually trying to put myself down, but one day I said it. Do you ever hear the labels you assign yourself, and all of a sudden that label just doesn't fit anymore? So I have this really cool and fashionable younger sister. She's just one of my favorite people on the planet. She's amazing. She can walk into a Goodwill and walk out looking like she's ready for Paris Fashion Week. She's was so cool. But I would look at that and what I'm seeing, right? Because when we see something we admire in another woman, we're seeing it and we're noticing it because that exists within us. And I would see this thing about her that I loved. And what it was awakening in me is I want to express myself more through fashion. But what I would call myself, I would literally say, I'm the vanilla sister. Because I had like the same top in black, white, and gray. You find like the one that fits you just right and you buy it in all the basic neutral colors. Anyone do that?

Oh, yeah.

And, you know, for some of us, like that is how we express ourselves. But there was a part of me that wanted to feel an energy I wasn't currently feeling. So I decided, there was one day where I said it out loud and I heard it and I was like, why am I saying that? That's not who I want to be. And I literally decided, starts with a decision, to learn to become fashionable. And I didn't tell anybody. I didn't say, okay, everybody, so now I'm fashionable. All of a sudden, I noticed it was around, it was about 2 years later, I kid you not, it was about 2 years later, and people started to be like, I'm so excited for your event. The thing I'm most excited for is to see your outfit. And I was like, that's weird. No one has ever said that to me. before. And it just makes me giggle every time. I love sharing the story because I'm like, no, I decided to become that. And then I'm like, where else am I right now telling an outdated story using an outdated label that I've just outgrown? It's great. I used to be the vanilla sister. Now I'm, I guess I'm like rainbow sherbet flavored. I had my colors done. I'm a bright Light spring. So that's what I am. That's my color palette. Yeah.

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I just first want to say the biggest thank you to all 3 of you for bringing your hearts up on the stage. I've been just sitting tearing up as every single one of you have been speaking. So interesting. I did an event a week ago with a friend of mine, and he said, Natalie, this book's great. It's a great business book, but what you're really missing is you should be describing what they'll get at the end is freedom of time and mind, because it's really a mindset. You know, you talk about the businessy things, but it's all all you. It's all us. It's all heart underneath all of it. And we didn't plan for this conversation to happen. And the way that it's unfolded is every single one of you have brought the real heart to all of this. And I just hope for every woman in the room, you really leave feeling different to how you come in. Because we can go through the tactics, we can go through the strategies, all of that stuff. But It's when we go beneath, you know, the neck down, and we actually tap into ourselves that everything starts to change. And so this is the last stop on the book tour, and I'm just— I couldn't imagine a better way to do it. And it's the way that you've all shown up so real on stage, and I just want to say thank you so much.

Thank you.

Love you.

Thank you.

Que, how about you for that question? Biggest needle mover.

The biggest needle mover for me is surrender. Surrendering to the voice. I'm a very spiritual person. Surrendering to the voice of God. Even when I was writing my book, I have this thing called the CHBT method. And at first, the C wasn't there. And the 7 areas of well-being, spiritual, mental, and emotional. I didn't have— I had the spiritual, but it was part of the heal. But the CHBT is connect, heal, build, thrive. And what downloaded, what I channeled through is that you don't need to heal your soul. Your soul is already whole and complete. So I realized, okay, I need to heal. I need to— my emotions are my best friends. And my mind, I can, you know, change my mindset. But my soul, that needs to be connected with, tapped into. And that's what spirit brought me. And that's why I lead with the breath healing, because it helps process the constriction that happens when I have negative self-talk, when my emotions are taking over, and it drops me right into my soul. right into alignment with God, right into my highest self, so that I'm no longer deterred and distracted by everything going on in the world. Because how many people agree that the world is drastically dysregulating, right? It's like, how can we be regulated in a dysregulated world? We have to use the one free tool that we have that God gave us when we dropped into this human body, which is the breath. Doesn't cost anything. You don't need yoga leggings. You don't need a mat. You don't need an outfit, even though outfits are cute.

Yes.

We like the outfits. But at the end of the day, when you drop into your soul, that's what's going to divinely guide you. And so that's what happened. And that's the needle move, me surrendering again and again, surrendering to what I think I know as an intellectual. I'm looking at the numbers. And like Natalie, I had an event this evening. And the universe, it wound up downloading, let it go. I surrendered it. I surrendered it. And I knew the friends that I had coming were not going to judge me. Because I've built these deep relationships over the last 2 years, they're going to be like, all right, we'll be here at the next one. And so how much can I surrender? So my biggest needle mover is surrender to the divine downloads that come through God. And that's what does it for me. So good.

Okay, so we're wrapping. We don't have a ton of time on this question, but I want to make sure that we ask it. So like 1 minute from each of you, around a minute. In 2 minutes portion? You always have to let people know on a panel because it's like, how deep can I let this story go? What advice would you give to all of the women who literally just raised their hand, who said, I want to be seen, I want to do this thing, I really feel it, like I deeply feel it, and there's either something holding me back or I don't feel worthy, I don't feel ready, I don't feel like I could even be friends with these people? What are some of the things that you want to leave them with?

The biggest one is to realize, and I want you to think this thought every time you hear the fear voice come up, because the fear voice is loud. It's the one that's trying to protect you, and we love that. That's— it has value. But to realize that if you feel compelled to share something, to create something, you are just responding to a desire that you don't realize someone else is is putting out right now in this moment. It could just be this quiet whisper in their heart, and they literally need to hear it from you. It's so easy, you know, I know all of us are 6 feet off, 6 inches off the ground higher than you are, and we have a microphone in our hands, so you could think we have something figured out that you don't. But the truth is, I think we subconsciously put people on pedestals to relieve ourselves of the responsibility of stepping into our Into our own bigness. Oh, so if you feel the pull to create, to share the message, to do the thing, to wear the outfit, your wearing the outfit might be someone else's permission to do the same. So stop being so stingy, okay? I love you, but cut that shit out. That's good. So good.

The first tattoo I ever got, I have a tattoo on my wrist, and I didn't get it because I wanted a tattoo. I got it because I wanted this reminder. This reminder has gotten me through every single difficult moment. It has forced me to start before I'm ready when I didn't wanna do it, whatever it was. On my wrist it says, time never stops. And it's my reminder that no matter what happens, This day is going to end no matter what. We're all gonna leave here. You're gonna get in your bed. You're like gonna get under your covers. Your head's gonna hit the pillow. You're gonna look up at the ceiling and you're gonna be thinking about me.

Yes.

You are. No, you're gonna be thinking about this concept because every single hard moment of discomfort is temporary. No matter what, it passes. Every moment that's great also passes. So when you get into your bed at the end of the night, that is where you create confidence. It's where you create your self-belief. When you can look up at the ceiling and you can say, I did it. I stuck with the commitments I made with myself today. I did the hard thing even though it was hard. I pushed through that discomfort because that's where confidence is built. So all I want you guys to walk away with knowing is that this too shall pass. Time never stops. Feeling cringe when you're creating a video, it ends, and then you're happy you did it on the other side. Or maybe you're not, but it doesn't matter. Nobody cares. You won't even remember the next day. It's done. Time never stops. That's it.

This too shall pass. Time never stops. But let me tell you something, your body is keeping score.

Mm-hmm.

Your body is keeping score. So the one thing that I would invite you to do is start a breath healing practice. And I call it breath healing, not just breathwork, because this is not Wim Hof. This is not what I learned in yoga. I mean, I changed my school from the Get Loved Up Yoga School to Get Loved Up Embody Leadership Academy. Like, no one can be certified with me for yoga or life coaching unless they go through embody breath first and understand breath healing, and nervous system regulation. And the reason is because that's what we're faced today. And if we are moving from our fear and our wounds and survival state and not our highest self, even the best of us won't be living our highest potential that we need in order to move this world in a positive direction. So I would say develop a breath healing practice for anybody. But for me, every single person that orders this book today, is going to get a 7-day breath healing practice that I created to help people just lean into the practice. So that's what I would recommend to you. Start a breath healing practice, start leaning into your highest potential, and allow divine guidance to take over your life. Surrender your life to divine guidance.

You know, something that's always on my heart in rooms like this is I've I've been in rooms like this so many times, but normally I was the person in the back row for a lot of years. And back in the day, my husband and I, early on when we were married, and I wasn't doing the thing that I wanted to do at all yet. I was working at, you guys, I was working at a drive-through coffee shop. Great, loved it, but not my highest calling quite yet. I worked at an Ulta, like literally restocked shelves. I was a high school dropout. So we call this fight the great chicken nugget fight.

Of, I think, like, I don't know, 2000, maybe '08.

I think it was 2008. Great chicken nugget fight of 2008. And at that time, because I wasn't doing what I wanted to do— how many of you, when you're not doing what you want to do, you kind of blame your children or your husband or your friends? Well, my husband was just the exact target of all of this at that time. So for me, you know, we were— he was working all week and I was working at my whatever job I was doing at the time. And, I was having this thing eat at me every single day, waking me up at night. You're supposed to do something. You're supposed to speak on stages. You're supposed to be a fitness personality. And, I was not doing that, but I deeply wanted to be on fitness magazine covers and inspire women in the way that they had inspired me. So, fast forward, we love to go out to dinner. We also love to go out drinking on Friday and Saturday nights at that age because we've been together 20 years. So, I'm in my early 20s at this time. And we go out, we have a bunch of cocktails, we go through the drive-through, we go to McDonald's, and I get a 20-piece chicken nugget. We head home, and all of a sudden, after drinking all night and all day long, I have a breakdown, a full breakdown of, I can't live like this anymore. I hate myself. I hate you. You don't understand that I can't do this because I have anxiety. You don't understand how bad it is for me. I haven't graduated. I'm not ever gonna be able to do this. I'm not like the other people. I'm not college-educated. I'm never going to be that person. And I start dipping the nuggets into the barbecue and chucking them at him and the house, and it's all over the walls, and there's barbecue sauce, and I'm having a full out-of-body experience watching myself melt down going, oh, he's gonna leave you. Oh, this is real bad. And so something, you know, I dropped back into my body and I have this moment, I'm like, oh shit, like that, you know. Have you ever had a fight where you push it over the edge? Okay. So Richard Rohr, that was my moment. That was my moment. Richard Rohr has a beautiful quote that says, if you don't learn how to transform your pain, you will transfer it. And you will sabotage every relationship in your life, and you will never have the relationships that you want. And you will always, always not like who you are if you don't learn how to transform what that purpose in your heart is, what that pain that you have is meant to teach for people. And so I really believe that if you know in your heart you're supposed to do something, you have to, and it's a must for the people around you, because that's going to be the thing that just draws all those people, helps all the people in your life.

So good. I think for me, what I would add just on all of this, for anyone in the room that doesn't feel ready yet, you'll never feel ready, truly. And I, you know, just with this event, I, you know, told Lori it would be really fun to do this, and we decided a date, and I threw together a landing page, and I voice noted her right before we put the landing page out. Lori, just a question. So if nobody comes, do you think we just don't say anything? And just take the page down?

She really did.

And I was like— and then I put it out there, and we started selling some tickets. When I tell you I reached a pitch I've never reached before, only my dog and baby could hear it. I voice noted, Lori, we sold some tickets!

I was like, we're gonna sell tickets, we're gonna be okay.

And I say that to say, you will never feel ready for doing something that feels edgy to you. I'm so shy and extroverted when I'm not on Instagram, right? Like, that's my personality. I'm happiest with a book and a cup of tea. And so for me, anything that is out in the world is just such a big edge for me. I don't ever, ever, ever feel ready for it. You know, backstage we're both talking about, oh my God, yes, This feeling in my stomach is excitement, yes. I just don't ever feel ready, but it comes back to what we talked about at the very, very, very beginning of this, of having the self-trust.

Mm-hmm.

I know that I'll show up for myself, because I've done it time and time again, every single time I didn't feel ready. I didn't feel ready to launch a book. I started the launch when I was 6 months postpartum. I didn't feel ready. And I knew that if I punted it off to another year, I would still feel just as unready as I do right now. And it's out there. And so I say that to say, the only time you're going to feel ready is when you look back at, oh, when I did the thing. It's only then you're going to feel it. And so please don't wait for that moment. Please just do the thing. And if it works, great. And if it doesn't, just take the page down, and no one will ever know that it didn't work, okay? No one will ever know.

Oh, you guys. So, so grateful. Can we— we're gonna give you a little bit of a rundown right after this, but can we just give the biggest round of applause to these incredible ladies?

Woo!