How to Move Through Life's Most Challenging Moments Without Falling Apart

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Fire that you're in, that you wish was out, that you wish you never had to go through, is so not here to take you down. It's actually here to burn away the version of you that can't cope with this right now. And so if you're praying for your next level blessing, that means you're actually praying for more problems. I hate to tell you. So when they come in, don't wish them away because that means that you are pushing away your next level. Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast. It's time for another quickie becauseers always time to fit in inspiration. And I can't believe that July came and went. It is like where on earth is summer going, you guys? I am absolutely loving some of my summer favorites. If you've not tried glossy yet, I talk about it on every single podcast. You can go to getglosi.com and use code happy for 25% off because you guys need to be hydrating. And why would we not be hydrating with a probiotic, a prebiotic, Incredible magnesium, which is bioavailable and has been clinically studied as well. It's Aquaman magnesium and also hyaluronic acid along with our probiotic that has also been clinically studied. You guys, it actually works like go.

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I would know exactly what to do.

I could handle it. And it would be like a little flea on my shoulder that I would just flick off. This is the goal, you guys.

This is how you up your capacity.

Is by dealing with the problem at hand and growing stronger because of it and not wishing it away. Trust me, there are so many times in life I'm like, why is this happening? I just. I can't handle the feeling of this stress anymore. And then I reframe it as if it's here for me. And that sounds so psycho and is so sucky, but it works. And it's the only choice you have. It's the only choice you. There's no other good choice, you guys. So when something hard happens, the very first thing I do is nothing. Literally, I do nothing. I take a deep breath and I pause for at least 24 hours before I respond. Especially if it's an email, it's a message. If it's a phone call. And I actually try to get on the phone whenever possible. My husband taught this early on, and he always said pause, but also over communicate and whenever you can get on the phone because so many things are taken out of context. So it's the last thing I want to do is get on the phone, which means it's the first thing I know I need to do. And so I believe that better than a text, better than an email, they don't know your tone. They don't know that you actually care about them. It's so easy just to write something, you know, positive or sweet or try to get around things or right now with chat, it's Just like, people just start like, did you just chat GPT with this response? Because that's what it looks like. Getting on the phone takes balls. And I think people respect that, and it humanizes you. And so that's always just been a theory of mine, is like, you need to humanize this situation because it's so easy for things to escalate. Now, if it's someone that you are not trying to save, the friendship, the relationship, you know, or if it's not that important to you, you do not require a phone call. But if it is something that is very important or it's important for you.

To show up this way or to.

Take a stand or for them to hear you or hear your side, then I do think it's important. But if you're gonna get on the phone, script it out. Do not get on a phone call without knowing every possible scenario and having an idea of what you're gonna say for everything. Even if you're having trouble getting off the phone with someone and they want to keep arguing, please make a script for how to end the phone call and let them know that you've said your piece and that you think that at this point, this is where you'll have to agree to disagree. And thank you so much. I'm getting off the phone right now, but thank you for your time. Hang up. So script everything out so that you know exactly what you're getting it into. So here's why. Reacting in the heat of the moment almost always makes things worse. And trust me, the reason I know this is because I've reacted in the heat of the moment so many times that I've been burned so bad by how bad things have gotten that I'm.

Like, hey, Lori, shut the fuck up.

Like, don't say an actual word right now. Go sleep on it. Go say a prayer. Go talk to friends. Figure it out. But please don't react. Please don't say what you actually want to say about this person or about the situation or even defending yourself. I remember, you know, when I was first learning about A Course in Miracles and really diving into Gabby Bernstein's work, she said, a defense is technically like opening the door for more arguments. So a defense is a response, like to get into an argument deeper. And when you give yourself space, your nervous system calms down and you can.

Actually see the situation clearly.

And there's a stat that talks about the average emotional charge of an event that gets you really triggered only lasts about 90 seconds. And so if we don't feed it with thoughts, you know, and if you start to think something else, maybe you go into a prayer. Maybe you're like, dear God, please help me see this person as your child. Because right now I see them as blankety blank, blank, blank. Right? But give yourself 90 seconds to pray and humanize the situation to let go. Because most of us, when we start feeding it right, like, all the things we want to say to them, that. The arguments that you're winning in your head and how you actually want it to go, what you actually want to say online, how you want to blow up their character and all the things tell people who they really are and what they're really like. Okay, yeah. Speaking from experience, can you tell that's when you spiral for hours, if not days, if not months, Some of you years. You got to get off that because it's addictive. And you seriously need to start praying to start praying, start talking to some friends. So I give myself permission to pause, like, 24 hours. You guys walk away, take a shower, take a walk, sleep on it. Nothing is ever as bad in the morning as it is at night. Trust me. So number two that I want you to do is to get curious instead of defensive. So once I've calmed down, I always ask myself some really tough questions. I'm like, lori, why is this triggering you? What part of this are you believing could be true? Why could this actually be happening for me? Why is this coming up for me? What am I supposed to learn from this? What is the lesson? What compassion am I supposed to have right now? What is this making me question about myself? And then a really big one is. Is part of this triggering me because I believe it might be true? And if the answer is yes, that's actually an incredible opportunity, you guys, because the things that trigger us the most are often the things pointing at exactly where we need to grow. Maybe you have an insecurity about something. Maybe you're not smart enough in a certain area, and you really need to get smarter in a certain area in your business or in the world and. Or in the economy or whatever it is. Maybe there's a massive fear there that's triggering you, and they are showing to you. So when I get curious instead of defensive, I actually start to see the lesson faster. And the lessons are the only way that we actually get through the problem and the only way that we level up to the next level, who we want to be. So my number three is to bring in your people. I always ask myself, okay, who can I confide in who are at least two to three people I trust that I know have been through something similar who can offer me some perspective. Because here's the important part though. I don't just call to vent on these people. I sit with it and I call with at least two or three possible solutions or next steps. And then I ask, okay, now that I've explained everything, what am I not seeing and where could I be wrong? Like, what am I not seeing that you see? And then having the right people weigh in on this is invaluable because when you're in it, you can't see straight. It's like you are just blinded by the pissed offness of the fire and rage that you're feeling of how wrong they are and how right you are. Okay, so step four, sit with it and pray on it. I am a prayer girl. I am a God girl. I literally rely on God more than I can possibly tell you. I'm like, God, I can't handle this anymore. I need you to take it from me. I'm going to go on a walk and we're going to think good thoughts and we're going to focus on how this could actually turn out well, because I believe that what you are thinking and perceiving about how the outcome is going to be is energetically being put on that person in the situation and is starting to tip the scales one way or the other. So I do believe, with everything that I have for what you believe, how that outcome is going to be and how you are feeling is going to tip the scales one way or the other. So if you're thinking it's going to turn out good and expecting it to turn out good, it's probably going to turn out better than if you expected it to turn out bad. Because you are going to work on seeing every opportunity in that conversation to make sure that you can shift it into something that you want rather than going, here it is, here's where it.

Gets bad, here's where this person is bad.

You know, here's where it all goes downhill.

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So step four was sit with it and pray on it. So after I gather input, I don't rush to act I sit with it, I journal, I go for a walk, I meditate, I pray. If it's a really big decision, I consult maybe a couple more people. If I've only consulted one or two, then I trust and sit with it and give myself permission to not always have the answers yet. And the hard part is, when you're in stuff like this, you're choosing between the best, worst decision. You're choosing between one shitty decision and the other shitty decision. And you're like, which one is less shitty? And that is what you are choosing between. And a lot of times that's what we're doing in business.

So this part is hard because we.

Want to be comfortable at the end. But sometimes the only clarity comes after you've sat with it in the unknown for a bit, right? And sometimes the only clarity comes after the phone call, like you're not actually even going to feel good during it. So step five is the reframe. You really have to reframe the fire and why you're even here. So this is where the perspective shift comes in, and this is where the true healing and deep, deep growth is going to come in. So I remind myself, if I'm being served up this challenge, it is because my next level is coming, and this is required for my growth. In the book by Steven Pressfield, the War of Art, he talks about how before your next level, you will experience the most amount of resistance before breaking through. Like, it is. Actually how this all works is that right before you are about to get to your next level of evolution of growth, you're going to experience the most amount of resistance. So I love this analogy. If you want the body of your dreams, you guys, you have to go to the gym and lift the heavy weights. And if you want to be the person who can handle the opportunities you're praying for, you have to be willing to lift the heavy weights, right? You have to be willing to walk through the fire, because if the fire doesn't destroy you, it's going to burn away that part of you that can't hold the next level yet. So all it's doing is it's trying to expand your capacity right now. And the only way to do that is to get heavier weights, is to get bigger problems, is to get get bigger challenges. That's the only way to get more capacity. And so if you're praying for your next level blessing, that means you're actually praying for more problems. I hate to tell you. So when they come in, don't wish them away because that means that you are pushing away your next level. Look at them and say, thank you. Thank you, God, for giving me the weights right now, which is the challenge, so that I can lift these instead of pushing away or ignoring them. I'm going to take them, I'm going to curl them. I'm going to do the reps that I need. I'm going to handle it the way that I know I should, and I'm going to get stronger from it instead of wishing it away and wondering why my next level's not here, because I keep on denying myself the actual time in the fucking gym. So there's a famous story about how the phoenix which I have tattooed on my arm is a mythological bird, and it bursts into flames and dies, only to rise from its own ashes stronger and more beautiful than before. That's why I have this thing tattooed on my arm. And I got it, I think it was on my 36th birthday. Because there's been nothing that has, I thought in the past was going to take me down, that I couldn't make it through. That has not been something that's made me better, that I wouldn't wish away. Like, I wouldn't. I wouldn't take it back. I wouldn't say, oh, if I could change that one thing. I mean, the worst moments in my life, the worst moments in my life have all gotten me to a version of myself that I would never give back. It's like the woman that I sit here as today can only be here because of the fires and the challenges and the people talking shit and, you know, the things that have just been ripped out of our lives, the losing our homes, our cars, the backs against the wall, the challenges with family, the friendship breakups, the different health issues, just even. Even things with, with our health, my husband's health, my parents health. Like, they've made us say, where do we need to make changes? Where do we need to get more present? Where do we need to spend more time together? Where do we need to figure out what our values are and what's most important to us? You guys, you don't get these things in the good moments. So if you're in that fire right now, I want you to know this, that you are not being punished. You're being prepared. And those hard conversations, those big risks that you're facing right now, disappointing people, people saying they're questioning you and your character and, and that you don't for them, or they're not important, or you think that they're better than you whatever it is, letting people go, it's all a part of the process to becoming the person that you need to be. But you always need to be questioned. How? How is questioning, how is this happening for me? How is this fire making space for me? How is this burning away an old part of me? Who do I need to let go of? What do I need to let go of? Who do I need to become? What parts of me do I need to let go of in order to welcome in these massive blessings that I have? So, you guys, pause, breathe, get curious, be patient, say prayers, don't react, bring in your people, and remember that your next level is on the other side of this. So, you guys, I'm sending you so much love. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone.