Stop The Exhausting Cycles of Self Sabotage for Good with Bizzie Gold

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On social media, people use labels as an excuse or justification to perpetuate their behavior rather than to heal it. To accept a label is to accept that something is now normal. And as soon as you accept that something is normal, you stop fighting against it to change, and it's much more likely to keep you stuck there and justifying your behavior.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. This is a good one today, let me tell you. I was literally enthralled. Like, I forgot what questions to even ask because I was so in the vortex of listening and learning on this one. I think you're gonna be obsessed, so get ready. But before that, I'm gonna celebrate a win with you because I love getting these messages from people who tell me about how incredible Glossy is working for them. So no joke. I have a friend who is also one of Chris's coaching clients and she owns a med spa with her husband in Tampa. And she just texted me that she wants to add it into her protocol for her clients because she's noticed how much it is helping with their skin clarity and texture and tone. You guys, this is such a massive win for me for her to literally say this is going to be something I'm adding in because they're getting such insane results on month three, they like walk in and see those clients and they're blown away. So I'm super excited about that. And if you guys want to try it, the only place to get a great discount, literally is right here on the podcast. I don't give this discount out anywhere else at this price. Everything is either a low discount or we're not discounting in between, you know, our very few sales per year. So with that said, you can use code happy for 25% off. Go try it. Give it a one month try. But I'm telling you, you know, you can't just go change your meal habits for one month and expect a big change. It's really about month two, month three, month four. It's one of those things that you keep up with and you are going to get those results. So go check it getglossy.com use code happy for 25 off okay, so back to the show. I have Busy Gold on is one of my guests. She came to the house for a podcast. It was so much fun to get to meet her in person because I actually followed her way back. I'm talking like I think 2016, 2017. And she just like rose to stardom and blew up. And now she is in such an awesome pivotal place in her career where she is truly breaking patterns for people. And have you ever had one of those moments where you know you're getting in your own way but you can't quite figure out how to stop self sabotaging? You guys, I felt one this morning for real. I wanted to get some stuff done and could feel myself stuck in this pattern. This episode is about to blow your mind open. So today I got to sit down with busygold to talk about the real reason you keep repeating the same patterns in life, in your relationships and in your business, and how to finally stop them, how to break free. So we're talking all about pattern mapping, which is rewiring, self sabotage, and why willpower alone is never going to get you to where you want to go. And Busy about Busy is about to hand you the clearest, most empowering explanation of why you do what you do. She also shares a powerful story of how she refused to accept the limits doctors place on her daughter's future after her cerebral palsy diagnosis. So I've personally been a pattern breaker in a lot of ways in my own family and we talk about that in this episode and how to stop labeling and limiting yourself by the stories that you have in your head. And by the end of this episode, you're going to feel seen, you're going to feel called out. And I'm telling you, I felt completely lit up by this. And Busy is also generously giving away 20 copies of her new book with a 30 minute VIP brain pattern mapping session to the first 20 people who tag both Busy and I on Instagram. With your biggest takeaway from the podcast you must share your biggest takeaway from the podcast. After taking us both, I can't wait to see what stands out for you. I hope that you're one of them that gets a book and one of these sessions, because this is about to blow your mind. Let's go. Busy. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. Thank you so much for coming.

I'm really excited to be here.

I'm so excited we get to be in person. This is the best in my house. I just got to, like, roll out. And you were here looking so beautiful, you guys. If you can't see her, she's in, like, this stunning, super cool, like, chic girl uniform with a tie.

Well, I tried.

I tried today because I was like, I think she's gonna look really good.

Well, I appreciate you. I feel the same about you, and I just feel like your house is so beautiful that our aesthetic is matching your house.

We'll just do around it. We'll do a shoot around it after this. Going to be great.

Perfect.

Well, I'm so excited you're here because you have a new book out. But whenever people do a book, it is one of those things that it's like, okay, yes, people have books out all the time, but I don't think people really understand what happens when you put a book out into the world and when. When you decide to put a book out into the world because it starts a whole separate journey that you didn't even really realize was about to happen, especially if you've never done one before. And I even think from book to book, it's a different journey. But what at this point had made you say, like, I kind of want to know that first moment where you said, this has to be a book. And I want you to just to tell us the title of that book as well.

Originally, the book title was you're a liar.

Oh.

And I actually tested this, and what was really interesting is, obviously, over time, you get to know the people that follow you. Right. Like, even if you don't know them in real life, you get to understand what they comment on, what pisses them off, what they like. So when I did this poll where I basically said, you're a liar or your brain is a filthy liar, I had a hypothesis that I was testing, and the hypothesis turned out to be true, which is essentially the people that have already done a lot of the healing work, who are ultimately not necessarily my core demographic on this one, they loved you're a liar.

Yep.

Because it was just triggering enough for them. But They've already done all the work. So they're like, yeah, like we do a lie to ourselves. But then the people that really needed to do the work were voting for. Your brain is a filthy liar because it creates just enough distance where it's. They're not ready to take radical personal responsibility.

Yeah.

So there's something else to blame in how the syntax is in the title. So over time, it did kind of change in that way. And I originally had the idea in 2018, so it's been a long time. And my life got in the way. So there would even be times where I wrote three chapters and then I wouldn't write again for nine months and then life would happen again. I got a book deal. So this has had so many iterations. And this year I knew it was the year to bring it fully to life. And I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but I went back to finish where I left off and I went three chapters in and I remember just sitting there, like banging my head against the computer. I'm like, what? This is not it. And it was hard for me to let go of all the time and effort that I'd put into those previous chapters. But at a certain point, I had to just acknowledge, this is expired. I don't think like this anymore. The book that I would have written then is not the book that I would write now. And I just tossed it all inserted from scratch, and then everything just flowed so quickly that I accidentally wrote a thousand page book.

Okay, this is hilarious. The same exact thing happened to me. I wrote my book for like a five year period, but actually wrote it in about eight months like the real book. So took all these mornings and wrote every morning with my little candle and my crystal and got very, you know, like interrupted in between and just felt it was such a struggle. I'd never written a book before and I didn't get coaching until like midway on how to do it. You really should get coaching if you're struggling. Like I was. But I went back and read this book. I got. I got the book deal and like, no problem, let's rush this. Because they're like, could we rush this book? Like, get it done, you know, in eight months? No problem. I have the book. And I went back when I got the book deal and started reading it and I was like, this is absolute shit. Like, who wrote, Did a five year old write this? Like, it sounded like watch the cat run. Like, that's how bad it felt.

I was like, this is Awful, surely, her being hypercritical.

Yeah, but it really did. It was like, not good. Like just being really honest. And I chucked it in the garbage. And there was a huge, like, that day, though. This is such an interesting conversation for people to hear. There's such a massive choice of this realization that it's going to. It is just going to take more work to rewrite what you did, and it's not going to be authentic to what you really want to come out. And, you know, I think that if we can just look at everything in our life, like that moment that you looked at, you know, your old book, that was all just perfect practice to make you be able to flow as fast as you could with the new book. And it wouldn't have. Would it even happened if you wouldn't have taken all of that practice and learning to write and get it out?

No, it had to happen exactly that way. And I'm. I had a similar experience when I went back and read the chapters. I was just like, what on earth was I thinking? Who was I? But I think this is also a testament to personal evolution because when you're in the moment and you're present, you're not really thinking about it. But when we go back through written memories, like, even. I don't know if you ever go back through your social media posts.

I try not to.

For that reason, I try not to. But sometimes if I'm stuck on an airplane, tarmac or something, every. Every once a while in. In a while, yeah, roll the dice. That's literally what's going to do it too. And sometimes you go back and you look and there will be times where I'll find something from 2016 where I'm like, wow, I still resonate with that so much, that sort of belief or that way of seeing the world is completely intact. And then I'll go just a few posts later and I'll be like, who. Who was that person? So I do love that our journey is multifaceted and that if we are in a constant evolution, we should look at parts of ourselves or things that we wrote, like artifacts, and not be in alignment with them anymore. I think those are signs of growth. So instead of getting disgusted with myself, I'm just grateful that I am who I am now.

I love that. And, you know, for anyone who wants to put anything out in the world, this is not unique to her. And I, like, this is really what I hear a lot of the journey looks like you really have to, like, sit down and get that muscle Working and start getting it out and even understand what that looks like to get your stuff out in the world. So for you, was it once you got the book deal, you were like, oh, crap, I have to, like, toss this other one away, or what did that look like?

So, interestingly enough, the book deal came in 2019.

Oh, wow. So that came.

So that when I actually, at a certain point, I then got back to back pregnant and I just let my deal sunset because I just was going to focus on that. I wasn't going to try to do everything all at once. Yeah. And I had just sold a few of my companies in 2019, my majority share. So I was trying to just have a couple years to decompress, as, you know, running a business can be extremely taxing. And I had just been completely going 100 miles an hour since 2010 without stopping. And I just needed a break. So for two years, I actually got completely off of social media, deleted Instagram, had two babies. And then I emerged from my cocoon and went right back and tried to pick things up where I left off. But really, somehow, even though I had been pulled back in this cocoon somehow, that was its own form of evolution. And I feel like I actually catapulted way further when I got back. So it was. It was beneficial. There was a rubber band effect that must have happened in my life because I didn't really pick up where I left off. I definitely moved pretty significantly forward.

I think that's really important for people to hear because there's a lot of. Even right now, I'm in a. I'm in a launch, and I have a lot of moms who have written me, like, hey, I don't think I should do this round. It's really, really hard for me because I, you know, I'm pregnant, I'm in mom mode. Should I do it? I'm like, I think you should just be where you're at if it feels like too much. So I want to, because there's so many important pieces to being present with that. And there's so much growth happening a lot of times in the times where maybe it looks like winter or a period in your life where it just feels, like, stuck or frozen or, you know, you just feel like there's so much piling on top of you. There's so much about being just present in that that you're actually growing far beyond you can ever possibly imagine. So tell me a little bit about that 2019 period, because you're. You were a total business person. Like, even if it was accidental, you were like a hustler.

Like, I have been a hustler forever.

Out there in the world, people know your name. Some people would say you were a celebrity. Tell me about that period from 2019 when you, like, got off of social media. Things stopped. You were in, like, full on creating children and a life mode. I want to know the things that you really struggled with in that time period.

One of the big motivating factors for doing that in 2019 was that I have two older children that I didn't do that for. And I don't regret much in my life, but I do have some regret over not being very present for many aspects of their early childhood. Because I was working so hard with my son Zev, who's about to turn 12. I went back to work when I was 7 days postpartum and fast forward to when he was 10 months old, woke up, went to his crib one morning, and I was looking at him and I was like, I don't remember the last 10 months of your life. I was looking at him and I had this weird sort of pit in my stomach where I just realized I've been on autopilot for so many months that I don't. I don't remember watching you grow up. How are you 10 months old? So I think that moment stuck with me and that was the motivator to take the two years off because I knew how I felt then and that I would never be able to get that back. So in that time, I honestly, I was so motivated by what I had made a mistake on before that I think I was really present. I actually didn't find anything hard because I was just so intentional with my choice. I was completely resolved. I think sometimes when we get pulled in different directions, it's because we're not fully resolved in our choice. Hitting delete on Instagram, on my app, was the most freeing experience that I ever had in my adult life. And I felt the payoff in it immediately. In my marriage, obviously, raising babies, that was its own payoff. And actually being able to be present, take my kids to preschool even. I really, I barely got to do any of that. I was maybe picking my kids up, like, once or twice a week here and there. But I had to basically be relatively absentee as a mom to run all my businesses. And because of that feeling of regret, I was just all in. I had no, no reservations. And because I wasn't connected to that world on Instagram, I didn't feel the loss Per se. I felt it eventually when I went and got back on Instagram, I was like, whoa, I've been out of the game. But honestly, it took. I don't know if you've ever had this experience or anybody that's listening. I think there's a time period where if you pour enough into your social media, your businesses will keep growing organically up to a point. And about a year and a half in is when my team was like, b, we love you and we know that you want to be a mommy. We need you to get back on social media now. And I was like, oh really? Like already? They're like, yeah, you can have like four, four to six months, but the clock is ticking because it's just enough. And you know this from being such a powerhouse with online organic content. At a certain point, if your name's not out there, you're not producing new things. Yes, customer referrals will keep moving the needle a little bit, but you can't just not be present at all. There can't be, there can't be a complete absence. So I waited until my team was like, okay, you have to do something now, please, just to make sure that the fuel kept going into the engine. Because when you have a business where everything's interconnected in ecosystem, there needs to be a fuel source. And I had taken away that fuel source and I'm glad that I did because from a self preservation lens, I had to. But I also have employees to take care of and totally people to help.

So how has it felt being back on and have you been able to find like any semblance of a balance or. Not quite yet?

I think so. This is the first year where I've actually had a social media team and I've been batching out my content, which has given me immense peace. I love it and I'm, I, I've obviously known that this is a strategy that people use and one of the biggest struggles for me is that I'm more of a long form content teacher. So to try to then translate something into these hook short form reels, it scrambled my brain, it made me mad, and it felt like it somehow cheapened or took away from depth that I have to offer. So every time I'd try to put myself into that box, I'd just get pissed off and I'd be like, whatever, I can't do this right now. So eventually I ended up figuring out a formula that worked really well for me where I would come up with all the ideas and the things that I was passionate about teaching. And then I would kind of more formulaically break them down into bite sized pieces that follow the structure that works. And now I just batch them all out, typically in a day. I'll usually get 40 content pieces in like a day to a half a day.

Wow.

And then it's really just, I write all the hooks myself, all the captions, because I do like to make sure that that is me. Anytime I've ever tried to have somebody try to even influence the words that are being tied to my brand, it makes me feel uncomfortable. It never quite resonates the same. And because I've been such a big part of my social media and it always has been organic, the people that follow you, they can tell when something's different. And I just don't like the way that feels. It feels inauthentic to me. And even if I have to work a little bit harder, hustle a little bit more to maintain that integrity, to me it's, it's worth it. Especially now that the content's batched in a way that I can actually sustain.

I totally agree. And, and it's just working really hard to find a system that works for you. And I think anyone listening like you will find one. It can just take some time, but your life will get easier. And if you are capturing eyeballs authentically, it makes sense. Everything in your company easier. It really does. Like, if you're going to pay attention anywhere, it's like, how can we capture more attention eyeballs and get them into a list or get them into your, you know, into your funnel? So I think that's really huge. So what, what, at that point, from that 2019 point to getting back on social, what would you say if you could define that period of your life? Like, what was that, like, initiation period for you? What was that inviting you into?

During those two years, there were certain areas of my personal, emotionally rewiring, emotional rewiring journey that I hadn't yet been able to move through because I had always had a relatively unstable or toxic relationship. And I met my husband in the very beginning of 2019. So it was the first time in my life that I actually had a relationship that actually allowed me to work through some of the things that I had never had access to work through.

Was that the first time you were married?

Nope. I've been married before.

Okay.

And actually my oldest daughter's dad passed away when she was 2. So it's a. It's been a complicated journey for me in marriage. I think in particular, because I can present very masculine. I'm very business oriented. I'm. I'm a big personality. And sometimes that can be challenging. I'm sure you've experienced someone. He seems great. God bless. It can be a challenge for a lot of men. And earlier on in my career, in my earlier marriage, anytime I would have any success, the level of jealousy and toxicity that would come as a form of backlash was almost impossible to navigate through. So it was just my nervous system was in constant state of chaos. I was just, like, totally burnt out, trying to get through everything. Literally just trying to survive a day and just go through these ups and downs, all while knowing how much work I had done in my journey and how profound a healing tool break was. But at a certain point, if you're not in a relationship where that person is willing to work with you, then everything becomes hypothetical. Like, hypothetically, I know what I could and should do if I was with somebody who's willing to actually do this. So eventually I met my husband, Gordon, and he did break immediately. And our relationship has been built on a foundation of really actually being able to do all the work. I've actually had to work on being vulnerable. I'm really good at handling everything myself and not showing any emotion and being more stoic and just being extremely independent. So my personal development work in my relationship was to learn how to actually bring my problems to somebody and say, hi, I need help. Or I don't technically need help, but because sharing this with you is vulnerability, I'm gonna put it out there. I don't need to do anything. But I'm not. I'm not as tough as I look right now.

You're, like, there. What do you think? A lot of work, extra work.

So that was all pattern opposition for me, because I had never done that before. I had never been in a safe enough place to do that before. So for years now, I got to grow this relationship where all of these things that hypothetically I knew I was capable of if I had the environment to rewire it, I was actually able to check all of those boxes and do all those things. And I am a wildly different person now in 2025 than I was in 2019. You know, a healthy marriage and two kids will do that to you, especially with the blending of families and all of the other things that were thrown into the mix, like moving to the middle of nowhere.

Yeah, totally. Okay, so I love that you just said that. And talking about environment and rewiring and brain patterns and breaking patterns. So Whenever I've thought about the different patterns that I've had to break, this one phrase has always helped me. Your environment is stronger than your willpower. And so tell me about that for you, because you just said, like, this was the first time I actually could work on myself because your environment wasn't totally out of whack. So how do people start. You know, we're really going to go into talking about your. What you talk about with brain pattern mapping. But tell me first, if someone's like, oh, shit, I'm like, in a really. Maybe that's my husband right now. Maybe my kids are crazy. Maybe I have something in my family where I can't get away. Like it was a real thing coming from the Midwest, people feel very trapped there because they don't want to leave their families, but their families feel very maybe toxic to them, probably. So. Yeah. So what would you say to them?

Interestingly, I think a chaotic environment for some people actually might be the environment that they need to rewire. I always tell clients that you can't rewire something that you refuse to be exposed to. So, interestingly enough, in my previous marriage, it was more that the other person wasn't willing to meet me in the place where I needed to be vulnerable. So not even necessarily chaotic, but just somebody who was a little bit more like detached, disengaged. So my pattern opposition work, which was to be more feminine and vulnerable, was not met with any sort of reciprocity.

Right.

So not necessarily unstable, but not what I needed to get through this. Versus. In my relationship with Gordon, we actually did have a decent amount of chaos surrounding us, but I had somebody who was willing to actually meet me halfway and meet the work that I needed with reciprocity. So I think sometimes we do need tough, chaotic situations so that we learn how to engage with the tough situation with a better outcome. And I think a lot of personal development work, even some spirituality, it gets people empowered to just cut things out and leave them behind and change their environment, which I think in many ways ultimately is making it so that you cannot actually rewire what you were being triggered by in your previous environment. So sometimes that changing of the environment is really just avoidance. That won't actually rewire you at all. It will just delay something, and then as soon as that other thing comes back into your life, surprise, you weren't magically rewired by avoiding everything entirely.

Have you ever heard that quote? I think it's Ram Dass that goes, think you're enlightened? Go back home for the holidays. For a week.

Yes. There's always an uptick in my work around the holidays.

Exactly. I'm like, oh my God, wow. I'm not healed at all. Look at that old personality of mine coming right out on that person.

Wow. Okay, so I think the interesting thing, I do talk a lot about willpower and how I think willpower is an incredibly ineffective mental health strategy because most people don't have willpower available to them. It is more theory. Like theoretically, if I'm in the situation, I'm gonna do great. I'm gonna wake up every morning at 5am and work out. Sure, bud. If you're not a morning person, chances are you're going to hit snooze, snooze, snooze. And then you're going to be mad at yourself all day. Because that's actually your cycle. Your brain's trying to play out that cycle of shame and feeling like you're a failure. Incapable.

Yeah.

So in general, I try to. In my work we get to the level of brain pattern type. Because brain pattern type is this very top down approach where instead of trying to address behavior at the level of behavior, you're addressing behavior at the level of perception of reality. Because what we perceive will then form an assumption, will then form a conclusion. And that conclusion is what will constrain the behavior choices that we perceive in that moment. Which is why you'll do something that you know not to do. And then an hour later you're like, why did I do that? Yeah, like I knew not to do. I don't understand why I just did that. Or look at dating, for example. I'm sure many people watching or listening to this have accidentally dated the same person. Yeah, like five times. Meanwhile, all of your friends are like, don't do it. Red flags. This is the same person as last month. They're so different. Don't judge him. And then six months later it's like, okay, fine, they were the same person. How do we do that? We do that because our brain is actually hiding possibilities from us in that moment. So we keep acting out this more limited set of behaviors when really if we can alter the perception of reality to then make new language that our brain is using to open up our possibilities, then we don't have to use willpower at all. Because it's actually coming from the level of perception. Because most people, they're not perceiving that other choice, thus why they can't choose it.

Okay, so tell me. I want to learn. People are like okay, tell me exactly how this is happening. So let's use, for example, I'm just going to use myself. I am really working hard to like get more organized and I still have to jump from kind of like thing to thing. But I that gap in the middle, I can get lost. I can get lost on social media, I can get lost on cleaning my house. I can get lost, especially on things that make me feel productive, but they're not the needle moving things I need to be doing for my business. And then I want to kick myself because I'm like, that was not the most important thing. And it's a cycle over and over.

You and I for sure have the same brain pattern. Okay, so tell me, brain pattern, it's me. Last night I told my husband I was going to call him and literally four hours later I came out of a hole. I was like, honey, I'm so sorry. I started designing something on my website and it's been four hours. Yeah, sorry.

Chat CPT is like been the best thing to ever happen and the worst. And I'm like, I just redesigned something.

I don't even know where the time went. So yes, I can absolutely relate to. So let's start here because I think we're, we're tracking some interesting different orbits because we were talking about the influence of environment.

Yep.

Now we're talking about essentially a cycle of behavior that you repeat that you see in hindsight as self sabotage. But in the moment it feels good or it feels productive.

Right.

So it feels good and productive in part because of the way your brain is experiencing self deception. Right. Where it's highlighting a positive in something and then kind of diminishing the risk or the negative outcome in that moment. Right. So that's a great example of constraining that circle. You technically had other choices in that moment, but you're like, I want to design this thing on ChatGPT. It feels so good right now. Right. And it can highlight all of the ways that this is going to make you more money or help you reach more people, but it's not looking at all the things that you actually could have or should have been doing in that same period of time. All of those self deception messages are going to come from our brain pattern type. Our brain pattern is formed between the ages of 2 and 5 from the adversely perceived repetitive inputs we experience in our childhood environment. In the work that I've done over the last 11 years, we have been tracking the data of 200 different data points and how those 200 different data points actually accurately predict patterns of thought, behavior, and decision making with 98.3% accuracy. So we've effectively proven that. Unfortunately, we're almost 90%, if not more a byproduct of our nurture, not our nature, which in today's world, especially on social media, it does feel like everyone is talking about genetics and using genetics, I think, as a form of excuse. Where genetic expression is activated or not by our environment, it doesn't really go the other way around. We can have genetic predisposition to something, but if our environment isn't set up to activate that, in most cases it will be dormant. So that childhood environment is absolutely critical. And we have to understand not how you narratively experienced your childhood environment, but who were the cast of characters. And if you think of your childhood environment literally like a board game, who were the players and how many players did mom, for example, did you experience that mom or dad favored a sibling, for example? That's one of the markers that we track, which are, you know, that is somewhat subjective, but typically we've found that if somebody says that siblings are treated the same, clustered with like 70 other different markers, we can accurately predict that brain pattern type. Because somebody who's looking for comparison has a very specific behavior set that's attached to that for somebody to notice. No, I felt like my parents treated me and my siblings differently. So a lot of these markers are things like, were your parents married? If not, what age should they get divorced? Was there any religion in your household? And then you have to rate someone's. The way that your parents actually tried to discipline you or provide sort of academic support. These are all things that most people can answer pretty reasonably because they're relatively black and white, rather than how I felt about my parents divorce. Right. Which was much more of a story or a narrative. Ultimately, that narrative is a byproduct of your perception of reality at the time. So unless we're going backwards to understand how your perception of reality distorts your narrative, the narrative is really not all that helpful. And I think this really has proven why Break method is able to get people further faster. Because narrative based to therapy, you're usually talking in circles around your problem, never really getting to why you saw it that way in the first place. And is that actually even true?

Okay, so in your book, you can obviously go through this, right? We can find out what we are. You also do something online too, right?

Yeah. So brain pattern mapping is something that we would encourage you to do alongside the book. And actually, in One of the chapter breaks, there's a QR code so you can scan it and set up your brain pattern mapping session. We do encourage people to do this because you want to understand your nine distinct brain pattern mapping markers because the entire second half of the book is custom tailored to each pattern. So I highly suggest reading all of the chapters because your boyfriend, your mom, your sister, brother, right, they're all there. So you want to understand all of them. But certainly you can give an additional focus. Maybe grab out, I don't know, a highlighter and some stick it notes when you're on your personal chapter because it will be much more meaningful to you.

Okay, so we figure out our brain pattern type. Can you tell us what the different ones are?

Yeah, so there's something in my work called the brain pattern spectrum. So if you were to imagine an X, Y axis and then you were to divide that in half, in the left side of the spectrum we have the abandonment oriented brain pattern types, which my guess is that's where you will be and I will, I will show you the, I'll give you the link.

And we can discuss just the word alone. That's a word I use all the time. So yes.

So technically. So there's two sides. There's an abandonment oriented side and there's a rejection oriented side. In the abandonment oriented side, imagine that there's hash marks. So as you're going out from the center to the left, every time you hash out to the left, self trust is going to go up, situational awareness is going to go up. In general, you become very career and purpose oriented. But relationship interactions can be more conflict prone in part because likely you're dating somebody from the other side that doesn't understand your independence and takes your independence as a rejection. So as you're going up this way, eventually you start to have all these points converge where if you have max self trust and you're too situationally aware at the farthest left side of the spectrum, people start to become paranoid. This is where you start to see some schizophrenic presentations, you start to see some autism spectrum disorder presentations. But there's this sweet spot in the middle left where the top 1%, the top performers in any organization, the entrepreneurs, we all cluster in this little square in the center left where we have this pretty even keeled balance of obviously self trust, which I think to be an entrepreneur you have to trust yourself and just start taking actions. And I'll figure it out as I go along. I don't know how to do it, but I'm gonna just commit and then figure out the rest later. So there's also these other markers that are really unique to this cluster of entrepreneurs because typically we act first and think at the end. And a lot of the scores of how we're replaying are actually very low compared to everybody else in the world. We, you know, a lot of our scoring Systems out of five, for example, all of my top performing CEOs and clients, there's a very specific marker that typically is going to be 2 out of 6 or less. Some people even 0 out of 6 because it's literally like a blip on the radar. They're like, oh, well, that didn't work. Reset onto the next one, where that sort of quality or mechanism can actually be misinterpreted by other people as them not caring. Yeah, right. Like, how could you move on right now? And this is something that I've had to experience with my husband where he gets stuck in that sort of rumination very early. If we get into a fight, if the fight's over, I can go to sleep. He cannot. And there have been times that he's actually woken me up, like, how could you be sleeping right now? And I'm like, because I'm tired. Our fight's over, right? Is this done? Because for me, if something's done, it's like I close that tab and I move on to the next. So what's interesting is that that same. The opposite side of that is that these people also tend to have tunnel vision. So if they are focused on something, their focus is razor sharp, but it's like nothing else exists. So you can lose time, like what happened to you or I, you get sucked into it. So wherever you are, you're extremely present, but you're not necessarily going to be ruminating and replaying because it just won't seem like a worthy endeavor because you have to be situationally aware and focused. So there's all these behavior mechanisms that sort of cluster all from that initial perception of reality, which ultimately is dictated by self trust independence, where you see your priorities, which for the left side people are typically more career and purpose. If you go to the right side, all of those same markers go down. So self trust goes down. We start to see, instead of independence, we start to see codependence and then even all the way to the far right side dependence. These are the types of people who maybe are still living at home with mom, who think it's okay to still have their parents pay all their bills when they're like 45, because everything feels futile. So that would be all the way in that far right side you also see that situational awareness has gone down because this fixation on what others are thinking about you takes its place. So what can happen is that the left side people are somewhat missing some of those cues. So we might learn to read them for a more situationally aware perspective. Like I need to know if you're upset so that I can keep the situation stable. But typically on the left hand side, you're not going to dwell on whether somebody likes you or not. You're not necessarily going to care about someone's eyebrows and taking the time to try to figure out what their eyebrows mean about how they feel about you. Like it'll just. That'll feel like a waste of time. But on the right hand side, the fixation on what you're thinking about me, it tunes out or drowns out anything else around me. So often these people are lacking situational awareness. They can be really bad at driving directions. They kind of lose track of where they are in time space because they're so focused on physical cues. When you see self trust go down, but you also see this obsession with what others are thinking about them. This is where we start to see people honestly looking for like hierarchy and mentors. And honestly, a lot of this group of people is probably a decent chunk of your audience. My audience, because they're looking outside of themselves to solve the problem instead of I know how to solve this problem. Like I need busier Lori to solve solve this problem because they look like they're doing it right. The only problem is there's a very specific area on this brain pattern spectrum where they want that. But more than anything, they actually want what you have, but they don't want to do the work required to get there. So then starts this sort of like de pedestal process where now because it's highlighting areas that they have work to do, they're looking for ways to try to prove that you're a fraud or you're a bad person and find a way to like kick you off your pedestal. And these are actually the most likely people to ultimately try to destroy your organization, try to start drama or chaos in your organization, even cancel attempts and things like that. Because ultimately at a certain point, any work that you or I do is going to make them look in the mirror and they're going to have a choice. Either this person that I've emulated that I look up to is saying something that while it hurts, actually is valuable, and I should listen to it or I have to turn on them. And often people in this sort of cluster, they seem to turn. Have you experienced that?

Oh, my gosh, multiple times.

Yes.

And I've even had. I've even felt it within myself, but had the awareness of it, of, oh, I'm making that person bad because I'm jealous and I don't want to do the work. Like, I've actually had the awareness, like, back in the day around when I was actually putting my book out, and I got really jealous of certain people who I felt like weren't allowing me into a friend group. And so I was like, my brain just automatically as kind of like a Probably a protection mechanism, but also, you know, just trying to make yourself validated for the shit that you're not doing and the excuses you're making. And I remember just having a moment of, like, making this group really bad. And then I was like, what are you doing? This is not right. It's because you're not willing to do the work to create your own friend group. And that started, actually, a lot of, like, what I talk about now because that everything that you just talked about is such a huge. Everything in your book is such a massive awareness. Okay, so. So we're learning. We're learning so much about how we are. And I think people are gonna be like, jaw on floor, like, and those.

Historical markers plot you there. So essentially, once we get that sort of blueprint. Yeah, we literally show you, okay, here's the spectrum, and we place you, like, a dot here, and we then break down these nine different markers of what we would expect based on this dot to see if it's accurate. Usually people's faces are, like, melting on the camera. Like, how. How could you know that? Because once we know that, if you know how someone's perceiving reality, I can accurately predict, virtually, given any scenario, how you would handle it, but also with more nuance than that, how you would initially handle it and then what your brain would then go to next and next and next. So we track four different behavior cycles that have so much depth to them, much of which is happening in your own mind that you might mask to other people. So when we're able to speak right to that, it usually scares people, because it's all the things that you do keep to yourself or try to work through or underlying motivations that you check yourself and you're like, this is. I'm disgusted with myself. Why would I even think this? This will Tell you that thing that you try to keep compartmentalized in 20 minutes.

Oh, my God, I love that. Because when you know that you can fix it. So tell us about what that.

Thank you for acknowledging that because I think some people, they, they understand how this can be accurate. But then like. Yeah. And then what do I do with that? The way I like to describe it is a lot of what we're seeing unfold in the mental health space are these very broad labels. So let's say that somebody were to go to therapy for a few weeks and they get a label. Like broadly you have. Have bipolar or you have borderline personality disorder, or you're adhd. Adhd, right. Like these super broad labels. That would be like me telling you you're in Russia. Okay, here's healing. It's somewhere over here. We're not really sure where it is. We don't even know if we really believe that healing is possible anymore. So you're just gonna have to cope with the fact that you live in the country of Russia somewhere. Russia's really big. Right. And if we're vaguely saying we don't even know that healing really exists, it's somewhere over here. And you don't know where you are in that country, how are you ever going to navigate to that place?

No, I'm actually going to find the other people in Russia who I can bond with and trauma bond.

Right, well, we're just going to start our own country now.

Exactly.

So the way brain pattern mapping does it is it tells you your precise longitude and latitude. So you know exactly where you are. You're not in some broad country. You're exactly right here. And you can see this is exactly the place of healing. So you know how many clicks you have to go to be able to bring yourself back into true regulation and balance. So it demystifies this whole process by which we're looping and talking and you're broadly here and we don't know if healing is possible. And then it distills it very quickly into healing is possible. Mental health is not an art form. It's math. And if you have the right coordinates, you can come home to yourself.

I love this so much because there is. I mean, this is, this is like the generation of labels right now.

But.

And I actually think that I probably have adhd, but I've never.

What you described is technically that. And that would be one of the behavior signs of this cluster on the left, by the way.

I, I fully like when I read certain things, I'm like, oh yeah, yeah. But the reason I don't go down the rabbit hole is because the rabbit holes don't tell me if you do, how do I get out? Like, that isn't something that I see. It's like these long conversations of people bonding together over like, oh my God. I knew this was why I'm like, there's this. There's nothing wrong with me. I just have this. Yes, there is nothing wrong with you. But I want to know how do I. How do I live my life then in a way that allows me to thrive in that and acknowledge it. I'm so excited to share that this podcast is Sponsored by the RealReal the best place to shop Authenticated Luxury Bags, Clothing, Watches and so much more Personally, I love finding unique, elevated pieces that feel like me, and the RealReal is one of my favorite places to discover them. Whether I'm looking for a one of a kind Zimmerman dress or a classic YSL bag, I know I'm getting something super special and I'm getting it at a great value. The RealReal is attainable luxury that upgrades your personal style. With up to 90% off retail, you can finally have the pieces you've been dreaming of from brands like Gucci, Gucci, Fendi, Prada and so many others. Unlike other resale sites, everything that RealReal sells is authenticated in person by luxury and fashion experts. The RealReal is the go to place for your next special piece. Need a dress for a fancy wedding? The perfect vacation sandals? Ready to invest in a new bag to add to your collection? Find exactly what you're looking for that no one else has at the RealReal. The RealReal is the world's largest and most trusted resource for authenticated luxury resale. With thousands of new arrivals daily. No one does resale like the Real real and now get 25 off your first purchase when you go to therealreal.com happy that's therealreal.com happy to get your 25 off. Start shopping now at therealreal.com happy the hardest part about starting a business is often getting started. Build your business in just 10 clicks in 10 minutes. Starting your business should be simple. Get more when you start your business with Northwest Registered Agent, your entire business Identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Northwest registered agent has been helping businesses launch and grow for nearly 30 years. If you want to build your business while keeping your personal information secure, Northwest is the partner you need. In just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. They'll form your business. Create a custom website and set up Your local presence wherever you need it. Form your business for just $39 plus state fees backed by real business experts with decades of experience. Protect your identity and keep your home address private by using Northwest address on your formation documents. Don't wait. Protect your privacy, Build your brand and set up your business in just 10 clicks in 10 minutes. Visit northwestregisteredagent.com earn and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest registered agent@northwestregisteredagent.com forward/ear okay, if you're like me and your inbox is stressing you out and you need to spend less time there and more time in your business actually moving the needle, bringing money in, I'm about to change your life. Notion Mail is the inbox that thinks like you, automated, personalized and flexible to finally work the way you work with AI that learns what matters to you. It can organize your inbox, label messages, draft replies, and even schedule meetings. No manual sorting required, you guys. It has AI organized inbox. You can tell notion AI what's important to you and it's going to automatically label them and sort them so that they arrive in the way that you want. Custom views for focus Split your inbox into custom views like topics, urgencies, senders, or what you want to do to stay distraction free from those emails that you don't want to give your attention to. You can fly through emails with something called Snippets. It's a one click email template where you can do different intros, you can do follow ups. This is perfect for my podcast, you guys, because I get over 30 inquiries in my inbox a day so I can automate all of that. It can even include attachments and scheduling links. You can write beautiful emails faster. Get Notion Mail for free right now at notion.com forward/earn and try the inbox that thinks like you. That's all lowercase letters. Notion.com forward/earn to get notion mail for free right now when you use our link, you're supporting our show, you guys. Notion.com forward/earn so I think you hit.

It on the head right now. On social media, people use labels as an excuse or justification to perpetuate their behavior rather than, rather than to heal it. Yeah, I think there's, there's a line where I understand a label maybe making you feel seen or acknowledged for the struggles that you've experienced and that's, that's great and I have so much empathy for that. But to accept a label is to accept that something is now normal and as soon as you accept that something is normal, you stop fighting against it to change. I have a. In general, I'm very cautious of any sort of normalization of anything. And I like to use the example of athletic records. So if you think about the fastest runner in the world 20 years ago, what we believed was the absolute top speed that that person could go has been blown away by so many, like, hundreds of percent, because we thought that was normal. So what would happen if we stopped saying, like, this is our. This is what's normal. This is what's acceptable, expected. And instead we really envisioned that we were capable of so much more than that. You're capable of expanding exponentially more if you don't cap yourself. And I do think that ultimately I understand that initial phase of feeling seen, but at a certain point, accepting that your label includes all of these behaviors and these things are all normal is a trap. And it's much more likely to keep you stuck there and justifying your behavior. My oldest daughter has cerebral palsy. And early on when she got diagnosed and she went through all this birth trauma, the doctors were trying to tell me all these things that she was going to experience, like, she'll never walk, she'll never talk, she'll never be able to be off of a feeding tube, like, laundry list.

Yeah.

And I remember sitting there just knowing in my gut that is not true. That's not going to happen. And I would sit there and listen to what they were telling me, but I just would not accept. Accept that reality. So much so that the hospital staff brought in a psychiatrist, Sit down, be like, we really don't feel like you're accepting the gravity of the situation. I was like, no, no, I hear what you're saying. I just respectfully disagree.

Yeah.

And they would just keep pushing. If I had accepted what they told me, I would have completely limited what she was capable of becoming. As unfortunately, I think many parents of special needs children do, because you just instead of looking to see what they could possibly do, you're excited that just met that. That normal marker. Well, your kid can probably only do this, so as soon as they do that, you accept it and you're like, great. I'm. Stop pushing. I pushed my daughter probably too much, but now she's turning 15, and she's on track to be a model and a standup comedian. She walks, she goes totally mainstream school. All the things that they told me she would never do.

Wow.

We've moved past. And not because I accepted a label and just, like, let it happen. Organically I envisioned a different outcome, and I did everything I could to support that different outcome. So I would really encourage people to know where the. Where your time and place of feeling seen by the label is expired and try to envision something different that exceeds far what your label tells you your life is going to be like because you will not heal if you accept the barriers of that label. It's literally impossible because it's going to alter your belief, and then your belief is going to alter the steps that you take.

Yeah. Oh, my God. What an amazing story. That is incredible.

She's a powerhouse.

Wow. I'm like, I need to. I need to know all about her. You know, you're making me think about growing up, too. I was told I had a story in my family that it was our genetics, that we were overweight. And that's all that I heard. And when I was young, I was sitting at a table with all my aunts, and they're like, they knew that I was kind of getting into exercise, and they're like, don't even bother. Don't fight it. You're going to be fat like us. And this was just a conversation in our family because it was the 80s and everyone was super overweight, like 100 pounds overweight, and they were really obese. And I just remember thinking, like, that was my. That was one of my moments in life where I was like, nope. Like, my little brain was like, I will not accept this as my future. Because they were just sitting on the table like, you know, bitching and bonding over. Over genetics while we're just eating tons and tons of food. My family's very loving, but at the same time, it was like, very much, this is our genetics. This is our genetics. This is our genetics. So my whole life I was like, I have bad genetics. I have to work even harder. I'm going to be overweight. I have to X, Y, and Z come to find out I've broken a lot of patterns. And I actually now I do, like, all of these different blood tests and all these things. He's like, you're very normal. You've actually got incredible blood sugar levels. Like, amazing genetics. Like, you don't have bad genetics.

You have bad habits.

And, you know, I still can't go back and tell, like, my family is committed to that one. They're committed to the bad genetic story. And so I think this is so.

Powerful even to look at how you've completely.

That I'm different. I'm different.

If you girl, all I have to say is if you couldn't convince your family that I don't know who. Yeah.

But it's important for people to hear that literally you will still have family. That even though you can go back and say, look what I did, look at this journey, look at my habits, they still are so deep in that story that you're not going to be able to help some people. So when. That's a great question for you with this. This is going to like pop the lids off so many people. This is going to be like life changing for so many people to understand. And especially the way that you've laid it out in your book. You have a podcast, you have these different things that they can take online. You have things that they can be supported by after to break these habits and really change their life completely. What do you say to the people who are about to go on this journey and they know it's going to change them because they can feel it in their gut already. Because I feel it in my gut that I'm like, great, give me some more tools.

Busy.

This is going to be amazing. I'm going to go to town and they are going to have people in their life who are not going to do this work and they're not going to change. What do you say for them to do and focus on.

I've seen this phenomenon over the last 11 years of doing this work with over 15,000 people. No matter who in your orbit refuses to do the work, if you do the work and you take it seriously, all communication and relation is like a game of ping pong. And if you change the way you are serving the ball in this ping pong game, the other person is going to change by proxy. It's. It's impossible for them to not change someone. Obviously to the point of your family. Some people can actively choose to and.

They have changed a little something.

And I think, I mean, I would expect nothing less from your influence on your family. So some people are obviously stubborn and they really dig their heels into something. Maybe that's more cultural. Example would be my, my oldest daughter's dad was Japanese and he clearly was allergic to rice. Like it was blatantly obvious, but he was willing to die on that hill. God would not have made me Asian if I couldn't eat rice. But you're clearly reacting to it.

Yeah.

So there's some people where it's like, even though all of the evidence is like slapping you right in the face, you're willing to die on that hill. So there will be those People. But ultimately, in those minute to minute, second to second interactions, not the big picture beliefs about things like marriage or religion, but in those minute to minute interactions, if you learn how to shift your perception of reality and let your language be different or your body posture to be different, you're serving them something that you've never served them before. And that will break these micro patterns that in the long run they change whole generations. So instead of trying to change these like huge belief systems, we're changing our second to second thoughts and perception of reality and how we're engaging people in those minute to minute moments. That's actually, I think it has a much more profound effect on both mental health, but also relationships at large than trying to address these big issues. I once was teaching break method in a women's prison system. The very first thing that I did when I got there is I said, okay, why are. I had 50 women. I was like, why are you here? Write it on this piece of paper. And I had my assistant walking around with the box. And like everyone, right, why you're here. Most people wrote whatever their charges were, you know, like, like gang banging, drug dealing, you know, like murder. And I'm sitting there and reading them just to like emphasize the point to everybody. And no one said anything other than their charges. Really. The reality is that somebody who's landed themselves in prison, they're actually there from this cast cascade effect of poor decision making minute to minute. And sure, these things can escalate eventually into getting you arrested, but ultimately it's their perception of reality and how they're prioritizing their day to day or minute to minute life that actually landed them in prison. That one moment that they actually got caught is actually kind of inconsequential. It was going to happen at some point, right. It's kind of like a constant rolling of the dice. So the whole bulk of the work that we did there was to help them understand what actually altered how you were perceiving reality that made you justify these behaviors and how they maybe started small and now you're like a full blown drug trafficker. Like how, when did that happen? When was the transition point that you went from beating up on a kid in elementary school for their lunch to murder. Where did that transition point happen? So then it got people thinking like, you're right, I am actually here because of how I see the world. Because how we see the world really, that's the starting place of everything. And to this point of kind of left and right brain pattern spectrums, ultimately the people on the left have an inherent mistrust for other people, which ultimately I think actually sadly serves them quite well. Because you don't just go blindly giving away your power all the time. And you do look to yourself to solve a problem. So a byproduct of that is self efficacy. Self efficacy goes a long way in our world. And when somebody decides to do it themselves, you're typically going to see a trail of success there, where typically somebody else who might have the knowledge and the skill set and they've done all the courses, they're still waiting for permission to go do something, or they're waiting for it to feel right or to feel like an expert before they go take one step. So that's ultimately a perception of reality issue as well, right? Where they're. They don't trust themselves and they get stuck. They get paralyzed. They're stuck in a freeze response of inaction. So typically we have this thing where like the left side is taking like pretty wild, maybe impulsive actions. And then when they're in it, they're fully in it, and then all of a sudden they're realizing like, oh crap, I lost three hours, five hours, eight hours of my life. What have I done? But ultimately, when you're doing something, you're really there. The people on this right hand side, they're really, they're just stuck in this sort of freeze response or indecision or rumination where they can actually convince themselves of things that aren't real. So if you go all the way out to that far right side, this is where you start to see a cluster of personality disorders like borderline personality disorder, where once people are there, as soon as with borderline, for example, something puts them into what could be an opportunity for self reflection. Instead of being able to receive that and take ownership, they split and they start to experience shame. And then they project it back onto the other person. So it's almost like a redirect. Like if you're trying to share something with them, as soon as they become aware of what they've done, their brain can't process it. So they literally just try to return to sender somehow. That's all that process of getting stuck in that sort of freeze rumination response. And ultimately you'd asked a question about, once you know this, like, what do you, what do you do with it?

When I first started Glossy, I was so overwhelmed. I felt like I had to do everything on my own, because you do. And your to do list just keeps mounting. But let me tell you when you're starting off with something new, it just seems like that list is growing and growing and growing and it can quickly overrun your life. So you have to start learning to find the right tools that can not only help you out, but simplify everything. And that is a game changer. And let me tell you, for millions of businesses, that tool is Shopify and I am included in those numbers. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started and I'm going to add mine to the list. Glossy get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store to match your brand's style. And you guys, I love my website so much that's on Shopify. Go and check it out. Also, Shopify is your e commerce expert with world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Turn your big business idea into Cha Ching. With Shopify on your side, sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com happy go to shopify.com happy shopify.com happy so for the past few years, Chris and I have been in a really exciting busy season of travel. Whether it's for the podcast or speaking or meeting with our teams who are on all over the country for both of our startups. With all the traveling that we do for work for holidays and also having had a lake house for three years that we only spent summers in, I often thought that it would be so awesome to have another family enjoy our home while we're away. We've made so many memories in Airbnbs over the years. We love to gather our family and friends together in a home home away from home. Whether it's for a annual Christmas ski trip that we do or because we always want to travel back to our family for Easter every single year. And I love the idea of your home getting to be a space where other families get to make lasting memories while you get to make a little extra cash. Did you know Airbnb has a co host network that can take care of all all of the details for you? With the co host network you can hire a quality local co host to take care of your home and guests. Experienced co hosts can support you with everything from creating your listing to managing reservations, messaging guests and more Find a co host@airbnb.com host.

Because I do fundamentally believe that all human beings are capable of healing. And I do think that that belief has been lost in mental health at large. Everything is about coping, adapting, accepting your label, which, ultimately, I have this strong aversion to the word acceptance. Like, I just don't like the word acceptance in general because to me, it means I'm saying yes to something that isn't actually what I wanted. So there's this, like, complacency or mediocrity that I feel like is inherently intertwined with acceptance. So if I don't like something, I don't. I'll acknowledge it. I'll acknowledge maybe the evidence or acknowledge the feedback that it's giving me, but I'm not just gonna, like, accept something.

Yeah.

That I don't like. So that's really what's happened, I think, in mental health, is that people get these labels and then they just accept and they cope, and then they decide, this is gonna be my whole life. When you do something like break method, knowing your position and these nine markers, we have this journey now where we have to get you back to center. And this might be a unique opportunity to share that. There is. When people do brain pattern mapping, there's a circle that includes a very small section of the left and the right, and we call it the circle of complacency. There are people's childhood inputs that did plot them right in the center. But what's interesting is that we've found that these types actually lead very complacent, mundane, repetitive lives where they don't actually know how to take risk. But there's also then no reward. So they're just doing kind of the same thing over and over again. This is maybe a person who has been at the same job for 50 years. Do you like your job? That's a job, right? Like, I could never live like that if I didn't love passionately what I did. I get bored answering the same question all the time. So thank God that you're a great interviewer, because I'm answering none of the same question. Great. We love this. You know, I like. That's how my brain. I, like, need to experience curiosity. I need to push myself. And I do get bored really easily with things like that that are challenging. These people in the middle, bless them, they leave very stable lives. They are typically married for a very long period of time. The only time I see these clients come to me is sudden empty nest when the kids have flown the coop. And they're like, oh, shit, we don't know who we are anymore. Like, who? I don't. I never built my own identity. I only know my role as mother. I only know my role as a wife. But they knew how to play that role and be committed to that role. So ultimately, like, they've created this sphere of stability, but at a cost. And that's one thing that I want to get through to everybody, is that there's no one position on the brain pattern spectrum that's perfect. Every area is going to have some benefits and some deficits, and that's just the way the cookie crumbles for all of us. There are certain things that might make you or I thrive in a business setting that can, if we don't check them, destroy relationships totally, right? Like, and. And it's the same quality, but that quality translates well in one area of life and poorly in another. So these people in the middle, they're really consistent in all areas. And another thing that I think can happen that draws these people to me would be getting laid off at random. If you've kind of just dedicated yourself to this job that you don't like all that much, but you've been committed, and all of a sudden you get laid off unexpectedly at 50, it's going to be a male sort of crisis instead of the emptiness. Now you don't know who you are outside of this role or title at your job, and you never thought about what else you would do. So typically, those people, when I see them in break method, we are actually trying to get them to build more dynamic range, to move out of the center because they need to learn how to take risk. They need to learn how to mix things up and actually experience a little bit more positive and negative rather than just mostly same neutral complacency. All the rest of us, we now know exactly what pattern opposition and strategy we need to employ to get us back to center. But more than just static at center, giving us dynamic range. Human beings are supposed to be able to have dynamic range because different people require different versions of us, different scenarios, right? We need to learn how to be able to be fluid and pivot. The way I might speak to one person is very different than the way I would speak to another. But most of us, we don't have that ability because the subconscious overrides that. And we just are who we are. And then society comes in, is like, oh, girl, just radically own that personality. It's just, you be authentic. So you're like, okay, so I don't have to learn how to do this any differently if you don't like the way.