The Fastest Way to Build a High-Paying Network
Lori Harder says building a valuable network takes a year to see results and three years for major payoff. You have to go first, create the table, push through awkward early meetings, and follow up relentlessly. Lead with generosity and stay visible.
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That was hard for me to be like, okay, this is like going to be uncomfortable and awkward at first and I have to break through that and you know, hopefully people like it and they like me and all the things that can come up around that. Hopefully they have fun. What if they don't have fun? Oh my God, what if these personalities don't mesh together? Like it's not the easiest thing to do. But I'm willing to continue to put myself out there. I'm willing to get rejected because I'm willing to force the connection with because I want more relationships. Don't wait to be invited. You have to create the table. Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast. It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in. Inspiration. And just so you guys all know the discount code for glossy, in order to get 25% off if you is going to not fully go away, but it's not going to be 25% for much longer. So I gave you that as the first year discount to all of my incredible listeners. 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All right, so today I have been talking and thinking about how much everything that is happening and has happened in my life has come through, through my network. I've been thinking about this a lot because I'm in another angel round fundraise for Glosi so that we can pour rocket fuel into what is working right now. And we're so incredibly excited. We're excited about this new team that we are working with who is just accelerating momentum. And I've been thinking about this from a fundraising standpoint because if I did not spend the time that I have spent working on my network, I would not be able to be in a position right now where I could go and get the cash infusion needed in order to grow at a really fast pace, like what we want to be doing right now. And so I'm, like, sitting in the deepest gratitude for the amazing start to this fundraise and the new people that have come in, because we're just so excited about where we're going and the ability to move faster now with more cash. So, you guys, with that said, I really want to talk about your network, because nobody is coming to save your network. Nobody is going to build this thing for you. So you have to be the person to initiate, no matter how unfair that feels, no matter what you think. Other stories for other people have been for getting into networks. It's never what you think. I really believe a network is hard earned and you just need to know exactly where you want to be investing that time, and you need to know what it really looks like and have a real expectation of how long it takes to build a network. Now, I don't want to put it into your head that things take a very long time, because some things can happen very quickly. A connection can happen extremely fast. I've had some connections in my life where you just meet that equal energy match and you meet that equal person who puts in the same effort as you, and you can just fly. You can become incredible friends, you can become incredible business partners. Like, I don't want to put a cap on that. But that doesn't happen all the time. So what does happen though is the work that you can put in to build amazing relationships and networks that take minimum a year, but always you're going to see the fruits of your labor over three years. So I say year two and three is going to be some of your biggest life changing results of a network that you've ever seen. Typically this is year three. So I want to share three points that are going to help you build your own network and not wait for other people to approach you. Because if you are, you're going to be waiting your whole life and you're never going to get anything and you're not going to have the friends that you want and you're going to be in the blame game of putting this on someone else when it's always on us. It's taking wild massive responsibility for not being where you want to be yet. So we have to get so real and so accountable over the fact that if we, we don't have the friendships and relationships and network that we want yet, we can't blame where we live. Because I did this when I lived in Wisconsin, I did this when I lived in Minnesota. I worked extremely hard to build networks and no, they were not near me. And I have to say, even just all the moves that I've done lately, my networks have not been near me. And I'm making massive effort right now to build one where I am. And it's starting to work. But it has taken me time and I can tell you that within the last few months, it's where most of my effort has been. So I'm starting to see more of a payoff because I'm actually putting it first now, where I was putting it more like 5 through 10 on the list of what was most important to me at the time. So now that I'm really growing Glosi as well, just like pouring rocket fuel onto it, I'm also really focusing hard on who are the women I'm around, who's going to, you know, show me the way, who are people who are way ahead of me. And so that's really where I'm focusing right now. So number one, you have to go first even if it feels unfair. So the strongest relationships are often built when someone decides to give first. That means it could be picking up the tab, it could be making an intro, it could be hosting the dinner yourself and paying for it, or just hosting a dinner. It could be flying somewhere to show up like you guys, I just had somebody who literally came on the podcast and was like, yeah, I'm in California all the time. Let me know when it works. She had no intention of being in California. She absolutely was like, when you say, yes, I'm just booking that ticket. I'm going to make sure that I'm there. I'm going to make sure that I do anything I can to go out of my way to be able to do this. Don't wait to be invited. You have to create the table. So many people talk about the way to do this. I know Brendan Burchard talks about this all the time, is leading with generosity. Like, you have to lead with generosity and value. So Chris has stories about when we lived in la, he wanted guy friends and he wanted, you know, people who were higher net worth. He wanted people who were going to be an equal energy exchange, if, if not more. Like, he really wanted to create this incredible network of men who would be just really helping each other with deal flow and just really being able to bounce ideas off of each other. And in order to do that, he decided to front the bill of a couple of these dinners and be like, look, I'm going to host these dinners, I'm going to pay for them. All you have to do, show up. I'm going to facilitate some great conversations so that everyone can share exactly where they're at and what they need so that it's valuable for everyone. And you're going to invite other people who you think could add value to these people. And of course, he got turned down by plenty of people, but he also got a lot of yeses. And so this was huge for him. This really helped him grow his network and got some great friends and also put him in some circles with people that he wouldn't normally be in if he was like, hey, I want to get a dinner together. You know, like, didn't have something planned, didn't have something that was hosted. But inst. He led with, all you have to do is show up. I'm going to pay for this beautiful dinner at this beautiful restaurant and this is what we're going to do. So I'm not saying if you don't have the money to do this, but I am saying if it's a stretch, I have done it. When it's a stretch, I have done things like this. Host something at your house, host something at a coffee shop and buy coffee for everyone. Host a walk, my friend, does girlfriend's walks where you can just say, hey, this is where we're all meeting and then, you know, we're all going to walk together and then we can meet a juice shop or a coffee shop at the end. Maybe buy everyone a coffee or don't buy them a coffee. But it's always better if you can kind of lead with something in the beginning that makes it easy for people and makes them say, wow, that was really cool that they did this for us, that she bought all of us coffees at the end. And whether there's three people, five people or 20 people, like, I want you to start thinking of how can you add value and be the person who steps up? Lead with generosity, people remember that. So number two, push through the awkward. You're going to just have to. You know, when we're young and we connect with people, when we think about the relationships that we have in our life, it's typically because we're forced into things that we are doing in our daily life. So let's say when you think about college, maybe you shared a dorm room or you were on the same floor, so you saw each other all of the time. Or maybe in high school you were in team sports, so you were forced together through some common ground or an activity. So, you know, as an adult, we're not forced into anything anymore. And that's why we tend to lose a lot of our friends, is because we don't have a weekly or bi weekly or even monthly touch point to get to know, know that person and get through the awkward. So what happens is if you're on a team with someone, or you're playing sports with someone, or there's a book club with someone, what's going to happen is the first time you guys meet, maybe your energy doesn't totally vibe. In fact, some of my best friends, I didn't fully vibe with them right away. I was like, nah, I don't know, maybe they're for me, maybe they're not. And then by the second, third, fourth, or maybe sometimes it takes a lot, right? Like maybe by that fifth or sixth time you've hung out or have been forced together in, in sports or in that particular book club or whatever it is that you've joined that you have to be on, you're like, whoa, we just struck common ground. Wow. I just like really understood how their skill set compliment mine. And you're not going to know that unless you're in it for the long game. So networking is not about showing up once. It's about following up. It's about checking in. It's about Investing emotionally before you ever need anything. So your network, truly, especially when I think of this in terms of growing your business too, your network is your net worth. It's always like, you're building this network not with the intention of like, oh, you guys are going to give me all this money later. You're going to connect me to people with money. But I will tell you that this is how it happens. If you ask any business person who's successful, you can find that they've created such amazing relationships and they have been such a generous giver that people want to help you. And so this is what's happened to Chris and I. We lead with value first, with zero attachment or intention around. They have to give us something in return. We're like, these are people we would love to be around. These are really, really valuable people to us who maybe we've gotten to learn from or we see out in the world who are doing amazing, incredible things, or we see that they have the same core values as us and we're like, I love what they're doing. I want to support them, no strings attached. And this is how you build a beautiful network. And what happens is a lot of times you just get something great because they're like, thank you for being so generous and they want to support you. So it builds momentum in your life and it builds a real lasting relationship because you didn't start out going, they can give me something. So number three. So a lot of you may have seen that. My husband Chris and I run masterminds and with that we get to help scale entrepreneurs businesses. But we also get to see the inside of their businesses and what they struggle with the most. From software to onboarding employees and creating a company culture, that's typically one of the biggest things. And Bamboo HR is a powerful yet flexible, all in one HR solution for growing your business. Stop spending countless hours on payroll time tracking benefits, performance management. With BambooHR, those hours are shaved down to minutes so you can go and do what you do best. Bamboohr also has robust hiring and onboarding tools that will streamline the process, thus creating much better first days and first impressions for those new hires. Plus, bamboohr prides itself on being super easy, easy to use, easy to learn, easy to implement, and very easy to love. Take a couple minutes to check out the free demo and see how nimble and affordable this valuable tool can be. HR is hard, but bamboohr is easy. I can't recommend bamboohr enough. Check it out for yourself. With a free demo@bamboohr.com freedemo that's bamboohr.com freedemo bamboohr.com free demo so I live in the cutest little walkable neighborhood and recently the store Cozy Earth opened up and I was so excited about it because you know, I just love being able to go on my walks every single day. You guys know I go twice a day and being able to pass by and go in there because it has some of the best stuff. And one of the things that really got me was their bamboo sheets you guys, their temperature regulating guaranteed to give you a comfortable night's sleep. Made from viscose from bamboo, they're naturally wick away heat and moisture from your body, helping you sleep several degrees cooler. And you guys, Cozy Earth's mission is to transform your 5 to 9, the time that matters most, into the most comfortable part of your day. And let me tell you, they're absolutely helping me do that because sleeping in a cooler environment offers so many scientifically supported benefits that enhance sleep quality and overall health. Here are some key findings from recent studies and expert recommendations which I sleep in a really ice cold room. You can ask my husband. I don't know if he loves it as much as I do, but deep sleep is so important to me. So enhanced sleep quality. Cooler temperatures facilitate the body's natural drop in core temperature at night, promoting the release of melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep and this leads to faster sleep onset and improved sleep quality. It also helps with mood regulation. Cooler sleeping conditions can boost serotonin levels, contributing to improved mood and reduced symptoms of depression. And there's a reduced risk of night sweat. So for individuals experiencing night sweats, such as those undergoing menopause perimenopause, cooler room temperatures can alleviate symptoms and promote uninterrupted sleep. So you guys, you can help yourself out with some sheets. I am telling you these things are life changing because deep sleep has changed my life and I just feel like I have a different personality. When I've gotten enough sleep I feel like I have all of the energy that I need to get through my day and do all of the things that I have to do as an entrepreneur. So you can do this risk free purchasing it's 100 night sleep trial so you can try them during the hottest nights of the year which are coming up. If you're not in love, you can return them hassle free but trust me, you won't. It's a 10 year warranty on all bedding products. That's a decade of cool quality sleep. You can Upgrade your summer. Go to cozyearth.com and use code EARN for 40% off. Bestselling temperature regulating sheets, apparel and more. So trust me, you'll feel the difference in the very first night. Sleep cooler. Lounge lighter. Stay cozy. Go to cozy earth.com and use code earn for 40% off. Your dream life and relationships is on the other side of a bold ask. So you have to force the connection. Sometimes you have to send the dm, you have to follow up, you have to show up even when it's inconvenient. And this one rings so true for me. I am such a homebody, like to the point where you could offer me the most amazing European trip. And while there is a big part of me that's like, yes, that would be awesome. There's a bigger part of me that's like, I love my home, I love my dogs, I love my couch, I love my husband. I can like sit and find things to do and be the happiest little clam ever. So I have to force myself like out. I'm having this incredible dinner next Wednesday with the most mind blowing women. That was hard for me to be like, okay, this is like going to be uncomfortable and awkward at first and I have to break through that. And you know, hopefully people like it and they like me and all the things that can come up around that. Hopefully they have fun. What if they don't have fun? Oh my God, what if these person personalities don't mesh together? Like it's not the easiest thing to do, but I'm willing to continue to put myself out there. I'm willing to get rejected. I was willing to get the women who turned me down or who haven't even remotely answered the DMS that I sent or the texts that I sent. That's okay because I'm willing to force the connection because I want more relationships in my area like this. I want people who saw the value in me reaching out and me following up and saying, yes, yes, I see you. I want these relationships too. I want to show up, you know, I want to give my energy equally to these women because this is what I want to. So I trust that if people say no, they weren't meant for this anyway and they probably would not have been a generous giver like the intention that we are all showing up in. So you have to put yourself out there and you have to force that connection. So, you know, there's a bunch of research that talks about most deals, referrals and game changing opportunities don't come from weak ties. They literally come from the relationships that you nurture. You have to push for proximity and you have to make yourself unforgettable by adding value or asking how you can add value. Become undeniable by your undeniable generosity. And that's what I'm doing. That's what I have done. That's what I will continue to do. And so I hope that this inspired you to go and do something. Do something quarterly minimum. Do something quarterly, do that. Walk quarterly, do that. Coffee meetup quarterly, do that. Dinner at your house, quarterly. Like if you want to be put on the map for being the person who gets a network together and being someone who's generous, you got to put yourself out there. It's going to be like another part time job, but it will be something that will take away so much effort later in your life and it will also take away your loneliness. Community helps with anxiety. Community helps with depression. Community helps with longevity. Community is literally everything in this life. So you gotta build it. No one's coming to save you and no one is gonna build this network for you. So I'm sending you guys so much love. I would love to hear from you in the DMs what you're going to do. I want you to take action. This podcast is all about taking action. So let me know in the DMS what action you're gonna take and I cannot wait to hear. I'm so grateful for you. Send this to a friend who you know has been struggling so that she can actually set her expectation on what she should be doing if she wants to build those dream life or that dream life and relationships. So I'm sending you guys so much love and until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone.
