The Power of Living Where You Thrive Most

What do we believe is holding us back? And is there any other world where we might be able to make this happen sooner than later? And a lot of times the conversation in full transparency is money. Like, you want to be in your family because you don't have the money to pay for extra help. And so that's always been our motto is to get bigger than the problem.

Foreign.

With another episode of He Said, she Said.

All right, babe. Speaking of back, we are back in California, and it feels so freaking good.

Like, better than I thought it would.

And that's actually what we're going to talk about today is, like, making sure that you choose where you're planted and you don't just stay where somebody else has planted you once in a while. And this comes from a conversation we're having. Like, I am in the weeds with Building Frollo. I'm in that part where everybody would quit if they knew what was coming. I'm in that part where everybody would actually not start the company if they knew it was going to look like this. And I just saw. This is so cool. A friend of mine, Mike, sent me a quick video of the founder of Nvidia. And if you guys don't know what that is, it's the most valuable company in the world right now. They make AI powered chips. You know, when they put chips in all the electronics, they're now AI powered chips, and they're the most valuable company in the world, and they've just skyrocketed. And someone asked him, you know, were you excited to do this? And. And it's been a great journey. It seems like an overnight success. And he said, if I would have known what the majority of my journey looked like, I would not have started it. This is the guy that started the most valuable company in the world right now. Now, this is not about that today. Here's what it's about. I'm in that moment he's talking about. And you'd think that I'd be like, lower energy. You'd think that I'd be tired out. You'd think that I'd be like, what was me? I am, like, bouncing around full of energy. Cloud9 so freaking happy right now. How is it that those two opposites can exist at the same time? Well, a lot of it has to do with planting yourself where you're going to bloom. And we're going to use that analogy today. You see, a lot of us, we stay where somebody else planted us, or a lot of us, we accidentally get replanted Somewhere we find out it's not for us, but we don't bother to go replant ourselves again. But one thing that you and I have always done really, really well is we've never settled. We've always said we're going to plant ourselves where we are absolutely going to bloom the best. Now, for us, this happens to be Newport Beach, California. The opportunity, the vibe, the people, the beauty, the energy, everything resonates with us. Perfect. But it's different for different people, right? Some people, they know they're going to bloom the best in the desert. Some people, they know they're going to bloom the best in Wyoming. Some people know they're going to bloom the best in Park City. The point is, if you're trying your tail off and you're not getting the results you want, or if you are in a funk and you've tried the right things to get yourself out of that funk, maybe it's time to take a look at your planter quote unquote and ask yourself, have you bothered to replant yourself where you're really going to bloom?

This is probably already triggering some people. Not in like a, oh, I'm so upset about this way, but in a, well, I think I might be in the wrong place, but I can't leave. And I know that that is coming up right now. Even before we, when we were deciding on what to talk about, I was like, but Chris, because I hate leaving you guys hanging, I'm like, but babe, there's going to be so many people who can't leave where they are right now. Like, do we want to plant that in their head that they're not in the right spot for them? And yes, Chris was like, yes, we do. But at the same time, what I want to say right now is that it goes in seasons. You may have a partner who you guys can't move right now. Maybe his job, your husband's job is absolutely thriving. And you're like, but I can't stay here another second. But you know that it's his season for you to help support and maybe grow that business while you're focusing on what you need to do and you go and start booking vacations or times that you're going to go and work somewhere, or masterminds where you're going to create something that's quarterly with you and a bunch of friends that you go and put yourself into that energy frequently as much as you can. And we went through this ourselves. Like when we lived in the Midwest, we had one year where we said, we're going to move this year. This is the year, right? And. And it was like, okay, at the end of this year, we're out. We're not spending another winter here. And told everyone. But what ended up happening is that we had learned about how very pricey it was to live in California and had this realization of, oh, it's not this year yet. And we had told everyone, we're leaving. And we're like, we don't get to leave this year yet. And so we had to reframe and spend the whole next year reframing and making where we were work for us.

Okay, how did we do that? Because I felt like we spent that year traveling to where we would bloom the best.

That's how we made it work for us. As we went and, you know, tried different places, we went and saw where we would like to be. We got out of the area and. And I think that we kept resetting our attitude. I know at that point, you and I were doing a lot of personal development. So it's like, okay, this may not be where I know that I will thrive the most, but how can I make this even better than it is right now?

Just. I don't want to get controversial here, but I want to tell it like it is. You would not. Let's say I was thriving somewhere, and you were absolutely not thrive. That's not where you were meant to bloom. You would not just say, oh, well, Chris is thriving. I'm gonna stay here. You would do something about it. So how does somebody. Because this is the example you used. What if one spouse or one partner is doing great? And, you know, what if the other is absolutely dying on the vine there to keep the analogy going. How do you reconcile that?

I think this is where you sit and have really long, extensive conversations frequently. And it's okay, I don't want to be here. It doesn't mean that I don't want to be here tomorrow. It doesn't mean that I can't put in another year. Doesn't mean I can't even put in another two to three years. But what I need for myself is a plan, and not just myself. You want to. You want to make sure that you use inclusive language, especially if this is someone you want to be with. So they're like, oh, my God, you're telling me that if we don't move, you're throwing in the towel on us. That is not what you want this conversation to look like. But what you do want is to let Them know this is like a level 10 for your life and for who you want to become. And so to sit down and say, what would make me feel great about this is if we came up with an exit plan. You know, if you say in the next two years, in the next five years, or when the kids graduate, like, I need to know that we can go and live somewhere where I am going to thrive and open up the conversation in that way, but with grace and patience.

And that's the key right there. If you know you have a plan now, you can do what you need to do for that period of time that you need to do it, because you know that you have light at the end of the tunnel. When you don't have a plan, that's when all the tension is there, and that's when you feel like one of the two of you is kind of getting screwed in that situation.

We've actually had couples come up to us and be like, you know, we've heard. We heard you say this conversation before, and it's not something that we can do right now, but we've agreed when the kids graduate, this is what we're going to do. And I get that. Like, you know, when you have kids, you. You want to be in your family, you want that help. But I also think it's really getting granular and looking at what do we believe is holding us back? And is there any other world where we might be able to make this happen sooner than later? And a lot of times the conversation in full transparency is money. Like, you want to be in your family because you don't have the money to pay for extra help. And so that's always been our motto, is to get bigger than the problem. And so I think that when you set your goals a bit higher or when you work harder to achieve that, I don't even want to say work harder because it's like it's creating the plan and really figuring out the type of person that you need to become. What would those finances look like? What would that. What would be required? Who do you need to start hanging around? Who do you need to start asking about this? You just live differently when you move that finish line of the goal up.

Money solves so many problems, and this is one of the biggest ones that it solves. And if you're not there right now, that's fine. But this is putting you on notice that there is a solution out there. For example, if you have to split time because one partner is thriving in place a and you Know you need to be in place B. You say, well, I can't afford two places. Great, get bigger than the problem. Or if you know that it's a lack of childcare holding you back, great. Get bigger than the problem. Right? Find that extra way to make that money, set those sites higher. And a lot of you might be hearing this right now and say, I can't even resonate with this or that's triggering me, or you have no idea how hard I'm working. Or you, I understand that you wouldn't be listening to a show like this unless you were already working hard, unless you already had, you know, a great vision for your life. But just like people have had to give us wake up calls, just like people have had to shake us by the shoulders, just like people have had to set a bigger example, that's what this moment is for you. We are calling upon you to set a bigger, more abundant example for yourself to rise up to. You don't have to settle for the status quo. You don't have to stay where you're planted if it's not where you're going to bloom. There is a way for you to say, okay, let's do the math. I know I need X number of dollars to solve this. Whether it's a total move or whether it's splitting time or whatever it is, I know I need X number of dollars to solve this. What is my plan to get there? Working backwards. And every time we've ever done that, it comes to fruition.

I'm so grateful because this episode is brought to you by one of our sponsors. Better help you guys. These episodes aren't possible without getting incredible sponsors. So I want you to think about a time when you've really wanted to try something new. And I talk about it all the time on this podcast that it's so important to go and try new things, to have things to look forward to every single week. And some of us, and some of you don't even know what that would be that would light you up. And therapy is one of those things that can really help you get to reconnect with who you really are and what lights you up again. And I also know that therapy is one of those things that can help you work through the fears around doing the new things that you know would reconnect you back to your soul, back to the fun, and back to the whole reason why you're here. A lot of times if we're feeling bored or anxious, it's because we're just not living in the way that we came here to live. And we're ignoring and avoiding all of those little nudges that we have to go and do the things that we want. I can tell you that I have pretty much always had a coach or worked with someone who is a therapist to help me to reconnect to myself and figure out why I'm feeling the feelings that I'm feeling. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. So rediscover your curiosity with better help. Visit betterhelp.com Lori today and get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E-L-P.com Lori, you know, you have to be flexible with the plan. Like, it may not look how you want it to look in the beginning, and oftentimes people can go and do something like, you and I. Chris moved to Los Angeles, and that was, like, the biggest dream ever. And it didn't look the way that I had necessarily thought it would look. The places were a big price increase for us. And when I say big, I. I think it was three or four times what we were paying. Three? Yeah. Three times what we were paying. Four times what we were paying. Which was a shock to my system for a place that was old. Okay, it was old. Like, it wasn't. It was, like, nice, but it was older because we wanted to be right on the ocean. And so I'm like, holy crap. My mind cannot wrap around this. And you need to be flexible with the plan and also with that, where I was like, oh, my God. Okay, I need to, like, understand how things work here. I'm not going to get what I thought that I was going to get for the. This price. And then also I went in with the lens of, oh, my gosh, did we do the right thing? All these people are so different. And I was looking at what was different about it, other than, like, what is super great about this. So even when you're going into something that you're so excited about and you love, there's going to be an adjustment period. There's going to be shock around it. And I really had to settle into that and look for what was good about it. And let me just tell you that my entire life, I can't. I can't imagine if we didn't make that move because when you're making the move into a place where you just have a gut feeling you are meant to be, which, by the way, may not be the place you're ultimately meant to be. It could just be a chapter for you. But you're meant to go there no matter what. When you go and do that, there are more reasons than just the location. It's because there are people there who are going to fuel you. There's an energy there that's going to fuel you. There's some form of nature that you are meant to have in your life, whether it is more green or whether that is is the stillness of the desert or whether that is the energy of the ocean and the moisture in the air, there's something for you in that calling in your gut.

Listen, if this inspires you, let this be a conversation starter, right? You don't have to go running to your partner and say, this is your fault. This is why I'm not driving. I'm planted in the wrong place. I can't bloom here. Let this be an encouraging conversation starter. I'm inspired to find where I'm going to bloom. I know it's not here for these reasons. I think it might be this other place for these reasons. And sometimes not. Sometimes hell, all the time. The tough conversations are the path to where you're supposed to be. And the speed in which you're willing to have tough conversations will always go hand in hand with the speed and the level of the success that you're going to experience.

I just want to add one more thing about what sometimes moving into these places where you believe you're going to thrive can also bring up and share with you. And it's all great learnings. And, you know, I. We have so many people in our lives and so many friends who have moved a lot. And we've had some people who the issue wasn't necessarily where they were planted. It was the old phrase of everywhere you go, there you are. And oftentimes we're trying to solve an internal problem externally, and we can be trying to solve that with our location. I'm sure you and I have done that before, but that is even if you moved to figure that out. Like, we would love for you to figure this out before you uproot yourself and everyone in your life. But it could be an issue of you're trying to run from something that's internal, that you're trying to appease, or an excuse that you're looking for of not getting started or not having the group that want in your life or the people that you want in your life. I do believe that when we had that year of pause in Minneapolis and when we had our rebuilding of our lives in Minneapolis, I do believe that we really learned how to thrive there, even though we knew we didn't want to be there anymore. And I do know that moving to Los Angeles really made me confront a lot of things with myself as well. And, you know, just all of the moving we've done in the past, like when we were in Arizona, I was like, I want to make sure this is not just about, like, me trying to run from something. So just take a look at that as well. But you will figure it out.

Even if you do move, the bottom line is this. When you plant yourself where you're far more likely to bloom, everything gets easier. The proximity gives you more options. The proximity gives you more connections. The energy fuels you more, you know, internally, if you are in the right or the wrong place. So if you're listening to this, you're like, I don't know, am I in the right place? I'm wrong. Trust me. Even sometimes you stuff it down and you don't want to face it. Your gut is telling you, if you are in the right place right now, wonderful. And if you're in the wrong place right now, you can do something about it. Let us be that example, because I promise you, when you take that brave leap, it absolutely and utterly, after a lot of ups and downs and a whole lot of work, works out so in your favor that everything that you have been hoping for and working hard for starts to fall into place. Hey, guys, we've got one way that you can come test out what might be a great place for you to be in proximity of people doing big things and thinking big things. That is our very last dinner series, Advanced Networking Dinner and Mastermind Day in November. It's our very last one this year that we're doing. So we're exactly 90 days out at the time of this recording. If you want to get on the early access list to be able to attend this dinner where it's curated collisions, as I call them, of high performing individuals. This is your chance to dip into the room. Say, where do you live? Where do you live? Where do you live? What do you get out of it? If you want to be mixed up with high performers and unapologetically be able to say, hey, here's what I need right now. Who in the room has it and have other people say, here's what I need right now, and you'll be able to say, hey, I can deliver. That might be in the form of their partner or a client or something like that. That's what we've put together, and it is a smashing success for everyone who goes. So to get on the early access VIP list, stop what you're doing right now and text us the word dinner to 310-421-0416. Literally hit stop on this, pull out your phone and text us the word dinner to 310-421-0416. And we'll put you on the advanced notice list so you can get into our very last advanced networking dinner of the year, the Dinner Series. All right, guys, thanks for listening. Love and appreciate you.

We'll see you next time.

Sam.