The Real Reason You’re Making Things Harder than They Actually Are (+ What to Do Instead)

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The things I'm trying to practice every single day the second I open my eyes is non resistance because of how much pain we cause ourselves. By thinking of the pain in the future, it's like future forecasting for pain. And when you do that you're robbing that moment of whatever greatness is there, whatever joy, whatever peace that you have is. And we're back with another episode of.

He Said She Said and I'm literally.

Back from a quick 24 hour jaunt to Arizona for a little mom hangout. I call mom dates and I'm going to tell you guys about this actually has everything to do with today's episode. But before we do that gift alert time, we literally created the coolest 90 day business plan for you.

But here's who we created this for. This is for all of the entrepreneurs, especially in year like 1 to 3 and 1 to 5 because I really feel like that set of problems is so different than people in like those five and over years. And this is for those years where you feel like you're completely stuck, you're struggling, you feel like you never know if you're doing the right thing in your business. You feel like you hear people talk about the elusive business plan and you're like, what the f even is that? Like, I don't even have a plan from day to day. This is for you. Because if you feel frustrated, if you are finding you're sabotaging yourself, if you're in massive resistance assistance, we created this exactly for you. So, you guys, this is our 90 day blueprint. It's truly like a 90 day growth plan that we've run through our businesses so many times. I can't even tell you how much this has saved me. Knowing my marching orders when I get up every day.

There's two ways you can use this. If you're just getting started and you're like, oh, I should have a business plan. Use it that way if you're stuck, like Lori said, you're. You're 2, 3, 4, and you're just flatlined or even going backwards. This is kind of your reset button.

Yeah.

Sit down, fill it. The 90 day business plan, I promise it will get you back into momentum and get you results right away. And here's the best part. There's no catch. Like, we, our team, basically reverse engineered what we always do. It was really easy to produce. We knew you guys needed it. It's free. There's no catch whatsoever. We just wanted you to have it. So if you want it, hit pause right now and go to Chrisharder me 90 day. That's 90 d a y Chrisharder me 90 day dot Seriously, just hit pause. You can come back and listen to the rest of this episode in a minute. Otherwise you're going to forget about it by the end of the episode. And you owe this to yourself. So hit pause real quick and go to chrishutter me 90 day. It's totally free. You'll get it there, come back, give us a listen. All right. So speaking of what we're going to listen or what we're going to listen, what we're going to talk about, we.

Get to sit back and listen.

You know, what do they call asmr? They'll just listen to us breathe.

Those are my nails.

Those are your nails. It's a little creepy. So I just got back, as you heard earlier in the episode, From a quick 24 hour John, jump on an airplane, go home, see mom, do a mom date, hang out, got to see my brother too. And then came back this morning. Now to pull that off with my busy schedule because seeing family and seeing mom is a major priority. We're spending way more time in California here than we are in Arizona now. But I didn't want that to slip. I literally told mom, I said I'll be back at least once a month for a mom date, if not twice a month. And I've been averaging almost twice a month now. How do you pull something like that off with a busy schedule? Well, it's not easy. You have to get up really early in the morning, get the first flight out, and then you, you anticipate you're probably gonna be tired that day. You gotta show up with energy, be present, you know, schedule, clear your calendar a little bit and then take a flight out the next morning. Well, here's where it relates to today's episode. Whenever I have to take that first flight out, I am not a morning person. And the anticipation of waking up at like 4:40 so that I can still get a little bit of coffee, feed the dogs, have a little morning routine and then leaving the house at 5:30, to me that sounds like torture, like I'm just being real with you. Some of you people are spring out of bed at 5 o'. Clock. People like, it's like it's your natural setting. Others of us were built different. And by the way, this is not an episode about getting up early. You'll see where I'm going. The resistance. And this is what the episode is about. The resistance that I feel around booking that early plane ticket, putting this on the calendar, picturing getting up at 4:40, setting that alarm. I create so much pain for myself that I almost don't do it each time, even though it's important to me. And this kind of a reminder for you, what do you almost not do? Or let's be honest, what do you skip doing many times for your life, for your business, for yourself? Because the pain of the anticipation of fitting it in or getting it scheduled or following through with it seems insurmountable. Well, here's the punchline that I want to deliver to you. Alarm went off at 4:40. I sprung out of bed, had my coffee, sat by the fire, enjoyed the pups for a while, got in the car and went to the airport at 5:30. And it was easy. It was not hard getting up early, it was not difficult. Leaving at 5:30. I was not tired all day. When I got there, I was full of energy. So why do I share this? We create so much pain for ourselves that that is far greater than tearing off the band aid and doing the action itself. The anticipation of resistance is far worse than the actual resistance itself. When you tear off the Band Aid and Do the Thing. And, Lori, I know you've got some examples around this, but this has literally, I'm only going to speak about myself, but I have a feeling that if you're listening, you'll fall in this category too. I've made decisions where it's cost me opportunities. I've made decisions where it's cost me memories. I've made decisions where it cost me money. All because I built up the anticipation to the resistance so much that had I just done the thing, it would have been a hundred times easier.

Chris and I always talk about this, and I'm, you know, in my life, one of the things I'm trying to practice every single day, the second I open my eyes is non resistance because of this, because of how much pain we cause ourselves. By thinking of the pain in the future, it's like future forecasting for pain. And when you do that, you're living in the present day, so you're robbing that moment of whatever greatness is there, whatever joy, whatever peace that you have is there. So I looked up some stuff according to, like, what our brain is doing. You know, I wanted to know the science behind is this normal? Is this all humans do? We do this. And the brain is wired to predict future discomfort, obviously, as a survival mechanism. And what it does, though, is it often exaggerates the difficulty of tasks and situations. And studies neuroscience show that the anterior cingulate cortex. I might be saying that wrong, which processes pain and emotional distress, activates before we actually experience the thing we're resisting. Meaning we feel the stress in anticipation, but not in reality. Like, we're actually wired to do this. So 90% of the stress we feel in the buildup, it's not the actual thing itself. It's actually the buildup. So once we start, the resistance fades because our brain shifts from fear into action mode. So. So the goal of this podcast, though, is to try to get you out of the pre resistance, right? The pre resistance before the actual action. So a couple of things that I do is I try to just get really present. I try to just say, it's probably not going to be that bad. It's actually fulfilling a couple of the things that I want to do and be in my life. So for you, it fulfilled the role of, you promised your mom you want to be a good son. You actually get a lot out of going back. So instead of focusing on the pain, it's kind of focused on what you're gonna get and knowing that you're always, always happy about it when you come back. And it's also about just not thinking in the future. Because whenever people are thinking ahead in the future, you have anxiety. Whenever you're thinking about the past, you have depression. Obviously we're talking about negative things here, not good memories. But if you're in the past, you have depression. If you're in the future, you have anxiety. So the goal with this is when you're experiencing massive resistance. A lot of your resistance is because you either haven't fully committed to it or like part of your resistance, Chris, was because you were like, I don't know, maybe I should cancel it, maybe I shouldn't. Like, what should I do? So you just like spend two of your days suffering. It's like commit to the thing and decide you committed and that you're not going to think about it. Like you're literally just going to say, I accept this resistance is non acceptance. And so if you can just accept it and say, this is the bed I made, I'm going to lay in it, I'm going to do it, I'm going to love it. This is because it's, you know, doing all of these great things. That's where all of the pain comes from. It's so many different facets that it comes from where then it robs you of the ideas in the moment of, you know, being with me, being present with me. But that's really the thing that we want to get you past is this is not just a one time thing, you guys, this is a forever practice. And so Chris and I are always. I feel like we talk about this every single day. Like on the ride to the gym I'm just like, oh, I have this thing coming up and I, I don't want to do it, but I'm like, I have to think of something else.

Yeah, I mean this happened, this plagues me all the time. I happen to love going to the gym. But for some people I know that's a great example. They dread going to the gym. But once they're, they actually like it for me, like when I book guys trips, oh, I don't have time for this, I should have never booked it. I've got all this, maybe I'll cancel, maybe I'll cancel, maybe I'll cancel leading up to it. And then when I go, I'm like, Lori, that's the best thing ever. Like, look at the conversations that I had. Right? Here's another example, silly example. We have now twice done the Tony Robbins firewalk. I will tell you, for everybody standing in that line waiting to walk across those fiery coals, the anticipation of the fact that you're about to walk through fire, horrible is far worse than the walking through fire. You don't even feel it when you walk through the fire. So that's like the ultimate example of this.

Okay, so something that Chris and I are always talking about is how to really separate our business hours from the hours that we're off. And it's a really hard thing to do when you're a business owner because your phone is, is where everything is operated. So you might have some downtime and you feeling good and all of a sudden you get something that throws you off because it's work related and you just weren't in that mode. And let me tell you, Open phone is the number one business phone system that is going to help you separate your personal life from your growing business. You guys, this is so important to learn to do. And for just $15 a month, the cost of a few coffees, you get complete transparency and visibility into everything happening with your business phone number. Open Phone works through on your phone or computer and integrates with HubSpot and hundreds of other systems. They use AI powered call transcripts and summary. So you'll have a summary of your phone call with action items as soon as you hang up. And if you miss a call, automated messages are sent directly to your customer. Meaning you're never going to miss an opportunity to engage with them. They're going to feel thought about. It's affordable and easy to use. Whether you're a one person operation and need help managing calls automatically or have a large team and need better tools for efficient collaboration. OpenPhone is a no brainer. Right now OpenPhone is offering 20% off your first six months when you go to openphone.com earn that's O P E N P-H-O-N-E.com earn for 20% off six months openphone.com earn and if you have existing numbers with another service, OpenPhone will port them over at no extra charge.

So if you're growing a business like.

I am, you probably have a lot of calls booked every single month with different people learning how to grow and.

Scale your business in different ways.

And I had that call today with someone who really understands TikTok shop and one of the cool things that I'm so grateful for is that I went with Shopify because there's always an easy integration with any type of marketing platform.

That I want to use.

Whether it's an affiliate software or whether it's something like TikTok shop, Shopify easily integrates with them. So it's not a massive headache when I want to go try new things in my company. So you guys can also upgrade your business and and get the same checkout that we use with Shopify. You can sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com happy that's all lowercase. Go to shopify.com happy to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com happy I'm telling you, it's one of my favorite platforms because it's so easy, it's streamlined, and I actually understand it. I get excited to log into my Shopify every single day and look at all of the data on my customer and in my company.

You guys go check it out.

If anything, this is just a quick podcast to bring this awareness to you that whatever you're fearing, whatever you have resistance around, whatever you're putting off, whatever you're procrastinating because you don't think it's going to feel good, it's going to be a hundred times easier than you expect it to be. So just tear up the band aid and do the damn thing.

I love that. And you guys, if you love this episode, definitely go check out the 90 day business plan.

Chris harder me forward slash 90 day.

It's going to relieve so much of what we're talking about right now. Literally, you have so much resistance around what you're doing because you probably don't know exactly what you're doing and you're doing it without a solid plan. Because when you have a plan and you know the plan works, you're actually excited about getting the work done. So, you guys, thank you so much for listening and we will see you next week.

It.