The Secret to Making Big Life and Business Decisions as a Couple

And a big thank you to the sponsors of this podcast. Open Phone is the number one business phone system that's open phone. O P-E-N-P-H-O-N-E.com earn for 20 off for six months and cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.come y h today to take the risk to pull away from the person that I was and that I had been known for in order to become this other person. And that was really, really scary. But also, it's like my soul knew that you have to let go of a good thing sometimes in order for the next chapter of your life to happen.

And we're back with another episode of.

He Said, she Said.

All right, we've got an elite entrepreneur Mastermind alert. That is what we are. About 75% sold out. We have a ton of awesome applications. I'm literally doing two to three interviews a day every single workday right now with epic human beings.

Very exciting.

So it's actually starting to reach that point where you have to get your application in right now. Literally, if you're going to make more than $500,000 in 2025, and you want to learn from Lori and I in person and you want to learn from our peers, and you want to learn from the most talented, amazing humans to ever be in a Mastermind where you lock arms for an entire year and you get each other's backs, you work on each other's business and you share contacts and favors and everything. I'm telling you, it's the shortcut. You're going to want to hit pause and go to Chrishard me forward slash, Mastermind.

So I do want to say, because this is. This is really exciting, every single year we see when enrollment comes up, that it feels a little bit easier. And the reason for that, this is the really cool part, is that the people who have been in it are referring people for us, and it's so beautiful. First of all, thank you for that. But also, that's such a good sign of a program that really works, you guys. So that is something that we take massive pride in, is that so many of the people that come into the Mastermind are by way of referral from Mastermind members or former Mastermind members who are no longer in it because maybe they're going to something different or maybe this year they don't necessarily need it because they've been in it for a while, and it's just a really. It's a really exciting thing. So we love when people who are curious about the Mastermind ask former or current Mastermind members about it because we take that much pride in the product.

Yeah, you just nailed it. When people send a friend or an acquaintance and say, hey, you got to trust this container. You got to trust Chris lower, you got to trust this mastermind. It'll move the needle for you. It's the highest compliment that there is.

Highest compliment.

So if you're curious what you get, it's all on the page when you go to chrisharter me Mastermind, but real high level. You get a one on one strategy session with me to kick the thing off. You get two, three and a half day in person retreats with Lori and I and all the other really talented members in there and some of our most special friends. You get unlimited texting access to me, my real phone because you're now a high end client Monday through Friday 10 to 5. And you can ask me questions, ask Lori questions. They all roll right through my phone, my personal phone. And you also get a monthly challenge solving call where whatever your challenge is that month, you lay it out to the group and the group problem solves it. Hey, here's a connection. Hey, here's an idea. Hey, I did this once. It is the greatest container that has ever been created for moving the needle for you. So Chrisharder me, if you're going to make over 500 grand this year, most people are seven and eight figure earners in there. Go apply right now. All right, here's what we want to talk about today. Lori and I made a lot of very big business and life decisions over the past couple of years. Like when Lori, you came to me what, three, almost four years ago and said, hey, I want to shut down my whole fitness program and have some space to find out. God, is it five years, maybe more. Some space to figure out what I want to do next. Right. How do we navigate something like that? Or when I'm like, hey, I want to start Frello even though is the worst time ever to start because you had to start up, we knew that would be very disruptive to our earning power and time and energy together and all that stuff to the point when you came to me and said, chris, I want to start spending way more time at our California home and less time at the other homes because I don't like bouncing around anymore. And which I was also aligned with to all of these big life decisions. How do we make them? And so we thought we'd Maybe add a little bit of guidelines or a little bit of color around what this looks like. When couples or even business partners or even two great friends have to bring up and make big life and business decisions. Now, we got to start with sharing a theory that Lori and I have always kind of operated under since we've been married. And not maybe the whole marriage, but most of the marriage. And that is, we made a commitment to always try it on for size. But it doesn't have to be a fit. Listen to what this says. Like when you're trying on an outfit and you're like, oh, wait, I think this looks good on me. And it does. We made a commitment that whatever the idea is, instead of shooting it down or saying that's dumb or saying we can't do that, when one person brings it up, we then say, okay, we. Well, I promised I'd try it on for size. So what does it look like? What are the moving parts? Let's give it a shot. Let's try it for 30 days. Let's try it for three months, try. And if it's not a fit, we can go back. And it's very important, both parts of that rule. One, that you're not going to shoot it down, but you're trying on for size, and two, that if it's not a fit, you actually speak up and say, okay, this is not a fit for me.

I think that we've had a lot of obviously different moments where we've had to do this. And I would say that the amount of time that you actually have to try it on, you have to give it a good enough try. Meaning it can't just be like, oh, two weeks. I tried it. I don't like it. This is big life changes that we're talking about. You know, I know that when we had moved to Arizona and living there full time, for me, it was like, okay, I'm going to try this for a year. Like, I'm going to give it a solid year, maybe more under the safety of.

It didn't have to be a fit.

It didn't have to be a fit. And also, I really do believe that in life, things take a year or more to settle in. And it's really about the perspective and attitude adjustment that you have when you're there. So we had to really talk through that. And it was like, okay, what do I need to change in my attitude in the way that I'm perceiving Arizona in order for me to really try this on? So it's Looking at potentially the partner who's not excited about the thing. And it's like, okay, what are some of the things that need to change in your attitude and in the way you're perceiving this thing that you're going to try on for your partner in order to truly try it on? Because there's a difference between saying, yeah, I'll try it, and having a shitty attitude the whole time, and then actually working really hard to make the best, not making something work. I want to clarify that making the best out of that situation that you have agreed to for that amount of time, and I think that's really important clarification for people is it's not like, well, I did this for you. I'm trying this on for you. That's not going to be. That's not going to feel like true partnership. It feels like there's a lot of resentment in that agreement. So it has to be that you fully embody trying it on and making the best of the situation. And at the end of the year or the two years, it's okay to say, you know, I learned a lot from this. I made the best of this situation. I don't resent you for it because I really learned and I really, truly, like, valued you during this and how you felt and how you wanted to see it and how you wanted to experience this. But can we have another conversation? Because it truly is not a fit for me. So how could we meet in a different capacity or how could we find something that we agree on in a different capacity?

You nailed it. You can't do it with one foot in, one foot out. You can't do it with a resentful attitude. You can't do it with a. Yep. Waiting for this to fail. See, I told you. Then you might as well not do it because it's guaranteed to not work because you're seeing it through the wrong colored lenses. That's the best point. So, Lori, that brings up a question, though. That is a very fair question, and that is. Okay, fine, I get it. We're supposed to try things on for size. And I get it. We're sort of good attitude about. But what if one partner is ready to take the leap? Like, hey, I need this for my life or my business right now. And the other one isn't. The other one's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, this is a big thing you just sprung on me. I don't know if I'm ready for this big change or shift or move or whatever it might be. That's a real impasse. How do you navigate that?

You have to both sit down and acknowledge the fears. And so for every single fear and every single obstacle, you both have to write what you're going to do and maybe why it's not necessarily a fear or an obstacle or why it is, and come up with an answer for each one together. And so, you know, maybe sometimes you've come up with something. For me, it's like, well, I get that you're afraid of that, but here's maybe how I feel about it and just know that I have your back on this. Like, I feel really good about this. And sometimes you guys in partner negotiations, that's what it is. I've had moments where I'm like, babe, this is making me nervous. Like, I'm freaking out about this. I have a lot of fear that we're going to lose money or whatever that looks like. And if you feel good about it and you're like, okay, if that happens, I feel really good about it, I've got us, like, I'm not worried, then I trust you and say, okay, if you feel good and know that you can navigate it and that you're going to be the person who can handle it, then it's okay for me to still have this fear. Because you feel really good about it.

Yeah, I love that. It's. We call playing the movie to the end. Yeah, right. And I actually think this comes from like AA or something like that. I forget where it originated from. But the theory of if one person doesn't feel ready, it's because they're afraid of something, like you just said. And if you play that movie to the end, okay, you're afraid that blank is going to happen. What if it happens? Then what would happen next? And if that happens, then what would happen next? Okay. And how bad would the scenario actually be? And you realize, wait, it wouldn't be that bad. We would just go back, Wait, it wouldn't be that bad. I'd just get a same job, different place. Wait, it wouldn't be that bad. I would just. We'd have to build our 401k again. Or, you know, whatever weird risk that you're taking when you play the movie to the end, you realize it's really not as bad as you're fearful it might be.

I have a great example around this of when you and I were first moving away from the Midwest. And if you're from a tight knit family or from Midwest values, and I know that there's a lot of other places in the country that are like this as well, where it's really hard to move away from your family. Like, they. Your family's going to look at it as, you know, why are you abandoning us? Why are you leaving us? Like, we feel left behind or whatever that conversation is. Maybe you have parents that you don't feel like you could leave family members. And, you know, when we were first thinking of moving to California, one of the big things for us was our family's gonna feel like we're abandoning them. And it wasn't just a thought. This was actually verbally spoken by our families. And so Chris and I had to go back to the drawing board. We're like, oh, this is not being received very well. And you knew it wasn't gonna be received well. And so we had to both sit down, Chris and me, way out, you know, what are we sacrificing? How are we going to feel if we sacrifice this? Is the relationship with our family actually going to worsen? Because now we're resentful? And what would it look like if we asked the family, how much do you need to see us a year in order for this to feel good? And so what we did is we wrote down how much we were actually seeing our family anyway. And at the time, we had lived in Minnesota and they were living in Wisconsin, so we weren't actually seeing them.

All of the time, they thought.

And so what we did is we said, okay, well, what if we actually saw you more once we moved to California? What if we worked in times where we actually saw you more? And while it still wasn't received in the best way, we still mapped it out. And what we did is we literally took their fears head on and acknowledged them. And I think a majority of the problems that we're talking about is one person doesn't feel seen or acknowledged or doesn't feel like their fears are going to be acknowledged or assessed. And so what we did is we came up with a plan around their fears and around our fears and said, here's what we're doing. We're going to plan these things in. We're going to make sure we see each other and we can both be living in the dream that we want.

I love that. Same thing happened when you're like, hey, I think I want to shut down my fitness and self development company and, you know, take some time off. And then that turned into starting light pink, which turned into glossy. Right. My fear, when you told me we were on a walk in San Martin I'm like, what do you mean by shut down? Like that's a couple million dollars your worth of income. Like, like that's what we live on and this, that blah, blah, blah. And when I got over that, I could realize two things. One, this really meant something to you. Two, we were able to backfill it just by getting creative, okay, let's start this fast foundation saying, okay, let's do this, let's do that and is so much easier to overcome. What I thought was going to be something to be fearful of, actually it's really easy that I think about it, that you have to allow yourself to get past whatever you think you're afraid of and actually put some real strategy behind navigating that fear. So whether it's the fear of leaving family behind or financial fear or fear of embarrassment or whatever it might be, get over the initial fear and put some real strategy behind it. You're going to realize, wait, there's a way to compensate this. No problem.

I really want to acknowledge how challenging this is and that there's risk involved in anything. You know, when I went to Chris and I said I want to shut down the fitness membership, which is what he's talking about, one of the reasons for that was because it wasn't aligning with who I wanted to become, which was more in business, more in personal development. I had so much of my identity and personality and fitness that I knew that energetically and also mentally and team wise and bandwidth. And it took a, a lot of team and bandwidth in order to launch these challenges that we did all of the time that I needed to take the risk to pull away from the person that I was and that I had been known for in the business that I had and that I had been known for in order to become this other person. And that was really, really scary. But also it's like my soul knew that you have to let go of a good thing sometimes in order for the next chapter of your life to happen. And I think where people start to plateau, get stuck, feel like they're bus business is going, you know, getting lower every single year. And if you remember Chris, like it was getting harder and harder to do what we had already done.

Yep.

And it just wasn't saturated. Industry was totally changing and it just wasn't feeling as aligned for where I.

Wanted to go five years now looking back. Great pivot.

Yeah, great pivot. And I think that we're always being spoken to in that way, especially if you're feeling really called into something else. And you're starting to get paid for it, and you're starting to get money for it. And that's what was happening for us. And that's why I just. I knew we had to have that conversation where I'm like, I'm not, like, shutting this down and not gonna go full bore into the next thing. Let's get a plan. So we started to plan, like, how could we replace this income? What does that look like? You know, what are the dates? What are the goals? How could we do this? And so we weren't going blindly. Like, it wasn't some move where it was, like, haphazardly. Yeah, it wasn't haphazardly. Even though I can tend to want to run that way, you're always like, let's get the plan. And now I'm so grateful that whenever we do this, we always sit down, acknowledge everything, and plan for the next.

But I've got to add context to this because this is important for everybody. First, instead of saying, well, we need to plan, I was able to honor your request and try it on for size instead of rejecting it. That's literally step one. Step two was, okay, I agree that we'll do this, but let's create a plan and do this in a way that is less painful. And then, because the other person feels heard, because I said, fine, if that's your request, we're going to do it. Well, let's do it in a way that's a little bit less painful. Now, you don't mind the transition period because you know that you're still getting your way in the short term. And that's exactly how we've kind of done all of this stuff. When we. When you're like, hey, I'm done with the Arizona thing, it's not for me. I said, okay, but my big concern is that's where all of our family is, and it's like an absolute core value to see mom as much as possible and everything else for me. So instead of rejecting the idea, because I also love being here in California more, instead of rejecting the idea, I'm like, okay, how can I create a plan? I know I'll literally have mom dates where I fly back every single month at least once, if not more. It's such an easy flight. 45, 50 minutes. That makes the time spent more special together. When I'm back there for a couple days now dedicated to doing something fun. Instead of being like, hey, let's squeeze lunch, and, hey, let's squeeze that. And I like the Time more. And I think she likes the time more. Same with our other family. So there's always a better plan if you're willing to not reject the idea, but instead come up with the better transition plan. So to start to put a bow on this thing. The power of partnership in building any dream means give and take. It means give and take. It means you have to choose to always be open to the fact that. That what you think today looks like tomorrow may not. And relationships are growing, dynamic things over the long term. We have become so such different people with such different dreams, each of us individually, that it would have been impossible to stay together, it would have been impossible to become wealthy, it would have been impossible to have big dreams. It would have been impossible to do any of these things had we expected tomorrow to look like today. Just because.

And I just want to really add in here that it's okay if your partner needs more time to sit with whatever you are sharing with them. So I now don't expect Chris to be on board right away or within a day and if he needs time, especially if this was a life expectation that you had together. So let's say that, you know, Chris and I had always dreamed of having a lake house and that was the goal in the next five years. And all of a sudden I'm like, you know, I just don't think that that is. That's just not the goal for me. Like, he's not going to get on board with that in a day. You're going to have to come back to it and start saying why and maybe how you could realign the vision or whatever that can look like for the both of you in the future. But don't expect your partner who has had this expectation with you, because so much of your life is so intertwined that your decisions, your goals become your. So you have to know that that might take a little bit of time for them to sit with. But I think it's really reasonable to say, hey, this might come as like a complete surprise or a complete shock that I don't want to do XYZ anymore, that I'm thinking that I want to try this. So can we take the next couple weeks and just keep revisiting the topic and it's okay no matter how you feel right now, but I want to keep talking about it.

I love that. I'll summarize with this. Our life and these big decisions have not come without plenty of big dents and dings. Except it's always turned out better in the long run. And that's why I think you guys have to be open to trying things on for size, not rejecting the idea, creating a backup strategy, and just freaking going for it. I love that. All right, guys, thanks for listening. We love and appreciate you. And don't forget, if you're Gonna make over $500,000 this year and you want even guidance on this kind of stuff in life, you have got to go apply for the mastermind right now, because literally seats are running out really quickly. Rapid speed right now. Chrisharder me mastermind. That's where Lori and I are going to be running this thing together. Chrisharder me mastermind. Thanks for listening.

We'll see you next week.