The Truth About Building Confidence, Community + Starting From Scratch with Liz Moody

Having real relationships. It's why we're here. It actually chokes me up right now that I ever thought I wanted to be alone. Like, the women that have opened up the friendships, they're the most beautiful part of my life.

All right, Lori, welcome to the podcast.

I'm so excited to be on the show.

So you, to me, are one of the most masterful networkers that I've ever met in my life. So this whole podcast, we're going to dive into your story, which is also wild. And I think the things that you've overcome are absolutely amazing. But I also want to get all of your tips and tricks and secrets for networking. So you said that you think networking is the key to creating not only the career of your dreams, but also the life of your dreams. Can you share some specific ways that that's come to pass in your life?

Well, I kind of went from zero to not having anyone and living that life. So I very much experienced that spectrum of not having any friends and not having people to kind of riff off of and learn from and mentors and different things like that. That wasn't really, in my world. It wasn't even a thought growing up. And I'll share a little bit about that in a second to now. You know, having so many people and also having to learn how to balance so many people and kind of categorize people and relieve expectations around people and put people in different compartments to not feel so overwhelmed by just all the different people in our life and how to keep up with those relationships.

So you mentioned that you come from a background where you didn't necessarily have that strong sense of community. Can you talk a little bit more about that?

Yeah. I was raised in a really small town, so I'm from Upper Michigan, which most people don't even know Upper Michigan exists. They're like, oh, Detroit. I'm like, no, keep going. It's like a totally different state. It's not even connected. And it was a really small town, and then put a more isolated religion on it, a little bit more restrictive religion where I couldn't associate with anyone outside of my church. And so there were 114 members in the church growing up. And that essentially was the only people that I was able to associate with my entire Life. And while 114 might seem like a lot, like you don't really hang out with all those people either. And there weren't a ton of kids. And if you didn't love certain people, then you really had a very, very small pool of People that you were learning from, that you were gaining perspective from. Because I was also homeschooled through high school. So take that perspective that you normally get from teachers and other students and being in sports and just all these conversations that you don't realize that you're learning from, and all the different households that maybe you're going and staying the night in because of slumber parties or seeing other people's parents do things outside of what your parents do or other ways of being and other ways of living. And so it. It takes what you think is possible, and it boils it down to a very limited perspective because we can only be what we see. Literally, you can only achieve and be and think as much as what is in your realm or what is. What is in your world. And at the time, you guys, there wasn't social media. I wasn't even really reading books. Like, it was not something I was doing, looking outside. So there was some tv. I remember, like, I wasn't supposed to watch mtv, but it was so different to me that the second my parents would leave, I was just like, mtv. I wanted to learn all about different, like. Like pop culture and what other kids were doing. And that was kind of my little window into the outer world of. Wait a minute. This isn't. This isn't like, the only thing out there. Yes. While it was just spring break, so it was still like this. There was different ways of living. So I went from that world to when I decided at 18 years old to leave, which I didn't even really tell my mom. I just moved. She thought I was still in the religion for another, like, two, three years after that. And I wasn't telling her because of fear of when you made that choice. You were making a choice where they may not associate with you again or talk to you. So because I didn't want to make that choice, I did it, like, very hidden. I was like, if I move states, then I don't have to deal with. Maybe they'll cut me off. I don't know what this is going to look like, because that's what happened to everybody else. And so when I moved and left, I didn't have anyone. Like, I had a girlfriend that I ended up moving in with who was kind of in the same exact boat as me. And we ended up. I know that you went through kind of a party girl era, too. When I was 18, I just. It's like, you take that spring that was held so tight, and I just went crazy for a while, and it was the most destructive, few experimental few years of my entire life. And so I went from really no friends and just this girl to attracting the worst people. So then I just felt like everyone was bad and had to, like, break through these stories of the story became, I'm better off alone. And that was my story for a really long time.

Okay, so there's two things I want to linger on there. First, let's go back to the moment you were 18, because you're just obviously this very extreme example of you only know what's possible because of what you're surrounded with. But I think there's a lot of people out there listening who maybe are in environments that are limiting them, but they don't even recognize it. So I'd love to know, when you were 18, what inspired you to take that leap and leave that religion?

Well, there were a couple things, actually. So I had. I had met another girl from another congregation. And so when I. I think I was 13, almost 14, and her family was a little more, like, they did a whole lot more than my family did, meaning they were a little more of, like, worldly. They just. They had a boat. Like, they traveled. Like, my family didn't do those things. Like, maybe we traveled, drove, you know, where we could drive. But it wasn't like, they just did more. I was like, wait a minute. These people are kind of. They're in the same religion, but it's in a different area. They're a little bit closer to a bigger city. And I just think they had those different influences. And so when I would stay with them, it was like, oh, they travel, they go on these trips, they have their own business. They kind of talk about money or success and things that we weren't necessarily talking about. And so it opened me up. They were letting their kids go to college, which wasn't a thing that was really talked about before, but same religion, but different area. So I was having these moments of, wait a minute, okay, they're doing things differently. And that opened up my perspective of, oh, I got this little taste. I got this little taste of what felt like a little more freedom and a little more like they would want their kids to go and do something and be something. And so that opened me up actually more than I realized until later on in life going. That experience, that one little experience of me getting to go spend a couple of weeks with these people here and there throughout the different summers growing up in my teenage years was what actually really unlocked, oh, I'm going to go do something more.

I Want to note something about that which I think is really important when. Which is sometimes when we're trying to feel expanded, we look at people who are 20 steps removed from us. Like, we're like, I want a successful business. I have no business. I'm sitting here at home. And you're looking at the person who sold their business for $50 million. And you're trying to think, how do I get from point A to point B? And it feels impossible. You think you're inspiring yourself, but you're actually bringing yourself down. And what you did is you took somebody who wasn't 0 to 100. You took somebody who was 5. They were just slightly removed from the life that you were living. So they gave you a sense of possibility, but they gave you a sense of possibility that very much fit in with your perspective of reality. And I think that's one of the biggest mistakes that people make in looking for people to inspire them to change their lives is they don't look for that 1, 2, 3 degrees removed.

I love that.

When.

So we do a lot of entrepreneurial events, Chris and I, and when people come, we're always like, guys, you're going to hear a lot of from the stage and the speakers. They're going to be, there's going to be some people close to you on the journey and some people way far ahead. It's kind of like what we talked about in our podcast of like, okay, there's going to be these hundred ways you can change your life, but it's kind of like what is for you right now, what feels most attainable. We're always like, okay, you're going to want to look to the stage, but what we want you to do, too, one of the most important things is, like, look around at who's around you. Like, look at those people who are sitting next to you. That's probably going to be your biggest value for right now because you can lock arms or learn something from what is one little shift that helped you get to this next level. What are you doing in your business that helped you grow to here or get past this. So I love that it's like these little moments with people who are just a little bit ahead.

Well, and I love the example of this friend that you made, too, because it's the first example of, like, your community has drastically changed the course of your life. And I think sometimes when we think about networking, we're just thinking about, like, oh, I'll shake hands and give you a business card. But actually, your network is Influencing your belief in different possibilities. It's influencing the way you feel every single day. It's your success, your health. Yeah. Speak more to the importance of your network.

Okay. The same. The same family. So this is, like, the power of community is absolutely insane. It is who you will become, especially if you're. If you're looking for different things. So I'll share more on that, but. Okay. So I go to her house as a teenager. It's the first time that I'm allowed to go spend, like, a week away. And because she lives so far away, my parents were like, we're not dropping you off, like, to come back for the week.

But she was safe because she was within the same religion.

Yes, because she was in the same religion. So I end up spending. I don't know if I think it was like a week. Like, it was a full. Full seven days for sure. And I remember asking her the first night. I'm like, where's your snack drawer? Because I'm. We ate. We snacked. We would eat dinner, then have seconds, then thirds, Then we would snack at night, then we would maybe make a hot fudge sundae, and then we'd go back for seconds and thirds on that. And that was so normal to me. My family was really overweight. We just. I was told I had bad genetics my entire life. So I was like, this is who we are. Literally. That's my. I remember sitting around a table with my aunts. There was five women, and they're like, just wait, you'll be fat like us. And I was young, and this. They're like, it's our genetics. It's just, we like to eat, but we're also. This is what we struggle with. And so I go to her house with this in my head, right? Like, at this point, I had found workouts, and I was trying to eat better, but, man, your environment say this a lot. Your environment is stronger than your willpower. It will eventually end up shaping you. So I leave the environment. I go to her house, I ask where her snack drawer is the first night. Because I'm like, girlfriend. I am, like, jonesing, like, hardcore. It's an addiction. And she's like, well, I don't have a snack drawer, but I have an apple. And I was like, an apple? Like, that is so rude. Like, I literally thought she was being rude. I'm like, an apple, really? And so they didn't have an assigned huge drawer like, we had. This was mind blowing to me. I'm like, there's kids in the House, why don't you have a snack drawer? And so I go through the week and we're eating. We're eating really good food. Like, honestly, like, you know, biscuits and gravy, eggs. Then we have, you know, sandwiches for lunch, and then we eat something healthy for dinner. And this goes on for a week. But we're very active. I kind of am not thinking about food because we're active. We're having fun. It's not what it's revolved around. Like, there's. She doesn't really make enough food, the mom for seconds. And I go through this whole week not thinking about it, observing all of this, because, you know, when you are a foodie person, it's like everything revolves around food. And I'm having these profound breakthroughs during the week going. They don't revolve their life around food. It's like activities, conversation. It's very different. They don't make enough to, like, have seconds and thirds. Like, this was mind blowing to me. So I go home, and at this time, I had been on so many different diets and exercising and like, trying to lose five pounds to me could take months, if not a year. I go home, I get on the scale, I'm five pounds less, and I'm like, oh, my God. I didn't even think about it. My environment literally changed everything for me without me even trying. And so I. That was the moment for me at a very young age, like 14 years old, where I realized that my. That I had to leave where I was. It's not because I didn't love my parents, because I. It was because I knew that if I got in an environment that I could control more, that I would have more control over my life and how I felt.

That's so interesting. Okay, and then the second thing that you talked about was there was a point where you thought it was better to be alone than to be surrounded by community. Can you talk about that moment and how you shifted that belief?

So once I moved out, I think that having some of those friends who just didn't. They were. They were going through their own path too. So imagine people just. We were totally lost and not treating any of us well, and I think we were all on our own kind of crazy, horrible journey. So it was like. And also things that I learned from that were great, obviously, but I didn't have very good friends. Like, they just. It wasn't a great experience for me. So I just felt like they would constantly leave me for something better. They weren't paying Rent. There was a lot going on. It was just a really bad kind of toxic relationships that were happening. And I definitely played into that at the time as well. And so because I was getting so hurt by friends, I was like, you know what? I'm never gonna like. Girlfriends, like, backstab you. They, like, turn their back on you. They've never been somebody who's fel. Really, really secure to me, like, friendships aren't real. I just had this in my head that women, women were backstabbers. All of the stories that I, like, put into my head, and I thought, okay, well, I'm good alone. Like, I just. I made it a mantra that I. I built up a tough exterior. I was like, okay, well, I'm better alone. I can control that. I'm fine by myself. Like, it wasn't that I was completely alone in life. It's that I wouldn't let anyone in. So even if you were my friend, I wasn't really letting you in. And I didn't totally understand I was doing that till much later. And, you know, as far as relationships, I'm not sure why I let my husband in completely. But then he became my one and only.

How did you meet him? Very negative.

I met him at the gym.

Okay, and did he come up to you? Did you go up to him?

He came up to me. And I was not having it because this was at a point where in my life where I had moved back home so the relationships, like the girlfriends stopped paying the rent. It was like a really bad situation. They had made keys for their friends and their friends were druggies. So they were all just like. I didn't know who was on my couch every single night. I was like, I gotta go. I called my dad, and my dad was kind of, you know, he was kind of the lenient one that I could tell things to, but not much. I was like, dad, don't ask questions. I need to move back home. Like, I'm in a really bad situation. I don't want to move back home. Because that meant abiding by all the rules of my mom. She doesn't still know that I'm not really in the religion. So she's thinking, I need to go home, have the 9 o' clock curfew, go to church with them, all the things. And so it must have been really bad if I'm gonna go move back home. So I moved back home for a little bit, finished paying the rent of this condo that we were living in without living there, because it was that Much of. I was, like, I was scared SWAT team was gonna come through my windows or something. You know, I'm just, like, so paranoid. So I end up moving back home and start at the gym. And the gym's always been, like, a place for me. Like, I get a gym membership at a local gym there. The gym had always been that habit, like you had talked about on my podcast, where it was like, start with the little things that just like, okay, if I do this one thing, I feel like I can get this little sense of control and something that'll make me feel better. And so working out always helped relieve my anxiety. And at this point in my life, anxiety was on full blast. So I was like, just go to the gym. You can control this. Like, it feels good. You always feel better. You're gonna make sure you get to the gym, like, a few times a week. And so when I was there, my life was clearly not where I wanted it to be. I'd also broken up with this guy and was still madly in love with him. I end up meeting Chris. So we're. We're walking out one day. I'm walking to my car.

I'm leaving.

And this was after two other guys. This is a very small town. Having a new girl didn't matter what this girl looked like. Having a new girl in the gym, literally, I'm not kidding you, it was like having fresh, fresh blood. And so I had just gotten hit on by the front desk guy who told me I had. I'm just sharing this so you know where I was. When Chris asked, he goes, you have copies? I'm like, what does copies mean? This is me checking in. He's the front desk, and he's like, you can see everything bad I've done. Okay. This is my first experience. Then he grabs a shop company flyer, and he's like, I'm a model, okay? And he's like, I'm an underwear model. Shows me his underwear in a Shopko flyer. And so this is. This is literally the day I meet Chris. Then this guy comes up. I have my headphones on. You know, old school headphones. Guys picture, like, the Wire with the old school headphones. And I'm, like, doing these bicep curls. And he's asking me to take my headphones off in the middle of my set. So I, like, kind of take them off, and I look at him, and he points at his tattoo because it has his name down his arm. And he says, my name is Jake. And he asked me if I smoke cigarettes and I say, no. And he goes, well, oh. He says, do you smoke? I go, no. He goes, not cigarettes. Do you smoke weed? And I'm like, no. And he goes, well, do you want to go smoke weed with me and my girlfriend after this? Poor Chris. Third guy. Okay, I'm walking out to the parking lot. Chris is like, hey, are you new here? I literally go, yep, wave and slam my car.

Oh, my gosh.

So he thought I was a giant raging bitch. And I was like. I just was in a very. I was like, this was my safe space, and it felt like it was ruined. So I was having a moment. And so after that, like, three months later, this guy. I'm watching him. Chris, my now husband, I'm watching him be, like, the mayor of the gym. Like, he's so kind to people. Everybody loves him. Yeah, he's like, brightens everyone day every Wednesday. He's always happy, and I'm just observing from afar. And so one day, he's at the water fountain behind me. This is so high school. But I was like, hey, I know we kind of met, but I didn't get your name. And we started talking from that. But we remained friends. I think we were probably. I friend zoned him really, really hard for, like, four to six months around there. So we just. Just hung out all the time, drank wine, and he would rub my feet sometimes.

Nice guys, you know, he's like, I'm.

Not giving up on you.

Okay, so I want to dive into Chris being the mayor of the gym, because I think this is something I've observed about Chris and something that I think contributes to you both being such master networkers, which is he always feels like he's brightening everybody else's day, and I. I can't tell whether that's innate or he's doing intentionally. How important is it, do you think, to the feeling that you leave people with in a networking environment?

I think that it's the most important thing, and I actually think it's the thing that can relieve the most stress from the idea of networking. A lot of people are like, oh, my God, how do you even network? It feels kind of skeezy sometimes. Like, even the word networking feels kind of like, okay, let's. What do you do? Like, what do I do? All of those different things. And so when you can go into a room and just have the intention of being interested or leaving somebody better. There's a book called Daymaker. It was actually. It's like a guy who had a salon, started this whole idea, and this theory around, all we have to do is try to make people's days. Like, that's it. And I just thought that was such a beautiful, like, one word thing to think about that you can just wake up with and be like, my only job today is just to be a day maker in the smallest ways with any person that I encounter. Like, it doesn't take a lot to do that. And so I think that Chris is actually wired that way. There were times with Chris that I was like, are you really this way? Like, it actually felt fake. He is really that way. Guys, I am 22 years in the guy. Like, I think he's just wired to be a day maker, like, literally.

And are you? Are you not?

I thoroughly enjoy it and I think that my natural sense would be that way. When I work through all of this shit. Like, I. I don't wake up every single day thinking, how can I make someone's day? In the beginning, I have to actually shift into that. But that's what brings me the most joy. So, no, I don't think it's a supernatural thing for me. I think that I'm a little bit more like, what's my to do list? Okay, I need to work on myself first and like, kind of pour into myself for a bit. Then that feels natural.

That's actually more helpful, I think, for other people, because we can't go back and be born a certain way, but we can change our tools and our habits to be a certain way. So let's say somebody wants to shift that perspective a little bit first. Can you tell us about how it benefits you, the person who's making the somebody else's day?

Oh, my gosh. It's like one of those things. Giving is better than receiving it 100%. I believe that the feeling that you want and the feeling that you're. You're trying to give someone is the feeling you will get back. I actually think it doubles. Like, I think you get that feeling back if you release expectation around it. It's very different if you're like, I'm gonna go be nice so that I can blank. If we can switch it to. I want to go and do this thing because it truly makes me feel like I'm the person I want to be in the world. Like, it makes me feel really good to give love. Like, it's. It's an intention and an action that you have to. That you have to set and do and be really intentional with it and choose that. There have been times where I'm like, oh, I've given so much to this person, and they haven't given back to me. And when we focus on that, that's when we can start to feel like networking or relationships feel off, and you can go into a more resentful place. But some of the things that I do to get there, like, how do I get there in the morning? Yeah, there are things that I need to do. Like, the first thing on my mind is to. We have a mantra. We say, I'm happier, healthier, wealthy, and more fit than I was yesterday. Guys, it doesn't matter what the mantra is. It just needs to be something that makes you say, oh, that's right. I want to focus on what I want, not on what I don't want.

So you and Chris say that to.

Each other, like, in bed, literally every morning, first thing. It's. It's super annoying. And also so great. I have the text from this morning. We do it. If we're not with each other, we either voice note it or we text it. I'm happier, healthier, wealthier, and more fit than I was yesterday. All that is is a trigger. Like, we have all of these different trigger moments through the day of. That's right. I don't want to think of my to do list. I don't need to look at my phone right away. Like, that goes, oh, okay. I want to think of what I want, not what I don't want.

Okay, so you have that mantra. What other tools do you have to get into that state where you are trying to make other people stay?

I have to go and walk. Like, movement. You talked a lot about energy and movement. And for me, going and move, moving and like, focusing on what I want. So we have a lot of things set up through the day. So I'll tell you exactly what our days have looked like. So on that walk. So I used to. I used to meditate in the mornings, but I find that that's felt a little bit challenging to, like, do our whole routine that we do and the walk and all the things. So I like to read for, like, five, ten minutes in the morning, drink my coffee, then we get the dogs ready, we go out on the walk, and I like to stack things. So if I'm already walking, how else could I do? Like maybe a walking meditation or how else can I do these things that connect him and I or get me into the state that I want to get in? So we do something called the power nine, which is three gratitudes, three excited abouts, and three things we're manifesting, and even if he' not there, I'll go through it and either text it to him or I go through it in my head, or you can journal it or whatever, but I typically do it on a walk. So we've done this over 10 years, and I can. I can tell you it's been one of the things that I think has made us the closest, because I never not know what he wants and what's going on.

Is he ever manifesting or working on things in your relationship? Or is it always external things?

Always different. Okay, always.

But sometimes it could even be a little insight into, like, oh, this is what he wants for our lives outside of his business. Or this is what I want for our lives outside of our businesses.

And somehow it always comes up. Because every single. Doing it every day, you're like, you can't do the same canned one every day, like, because there's always different things going on, and we don't let ourselves off the hook like that. It's like, we know when it's real and when you're just going through the motions, you just do. And so it's been. It's honestly been the coolest thing that's opened up all the conversation for all the other things. So, you know, Three Gratitudes. It's like, yeah, you can say three Gratitudes, but here's what actually happened. I'm so grateful that yesterday I had that phone call with that person and it went well because I was so nervous. I was so worried about X, Y, and Z, and I feel relieved. Or I did the work that made it go well, or I, like, there's always a conversation around. It in fact, kind of drives Chris crazy because he's like, can we get through them and then go back and talk about it? Because he's that linear. Yes. My brain hates this. You have to finish the Three Gratitudes and then go back in time.

I always tell people. I'm like, I'm a podcast host. I'm not going to lose the thread, I promise. Just set your mind at ease. We will be back.

It's so great. See, I. I can lose the thread. And I'm like, please, God, let me. And that's how Chris is. He's like, stop it. Land the plane. Okay, so the Three Gratitudes are huge.

For that because they just open up more than you would even think they would. Yeah.

Because you're like, why are you grateful? Yeah, it's not just you're grateful. It's like, but why did you want Something for a long time. Did you have to fundamentally, like, work on something for a long time? So then the excited abouts. I always know what he's excited about, and it always makes me look for on a day that I'm like, it's a tough day, man. Like, I got a lot to get through, or I got a lot of zoom calls. I hate zoom calls. I'm like, okay, but what am I excited about that or how could I make it better? So three things you're excited about, and then the three things you're manifesting. It's like, some are the same, some are different, and sometimes in the manifest, like, they've gotten even more. I think the more we've done it, the manifests have gotten more present to even the day. It's like, I'm manifesting that I find all the joy in the day, and I can really, really, like, enjoy this moment with this person. Or I'm manifesting that this goes well, or, you know, and it makes you be really, really. It's taught me so much about language because when I'm manifesting and you say it out loud, sometimes we say things that we want, but we forget. We might be saying it in a way that your brain is only hearing one thing or what you don't want, or you're like, okay, I'll give an example. So right down to, like, I have. I have a new company where I'm like, okay, I want Glossy to catch fire. And I'm like, no momentum. I'm very. It goes down to just, like, the little words of, what do you want and what else? You know, not what don't you want, because you don't want to focus on that, but being so intentional and embodying what that feeling would be and what the action steps are for that.

Yeah. And I love the embodying, too, because our brain doesn't know the difference between visions that we're playing in our head and what's happening in reality. So I think really bringing that into a felt sense and embodying it can put your brain in the state that it needs to be in to make that thing happen.

Yep.

Do you ever have days where either of you can't find something to be excited about? No.

We definitely have, like, moments where we're leading, we're in it. And I'm like, I am. So I'll. Some days I'll ask for a pass for, like, 30 minutes. I'm like, I don't want to do this right now. Like, I hate today. I'M in pain. Like, this sucks. Or that was horrible. And he'll usually be like, okay, but what was one thing? So, no, you don't have to do the whole thing all the time. But like, okay, but what is one thing? And I'm like, okay, well, our families aren't sick right now.

Which is a good point to have an accountability partner, whether it's your life partner, whether it's a friend, somebody else who will kind of hold you to it and say, there has to be one thing. Like, you can find one thing here. And by doing doing that, you're activating the neural networks that are going to be thinking more positively and looking for more positive things.

Yeah, it's. It's been huge to have that partner. And I also think doesn't have to be your husband. Like, I've had friends where, if he's traveling for a long time or something, or I have a girlfriend come stay with me, or if he's not around or sometimes I'll do it with my friends, like, hey, you want to do Power 9 quick? Or, I'm on a walk, my husband's not here. Do you want to do it quick? Like, even doing it a few times a week, I think is really powerful and it'll deepen other relationships.

Well, and I love that you bring this up because I think one of the number one things that people get wrong about networking or building community or having the people around them create the life that they want, which, by the way, we just shared a micro example of, is Chris is helping you do this Power 9 every day, and you are bringing that into other people's lives. So that's yet another example of our community influencing the life that we have. But we forget that the state that we're in is hugely important for all of these things. So I love that you're like, okay, I do this, this, and this and this. That's actually going to set me up. So when I go out in the world, I'm going to be interacting in a way that's going to build me the community that I want.

Yes. I. The energy that we do everything in is. It's how people remember you. It's.

Yeah.

At the end of the day, people are people who want to work with people who make them feel good.

Yeah.

So if you have left every person that you've encountered with just a little bit better feeling or like the. The feeling that they. That you're interested in them or that people care, like, if we can just do one thing to leave someone with, oh, people aren't bad. They actually care. Like, even if this one person cared, they might go and look for other people who also have shown signs of caring. And when we're talking about networking and, you know, communities, like, they're going to remember that even if it's not in their brain, it's like, you're leaving like a cellular mark on someone. They're going to be like, I have a good feeling around that person, and they'll remember that about you.

Another thing you mentioned earlier was not having expectations when you go into something. Why is having expectations bad when you're going into a networking or community building situation?

Because we don't allow that person to be who they came to be for us in our life. We literally have them as, oh, well, I want this from that person. Or I think that they can only offer me this strength where when we haven't. When we release expectations, they might offer you something totally different than you think. So let's say, let's say I have a girlfriend who I'm like, okay, well, I don't really know what she offers me in, like, the relationship department. She's just more of like, like that surface, like, fashiony friend or someone that's just like an acquaintance. If I put her in that bucket and only expect one thing from her, like, I don't look for anything else. I don't allow myself to, like, linger in a longer conversation. I don't allow myself to ask her another question because maybe I think she's not into that or maybe, you know, I like, I keep her categorized as one thing where when we take, like, those categories and titles off of people, she might blow my mind with something that she's doing outside of that or something else that she can offer me. I know that when we go into these networking room rooms, what happens? I have this event called Girlfriends in Business and we kind of ask them to dress up dresses like their higher self. And I notice it's all observation, right? I notice how, like, some of the girls who, like, dress a certain way, like, they actually all kind of find each other, like, oh, you look like me. Okay, we might have something in common. And I watch these, like, pods, right, kind of forming. And so in the middle of the day or whenever I end up saying it, I'm like, I want to challenge you guys to walk up to people you wouldn't normally talk to. Like, someone that you are judging based off of how they look or what they're wearing or what they're carrying. I'm Like, I want you to go to someone totally opposite that you wouldn't normally feel comfortable around based off of, like, how they look. And I'm like, you probably think that person may not have the same interest as you or have something to offer you, because that's why we tend to gravitate towards either, like, energy or, like, looks is like, okay, it's probably safe, and we probably have the same interests. But when you're doing business and relationships, like, we actually want to also be searching in a big way for people who have very opposite skill sets as us and different life experiences. That's, like, where the richness and perspective comes in. So we gravitate towards the people we're comfortable with and we look like because we're like, oh, they're probably like us, right? We can find more common ground with them. They're safe. And so that's always something that we do. And it's like, whoa, I didn't. I. It's like you had a different expectation of that person and what you thought they were. So letting that all go allows you to, like, find this. This goal to where you're like, oh, my God, I found this woman who has this incredible skill set or this relationship advice or this parenting advice or something that she's doing so cool in her business that I would have had no idea about. And so releasing expectations allows you to get why they came into your life in the first place.

So how do we actually do that in pragmatic reality? Like, let's say we go into a room and we know this person has all of these things that we really think they could offer us. How do we let go of that in our mind? Mind.

Okay, so I think it's okay to walk in a room with an intention of, hey, that'd be really great for me to meet this person, but also be super open to everyone else. Like, I think when we. I've definitely gone into rooms in the past and been like, I am only here because I know this woman has this podcast or whatever. And it's almost like the more I hold that, the.

It's.

It's like, right as I'm about to talk to her, someone comes up and talks to her. Like, it's almost like the universe blocks me when I'm like, I'm only here for this. When I trust that it's important for me to, yes, put some intention behind it, but also be really open to the magic in the room. And I say pray, I say prayers a lot. Like, before I endure anything If I remember, there are definitely times where I forget, but I'll set an intention of, hey, I'm going to this event. Like, let me be open to all the magic in here. Like, connect me to someone that I'm supposed to have on my path who can, like, really help either move this forward and I could do something for them. Like, like, connect me to someone that I could help and then connect someone to me who can really help me. Like, I'm open to that. I'm gonna look for that, I'm gonna listen for that. I am then gonna walk in that room in a very different energy than the, like, I'm talking to you. But I wanna meet her. And my, my thoughts are only on her, my eyes are on her. You can tell I'm distracted. Even though you have the person in the connection that could completely change my business. I'm so focused on someone else that I, I'm not interested in you. I'm like giving off an energy of just like, yeah, yeah, okay, I need to move on because I'm watching where this person is. And so when I've let that go, it's like, wait, did you just say like, oh, you know someone who does that? And it's. I've never gone to an event where I've set like an intention where something like, pretty awesome has happened. And I think that's the other thing is like, okay, if I go, I have to have this awesome thing. You also have to look for the magic and make something magical. And in life, I think you have to make meaning and you have to make something magical. Like, okay, maybe I didn't get this life changing, profound thing, but I did meet this person who was really interesting, who maybe I can help. And I did open up a lot of different networks that maybe in the future could help me. I did face my anxiety again, which I think is really, really important. To make sure I continue to do that in these rooms. I did go to this thing and show support. So there was a lot of magical moments that were actually created that maybe didn't feel so profound. But I can find, like, I can see them.

And the other thing that I want to call out is that you ask the women at your event to go talk to somebody that they might not otherwise talk to. And I think that's a very actionable thing that we can all do in our lives. We can go talk to somebody that we wouldn't necessarily otherwise talk to.

Yes.

And try to break free of that pattern of looking and talking to the same People looking forward, talking to the same people.

Totally.

Yeah. Okay. What advice would you give to somebody who is looking around and not only are they not surrounded by the people who are going to expand their vision, expand their beliefs, expand their possibilities, but they're actually dragging them down. What would be the first step there?

So this is a tough one. This is the one right, where everyone's like, okay, I don't have this in my reality. How do I move forward? And then there's the whole survival instinct that comes in where you're like, okay, if I have to leave this group of people, where will anyone like me? Like, you want it? We want to fit in. It is a. It is an actual human need for survival to fit in. So sometimes when you look around and you don't have those people around you, it can feel hard to go and create those other friends and you're afraid that you'll be totally rejected or talked about or whatever that that looks like in your life. So because I have, like a health and fitness background, it actually helped me run parallel. Run some things parallel to understand them. So there's a theory in, like, the. The health world of crowding out your plate when you are first trying to, like, eat more healthy things. So instead of being like, that's bad food, like, I shouldn't be eating that and labeling things, it's like, well, just try to put more healthy food on your plate than unhealthy food on your plate. And so this is what I have done in my life in the beginning was, okay, well, I'm just going to try to put more healthy touch points with people in my world than unhealthy touch points. And so that started for me with going to workout classes. I was like, okay, well, I'm going to go to a workout class every day. I'm going to try to meet someone every day or just talk to someone every single day. And it started to feel like I had all of these positive touch points with people who, you know, for the most part weren't complaining or felt like a higher vibe or people who were doing something with their life or wanted more from themselves. And so the more that I got into those communities, if you're there all the time and you're showing up really friendly, like you can tend to look at, is there anything going on that I could go to? Are there things that maybe I could invite people for coffee? So I just started to have, like, such positive people in my life that it actually made me not go to the things as much or not go out drinking on Wednesday nights with the girls, because I had that class on Thursday morning. So I noticed that I started shifting from going out and having cocktails in the evening with friends to like, oh, well, I've got a coffee date with girlfriends in the morning. That feels really satisfying and fulfilling. And the conversations are actually lighting me up, not bringing me down. So when I started to have this more strong group, which it takes years, guys. Sometimes it can be a year, sometimes it can be six months, it can be shorter, but sometimes it can be two years. And, you know, when I first moved to la, that was like a huge. I need to make friends. I need to make a more positive community here. And so that's what I did. It started with those workout classes and coffee and going out of my way to invite people places and. And, you know, maybe you had a great coffee and you do that a few times. Then you go to dinner, or maybe she has a, you know, a husband or partner, and you're like, you invite them to dinner.

You.

You have to be so intentional. This doesn't just happen. You have to make relationships a focus.

How important is it to be clear about where you want to go before you start this? Because on one hand, I think it could be really helpful. Like, I feel this way. I would rather feel this way. My business looks like this. I would rather it look like this. But on the other hand, similar to judging the rooms and what the people in there are going to offer you, I'm like, is this limiting us or not allowing room for our life to go in directions we wouldn't even dream of?

I feel like it can be both. So if you are getting intentional with your life and like, hey, okay, what I feel would be most supportive for me and friendships right now is like, I want to find other female entrepreneurs. And so I wouldn't go to the gym first to find female entrepreneurs. I would still work in that. That, like, still be in that community if that feels good and supportive. But I would go into actual rooms where people are talking about business, where you can be a lot more clear on your expectation and intention. And so if that felt the most supportive to me, maybe I would go join a mastermind. Maybe I'd go to, like, an event on scaling or growing. And in that room when I'm meeting people, I would totally throw it out there. I'd walk in and it would. I. I'm just so open with what I want now, and it's not going to feel normal at first. It's like, like If I hit it off with someone, it's like, and I don't have this yet in my life. I would love, I would just say, I would love an accountability partner. I don't know where you're at. Maybe we just start with checking in with each other every other week for an hour. Like, we don't feel any, like we won't go over time. Like, this is what it's going to look like. Let's draw really, like, clean, clear boundaries around this and let's start there. And then maybe from there you do that for a few months or a year and you all of a sudden have this really beautiful friendship that you're finding it really natural to go hang out and talk about business and friendship or whatever that looks like. And so I think that you do have to find that common ground that you can set an expectation around and like, make it really clear and allow it to grow from there.

One of the problems that I have with those types of, like, masterminds and paid conferences and stuff like that is it feels like there's 5 million of them and it's really hard to tell which ones are going to have valuable people in there and which ones are sort of of bullshitty, for lack of a better word. How do you discern whether something's actually worth you attending?

I try to find people who have been there. Like, I, I, even if I don't know somebody, like, maybe it's a, you know, just someone that I see there, an attendee or some, you know, someone who's commented that they've been there. And I'm like, hey, can you tell me what this did for you? Or typically I can find someone I know who's been there. So I'll ask, like, what was the experience? You know, And I also don't let their experience completely paint a picture for me because maybe they, maybe they didn't go in with a proper expectation either. So I know that there are certain, you know, I'm going to use a couple masterminds. I'm not going to say names, but I have a friend who does a mastermind. It's very like, just, it's not going to be where you're going to make friendships. Like, it is going to be the place where you really learn the tactical of like, digital marketing. That's what you're going for. I had a friend go, because they thought they could also build relationships. That's not necessarily what that was. And so they had like a bit of like a bad experience from it. Not bad. It just wasn't what they all wanted it to be.

Yeah.

So I think it's asking those questions of what do you want from an experience? And find out, you know, does it. Did it also help grow this particular business? Is it a business that could actually grow within there? And so you don't always, depending on the price point, you don't always get a call with the person to know exactly if it could be what you want. So in some of those, if I. If I go in with the expectation of this is exactly what I want, well, I better do more research to know if that's what I can get out of it. And there are more that you're going to get a lot more from. And sometimes I'm just like, I don't know what I want, but I'm here to see what this is. And I get a lot out of those experiences. But if I go in looking for one thing and I didn't do the research, yeah, I'm probably setting myself up for disappointment.

I've heard you talk about actually being, like a detective on the Instagram pages, like, seeing, like, who's commented on the various Instagram pages and who's following whom and what, and, like, really diving in deep online to figure out who's attending what and who's getting what out of what.

I think that's just doing the research around. Are the type of people going and getting the results that you want, and is it the type of people that you're looking for and what does that look like? Because if you're gonna go make an investment, I would want it to be at least, you know, fulfilling some of the needs that you went in there with.

You also say to be a great aggregator of the genre that you're in. Can you speak to what that means?

So being a great aggregator of the genre that you're in, I think that whenever, if we can think of it in terms of, like, businesses, if you think of, like, doordash, it's the person who delivers, like, all the food. And who do we think of when we think of food? Like. Like, if you're going to be at home, it's doordash. Like, who is the person who's kind of getting everyone and everything together? And so if we are podcasters, and right now we're like, you know what, we're going to create a little group of podcasters, and we're going to add a lot of value just by, like, connecting them and being the people who are, like, spending the time to make sure that they get together and have great conversations. Guess who that group is probably going to have on all of their podcast shows and mention your name in rooms and say, I belong to this, this thing. And it's like a natural law of reciprocity that happens when you become the person who gets everybody together to kind of like share and talk and be that, like, center point for everybody to get value. Yeah.

I actually did this when I was an editor in New York and I got together a bunch of editors and I said, we're gonna do like a monthly dinner. And I had all these people over to my house and I reached out, just blind reached out to people I did not know who worked at all different magazines. And they all came over and some of them I'm still friends with today. And it was really, really satisfying experience. I've actually been meaning to do this for female podcasters for.

I'm there. I just invited myself forever.

Very much invited. So. But I, I love this because anybody listening could do this, whatever genre they're in. Like, it can be a business owner thing, but also it could be. I'm an account manager. I would love to talk to other account managers. I'd love to talk to other women working in corporate America. I would love to talk to other fitness entrepreneurs. Like, there's so many. I'd love to talk to other people who are interested in writing a book. You could do this for so, so many different facets of life.

And you don't have to be like, good at it. You literally could just say for your first meeting to try it on, especially if you're anxious about it, like, hey, I just want to get everyone together. Maybe we can go around and do, you know, a one minute intro for each person and be very specific. Or there will always be one talker who ruins it for everybody. But, like, let's go around, do a one minute intro and say one question question or one need that we have, like, one need that we have that we would love to, like, see if the group could weigh in on. And so that's not hard to do. Like, that is very easy to stand in front of people, even if you're nervous and be like, hey, guys, I just got you all together here. Mostly just to all be in a room and share ideas. But really, let's just, let's make an intro and then have one question each. Try to keep it under, you know, two minutes and see if we can help each other. And then we'll let the rest of the night free flow. That's all you have to say.

What about the initial outreach? Do you think there's the best or worst way to do that?

Yeah, I think you really need to paint the picture of exactly what it is. Start time, stop time, no expectations after that, you don't have to start coming to something. You don't have to be our best friend. You don't have to write it like that, obviously. But I think people don't say yes because they don't have all the details and they're afraid that it's gonna. Gonna lead into something that's a lot longer or is. Is a much bigger commitment than the one night. So I like to just tell people, like. Because I like to like that. Let that happen naturally. So even if I was asking you to go to coffee or to do something, it would be like, hey, Liz, I would love to get together with you. We can just kind of maybe just one hour, like, from this time to this time. I know you're busy. I'll make sure that we're, you know, done at this time. And I would love to see if I could help you with anything. I know we have X, Y and Z in common and. Great. If we do it this one time. Awesome. Like, I would just leave it at that. Like, we don't have to do it. How would I say it? It's like, I'm such a writer. Not like, but I let them off the hook. I let them know, like, it's gonna, like, we can end this here. And it's that.

Parameters.

Set parameters.

Yeah. So. So people don't feel like they're signing up for forever.

Exactly.

Yes.

Thank you, podcaster. Thank you, planelander.

So one of the things that you said, though, in that was like, I'd love to see if I can help you. You can help me. And this is advice I always hear when people are looking for mentors. Like, say, how can I help you? How can you help me? Etc. And the problem I always have with that is if you're seeking out mentors who feel like they're much further on than you, I'm kind of like, how can I help you? Like, can I help you in any sort of way?

I love this.

It feels ingenuine to even offer it.

Okay. I love this. Number one, I do think that there are ways we can. We can help people. Especially you have a podcast. It's such a great way to put people in front of an audience.

So for anybody listening.

For anybody listening, listening, when you're looking for a mentor, first of all, I think that mentors come in time, and they come in really unique ways. So when people are like, how do I find a mentor? I'm like, well, we're gonna have to put a lot of fishing poles out there, first of all, to kind of, like, see who's available for you and see, like, nobody's just waiting to be a mentor for someone is the thing. Like, in my life, they've come in really different, unique ways. And some are mentors that they don't know they're my mentors, and some are mentors that I'm like, like, okay, I have this one woman that I know is in the product world, and I know she's available for a question at a time because I've kind of dabbled in this. So a lot of times my mentors have come in this fashion where I will follow them, I will comment on their stuff, I will share all their stuff. Like, maybe you'll see me for a good year. I'm just like, I'm gonna add value to this person. She's got a book coming out. If she's on podcasts, I'm gonna share it. I'm gonna go to that book tour if it's in my city or I'm gonna travel to it, and I'm gonna bring friends. Like, I will go out of my way if I feel like this woman could really help me. But I'm gonna add so much value with no expectation. But by the time I do an ask, there will have been some value. Like, some value there for her that if she answers, freaking amazing. That could really open doors. If not, I'm gonna let it be okay that all of that value went out the window, because I got value, too. Like, I got value out of following this person, learning from this person, going to the thing.

Wait, I want to linger. Because making sure you're getting value along the way, I do think is so key to not having this feeling of, like, you've entered a bargain with this person that they don't even know about, that they're not holding up their end.

Oh, I learned this the hard way. I learned this from people thinking that if they attended my events for years, that then I would go and write the forward to their book. And I don't believe in what the book said or I don't know this person at all.

Yeah.

And so for me, it actually made me go, oh, my God, where am I doing this to other people? Like, because if you guys are doing what you want to be doing, you'll be Having people attend your things, come to your things, follow your things. And I think we energetically have to let those people off the hook if we want to be let off the hook.

Yeah.

Now I don't have that happen in my life anymore where I feel like people feel that way to me, where I'm on the hook for them for something. Because I. I honestly do so much work around letting other people off the hook around, like, okay, yeah, two years of me going to all your stuff and you, like, turned me down for one little thing. And, yeah, maybe I feel that for a minute. Of course I do. Like, well, that sucks. But also, I got so much from you, and you never agreed to this. You never agreed to this. So it's. That's been a really powerful experience for me.

Okay. So we're reaching out. We're including strong boundaries and limitations when we do our reach out, whether it's for a mentor or whether it's to be the aggregator of our genre.

Let me share one major action step for that mentor thing, though. So after adding value and being in their world, at least, at least a couple months, like, at least try to show that you're sharing stuff or commenting on their stuff and being interested in them one question at a time. Like, literally, if you're gonna DM someone and you truly have a question, be like, what is the one. One thing from this person that could really help me if they answered it? And so, you know, I've it. I love this about you. Thank you so much. You've added value. I listened to. I listened to this podcast where you talked about this. My question is make that question one to two sentences max. Make the whole ask one paragraph or less. And if they answer, great. If not, you can try again another time. But that's going to be your best bet for getting someone to answer is making it super brief, super pointed. And then once they answer, oh, my gosh, thank you so much. Don't ask another question. Like, try to avoid asking another question. Go and implement that thing. Check back. This is literally how I did this in the fitness world. Like, when I would get covers and.

Then you would say, I implemented this advice. This is how it went.

This is how it went.

Oh, my gosh, that'd be. I. So I do a lot of mentorship. I'm still looking more for people to mentor me. I feel like that's been a frustration in my career. But if I gave advice to people and then they were like, thank you so much for that, and went away for a few Months and then checked back in about how it was going. It would feel so nice because it would feel like, oh, my gosh, they're listening to me. My time isn't being wasted.

I just had it. A girl had asked me, could you please give me a couple tricks before I go on stage? I'm speaking at a big event because in the. So she wrote me. I've been listening to your podcast for a long time. You. You've given me so much good advice on how to go, like, speak at events. I used to be so nervous and I booked my first one and it's on this date. Can you give me one? Like a. I think she asked for a couple other things to do right before you go on stage. Absolutely.

Yeah.

She listened to my stuff, she implemented it, she took action. She has a speaking gig. This is a. This is an action taker. I am so happy to help. I voice noted her. I took her through a bunch of stuff. I don't know this woman. Like, yeah, at all. And then she followed up and let me know how it went. I am all about this woman now. I am just like, what else do you need? Like, you made like, this is the whole purpose. I'm here on the planet. You actually took what I said and used it. That, like, makes me feel so good.

Yeah.

I'm like, oh, that actually worked.

And I love the point about, like, I listen to you on a podcast because I know that a lot of. Of other people who create content. One of our biggest frustrations is people will DM you these questions that you've covered that are very easily googleable. If you just googled like Liz Moody anxiety or Liz Moody public speaking or like, there's so many resources out there. And so to feel like somebody took a little bit of initiative before using your time to have you take the initiative for them feels really good.

Yes. And now I truly feel like if this just continues like that, where she keeps reporting back and using things, I'm happy to help this person because it's very short, it's very brief. The energy feels really clean. I don't feel like she wants things from me. Like, it's very like, hey, okay, I'm gonna touch in, you know, on this one question here and there. So, so happy to help.

So you and your husband have members of your community who are really huge name people. And I think people will look at these people and be like, oh, I really want to talk. Talk to this giant podcast host, this hugely best selling author, and get their help. Get Their mentorship have them in my community. Do you think that's ever possible? Are we needing to climb our way up a ladder of networking or how does that work?

Sometimes it can happen really fast. So if you can think of ways to add value for people and not everyone can do this. So I couldn't do the things that I'm going to tell you right away in the beginning. These are things that, that maybe they come in. And if you're in the beginning, I wouldn't be looking for these huge mentors to come into your circle right away. It's just, it's not going to happen. You don't have like a value exchange yet.

And it might not be valuable. To the point we were talking about earlier, it's like the 50 degrees removed is not necessarily as valuable as the 1 or 2 or 3 degrees removed.

Yeah, like, they can't help you yet. You actually have to lay more groundwork or more foundational work or you have to go through some tough lessons, lessons in your career. Because if someone just like catapulted you and you're a beginner and they put you on a big stage, guess what comes with that? Like, you gotta have your back end set up on your website. You gotta have like, customer service. You gotta be emotionally prepared for people to come at you with different questions or different things. So I actually don't think it's a good thing right away to be striving to have that person in, in your circle. So what happens with some of those big relationships that you might see in our life now is I spent five years on a podcast creating a platform where maybe I could go when they, when I noticed they had a book launch, could I have them on and get their book out in front of people? And then if I really want to do something for them, release expectations also knowing in the future, maybe something could happen. Okay, well, we're gonna do a 20 book giveaway or a 50 book giveaway. They remember that, like, oh, when my book came out, or the two books I've had over the last three years, this couple, for no reason, literally gave 50 free books. Both times. Yes, we buy the books and then we give them to people. And what happens is, it's like every time that person gets it for free, they tag that person with your name as a thank you. And it's like, wow, they really gave to me with no expectation for like three years. So when you go and ask them something, they actually want to help you. Like, oh, sure, I'm happy to help you guys have always helped me in a big way. Like, you've gone out of your way to do that. And so Chris and I have always done that. And some people don't help, and that's great. Like, and some people we've never asked. Like, we've done this for so many people. Different things like that where we've just never even had to ask of them. But we know that that is how you build a community.

That's so interesting. I also. Okay, so you guys are more willing to spend money to create networks than anybody I've ever met. And I find it really interesting. How do you know when that money is worth spending? Whether you're throwing a dinner and inviting people to that dinner for free? Chris is telling me that when he first moved to la, that's what he did. He would, like, invite all these people out to dinner, and then people be like, oh, free dinner. And he'd get these incredible people to come because they just wanted to go have a free dinner. But then he would get to sit down and have dinner, and they liked it because they got to have dinner and it ballooned out from there.

Yeah.

How do you know when a spend is gonna have a good payoff off?

You don't. But I trust that whenever you're getting good people in a room and like, doing something good, I trust that something magical is going to happen. Sometimes it happens right away, sometimes it happens five years down the road where you're like, oh, I met you at that dinner. That was amazing. Oh, my God. Like, I can trace back so many things now to those moments. So I just. I think in life there are beliefs that you just have to trust. Like, if I pass out on stage doing this, this keynote, it's actually going to be for me because I'm going to learn from it all my fear is going to be taken away because it actually happened. And now I'm like, okay, my worst fear happened and I survived it. So, you know when you're thinking of let's, let's use that book buy for an example, because we do that a lot for people and we don't know if we're going to have an ask or not. Is there a direct ROI on us buying books for our audience? No, but what happens is so many people who even receive the book, like, you added value by buying a book book for someone. They now are like die hards who like, oh, I came to their event because they're just such great people. Like, I've. I listened to the podcast. I'VE actually gotten, like, four of the books from the book buys because all I have to do is, like, share. And so you're constantly getting these, like, good hits and good emotions where they're like, I love these people. Okay, I'm gonna invest in an event. And so if you actually asked people where they all came from, it's probably these moments where they just have good feelings around you. Like, oh, I observed that they do this. You didn't even know that it was making you think a certain way about someone. But we get a lot of value from even knowing. Like, buying books for people is not only good for the person who's written it, but it's a really awesome thing to do for your community.

So look for win wins.

Look for win wins. That's like a, it's also a massive perk to help someone and give them a book and, like, have that community feel closer to you.

You, how do you get over. You were raised with not very much money at all. How do you get over money fears and money blocks around doing something like that and not having it have a direct roi?

Oh, we've done a lot of work around this. So I'm trying to think. I mean, I've read so many money books. One of the, one of the first ones was T. Harvecker, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. That just really helped me go into my money story and watch it. Like, all the fear and lack around things. I still get it sometimes, but I. The work. The work never, ever ends. But I like to look for a lot of examples of people who are super abundant, who maybe weren't in the beginning. And like, Chris and I do this walk where we live right now in Corona del Mar, and there's this, like, little spot that we like to stop that we call, like, abundance or manifesting point. And there's like a big boat that we love there. It's a Von Dutch. I think that's how you say it. Von Dutch. And I'm always like, like, look at how much abundance there is. Like, these people literally have created whatever they want. And it's not because they're any different. It's like, I, it's having the belief that nobody who has, like, the things you want or the lifestyle you want or all of the money. Like, I, I, I don't look for proof on why they're different than me. I look for proof on why they're the same as me all the time. I'm like, like, I guarantee these are people who had, you know, immigrant Parents or who had, you know, a struggle financially or who had to get over X, Y and Z, or who weren't educated or who didn't graduate. Like, I think I pull those things in of, like, why could this be for me? Why is the world abundant? Why is God abundant? Why does he want us to have money? That one has really helped me as well. Like, get over fear is. I'm like, no, he wants us to be abundant. Where can I live? Look for reasons why, like, we should be abundant and not in lack. He's so abundant in nature. He's so abundant with people who are like, we just know so many people who are giving. I don't look for bad rich people. I look for good rich people. Like, it really helps me with the blocks around money.

I love that. Because it doesn't mean there aren't bad rich people. There's a lot of bad rich people, and it doesn't mean there aren't a lot of people who've just had a ton of privilege and that's why they're rich. And they were born really wealthy and maybe lost a bunch of money and they're still really wealthy. But what you look for is what creates your reality. So you're selective filtering for the stories that are going to help you in your reality, which doesn't mean the other stories don't exist, but it means you're asking, what's going to help me in creating the reality that I want.

We are like the. The best sales people for ourselves. And so every single day, you're always giving yourself a sales pitch. No matter what. There's no way to turn it off.

Off.

So I'm either gonna give myself a negative sales pitch or I'm gonna do a positive sales pitch. And I'm like, every single day, I'm gonna give myself a positive pitch on why everything is for me. Like, everything. I don't care if it's like, it can be. It can get dark. And I'm like, how could I make that for me? How would I make that my life's purpose? Or how would I survive this? Or how could I make someone's life better because of this? Because there's no other option. Like, stuff is gonna happen in our lives. Lives. Bad stuff is going to happen. We all think of the most amazing person or most popular person on the Internet. Like, they have bad stuff going on in their life right now. And it's just what we're choosing to tell ourselves every day or pitch ourselves because we're always selling ourself on a belief. Every day is a sales pitch on a belief. And so I am going to be the best salesperson on why everything is happening for me.

So let's say you get into one of those rooms. Can you give us one or two pragmatic action tips to make the most out of being around these people that we work so hard, hard to be. Be around.

Oh, my God. Be interested, not be interesting. Like, if you're in a room and you find yourself where you're like, whoa, how did I get here? I have those moments for sure where I'm like, I got nothing. Like, I got nothing. Like, I feel like I got nothing to offer of value. That can happen sometimes in those rooms where, like, this is intimidating. How did I get here? I just, like, I sit with those emotions of, okay, this is like your kid who wants to be, you know, popular and fit in. That's okay. We're all feeling this way. We're all a bunch of big kids who just like, like. And you'll even see it in the room, right? Like, your kids. Stuff comes up. Like, I have this desire to be seen, or I have this desire to all notice that I'll look at a circle of girls who are all having fun, and instead of me going, oh, I should go over to them, guess what my first response is. See, I'm not in that group.

Yeah, same.

Because I'm not popular. And so that will happen to me over and over in that room. I'm not kidding. I can think of a room in particular. I'm not even saying it, but it's just like, my not enoughness is just, like, blaring.

How do you push through that?

I say to myself, like, well, you can either do what you've always done, and that doesn't get us anywhere, or you can go over and keep inserting yourself into that group and let it be okay, even if you don't have value right away. Like, to add, just listen.

What if they aren't welcoming?

Then maybe I find a different group. But for the most part, I want to challenge that they're not welcoming. I want to challenge that you viewed as the perspective of, they've already been friends. You're new. You need to, like, make yourself be in this group a little bit longer. Stay a little bit longer, Keep going back, keep sitting down.

Like, what you might be perceiving as cold, might just be unfamiliar that you.

Broke into the middle of a conversation or a friend group. Yeah, like, you are the person who's maybe making them Feel not as comfortable, nervous. Nervous. And that's okay. Like, they don't know you. Maybe you even intimidate. Intimidate them in a different way. And you don't know. Maybe you're an amazing parent. Maybe they love you, your fashion. Maybe they're like, we're not sure on this person yet. So you have to remember, you might know them, but they might not know anything about you. Especially if we're meeting our mentors. You've listened their podcast. You know so much about them that's kind of weird, you know, and they're like, I don't know you. I don't feel anything for you yet. Maybe you actually even feel a little unsafe, because I don't know if I can be myself around you and, like, really drop in. So, like, go into that compassionately and just ask questions. Let it be okay if you're silent. Like, just sit with it for a while and keep going back to it until for some reason, if you're like, oh, nope, they're not for me. Energetically, I'm good. But even then. Even then, I still go back because my stories, man, we are story makers. We are meaning making machines, truly. And if your perspective is, I don't fit in, and you know that that is a wound that that room is bringing up, guess what? You're gonna keep going back to in that room. See, this is why I don't need these groups. This is why I don't want to be here. This is why I, like, oh, look at all the evidence of why they're bad. Oh, look at all the evidence of why I shouldn't like them. Oh, see, they fell from grace. Or they're like this or they're like that. Like, we will keep going back to that over and over unless we keep going back and trying again and looking for new evidence until that story changes.

Oh, that is so powerful. Oh, my gosh, I love that story. It's so powerful. It's so powerful. Okay, what about jealousy? How do we not jealousy get in the way of us building the communities that we want?

Okay, I love this one because it took me a long time, but now it's so great. I actually look for the women I'm jealous of, because if I go and can, like, typically, I'm jealous because it's probably something in me that I want, which means we might get along really, really well eventually. If I can get past my jealousy, I will tell you, most of my best friends now, I started as really jealous or intimidated. It's almost like The X that marks the spot of, like, oh, there's something there for you. And so with jealousy, though, how I get over that is the realization that if I become friends with this person and it's an authentic relationship, if I can, like, work through it, that I now gain that skill set. I don't have to have it. Like, I actually learned this the most when I started my event called the Bliss Project. Now it's been, like, since my first one, maybe, like, 12 years ago, I don't know, 10 years ago. And I used to not invite women to speak on stage at it if I felt like they were smarter than me.

Me. Oh.

Because I thought it would make me look dumb.

Yeah.

And. And feeling dumb because I didn't graduate high school was my, like, deepest fear. Like, being, like, in, like, called out, like, you're not smart enough. Oh, my God, this girl's a total fraud. Like, how can she even be up there? And so I would avoid, like, these women that I was like, oh, she's gonna look better than me. And what I realized over the next, like, three years, because it was, like, year three, that I really started to look at that just for many different reasons and read a lot of different books. Books. And I can't tell you exactly what made me look at that, but I had the realization of, oh, my God, this actually only makes it better. It only makes the event better, which only. I'm just gonna be honest. It only makes you look better if you have a great event. And if I can sit. It's like, I remember some of the first times watching women on stage where I was like, okay, this makes me nervous. Like, this girl's gonna rock the house, and that's great. Like, what if it's all about her and not me? Awesome. Okay, that's amazing. Like, can I. I sit here and celebrate this woman so much to the experience where I'm really feeling it fully. And so when I feel that I'm like, oh, my God, I can celebrate her because, number one, like, now I get to gain that skill set. Number two, if she's in my world, like, I actually get that asset. It only lifts us up. Number three, I am so focused now on what I'm good at and letting it be okay for all of these other people to fill those gaps. And that's really the ultimate goal. Find all the people who are so freaking amazing and awesome at the stuff that you're not. And that is how I believe our events are awesome. Like, I'm not good at everything. I'M actually quite bad at a lot of things, but I invite people in and I let myself thrive in facilitation. I let myself thrive in, like, the fact that I got these amazing women together. And just. I think the more that you can be like, like, how can I celebrate her? How can I celebrate this?

And what do I thrive at?

Like, where do I thrive, really?

Identifying and feeling solid in the things that you thrive at, which anybody listening there is something and identifying that and celebrating that for yourself makes it so much easier to celebrate what other people thrive at.

Million percent.

Yeah. Is there anything else? If somebody's listening and they want to build their network, build their community and change the path of their life, is there anything else that you feel like they need to hear? Whether it's very pragmatic and actionable or it's a mindset shift.

Yeah. Enjoy the process. Knowing what you started with, saying that community is like, the number one reason that we thrive and live long and have a happy life. Don't go into it going, oh, I need to build a community for my business or it won't work. That's all I hear. It's like, no, you need to build community because it's the most important thing we'll do on this planet. Because having real relationships are, like. It's why we're here. Here. It's like. It actually chokes me up right now thinking about that I ever thought I wanted to be alone. Like, just the women that have opened up, the friendships, the. They're the most beautiful part of my life. So. And that took years, like, and I know that in five or 10 years, you can have this exact feeling, and you'll know so clearly why you're here, and it'll feel like you're not alone. And it. Having deep, deep, beautiful, grounded relationships really kind of. I don't want to say fearless, but it allows you to take massive risks in your life and actually become the person you're here to be. Because you'll have a soft place to land when you fail, and they'll pull you back up. Like, if you have a amazing network of people, of relationships, you're uncancellable, because they'll never let you be. They'll always pull you up. They'll always say, okay, maybe you failed. Maybe you really, really did. Like, yeah, that was not great what happened. But let's get you back on course. Like, let's get back to. To why you're here.

I also want to tease out one thing you said, which was, it Might take years. You feel like a better long game player than almost anybody I've ever met. Can you just give us one piece of advice for having that patience, that what we're doing is going to have an effect, even if it's going to take longer than what we might think.

I think it's from the workout background. I literally think it's because I was like, when I would work with people and when I even started exercising, I was like, okay, I've been lifting for a year and a half now. Like, I don't really see anything. Well, it's happening. It's all happening underneath. Everything's changing. But everything good takes a lot of time, and you have to trust that things are happening and just enjoy the process. Like, I had to fall in love with. Oh. It's not just about, like, a physical result. I see. It's that the process of building a network is making you a better person every single day. Every room you enter, even if it's a room you don't like, that made you so much better because you learned something about yourself or you did something hard. And so fall in love with the process of what it looks like to go meet new people. Yeah. Your heart might get broken. Broken multiple times. You might meet a bunch of total D bags. You might, like, have a really terrible time. That's all going to happen. But I promise you, like, 60 to 70% of it, which is really great, is gonna be awesome.

Can you leave us with just one homework assignment, something that we can all do the second we turn off this podcast to begin to create the network that will create the life of our dreams?

I think go and see if you can find someone in your actual physical community right now in your area, and just go, like, set a coffee date with someone. Or if you've been working out with someone, if there's someone in your area that you know is also an entrepreneur, if there's someone at your workspace, like, go intentionally. See, make it a challenge. If you can go physically meet with someone for an hour with an intention, like, start sending those invites. Know that if you're gonna get one, it might take you, you know, 10 to 15 people to close it, maybe 20 people to close it. You might get rejected, you might get ghosted. But I think that that proof of, like, I did it. I made a coffee date. Oh, my God. And following through with that is gonna be huge for you.

And should we have an ask for that coffee date, or should we just be having a conversation and building that relationship?

I Would have an ask for the. Well, I would have an ask for an intention for the coffee date.

Okay.

So it could either be like, like, hey, let me know what you're up to. I'd love to also share what I'm up to. Like, just share something that maybe you could help each other. Hey, we're into the same thing. Would you ever want to go to coffee to see, like, what. I just want to learn more about you, share a little about myself. Like, have some sort of intention. Not like, let's just go drink coffee.

But not like, I want to do a collab post on Instagram or please don't you teach me how to write a book.

No, please don't go there right away.

Okay. We didn't touch on that that much, so I just want to make sure. So, like, do you think in general the relationship needs to be built for a while before an ask is made?

Yes, I do. And there is points though. So this is a 90%. Yes. There are some points that I think if you guys are both mutually doing big things in the world and you have like the same goal, I do think you could be like, hey, Liz.

Like, like, if it's a mutually beneficial ask, it can happen.

Mutually beneficial ask. I think it can actually happen right away.

Okay. But if it's a more one sided ask, build the relationship first. Yes, that makes sense to me. All right. Do you want to spotlight anything that you're working on, Anything that you're excited for people to know about?

I love my podcast, so I know we're both podcasters, so earn your happy. And then I also just started a daily beauty supplement that I absolutely love because it's like a one habit, guys, that just like, it's one of those things that we chatted about on your podcast on my show, which you guys go and listen to that. She was so good. I loved it it. But it's like, what is that one ritual that just makes you feel like, okay, I did this. It was good for me. It was easy. I enjoyed it. This is something good that I did for myself. So it's called glossy. It's a skin routine. You can drink. That's what I'm working on. And the podcast is just mostly where I'm all hanging out as well.

Can you tell us super fast the story of earn your happy? Because I love the name and I. That resonated with me strongly when I heard it.

So earn your happy came from when I was really meditating. I was like, okay, I'm gonna, like, like, do this meditation thing when I was really meditating, you guys, it was still only 15, 20 minutes at a time, but it was Monday through Friday. It was Monday through Friday, so I was in a meditation. I just. I just, like, saw it and heard it. It was like, earn your happy. And the reason I saw it and heard it is I was just thinking of life. Like, the. I think I was marinating on what I wanted to call it. I'm not sure. No, it wasn't even a podcast yet. That literally just popped in my head, like, earn your happy. And it came because I used to walk around thinking that there were either happy people or unhappy people, and I lumped myself into the unhapp people because I was very anxious and I had to do a lot of work to feel good every day. And I always felt like it was a lot more easy to think of the bad things than the good things. And so I was like, no, there aren't happy or unhappy people. The happiest people I know have these really solid routines. They do all these different things to get themselves there. Maybe there's Chris Harder, who's one of the happiest people I know. Annoying, and love him.

But he's still doing the routines.

But he's still doing the routines and. And he's doing the things. He's not doing the things that make him unhappy for the most part, you know? So it was a moment for me of, no, no, we have to earn that daily. Like, you have to make sure you're eating well. Our brains need that. Like, there are things we're doing every day that are making me unhappy. And so how can I start eliminating those and putting into practice. And that's the whole basis of the podcast, is like, what are the things that make us happy? And, like, does just. We have to decide what makes us happy first of all. So that's where it came from.

And decide to go for them. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. Thank you so much, Lori. I love this conversation.

Thank you for having me on. This was. See, two hours later, I'm like, okay, now what? Now?

Yeah, let's do you guys.

Thank you.