Tips to Grow Your Following + What It Takes to Live A “Good Life” with Sazan Hendrix

What I've learned about a good life is that good and hard can coexist.

Living a good life doesn't always feel good. In fact, it feels really challenging.

Let's go on the journey and really figure out what it means to cultivate a life that you can live every day despite not being where you want to be. I've kind of seen life as a charcuterie board, so. That sounds so good.

This is delicious. You know, figuring out who you are and knowing why you're here. How did you figure that out?

Why is it that my foundation of happiness feels like it's just been completely rocked? Where do you go when you've come to the end of yourself? We have to walk in our truth. You have to be honest.

Ouch. You're about to break patterns from your family and your friends and the way things are. A good life doesn't always mean it's the good life that you grew up thinking it was supposed to be. Suzanne Glory, we're in person. Like, I can reach out and touch you.

We can literally.

This is so wonderful.

I mean, so much better than Zoom.

Oh, my gosh. Welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you here. And, yes, this is for me. You're my very first, like, sit down video. Do the whole thing. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay. The pressure is on.

The pressure's on. Don't mess this up. Seriously.

Lawnmower guy, chill out.

Yeah, we have the lawnmower guy who decided to show up right now.

So she's just going to add. So excited. When you reached out to me, and we're like, hey, I'm going to be in town. What are you doing? I'm like, I literally have no life right now and no plans, and I mean that in the best way. So I'm coming over, so thanks for having me.

Oh, my gosh. This will be so much fun. And you have been on this wild. I've just been seeing you. You just back from New York, right?

Yes.

For your book, which you guys is right here. So exciting. A real good life. Discover the simple moments that bring joy, connection, and love. And you and your husband Stevie have been kind of those people for so many people who I'm sure you hear this all the time, but you probably get, like, couple goals, right? Like, people want to know how to be like you guys.

Yeah.

How did that even start? And why? Like, how did that whole thing start?

It's one of those things, Lori, where if somebody told me that your life was going to go down a path, where people were going to be saying, couple goals. I would have never thought, like, oh great, sign me up. Right. I think it's kind of just turned into something really magical that we've cultivated online for this really special community that started out with a bunch of girls that looked like me, that were looking for how to do everyday makeup videos for their skin tones. There wasn't a lot of that stuff out there for more olive skin tone girls of the Middle Eastern descent like myself. And so it started in that and then I started to really build this really amazing connection with women everywhere. And then I started sharing more of my lifestyle, things I was going through in real time. And what started as beauty quickly transformed into storytelling. And that is, I think, at the heart of what I love to do more than anything. That's what I went to college for. I thought I wanted to broadcast journalism, telling other people's stories. And God had a different plan and said, nope, we're going to use your life and start sharing the things that you go through. The good, the bad, the hard, the pretty, all of it. And I was able to do it through the social media world, which was not a thing, you know, 15 years ago. It's so, it's just crazy to see where we are today. And is there literally a fly flying behind me?

There's a little mosquito by you. Okay, if it's driving you nuts.

Not. But I'm like, if it's going to affect your like close up cuts, you know, I know how this world works.

Like about to land on your face anyways.

It would happen to me, but I mean, that's real. This is a real good life right now, today with the mosquitoes. But going back to what I was saying, I think for Stevie and I, we've just loved the opportunity we've had to just get to show up every day. It's not easy as, you know, stepping onto these public platforms, especially in the climate of, of everything that goes on in the world. There's hard stuff going on in the midst of us sharing our pretty picture perfect lives. And I think Stevie and I realized that if we are, you know, if our goal is to storytell and just be a beacon of light for people, then we need to be real. We need to share just the things that we're going through as we're, we're living it out. And so what I've learned about a good life is that good and hard can coexist. And sometimes when we are looking at the billboards, we're looking at the Magazine ads or hearing the podcast, you hear that like, you know, the good life is picture perfect. It's kind of like that Kanye west song where it's about the cars and the money and the houses and the luxury and the fine things in life. And those things are great. But I think a real good life, it is those simple things that sometimes we look back on and we say, oh, my gosh, I miss that. I want more of that. I need to go and just kind of remove myself from the bubble that I'm in to go spend time with the people that I love. So a good life is not just internal. It's. It's external. It's what we're putting out into the world. It's how we're loving others and showing up for others. And so that's honestly what we feel like we're guinea pigs at. We haven't figured. Like, we haven't. We're not experts at it. I don't think anybody is when it comes to life. But Stevie and I just genuinely, through our podcast, what we've learned is like, let's go on the journey and really figure out what it means to cultivate a life that you can live every day despite not being where you want to be.

I'm going to deep dive into all of that because living a good life is so layered. Like, you have to even figure out what the heck that even means for you.

Yes.

But I want to go back to something that you said because you talked about loving, telling stories, and really having that kind of be the thing that your community grabbed onto. Were you always good at telling stories, or have you learned how to tell stories and can you help us tell a better story?

Yeah. You know what I've realized just since, like, just through my research and through experiences that I've had, what I've learned, even if you go way back into the ancient days, before there was even books or podcasts, I think what connected humans were the abilities to share stories, whether it was around a table. You know, that was kind of like, if you really look back and even in a lot of cultures today, like my own, you know, preparing a meal is like an all day thing. It's like a real thing that back in those days, you would have to hunt for your food. Every single family member had a role, and what food allowed was to bring people around a table. And then what happens? Conversations. And so while we're living in a world today where it feels a little bit harder to do that because of, like, the distractions and the noise and the social media and just our busy schedules, I just think that we are kind of like losing touch and we're losing sight of just how important that is to storytelling is a conversation. It is sharing experiences that you've gone through. And I feel like I've never been an expert at writing. Oh, and here I am writing a book, but it took me five years.

To write for a reason.

But if you, if you even read the book, it's. It feels very conversational. It's like, I think so often we get in our heads about how we should express ourselves or how we should share our stances on certain things, or how do we share our heart? But that's the thing I think I've learned is when you are just coming from a place of just being authentic, if you can come to the end of yourself and just say, hey, I'm going to just be completely myself, all the imperfections included, and just sit with somebody and have real conversations, I think that's where some of the doubt leaves the room, some of the worry, some of the insecurities of, like, oh, my God, what if I say something wrong or I offend them? And I think we just need to get back to the heart of, like, why we love people and why we want to connect with people about various topics and just experiences teach us things. And so if you can sit and have a conversation, that becomes a beautiful experience. And that's, that's what I love about social media. I think being in it now for a decade, that's like, why I'm still in it. It's not so much to, like, grow anymore. Like, I mean, you know, when you think, oh, well, you know, once I hit that million fault, millions of followers brain, I would have lived a good life, then I would have experienced a good life. It's like, I've hit a lot of those things. And what I've learned is that for me, it's just really about, like, every day. If I have to do this, I just have to connect with people. Like, that's what brings me joy. My joy is the connection that the online platforms allow us to have with people from all parts of the world. Can you imagine if Jesus had that opportunity? Oh, my gosh, like, if he got to just like, get on Instagram and be able to talk to all of the nations near and far, or anyone really, back in those days, there's beauty in that. But then there's also, it's. It's also the toxic trait sometimes to social media for me. It's like, I need to know when to really turn it off and go and live life offline. And so I think the two for me have become interwoven because I don't want to live a life online that does not mirror the life that I'm living offline because it's just too hard to keep up with. It's just really hard to curate perfection. And I think if anybody out there is like, I want to. I want to be a storyteller, or I just want to be better at walking into a room and there's a big group of people there that I don't know, I want to be able to be better at just being able to walk up and talk to people. I would just say, like, you know, focus on the direction of your heart, not the perfection. I think that's something that we all get really caught up in today, is that everything that we do, everything that we say has to be perfect. When all you have to do is just show up, know that your heart is pointed in the right place and just follow that as your North Star, and just really trust, trust that. And so anyone who wants to walk into a room, and I challenge you to do that and meet some new, new people, just literally, just be yourself and don't be afraid to, like, say things that you're going to feel like, oh, God, should I have said that? Was that dumb? We are not made to filter ourselves out like we are some Instagram post in real life. Like, you just have to be yourself and be authentic in that. And I think you really can't do any wrong when you're. When you're truthfully authentic in who you are.

I think what's so beautiful about you and you know, this community that you've cultivated is through. Instead of telling people what to do, you really show and you show your story.

Thank you.

And share stories. And it can be, as you know, someone in business and creating content, you can get really caught up in thinking that you need to know it all and you have to teach people things. But you being able to just tell stories and show through your experience is really where that community gets really close to you.

It's crazy when you think about it, Lori, because I know you're in the social media space, too. It's like every single day when we wake up, we realize that there is this little phone, right, that's staring at us, that's calling our names. And sometimes we say, not today. Enough is enough. But there's this power and that calling. When we can check in to these places and spaces where you can really just inspire people through your day to day. Like, my life is not glamorous in this current season of my life. I am in the thick of my postpartum mom era and I am nursing a child. I've got a girl, a five year old, who started kindergarten. So on my actual day to day, I'm in the thick of living life. I've got my sleeves rolled up and I am raising kids while managing a business. And I'm trying to also make sure I feed and fuel my marriage. And it's all of these things that as women, I think sometimes we put this pressure on ourselves and we're like, oh my God, I have to be the best mom and the best wife and the best entrepreneur. We, I think are wired to be able to do all of the things. But I think for me it's also been knowing like, hey, we, it's important that while we check in online and we check back in offline, it's like tapping in and out that we also are very much in tune with what our mind, body, spirit, needs, needs in that current season of our life. And so if it means saying no more, because you've just been saying yes to all the things, totally there's power in saying no. And we've talked about this. It's like when you can really say no, it doesn't mean that I think that you're giving up on opportunities. It actually means that you're making room for more. And so I have found that if what we can all do even today is like, look at your life from an aerial perspective and just audit, let's audit what a good life looks like for you in this current season. Now, in six months down the line, that might change. But in this season of your life right now, if you look down like an aerial perspective and you say, okay, I want to cultivate a good life, a life that I can love every day. So what are the things in my life? What are those mountains? And I think those mountains being the challenges because we all have them, whether they're big or small, or some of them are just a little bit more like the planes. And I feel like for some of us, that mountain, it could be our personal health, it could be something that we just haven't paid attention to. We haven't been feeding and fueling that another mountain. For some of you, maybe your marriage is suffering or it's just in a season of drought and you need to water the seed. And then for Other people, it's maybe this mountain of self doubt. Like, maybe you have this dream that's been tucked away in your heart, but you won't do it because of all the things that have somehow convinced you that you're not good enough to press Go. You know, I want to challenge everybody to look at that life, audit that life, and say, well, first I'll start with these mountains, right? Let me, you know, settle my worth here. And we talk about that in the book, like, settling your worth. You really have to understand that at the. At the start of every day when you wake up. What I've learned is that, you know, you really have to understand who you are and what you were made for. And you have to be able to debunk the lies that are constantly trying to tell you things. Every day they're trying to convince you of things that are not true. And I. I believe if you can start with the mountains, which are the challenges in your life, and just tackle those mountains while knowing your worth, you're pretty solid. And then you can start to add things into your good life. I kind of see life as a charcuterie board.

This is delicious.

I mean, it's gonna have a hodgepodge of things on there, and it's all gonna have different flavors and different richness and different textures and colors. And I think that's what life should be. It should look a little different than somebody else's charcuterie life. You know what I mean? It's not. Two boards are going to look the same, and there's beauty in that. And so I just want to encourage everybody to understand that the challenges we have, that we all have them and we all have to face them, but you can also enjoy your life while you're chasing those. Those goals and those challenges, and just don't forget it. Don't forget those simple. Those simple things that bring you that everyday joy.

So you mentioned a lot of. A lot of what you just chatted about comes from, you know, figuring out who you are and knowing why you're here. How did you figure that out? Were you ever in a place? Can you tell me a story about when you did not know who you were and what were you doing?

Oh, yes. I mean, when I was 21 years old, and now I'm 34, but when I was 21, that was the time in my life where I hit, you know, a really dark place. I had been in a relationship with somebody for a long time at that point. It was my first relationship. Thought I was going to marry this guy and, you know, was trying to figure out what I want to do with my future. I feel like, you know, around that age 20, 21, is when you're really starting to feel this fire up your butt that's like, you better figure out, you need to know, what is it that you want to do with your life? You know, where is it that you're going? To graduate school? You feel all of this pressure when you're younger. And so I was definitely, like, in the thick of figuring, what is it that I want to do? And. And. And why does my heart feel this way? I was sad, I was heartbroken, and I did not know how to navigate through the pain. And I come from a family, a very loving, big family. But the way that I was raised was just kind of like, you've got to pick yourself up and you've got to keep going. And I. That was this tough love that I didn't need to hear. In that season of my life, it was like I was just searching. I was searching for answers to figure out, like, what. Why is it that my foundation of happiness feels like it's just been completely rocked, Like. And so I was in college at the University of North Texas, studying radio, tv, film, which is what I thought, you know, I'm just going to focus on my studies. And that's where I met my husband, who at the time was not by any means my type or somebody.

I think we talked about this at dinner before. We're like, oh, yeah, no, I didn't.

Know that was going to be the question. And the reason was, is because I think so often we have these ideas and these expectations for our life.

Totally.

No, my life has to be a certain way. And for me at that age, you know, my family's approval meant everything to me. I come from a very big Kurdish family, very loving family. But in that season of my life, I didn't want to do the things that, like, my parents wanted. They wanted me to become a lawyer. And I'm thinking, no, I like to talk, but I don't think I could literally be in a courtroom and defend one side when I would probably try to see mercy and grace on the other side.

I'm like, this is not working. You're helping the other person win.

Yeah. And so I think my parents just had goals and expectations for their kids. And now that I'm a parent, I get it. I look at my children and I'm like, I want the best for you, you know? But for me, in that season of life. I had all this creativity. I had all of this, like, these unanswered questions. I was lost, and I didn't really find answers and truth in my household. You know, I didn't find those answers from my parents, and. And so I was searching for more. And that's when I met my husband in college. And he just became such a great friend to me. And I. Not only him, but the entire group of friends I met in college in that season of life. And I went on that jo for myself, of asking that question, like, okay, what is. What is happiness really? And how can I create a foundation of happiness that isn't going to come and fall to the ground like it just did in this previous season of my life? Like. And so I was so inspired by people like Stevie, who had this foundation of happiness that was not built on the ways of the world, but it was really built on his faith. And that's where I started asking those questions deep within myself of, like. Like, you know, who's God? And what does that mean to have a relationship with God? And I started getting those answers, and it was all through my dreams. It was really crazy. I was having these radical encounters in.

My dream just from starting to ask the question.

Yes.

Were you asking it frequently? Like, every day, or what did that look like?

It was. Yeah, it was. It was a season of life that I was in. And so it was. It was one night I went and I've. I've always been somebody who grew up in a house where we believed in higher being. Like, there's just.

Was there a name to it, or.

Was it just like it was God? It was like, you believe in God, you know, and then I had family members who, you know, were, like, Muslims. I had. I had family members who even were Christian, you know, Like, I had that all sprinkled out throughout my family bloodline. But it was not so much talked about in my immediate family, though. There was never. There was never going to church or even a mosque or anything like that. It was just like my parents believed in God. They believed in God's higher being and his power. But when I was 20 years old and I was going through all the things and I was looking for answers, I just was like, well, God, where are you? Like, I don't get it. Because you didn't feel it, like, you.

Didn'T have the relationship, did he. Did he feel far away?

Yes.

What did that.

For me, it was like God was up here, right? It felt like.

Was it a fearful thing, too?

Yes. It was very. I feared God, but I didn't know him. And I knew that, like, there is a such thing as God, but I knew that he was not available to me. In the sense where people talk about how you can have a close proximity with God, I didn't understand that. And it was not. My parents definitely always taught us, like, you can be close to God, you know, you have to pray. And my. My parents are definitely spirit filled. I believe that. But as a young girl, I never grew up with that understanding. Like, okay, well, how do I access that? How do I. There was not a religion or anything. Yeah, there was. It was just more like, my parents showed their incredible love for people and for life through their hospitality. Like, I always say, like, hospitality is a ministry. And I believe the Kurds, like, hospitality is, in a sense, become the ministry of our people. Because inviting people in over a meal to eat, that's how my parents were growing up. And so for them, generosity was the biggest thing. And so I definitely had that, you know, But I was talking about, like, when I became, like, in my 20s, like, I'm lost. I don't know which way to go. What do you do at that point? You're at that fork in the road where you're like, do I go to people for answers? Do I go to drugs and alcohol? Do I go to, like, where do you go when, you know you've come to the end of yourself, genuinely? And coming to the end of yourself is something that I have now since becoming a believer of Christ. Like, I still come to the end of myself every single day. Like, don't get me wrong, you know, but it's like in that season of life, I came to the end of myself and I said, what do I do now? I was genuinely lost with a white flag. Like, help. I surrender. Like, I need. I need more. There's more to this life than what I am able to achieve on my own. And I think that's when I started to ask those questions. I started to pray and ask God directly instead of doing the prayer that I always did as a little girl, which was like, please keep my family safe and I hope for good health for this, these people. It was totally.

I had to memorize prayer. That was just.

I had a memorized prayer. And so I finally was like, screw the memorized prayer. And I said, hey, God. And that was what broke the chain for me. It was those two words, hey, God. And I said, hey, God. I don't know if you've heard me my whole life. I don't even know really, like, who you are, but, like, I'm just lost, and I'm searching for answers. In this season of my life. I just want to do good in my life. I want to. I don't want to make the wrong mistakes. Like, help me. And it was that night. Yeah. In my dreams, I had it. You know, I was. I was in, like, this. What looked like this beautiful home, church kind of a thing. It wasn't like a traditional church, but I was amongst this body of people, and I just had my hands in the air and I was worshiping. I was just, like, looking up and worshiping Jesus's name. And so that changed my life. That changed everything. And when I said Stevie wasn't my type, it was because I was. It was because I knew that he wasn't going to be accepted into my family at that time, him being an American, like, it was really important for my family to continue to ingrain those values in us that were, like, you're Kurdish, you know, and if you know about the Kurds, like, we are a people group that we've suffered under the hands of horrible regimes and genocides. And so all we really have is, like, you think, like, our culture and our community. And so my parents feared that we would lose sight of that, I think, if their kids married outside of the culture. But when Stevie came into my life and I knew that, like, God was doing something through this man that I just could not get rid of, I really had to submit, and I had to lean into the thing that scared me the most, which was walking into a life that I knew was not going to be a life that was something that I was going to choose for myself. Because if it was up to me, I would have chosen that really perfect life that wouldn't have upset my family. It wouldn't have upset others. And I could have just lived a very comfortable, simple life. Right. That was what my thought process was in that time. But God was just like, don't you see? I have such a. I have such a bigger, more, I don't know, exciting life in store for you. And guess what? Don't worry about your family. I always felt like that I was responsible for the pain of others. And I always felt like, well, I don't want to hurt other people through my responsibility, you know?

Yeah.

And that's something. God just gave me this peace. And it wasn't an overnight thing, but it was really a journey of trusting where I had to let go and really, like, surrender every area of My life that I was trying to control bit by bit, department by department, career, relationship, family. I had to surrender it all. And I think when I finally laid it down, I saw that there's actually strength in surrendering. There's beauty in the midst of chaos. Like when you can just let go, it doesn't mean you're weak. It just means you're giving it to something that truly is, is greater than you. And for me, I've seen through my walk and I hope my life shares is just that testament because I've shared it online in those seasons. It's like, I just think that, I don't know, we weren't designed to have to do it all on our own in life, you know, we weren't designed to have to curate this good life by ourselves and, and to have to figure it out alone. Yes, there's practical things that we can do every day. And I think that we are given a free will for a reason. We're not puppets. God doesn't see us as puppets. To be like, hey, you know, like I'm just gonna orchestrate your life for you. No, like that's what I learned about that whole relationship with God was that he. It's relational. It's not about religion, it's about relationship. And God gives me this free will every day where I get to wake up and make decisions that are good. And how do you decide what's good? That's where you ask yourself like, okay, what is good? The world says this is good. Like, how are you going to discern what a good life is for you? For me it's a, it has to be a God filled life. And so for me that means, okay, there's certain things I have to do every day to jump start my day. I have to have my quiet time, I need to sit with my kids, I just need to love on others. Like those are all simple things, but important things. And it's just really helped me, I think, be able to let go of the things that I can't control and start really owning the things that I can. Knowing that God is fueling everything behind me and like beside me. And that just gives me the confidence in this world today to just keep going, you know, because it's a heavy world, it's a hard world, but there's always still good if God's in it. It's always, it's always going to stay good, you know, despite it being hard. So keep going. That's been, I think the through line for me in my My walk as an influencer, as somebody who had to get married to somebody while also disconnect, being, having to be disconnected from our family at the same time. And also now as a mom, I'm trying to help my kids navigate through this scary world and I can't do it by my own will and my own strength. I just cannot. There's no way I was created to do that. So I really have to give the glory to God on that and, and just share with others. Because I think sometimes we live in a world where you can't, you can't say those three words, you can't talk about God. And I think if you, whether it's in business or in your personal life, it's just, I think God is, is in all of it. And so it's okay to share that part of yourself. And that's what this book inspired me to just do, is just pour it all out, you know?

Oh, well, anybody listening who, you know, because I, I come from a really religious background and I think anyone who. That has a bit of trauma to it as well. But I've been able to find what that version is. Whether you use the word God or whether you use a different word, it's like, I don't know how to tell people how to live a good life, like your book says, without having something at the foundation of it. Otherwise it feels so lonely. And so much of what you, you know, so much of what you said is talking about how you'll be guided once you connect with that or once you get that relationship with God, which that was. You, like, had me super misty eyed when you were just saying how you changed your conversation from. Imagine if like you wanted a relationship with your husband, but you said the same thing to him every single day. He'd, like tune out, he'd leave, he'd be like, oh, dude, I can't, I can't have you say this exact thing. And so that moment of how would you have that conversation with that person? If you really wanted to get close to that person, what would you ask? What would you say? What would you share? How would you really feel? And so that was just a beautiful thing that people can start with. It's a really easy, tangible thing to just say. And so, you know, when we're trying to make a good life, I'm hearing a theme of it's not always going to feel good though. So we think of this life that we want and to get there. I know personally I have struggled living a good life. Doesn't always feel good. In fact, it feels really challenging. But I've also had to kind of what I'm hearing in your theme, blow a lot of things up or go against my family's beliefs. And during that, that is hard. So tell me about what that really looks like when you're about to break patterns from your family and your friends and the way things are. Tell me that feeling when you're, like, figuring out what your path really looks like and now implementing it.

Yeah, I think when I look back on that season of life, I just remembered that it felt like, you know, when you've done everything that you can do by your own will, like, you're at the end of this. It feels like you're at the end of a mountain.

You have nothing left.

And now you're looking down and it's a pretty steep. And there's literally like, you just are like, I gotta jump. And the longer that you stand there at the edge of that mountain and you just look down, the harder it is gonna be to actually jump. And, you know, cue the anxiety and the disbelief and the doubt. Doubt. And then the wanting to run away from the edge. And I think for me, that moment of ripping the band aid off, that jump for me was what I was going through with my family and knowing that I had this life over here that I knew God was going to bless. I saw this life. I saw a glimpse of it through the eyes of, like, this beautiful love that I was experiencing with Stevie, this unexpected love of love story. And I was trying so hard to have one foot in and one foot out. Oh, that was hard. It was really hard because there were days where, you know, I just felt like, I'm never gonna see it. I'm never going to get to that point. I don't. I'm never gonna have the courage where.

You can, like, tell your family.

You're saying, yeah, it's like I can never do. I play out all the scenarios in my head and they never went. I was dating him in secrecy for years, and I said, the longer we were in secrecy, the harder it was getting. And I just remember it was the summer we were in la. Steve and I were both trying to also chase our dreams and our hustle on the side while this real life stuff was happening. And I remember sitting in the car with him and he said to me, he said, you know, the only way for this relationship of ours to even be blessed, right, to see the life that we want to see, to see the fruit come from a good this Life is. We have to walk in our truth. You have to be honest. So it's really hard.

Ouch.

Yeah, it was really hard, right to. And. And it's. It's really hard to be able to grow in any area of your life if you're not completely honest with yourself. But also for me, in that season.

With others, we share that in common. By the way, Chris was a secret.

There you go. And I think for so many, I mean, so many women, I think, and even whether it's family cultural barriers or not, it's just there's something about not wanting to tell everybody because you don't. You may not even know if this person is the one. That was. My other thing was like, well, I was waiting for Stevie to just do something dumb so I could be like, nope. And yeah, I mean, he does a lot of dumb stuff, but I meant like, I was just waiting for Stevie to really like, like and. And it was such a weird way of thinking about it. I was like, I'm waiting for him to fail me.

Interesting.

And I'm like, what is going on?

Like, self sabotage. Because you just didn't want to. What were you afraid of with your family that you would be rejected? I know with mine because it was a religious thing. Chris wasn't in the religion. So I was so afraid that I was choosing between him or my family.

That's what it was for me too. It was never. My parents were never. When I told my parents, I be. I became a Christian before I was in a deep relationship with Stevie. Like on a. We were friends, but like, I was more on that journey of like understanding my walk. And I was getting to know this Jesus guy. Right? I was getting to know Jesus in the midst of like having this friendship with Stevie. So it was never like I fell in love with Stevie and therefore in order to be with him. Right. Like in my story, I thought there's some people who have said or thought like you converted to become a Christian because you just wanted to be with Stevie. And I think we do see that in a lot of cultures and religions. But for me, genuinely, I was falling madly in love with Jesus. And while I was getting to know Jesus, it was crazy how things and the ways that I was wired and the things that I thought, the self sabotage, all of that, I started to realize, wait, this is not the way. And I, as I was surrendering and letting those things go, I was falling in love with Stevie. And I was like, like mad about it because I was like, no, I don't I can't, because I'm afraid of disappointing my family. And I did not want to lose them. I love. I mean, family is everything. Yeah. It doesn't matter what you believe you'll want. You'll sit around your Thanksgiving table this year, and everyone's going to have different beliefs, different stances on things, different hair colors. I mean, everyone's so different and unique. There's nothing wrong with that. I think for me, though, I was just afraid that this means that my whole life I wanted to live for making my parents proud. And this decision of marrying somebody outside of my culture, I knew that wasn't going to make them proud. In fact, it was going to break their hearts. And I didn't want to do that because I loved them. But it felt like a mountain that was too big for me to climb and conquer alone. And so it was like I was at the edge of that mountain and I had to jump. And the jump, for me, was ripping the band aid off. Stevie and I, knowing that we needed to walk in our truth. And finally setting a date on the calendar where I would tell my parents.

Okay, this is what I was wondering. I'm like, what does this tangibly look like? Because that feels so scary when you're like, it's on Wednesday.

Okay? And that's what I did, Lori. I said, we sat in the car, we were in la. And he said it was going back to what Steve said. He said, we have to walk in our truth. Right? And he said he was so supportive the whole way. And he said, I want to propose to you by the end of this year. Like, that's a dream, but I just can't do it until we are honest with your family. Like, they deserve to know. No matter. We know the answer. We know they're not going to approve, but that doesn't mean that we can't. We don't. We're not going to be honest. Right? How is God going to bless something if, like, we just can't be honest? How is he even going to be able to begin the healing process if we're not being honest? Because we cared about my family, and it wasn't fair that they didn't know. So we said for Thanksgiving break, at the time, I was going back to Dallas, where I'm from, to go have Thanksgiving break. And I said, you know what? That'll be the perfect time. Everyone will be together. I'll find at some point, I'll tell them, like, I put it in the calendar. So Thanksgiving break rolls around and I'll just say that was August when we had that conversation in the car.

So you have like a lot of months to tell them.

So think about, think about. That was August and then November was like, okay, by Thanksgiving, latest Thanksgiving, you're telling them. If you haven't on Thanksgiving break, you.

Will tell them at Thanksgiving dinner.

You're going to write. And here's where the story gets crazy, is that from that time, August to November, because I knew that there was going to be an end to this. Yep. That there was going to be a jump happening. The anxiety was at its peak.

Totally.

The, yeah, the, the fear was at its peak. I was just like, I lost so much weight. I was. The Internet world didn't even know about it. Talk about living two separate lives. They didn't know I was still doing makeup videos, tutorials. But in my real life I was dealing with real pain of like, oh my gosh, I'm literally 24 years old, about to do the scariest thing I've ever had to do and I'm gonna lose my family because of it. And I look at Stevie and I'm like, you feel so bad, but like, you're amazing. Like how. Why is this even a thing? Like there was all of these things just swirling around in my head and it was honestly the biggest leap of faith I had had to take in my walk at that point. So I go home for Thanksgiving and I remember I hadn't done it yet and I remember sitting around the Thanksgiving table and I had this like out of body realization. I don't know if it was all of just the torment I had put myself through up to that point, but I just looked around the room, I looked around the table and I looked at each and every single one of my family members faces and I really wanted to get a good look at their faces because I thought to myself, if this is going to be the last Thanksgiving I ever get with my family again, then I want to enjoy it. And it makes me emotional even saying this now because when you're at that place where you're just like, there's no hope, you know, I felt like that there's no hope. But little did I know that God was going to do something radical in my story and in my family's hearts. It took a while, but he, he did. There was still good in the midst of heart. If I could go back to that dinner table moment and that moment is freeze framed, I would go and say, sz, don't look at it this way, don't look at it this way, there is still good. In the midst of hopelessness, God is gonna use this and he is gonna do something so amazing inside of each and every single one of these family members hearts around this table. And while it's a dark season that you're in right now, and it's a hard season, what you're about to do, girl, it's gonna be so, so hard. Like, time out. God is going to use this for good. You're going to have three amazing kids and your family is going to embrace them and it's going to love them. But rewind back to that moment. You're in that moment, and it's hard to see the good when you're facing those really hard times, when you're in the thick of it. And so I didn't tell them that Thanksgiving. I went back to LA and I told Steve, I'm so sorry I let you down. I am a failure. I feel horrible. I just couldn't do. And he looked at me and he said, it wasn't God's time. He didn't want you to do it for whatever reason. And he said, we're gonna, we're gonna get there. And I remember telling him, I said, no, I have to get there. At this point now, it felt like this, this thing inside of me that's like, I cannot be. This is robbing me of, like, joy and sleep, and I'm tired of being a prisoner to this lie. Like. And so I just said, finally I said, said, look, I went to God again and said, hey, God. I said, look, when you nudge me, I want you to make it so clear. I want to feel like your presence, like, when I should do it, it's going to be so, like, this is it. You're not backing down. Can you do that for me, God? And I remember this was two weeks after Thanksgiving. My dad came to la. He was in town. And out of everybody in my family, the one person I fear the most to disappoint was my father. I let my dad into the apartment gate downstairs. When I walked in, opened the door, he gave me a hug. And just like that, I was winded by the heavenly Father. While I'm. While I'm hugging my earthly father, right? I felt that when that, that, that real nudge, it wasn't a nudge, it was more like a punch, like, you're doing it. Tonight's the night. And I, and. And that was it. My dad, it was a conversation that we had. It was, it was hard, but He. It was like a father and a father and his child, right? We had that moment where we sat in that living room. There was a lot of surface level conversation and I was like, sweating. I was like, where is this going? So I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick. I went to the bathroom, and for me, it was my small LA apartment. Going into the bathroom and I'm like looking at myself in the mirror, putting water on my face, and I'm just like, God, I know I have to do this, but, like, I'm so was. I was wrestling. Even in that moment, I knew I had to do it. But why did it feel like this is so hard? It's like doing the thing that you don't. It felt like I was like having to, like, chop off a leg or something, you know? And I'm like, I know I have to do it, but, like. And it was that moment I just got on my hands and my knees in my room and I just said, this is it, God. I said, you have all of me now. There is no more. One foot in, one foot out. I really, truly have to trust that when I jump off of this mountain right now, you're going to catch me. And if that is like the whole thing of faith is you can't see it, but you have to believe it. And I had that moment there. That was that real. Like, that's it, I'm jumping. And as soon as I had that, like, coming to Jesus all over again moment of really surrendering, I remember walking out into that room, something changed in my posture. The decision hadn't changed. Like, it was still going to be hard. I knew the aftermath, but something came over me like this supernatural peace, like, you're gonna do this and you've got this. And I did it. I told my dad and it just kind of came out like word vomit. So, like, just imagine a conversation you're having and you're just like, how's it gonna go in my head? And it was just something my dad had said about, like, how he had seen my life. He was like, I imagine like your life to be, you know, I want to. I want to build you a house and just tuck away and all my kids can live together in one house. And I'm like, that's great, dad. But I found somebody and I love him. And I.

That was the window.

And that was the window. The gates just opened up. And after that there was no more lies. The enemy could not lurk. And that was it. And then my life. I feel like, from that moment on, God just continued to do things like that. And now I can genuinely say I'm living a life that is honest and it's not perfect, but there's always room for good. Despite the hard things that you go through.

That story is. I'm so grateful that you shared it, because whether someone's dealing with that in their religion or having to leave a career or tell their parents they're not going to follow through on their college degree or whatever that looks like. You described it in detail of exactly how every story for my life has gone as well. It's like the anxiety that's leading up to it all, the fear that we place on ourselves. And I would say that I feel like I'm gonna put words into your mouth, but now you understand it's so much better to get that anxiety out faster.

Yes.

Because we're just doing it to ourselves when we have. And now that you know that that faith is gonna pull through, that you are gonna always be helped on the other side, as long as you are following what you know in your heart is meant to be. I'm just so, so grateful that you took us on that journey because everybody can refer back to that and know that that is such a normal feeling. And in order to live. In order to live a good life, you sometimes have to totally shake things up and you have to go through these really challenging things. And a good life doesn't always mean it's the good life that your family had hoped for you or the good life that you grew up thinking it was supposed to be.

That's right.

Like breaking those patterns and figuring it out. So I'm so grateful for you today. This was. Yeah, like, that was so beautiful for me.

Thank you guys for letting me share, you know, share that. It was. We talk about, you know, the book A Good Life, but it's. It's a real good life. Right? And I think that word real is really just discovering what that means for you, like knowing who you are and what you were made for. And it's not always going to be easy. It's going to be hard. You're going to disappoint some people along the way. But in good faith, you have to believe. You have to believe that there's always good waiting for you on the other side of a challenge. So, like you said, hurry up and get through it. Pull the band aid off. The quicker you can do that and obey that. I think, like that, that calling, the quicker the blessing is waiting on the other side I love that.

Okay, so you go into some really beautiful, tangible things in the book as well as some incredible stories. Where can we find it? Where can we follow you? Tell us all the things.

Yes. Well, you can get the book everywhere. Books are sold. Oh, my God. Never thought I'd say that. I know. Crazy. And then follow me online. Suzanne. I'm not gonna. I sold her before. It's like, like, you know, like Satan, but with Z, Sazan S A Z A N. You can go online. Follow me there. And we just dive into all the things. Life, kids, motherhood, business, just all of it. We're just getting real with all of it. So follow along. And thanks for having me.

I'm so grateful that you came. You guys, one of the biggest things that we can do for our guest is to, of course, go buy her book because she took five years and all of her love and all of these incredible things all put into this book. Also, go follow her and give her a shout out. Let her know what your biggest takeaway was. And on top of that, you guys, we held back. Some super amazing advice for you from Suzanne. She is going to share her top three tips on how she wins her day every day, no matter what. So all you have to do is go to the link in the show notes to get her top three tips.

Sam.