Using Your Story for Your Most Powerful Tool In Business & Healing with Alexis Andra

A lot of the times where I felt anxious or depressed or like, waking up in the middle of the night or something is off. I believe there's something from God that we are meant to be doing, saying, sharing, that we're ignoring.

So many times when we're battling with that anxiety, we're not aligned with our purpose. And maybe we're not feeling authentic in what we're sharing online or what we're doing in our business or even in our relationships. Maybe there's a version of us that is just desperate to be free.

Alexis, welcome to the podcast.

Hi. I'm so happy to be here, as always.

I'm so excited to have you because now you have been on the other side of the podcast where you have been interviewing people, like, non stop.

Yes.

So now you are a podcast host.

Yep.

Which is amazing.

So fun.

And you gave me one of my favorite interviews that I've ever gotten to do. So you interviewed me, and I. I loved it. I feel like it was such a great interview. It's such a talent of yours. So, you guys, this is absolutely a plug to make sure you go and listen to her podcast, which we're going to dive into as well. You've had such a multifaceted career. You are a massive creative. And I think being a creative, you also are a storyteller, because I think that's what you've had to be throughout everything that you've done. Absolutely. Your creations, you want to tell a story, you want to create these experiences. So I want to start with your career. You have, you have an incredible story, though. But I want to kind of start where we had met, and if anyone has ever heard of Create and Cultivate, which most people, especially who listen to this podcast, have, you used to do and still do, but you were a massive part of Create and Cultivate kind of from inception, if I'm understanding that correctly. And they kind of paved the way for events, entrepreneurial events, personal development events, with these experiences. So with these activations, and I had gotten to, you know, at that point, I'd already had my event for a few years, but I had gotten to go to a Create and Cultivate event. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are we doing with all of these, like, activations, meaning these. If you guys don't know what that is, it's like the backdrops with the words, with the Instagram audiences. Very Instagramable. And it's. It's actually, even though it seems fun, it's genius freaking marketing. And so when I went to this event. I was like, I need to figure out how to make sure that the women who are coming to my event help me market it, but are doing it through something that they're absolutely loving. Because filling an event is no joke. It is no joke. So yeah, the more you can get that out there. So that is when I was like, who is the person behind all of these incredible things? I started seeing your pictures pop up and I was like, I have to like meet her and figure this out. So I ended up working with you for my events and it was like the most up leveled experience. I feel like it just made my event so much better. And at the time, this was like before big events were happening in personal development. We had 500 women with a stunning backdrop that you would build. And it was like the most exciting thing for me to have you come and create such an epic experience in, in my world. So I got to work with you.

Yes, I, I've loved, loved working with, create and cultivate with you with all different types of brands, whether they're big or small. And I, I think that you're right. It is marketing. It is a way for your brand to stand out, to be presented on social media, reposted and, and kind of create buzz around what you're doing. And that's the beauty of what we do at the Shift Creative is we take your ideas, your vision and we say, okay, how can we create an experience that's going to uplevel and elevate the whole experience for your attendees? And something I remember even asking you so many years ago at the Bliss project was how do you want your attendees to feel when they enter the room? And so many people think, oh, it's just a backdrop, it's just a stage design. It's just this moment where they're writing down know their fears on a, on a card or what they're giving permission to themselves for. But it's more than that. It is a feeling of I want to feel empowered or confident or this is the takeaway I want from this event and we take that information and we make sure that that is revealed in the way that we, you know, put on the event aesthetically and through the messaging as well.

I, yeah, what, what you do truly is just, it is an art and not everyone can do it. So I love to ask creatives, like, where, where do you think ideas come from? Like where do you think your creativity comes from?

I believe my creativity is a God given gift. I truly believe that. Because when something comes so Natural to you. And you don't have to try so hard to think about it. I believe it's innate. It's divine. Now, of course, I can sit here and say I get inspiration from nature, I get inspiration from architecture, I get inspiration from graphic or whatever the case may be. Fashion, color palettes, of course. But I do believe that there is an innate ability as well where you can see something. You can see if it is colors. And to me, I might say this would be a great color combination. And to the other person, they're like, that's kind of funky. That's a little wild. But then when you see it put together, you're like, oh, whoa. I would never have thought of that. And so that's why I say that I do believe it is a God given ability and we're all creative in our own ways.

Yeah, totally. I mean, you could, you could have me try to make what you make and it would look like a pile of shit. But so you truly are. You are. It's truly a gift. Like, you are a true, true creative. I've seen your work in so many different modalities and it's incredible. And I love what you've also shifted into as well with your creativity. But how did that start? Because, you guys, this is not a small business. This has turned into a really large business. And, you know, this kind of has a life of its own now because you are now getting, or you're now into, you know, an incredible podcaster. You're coaching people, you're doing all these different things because you've kind of figured out how to get that business to run on its own. But I do want to know at the inception of that, what did that look like to start building that? Did it feel crazy? Did it feel like a big risk?

Yeah. And I, I want to say for those that are listening, that are kind of in the trenches, kind of first starting, no one has it figured out.

Yeah.

We do not know what we're doing. So when I first started shift, it was DIY projects. It was styled shoots that I was doing for free to get my name out there.

Totally.

To do for exposure.

I don't know. I don't know another way to do it, by the way.

No. And I. And sometimes I feel like the work ethic has been lost.

It is lost.

Okay. Especially since COVID I have seen a shift in how hard people want to work.

Yeah.

If you were to see, if you were to pull back the curtain into my life at 2000, my daughter was six months old. I started it 2013. If you would have peered back. I have a newborn baby. I'm bringing her to photo shoots, I'm bringing her to different events. I'm staying up all night creating with my own hands, art installations. Because it wasn't what it was today. It was, oh, let me take pictures of my outfit and put it on my blog. It was, let me do a DIY and submit it to a well known publication to see if it gets picked up. So back in the day and these blogs are still around, but they're not as prevalent anymore. It would be like blogs like Style Me Pretty Green Green Wedding Shoes inspired by this. Those are big publications for you to get your work featured on. So what I would do is I would start creating the type of work that I would want to get paid, paid for. I would, I would hire a photographer, I would hire a baker, I would hire wardrobe, I would hire models and I would cultivate, you know, this, this whole photo shoot and then I would submit the photos to these blogs. And that's how I started building my following and getting paid. Right, so you're in the trenches. You have to invest in yourself, you have to invest in your business. It is hard work. And I think in this day and age, we think we're just going to open up our camera and talk to it and all of a sudden we' to make money and we're going to have all these followers. It's just not the case. The hard work might look different now with the age of social media, but it's still work.

It's still the same. You know, we, I know you coach people and we coach into our groups as well. And I think that people always ask the question of like, okay, well this isn't working, or I tried this, what do you do? And I'm like, okay, well who, like, who have you done free work for? Who have you, who do you want to work for? How could you help them for free for a long period of time so that you can show them what, what your value is and what you can bring and don't make them guess about what you can bring. Like actually just bring it to them. And they're like, this is crazy.

Like, exactly.

This is literally how it's done. And if we look historically like the landscape might look different. But exactly what you said, like it has not changed at all. You have to prove yourself to people that you can work and that you're valuable to them and you have to show them your value. Like we used to have interns. You know, you used to. Michelangelo created most of his art for free before he started getting paid. And it was like, this is literally how the landscape is. I did this podcast for five or six years before I got one ad, like three episodes a week, you guys. And like, I don't know. Are you getting paid for your podcast?

Nope, I'm getting paid for my podcast. You're paying for your podcast? I'm investing in my podcast. I think that is something else that people think is odd. You know, I've heard people talk and they're like, is Alexis even getting paid for that? It's like, first off, why I didn't.

Get paid for five years?

Yeah, it's. It's like, why is that even a question?

Exactly.

People. People want to know. But it's also like, no, because I believe so much in the podcast. I believe in sharing other people's stories, which we'll get into. But I believe so much in that that I'm willing to invest in it knowing that it's the long game. And that is just what we need to keep our. Our eye on is the long game. Nothing is going to come easy. And yeah, I've really been enjoying the podcast. Of course, I would love to make money on it. Of course, I would love to be sponsored and have ads, and that is the goal. But I think what I'm trying to do now for people who want to start a podcast and they're kind of figuring out, well, dang, like, how, how am I going to make this work? Like, it's expensive, you know, you have to have someone edit it or if you're going to create your own reels. I also do try to be strategic on who I have on the podcast so that it could funnel back to the shift creative. So it could be someone that has a new skincare line. It can be someone that has a business and maybe they want to rebrand. Right. So then I get to build that relationship and I say, oh, do you also know that I have the shift creative or creative agency? We do branding. We do photo video campaigns, we do installations. And they might be like, oh, my gosh, I'm launching a new product.

Yeah, totally.

I need, I need branding for it, or, oh, we're doing a pop up and I need a. I need a booth. Right. So it's building the relationship. It's very. It is strategic. Now, not all my guests, you know, some of them, I just really love their story.

Right.

But other times you do have to be strategic and who you're bringing on, it funnels back to, you know, my business. And so hopefully for those that are listening, if they're kind of stuck of like. Well, I don't. I don't really have the extra, you know, money to fund the podcast. Maybe you could be thinking of ways it can funnel, but it's just indirectly.

Yeah. That with. With my podcast, that's exactly what I did, too. You have to. You have to be strategic, but with, like, a loose grip. Like, you can't be attached to the outcome. Because it was. For me, it was such a networking play because I was lived in la, and even though I was in la, like, one of the most, like, places where everything was happening, I didn't want to go out and network all the time. So I was like, what's a way that me a more introverted, absolute extrovert, like, put me on stage, put me in a small group. Absolute extrovert, Put me in a room. I don't love it. Like, I don't want to go and work or room. You know, I was like, how could I bring people to me? Like, it was truly. That's kind of how it started, was how can I have conversations and kind of get coached by people I couldn't afford and.

Right.

I'm gonna view this as. It's such an investment in my relationships, my network, and, like, my own personal development. And just having to show up alone, Alexis, you know, like, the discipline it takes to show up while you're not getting paid while you're not. Or even people even seeing our reels or our podcast. I don't know. Like, it's. It's.

I sit there. We were talking about this before we started rolling. Yeah. And, you know, of course we outsource, you know, for reals here and there. But I was telling Lori, oh, my gosh, like, I'm so. I. I want to make sure that at least the trailer, at least a little snidbit is. Is, you know, getting the point across of what the episode is really about. And since my podcast is literally people opening their heart and soul and sharing their stories, I want to be particular about the.

About the reels.

So, hey, I know everyone says delegate, delegate, and have a loose grip on that, and I do. But there's certain times I still sit and edit my own reels, and it will take me a long time. Time.

Yeah.

I listen to the whole hour podcast because I have to listen for the best clips, and then I cut it up and I try to do all the little transitions and I add the captions and I post it. And sure, some of the other ones might be outsourced from other people, but I still want to have. I still want to represent the podcast well and honor the people well that are on the podcast.

I do think that's why you will always be successful, though. And I know that's, like, how you operated in shift is you. You did, like, yes, you can delegate, but I. I believe in the beginning, you have to have your hands in a lot more than you, like, want. I don't know of a founder who's been really successful in anything who is not, like, take. Really taken something and. And owned it, whether it's their own social media. Like, I think of Natalie Ellis with Boss Babe. Like, she's always been like, no, I am creating the social. Like, I'm gonna be doing this. I'm gonna be planning this, you know, and delegating all of the other things. But, like, what your zone of genius is and for you, like, to be in it like that, I. I think that is also a lost art right now. So if you're somebody who's like, oh, I just hear of these businesses where everything is delegated. Yes. And what's the skill set that you can't delegate out? How can you fully own that? Because you're the best at it. And obviously, for someone like you who can tell a story so well and then visually tell a story well, yeah, you should be in that, and maybe you should be in that forever, and maybe you should delegate everything else because you care about it so much, and that's the thing that's going to get the eyeballs. So I love. I love this conversation because I think it's really lost. Like, oh, you're not getting paid for your podcast. No. And I may never get paid for my podcast because it is marketing that you're doing that. Like. And honestly, some people don't want to get paid for their podcast. They want to. They want to sell their own stuff on it.

And that makes sense.

Maybe you want to do your coaching forever, Alexis, because it's like, okay, well, you can make way more money on coaching than you can with an advertiser, and that is a true story. So maybe you just want to push all of your coaching on your podcast. So I love this conversation so much. I think it's very important for people to know, like, what the inside. The real.

The real. Like, the real nitty gritty of it.

Yes.

Because I think that people can get so caught up on scrolling social media, they're like, oh, my gosh, like, look at this. And it looks. It's so posh. And she's so professional and she has all these guests and it's okay, but I'm showing up. I'm not. I'm not getting paid. I'm actually working really hard to develop all the questions, the bio, the everything. Like, I really sit down. I like, research the guests. I like, I felt it.

I'm trying to. Oh, she spent a lot of time on this.

Like, I'm really thinking through. And also to your point of like, oh, if I'm going to have someone come that I would want to learn from. Right. I want to ask questions that are super thought provoking.

Yeah.

I want to ask questions that I.

Would want to know that you want.

Right. And so. And I think that that does make a podcast stand out and be great. And it also makes the person that you're sitting out across from feel welcomed and safe to share especially deep, vulnerable things. And the biggest compliment I can receive is you are a good, great question asker. And I think that that shows the intentionality that you do have to have while having a podcast. And also to your point about networking the podcast, and like you said, it kind of like cuts the. I don't know, what's the small talk? Yeah, yeah.

Like, straight to the heart.

It cuts the fluff. It cuts the fluff because now you're getting real. And now we're leaving friends.

Yeah.

This isn't just an interview. And I'm talking about, oh, okay, what's the five things that you loved about Glossy and the flavors and da, da, da. Right. And it's like surface level.

Right, right.

And you love talking about that. Obviously you want to market it, but. But it's different. If I was like, what's the biggest struggle you've come up against? You know, what keeps you up at night? Like, owning this business or rest starting this. Then it's. We're on a heart level for sure. And it builds that trust and it builds a level of comfort. And then we can, outside of the podcast, actually build a relationship as well.

And people don't. Won't forget you, like, the level of. Of intention that you're putting in. Like, they'll even be like, whoa, she really, like, thought about me. And they, they don't forget that. And in the long game, it's like, it could be someone two years that has an event or literally has something or a great guest whose story they're like, whose podcast could they go on? I want you to, like, get. And they'll think they will think of you because they had a great experience. So for you with the podcast, what so far has been, like, one of the biggest kind of, like, lessons takeaways, because I know it's impacted my life so much. It's made me such a better conversationalist. Oh, my God. It's made me so much more comfortable with people. What has been some of the, like, lessons that have been so rich for you?

Well, so for those of that list that are listening that don't know, the podcast is called Shift Happens. And the tagline is from pain to. To purpose. And the whole premise of the podcast really is about redefining your pain and really being able to shift your perspective on your life experiences. And one of the questions I always ask all my guests at the end is, what would you say to our listeners if they were struggling to turn their pain into purpose? And so a lesson or something that's been revealed to me through the podcast is that every person is going through something, and sometimes you would never have guessed it. And it's given me a lot more compassion and empathy on a personal relational page. And then professionally, like, we were already mentioning the long game. Right. If I was taking the podcast and I was just looking at it and wanting to make money out of it, I wouldn't be doing a podcast anymore. Right. I think it's, it humanizes people and it's really helped me see people for who they are. It's helped me build relationships I never thought I would have. And it's, it's actually taught me a lot about who I am. And I don't even mean this in like a, a boasting, I'm so amazing way. It's, it's been, it's been revealing in blind spots in my life where maybe I, maybe I came in with judgments and they were dismantled as I was talking to a guest.

Totally.

And so, yeah, I think that it's, it's caused me to be a little bit more well rounded, even.

Okay, so what has made you be so passionate about wanting to tell people's stories?

Well, a big part of my story, and you, you know this, but your listeners probably don't or might not is my childhood. And, you know, everyone has a story, and everyone's story is so powerful. And so before I start and into talking about my personal story, I love to say, because sometimes I share my story, and then other people are like, oh, my story's not that crazy, or I didn't have that much trauma or I didn't. So my story doesn't really matter. My story isn't as impactful. And to that I say that's completely a lie. That's a lie that you're believing about your own story. Because everyone's story is. Carries impact and influence. And so I want to say that first to the listeners is your story absolutely matters, and your story can change someone else's life. With my story, I. A big part of it. My mom died when I was 2 from breast cancer. I had a stepmom who, you know, took care of me and my two, My half brother and my stepbrother. And at the age of eight, I got into a freak accident at the gas station where I was pumping gas and static electricity ignited the whole fuel port, catching me on fire and ultimately leaving me with scars covering 50% plus of my body. So I had to do physical therapy. I had to learn how to walk again. I had to go through over 25 surgeries.

Wow.

They had to do skin grafts on my back and a little bit of my stomach to put the. That skin on my legs to help repair the damage. And so through that pain, I had never learned how to process that. I didn't have counseling when I was young. My parents didn't know really what to do with it. It was kind of like, okay, she's healing on the outside. Seems like it's going well.

Were you talking about it or were you internalizing?

I internalized it. I didn't know.

So they didn't know either way.

I was eight. Yeah. I knew I was different the day of fourth grade when I chose to wear shorts to school one day. And that day, unprompted by my parents, I had post it notes. And I wrote on the post it notes, you are beautiful. You are strong. Don't cry.

Wow.

And I put those on my mirror and I just looked at myself and I was like, okay, okay. And I went to school and no one made fun of me. No one. No one said anything. But because everyone knew the story, it was a big deal. Where I grew up in Las Vegas, it was on the papers, the news. They had fundraisers. It was a thing. So everyone knew it happened, but I still knew in that moment. I'm different. And I didn't like it. I didn't like that I was different. And I did not want to use my story. I did not want to be defined by my scars. And I did not want to be known as Alexis, the girl who got burned. I wanted to be Anything but that girl. So I chose to hide. And I decided, I'm going to wear pants. I'm going to cover up. I have scars on my hand. I would walk around with a sweater over my hand. I hid. I wouldn't go swimming, I wouldn't go to the beach unless you really knew me, like you were a family friend or like a really close friend of mine. But I wouldn't for years. Years. And so it wasn't until I had. And. And again, during these times, there would be moments of bravery, of courage where I would wear the skirt or where I would go to the beach. But primarily I hid my story. And so fast forward. I'm 19, and I didn't grow up with any religious affiliation, anything like that. I didn't know what to believe in, but I always had some internal longing for the divine, for God, did not know what it was. And I started having dreams. And I started being really depressed at 19 and confused why I would be depressed. I'm young, I'm going to college. You know, guys like me, you know, like, what's. What is it? And I started. I got invited to go to church in this philosophy class. And the philosophy class was talking really about how God wasn't real. A guy in that class invited me. I thought he was flirting with me. I'm pretty sure he was. And I was like, I'm not going to church, like. And I. I definitely had a stereotypical view of what church was in my mind. And then another guy invited me to go to church. I'm like, can I even make this up? God was like, I know how to get.

I know how to get to her.

Let's go send her. Yeah.

I would have gone. It's so for sure. I'm like, oh, okay.

I'm like, I have two. I'm like, two days. I'm not even joking. I was like, is this a day? And I went to church. And I went that day. And I had never heard the gospel shared in the way that it was, right? And I'm still figuring it out. What do I believe, what don't I? And I decided, you know, I'm going to investigate this more. I'm going to investigate this more. And one night I had a Bible. I'm new to everything, right? And I was really battling with insecurity of my scars and of my accident. Like, why did this. Why was this allowed to happen to me? Why is this part of my story? And so I actually opened the Bible and I started researching, what does light mean? What does fire mean. Because, again, I had a fire accident.

Yes.

What does fire mean? Like, how many times is fire in the Bible? And what is it? What is it saying about it? What does burn mean? Like, to burn and then light, because fire gives off light. What does scars mean? Right. So I'm really researching, I'm wrestling.

You're, like, trying to make meaning of it.

I'm trying to make meaning of it. And so I won't go through the whole list, but I did go through each of those. And on one of the words scars, I read the story of Jesus, who. He comes back. Third day, he dies. He. He comes again. And there's this one disciple, and his name is Thomas, and his nickname is Doubting Thomas. He was like, I'm not going to believe. Like, okay, this sounds like a good story. Like, Jesus comes back from the dead, he doesn't believe. And so Jesus comes up to him and he says, thomas, look at my scars. And he's holding up his hands. Look at my scars on my hands. Look at, look at the scar on my rib. Touch, look and see. Feel them. And in that moment, it helped me redefine my story. If Jesus can be defined by his scars, I can be defined by my scars. And it is who I am, part of who I am. And you can reframe your story. And I'm obviously using this biblical example, but for our listeners, they can ascribe meaning to their story in whatever way they see fit. But for me, this was a real story that radically changed the way that I view my life now. I'm not saying that I just, all of a sudden, I'm not insecure. There's. I still have moments of insecurity, but it's a daily choice of choosing, strength of choosing to find your message in the mess. Right. So that's a long winded answer to say, why did I start the podcast? Why am I so passionate about sharing people's stories is because of my own story and how I wanted to hide it. Because sometimes parts of our story, they carry shame, and that's why we don't want to share it. And so I just want to encourage people that are listening that once you start sharing your story, those chains start to fall off of you and there's freedom in the sharing.

Can you look back and, like, pinpoint that's why you felt so anxious or depressed? Like, was there. Can you say, because I can, I can reflect back on times in my life where a lot of the times where I felt anxious or depressed or like, Waking up in the middle of the night or something is off. I believe there's something from God that we are meant to be doing, saying, sharing, that we're ignoring. So for you, what did that. Now, looking back, how do you translate all of those feelings that you were having?

Yeah, and I didn't know that at the time. Right. I woke up, I actually had a nightmare from my biological mom that I have had. You know, she, she died of breast cancer, so I had no memory of her. And she actually, like, came in my dream and was telling me to, like, stop because I was partying a lot and so I was really wild. And so she was like, stop and dream. I was. You would never, you would never know, girl.

Like, we would have gotten along great, though, for a little while.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'd have a little bit of fun.

And we would have hated each other.

But, but yeah, looking back, I, I, I see God's hand so clearly in my life. And I agree with you that so many, so many times when we're battling with that anxiety we're in, we're not aligned with our purpose. And maybe we're not feeling authentic in what we're sharing online or what we're doing in our business or even in our relationships. Maybe there's a version of us that is just desperate to be free and maybe we don't even realize it, but I think it is in the processing of your story and owning it and then in the sharing that has been freeing for me. As I, as I look back and as I've looked at my journey from then 19 to now, I definitely see the power of, of everyone's story and of mine in particular.

I'm so curious now that you've shared that party aspect too, because I had it. I had it so deep. Like, it was like. I'm surprised I overcame it, to be honest, because it was like it was a identity, a personality, an addiction I thought I would never have done ever again without, like, partying. Oh.

I was almost six months on Alexis. I was like. And then when I stopped being fun because I started, I became a Christian. It was like, we missed the old Alexis.

Oh, for sure. I lost all my friends.

Oh, so I had no friends.

Yeah.

And then add in, like, I'm going to church then it's like, really weird.

For sure. They're just like, you're not cool.

So now she's, like, going to church. So, like, what's happening? Like, it's almost weird, you know?

Yeah, totally. Like, what happened?

Yes. So no I was partying. I was doing so much drugs and drinking, and I just thought I was, like, the coolest person living that life.

Life.

And so it is hard to, like, go from that identity to really figuring out who you are and getting really real and honest because you have to almost face your. Your demons when you can't numb out with alcohol or drugs anymore.

It's like, you don't. I, I didn't know how to, like, I, I didn't know that there was another way to have fun. And also, I want to ask you about that because I, I feel like so much of that was because even as a younger girl, I feel like, even being, like, in my early teens, I felt like a really big call on what I wanted to do with my life, except my reality did not reflect that at all. Like, not even close. So I do feel like, like somehow I got more into that lifestyle and partying and drinking because I was like, well, I'm never going to be able to be that. And I want to. I wanted to be something so bad or I wanted to feel. I don't know what I wanted to feel. I wanted to feel connected. And I, I, I felt like I was supposed to do something important, but I think because nothing in my life reflected that, I was like, I just would totally numb out. Did you have anything like that in your life, or do you know why you were drawn to it?

I mean. Well, I can resonate deeply on the part of knowing that you were created for more and made for more. I knew that from a little girl, and I could not shake it, and I still can't shake it. And to be quite frank, there's days where I want to give up, like on the podcast, or days I want.

To give up in my business still.

Or days where I just. I can struggle with my mind thinking that I'm not good enough or I'm not successful enough or whatever they are. I'm not smart enough.

I have that all the time still. Right? Yeah.

Yeah. And so. But then you have to go back to little Lori and little Alexis that knew inside of them without anyone saying it, that we were created for more. And there was a purpose and a call in our life that we can't even explain. And then that's what helps keep us, like, keeps us going. I think my draw to drugs and alcohol and honestly, even, like, sex. Like sex. Like attention from men.

Yep.

Was a conscious decision to numb. Mine was conscious. Mine was not, oh, I'm just partying. Mine was a turning point of. I Do not like my current reality. I do not know how to cope. And nothing I seem to be doing is paying off, like, as a teenager or as, like, a young girl. Right. With my. With my parents. So it was like, well, I might as well just be the bad girl, because good Alexis isn't working for me, so I'm just going to rebel and say screw it and just do what I want to do. And so it was more of, like, a stick it to the man. And. Yeah. And then that's why I started, you know, gravitating toward. Towards those things. And I'm really grateful for my path and that I believe, like, God interjected because I was out on a dangerous road. I was on a dangerous road.

You and I are so alike, it's scary. Like, so, like, that was because. Because I was raised so religious and because I was told I was bad because I did something bad as a teenager, and you get marked and you get it announced in front of everyone.

That's wild to me.

So I decided you have a lot.

Of I like church drama. Yeah. You're like, wait, this is not episodes.

Do we want to do after this?

No, I know, but, like, there probably is, like, deep church hurt. And, like, it does change the view that you have probably on religion.

Religion, for sure.

You know? And so it kind of. It's the lens that we view life with. And so sometimes we have to unlearn those stories, too, because one experience doesn't mean that it's the same all across the board. And I have to learn. I'm learning that, like, not necessarily with church, but in different aspects of life, where we start believing stories at such a young age about who we are or who we have been told that we are or what to believe, especially with God, that it can derail us in the future, like, currently. And so it's so hard, but beneficial to do the work, to look back and say, wow, what stories did I believe about God? Or what stories did my parents influence me to think about God or wealth or fitness or fill in the blank that are directly affecting me now that I had no idea. Mm.

So for you, what. Because now you have. You know, you're. You're very spiritual, or would you call.

Yourself, I'm a Christian.

Christian, You're a Christian. What did you have to unlearn to get to this place where you just feel all in with.

With Christianity, with Christianity. So that happened. So when I was 19, that's when I first became a Christian. Okay. And like I said, I had no Religious background.

And this is. You were like partying.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

Okay. Like, I literally. Okay. One little part of the story was I had a guy roommate at one point and I went to church by myself again because everyone thought I'm weird now. I went to church by myself and they were making a call to get baptized and I fought it the whole time. I was like, this is freaking weird. Like, I'm going to get dipped in water. So long story short, I got dipped in the water and. And I went up by myself and my, all my clothes and everything. Yeah. I go back home, I have my, my guy roommate there. He's in our Jacuzzi with all these girls and they're all, I'm soaking wet from baptismal water and he's like wet, like in the small water with his girls. And I was just like, wow, like, what a different trajectory.

Contrast.

Yes. And I'm not saying anything's wrong. Like, what I am saying is that you find your own journey. But I do believe that if you seek, you will find it.

Yeah.

And a matter of going all in. Sometimes it's just a daily by a day by day choice. It might not be just a I'm going all in now. It might just be like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to read the Bible or I'm gonna pray. I'm gonna see what happens. I'm gonna go to church on Sunday. And so I think that that's the progress, the progression of it. And then being around other like minded individuals. At that time, I started going to like a college ministry. Then you start feeling a sense of belonging. You can ask questions. And that's when I decided, okay, like, I'm continuing on. And I've had many times in my walk where I could have completely given, given my faith away and said, I don't believe anymore. I went through a divorce. My best friend died. There was lots of areas where you can say, if you look at a fork in the road and you could say, I could just go do whatever I want to do and I want to go do drugs again and I want to go just get drunk and I just want to whatever on. On the side, or I can choose God's way. And what I found is whenever I do choose my way because I'm an imperfect, flawed person, it ends up in destruction and devastation in my life. And that's why I always go back to my faith.

So how do you know what is the right way? Like, what do you do? Do you, you know you have big life decisions, you're struggling. What does that look like?

Well, first I think that who you surround yourself with is so important. So like minded individuals, people that have wisdom that if you look, you peered into and their relationships that you can glean wisdom from. So important. You're not going to ask for advice from someone whose marriage is in shambles. You're not going to ask marriage advice to that person.

I won't even hang out with those people. Yeah, right.

No. So if I'm struggling with advice, let's just say spiritually, I'm probably going to go to someone that's within my church or someone that shares my beliefs. I'm not going to go to my entrepreneur friend. And I do believe that there's certain friends for certain things. Not all signs overlap. Right. So number one, I'm going to surround myself with people that do believe in what I believe if I'm seeking advice from that. Number two, prayer. So people say meditate. I say prayer because I'm talking directly to God. And so I will spend time, if it's through worship music, if it's throughout in the nature, if it's through journaling. And I will say, hey, I do not have it figured out and I'm struggling and I need help and just clear my mind of anxiety and give me a peace that surpasses all understanding because I'm burnt out and I don't know what to do. And I do believe, like I mentioned earlier, that when you seek, you will find when you knock on the door, it's going to be opened. And so through prayer I think you get impressions and sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you can hear God's voice clearly and sometimes it could be through a friend just sending you a text right after you prayed. It could be you go to an event and someone walks up to you and shares something that spoke to you exactly in that moment. Right. Third, I go to the Bible. I believe in the Bible and I go to it for wisdom. And so the book of Proverbs, so many of us in our life, we quote the Bible, we don't even just, we just don't even know it. And so it's so full of wisdom. And I go and I glean from, from that. And so those are the main, the top three ways that I get advice when I'm low or feeling depressed or battling with a business decision or feeling unworthy or whatever the case may be.

I love that I've been thinking of the concept of faith and how much, like, you don't get to truly understand what faith is until you're at a breaking point, when you think you've been completely abandoned by, like, everyone. God, There's. You don't hear anything. And like, it's. It's that point of, like, absolute surrender. And that's where you either decide to fully lean in.

Yeah, it's.

It's a crazy, crazy place where we. We would never wish those times on people, ever. And they're kind of the worst thing in your life, but they're also the moment where, when you can't rely on your own strength anymore is, I think, where you learn about what faith is.

Absolutely.

Are done.

Absolutely. You know something. And I. I brought this up earlier, that When I was 19, I was in a philosophy class. In that same class, there was that guy there that invited me to church in that philosophy class. This is what really planted the seed. It was almost like betting on God. Like, if you, if you, if you don't believe in God, okay. Like, that's your choice. However, the philosopher Pascal, he came up with this theory. It's called Pascal's Reasoning. And there's basically like. If there was a whiteboard in here, I would draw out like a big grid, and on one side it says, if you don't believe in God and He doesn't exist, nothing happens. You don't believe in God, he doesn't exist, nothing happens. No, no biggie. If you don't believe in God and He does exist, you've lost everything. But if you do believe in God and He does exist, you've gained everything. And so some people might agree or disagree with what I'm about to say, but I'm almost like, just bet on God. You could gain everything or you could lose everything. And so for us just to be curious enough to go to church or to pray or what do you have to lose? You know, just take it. You know, take the next best step, is what I like to say.

It's so easy to forget. It is, like, so easy to forget. And it's like a reminder every single day. But, like, whenever I have just, like, leaned back in, it has always been good. It's always been good. And I think, I think one of the biggest things about that is to understand, like, he works in such, you know, maybe, maybe for people who can fully understand, like, it's very backwards, but, like, once you understand that it works that way, everything makes complete sense. Like, your life doesn't not make sense anymore. Like, even when people are rude Or I'm getting shut out of something, or I want to be. Even if it's something simple, like I want to be friends so bad in this group of girls or whatever it is, and I'm not getting let in. Like, fast forward down the road, I'm like, thank God.

Yes.

I would have had to be someone else to be in that group.

Like, yeah. Or that relationship where you're like, totally glad that didn't work out and you could see God's hand going through it. Or that business opportunity.

Yes.

Or everything that just seems to have lined up but you didn't know as you were going through it.

Right. Or why that business opportunity failed. Or why we lost everything. Like, oh, my God, if we lost everything, we would have probably lost it. Well, we, we wouldn't have. Probably. We would have lost it when the stakes were much higher, you know, and where more people were involved, where we lost it at a phase where we didn't have a lot of people involved and the stakes weren't super high. So it was kind of like, wow, that is really insane how your life lessons work this way.

Exactly.

It's incredible. What would you, what would you say to someone right now who's listening to us and they're like, whoa, okay. They're like, sharing a lot of their story. But it's obviously made you so compassionate. It's made you a great storyteller. It's made you someone who can ask incredible questions, who can stand in. In other shoes and get along with just about everybody. What would you say to someone who's afraid of sharing their story right now, but, like, feels the same way that we've kind of described.

I would say imagine sharing your story and experiencing immense freedom and healing than you've ever have before. Imagine what your life could look like in the sharing. Because I've witnessed firsthand my own personal story, the people that I interview, the people that I coach, the release that they feel from sharing, like, from sharing. Because like I mentioned, we are riddled with shame or guilt or feelings of unworthiness. And when we finally release that and start sharing, it doesn't. Like, the stream has no power over us anymore. The lies have no power over us anymore. We get to truly walk in our authentic selves. And I do believe that it aligns us more with our purpose, our God given purpose. Now, am I saying that everyone needs to share in a podcast or share in front of a camera or. No, but there, there can be parts of your story that you've kept hidden that you Know could drastically impact other people just by you speaking it. And that could be a one on one conversation. That could be in your masterclass. That can be on that group coaching call. That can be to your parents, that can be to friends. There's so much power. And I do believe that we have bought into the lie, that no one actually cares about our story. And it's just not true. Because like I said at the beginning, your story might just change someone else's. And that is why I'm so, so passionate about it. I've seen it. I've seen it time and time again. I believe in it. And I have just. I've never felt as much freedom as I do in my life currently because of how proactive I am in sharing my story. And I don't share all of it. People might think, oh, wow, she shares a lot of her story. I do. But, like, imagine the parts I don't share, you know, like, so you have to.

You have to be wise. I'm not sharing some of mine.

Yeah, I mean, like, you have to be wise. We're not saying air at all. All your dirty laundry. But, you know, you do know. Even as I'm talking, even as you're listening to this podcast, you know the parts that you feel in your heart, in your soul, where you're like, I knew that this, this happened and it was bad and it hurt, and I'm hurt by this, but if my pain can help someone else feel not alone, then my pain's not in vain. And so everyone has that moment in their mind right now. And I just encourage you to share it. And you will also be healed in the sharing.

When do you think we're ready to share a story? I've absolutely heard some people talking. I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no. Like, you're not ready yet. Oh, that's too much. Oh, God, it's coming off the wrong way. Yeah, it's coming off more angry or trying to get back at someone.

Yeah.

Or like, so traumatized that it's actually like, almost feels like a dumping to the trauma dump. Yes.

Yeah.

So when do you know, like, you're ready? And also, I just would love to have your perspective, too, on touching on. You know, sometimes we have to be really discerning around what we're saying or who in our family names, all of those things. I know people are like, they don't deserve to be protected. But also, there's legal things.

1,000%.

There's so many things. So can you touch on all of that.

Well, one. That's why I always say, especially with, like, the coaching work that I, I do is first you have to process your story. If it's unprocessed and you are just shoon off the hip, that bitterness is going to come across, that anger, the resentment is going to come across. We need to be communicating from a place that is healed when we're sharing our story. And so that does look like doing the work. I actually have created a online guide. That's how that helps you process your story. And it talks about. It has all these questions that talks about your childhood. It talks about what lies you may be currently believing about yourself, that maybe you need to rewrite or reframe. So it helps you process that first before encouraging to share your story. So I think that's a really good word and a good, you know, a good.

We'll connect that in the show notes.

Yes. Oh, yes. I, I can. I can definitely send that over. Because if we're just talking, then we don't know where it's going to land. I think when we share our story, we need to be so clear on who you are wanting to. To reach and the purpose. So that's why some parts of your story aren't meant to be shared to everybody. Okay. And then to your second point, about names or, you know, family members, there are certain things, like, for example, I do share openly about my childhood on my Instagram and my dad is alive and well. My dad watches my Instagram, and there's been times where my dad has texted me or called me and said, you should probably not share so much. And now each story is different for me and my story. The reason why I do share about childhood, I don't ever say, like, my dad did this, but I talk about my childhood in vague terms is because that is my story and my voice. And if he wanted to share his story and his perspective, he has the right to do that. So. So you have to look at why that person would be upset. And if you are out of bounds in the sharing, I think that if you are feeling as you start sharing, like, ooh, this probably is not gonna land well, or this is going to damage this relationship that I have worked so hard to rebuild in the sharing, it might not be necessary to share.

Yeah.

Or you can reframe it in a different way. So I think that that's why the processing part of the story is so important first, so that when you do share, it can be framed like. Like, for example, when I share my story about my accident and my stepmom was very abusive. So even me saying my stepmom is very abusive. My stepmom could, could call me up and say, you're telling me. But for me, I'm willing to accept those consequences. Yeah. So you have to also gauge that. Now, if my dad, if I were to share something on my Instagram talking about my accident and how my stepmom was abusive, I can reframe it to say this was my experience. However, like, me and my dad have done xyz to maintain a healthy relationship or however, now as a parent, I can understand.

Yes.

How it could be so hard to show up and be there emotionally when your daughter has burns all over her body and you have two other kids at home. Right. I think also coming from a place of grace and empathy and compassion when sharing the story, if you're bringing in other people makes it more digestible for the other person.

For sure. I. I had to go through that with what parts of my story that I wanted to share. And even through the years, like, years go by and you realize, oh, that's not important to share at all. I can still. People can understand the lesson that I'm trying to say, and they can feel where I've come from by kind of like telling them I understand or, you know, giving them small details without going so deep. Going so deep.

Yeah, you know, because I know, I know your family, you know, listen to podcasts and goes, you know, you don't have to go so deep into the details. It could just be. I grew up in an ultra religious household, you know, like, and it was, you know, I felt xyz. Right. This is how it landed on me. This is how I internalized it. This is how growing up in those surroundings made me feel and how it affected me in my work life or in my relationships. Right. So it's not. And I will want, I do want to say, even if you say it and you put a bow on it, someone's going to get offended for sure. When we speak the truth, people are bound to be offended. You just have to be okay enough with them feeling a certain way about it.

Do you feel like. Because now you've surrounded yourself with a lot of people who are just like. Oh, what's the word? Like, have, like, faced off with their own demons. Like, have really done a lot of their own healing. It's almost like when you get more of those people in your life and those friendships, they become almost like armor to those other people. Because, yeah, it's it's like if you're, I can now deal with the consequence of, if my family is upset, it's actually okay because I have a whole other version of family. Yeah, I can love them.

I can love them.

And you can.

Yeah, yeah. And I think, I think that's part of growing. And yeah, you're right. Like, having that community around you is so important. I think for those that don't have the community, that's the power of the mindset shift and of like, reframing and rewriting the stories that you were, you know, that were told to you or that you believed when you were younger. Because some people that are listening might not have that group that has done the inner work. Maybe they are the ones that are breaking the generational cycles right now and they feel alone. It's you. Sometimes you got to stand on your own two feet by yourself at first. And maybe this podcast is that armor. Right? So I, I definitely, I, I, I hear you, and I think that that's so important to surround yourself with other people as well. And, and I think that, again, you just have to decide how important is it for you to share those parts of your story and stand in your truth at the end of the day.

What are some, what is something right now that you are just working through, unlearning a pattern you're breaking right in this moment?

You know, I had busy gold on my podcast. I don't know if, do you know her or familiar with her work? And so we were chatting and she, she has this program, and she was like, oh, I'll, I'll let you do it. You know, like, I'll let you do it. Like, we can talk about whatever you learned through it. So I'm going through this program and it's all about rewiring your brain. And this is a shameless plug for her. But she has a book out that's called you'd Brain is a Filthy Liar. And it talks about how your brain, it wants to keep you safe, right? And so when you start implementing new habits or ways of thinking, your brain is firing like, oh, oh, what are you doing this? That's not how you typically respond. You're supposed to respond like this. You're supposed to be reactive. You're supposed to, you know, x, Y, Z. And so then you get to choose. Okay, I'm going to go back to this pattern again, right? So I'm learning right now in relationships, if there's conflict, am I going to leave? Am I going to be reactive? Am I Going to say a hurtful word? Am I going to want to just exit the relationship? Because the story I start to believe or that I have believed from a little girl is I cannot trust anyone to show up for me. That's the story that I believed from a small girl. I have to figure it out myself. People are going to let me down. And so that one belief can dictate who your business can dictate all your romantic relationships.

Oh, yeah.

And so I have been learning to dismantle that belief and to give opportunities for people to show up for me. That's friendships. That's in any way. It's very hard in my work relationships and my romantic relationships. Especially my romantic relationships, it's hard to. If there's a disagreement or a conflict. And my first thought is, like, see, I knew this was gonna happen.

And then a wall goes up, and you push them away because it's protection.

Yep. I knew this was gonna happen. I knew you were gonna do this. And, well, this is never gonna work. And then each time you do that, like you said, the wall, brick by brick, brick, brick, you're built your. And then it takes work to tear it back down, to come back to just a normal, you know, steady state. So that's. That's one of the beliefs that I'm learning to unlearn.

I'm like, well, chat with me about it, because I swear I went. I went through that exact thing. That's why I wrote the book on friendship. That's why, like, literally, my husband was such a gift for me, because he absolutely threatened me with dismantling it, like, if I wouldn't have. He changed everything for me. But I had the option to choose. I almost ran from him multiple times. Like, yeah. He was like, if you leave this house and run from this argument one more time, don't ever come back. And he's like, you will continue to do this your whole life, Lori, and you will sabotage and your relationship. Every girl, every guy, every, like, everyone, everything. Because I was like, I'm better alone, and you can't hurt me.

Exactly. Exactly.

Yes.

And it's so real, and it's so powerful, and so many times, we don't even realize the thoughts that we're believing in our. I had no idea heads. It's wild.

I was just like, I'm independent. You don't know how to be with an independent woman.

Oh, that's what I say, too. Oh, my gosh. It's so funny. I'm just like, I'm just so strong. And honestly, if you were safe for me, then I wouldn't be in my masculine energy. Like, you know, it's like, those are.

Things that I say.

Yeah. It's so true. It's so true. And, you know, of course, there's some relationships where that's true, but there's others that. That's your own issue.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

You know, you're. We're not giving opportunities for them to even show up.

No.

You know, and so that's. It's. It's definitely big. We can have a whole part two coming.

Yeah, Part two and three coming. Religious trauma, part two. Yeah. Relationships. Yeah.

We can really get deep. People are gonna be like, why is Laurie talking so much about this? Oh, no, it's real.

If you listen to my podcast, it's absolutely. It's weaved throughout the whole thing. Yeah, it's my. It's my whole.

It's everything.

It's my whole story, you know, And I do attract a lot of people who are, like, breaking those patterns. And I know you tracked a lot of people who are wanting to tell their story right now. So, you guys, if you're listening to this, you have to follow your podcast. And where else can we find you? Like, tell us all the things you're doing. The coaching, the podcast, everything.

Yes. So you can find me for coaching and for inspirational content on Alexis and Andra. And then for the podcast, it's shift happens. And the tagline is from pain to purpose. And then for anything creative, the shift creative. So just remember shift, because shift happens in the shift creative. So, yeah, that is what I am doing over there. And I am.

Yeah.

I'm here as a resource for you guys if you need me.

Anything else that you want to add or direct them to?

I don't think so. I think we've talked about a lot. There's a lot to digest here, so I don't want to overwhelm you, but I'm definitely. I am the type of, you know, person that if you DM me or if you do need help in processing your story, like Lori said, we will add that free PDF to the show notes so that you can begin to process. And there's an opportunity for coaching to help you walk through your story and then ultimately, you know, to help you share it as well.

Yeah, I love that so much. Well, thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you.

We will do a part two, because I feel like I have so much to dig into. You guys. Just go down to the show notes. You can find everything you can find that PDF. And thank you so much for tuning in and we will see you next time. Bye everyone.