What It Actually Takes to Build Ride-or-Die Friendships as an Adult

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Want a true, deep, lasting friendship, you don't get to actually know them until you spend about two to three to four days with them in a row where you get those morning coffees, where things open up, those evening conversations, or those hours where you just sit and start really digging into things. And that's where really beautiful friendships are born. Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast. It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And I have fit in some friend time as well.

Hello. Hello.

Can you recognize the voice? If you've been a longtime listener, try to guess who this voice is.

Hello, you guys.

I have Lindsay Schwartz sitting next to me and she came to visit and we're doing a bunch of content. We're trying to get a bunch of different things done for and with each other because we were chatting the other day and I'm like, okay, you have an event coming up. I really, really want to promote that event. I have glo that I would really love support on some different reels, some podcasts. And we were like, why don't we get together and knock this all out? Because it's way more fun together. And that's what we want to talk about on this podcast, is friendship. I know a lot of you see our friendship and you ask how it happened or you. We get a lot of comments underneath our stuff that says like, oh my God, I need to find my Lindsay or I need to find my Lori. And yes, you absolutely do. And we want this for you. So we want to talk about how we found different friendships in our lives. Because let me tell you two Midwest girls, we did not meet in the Midwest. We had to go out of the Midwest to even find other people. And even if you are in more isolated states, I promise you, you're still going to be able to find people there. But the ways that you do it are probably going to be different to find your people.

And we met at such a different time in life. We'd already moved out of the Midwest. But I think about it all the time how the women in, like, the powerhouse women community, for example, who end up connecting even with, like, their Midwest besties. A lot of times they travel outside of the Midwest to get into a room, like a girlfriend's in business or a powerhouse women event. And then they find their fellow Midwestern ambitious women and stay connected when they go back home. And I don't want to make it sound like you have to always invest time and energy in and money into traveling, but the truth is that I almost feel like the people who get a little bit out of their comfort zone and really invest in themselves to go to events, for example, you just get the bigger breakthroughs. And that act of courage literally puts you on the same frequency as the type of people you want to meet.

Mm. I feel like when I've met people who I've really, like, deeply connected with, it was because there was some sort of, like, buy in on both parties. Meaning, like, knowing, you know, when I was in the Midwest, I found that a lot of people weren't necessarily, like, on my same path or they didn't feel committed to their growth journey, or I always felt like there was a miss in in feeling like maybe people weren't on the same growth path as me. And when you go to an event, there's like a buy in. There's an actual physical buy in with money that says, I'm taking this process serious. And that's why I loved events is because it kind of does the vetting for you. Like, I want to talk about your event for a minute, because when women go there from wherever they're from, you're not just meeting a bunch of women who are like, yeah, we're coming here, but we don't want to connect like your event. People who buy a ticket, like, when they read your sales page, it's truly around making friends who are on the.

Growth path, who know that there's more.

To life and there's more that they want to do in this life.

You're about to walk into a room.

Of the same women who read that sales copy, read that sales page, and they all felt spoken to. And they not only felt spoken to, but they felt so moved that you were speaking to them with that message of wanting to find friends, friends and knowing that there was more for them in this life that they put money down and said, I want to be in that room. So what you have done and why I love events so much is you have vetted a room of 800 women who all want the same thing. I promise you, there is another person from Wisconsin there, there's another person from California there, There is another person from Arizona there, there's another person from Illinois there, there's another person from Florida there. And so it's all vetted for you. You guys are all feeling the exact same way. Does that mean you're going to hit it off with every single person there? Absolutely not. But this is why when I had my glossy booth there last year, which was so amazing, I loved it so much. This is why all the girls who I got to come up, I got to meet women for three hours straight. Like, it was the greatest thing ever. Like, to be able to meet all of the attendees and have conversations with them. Like, I think I met a good quarter of them, maybe more. And the coolest thing that I got to experience while I was back there, getting to really have these one on one chats with girls, is each group of girls or these, you know, two girls that would come up or four girls or six girls. Every question I would ask is, who knew each other before, who came here alone, who just met. And the groups of girls that I was like, oh, these are. I'm like, oh my God, where'd you guys all come from? And they're like, oh, we just met. Like, we're from all different places. But there were so many people hitting it off one after another and my mind was actually blown. And so, you know, I'm, you know me, I will, like, just get to the deep stuff right away. I'm like, okay, are you introverts? Did you find it easy to meet? Like, is this awkward? What? Like, tell me all the things. And they say the same things. Like, no, I mean, we all came here with this idea of wanting to be open and find friends. And we know what, you know, that's what this event is about. Because it's so clear when you go go to it that it's not this like, mean girl or who's the most popular or who's the best dressed. Even though, yes, it might look that way on the outside of the best dress.

The outfits are.

The outfits are next level. But it's women who are open and want to connect. So for me, it's always been about events because there's a buy in. Like, there's a natural buy in. Not as many are as open as your event, but for the most part, they're pretty amazing.

Yeah, I didn't even really think about that. And I love what you said about just the, like, the buy in part. I never thought about it. I think about it from a brand perspective in knowing that I am curating this group of people who all think alike and that's really valuable to sponsors and things like that. But I didn't even think about it through the lens of, you know, if you can even find, you know, smaller things in your area that are even a short drive away or like one state over, that is going to be the fastest way. And I think in, in this day and age, especially with how everything is going so online, when you have those opportunities to meet in real life, even if you go back home and those friends aren't living right around you, establishing that in person connection first allows you to go deeper and stay connected, even though you don't live in the same state. I mean, you and I don't live in the same state anymore. No. Our friendship got to go really deep when we collaborated on a program together. But then we got to spend a good year or two years, I think, living in the same state, going deeper with each other. But then we've been able to maintain that and I would even say deepen our friendship not living in the same place. So I just want to speak to some of the things that you may have in your mind as well. These are the reasons why I can't find these types of friendships. It's just opening yourself up to realize that, yes, they may look different, but realize that when you see Lori and I together, probably the reason giggling and having so much fun is that we don't actually get to see each other all the time. And even when we lived in the same place, we didn't get to see each other all the time. So it's making the most of those times finding the people that you just energetically connect with so easily and then making an effort to nurture those friendships beyond, you know, whether you meet them at an event or whatever it is. And that's, I think what we've also done really well is we aren't able to necessarily nurture every single friendship in the same way. But there are a handful of like my ride or die best friends that I really make the effort to, you know, this is. I'm here on like a Monday and I flew out just to like get to spend time together. I'm literally doing the same thing that I would be doing at home. Working on my laptop, but we're doing it together, and we're in each other's energy. And so we've just, like, really made an effort to not just put ourselves in environments to meet those people. But then when you find the ones that you really want to go deep with, just know that. That when you nurture them, that's really where the magic starts to happen.

So I. I want to dig into that even more because I've really been thinking about this in terms of so many people feel really alone, and even though they're meeting a lot of people, they're like. They're not really. For me, I'm just not finding that person that's like, you know, the perfect fit. Like, my everything, my. My person that just feels like a ride or die. And I want you to think back to the last time you've had that experience as a young kid. If you've had it before, if you haven't, trust me, there are still plenty of people who haven't. You're not alone. It's not totally abnormal. But thinking back to when you're a kid, when you have these best friends that you call, you know, your best friends, it's because you guys were thrown together frequently in an experience, and you shared a mutual experience. So it was either you were in school together all the time, sharing a lot of mutual experiences. You had a lot of things to talk about because you shared a teacher you didn't like, a boy that you had a crush on, a girl that you made fun of. Like, all of these different. You shared all of these different things.

Girlhood.

Yeah, exactly. The kid that you throw sand at, whatever. And I do not. I make myself like, who's the one I was actually bullied? Maybe that was me just wanting to have a moment of, like, what would that look like if I was cool when I was little?

I guess the cool kids through sand, we'll never know.

We will never know. That was the weird one. But then you look back to these girls who all have their college friends. Well, they were all in, you know, on. On a volleyball league together. They were all sorority sisters. And, like, the reason that those relationships go so deep is because they not only have the frequency of time together, but they have the frequency of a mutual shared experience. And so as an adult, you don't have that. We're meeting girlfriends. Like, I just went on a girlfriend date, like, last week, and it was one meeting.

With who? Tell me. Give me a name. I tell you.

I'll tell you later. I Went on this girlfriend date, and my old response was to be like, you know, scale of 1 to 10, are we going to see this person again? Was there fireworks? And, like, it's so easy for me to be like, next or something like that. But I'm so aware that building a relationship takes so much time and nurturing that it just depends on why you're meeting. Like, was it a meeting? Did you. Did you both enjoy the interaction?

Did you have a conversation about something.

You really wanted to talk about? Did you get a result that you wanted? You know, there are times that I go to dinner with girlfriends because they're in a certain type of business and I would love to know some answers and they want to know answers from me. And that feels really good. Maybe the dinner ends at that one. Maybe we have two because we really exhaust, like, something we're both talking about. Maybe we're both in the beauty and wellness industry and we want to talk about what's working on TikTok. And maybe that's what we have in common. So we're really going to talk about that. We don't worry about the other stuff, nor do we want to meet much for, like, hanging out. Yeah. And so I think that as we're older, we have to categorize what we want from it. Because if you want a true, deep, lasting friendship, it's going to take not only going to a bunch of dinners, but maybe some workouts. And then if you find you're really hitting it off with this person, then that's when I would say, this is going to sound like a lot to some of you, but you want to book, like, a weekend away with that person because you don't get to actually know them until you spend about two to three to four days with them in a row where you get those morning coffees where things open up that wouldn't normally open up. And I don't just mean your bowel.

Movements, like, but that's powerful as well.

That you get one.

Thank you. Glossy.

Yeah, exactly. And drink your glossy while you're there. But we were talking this morning, like, the reason that we. It's been actually, like, maybe even what we were saying, better being further away, is because we wouldn't, like, stay the night at each other's houses when we were together. And you miss those, like, deep coffee conversations or those evening conversations or those hours where you just sit and start really digging into things because you have the time and the space to be able to do it. And that's where really beautiful Friendships are born. So if you're meeting a ton of people and you're not really getting to spend that deep quality time with them, there's a reason that you don't feel connected to anyone. It takes a lot for me. Like, it takes a lot for me to start feeling connected to someone. And so if you're listening and you're like, oh, I thought maybe something was wrong with me, or I just don't really like people. Like, you might have a story from being a kid. Like, I really, really. Lindsay, you and I were talking about this earlier. Like, I developed a story where I was better without people because they were mean to me. I didn't trust them. I thought we would be friends, and then they would bully me or make fun of me or talk behind my back. So it takes a little bit longer for me to really trust people and feel like I can let my guard down. And in order for me to feel close to someone, I have to be able to allow myself to get really vulnerable and trust them or if I'm only listening to them the whole time. You don't feel close to someone if you're only listening to their story. It takes mutual destruction type of stories. Like, I'm gonna have to share some dirt on me. You're gonna have to share some dirt on you. And that's how we're gonna bond.

And we have shared it, right?

We've shared our mom trauma. Well, you know, in general. In general, that's what we're gonna use as a placeholder. That's what we're gonna say. Or the.

Like, it even makes me think about, you know, this amazing group of women that we intentionally plan twice a year to do these trips and connect with. You know, the group that we. We put together. And literally, Lori and I started this because we were craving deeper connections with our entrepreneurial girlfriends. So, like, Jasmine Star, Amy Porterfield, like, those women that you might see, like, the social media version of what those relationships look like. But the first time we all got together felt very different than, I think, a fourth time together.

Yeah.

And just how each time we've, I think, shared more of ourselves outside of the business side of us, but then also, I think it's cool to share with people. We don't really connect with those women super intimately outside of just those couple of weekends a year. Everybody is busy. Like, we really just curate these spaces. And this is what I'm so proud of us for. For really putting together what it is that we want. And we. When we even made the initial invites for that experience. We didn't let it hurt our feelings if someone wasn't interested. And it ended up kind of bringing together people who had the same desire, knew what we wanted out of it, and then we've allowed it to evolve over time. So it took a little while before we had an opportunity to, I think, find our people. Right. So it started with us with going to events. I love that. The second thing is any of you who have a podcast. Having a podcast is like, one of the best ways to essentially do a vibe check on someone. Have them on your podcast. That's actually another place where a lot of my entrepreneur friendships have formed from, is the connections that I make on podcasts where I'm like, that person was so great. Like, there was a great rapport. There was a great chemistry. So those are just a couple of ways. But then the truth of it is, you don't get the depth that you want unless you invest in it. You just don't.

Yeah, I feel like, you know, with you and I, especially if you guys, once you find one friend, let me just tell you, you're kind. You kind of start bec a bit invincible. And the crazy thing is, I know if we lived near each other again, I'm like, it would just take off. But there's, you know, then maybe in the future. Meaning that when you find that one friend that you're like, oh, if we do this together, it feels a lot easier. Or like, when we were creating that group with women who. When Lindsay and I were curating that group that she was talking about with these women who we felt like were women who were maybe ahead of us in certain ways, who we could really learn from as well, because we. We were in a season. Well, we still are always of wanting to really expand and, like, put ourselves in rooms where, you know, everybody had something different that we felt like we could really learn from. And when we were curating that group, I remember beforehand because we. I think we both had in our heads that we would love a group like that. But I didn't want to do it alone because the rejection of getting rejected five different times from five different people that I wanted to curate felt a little intense. I was like, okay, who am I to curate this group where with you, I was like, cool, well, if they want to join us, that's great. Like, it felt very casual, like, hey, Lindsay and I want to, you know, put this group together. If you want to be a part of it, great. If not, you know, her and I are Going to have the best time drinking wine without you. So we didn't say that. But that's how casual it started to feel. Now don't get me wrong, we got very nervous before sending the invites. But it was also this shared mutual destruction of like if we get rejected, I don't know if they're rejecting you or me or both of us together and who cares? And we don't need to know. We don't need to know. So like having that like shared feeling when you're doing it was so much easier. So all you have to do your homework assignment is to first find the friend. And I can't tell you how many people have found their people at events, like big events, especially your event. And it's my favorite thing to see from events, from our events is like people will still write us and I know you have this all of the time. And they're like, you know, I found this person at this event. We started a business together or we've been best friends for four years, for five years, whatever it is. And it's, it's literally the coolest thing to see because what happens is when you go to an event, you know that there's a lot of mutual interest already.

Yeah.

And they went above and beyond because they're looking for the same thing.

I never really thought that really is my biggest takeaway from this is the part about equal buy in. It really does change it. It's like not just the people who want, want those relationships but they're willing to invest. They're willing to get on a plane and go to a place they've never been in order to develop themselves and also put themselves in a target rich environment for those relationships. And I feel like it's that it's knowing that you're on the same level of I am this bought into my goals as someone. And for if you're really looking to curate these relationships to help propel you forward. Which is a huge part of why having these relationships is such an advantage. Doing so by putting yourself in the room at events. It's the number one way that I know to create those relationships.

That's why we do what we do is because I think you and I both know the power of like what has happened in our lives. When you create those bonds with another woman and also life. I'm exactly like what you say. Life in business is not worth doing alone and, and you're miserable without it. And it's not sustainable. And if you, if you want to make your marriage Better. If you want to make your other relationships better. Like, it's truly finding a bunch of other people who really support you in different ways than your family can, than some of your other friends from high school can, who don't understand what this journey is that you're on, than your husband can. And it's so funny, because my husband loves Lindsay so much for so many reasons, but one of the main reasons is that she gets to, like, understand this other part of me that Chris, number one, gets irritated with hearing me, like, analyze everything. Number two, doesn't fully want me to rehash certain things. He wants to fix it right away.

Where I ask for. I was like, no, I need more details. I actually need more.

I need more. Yes. Yes, you do. And these are things that, you know, one person cannot be everything for you. And this is why you need multiple people in multiple arenas of your life. So you might be listening to this, and you're like, you know, I'm. I'm great. I have all my sorority sisters, but there's something in you that doesn't feel fully supported around maybe your really big dreams. Maybe you haven't told any of them what's whispering to you right now. That feels really big, because you might think that they think it's kind of stupid, or you might think that they may not understand, or you might think, you know, have fear that you're trying to be better than them or whatever that thought is that you have in your head. And it's really important to try to make sure you have people for all of these different desires and dreams that you have, and you can be different people with different people, and I think that that's the best part of expanding your circle. You know, one of my favorite things is that, Lindsay, you are such a connector, and you have so many women in your life who can do different things with you than I want to do with you. Like, there are certain things you do that I don't necessarily want to do, or conversations. I don't know what they are. I'm sure I actually would want to.

Do them with you.

But I love that you are fulfilled in so many different ways. So that I can show up as a turd and not. You don't have a big. You don't have a really high expectation of me because you have other friends who can be great.

Thanks. Yeah, thanks for being my turd.

Anytime.

This is what happens when we podcast at the end of a long day and using our brain.

I just don't want to have to Be everything.

You know, I was. So I'm thinking about this. There's a woman in the Powerhouse community, Anna Marie, shout out to her. I love her. She shared something so powerful that helped me bridge this together. I'm going to take that turd comment and we're going to bring it, we're going to bring it back. Because the point about, yes, you may even have really supportive people in your life, but then all of a sudden when you go to want to do something new, which is essentially saying, I want to become someone new, it's not uncommon. If people in our life don't really know how to support us, don't really understand because they have such history of you knowing the you that you've been. And so Anna Marie had done these amazing Instagram stories, but she, she was saying how walking into the Powerhouse Women event was like being able to reintroduce herself as the version that had these big goals and dreams and being met with people who are like, cool, yeah, of course you can do that. What can I do to help? Like, they didn't have all the history, they didn't have the preconceived notion of who you've been. And she, her story is amazing. She, you know, at her first event was like on public assistance, like struggling to, to take care of her daughter. And so she's like, I just felt like I was disappointing everyone in my life. Like, people only saw the current version of her, they couldn't hold space for the version she knew she was going to become. And literally one year later, she walked up to me at the 2024 Powerhouse Women event and she's like, I just need to tell you, I literally have a six figure business now, like from last year to now because of the way. And she said, I'm like totally going to trademark this. She's like, these women are ride or dies for your higher self. And that's essentially what you're looking for is like, who are the people who are going to be ride or dies for your higher self?

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You for the turd that you are but also find that turd right up. Also hold you to a higher standard. Really see you as your higher self. And I feel like that's, that's the number one thing that we do for each other and that ultimately we want for every single person listening.

Okay, so you have tell us how we can get tickets.

Oh so the Powerhouse Women event is. I mean, I'm biased. It's my favorite weekend of the entire year. It's amazing. It's August 15th to 17th in Scottsdale, Arizona. We will both be there. This is probably not a shocker. I have not announced any speakers yet, but you guys pretty much just know one boy, Lori, is going to be there and we were, we were talking about it.

You've actually been a part of every.

Single event since 2018, which was our second event. And it's so, so special. So powerhousewomenevent.com is the link and right now we're doing $200 off tickets. It's amazing. Honestly, you're probably better at selling it even than I am. But how are powerhousewomen event.com is the place to go.

Okay, so that's in show notes. But you guys, you have to be there. Not only because we all get to hang out, Truly and hopefully we get to meet, we're super cute outfits. But you're gonna meet the people who are gonna help pull you through to your higher self. And that is the truth. Like, they are going to hold you to a different standard, but you're also gonna have the best time of your life, like creating and building and dreaming and doing all the things together. And, you know, I want you to imagine like your most fun, energized day, like in your business. Imagine meeting somebody who that could amplify and you get even more. When you hang out, it's not only fun, but you feel like you're growing yourself. Like, truly expanding into the best version of yourself while having the best time. And not only all of that, but feeling so supported when things really are not going well. Because nobody gets that journey like another entrepreneur or big dreamer. Nobody understands the high highs and the low lows like those people. And that's who you're going to find there. And it's just, it's, it's the most fun, expansive, but just it makes you really, like, feel like the next level is attainable. Because when you're in a room with women who also believe in possibilities, everything becomes possible for you. So go down on the show notes, grab your ticket, we will see you there. Like, I'll actually physically see you there. I'll probably be in the back chatting with people in line at the glossy booth.

Yeah.

So I would love, love, love to get to meet you and tell me that you came because of this podcast, because that's always fun. And I'll, I'll absolutely remember and give you a giant hug. So any, any sign off words?

I mean, like, that's because I like.

To pretend that we have a TV show.

This is. I know we're just waiting for Hollywood to call, but it is the most fun thing to get to create together and do this work together. And I feel like the event is. Is one of those places where it comes to life and we get to share it with all of you. It's. That's why. That's why we love it. It's like we actually get to meet and connect with all of you who listen to the podcast. And, you know, we're riding in your car with you right now. You're probably speeding. And that's how we know we are our people. And, and it's so special to get to create those experiences together. So I hope you can join us. It's going to be the best.

All right, you guys go check out the link below. And until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone.