In this conversation, Shaunti Feldhahn, Ken Feldhahn, and Nick Stumbo discuss why it is essential to address marital intimacy from both biblical and clinical angles. They explain that sexuality is a God‑created domain with purposes that extend beyond secular scientific inquiry, and that the Bible’s concept of oneness offers insights not typically found in secular psychology. The Feldhahns describe their nationally representative surveys that uncover hidden dynamics in couples, emphasizing the risk of drawing uninformed conclusions without expert guidance. To ensure rigorous, hopeful outcomes, they partner with Dr. (Mike) Zeitzma, a veteran Christian sex therapist and pastor who has trained many in the field. Nick highlights the scarcity of resources that weave together the physical, emotional, and spiritual facets of sex, arguing that these dimensions are inseparable for a healthy marital relationship. The dialogue underscores the fruitfulness of combining well‑done social science with theological truth to provide couples with a holistic, hopeful framework for intimacy.
Chapters
So why is it important to approach the topic of intimacy in marriage with both a clinical and biblical perspective? And how has this been fruitful for you? Well, it's— for us as people of faith, it, it was important to include both the biblical and, um, the clinical perspective from the very beginning. Uh, in part because we all know this is— this area of sexuality and marriage is something God created, and he has purposes for it that go beyond what, um, the average, you know, maybe secular scientist might be trying to investigate. So we wanted to investigate the whole thing. Like, for example, the Bible talks about oneness in marriage. That's not necessarily a term you hear in secular psychology or in the sex therapy world. And so we wanted to be able to investigate all of that together from the beginning. And it was just, it was absolutely fascinating. When you talk about how is it fruitful, I just love that science and really well-done social science and neuroscience, et cetera, that they back up what the Bible has said all along.
Yeah. Ken, from my perspective, if I can jump in where we talk about the clinical side of it, um, Shaunti and I have done so many of these nationally representative surveys trying to dig out those little things that just the average person, couple, doesn't really understand or know about. And we realized though pretty quickly that this is one area that if we drew our own conclusions or You know, just out of lack of experience. Exactly. We could do damage. So therefore, that's really a key reason why we wanted to work with Dr. Seitzma, because of his experience, because of, you know, the way that he has conducted clinical surveys in the past. So we felt a high level of confidence that we were going to get to something, it was going to be helpful and prove hopeful for couples.
And I guess we should— I've— I guess I forgot to explain something really important about Dr. Zeitzma. Um, as you said, he has been in this arena as a sex therapist for 35 years, but he's also trained— probably this is not too much to say— most of the Christian sex therapists out there. I mean, that's— he has, uh, he is one of the recognized leaders in the Christian community in this arena.
Well, I love that you guys are combining those two of the biblical and the clinical, and, and that's our approach as a ministry. But I think particularly in the area of sex, that's so valuable because even in the Christian community, we can kind of really quickly move towards sex in terms of just the physical aspect of it, how to improve, to focus on the not only the, the physical nature of it but the emotion, and, and how do we have good sex. Or we kind of go to just the spiritual side of, well, you know, we just need to know how to have respect for one another and honor one another and make it worshipful. And that's good as well, but I don't see many resources that connect the two of doing both well, of understanding that, yes, there's a physical dynamic to it, but there's equally a spiritual dynamic, and we shouldn't talk about those as either/or or different poles. They're like, they're both deeply connected to the experience that couples could be having in marriage.
Yeah, and that's honestly— you put your finger right on it there, Nick. Mike, in addition to being a licensed sex therapist with all those years of experience, is also a pastor. So, I mean, he really brought the theological side.
Both sides. Yes, exactly. I really like how you put that, truly. I mean, I, I'm not sure I would've been able to articulate it in that way, but that's exactly why no matter what you're doing around this arena, you need to have both. Yeah.
