Nick StumboExecutive Director driving healing from sexual brokenness

The Reality of Different Sex Drives

16 Sept 2026 · 1 min

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In this monologue, Nick Stumbo explains that in a marriage the partner with the lower sexual satisfaction determines the overall health of the relationship. He illustrates this with a 2‑out‑of‑10 versus 8‑out‑of‑10 example, arguing that the couple’s baseline is the lower score. Stumbo advises couples to focus on incremental improvements for the less‑satisfied partner by asking simple, concrete questions such as “What would move you from a 2 to a 3?” and by becoming more attuned to what brings the partner joy, excitement, or pleasure. He emphasizes that these steps are easy to understand yet rarely practiced, and that consistently applying them can dramatically improve the couple’s sexual relationship.

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In a relationship, in the marriage, if you're kind of scoring your level of satisfaction with your sex life, the low number wins. Meaning, if the wife is saying, well, I'm satisfied at about a 2 out of 10, and the wife says, well, or the husband says, I'm an 8 out of 10, well, the number 2 wins because you're only at a 2 really in your marriage. Right. And so it's really wise to really work alongside that 2 and say, What would help you move from a 2 to a 3? Or what could I do to be more aware of what brings you joy or excitement or pleasure? Because if you're always at an 8 and she's always at a 2, you're going to be kind of stuck at that 2 level versus moving towards one another. Absolutely. Better believe it. And again, those aren't hard questions to ask. They're not difficult to comprehend. We just find that most couples never do that. And so if we could just take some of these simple steps, it could make a world of difference.