A (Porn) Star is Born: A Mash-Up

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean?

Like laundry? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind.

Of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com youm can also subscribe to the podcast. God, there's so many places to listen right now. As you know, we love when you subscribe. And you can also catch me Monday through Friday from 5 to 7pm Pacific. On Sunday, SiriusXM radio stars 109 for even more awesome sex talk calls. All the things you can get a free subscription. Try it out. Sexwithemily.com sxm as always, all social media, it's exwithemily across the board. And I hope you guys enjoy this mashup show. I sure had fun recording it. Oh, we've got Skin diamond here. Hello. Hi, Skin Diamond. She is so sexy and beautiful and Skin Diamond, I actually when I first met you at the X Biz Awards. Yes. But I've known about you because you were also at AVN Awards and you won like what didn't you win? So she's a porn star, a nude model, born in the United States, raised in Scotland. And you won this year. Okay, so you've been nominated for 12 AVN Awards, 6x Biz Awards, 5 Urban X Awards, X Biz, Best supporting Actress, best surprise Female performer of the year. So okay, Skin Diamond. Beautiful woman. I always like to ask women, bisexuals, women who've been with a lot of women, what you find? Like, is there anything when you hook up with women, any good tips that you have, like oral sex tips about going down on women? I feel like women know best oral sex tips.

I think taking it slow, lots of teasing, like not like kissing around the pussy.

Right.

And because then it's. And like biting the the inside. Like just little nibbles and stuff and just taking things really slowly. Like it's not a race. You can take your time to explore. If you know you're doing something and she makes a noise, then keep doing.

Keep going with the noise. Right? She's moaning. That's a good thing. She's hungry.

Yeah, it's. I think it's, yeah, just taking your time and enjoying it and because then.

You feel when you're with men, do you feel, I'm sure probably with men who are more experienced in porn, but in real d to day life, do you find that men. A lot of times I was trying to Say, this is my guy friend. The day. He's like, what do you mean, guys aren't good? I'm like, there's a lot of men who just don't. They don't get oral sex. They try, or they're not into it, or they don't really know what they're doing. I think because every vagina is different. So you have to learn. You have to pay attention. You have to, like, focus on, is she moaning? Is she moving? How's her body changing? You know? And they just don't pay attention to it at all.

Well, it's.

It's even.

Even guys, like, every guy likes it a little different, too, right?

Same, same.

So I think that's. That's. You have to take it slow because you have to read the person, right? Figure out what they like. And then once you know, then you can just, like. Then the next time or whatever, you can just go for it. But especially the first time, it's like, it's. So that's why I love sex, because it's different with everyone, right?

So it's.

It's always new, it's always fresh.

Exactly. And it should constantly be that way. That's what, you know, I'd say one of the main points I make on the show over and over again is that your sex life should be expansive. If you're in a relationship, if you're in a committed relationship, it should be something that's constantly growing, that you're challenging, that you're challenging each other and you're doing new things and you're raising the level. And I don't mean raising the level to craziness. I just mean you're trying new things, and it's exciting, and it's like this beautiful thing, and so many people have so many troubles with it, and they just kind of get stagnated. And it is a beautiful thing. And we're all like, we wouldn't be here without sex.

I think one of the easiest ways to figure out is, like, just dirty talk. Now I know the guy that I'm dating, like, he really wants to have a threesome because, like, I'll talk to him about it during, like, when we're together and be like, oh, so you want to see me and, like, buried in another girl. And he loves it. So now I'm like, well, now we have to have a threesome.

Are you going to.

Yeah, I'm going to find one of my porno friends.

Oh, my God. That's.

I know so many.

He's never Had a threesome. She'll be his first. Yeah. Oh, my God, that's so fun. Do you like having threesomes?

I do. I think they're always a little bit trickier, though, because there's the danger of someone feeling left out. So I actually prefer orgies because then there's more people to play with. If somebody's feeling left out, you can be like, oh, well, I'm gonna go over here.

Exactly. No, it is true. It's so true that I always say it's almost better when you have a threesome if you're not all attached. Like, if it's a couple and then you bring someone else in, it can be awkward. So tricky, because who's he gonna cuddle with at the end of the night? Or who's gonna finish off or, you know, I mean, there's a lot. There's a lot. I mean, that's just one of the minor things. But it is true that it can get sticky. Like couples who think we're gonna have a threesome and it's gonna save our relationship. No, you have to have, like, a really solid ground, really great communication before you bring in a third partner. So I wanna go back to you. Orgasm quickly. Because I don't. I orgasm, but not as quickly. And I'm very envious of people like you. So have you always. Like, when did you start?

I remember masturbating with. Remember those little braiding hair. Braiding twisty devices? I remember masturbating with that because I would turn it on and it would vibrate a little bit, so I'd use the handle.

How did you know, though? Like, how old were you?

I was young. I must have been, like, I don't know, like 11. And you just knew that I was. I saw something I may, maybe shouldn't have at a very young age. So I already had the wands for sex. Yeah. But I just, like. I remember the first time I, like, masturbated with just my fingers and, like, I had an orgasm.

And I was like, first time.

And I was. And I was like, oh, was that it? Because I wasn't sure. You mean when you first.

Yeah.

You don't know. So is it clitorally or G spot or everything? You orgasm.

It's a little bit of everything. I can. I don't know. I have really strong Kegel muscles too.

Right.

Do you? Kegel exercises.

I've been doing those since before I knew what they were.

Wow.

So, like, maybe seven. Because I would. When I was young, I used to have this weird complex about peeing. And I would always hold it because I'd be playing or whatever, and I didn't want to go. But by holding it, I was, like, strengthening my Kegel muscles. And then I noticed that if I needed to pee and I, like, worked my Kegels, I could actually have an orgasm without having to touch myself.

Oh, my God.

So, like, I'd be on the bus or whatever. Just, like, silently, silently.

Really, really happy bus ride home. Yeah, well, Kegel exercises are so important if you don't know what they are. I have an iPhone app actually, called Kegel Camp.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Every day it pops up on your phone. There's, like, a little reminder, and it says, time for. You can set it any time of day. And it's five minutes a day, and it's my voice that walks you through it. And there's 20 levels, so people get to. They get harder and harder levels, and people get to level 20 and, like, and they have stronger orgasms because of it. And I'm like, everyone needs to do it. They don't understand. But I love that you naturally did it. So you just naturally born for this. Do you do them during sex?

Yes, I do. That's how when I'm working, if the director is like, okay, we need you to have an orgasm, usually the girls have to fake it because, I mean, who can come on command if you're a woman? But for me, it's a lot easier because I can just work my kegels and I can kind of force myself to come.

Exactly. Which is a great tip for women. If you do have a hard time orgasming during intercourse, I'm telling you, download my app or just do it yourself. I think just the thing about my app that's unique is that just it reminds you because they say, do them at a traffic light. Do them where you go. No one remembers.

So I'm doing mine right now.

Right. And just five minutes. And you will see, like, within a month that you are having sort of orgasms. And you can do it during sex, but for me, too, what I want to or when I feel like it's coming. But it's, you know, when you feel like you're about to orgasm and you're not, like, I just do my Kegels, and it's like, boom. And it happens.

So you know what else is a really good trick that. Well, this is. I do this accidentally. I hold my breath when I'm coming, but it's almost like a form of breath play. Because when you're light headed because of the air deprivation. It makes the orgasms feel even cooler.

Oh, wow.

That's a good one. I like it because a lot of women hold their breath the whole time they're having sex, and I often think that prevents them from having an orgasm. But you do it right before.

Yeah, I do it as I'm coming. Which is why I think I'm always so out of it after sex. Because I'm like.

Right.

You're like, I come so many times.

Do you have multiple orgasms?

I always do. It's weird. I'm very, very lucky. I realize that I'm very.

Yeah. I kind of want you to leave right now. So. Do you ever use sex toys?

I pretty much use a Hitachi religiously. I actually just recently broke mine. I need to get a new one because I use it so much.

I have an amazing woman sitting here in the studio with me. Nina Hartley. Hello.

Hello.

Yay. I love the clapping. That's amazing. Nina is if you don't know. Which I can't imagine, because everyone knows who Nina is. I feel. American pornographic actress, director, sex educator, feminist author. You've been in how many films?

About 900.

900 films. And you're still doing films?

Oh, absolutely.

And everything. You're activists. You've done so many things. And I'm so in awe of your career and all the amazing things you've done. And we're gonna talk about sex, Ton. I mean, sex with Emily. But if anyone. I feel like I should. I know. How about that?

Isn't it awesome?

I know. We're gonna get into the stuff, all the things that you've ever wanted. Ask Nina. And I feel like so many of my listeners, they need tips. They need advice, like, for keeping their. Their relationships interesting and how to have a spicy sex life. And I love oral sex tips. I always ask my guests. And I feel like you would have really good oral sex tips for women and for men. So we're gonna get into that. Nina, sexy voice. And Anderson, are you paying attention? Are you? Anderson, are you there? So I'm here with Anderson as well, and he's making everything run smoothly.

I make things sound good.

You make things sound pretty. And you're not just a pretty face yourself.

You make you sound pretty, as does Nina. And I just make sure that the levels are good.

That's all I do. No, but you're doing good. Okay. So Nina. I don't even know. I was like, nina, I'm really like, there's so many things that Nina can talk about. And so I feel like, tell me what you're up to now. So first. Well, yeah, tell me what's going on in your life now that you're excited about. What do you work on? Nina.com, which is amazing. You have that URL, right?

Yeah. Nina.com is my, my pay site and it's triple X. I do need to, I've been doing this 32 years since I started dancing and 30 years in porn. And I am now old enough to have children in their 30s. But as I tell the young people with whom I work, you know, I'm old enough to be your mother, but I'm to going no one's mother. So it's not creepy.

Right? Exactly.

So I have been working, putting more energy into branching out just in terms of talking and teaching because I've been a feminist my whole life. And so I remember the early days of the conversation about pornography and sex and sexuality and sexual expression from the 70s. And now I have 40 years perspective on how's that working for you?

Right, exactly.

So I'm the age of a lot of young people's parents and so, but I'm, but, but I'm not a parent so they, so I'm not icky.

Right.

So I wanted, I wanted to give back to the community. I want to talk to young adults about what I wish I'd known about sex when I was their age.

What is. So when you say young, you're talking about people in their 20s.

I'm talking for me, 18 to 30. I could, I'm 54. I could easily have a 30 year old child without it being weird. And if I'd had a child right out of high school, that person would be 30. Two of my favorite playmates were born the year I graduated high school and they're 35. It blows my mind, but I see them as peers because they're. What do you mean?

Your playmates. People that you play with, have sex with.

Right. I am, I am not a monogamous person and I'm also queer. So I have a large circle of poly, poly, bi, queer, non monogamous.

Polymorphously. Perverse.

Exactly.

But I live a very sexually open lifestyle and what people get confused about who are not wired this way is they could use open with anarchic with like no rules at all. And what it really is, it's a kind of sexual orientation that works best when you keep it within people of your like orientation. So people with whom I play and for me play is almost always some kind of sexual intention, if not actual genital contact are people who share my sexual values, my sexual outlook. Most of my overlaps sexual philosophy enough that we can cohabit the same space and share some kind of mutual good time. And I don't try to do that with people whose sexual values and boundaries don't mesh with mine. And the biggest thing I could tell anybody as a young adult is figure out what this is you can do alone while reading. You don't even have to do it with anybody. It's just something inside yourself. What do I seem to be? I'm strongly pulled toward monogamy. I'm strongly pulled toward non monogamy. But I feel guilty about it because of what I've been told. So am I really monogamous and wanting a fantastical dream or am I actually a non monogamous person burdened with guilt? Hmm. So we have to investigate.

Exactly.

And on and on. So my playmates, and they're 35 and they're born the year I graduated high school. Like get the F out of dog. Oh my God. But. But I feel as. I feel more alive than ever. I wouldn't go back and be 35 again if you paid me. Because at 35 I was entering the most unhappy period of my first marriage where I was craziest and most absolutely. So I've been unhappily married. I'm happily married now. And I have. I have insight I can impart to people. You know, and also the whole thing about personal responsibility. Stop feeling like such a victim. I'm sure you talk about that with.

People all the time feeling like a victim in their own life. You mean in their own.

Especially when it comes to sex. Poor me. Poor me. And you know, pull up your big. Pull up your big big person panties.

Right, exactly.

And. And we're not talking about actually having been victimized, obviously. We're not talking about violence.

No.

But right people where you know what you do, what you do when you're crazy, you keep picking the wrong partners. You have this pattern that you act out again and again. You realize, and after the third time, it is you.

Exactly. What's the common denominator here? Oh, okay. It's me. I know. I fully blame myself for all of my mistakes now. Like, I think it's so funny about my relationships. I'm like, oh yeah, this is my pattern. And people don't stop. And they don't stop and look at themselves. But I think it's interesting. So you've been have you always known that you were non monogamous or when you were.

Well, if I'd had the words in high school, I would have recognized that I was a. To quote Reid Mihalko, a poly bi slut.

I love Reed Reed. We love you, Reid. We love you, Reid.

Read about sex.

And I never had a monogamous fantasy in my life. I always fantasized about them. I never fantasized about him. And I always felt strange about that. So when it comes to sex, I feel like Spock. I just never. And if you have friends who are very, very strongly gay, they'll tell you, oh, I knew from first grade. Oh, I knew since I was five years old. Oh, absolute.

And you know people like that.

Yeah, absolutely.

I am not. So my sexuality is as strong and born in me as their gayness. But because I didn't have language for it, I didn't know that it had to do with relational orientation or because poly is. And monogamous is separate from gay or kinky or bisexual. It says, how do you want to run your romantic life? And I'm very happy with. I need a wide variety of people with whom I can be sexual. And I have a husband. And people will say, nina, if you're. Why be married if you're not going to be monogamous? And I say, well, my husband's my through partner. So all the sex I have is intentional.

Right?

We negotiate it. We are doing it deliberately. It's not because someone got drunk. So each time I'm with someone. That's a beautiful bead. Maybe this is a carved ivory bead. This is a Murano glass bead. Or this is a Hopi Indian bead. And I string all those beads on the through relationship I have with my husband. And for me, that balances out.

Right? And is he also. Does he see other people as well?

Nothing. Seriously. I'm polyamorous, he's non monogamous.

Okay.

But the orientations work well enough that we can make it work. My primary. When I got out of my first marriage, I knew that I would be single until I was dead and have cats and lovers before I would ever consent again to be with a possessive partner. I've been struggling with my guilt over wanting a non possessive partner for so long. And I'm struggling over my guilt about desiring multiple people because person A would get so hurt that I expressed an interest in person B. Because person A felt that my interest in person B therefore meant less for him or her or you like B because you don't like me. You like B because I'm deficient. It's like, no, I like A and B.

There's enough for everyone. Right.

As a poly person, A is A. Nothing else can be A and nothing else can be. And you can't. They don't compete.

Exactly.

So if there's for example, another slender, attractive, accomplished, intelligent, young brunette woman over here who can rock the plaid pants which I no longer bother trying to wear, and if there's someone who on the surface of it looked a lot like you, I would not be confused because you're you and she would be her. And so that. So you vibrate this string in that harmonic resonance way and she. And she can't pluck your string.

Right, exactly. Only you were jealous and they're possessive and so I totally understand. Do you think that there's a lot of people, do you find that would be non monogamous or polyamorous if they could, but they don't even think that's an option because they have to inagua. So do you think really like a lot of people are, you know, I think a lot of people are suffering through monogamy.

Like I think monogamy is an honest orientation. I think a solid 20% of people are truly monogamous. One partner is all they want and they're devoted their whole lives and it's not a burden. And it really, it's. It's what they are.

They chose it.

Right. They are it.

Right?

This is it. I felt I met your mother when we were 15. I fell in love and never looked at another woman. I've met enough couples like that to know that for some people is true. And then there is 20% of the people like me who are fully acclimated to a functioning, healthy, non monogamous relational style and have a good partner and are okay with that. And the other 60% are struggling with some balance of it. So it's not that I think more people would be non monogamous. I think more people could be more open and fluid than are now if it were considered a healthy option. Right now, monogamy is the only thing that's healthy and normal and mature and respectful. I would never put up with my partner. You let him do what you let her do, what it's like not letting. So clearly I can't be with someone like you. And I tried that. I tried very hard. I fail at monogamy. I. I completely. I ended up being a cheater. I ended up being a liar. I ended up withholding it was.

It was crazy.

So.

But if what I really was, why I want to strangle them people and say, well, you know, I want other partners, but I don't want my partner to have anybody else. It's like, then you are too immature for this. You don't get to have the cookie. Because this is a two way street now. Because in our culture, people get stunted emotionally at very young ages around sexuality and pleasure and what do I get to have in the world? And then they grow up to be big people and they interact with another adult person and then a trigger gets, gets pushed. All of a sudden they're again a very young child and they don't want to have to deal with their stuff. You have to do it first because I'm not going to. It's like I thought I was dating a grown up.

Exactly. No, I understand. And I think a lot of people struggle with myself. Same thing I. Monogamy has. It's never worked for me really. And never. And I love hearing you say this because I still think I try to get into relationships where I am and not that I haven't been in, but I used to be a cheater. I'm not. I'm a formed cheater because I don't really commit now. And if I do, I'm like, okay, this is more open. But it's something that I never wanted from a young age. I've never wanted thinking that what's wrong.

With you for not wanting it?

I'm like, well, one day I'll want to get married. Well, one day I'll want to have kids. You know, it'll all happen and I.

Think it's so good.

But no, at this point, it's just not gonna have.

No.

I mean, it's relationships and it doesn't.

Right. I kept waiting for the to want kids and it never. The joke now is at the factory, they forgot to wind my biological spot exactly.

That's what I always say. I'm like, I don't have one. I love kids.

Love them, love them.

But let's go back to your child. So you grew up in Berkeley, California, which I just moved to LA from San Francisco, so my heart is still in San Francisco. So what was it like? Go Niners. Go Niners. Growing up in Berkeley then what were your parents like? Were they.

Oh, my parents are totally alt.

My father.

Was a blacklisted radio personality, so I grew up after he'd been blacklisted. The last people McCarthy got, and my mother, they had had a pretty modern Marriage. And my mother was going back to school to get her master's, and she had a job too. And so I grew up in a very avant garde female breadwinner, male Homekeeper, household. 20, 20 years before that was popular. So that was very difficult for everybody.

I'm sure it must have been.

So I was the youngest, and so I had a lot of time to myself to pursue my own interests. My parents were all the 60s, deeply into therapy, all kind. Girl, I could tell you everything you got. And in 1969, they found Zen Buddhism and started studying that seriously. In 1973, they quit the. My mother quit her job and became. Became full time students. And my mother is a senior priest at the Zen center in San Francisco.

Oh, she is.

She still is, yeah. Oh, wow. And so they found. They. I'm so grateful because being 1969, it could have been EST. It could have been hard.

I was going to ask you if it was est.

It could have been signed. Thank God it was then.

No, that's what I was going to say to you. Thank God. So then your parents did that, and then.

Excuse me. I'm sorry, guys. What is est? Oh, Earnhardt seminar training. If I don't know, I'll have to.

I'm glad you're asking. It was this, like, hippie with the.

First cult of personality. I'm okay. You're an asshole.

You heard about things where they keep you in the. In the room all day until, you know, when you're hungry and tired. You need to go to the bathroom to break your ego.

Yeah, I mean, it was like a spiritual. People remember, like Landmark Forum. Have you heard people do that now?

Well, I think Landmark Forum is a descendant of est.

It's kind of like.

What about the thing where people screamed? That's primal scream therapy. My parents tried that.

She's probably done everything. Berkeley in the 60s.

Berkeley in the 60s.

Seriously? Like, what else? Upset.

Remember that Tears for Fear song? Shout out to shout, Let it all Out.

It was all about that. Oh, was it? Didn't know. Are you just saying that?

No, no, really true.

You really did.

Well, it does work. So I was so. Doesn't the what's aren't so important as. So, yes, I was a lonely child. Yes, my parents feel very bad about that. But the positive thing out of all of that is that they show by their example that you can their life have been upended by my father's blacklistedness. The plan they have of themselves 65 miles an hour into the brick wall. And so they showed me that you can, a person can cast about and find the best way to make an honorable and meaningful life for yourself according to your own needs. And for a proto queer kid who didn't know that word yet, it was very, very liberating because part of what they also looked at was sexuality. And then there was a feminist movement where I got all the, some of the source material because these brand new ideas. And so there was before the anti black pornography feminists took over the whole branch of the whole wing of feminism, there was actually quite open discussion about sex workers rights and women's bodies. Beautiful. It was this really great very. So it was very empowering that the thinking about. But I was younger enough that I wasn't fully an adult. I hadn't become an adult in that environment. So I was reading people's projections on a utopian way of being around sexuality. Young enough that I grew into it.

And you lived it and we're living it now.

And if I'd had a little more f u u f ing f I would have not put up with some of what I put up with. I was a bit. I was quite codependent for a number of years. And so in my secret mind, I wanted to be braver like Betty Dotson in my real life. I just couldn't quite break that pattern until I finally did at 40. It's like, oh, I'm holding myself back.

All right, guys, we're gonna take a quick break and when we come back, even more porn talk.

How would you introduce yourself, joannel if you had to do it on your own?

If I had to do it on my own. I'm Joanna Angel.

I'm a director and a porn star. I call myself a porntrepreneur.

Porntrepreneur. I love it. You are a portrepreneur. Yeah, right.

Kind of do like a little of everything in the adult industry.

I love it.

I masturbate a lot. But if my, if I do see my husband masturbating, I'm like, what the fuck you do? What's wrong with me, huh?

Do you do that?

I do, I do.

Dude, this is what we're telling women not to do.

Oh, okay. Well, I do it.

You get mad at them.

I do.

Because what? You're like, okay, okay, because you're everybody.

But you know, I have to say my husband's favorite. My husband actually doesn't masturbate that much because he doesn't porn. So wait, between doing porn and satisfying.

Me, but do you really feel like that sperm could have been mine or.

What do you feel?

I do.

Are you trying to get pregnant?

No.

Okay.

Just like in general you feel like.

Swan it because I'm a.

So you're like, how dare you masturbate without me? Because I would have had sex with you right now. But you understand then for men that they need that relief on their own stress.

And my husband, he does porn. So it's totally different, you know, his sperm schedule it. People don't understand how difficult it is to date, you know, like a farmer, you know, like it, it's a whole thing, you know, because if he's.

But you were the performer first. I was.

I got him in the industry.

You pushed him in and now it's annoying.

Yeah. And now it's.

It, it's.

The sex isn't annoying. And I love our life, you know, like it's, it's fun, but sometimes like, I mean, the sexy has on camera is not what it. You know, but it's just, it's the scheduling that I kind of forgot about because I guess this is my second time, you know, I dated another male performer for a really long time and I kind of forgot about this part, you know, but it's like, it's pretty common, you know, when a man, I don't know how many, most people don't know this. When a man has to come on camera, you know, like he can't have wild sex the night before.

You just can't.

Some of them can.

It's rare, right? Maybe if they're 20.

Yeah, exactly. Maybe if they're 20 or they're just. I don't know. I find that Europeans are like born with a different sexual chemical makeup and they're capable of doing anything. I don't know, it's just different. But even some of that. But for the most part, you know, like he can't, he can't have a wild night of sex the night before.

And it's like baseball players.

Exactly. You usually don't know your schedule till the day before. It's pretty common for a director to be like, oh, your call time tomorrow is this. It's rare for a porn director to actually give you your info a week before. So it's kind of like as soon as we know his info the next day, we have to like schedule our call sex.

Which is funny sometimes, you know, so if he's got to be on set at 8 o' clock in the morning, like we're not going to be able to bone the night before, but. And we'll know that, like, if he has to be on it on set at 8 o' clock in the morning the next day after that, we'll know that, like, we have to have sex as soon as he gets home from work that day or it's probably not going to wait.

Like. Right?

Yeah, he kind of needs like a good 12 hours to like refill the tank, you know? Or like, we'll have sex. I mean, we've gotten kind of creative. Like a lot of. It's just like he can't come, you know, So a lot of times he'll go down on me for a while.

Oh, perfect.

And we'll ask.

I know you can't come, but.

Yeah, but I can.

Right?

So, like, we'll have sex for like, you know, for like until he's like, almost there. And then we'll kind of stop, you know, Then he'll go down on me and then we kind of switch around. People don't realize how much we sacrifice just so he can give the world a beautiful.

Perform your site as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

So, I mean, we perform together and you.

Oh my God, that's hot.

It's a thing. It's really. It's like being an athlete, you know, it's different for women.

We just, we can keep coming, coming, coming. I'm never like, oh, times. Right. Like, I clean like 16 times, do whatever. Okay, here's my. Especially during masturbation.

Sorry. No, I can, I can dedicate a whole show to.

Question for you. A quick question for you is that I want to know since he's. So you've been in porn for 12 years? 50 years. So he's new to porn? Yeah, we've been together for a while. So, yeah, we've been together for five years. How. How he's changed sexually or how your sex life has changed since he's gotten into porn, if at all.

Yeah, well, that, I mean, that is a week.

Besides.

Yeah.

Besides the scheduling pleasure.

I mean, I'm not gonna be like, he knows that. He would. I made him more aggressive in bed, you know.

You taught him how to be more aggressive.

I did, I did. I mean, I basically taught him how to like a porn star before he even became a porn star. Just for my own personal benefit.

Give me an example.

Just what I need.

Right, right. Give me an example. Really wouldn't like a porn star like, how you. Well, yeah, like a lot of, like.

Just a lot of like the porn stars that I really like and then I connect to it in scenes. You Know, we. We give each other a lot of eye contact. We, like, talk dirty to each other a lot. You know, just a lot of. Like, just a lot of. Just very. A lot of it just comes from confidence. You know, I'm just like. Like, you know, when you're. When you're with someone in bed and, like, they don't really know what to do, and they know it's like, just pick something in. Do it. Okay.

Commit to it. Okay, so wait, Joanna, I. This is. I can't tell you how many men you're going to be helping in this moment who are helping people. No, listen to me. What I'm saying is, I want to go back to this. You're saying that. Just pick it. So I think guys are going, do I take off her shirt now? Do I do this?

No, I don't care. What.

You let your body guide you. You know, let your penis guide you. Let your libido guide you. Like, just be like, I really want to see her tits and grab her tits. Whether that means her shirt's on or her shirt's off, it doesn't matter. Like, if you want to grab her tits, just grab her tits. You know, like, just kind of, like, let your body, like, guide you and just. Just do it.

What about men who are still. And it's not consent, and they're worried about women saying, you can't. You say, it could be touch.

It could be touch.

Never touched your boobs. It could be just. But just focus on her boobs in that moment.

Yeah. I mean, I think once two people.

I mean, that's a difficult thing because you don't want to violate.

Any kind of consent, but you also don't want to be, like, overthinking that the entire time.

I'm just trying to walk the line here. Right. But you remember, Joanna's a point. She knows what kind of sex she likes. But what you're saying is to guys get out of your head and get into your body.

Yeah.

And just be like, if you want it, like, tell her. Even just tell her, like, God, you're so hot. I want to grab you. And then, yeah, do it. If she doesn't say no. And she's like, yeah, obviously once she.

Says no, you stop, you know?

Right. But if she's like, wow, I. Because I know for me, like.

Like, feel out the other person's energy. A lot of people think fucking like a porn star just means really long and really hard and really fast, but it's not necessarily.

Okay, tell me.

I think it's the intensity. Like, I think for me personally, yeah, there's different types of porn scenes and the ones that I'm always like, yes, that was amazing. Whether I'm directing it and performing it, it's when you just feel this, like, really intense energy, this really intense physical connection.

Siri. Hi. We're so excited. Okay, so tell me about you. How I know. God, we gotta get. We gotta get. We gotta just get through, like, how you got started. I mean, you started just how many years ago now?

Two and a half.

Okay. And you've already, like, taken off and done so well. How did you first get into this business?

It was actually like, an. A goal of mine from. Even when I was like. I knew that I wanted to do adult films when I was 19 and I was in my first semester of college. And it was something that I was like, I really want to do that. I put it on the back of my burner because I wanted to finish school. So as soon as I was done with college, I moved out here the first chance I got. Drove through across the country in Junior from Texas, where I'm from. Made a pit stop at the AVN show in January in Vegas to do networking and met some people there. And then basically it was like a week later, I had driven to LA and had an appointment, and it all.

Took off from there. I mean, that's pretty amazing that you had such success. So why did you always. What was it about porn that made you think, like, this is for me, I want to do it?

Just the combination of sexual expression and openness and performing, you know, being an entertainer for me was, like, ideal because I'm a performer type. I was a theater nerd growing up.

You were okay.

Yeah. And I've always been very sexual. And at the same time, when I was growing up, I didn't feel comfortable expressing myself sexually. And I really longed for a place in it, like a forum to be able to do that. So for me, that's exactly what adult films does.

Right. You know, so when you say you've always. You've always been sexual, you mean, like, from a young age you started masturbating or feeling.

I mean, like, I always. I was always very curious about sex, and it was something that. That I wanted to know about. And I had really had so much curiosity at the same time. I was like a late bloomer. I didn't actually have sex for the first time until I was 18. I had my first kiss at 17. So.

Okay.

So, yeah, so it was all that for Me, all the curiosity led to this kind of growing up with all this pent up, like I want to.

Was it because your family wasn't as open to it or it was just more repressed? I guess everyone's. Yeah, society's repressed. Like they're not teaching at school or.

Not to be honest. It was kind of that. It's like I originally I'm from Minnesota and I moved to Texas and I was like 12.

Okay.

And in Texas they don't really do sex ed. No, it's just not really a thing.

Right.

So I didn't have any sex ed formally in school.

Yeah, me neither. I went from Michigan. We didn't barely do anything ever.

Everything that I wanted to know about sex, no one was telling me. So I sought it out on my own. I would go to the library and there was, there was a late. A website that was really popular in the late 90s called Girl.com, like Girlspeopled with a U.

Okay.

And they published a book in I think it was like 98 or 99 and it was a girl's guide to life and it had a whole chapter on sex and it had like girls writing in with sex advice. They had doctors talking about sex advice and it was to me very sex positive for teenage girls and kind of in the way that like your podcast is and you know, there's this whole kind of like sex education revolution happening right now.

I think so too. I think that we just. I've just been so passionate about it. I mean I always. Since I started the show. But I just feel like now that I have these nieces, young nieces and 14 and one's 12 and they're googling me which is a problem the 12 year old. But it's like I just know that even my sister in law is like how do I talk to her? There's not a lot of information out there like how you talk to and it's been so passionate about lately that we just need. And I think for women the key is like getting them to know like I didn't even masturbate. I didn't even occur to me. I didn't even think about. I didn't know to do it. I wish that, that it was taught for women to feel more empowered sexually that it wasn't about pleasing your partner. It's about understanding your own body first and all that stuff. So yeah, it's important stuff. So what? So you do a variety of different kind of porn and styles and genres. So what's your favorite one to style to work in.

Oh, that's tough because I mean, like I said, I'm a theater nerd, so I love doing the films that involve more acting like parodies and feature length porn films. I mean, like I said, I also, I love sex and that's a huge part of it, obviously.

Right.

So I don't, I honestly, I don't necessarily have like a favorite type of film or genre that I like to do.

Is there anything that you're interested in doing that you'd like to try that you haven't done yet or like any kind. Anything sexually unseen that you.

Oh, there's a lot. Yeah. If I can speak graphically.

Yes, you can swear. Graphic. Come on. Sex with Emily. Like if you can't do it here. Yeah.

There's a lot that I have not done on camera that I've maybe done in my personal life, but I've kind of been holding out on camera because. Well, for me it's about. I really want a career and I want longevity.

Right.

So the longer I wait to do.

Exactly. You want to blow your load, so to speak, early on. I got it. But. But so far you're happy with what you've been doing?

Oh yeah. So far I've only done like what in the industry is like kind of straight boy girl sex, you know?

You have any girl?

I do girl girl stuff.

Okay.

But by boy girl sex, I mean no anal. No like multiple partners or anything. I've done like two guys on film and that's about as involved. I haven't done a gang bang on film.

Got it.

But maybe, but I've done it in my personal life.

Have you? Yeah. You had a gang banging your. How did that happen?

A couple times.

Okay, but how did that happen? A gang ban in your personal life? Like did you send out an Evite? Like what. How does it work?

Well, I'm married. My husband and I are swingers. So that's. That's really how I've guess I've had two formal. No, one formal gang bang and two like less formal ones that kind of just happen in a swinging scenario.

Right. Organic gang.

But the one that was actually formal was a like a birthday present from my husband. Like he arranged it and surprised me.

That's amazing.

Guys in her house.

How does people just like what your husband. People don't understand that that could even exist. That your husband. But that's a swingers. But you would want to watch you. Because I this came up with someone recently. She's like My husband keeps talking about wanting to have me have sex, watch me have sex with someone. And I just. I mean, they're not swingers. They're very vanilla. She's like. But I just don't get it. I'm like, there's just some guys, it turns them on. It's their thing.

Yeah.

And it's just there to. She's just kind of more conservative and just didn't. But I think it's awesome that you found the man for you that's down with that.

It goes both ways with us. Like, I'll watch him with other girls too. And it's. For us, it's about. I enjoy. We enjoy giving each other the gift of experiencing someone else, someone new. And it's like he's having fun, he's enjoying himself. So that I enjoy that.

And it's the same way, right?

Exactly.

You get pleasure because he's having pleasure. And then. And then you guys are also do like threesomes with other women and stuff.

Absolutely.

Okay.

One of my favorite threesomes was actually with his ex girlfriend.

Seriously?

She's a really nice girl.

That's awesome. And okay, so he got hooked up with his ex girlfriend again too, then.

Yeah.

That's nice. So that's really funny. That was your. Like, I get why you like her because we both like the same guy, so you guys probably got along well. It makes sense. Totally. It's a good way to like vet your partners and stuff. So you consider. So you're bisexual.

Yes.

And so do you ever do. Are you ever with women on your own, like without your husband?

Yeah, I mean, it's not like super frequent, but yeah, definitely. Because you've had.

Right. I think I read some of the. Early on you were in just a relationship with a woman. Right. Exclusively.

Yeah. Well, around the same time that I actually first decided I wanted to do adult films. That was about a year after I started dating women. When I was 18, I decided to start dating women. I'd always been attracted to women. Hadn't really explored it.

Right.

And.

I identified as a lesbian. As soon as I started dating women, I was like, wow, I'm full on lesbian. And I identified that way for almost four years. And then toward the end of that four year period, I realized I was having attractions to men again. And so it was like, no, wait, I guess I'm not. I guess I've always been bisexual.

And you know, when did you know you were bisexual? Was it a younger age that you thought that or was it when you got Older that you started feeling more attracted to women?

It was at a younger age. I mean, the first time I knew I actually had a crush on a girl was like seven.

Wow.

Okay, that's great. I mean, no, that's what a lot of people say they knew at a young age.

I always had crushes on boys and girls at the same time, like when I was younger.

See that? So it makes sense. You're like, you're like in the right place. Is there ever any time though, when you're on camera, like beforehand, do you meet the people beforehand before you go on camera with someone? Like, what if you're not that into them? Like, how do you get yourself into it? Turned on? Like, do you just fantasize something else? Or you're just like, this is my job, I'm getting paid, I'm going home with my husband. Like, what do you do?

Well, part of that is partially, it's not even an issue just because I've been in the industry for two and a half years now and it is a small world. So the majority of the time I already at least know the person on some level.

Right, because you've all. It's all.

Yeah. And usually if I don't know the person, I prefer to work with people that I've met like once before just because, you know, it's like, then I feel like if I haven't met them before, then I really talk to them before a scene and get a sense of.

And is there a certain protocol that before the scene you do have to kind of say, this is what I'm into, this is what I'm not.

This is what goes, oh yeah, that's. That's kind of a, an unwritten common courtesy kind of thing of porn is, you know, you ask your co star, what are your likes, what are your dislikes, what's off limits? Just general boundaries.

Right, exactly. So what's off limits, do you say is off limits for you?

For me, it's really any. I'm not that I'm not into pain because there's a plate, there's a time and a place for that. Like, I can be into like a little bit of pain, a little bit of power play, but most of the time that's, that's off the table for me unless I'm really in the mindset for it. So that's one of those things. But okay, I really enjoy dirty talk. So for me it's. I have more turn ons that I have turn offs.

Right.

So what's your Turn on. So dirty talk is hot.

Dirty talk is a huge one.

You do love. You like talking dirty and being talked dirty too, as well, Back and forth, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

How would you do? Can you do, like, some impromptu dirty talk? How would you teach people? Oh, my God, please.

I'm probably gonna be too flustered to do that.

I had a woman at a party, like, the other week. She pulls me aside. I never met. This happens at parties. She's like, I hear what you do. And my new guy over there, he wants to be tucked dirty and start. She's like, reading books. I'm like, you just kind of gotta, like, talk about what's going on in the moment.

For me, it's. It's just. It's like. That's why when you're like, can I do it now? Probably not. Because for me, it's so in the moment, right? It's like I pretty much just say whatever pops into my head when I have sex.

Well, it's true, because for women, too. Not that all women are into it, but, like, the brain is our largest sex organ. Like, we want to hear words like, that's what really turned us on. And men too. But for women, I think, especially a.

Lot of us, a good place to start, I think, is just telling the person, like, verbally expressing what you're feeling, right? Like, oh, my God, that's so deep in my pussy. Just tell the guy what you're feeling.

And use the word pussy, not vagina, right?

I've used the word vagina, right?

But, like, you're deep in my vagina. Like, you're like, what are we having, like, a gynecological exam? No, you want to say pussy, but, yeah, explain how you're feeling or what you want. Like, I can't wait to have your cock inside me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what you do, people. You just start explaining what you're feeling in the moment. All right, guys, thanks for listening. I hope you enjoyed the show. I love you all. I love my amazing team. Thank you. Ken, Michelle, producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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