7 Dec 2025 · 58 min
This content was created by Emily Morse. This content was uploaded by Emily Morse. This is a podcast titled "A Sexy Year in Review!" created on December 17, 2019. It features Dr. Emily Morse discussing various topics related to sexual wellness, including product recommendations, interviews with experts like Barbara Carrellas and Helen Fisher, and popular podcast episodes from the year. The content includes discussions on sexual health, relationships, and personal anecdotes, with contributions from guests like Kristen and Jolene Brighten.
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So, I don't know, you have to listen to my show for a total of five minutes maybe before you hear something about the Womanizer. I mean, all their products are amazing, so I always share about them. But just when you think they might be at the end of their innovation rope, they're not. Because they shocked me again with the new Womanizer duo. Okay, I've long called the Womanizer the clit whisperer. And now those whispers are carrying over to the G spot. What the womanizer Duo uses the same pleasure air technology to indirectly stimulate the clitoris, but with an internal vibe curve for internal stimulation to get the best of both worlds. Okay, let that sink in for a minute. Pleasure air technology and internal stimulation in one. And you can have one turned on, one off, or have both on and select from the 12 intensity settings on either motor. Totally customizable. Plus it still offers that same smart silent technology as the Womanizer Premium. You know, in case you have roommates, kids visiting in laws, randomly barging through your door that you could have sworn you locked. I hate when that happens. It's also totally waterproof, so you can use it in the bath or the shower. Simple. This thing is insane. To check out the Womanizer Duo for yourself, go to sexwithemily.com womanizer that's my site. Sexwithemily.com w o m a n I z e r today.
Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man e here, he just.
Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.
A girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh my.
Do women know about shrinkage?
Isn't it common knowledge?
What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.
Can we not talk about sex so much?
Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.
But you know, Emily's not the kind.
Of girl you just play with.
You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com you can find us on all social media. It is exwithemily across the board. Okay, guys, this is a very special year in review show. We put out a lot of shows as you know. We do like three shows a week and then we've been doing SiriusXM for a year. And so maybe you're just new to the show or maybe you've been listening for the last, I don't know, 14 years. But either way, I thought let's get into some of the things that have really stuck out for this year so it can help you whether you're a new listener. Well, this would be a great place to start. Go back and check out some of these shows and if you've been listening for a while, I always love to hear from you too. You can let me know what you which shows are your favorite? Do you like the Guests. Do you like the emails, the calls? Who would you like to see on the show? And always send me your questions. Feedbackextwithemily.com okay, I. I really loved. Barbara Karellis was on the show. She wrote a book called Urban Tantra, and she's got a whole center in New York where she teaches people all about tantra in a way that is more. Which calls it urban tantra. It's like, you don't have to go live in India and be a monk and study tantra. She's like, this is tantra for people who want to just figure out how to be more connected and more mindful. The name of that podcast was breathe your way to better orgasms.
You don't have to want to go through hundreds of years of spiritual texts and get a guru and all that. Thank God you can just get to the consciousness around sex part first. Then if you want to do the rest, that's great. But if you don't, you'll still get something wonderful out of it. So, in essence, what tantric sex means is slowing down, going into each moment. Mindfully, we've all seen that word and being present now and adding breath, because the more you breathe, the more you feel. Breath also leads to amazing changes of state. For example. Let me give you an example. You know, like, you have kind of bleh sex, and you're like, this will be over soon.
And.
And that's about the extent of your breathing because you're really just kind of waiting for it to end. Then there's this sex.
Oh, yeah.
And that goes on, and that goes on, and that goes on. And when you finally have an orgasm, you think it's just about all the yummy things that your lover was doing to your genitals. But part of why you feel so good was the.
The bre.
You have literally taken your mind into an altered state of consciousness.
So what she talks about is how to breathe into your body to help with your orgasms and how having a breath orgasm is totally possible, which it is possible, you guys. There's so many kinds of orgasms we haven't tapped into. So I just think that show was really transformative, especially if you've been curious about tantra or you've just been wanting to. You know, you get really distracted during sex. A lot of you are always saying, like, how do I stay focused? And, you know, the good news is a lot of reasons why we are not having orgasms. And the pleasure we want is because we are distracted and we're not as mindful. So I think listening to the episode with Barbara Karellis breathe your way to better orgasms will jumpstart that mission for you. Helen Fisher. Helen Fisher was On the show, Dr. Helen Fisher. It was called Sex and the Brain.
But I think that these three basic brain systems evolved, and they evolved for different reasons. I think the sex drive evolved to get you out there looking for a whole range of partners. Maybe you can have sex with somebody you're not in love with. I think romantic love evolved to enable you to your mating energy on just one at a time and start the mating process. And I think there's feelings of deep attachment evolved to enable you to stick with this person, at least long enough to raise a child together as a team. So these things do different jobs. We feel attachment to all kinds of people. What's interesting is when I looked into the brain, romantic love can be triggered instantly. It's like a brain system, like the fear system. You can be scared instantly, and you can boom. You can fall in love instantly.
Like the love at first sight. We met about five years ago at a conference. She is one of the leading scientists for Match.com, at least she was for a long time. And she looks at, like, dating patterns and. And she's done a lot with personality types. She actually made her own personality type quiz that you can take that indicates what kind of partners will be best for you. We also talk about living apart together, the LAT movement, and how millennials are actually really fascinated in this now. And they're thinking, I don't know if I want to live with someone, but I think I hear a lot of people who are married for a long time as well deciding that, yeah, separate bedrooms, separate homes might work for them. I'm here with Kristen, so living apart together. Yeah. You couldn't do it.
No, I mean, now I'm a millennial, and I just feel like I'm so set in my ways, and it's like, I almost don't need anybody else in my. In my life, because you can get everything delivered, even my groceries, which I would normally need carried up the stairs. I can pay someone to do that.
It's true. We can pay someone for everything. So I think the important thing to look at is, like, how do you want a partner in your life right now? There are no rules. We get to create our own. So, yeah, I think especially as you get older, too, it's like, set in your ways. Like, what? How often do you need that partner? I know that you are gonna have kids and you're gonna want to be there to wake up in the middle of night, maybe with the baby. But otherwise, how do we need them? How do you, how do you need your partner? Right now? You get to set the rules. Maybe you want an alternative kind of relationship. I think that people are realizing that they have agency over deciding what they kind of relationship works for them for sure. Helen Fisher, I was looking for her books. Oh, why We Love was one of her books that was really transformative for me. And she's really like a sexual anthropologist. And she looks at, you know, the history of love and sex and romance and attachment, and she is just fascinating. So check out that part. Check out that episode with Helen Fisher. She is my spirit animal. Also. This is actually. These are some interviews we did in New York Wednesday. Martin. She wrote a book called Untrue and the name of the podcast was Untrue Stats and Pleasure Facts.
Monogamy does not suit so many women. And there is some new thinking in anthropology and evolutionary biology that if one of the sexes evolved for promiscuity, it is. There's a very good case to be made that it was women. But yes, here we were in our 20s, right, and we would. I know what we did. We would get into a relationship. The sex would be great, the relationship part would be great, everything would be fun. And then usually within one to three years, all of a sudden, bam. Our libido went down, down, down, down the mountain. And we thought, there's something wrong with me because this guy or this woman is so great. I want it to be like it was before, though. I want the sex to be so hot. Guess I better find somebody else.
Exactly.
Do you know why that happened to us?
Tell me why.
Because nobody told us the truth, right? We were fed a steady diet of lies about female sexuality, including that women are from monogamy and men are from promiscuity. Nothing could be further from the truth. We now have longitudinal study after longitudinal longitudinal study showing us longitudinal studies from Germany, Finland, England, the United States, showing us that in the aggregate, women get bored faster than men do in a long term relationship.
Thank you. I love this woman. I have to say, I met her and it's just like she is just a wealth of knowledge. Her book is great and she talks about all the things, all the myths that we believe about sexual pleasure, about women, about desire, about arousal and, and, and how a lot of it just isn't true. Kind of like we the only. We think the only way we could be with someone is if we live in the same house, or we. We're not. We're in a monogamous relationship. I mean, there's just so many things. Or, or. Or one of the things is that, you know, men always want more sex than women. I mean, it's all the things that you're like. We just assume. We just assume that it's true. And so I like that her book is really easy to read. She cites a lot of studies. And also on the podcast she did, it was a great interview.
I'm definitely going to watch that as well, because I feel like we do have these beliefs that no one's ever challenged. And I think reading her book would obviously provide a different perspective.
Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, like, like she talks about, too. Yeah. The way our minds actually work when it comes to relationships and why we get ourselves into certain loops and why there's a lot of frustrations that we have. So it sort of makes you feel like, oh, I'm not the only. I'm not crazy. Thank you, Wednesday Martin. Jolene Brighton. Now, this woman wrote a book or our podcast. The podcast with her is called trust your gut and not the pill.
When people are like, there's no more women's movement.
We.
We got everything we need. Like, there are people who spin this story. And I'm like, yo, they just recognized our period is, like, essential. Like, as of three years ago, like, well, now, four years ago, I don't.
Even know what day it is, apparently.
But with that, you know, this is something where I take you through the book of, like, okay, firstly, we go into the lowdown of your horm so that you can understand key players in your menstrual cycle, but also your overall hormonal health. Like, I set out to basically heal everything that sex ed teachers had, like, you know, basically wreaked havoc on in women's lives. Like, I walked away when I finally got sex ed, and that wasn't until high school, and I was like, great, I know how to put a condom on a banana, but I'm not sure what my body's doing every day.
No idea.
And that's really what I wanted to do for women, is say, okay, here's what you need to know about your hormones. Here's how a natural menstrual cycle works. If you understand, hey, this is when estrogen rises, when testosterone rises, when progesterone rises. You can start to identify when things are not operating correctly.
Her book is called beyond the Pill. And I'm telling you, when she. I sat here interviewing Her. And I was like, this is a movement. I mean, how many women just blindly sign up for the birth control pill, assuming that, you know, you're your gynecologist handed to you or you have no other choice, oh, I don't want to use condoms. And she really did. She's done a lot of groundbreaking work on this. First of all, she helps you get your body back on track. If you were on the pill and now you're off of it, because guess what? These pesky little hormones don't just kind of jump back into order. They've been a little bit messed up. So she helps with, like, nutrition and diet and exercise, but really just information about how we're learning so much more about hormones and how our bodies work. And the truth is, and this is a fact, there has not been any amount of money spent studying the negative side effects of the pill, really, until, like, Jolene and a few others are now coming out with information because of the pharma companies, because people are just like, well, if it's not broken, don't fix it. So even if you're on the pill, I'm not telling you to go off the pill. But she even gives tips for how to navigate it, because a lot of what we experience, which I thought was so interesting, that like, PMS and, and moodiness or bloating and all the things that we deal with, we don't have to deal with. I think that women just assume, well, I'm going to be a bitch for a week, or I'm going to want a lot of chocolate, or I'm going to have cramps, and all these things that we just assume are part of being a woman. We don't have to live that way. And she's got a great Instagram as well, which you can check out, which is every daily. She's just giving information about this because she wants women, as I do, to be informed about everything we're putting in our body from penis, penises, two pills, two toys, everything. Make decisions about it. It is your body. And so I think that in reading this, reading this book, or just listening to the podcast, which will make it easy for you, you'll feel more informed and ready to really take your sexual health seriously, as you should, and have fun with it.
Yeah, I really feel like I need to get off the pill, and I think my sex drive would be better. I don't think I'd have problems with getting wet like I sometimes do and would probably be able to use less lube. I think there's so many things that I need to change, especially with my diet to regulate my period, because I got on the pill just to regulate my period and the doctor didn't give me any other option, Right.
He's like, of course you will take the pill. And people go on the pill for like skin and they go on the pill for other things. And the truth is, what it's doing, it might be helping with your skin temporarily, but it's really repressing other things in your body, other hormones that actually will help you heal. So it's sort of like a band aid and that doesn't work. And so the other thing is the studies that have come out, and this isn't just Jolene Brighton, but other people that lot of women on the pill have an increased amount of anxiety, depression. These are all the things that are linked. But we look everywhere, but we like, oh, but this little harmless pill doesn't do it.
So I completely agree. It's not the right way to go and it's not the only way to go. And we need to enlighten ourselves by reading these books.
Exactly. And at least know, you know, at least know what you are putting in your body. Jen Cohn, who's awesome, she's become a friend of mine and she does great podcast. Becoming healthy and sexually wealthy.
It's all about creating a routine or a lifestyle that you work within for people who don't like to work out. I get it. Like, it's. Especially if it's the hardest part is the beginning. So if you build something into your schedule and you have it down that you are going to do something, it's much easier to actually implement it. And once you do it over and over and over again, it becomes a habit. So I'm all about creating habits and rituals to be successful. How you do one thing is how you do everything in life, in my opinion. So with exercise, what it taught me was that the goal, setting the discipline, feeling that like, nothing's. Nothing's impossible. If I came this far, I can go this a little bit further, right? So that, like, drive to be better, you know, which again, you can use that towards any aspect of your life.
And essential. She talks about getting into healthy habits and how to stick to them and building confidence and just like, why, you know, if you think about it like our life is just a series of habits, whether they're negative or, you know, whether they're good habits or bad habits. And she just, I just thought we had a really good flow and a good dialogue. And then Celeste and Danielle I love too. Celeste and Danielle are my somatic sex therapists coaches. And I took what cl if you've been listening for a while, you know, like three years ago I took their somatic sex training which is really all about embodiment, which means like being in your body in the moment that you're making sexual decisions, that you're having sex. They teach about communication. They've been doing this as long as I have. And they also have a new book out that they came on the show to talk about called Coming Together. And they're book is a really interesting workbook that I think couples can read together because they give some really solid exercises, a lot of the stuff that I talk about, but it also is like goes a little bit, you know, into how to explain your fantasies to your partner, your fetishes, you know, why you have certain desires and, and your core sexual desires. Like they talk about how we all have a core sexual desire even if you think you don't. And they help you get there so you can figure out what does turn me on, what am I into and, and, and how do I communicate? So I think it's a great episode to listen to. It's called Core Sexual Desires With Celeste and Danielle.
We trivialize sex as though it's not that important. But when you're sharing this, you're sharing like, you know, we're talking about core wounds here and the healing from them. Like you're sharing your deepest vulnerabilities and if your partner totally not just accepts them, but celebrates them, the level of bonding that happens in the face of that is profound. You know, so this is really important for intimacy. And I think the other thing that I want to say that's really important is a lot of couples like they have really hot sex in the beginning because it's new in the honeymoon period and they're like uncertain and is it, you know, and they just like everything feels like a turn on because it's a new person. But for sex to last in long term relationships, you have to do this core desire work.
And then we did one with Rude Jude. Rude Jude is a colleague of mine at SiriusXM. He's got a show on shade 45 and he's been in radio a long time and he. It's called Rude Jude's Sexual Run Through.
I think being comfortable with yourself helps people be comfortable with themselves. And like if they see me walking around looking all ugly and naked, so they're like, ah, well, if he can do that Then I'm not half bad, so. And then I like to pay attention. See what. See what they're into. See what they're not into. Communication.
Everything.
Yeah. You just gotta, like, talk and look at. Watch pattern. Like, it's pattern recognition stuff, right? Figure out what feels good to you and repeat that.
Have you ever been with women who don't know?
Oh, my God, it's like banging a puppy. They're all over the place. Like, it's like they go. They're bouncing on you this way, and then boom. And they're over here this day. It's like Scatterbrain. You're like, yo, pick a rhythm, dude. Yeah, it's like these new DJs, they're like, hey, you like that song? There's another one. Here's another one. Here's another one. Like, get to the chorus, you know, like, just, yo, hit a groove.
This was just a really popular episode. And I just. I don't know. We have good chemistry. Like, when he's on my show, it's serious. Everyone's like, you guys should do more shows together. He's just got an interesting perspective from people that we don't often talk to. Like Jude. He tells it to it straight.
Yes, very straight. He's very real, very rude, and he doesn't hold anything back, I think.
So.
Like, if you were a sensitive person, I think you'd find some of the things he says offensive. But if you take your emotions out of it, you can see that he's just being like a real person and he's not sugarcoating anything.
Exactly.
Stating the facts.
Like, he said, yeah, top podcasts. So these are actually the podcasts that you guys downloaded and you loved the most. So a good screw with Rachel and Christine. So they host a podcast. It's Rachel o' Brien and Christine Blackburn, and they host a podcast called Screwed Up Stories. And so we talk about screwing. If someone's in bed with you, they're having sex with you and you're having a good time. Get out of your head. You know, I was just listening to you in the last hour and you were talking about giving blowjobs and how you have to make eye contact and all that. And some women might be like, oh, I'm too embarrassed.
I'm too.
Whatever. And it's like, you can't be that way. You're already there. You're already naked with somebody, right? What do you. What are you hiding? Like, eye contact is like the last holdout. Like, I'm literally like, I look at him, it might not actually be happening. Right? Exactly. If I look at you, then it's real, so I'm not gonna look right now. You're absolutely right. But eye contact is such an. It's interesting how intimate eye contact is.
Yeah.
The three discuss, like, how we all have messed up stories when it comes to dating and sex, but that doesn't mean that we're messy people and what the rules are when it actually comes to dating. So guess what? This is gonna be a theme going into the new year. We get to set our own rules, so it's different for everybody. And also, I talk about ways to initiate sex and actually have sex without any excuses. I feel like that was another thing that's come up a lot this year. A lot of you are like, how do I actually initiate sex? And I think that you guys have to all. And I'm practicing this all the time that whenever I don't know something, I automatically go to, like, anxiety or stress. Like, oh, wow, I know it. I should already be an expert at it. Or if you've never initiated sex before and your partner says, can you initiate? It's okay if you don't know. Or you dominate me and you've never dominated anyone. Like, it's okay to ask clarify questions. Like, we. We don't. We're certainly not. Don't shoot out of the womb like perfect lovers. And knowing what to do, it takes experience. But you could even have a ton of experience, meaning, like, you've slept with a hundred people, but you still might know how to do some. You still might know how to communicate about sex appropriately. So I feel like that came up a lot this year. The other popular one, porn fantasies versus sexual realities. So in this one, I talk about ways to add, stop building stories in your head. Like, stop creating all of these reasons why you can't have orgasms, you can't have pleasure, you can't connect. And really think about it, like, what is going on in my sex life? What is going on in my real life that's holding me back from my sex life? And also, this was important because the main thing here is why porn and sex in the movies is not, like, real, authentic sex. You have to remember this, that porn, there's nothing in it that's real. Like, literally, it is not real. It is script. It's entertainment. It's created, you know, for men's enjoyment, for men's pleasure. This is why sex is really messed up right now. And you know me, I'm always like, porn's cool if you're in a relationship or on your own. If it turns you on, that's great. But porn should never, ever, ever be taken. Like, technically. How you should learn how to have sex. So that's where I come in. That's where some. There's some great books out there and you can read about, but no porn. Women don't all love anal at all. When you see all that, Jack, whatever, she's swallowing pounds of semen, and it's all fake. I think that that's key here, that a lot of what happens with our sex life, usually it's, you know, goes into, like, things that have happened to us developmentally or emotionally that we need to work on. And then also why you should not make assumptions about your relationships. Don't assume anything. Which is true. You guys, really. Your partner's not a mind reader. Don't assume because you told them once that they know, that they. That they heard it, that they understood it. I had this conversation with someone recently. Last night, I was out with some friends at dinner, and they were like, you know, I just. They're like, my friends, been married for 10 years. Like, we just want to do a. Like a video of just showing of, like, when you have sex, like, you put the lube on, then the woman. Like, if your partner comes inside, you gotta walk to the bathroom and it's dripping out, you know, such a great idea. She's like, this. This is what really happens during sex. And that. This is what we see in porn. It's so seamless, and everyone's turned on and wet and having orgasms in positions that are not possible to have orgasms in. Like, they're cheating towards camera.
And then everyone has unrealistic expectations, and then they just think that their partner's not doing the right things, and they move on.
They move on. They keep moving on, moving on, move out to get porn sex, which wasn't. Which isn't real sex. Thanks for supporting our sponsors. Help keep the show free because they're awesome and so are you. We'll be right back.
Okay. The Clit notes. This was another popular podcast. I love doing this episode. This was a really fun episode. I give you a crash course on the clitoris. So essentially, it's your Cliteracy 101. How to touch it, how to know where it is. I have to assume maybe some of this is new, maybe it's not. And I don't know. I need to hear things a few times. So I'm not mincing words here. Let's Talk about the clitoris. It has 8,000 nerve endings. And it's not just that little tiny bulb, that little tiny bump above your vaginal opening. It actually has legs that extend behind your labia. So, you know, your labia. It's like a wishbone, Right? So picture your labia and then picture the little clitoris. Like that's what it is. Like an upside down V. That whole thing is the clearest. Plus there's internal clitoral nerves. There's a lot. And its only purpose on the planet is for female pleasure. Literally. Men don't have something that's just for male pleasure. Their penis is for sperm and procreation and peeing. We also give you advice. What to do when you're trying so hard not to catch any feels. You're like, I met someone and I don't want to fall in love and I don't want to have feelings things. And you do. And why do you not want to catch fails? We get into that. And also when we also in that episode talk about if you're married and you want to. Why is it in all relationships you're wondering if the grass always greener? You're like, single, and you're like, I want to be committed, and you're committed and you want to be single.
I blame technology.
I think this is. Yeah. I mean, technology has certainly been another major thing this year, that people are just realizing how much how separated we are and relying only on technology, texts and, you know, swiping and all this stuff is not really. Is keeping us further, further away from, I think, the ultimate human goal, which is for real connection and intimacy with another human.
So everything just seems so robotic now.
It does.
And no connection, no attachment to anybody. It's like you can just send a text and never talk to them ever again.
Ever again. You spend hours with them, never see them again. Right. Or nothing. Or just.
And in the old days, like, you would write a letter, it'd have to take a week to get to somebody. And you'd put so much effort into it. And there was suspense. And now that's all gone.
It's gone. And it's like a misspelled text with a weird emoji. Never see again. It's such a bummer.
Very true.
Oh, God. Okay, so that was the clit notes, then imagine it. This was another popular one. Right underneath the clit notes was Hard at Work. All about the Penis. Probably one of my favorite titles, too. I give you the 411 everything penis. Different erections to what you Know about pleasing penises. Plus advice on whether the balls. How to touch it, where the frenulum is just. I think you'll really like this episode. Did you know that there are three types of erections that men can have? I did not know that exactly. So there's a reflexogenic erection. Reflexogenic. It sounds like something you'd buy on the Home Shopping Network or something. Sounds like a reflexogenic machine.
I don't think it sounds like reflexology, something like that.
But like, it sounds like. But that isn't. That's a type of erection and that is caused by direction. Physical stimulation. Nerves in the penis communicate with the spinal cord and then blood's released. That sounds like it's blood, not blood in a. Like a. Blood's released without the man's body needing to check in with his brain. And it's a reflex. It's just a reflex that does not require. Okay, we're talking about. This is direct. Might not need mental stimulation, might not require porn. Then we've got a psychogenic erection. And this comes from your mind, your psyche. So this is where stimuli. It could be a lot of different things, right? Like porn. You know, it could be porn talking dirty, fantasizing. And they're caused by different. Different stimuli. Different stimuli. So it's like the reflexogenic. Reflexogenic is by touching. Psychogenic by the brain.
And it's possible that you. Okay. Oh, here's the third one. The third of all the erections, now that you know, there's three nocturnal. In the nighttime, they peak during REM sleep two to three times a night. So while we are all sleeping, your erections are up all night. I wonder if it's connected to people like. I can't sleep. I can't sleep. My penis was up all night. Some other things we cover in that episode are whether a parenting marriage is ever a good idea. I guess just to. Just to have a kid only I'm considering that. I mean, hey, again, I'm open. I'm open to you considering whatever. You know, gotta make sure. Be at least a good parent if you don't have sex with them.
I mean, because I just. I understand that it's hard to have a good relationship these days, but I want to make sure, for the sake of my child, that I can have a good relationship with their father.
I understand that. I do. I do. You got to find out their character first. Don't jump into relationships. Don't get pregnant right away.
Agreed.
Okay. How to get past your family hearing about your vibrator Is another thing on that. Yeah, I remember that one. Okay. We also have Stop Drop and Cuckold. That was another podcast this year that was popular. Pro tips on cuckolding. Why cuckolding is popular and how you do it properly. Essentially, what cuckolding mean is we hear this from men that they have a fantasy of wanting to watch their partners have sex with another man. Understand why you're asking for it, why you want it the best you can. Because the more you understand it and the more you don't filter yourself. If you actually have gotten up the courage, which I hope you do, to talk to your partner about any fantasy, that's not the time to be like.
I want to try cuckolding. And then like, then, then she just say to your wife and she goes, well, what do you picture? What's the person look like? And you've thought about the man's penis and what it looks like, but at that point you decide to shut down and then you're left her scrambling for the detail. It's like, if you're going to talk about it, talk it through in great detail, in depth. What does it look like to you? Because I think this is why a lot of sex conversations with our partners, we try and we're like, it doesn't go anywhere because we say it. We really need to have more sex. And then, and then, okay, what should we do? Well, let's just put our calendar and then you don't do anything else. Like there has to be a lot more discussion, a lot more work involved and don't do it. Listen, you don't want to do it because like, let's spice ourselves, you know, let's spice this up. Let's invite over some dude to have sex with that. No, like you don't do any of these things or a threesome or have a child to make to spice up your sex life.
So.
Okay. The other thing we get into this episode is what to do when your spouse turns into jerk every time you come back from vacation. I've had that before. Long distance relationships. And I think what we cover. I know what we cover here is like sometimes you have to keep up the intimacy while you're away. Or maybe there's some resentments going on, like they're upset that you left. There's un. Spoken, you know, agreements or bro, there have been broken agreements. But I think that the thing, especially if you're in a long distance relationship and every time you see each other it's tense, it's because you weren't able to truly stay connected when you're away from each other, writing your own erotica can be really hot. This was another great theme this year that you guys. You know, what's really hot is, like, if you don't know how to tell your partner what you want, like, write it out. Like, write out in a radical. You could do it in a text if you want to. But, like, I get home from work, and I'm picturing that you're making me dinner naked, wearing that. Or naked, you're making dinner naked while playing this music. Or you set up the bathtub in a certain way. Or these sex toys are out. Or I come in and you're already tied up, or you already have handcuffs on and you're using toys. What are some other fantasies? I mean, you guys, just think about it. We had a listener call in and say that he wrote his wife this erotica, what he wanted from her, what he thought would be hot, and he didn't know that anything would ever come from it. And then he came home, like, a month later, and she was. She was wearing the lingerie. She was sitting on the piano. She was listening to music. She had. She had this, you know, his favorite. Like, I think it was, like, some food that they were going to feed each other. I mean, she did it. I think a lot of us, to be honest, I'm going to raise my hand here. Do we just want marching orders sometimes? Like, what do you want? Yeah, what turns you on? Just tell me. I'm in. I'll do it. If you do what I do, I'll do what you do. It's like, literally like that. And I feel like that's why, going back to Celeste and Danielle episode, if you don't know what you want sexually, get on that path, figuring out, and then, you know. You know, I'm always here to help you communicate it.
You can just plant the seed of what you would like, and then it's gonna grow. That plan's gonna grow. I mean, you gotta know what they want. And then it's fun, too. You can build on top of that. You can start with their idea, and you can expand on top of it.
Exactly. You're like, well, that was hot. I don't think I want to spank you, but what if I pulled your hair? I don't think that I want to be dominated. But would you dominate me? I mean, these are the kind of exchanges you have. And believe me, it is hot. It is not like going through an Excel spreadsheet of tasks. That is not hot. That was Stop, Drop, and cuckold. Okay, here's our top blogs. You guys, the blog. You guys have spoken on our website. This does not surprise me. The Kiven method has been.
Whoa.
This is the oral sex method that almost broke our Internet. Basically everybody. I've never. I don't think I've ever had this much feedback from listeners who are like, oh, my God. I use the Kivin method on my partner, and she has never had an orgasm this way or really turned her on. And this is a great one. So it's called the Kibben method. I'm not even gonna get into it here. Just Google it. K I V I N. Everybody asks.
You to always draw it. You have to do diagrams. You have to perform it.
I've been performing it. I've been doing. Go to our Instagram. It says oral sex method. It's sex with Emily. But we got other things I wanted to get to your emails in the show. Okay. Interesting. Enthusiastic blowjob tips for better head. That was another popular blog this year. You guys love oral sex tips. So everyone's been trying to get head game up. Don't blame you. Five problematic sex positions. We all want to make every position more pleasurable and comfortable. Not surprising, because there's some sex positions that just aren't comfortable. But I've got some workarounds for you. Yes, no, maybe list. This has been something that we've really incorporated this year. It's a great way to get you on the same page sexually with your partner. It gives you some talking points, how to start it. Essentially, it's, yeah, guest, new maybe list. Go to our website. You and your partner can kind of. You can just look at it for yourself, too. You can be like, what am I into? What am I not into? What might I buy into? And then you exchange it with your partner and you see where you guys line up, and it gives you a lot of options.
Yeah, I did it a few dates in with a guy, and I was like, oh, this is not my guy, because we just aren't gonna align sexually. He wasn't willing to try anything.
Really. What were some of your guesses?
My guesses was like, I'll try everything once, you know, and if I don't like it, then I'll let you know.
Okay.
Like, I don't love being choked, but there's ways to do it where you're not. It's not painful. And then, like, I've never been in, like, the Dom situation, but I'd be Willing. And his just were like, all vanilla. Like, I don't really want to try anything. I just want to do missionary for the rest of my life. And I'm just like, I can't work with that.
Exactly. You're like, where did I go from here? There was all no's nos. No's nos. That's a great example, you guys. So check out the yes, no, maybe list. How to enjoy different types of sex. So this is. As we know, you guys, sex is not just about penetration. It's not at all. In fact, that if you talk about the untrue. Going back to Wendy Martin, we are told that that in movies, in porn, it's all about penis going in vagina. There are so many other ways to get pleasure, to receive pleasure. And I feel like you guys wanting a lot of ideas. And this is. We offer up some great variety. And it was super popular. And then of course, our final popular blog, don't give up on your butt. Six tips for backdoor beginners. Still always one of the most popular topics for sex. For podcasts, it's about, like, getting prepped for anal play. It doesn't have to be anal sex, but like, using a butt plug, using a finger, how to get comfortable with it and get started.
Yeah. And like, starting with a massage. That's how I got into it.
Yeah.
The guy was just giving him me a massage, and he's like, can I just touch it a little bit? And I'm like, oh, okay. And Because I never thought I would be into it.
Wow.
Ever.
And then like, the massage was just.
Like, of your butt, like, to open you up and relax. That's what it is, you guys, a butt massage. If you get a rel. If you give me a massage, I'm pretty much open for. Open for business. I was like, minutes ago, I'll tell you that. Yeah. Because he was massaging you and opening up and you were like, releasing tension and stress. And. And the thing is the reason why also people don't love anal plays because we clench our butt cheek. We're like, oh, that's gonna be painful. So if you feel relaxed and comfortable with a partner, go slow.
I love it. Now those tips were great.
Awesome. Okay, so the biggest topics of the year. Cuckolding porn, cheating, oral, and angel. There were some top innovations this year in toys. The lioness. Now, this is a really cool toy. It's an amazing way to just get data on your orgasms. It is a toy that is a dual stimulation toy, internal and external vibrator. So you can really amp up your blended orgasms. But it has an internal. Yeah, internal. External vibrator. But what it does, it has sensors on the side so it connects to an app. And when you orgasm, it allows you to identify the patterns of your orgasm. And then they break it down into four different types of patterns. And you might think like, why does this matter and why do I care how I orgasm? Well, first off, it's just really cool to see that like there's different peaks and valleys. Like some people are waves, like some people are oceans, some people are volcanoes, you know, and so then you can also it helps you to use this data when you are going into a new, not even to new relationship. If you want to have more orgasms with a partner, you'll start to recognize the way your body responds to certain stimuli and you'll be able to help yourself have more pleasure. And that is called the law lioness. And you can check more out at sex with emily.com l I o N.
E S S the more toys we have to help us understand our body, especially in a sexual way, the better.
Yeah, I would say that's such a good point because I would say that the lioness is up there with like this other, like with the beyond the pill and like Wednesday Martin stuff like, like there's. We're finally seeing more people, more research dollars, more interest in women's sexual health overall. So now we're seeing products, products that reflect that and give us just more information, you know, enclosed. You guys, I just love the enclosed because I think it's so freaking smart. We have subscription services for everything. But I never thought of for lingerie and I just think their box was just so. We get a lot of stuff here, right? So but this box was so beautiful, has rose petals in the inside and like it's just like this lovely gift that if you've been wanting to gift your partner something they get every month and it's super easy. Like you can't really mess up the sizes on their site. So you can just kind of of pick out the styles whether it's like naughty or nice. You can get holiday themed. They're like playful, flirty, hot, sexy. Like whatever you think your partner want or get it for yourself. I'd love to get sexy underwear every month.
Honestly, when I'm wearing last that long, it doesn't. But when you're wearing like that sexy pair, like I feel like it completely changes my mood.
Yes, same. We're wearing it for us too. If you think about it, it took me years to figure that out. I was like, oh, it's what I, I don't. That's not comfortable for me. This is because when you're wearing the thing that makes you feel the most, most sexy, the most you, that's when you're the sexiest, rather than trying to be something you're not. So wear it for yourself. Get 35 off. How cool is that@giveinclose.com okay, here's another thing for women. The Yarlap, another new invention. This is a Kegel trainer and it has six programs, 20 minute workouts three to five times a week. So it's a little small. It's small and white, has a little remote that adjusts the workouts at level. So essentially it does your Kegels for you. You put inside of you. You can't even really tell what it is. You just leave it on your bedside table. You use it for bed, before bed, for 15 minutes or in the morning. And this thing will get your pelvic floor into shape. If you're having urinary incontinence, sneezing and peeing, you just had a baby, you're feeling that pain could help with some pain. But if you're having a lot of pain, I would go to pelvic floor physical therapy therapist. So it just is a way of like up in your Kegel gang. I'm telling you, when I am on top of it and doing them five times a week, I am having stronger orgasms and I'm just feeling like sex. I don't know, it's just easier to have orgasms.
It makes sense. I mean, even I'm just doing a couple in my chair right now without the yarlab. But I just feel like it kind of begins to turn you on a little bit. Like get you in the mood.
Well, those, yeah. So squeezing those muscles and if you don't know what they are, it's your p. Stopping muscles where you stop and start the flow of urine. So it's those muscles and men can do them as well. But you can't use a garlic. But you, you, you just tense. And that's actually the muscles that are responsible for orgasms. So it would make sense that the stronger the muscles are, the more easy it would be to orgasm and the more sex will be top of mind. Like even. Yeah, I get. And I do it during like sex or foreplay. Like I'm always pumping my pelvic floor. And then when they're stronger, it's just fire Makes sense.
It'd be easier to have orgasms when you're doing that yeah. Regularly too.
Exactly. Because then your body's like, oh, yeah, these muscles. Hello, I'm here. Sexdomy.com yarlap if you want to read more about it. Y A R L A P. Okay. The melt. The Melt made us all melt. We all had the most incredible orgasms with the Melt.
Clearly my favorite toy.
Vibes. Like We Vibes version of the Womanizer. They merged this year and started a company. Started a baby. Had a baby. And the baby is the melt. It's your favorite one.
Favorite one, like, hands down. Yeah, I just. It just gets me. It just touches me in the right way. And it does suck. I know you talked about that on another show. How like it just seemed to suck your orgasm out of you.
Like, oh, yeah. It sucks the orgasm out of you.
Sucks the orgasm out of you. Like, that's exactly how I feel.
Yeah, it's pretty. It's like I. Because when like exploring your body and knowing it feels good. That's why I also like walk at the Zumio in a minute. But I feel like just know this about it, that how you work as of now is just one way. And I'm telling you, for most women who put in the time the work to kind of vulva owners to explore their body, you're going to be amazed at what you can find. And I feel like the way this melt is shaped and how it fits so like ergonomically in your hand and I don't know it. It. It was killer orgasm. The Melt from we Vibe. But then also I'm going to throw in the Zumio here too. Because I think the Zumio is something that, like in my brain, it kind of reminds me of like the electric toothbrush that everyone loved. Everyone's like their first toys was like, I'm going to use electric toothbrush. Don't do that. The Zoomio is just has this little pinpoint edge that allows you to do. To find new nerve endings, new paths to pleasure. If you've had some pain. It actually has helped women with pain and kind of. Because a lot of times we have pain because there's not a lot of circulation in our vulva. We're not exercising those muscles. And you can, you can kind of.
It's sort of like creating new neural pathways in your vulva, if you want to think about it that way. And gets blood flowing again if you've been kind of, you know, as we get older too like things are just sort of slow down. So I think it helps wake up a lot of different nerve endings. It's a good time. The vector. These are what We Vibe to. That's their newest prostate stimulator, their first prostate stimulator. It also stimulates the perineum and it anatomically hits the prostate. So you just use gentle pressure. It's got these deep, rumbly sensations that feel really great. I don't have a prostate, but people have been loving it. You can use it with the We Connect app. The Moxi that was also cool again by We Vibe. The vibrating panty Vibe Vibe. It is probably one of the coolest toys I got. Like, I'd say it was one of the. My favorite inventions of this year because everyone Panty Vibe is something that they just. They have not been able to master it in years. There was always like, they were just weird plastic or they didn't really fit or they were clunky. You're like, yeah, I got a vibrant pants, but I'm not having a good time. Well, this is like a little tiny. Like, it's powerful. It fits in your underwear. And I think it's the technology of it as the cool little magnet that allows it to stick to your underwear so it's not going to fall out of the bar. And you can use the We Connect app so your partner can be controlling it. You know, across the country, across the table from you, you're at a party, it's just really playful.
You can't even tell it's there.
Right? And exactly. No one can tell it's there. Like, kind of fits in like a pad would, but it goes into you. It goes into your natural curves. But it's also a great clitoral vibe. And just so you know, you guys, a lot of these toys, like, they, they might have one purpose, but they can be used to Vibe any part of your body. Pretty much.
That sex. All these are sexomely.com we vibe. Okay. Be vibe. This is just fun company. They. What I love about Vibe is Alicia Sinclair started this company a few years ago. It's great for any but. Any but it's. They're super fun looking. They come. They actually comes with a guide. They have a beginner guide to anal that it's like now people call up and like, like into the show or email, like, just go get this beginner anal kit because it comes with the enema. It comes with a lube shooter and it comes with different levels so you can graduate, you know, in size to different levels of butt plugs. But I love that she just says, I'm just gonna focus on butt plugs and do them well. So they've got a ton of them. That's the anal training kit I was talking about. So. And she was also on the podcast Alicia Sinclair, if you want to learn more about that. And.
And anal is one of our most popular topics this year. So it's like people are exploring, they want to try something new, but they don't know how to do it. This is exactly great way to expand be vibe.
And then I just gotta give a shout out to Muse because their flavored lube we love. It's like, it's just so delicious. Mint chocolate and creme brulee and salted caramel. And they actually taste delicious. We've had a lot of success stories. Like, people were like, I didn't love oral before, but now it tastes like mint chocolate. And it's a good lube that tastes really good. Good. Yeah.
And it masks any kind of weird smells or taste that you'd be worried about and you can just enjoy it. Focus on the pleasure.
Exactly. Focus on the pleasure. And creme brulee. There was a lot of advances, just some other things this year. There was a lot of great advances with like CBD sex. There's like four, which we love the A pre lube. There's like suppositories. There was in the moment spray by who? Careza. I just think that if you. That that CBD is not all created equal. But I do think, and I do know from experience some of these products that they really do help, you know, with like, it can help someone with pain. It can help have more orgasms. I just think it's a really interesting place that we're going right now with sex and cannabis. And so look for more of that in the new year. Okay, so here's the biggest topics for the year that we found with the sexomy family. You know, talking about whether it was podcast or on our blogs or on social media, we've got cuckolding, porn, cheating, oral and anal. Now cuckolding is interesting because I feel like there's more of an acceptance around it. And I think that men are essentially that is the fantasy of like watching your partner have sex with another man. I often hear this from men who are with women that. That they have a fantasy over it. But what does it say about our culture? I mean, I feel like oral and anal are always really popular topics because people just want know more information about it. But cheating is interesting and cuckolding and porn, I think that. I think that porn's popular because people are actually.
Seeing that porn isn't really serving them in ways that it used to. I think that we're having more problems with porn and confusion around porn. And I do think that if you are someone who grew up in porn, was the first sex you saw, maybe you saw it at 12 or 9. You know, maybe. Maybe there's. You're having a harder time sexually with a partner because of watching so much porn. Porn and then cheating. I don't know.
Maybe one partner's like refusing to mix it up.
Well, I think that cheating happens for so many different reasons. So I don't listen. I mean, they say 50 of, you know, 50 of men cheat, 50 of women. They never know the exact stats because either people lie or people who take studies on it are the cheaters or are not the cheaters. But I do think that we are in a time right now where people are exploring things more alternatively relationships that are non monogamous. But that looks look like the way they want to. So I think rather than being. If you find yourself that you just can't be monogamous or you keep cheating on your partner, I think it's a good time to say, you know what, I don't want to be a cheater. I actually would like to not commit and be honest to people that I'm dating that I'm actually not looking for commitment right now, but I'm actually looking for more experiences or I'm looking to figure out what I actually like in a partner. I mean, part of the. Before you get to the one I think you want to commit to, it's really great to test it all out out. You want to try all the flavors. You want to date a lot of people so you can be like, this is my type. This isn't my type. This is a requirement in a relationship. This isn't a requirement. I mean, I know you've been working on that a lot this year, Kristen.
So much. And to the point where I'm questioning if monogamy everything is the everything. But also if monogamy is right for me and with people cheating, maybe open relationships might be something they want to consider.
Yeah, exactly. Open relationships are not monogamy. I feel like that's been a big one this year too. I feel like when it was asked 10 years ago, people were like, oh, that's just crazy. No one's really open relationships. They're all sex addicts and I'm here to say that it's not just the listeners I'm hearing from, but I have dear friends and people I've known for years who are in 10 year relationships, 15, 20 years and they've been open or they've been swinging or they've created their own rules. And so, and I think that people are seeing that now more and more so like in media and television and maybe people have. I mean, I know we're in California, so it's a little bit more open in certain ways. You know, I don't know how many people in Michigan, where I grew up are open or at least talking about it. But what I'm telling you is that it's not just so fringe now and that I think that we're going to see in the next five to 10 years. It's going to be more normalized. Like you're going to know that someone's in a throuple or they're open and we won't be as shameful around sex. And I think the more healthy examples we see of like non traditional relationships or arrangements working, I think it'll be inspiring for others to be like, oh, I don't have to just sign up up blindly for monogamy without actually, you know, seeing if it works for me. So I think that that happens to a lot of people. That happened to me. I used to like I was a cheater.
I think people are coming around to realize that not everything is black and white and monogamy is very a black situation.
It's like here's your life of all these fun things and sex poop. We're gonna take it away. And then you're like black and white. You can have sex with only one person again. I know it works for many people. I am not even advocating this for all of you. I'm just saying it's just an option.
Yeah. Because I feel like when people call in the show they, they're getting a divorce sometimes or losing a partner over them cheating one time and not being able to gain that trust back. So it's like situations like this might allow more empathy for the partner for you to be more understanding and be the primary partner partner, but also be able to let them be fulfilled in other ways.
Right.
Maybe in your life.
Right, Exactly. Maybe you want to be fulfilled in other ways too. So it's, it's definitely changed the dialogue around it. I understand like if a partner cheats, it's the mo. It is, it takes so many years to rebuild trust. If at all. But it's not just a matter of saying like, I forgive you and let's move on. You really have to do the work, like why did the cheating happen? And then get into the root of the it. You know, usually it's, there's other dissatisfaction in the relationship. Maybe the person who knows resentments. It could have been a temporary lapse of I don't know what.
We're just not communicating what they really need.
Well, truly it's, yeah, we keep the things in that we really want. And so I think if anything, Esther Perel's book State of affairs is a great book about this fact that like that, yeah, a lot of marriages and relationships do end with cheating. But it can also be a great place to start a conversation and say, okay, well this wasn't great, but I actually want to make this work. And couples can actually strengthen their bond if they do the work around cheating. It can actually help.
I love that going into the new year with some different perspectives of how to do things and not just throwing, throwing away relationships.
Right, exactly. Because it's also like, like, I don't know, you know, people come into our lives and you have intimacy with them and you build friendship with them and it's like just to throw it all away for sex. You know, I get that that is a huge, huge.
Violation and it's, it's the worst thing in the world actually. I mean it feels like it is like you're going to die and you just know that sometimes it's a sign in the. Maybe you got to move on or you got to do some more work to get. But that's what life is about, you guys. So once we do our best work in relationships, I think some of our best, deepest work work that we can't do on our own. So that's what I think about that. Okay, we've got an email here to read. Thanks you guys for emailing me. I love when you email me feedbackexwithemily.com you can also go to the Ask Emily tab. Fill out the short form if you'd like to be called. Please include your name, your age and how you listen to the show and where you live. And we're cool if you change your name. Alright, this is from Jessica, 33 in D.C. hi Dr. Emily. I love getting spit on, but when my 34 year old friends with benefit spits on my vagina, I dry out very quickly. I know he enjoys it and frankly I do too. But getting dry so quickly really ruins the main act for Me. Any suggestions how we can keep the hotness of spitting without leaving me dry? Thanks for any of your help. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Jessica, I have a solution for you. First off, you guys, I feel like I. This has been a not popular thing to say lately, but spitting can spread bacteria into your partner. You. It's not great to spit. And again, that comes from porn. I believe that we're all seeing that in porn and everyone's spitting and it looks really sexy. Well, not only is it not great for you, could spreading bacteria potentially std. It doesn't leave you wet enough. The only thing that's going to keep you wet enough consistently is using. Using a lubricant. You got to use lube during sex. If I can get people on board with it and not feel like it's so shameful, you know, a lot of people feel like, well, I didn't turn her on enough. So that's why she needs lube. Lube is not a crutch. Lube is not a negative thing. It doesn't mean anyone's failed. It just means that you're being smart. Because when we get dry and we don't have enough lubrication, we can tear. And then that can also ups your risk of infection. So I recommend. You know, I love water based lube. I love God, so many pure Pjur is great. They have a great water based in silicone. Invest in a good bottle of lube this year, you deserve it. Put it in a stocking. Stocking stuffer, whatever. Stuff yourself. Stuff your own stocking. Lube is awesome, Jessica. And yeah, we didn't talk about lube on the show yet, so I feel like that was. Oh, maybe we did talk about Muse lube.
Yeah, I know when I went to my ob GYN about being dry, she just put me on a medication which actually made me really sore.
Oh, my God.
Talking. I only learned about lube through you.
Wow. Yeah.
And she made me feel like there was something wrong with me when really I just needed a good lubricant.
Wow. Wow. Well, birth control pill can dry you out. Medications can dry you out. Smoking a lot of weed can dry you out. Okay, guys, that is a deal. Use lots of lube. Happy New Year.
Spit and use the lube.
He could spit and use the lube. If you don't want to give up the spit, have a pump lube next to your bed that you just put a few drops in your hand. Because. Because especially for women, you guys, the clitoris is not going to lubricate itself and then they're sticking it inside. And what if you're not warmed up enough? It's just a safety net. Like I will not even masturbate without it. I won't give a hand job without it. I won't do anything sexual without lube by my bed. And yes, they could still spit and add some lube. Use some flavored lube. Yeah, if you want to have fun with it, have fun with lube. Thank you so much for joining me for another incredible year. I am nothing without you guys, listening to the show, supporting the show, emailing with your questions and your thoughts. And so I think it was another really interesting year in sex. And I feel like, I do feel like after having now going into the 15th year that there have been, there's more an openness, there's more acceptance. I feel like there's some really great products out there. We're having a lot of great advancements for men, women, couples, for everybody. I just love you, you all. So happy holidays. Thank you for supporting and listening to the show. Thank you everyone for listening to the show. Thank you Kristen, for filling in here. Thanks to my awesome team, Ken, Kristen, Elisa, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.
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