A Very Sex with Emily V-Day Mash-Up

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

They call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cuz my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean?

Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind.

Of girl you just play with.

Foreign.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sex with emily.com and all social media. It is sex with Emily and you're going to love our website. My intention for the show as we do intentions is for you to have a happy Valentine's Day. Whether it's self loving yourself, self loving all over yourself or with a partner, enjoy it. I love you all. Happy Valentine's Day. So we've got some Valentine's Day stats for you to get you in the mood. Very interesting study that we found. I've never seen this before and I've seen it all. When it comes to Valentine's Day, I talk about this every year. Satellite Internet says what your state is googling on Valentine's Day. On Valentine's Day, this is what they found. The top search term in half the states in America break up. So then I think if you're all searching breakup. Do we need to talk now? Are you doing breakup? Because you're like, it's really making you realize, like, I don't want to go out to dinner and spend all this money and pretend I love him. Kiss you? No, I hate this person. In fact, I don't feel love. I feel anti love for them. And I want to break up. What's going on there? That's the most common. It literally has a map. Can we put this in like the show notes?

Yes.

Has a map of the United States and it's like breakup, breakup. And then there's like, okay, there's breakup and then there's poetry in another state. Free dating apps, date ideas. And then break up again. Break up the Bachelor. Interesting. So some people are getting it on romantically and they're like, I want to be an amazing Valentine. I'm going to do something really romantic. And everyone does, like, I want to dump this relationship. So this is what I think is amazing on Valentine's Day. So expected total spending as a whole is $27.4 billion.

That's a lot of fucking money.

Average total spending individually, $196. Individually, that's what they're gonna spend.

Hmm. So now everyone's gonna be like, how much should you spend on me to this Valentine's Day? And if it's anything less.

Yeah. I don't think you have to spend money to make it great.

I don't either.

Mm.

Mm.

Only 20% of singles are excited for Valentine's Day. Okay. 43% of single singles consider Valentine's Day to be the most pressure filled holiday one in Five, wishing the holiday was canceled altogether. Oh, this is my favorite part. Sexy gifts. This is true. I couldn't believe this. I thought. Jamie, when you gave this to me, I thought this camp. You made this up. These are the sexy gifts people. Oh, God. Didn't. Sexy gifts people are wanting this year. This is according to Adult friend Finder. They would know. I feel they have the pulse on what sexy things people want. The number one thing is bondage toys.

Yes.

Which is fun. You could get like a beginner bondage kit if you don't know where to start. Those are awesome. Get them in any sex toy store. They want a remote controlled vibrator. Now this is something that we've been talking about for years, but the fact that people see it now probably because they're watching porn or they see it that, you know, I don't know, or something. We love the Moxie. That's one of our favorite. Our favorite, favorite, favorite toys.

I. Do you think it's because people are like. It's like one step below, like actually having sex in public. It's so like a. It's a more like there's less likelihood that you're gonna get caught, but it's still a sexy secret because it's a sexy.

Exactly. It's the exact kind of thing that I believe that people are craving on Valentine's Day or really every other day of the year. You're looking for something different, spontaneous, and you haven't done it before. That's when you get the adrenaline going. And the more we kind of daring things with our partner or try something different, the more connected we feel. So what better way to do it than to wear a vibrator out for dinner on Valentine's day? Or at home or to work that day, depending on where you work.

I always thought because of this job, I could give the remote to my boyfriend. But, like, I don't know, I just feel like, how distracted am I going to be? I feel like I could put on a. Like, I wouldn't tell you guys and I would just try to put on a really brave face. I think I could do it.

Guess what, Emily? All day today, I was wearing the Moxie in my pants.

Poker face, poker face. Poker orgasm face.

You could do that. I wonder if he would be able to get you to orgasm.

No.

You have my permission to do that one day. Okay? People want a couples massage.

You're like, I'm not gonna save it for home. It's not as fun now. It's like cheating.

You gotta tell Me?

No. I just said yes. So you're like, eh, not as fun anymore.

You gotta tell me no.

Cause there's something. Okay, no. Don't ever wear a vibrator to work.

All right, now I'm gonna do it.

The other things people want are couples massage. These are the sexy gifts. I think that's when you could, you could do that at home. You could just do that like without even having to leave your house. You could hire someone to come to your house and do it as well. Water based lube. I'm such a fan of all the. What everybody wants five massage oil candles. They are amazing. We love massage oil candle. It's really beautiful. You light the candle, then you blow it out. You can't do this with every candle. It has to be a massage oil candle. You blow it out and like you pour it on your partner. It's like this warm, luxurious massage oil. He want gold handcuffs, number six. Not to be confused with the golden shower. Yes, like gold hand handcuffs. Because like the nice ones, like the, like they want it to be a status symbol. Like I think you should get Velcro ones because they're easier to use if you want to actually be practical. Because you actually want to use.

You know, because people don't know these things.

They know. They don't.

Don't know that these Velcro things exist. And they're like, gold is pretty and silver is too much. Like, I'm actually arrested.

Yeah. You'll never use the gold ones. What if they have a key? Worse yet, you lose the key. It's a whole thing. Velcro. Think about it. Velcro or bondage tape.

Oh my God. Imagine on Valentine's Day. How memorable would that be? My partner lost the keys to the handcuffs and you had to go to like. What do you go to a blacksmith?

Those still exist? Yeah. Is that what they're called? Blacksmiths that come over and unlock your door?

I don't know. Like all I'm now called, I'm pictured like a locksmith, a blacksmith. I'm like Hephaestus from ancient Greece.

Speaking of ancient Greece, I'm glad you brought that up. It's actually the Romans. Do you want to hear the history of Valentine's Day?

Oh, I do. But of course I want to hear.

Okay. The name Valentine's Day came from Emperor Claudius, which I thought it was Emperor Clitoris. I was trying to remember Emperor Clitoris. Was it Emperor Corovirus? But it's. But it was actually the Emperor Claudius. So he decided that he thought all young men should be. All the soldiers should go to war. And he didn't want them getting married. So he tried to put a ban on marriage. And he said, you know, there's gonna be no marriage allowed. I need men to fight for our country. But then there was a priest, and his name was Valentine. And Priest Valentine said, nuh, I'm gonna do some underground marriages. This is. I believe in love. I believe in romance. I believe in commitment. And so he started authorizing. He started performing wedding ceremonies. Well, he found out, and Emperor Clitoris got very, very upset. And he was like, valentine, you're an asshole. I'm putting you in the dungeon, in jail. So Valentine's in jail, and what happens? Emperor Clitoris daughter came to visit, and he fell in love with her.

Princess Labia.

Princess Labia.

Princess Labia came.

And Sir Valentine. We'll call him Sir Valentine, he was like, I love her. I love this woman.

I love her Labia.

I love her Labia. And I love everything about her. So, however, the night before he died, they found a letter that he'd written to Princess Labia. And he signed it, love, your Valentine. And that was the first Valentine ever written.

Oh, I love that story. And I love the name.

That's one of the interpretations. There's, like, other origins that there's, like, two Valentines, and there was two years in a row, things were happening. But I like this one.

There's also a very dark.

There's a very dark one.

Version. Not good.

No, no, no. So I like this one. Write love letters this year.

I like that, too.

I know.

That's so good. It's so.

Isn't it funny that it was. His name was Clitoris is the craziest part in ancient Rome.

I know.

Back then.

But they're using sexy people names, and now we can't say it.

I know.

I think it was Claudius, but you have changed.

It's definitely Claudius. It's definitely not Claritus.

It's Claudius ii. It's Emperor Claudius ii.

We can.

You know what his name was Valentine.

Though, for the show, we're gonna rewrite history a little bit. Don't fact check us on that, but you get it.

Please don't.

All right, guys. Hilarious.

What's fun about this is, first off, we don't write letters anymore. So hopefully this is gonna encourage you to write something to a friend, to a lover, let them know how you feel about them. But it's also allowing me to learn things from my past that I had forgotten that I Can teach you all here in the moment.

Some reminis.

I'm reminiscing.

Some nostalgia.

Exactly. I'm like, oh, my God, I remember this guy. I thought that he was so great, and I fell for him very quickly. And we had an affair for about a year, maybe less. Maybe it was like nine months. And I just loved that he was so into me and attentive and all my friends, till this day even, but even then, they're like, no, no, Emily, no, no, no. And it made me think, like, what are those green flags when you're dating someone that it. That turned into a red flag? You were like, I love all these things about them. And then it was like, red flag, red flag. And then you learn, because I learned from this one. Here's what he wrote. Now, it's clever. I saved it. Well, I save all of them. He wrote it on a barf bag from an airplane he was on Virgin Atlantic flying. And I saved it as I save. This one was stuck out because we're like, oh, clever.

He wrote, emily, how presumptuous of you to assume that I'm mimicking your opus barf bag by writing a note via Airsickness repository. I have no idea what that means. And then he called me Mitts, and I don't remember why my nickname was Mitts.

Did you like Mittens?

I don't know. No, I was in San Francisco. We didn't wear mittens. I think he thought I was like Mitts, like a kitten. A mitts and kitten.

Okay, I don't remember like a. Like a minx, but a mitts.

So he writes a bunch of things here that don't really make sense. But then at the bottom, delivery mechanism aside, this note exists to convey one inescapable truth. I love you. With the gravity that not even the moon exerts in beaconing the evening tide, I shine, knowing you might bask beneath my light and reflect it back, infused with your beauty. Love, J. We're not going to say his name. And then he says, PS look inside. And he put something inside of it, and it's like another note. So he's super clever. Anyway, true innovation. That was the love part, which I liked, getting the words. And I'm reading the words here going, oh, but this relationship. So it reminded me of a few things. This guy was just getting out of a relationship, and when I met him, he was into me and it felt so good. He was very attentive. He was often writing me notes, and he was showing up and helping Me with things. I think I was making my film at the time. He was more like tech savvy, was helping me edit stuff and do things. And he was very available and he was very into touch and he was very loving in that way. But then he, all of a sudden he became too available. So this one time I was in Chicago for my friend's birthday. We were all there for my 30th, five of us meet every year. And all of a sudden Jay happened to. We were in Chicago, happened to be flying over Chicago. Like he was in San Francisco. And he's like, oh, I just happened to be in an airplane that's gonna land and has a layover in Chicago. Cause he wanted to come see me. And I was like, you guys, maybe it's true. They're like, why the hell is he in Chicago? And I was like, well, you can't come see me because I'm with my best girlfriends. That is a sign. Very available. And the other thing it reminded me of that he had no friends. Oh, he really didn't have friends. He didn't have friends in San Francisco. He'd been there for a few years, he was going through a breakup. But it just made me realize that people who don't have friends, great if they're long term friends, but any friends, even from work, from life, I think that's a sign that their emotional skills, the way they connect with people isn't up to par and they haven't really excelled in that area yet. And that means if they're too available, they're too there for you and they don't have a life outside of you, it's not gonna. But I wasn't able to see those things at the time because I was just into his availability and touch and interest in me. So have you ever been with someone and there was a green flag that actually turned out to be a red flag.

So when you said though, that he was like, happened to be flying over Chicago, I was like, what did he. What do you mean what did he do? Just like let like parachute out right over the town?

I thought he was like going back to home in New York. And then he was like, oh, but, but now we have to be in Chicago. And I was like, do you not understand me that I have these precious girlfriends I've had at the time for 10 years? And we meet and there are no men? Like we do not now there's men involved sometimes. And mostly we have our meetup with the girls and it was like, this just isn't you can't just. I don't miss you. You can't just show up. I'm gone for a weekend. But he missed me, couldn't handle the time without me. And granted, at that time, we'd probably been together for, what, six months or something at the time.

He followed you across the country?

Across the country. And then my friends were like, how about that guy you dated? So they never forgot that he was probably a guy that I dated. That was the most bizarre.

Green flag that I. That turned out to be a huge red flag was in one of my first relationships I had noticed. I was like, you know, I'm always hitting him up. He's never hitting. He's never initiating the conversation. And so I had. I had asked him. I was like, you know, I feel like I'm always hitting you up. And, like, I would really like it if you texted me, made a plan. Yeah. He's like, oh, no. But I just, like, I always light up when I see you text me. I love when you text me first. So I was like, oh, that's actually really sweet. It makes him feel good. That's great. What it was is that he just wanted to make me look like a crazy, clingy person.

Because that's what he used on you at the end?

Well, no, because then there would be times where, like, I knew we had a mutual friend who would be like, yeah, like, sometimes you'll text him. He'll, like, throw his phone across the room, like, oh, she's texting me again. So I'm like, wow, what a dick.

What a dick.

What a fucking dick.

I have one, too.

Okay. Kristen.

There was a guy that came over, and it was like, one of the first times that I laid next to a guy in bed, watched a movie, and he didn't, like, try to kiss me or do anything or make a move. And I thought, wow, that's really respectable and nice. But then he never, ever tried to make a move or kiss me.

Was he into women?

I think he was into women, but.

I just feel like we weren't into each other. Like, there wasn't chemistry there. And I took that as, oh, wow, he's being nice and respectful. But really, I think it was like, we just.

You weren't attracted to each other. Yeah, that's a good role. Cause what we do at the beginning, that's such a great example. Cause we want to see green. We want to see all the good things. We're like, well, this just means you're into me or you're very available or you're being respectful and those are tough to see. You kind of need more evidence. You know, after, after a few dates I'm trying to think of what else people who are. Well I also think people who show you. People show you who they are, believe them. And the issues you have on the first date, you have forever. And so pretty much if someone's like late or they let you. Yeah, they, they. Yeah, but that wouldn't be. I'm trying to think of like the other green flags I've had are like really fun. Life at the party.

Always a good time. Always for going out. Alcoholic.

Oh my God.

Oh, that's a good one.

Great stories about himself. Was like really interesting. All these great stories. Narcissist.

What would you. Yeah. What are you doing? Like as first just self care or whatever you're doing because I feel like I am going to obviously see my boyfriend. I don't know what we're doing. Probably not gonna make it super special but just we're gonna hang out. But I also like every year to do something for myself on Valentine's Day should do something.

The office. I don't know. Like last year I got a massage.

Yeah, last year. I was gonna say last year I got myself a massage and it was wonderful.

I think it's like those things that you think you're only saving for good. For special occasions or things that really for me it is massage. That's a great one. Manicure, pedicure going, you know, getting a facial. Buying yourself something that you've had your eye on.

Ooh. Yeah. I think it's like a nice. Yeah, like a nice purse or like a nice pair of shoes.

Yeah, like a commit like something that you're like, I've been looking at these. I want them. I deserve it. We all deserve it. Like treat your. Treat yourself.

I think I got myself. Have you ever had nothing? Bundt cakes.

Yes. Didn't we. Yes. In the office like years ago.

I think I got that for myself last year too. Cause they're like delicious and they have.

Like oh, that's something chocolatey. Yes. Get your favorite chocolate. Get your favorite dessert. Start planning this now because listen, we also talk about this a lot and we've got some great podcasts. Sex with emily.com youm can check out all of our podcasts wherever you listen to podcasts. But we, we talk about like this is a day that you know it's gonna be here. We all gonna have to experience it. Whether you love it or hate it. If you're in a relationship or not, buy yourself something, do something. You know, have a Galentine's Day party. Like, like have a singles potluck with all of your friends or just do something that you're like, okay, you know what? I don't have a partner, but I'm gonna take a bath, I'm gonna buy myself a toy, I'm gonna masturbate, I'm gon chocolate. I'm going to pamper myself. I'm going to self love the out of myself all day, all weekend long. It's on a Friday. We're going to take a quick break and we come back even more Valentine's Day.

I'm glad Steve is here because, listen, whether you love or hate it, it's on. I think it's on our mind. In a relationship or not. Especially if you're in one. You're like, what do I do? Either I care about it, I don't care about. How do I know the right gift to get. So all we're giving you, we're giving you tips. And then tonight I want to know, since Steve's here as well, like, what do you think? Do you care if you get a gift for Valentine's Day? Like, what are you doing for Valentine's Day? Because I think, I think that matters.

I mean, for me, I. Me and my wife and I were like, we're more into like an experience than like an actual, like, firm gift. Just speaking from her standpoint before I talk from mine. So we got a hotel suite and we'll go out to like a really nice dinner.

So.

And we'll spend the night in the city that night, just her and I. And like, we thought like, oh, we would focus all this money, but I can't help myself but got her a present even though we agreed no presents.

That's amazing. That's really sweet.

Well, but that's the thing is that.

But she expects that from you probably.

I think she secretly does. I think she does expect that I'm gonna give her a gift. But like we were. I was talking about in the office with someone and by the way, guy, like girls should not have to give guys presents on Valentine's Day. I've never expected one ever in my life.

I think that some guys think it'd probably be nice to be thought of. Some guys like romance.

Well, but romance is like lingerie and some heels. I think a guy, you know, and I'm. Maybe you're doing that on a Tuesday, you know, far be it from Me to know what your sex life is. Actually, I do know what your sex life is.

I mean, do you listen to it?

I listen to this show.

Yeah, we know what your sex life is.

No, I do. I do know what your sex life is.

I like the idea of an experience. So I have this thing that I was. This Valentine's Day, I have these letters, Steve. Oh, so I save things. I don't. Well, I lose things often in my life. But for whatever reason, I have held on to every single letter I've ever received in my entire life from a friend or a lover, somebody who I've had sex with.

How many? What do you have? Just boxes upon boxes.

I brought them in, like, boxes, and they're by file, they're by name files.

How did you know to save this?

Because they meant something to me. I just thought it's like love in a box. I don't know if I ever want to pull them out, but turns out I hadn't pulled out a lot of them for 20 years. But they were always very well filed because I just. There was something very meaningful about, like, words, words of affirmation, love, language. And also it's a great history of just life and people I've been in love with or in like, with and experiences I have. I also have all my journals, all my tickets to movies and concerts, and just in a file by the guy. So, like, we opened it up and like, shit was falling out. I'm like, oh, there's the letter that he wrote me on birch bark. And here's the album he made me. And here's like a weird sweet.

And it's the only thing you have organized.

It's the most organized thing in my life.

That's what like, I like, I picture like FBI filing cabinets. Like, Emily could do a profile on these guys that she dated over her whole life. Like, it's so organized. Yeah, but I would never. I would picture you being like, I'm gonna do this. And then two guys in. You'd be like, you know what? I'm bored.

F this.

We're skipping this now. I want to do this. I can't believe you did it for so long.

Well, I think it was a simpler time before we had all.

Text messaging is a disaster for relationships. Not only can't you save anything, you've, like, been ghosted or deleted by the time, you know, you go out with them. And there are no. People aren't even having relationships anymore. So these were like three month relationships. Six months. You would have to Send a letter. Or you'd have to, I feel like. And then they'd come up on a horse and buggy. I mean, not that, but you send a letter. You would send a letter. This was an email. I have letters. So I found them. But really, you would send a letter? A postcard. All my boyfriends would send me postcards. And they're like, that was so fun last week. Or they would, you know. And then I have email. I started to print out emails because before text, you'd get emails every day from guys I was dating. So then I printed those out and those guys have files because printing was more of a thing. And now I've got nothing for the last 10 years.

All these guys.

It's very smart.

If you're listening and she has a file on you, don't kill anyone.

It does sound like a file on them.

I do the exhibits in court. I just save all my old iPhones. I literally have like six iPhones. And I could be like, oh, that's when I was with Paula. And that's when I was with. Blah, blah, blah.

So all the texts are in there?

Yeah, I can just literally boot them back up and see any, like, pictures that were sent my way from an ex if I ever wanna reminisce.

So you never wanna trade in your phone for the new phone?

I have the new phone. I just have the old phones. I don't trade em. I just wait till, like, run em into the ground.

Interesting.

This is interesting. Well, I guess I just. I don't know, Steve. I don't know how I had the discipline.

I'm proud of you.

Which I no longer have in these ways, but it's in there somewhere.

Yes. I'd love to hear one of these poets.

So look at this piece of paper, by the way.

I was like, what is this scrap of PA she keeps waving in every.

Oh, yeah, that's what we put the rundown.

So I brought in. I brought in so many, I had to take them out of the. What'd you say?

I was like, is this what she's doing every night? Just waving a scrap of paper at you? All of you.

You should see the papers in my life. But this one, there were so many. So, Steve, you can imagine this. I got a little overwhelmed because there was a lot. And I was like. At first I thought this would be fun. We're all gonna excavate my entire love life. We're gonna go through it. And then I had like a. Like, you guys take them. So they went through yes. And we approve this.

We approve.

This is from Gary, not his real name. And he wrote me this email after we had a weekend getaway. And I believe, if I remember now, it was February, so it could have been a Valentine's Day thing. And this was, like, probably 20 years ago. 15 years ago.

That's what I was gonna say. How many years ago? 20 years ago. 15 years ago.

And it was an experience. And this is what he said.

And then.

Okay, remember this was after.

Oh, my God.

Remember our. Remember our dinner at Spago in February? It was February. Hours before we had an intense conversation in which I explained that I found my true self and meaning. And then he wrote, realities and distractions. I asked you to cancel my tarot card reading because I didn't believe in that superstitious fate type stuff anymore. And then he wrote in parens, the end of the eight ball, because this dude had an eight ball. And I was like. He would literally would ask the eight ball things all the time.

Would he carry it around?

Yeah. Or it was. Yeah, he would carry it. He'd be like, let me ask, eight ball. I'm like, that's just dumb. Like, at first it's cute or sweet. And then he, like, lived by the eight ball.

Well, that's. You would. I would. You would dump him. Now, if you were on a date today and someone took out an eight ball, you would get him committed.

Someone sent me a fax today, too, and so I had some faxes. That would be weird, but I do have some faxes.

Oh, my God.

Okay. He said, okay. No, you're right. People don't. Okay. He says we were staying at the beautiful Argyll, home of the famous head banging orgasm, which I don't remember having orgasms with him, but I must have had a hyping or some at the Argyle, which is now the Sunset Tower. Very beautiful hotel. That was fun. We couldn't stop touching each other at dinner that night. Let's go back to LA soon. Could that really be a place we could maybe live now? I got a. I went, ugh. Cause I remember the problem in our relationship was that he wanted to live together and get married. And that was the problem.

You were like, what?

I was like, I don't want to live with you. I'm still on the fence about whether being a Gemini makes me interesting or neurotic all the same. Love you. Did you love it as much as I did?

Check. Yes.

I'm here to tell you, baby, no one does it like we do something. No, baby, nobody does it, Gary? Well, okay, so. Well, now I'm remembering so many things about this. But he. So that was. First of all, it's nice to read back to. It's nice that he wrote me words and he would always, like, after we'd had these weekends together. I did love what he sent me and the words and the stuff like that. But the annoying thing about this guy was that he was very controlling. And I remember he really wanted us to move in together way before I was comfortable. And he was controlling in the sense of. I remember that one time he came home to Michigan with me, and this is the guy that my mom was like, pulls me in the bathroom. She's like, I don't like him. He's very controlling. He's controlling meaning, like, he packed up my suitcase for me, and I liked that because I have packing anxiety. But he was also a little controlling. Like, he wanted me to wear navy.

Just navy.

I don't know. He liked navy. He was more conservative than I was.

What colors were you wearing that were not conservative? That's.

What.

How is that not. That's literally like a step below Navy. Navy in the spectrum.

It was his cultural thing. It was like navy and pearls. But that was him. But I liked. Yeah.

So what are you doing now?

I'm bringing up. We should read these more in depth. All of these. Because I'm remembering patterns in my life. He was a great guy, though. Not controlling, like, angry, just. But just random ocd, which I appreciate in people.

It feels like such a weird thing to slip into an email, though. Do you think this could be the place? Like, that's such a, like, not okay thing. Like, he should have just been like, we had great sex and we went away. Talk soon.

He kept planting the seed. Well, now I'm reading it. It's a bit much, but.

What did you do? You, like, email back like, no, we can't live together there.

I think I avoided all of that together. And then when he bought a house, he's like, So I picture our house, you guys. I. Okay, listen, listeners. I was all like, you. I was avoidant. I didn't want to commit. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to have any serious convers. And when he said, this is a house that I bought for us, I hung up. I like, I got to go. He bought.

He bought a house.

He bought a house. And he's like, I would want you to move into this house with me. And I was like, got to go. I was like, late 20s but that's.

Like, you don't buy a house and be like, live.

Yes.

He was planting the seeds the whole time.

Is there any way to reel somebody. Is there any way to reel somebody back in? Like, is there any way to be like, hey, you're so ready for me to do this, but if you can just like, move back your expectations a little bit and we can just go back to dating, I think that's where we need to be, like. Or is it? It was so far gone. You can never.

This is like doing therapy with my younger self. If I had known then what I would have known now, I wouldn't have handled it so immaturely. I wouldn't have been like, avoidant. I would have been like, this is. You know what? Right now, I'm actually. But this was a different time. I would have said, I'm actually not looking for a relationship, and I'm actually trying to, you know, figure out what I want right now. I like hanging out with you, but it seems like you're moving this really fast and I'd like to slow it. And I remember him pushing the relationship. And I also love being loved and I love being adored. And he sent me, like, flowers every week, and he was very attentive and gave me a lot of the stuff that I do like. So it felt great and I'd be all swept up in it. But back then. And now, I believe we have more. We can do this. But back then, to say, I want to date other people or I want to explore or slow down, it was like, if you're with someone for a year, you are going to move forward and get married. And, you know, so that's what I would tell you, my younger self.

God, it's just such a hard thing to put in email.

Well, also. But then. But if you're not like. Cause I can imagine someone potentially texting that. So before texting was popular, I could see them saying, like, what else would you do, though?

If you had a job and you couldn't talk on the phone, you would like, I have a lot of. Listen, I didn't print out the emails in the last 10 years. I have more. But that's what you had to do. Or before, you know, this was 15 years ago, before texting was everything.

Texting is ruined. It's just, like, too immediate and, like, it's too much too fast of being able to communicate directly with someone. I think there's something romantic about your email and letter correspondences.

We are talking about Valentine's Day, which Kind of wraps into a lot. There's a lot that it brings up. Are you gonna get the right gift? Are you going to. You know, do you need to get a gift? If your partner says, I don't want you to do anything, you don't need to do anything. What do you do if you've just been dating someone for, like, a week or a month?

Oh, my God.

Do you need to get them a gift?

The stress.

It's stressful.

It really is stressful. Did you ever come upon that? I mean, I don't want to. I think you guys are talking about it throughout the week, but I wonder if you've ever come upon it too soon. You don't have to go into too much detail, but I'm here tonight, and I want to know, damn it.

I feel you. Just acknowledge it. And you're like, it's. Here's what I. This is my blanket statement for all of everyone in a relationship. A new relationship, a friends with benefits, a marriage. Just address it ahead of time, like, say, hey, and this year, it's great. It's on. It's on a Friday. You're probably gonna see your loved one anyway. And just Friday the 14th is Valentine's Day. Is there anything you had in mind? Anything you like to do? How do you feel about Valentine's Day? I was thinking, if you're the planner in the relationship, I was thinking we could, I don't know, go. Why wouldn't you say, go to dinner? Okay. So my idea is, I think we should do something that night. And they say, great. Would you ever mind? And my idea is to make it a sexy night because I think you go out and you pay too much at a restaurant. You don't want to really be around people. Maybe you do for a little bit, but have, like, a hotel room after. Like, Steve, that's my perfect Valentine's Day.

That sounds great.

You could do that in any stage of the relationship.

Yeah, A hotel room is hot. Literally. Viagra for any relationship. Like, it just, like. It just is, like, such a great night. No matter if it's like, you know, the hotel can be anywhere as long as. Not a roach motel. Come on, guys. Spring's a little better than that. But, like, it could just be, like, a regular hotel that's in your town. Like, just the change of scenery, I.

Think, is exactly mixing things up.

You don't have to worry about your own cleanup. Really?

How?

I mean, well, no, it's true.

I. Listen, never mind.

Okay. I believe that. Why have it be A stressful. I think it's just a great night to say, you know what? We're in this relationship. Let's do something we don't normally do. Let's not just stay home and watch TV and watch reality shows. Steve's not. That's the one night that he's not gonna be home watching TV with his wife.

First of all, how dare you?

Literally.

Secondly, you're right.

It's tr. You know that. But. Right. Like, that's.

No but. I mean, when you're married, I'm very happy in my relationship. But, yeah, we come home from work, we cook dinner, we talk, we watch some tv.

That's literally what everybody does. So it's not just you, But I.

Just happen to know we were together for one month before our first Valentine's Day together.

So what did you do?

So she, on one of our dates had said. And it was like we were talking. What's like, one of your favorite things that's just, like, bizarre. Like, just something you're into, like, food, whatever. And she's like, you know what I have a really sick obsession with and I haven't had them forever are these raviolis they sell at Costco. And she's like, I know that sounds like a garbage prison, but, like, I'm scared admitting it to you and you might run away, but, like, I really love them. So she was coming over, and we had no pressure. She was just gonna come over and spend Valentine's Day, and we were gonna just hang out. And I went and got us a Costco membership. Like, I went and got a Costco membership. And she's like, where are we going? I was like, we're gonna go pick up the raviolis, and we're gonna come back and we're gonna drink. We're gonna make the raviolis, and we'll watch a movie. And that's all we did. And it was great.

That sounds fun.

See, you remembered something that she had said.

And I was nervous, though. Cause I was like, is this fucking creepy? You know? Like, I didn't tell her I went out and got a Costco member. I was like, yeah, I always had it. I got it, like, a day before.

I want a man with a Costco membership.

Well, that's what I want.

Put that on your dating profile, too. Must have owned Costco. No, no, but you remembered she liked the ravio.

Well, it was that little thing. But I did do what you said, which was like, I just did. I was nervous. Like, you were like, do I say something? Do I not say something. I just said, hey, like, let's just hang out that day. That was it. It was just that easy.

Hang out on that day. That's what you can say.

But I do. I'm gonna wait for him to say something. He's usually pretty on point. He's, like, very okay, but would you.

Be upset if he doesn't say anything?

No. Cause I know we're gonna hang out anyways that day. I just don't know if it's gonna be Valentine's esque. But I just feel like he's very sweet, he's very nice. So I think he might. I don't expect, like, a card or anything. Not that I need a card, but.

Emily, has anyone ever done it, like, over the top where you were just like, I'm not into this. Like, this is too much or too soon? Besides, this guy that tried to buy you a house.

Now, I wish I took the house, though, because you're saying San Francisco.

I mean, come on. Kristen would be like, fuck, yeah, it's a house.

Yeah, Kristen, this guy's still saying that letter I was supposed to do.

You like your family? You got a house?

No, I was, like, reading it again, and all these things came up. Yo, I think he's divorced, Kristen. Let's call him, close the house. He might even have another house. I've had guys go over the top, but never typically. It's just like on a first few dates, they do too much. They do the things. But on Valentine's Day, if I'm spending Valentine's Day with you, you've already been vetted, and it's probably not gonna be that annoying and over the top, but I've half had people do, like, nothing, and that didn't feel great either. So I think it has to be somewhere.

Somewhere.

Yeah. I mean, I think, again, just acknowledging that it's a day that we all can't avoid, and it's there and flip it on its head. Why don't you reframe Valentine's Day and say, you know what? I get it's a Hallmark holiday and it's commercialized, but what if you just think of it as a date? Deepen your relationship. Deepen your. Your partnership, your connection. Do something different that night. If you like this show, let us know. Leave us five stars. Wherever you listen, whatever app you listen on itunes, we so appreciate it. Leave a comment if you want more, if you want to send us a question or get in touch. It's feedbackexwithemily.com. love you all. Thank you to my awesome team. Ken, Kristen, Elisa, Brian, producer, Jam and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwith emily.com.

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