Bad Boys, Bondage, and Afternoon Delight

Stop what you're doing and listen closely because Bellesa and I are giving away free spicy toys or gift cards to every single one of you. That's right, everyone who signs up wins something. And if you haven't heard of Bellesa, let me put you on. They're a bi woman for everyone company that's completely flipping the script on sexual wellness. And now they're hooking you up. You've definitely seen Bellesa's viral toys all over your for you page. Like the rose, it blew up for a reason. This little flower shaped suction toy is iconic. Or. Or their famous whisper collection. You know the first fully ever silent vibrators. If you live with roommates, parents, or even if your partner is sleeping right next to you, these toys are silent without compromising power. Or their new Pebble Pro. They just one up their best selling pebble with a stronger, smarter and seriously spicy redesign. Ballast has somehow figured out how to engineer a one stop pleasure shop with three interchangeable heads. It sucks. It humps. It licks. It vibrates. I'm speechless. And of course I had to hook all of you up. So my friends at Bellesa are sending out free toys or gift cards for toys to everyone who signs up. You heard that right. Every single one of you wins something. Just click the link in the episode description or head to bbvibes.com Emily that's B B V I B E S.com Emily hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, we're tackling some of your most pressing love and sex questions. Wondering how to bring handcuffs into your foreplay routine? What's the best way to fix a sex life that's become a little lackluster? And is there a right way to date a nice guy after a string of bad boys? Plus tips to make standing up sex more orgasmic? All this and more. Thanks for listening.

When list stars ask me about how to change things up in the bedroom, a lot of times they mention that they always wind up having sex in the same position. They want to know what else they can try. And the truth is, some of the most exciting positions can be difficult to stay in for extended periods. You want the payoff of an amazing orgasm for all your hard work. But it's not always easy to do. Enter sport sheets. Sportsheats has made sexual positioning one of their top priorities. And frankly, no one does it better. One of their star players is the door jamb Sex sling. The name kind of says it all. It's a strong nylon sling that hangs from almost any door. One partner is suspended in a comfortable seat with their legs held up by the stirrup straps. This gets your partner in the perfect position for upright sex with you standing in front of them, or vice versa, opening up all new possibilities for more pleasure. If it sounds complicated, trust me, it isn't. We just shot a short video demonstrating it. Check it out at sportsheets.comemily. the door jamb sex sling is totally safe, very comfortable, and easy to use. It creates a whole new level of control and pleasure. In fact, it's so comfortable, we have one hanging on the door of our studio. Now. Sometimes we just hang out in it, read, answer emails. You get the picture? To see me demonstrate the sling and to order one for yourself, visit sportsheets.com Emily that's S-P-O-R-T-S-H-E-E-T-S.com Emily and use code EMILY at checkout to save 20%.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that block our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my. Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. I feel so. Being bad feels pretty good.

But, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com because it's so easy when you go there. I don't know if you've checked it out lately, but we update it every day. We work really hard updating and we work hard. We do work hard, but the content, I think you'll love it. We have great blogs and posts and videos and check it out. And when you get there, we make it so easy to subscribe to all this cool Sex with Emily stuff across the board. Our newsletter, social media, most importantly, subscribe to the podcast. I guess it's all important social media. It's all Sex with Emily across the board. We have a store on our website because, you know, I talk about a lot of cool stuff and you can find it all there. And yeah, that's what I got for you. I hope you all Had a great, happy holidays. Great holidays. Whatever it is that you're doing or celebrate. I am here with Madison, Producer Madison.

Hey, guys.

Hi.

Hi, Em.

How you doing, honey?

Doing great. Doing great. Yeah. We're in. Aren't we in Hanukkah and Kwanzaa right now?

Kwanzaa. Kwanzaa still thing. Yep. So I don't mean it. I just mean, years ago, it was all about Kwanzaa. Yeah. And now there's about so many other things.

Kwanzaa is still a thing.

I get angry. Yeah. And now it's like, kwanzaa's already in. But, yeah, people are just like. It's all. You don't even. Can't say, happy Christmas, happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanzaa. It's more like just the generic happy holidays I think you have to do across the board.

Yeah, totally. It's the Christmas cup of holiday greetings. Right.

However, I have to say that this year, I did pick a lane, and we picked. I picked the Christmas tree. The Christmas lane.

Yeah. You went full Christmas?

We went full Christmas.

Like, Christmas threw up in here.

Christmas threw up in our office. And it is the best. The best experience of my life. I've never had a Christmas tree. I grew up with that one. Because we were deprived. No. I was Jewish growing up. I guess I still am some ways, but it's just fun. We got the lights, we've got the fake snow, we've got the ornaments. I went crazy. I kind of. You know, the dollar store threw up all here, all of our tree. It's fun. And we did a fun video that you can all check out.

Yeah.

It's love from the. It's. It's a Paladin video from the sex family.

It should be up on YouTube, on our website, on Instagram. I'm sure you'll find it.

That was fun. So. And then we went to an ugly sweater party with our friends at System Joe. We. We crashed.

I was gonna say we invited ourselves to their holiday party. They were like, oh, I think we're going ice skating. And we were like, can we come?

Right? We love them. Okay. You guys know we love the guys from Joe Lube. So, yeah, we were at dinner with the guys, and they're like, oh, our holiday party. Cause you think at a big company, and they're like, we're going ice skating, and it's an ugly sweater party. I'm like, we'd like to come to that, please. We were in and like, okay, yeah, you can totally come. I mean, they, like, Us. And then the next day after our dinner, like, great to see you guys. Hope to see you in the new year. And I'm like, what? Back up. I'm getting my ice skates like sharpened right now. Like we are so in, like, oh yeah, come. So we went ice skating and it was, well, half ice skating. Apparently I read the invite wrong. I thought it was five to nine skating. It was five to eight. So we spent the first few hours drinking and then at like 7:50 we went down to the rink thinking, oh okay, like let's go skating. And I met this very cute boy. He was on my Snapchat, but I can't remember his name now, but it's gone. That's the thing about Snapchat. But he helped me with my skates and he was cute. And we got on that rink, which I haven't been in a year. I grew up like skating in Michigan and we had some fun there. But then all of a sudden my BFF ice skating boyfriend was like, get off the ice. I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, well we got the, you know, the hockey players coming out. I'm like, I just got. You just fitted my skates for an inappropriate 20 minutes. It's true. Why did it take that long? And we got kicked off. But it was fun the eight minutes that we skated.

Yeah, there's a picture or there's a video. It should be. It was on Snapchat, but I have it. I'm gonna post it on Instagram so that hopefully by the time this comes out.

Cause I did some moves. You did some moves?

Oh my gosh, you can see me just kind of. I'm so proud of myself for being upright and I'm like really? Like in the video which Jamie took, I'm like coming around the corner and I'm leaning down like I'm a friggin speed skater. But I'm going like negative 2 mph and Emily comes right past me, twirls right in front of me. What a show off.

I did a stop. Yeah, I did one of those. That was fun. We've had a good holiday season. We've had a great year here at Text with Emily. So thank you everyone for just being a part of the show, supporting us. I love, love hearing, you know, getting your emails and running into on the street and just, you know, in the middle of street, walking around Walgreens, wherever it is, just say hello. When I please do say hello though some people I say like, don't say hello. But, like, I love seeing you. I love meeting you. It's been a fabulous year. Don't you. Don't you think we've had a good one?

So, yeah. I mean, well, overall, the year has been terrible, but here at Sex with Emily.

Well, right. For the state of America. The world. The state of the world ain't so pretty. We have. That's why we had to get extra Christmas lights this year and make it as festive as we can in these walls of the sex family office, which I think we're doing. So we also. The other thing I want to mention is that, like, I'm just so getting off on Facebook live. I have never been so happy. I don't know what it is about it, but it's just like. I don't know. It's so natural. It's fun. We sit in the office. I don't know if you guys have checked out all the live stuff, but that they do on Facebook. And they're kind of pushing it now. They're like, sex with Emily's live, but you should check it out because you can answer. Ask me your questions in real time. And you also kind of get to meet the whole team. And we show you some of the fun things we talk about in here. Some fun toys. Madison tied me down with a sports sheets doggy strap.

Yes.

We did the G spot link.

We demonstrated the G spot link. And then also the one before that, we did the doggy style strap. Yeah.

We're so good. You're such a good participant.

Yeah, I know. I'm always right there. I'm like, all right, Emily on all fours. Let's do this.

It's fun.

It's very, very much what goes on in the office all the time.

It does actually go on all the time. And you should also not. You should. You don't have to do anything. But if you. If you like our page or, um, you'll see the videos already there. That's what I also love, is that it lives on forever. So you can check it out too. And there's a lot of useful information, and it was a good time. So that's a highlight of me for the year of mine. Would you like to join me some sex the news?

Yes, I would absolutely love to.

Thanks for invite. Sure, of course. Thank you for joining.

What is it? Ttfi.

Join me on page four. Sometimes Madison and I are going through things like on show up Show. Could you please join me on page three? It's like, I feel like we're what it must be like in church. Don't they do that?

Totally.

4. We'll start with the Hymn of David.

The Psalm of Hand Jobs.

The Psalm of hand Jobs. Right? Exactly. Okay, Uber officially declares, no, you can't have sex in an Uber. So last week, Uber announced a new set of community guidelines to help riders and drivers better understand what's expected of them every time they get in a car. Or to put it another way, help riders and drivers better understand all the really bad behaviors. You know, like throwing up in the backseat after too much alcohol. You get kicked off the app. For people in the US.

That includes damaging a driver's property, inappropriate and abusive language or gestures breaking the law, like seatbelt open containers, unwanted contact with the drivers after the driver's over, and the big one, there's no sexual contact with drivers or fellow riders, no matter what. So, you know, I guess it makes sense given their troubling history with rape and sexual assault. But I think that there's. You know how many tipsy couples are in the back of Uber, Kind of like, I guess you can make out. It says you can't have, like, PV sex. Penetrative sex.

That makes perfect sense and was in my car. Good for them for taking a stand. Like, way to go, Uber. You, you work hard.

But I gotta be honest, people do get kicked. My friend got kicked off Uber. Not my friend. A friend of a friend of a friend. One of my best friends. Friends. Friends.

She.

I mean, I know her, but I'm not. I don't love her, but she's figured. She got kicked off Uber, but she. She was like, partying in the back of Uber. I think she was drinking, like, kind of like in a flask or something. And he's like, you're never riding an Uber again. And like, sure enough, like, she keeps redownloading the app, changing her name, like, blacklisted from Uber. So don't mess this up with Uber.

When you're done, you are done.

You're done. Yeah, you'll never get a ride in this town again. Luckily, there's lift. Thank God for don't get kicked off both of them. Because then you'll just be like, walking for hours. So everyone pay attention to that. Also, this is the time of day your girlfriend is. New story here. The time of day your girlfriend is most likely to have an orgasm.

Not in an Uber.

Not in an Uber. Okay, Illegal. You need a ride, don't do it. You need a designated driver. That's Uber. Don't have an orgasm there. However, despite the long held theory that morning time is the right time for great sex. Hormone expert Elisa Viti says the real magic hour for women at least is 3pm Figures. She told the Daily Mail. Which is kind of a sucky time. That around that time, women have high levels of the hormone cortisol, which makes them more energetic and alert. Around the same time, men have an increase in estrogen, the female hormone that's also found in men, which she says make us more emotionally present during sex. Up. The foreplay, in other words. Problem with this? Anyone see the problem where we're going? Since testosterone builds overnight, men are at their horniest in the morning. I'm sure you've all had a dick in the back, if you know what I'm talking about. When the stuff is basically stockpiled in their bodies. Meaning the optimum times don't match up. Thanks a lot, nature. Sadly, the 3pm slot isn't particularly practical for either sex. Unless you happen to have a very cool boss or no job, which I have a cool boss. Yeah. If you're. If Wes was like, around, you'd be like, em, I'm feeling it. Go home. I would let you. But most bosses would not give you a sex break.

That's true. You'd be like, all right, here's some lube. Try out this new sex sling. I'm gonna need you to come back with a full review. Like.

Right, Exactly.

But.

But no. I think this pisses me off, though, because if there weren't enough libido, you know, challenges between the sexes, you know, now we find like, the perfect magical time to have sex and orgasms. For women, it's like an impossible time, but for men, shock. It'. Morning. Like, the morning's always gonna happen. You're gonna wake up with your partner and not. We didn't really need a study to know that, but it just sort of.

It's unfair. Once again, we're just getting the short end of the stick, you know, like, oh, great. So my hormones peak right in the middle of the day, usually right around the middle of a podcast that we're recording. And like, what am I gonna do with that? Meanwhile, my boyfriend is like, waking up and he's ready to go and I'm like, if you touch me with that thing, I'm going to take it from you and I'm not going to give it back.

Exactly.

And I would.

Exactly. I hear you. We've got the tools here. And also, isn't three o' clock the time when you want like a chocolate Break. They would say, like, does this before your time? That the Snickers break at three? Was that before?

That was. I think that was before my time. I know with, like, Kit Kat, it was like, give me a break.

Oh, maybe it was a Kit Kat break.

Yeah.

It wasn't a Snickers break.

And then with Snickers, now it's that thing where it's like, you're not you when you're hungry. And it's like they totally coined the market on the hangry thing.

Oh.

But, like, if you get someone Snickers when they're hangry, they're gonna have a blood sugar crash. Somebody even meaner to me.

Yeah, that's really bad marketing.

I know.

I'm upset about it, but okay, so the Kit Kat break I'm thinking about is, like, when it comes to women versus, you know, when it. Sex versus chocolate.

Yeah.

They're going to choose chocolate. So even if this is the time, it's just not going to work. Pissed me off.

Yeah. Break me off a piece of that KitKat bar, please.

Exactly. 3pm they're always saying, like, women will choose, like, you know, phones over sex and chocolate over sex.

So, yeah, 3pm of course we are. I will say, though, afternoon sex is some of my favorite sex.

Like on the weekend.

Yeah, like on the weekends.

Yeah.

Because when I'm around the afternoon. But like, on vacations and stuff, like, that's like, the best, is like afternoon, you know, afternoon sex. You can take a nap after.

I love that.

Isn't that.

And if you're somewhere tropical and warm and the breeze, the windows open, that's.

Like, the only thing I've ever been able to conjure up. Like, what's my fantasy? Or, like, what's my ideal sex situation? It's like in, like, maybe a hotel room or something that's, like, filled with white. Cause I can't live in an apartment that has white things in it. I'll destroy them. Like, at a hotel. Like, white bedspread, white curtains open, billowing, and, like, the sun peeking through. Like, that just sounds delightful to me. That sounds erotic.

Yeah. No good. We're working on. So we've been working a lot this year and talking a lot about fantasies and how important it is for women to really. I think a lot of women don't naturally, like, gravitate towards, like, a specific fantasy. Some do, but it's really an important part of having a healthy sex life. And for a lot of women who struggle with getting in the mood and arousal, if you can Somehow cultivate, you know, what turns you on. So it's kind of fun. Like, you can be like, oh, wow, I don't really know, but let me go exploring. So we've talked about this. So, Madison, that's something you've come up with?

Yeah, it's just, like, when I think about, like, what. What makes me want to have sex, what conditions would be prime for me to have sex. That's what I think of.

And even if you don't, you're not in the Bahamas with billowy curtains. You could still think about it and it might get you turned on.

Yeah, my little West Hollywood apartment all of a sudden is like a cabana.

You should get one of those sound machines that make the waves.

I would love that. They have apps also on your phone that, like, my boyfriend and I started doing it. Cause, like, I really like the sound of rain. And he didn't know that about me, but it was raining one night and I was like, this is so relaxing. I could just fall asleep. And he's like, well, instead of listening to Netflix and Buffy every night, why don't we do a sound machine?

Not as good as Buffy, but no sound machine shirts. Do you use it now?

Sometimes we do. I don't know. I could kind of, like, take it or leave it. I like the sound of talking in the background. It's really bizarre.

Wow. I have the sound machine, but I just do the white noise.

Like, that's like a nightmare. You don't have, like, scary dreams?

No, it just blocks everything out. I'm like, I don't want to hear it. Like, seriously, like, stuff could be going on. Earthquake.

Someone's breaking into your apartment.

It doesn't matter. Steal all my stuff. I'm sleeping through it. So that's it. Okay, let's take a quick break. Give a shout out to our lovely sponsors, and thank you, everyone, for supporting them. You know, we have tried and tested everything we talk about, and we love it, so we hope you will, too. We'll be right back.

All right, people, it's time to introduce you to something that combines two of my favorite topics. Oral sex and lube. If you're not a fan of going down, I mean, no judgment. This is going to change the game for you. It's the brand new gelato collection of flavored lubes from Joe. These gelato flavors are delicious. I'm talking dessert worthy. Good. Choose from creme brulee, hazelnut mint chocolate, salted caramel, and tiramisu. Use them one at a time. Or combine them to create your own recipe. I've tried them all and they're amazing. Like all Joe products, the gelato line is a premium lube you can trust. It's a flavored water based personal lubricant that is sugar free, paraben free, and the perfect addition to any and all forms of foreplay. So next time you're craving something sweet, skip the refrigerator and go straight to the bedroom with Joe's gelato lube line. You are the dessert. Go to my site, click on the gelato banner or go to my store to shop the complete selection of Joe lubricants. There's a formulation for every occasion, trust me. So if you're ready to be dessert, order some gelato for yourself@sexwithemily.com today. Okay, guys, we're onto your emails. If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the show, I love that. You know I love it. But it's so easy now because you just go to the Sex with Emily website and you click on Ask Emily tab, fill out the form, hit submit, boom, that's it. We get it, we get your message. Also though, there's an option now where you can say, call, I want to be called. And this means we're not going to like call you in the middle of the night. It means that you'd like to be considered to be a call in guest on the show, in which case I can get into your problems. We can go deep. I can ask you all those questions that sometimes your emails just don't provide. And I think we go a lot farther, a lot faster getting you solutions to your sex pumps. Like, you know, it's like getting really to the bottom of it and helping you out with your relationships and sex lives. And we've tested out a few of those shows and I think they're fun, they're doing well. So they're all on itunes or however you listen, Spotify, SoundCloud, Stitcher, and you know in all those apps when they're like, rate us. I hate when they do that. Sometimes it's annoying. Like, literally like every app will you rate me, But I do it because like I have my Kaggle Camp app and I rate them. But you could also, while you're there, if you listen to Sex Emily, you could give us a rating. You can also leave me a voicemail, which is another way just to mix it up because again, I love reading your emails, but I also like hearing your voices. So 818-Ask-SWE 1818-275-7931. Just leave us a voicemail and we can answer on the show. It's nice to hear you. I feel like you're so close. I love it when you include your name, your age. It could be a fake name. It's cool where you live and how you listen.

Yeah. Another interesting point, too is that we get a ton of emails. It's, like, impossible for us to answer every single email. When you leave a voicemail, you have such a better chance of getting it answered on the podcast because we're always looking for emails. We're, like, thirsty for them, you know, obviously not for, like, the voice. Oh, yeah, the voicemails. Not, like, in a creepy way, but we want them. And so when they come in, we use them, like, immediately. So it's a really good way if you have a question that you need answered.

Yeah, that's a good way to do it. Exactly. Because we're doing shows every week. If you're like, damn. Because we get a lot. That's a really good point.

I never thought of it before. I was like, oh, hey, yeah, it's easy.

And you can, like, re record it if you don't like it. You know what I'm saying? But, like, it's good to sometimes maybe have it written out first, but we don't care. Just leave us a voicemail. We can edit you down too, but we don't, you know, you don't have to go too long.

Yeah. Try to make you under like a minute.

But yeah, that was a good point. Madison, very smart. That's why she's in charge. Okay, so, yeah, how about some emails?

Yeah, let's do it.

Okay. Hello, Emily, a fellow Michigander here. My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and our sex life has been great. A few months ago, I bought a pair of handcuffs for us, and he seemed pretty excited about it. However, we've yet to use them. We're both into pretty rough sex, but we haven't brought any toys into the bedroom. And I want to. I bring it up during foreplay, but we always seem to skip right to the sex and pass over the toys. Should I bring this up to him outside the bedroom? Heather, age 28. Michigan fellow Michigander. That's what she meant by that. We're both from Michigan. Okay, so.

She wants to buy handcuffs, but they also haven't brought any toys or handcuffs, right?

No, she has handcuffs. She just hasn't been able to actually incorporate them into stories or the toys.

Right. Okay, Heather, this is A great question. Because I think, like, you know, improving, I guess enhancing your sex life for couples comes down to a few things. Being able to talk about it. You know, hey, let's try something fun. But then when you actually make those steps and you're like, buy some handcuffs. Buy some toys. Everyone's like, no, what do I just, like, plop it in the middle of the bed? You know, hey, we're getting down. There's my toy. You know, we did a show once. We were doing scripts. I think it was a while ago. Oh, that was so fun. Hi. So, babe, I bought this new toy. I think Madison and I are playing with it, so it's funny. So that's a great, great question. And so he's excited about the handcuffs. And so. But you're yet to use them. Because in your mind, Heather, you might be thinking, well, I bought the handcuffs. Why isn't he just picking them up? Right? Here's the thing. It's a new behavior. And so there's a lot of judgment. There's a lot of, like, I think just every time we learn something new, we get anxious about it. We're a little nervous if we're gonna do it right. He might not know what to do with handcuffs. Like, do I. Like, she walks in and then I just like, do I tie them together over her head? Do I time behind her back? Like, literally these little things. Am I going to look funny? Are we going to laugh?

Oh, my God. There's so. Yeah, there's so many reasons, like, when you're in the moment. And besides, also, couples get stuck in a routine, right? So it's like, he might not even be thinking about it. Like, it might not occur to him in the moment, like, oh, hey, we have handcuffs. He's like, let's do it.

Right? Because you're already the moment. So here's what I suggest about the handcuffs, Heather, this is what you should do next time. I don't know if you guys live together or next time, you know, you guys have a date. Say, babe, can't I. I can't wait to see you tonight. And I want to use those handcuffs. I can't wait for you. Those handcuffs on me. Done. So maybe you're even, you know, waiting for him. You know, getting ready before he comes, feeling good. Maybe you masturbate, take a bath, sexy, Feeling good about yourself. And he walks in, you maybe got some wine ready, and then you got those handcuffs, and they're laying out right there on the counter. Okay, there's no way to Avoid it. You. He's already plant. You've already planted the seed. And then he might kind of, like, uncomfortable still. That might not be enough. But now the seed's planted. So then you go in the bedroom, and maybe he's excited to see you because you look so hot, Heather. And then the handcuffs are still sitting there. It's on you, Heather. Don't think. Oh, but he doesn't want to do it. Just know he wants to, but he doesn't know exactly how. So you grab the handcuffs, you bring them into the bedroom, and you can just be like, hold your hands. Like, maybe you want to lay on the bed. Hold. Hold your hands behind and say, like, tie me up. And that's how you do it. And then, you know, from there, you know, maybe you want to use a blindfold. And you could just say, like, do whatever you want to me or talk dirty to me or spank me. I don't know what your fantasy is, but it's important with this, too, to, like, explain to him, maybe even in the moment or in the text, I imagine you coming home and tying me up and, like, doing whatever you want to me and, like, not letting me come until I beg you for it or something like that.

Yeah, no, totally.

Like, explain the scenario to them. Like, spell it out sometimes. Like, it's just. They need to know. Give them a script. Yeah.

Guys are not only not mind readers, they're also often not good at taking hints either.

No.

And they like it when you lay it out. They're like. They enjoy it when you're like, baby, tonight I'm. I want you to handcuff me to the bed, and I want you to do whatever you want to me. He is not going to be like, no, let's have regular sex instead.

Right. Right.

He's going to eat that shit up.

He's going to go, handcuff to bed. Handcuff to bed. Like, he's gonna get it.

He's gonna be like, screw dinner, let's do it now.

Right. So, I mean, it's just those little tweaks. Imagine that. It's such a good point that we always say, men are not mind readers. But, like, yeah, like, even hints don't work. And I think that men and women, we get super frustrated because I hear from you guys all the time, you're like, well, I told him. Well, I told her. And even if you told him three times, four times, think about how long it takes to try something new or to learn a behavior, how many times you've Joined a new gym, and you haven't gone, like. You know what I mean? Like, all the new things we want to do, we just don't do it because we. We get set in our ways. So as much as you can help them along and not blame your partner and make assumptions that they don't want to. So help them along. Here, Heather. I think that's a great thing. Another great solution to this, which I've done on my bed. I've had them there for, like, three years now. Ooh, I have to remember to take them. I'm moving this weekend.

Oh, my gosh.

Jesus. Movers are going to come. And that mattress. Okay, so I have these sports sheets. Make these under the bed restraints. And they're the coolest things ever because. So you guys have heard me talk about sports sheets. They're velcro cuffs. So, by the way, Heather, like, no keys, no fuss. Like, if you can't work Velcro, we've got other problems. And it cut there. So you put them on your bed. They can hide, but you just pull out the cuffs. You don't need, like, any kind of special canopy bed or headboard, and they're always there, and you can wrap them on your hands and your feet, and they're just ready to go. I love those. And I just like, oh, look what I have. And I pull them out. So I love all the sports sheets, cuffs, and stuff. Those are great. Same thing with the toys. If you haven't used toys yet, go sex toy shopping together. Tell them what you think is really hot. Like, you know, you live in Michigan. One of the stores in Michigan, Lovers Lane, I think, is in Michigan. I'm not sure where you are, but you could even go online shopping to my store. Yeah, we went on the sex family site. Order some stuff together also. Okay, this is what we're so excited about. We have something called Unbound Box, and this is just great for couples who want to spice it up. We just started, like, a few months ago. It's a Sex with Emily, okay? It's called Unbound Box, and it's a monthly subscription box. Or it's every other month. Every three months. Okay? Every three months, you're gonna get this box, right? So think about this. You've been wanting to spice things up, you know, and all of a sudden you get a box and has everything you need. So in this box, you have a we vibe tango, which is. Which we're obsessed with. It's such a great clitoral vibe. It just like, every time Bomb. Because it's waterproof. It's amazing. We've got the Jo Natural Love USDA certified organic personal lubricant. You might not care about all that stuff, but we love it. It's a great lube. And then before, during and after mints, which are great for like spicing up a blowjob or kissing during foreplay. And the Jimmy Jane afterglow massage candle, which is just a luxurious smelling candle. And then you have secret notes that I wrote you. I wrote you little notes that are like, okay, this is perfect for you if you don't know what to say and what to ask for. I've given you suggestions that you can hand to your partner and you can just slip them in their wallet or, you know, in their. Does anyone have briefcases anymore? I don't know.

I don't really slip them in their hipster messenger bag.

Hipster messenger? Yeah, in their hipster bag. Then bidets, they clean your, you know, clean you off like little wipes. And then sports sheets, studded crop. Vwell. Spanking. That's a pretty cool box.

Yeah.

And it changes every few months.

Yeah, totally.

So check that out. Anyway, that's at our website. I might spin off on that. I wasn't even gonna. But anyway, it's called Unbound Boxes on our website, so.

And it's also cool in like showing you kind of what you like and what you don't because you get this box and it's got these things. You've never had a vibrator before, so now you have a vibrator and you got a writing crop and then you can be like, you know what? Like I didn't love. I didn't love those mints. That didn't feel as good. But you know what I would like. And it kind of gets sparks, that idea.

Right?

Gets it flowing.

Exactly. And this way you don't have to go like if you're like, oh, I don't know, it just came in the mail. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't pick the crop. So yeah, it's a great way to explain, explore. But Heather, I think you're good here. He's on board and excited, so just gotta help push him along.

Totally.

Okay. Hey, Emily. I'm 23 and I've had a few partners before my current girlfriend, I took her virginity and the sex just seems lackluster to me. I want to bring it up to her and have spoke with her about it. Vaguely. But I'm not sure how to start a full on conversation. About it. Maybe I'm perceiving as being not as good as my other partners. And I know I should cut her some slack. She openly tells me she wants me to tell her how to make it better, but I don't want to be the coach in bed. I listen to your show all the time and would appreciate hearing your response on the air as I know a few of my friends who also listen and have a similar issue. Thanks in advance. Mitch, age 23, Canada. Hi, Mitch. Hi, Mitch's friends. I love that. And you guys, if you like the show, tell your friends. It's fun. Also, nothing I was going to tell Heather. Heather is that she should listen to the show with your partner or everyone should. It's been a great tool. Again, you don't have to on your own talk about stuff, but, like, I'll tell you what to do.

Yeah, I will. I will say, and this is really funny, I don't even think I told you this. But so we, you know, we email you to let you know, like, hey, we answered your question. So if it's been like three, six, 12 months since we've gotten your email and we still answer your question, you might not be expecting it. You're listening with your partner, and all of a sudden this one listener, and I don't remember, I'm not gonna call you up by name, I'm not gonna say what your. What your question was, but she had been listening with her partner, and it was a question about her partner. And so when we emailed her to be like, hey, we answered your question, she emailed back and was like, actually, I was listening with my partner, and he looked at me and was like, is that you? And she was like, no, she denied it. So maybe wait until after this comes out and then have your partner listen so you don't get any awkward situations.

But don't. We email them the day it comes out.

We email them the day it comes out. But, like, if it. Because it had been six months and so, you know, she wasn't expecting.

I got it. I got it.

And I was like, oh, my God, I don't know what we can do to fix that. So just like, if you're really uncomfortable about it, if there's any chance you're gonna listen with your partner.

Right? It's a fake name. Yeah, yeah. Fake name, fake state. We're cool with that. I like to know where you live, though. That's a great point. Okay, thank you, Madison, for the BTS behind the scenes stuff. Okay, so, Mitch, okay. I totally get not wanting to be the coach. In fact, I am in the same position. Oftentimes when I'm having sex with someone new, I'm like, oh, he's gonna want me to be the leader. Obviously, sex with Emily. But here's what I do and here's what you should do. Mitch, is what if you looked at. Is it at it not so much as teaching her, but is both of you learning together? Because a, if you've been listening, you know, you're never done learning about sex. Every single woman you're with is going to be different. Every guy she's going to be with is going to be different. But especially women in the sense of that we're all wired differently. Right? Like, I get that men are two. I want to get a million emails like, no, my penis only likes one hand on it. But, you know, it's like Menda says, the Rubik's Cube of life. So you're learning together. And so I think like, with each partner there is a learning curve. And I'm not sure what makes the sex bad in your eyes. And I always want to know that.

I was just thinking that so, so funny because I was thinking that when he was like, the sex is not good. I was thinking like, I know.

Please explain what makes like.

And yeah, guys, email us, Tell us, like, what. When you've had bad sex, like, what has made it like, noticeably like, this is not good.

I love that you asked that. Okay, will you please email us through the website.

When you had bad sex, what does that mean? Because it's funny you say this, Madison, you might not know this, but the reason, one of the reasons main things I did or that got me into the show. I used to always ask people when they said they had great sex, I'm like, what does that mean? And when they had bad sex, I was like, what do you mean? Like, I'm like, did she just lie there? Did he have a pulse? Like, did he not, you know, look at you? Would he not wear, like, condoms? Did he not know had never heard of a clitoris before? Like, what specific details? Yeah, I just. Period. Like, send us your worst in bed story.

Yeah, I mean, I would honestly, I would love to know just for my own curiosity. But like, for women, I understand there's so many buttons to press. It's like, like one of those childproof locks where you have to hold down and on like several sides of the cap and then turn at a 90 degree angle. Like, I get it. Like, women are a little more Complex. But for guys. I always kind of grew up just thinking that for guys, sex was always at least good because they. They finished and that was it. So, like, what? Besides, like, some epic accident or faux pas?

Right. Like, we don't hear about the crazy time that your mom came up, you know, like, what was she doing? What was he doing? Yeah, that was, like, just bad.

Exactly.

Or made it, like, really unpleasant. So please do that. And then maybe we could even talk. I think we will talk about in the show. Yeah, let's just do a bad sex show.

Oh, my God.

I think it's fun. We'll do a good sex show, too.

So much bad sex. I can just talk for hours.

What was your worst sex?

My.

Why?

My worst sex was with. And it wasn't even. I mean, I've had some pretty bad sex, but it's always been with guys who are like, I'm going to rock your world. You've never had anything like this before. And then treated me like I was a dish of food and they were a rabid animal. Like, I mean, like, I'm, like, bruised afterwards.

Oh, my God. Pay attention to you.

Yeah, it was like. Or it was kind of like, they'd be like, oh, like, I'm gonna rock your world with oral. And then they get down there and just be like. And I'm like, what is happening? Like, I've got, like, rug burn all around. Like, the insides of my thighs are burnt. Like, how do you do that? One time my clitter spilled up so big, I went to the. I had to go to the gynecologist. And she was like, what happened? And I was like, honestly, I don't like bad oral. I was like, I don't. Yeah. I was like, I don't know what he did. It just hurts.

Like.

But it was, like, bad sex like that, where it's just. They're not even paying attention. They're so beefed up in their testosterone and their sense of, like, oh, I'm gonna. I'm gonna give it to you like you never had before. And then they just go in way too hard.

Like a. For enthusiasm, like, f. For technique. Right. Failure. So, yeah, that's a great one. So that's a great bad story. I'm sure I have one. I can come up with a bit. But let's get back to Mitch for a second. Just to. Just to reiterate. So you think she's bad in bed. Okay. So I'm just wondering again what bad is, you know? And I'm just gonna jump Here I'm gonna take a leap that it's. I'm gonna guess it's not just about lack of experience with previous partners, because, you know, that's probably part of it. But it's about lack of experience with her own body. Totally. I'm thinking she's never had sex before. And so many women. And this might be news to you guys, even though you know that a lot of women don't masturbate, a lot of women really believe that someday my prince will come, and so will I.

Someday I'm gonna meet a guy and he's gonna push all my buttons, and then I'll start to feel sexual and turned on. Because nowhere in the curriculum, in the world are they like, let's talk about sex, pleasure. Let's talk about what feels good. You've heard me talk about this. That I never occurred to me to pleasure myself. And there's a lot of women like that, okay, that just don't. So I think that she doesn't know what makes her feel good yet. I'm gonna assume, you know, probably hasn't had an orgasm or masturbated. And if she hasn't with you, it's because, you know, she's not comfortable or she doesn't know how to even let you know what she wants because she doesn't know. So my suggestion for you is perfect time for mutual masturbation. It's like, one of my favorite go to things. Because this way you can just say, like, you know, I'd love to, like, pleasure. Watch it. Let's go. Let's watch each other. Like, you know, it would make me so turned on to see how you touch herself. Now, she might never have touched herself. She might be embarrassed by this or she might not want to. So I think that you just have to. If she's never masturbated before, we've got. Gosh, you know, we've talked about this so much. I mean, the truth is, she might need to go. Go for it alone, which I actually recommend for first timers. I don't know how to see this. Why? If you were on the phone, I could ask you. She needs just to, like, take that time, like, create those erotic stories, what turns her on, play with her body, you know, get our sex toy. Because with you, she's probably having insecurities about performance that she probably knows she's not doing a great job. And she's like, teach me, teach me. And you could say, here's how to hold my penis. Here's how to Give a blow job. But if she's not connected to her body and what she wants, it's just gonna fall flat. Yeah.

I'm also wondering, and correct me if I'm wrong, but, like, what is the sex like for her? Like, is she having a nice time? Have you asked her if she's having a nice time?

Right.

Because that might be a good way to open up the conversation. To be like, hey, like, I want to make you feel good. Like, I want us both to feel good.

Exactly. That's a great ways to ease into it. Even before the mutual masturbation. Because what you said here, I think even when once I said that, I was like, wait a minute, back up. You said, she openly tells me she wants me to tell her how to make it better. But you don't want to be a coach so you can let her know. This is what you say, Mitch. You know how I want to make it better? I want to really please you. So, like, let me know what pleases you, and then we're gonna start to find out. Well, she might be like, I don't know. And then you start thinking, well, like, is. You know, you can watch some porn together. You can start, like, go to a sex toy store. Like, really. And if she's just not ready yet, and she's, like, shut down around it, you might not be able to get her going on her own. Some people just take their own time.

It's true.

And if she's to figure out sex.

I will say that if she is having a good time, you will be having a good time. Like when a girl is feeling it and she's into it, and she's feeling, like, all the things that you're supposed to be feeling during sex, she's feeling, like, attended to, and she's having orgasms. She's gonna be so into it that you're gonna notice the difference. I think.

Exactly. And I think a lot of guys who have. I know you've had sex, but maybe not. As this is something that men learn over time, is that I think young guys are like, it's about my pleasure. But you realize she comes first. She comes first. Ian Kerner was on our last show. He's amazing. He wrote a book. Book. You should read this, too, Mitch. I think every guy should read this. Or every woman listening. Buy this for your guy friends. Or guys buy it for your guy friends.

She Comes first by Ian Kerner is the bible for female pleasure. Learning how to please a woman gives and he goes. He's so detailed. And it's like not a hard read. Don't worry, if you're not a reader, you could even get the Kindle, you get the audiobook. But it's very specific ways to get into the female brain, how to pleasure her. And that's a great way to start. So I think you guys just got to do this together because knowledge and education will serve both of you. You can listen to the show, get books, whatever it is, but it'll boost both of your self esteem when you have these positive experiences together. So what I'm saying is, Mitch, you might not even realize yet that that pleasing her is going to give come back to you. But it will.

Oh, it does.

Oh boy, does it. Okay, we have time for.

Yeah, we have time for one more.

One more. Okay, let's do, let's do Mr. Nice Guy. Okay. Okay. Hey, Emily, So last time I emailed you, I asked about ways to fix a broken picker. I was basically head over heels for this guy who was just a total jerk to me. Goodbye, boy. Delete. So in other news, I've been living in Florence for the past few months, studying abroad and traveling my balls off. And now I've been talking to this new guy from home that I've known like my whole life. When I get back to the States in late December, we're hanging out and going to a concert together. Now for my real dilemma. This guy's nice. I fixed my picker. I want to do better with guys. I'm just afraid I'm going to mess it up if I have sex too fast with him. How soon is it too soon? Is there really such a thing? I just don't want this one to be a one night stand. Ugh, best always. Mikayla, 21, Boston Spotify listener. Okay, Mikayla, here's the thing. And all my listeners, I'm never ever going to answer this question. I'm never going to tell you that you have to wait three months, six days, two hours to have sex with someone. Just not gonna answer it because there is no formula. Okay? But I can tell you that it's never a bad thing to let like the sexual tension build with someone new because so easily we can have sex right away. First date, we have a few drinks, you know, you get the attraction, the blood's boiling, temperature's rising, whatever you want of sex. But you know, I think sexual tension is some of the most like hottest part of new sex and all sex. So you can also like not have sex with them, but also get to know each Other at the same time. And the other thing I was going to say to you before I go on is I want to explain what a broken picker is. Some people might not know. So a broken picker is. I think we got this from Dr. Drew on loveline is when you constantly are picking the wrong kind of people.

For women and men, you're like, God, every guy I date, you know, is a bad boy, or every guy I date doesn't treat me well, and that's all you think you're attracted to. And so there's a way of just, like, rewiring your brain. Like, you're like, you know what? I'm going to. We kind of say, like, the guy that you see or woman you see across the room or the guy and you. And your eyes lock and you meet. You turn the other way. You literally. You run and you go and you meet someone else, because you know that doesn't work for you. It's about changing that pattern. So good for you. From Mikala. I love that you fixed the picker. It's not going to be fixed overnight. So I think the less anxiety you can have about this, the better.

You know, wait till you spend time together. You know, texting and talking and snapping is fun, but you don't really know what it's to hang. Like, it's to hang out with in real life. Like, you just. What it is like to hang out.

Yeah, because they've known. Well, because they've known each other for, she said, her whole life, which is a lot of pressure, let me just say, for, like, you coming back into the scene trying to, like, all right, I'm gonna date not a bad boy. And then you pick a guy you've known for, like, your entire life. So much pressure. So try not to, you know, try not to build it up or put it on a pedestal, because that is dangerous just going into it, especially if she's abroad right now and she's kind of, like, got this idea in her head. I think we, especially people my age, I've noticed we have a tendency to, like, romanticize, and we just make it like, oh, my God, it's gonna be like this love story, and I come back and I'm finally ready, and, like. Like, just be careful with that.

Yeah, that's a really. That's a really good point, Madison. Because the other thing is, you have known him your whole life, and now all of a sudden, you're like, picker is fixed. I will pick nice boy from home. I've known for 20 years. You know, it doesn't always work that way. And don't think of it as a failure. And listen, if you get home and you sleep with him the first night, I'm fine with that. Whatever. I'm just saying that he might not be the right one. It doesn't mean that you're, you know, your picker doesn't. It's been broken for a while. Right. You don't just fix it for one guy. So good for you for having the consciousness around. It might not work with him, but I'm sure you're gonna be friends and just. You keep practicing.

Yeah. Just try not to put too much pressure on it. Go hang out with him. Have fun. Maybe if you're not feeling it, then don't sleep with him right away. But, like, also make sure that you're going into this, like, for something with longevity. Just keep that in mind. And make sure he's on the same page as you as well.

Right.

Because what if he's like, oh, like, we've known each other forever and now we're gonna bone? Like, you have no idea. So.

Right, exactly. So just take it to, like, your friends, you know, hanging out, but. And also, like, you know, he's not the only guy out there either, so just keep going. But I love that you have the consciousness at 21. That's amazing. And thank you, Mikayla, for listening to the show and following up. I love hearing the progression of our listeners. Like, she picks the picker from the last time. So you guys always follow up with us. Let us know how it goes. Send us your best sex stories. What else do you want people to do?

No, all of it.

I mean, send love. We love you.

I love it when people follow up and are like, hey, like, after we talked, this happened. And now I have a different question and it's like, okay, that's cool.

We love that.

Yeah, that's so cool. Like, she dumped whatever. Like she was like some. Some fuckboy from, like, Ireland or something and she dumped him. And now she's on better things and that's so exciting. She's ahead of the game for her age.

You are. You really are, Michaela. You guys are all doing great. We love you.

So, yeah, we have time for one more email.

Okay, do it. Cool. Hi, Emily, Any tips for a guy that has a hard time having an orgasm in standing position or reasons why? Thanks. Love you. Andrew Phoenix, age 27. Okay, Andrew, great question. I'm going to say the same thing I say all the time to all of you who are so worried about this everything about sex, take the pressure off yourself, okay? There is no end goal to sex. The end goal, like, so what? You can't have an. Or maybe one day you will be able to have an orgasm standing up. But, like, orgasm is not necessarily the goal. Like, sex should not be goal oriented. Yes, I spend a lot of time talking about orgasms, but that's because, you know, you know, you get what I'm saying here is that if you just go into it, you know, they're important. I'm not saying we want to live without them. I'm just saying when you go into these positions, like, you know what? You might never be able to orgasm standing up, Andrew. And that's totally fine. There's like, nothing wrong with you. We all have our own positions. And I can't orgasm in every single position. So you could try some variations. Like you could start standing up and then, like, I don't know if you guys are like, you're holding her underneath her butt, like that kind of position where she's your standing position and you just can't do it. But you could do that for a while and then you could throw down on the bed and finish off there. Or, you know, she's on the bed and you're like, having sex with her while you're standing up but you're leaning over her. I mean, there are some variations, but don't trip on it. And I bet when you stop thinking about it, maybe one day it'll happen, but maybe not. Doesn't mean you're a bad lover. I'm not gonna say there's anything wrong with you, because there's nothing.

No, totally. Like, I can't. I have never. I'm not gonna say I can't ever, but I have not ever had an orgasm in spooning position. I don't know why. I just don't. Like, I don't know what it is. I just.

It's not like the gentleness of most. It's the gentleness of most expositions. The gentle.

I just don't know. I don't know how I feel about it, you know, Like, I could use something around the front, like a vibrator, something. But since I know that that's not my go to position, if my boyfriend and I want to try it out, we're gonna try it out, but we're gonna finish in a position that I know I like. You know, like, you don't. You are not me married to one position for all of sex. Absolutely Not.

And believe me, like, yeah, I don't know. Anyways, like, every single position, I could just do it. Like, there's so many guys. I'm like, I can't orgasm when she's on top. You get turned on, so nothing's wrong with you. Nothing's broken. You're all good. But that's a great point.

Maybe you're just distracted. If you're trying to, like, trying so hard at it, you're just throwing yourself off. Be careful there, buddy.

I'm standing up. I am not coming.

Yeah, yeah. If you're, like, just focusing on not falling, I think that's why I loved.

Your question, because I don't think we've ever gotten this question.

Never.

I have not. So I actually loved it. Andrew, I love all your questions. Love you, Madison.

Oh, I love you, too.

Great, great job this year producing the show. It's been awesome.

Oh, thanks. Good job this year being Emily of Sex with Emily. My God, doing so much. You have no idea how busy this woman is. It's crazy. Every day she's just doing something else. Try to help people have better sex. It's inspiring.

That's all I want. I want us all to bitter sex. Thank you, sweetie. Okay. And thank you all for listening to the show. Wishing you the happiest of New Year's and holidays and all that stuff. And thank you to my great team. Thank you, Madison, for doing a great show, and to Jamie and Eddie and to Lori and to Ken. We love you all and thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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