Becoming a Super (& Sexy) Woman with Nicole Lapin

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And we conflate this idea of with doing it all, with having it all. You know, this age old question, can women have it all? I say yes, abso fucking lutely. But only if you define what it all means and stop changing the definition on yourself. You can't do it all, especially not at the same time. But you can have it all if you stop comparing yourself to the best versions of all aspects of your life and keep changing that goalpost. Like, we often compare ourselves, you know, our fitness regime to this fitness blogger. We compare our mom life to this mom that homeschools her kids and bakes fresh bread for them. But when somebody says I'm off balance, the first thing I say is, did you even have a definition of what balance is for you? And it looks different for all of us at different times. So when people are like, I'm off budget, the first thing I say is, bitch, did you have a budget? Like, you can't just. You're putting this mind fuck in your head of like, I'm so bad, I'm so off balance. But if you stick to what balance and what success is to you. It wasn't, you know, constantly changing all the time and so you never get your brain to the other side. That's what having it all is.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show I'm joined by bestselling author and co host of the Hush Money podcast, Nicole Lapin to talk about her new book, Becoming superwoman. A simple 12 step plan to go from burnout to balance. Topics include how to prevent burnout and actually find a good balance from your work and home life, why you want to be a super woman and not superwoman. Family, finance and fun plan, the three Fs that will help maintain a steady, level headed lifestyle and ways that couples can openly talk about money in a healthy way. All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry?

It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God.

I feel so. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. Check out our website, sex with emily.com. go shopping in our store. Also find me on SiriusXM radio Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific on Starz channel 109 for even more fun sex talk. You can even call in with your questions five nights a week. 888-947-8277. If you don't have SiriusXM, get a free 30 day trial at sexwithemily.com sxm. As always, find me on all social media. It is X with Emily across the board. All right guys, hope you enjoy the show. Okay. I'm so excited you guys to welcome my guest, Nicole Lapin. She's a New York Times best selling author of Boss Bitch, TV personality and Rich Bitch. You wrote.

Yep.

She's TV personality, co host of the Hush Money podcast which I had a friggin blast on a few months ago in New York. We recorded it. She's a money expert, life coach and just an overall badass bitch. To find her at nicolelapin.com L A P I N and Instagram and Twitter. Nicole Lapin. I love that you got all that. So we're here today to talk about her new book, which we've all read here. Jamie and I read it. We've been very excited about you, which was super legit.

Amazing.

No, we were like, I legit read it. And I was like, she, like, stayed here. I was like, inspired. Jamie, producer. Yeah.

And I was just like, emily, this is the best book ever.

I really loved it a lot. Yeah. Jamie's burnt out right now. Jamie's. Exactly. Every day I'm like, is Jamie still. She's burnt out.

I get it, girl.

She's been here four years. So the book is called Becoming superwoman. A simple 12 step plan to go from burnout to balance. And so welcome to the show, Nicole.

Thanks, babe.

It's really good to see you. So we had a moment, like, we met in New York. I did this podcast. I knew Jason and I had not met him in person yet, but he. Oh, no. He was on my show through Skype. Anyway, we show up.

I told him to put on the COVID of Entrepreneur.

To put what on the COVID I.

Put you on the COVID Yeah, you should. I'm lobbying. I got you girls.

Thank you. Right? I've been. But yeah, that would be awesome.

Where you belong.

Thank you. But it was great. I met you, I was like, I love her. And that just happens. Like, we had this connection after. And you're just, you're wonderful and you're so inspiring because delving deep into everything that you've done, I mean, you would look that you were the youngest anchor on CNN at 21.

Yep.

And you were working with all the men. They were like, can you talk business? You're like, sure. But like, you know, didn't know anything about it. It's exactly self taught. Having gone through a challenging childhood, very. A lot of us have had. And you just kind of persevered. Persevered. Made it on your own and really was like, like a lot of us. And I can totally relate to so much of this. Like I was saying, Jamie's a millennial, millennial burnout, you know, and my burnout of where I'm at in life. A lot of women do believe that we have to do it all. And it's like we're a woman in a man's world. We, we. What really resonates for me is, is that like, though once I get the job, you know, once I get the car, the man, the Money, the if then syndrome. If I get this, well then I'll be happy if my podcast gets this many downloads, I'll be happy if I get a show on Sirius xm. I mean I literally found something from five years ago. It was like every year like a resolution thing I write in this box. It was like show on Sir Sex. It might have been 10 years ago. SiriusXM. Wow. And then that happens. But have I been running around in bliss all year or do you want more? Oh, you know, it's not even, you know, I'm at different places, but of course there'd be more. Like I feel like that happens, but then I raise the bar. The second we get somewhere in life, we raise the bar of sometimes we don't even realize that we do that. And so your whole book, which I think is so brave because people look at you and you are a role model and you've done so much, but yet you went through, you had a burnout. So let's talk about where this book starts.

Totally. I self prescribed work for 20 years in my career and I hid from a lot of childhood trauma. Not by prescribing myself drugs or alcohol, but work. And I worked and worked some more and I fell into that same cycle. I thought when I became an anchor on CNN then I would be happy. And then immediately I changed the goal on myself. Then it was CNBC and then it was Bloomberg and then it was getting one book and that wasn't enough. And then it was the next book and I brain to the other side of balance or happiness. Because I always thought when I get there, then I'll be balanced. Like I'll get to that balance stuff after this. And studies have actually shown that we have this equation wrong, that it's balance and happiness and self care that bring you more success in your career and not the other way around.

That's what's so amazing to me is that we think, well, once I get there, then I'll take the vacation, then I'll take time off, then balance will happen. But it never happens if you just keep raising the bar, changing the goalpost. Exactly. And then, and then your stats in your book, which are so interesting that you know them, the burnout stats about women saying like, I'm burnt out, I'm burnt out, but everything's okay.

Yeah. Not drowning is not the same as swimming.

Right.

And we're reaching burnout and breakdown levels in the 80 and 90% range. I had my own severe burnout that also came with a mental, emotional physical breakdown. And I was out there preaching badassery to boss bitches across the country and talking about how to get ahead in your career by networking your ass off and how to negotiate. And all of those things will help you in your career. But once I reached my own personal rock bottom, I had to rethink everything. I had an emergency admittance to the psych ward. I never thought I would get there. And it was the best and worst place I've ever been. It was the best place I had been because it made me rethink how I was working and understand truly that self care is the biggest asset or liability in your career. And when it's off, it can bring you down. And when it's on point, it can actually bring you more money, bring you more success than you imagined.

Let's talk about that. Hashtag self care, self love, all the stuff we talk about, we're like people. It's like, oh, it's an afterthought. We don't actually prioritize it. And sometimes it even feels a little bit selfish. I mean, I remember when I realized that I thought massage was just something that you go. Because it's like a luxury pamping. I'm like, oh, no. Massage actually is releasing tension and stress. And it's like an important, important part of taking care of myself. You know, I feel, I would feel guilty doing things. I feel guilty not working on a Saturday if I own my own business and who else is going to do it? And so. So I'm sure you in your mind until. And how old are you now? Feel?

35.

35.

Elder millennial in the room just to.

Give people that since you were 15, you've been working. So all of a sudden. So you're. When this happened, you were at 32. And up until this breakdown, did you have any self care was. It was just kind of an afterthought. Nothing like, that's for lazy people.

Yeah. And I run my own business too. And I thought, if I'm not working, then we're not making money. But at some point, you reach a point of diminishing returns, and you probably hit this place too. You know, you want to work your ass off. If you don't have real equity, you want to use sweat equity. But there's a point where your eyeballs like want to bleed and you're not actually productive or helpful to anyone around you. Or anytime you try to come up with an aha moment, your brain is like, haha. You can't force that. And you can't keep at it and expect better returns. Actually, if you take a moment to, you know, massage, don't get me wrong, I love a good deep tissue massage and a pedi and all the things. But self care is also like going to therapy, going to the doctor. You know, I have trauma therapy that I go to, which is zero amounts of fun. Like, there's never a good day to do a colonoscopy or trauma therapy. Emdr.

But you've been doing EMDR the last year.

Oh, really?

How did you like it? I'm obsessed with it. It's changed my life. And I've been in therapy for 30 years, so let's talk about that for a minute. So, yeah, self care is also therapy and mental health, so. So before we get to that, which we will in a second, I want to know what was happening. Like, you, you've surrounded yourself with a really good team, right? You had great people, they were looking after you. And you, you, you're really about that, finding good teams. But were they saying, hey, Nicole, like, I think, could you take a day off? Could you? Maybe you need some. I'm sure friends had said to you, maybe therapy would be helpful. And you were like, no, no, no.

Yeah, I, you know, was in charge. And so I wanted my schedule to be booked up to the 15 minute mark. Like, if I had a break, I wasn't thrilled. I just wanted to be doing more all the time and going back to the idea of it being selfish or feeling guilty that you're taking time off, you know, I did this social experiment recently and I had women come in for this casting and I asked them to do two things for me. First, list the top five things they value on a little whiteboard. And they wrote awesome things like my house, my job, my kids, my dog. God, food. Somebody wrote food. Whatever.

I value a good food. Good stuff. I mean, a good, like fresh vegetables here in California. Good avocado. Yeah.

And nobody wrote themselves on the list. And you really have to think about that. Like, would you list yourself on the list in the top five things you value? The top ten?

No, I wouldn't even think of it that way.

And it's important to think. Like, you have to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others. You're not going to be of service to anyone else in your team, at work, personally, with your family, whatever, if you're crashing and burning yourself. And then the next thing I asked them to do was to say what they thought about the words selfish. And they said, that's a criticism to women. And then I asked them about selfless, and they said, that's a compliment for women. But if you look at the definition for selfish, part of that definition is being concerned with your own needs and pleasure. That should be a compliment.

Exactly.

Selfless is having no concern for your own needs and pleasure. And oftentimes we don't even think about the words we're using. And it's so important.

Well, our words are. So we use such. Sometimes we have like the negative self talk and we don't actually prioritize ourself. I was looking just here. What was your thing about? That's what I thought. I wrote it down. But mental, your mental. Hold on a minute. This formula, which I loved because I want to explain this, that being emotionally intelligent plus mental wellness equals emotional wellness. So we're talking about, like. I mean, I don't even think I'm thinking, okay, well, I feel like some people are emotionally intelligent. Like, I can read the room and I know how to kind of be good to people and understand them. And then there's the mental wellness. Like I'm mentally healthy. Have I done therapy? Have I worked on myself? I think there's talk therapy and trauma therapy. And then you're emotionally well. So that's kind of where you've come to lately. Right? And that's what we're saying is this whole pie of being emotionally well. So for you, when you got into this place at 30, 32, let's say when this happened, had. And then you got. You end yourself in a psych ward. Had you had therapy before that point? No, never. Talk therapy. Okay. So you get in there and you're like.

I mean, I had gone, but only in triage mode.

Right. When it's a crazy. I go for a month.

That's right. And I didn't ever do it consistently. And if I had a meeting or a TV thing or whatever, like, it would be the first thing to go. Or my workout. If somebody was like, hey, you need to do a breakfast meeting, can you? And I had a workout or whatever, I'd be like, sure, I don't have anything to do. No, no. I had a fucking date with myself. If I had a date with you to go to a workout, I would think a thousand times before canceling. But you're so easily, you know, gonna cancel on yourself. Why? Why don't you value yourself in that way to prioritize what your own needs are? And so I had gone over the years when I had gone through bouts of Depression. I would go in, I would get, like, the happy pills. I would take them. They were like magical beans. I'd feel better. And then I felt like I was done. And I was the. I say this not to whatever, just to, you know. I was valedictorian of my high school and college, and I never learned anything about finance. Obviously, none of us learned this in school. And I never learned anything about emotional wellness or emotional regulation or interpersonal effectiveness or all of these skills. They're really skills that you can learn. I just took my friends, antidepressants. Sometimes when I need them.

You're like, hey, those pills, I didn't.

Even know it was so dangerous. But I. Nobody taught me that. I just thought they were all, like. All antidepressants were created equal. So I'd take them when I was, like, super sad and couldn't get out of bed. I didn't understand that it. You know, looking at balance more as a verb than a noun, oftentimes we use it as a noun, especially as women. Like, we found balance like it's some secret game of hide and seek. Like, it's under the couch. We found it. We're good, we're done. But I think it's a verb. It's something you constantly have to work on.

Constantly. And you're never totally there. You're never like, I don't think you're ever, like, today, maybe I'll have moments. I'm like, this is a good week. You know? But we're always trying to kind of, like, keep it all going. So I think that maybe what we think is balance. And people would look at you, perhaps before all this, and say, oh, God, Nicole's got it all going on. But I think we owe. Everyone's gonna have problems and also remember that they're never done. You're never done doing your work. I mean, like, I was in therapy for years, different kinds of therapy, but then finding trauma therapy for my childhood stuff, which I thought I had talked through and understood after all these different therapies, group therapy, individual therapy. But for me, trauma therapy was helpful. So talk about. So you got into the. The psych ward, and then you were like, okay, I'm here for a reason. It woke you up to actually say, it's about me now I can do it. Emotional wellness is important. So what did that look like to you? What kind of. What have you learned in the last few years?

I mean, yeah, the psych ward is the great equalizer. There's, like, homeless people and CEOs and actresses. And you're in the hospital because you're suffering like other people in a hospital. And when I left, I took a DBT program.

And so that was one of diabolical. What was it?

Dialectical.

Dialectical behavioral therapy. Yeah.

And it was.

And CBT too. Cognitive behavioral therapy is great too. So let's talk about. Okay.

And so I had to sign up for an outpatient program in order to get out. And I learned so many things that were so simple but not easy to implement. Pausing before reacting. How. What mindfulness was. I thought it was this woo woo stuff. The meditation. I was like, I'm so confused. You go to a studio, you pay $40 to be silent. Am I missing something? And then I had to rethink how that worked for me. So meditation, for instance, I like doing random classes where it's a repetitive motion and that's meditative for me. Like Om Shanti stuff doesn't work. It can work for some people. Amazing. It didn't work for me. And so I needed to figure out what my regimen was that was sustainable. And, you know, this book was supposed to come out in March, actually. You know, I had Rich Bitch come out in March four years ago. I had Boss Bitch come out in March two years ago. And I wanted to just do it in a pretty little bow, like nobody gave a fuck besides me.

Right.

And right as we were going to print, I felt like I was on the verge of burnout yet again. And I knew that a lifetime of bad habits, which is what I had, only a lifetime of good habits, was going to, you know, help me. I got cocky after. I was like, I found this balance thing. I got it. I'm writing a book about it.

Like I'm writing the. I've wrote the book. My mom was wrote the book, so I've got it. And then what happened? You had a little backslide.

Yeah. And so I pushed it out six months and I went off the grid. And I actually read my own book. And I was like, damn, who wrote this? That's pretty good advice. It was like the first time I was seeing it. And I am the writer of this, but I'm also a lifelong reader. You remember that commercial that was like the Hair Club for Men or something where he's like, I'm not only a customer, but I'm also the founder. And it's true. And I think only a lifetime of good habits is going to counteract, you know, that 30 some years of bad habits.

Exactly. So being patient yourself, because what we're talking about by DBT therapy. And CBT is rewiring the neural pathways in your brain, like, for so long from childhood. You have to adapt and you just have to learn new ways of thinking in the moment. So you're not going to be perfect at it just because you went for a year. For 30 years, something's been going on. It takes work. So that's like. That's so brave. So. So the whole premise of the book is like, you thought you had to be superwoman, but how can you be a super woman?

Yeah. A superwoman who tries to be it all and do it all and be all things to all people and look super sexy in her bustier and blowout while saving the world. Like, how does she do that?

How does she do that? Who does that?

Right? And I said, I don't want to be that. I want to be a super woman, just like a super human, a super friend who can put her oxygen mask on first before helping.

I want to hear about, like, there's some things in your book that I like when you talk about. A lot of it just resonated. It was like. Like labeling your problems so you better know how to handle them. So you relabel weaknesses as your superpowers. And I really found that was helpful. Can we talk about that?

Because I think a lot of people want to just be done with their problems. Like, I don't wish I didn't have ptsd, which I didn't even think was a diagnosis in the DSM 5 that somebody that didn't go to war could have.

Exactly.

I had no idea. And I don't wish I didn't have that. It made me who I am today. You know those times where I think it's actually called hyperarousal, which is not the sex arousal.

Not the sex arousal, but we'll get there.

But like, the hypervigilance, the work ethic, like, the working nonstop is part of that. And then the times of depression, you know, I don't wish that those times were different. I wouldn't be here with you today. I wouldn't have the platform I have today if I had balance or if I was somebody else. And so I had to look at it as something I never thought I would as one of my biggest superpowers and not my biggest weakness. And I think that mean girl inside our head, we're so mean to ourselves. I feel like I was in an abusive relationship with myself. I would just come down on myself so hard for these qualities that are actually Quite amazing if I reframe the way I look at them, whether it's activity.

Because I like how you. You kind of have a. What I love about your book is that it's, you know, you have. It's just so. You're a wonderful writer.

Thank you.

And it's very relatable. But then you have like, your pull quote, your pull quotes, a page of like, your, you know, your graphs and charts and things that make it very like, good graph. I love good graph. And I love the exercises at the end. But like, how you're like, yeah, you might have add, but it also means you can focus on a lot of things at once.

That's right.

Yeah, you might be sensitive, but you can also.

Yeah, you can also be empathetic to a team and lead a team and have a team that wants to work with and for you. And as, you know, as a leader, that's so important to build that culture.

Exactly. But when you're negative, so, like, our brain just default towards its how we're wired, like as cave people. Like, having to like, oh, my God, there's a tree that's gonna fall and kill my child. So I, you know, we have to, like, always be on the lookout for bad things happening, fight or flight. So we live in that space. And then when you go up in a traumatic childhood, like capital T, small T, I believe we all have T's, but sometimes more than others, then. Then obviously you're going to get wired that way if something happens as a young child. So here you are, super successful, killing it everywhere. Like teaching women about money and finance and killing in books and. But then you still have the negative. I can't believe the book wasn't done. I can't believe I was lit. I don't know what your negative tape is, but I'm speaking from someone who has that tape often. And I have to learn to be like, reframe. How have you learned to do. What's been your best tactics? Oh, girl.

My tape is, you're gonna die alone, broke, homeless, in the gutter. Everyone's gonna abandon you. You're just gonna live with cats. But first you have to get some cats, right? I mean, I say this to myself all the time, and then I have to think, would I ever say that to you? Like, if you had some shitty thing happen at work or had a breakup or whatever, would I be like, you're the worst actually, Emily. Like, you're gonna die alone. You're gonna be broken, homeless.

Should we just go get cats? Now. Cause that's your future, Emily. No, we don't have to.

I would hug you, and I would say, it's gonna be okay. And I would never talk to myself like that. I would never say, like, it's gonna be okay. You got this. And so it was changing what that tape or MP3 or whatever it is that goes on those greatest hits inside your head. And start talking to yourself like you would your best friend or your sister. You know, I actually had an experience with my hairdresser that I love so much and can never cheat. Yeah.

Looks amazing.

Thank you.

Beautiful.

Thank you. That's a whole other thing that we can't take compliments, or we're like, oh, my hair. Your hair is amazing. Like, just take a compliment. Yeah. So thank you, my love. And he. I went into as. That's like ad hoc therapy, as, you know, sitting in the chair, you know, And I had. I said something on the air, and I had, like, some bad reviews that started coming up, and I was just, like, railing on myself. I was just like, I'm the worst. I'm never gonna work again. And he stopped, and he was holding the scissors in the mirror. And when he's holding the scissors, he has all the power. I'm just like, just a little air trim, air cut. And he's like. He snipped them. He's like, stop talking about my friend like that. And like, william, who are talk. What are you talking about? Like, I'm just. What. Who. What friend? He's like, you. You're my friend. If anyone else said those mean things about you, I would punch them in the face or gouge their eyes out. You are not allowed to talk about my friend like that. And so now I say that to my girlfriends when they're like, I'm the worst. I'm like, stop talking about my friend like that.

I love that. I've had some friends do that to me. Same thing we've done that kind of. I have a friend, my friend Mary. She's like, stop. Really wakes you up. So what is your daily. Kind of practices that you've put in place? Because I know you've a lot of helpful tools at the end of each chapter of what we can kind of do to adopt of these. Some of these practices that you've. That you've learned over the last few years, like journaling or.

Yeah, and I'm aiming for progress and not perfection. So this happens more than it doesn't. But if I have more good days than bad days, I feel like I'm winning. And I try to start my day not looking at my phone for about an hour because then otherwise you find yourself in other people's agendas and you're just firefighting.

I didn't need to know about your trip to Hawaii totally right now. And like, you and that I wasn't there.

Right. And then you.

And then we broke up 10 years ago. Why'd you take her to Hawaii, not me?

Yeah, like, how after, you know, 45 minutes do you end up in your ex, boyfriend, sister's, you know, dogs, whatever. Dogs have pages. Do they do, right? Like, what am I doing here? And then creating your intentions for what you want to get done for the day. I can definitely feel the difference when I don't start and end my day with gratitude. I definitely, like, if I don't take five minutes in the morning and evening, I can feel the rest of the.

Hours because gratitude is a huge buzzword right now. And it was until I started my trauma therapy that I, I actually got it. Like, I actually got like, I am grateful for, you know, things that they are that, you know, I have. I have a whole little mantra that I do. And I was like, oh. And then I was. One day I was just sitting there doing it. I just like welled up with tears and I was like, I feel so much gratitude. But it's like, of course I'm grateful. And every day I'm like, thanks, guys. I have a great team. I love everyone, but like, to really feel it. So, like, even you're writing down like, I'm grateful that my plant didn't die yet. No, I'm grateful for my plants, my friends, my life, my work, you know, but yeah, let's. Did you have moments where you're like, it's hard to get gratitude. So that's. What does it look like for you at night?

So three things. I'm grateful for three things that would make that day great. My mantra of the day. That can be anything. Like one of my go tos is I am a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time. You can be both. You can be the parent paradox. And so research has shown that dopamine, the happy juice basically in your brain. Clearly I'm not a scientist or an expert in any of this, by the way. Nobody is an expert in balance. It just is a constant thing that you have to be a fierce participant in. And I then found that even just searching for those things, not having those things, creates the same effect of that happy juice in your brain. And so just having those basic things and also thinking about moments. So to create a positive moment moment, you have to be present for about 15 seconds. And so it's easy to say my daughter, like, I'm grateful for my daughter, but that ends up becoming repetitive. So you want to think of moments like, I'm really grateful for that hug that my daughter gave me when she was leaving for school or whatever. And so you're ingraining and you're retraining those neuropathways to put better memories.

Oh, when she came up, when she hugged. Yeah, she hugged me. And then you could see her little face and how her hands felt on your body. And then you're really engaging all of your senses in that moment just by that memory. Yeah, it makes so much more sense because then you're like my dog, my cat, my family. And then everything can become rote. So getting in to your true your emotions and feeling it. So you do the gratitude and feeling.

Mindful and feeling present throughout the day. It helps you look for those things. So I do the gratitude and then I list what my to do list is. And I think as women in particular, we want to cross everything off. It's really cathartic, just like, get shit done. And it's actually really important to thoughtfully procrastinate, as you know.

I know I have that I need to ask you. It was the best thing I ever heard because I'm a procrastinator and that's okay. I gotta ask Nicole how she makes me feel. Really good. Because she says it's okay if I do it thoughtfully.

Yeah, you're framing that because we think it's so bad to put stuff off to tomorrow. But actually, you know, if that's not moving you toward your goals or serving you, you have to constantly remind yourself, what am I working toward?

You know what?

We change the goalpost on ourselves all the time. We change the definition on ourselves all the time. So if you look at your goals and really be clear and have clarity around what you're looking for in all aspects of your life and your to do list, you really want to connect the dots, like, what is going to move you ahead today? And maybe it's not getting the dry cleaning or the other stuff, or maybe it is getting the skirt today because you're going on a trip.

But if you weren't, it's coming right now.

Amazing. Yeah, but if you weren't, like, would the skirt be a priority?

But prioritization is a chat. Like, I've had to learn like, again, what I love in your book, too. We're talking to Nicole Lappin. She wrote a book called Becoming Superwoman, which. Is it a bestseller yet? It will be because her other books are bestsellers. Rich Bitch and Boss Bitch. So. So how did you.

Fuck.

I forgot my channel was. I think it's important. What was I just saying to you? Oh, prioritization. So. So that is such a. Again, all back up. What I love in your book is that all these skills are like. Because, again, it could be another thing you beat yourself up for. Why don't I know how to know what my values are? Or make a great to do list or prioritize, and then it becomes another thing. But we are not taught any of this.

None.

Like, we're saying, we start out, we don't learn money, we don't learn emotional intelligence, emotional wellness. So in learning to prioritize, I think that's just a big thing to think about, rather than just checking it off. Because there are people who are, like, obsessive about it, but, like, yeah, you did these 18 things, but which one is moving you towards your goal? Like your future self?

Yeah. You don't want to indiscriminately just check it off. Yeah. We learn the most bullshit things, like geometry and how to dissect a frog. I have no idea why we need to know that.

Exactly. I have not dissected a frog since.

Same, same. And then that point system that I came up with, you know, because we. I hate this idea. Shocking. Right. Of, like, work, life, balance. This thing we hear all the time as if we're lady justice with her two stupid bowls. And, like, they have to be the same. Like, actually, what is work and what is life like? Is this work and also life? Because I like talking to you.

Exactly.

Or is it, you know, blurred lines? And then where's my side hustle in this? And then where's, like, my burgeoning romance? I'm so confused.

Right. And your hobbies, Right.

And so you can't just put them in two buckets and say they have to be even and hold yourself to this 50, 50 ridiculousness. And so I came up with 10 points for the day. List the top five things that you're focusing on and valuing, and then divvy up your points. Point to be up your points and forgive yourself for what you're not focusing on that day because you can't focus on everything at the same time.

How many points? Can we talk through it, or should they just get your work? Sure.

Yeah. So the journal has a pie chart if you want and sneak attack as the money lady. If you really love your percentages, you just add a zero to the end of your points. So if you're saying I'm gonna, you know, right now I'm on a book tour and so I'm giving like nine points to work and my career and I'm giving one. My only requirement is that you give one to emotional wellness. Otherwise it will require all the points like it did for me if you neglect it for too long.

Right.

But you know, I'm not dating, you know, because I'm not focusing on that right now. And so instead of being like Emily, I'm the worst. I don't have a boyfriend. I'm not focusing on that. That's not a thing. I don't need to beat myself up about it.

Yeah, that's so great giving yourself permission to say, I actually am not going to focus on. Thanks for asking why I don't have a boyfriend or why I'm not married, but that's actually not been not a priority. And I think it just, it just, it just feels so good. It's kind of a relief. I'm actually funny enough been in a similar place the last like nine, ten months. I was like, I'm not focus, I'm focusing on mental health that went back to therapy, focusing on making really good content, like even elevating it and being hiring really good staff and, and, and for men. It was like I, I've dated a lot of in my life. I've had a lot of, don't worry people, I've had a lot of sex. Like I, I've had a lot of relationships. But for now it's been such a relief to think on the weekends, like I don't have to, like I don't have a date. I mean I don't, I don't. Not there. And so when I do come back to that, which I'm like getting closer, it'll be, I'm such a new me. I wouldn't even pick the same person I picked a year ago because I took the time to do this work. Because I don't think you can do it all at once, which is what we often try to do.

We do and we conflate this idea of with doing it all, with having it all. You know, this age old question, can in and have it all? I say yes, abso fucking lutely. But only if you define what it all means and stop changing the definition on yourself. You can't do it all, especially not at the same time. But you can have it all if you stop comparing yourself to the best versions of all aspects of your life and keep changing that goalpost. Like, we often compare ourselves, you know, our fitness regime to this fitness blogger. We compare our, you know, mom life to this mom that homeschools her kids and bakes fresh bread for them.

Like they gluten free bread. My friend does that. I'm like, really? You made gluten free challah? How'd you do that? How do you have a life?

Yeah, they don't have the same set of circumstances we do. They don't have the same priorities. But when somebody says I'm off balance, the first thing I say is, did you even have a definition of what balance is for you? And it looks different for all of us at different times. And so in my 20s, my points were around work too. You know, if you look at a girl who's working 18 hours a day at her desk, you assume she's totally off balance, right? Well, no, maybe she's focusing on that right now and that's okay. So when people are like, I'm off budget, the first thing I say is, bitch, did you have a budget? Like, you can't just, you're putting this mind fuck in your head of like, I'm so bad, I'm so off balance. But if you stick to what balance and what success is to you, like, if you stick to saying, hey, success to me was getting a show on Sirius. Success to me was having a family. It wasn't, you know, constantly changing all the time. And so you never get your brain to the other side. That's what having it all is.

Alright, guys, we're gonna take a quick break. And we come back more with Nicole Lapin.

I think about this all the time. Why it's so hard to know what we want. You think that would be the easiest thing in the world? Cause it's me, me, it's you. No one else can tell us what we want. But yet when you're pinpoint, you're like, where do you want to be? What do you want to do? I don't know. I don't know. And I guess there's a part of, like, I've learned a lot about who I am. I didn't wake up saying, I want to do a sex talk radio show. Like, I had to do a lot of other things to get. I didn't start until I was 35. So it's like. And then I knew I was like, oh, this is it. And I'm pretty certain this is it. But I had to do so. There's a winding road and a path to get to what you love, but also there are some things that you do not. So I like that you give tactical points of figuring out, like journaling, writing it down. Like you got to take that time because you'll realize that you know more than you think. But if you're on the treadmill and you're going, going, going, going, you're not going to realize that maybe what you wanted changes. Maybe it isn't about money or getting the promotion, or maybe it's, you need more adventure in your life now, or you need more travel, you need more friends. You know, I had to work on that as well at one point because I moved here. Like you're, you know, I was in San Francisco for a long time, moved to la and I was like, Like, I have acquaintances here, but I gotta go in with my. Like, I love people, but most my friends were in other cities. Cause I moved here and I was working. So like seven years. But then I was like, okay, that's why I'm prioritizing this year. Not men, friendships. And now it's like people that I liked, I've brought them to my life. So that feels good. I'm not beating myself up, but I had to get clear on it. Which is a lot of what you talk about here.

Totally. And it's figuring out.

What that roadmap looks like for you. I had the three Fs in. Yeah, talk about your bitch and boss bitch. So coming up with 1, 3, 5, 7, 10 year goals in all aspects.

Of your life, how do you do that?

So like family finance and fun and, you know, breaking it down into baby chunks makes it easier because when people used to ask me, what do you want to do in five years? Or what do you want to be in 10 years? I would just.

I couldn't articulate it clearly. And studies have shown that if we can create a cohesive narrative for ourselves and our lives, we're more likely to be successful. So if I can clearly say where I'm going. And of course you're going to edit as you go. Life happens, shit happens. But you can actually have that destination in mind because otherwise it's like, hey, Emily, we're going to a party in la. You know, you're going to be like, where is it? Is it in Venice? Is it in Sherman Oaks? Like Venice? Is it in Malibu? Is it in Beverly Hills? Whatever. What's the street? What am I wearing? What am I bringing? I have a lot of questions about this. We don't have the same questions about our lives. Like, where are you going? And then you can reverse engineer to figure out how to get the money and the life to live the life you want, not the other way around. Because arbitrarily people will say, nicole, I just want a million dollars. Like, my life will be complete if I have a million dollars. I'm like, yeah, what are you gonna do with that million dollars? Maybe you need more than million dollars. Maybe you need less than a million dollars. I have no idea. First, figure out the life you want to live and then reverse engineer to figure out how to get there.

So let's talk about the cohesive narrative. What does that look like? What does yours look like right now? Could you tell me your cohesive narrative?

Absolutely.

Okay, I want to know.

Well, cohesive narrative is also explaining what your past is too. So coming up with a clear narrative of having trauma and ptsd, these are words that I never thought I would ever have. And before I did this work and dealing with this stuff, I just felt overwhelmed. If anyone asked me what had happened in my childhood or what I had developmentally growing up, I was just like, it was so bad. Like, I didn't even have the words. And so when you give it words, it takes away some of its power and it creates a story for you and a way to move forward. And then I think the same type of narrative for your goals moving forward. So saying, like, I'm moving toward a suite of online courses that will help women take control of their business, finance, and mental health as it relates to success. I want to create a conversation about empowering women to grab life by the balls and get it together and get it all. Those are things I could have never said to you five years ago. I just would say something very vague that was not an answer. Like, world domination, media domination, everything, all of it.

What can I do? I was on CNN, bitch, at 21, right? Obviously, I could do anything, but you had to get into it to figure it out.

And by the way, it's not figuring out, just going out and doing what you love. I often debate entrepreneurial or business experts who say, go out and do what you love. Fomo, yolo, whatever.

Yo.

Like, go do that alpaca farm, if not now, when? Like, I had no idea I would be in finance. Like, you didn't know you were going to have a sex show? No, but I took the opportunities that I had. And I took the things that I love, and I found the shaded part of my Venn diagram. I didn't have the luxury to go out and just do what I love. I had to figure out how to love what I do, which I think.

Is different because you had to work and you had to find jobs. You're like, I'm gonna love it. I'm gonna find the joy in it.

Yeah, I found my dream job, but it was the exact same job because I went into finance and stuff, and I hated it. I was like, I'm talking to old, rich, white dudes about money, and like, what am I not making a difference? And I'm not doing anything.

But then you decide. But then you found what you loved from finance. I always say that to you. I'm like, you gotta find what you love. Each thing, it might not be your end goal, but each job you're in. Find what you love, like, take what you like. Leave the rest. This was kind of what you did with your healing process. You're like, meditation didn't work for me, but I'm gonna take courses, so Even with finance. But you did carve a niche where I think is so important, a niche. I love that. We often are very confused by money, many of us, I would say money and sex are the two biggest challenges that people have in relationships. So how do you just switching for a minute here. Nicole Lapin. How do you tell couples how to talk about money in a way that is. Or even individual. Start with couples, but about money in a way that is healthy, and they.

Don'T want to kill each other so many ways. And I think it's really important when you start living together to figure out who's paying the bills, where the money is going. Just have a clear conversation. And you don't have to be completely aligned with how you deal with money, but your goals have to be compatible, and you have to have the talk. And it doesn't need to be like an interrogation or like, what's your credit score? Like, show me your STD report. You know, it can be like, hey, baby, maybe. Well, you want to see both of them. But it's also, like, the way you approach the conversation. You can get a glass of wine. You can say, like, hey, baby, let's. I want to talk about our goals and reframe it from being something scary to being something that helps you bond. And the talk is different at different stages in your relationship. Right. So when you get married, it's way different. And having a prenup and post nup talk. Potentially when you have kids you have to have like an advanced talk about wills and trusts and life insurance and like not fun stuff but like boss bitches don't do fun stuff all the time. They do the hard stuff that you have to get done before ideally you got there, but never too bad.

Find out all this beforehand. Now let's talk about. You talk about finding. Because now you're. You've become a superwoman and not superwoman. A superwoman. What about finding your Superman?

It's a great question. And I actually outline that in the book. I have a S U P E r breakdown of what the qualities I look for are. And you know, S being for secure, U being for understanding. P being for principled, like values, not penis. Also penis. E being educated, not necessarily book smart, but street smart and world smart. And R being for romantic, which is really important to me. Like I can do a lot of things for myself. I can pay for a lot of shit for myself. Like I can't do that stuff. So that's important to me. And finding clarity for what I'm actually looking for was super important to understand and not just give lip service to the idea that I don't need a man. Like I want a man, I don't need one. But I would say that a lot and I wouldn't actually believe it. And then I had to really get down with the idea that I live a rad life. I've created this rad life for myself and if somebody is going to be additive, great, but they're not going to create my rad life for me. And I used to think when I got married or when I, you know, had kids, then my life would start. I would need a man to save me or a job to save me. And when I needed a hero most, I had to become my own. And that was like my MBA at the School of Hard Knocks and also like my PhD in emotional wellness, which is the last F word I use in the goal setting for this book. I say mea culpa. I forgot an F word. It's not that one. That one too is important. But it's fitness and mental, emotional physical fitness, which is the basis for any relationship. A relationship that you have with yourself, a relationship you have with a significant other. I mean, I went and I put a ring on myself.

So I wanted that I read that. Such a beautiful story.

I wanted a, like a lot of little girls, you want to get married and you want a little blue box and you have all of these ideas of what that's going to look like. And I think a lot about my former self and I want to make her proud. And I used to think about the day I would get engaged or the day I would be married. And yeah, I'm 35 and I'm nowhere near any of that. And I walked into the jewelry store and I walked into the wedding section and I looked at rings and it was a super awkward experience where the person was like, who are you getting married to? Who's paying for this? I'm like, bitch, I am paying for this myself. I will take that one. Thank you. And I put it on my right hand and it's a constant reminder that even if I do have one one day on the left hand, that the relationship with myself is the most important one.

So beautiful. I mean, I think that it's. It's. I think we have to all kind of take that moment. Think what I mean. I love the exercise you do with the women. That it is. We don't value ourselves. We're givers, we're pleasers. We don't know how to say no. We don't know how not. We almost feel like we're getting our worth from that. But to say no, it's okay. I am not. Maybe I am selfish, but it's okay to be selfish. That it's okay if I. If I. If I prioritize myself and my mental health, my mental well being, that I'm better, everything, better CEO, a better lover, a better friend, a better boss.

Yeah, reframing that too is my favorite thing. Like reframing saying no to somebody else is saying yes to yourself.

I love that. You also have scripts about how to say no.

I love scripts.

I love scripts too. I was like, yes, that is a good script. Like your boss says, do this report or oh, no. Okay, that's a good one too. But I love the one about like the neighbor or the, The. Let's do a script. I loved it. I'm like, that is so good. Because I do. You said something like, don't ever use the word like I. Some word. I was like, fuck. I always do that. I'll be like, I would love to just be like, I can't. Can you attend?

No, it's a complete sentence.

No is a complete sentence.

No, if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. If it's a maybe, it's no.

Yeah, if it's I love. I love that. If it's not a hell yes, it's a no. Like, if someone asked you to do something, you're like, well, I should about. But it's a no.

Time is your most valuable.

I can't wait. It is.

You can always get more money. And this is coming from the money lady. You cannot get more time. That's going to be my next tattoo.

The next tattoo. So wait, the first one says what the second one says.

The first one is a semicolon, is where a sentence can end but chooses not to. And the second one is Superwoman in single needle. And the third one, coming soon, I think is going to be time to remind myself that there will be time for all the things I want to do.

But what about this sense of time? Like, I have a really interesting relationship with time where I have worked on this, but I can never. There's not enough time. Not time. Oh, I gotta do this. There's no time. And I understand we all have 24 hours in a day, which is annoying because you. Then you see, you're like, well, that. That. That makes me feel worse because they have the time.

So how.

I guess learning to have a handle on time. How did you. How do you do that?

You can't. You know when people say, I find the time amazing, like how you fuck with the space time continuum. Like, I bow down to you, Einstein. Like, nobody in the history of the world has ever found time. You have priorities, you have values, and you need to be clear on them. And so I think maybe what you're referring to in the book is replacing the I don't have time for that with that's not a priority.

Exactly.

And that is you can. We all have the same time, but we have different priorities with how we spend our time.

So that starts with doing the list. And what is really important to me right now, what's my goal for the next five years? And then you look at your list. You're like, so clearly, you know, taking this class is not maybe part of my priorities. My priorities are to find love right now or do whatever. Then I'm gonna spend time going out with friends. Maybe a class could be in finding love. But I get it. You just look at your things, and then it just makes it a lot easier to make decisions. I think you had a quote in your book, too. I think that we spend 47% of our day just mindless. Mindless. Right. Not paying attention.

Yeah. For a society that boomerangs.

Not mindful. Mindless. Like, you literally don't know how you got to A to B. Like, you get to work in the morning, you're like, how to get here?

Right? It's. It's all in our subconscious. Like, that's why we don't think about driving a car. We just go on this autopilot and, you know, we find ourselves in social media rabbit holes all the time, which is one of the big things I had to do is to create boundaries and guardrails around that for myself.

Let's talk about boundaries, because I think that boundaries, like, some people just think they're like. Like, you know, boundaries. Just like separate countries, continents. Like, what is a boundary?

And do you think countries would be down with, like, fuzzy boundaries? They would not be down.

Get our passport. I'll get your passport.

Whatevs. But we're so. We are so down with that because we'll colloquially say you cross the line. Right? That often happens. But where is that line? And that looks different for different people. And so maybe you're totally down doing your boss's kids kids science fair project, or maybe you're not. And maybe that's outside of your boundary. Or maybe you actually value money and fame and networking and getting ahead and having fancy friends or whatever. Like, just own that.

Yeah, take that. That's what I'm about.

Whatever it is, you're the only person that has to live by your truth. It doesn't matter what your truth is. But don't try to be somebody, you know, for the press release or for the sound bite.

But then if you're not trying to. But how do you. Again, boundaries, like, if we don't know where the line is, it comes down to what I always talk about is, you know, communication is really the basis of what so much I do about. Talk to people about. About sexual communication or relationship communication. But sometimes it's so hard because we actually don't even know where the boundaries are. Especially if we're pleasers or codependent or we have a life where we had to please everyone to. For people to love us. Are we. So we thought. And so you could be at any age and not learn this? I think most people don't. So how did you. Was that part of your work in the last few years? Like, learning, like, when people have crossed the line and then actually saying it? Because that's the hard part is saying to people that you look at your superiors or family or old friends, you're like, we don't want people to hate us. So we're like, yeah, you can come stay here for a month, or you can take all my Money or you can be late or all the things that we do that we are giving up parts of ourselves. So how, you know, how do we do that?

And also, we come from a scarcity mentality. Women more so than men, where we think if we don't say yes to this show or this event or this date, we're never gonna get another one. It's never gonna come back. And instead, I think it's thinking about it abundantly, that we will have. We always do. We will have more opportunities. And I actually learned the most about boundaries from a horse. It was one of the many classes. Yeah. Equine therapy was amazing. Everything I learned about intentions and boundaries, I definitely learned from a horse, because it's not about the horse. It's not like petting a horse or riding a horse. Like, the horse is a mirror for how you are in relationships.

Let's talk about you. I find it fascinating. I've done, like, a few sessions, but I never, like, did a whole thing.

Did you like it?

I loved it. Yeah. Yeah.

I went to Tucson and I did this, and it's super low expectations.

That's where I did it. Really?

Next time we're going together.

I love it. It's beautiful.

And every time I go, I actually have a different experience because I'm in a different place in my life. And the first class I signed up for was this boundaries class. And I went in, and all they told you to do was walk a horse? Did you do this one around a ring with a, like, training whip? And so you're just supposed to have the horse follow you? And the instructor did it, and it looked pretty easy, so I volunteered first, of course.

And I walked into the ring therapy.

It was gonna be number one in the. In the equine therapy class.

Yeah.

And I started petting the horse. I was like, I love you.

We got this.

And the instructor was like, do you want people to really like you? Do you try too hard to get people to like you? And I was like, oh, shit, this is about to get so real. I thought we were just playing with horses.

Yeah. Can I just clean his teeth or whatever?

Right.

Brush the horse?

And so, yeah. She was like, the horse doesn't understand English. The horse doesn't care. Like, walk the horse around anyway. You have to create a certain distance. Not too close, not too far from the horse, and lead the horse with this intention of where you're going. Because the horse can feel your energy.

Energy.

Totally.

That's the thing.

So I started going the counterclockwise direction, which is where they tell you to go. The horse started going in the clockwise direction. So I asked the instructor slash therapist slash Dr. Phil lady, like, can I just go this way? Because that's what the horse wants. And I want the horse to be happy. She's like, is that how you are in relationships?

Do you.

Do you not have your own sense of direction? You're just trying to make somebody else happy? And. And then I was like, oh, my gosh, yes. And I finally got the horse to go in the direction that I wanted, but we couldn't clear a certain part of the circle, and the horse would always walk away. And I was like, the horse is abandoning me.

Abandonment.

Everyone's abandoning me. All my abandonation that came up, and I'm not a crier normally or like a breaker downer in front of other people. And I totally had this epiphany breakdown moment where I was like, absolutely. This was like how I was with my ex. I wanted him to be happy. I wanted to follow his direction. I always thought he was abandoning me. We couldn't get across a certain part. We could never get married. And then I realized this horse, she was telling me was a rescue horse. And the horse never actually got. Goes across this part of the circle with anyone. It's not me.

It's not you.

It's not me. Like, he's never gonna get married.

It's not exactly. Wow, that is really, really powerful.

It was no joke.

That is no joke. And so, I mean, I think that that is so, so relatable too, in the sense of even if you're not with a horse, but like, that we often just. It all comes from conditioning, from childhood. But we take it on if we've been abandoned or we. We feel that we have to be a certain way to get people to like us. We never stop and realize, like, homeostasis. Like, we change our behavior and then things change around us. It's not the other way around. Reflecting to other people. It's like being truly standing in yourself and what you want. And the horse follows you when you're standing in your solid ground of who you are and holds and it holds those who are going and holding space for you. And hold. Hold the position. Yeah.

And even as I was walking out of the ring, I remember it was really difficult to open the latch. And then I kept trying to come back in. I'm like the. Let me try it one more time. I got this. I can do this. Which is, you know, an exact mirror of what my Relationship was like, let me keep trying at something that doesn't work. It's like, you know, if you try. Try to push too hard on a fart, it's probably shit.

Exactly.

I love it. Well, they say how you do one thing is how you do everything, right? Is that the saying, how you do how you do one thing is how you're like this in a relationship. Like, people call into the show and I'll be like, yeah, Ah, I'll bet this is happening to you at work, too, that you feel like you're never appreciated. Like your wife's not appreciated by. But your. But you don't feel like your boss appreciates your kid. It's just always the same. And that is why, going back to therapy, I really try to get this. People like you learn this, you know, doing the equine therapy, but if we could just kind of make. What was some stuff in the last few years that you think you learned that. Because it all happens in our childhood. We all have stuff. And it's not that our parents, you know, if they did the best they could, all that, but what. Because people say, well, yeah, it was bad, but I've moved on. Or I get it, but now I hear I am. I don't want to look back. But what is the importance you think of people going back to get perspective on what happened and moving forward? Can you give, like, one example of something that from your past that has helped you in your present, therapeutically speaking.

I think it ultimately will kick your ass. I think also going to therapy when it's good, is where you get the real deep stuff done. Because I would always think, like, I'm having a good day, I don't need to go to therapy. But those are the days that you actually commit, find the things that will probably come back and kick your ass. An example of that. You know, I reframed a lot of memories.

Reframing. Yeah.

Yeah. I reparented myself.

What did that look like?

Reparenting, like, thinking of old memories and then replacing my parent with other parents and, like, imagining other parents.

Like, inner child work.

That's right.

It's beautiful. It's really important.

It came up in my relationships, like, where my exes have kids. I mean, they still have kids. And, you know, stuff would come up there. Like, I was jealous of the kid because they had a good parent. And then I was jealous of the mom because I wanted the kid. And I couldn't articulate why. I was just, like, so angry at the kid.

And then that's when I discovered in therapy. And now my, you know, moving forward. I am drawing a hard line around somebody who has kids. I'm just not gonna do it.

You're not gonna be with someone who already has a kid.

I'm not.

No, I'm not. For me, I'm taking care of myself. Good with dating. Because if you're just flexible and you don't know, maybe I'll take this, maybe I'll take that. If you smoke, whatever. No. Know what you are, but this is a process. Doing the work, becoming superwoman. Not superwoman. Superwoman. Nicole Lapin's book is a simple 12 step plan to go from burnout to balance. Burnout is such a buzzword right now. There was like so much talk about burnout and it's a lot of it's around women. We are burning out because we're never done working. We're always online. Your boss could call you any time of day. There's emails, there's phones, and how could you ever be done? And then when do you say, well, that no one else is modeling this to you either? So I just think it's a really practical, fun read, which I love because fun and practical because it was like a hard, practical read. I wouldn't have read it, but it's. It's practical and you just get through. You're like, yes. And it reminds you of things. I love that you said you went back and read your book because oftentimes, even around here, my. My friends would be like, listen to your own advice. You just said this to a caller. What would you tell yourself? I'm like, God damn it, you're right. You're right. You know, we all have to. You're never done. You're not perfect. There is no perfect progress. Not perfection. Keep. Keep doing it.

Totally.

And this is making you stronger to go on to the next thing, which is tell me what work? Where can we all find you? And I was gonna say, do you be with you hang out. You should. She's a hot, smart, amazing woman who just keeps working on yourself and getting, you know, stronger and not even stronger, but just more, you know, emotionally evolved in all of these ways that are important. You can got the business stuff and you got. But now you're like becoming more of a superwoman before all of our eyes. Thank you.

Thank you. Yeah, I mean, I got through the flames. I wanted to bring back some buckets for those still caught in the fire. And I that, you know, had that study, the largest study ever done on women. And burnout and found that we're nearing these insane levels. But yet what I found most fascinating is that only half of us think that there's a problem.

Well, that's. Okay. So before I wanted to. I to. Wanted actually marked this because it was really interesting. Oh, you have so many. Post it. I know, dude. This is real. We like you. Okay. You said you did a research on burnout. So you said. 82% of respondents have experienced burnout. 89% felt they're on the verge. 49% had a legit breakdown. 71%, they're close to experiencing one. 88% at a time when mental or emotional stress affected their work, 50% feels anxious four more days a week. And then the kicker is, but 63%, they feel their life is sustainable.

What? Right.

You're about to break down, but I can handle this for another 10 years until you can't.

Right. You're just like, I'm just gonna keep chugging along. I know there's a problem, but, like, nothing to see. Nothing to see. Let's just keep going. That's, I think, the biggest adventure.

That's huge. That's such great. You did such great work. So people just get your book so they don't have to crash and burn.

Yeah. Please learn from me.

So they get your book Rich Bitch or Boss. Boss Bitch or your courses. Yeah.

The money school that goes beyond Rich Bitch as an online video masterclass with quizzes and worksheets and a whole community. And then the boss school that follows and goes beyond Boss Bitch. And then the balance school that goes beyond Becoming Superwoman.

Just do it at home. Yeah, Just do the school.

And I interviewed a lot of badass superwomen who tell me about their struggles with it, because I think somebody has to go first with this stuff. It's like, I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

Well, right. It was really vulnerable, too, to talk about you, like, you know, waking up in psych ward. Like, what happens? Like, that's really brave and not easy to put that out to your listeners who are your readers. And so congratulations on this.

Thank you.

Yeah.

If you would have asked me. I wanted to whitewash everything in my early career. I wanted to just make everything perfect. I would have never imagined, like, talking about the most taboo things. And I think those are the ones that resonate. They do the most.

Makes you real and authentic, making people even more so. It's funny, the things that we think we can't do are the things that actually make you relate to us the most when we're the most real and authentic. So thank you. Nicole Lap and I have to ask you five quickie questions we ask all of our guests. Your biggest turn on.

Intellect.

Biggest turnoff.

You're spelled incorrect. Incorrectly.

You're spelled incorrectly. Yeah. Dude, that is not the first time I've heard it. I a lot of times. What makes good sex connection? Something you tell your younger self about sex and relationships.

You should have more of it.

Number one sex tip.

My gosh. Number one sex tip. A Kibby Roof Uber Lube.

Uber Lube. Oh, yes. Did I give you some or do you just.

No, I. I host founder maid and they have a booth there.

Dude. Yeah. We are game changer. Game changer. You're right.

Yeah.

Love it. Okay. I mean, not you're right. You can have your own choice there, but I agree. Okay. Thank you so much, Nicole Lapin for becoming Superwoman. Everyone. Check it out.

All right, guys, thanks for listening to the show, for supporting it, for reviewing it, for telling a friend, and also thanks to my amazing team. Kristen, Michelle, Alisa, Heather, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback sex with emily.com.

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