Best Of: Emojis -- The New Mating Call?

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man e here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex Relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sex with emily.com youm can check out all the cool stuff we have going on there. Check out our, I don't know, videos, blog posts, and also follow us on social media. We love that everything's Essex with Emily across the board. And now we're kind of doing three shows a week. We're giving that a try. Little quickie shows. I'm here with Menace.

Hey, what's going on?

Hi, Menace.

It feels like it's been a while.

It's been like six months, it feels like. Or six years. In my heart it feels like six years in real time. In real life, it feels like six months. Yeah. Do you remember when we did the quickie shows? We used to those 15 minute shows, like a long time ago. And so now I know they were fun and they're like quick information that people can just, you know, snap up. So I was thinking about you because I know that you're traveling a lot and the Woody show is like in every city in the world right now. Hopefully soon.

I'm so proud of you in two cities.

But I was thinking it's like. Cause we have to figure out like how many shows we're gonna be able to do together. And I thought I was so. And we're doing these quickie shows now, so we used to do those back in the day and people loved. So I'm bringing the cookie back. We're doing like three shows a week.

That's great.

But I was thinking about you, Menace, because I. How much? The last few days we've done a lot of shows here. We had Dr. Drew here. We've been doing a lot of stuff and a lot more shooting and videos. And I was like, I was exhausted. Like I did, you know, a few hours of shows. I was like, Menace gets up every day in just like 16 hours. And I just appreciate you. Right? We've known each other for a long time.

Thank you.

And I was thinking I'd tell him that. I mean, I tell Menace I appreciate him and I was like, but like, does he take compliments? And then I started thinking, what's Menace's Love Languages? And we've talked about the love language in the show.

Love Languages.

Do you know the love Languages? We've talked about this, haven't we? I believe I've been obsessed with it. The book, the Love Languages. So it talks about how everyone in a relationship receives love, right. In different ways. There's five categories, right? And typically there's two. How we Feel love or appreciated or grateful. And you could do it, like, with staff. You could do it with your mom. And it. But it came about four people in relationships. It was like a minister in a church developed it years ago, and I drop it here and there. I think it's such a useful tool because I was thinking, what could I get for Menace? A gift. Here's the five things. Ready?

All right.

Can you tell me which two resonate how you feel the most appreciated? There's only two.

Okay.

If someone gives you a gift, like, if I was like, oh, I'll bring Menace tequila, because he loves tequila. I'm like, oh, he's not really drinking anymore as much. Is it words of affirmation? Like, say, menace, you're so great. Thank you. I appreciate you. Is it physical touch? Like, do you want me to give you a massage when you walk in the door? I don't think it is.

This is for a relationship or in a relationship?

Well, this. Okay. Typically, they're for a relationship.

Okay.

So for us, physical touch would probably be out. Unless you want me to, like, give you a hand job or something.

Okay.

But I'm not sure. So it's words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, quality time. So if I was like, every Tuesday, you know, if you're in a relationship, I'm going to give you the relationship perspective, and then I'll tell you how I feel about you. Gifts. Let's say your girlfriend comes home and she's like, madness. I bought you those new sneakers you wanted. Or she picked up dinner. No, she bought you something. A present you wanted, you coveted. Or she knows you're always really hungry and you never have time to get dinner. And then she starts bringing you dinner every night or a few times a week. She's like, I thought about you. That would be an act of service, Right? Or she fills your car with gas. She does a favor for you. Right? Acts of service. Then there's words of affirmation. You're so hot. Menace, you're so great. I think you're amazing. There's physical touch, and she's like, you know, you come home and she's. She's touching you all the time, and you feel very loved. And then there's quality time where she's like, you know what? Minus every Saturday night, like, it's just the two of us and none of my friends. None of your friends. And just together, we're gonna, you know, commit, or we're just gonna take. Those are the five.

Okay. And I. I can only choose two.

Okay. In your heart and everyone listening. If you're in a relationship, there's gotta be like two of them that speaks to you most. Like, oh, yeah. You know, when my partner, I really wish he bought me more gifts or I wish that he hugged me more. And there's usually two. And our partner typically doesn't have the same ones. So of those gifts and act of service, words of affirmation, physical touch or quality time, which are the two? I feel like it's a game show. This is going to circle back.

All right, let's. Let's start off with number one gifts. Right. So. Oh, I absolutely love gifts. But it has to be like something, you know, that I really wanted. If I just got a gift like I got.

It was like special and you'd been talking about it.

Yeah. That's awesome. I love that. That's great.

You can love all of these. But there's two that you're like, oh, that really, like that makes me feel really good.

Okay.

Or cherished or loved by my partner. By my girlfriend.

And then the second one was acts of service.

She thought about you ahead of time. She did your laundry. She picked up your parents birthday present for you.

Don't really.

I'm the same way.

I can share that myself.

Okay. Words of affirmation. You are the best lover I've ever had. You're so sexy. Look at those glasses. I love you. I want to jump your bones. Or you're just amazing and talented.

I guess I kind. I kind of like that. As long as it's short. Because if it goes. If it goes on, I feel like brief. Yes.

I knew you were going to say that because you feel like those things aren't real when couples are like, oh, you're so hot.

Right. Physical touch. Do you want. Do you feel like when you don't touch your girlfriend sometimes or if you haven't touched in a few hours or you get home from work if she just doesn't get up and give you a hug? Like, how do you feel about not having physical touch?

Yeah. Then I think that something is wrong.

And then quality time. Just picture of all those five.

I know, I'm just. I'm just trying to rethink them all. I think I'm gonna go with gift. And physical touch would probably be best.

Okay.

Guess.

Okay. That's interesting. And then you could think about it. No, that's. That means that of those things in your relationship. Yeah, right. That's what makes you. Not that you don't need the other Things.

I do need the other things.

But I literally wasn't even gonna go off on this whole thing. I was just gonna get to how much I appreciate you. But it's interesting. I love it. So out of all. No, I love this, though.

I really wanted to think about the response, so.

I know you did. So you said gifts and touch. Okay. So I was thinking to myself, and I've read this book probably five or six years ago, and I probably don't talk about it enough, but I just feel like even for people in your life, it's helpful thinking about myself. So for me, can you guess what.

They are for you? Oh, Words of affirmation, definitely.

Right.

And physical touch.

Right.

I don't think you care about gifts.

Not at all.

Active kindness is cool, but, I mean, you love talking and having discussions.

Exactly.

And you know you're all about physical touch. Right.

So you're absolutely right. Words of affirmation, physical touch. When I first read this, I'm like, don, if a guy just says, you're hot, or I think you're amazing, you're smart, and they keep touching all the time, I'm happy. Done.

It's like air.

And so I think it's. But I typically. And so I think for a lot of times, if it's just a different way to think about your relationship that you're in. If you're like, oh, you know what? We should. And there's like, tests to Google it. You could take tests online, and we have the book on my website. But I was thinking to myself, what would make him happy? How could I show my appreciation? And I was thinking that it was gifts, but tequila wasn't working, and I didn't have time to get you something else. And I was thinking words of affirmation. All right. But also, I wouldn't think that you'd really want to cuddle with me when you walked in. I mean, you might. We do hold each other, and you throw me around the office for a minute. Yeah. So I just. That's all. That's it. So you should take this home and do it with your girlfriend, and you should figure it out, because maybe there's.

Figure out what she wants.

The point is that couples oftentimes are like, I keep telling her she's hot, and then I love her, and I keep buying her gifts, and she doesn't care because he needs. Typically, we give how we want love. So I might always be telling my partner, he's so amazing, and I might keep touching him, and he's like, you have not spent one night with me alone on a Saturday night without your friends. And I want quality time. So there's no way that me doing what I thought felt good was serving him, because he's like, I just want you to buy. Or I just want you to, like, buy me gifts. You didn't buy me a birthday gift. Whatever. So it's interesting because couples can miss the mark, and it's an easy way to, like, heal it. So I was thinking about you and that just all that. The time and all the things you're doing and how much I love you.

Oh, thank you so much. I think. I think I'm going to buy you.

A gift next time.

Oh, awesome. No, I think the. I would try to think what my girlfriend would want out of that.

I think.

I think she would. Only one.

Which one?

Probably more words of affirmation. But the thing is, I like, you know, we are both so overworked. I know that's not an excuse, but I. I want the opportunity to be there where it comes off completely sincere, because that's what I worry about.

Well, let me tell you this. So I was thinking about you again, because I did a show with Dr. Drew months ago, and I actually listened to it, and it was a really popular show. And I, you know me, I never listen.

Yeah.

And I talked about you in that show, and I said, well, there's some guys like Menace who's kind of like, I'm not explaining Menace, but he's always like, oh, if I tell her too much how hot she is, she's going to feel too confident. And I can't let women know how much I like them. And it's just going to be like. Or it's going to seem fake. Like, you always say, like, lingerie just seems like a fake concept. Like, you saw that in porn, and so you wore something red. And he was laughing. He's like, yeah, I could see that as well. So I was thinking, that's why I.

Agree he agrees with me.

He did not agree with you. He said he understood that point, that men feel that way. And I thought, yeah, if I told him how great he was, maybe it doesn't sink in. So I had all these thoughts about you, Menace. Wow. I know. So what's your girlfriend? Because then you could go home and please her right now, tell her how hot she is, because you think that she's gonna be like, it's not sincere, but how about you walk in the door and you just think when you see her, what are you Feeling I'm.

Excited that she's home.

What if you just told her that?

Yeah, but what if you came home.

And you're like, I actually know you're home every night. But when I. Today I was driving home and I was excited you were gonna be there.

But I do display that she's.

You tell her in words. If she's worried, those words come out of your mouth. Because sometimes that's the other thing we think we're expressing. You're like, she knows, like, I don't need to get him a gift. He has so many things, you know what I'm saying? But for. But for her, she might be like, Menace never tells me these things and I need it. She called me, actually.

Oh, did she?

I'm joking.

I highly doubt that. I don't know. Yeah, I think verbally I can probably express that more.

I love this.

Instead of physically.

Look at this. We could just end the show now. We've helped Menace.

Oh, thank you.

And then. Yeah, I think you could think about the other one. I'll text these to you.

All right.

Yeah. So anyway, been thinking a lot about these things.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's awesome. What's going on with you and your life?

So many things. I've been dating, as you know. I think we've talked like I've been on the apps, which was completely overwhelming. Yeah.

Yeah.

But I do it, meet people in real life. And I've been thinking a lot lately about. I actually recorded a show about cell phone technology and how they can cut off intimacy. We get home, we're on our phone. Like if you're in a long term relationship and you're like, you're in bed with your phones and I just said, I'm not even in a relationship and I'm so friggin attached to my phone. So I'm trying to sleep with it outside the bedroom and I did a whole like 15 minutes on it and so I was talking about it again. I've been obsessed with this topic. So I go on a date with a guy last night that we had very good text banter beforehand. It's actually the first date that I've looked forward to because he gave great text.

Yeah. Which you love.

I love.

You love Ryder.

He was funny, thought I was hot in a non cheesy way. He was hysterical. But he picks me up and we get to the restaurant and he's like, why don't we leave our cell phones in the car? And I was like, first I felt terror. I was like, I can't be part of myself. He's like, I've never done this either, but I just thought.

I think shit on that one.

I am or he is.

Wait, no. You said, let's leave.

He did. He brought it up, and it's why.

That's like, oh, God. Something he discussed with his friends.

No, he's an old. He's not. He's not like that. Like, he's been. He's divorced. He hasn't gone out.

A man is a man, Emily.

He wasn't. So the show did not come out yet? Let's just say that.

No.

And I thought to myself, that's exactly what I bought. When I was faced with that, I.

Said something you probably read in Cosmopolitan.

No, dude, he's not. Like, he's way more. This is what you understand. He's like, a man. Like, he's, like, not reading Cosmo. He just thought, I'm always with my phone. And he'd been thinking this too. But when faced with it, I thought, that's terrifying. What am I gonna do when you go to the bathroom? I need to look at my phone. Like, I can't be. What if I have to snap something? And we left it in the car. I did it. It was like, a wonderful dinner without having, like, the phone. And we had a good time, and I connected, and I realized when it's not with you, I wasn't tempted to go to the bathroom and check it. Do you? Yeah.

So anyway, what happened from there, though?

So, yeah, you're like, fuck that.

Okay.

It was a good date. I liked him. He was tbd. I'm gonna see him again, which is good. Most guys, I'm, like, out in, like, 50 minutes or less.

That's good.

Yeah.

And then you immediately grabbed your phone and then told everybody about it.

Exactly. I tweeted the shit out of it all night. Well, I had to make up for the lost time.

It's. It's become second nature where you just grab your phone and you don't know why. You don't know why you're going on Facebook. You don't know why. There's no reason to go there.

Those hours get sucked out of your life, though.

It does.

Like, don't. Do you ever just sit and, like, stare at your phone, like, numbing li.

I do. And then again, that's at night. And I don't know why. Because I have television, which I have. I know find myself not watching television because I'm looking at a Facebook app that I opened 47,000 times and there's nothing there that I want to see.

Exactly. Okay.

So this is my drug.

It's a drug, and it's kind of a way of tuning out. And I'm almost, like, I saying I'm too lazy because I actually have a new tv. Man, I have not watched tv.

Yeah.

Ever. And I was really excited. I thought, well, I'll get the tv. I'll get, like, the Sono system. Have you been. You haven't been to my new house yet?

No, I know what it looks like. Yeah.

It's amazing. So. But all I'm doing is I get home and I'm on my phone, and then, like, yeah, like, 86 minutes go by or whatever it is, and I'm like, I'm still on it. There's nothing happening. There's nothing I could be. It's almost harder to turn the remote on that. It's lazy, and it's numbing. So you guys. When you go home, do you guys do that together?

My girlfriend and I.

Do you guys sit and stare numbingly at Facebook?

Yeah, we do, but we both. We both have our laptops, too, because we're both working at the same time.

Right.

But we're sitting next to each other side by side. Maybe we communicate, talk to us.

Do you text when you're next to each other on the computers?

We talk about pop culture, what's going on, you know, with the Kardashians and all that kind of crap, and then what's happening in the real news of the world and things like that.

That's good that you touched that. You're talking while you're on your computer. Yeah. Okay, good.

Because our. My girlfriend also, she works in. She works in radio, but she works in the digital side, so she has to keep up with all that.

I think you guys are great. I'm not trying to say anything's wrong with your relationship. I was just.

No, I'm just saying, like, how do we communicate when we're at home with each other and, like, what we do and talk about then we, you know, binge watch stuff.

I just want to sit home, watch tv, and, like, chill.

That's good. But so this guy.

Okay, whatever. And then we made out for a second, but I thought he was cute, but it wasn't like a. It was like, he was affectionate but not too much so. And he was cute and then went home. It was like an early Ish night, but there was a connection. I'm gonna go out of again.

Oh, that's good.

But I don't want to get into it too much because who knows? Because then you'll be like, how is that guy? I'm like, what guy? Next time I see you, you'll forget. But what I'm saying is things are good. We are, you know, I'm in a good place. I'm glad you're here in the office and the shows have been great and we miss you.

I'm excited to be here. Speaking about technology, I feel like I don't even hear about Tinder anymore. I hear about Bumble.

That's it.

Which I support. Because, you know, you know, from what I understand from Bumble, it's all about the women making the first move.

Exactly.

What have I been taught? How long have we known each other now? 12, 13 years.

Yeah.

What have you been saying since day one?

What? That women.

That I would love for women to initiate more. Initiate more. Because we've always talked about it. The guys can't pick up on the signs. Is she just my friend? Is she into me? I don't know. And boom, there's an app where, you know that she has some kind of interest.

Exactly. Which is it takes so much pressure off.

So much pressure. Takes so much wasted time away. Everything. I totally support it. Too bad it wasn't available, like, years ago.

I know. It's pretty cool, I have to say, but it also gets a little bit overwhelming.

So anyways, I totally support it. I love it. So what's going on? The news. Because I haven't been keeping up with sex the news.

You have been keeping up with sex the news. Well, this one I knew would be the most interesting for you. All right. And me, the best and worst emojis to use on a dating app if you really want to hook up. Speaking of dating apps.

Okay, about emojis in general, right?

Well, yeah, it kind of talks about emojis in general. Like, which ones fail, which ones work for men and for women.

I'm just saying, using them at all. When you're first having communication, do you ever use emojis? Oh, I use emojis all the time, but it's with, like, you know, people. I know, but if I was having a conversation with somebody I didn't know that I definitely wouldn't use them.

No, it's not like a first time thing. Like, here's an emoji. Like, no, you have to know somebody, but when you're dating, it says, okay, so clover is a Tinder alternative, and it has a good rep for leading to quicker hookups. I don't know about. Clever. Then the higher profile dating app. In an effort to help users polish their game, they published a breakdown as to which emojis are leading to the most. The most and least responses sent when in early chat sessions. Okay. All right, so you can look at this. There's a graph here. We could put this on the website. So women emojis. Women are replying to. And I didn't even know this sassy girl existed. This is what they reply to. The. The tongue. Like, how I've never seen.

Women are replying. Yeah, I've seen all these emojis.

Yeah. But like, I would never do. Okay, so it's interesting. Both men and women reply to the. The see no evil. The monkey with the. And then the most important thing, I think is what the one women aren't replying to the emojis women aren't applying to. All right. Guess.

Yeah. Which one is that?

The eggplant.

The eggplant.

The eggplant. Even though it' yes, the penis. Unless you're totally joking about it. We're not responding to clapping. Your flexed biceps are a fist bump. And here's the thing. When I was doing this, I had a visceral reaction whenever a guy fist bumps me. I'm like, okay, bro, dude, that's the least sexy. All the sexiness and all the hot inside this just rushed out of my body at once. Don't like the fist bump. So here's what men are applying to, which is hilarious. The Vulcan salute when your fingers are separated. The wedding ring. Like, I'm gonna send a guy a wedding ring ever. Okay. The crying face and poop. The little pile of poo. Why would anyone ever send that? So not sexy. So I thought it was interesting. And I also think, yeah, the popular signs. What they'd love to send and stuff. And there's been all this research lately about how even businesses are using emojis, like, in their marketing and stuff like that. Do you know this? Like, putting them in the headline of your emails? Because I thought. I think that there has been a. A tipping point in emojis. Like, I think that people didn't like them, they resisted, and now they're going to become everything and nobody. Not only are we don't. Do we not talk anymore. We're no longer going to even text. I think that everything can be said, like kind of the caveman going back to like, the caveman. Like the paint, the drawings of the wall. Just hieroglyphics. Thank you. We're just going to be Sending pictures. That's my prediction.

Oh, I think that's. That's what's happening in Asia now. It's mostly just.

Exactly. So we just follow Asia.

Yeah, definitely. Well, they're the. The on the forefront of that. But the. You can say so much in just one symbol, though.

I don't think there's enough. See, here's the thing. I find emojis very limiting. Like, I want to create my own emoji. I'm like, why isn't there a goddamn emoji for like, you know, God, like, get me a latte now or else I'm going to faint if I don't have the caffeine. Or how about. You're really sending mixed signals. I thought we had plans.

And you know, I know you can send Domino's just an emoji and I would send you a pizza.

That's amazing. But what if it's the wrong pizza?

No, it's. I don't know, it's like pre set up or something.

I'm trying to think of what I would send you like a gift. Instead of a gift gift. I could send you like a. Just a gift. Yeah. And tell you that you're hot. Okay. So that's what's going on in the news. Is there anything else in your news world?

Oh, I gave you a shout out the other day on the Woody Show. On the Woody show, which if you're listening in St. Louis, Missouri right now, please turn on alt149fm every morning 6 to 10am and then in Los Angeles, 5am to 10am on Alton 98.7fm every single morning. And we're also a podcast, but we talk about news and stuff like that. Not released that section.

Yeah. Okay.

But we do do a segment called Craigslist Freak of the Week. So we read the most outlandish Craigslist ad every week. And one of them was about foot fetishes.

And then you go to like the personals page or whatever. The secret.

Yeah, yeah. And every single one Missing counter intern does that. You're not doing that or it's a group effort, so. And there is a lot of photos too, but one what came up was foot fetish, which we've talked about for a number of years. And then there was a discussion about like, you know, why are people into that? Which again is another discussion that we've had here for years.

Right, Years. And you're obsessed with the topic.

I'm not that I'm obsessed with it. I've always tried to understand It. I just want a direct answer. And then. So we had that discussion, and then one of our podcaster listeners, like, weeks later, sent us an email and said, hey, I heard you guys talking about the foot fetish stuff. And she explained that her professor, in whatever course she was taking, sex 101 or something.

Yeah.

Said that the reason that guys are into feet is because of the shoes. And they put the shoe. They put their feet in the shoe and it reminds them of insertion.

Right.

And I was like, oh, yeah. But it doesn't make sense.

First of all, there's not one answer for why someone has a fetish.

And it doesn't make sense to me because.

It seems like all the people like the visual aspects of it. There's not really that many shoes involved. Like, the people are into it, right? The people are into it. Yes. They'll buy shoes for somebody or something like that, but they want the bare feet. So I didn't, like, get that.

No, I don't get that either. I don't wear. She goes to school. Where she goes. School doesn't matter. That's not what I would say. I mean, a lot of it does start from, like, early childhood things, like around if you saw a foot in a sexual manner. Like, if you maybe you did see a foot going into a shoe and then you forever fetishized shoes. Or maybe like, when you were a kid, like, you know, your high school teacher had, you know, you just remember, like, looking at her feet. Or maybe you had erotic experience with feet.

But this is.

You link it. You link it.

You saying that I. I just, like, I just beg and pray one day that we get an email.

Well, there's that one answer for sex.

That breaks it down. But what. What's it make for them? Like, what makes it sexy?

Right. Right. So, okay, if you have. There's. And let me tell you something. There's a lot of different reasons. So what. What you're asking for specifically, and typically, this works. Email us. You can email us right from the website. Ask Emily. If you do a foot fetish, like, what is your. How. How did it start for you? What do you. What's your.

When do you recognize it?

Right.

What do you think? You think is sexy about it? You know?

Yeah, because we have covered a lot, but it's different for everybody. And I'm trying to pinpoint. We're gonna get it. Go to our website and email us.

I'm trying to.

Honey, I get it. I want to help you here study. Okay. I love it. Okay, let's take a quick break and give a shout out to our sponsors. And we love you, everyone. Thank you for supporting our sponsors. And you know, I never talk about things that I don't believe in and products I haven't used and inserted, if you will. And so thanks for supporting them. We'll be right back with your emails.

Okay, so now we're onto your emails. Thank you everybody for emailing me. And it's so easy. You go to sex with emily.com, click on the Ask Emily tab, fill out the form and you submit it. That's it. We're also doing call shows. Menace, I want you to come in. We've been doing call shows and they're really fun. We set them up. Like a ton of listeners are emailing and now they can check that box that says, yes, I would like to be called for the show. And I've been like, we've been setting it up and it calls and it's fun and you get into it. I think you'd have a good time here.

I would love to do that.

And I feel like I can really like help people and we get into the issues. It's a good time. But you can also. And also not but, but means you're discounting the next thing you say. And you can also send us an email. We love that too. And include your age, where you live and how you listen to the show because Menace gets mad if you don't. Hey, Emily. I've been with my amazing boyfriend for 10 months and the sex is fantastic. Best sex of my life. And he feels the same. We're so in tune. We both love to encourage each other to learn about what we like and try new things. He's also 30 and while I'm coming out of a marriage, separated a year ago. I met my new boyfriend a couple months after that. He's never had a relationship this long. He hasn't had any relationship at all for a few years. He's dated, had a few three to six month relationships and took a year off from dating altogether. We have great sex life. It's fun. We do sext, we do sexy Snapchats. It's always fantastic. And I found out that basically since we started dating, he hasn't masturbated. And he says it's because he is so satisfied. I explore my own pleasure after eating. A marriage that wasn't sex positive. So like masturbation is important and not a replacement. So I'm wondering, why doesn't he do it anymore? Should he? I'm Open about me time. I'm positive. And I don't think he'd be embarrassed about our lies. So, like, why is he doing it? Thanks. Love you. Love your show. Christine, age 30.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Exactly.

He's being completely honest. He's telling you.

Yeah, nothing wrong. That's why.

Okay, I'm not gonna be sexist here, but.

Right.

But when a man tells you something, why do you have to think that it. He's telling you five different things.

Exactly. But here's what you know.

He's telling you directly what is going on.

Believe him, there is not a problem. You don't have to fix it. Like, if it's not broken, don't fix it. However, what my first thought was, Christine, sweetie, you've been listening to the show, and I talk a ton about the importance of masturbation. And that whether you're in a relationship or you're out of a relationship, it is healthy. And the truth is, like, it is healthy to masturbate. But mostly it's like, it's because men need that release. Women need that release. But if he's releasing with you and you're having great sex and he's fine, there's no problem. And so the reason why I talk about it is, yes, it's healthy. You know, it helps have a stronger pelvic floor, can help prevent prostate cancer, it can help with erectile dysfunction, all those things. But he's not having any of those problems, Cristine. And so, like, ebbs and flows. Eventually masturbate again. Don't worry about it, you're fine. Like, I feel like. So I think that's what it might be because she hears that it's so.

Important, which it is, and it's such a new relationship. Eventually, after you're together for a couple years, don't worry, he'll start masturbating.

Only they've been together 10 months. Yeah, dude, give it about the honeymoon phase is 12 months to 18 months. So, sweetie, in six months, you're gonna be eight months. You're gonna be like, why is he watching so much porn? Well, it's funny. Cause we often hear people are confused why their partner masturbates. That's why. Why I love my show. I love the show covers everybody. Hi, Emily. My name is Kylie. I'm from Michigan and I'm 23 years old. I love listening to your podcast and I've learned so much. I love when you've guests on there that can offer different views or opinions on things. Especially since everyone comes from different walks of life. Like menace's opinions. I have a two part question. I've been friends with my current boyfriend for seven years now and we finally started dating in November. Our sex life is amazing except for one thing. Always.

There's always a but.

I know it sounds a little ridiculous, but I can't fit his penis in my mouth.

Oh, no. I heard about this.

Yep, he has a lot of girth and I have a smaller mouth. It's a bad combo. I was wondering if there's anything I can do as far as blowjobs go, that isn't going to give me lockjaw. That would still allow me to give him head. The second part of my question is what can we do in the bedroom besides a hand job that I can pleasure him with since the blow job isn't working out. Thanks. Keep up the great work, Kylie. A lot of men are going, yeah. A lot of men are going, God, yeah, I wish I had that problem. No, you guys, I'm telling you, big or small, there's, there's challenges. So Kylie, here's the thing. You. I love this question because first of all, I want Element to know, like, yes, you can be too big. That does exist on the planet. But here's a few tips. You can just, first of all, relax because your, your throat is gonna, when you relax and you breathe. So I think it's like anal sex, when people tense up too much, they tense up their sphincter muscles when it's going in and it hurts. The same thing is true with most sex acts, but especially blowjobs. So if you're breathing, you relax, you know, concentrate on what you're doing. But like not in like a super. It's not gonna fit, it's gonna hurt. You're probably clenching your jaw. But also make sure he's lying in his back and you're like in a control position leaning over his pants. Like you're in control. You can get on your knees and that way you can control like the depth and all that. But here's the thing, here's my number one most important tip that is going to change your life.

Your hands, like, your hands are like the best tools you have. Because a blowjob is not all about the mouth. It's really not. And the hands create that suction and they create that like you can stroke all the hot nerve endings and stuff, not replacing it. So you do the whole thing where your mouth goes over the tip and it's like a tube, right? Okay. So she creates, like, the. Her mouth goes around the tip, and then it's like a tube around the penis and she synchronizes it. You've seen that in porn. Going up and down, up and down. So if you're using a ton of lube and your hands are like tight enough and you're sweeping it up and down, like, it's gonna feel amazing. You rub his frenulum, which is like that thin little ridge underneath the tip, and like, you. You know, the underside of his penis, which is super sensitive. You can play with his perineum. Minus likes that. The perimeum, the taint.

Play with it all day.

Yeah. So, like, I think as long as you use your hands, you use lots of lube, which is really important. You could lick his balls. These are all these fun things you could do with your free hand. So one hand is so. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm trying to explain this. You put a tube with one hand, so it's a tube around your lips. Does that make sense? And then this. And the hand can make it tight enough so he's not gonna be like, why is your mouth going over my penis?

You have all the areas covered.

Yeah, totally. And then the other free hand. But the other free hand played with.

His balls on the tip.

Yeah, yeah. So that's. Any other tips menace? Cause I know you struggle with this all the time with your girlfriend. Oh, yeah, Called me about that as well.

Yeah. Not enough room. I don't know, would you. I mean, is there any.

Let's think about what else you.

Is there any, like, demonstrations online that you can think of?

I have an image.

Well, kind of, sort of. Maybe.com porn too would be.

It's like, it's really about. Because the blow jobs, it's important for it to be wet, for there to be. To be enough friction and enough.

Yeah. What about your blow job spray that you're addicted to?

Oh, my God, dude. Lube and blowjob spray. So here's the thing. It's right here. Whenever I do the show, I use this. It's by Doc Johnson. It's called Wet Head. And it's a dry mouth spray. So it'll help your lips, your mouth glide over the penis. And I use it because I think it helps me on the show be like, not have that annoying, like, crackling.

You like strawberry all the time.

It's like a good luck thing before every show. And maybe I'll run into a penis or something and I'll be ready to go at any time. Okay, so what did I answer her questions? I answer both her questions, right? What else to do in the bedroom? I think you just gotta work on the blowjob. Cause you're killing it. He's gonna be happy. And don't feel like you are doing anything wrong. You just have to add the hands. Okay. Hi, Emily. I'm Benjamin from Australia. I'm 42. I love the show, and I've been listening for several years. I was amicably separated from my wife of 16 years last April after we'd finally admitted we weren't right for each other. Admittedly, I'd strayed a couple times while traveling internationally to work for work. That's when a lot of my straying would. I was a reformed cheater. Yes. Because you're like, it doesn't matter. Like, I'm in. I'm in Hong Kong, but it does matter, man.

We had. Okay, we had this caller. He was. He was.

23, and his. His girlfriend was going on a European vacation. And he wanted to know if he should propose before. After the vacation. And we're like, dude, dude, two things.

You're 23.

Are you. Are you just doing this because you're afraid that she's gonna go do something and you're trying to use it as some insurance? Maybe she won't do anything. And he's like, oh, no, I totally trust 23. Yeah.

Okay.

I go, I have never met any woman in my. That were in their twenties that went on a European vacation that didn't hook up with somebody.

Exactly.

I'm sorry. Right? I'm not here to put it in your head, but I just know for a fact, and she's going with one of her female friends, they're going to talk themselves into it. They're going to, like, four different areas.

That'S all about hooking up with guys from different countries. And then, oh, you're going to Switzerland, I'm going to Germany. So you never. Like, that's what you do on those trips. So. Yeah. And then what? Then you tell them, just don't. Don't do it. Because guys are pissing on the territory like that. He's trying to be like, well, if I lock her down, she won't cheat. Yeah.

And I said, look, she should let him. I said. I go. I go, how lame is that, too? That if you. You propose to your girlfriend and then she's like, gone for a week, like, right after that. Like, wouldn't. Wouldn't that be a time that you would Want to go on a trip together, you know, to celebrate and stuff like that. I said, you know what? Just, if you. If this is something you absolutely want to do, then you should wait until after.

I agree.

You know?

Good. So hopefully he'll listen to your sage advice. Hopefully. Okay, but where were we? Okay, so he strayed. Yeah. And he was having an affair. Okay, let's see. Let me go back to this. He strayed because he was traveling internationally for work, and he found out two years ago that she'd been secretly playing around fairly heavily for the previous 12 months, meeting guys from an online adult states. I had no idea, and I was shocked after that. We tried to make it work, but it was clear we wanted different things. As soon as we separated, I jumped right in the dating scene. This isn't meant to sound boastful, but I was amazed at the attention I received. I'd quickly build up multiple casual partners, went to a few swinger parties with some of them, and had an awesome time ticking off those fantasy bucket list items. Threesomes, Outdoor sex. Ridiculous. Multiple orgasms. Additionally, I loved developing a connection with each of them and filling in many of the emotional need gaps I was craving during marriage. But it soon got out of hand. At one point, there was something like 15 women I was talking to and meeting on a regular basis. I'm embarrassed to say that I even created a spreadsheet to help me track how long it'd been since I'd met each of them and help me sort through who I should continue seeing. Several of them. This is like a whole. There's so much here. Some of them asked me to become exclusive, and I felt it was way too soon after a long relationship. So here's the bottom line. Here's it. Here's this question.

Yeah.

Dear Ms. Emily, how do I settle down after enjoying such carefree, casual fun? How long should I, in quote, avoid getting into another relationship? Love everything you're doing. Delightful to see you on Instagram. Thanks for reading, Ben. All right, this is like another one of those, like, what should I. Like, what should I do? Is it okay? Like, here's the thing. Like, the mastery, dude, you. It's up to you. Don't be pressured that you don't need to ever settle down again.

Don't. Or if you don't want to.

But if you're doing 15 women and you're becoming overwhelmed, I think that, like, okay, so I went through phases, never 15. Although I get wanting a spreadsheet just for the people I'm connecting.

Track.

Like, I've had those thoughts if I liked Excel, but I hate spreadsheets. They gave me anxiety. But it's a good thing. I totally get it. However, if these girls asking you, if you. First of all, you never want to be pressured into a relationship. So if you're not ready, like, keep having fun. But it sounds to me like maybe you're getting to the point where it could be slightly overwhelming. And then you'll know and you'll be like, you know what? There's a lot of these women. It's hard to remember who I told this story to because that would be my thing. When I was dating multiple guys. I'd be like, you know, I told you that story about what happened when I hit the gate at work. It's like, no, you didn't. Oh, yeah. Who would I tell this to? So think among other things that are problematic. So I just think, like, don't pressure yourself. Whenever you're ready. You were in a long term relationship for how long? 16 years. You might have another year.

You'll find somebody.

Yeah, dude, don't, don't trip on it. I'm not going to give you a time. I'm not going to say anything. And just as long as you're honest with these women and you let them know, like, you know what? I'm so flattered. I love spending time with you, but right now I just really need space to kind of figure out myself and what I want and be honest with them. But you're not doing anything wrong. No, no, you're fine. Do you, Ben? Okay. That's what we got time for, I think.

Oh, man. It was such great time. It was such a great time seeing you. It was such great time. It was such a good time seeing you. It's been too long. And I'm happy to be here with you.

I'm happy that you're with me as well. And I miss you. And everyone can check out Menace at Menace and all your.

Just at Menace. That's M E N A C E.

And like, follow me and like, and like.

Totes.

Totes, man. I'm on Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, Facebook. It's all Sex with Emily. Shop at our store. It's a really good time. We have all the things I talk about on the show. And then what else did I want to tell people? Something else.

Can I say one thing?

There was something. Yeah.

Oh, I know. You know, some people in the podcast world, they don't. They didn't like it for some reason. I Don't know why, but I know the general public, it was huge. But I. I want to say a big thank you to you. Finding Richard Simmons, the podcast series that came out, because I think that really opened the door for people that weren't into podcasting to, like, really check it out and see what I thought it.

Was that second serial, one that got filled podcast.

It was the finding that was for hipsters. This is like, there has been a.

Tipping point in podcasting as well.

I think this is for, like, the mainstream general public that. That really opened the doors for, you know, getting more people to listen to podcasts and understand how to even get a podcast on their phone or on the computer.

Right. It's so easy. People think it's like, there's like, a barrier to entry with technology. Like, I. Oh, I've been thinking about it. Like, they're like. I've been thinking about, like, learning to swim or something. It's on the list. But I'm trying to get into podcasts. That's how people answer. I'm like, dude, there's an app on your phone, super easy, and you search for anything. It's free. You download it.

Of course, the people that are listening.

To this, you guys know. But the other thing, I'm glad you brought that up. We done with your thoughts?

No, I was just gonna say I don't know anybody that was involved with that podcast, but I thought it was great. And I just wanna say thank you.

Because I wanna thank everybody. Is the last. Yeah, no, totally. I've heard a few shows, but also madness. What you don't know, what I forgot to tell you is that in the last month and a half, two months, we've had more listeners. Our listenership went up like 40%, 30% just in the last few months. So we have all these new listeners that have never been here. They have no idea who you are.

That's great. Welcome.

So welcome. You didn't go back. Maybe you didn't go back and Bing on 5,000 episodes. And so welcome to the Sex Family. Family. I love it. They're all over the world. It's amazing. So thank you. Please email us with your questions and. Yeah, dude, family's growing.

Love it.

Keep calling you dude. Dude, bro. We're on spring break. Okay. Love you all. Thanks for listening and thanks to my amazing team, Ken Halida, producer, Lark, Jamie and Michael. And of course, you, Menace. And thanks to all my listeners. Thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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