Big Mouths & Better Sex (Talk) with Gil Ozeri

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz My man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of.

Girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, you can check everything out@sexwithemily.com please follow us on social media across the board. It's all sexwithemily. And if you haven't heard, you can catch me Monday through Friday from 5 to 7pm on Sirius XM Stars satellite radio, channel 109 for even more sex talk calls. Play games. It's a good time. So check it out, you guys. I hope you guys enjoy this interview with Gil Ozeari, one of the writers for the Netflix show Big Mouth. If you haven't seen Big Mouth yet, please check it out. It is amazing for, I believe, teenagers and adults and anybody who's ever had sex. So enjoy this episode, guys. Thanks for listening. I wanna welcome Gil Ozeri. He wrote for a lot of shows you all know, like Brooklyn Nine Nine and Happy Endings, including one of my favorites, Big Mouth on Netflix. Hi, Gil.

Hi.

Hi.

Thank you for having me.

I'm so excited that you were able to come in because we're all obsessed.

Oh, thank you very much. I appreciate it and I'm very happy to be here.

Good. Well, it's great to see you. So for people who haven't seen Big Mouth, how would you explain Big Mouth?

I would say it's a show about some kids who are going through puberty and some of them are having a harder time than others. And basically the conceit of the show is that they can talk to their hormone monsters and monstrouses who, you know, often have direct them as to how to behave. And it's about dealing with that and dealing with puberty and dealing with all types of things that you sort of deal with around that age. Around seventh grade.

Exactly. It takes you right back into animation. Animated.

Animated, yes.

And so, first of all, it's everything that, you know, we talk about in the show, but it's hilarious. But it does take you back to those moments and like, the hormone monster. To me, what a brilliant way to describe to guys, to boys in seventh grade who don't know why they're getting erections and how awkward that has to be, or for women having their hormone monster. Why do you hate your mom? And, like, why do you hate everyone and scream and yell and like, just your boobs are growing and all the things that happen. And I just thought this is probably the most brilliant thing I've ever seen. About sex ed for kids. And what do you think about parents showing it to their kids? You think it. I feel like they should at a certain age.

I mean, I know some. I've heard both. You know, how awkward it might be to be watching that, But I hope it can sort of, like, you know, straddle both. I think the show is for young people, too, and also for adults and how to talk to their kids and stuff. And if parents can watch it with their kids and get through some of those, like, hard subjects, then that would be great. That would be awesome.

Cause that's the thing is, so many parents always come to me, friends, people on the show. They're like, how do we talk about it? And I know I had terrible sex ed. I barely. All I remember is some kid raises his hand, said, can you have sex underwater? Like, that's literally all I remember and nothing else. And then probably, like, the fallopian tube.

Yeah. I feel like no one ever spoke. Like, sex ed was really. No one ever spoke to me about that stuff, especially my parents. Did not. It was like, avoid, avoid, avoid the subject. And, you know, part of that leads to. And something that we deal with in the second season of Big Mouth is like, shame and guilt over this stuff and just talking about it, you know, it makes it easier to deal with.

Exactly, exactly. And, like, it is true. I mean, and now, like, so what I'm doing now for a living is I take calls from people who are still carrying that shame. A lot of us have shame around everything we do. Every time we have sex, we masturbate, we feel bad. And so it just. It comes. And then what I love is on Big Mouth is that it just. It shows exactly how that starts, you know, that you feel. One just takes one person saying, like, I can't believe you masturbated or you had an erection.

Right?

Her boobs get big. And you literally carry. I always say that you carry this around for the rest of your life unless you. You realize that it's normal. It's like everyone else. There's nothing to be. Shame, you know?

Shame.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, a lot of this season we took. We started to listen and read and watch videos from people like Brene Brown who talk about, like, shame and how you know the difference between shame and guilt and, like, how guilt is like, I feel bad and shame is, I am bad. And how you can sort of turn all these terrible feelings that people put on you on yourself. And the only way to sort of really deal with that is to talk about them with your friends and talk about them with your parents and your loved ones. So, yeah, I mean, I wish big mouth was around when I was a kid. I would. You know, I feel like I would be a more well adjusted human being.

Exactly. I mean, because it's that. That one scene in the second season when they're all. It's amazing when they're. I think you. Did you write the final?

I wrote the finale, yeah.

Finale, right. Thank you. I wanna.

I love it. Thank you very much. Thank you.

That was so freaking cool.

Well, I should say when I say write it, it's also like the writer's room. It.

No, it's everyone. Okay. But your name came up first. So what I'm saying is I was. That scene. I literally rewatched it. I was. My boyfriend. I'm like. I do this when I get excited. I'm like, this is fucking brilliant. Cause it's like all the kids are like in the gymnasium. I might even now, I might butcher it. But they were. And they're all having their worth shame about something. Like, I'm worried that no one likes me because I said this thing. I'm worried that I was flirting with this girl or maybe I shouldn't have kissed this boy. And every single person had like this dark cloud of shame around them, which to me was just brilliant. To show that all the things that we worry about and as adults we do that, as we've all been to parties and things we're worrying about.

And we're all susceptible to it too.

We are all susceptible. It's just a brilliant way of handling it.

Oh, I appreciate that. Thank you.

So what else is going on with you?

You know, writing? I just had a kid. Yes, A baby.

Congratulations.

Thank you very much.

A good kind, a sweet kind. She's not the devil incarnate, which is good.

Okay, good.

She's sweet. Her name, Nina. She's very cute. She just started walking.

Oh, that's so fun.

Yeah, it's really fun.

Yeah.

That changes everything.

She likes to move stuff around the house, you know, from one side of the house. Like the furniture, actually. Yes. She pushes our coffee table all over the house. So, yeah, we don't want it moved.

But yeah, I know she has a pension for decorating. That'd be cool if you found out at 1. So how has that been? So you're. How long have you been with your wife?

I have 10 years.

Oh, good.

Yeah. At least 10 years.

That's okay. Great.

That's good, right?

So how's your Sex life going now?

It's good. Yeah. You know, it's good.

You know, change after you have a kid.

Yes. That definitely affects stuff. There's less time, and I would say that at the end of the day, I'm pretty much exhausted and so is she. So, like, to get, you know, to get it going is a lot harder.

Right.

It takes more effort. It takes definitely more effort. Yeah.

Yeah.

What do you think? Do you. Do you hear about that often? About effort and.

Every single day.

Yeah.

I mean, now we're probably gonna get a bunch of calls, but. Which is great because I've only been here three nights. But we talk a lot about this because what happens is, I think, like, you have a kid and. And people don't tell you this. That, like.

Yeah, they don't tell you anything.

Literally nothing.

Can you. Can I curse on here or no?

Yeah. Fuck, yes.

They don't say jack shit.

No.

I mean, they don't. I feel like even about the birth process, they didn't tell us anything. And then it's just like, you. I just feel like every day I'm like, oh, this is. Oh, this is how it is. Yeah, exactly.

Like, I had no ide. So then the thing about when it comes to, like, parenting, you're exhausted. And then women, they go in from the hospital and their doctor will say, like, oh, you'll be good in six weeks. Sex again.

Yes.

And for so many women, that's just not the case. They still have pain. Things are still healing.

Yeah. I don't think. I don't think I'd be, you know, selling out my. Or exposing my. She's got. She has a lot of, like, foot pain and stuff. And, like, it just. You don't want to do necessarily anything, like, sexual if you're a go. If you have, like, a ton of pain and no one is, like, no one told us that that might be a possibility.

Do you think that's, like, a secret, like, someone's holding? They don't tell people because they want you to procreate. It's really hard, but, you know, it's also the best thing ever. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it is. But I think they don't want to scare you.

Right.

Once you're pregnant, it's not. It's just, like, you don't want to, like, onslaught of, like, fears and.

Exactly. Your sex life will never be the same. But that's not true. It will be. It'll. It'll. It'll. It'll come together again. Or maybe it already is. But I Just think that we don't talk about how women's bodies and that just that whole process that, you know, a lot of women, we were talking about this earlier, they don't even know their own bodies. And I'm not saying this. I don't know your wife, but I'm saying, tip it over, women, they don't even know that I was encouraging people because on my Instagram today, it's exwithemily my Instagram, I had this post about women. Just take a look. Like, take a look at your. Could you pick your vagina out of a lineup? Because we don't often know how to look. We're disconnected. And it's just like, I just. I don't want to look. It's. I don't understand my body. And then you get a baby. You think a human that goes through your body, Right. And then a whole human. And then you get your body back, and you're like, I didn't know before.

Yeah.

And now it's like, I don't even know what's happening.

It's scary to do. And it's like, it's easier to avoid stuff than to actually put in the effort. And I feel like, you know, if you can get over that hump.

Yeah.

And just sort of put the practice in, then it becomes easier. But it is. It's hard to get over that hump.

It can be.

It really is.

Yeah. Well, I gave you some treats in a little bag here because I think it's important. I didn't even know that your baby was one year old. But the thing is that I think also for couples who are going through.

This, like, I hope it's celery in there, by the way, because I'm not giving my child candy.

We do candy. There's some vitamins.

I'll eat the candy myself.

Perfect.

Yeah.

Oh, here's some peanut M and Ms, too.

Okay, good.

If you're into that kind of thing, the peanut.

I'll eat the chocolate around it. I'll give her the peanut.

Okay, cool. See, is that. What was I gonna say? Is that. Oh, the body. Even if intercourse isn't comfortable sometimes or they're not ready yet, that you can still. The intimacy is important. So even if you guys are, like, mutually masturbating or massage, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything you can sort of do to get close. Like, it's. It's so easy also to, like, have, like, a hard day and be like, I'm just gonna totally veg out on my phone, or, I'm gonna, like, go right to, you know, a TV show or whatever it is, and if you. You just sort of connect for a moment, and who knows where it would lead? But, like, if you use that, you know, that moment to connect and say, like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna set aside this time for us as opposed to, like, just checking out.

Exactly.

You know, then it makes a huge difference.

I think it does. Just to have that M.O. come home, you put down your phone or. Yeah, you, like, you're right. Just that moment, you make eye contact.

Yeah. Because there's nothing you want more than, like, you know, especially with a kid, I feel like you're like, constantly. You have to always pay attention. It's not like that's part of the work is just, like, mentally, you have to be like, okay, I can have to make sure she doesn't fall off anything, you know, 24 7. So, like, you just want to, like, veg out. And if you can sort of like, say, like, okay, I know I need at least at some point to connect, you know, with her or with your loved one or whatever you're.

Or the baby in the loved one.

Yeah. No, with your. Yeah, with my wife, it's like, it's so important to do. Yeah. To check in.

It's also important. I'm just giving you advice here. No, but I'll take it. I will. Because. No, I don't.

Maybe we'll use it on a future season of Big Mouth.

Oh, my God.

There's something to say about effort, though, to, like, put. Putting in an effort and making sure you're there.

Right. And prioritizing your relationship. Because I think people think it's just magically work and that you don't have to work on the relationship. Well, because we got married and we're in love, so let's focus on everything else. But, yeah, it's just as much work as, you know what you're gonna eat. You know, your nutrition and your health.

Yeah, you've got to be there. You've got to be there, and you've got to show up. I feel like.

Yeah, you gotta put in the. Yeah, you gotta put in the work. I would come in. If you're next season on Big Mouth, you need a sex consultant.

Oh, yeah, I'll talk to them.

I would be upset.

We would love to talk to them.

I'm sure that's not why you're here. What I was gonna say, though. No, what I was gonna say is that also the other. Oh, this is my other point for People with kids, I find this a lot that they don't. They have kids and they're like, my kids are 10, and we've never had a night away, just the two of us.

Oh, yeah.

So if you have relatives or someone who can watch. And I know you're like, I can't leave the kid when she's one.

Right.

But having just one night, like, a hotel room away makes.

It makes a huge difference. I have not done the hotel room thing. And we should. I mean, we're hopefully going on vacation soon, but, I mean, we've gone on, like, movie dates, but, like, getting away from the actual house might be good, too.

Yeah, exactly.

You start to associate. It's like eating in bed. Almost. Like, you don't want to, like, have a sandwich in bed because you're like, that's where I sleep.

Right.

It's just like, maybe you don't, like. Maybe I'm associating my home with, like, just home life and work and. You know. You know what I mean?

Yeah, absolutely.

And hotel would read, like, more like intimacy.

It's true.

That's a good point.

Mess up someone else's sheets.

Exactly.

Right. And someone else is gonna bring you food.

Yes.

Yeah. And just changing the location. Cause one of the big things for people's sex life often is that is mixing things, is variety. Like, get bored of everything. Right. You do. So just trying one thing different or changing up the location. Cause, yeah, your bedroom's probably, like, diapers and things.

Exactly. Yeah. Laundry. Yeah. Yeah. That's not hot stains, you know, from, like, kids eating blueberries.

Exactly. Right. The whole thing is a mess. Right. So we're gonna have you go to a hotel. That's fun. We didn't give you a night hotel, but that would be fun.

You should start putting that in gifts.

I'm sorry.

Where's my car? I should get a car in the gift bag.

Exactly. We had a guy just call in, and he said that he's like, I don't know. I bought my wife a really nice car, and I told her if I gave this car that she owed me five blowjobs in two years. And I haven't gotten.

So it's a transaction. Love is a transaction.

Exactly. I'm like, love should not be a transaction. So. Yeah. So that's what I thought. So what else are you doing these days? So you're writing?

I'm writing a lot.

What is that? Like, do you just. Do you write at home? You go to an office?

I usually go to a coffee shop. I find it extremely hard to. I should get, like, an office or something. But I find it really hard to concentrate at home. There's just so many distractions. And I'm like, there's my baby. There's video games. There's, like, my wife. I'll just have a conversation because I don't want to work, you know, like, exactly.

No, you gotta get out.

I feel like I have to get out.

Yeah. So you guys working on, like, season three now, Big mouth, Are you? I can't wait.

We are. I cannot talk about it, but hopefully it's happening, though. I hope so.

Is it as big as we think it is? Like, is everybody freaking out about it? I've heard it's a very.

It's really super popular. Yeah. And especially among, like, you know, it's hard to tell with Netflix because Netflix doesn't really release, like, rating stuff, but we can tell from, like, online people speaking online about it. And, like, I know Nick just went to, like, a show at fsu and the entire, like, they were, like, thousands of people in the audience. They were all singing, like, the theme song together. It was, like, crazy. So I feel like. Yeah, I mean, people are watching it and we're getting, like, a lot of great feedback and reviews and stuff, which is always.

I want everyone's kids to watch. So who do you relate to in there? Like, which. Which kid were you more like? Were you more like, what is it Andrew or Nick or Nick?

I mean, part of me was like, try to be funny. So in a way, like Nick, but also very much Jesse, who I find to be like. I mean, it's my favorite character.

Jesse.

Yeah, Jesse. Just because my parents got divorced at, you know, around her age, and the way she sort of acted out because of it is something that I went through and how she sort of slipped into, you know, depression and stuff like that. And so that sort of. I really, really connected with her character.

Yeah, she's such a good character.

Thanks. Yeah.

You handled the depress depression scene. That was also in the final episode.

That was. Yes.

Okay. We talked about the next day. Cause the depression, how you had. She had the weight of the world depression on her as a kid. And, like, how that feels like, I want to get up, but I can't.

Yeah, yeah. And how alluring it is and how alluring she makes it about, like, watching, you know, a friend's marathon and eating, like, you know, ice cream in bed and stuff.

This is really good.

Yeah, it's really good. And oftentimes it could be Seductive, you know, as opposed to, you know, this, for example, the shame wizard who makes you just feel bad about yourself. Like, or you might not want to come with him or hold his hand. On the way there with like the depression Kitty, it felt like it's someone you sort of were like, is alluring and it looks better than it actually is.

You know, at first, two years ago, Ben and Jerry's is great for dinner and it makes me feel so good. And then you're like, you can't give up. And that was the other. It was like the divorced parents or the mixed marriages, the adopted child, just all the. You could just relate to you guys. I feel like you really covered everything and it is, it is relatable. And I remember like when I was 15, this is something that my mom and this kind of pisses me off. But I've had a lot of therapy, so I told her about this. But I was a 15 year old girl who was like screaming at my mom, I hate it. I hate you. I hate you slamming the door. I was really.

Why did that happen?

Were you.

Were you guys like.

My parents were divorced.

Okay.

Remarried.

Was that hard on you? Was it like an amicable?

Oh my God, yeah, the whole thing. My parents, I attended four of my parents weddings for us. So they each got married. Divorced, married, divorced. My parents first got divorced when I was nine.

I hope you liked like hot dog weenies if you went to for a wedding.

Oh, right, they weren't fun weddings. No, they didn't have hot dogs. I wish that would have been fun. No, but even as a kid though, the first. And then my dad died, there was a lot going on. But I'd say I was 9 when my parents got divorced. And it was, yeah, it was just tough. And I remember. But I think what happened when I was 15 was more about just hormones. That's what I love is that my mom was like, you were such a nightmare when you were 15. I'm thinking, well, you guys got divorced and then you got remarried.

And I. Hormones, it's like, it's like a storm of shit that happens.

Exactly.

I was an angry kid. Like my dad sort of, you know, left at that point and exactly at that age and I was going through like puberty and I was like, I was angry, you know, I didn't know how to. I didn't know how to direct this anger that I had at my father. And I, you know, I was with my mom and sort of took it out on her. So our relationship kind of like was really tough for a while, you know? And it's. It's hard because if you're not talking about it with someone, you know, it's. It's just. It's really tough.

Right. And most people don't.

Most people don't. Yeah.

I thought this was the show Big mouth.

Plus your parents have your. Their own shit that they're going through.

So, like, you know, my mom was. Yeah, she was trying to get done with another partner like her. My stepdad. She was trying to make that work so you can't be available to you.

Yeah.

But you don't know that. And you don't know anything that's going on.

And you don't know to ask for help either. It's like.

It'S a thing. And I think that's something we sort of tried to focus on with Jesse. There is that in order to get out of that sort of depression room that she has to ask her friends for a time.

Right.

For help.

Right. It's just so well done. I feel like we still don't teach emotion, the kids how to regulate emotions and how to share emotions. Like, there was a guy we talked to on one of our shows earlier who was saying that he actually wanted to be the guy in his group that started talking about emotions with his guy friends. Guys don't do it as much.

Yeah, no, so there's also that. There's like, societal stuff that just, like, added upon it. It's just like, it's really hard to just be open. Yeah, we can't.

We're gonna be sh. Yeah. So anyway, I thought that was really good. See, now you're gonna be so equipped to teach that sex ed to your daughter.

Yeah.

Yeah. No.

Oh, my God. I'm learning all the time. We've had. We've also had, like, people like Peggy Orenstein come talk to us and shift. I don't know if you know Shafiya Zaloom. Do you know about her?

I know Peggy, but not Shafiya.

She's also, like, a brilliant health educator, sex ed educator, as she talks about, like, consent and stuff like that. And, you know, we did an episode about consent and we talked to, like, young people also all the time about, like, what they're going through and what it's like to be a teenager now because things have changed with, like, social media and stuff. And, you know, it's always good to speak to people who are, like, in the know and dealing with it.

That's really great that you brought Peggy Orenstein her book Girls, which She was a consult. That blew my mind. What kids are going through now, like.

In every age, it's so much hard. I'm like, this is so much harder than what I went through too.

Right. We thought it was hard, but it's like, terrifying. It's terrifying pressure and the sex and all the things. So thank you for your work. It's brilliant. We love it. I think everybody.

I love to hear that.

It's Big Mouth on Netflix, I think, you know, take a look if you're a parent, see if you think it's appropriate for your kid.

And if you want to laugh too.

If you want to laugh your ass off. Here was the other brilliant thing is that I thought it was equally great for adults and kids. You could see I'm like, oh, that was. Was a joke for me that the kids might not get it. Just all of it. I'm impressed. So if people want to find you, would you want to give out your social and stuff?

Yeah. I'm on Illozeri, on Twitter and on Snapchat and also.

There was. Illozzeri was not available on Instagram. So I'm tall. Gillozzarry.

Okay. Which is.

Okay.

So any of those.

Okay, got it. We just did a story on Instagram that I tagged you in, if you wanna check that out. That's awesome. I have five questions for you. They're my quickie questions. That's my guess.

Okay, I'll try my best.

What's your biggest turn on?

Wow. People telling me that they're people who are really into me.

That is so embarrassing to say.

I love it. No embarrassment.

My wife is. She'll be laughing.

Okay, good. Well, we're all into there, so. Okay. Biggest deal breaker.

Deal breaker like in a relationship.

Yeah. Or if you mess. Yeah. Deal breaker in a relationship.

Dishonesty.

Okay. Sexiest body part to you.

Butt.

Okay. Your go to first date.

Go to first date coffee shop.

Sorry. You're already there. Working.

Yeah. Ladies, do you like a laptop?

Exactly. Bring your laptop. It'll be a good time. What would be the top of your sex music playlist?

Sex. Okay. This is. I'm only saying what comes to my mind. This is so fucking embarrassing. Holy shit. Because I use it in college and it's lit. Jenny Kravitz, God Believe. Is that the song?

Yeah.

Do you remember that song?

I do.

Oh, God. Kill me, Kill me now.

Yeah. I know the era.

Are you a music person when you have sex? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I am.

You are. Okay.

Yeah. I listen to a lot of People.

Can you give me a suggestion of anything that would not embarrass me?

No, I really. I'm trying to think what we listen to. I look like hip hop.

Okay.

I really do when I'm having sex. Something like.

Something with a beat.

Yeah, with a beat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like you're running a 5K.

Exactly.

You know why I like it, though? You know why sexy music is great? Because we all get so. A lot of people get distracted during sex and music to listen to. You're gonna. At least you won't be as obsessive.

See, I have a tendency to make things. Try to make jokes, which is not a good thing.

Wait.

During sex, I'm like. I'm trying. I'm like, I have, like. I have an issue. Because, like, when I'm nervous or I'm like, I want to, like, I have to, like, make jokes. That's how I sort of, like, diffuse a situation.

In your kamiwara.

That's exactly. Which is good in some respects, like in some areas. But, like, in other areas, it's like, don't do that.

Yeah. It can be funny all the time. But not here.

Not here. Yeah, exactly.

Or in the coffee shop. Okay. Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.

It's so great. Yeah.

And I love what you guys do, so thank you.

Thank you. It's great to see you. Thanks for being here. Gilloziri. Check them out. Gilloziri.com and Tall Gilloziri on Instagram. Check out Big Mouth on Netflix. You have to, please do yourself a favor. All right, we're gonna take a quick break, and when we come back, we're getting into your calls.

We've got Jackie, 24, from Boston, and she's seeking some blowjob tips and feels abnormal for lack of sexual experience. Jackie, thanks for calling in. You've come to the right place. Hey. Hey, what's up?

Hey.

Thanks for having me.

Of course.

So basically, when I was a freshman in high school. High school. I witnessed, you know, a lot of my guy friends talking about girls they had hooked up with and just kind of making fun of maybe, like, their preferences, something about their bodies, maybe something that was weird that happened while they were having sex and that made me super insecure. So I actually avoided, like, all hookups, sex, all of that for a long time. And now I'm 24. I've only had had sex with two different people, total of, like, three times. Up until a few weeks ago, I had never given a Blow job. And, you know, those insecurities are definitely the reason why I'm just so, you know, sexually inexperienced. And I wanted to see if you had any advice on how I can kind of get out of my comfort zone and just have a better sex life.

Absolutely. Well, first off, I love that you know that this is because you can kind of pinpoint it to the people in high school and not wanting to be that person that they talked about. And so now you're like, okay, so let's go to it. So here's the thing, Jackie. First of all, I think we have this notion that everyone. We should be so experienced and we should already know what we're doing. But you're 24 years old. I don't think that. I think in your head, whatever you're thinking, that everyone's way far ahead of you. They're not. And so I just want you to feel better about. Feel good about that. Know that, like, this is the kind of thing, like, you learn on the job. Penises are different. Vulvas are different. So if you kind of just rest into that, knowing that, like, every time you face a penis, new penis, it's a new day, they all want different things. I mean, there are some basic things. I can talk to you about blowjobs, but I want you to. I want to work on your anxiety around this first. Just knowing that, like, if you're present, like, the number one tip. My number one tip for blowjob is being into it and being enthusiastic, like, wanting to be there. So just know that like that. And that's just, like, I'm into it. I'm licking this. I'm trying, you know, and then asking for, you know, hey, how does this feel? So you're good. You're so. But I am going to give you more tips, but just know that you. You're starting from a great place.

Okay, that makes me feel better.

Okay, good. That's what we want to do. So we've got that. And so here's some important tips about a blood job. You want to make sure that it's wet enough, right? So you have enough, like, saliva. I think lube is great. Like, have some lube by the bed, you know, have some lube with you. I love. We love Joe's flavored lube. They make some lube that, like, tastes like watermelon. They have some that tastes like chocolate, that it's fun, or just regular lube. Sometimes our mouth isn't wide enough. So just so you have it nearby. You want it to be wet. And just remember this, too. A lot of people are like, oh, my mouth hurts. My jaw. Your hand. Your hand. For so many blowjobs, your hand is like your best friend. Like, it's really not just about, like, your mouth going all the way down, like, deep throat. The whole thing, you see in porn, it's really about. So the first thing is you want to make sure it's wet enough. The second thing is that you want to make sure that there's enough friction. And so you want, like, your. You know, we could start with your hand, like, going up and down along the shaft and just, you know, putting your mouth over the tip. The tip is like the. For a lot of guys, the most sensitive part of the penis. And also the frenulum, which is the. So the penis. The frenulum is the spot where. And a lot of guys don't even know this, so I'm letting you in on something that they don't even know this. Where the tip meets the shaft on the other underside of the penis, right? So there's this little spot right on the shaft as it attaches. So it's the underside, and it's just like. It's kind of like how women have, like, a G spot, but for men, it's like this really sensitive spot. So when you're, like, licking his penis, you can kind of focus on that area and move your tongue around. So really, you want to make sure it's wet. You've got some friction with your hands. You're going up and down, and you're like, you know, sucking on the tip, taking your mouth or out and using, you know, licking it like it's the most delicious ice cream cone you've ever had. And you're into it. Not like a fake into it, but if you have to fake it first, fine. And then ask for feedback. Be like, how is this? And I think it's really hot. If you're vulnerable with a guy and you're like, I don't have a lot of experiences, but I want to give you the best blow job ever. Oh, I really want to turn you on. Tell me what feels good, and you're into it. You've already, like, you're light years ahead of some woman who's pretending that she knows everything when you don't. So ask them, do you like your balls played with? How does this feel? I think it's okay, because, believe me, guys would rather have a good connection and get what they want as well. So that you could learn along the way. But no apologies. No I'm sorrys. No, I don't know. More like, this is new. I'm excited. Let's do this. Tell me what feels good.

No teeth, too.

I like that approach to it.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah, that makes it seem less scary.

Yeah. Good. That's what I want for you. Cause it's really not scary. It's just a new thing. You're gonna get into it, you're gonna learn to love it or like it, and you're gonna be great, so. And also, you probably know the teeth thing, that was the first thing I learned. They're like, no teeth. So you kind of just wanna make sure that your, like, mouth is going over your teeth. You probably know that. That's like BJ lore. No teeth. Okay. You got this, girl. Thank you so much for calling Sex with Emily. Okay, bye, Jackie. You're so welcome. You guys. Let's talk about sexual in. I'm putting this in air quotes. Inexperience. I think we all worry, like, oh, I'm not experienced and I should know so much more. And I just think, can we all just get rid of that? You should be coming from some other place and you should know so much more. Every time you're with a new partner, it's a new experience to connect with that person. And if you're in the moment, you're present, and you're paying attention to that person, their reactions, what they're into, you're asking questions, then that's going to be the best kind of sex you can have with that person. And in that moment, paying attention, being. Not tripping in your head about what you don't know. Okay. So love this call. Thank you for calling. Okay, we have John. He's 44, from Virginia, and he has a penis injury, and it's affecting penetration with his wife. I'm sorry about your injury.

I had a. I had a groin injury. It's probably been about eight years ago now.

Okay.

And slowly, over time, it affected the side of my penis. I've been to a couple doctors, and I don't know, it's been a while since I've done. But it's scar tissue and stuff like that.

The problem is I really wasn't that large to begin with. I was only like three and a half. I've been married now 17 years and really wasn't an issue, you know, wasn't that important to her. But with the injury and whatever happened from that. And by the way, I'm 6 foot 1, 215 pounds, I'm not overweight at all.

Okay.

That now the wrecked penis is two and a quarter for me, and it's inverted when I'm, you know, soft. And it's not only a problem for my wife, but it's also problem for me because it's just difficult to have sex like that. I mean, we just end up slide on each other. And my wife and I have talked and she loves me. We have a good relationship. But she even said size really isn't an issue until it's an issue, which is now.

Okay.

And I can. I can tell that it's. You know, I could tell that it's affected her. She's honest, you know, and she loves me.

Right. Of course. You know, is it more about the size or. Because it sounds like there's two things going on. You were thinking that the size might be an issue, but it sounds like it's more that it's painful for you as well. And so you can't really, you know, get into it.

It's not. Because.

I don't know how to explain it, but it's just not enough to. To.

I get it. Okay?

I get what I'm saying.

So you can't do that thing.

By no means.

I understand. So it's not even. Right. It's. It's smaller now and it's hard to get on top.

There's a visionary, you know, with her legs all the way back. But, I mean, she says, you know, when she's really turned on that she can't even tell know if I'm in or not. And. Okay, the truth is I can't either. So I'm having a problem orgasm because, you know, it won't stay in. It just, you know, I mean, it's not enough to work with. And I talked to one specialist years back, but he just said the risk first reward was just.

Yeah, there's nothing great out there for men. Like, you can't do any kind of penis enhancement in that way. Like, so. Okay, so let's talk about what we can do here because, you know, I know that we think of sex as this, you know, penis, vagina sex and intercourse should just be one way. But what I think is you guys have a great opportunity here to actually really work on expanding your. What your sexual repertoire is. So, you know, I feel like for so many women, like, size isn't that big of an inch issue. It's more about getting pleasure. And it's not even that, you know, most women can't even orgasm with, you know, Large penis, any size penis. They don't orgasm that way. So have you guys done, you know, played with foreplay, oral sex? Have you used toys? I mean, you could use a toy on her.

Yeah, yeah, we do. And I. I think that's what's brought it to a head now is. Yeah. Like I said, this has been six years of this. We've gotten the hollow strap on. You know, it just kind of goes over you. And I. I think it's just.

I mean, for me, not the same. But even for her, it's just. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

It's awesome to put up the toys and use the hollow feel of it. Like she was saying, I just want the real thing, you know?

Right. No, I understand. Right. Yeah.

And usually.

I mean, most of the time at this point, we. I reach orgasm rubbing on her. Because it just won't. I mean, I'd explain it, but.

No, I got it. I totally get it.

It's not enough to deal with.

Right, Right.

You know, it's a couple embarrassing things. I. I did happen to see. Yeah. A text where she had confided in a friend. You know, just hearing the past couple months, you know, about the issue and, you know.

Right.

Wasn't good. On the other hand. Yeah, I expect that. But.

Right. You heard her. Yeah. You read a text that she'd read to her friend that she'd said to her friend about this issue. So have you guys talked about this, like, outside the bedroom? Have you guys really had this conversation? We're like, okay, like, this is the situation. We love each other. We're staying together. Like, what else could we do to kind of enhance this? Because I'm thinking, like, you guys could take, like, a tantric class. Like, you guys could do sensual massage. You could get toys that work for you as well. Like, I care about your penis right now. Like, I want you to get, like, a Fleshlight or the. The hot Octopus Pulse is a great. Like, that is. Is a great toy that could feel amazing to you. You could use something like the WE Vibe Sync, which is a wearable toy that is an insertion toy. So if you, like, like the rubbing against her, then this toy would feel great for both of you. So I think. I think rather than focusing on, like, what can't happen now that, thank God we're 2018, I mean, there are so many ways you guys can please each other. And to be honest, for most people who aren't having challenges around this, they're pretty bored with their sex life as well. When they've been together for 15, 20 years. So what I'm saying is we could turn this around. I know. You know, and I'm sorry, you know, because this is. No, this is challenging.

You know, they talk about once a month.

Exactly.

You know, I realized you get it after 17 years.

Yeah. Okay, So I think just, yeah. Kind of reframe this and be like, babe, you know, maybe you guys have a night out, a date night, and you're talking and you're like, let's just go to a sex toy store near you. Go online. Like, figure out some other fun things that you guys could do together, like fantasy list playing with different sensations, things that you've never tried that might be totally outside of what you thought. Because I think you can bring back some really cool, hot sex that you never dreamed of before.

Right now. What about like. Yeah, I've really, surprisingly never really been all that self conscious. I'm the kind of person that I have what I have. I am who I am.

But, you know, it's kind of weighed on me and I really haven't talked to anybody because. Did you really want to go to your local town, your local doctor, your local therapist?

Yeah. You actually do, John. You actually do.

I think you should. John, to be honest, I don't know what your injury was about. It was six years ago. I really think that this actually might be really great for you to have therapy, because guys do not want to talk about their penises with anybody. So first I want to tell you that I am honored and thank you so much for calling me in, for trusting me, because I think this is a really big first step. And I'm. And I feel for you, like, this is not an easy situation. It's your penis, like, forgot, you know, I get it. And so I think getting into it, like, if you could find a sex therapist near you, that would be amazing. Or somebody. You know, it's okay to look around and find someone you feel comfortable with. Preferably a man would be great. And I think that, you know, or a woman. I'm open, but I feel like you do actually need to talk to someone and get some more information. So I think there's a lot. There's a lot more here than your wife's pleasure.

How's she feels.

Yeah, maybe you guys can go to.

It's kind of a turn off where it's inverted. You know what I mean? Yeah, like nothing there. I mean, she's even admitted it. I know she loves me, but it does feel.

I think you guys can get Past this because she's being honest, you're being honest about it. And I think a couples therapy session or individual couples anything, I think you need it, it'll be great for you, John. Okay, I would love that for you guys. I really. That's, that's the next step here. Cause you're trying everything. You guys love each other. You want to make it work. I wouldn't tripped up on what you read and what she saw. She loves you. And I think you guys need to try something different. Okay, John, so look at your insurance plan. Go see someone. And you're gonna be so happy that you did. Talk about your penis. Talk about your situation.

Okay?

Okay. Thanks, John. Thank you so much. Have a great day. Thanks for calling. Oh, John, John, John. Okay, you guys, here's the thing. A lot of guys do not. I mean, John's situation is different than a lot of guys. But I feel like if you're at your doctor and you're going for a checkup or there is something wrong. He just said it. Well, no one wants to talk about their penis. Exactly. And that's exactly why you need to. And women need to go to their doctors and talk to them about any kind of pain or any challenges you're having around sex. I think it's so important you guys. I mean, I love that you're calling me, but if you're having any pain or suffering, talk to your doctor. So thank you, John, for that call. Okay, we're talking to Nicole. She's 24, in Mexico, and she wants to know how to make FaceTime calls more sexy when you're in a long distance relationship. Hey, Nicole.

Hello.

Hello. Well, I gotta tell you, there's good news right now because there's been several studies that have come out that have said it's the best time to be in a long distance relationship. That they actually work out more frequently than we think. And with today's technology, there's a lot more success. So I just want to tell you that, you know, the odds are in your favor here before we get started. Good. Okay, cool. So tell me what's going on. On. Tell me your question.

Okay, so I've been in a really in a relationship with this guy for, we're going on close to six months. We haven't met in person yet. We're going to in December, but.

Every time we are on FaceTime and things get a little steamy or sexual, I feel like everything is focused on me, which I'm like, okay, I, I really appreciate that you're trying to get me off, but, like, I want him to have fun, too, and I am not so good at, you know, getting that started.

Yeah.

And I don't know how to approach the topic of. Hey, I feel like you're not really participating, like you should.

Okay. Yeah, no, I understand. But let me back up for a second. So you have never met him in real life yet?

Not yet.

Okay. So it's all been FaceTime calls mostly?

Yes.

Okay. How did you guys meet?

We met off of social media. Like, we ended up following each other through weird circumstance and then started talking.

Okay, well, I see. I think what might be really good is that what might be cool for you guys before you actually meet him, to really get to know each other and kind of. And build intimacy without the sex stuff right now. So you could have, like, a FaceTime date where you both, like, you're having dinner, eat, you're having a glass of wine, so it's like you're actually, like, having a real date, but you're sitting. You know, you're staring into your computer screens at each other, your phone. And then you could have some conversations where you're really, you know, learning things about each other. And you could, like, play a game. Like, there's some. Some really fun sex games, or there's some questions you could ask. Like, you know, never have I ever. There was this. I wanted to find this article that just came out about, like, questions that you could ask your partner that could really lead to more. And not just, like, how was your day? Because I'm sure you guys cover that stuff, but ways that you guys could. You could kind of get more information and learn and connect in an intimate level, like, the emotional intimacy before the sex, to find out more about each other. Because there's been a lot of buildup here, it seems, and I would just love to sprinkle in some more of emotional connection, and then that might make it a lot easier for you to kind of maybe want to give back. So that's just my suggestion, but I can answer your question as well, so I understand. Also, though, if you've never. Does that make sense to you, or is that something that you're interested in?

Oh, yeah, it does. It totally does.

Okay, so right now you're saying, like, how do I get him to, like, what would you like him to do? Like, what would you like the result to be? You want him to get naked. You want to tell him what to do?

I mean, I feel like I'm not good at dirty talk.

Right. Okay.

Ideally, I would like to get better at that and, like, get him more involved and, like, see more of him.

Right, Right. Like, get naked. Like, drop your pants. Yeah. Okay. And he's doing that with you right now. So he's like, hey, like, you're hot. You know, I can't wait to touch you. Take your pants off. Like, is that. Is that how it's going down right. Right now when you talk to him?

Pretty much.

Okay, and so you mean because dirty talk is challenging for a lot of people, right? And then you don't met him yet, and you're staring to his eyes, so you don't even. Like, you can't even bury your. Your. Your head in his chest or sex. You're, like, looking at him on the screen. So that's, you know, that is another edge. So, I mean, here's the thing about dirty Talk. Dirty Talk 101, because it's a comfort for a lot of people, and it's the kind of thing where you could watch porn, you could read erotica, but you really have to find your own voice with dirty talk. But the good news is, my best advice for dirty talk is either you describe something that has happened in the past is that you would like to happen in the future, or something that you want to have happen in the moment. So I think just saying, like, ought to be so hot, you know, you're so hot. I love looking at your abs or whatever he's showing you. Like, take your pants off. You know, I'd love to see, you know, your cock or whatever you feel comfortable saying, like, whatever is actually true for you, you know, and then. But I don't know, like, on FaceTime, you haven't met him yet. And the escalation of that, I think it's just. It might be awkward. Just know that it might be. It's not gonna feel great. Like, I don't think you're gonna do it the first time. Be like, I'm a natural. The first sentence that comes out of your mouth, but it's about developing it on your own. You could also try in the shower, be like, you've talked to him enough. You'd be like, okay, I know how this goes down. He's sitting in his room. I can see him from the waist up. And then you could just think about, what would I want to say to him in the moment? Like, what are you feeling? You know, know that you'd like to see. And then put words around that. And with dirty talk, another thing is talk a little slower. You Know a little bit of a deeper voice, but not like a hey, baby, but you know, your own deeper, slower voice. And then just see how he reacts to that. But I don't want you to do it just because you think that he wants. If you really want to do it for him and you want to see him naked, that's awesome. But you said you want to give back to him, so make sure that it's something that you actually you want for yourself and not just because you think that that's what he wants. You know what I'm saying?

Of course.

Okay, cool.

Well, thank you so much.

You're so welcome. Nicole, good luck with this, and I hope it all works out when you guys meet each other in person.

All right?

Okay. Thanks for calling Sex with Emily. So when I first heard this, I thought, oh, God, you guys haven't met yet. Because I've. Here's my thing. If you meet someone online or wherever, a lot of people just have this. You know, they get into these whole relationships, and we idealize people and we just assume that we create whole relationships. We've never met someone in person. We haven't, like, touched them and smelled them, and we don't know about the pheromones and all those things. So meet someone as soon as possible before you stretch out the relationship. So that's what I wanted for Nicole here, but kind of get the emotional intimacy and the physical intimacy and. Yeah, that's what I think. Nicole, let us know how it goes. We have Lydia. She's 28, from Seattle, and she feels a lack of sexual connection with her partner. Not getting a lot of oral, and there's a lot going on here. Hey, Lydia, thanks for calling in. Hi.

Thank you so much, Emily, for talking with me today.

Of course. Tell me what's going on.

All right. So my boyfriend and I are very in love and couldn't be in a more compassionate and playful relationship. We're both very open and honest with one another. Nothing is too taboo to discuss, especially sex. But unfortunately, the sexual aspect of our relationship has gone pretty stale. And the reason is pretty delicate. And the soul crushing phrase, is it him? Kind of comes to mind.

Oh, okay.

Yes, his penis is definitely on the smaller side. But I'm not trying to stir up whether or not size matters, because I've always been a believer in it's not how deep you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm.

Yes, I haven't heard that one. I've always heard not the size of the ship, it's the Motion of the ocean, but okay, I got you. All right. That's a great one. Okay.

Although we have a whole, like, drawer full of sex toys and things to spice sex up, even our foreplay has kind of become robotic. I find I'm only getting myself off with vibrators. And we've been together for almost two years and he's never given me an orally stimulated orgasm. He goes down on me and vice versa. But it's been almost two years of me coaching him and guiding him and never really achieving the goal. And I've always been more than happy to give pleasure. But part of the fun lies in your partner giving you, you know, mind blowing orgasms.

Exactly.

When I'm only giving them to myself, it's like part of the fun is gone.

Absolutely. No, I totally get it. So I'm wondering. Okay, so wait, I'm trying to understand. First of all, you're saying the size of the penis, we don't really think is the issue. It's more about. You really want some more oral satisfaction.

I think just him giving me orgasms, period, would be super.

Got it. You're like, I'm not picky here. However I got the orgasm, I want it. So you said you've tried to explain to him though, right? You've. You've explained how you want oral or you've talked about it, right? Like how you'd like him to go down.

Yeah, you know, I'll go into depth and be very thorough and explain what my needs are and what feels good and what doesn't. And have you guys tried to answer?

How about mutual masturbation?

Yeah, we've done that before.

Plenty of times.

Okay.

Have you had orgasms through oral sex before with previous partners?

Oh, yeah.

Wow. Okay, so it's been two years. What do you think it is?

That's a good question I've asked. And I think, I think oftentimes when I ask, he kind of gets kind of self conscious and he gets down on himself and he thinks he lacks the ability. Even though I totally think he can do it.

Right. He can. You can do it. You can do it. So. Okay, I think I can. Okay. I'm just wondering, like, is this. So, okay, are you guys talking about this outside the bedroom or are you just. Are you giving him detail? Are you giving him instructions in the moment?

Yeah, more so in the moment?

Yeah. So it might be that he's kind of in the moment going, oh, he can't really settle into it because he's waiting for the next marching Orders. Right. Like, to the left, to the left, to the right. So I think we might have to, like, kind of slow this whole thing down with him. And maybe it's like the way that you talk about it, because it sounds like, you know, he really. He wants to please you, and you guys are in a very loving relationship. So I think just kind of mixing it up and maybe talking about it, like, outside of it, when you guys are like, you know, let's like, just talk about this oral thing, baby. You know, you turn I super attracted to you. And let's just try to, you know, talk about this together. You could even do your own. You could even masturbate. Well, he's just watching, so it's not even like a mutual situation. He's just, like, really watching what you do, but also just talking and saying, like, well, how would he best like to learn, like, asking him a little bit more questions? Because clearly it's not working in the moment. And you could tell him, like, I have the utmost confidence to you. I know it's going to happen. Maybe it's the way I'm explaining it, and you guys could kind of of like, yeah, take it outside of the bedroom and then, you know, talk about it and explain your pleasure and how you like. So what do you. Because I'm just trying to understand what you think if other people have done that before. Is it. Does it feel to you in the moment that he's nervous and you're like, move your tongue this way and you're like, left and he's going right.

I definitely sense he's nervous, like in the moment when I do that, but.

Before I do that.

No.

Okay. So I think it's more about maybe we take this off the table for a little bit. I don't know how long this has been. I know you're like, it's already been off the table, but maybe there has to be some more connecting in other ways. Like, maybe you also, besides the oral, some intimate connections where you guys are, like, just, you know, essential massage, and you're, like, connecting in those kind of ways. And then he can kind of feel like he's giving you pleasure in other ways. And then going into the oral.

It's funny that, because professional. I'm actually a massage therapist.

Oh, I love it.

I don't want to use the word desensitized, but.

So you don't want a massage? I'm just trying to think of what would be something. Oh, my God. What would I really want to. I should just marry A masseuse. My favorite thing ever, getting a massage. But I think that it's more about, like, him, you know, if you're touching yourself and then like, he can kind of like you're getting yourself turned on, and it's not about him. So then. And he's let him know that it's cool, you love him. Like, in a casual. Like, let's just try it again. But I don't want you to be stressed out, babe. I wait my whole life for you to. For us to figure this out. So take the pressure off of him. And then he's kind of watching how you touch yourself. So either using a toy or your fingers, and then he's kind of following along, you know, so. Cause I'm not sure. It might be in that moment thing. You're right. Like, I get nervous in the moment if someone's trying to teach me something, you know, So I use a toy. It's too. It's just my thing. I think, oh, no, am I gonna do this right? You know, so it's like. I think it's the way we all learn differently. So maybe he's visual without the pressure of it having to happen, because you're pleasing yourself in that moment. And he's watching and he could ask questions. You guys can make it fun. He could use a toy, you know, he could use a toy on you. You could use a toy and then you go down on him after, rather than it being mutual.

Right?

Yeah, I think. How about that? How about you try some of that?

That sounds good to me.

Yeah. Lots of lube. I mean, you know. Yeah, so that's. Right. That's what I suggest. I think that a lot of times we just keep. You're saying it the same way and you're explaining the same way to them, but just kind of switching the way you communicate might be the thing that works. So let me know how it goes.

Excellent.

Well, thank you very much, Emily.

Thank you so much, Lydia, for calling. I appreciate it. Okay, you guys. So, you know, this is a really good point. I love this call because think about it. We often think that we've told our partner so many times and they're just not hearing us. Even just the art of the communication and saying something different or a different time. Some people are visual learners. Some people need to hear things 10 times. So. So just kind of, you know, rather than saying, I'm beating him over head with it, think of how you can change the way you're delivering the message. And then there'll be More orgasms for all we have. Chad, he's 30 in Utah, and he wants to know how to bring up sex in a positive way. Hey, Chad, thanks for calling.

Hey, thank you for taking me.

Of course. I am here for you. Tell me what's going on.

Yeah, so I actually have a really great relationship with my wife. Talking about sex, it's actually been really fun and. And kind of led me to your guys's podcast and. And conversations just with her. But as. As I've listened to you guys, I actually want to have more of these conversations outside of, you know, just my wife, you know, with maybe friends or. Or other couples. And so I wondered if, you know, had any experience and advice on, you know, how to get that with other people.

I love this. Like, you.

I've heard you say that guys don't talk about it enough to each other either, so.

Don't. They don't. God, Chad, this is like a dream. This is gonna set example for so many people because we don't talk about it enough. And, you know, I always say, like, be that friend that brings it up. So now you're saying, how do I bring it up? So do you picture yourself, like, hanging out with your guy friends?

Yeah. Yeah.

Even there, like. Cause I think in past experience, guys, you know, especially at a late high school, early college age, it's more about, you know, the score. Yeah, exactly who I was with or I saw her nude picture.

Yeah, exactly.

But it's.

I banged her. I didn't bang her. I want to bang her friend. End of story. Yeah. So, okay, Chad, this is great. So I think when you're talking to your guy friends, you could just, you know, just say to them, like, I. You could even blame it on me. My wife and I, we would listen to this podcast and I realized, like, I talked to my wife, but I'd love to hear, like, let's. Let's talk about your sex life or how often do you have sex? Or what's your sex life? This is what we've been doing, and it's helped us. So how about this? I've been with my wife, and, you know, we actually talk about sex in this way that's actually really helped us. And I'm really wondering, do you and your wife talk about sex? So actually, you can start the talk about sex, asking them if they talk about sex with their part with their partners, and then from there, you know, what kind of things you talk about and you could even share. So that's how it starts. And seeing if they're comfortable with that. Just saying, do you guys talk about it? And then your friend might just say, yeah, we do. Let them know. I think being authentic and being honest here and saying, you know what? I realized that it's really helped my wife and I, but I don't really talk to my friends about. Would you. Let's. Would you feel comfortable talking about it? Like about your experiences or, you know, what kind of information would you like to find out, Chad? Like, how do you see the conversation going down?

Oh, like, I mean, I'm interested in what you guys are talking about, you know, with like masturbation habits.

Right.

And even what there's what they do to their spouse that. Or that they wouldn't wish. They wish their spouse would be into or if they've talked about those type of things with their spouse or things that are off limits in the bedroom or. Yeah, the kinks and the fetishes that I hear you guys talk about.

Exactly, exactly. I think that's great. I mean, I think, you know, not everyone's gonna be down with it, but I've found in my experience that most people are. When they hear what I do for a living, they're like, oh, my God, we don't talk about it enough. So I think you're gonna have a lot of luck in this department. And you just want to start off like, so what's your kink? But just like, hey, I gotta ask you something. I know we've never talked about this before, but I'm asking for a reason. I have found that talking about sex with my wife has really changed the landscape of a relationship. And I want to know, do you've experienced with that? I think it'd be, you know, I always wonder, like, what do other people talk about? And then you're gonna see if they open up. And I think you'll just become a natural conversation. And what I love about this is that I think it actually really enhanced the intimacy you have with your guy friends. You know, I think that guys should talk about this more. So I love it. How does that sound?

I like it. Yeah, that sounds great.

Good. And just, you know, keep asking questions, see if they're comfortable. Might take them a second. And also, you could also let them know, like. Like, you know, dude, I'm not asking for, you know, I'm safe, you know, I'm not gonna talk to anyone else about this. I just think that, you know, I'm not going to be sharing it. I mean, hopefully make that pack like a lot of my friends talk to me about their, their white, their husbands or their wives. And I, you know, I don't share. It's a safe place so you can let them know, like, yeah, I'm not, I'm really just. This isn't about gossip. I just, I actually think we could learn from each other and I think that that would just be an incredibly brave, authentic moment and could change your relationship. So.

Yeah, I like it. Thank you.

Okay, I like it too, Chad. Let me know how it goes. I love it.

Okay, no problem.

Thanks, Chad. Have a great day. Thanks for calling. Sex with Emily. I love this. I love when people listen to the show and then they call and they're like, I want to try that thing that you suggested. You guys. I think that we all learn from each other. And so to have a man calling up and saying, I really would love to hear what's going on in my friend's sex lives, not for titillation, but just to learn is amazing. So that made my day. Thank you. You, Chad. Okay, guys, hope you enjoyed this show. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback emily.com.

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