Bondage, Threesomes & Golden Showers

So I'm of the mindset that I think P is for pleasure. I wondered what you thought about that.

Okay, is this a trick question? Are you referring to urine?

Yes.

Okay, so you're saying are you with somebody who has, like, a urine fetish?

I have that.

Oh, okay. Oh. P is for pleasure. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. All sexual fantasies have one thing in common. They trigger an arousal response inside our bodies laced with erotic flavor. But how do you actualize your fantasy with a partner who's wary of it, even turned off by it? Well, on today's show, I'm taking your calls on this exact predicament. First up, when your partner wants you to drastically change your appearance for their pleasure, should you do it, or when your partner wants to watch you with a third, how do you find that person? Next, if you're not naturally dominant in bed but your partner's begging for it, how do you step into your power? I also get into urine fetishes. Yep. Like golden showers. And how to introduce them to an otherwise vanilla sex life. And how to explore same sex adventures in a hetero marriage. Intentions with Emily. For each episode, I want to start off by setting an intention for the show, and I encourage you all to do the same. My intention is to normalize unique sexual fantasies. Listen, we've all got things that excite us. I firmly stand by the saying don't yuck my yum. And by the end of the show, I hope you'll feel more open to expressing your fantasies and listening. Listening to others express theirs too. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. And check out my YouTube channel, social media, and TikTok. It's all sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. And if you want to ask me questions, do it. Leave me your questions or Message me at sexwithemily.com askemily or call my hotline 559-talk-SEX or 559-825-5739. Always include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. And you can change your name or choose to remain anonymous. All right, there's a big announcement. I just released dates for my upcoming Smart sex book tour. I want to see you all. Please come say hello. I haven't done anything like this before, and I'll be doing live events in New York on June 13, virtually on June 15 via CrowdFest so I can actually talk to all of you. So no matter where you are, we're going to have a conversation. And I'm in San Francisco bay area on June 17. I really can't wait to meet all of you face to face. It's been a long time, am I right? It's time. We'll be doing photo ops, a moderated discussion panel, live Q&As to answer all of your sex questions. And when you buy a ticket, you automatically get a copy of my new book, Smart Sex. So we have an article live on our site with all of this info which you can also find in the show notes. And don't forget if this episode speaks to you, I've got a whole chapter on kink in my book. All about core erotic desires, common types of fantasies, and how it all ties into your sex iq. Lastly, this episode is brought to you by Smart Mouth, which is my latest daily obsession because basically it's a mouthwash that truly eliminates and prevents bad breath for 24 hours with just two rinses a day. And it tastes really good. They somehow make this process very enjoyable. Smart Mouth I'm so into them and I have to remind you that a lot of you say your biggest turnoff is hygiene, so this is something else to put in your back pocket or you know, in your bedroom on your bedroom counter. You can find Smart Mouth in the oral care aisle anywhere mouthwash is sold. Or buy it on Amazon today. And of course we will link it in our show notes. All right everyone, enjoy this episode.

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Let's talk to Garrett, 33, in Maryland. Hi, Garrett. What's going on? Thanks for calling.

Just a couple questions. My fiance and I have been together going on six years, getting married in a few months. Sex is good. We do a little bit of, like, BDSM stuff, more on the lighter and, like, blindfold, some tying up, but, like, pretty on the lighter end of things. And she's been talking about maybe, like, one kind of fantasy of hers or whatever that, like, in connection with, like, when we're doing that stuff, like, she would cut my hair, like, with clippers. Like, they kind of do it in, like, a sensual way and not, like, necessarily opposed to it. It does sound actually kind of hot, like, the way she'd do it. But every time we go to do it, I kind of chicken out. So I don't know, like, just how to kind of get into something you're not necessarily comfortable with, but eager to do.

Yeah, like, you want to please her. It could be hot, but. And the thing that makes you uncomfortable, like, for me, I'd be like, what if you fuck up my hair? Like, your concern is that as well.

Yeah, well, I think it's, like, that's kind of what makes it hot. Like, that she would kind of leave her mark. I've pretty short hair as it is, so it wouldn't be like, I have a professional job, but, yeah, like, I can't do a Mohawk, but, like, just going bald or, like, a military thing wouldn't be.

And that's not hugely, you know, inappropriate. So it's kind of hot in the sense that, like, it kind of be her secret mark, but also scary because it's. Even for a guy, it's hair. But, you know, if she did it, along with, you know, other types of foreplay and things, I guess it could be hot, but just kind of out of my element.

Yeah, no, totally. Garrett, I love this question. Let me tell you why. Because there's so many times that our partners, you know, well, first off, congratulations on the engagement wedding. I love that you guys are talking about this stuff. Like, this is what I want. Like, how great to get to the point where, like, we know that we're into power play and role play, and specifically, there's something that my partner wants to do that I'm not that into. So I say in these cases, you're like, wow, thank you for sharing that with me. That's hot. And then maybe you provide an alternative to that. Right, Garrett? Like, what if she shaved you instead of cut your hair? What if you wore a wig? I mean, when you first. When I first saw this, I'm like, maybe a wig, but maybe the part of it is that she's going towards your head. Like, I think what I would also say to her is, what is it about this fantasy that turns you on? And then she could explain that to you. Well, there's a part of it that makes it feel kind of risky, and I love it. Like, from there, figure out what would be another option, like, more in depth. You know, she gets what's cool with you, and what part of it doesn't makes you feel less comfortable. And then you'd be surprised to find that you guys will be able to kind of come to a compromise and find something else that's hot.

That's a good idea. And I think for me, like, a part of me really wants to do it.

Oh, okay.

Like, try anything once, but just, like, getting in the moment and then always kind of chickening out, having a safe word about it for some time.

Oh, okay. Well, I think having a safe word, role playing it where she's not actually cutting your hair. So you do it at a point where she's not really doing it yet, and you're talking it through and saying, like, right now, like, I'm picturing, like, I have the shears out, and maybe in the shower, she starts to, like, kind of play with it and talk it through. So if things aren't comfortable, but you're already getting close to it, you know, I think just role playing it and also, like, trying a wig, see if, you know, and see if you could actually do the actual thing. I think a wig would be kind of cool. Like, put it on and then see, could I actually do this? And then. But I think talking about it again could just be hot. Saying, well, what is it about this fantasy? What else could we do? But you're saying that you might actually be into it. So that's why I'm thinking for you, maybe it's a role play. Maybe it's a. Because if you're into it, then I want you to, like, test it a little bit more. So use the words. Use the role playing. Try a wig. Try it in the shower with, like, holding scissors or something. Could you try that out, Gary?

Yeah. Do you think, like, would it be, like. I think it Has. Because when she first mentioned it, like, this is crazy. But then it kind of warmed up to me. Like, you know, the more we talked about it, like, yeah, I could see that being actually hot if done right. And, like, if I got to the headspace to just kind of give in.

Yeah, absolutely. Your hair grow. Does she cut hair for a living?

No, not at all.

That scares me. I'd be like, nope, we are finding an alternative. Do not mess with my hair. So has she ever cut hair before? Like, that would make me nervous, but people do, like, knife play. People do a lot of different things sexually. Like, people, like, throw nails through people's balls. I read that in Gigi Engels book. But, like, so people do shit. Garrett, I just feel like you.

I can't tell which way you want to go here, but I think if you're not, you don't seem totally ready yet. So I think that talking to her about what her motivation is, what in how is she going to feel when she's doing it, what are the things that are coming up for her, the emotions, the feelings, and then figure out if you could find something else to do. Or, like, maybe the more you hear about it and the more you guys have a plan for it and you have a safe word that. That's why we have safe words like red, yellow, green. Super helpful. Red is like, stop. Yellow's like, proceed with caution. And green's like, that's hot. Keep going. If you have a red, you say red. She has to stop. She can't cut another. She can't cut another piece of your hair.

That's a good idea.

Yeah. Okay.

Garrett, on the honeymoon. Just honeymoon. All bets are off, right?

Yeah. You've already taken the pictures, you've already done things. You're away for a while. You're a dude, your hair grows back, probably quicker. Yeah, there you go, Garrett. But keep talking about it up until then to make sure you're ready. All right?

All right.

Thank you.

Of course, Garrett. Thanks for calling. Let's talk to Jennifer, 43, in Austin. What's going on? How can I help you?

Been hesitating to call about this, because I really didn't. I didn't actually think about it until we were talking about this the other day, and he was like, well, how could we do this? I have a boyfriend. I'm 43, he's 57, and he's never done anything out of the ordinary with anyone. And I've been with women before in the past and all that kind of stuff, so he's into wanting to see me with another woman. So we've tried to go to some of the places that they have in our area to go to. But what he was asking is like, what do you do? Like when you're finished with them and you don't want them to feel like, like how do you say, okay, we're done with you, get out. Like throwing. I mean, I hate to say it like that. Like, you know, because. Not that we're using them because it's enjoyable, but I could ask this for people who are just like, hey, okay, totally.

Listen, Jennifer, this is what you got to do. Especially if you're bringing another woman or a third. Anytime you're bringing a third into the relationship, it's not so like willy nilly. Like, hey, you come over. It's got to be something that you guys discuss ahead of time. You meet the person there and there's boundaries. So you let them know, like, this is what we're interested in. This is how we want to go down. And we, we, we're not interested in sleepovers. So we just want to play around. And then we like to sleep together in our bed. And then they know and then there's not a weirdness. You're not like, your Uber's outside. And then they're like, but I packed my pajamas. Oh, I guess you wouldn't wear pajamas to a threesome. Probably. But what I'm saying is you just gotta lay all this stuff out, right? We forget that we gotta prepare people. Cause they don't know what's coming. So just saying it in a loving way. Yeah.

So then where do you find someone?

Oh, that's another question that you can.

Talk about that with.

Well, that's a great question. How do you find the third? First of all, they're sub websites. Fetlife is one of them. Cassidy. There's something called Field F E E L D. And a lot of them have like platforms, apps that you can actually say we are a couple looking for a third. And there's a lot more things available right now. There's also play parties. There might. You're in Austin. Like I'm sure there's like a swinging scene there, people who are playing. So I would just start asking around and then seeing or looking on the apps to get started. I would also look at meetups. Meetups for relationships are awesome. You meetup. I don't know what they're called, like open relationships or meetups, alternative relationships. There's a lot of them. So I would just say Start doing that, and then you find someone. Yeah, that's what you do, Jennifer. Maybe you go to play party and you meet someone there. Yeah, do it.

Okie dokie.

Okay, Jennifer. All right.

Well, that's easy enough.

I know. I love it. Let me know how it goes. I'll help you with all the steps. There you go. Easy. That's how you do it. And I don't recommend, like, your neighbor, your best friend, your office mate. Like, I like it when there's not a lot of attachment to the person and they know that. It's like, you're getting off, we're getting off, and then you go home. I think that's important. This is from Kelly, 21, in South Dakota, listening to your episode on BDSM and brought up bondage to my longtime partner. He then said he'd like to be tied up and for me to do whatever to him. I have no idea what kind of stuff to do to him or how to be even sexy while dominating. So my question is, what are some appropriate things to do him while explaining exploring new things. Okay, so I only have a few minutes left, but let me say this. When our partner makes a sexual request where we're like, I don't know what to do here. How do I dominate? What does that look like? Just know that, A, it's okay that you don't know, because how would you know? And B, it's okay to go back for a clarifying question. So I think that sometimes we're so afraid when we make a demand to it. We make a request to our partner, or your partner says something to us sexually, and we're like, okay, got it. And then we turn away. We're like, now what? It's okay to go back and now you know what? And say, you know what, sweetie? I. I heard what you said about me wanting to dominate you, and I would love to hear more about that. Can you tell me what that would look like? Maybe he's got some porn that he's watched. He has, like, a scene, and he's like, this scene turns me on. And then, Kelly, you'll know. You'll know where to go. We don't. We. We don't have to be mind readers, because when he says tied up and do whatever to him tied up and spank them tied up and, you know, blindfold him, like, tied up and leave him for an hour, you know, tied up and tickle him, it's literally different for everybody. And so I think that the good news is, like, tying up, like, you could use a necktie. You could buy bondage gear. You don't need a lot of fancy things. But you need to know, like, what's the scenario? What's the scene? Like, the who, what, where, when, why? Like, what are you wearing? Where are you? What's he saying? When does it happen? Like, give you a storyline, you know, I think we talking about fantasies, we make it very difficult. We just kind of laid out there. But if we can give context to our partner and be like, okay, who it's with me and you. Like, when. You could either tell them when you want it to happen or like, oh, when could also be. Well, I first had this fantasy because I was watching a porn, or my friend told me about it. You know, where. Paint the scenario. You know, why? You know, maybe he might say to you, or if you're explaining to your partner the why could be that this is. This fantasy is part of my fundamental developmental arousal. This is the image I think about that turns me on. And I would love to be with a partner who could help me fulfill it. And I think it would be really hot. And tell me your fantasy. Find out more about what he wants, and then we can talk about it. But I don't think you have to guess. I think it already can be uncomfortable trying new things, so it's okay to ask in a loving way, just like, oh, my God, I'm so. That sounds super hot. Tell me more. And then hopefully, Kelly, you'll be able to tell them some of your fantasy. How great. When we're all getting our needs met. Don't go away, because after the break, I'm talking with callers about cuckolding and golden showers. You heard that, right? You do not want to miss this.

Let's talk to Dean 60 in Oklahoma. Hi, Dean. Thanks for calling.

So I was listening to a session that you did, and you talked about different fetishes, different kinks and whatnot. And I came away from that session feeling a bit left out.

Okay, tell me everything.

Well, so I'm of the mindset that. That I think P is for pleasure. I wondered what you thought about that.

Okay. Is this a trick question? Are you. Is this. Are you referring to urine?

Yes.

Okay, so you're saying are you with somebody who. Who has, like, a urine fetish?

I have that.

Oh, okay. Op is for pleasure. I thought you were, like, it shouldn't be for pleasure. Okay, I understand. So, yeah, I think that that is a. Yeah, well, for you it is, Dean. So, yeah, that is a common fetish. You're in play to have your partner perhaps pee on you.

Sure.

Okay. Have you ever talked to your partner about that? Are you in a relationship?

Yeah, actually. I mean, I've been married for almost 40 years, happily married. But, you know, this has been a challenge in our relationship for many years, and. And my wife, she doesn't understand this and. And, you know, doesn't really feel comfortable with it. So I just, you know, wanted to know if I was clear off base or not.

No, I mean, this is actually a. A common fetish. Meaning, like, statistically speaking, we. This is something that we hear a lot. You know, it's frequent, AKA golden showers. And so it is common. And I would say that I also understand that for many people, like, in my world, it is. I hear it. But I get that your wife might be off put by it. Maybe, you know, might be something that she's not into. Have you ever asked her what her fantasies are? Because sometimes kind of getting into what she's into kind of help her be a little bit more willing. Because my recommendation for this is if you want to execute on it, which you haven't, and you've been with your wife for a long time, would be to do in the shower. That's my, like, fast track. That's my quick fix.

Well, I mean, it's been tried before. I mean, she, you know, there's been times that she's. She's, you know, she's paid for me before, but she's just never. She's just never comfortable with it as far as as, you know, trying to find out her desires. I mean, I search and I search and she's, you know, she's very plain vanilla when it comes to sex. And I. I like sprinkles and cherries and nuts and, you know, all kinds of things.

Yeah, I hear you. Was there anything. Was there anything that you can recall, you've been together a long time that maybe gave you a sense of what she might be into or what. I mean, listen, a lot of us just don't know what's on the table or we grew up in an environment where it was discouraged to actually think about sex, you know, other than procreation, or it was wrong or we were shamed. And unfortunately, no matter how old we get sometimes that stuff still won't carry. You know, we still hang on to it. So, you know, I'm sure, yeah, she's probably like this way for a while, but maybe there's a way to kind of tap into stuff that is dormant or just to let her know how important is to you, to continue to enhance your. Your relationship sexually.

So. Well, I mean, I don't want to take up too much of your time, but, I mean, just a bit of history in our relationship when, you know, we got married young. I think as we got married, we were both excited and, you know, enthused about sexual ideas and whatever and wanted to make the best of it. And in my ignorance, I had no clue how to please a woman.

And.

And so I think the early years of our marriage, I think she was very disappointed. And, you know, I feel like, you know, she just chose to, you know, kind of write that off and be satisfied with, you know, mediocre or whatever. And then in the last 10 years of our marriage, I've tried really hard to expand that my greatest pleasure comes from giving her pleasure. I wish I could get her to talk about her desires and her wants and. And, you know, those conversations just never seem to go anywhere.

Yeah, Dean, I hear you. You know, it's interesting. First off, I love what you're saying here, because a lot of us don't know. I mean, Dean, you're not alone that so many of us, men, women, we all don't know even how to be good lovers. Like, how would you know? No one, you know, everything that we were told in the media or in movies is about more about male pleasure, just about intercourse. Right? It's just about, like, it's just about. We don't see what's on the menu. So that makes sense that you were there, that you didn't know when you were younger. But now I think it's about reintroducing her to. If she's open to kind of looking at it is not so linear. Like, I'm going to want to get in the bedroom and do all these things, but just finding out what actually gives her joy, what makes her feel more connected. What does she need from you, Dean, to feel that emotionally safe or to feel, you know, desired? Like, do you. You know, is it words or is it. Is it gifts? Does she want you to do more around the house? You know, is it. It's kind of like, does she ever masturbate? Has she had pleasure in the past?

She. I mean, she. She will sometimes if I prompted and I encourage her to. But. But, you know, I mean. I mean, I do. I do think that went on in the early years of our marriage when she was struggling, you know, for. For her own satisfaction. And then I just feel like she. She just kind of wrote it off we still have sex on a regular basis, but it's just. It's very, you know.

Plain vanilla. That's the term.

Well, Dean, have you ever told her that, that you feel. Feel like you could have done better and that, you know, that she was frustrated and you really want to explore and find out what she's into?

It's been a while. It's been a number of years. These conversations tend to come up, you know, at times when we're traveling alone or something, when we're, you know, have time together and whatever. And, you know, I've tried to really address this with her and basically all I seem to be able to get out of her is just, you know, she's satisfied, she's fine.

You know.

I mean.

Yeah, and I would keep, you know, in recent years, you know, I've. I've learned to really find. I've learned to really find a lot of my pleasure comes from. From, you know, from wanting to give her pleasure and wanting to satisfy her and. Yeah, well, I want to do that better.

Yeah, I think you got to let. Listen, Dean, you got to know that the sex conversation is not a one time conversation. So if a few years ago you said to her, I'm sorry I wasn't a great lover to you, or you bring it up once a year, that's not enough. We have to continue to. And you're right to say, when you're on vacation, that's how we all love vacation sex. Right? It's like my two favorite words, like vacation sex. Like, that is the best sex. But now you could create that is, you know, you, you know, going on walks together, finding things that you love doing together. And those are the times to have the conversation. When you're in a really good place, you know, you're having fun, you can say, you know what, babe? I want to talk about our relationship and our sex life. It's really important to me to. For us to continue to be great lovers to each other. And it sounds like it's a little bit of education too. So a lot of people listen to this show together. Next time you're on a road trip. I hear from couples all the time. I find it so funny. They're like, my partner and I were on a road trip for 12 hours and we binged all your episodes. I mean, sometimes it's a very hard conversation to have, especially if we didn't grow up with it. So to be able to kind of find other material, maybe there's something you read or that you see that you could bring up as a conversation with her sometimes might help you. Okay, Dean, thanks for calling. I appreciate it. I appreciate you. Let's talk to Christine, 55, in California.

So I have a friend of mine 30 some years and 23 years ago, we had a little girl on girl session that was great. And she was hoping that maybe we would try that again. So I have these. You know, my husband was cool with it because we've been married five years, healthy. We're not doing anything weird on the side, but we've been recently talking about maybe having maybe a girl that I like that occasionally we can have in our bedroom, but only for me, not for him. So he's like, well, why don't we just see how things go with you and your girlfriend this weekend?

Right?

I mean, I've seen her, you know, I haven't seen her that often because she lives back east. And to be honest, I wasn't into it at all. And I didn't know how to, like, hurt her feelings. I don't want to hurt her feelings. So I kind of did an obligatory fooled around with her.

Okay.

And it was, you know, I faked it. It wasn't good. And I have no interest in going back there. So that was that. And then meanwhile, right around the same time that I knew she was coming out, I had answered an ad for a woman that was in my age group. Sounded interesting, sounded smart, and we decided to meet. And it was like, kind of like all or nothing. So all in that weekend. So my husband agreed that I. I could see this woman. We hit it off great. We interacted on, you know, through cell. We had a nice dinner, and then we had a great physical. And it was fun, all of that. Meanwhile, my husband now says he's not okay with me having any more private time with her. And that only if she's incorporated into our bedroom. So the kind of. That's where we're at. And I wouldn't mind, to be honest, with occasionally seeing her and then still having that. But if that's not how he's going to go, then that's okay. I'll respect that.

We don't. So you're saying that your husband wants to. The only. He's saying now, I only want you to be with her if I can watch.

Correct. And the whole point was we kind of wanted to see this girl and I. We wanted to see if we were gonna, you know, click in that department and everything. Just, it was really nice and sensual, you know, different house, supposed to be with A woman and she's, you know, has. Is looking to have a. Find a boyfriend and all that. So this is going to be like occasional, but we decided that either way we wanted to be friends, like girlfriends and whether it was sexual or not. And now my husband's like, well, I'm not okay with you having another, you know, one on one girl time if I'm not there. Because I feel like I know he's worried that it could turn into like a relationship. Okay, you can't say that for just, you know, one time. I mean, that's not gonna happen. I'm happily married. I was, you know, Right. So he said, I'm only okay with it if I can be there and I can enjoy you having a good time. And I'm there in the room. So that's where we're at in that department.

And how do you feel?

I don't know what you think? Well, I feel okay, but I feel like if I wanted to be with her, he knows it's not going to threaten our marriage that I kind of feel like would. I would want to be with her again.

Okay. And it was so. It's kind of like he changed the rules. Maybe he thought you came back and said you had a really good time. And then he started to get, you know, jealous. So I feel like. Exactly.

Because he had one happened, the guy. So I did all that and he seemed really turned on. Then he's like, okay, now I'm gonna wait for you when you come home. Then he wanted to have me too, and I was like, I'm exhausted. I don't know.

Yeah, Then you're like, I'm exhausted. So it sounds like. Okay. So I feel like you just have to have some more conversations with him, Christine, because it sounds like what's happened is. Which is such a great example for people who want to, like, open up their relationship, whether it's with, you know, a third person or a threesome. This is what happens with people who open up their relationships. It was the first time. And then you have to kind of have discussions and say, well, me, like, how it made him feel. Maybe, like, listen to him without, like protesting and just saying, okay, like, how would it go down? How do you picture it? And tell me about your. More about your fear that I would leave you for another woman. Like, just listen to him. I think eventually you might be able to just reassure him. But I think because it's so new and you guys have been together for a long time, I believe that to have someone else Whether it's a woman or a man, like, it's threatening. And so I feel like if you. You have two choices right now, I think you could kind of wait and see if it settles a little bit. And he's like, oh, yeah, no, now that I've thought about it, I guess it's okay if you want go on another date with her, because, Christine, let me ask you. You don't think that you would leave your husband for a woman, do you?

Oh, no. I mean, I. I'll be honest. I mean, I was married for 12 years to the wrong man, and there was no sex. I would say I could count on, like, one hand, and it was horrible. Plus, we were miserable together.

Right.

But I never even had, like, I didn't even have a vibrator.

Right.

I mean, it was. We're talking a dry spell, right? So I'm on hormone therapy. I have a husband I'm attracted to. I feel great. We're total. And because we're happy together, we're happy together in the bedroom as well. This just sort of was something that I mentioned to him. I had this woman thing a long time ago. Yeah, I might want to try that again. He seemed open to it. Now I'm like, I really like this woman as a woman. It could be a friend.

Right.

And I like her. And the fact that I liked her sexually as well.

I get it. Yeah.

I think made him nervous.

Okay, Christine, I understand that. So what I'm saying is you have two choices. Like, you can kind of like, you know what? Let's just put this on hold for a little bit. I. Let's just kind of connect with, you know, which you and your husband, and you kind of maybe bring it up again in a few weeks or a month and just talk about it with him still and find out a little bit more. Or you can agree to bring her into the bedroom one time and see how that goes if you really want to see her again. But I feel like it's something that you're both going to have to, you know, come to an agreement on. And I guess it probably feels unfair because he, like, changed the rules on you, but he's truly expressing how it made him feel. It made him feel threatened in a way. It's a new behavior. Right. When our partners change suddenly, you have to have little compassion for him in that area. I think, again, it's more conversations than you have to decide. Would you be down with having him? Maybe if he saw you guys together once, he'd be like, okay, you know what? I saw that I don't need to see it again. I see your relationship now. I'm not threatened. But that's the thing about open relationships and all relationships. They're living, breathing entities that you have to continue to massage and nourish and. And this will probably enhance your communication in every other area. If you could learn to kind of listen and hold back and, like, entertain his feelings and just kind of see where this goes. So I think it's a little bit more talk. Yeah.

So can I ask you a question not related to us about. My girlfriend laughed. She told me her biggest secret. And she said that for the last 20 years or so, her. She had a boyfriend before she got married, and he was fascinated by the idea of watching them have sex.

Okay.

On occasion. So she calls it cuckolding or something.

It is cuckold.

Okay. So like every year, maybe twice a year, the husband participates and wants his wife to have sex with this man. She told me all kinds of stuff. And then, like an idiot, after all this, I told my husband about it. Now he's worried about, like, the friends that I'm hanging out with.

Yeah.

Lives in the Midwest, you know.

Yeah.

What do you think about that as it. I mean, cuckolding. I suppose to each his own, but it's.

No, cuckolding is a common fantasy. I hear it a lot from men. It's. I hear it more from. From men who want to watch their wives have sex with another. They just get. They get off on it. It's really hot for them to see, you know. Yeah. Their wife getting pleasure. There's a little bit of Feel so bad that it feels good. It's sort of a psychological thing.

My husband, he was like, I believe in the sanctity of marriage. And then I said, well, how is it any different?

It's the same with you.

You being okay with me being in the bedroom. He goes, but it's not from the same sex. And it's the same thing, though.

But it's the same thing. To be honest, it's. He's actually into. It sounds like he's into cuckolding. He wants to watch you with another woman is pretty much the same thing. It is, though. He wants to watch you with someone else. And then for some men, it's just like. It's like the stigma, like, of watching their partner. They're like, I can't believe I'm doing this. But then it feels good. There's a lot of different reasons why it turns on. So he might just want to be like turned on by seeing you have pleasure. I don't know yet. So what it is.

But that's what he said. He said he liked.

But.

But Christine wouldn't that seeing me enjoy myself.

Why not though? Why not have him watch you to enjoy yourself? What about it don't you like?

Oh, I'm fine with that. I think that's fine. And he said he doesn't need to have any stimulation or anything or her touching him or anything. It's just about he enjoys me having pleasure and he wants to be a good husband.

All right, well, I think you can't go against. Listen, you love your husband, Christine. Thanks. You know, I think you got to just keep having conversations. Don't do anything without him knowing and continue to talk because I think more will be revealed. You guys are going to be going deeper and learning more about your connection with this. But thanks, Christine. Thanks for your call. I appreciate it. Good tear from you you.

That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email, so sign up@sexsexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-talk-SEX. That's 559-825-5739 or go to sexwithemily.com askemily Special thanks to Acast for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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