Bonus Episode: 10 Red Flags in Bed That Kill Great Sex

So what makes someone bad in bed? Well, it's not about technique. It's not about stamina. It's about awareness of your body, your pleasure, and the shared experience of sex. In today's episode, we're talking about the top red flags in bed, the things that go beyond just a meh hookup and into territory that can seriously impact your sense of safety, intimacy, and satisfaction. These aren't about shaming anyone, truly. They're about naming patterns so you can spot them early and speak up for your needs and build healthier, hotter, more connected sexual experiences. Okay, that's, that's what it's all about. Let's dive into the top red flags in bed according to me, Dr. Emily Morse, host of the podcast Sex with Emily. I've been a sex educator for 20 years and I'm here to help you. Top 10 red flags in bed. All right. Number 1, they never ask what you like. So if someone's not even curious about your pleasure, that's a red flag. Great sex is collaborative. Don't forget it. It's not a one-person show with a silent partner. It is so important to like be with someone who has a growth mindset around that, who's actually curious about what feels good to you. You're curious about them. That is so important. But if they're just in for themselves, They're not paying attention to you. Huge red flag. Number 2, they skip or just rush through foreplay. Listen, foreplay isn't like a bonus round or like a nice to have or maybe. Foreplay is actually a suggestion. It's not even a requirement. For many of us, we require foreplay, and that might show a lack of emotional and anatomical intelligence if someone is just like right to penetration and they're not even like slowing things down and exploring and having fun. Number 3, they don't take feedback or get defensive about it. Whether it's a moan or a suggestion or a simple, right there, that's the spot. Your pleasure cues matter. And if someone like can't adjust or respond or even listen, that's a huge red flag. Or if you're even afraid to give them feedback because you're like, I don't want them to respond in the way that they already have and they're not willing to work on it, like that is a problem. We all need feedback when it comes to sex. We just have to figure out how to talk about it. So someone who gets defensive and they won't take the feedback, not your person. Number 4, they make orgasm the only goal. Orgasm isn't a performance metric. I mean, if someone's like obsessed with getting you there and they're like, you got to get there or it's not successful and why can't you get there? And they see it as a finish line, like that is the finish line to sex. It can create so much pressure instead of presence. If someone is pressuring you all day, every day to have an orgasm, like, you're less likely to have one. So, red flag.

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Number 5: they don't check in or care about consent. Now listen, consent is not just like a buzzword, it's a basic. A partner who never asks like, do you like this? Is this okay? Or worse off, they're not even listening to feedback you've given them in the past and they're just steamrolling over your boundaries, this is showing a huge lack of maturity and safety awareness. Number 4, they lead with ego. If they brag about how good they are in bed, I hate that. Oh, this is gonna be the best sex of your life. They're like texting you, sexting you, this whole thing. Or they act like they know your body better than you do. It's not confidence, it's super performative, and they're just doing it to make themselves feel better. How the hell could they know your body, know that they're actually even good in bed? And listen, Someone else might have thought they're good in bed, but you don't think they're good in bed. So like, it's all different. Everybody's different. So if they lead with their ego, no. Number 7, they vanish emotionally after sex. Sex isn't just over at orgasm. There is something called aftercare, and it's important, and we still need connection. So if they just shut down, they check out, they roll over, there's not a moment of connection, it can leave you feeling really abandoned or unseen. So if you have felt this way, you are not alone. You are not broken. Um, but it is a red flag, especially if you shared it with them and they're just still rolling over and not giving you what you need after sex. Number 8: they shame your fantasies or your preferences. If someone laughs at or criticizes or dismisses what turns you on, basically they yuck your yum, like, that is not playful, that is not cute, that is harmful. Sexual exploration should be judgment free, period. Number 9: they avoid protection or sexual health conversations. This is a huge red flag. Like, pushing back on condoms or ghosting on the STI talk— that is just not your person. That's not spontaneous. That is selfish. That shows that they have a lack of concern for your health and for your safety and It's a huge no. Number 10, they expect you to read their mind or they try to read yours. Remember, sex is communication. It's a two-way street. If they never talk about what they want or assume they should just know what you need, but they will not talk about sex at all, you're missing out on so much, so much real connection, truly. So those are some red flags to look out for in bed. Okay. You might be able to work on some of these, but if you just wanna know off the bat, is this my person to go the distance or not? These are red flags. Tell me what you think of these red flags. Comment below, subscribe. Let's talk about it. That's it for today's episode. Thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. If you love the show, please like, subscribe, and leave it a review wherever you get your podcast. And hey, share this with a friend or partner. It just might spark something. You can find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, TikTok, and X. It's all @sexwithemily. And I've been told I give really good email, so sign up at sexwithemily.com for free guides, articles, and more ways to prioritize your pleasure. Have a question about sex, dating, or relationships? Call my hotline, 559-TALK-SEX. That's 559-825-5739. Or leave a message at sexwithemily.com/ask. And hey, was it good for you? Email me anytime at feedback@sexwithemily.com. I'd love to hear what you're thinking.