Breakups, Bondage, And Bisexuality

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man e here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standard. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com and have a good time there. You guys hang out. You can easily subscribe to the podcast, our newsletter. We send it once a week. We let you know what's happening here at Sex with Emily. You can also follow me on social media. I love hearing from you guys. You've been awesome letting me know, like, what you like about the show and asking me questions. It's always exwithemily across the board. So Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter. Oh, and you can also go to sexwithemily.com podcast because, you guys, I've been doing podcasts for 12 years, which is amazing. I know. I can't believe it either. And they're all on the website, so some of them aren't even available out in the world. But you can find them on the website if you really want to go do a deep dive on Sex with Emily, which I love. And it's been great hearing from all of you and I'm excited for today's show. I love getting your emails and we're gonna do a little sex in the news and it's going to be awesome. Hey guys, a listener emailed me and there's something that he wrote in here that I, that kind of stuck out to me and I wanted to talk to you about it. So he listens to the show regularly and he likes the tolerant, sex positive attitude of my podcasts. And this was in response to a recent show where I answered an email from a married woman with children who, who was willing to explore her bisexuality. And he said that being open, communicative and supportive to each other on the path of eroticism and sexual exploration in a couple is a key to long term success and lust. So he also says that he's in a happy relationship for 20 years, has four children, and I just thought it was really interesting that the way that he wrote this, this concept of it being a path of eroticism and sexual exploration and that is the key to long term success. And you know, I'm not gonna say there's one thing that is the key, but it is true that your sex life is constantly, you know, changing and your desires change over time. If you're with someone for 20 years, you know, hopefully you want to put your sex life up there with other things that you're working on, like being great parents and being good at your job and, you know, having a healthy life and a healthy sex life goes along with supporting each other on your path to eroticism. I mean, think about it. Think about the different things that, you know, we're always talking about tips on the show that you can do to really enhance intimacy with your partner and try new things because it is a Path, you guys, it is a journey and it will keep your sex life interesting to keep trying new things and to stay connected and to figure out like, where we are, where are we at now? You know, what are we like today? And it might not be what you like 20 years from now, but, you know, the more that you guys really like, talk and explore, I mean, the couples that I know that have really kind of opened up their relationship, and I don't just mean sexually like with other partners, but open it up to this kind of like discussion of like, I don't know the answers, babe. Like, I don't know what necessarily is going to work for me or you, but let's figure it out together. Really does work for a lot of couples. And I love it. I love that this, this has worked for him. And the other thing that he ends with is that a long term committed relationship is not necessarily a place of taboos and forbidden as long as consented. So I feel like couples, a lot of you, when I say you guys gotta talk and like, communication is a lubrication, what I mean by that is if you're in this relationship right now and you're thinking to yourself, I really wanna try something new with my partner, or I've really been thinking about role playing or tying my partner up or talking dirty, but I don't really know how my partner is going to feel about. And that's really taboo, or I feel badly about it and I'm just not going to talk about it, that's going to, that's going to have long term repercussions on your relationship. Because anytime that we are secretly harboring these feelings of things that we want sexually and we don't share it with our partner, you know, that's when we start having problems because we'll start to resent them or we'll start to look elsewhere for that kind of pleasure. Cause you guys, a lot of you just think, and I hope this is gonna trigger some things for you guys in a good way where you're like, you know what, Emily, you're right. I haven't told my partner that I really want him to spank me. And we've been together for six years and all I want him to do is spank my ass. And the reason why I'm not asking him is because I'm afraid that he's going to judge me or he's gonna think that I'm a slut, or he's gonna think that it's really wrong. But I wanna say how Much like, what have you got to lose at this point? If you are with somebody and you're committed and you're married or you're just committed, doesn't matter what how you your lose label your relationship. Why not go after the things that really speak to you and that you think about when you're masturbating or that you just think about that you want sexually? Because I think a lot of times when people do talk about this stuff, they're really surprised that their partners are open and they are receptive. You only miss 100% of the shots that you don't take. Okay? So really, if you don't just learn how to open up about these things or even to figure out what they are with your partner, you can't expect to have the most amazing, expansive sex life that you can possibly have. So take those shots. Talk to your partner. Okay? It's a different way of saying it there. But I want you all to know that this is part of your job of being in a committed relationship, is to make your sex life a priority. And this leads me to my sex in the news, which is sort of tied into this. And I thought, oh, I gotta talk to you guys about this. Here's the headline. Internet infidelity Today's blind spot threat to marriage. So a growing body of research suggests texts with the opposite sex can hurt marriages. Now, we all know that if we're having an emotional affair, there's been a lot of discussion, you know, I don't know, in the last 10 years about what is an emotional affair and is that really cheating if you don't have sex with somebody? But I think that these emotional affairs can be super damaging to our relationship, to the honesty and the trust that we built with our partner. And a lot of it can come now through social media. Okay, so this article explores some things, and what they found in this study was there's a sense of false security that exists when a married man or married woman communicate through text with the opposite sex. In this false sense of security, there's a more of a willingness to divulge and share personal and vulnerable information to someone of the opposite sex when we're texting that we wouldn't otherwise reveal. So we think we're like, really safe and secure, and we feel like we really know this person, which is an emotional task, but really it can wreak havoc on the relationship. And there's kind of this sense that we text someone or we reach out to them, that it won't really have consequences in Our current. In our marriage or in our relationship. And there's like this illusion that everything digital is just an illusion or it's not really like a real thing. Like, there won't really be consequences for it. And so I think that this is really, you know, taking a toll on its relation and relationships because people think, well, I'm not getting what I want from my partner, but on Facebook, my ex from high school, you know, she and I have been talking again, and I'm really able to confide in her about what I want. And a lot of these things, you guys, just end up blowing up in your face. I'm here to tell you that I've had this with a lot of friends lately, too. A lot of my married friends have these, like, secret texting things, or Facebook affairs, if you will. They're just emotional. They're like, oh, well, we're just talking and reminiscing about the past, or they're just, you know, sharing things that you wouldn't share with other people. And if you are in a committed, you know, relationship with your partner, I believe that it is. It is disrespectful, and it is cheating on your partner. And it can sort of give you the sense of someone else has your back. And you can really. People, they tend to stay in these relationships that you tend to, like, withdraw from your partner because you're like, well, someone else has my emotional back. Somebody else is going to be able to talk to me about what I'm missing in the bedroom and what's going on because my partner can't really hear me. What I found really interesting was that divorce courts, they provided raw evidence of Facebook's impact on marital relationships. And they found in many countries, upwards of 75% of divorce papers report the words Facebook and opposite sex in the proceeding. And what they found was that people were just kind of contacting old friends or lovers, and they were talking about, you know, their children's activities and what were going on, what were going on in their lives, and that eventually it divulged into marital woes and hardships and problems they were having in their current relationships. Because I think what this really says is that we're all seeking some kind of connection, intimacy from people other than our partners, because we just don't feel like we can get it anymore. And also, we have no impulse control. It's always there. We always have our Facebook. We always have social media. We always have our phones with us. And so I think that there's a sense of we're not even going to try anymore in our relationships because we can just reach out to these people so easily and get the support that we think that we need, which isn't really real support, because it's not. Not even the person you're in a relationship with, and it's really not increasing the intimacy in your relationship. And it's probably just pulling it apart. And there are some tips in here. You know, establish guidelines with your partner. Now, this might seem like, you know, God, but it's really fun texting with this person I haven't seen or this new person I just met on Facebook. But the truth is, if you have guidelines with your partner and you, you talk to your partner about it, you say, you know what? I. Let's talk about the fact that it's not okay for you to be contacting people from the opposite sex. It would really offend me if you did it, and I don't want you to do it. And so if you're worried that your partner's doing it or you even find yourself doing it, I'm not saying you need to come clean and say, you know what, I've been texting a few guys lately and I feel bad about it. Not necessarily, but you could say, let's talk about it. I heard it on this podcast, Sex with Emily, that it's really common. Let's talk about some guidelines. Let's agree that we're not going to do that. We're not going to reach out to people. And I think just by saying that, it might kind of help you stop. If you find yourself impulsively reaching out to people, it might help you stop doing that. Also, you guys, stop following the people that are making you feel bad about yourself. Okay? We are all putting up these images on social media and on Facebook that painting this perfect picture. And I'm telling you, a lot of what we see, most of what we see, we don't see what goes on behind closed doors. It's not really an accurate portrayal of what's actually going on in people's lives to avoid the pitfalls and avoid the situation happening. Just don't be friends with exes. Don't follow people who are tempting people that you've dated, people that you've slept with. And you really do need excellent self control, which I think, again, is really hard. I think all of our impulse controls have gone down the drain with social media. But again, that's another thing you can do. And just be honest with your partner if you feel like it's really getting out of hand. You can kind of roll back on this and say, you know what? I am missing something in my relationship. I am spending a lot of time staring at my phone, waiting for messages to pop up from people that I'm not married to or I'm not committed to. And I can take all the energy and put it back into my relationship and focus on my partner and growing our relationship and working on our intimacy and sexual boundaries and having amazing sex. So that's what I got for you guys today. Check your hearts, check your apps, talk to your partner, have amazing sex. I love you all. I'm gonna give a shout out to our sponsors right now. Thank you for supporting them. We love you. We love our sponsors. And I'll be right back with emails. Thanks for listening.

Okay, now we're onto your emails. If you have a question that you want me to answer on the show, that is amazing. It's so easy, you guys to ask me a question. You can text me your question now. Just text one word, ask Emily one word to 797979. I mean, don't text one word. Like, don't spell out one word. Just text ask Emily one word. A S, K, E, M I, L Y 2797979. So easy. Also submit a question from the sexwithemily.com website using the Ask Emily tab. You can also leave me a voicemail. There's so many ways you guys to reach me. 818-Askswe 1-818-275-7931. And as always, include your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Hi, Emily. I'm a late bloomer when it comes to masturbation and orgasming. I had Texas sex ed, which really only teaches STDs and the purity of having only one partner. I didn't even know that women could masturbate until I was in my 20s. The first time I came, I used an electronic toothbrush. I was 23. Needless to say, I'm late to the game. I'm figuring out what turns me on, what movements I like, and what doesn't work. I even have a wonderful partner who's totally on board to help me figure it out. Sometimes when I masturbate or when my partner fingers me to climax, this weird thing happens. My body spasms and it kind of hurts, usually in just the pelvic area. I can't hold my vibrator to my clit any longer, or I push my partner's hand away even though I feel that I Could have gone deeper into the orgasm. It totally keeps me from just melting into the experience. I'm wondering if I'm pushing myself to climax before I'm fully warmed up. Is that a thing, or is this a serious issue that I might have to get looked at? Sincerely, Late Bloomer, 27, Brooklyn, New York. Okay, Late Bloomer, here's the deal. From one late bloomer to another late bloomer. Please don't stress about it. I was just like you. I was like 20 something and I was having sex. I'm like, what's the hype? I don't get it. And my friends are like, don't you have an orgasm? And I was like, what the hell's that? Don't you masturbate? Never occurred to me to masturbate. I had a Michigan education and it was the same thing. So I'm just glad right now you're having a healthy sex life and you're communicating with your partner. And I think it's funny about the electronic toothbrush. It's really common that people use these electronic toothbrushes for orgasm. But you have. But you guys, it's not really the most sanitary thing. So I'm just telling you. There's a lot of great sex toys that I talk about on the show, But I love that you're figuring out what turns you on and that you're communicating with your partner and that you're able to have orgasms during finger, you know, using his fingers and all that stuff. But I am the pain thing, you guys. So here's the thing. Pain is really common. And Indiana University, which is home of the Kinsey Institute, like the last five to seven years, I think, have done a lot of studies about women in pain and sex. And it's very, very common in women. I think 80% of women have experienced sex, some kind of pain during orgasm or during intercourse. And so. And they don't report it, and they don't realize that it's a normal thing. And I think women think, well, you know what? I'm just gonna suffer through it or I'm not gonna say anything. And I don't know what it is. So I'm really happy that you. I'm not happy you're having pain. I'm happy you emailed me this question because it absolutely is something that you should get checked out by your doctor anytime you're having pain. I mean, go to your gynecologist. You should be going once a year. So I would. I would check it out. And from what you're describing here, it could be vaginismus, which is a very common condition and it involves like involuntary spasms in the vaginal muscles. What they say about it is that it could be linked to anxiety and the fear of having sex. But sometimes it's unclear what came first, like if it's the vaginismus or if it's the anxiety. And it could be like you have it with one partner and now with other partners or it could be that you've had it so you've had it, you know, a lot lately and so now you have the anxiety or maybe you're just an anxious person and then it comes from that. So they don't really know. But you should definitely get checked out by your doctor. And the treatment is, you know, exercises. You guys, I know you know, I love Kegel exercises and they're so helpful for women of all ages. So she might recommend, your doctor might recommend that you do the Kegel exercises and work towards that. Definitely use, you know, always be using lube and stuff like that. So yeah, I think you're totally fine here. Get checked out, see what she says and then she's probably going to give you some great recommendations. And just know that it is normal after you've orgasm to be like, oh, I don't want anything right now. And the good news is, if you recognize that it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with you. In fact, it's more common than not that women are like, don't touch me. Just like men think. Just like men are like, I have an orgasm and I just want to roll over and not be touched. So a lot of women experience it. You're totally fine. Thank you for emailing me. And just remember guys, if you're experiencing any pain or women pain during intercourse, get it checked out. Hi there Emily. I recently googled how to break up a relationship and found some websites that had shared views on one particular point. A point that I do not agree with and I'd love your perspective. The websites promote the idea of telling your current girlfriend the truth. If you're breaking up because you started seeing someone else, do you think it's a good idea to tell your girlfriend you're breaking up with her for another woman? My opinion? I think this scenario depends on the relationship where a longer term partner deserves to know the truth, especially if she's likely to see you with another person. Shorter term relationships, on the other hand, don't necessarily deserve this type of harsh reality. Especially when you're interested in protecting the person you've been very intimate with, both emotionally and physically. What's your opinion? Thank you for helping me get in touch with my better, more sexy self. Sex is paramount to understanding ourselves and you give a voice to many people who want to better understand our bodies. Sincerely, DJ31, Portland. Hey DJ. Okay, so thank you for emailing this question. I love the things that people google. But you're right, you're going through a breakup, you're like, does she need to know that I met someone else? And I think it's a case by case basis. So kind of like you said here, but I don't think it's. I actually think if you're in a longer term relationship, true, you know, they might see you out with, they might see you out with somebody else. But if you, I mean, if you've been cheating on her and you started, you've started to see somebody else, it kind of depends. I mean, I don't think that she necessarily needs to know that. If there's been other issues going on in your relationship. I feel like in a longer term relationship, I'm sure that perhaps seeing the other woman was a symptom of other things happening and that it's not just because of the other, another woman while you're leaving her. And so I think that you know your partner best and if it truly is because you essentially you've been cheating, sometimes I think it's not best to tell them. I'm against this website that says anything that there is like one way to answer this question because it depends on your current situation. Now I have to say about the shorter term relationships, I'm not sure how you define shorter term, but I had an experience where I went out with a guy, met him on a dating app. We had like three dates and I liked him. We had a little mini hookup. We didn't have sex, but I thought he was cute and I was kind of into it. And he actually called me after a third date and I thought this was very, very mature. And he said, you know what, I think you're awesome. I really like seeing you, I've had a good time, you're an amazing woman. And he called me on the phone, you guys, and said this, but he said, but I want you to know that I started seeing somebody a few weeks before you and it was just casual. And I saw her this weekend and we're going to take it to the next level. So I think you're awesome, I think you're great and I just want to Let you know. And I thought that that was a really mature thing to say. And I thanked him. I said, thank you for your maturity and your honesty and I really enjoyed meeting you and best of luck. I mean, I hadn't fallen in love with the guy. I didn't, you know, it had been three dates, but I was like, wow, that's a standup guy. So to me, I appreciate it. I think the other option, these shorter term things, is when someone just ghosts you. And that feels really bad. I mean, that feels bad for the person being ghosted. But I also think it kind of leaves this thing out in the universe if you're the one doing the ghosting, that you've kind of been an asshole. Men and women do this. So I don't know, I think that you just have to suss out the situation of the person that you're with and make your decision. But I don't believe in any universal, you know, cases here where you should always tell or not tell if you're in a relationship and you've had like a one off cheating situation too, and you really want to be with your partner. That's one area where I think, you know what, you probably shouldn't tell your partner. I've talked about that before, but it's just in this case, I think that you have to decide, dj, if this is actually what you're talking about with your girlfriend and you met somebody else, I think that you just have to respect her feelings and see what you know her better than I do and what she can handle if you think you're going to run into her. If you work in the same job, you have the same friends, yeah, you might have to, to let her know. But you know, if you've been cheating, I mean, I just think you got to break this down for yourself. I'm not going to tell you exactly what to do, but you know what's going to make you feel best and what's going to make your partner feel best. So, dj, best of luck to you with a scenario. Let me know what you decide. Dear Emily, I love your show so much. I've always been hesitant to talk about sex and sometimes ashamed of how I've felt about being aroused by certain things. Your show has helped me become more comfortable with myself knowing that everything I'm into is normal and there's nothing to be ashamed of. My question for you is this. I've been with my boyfriend now for over six years. We understand each other and love to be adventurous with all aspects of Our lives. This past year, we've been experimenting and incorporating other women into our sex life. I've always been a little bi curious, but have never had an opportunity to fully experiment and have sex with a woman until this last year. I loved it so much. After some deep thinking and more experimenting, I can happily now confirm what I have suspected for a long time. I'm bisexual. However, I'm now facing a bit of a pickle. A few months ago, my boyfriend, I had the most amazing, beautiful and sexy threesome with my best friend. It was amazing. As time goes on and I see her regularly, I catch myself looking at her body and lips and wanting her without my boyfriend in the mix. I don't want to leave my boyfriend of six years, but I'm finding my sexual and romantic interest in him dwindling as I continue thinking about my best friend. I don't know what to tell either of them. Can you provide some advice? Sincerely, Abby, 25, California. Okay, Abby, that's awesome. You figured out you might, you're bisexual and you know however you want to define it and you're into your girlfriend. You guys have been together six years, so you're 25, you've been together since you were 19 years old. And it seems to me like you really just have to be, you have to be honest with him. I'm sure he already can tell that you're into it and he's happy for you. But I don't know that you need to break up with your boyfriend because you still want to have sex with your best friend. Because being, you know, having sex with a woman is very different than being in a relationship with a woman. So are you, you know, are you thinking that you want to like have a full on relationship with her? Do you picture you guys committing and you guys have been together for six years and so you also haven't been single, you haven't had time to really figure out who you are and what you want without a guy in your life. And I always think that's just really important in your 20s. And so I know you still really love your boyfriend. And I'm not gonna tell you to break up with him. I'm just saying that right now you have nothing to lose. But to be super honest, like I would tell him exactly what you told me, that you love him, you don't want to lose him, but you find yourself thinking about your best friend. And you know, this is one case where I think like there's, this is a situation where you, you just have to Be honest. You love him, you want him in your life. If it doesn't work, you know, maybe as friends one day. And I just think you have to see, maybe he'd be cool. What if he said to you, you know what, Abby? I see the connection you have with your best friend and I'm cool if you guys have sex and you hang out and I'm really busy right now with work, and I think that's cool. So you really don't know? Cause I think you're looking for this black and white answer and I can't tell you because only you know about your relationship and what's going on there. Now, after you're with your best friend, you might think, God, you know, I'm attracted to other women. And that could definitely be a problem. You might decide, I only want to see women, so I don't really know where you're at. But I can't tell you what to do other than that you have to be honest with him and then really think about what you want right now because you don't really know yourself. I think as 25 year old, we're still figuring ourselves out. I mean, believe me, it's a lifelong process of figuring yourself out. But right now I think he's amazing boyfriend, that he's been patient and caring and you had a great threesome. But again, talk to him, be honest, and then really take some time to decide what you want. You know, maybe it's a little break. And I think if you're, you should also talk to your best friend about this. But in respect to your boyfriend, talk to him first and then talk to your best friend and see what happens because I don't want you to lose that friendship either. Okay. Good luck to you, Abby. Hello, Emily. I'm Willy. I'm 25 and I'm engaged to my beautiful fiance. We've been together for five years and I proposed last year. When I first met my fiance, I was really in shape and I loved taking care of my body. We had a lot of sex and experimented about two to three times a week. Fast forward to today, four years later. I'm overweight and we have sex once every two months. I'm trying to get back into shape, but life has kept me busy. I'm starting to do things that you've talked about in your podcast, like going down to my fiance. She's really into it, but when it came time for intercourse, let's just say my soldier wasn't standing in attention. So I just finished by pleasing Her I felt left out of sex, and my confidence is definitely dwindling. Does being overweight mess with your sex drive? Is it normal for an overweight person to have challenges with getting hard and staying hard? Thank you, Emily. I love the show. I'm a big fan, and you really make a difference in people's lives. Thanks, Willie. 25, Odessa, Texas okay, Willy, I wish I could tell you that, no, it's fine. Just keep eating, not working out and doing what you're doing. But it's true that your being healthy really does.

Have an impact on your sex drive and your desire. So if you're overweight, it can certainly mess with your sex drive. And when you're overweight, what happens is, for men, you have a drop in testosterone, which directly will affect your sex drive. And overweight men are two and a half more times likely to have erectile dysfunction, which is what you're experiencing right now. So diet and exercise are so important. I mean, I can't tell you. And you know this, okay? So I know you're really busy, and I know that life's gotten in the way. And this probably is compounding. You're probably thinking, oh, my God, I'm not having sex. It's stressing you out. You're feeling less of a man. And then you're like, that's depressing you. And probably the last thing you want to do is go to the gym. And it makes you want to, you know, order some Kentucky Fried Chicken. So I get that. I totally get that vicious loop. But even if you start small and you're like, you know what? I'm gonna. It's summer right now to go out. Like, I'm gonna go for a walk after dinner, or I'm just gonna go to the gym for 15 minutes. I had a friend who was going through the same thing as you. A woman, actually, who was feeling that she. Her sex drive had taken a nosedive. She had a baby, like, two years ago, hadn't lost the weight. And I said to her, I said, just go for 15 minutes to the gym. Just 15 minutes. Just go and do it. And it took her like, a month. And I kept saying, just go now. And she went, and she ended up staying for half hour. And now she's going for like an hour every day. And so I think that. That it's kind of overwhelming to get your health on board and your sex life on board, but it absolutely will affect it for men and for women. Because think about it. When we feel good about our bodies and we're putting good things in our bodies. We don't have to be perfect, but when we're on this track, we are just going to feel better, we're going to feel sexier, we're going to want sex more. In everything in our life, it really does improve. I mean, our body image, improves our self esteem. So, Willy, that is the deal. I'm telling you. I'm sorry, that's. I can't tell you that. Yeah, that's not gonna do anything for you by staying overweight. You actually have to get this under control. So don't worry about it. You can reverse this. It won't take you a lot of time in the sense of just to get started. I think that even just the effort of getting started and knowing that you're taking steps towards losing the weight and getting in shape, you're gonna start to feel better in no time. I know this. Okay, Willy, good luck to you. I'm glad your girlfriend's being cool. I love that you're going down on her, but you gotta do you. Okay, thanks, Willie. Hi, Emily and crew. I'm Stefan. I'm a 29 year old male from Berlin, Germany. I recently started listening to your podcast during my work commute. You and your team are doing great work. I've been with my girlfriend for about nine months. Our sex life is awesome and we often try new things. We talk about our sex life, enjoy our intimacy, and we have no issues climaxing with one another. We also have a great collection of toys and enjoy the bondage ones. We'd like to get more into bondage. Can you recommend some reading or DVDs we could watch together? We'd like some inspiration and guidance. Thanks in advance. And queue up the great work. Stefan, 29, Berlin. Hey, Stefan. Thanks for this question. I realize it's been a while since we've like talked about BDSM or had a show about it. And you remind me that maybe you guys all are ready for some more some bondage talk. But Stefan, let me first answer your question. So, first of all, I love your relationship. I love that you've been together nine months and you guys are having awesome sex and you're like, let's keep trying new things. Because that would be my advice for so many couples that, you know, sex is great at the beginning, but it's never too soon to keep working on it and trying things that you both find interesting. So as far as bondage and DVDs, okay, so Midori's expert guide to sensual bondage is a DVD that I recommend, and it's Midori M I D O R I s. We can also put this in the show notes. And if you could find it, I would Google it, see if you can get it sent to you. I'm also thinking that in Berlin, you must have a lot of great sex shops, sex toy stores that you could go into. And you could ask the people there. I'm sure they've got, like, books and they've got DVDs, or maybe they even have a website where you can stream some of them. So find, you know, can kind of find what you're looking for to. To move it along for you. And then books. Fifty Shades of Kink by Tristan Taoromino. T A R O M I N O And then. Okay. I do not recommend porn sites as a way to learn about anything sexual, to be honest. Right. I mean, they can definitely. Porn serves a purpose in your life, but it's not technically how to learn how to have sex. However. Kink.com kink.com is pretty amazing because when it started, like, I don't know, like, 17 years ago, I mean, they've pretty much stuck true to their mission that it is a BDSM kink porn site. But the way they do it just feels like there's a lot you could learn from watching it because they have all different kinds, like, of porn, like a BDSM extreme to the little less extreme. The women there all consent to everything that's happening on, like, a lot of porn that you see in the tube sites. You're like, is she really enjoying that? Like, I don't understand the pleasure in pain things. So I might recommend watching some stuff on Kink. We also have a blog post on our site called the Ins and Outs of Rope Bondage by Stella Harris. So check that out. And I would say that, you know, you guys, you know, have some fun with it. If you're looking and if you're listening to this and you're like, what is bdsm? What do you mean about it? You know, what do you mean about BDSM and bondage and kink and all this stuff? It really can be just as much as, like, getting a blindfold and taking away your partner's eyesight, because whenever you remove one sense, all the other senses become more heightened. So even if you're just doing that doesn't have to be like, some fancy knots and ties and all that stuff. It can just be a silk tie or you can buy something from sports Sheets. If you click on the Sport sheets, banner. On our website, they've got a. Oh, my God. They've got bondage gear. It's like literally everything that you ever wanted. They've got Velcro cuffs, and they've got sheets you can put on your bed that have, like, you always have your, you know, under bed restraints. And they have ticklers, and they have floggers and stuff like that. So I think there's a lot of things you can do and you can get. And really, it's a matter of playing with your partner. It also is a way of enhancing intimacy with your partner. Believe it or not, people might think it's kind of like this act of violence, but really, you both have to consent to it. So, Stefan, you both are consenting. It sounds like having a safe word. I don't know how far you're gonna take it, but it does help to have a safe word. A lot of people recommend using the traffic signal. So red is like, stop. That's really painful. Yellow is like caution. Like, it's good, but just proceed with caution. And green is like, go. That's so hot. So that could be your safe words. And that's kind of like a guideline for a lot of couples to kind of let their partner know what feels good. And I think that that's some good ways to go, you guys. That's some things. Check them all out. Books, DVDs, blog posts, and enjoy it. Stefan, let me know how it goes. And you're luckier in Berlin because I think you're gonna find some good mentors there. Okay, everyone, thank you so much for sending in your emails and hanging out and listening to the show and for telling your friends. You guys are awesome. Really. I love hearing from you and I love hearing from all the couples. Lately, you've all told me that you're listening with each. You know you're listening with your partner, and I think that that could really help enhance relationships. So thanks for letting me know and for getting in touch. You can also shop with Emily on our website, sexwithemily.com, a lot of things I talk about on the show are available on the site and also find me on social media. It's exwithemily. And subscribe to the Show, Google Play, SoundCloud, Spotify, and of course, itunes. And I love you all. Thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.

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