Breast Obsessed: Moves to Make Her Moan

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Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good. Well, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can easily subscribe to the podcast. We release one on Tuesdays Thursday and one on Friday, and then you'll never miss a show again. They go right into your, you know, wherever you subscribe, iTunes, all that stuff. You can also rate us on iTunes. We love that. Subscribe to our newsletter and of course follow us on all social media. It's all @sexwithemily across the board. We're doing it all, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Facebook Live. God, we do it all. We love it. And I love you all. So thanks so much for all your great emails and being in touch. And okay, so it's just me here today. It's just me and you and we're chatting. And I thought, okay, what do I want to talk to you about today? And I've been thinking lately a lot about boobs, as I'm sure you have been. Um, so I'm talking about guys here. I'm talking to guys and girls here. This might be something that women, you might want to share with your partner, but if you're a guy with a pulse, I know that you probably think a lot about boobs. I mean, I was raised to think I'm like, oh, boobs. Like, that's kind of the first thing we even know as kids. And I know like, a lot of young boys, like I'm talking about like my 8-year-old godson was like Googling on his daddy's phone, like women with boobies. You know, I think like that's like the first sign of like sexuality that you notice. And I know that there's a lot of knowledge you can probably like glean from straight life experience about boobs, right? Breasts. I had a hard time producing Madison. Like, can I keep saying boobs? I was taught in radio when I was first starting like an FCC, they're like, you can't say, you have to say breasts. But anyway, you learned a lot, you know, from porn and all that. But no matter how many times, you know, you've actually been face to face with breasts, all that. There's a different understanding when you actually have breasts with you 24/7, like women do. Um, but that's fine. I'm sure you're doing the best you can and there's no, you know, there's no worries. You don't know what you don't know about boobs, but I decided that I would illuminate you on some points that you might be missing out on this beloved body part because stimulating a woman's breasts are probably the best way to ignite her arousal. So a lot of you email me like, how do I turn her on? Or, you know, why is she not turned on? Or what do I do? Um, because when you get, when you, when you start playing with a woman's breast, so I'm going to give you some tips now about the breast that you might not have known, interesting facts and how to touch them and tease them and all that. But what happens when you, when she gets aroused, her breasts will swell, she'll get sensitive to touch. It's also like directly like related to her clitoris. So it is a great place to start and definitely don't jump over it. We're going to get to that as well. So before you go diving into breast, here's some things that you should know. Okay. Here's my first point: breasts need love. I've been kind of amazed by this, how many even like grown-up men, they like skip right over the breasts and go straight for your vagina, go straight for your pants. And I'm always surprised. And I have to say, it's like we're making out, might be the first time we're together, and you just maybe lightly touch them over my shirt and you go right for the pants. And I've been saying this for 12 years, just don't. Like, just— it's okay if you've been with someone for a while, but I think if you're just starting to know someone, it's like We know you saw our breasts, we know you like our breasts, so why are you skipping over them? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt because maybe you do that because you're just so turned on and so excited and you're looking forward to the sex, or maybe they're confusing to you and you're like, I don't even want to get into the breasts, they were nice to look at, but I don't know what to do. But don't skip over them, you guys, because they are serious erogenous zones, okay? So that's my first point, just give them some love. The other thing is fondling them, is not an instant turn-on. Okay, I get it. Um, you might get turned on, like, if a girl grabs your penis. We're so different, you guys. So like, she grabs your penis, you're like, I'm ready to go. But you grab our boobs, we're gonna turn around and walk out the door sometimes. It can be painful. It does not have that instant turn-on effect. It's not like, oops, there she is, she's ready to go. I like, you know, I swiped my hand across her left nipple and now she's got my penis in her vagina. It doesn't work like that at all. Now, I'm also saying not every woman— I tell you, not every woman likes her breasts touched, so you might be off the hook there. And just like all guys don't like their balls touched, you might not like a finger in your ass. That's cool. And so women don't like it. But how are you to know? How are you to know if she likes it? You can pretty much tell. You can pretty much tell if you start touching her. She might even say, oh, my breasts are really sensitive. A lot of times women with larger breasts might— don't— they don't like their breasts touched. Maybe you weren't touching it in the right way. So you have to gather more information. Okay. So you always want to start off slow when touching them. You don't want to like— and I'm going to get into the specific tips in a minute, but, but just know that, um, you know, it's not an instant turn-on just to start touching them. Like if you just like grab them hard right away, um, if you like walk in the room, grab her breasts, and then you start pulling her pants off, you're like, well, she's turned on. I touched her breast. It doesn't work the way your penis does. Okay, remember that. Here, so here's some tips, you guys. Teasing, teasing the breasts is a total turn-on. And it's, you know, again, for the women that we already discerned likes her breasts and her nipples touched. So here's some tips. Don't always go right for the nipples, 'cause there are, there's definitely more to the breasts than the nipples. Like, I get it, they're there, they're in the middle, you're like, you know, I guess we like just learn about the nipples. We think like that's like, just like the clitoris isn't the only magic with the vulva, the nipples aren't the only magic with the breasts. So you want to warm up the breasts because the nipples are just half of the equation. So what you can do is you can like cup her breast. So again, you always want to start slow and it feels really good just to cup her breasts in your hands, like massage each side, like lightly, like with your fingers, like with gentle touches. You could like take your thumb, rub along the side of her breasts. You can place like your palm, like the flat side of your palm, like over her nipples, like, and her areolas around the nipples, like perform a circular massage. And again, the fingers and the thumbs around the curves and the bottom of her breast, like where they slope down, that feels really good. And also if we had a bra on all day, I can't tell you how good just to get like a light breast massage. It feels so good. There's nothing like taking off that bra and like having someone just like massage your breasts. Remember, you don't, please don't grab them, don't knead them, don't twist them, don't tweak them like a horn. Like, I don't even know if guys do that for real. Okay, I hope that you don't. I hope you just like think that's like some kind of cartoon. I think that's where we all learned it or something. Like, who does that? It's like comedy from like the '70s or something. Um, so again, just think about like going slow around them, caressing them gently— fingers, hands, palms. Um, and then you can go move into the nipples. Also remember this, you guys: not all women are really into her nipples being sucked on. There's some women who say like it does nothing for them. So maybe they was like Again, I know women, like I would say the vagina is the Rubik's Cube of life. Like her breasts are not that easy either because every single breast is like a snowflake. They are all different. So for some women, they're like nipples, nothing does nothing for me, but maybe her breasts do. Or maybe like she likes the nipples only, but she's too ticklish when you touch the side of her breasts. So again, when you're doing this the first time you're encountering a new pair of breasts on a different partner, you want to go slow. You want to see how she responds. And by going slow, you'll, you'll, you'll be able to notice, like, is her breath quickening? Is she moving towards you? Is she moving away from you? And she might push your hand away. And that could just be because maybe you touched her, like it was too hard or too quick. So you might ask her, like, does this feel good? Or do you like having your breasts? Like, can I touch your, your breasts are beautiful. Do you mind if I like, how does this feel? And she might say, oh, I don't like it. Or she might say, just slow down. You know, hopefully I think that a lot of women listen to the show. They're more empowered. They're going to tell you what they like. If you are listening, you've never told a guy, believe me. God, I think like a lot of times they don't like asking for directions, but I think in this case a lot of guys would appreciate it. So, um, remember again, no twisting or kneading, go slow and massage them. Okay, now let's talk about nipple orgasms. I'm still waiting for the elusive nipple orgasm. I've not had one yet. I came close, I came— I've come close before. In fact, I think that was my resolution. I think it was during like Breast Cancer Month once, or was it I don't remember, there was something. It was for New Year's last year. New Year's last year. New Year's last year, I was like, I'm going to have a nipple orgasm. So, um, it didn't happen in 2016. I was busy with other things, but I'm telling you, it's a real thing. It can happen. Again, not every woman can have one, but here's some things you might want to know about it and how it could happen. So combining clitoral stimulation and nipple stimulation is the most effective way to achieve a nipple orgasm because it kind of rewires the brain to associate nipple stimulation with feelings of orgasmic pleasure. Again, not every woman's gonna, gonna feel this way, but that's just a way to associate it. So you're thinking like, if I'm playing with her nipples, she can associate it with her clitoris. So stimulation of the nipples activates the area of the brain known as the genital sensory cortex. Now, you don't have to remember this term, but just know that this is the same brain area that's actually activated by stimulation of the cervix, the clitoris, and the vagina, which means that a woman's brain seems to process nipple and genital stimulation in the same way, which is great news for you, right? It's the same sensors. So touching those areas can really be a turn-on. For some women, if they've never really experienced like the right kind of nipple play, they might, like, even though they are connected, they haven't had that experience. So if you spend time with the breasts, this could totally happen. You could give a nipple orgasm, a killer one. So like caressing, tracing your fingers around the outer edges, You can like flick the nipples with your tongue. You can suck lightly. You can try stronger suction. Gentle nipple, gentle nipple, like gentle nibble on the nipples. Nibble on the nipples. I'm getting hungry saying that. Not that I want to nibble on nipples right now, but just the word nibble annoys me. But then it just made me really hungry. Okay, so you can also use nipple clamps. You're like, why would nipple clamps? That'd be really painful. But again, with a lot of these things, it's a buildup, right? So you wouldn't just start with a new pair of breasts and start like pinching them. But for some women, it feels really great once they're turned on to pinch the nipples. So you, again, you wouldn't do that though until you were like softly playing with them. And then you could do a light pinch and see how that feels. Now for some women, that's like a huge turn-on. They're like, oh my God, harder, harder. And then you might want to go buy some nipple clamps. I have to talk about my favorite nipple clamps I got this year from Sportsheets. They came out with this Midnight line and they sent us a bunch of really beautiful things from this line. And one of them was like these, I want to wear them as a necklace. They have pearls on them, they have ones with little like studs on them. They're really cool. So nipple clamps can be a fun little way to make a nipple orgasm happen. So you can use your mouth, your fingers, trace around the areola, the area surrounding the nipples. And you can also play with like, you don't have to like even Steven. Like I think some guys are like, I just spent 35 seconds on the left breast and now I'm going to spend 35 seconds on the right breast. I mean, Yet, like, don't completely ignore one, you know, that would make us feel kind of awkward. Like, you're like, what happened to my right breast? Um, but don't be so inside your head about this. But you can also intensify the sensation by teasing one nipple with your hand and while lipping— uh, lipping— licking or sucking the other, and then switch. So like, while you're with one breast, play— like sucking one, you could still play with the other one. So it's like not all hands on one breast, all hands on deck, all hands on one breast. It can like be roaming around her body. You can also be like playing with her breasts and also put your hand like down on her clitoris. You can be like massaging her all around. So like the breasts are like this wonderland, like they're this wonderland of pleasure and joy for so many women. And again, I, I've experienced this, I wanna say more times than not, even with not even the guys that just skip over it, but I always say that kissing is the first thing that goes in long-term relationships. And I kind of feel like the breasts go next. I do. I feel like it's just the sex that happens. And I almost feel like, what happened to it? Like, do you not see my breasts? They are still here. They didn't like, what if I just stopped playing with your penis? Okay. And I was like, one to the balls. I mean, maybe you'd like that, but it's like they're still there. They're still alive. They still feel really good and they play a key part on arousal for women. So remember this, you guys. I hope that you guys are all like so psyched to see your next pair of breasts. Here's my final words on breasts. We— a lot of women, like, we, we spend a lot of time, we spend a lot of money even sometimes buying bras that fit and lingerie. Pay attention. If I'm wearing something, a lot of times we wear it like for you, but also for ourselves. It feels like, you know, it's sexy and it makes us feel sexy when we're something that we— when we're wearing something that makes us feel good. So again, I was talking about slowing down. Why don't you like slow down? You don't have to even— you can touch her over her bra and like tell her how beautiful it is or how sexy she looks. Same thing goes for her underwear. Um, again, touching over it, the fabric feels really good. And then complimenting her feels great too. Those are two great ways to do it. Touching over the fabric and just notice we made an effort. So, you know, next time you're like grabbing and clawing and trying to get it off, just take a moment. Hail to the bra. Give a little appreciation. Bow down to the bra and the breasts. So there's your little boob knowledge. Let me know if I missed anything or if you have any tips for boob sensations. Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com. Okay, we're gonna give a shout out to our sponsors. Thank you everyone for supporting them. I love them. I've tried everything. Everything that I'm talking about here, you guys, I would never ever talk about a product that I don't use, love, own, and, um, really appreciate. So thanks everyone for supporting our sponsors. I'll be right back. We've got some sex in the news. Okay, single men and women reveal their biggest turn-ons and turn-offs. God, I love turn-ons and turn-offs. I remember when I first started my show, it was like my— I used to do a call-in. Well, I started the podcast and I had a call-in show. And on the days where I was just like, at the beginning, I was like, can we do a turn-on and turn-off show? Can we do like red flags? I just, I don't know, I just love hearing what— because it's all so different, right? So here's a study that came out. Um, Match.com, every year they do a survey, usually comes out around in February, and they, they interview a lot of people and it's totally legit. I love these people here. Dr. Helen Fisher, she's a part of it. So here's what they found for your turn-ons and turn-offs. They surveyed 5,500 single men and women for their annual Singles in America study, and they found that 22% of millennials think technology has made it more difficult to find love. I think that we all think that. There's some things you should never say on a first date and never ask for, and never ask after sex. But today's singles seem to be even pickier. Take her out on the town, keep your phone at home, because 75% of singles admit that answering your phone on a first date is a major turnoff, which surprises me because I feel like people don't even— their phone, like, no one even answers their phone anymore. But 86% of women say they're more likely to negatively judge— judge— okay, this is what is funny. Okay, 86% of women said they're more likely to negatively judge you for having a cracked phone screen for guys. But I think guys are always like, oh, every girl I know has her, her, uh, screen cracked. So to me, that's kind of sexist. But I don't think I would judge a guy. I just actually usually am surprised for some reason because I feel like guys are just— I don't know, they're much more like, I'm gonna get that fixed. But I found that really interesting. Okay, so there's a little infographic here. I'm just going to read you, um, some of the stats. We can also put this on our site. I think it's an interesting study. Okay, this is the Single in America study. 57% of millennials are lonely, but they're 30% more likely to have a first date lead to a second. 66% of singles are turned off by texting on the first date. 38% of men agree that female entrepreneurs are their number one turn-on. That I love. I love these guys. Where are you? I'm a female entrepreneur. Hi. Okay, this is a big one. Millennials are 270% more likely to think it's hot if you're binge-watching the same TV shows. I guess that makes sense because then you have a lot to talk about. You can be— you can like Netflix and chill. It's like a pre-qualified like Netflix chill, you know, sitch happening. Um, you're 3 times more likely to have sex if you talk to your Uber driver about your love life. Now I'm assuming That it's while your partner's in the car, this person's in the car that you're dating, or just because— how would I find that? I don't understand that. Like with your Uber driver, or like your partner's there and you're like, yeah, so we had hot sex last night, and you're sharing your sex life with your Uber driver? I don't understand that one. Uh, 42% of singles will judge you based on the quality of your social media pictures. That does not surprise me. Um, kind of bums me out because I just you can't avoid it. But I know that I am for sure Googled before every date I go on. And, um, it's just like me, myself, and a bunch of sex toys on my thing. But, um, that's me, my life, I guess. Uh, but again, we all know that there's lots of filters going on, a lot of things going on social media. It's not really the person in real life, but you're gonna be judged. But I guess we all know that we're putting this out there, we're putting ourselves out there. 58% of singles admit they— that openly complaining on Facebook is a major turnoff. That is not a surprise. I think openly complaining in life is a major turnoff. Okay, so just complaining, you guys, check yourself. No one wants to hear it. And I find myself doing it too sometimes. Really, do you really want to hear like what a bad day someone had or how much they hate their boss? Or, you know, it's just— I get it, we all have rough days and stuff, but just if you can, just check it. Better talk about things that are just positive or neutral than just complaining. It's just a drag. Okay, 90% of both women and men agree that one-night stands are the worst sex. That doesn't surprise me either. Um, a lot of women just, you know, we might do it and it's fun, but for— and men, like, we just— but especially women, we need to feel safe. We want to feel in a good place, especially to have orgasms. We're not— I mean, there's been so many studies that show that women typically don't have orgasms. Not that it's all about the orgasms, but especially on a one-night stand. Okay, Android users are 15 times more likely to judge someone negatively for having an iPhone, and iPhone users are 21% more likely to judge Android users negatively. I don't even notice, really. People, okay, 64%— a judgy society. 64% of singles have the most success flirting at a bar, but 43%, um, have success at the laundromat, and 42% meet people at the gym. Um, I could see the bar thing. I don't like the gym, like, don't talk to me when I'm working out, is how I always feel. Um, laundromat, yeah, you're sitting around watching things spin, why not? 86% of women will negatively judge a man for having a cracked phone screen. I already said that one. That's just weird. Like, negatively, you'll never go out with him again, or just like point against him? But, oh, we picked up the check, now I like him again. I don't even know how much that— they're not saying how much this weighs on the scale, if I give a shit. But okay, 87% of singles think taking care of someone when they're sick is a major sign of commitment. Um, And which I agree with. And when they don't take care of you very well, um, that's just like a huge turn-off. Time to leave. What's going to happen when you're really sick and dying if you're going to marry this person? They weren't there when you had a cold, they're not going to be there when you have cancer. Don't want to go so dark, but that happens. Millennials are 48% more likely to have sex with someone right away to see if there's a connection. Um, I guess so. That make— we've heard that in the studies, that makes sense. But again, first time sex, first time you meet someone, you can think you have a connection because it's new, but it might not necessarily mean that sex is so you know, that they're the right person, but that's what the study says here. 64% of women want more adventure in the bedroom. I love that. Go for it, you guys. This show's all about adventure. Hope you're all trying to have more adventure in the bedroom. It's probably why you're listening to the show. 'Cause that is what I'm all about. Okay, we can move on to emails now. All right, thank you for emailing me. I love hearing from you. Just go to sexwithemily.com, click on the Ask Emily tab and boom, send your email, so easy. And then click on the call, you wanna be called box if you'd like to be called, 'cause we do call shows. And I can give you a ring and really get into your stuff. Also, leave me a voicemail, 818-ASK-SWE1. Okay. Hey Emily, I'm a new listener to the podcast and I'm obsessed. I've been in a relationship for almost a year now with my boyfriend who is 27 while I am 23. Our relationship is going great and the sex is amazing. I've always had a really high sex drive and I've always wondered if there was something off with me, but after listening to the show, I can see I'm not alone. "I have 2 questions. Question 1: My relationship is currently long distance, only 2 hours away, so we see each other every weekend. Long story short, is there such a thing as being too available for it? He knows I always want him, but I just don't know if sometimes I should make him work for it a little more, or should I just leave it alone because I think I could be overthinking it. Question 2: Every time we have sex, I have multiple orgasms." I can't see how there's a question about this, 'cause that's amazing. Okay, but, "When I'm having one, he will often touch me down there to make me, the orgasm more intense, and I love it." I love it. Is there anything I could do for him that would help make his more intense? Thanks for all the great advice. Michaela, age 23. Thanks, Michaela. I'm glad you're liking the show and I'm loving your questions here. Okay, let's get down to this. Number 1, when you say work for it, I'm not sure if you mean should you play hard to get? Are you saying like you want him to tease you longer when he shows up? Like, you know, more foreplay, less in and out, or just like not be available for him every weekend? Because it seems to me like things are going really well with you guys. You've got great chemistry. But I'm wondering if you're asking because he's pulling away. Maybe he's not always available and you feel like you're the one always reaching out. Or, you know, is he sending signs that's making you feel less safe or less desired? Because that's typically when that, like, part of our brain lights up that says, oh, I better pull back, retreat, retreat. When a guy's not giving us those signals or a woman's doing that to a guy. So you probably need to address that within the relationship, because if I were you, I would not want to pass up a weekend of multiple orgasms just to play hard to get. So I would try to discern what this is about. If it's like your friends are telling you that you should play hard to get, or like there's a reason, you know, why you think that you shouldn't be so available. And again, I'm not a game player, so I would just try to find out, you know, talk to him if you think there's something going on. Okay, number 2, hats off for your multiple orgasms. I, um, I think that's amazing, multiple orgasms. Love that. What are you, 23? Okay, so, and I like this too because it's such a female thing that like, you're like, oh my God, I'm having multiple orgasms, they feel so good, and like, now I wanna make his better, which I adore. So, like, we want pleasure, we want everyone else to feel pleasure. So there's always ways to make his orgasms better, more varied, more intense, pleasurable, all that. So you could try like teasing him, like edging, like maybe not, like I always say, you know, women like the teasing, some guys like it too, so you could start like, You know, going down on him and then like pulling back. Like when you're having sex, you could like, you know, you could, you could play, I guess. Okay. You're probably talking about how to make his orgasms intense when you're having sex with him. So, um, for a lot of guys, when you click, I was gonna say, when you click, when you click on his perineum, perineum, click on it. Uh, you don't want to click on it. Um, his taint, you know? So, um, perineum between his like anus and his penis. Sometimes if you just put like your thumb there and you place pressure on it, that can really intensify his orgasm. If you've not ventured into his ball land, played with his balls, that could feel really good. You could talk dirty. Have you done any like, "I'm coming," or tell him how hot he is, or like whisper in his ear? That can be a great turn-on, not only because the ears are like such erogenous zones, but like the words, like your warm breath in his ears can feel great. You can also do your Kegels. Hopefully you've been keeping up with your Kegels if you've been listening to the show. Squeezing them when he's about to orgasm. That can feel amazing for guys. Believe me, they can tell, even if you haven't been doing your Kegels. Um, you can squeeze those. They feel great. I'm not sure what you've tried, but there are like endless ways. I think you can intensify it because a lot about intensity, I think, is when something's different or surprising or varied. Um, cause especially if you're having like a lot of sex and doing it the same way every time, just a little something off the beaten path that you haven't done, doesn't have to be all these things at once. Um, it could feel great. Also vibrator. Um, using a cock ring is a great couples toy to start with. You know, there's so many of you put around his penis, stretchy like silicone vibrator that also has a, a silicone, it's a cock ring that goes on his penis, but also as a vibrator that hits your clitoris. So believe me, men love the vibe. Many men love the vibrations on their shaft. It feels amazing. And you know, your clitoris will just, you'll have like 16 orgasms knowing you and that can feel great. So like play with toys. And yeah, and then also I know that it's long distance, so it might be fun to like play with some of this during like FaceTime sex or Skype sex. I'm assuming you guys are doing that, or you could bring that into the relationship because you could kind of like— sometimes that's a great way, like you're not necessarily in the same room. It could be a fun time to like explore, ask him what his fantasies are. You could also do mutual masturbation that way, and you could watch how he touches himself because maybe he does something with his penis right before he comes that you didn't know that he really enjoys, so it's a good teachable moment. Also, you can ask about his fantasies, see what turns him on. So, that's about 6 things. I think you got a good, you know, good month and a half of seeing different things to try there. So, let me know how it goes, Michaela. Thank you for emailing me. Okay, next email, we've got Carl. Hey Emily, my name is Carl, I'm 27 years old, I have a girlfriend of 5 years, and we've lived together for for 3 of those years. We have sex just about every day and it's great. The only problem is when she tries to initiate by giving me a handjob. I've heard your hand— hand/blowjob debate with Menace before, but my question is this: how do I switch to a good old blowjob or even mutual masturbation without hurting your feelings? I would appreciate any advice. Thanks. Um, okay, this is a great question. Um, God, that hasn't come up in a while, the old Emily and Menace hand job blowjob debate. I kind of thought we put it to rest, but it doesn't even matter what it is. But I've always said that a hand job is kind of nice every once in a while. Like, if you always give a blowjob, give a hand job. I'm not saying in exclusion to giving a blowjob, but you know, with some lube on your hand, using both hands, it just feels great, right? It's a little different thing. But let's get back to your question at hand. I understand what you're saying. A dry hand on the penis, just like a dry hand on the clitoris, does not feel good. Um, at all. So maybe that's just— I don't know. I mean, I guess it's just like touching through your pants, and maybe like if she's just continuing to give like a dry handjob, like, ouch. So I would definitely have lube by your bed. But I'm wondering, does she ever go down on you? Um, I'm wondering if this is a lack of like a no-blow zone. Um, because I'm thinking if you're just talking about like occasionally she does the hand thing and you want to completely eradicate that from her entire repertoire, or you just want her to just not start with the handjob every time. So, does she ever go down on you? If not, that's definitely a conversation you have to have. Do you go down on her? Remember, you can't be like saying like, where's my blowjob if you haven't gone down on her? So, perhaps you could start by going down on her and see if she reciprocates. And after 5 years together, I really think you can say to her like, it would feel so good to have your mouth on me right now. I've been thinking about your mouth around my cock all day. Um, I think you gotta bring it up to her, and if it's not feeling good, you could— again, I think like a great way to turn a bad blowjob into an amazing one is adding lube. Like, I just think it— and even when you're touching her, like, if she's not wet, better than like licking your finger. A few drops of lube can pretty much solve a lot of sexual arousal challenges and just issues with dryness and all that. So, um, I appreciate you don't want to hurt her feelings. You're having sex every single day. Um, does that mean that you're getting a handjob every single day? Like, it seems to me like this should be something that you could easily sort out and just tell her that again, listen, I don't know if she listens to the podcast, but a lot of couples, you might want to not want her to listen to this episode, which I totally get. But a lot of couples listen to the show together and they have found that it really enhances their sex life because I know that sex is hard to talk about. I know that like my dream is for everybody. I have a lot of dreams. I always say like, my dream is a new lube on every night, but my dream also is for, you know, everyone to get a little more comfortable or comfortable talking about sex and what they want. So you can even say like, I was listening to this podcast and, you know, I love our sex together. Like, I would never want you to think if I make suggestions or I talk about fun, exciting things we could do together, that it in any way means that I'm not happy or I'm not satisfied. In fact, I'm so satisfied with you and I love our sex life. It's so great that I just keep thinking of all these Great ways that we could turn each other on. And so you could just say to her, like, God, like, that would feel great to get a blowjob from you or to play something different, do something different. But also ask her, like, there might be some things that she wants. I'm sure after 5 years, she probably has got some— she probably has some ideas as well. And if she doesn't, this is when it's great to do, like, the bucket list, watch some porn together, come up, go sex toy shopping, like, come up with some ways you guys can, like, generate some new you know, add something to your sexual bag of tricks here. Okay, so good luck with that one. We got an email— we got a voicemail next. Okay, these are fun, you guys. I love when you leave me voicemails. I just gave you the number. It's also on our website. Super fun. Um, love it.

Hi Emily, um, I am 30 and I live in Portland, Oregon, and I just have a question. Um, So I have been seeing this guy for about 5 months, and I consider him best sex I've ever had by far. It's really, really great, and I'm super into the sexual side of our relationship in particular. But lately, maybe the last 3 weeks, I just— I haven't been able to get wet hardly at all, where when we first— for the first few months, that was one of the things he loved the most. I was getting very, very wet. Um, and I don't know, like, maybe some things changed for me, and I got an IUD recently, and, you know, maybe I'm a little bored. I, I don't— I'm not really bored, but I don't know. Um, anyways, I just kind of want to know, is this, is this normal? Is it a big deal? It seems it's really, really bothering him, and he seems to think that, um, it's a big issue and that it means that I'm not turned on at all. And, and I am. I We really enjoy our sexual relationship. Anyways, this is really coming between us, and I told him we just need to use lube and no big deal, but he seems to think it is. Anyways, I just want to hear your thoughts and, yeah, what you think about this, and if you have any suggestions or anything that you want to tell him, that would be great. Thanks.

Oh, I love this question. Oh, God, thank you so much, Lola. Lola, thank you for calling. Thank you for that articulate question. I am so excited because I'm about to blow your mind right now. Ready? Okay, wait for it. Wait for it. A woman's wetness level, her natural lubrication, is not an indication of how turned on she is. Okay, let me say it again. If a woman is wet or she's not wet, it doesn't mean— it is not an indicator of how turned on she is or if she's turned on. So I think this is one of these huge, like, misinformation, like, myths, like, things that we don't learn, we believe to be true, um, that like if she's wet, she's turned on. If she's not wet, you know, men feel like very— like they're doing stuff. This is why I talk about lube all the time, because guys assume if she's not wet that there's something wrong with them, and then you got to bring in lube because I didn't turn her on. And it's just this vicious cycle, and it's so misinformed, and it is absolutely, absolutely not True. So Lola, you said you got an IUD. That could be it. Your IUD is supposed to cause less dryness, but the truth is you just started it, so maybe you are having some side effects. There are so many things that, that can cause vaginal dryness or allow a woman not to get, to get wet. Okay. So one of them, a few of them are smoking and drinking. The more you drink, you know, you might have always been drinking, but now if you're like drinking more or you know, whatever, like you might not be wet. Different times of month, you know, maybe closer to your period you're not going to be wet, or you'll be really wet. It changes for like— our bodies change all the time. Definitely like childbirth, nursing, won't be as wet. Emotional stress, like if you've been at low, if you've been under some stress lately, like maybe you just can't become aroused because your brain just can't get on board with the sex. Um, medications, antihistamines, which are generally found like allergy, cold medications, antidepressants, asthma, you know, medicines. I mean, there are so many things, you know, drink lots of coffee. I mean, if you are dehydrated, you could cause you to be dry. So like always drink lots of water. Like water will help with everything. It is true. I'm not saying that you're going to be gushing, but it just, it's always a good idea. And if your body's dehydrated, you won't be as wet. So those are all some of the causes of it, Lola. Okay. Just to, just to let you know that it really, but doesn't mean anything. You know, it doesn't have to mean anything. And I understand he's upset. And I, and I really, I really hope that he understands that lube and hope you all understand that lube just makes sex better. I'm at the point where like, I, I get wet sometimes, sometimes I don't. And I've used lube for years now since I started doing my show. And I was like, holy shit, I never used lube before. Like, where have you been my whole life that I, like, you just add a few drops. Like I'm telling you, Lola, the next time you guys are together, just like 3 drops of lube on your clitoris. I'm not telling you like you need dump a bottle of it, it'll— he'll be able to rub you and your clitoris, you'll start to get aroused. Like, you put on your labia, and once he starts to touch you and you're not dry, it could naturally— for a lot of women, it— that will allow you to be turned on because you have a few drops of lube, and then you will get wet. So sometimes it just doesn't happen. I mean, you're having great sex, it's only been 5 months, um, it doesn't sound like you guys are having problems or retreated or there's issues. I mean, really, it's just just, you know, you're just not getting wet right now, and maybe next week you are, or maybe that by the time I'm reading this, you know, you are. It just changed at different times in our lives. And I just say, like, why even— like, even for if you're already wet— because here's the thing, whenever I tell you about lube, they're like, no, we don't need that, we don't have that problem. And I just— if I do anything, like, like, if on my tombstone you can say, like, she brought lube to the masses, you know, I would be so happy. Because I even think, even if you get wet add lube. Just use lube like you're putting on a condom. You put on lube. Even if you don't use condoms, use lube. I can't even have sex without it. Like, I, I just feel, like I said, that gets great on the nipples. Few drops. So I just— he should listen to this, Lola, because I, I really feel like I tell guys like that. I tell— I'll tell guys that, they're like, yeah, but still, that's not what we learned, you know. And if any guys be like— and now I get annoyed because I know more— they're like, oh, I want you to be wet, I want you to be wet. So even when a guy says that It's so annoying, Lola. So he's probably saying to you like, baby, I want you to get wet. I want you to get wet. And then that could, even him saying that could make you not wet. You know what I'm saying? That could be like the biggest buzzkill. And now that it's happened a few times, you might be so inside of your head thinking, I hope I get wet. I hope I get wet. That it's not making you wet. So I kind of think you've started this whole cycle here. Perhaps I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You know, you might've listened to me list all those things and you're like, nope, I'm not on antidepressants. I'm not this or that. But I think that just by the fact that it happened, a few times, it could become an issue. So again, grab some lube. I love JoLube. JoLube is my favorite. Go to my website. I have a store now, you guys, on my site. And now I've had it for like a year, but I don't know how long we had it, 9 months. But check out the store because JoLube makes just like really fun lubes. They make like their, they make their gelato lube line. They make their organic, their agape line. There's a lube for every occasion. So really tell them to get over it. Tell him to open his mind. He's a great lover. He's a stallion. Tell him how hot he is. Tell him how big his penis is and use some lube. Lola. Lola, do that. Let me know how it goes. Okay, we have time for one more. All right. Hey Emily, so I've been single for approximately a year now after my ex and I ended a 2-year relationship. When I've been single before, I've never had too much trouble finding and meeting girls to casually date or be friends with benefits with. But over the last year, I've only had sex once and just didn't entirely enjoy it or have interest in pursuing things further. I think my problem is I don't currently have much interest in dating, even casually, while I pursue other interests in my life. I know I'm still young, but this worries me because I want to have kids and a family someday, even if it's way down the road. Any advice on finding the interest in dating and sex again? Thanks, Steven, age 24. Okay, Stephen, you're in your early 20s. I don't know where you're at right now. I don't think that you have to cave in to any societal pressure to date. Um, you— like, I understand that you're thinking ahead and like, I want to get married, I want to have kids, but I actually think this is a great time for you to explore being single. And you're saying you're other— you're pursuing other interests in your life. And believe me, when you have kids, when you're in a relationship, you won't have this time to figure out what you want, how you want to spend your time. I think that it's great that you're honoring like what actually feels right to you. So you wanted a 2-year relationship. Um, you know, maybe there was a painful breakup. I think that, um, you know, that you're just— I'm just trying to use it. Yeah, 2-year relationship. I mean, that's a long time. You're with her for like 21, 23. I think that like it's okay. Like you'll be out, you'll meet someone. Just keep doing what you're doing. Um, I just think that you're like creating some kind of like worry and anxiety that doesn't need to, to be there. And I think actually when you're single, you can really, um, find out a lot about yourself. And I think a lot of people just constantly feel that they have to be in relationships and they swing from one to the next to the next, and they never ever take time to be alone and figure out who they are without a partner in their life. And I know I did that for a really long time, and I kept saying, oh, I gotta be single, and then I'd meet someone because it feels much better sometimes to have someone that to not have someone. It's kind of natural, but it's kind of— sometimes harder to be alone, but that's when we do the really important work and the growth. So I wouldn't trip on the fact that you don't have interest in dating now, because I believe— believe me, like, it will come back when you're ready. But I like that you're not forcing it and you're hanging out with friends and you're doing what you love. And typically when we're not looking to date and we're not looking for someone and we're doing something we love and we're engaged in activities that make us feel good about ourselves is when we actually meet somebody. So yes, you will find interest in dating sex again. It just might not be tomorrow, but it's going to happen. Thank you, Steven, and thank you, everybody. These are amazing questions, and thank you for listening to the show. I love you all. Thanks to my amazing team. Thank you, Madison and Jamie. Thank you, Michael, here on the sound. Thank you, Eddie. Thank you, Ken and Lori. Love you all. Thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.