CamGirls, Exes & Sex Tips From Spiders

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jeju. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20% off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r a so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, we're going to be answering some of your most pressing questions. We're talking about open relationships, exes, anal play, and the rising trend of webcam girls and so much more. Thank you. Thanks so much for listening to the show and also thank you for supporting our sponsors. So I make these killer massage candles and you've probably heard me talk about them for probably the last year since we launched them. And they're kind of amazing. I just have to say that people who buy them and experience them, they are an experience. They're gonna blow your mind because they're aromatherapy. They smell amazing. They look like regular candles. You can just light them around the house. You want to relax. However you light them, you blow them out and it turns into the most luxurious massage oil that you can pour onto your partner. It's warm, it's moisturizing. It is not messy or hot. You're not dripping hot wax. You're not going to burn them. It's just like the best massage they've ever had. And it lubes you up for action because it feels so luby and good. Right? Menace the candles.

Of course it does.

Do you love them?

Yeah, you gave me some last time we hung out.

Yep.

And I gave my coworkers a couple of Them. And they love them.

Did they? Yeah. Your whole house smells good, even if you just leave it out of the box. And we have coconut and vanilla and fougere, and they're just amazing. And it looks like a regular candle, like I said, turns into massage oil. And you would. They're great gifts. You'd love them. And they will be the one thing that will spice up your relationship. And it's easy. Cause it's just sitting there. And you do it. And you don't have to go out and buy anything crazy or learn a new sex position. Just improve your sex life. Emilyandtoni.com and use coupon code Sex with Emily and you get 20% off your first order. That's emilyandtoni.com. thank you so much for supporting the show. And these amazing candles.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standing. Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. That feels so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

Well, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. You can actually easily subscribe on itunes. You can download an app for your smartphone, any phone, and listen to podcasts, which is, I think, how most people are doing it these days. You can download the podcast one app, the stitcher app. There's even a podcast app that in iTunes you can download and just subscribe and then you never miss a show again. We got two shows a week, which is a lot and awesome and will improve your sex life. Also, when you go to my website, sign up for the mailing list, check it out. Send good emails once a week. I will not spam you. I will not give everyone your name. I will just make sure that you have better sex because I give you really good information that will change your life. So thank you, everyone for listening. And I'm here with Menace today.

Hello.

Hello.

How are you doing today?

I'm good. I'm really excited.

Your assistant Always thinks that I'm staring at her when we're recording, but when you start talking, I always look over to see how loud the recording is.

Right. Because you are so anal about sound, which I love.

I know. I'm very anal about sound. I want to make sure the show sounds good every single time. And when it doesn't, and there's nothing I can do about it, I get really upset.

He loses his mind. It's true. And you've always been like that since day one, for the last 10 years, which I appreciate. And so I want to say to you, Menace, that I've got some great news. I just found out today that Sex with Emily was voted for a podcast award.

What?

Which is major.

That is super cool.

We have not been voted before. We've not been nominated before. It's podcastawards.com, we're in the mature category because we are so mature. And so I would love if all of you would support us and vote. The best part is you can vote every single day. Once a day, podcastawards.com and starting March 3rd until I'm not sure when they close it, but once a day, just put on your bookmark and go in and say, I love these guys. They help me with my sex life. They help me with my relationship. I'll vote for them. No big. Tell your friends we'd appreciate it. We'd love to win. And I'm actually hosting the Podcast Awards with Dennis Miller, so I feel like if I lose, guys, what a bummer.

Yeah, that sucks.

That's a frigging buzzkill. Oh, hi. Other loser show. No, just kidding. They're all great shows, but ours is the best. So thank you guys for supporting us, and I'm really excited. And madness. The reason why I thought about sound is. Cause Madison, my assistant here, was reading about, like, how they decide how they pick the nominees, and sound quality is a huge factor.

Wow.

So I want you just to feel good that your analness around our sound has nominated us for an award.

Wow.

That's huge.

Thank you.

Yeah, thank you.

And, you know, not to make everyone feel bad, all right. But we do, you know, put a lot of effort into this show. And please just type into your browser right now. We'll wait podcastawards.com, go to mature and then just vote for us.

Right? Exactly.

It's not that hard.

No. Once a day, send to your friends. If they listen, it's like the easiest thing. You know, you're already on Facebook right now anyway, so just like, switch over from Facebook. Take you 2 seconds to vote and go back to Facebook. What do we care?

Thank you.

Thank you, guys. We appreciate it. We don't ask you for much. We really don't. I'm gonna ask you for one more thing, though. Our survey on our website, it's up now. It's really easy to find. There's a big pink button that says survey takes you two minutes. And if you like the show, we just wanna make it 10 times better. So do that. And one more thing. I know we never ask you for things, but this is actually something that's really fun for you if you live in the Los Angeles area or you'd like to come. Friday, March 13th. We are having a steak and BJ Day event. And it might be the first time that it's ever had a formal event that I know of. And Menace, I think, first brought it to my attention a few years ago, which is the actual holiday steak in bj created by Men for Men. It's official. I mean, I don't think Hallmark's behind it yet, but it's exactly a month after Valentine's Day. So it's officially March 14th and it's all day. I guess you're supposed to make barbecue mistake. Grill mistake. And give him a blowjob.

Yeah, barbecue it.

Barbecue steak. Do you eat barbecue steaks? I've never done a steak. I do. Yeah. I microwave a steak.

No, I had. My girlfriend barbecued me a steak.

Oh, yeah, that's nice.

I sat back and watched.

That's nice. Yeah. She cooks for you on the grill. I love that. Does she give you blowjobs too?

Of course. Why not?

I hope she does.

Throw it out.

I'm just saying I hope she does. So it would make sense that men would create a holiday after their two favorite things, meat and blowjobs. So anyway, I'm having a party at Hustler Hollywood. You shall come because it's gonna be really fun. It's on Sunset Boulevard. Really fun. You can. I think I just got the RSP info in an email somewhere. But you can also email us@feedbackaxlme.com if you want to come. It's really just gonna be a party starting at 8. I'm gonna give you a little blowjob, a few blowjob tips. But we're gonna have, like, actual steak. Maybe you'll get a blowjob that night. Not from me, but I will be teaching a killer class. And if you'd never know.

You never know.

You never, you know dude, don't say. You never know who I'm gonna end up. Whose penis is gonna end up with my mouth at the end of the night. You know I'm all about holidays.

Yeah.

So we'll see.

Celebration. Giving back.

It'll be a good time. And the Hustler Hollywood Story, if you've never been, is just a destination in itself. That's all I'm gonna say. You gotta walk in there and you will blow your mind. It will blow your mind.

And parking's in the back, by the way.

Yeah, parking. So easy. So easy. So what's up, Menace? Anything new and exciting?

I'm trying to think. I'm just.

Now what?

I will be in Vegas on Steak and BJ Day. So that's going.

I just hope that it carries on. Good fortune for you then.

I know, hopefully. And then. I don't know. I think I'm gonna go to San Diego and stuff like that. But I had a bunch of listeners hit me up saying that they listen to the show. I always like that. I had a message from.

On Instagram. On your. Menace or.

Yeah, Menace on Instagram.

M E N A C A. Yeah, I said.

It said. Hold on. Sorry. Should have been prepared. It just said that they enjoyed having me on the show.

Great.

And they said that I sounded more happy than usual last week.

Yes, I agree. Do you know, can I tell you something, Menace?

What?

Last week you seemed the happiest I've seen you in a while. Really? Like, really? You just seemed. I don't know, maybe you're just nicer to me, but you just seemed in really good spirits.

Okay.

Are you in Prozac or something?

Just to see if things are good? No.

That's really funny. You really do seem happier.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, I'm glad for that. Even though that's hilarious.

I think everything is the same.

No, but usually you're a little grumpier or whatever. But I just. Yeah, you seem happy.

Yeah, I think maybe I just.

You have a lighter spirit.

Yeah, I think I'm just over.

Things I can't change, you know?

Yeah. That's what life is about. Work.

When it comes to work and stuff.

Like that, I know you gotta let some of it go.

What if it's out of my hands? What am I gonna do?

Right? You know, we do the best we can every day and there's a lot of demand on us like this entertainment industry. Like, you know, we're not millionair. You know, it doesn't happen that we do it because we love It. And sometimes it's a little stressful.

Oh, you know what's really cool? Also, the person said that they listened to the morning show that I'm part of, which is called the Woody Show. If you live in Los Angeles, you can listen to it. It's on alt98.7 Monday through Friday, 6am to 10am but the thing that's really cool is we also podcast the show, right?

Oh, cool.

It's about pop culture and stuff like that. We don't really dip into sex.

That's okay.

People like sex too much. But what I noticed on itunes that people that download our podcast are starting to download the Sex with Emily podcast.

Oh, that's awesome.

Because we give you shout outs here and there.

I love that you do that.

You don't even know that. I give you love, dude.

I love that I love you. Give me love.

So thank you for everyone that's listening to.

Yeah, Cross referencing. I mean, that's cross listening. That's great. I mean, there are so many great podcasts out there. I love it.

You're not going to learn about blow jobs on that show.

I'm sorry, dude. That's why I'm here.

Even though it's called the Woody Show.

That's why I'm here. I'm telling you, I'm going to teach a blow job class. It's so funny. I was just practicing it. I was talking to my friend. I'm like, well, this is what you do. And I just kind of broke it down. I think I'm pretty good. I was gonna. No, I'm not gonna read this text.

Okay. What?

I know, I know it's so inappropriate. So inappropriate. Because it is. But I. So I gave a blowjob last night.

Okay.

This is Sex with Emily.

And this is an example. I just wanna tell you of a text. Cause, you know, I'm always saying foreplay starts after the last orgasm. And that if you don't have time to like call your partner all day or disconnect, whatever, just send a sexy, flirty text that I hadn't thought about. I've been running around all day and this is what I got. And I never share this personal stuff.

Okay, good. This is good.

I know. So I was driving here to the show. I've already had like six meetings today. And he. We're gonna call him. He said, I'm enjoying the memories of the spectacular head you gave me last night.

Wow.

And I was like, wow, that's great.

Enjoying the memory. That's nice.

Well, all I'm saying is that. That was nice. He appreciated it. He's enjoying it. And that made me think about it, and it was just a nice thing. And then it was like a thank you card for the blowjob.

What was your response, though?

My response?

Yeah.

I'm not gonna share that.

Why not?

I said, that's an awesome text. I.

That's an awesome. That's an awesome text.

I said, I too. Now I'm enjoying the memory. I'm not telling you more. I got dirty.

Oh, see? But I said, I enjoy. That's what I wanted. You were getting.

Okay. I can't believe I'm reading this. I can't believe I'm this. I so enjoy.

What?

I said, I enjoy sucking on you. It's a win. Win.

Yes. See, that's the response that I like because I was driving. Yeah, yeah. No, I was afraid that you might have said, oh, that's really nice.

No, I gave it back to him, and we'll see if he texted me back in the middle of the show.

But I'm just saying in general, like. And, like, other women might be say, say, oh, that's great.

Right. You know, well, I've had a lot of guys who say. They try to start, like, provocative texts with women, and they're like, oh, thanks. And that's like such a buzzkill for a guy who put it out there, and he put it out there, and I was like, that's hot. I know. I gave a killer bull job. That's why she got my blowjob class. So anyway, that was fun. And it is true that, like, sending. I don't know, like, people might. You might feel vulnerable by it, but there's no way that. I don't know, maybe if she doesn't respond back to you, you know, that's. That's a sign. Or just say, hey, I think it's hot. When I. You should message me back. Whatever. Just tell your partner, if you think about them during the day, let them know. Don't play games. That's all I'm saying. Okay. We've got some sex in the news.

All right.

You know, this whole webcam girl craze. Everyone's a porn star now, right?

Yeah.

I mean, I was a waitress in college, right? And I thought that was a good job. And I made really good money. I got like, you know, it was dollar picture night. I get five bucks. But here we are. All these girls are now becoming webcam Kendra Sunderland as the latest. Have you heard about her? Oregon webcam sex star slapped with public indecency charge. So prosecutors have filed a public indecency charge against the former Oregon State University student who last month filmed an X rated webcam show inside the school's main library. According to court records, she's 19 and she was named last week in a misdemeanor criminal information file. Misdemeanor criminal whatever. Charge filed in the circuit court in Metton. Counting. And she said that she did it with the intent of arousing the sexual desire of defendant or another person and exposed her genitals.

Oh, that's what the document says, that she was doing it, too. I'm sorry, you guys. Intent of arousing sexual desire. Of course. That's why she did it. So during the 31 minute webcam performance, Sunderland is seen exposing her breast, her vagina, masturbating and licking herself. Sounds like a circus act. Was she licking. Licking herself?

Yeah, she was licking herself.

Did you see it?

Yeah.

Oh, you did?

Well, no, I've been following the story.

Right. No, it's been going on for a while.

Yeah. So I've been following the story and.

Yeah, it's hilarious because, well, a.

She is super hot, Right? Have you seen? She's smoking hot.

She's 19. She's hot.

But this, the second part is what's so funny is. So she got kicked out of school, right?

Right.

And so she did this interview with the TV show Inside Edition, and she said that, yeah, I'm really sad that I can't go back to school because I'm gonna miss the basketball games.

Not math class.

Not math class. Getting education.

No, no, no.

And believe it or not, she said her parents were upset.

Imagine that. Right? We're sending you college education. She says she's decided that college life just isn't for her quote, I had enough of the college life. I lived it for a year. I think that was perfect timing.

Yeah.

Her cam girl career is still touch and go. She was arraigned on Thursday. Could be facing a $6,000 fine, and it could be a problem for her solo sex career. But the fine is already covered. I bet she just said one of her guys paid for it. So now she signed a deal with Playboy, of course, sugar daddy website. She's done radio. She's actually gonna be in Dr. Drew HLN tonight. And she just signed a contract with Penthouse, her Twitter feed. 74,000 followers, and she reported. Holy s. I'm the 56th most popular porn star on Pornhub. I'm sure her parents are proud. Take a moment of silence. I Mean, I think, like, when you. She was, like, writing her college applications. Was she like, I really hope one day I'm gonna be the most popular girl in pornhub?

No, it's just like, when they start seeing some of that money come in. You're 19 years old. I know you're like, I gotta read all these books. Or I could just make thousands of dollars from guys just handing me money all day. What are you gonna take?

But Thomas is not gonna mess her up at 19. I'm sorry if she was already messed up. She's, like, going down a road of, like, you know, fast money, fast attention, which you're so susceptible at that age. She's obviously not well grounded, surrounded by.

A bunch of sleazy guys. But that's just how it goes. That's how it goes with a lot of porn stars.

So we looked a little into, though, cam girls. Cause it is sort of. Remember Belle Knox at Duke? She was kind of the first one that came out that was like, at Duke, it was like, I'm proud of it.

Yeah.

Do you remember her? There's so many of them now.

Yeah, but it's been around for quite a while.

No, it has been around for a while, but it just seems like lately what's been making the news is that all these, like, college age girls, instead of being a waitress, like, I was at two different bars, which I actually thought had great perks because I drank for free for four years.

And you got free Taco Bell.

And I got free Taco Bell. There was a taco at Rick's at University of Michigan at the bar. It was called Rick's. Every night, free Taco Bell. So they say they just find a site they like. They register, show proof of age, and boom, that's it. They're webcam girl. They have a flexible. They work from home, do as much or as little as they want, and they can make a lot of money. So many girls who do it don't consider it the same as porn. So they believe there's an emotional aspect to it. And there was actually an upcoming documentary on the subject. And one cam girl said, I'm the person asking how their day was. I'm part therapist, part sex object. So they are saving the world one orgasm at a time.

That just makes them feel better about what they're doing.

Yeah, they're trying to infuse some sort of social consciousness. I'm not hating. I'm not hating on it either. I'm just worried about their future. She got into college One year was enough for. You know what I mean? Like, I want to be her therapist for five minutes and just be like, really, babe?

Well, a lot of people are just, like, fed up with. If they see an opportunity where you don't have to do a lot of work.

School loans are so expensive now. I mean, it's crazy. I mean, maybe it's Obama's fault.

I know. I knew a girl that worked at a grocery store, and she was thinking of giving up working at the grocery store just to do this webcam thing because she was just tired of bagging groceries every day.

I know. I mean, seriously, since I started this and I was trying to monetize it for the first eight years, people were like, why don't you just put some nude pictures up on your site?

Yeah, just throw some nudes.

Like, that's just not the road I'm going down. So they also said that, you know, oh, here's the crazy thing. These cam girls believe that their current online job will not affect future employment. And one girl said, what happens on the Internet stays on the Internet. Yeah, right. What planet are they on?

There's guys, they're screenshotting this stuff.

I know. What happens on the Internet stays on the Internet. Exactly. Forever.

They have folders of just photos and, like, recording the. Everything that's happening.

It's never going away.

Yeah, it's there.

It stays on the Internet. The Internet is the world.

Yeah.

Okay, so the reason why it's becoming a more popular porn cell for men is they find it's more intimate, it's more real. Cause they're like, hey, here's 20 bucks. Like, touch your left clothes labyrinth or something.

But do you think that maybe eventually, because so many people are doing it, that it won't affect anything?

What do you mean?

Future employment?

You mean, like, the President United States will have been to, like, a webcam girl?

No, I'm saying, like. I'm just saying, like, look, if you're doing web webcam stuff, you might not have the ambition to be the next CEO of, you know, intel or something like that. You might be okay with it, right?

I guess so. I mean, I'm not judging you guys. I know I sound really judgmental right now. I guess I just get concerned because I know a lot of people who started school and couldn't finish for certain reasons because, like, they didn't have the money or they took a job or something. And I know people now, like, in their late 20s, who are like, I just want to finish that one credit and I just feel like no matter which way you go around it. And I was even interviewing an intern the other day, which, by the way, we do need interns. I'm gonna get back to that in a minute. But he was like, yeah, he's like 28. He's like, I just didn't finish. I'm going back. Like, you think you just want to get your college degree. I mean, I'm not, I don't want. I mean, it's a good experience for you to learn all the basic skills that you need taking the basic classes, also just learning to be on campus. You grow up a lot. And I'm just saying to give it all up because.

You are gonna make more money. I just feel like it's very short sighted, but at that time in life, you don't have time to really think big. So again, not judging it. I'm just saying. I guess I sort of am. But just sticking to school, I'm worried. But she's 19.

Hey, you know what?

Drugs are next. The whole thing. Okay, so this is like a great story. I actually love this sex in the news story. Oral sex may be a lifesaver for spiders.

Wait, say that.

So mating. Oral sex may be a lifesaver for spiders.

Okay.

Okay, ready? Mating can be a deadly act for spiders, which I did not know. So whenever they mate, female spiders often end it by eating their partners.

Yeah.

So the Darwin bark spider found an unusual way around this risk. He keeps the juices flowing. In the female spider spider during copulation, males orally lubricate the female's genitals. The reason may be to prevent themselves from becoming a meal. The research team observed that female mates with multiple males and that the males are ultra competitive. As a result, they found that 76% of female overall were aggressive towards males, with 35% cannibalizing them after copulation. So males spiders, they needed tactics to prevent getting eaten. And one way is to linger around younger females. So what they do, the male spiders figure it out. They're gonna nibble on the female's external genitals using their fangs. And then we observe that there was a liquid coming out of the fangs. So we don't know what the liquid is. They say it looks like digestive juices. And they suggest that the oral lubrication relaxes the adult female spiders so they're less likely to cannibalize them. So oral sex is saving male spiders. And like I've always said, let's be honest, it saves everyone's lives.

Have you Ever been around a black widow spider?

No.

That's what it's all about. That's why it has its name, because black widows.

Right? No, I know that they eat them. I knew that, but I didn't know that this whole thing was going on with the thing. But not. But I didn't. I knew black widows, but I didn't know that every spider. Yeah, I didn't know that every spider eats their male.

I can't be every single one. No way.

No, it doesn't say black widow.

We gotta get on the Google what EVs.

The point is perform oral sex on your partner.

Yes.

You're not gonna get eaten or thrown out of the house. Okay, we've got some emails today.

All right, I like that.

Thank you, everyone, for emailing us@feedbackextwithelmi.com but before I get into the emails, I want to say one thing that I wanted to mention at the beginning of the show is that we need some interns. And you know, Magnus, we've always had amazing interns over the years, and now we're looking for a social media marketing intern and also a production intern. So someone who can do video editing, video, audio, all that, and then a social media. So two different positions. And you can email us@feedbackextwithemily.com, send a resume, cover, letter writing samples. That would be amazing. And then also for our website, we're just looking for seasoned sex and relationship writers who are interested in contributing content to our site.

That's great.

Same thing. Email us feedbackax.

A lot of our interns went on and done, like, some really amazing things, work at Facebook. And yeah, they've all of them worked.

At, like, tech blogs and stuff, ad agencies, tech blogs. I've gotten that. One of them is, like, running. Remember Elizabeth? She's running, like, that huge ad agency in the city. Remember Elizabeth? I've had, like, yeah, all my interns, or I hire some many of them. Madison, sitting here. So you know it's a good time. Okay, so the peoples, here's what they're saying to us today. Dear Emily, I've been married for seven years, and both my partner and I are not initiators in the bedroom. And our sex life has become stale and almost like a chore. He's not a fan of foreplay, and I find it hard to be turned on and ready. We love each other, but we are becoming, like, housemates. We've been faithful to each other since we met 15 years ago. Over the past four years, I've gained and lost 50 pounds. And now that I'm fit and healthy, I'm attracted more and more to other men to whom some pay me a lot of attention. I miss having that with my hubby. The other day, we discussed trying an open relationship for six months just to see how it goes, sharing the risks, including leaving each other for another person who we enjoyed more, attachment, catching an STD or pregnancy. We decided to give it a go and tell each other if something happens, trust something happens. You know, we have to implement trust and honesty. He says he finds it a turn on when other guys pay me attention and wants me to explore with other men to see if it helps me come out a little more. I am the jealous type, but I think he needs this, as I can tell he's unhappy too. So I want him to see if this would make him happy and vice versa. I'm excited about this, but I want the strangers more than him. And it turns me on, but it also scares me. What are your thoughts on open relationships? Do you think they can work? What would be your advice? To have it work? Is this a good idea? I should mention I live in Australia. I really enjoy your Facebook page and podcast, too, which I only started listening to three weeks ago. A lot of catching up to do. Thanks in advance. T is for trying new things. Female okay, well, first of all, thank you for telling us. We want everyone to tell us where you live and how you listen to the show. Appreciate that. Okay, so I'm really happy, T, that you were able to have the conversation with your husband about what you'd like to try sharing your fears and concerns. And it sounds like you're both kind of on the same page, that you want to step out. But have you discussed with him why he's not a fan of foreplay? Because that was her first point, right, that she said he's not a fan of foreplay. So why isn't he a fan of it? Because that says a lot. He knows that you need it and he's not giving it to you. So I'm wondering if he gave you more foreplay and more attention, which you said you're lacking from him, if that would help the relationship. Now, open relationships can really work for a lot of couples, but I only only recommend it for couples who are in a secure, stable relationship and they want to experience an open relationship on a level playing field where you're in a good place and you both want the same things. My problem T is that you are not turned on by your husband anymore. So this is shaky ground. It's kind of like having a baby to save your marriage. It may have mixed results. It's kind of a recipe for an affair and a disaster because you have resentments for them. Plus, she's jealous. Red flag. So the fact that the idea of being with another man doesn't make you feel more attracted to your partner, it pulls you further apart. That is concerning. So I would say you need to continue practicing rigorous honesty with each other. Communicate openly and frequently, and that's the only way it's going to work. And I'm not even sure that you're ready for it. That said, I was in Loveline the other night, as you know, which is a popular radio show and a podcast as well, and the open forum. Every night, we do an open forum between 11 and 11:30, and we picked open relationships. Drew was out of town. He doesn't like talking about him. It was just Mike and I, and I was like, call up if you have an open relationship. Has worked. And, you know, I feel that they're not for everybody. But we got a lot of calls from people who were like, we've been in it for 14 years, 10 years. It works. And some people, of course, it doesn't work, just like marriage doesn't work for people. But for the people that it does work for, it's because they love each other. They're each other's primary partners. They've been having sex with each other for a long time, and they have very, very strict rules. You have to set the rules ahead of time. Like, you know, there's no kissing. There's no sleepovers. It's not like your husband meets someone at the bar and just doesn't come home that night. I mean, people in these type of relationships do practice rigorous honesty. And they have trust. You know, they have. They might have trust and jealousy, but they learned to transcend it, all this stuff. And so, yes, they have worked. I don't think that T is ready.

No, I agree 1000% with everything you said, believe it or not, because, again, they're not in a strong place to be doing stuff like this.

It's not a good place.

It's gonna blow up in their face.

Exactly. Either you need to go to marriage counseling first, then. Or something. Don't jump into it. It's not the way to save it. Okay. Dear Emily, how do you ask someone if they want to be taped up? Thanks, curious male.

You bring the tape, and then you start taping them. If they say no, then you don't do it right.

Bondage tape. I love that. He said, taped that Tide because you know, I love bondage tape. I wouldn't bring it up on the first date per se, but I would say, you know, this day and age, why not ask her if she read 50 Shades of Gray? I mean, it's on everyone's lips, everyone's talking about it. If so, you can say, what'd she think about it? What'd she like about it? If she says, the man Christian Grey is an abuser and the devil, well, you have your answer. But, you know, feel her out. Does she seem open minded in the bedroom? Do they seem easily freaked out? I mean, start out by asking, like once you guys get to this intimate place and if you've already had sex or you've already been together, you can say, I want to know what really turns you on. I love the sex we're having together. It's so hot. And I think sex should be all about experimenting. What in your mind would you like to try? So put it in her plate, see what she answers. She says, nothing. I don't know, it's good, it's fine. She might need a little prodding. So you could say, well, what about. Have you ever thought about dressing up in a sexy outfit? Have you ever wanted to have your hands tied back? You know, think about it, just start feeding onto her. But you don't. Again, you always want to keep these conversations light when you start because you don't want to freak anyone out. And really they are light. You're talking about improving your sex light and doing something that you both might really enjoy.

Yeah, I think the 50 shades of grey movie thing is a perfect opener. And then, yeah, again, just throw in a couple things like, oh, would you be into that? You know? Yeah, be into being tied up. Is that your thing?

Yeah. Say your jam because I got some bondage tape right here.

Yeah, I heard a new phrase. I'm sure it's been around for a long time, but it was new to me. It was the roping thing. Have you heard about that? This roping where you like, you tie somebody up but it's like really tight, like cuts off a little bit of circulation.

Okay.

Yeah.

Fixation not on your neck, but like.

In different parts of your body or like your boobs and stuff like that?

Yeah, I mean that's always been, I mean there's always been like people who are more into it. Aggressively cut it. Be careful people. I'm thinking if you're trying out, you want to do like A silk necktie that you already have.

Yeah, don't go into, don't go into.

Any of this stuff. You gotta ease into this stuff. But you know, I think it's great that you want to ask because there's a lot of guys who would be in a relationship with someone, they have something they're dying to try. And they're so afraid of being judged on their fantasies or what they want, they think the woman's just going to freak them out and run. But the truth is, if this is something that you really want to try, then you should, you should find out because it doesn't go away. I think if there's something that you always want to try and you're with someone, you kind of push it under the rug. Like it's going to keep surfacing. So, you know, sex should be expansive and you should keep learning about each other. So. Okay, quick word from our amazing killer sponsors. So, Adam and Eve, let me ask you a question, people. Are you getting enough?

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Yeah, that's great.

I love that stuff. Like when you order from Sephora, you probably don't know this, but you order like a foundation and whatever and then, and then they send you all these little samples. It's the best.

Yeah, it's great.

And I'd rather not even go in the store because they're gonna send me cool stuff.

There's this Clothing company that I love, Rebel eight.

It says Rebel and then the number eight. I order stuff from them all the time and they. It's fun when they throw extra stuff in the box, like just stickers, whatever.

I love it. It's awesome. So do that, peoples. Okay. Dear Emily, I'm a huge fan and absolutely love your podcast. Thank you so much for everything you do. I've learned so much. My question is about an ex boyfriend. We were together for two years, January 2011 to May 2013, and got back together August 2013, until I moved to Spain in September and decided against long distance. We stayed in touch, hung out a few times, summer of 2014. She's very specific here. When I came back, he has another girlfriend right now. We hung out in 2014 when I came back, and he has another girlfriend now. At the end, however, it was too painful and I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore because on Loveline, Dr. Drew said, after a breakup, there needs to be a six months of no contact. Well, this is month six for me. I'm still thinking about him. Not sure if it's because I want him back or I just missed my best friend. What do I do now? Love. Why? P.S. i'm 25 from California, but traveling the world at the moment.

Nice.

Nice. Okay, so the point of Drew's waiting six month thing is to help you get over them. And I think it's true that when you do break up with someone, there's a lot of people who are like, oh, we can still be friends, or we can hook up and we still check in because you miss each other, which makes sense because you were together a long time. He probably is your best friend. He probably is the person that you turn to, and so that's why you need the six months. So I'm wondering, when you want to contact him now, what do you hope will happen? Do you really think that you're ready just to be friends with him? Do you want to hear about his new girlfriend? Because I don't think that you've moved on yet. I'm not sure what you've been doing. These six, like, you're traveling the world, which is awesome, but are you dating? Are you sleeping? Are you hanging out with other people? If you haven't filled that space, that void that he's left you, you're still going to miss him. And I'm not even saying you have to be banging a lot of guys. I'm saying just put yourself out there to meet men and to go on Dates. Because if he's in a new relationship, it could be uncomfortable. So I just think you need to leave this in the past and open up the idea of dating again. Start looking for what you want. And we tend to put X's on a pedestal. We remember all the great things. And believe me, there was a reason that you broke up. So make time to date. Put yourself out there and don't contact them. What do you think?

Again, why am I agreeing with you so much?

I don't know. Cause we love each other. And you're happy now?

Yeah, it's terrible.

What?

I'm happy now. I've always been happy.

No. People say you seem happier. Wasn't me. I don't know. Maybe.

I think I was sleep deprived last time I was here.

No, last time you heard, you were happy. You mean the time before?

Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Sleep deprived.

You've been sleep deprived for 10 years?

Totally.

I know you. It's true. Yeah, I'm a little sleep deprived, too. But, hey, it makes things more interesting. No, we need it. I needed out eight hours of sleep a night or I lose my.

Yeah, but the thing is. Yeah, she. She doesn't want to be the single girl hitting up some guy that's in a relationship. That's not cool.

No.

You know, and.

And. And. Yeah, exactly. And. And the only reason you're doing it is because you haven't moved on yet and not even moved on with another guy. But emotionally, you're still holding on to the memories of that. And so you have to prepare yourself to be in a relationship and to be open to new experiences.

Don't look thirsty. You know what I'm saying?

Is that needy?

Yes. Look at you figuring out the term thirsty. Guys are usually thirsty, like, the thirstiest.

Really?

Feel me.

But can't you feel a girl's thirst wanting to be quenched from, like, across the room if she's thirsty?

I can. Yeah. You can tell if a girl's thirsty or not.

But guys are always thirsty.

Yeah, guys are like. Yeah, it's like a desert, but we're.

Kind of saying desperate. Like, don't put yourself. Yeah, yeah. Thirsty.

The thirst is real.

Thirst is real, man. Okay. Hey, Emily, I'm a new listener, and I got to say, I love your show so much. I'm learning all these new tricks and tips, and it's all very helpful. But my question is, I'm dating a guy that is four years older than me, so he's a little more experienced in bed than I am. But the thing he's definitely more experienced in is anal. I've never done anal and quite frankly, I'm scared. I don't know if scared is the right word, but it makes me nervous. We've brought anal lube and when we tried it, I was still in pain and didn't feel anything, any pleasure. I want to be able to do what he loves, but I want to enjoy it as well. Any tips? Thanks.

Tavi, how many anal emails do you think you've had in your 10 years of doing this?

Hundreds. Yeah, hundreds, yeah. More and more, though I would say that anal. At first I was saying anal is a new blow job when I started, but now I think it's like squirting is a new anal. So we're getting more squirting questions. But anal is always like a good hard. Like people want to know. I mean, I think it's porn. Anal didn't even come up as an option for me when I was like, in high school. Like, you weren't like, trying to get it? I didn't even think that that was an option.

Yeah, I was ignorant. Probably late 2000s is when anal was really popping off. But now, again, it's like squirting. This, squirting classes squirt.

Right, exactly. It's everything. It's squirting and anal, squirting, anal. But anal does not go away. So listen, Tavi, this is something you should be doing because you want to, not because your partner wants to do it. But it sounds like you want to try it and you didn't have a good first time experience. Well, I'll here to let you know, a lot of women don't have good first time experiences. You think, yeah, guys are drunk, they're sticking it in, they're not using lube.

I'm being sarcastic.

Right. So they never want to do it again. And I understand that was painful the first time, and it often is painful the first time. So the first thing is, you know, lube, Lube, lube. You can never have enough lube, but you have to relax. The problem is when we're about to have anal sex, we tense up and we clench our buttocks, which is the worst thing you can do. But that's like our reflexes is to tense up. And so your back door contains muscles that tense up when you get tense and it's gonna hurt. And you have to remember to breathe and relax and then those muscles will naturally relax. And so in the first few moments of penetration, the pressure causes women to instinctively hold their breath and this results in the immediate tightening of those muscles, which will only lead to the pain. So take deep breaths. Focus on relaxing your entire body. Release all that tension in your behind. Might feel like you have to poop, but you won't just go for it. And here's the other thing. You don't want to start with anal. You really need a lot of foreplay in warm up. Just because you're, you know, you got, you know he wants to try it doesn't mean that you don't. This is actually one scenario where you actually really need foreplay in warmup because you want to be relaxed and he should be giving you a massage. He could use the massage candle on you, which is relax you. You want to be in a good. Play some music, you know, light some candles, like I said, set the atmosphere. And maybe you have vaginal sex before having anal because you want to be turned on first so he goes down on you so you already have an orgasm. If you already have an orgasm, you'll definitely be more relaxed. And he should not just be sticking his penis right in if you've never had it, and it sounds like you had it once, but he could just start by, like, rubbing the area with some lube around your area, stick a finger in and experiment with a couple fingers. And so, so, you know, while he's playing with your back door, you can also be rubbing your clitoris. Use a sex toy to kind of play with your clitoris. So you're getting turned on in both areas. And this will help you relax and take off. Take the unfamiliar feeling of foreplay off your mind if you also are getting stimulated clitorally. But all I can say, I literally think my biggest tip is like, breathe and lube.

Breathe and lube and take.

Breathe and relax and lube and take your time and go slow.

Yeah, Tell the guy to go slow. The guy. Just the guy. Cause he has an erection and he feels that he's gonna lose it, he's gonna try to get in there as soon as possible, right?

And it can be painful, and then it could ruin it for life. But, you know, again, here's the thing, though, Tavi, if you do all these things and you still don't like it, don't feel bad. It's not for everybody. Some guys don't like blowjobs. Some women don't like oral sex.

It's true, Which I can't believe. But some guys don't like blowjobs, and some girls don't like oral. But I'm saying, so you don't have to like anal sex. Don't force yourself into it. But if you try some of these steps and it still doesn't work, you know, maybe it's just not your jam. Yeah, and you tried it. You gave it the old college try.

The old college try.

Exactly.

Awesome.

Awesome. Okay, oral sex question.

All right.

Hi, Emily. Thanks for all the great advice. I've been listening for over a year now, and I love it. You've been a gift to my wife and I and we share your podcast with everyone. Aw, that makes you feel good. My question relates to why my wife's monthly visit from Aunt Flo comes. My wife. Okay. It's about when her visit from Aunt Fellow comes, AKA her period. My wife loves oral sex, no doubt about it. And you've given us a lot of great tips to make it better. What are some tips you would offer for pleasuring her when she's on her period? Is oral safe? Thanks again for everything. You're the best. Keep up the great work. Mike, I think this guy, like, deserves husband of the year award. He's so concerned that when she's on her period that she can't have oral sex scenes, like asking how to do it. I love him. Really? Most guys are like, yeah, blowjobs. For me, most guys don't even touch their ladies down there when they're on their period.

Most guys, I would say like 99.9%.

Exactly. And I understand why. There's nothing unsafe about period blood, but it can get messy. So just focus your attention on her clitoris. So her clitoris, she could still have a tampon in or whatever, but her clitoris is still ripe and ready to go. And if you don't want to put your tongue down there, I get it. Use an external sex toy for clitoris. Like the we Vibe tango, which is the friggin strongest, amazing bullet in the world. The tango on her. Or you could just use a bullet. Bullet. What? Why are you looking at me?

No, I'm just.

You want one? You can use a dental dam.

Yes.

No one ever does this. Do you know what a dental dam is?

Where do you even find a dental.

Want to hear something funny? Do you know my dental dam story?

So a few years ago, I was asked to be on the Doctors television show, which is a very well known, respected show here. And they wanted me to come on and talk about dental dams.

All right?

I get an email from the producers and they say, dress like you're going to church for the show, okay? And I'm like, I'm a Jew, but, okay, I'll figure it out. So I go on and I'm like, but yet it's actually on the Internet. I think it's on my website. But I get up and I'm like, here's. So I had to teach people how to make a dental dam. And a dental dam is what you put over a woman's vagina. It's like latex. It's, like, made of what a condom is made of. And then you could lick her over it or whatever. And a lot of lesbians can use it. So you don't. Sexually transmitted diseases. You can make one from a condom. So you hold a condom lengthwise, cut off the tip, and then you cut it from the top to the bottom, and then you roll it open, you got a dental down. Wow. I know. I did that in natural. I had to practice with cutting and scissors. My mother was proud.

My mom's like, oh, no, look, my daughter's on the doctors. Oh, look, she's back into my life.

She probably told everybody to.

Oh, my God. Here's the other thing.

How popular are you in your hometown in Michigan?

You know, I guess I'm pretty popular, I guess. You know, people, you know, people saw misadvised. Not everyone's talking about sex. And my brother, you know my brother. Oh, yeah, he put me on a commercial. He put me on a. My brother's a personal injury attorney in Michigan. He's like, the largest personal injury firm. And he. When I was home in September, he's like, do a commercial with me. So we did a commercial. Like, my brother Mike is da, da, da. And it plays all the time. So, like, all my friends from Michigan are like, I saw you on TV with her brother. And it's, like, funny, because I'm like, sex. They're like, think it's gonna be something sex. But it's all about my bro, okay? From a medical standpoint. Also, menstrual blood can transmit STDs, including some viruses. So practice safe sex. Use dental dam. So I wanna say that first, so don't worry about going down on her. But sex during menstruation can be pleasurable. And women claim that climaxing can ease their menstrual cramps.

Okay.

He's a good husband.

Yeah, I like him.

Husband of the year, dude. Husband of the year. Like, I want to perform. Horror dogs are all the time and the four days a year. I mean, really, this guy rocks. Okay. Anal play for straight guys. Did you write this one, Mattis? Did you want to know about anal play?

No, no, not you.

Okay.

But I always say when it comes to this, watch the movie Road Trip, okay? It's hilarious.

I didn't see it, but you know that.

Yeah.

Oh, I actually did see a movie the other day. I'll tell you about it in a minute. Dear Emily, I'm a 19 year old male, but I love it when my girlfriend uses a butt plug or anal beads on me. Is this a normal thing for somebody who is not gay? Thanks. L. Male wishes to remain anonymous. Okay. L. It is very common for men to experience, to enjoy that. It's the prostate. In the male prostate, they call it the male G spot. There is a lot of pleasure in that area for straight men. I talk about this all the time. And the reason why I think a lot of men are like, anal, no go, don't touch it, is because they think it's gonna make them gay. You have a girlfriend, you are not attracted to men. There is nothing about your anus being touched that makes you gay. Charlie Glickman, who's an anal expert, he's been on the show a bunch of times. He said it best. There's a huge difference between sexual orientation and sexual appetite. So just because you like the way it feels, which, I mean, I've heard from many a men, stick a finger in there when you're giving them oral or whatever, it feels amazing. So you can enjoy all the backdoor play you want and still be heterosexual. Good vibes makes a great prostate toy called the Black Pearl. Sleek silicone, it offers several levels of gentle yet powerful vibrations. It's perfectly shaped for an easy, enjoyable anal experience. You're ahead of the game, dude. You're 19 and most guys are way too afraid to even experiment with anal play. So if the only thing that's tripping you up about is that you. It makes you gay. No, it makes you an advanced.

Mature male who realizes that the. Yeah, it makes you an advanced sexually curious person who understands that our body has so many erogenous zones that we don't even touch.

I told you, right? I said this on the show a couple times. But back, my buddy and I were just 18 and there was a sex store in our little town of Newark, California.

Newark.

And we walk in the door and the first sex toy I see, like on the counter, it said the anal ripper.

You told me that they weren't, right? Oh, my God.

Yeah. You might not want to be. You might not be.

Get a simple butt plug. Oh, use my Adam and Eve okay. Adamandeve.com, code Emily. Right. Code Emily. And get a butt plug. And then you'll get ten free gifts. You can get like a ten dollar butt plug. Free gifts.

Nice.

Or twenty dollars butt plug. Whatever you want. Okay. That's what we got time for today already. Yeah. I love you people. Thank you so much for listening to the show. Remember, I don't ask for much, but I do ask you to vote for me and Menace every single day for the next month@podcastawards.com we're in the mature category. They're not talking about our emotional development, but I think it's our topic.

All right.

And answer our survey. We need interns. All that stuff. We love you. You can find Metis on Instagram and Twitter. Ennis.

Yeah, just m e n a C e. True that.

You can find me. Follow you guys. Okay. Follow me on Twitter. And it's echwithemily and Instagram xwithemily And my Facebook page. People love. Like, it's funny. I get a lot of emails to people who only know me through my Facebook page.

Wow.

I know. It's so facebook.com sexwithemily put up great information and I am almost at 100,000 followers on Twitter and I think I'm gonna sleep with my hundred thousand follower.

Really?

So if that gives you any incentive, you should just go like that. Go whatever, follow. Okay, everyone, thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com okay, guys, thanks for listening to the show. And as you know, I really want you to have the sex life and the relationships that you deserve because we all deserve to have great sex. So let me tell you about promescent, which helps a lot of guys have great sex. So one in three men suffers from premature ejaculation. Or a lot of men take just come a little bit quicker than they want to. It could be two minutes, it could be four minutes. It doesn't matter. But you just want to last longer because of the orgasm gap. Women, they take about 20 to 30 minutes to orgasm. Men, four to six minutes. So what do you do? How do you close the gap? You use promescent. It closes this gap. You can both have orgasms and have a great time. It helps you last twice as long. Thousands of urologists are recommending promescent. It's the only FDA approved treatment for premature ejaculation or just for lasting longer in bed. Go to Promescent.com to find out more. That's P-R-O-M-E S C-E-N-T.com thanks for listening. There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health. Magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really noticed calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body body which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualia life.com sex with Emily for 50 off and here's a bonus use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15 off your order. That's Q U A l I a life.com sex with emily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.