Come Again? Orgasms, Swallowing and Swiping

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my. Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. I feel so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not The kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com we can check out all the things happening there. It's a party. You can easily subscribe to our podcast there, which we love. When you subscribe to our podcast, check out social media content, blogs, all that good stuff. I want to start out by thanking all my loyal listeners, also all the newcomers. We actually had a record breaking month in March. We had more downloads than we've ever had. It's like up by like 50% last month. So I just want to welcome the newcomers. Thank you. I'm so glad you're here. I love that you're all here because, you know, we're all in this together. We all want to learn to have better sex and relationships. Just keep listening. I promise it will happen and I want to keep this momentum going. So if you like this show, tell a friend. And we love when you subscribe to the podcast. I know I will say that, but let me explain to you how that helps. First of all, you can do it really easily through your app or through itunes or however you listen to the show. We do two shows every week, and when you subscribe, you'll never miss an episode. But this is why it helps. So there's this ranking thing, right? So on itunes, like when people look for new podcasts, they're like, oh, well, this is in the top, you know, whatever, 50 on the page. And so when you subscribe, it just makes it easier for new listeners like you to find us. So that's all. We appreciate it. It doesn't impact your life. Anyway, just help us and then we can do more shows for you. My goal, my dream, besides the Levon every night stand, is to a show every single day. Would you guys like that? Okay, so thank you, everyone. Welcome to the family. Thank you to my loyal listeners. That's what I got for you. Also, follow us on social media. We love all that too. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat. It's all Sex with Emily. Okay, so as a lot of you know, I've been talking about this lately. I am online dating again. Yes, it feels like a second job and it's kind of overwhelming, I swear to God. Okay, so I'm on Bumble. And I know there's a lot of different apps now, but I like the concept of Bumble because here's the thing with Bumble is that it's one of those SWIPE apps. So if you're new to apps, it's a swipe app. So you're looking at people's pictures and you're swiping right if you're interested. And then if there's a match, it says boop, you've matched. And the thing about Bumble is women have to make the first message. Even though you matched, the guy doesn't know that you match. I gotta be clever and funny and smart and send him a message based on his profile. I can do that. I can observe their profile and say something. But ah, it is like a second job. It gets overwhelming. So I get these matches and then I start a conversation and it's like, I already can't forget to text my mom back. Cause it's busy. I've got 20 guys named Dan or Matt. They're all named Matt. They're all named Matt. I've got three guys in my phone now. Save Matt, Bumble. And I don't know which one is which. And I've got like three David. And so be like, hi, it's David from Bumble. And then I got to go back and look. But. But here's the thing. I do think that even though it's, you know, and I tend to get overwhelmed by these little things. I talked to a friend recently. He's dating online. He's like, oh, you know me, I'm ocd. I've got a spreadsheet. And I'm like, that's actually not a bad idea. I should start a spreadsheet to keep track of these people. Because it's going to happen. People pop up and we all get busy with our lives. But here's the thing about it. I'm going to keep doing it because here's why. I want to meet people in real life. Sure. And I will meet people in real life. Dooming people irl. IRL in real life. But it's a numbers game, guys. So if you're thinking like, oh, I can't find anyone. I live the worst. You know, where I live is the very worst town to date in which everybody says, I'm telling you, I've never met anybody who says, you know what? I live in the best town ever to date in. You should move here. No, nobody says that. New York says they're the worst town. San Francisco, Louisiana. All of them, wherever you are, I get it. But if you're out in the world, you can people. But this is just a numbers game. You're online, you're sitting on your couch, you're sitting at work, you're going through your life, and there's, like, all these people at your fingertips, literally, that you can meet. And if you really do wanna find someone for whatever your purpose, hooking up, having a relationship, you probably can meet someone online. And you will. I'm sticking with it. And I think that you should all try it out if you haven't done it yet. And I've got a story I'm gonna get into in a minute, which made me think about, this would be a good way to open the show. Because there is a survey about apps. Because a lot of people think like, oh, God, isn't it just a hookup app like Tinder? Everyone wants to have sex. And I'm just like, it's only a hookup app. If you choose to hook up. No one's gonna be like, you better hook up with me. I mean, you guys, we all have a choice if you want to hook up with someone, okay, consensually, you can say, I consent to have sex with you, or I do not. I've never found that anyone's like, I thought you were gonna hook up with me tonight. So I really think it's the intention. You set out there, and again, it's good to just try it out. Try whatever you want. And also, if you're like, well, I want people in real life, then I'm gonna challenge you. What have you done differently in your life to meet somebody? If you do the same thing every day and you take the same route home from work and you go to the gym and you see your friends and you go to the same bar, whatever. Whatever your routine is. You get coffee at the same place. You might not meet someone, but have you, like, signed up for a new class or said yes to one of those random Facebook invites you get from someone you don't know? Because you're like, I don't know anyone there. Guess what? That's where that person could be that you like that. You know, a lot of these apps are based on friends of friends and stuff like that. So if someone invited you, you could meet people there. You could meet a new friend that could introduce you to someone. So just get out there. Commit to, like, one night a week that you're going to do something that's outside your comfort zone to meet someone, because that's just how it's going to happen. Someone does not just fall down your chimney. This new love of your life is not going to show up. I've tried. It does not work. I even Have a chimney in my new house. Nobody has showed up. Okay. So there was a survey that came out that said more than 13% of couples who met on dating apps get married or engaged. How about that? So the myth of dating apps only being for hookups still exist. I get that. But new data shows that's totally ridiculous. So they want to give an idea of how common long term relationships from dating apps actually are in the real world. And spoiler alert, more common than you think. So they talked to a bunch of dating app users ages 18 to 65, and there's a lot of serious relationships coming from the swiping. So I feel like I know a ton of people who've been online. And again, I don't really think there's a stigma anymore. It used to be like, I remember going to a wedding 10 years ago and whatever app it was, I think they met on Match. She's like, don't tell anyone, but we met on Match. One of my best friends. And now they'd be like, oh, yeah, we met on Match. It's not a weird thing. So thank God that stigma's gone. But now I think there's this stigma that if you join one of these swipe apps, which are so easy because you can do them anywhere, that it's just for hooking up. So that doesn't exist anymore either. But here's some points that came out in the study that I think are very important here. Number one, most people are looking for something long term. So contrary to popular belief, a whopping 38% of men and 44% of women are looking for long term relationships on the apps. I think that's interesting. Everyone thinks that it's just hooking up. No, people want long term relationships. And who knows, maybe you are just looking to hook up, that's okay. But I think eventually you're not. And then eventually you're in a long term relationship and you break up and then you are looking to hook up. So I'm not going to say that everybody exists in some different plane of this world. So people want to hook up. They don't, but doesn't matter. But right now, apparently people are looking for long term relationships. The other interesting thing that I still, I find this confusing. Other things are looking for new friends. 10% of men are looking for new friends. 12% of women looking for new friends, casual relationships. 22% of the men looking for casual, 14% of the women. And this is just odd. Will someone explain this to me? 2.9% of men are looking for free drinks slash a meal. And only 0.8% of the women who's buying all these guys food and meals. Unless the women are just lying. I don't know, I just would think that be skewed a little higher the other way. Also boosted self esteem. 7% of the men looking for self esteem. 5.3% are women looking for higher self esteem. That's the other thing. If you're just like, you know what, I'm just getting out of a relationship or I haven't dated in a while. Dating online can do that. It not only boosts your self esteem, but it can just kind of get your groove, get your mojo back. Just go out and start dating. Even if you're like, oh, it's not a great date, have fun with it, maybe it's a new friend. Practice dating. You know, it is sort of like a muscle. Like dating is sort of this muscle that if you don't use it, you will kind of lose it over time. So you start getting your, you know, chattiness down or whatever it is you do on a date. Number two, over 13% said they got engaged or married from an app. I totally believe this. I hear this all the time. So a quarter of people said they'd never had more than one or two dates off apps. 7% had reached between six months in a year. 15% reached longer than in a year. And 14% engaged are married. So that can happen. Okay, most people. Another point here is most people have never said had a one night stand from an app. Okay, if it's barely over 50% of people, but still that's not really a hookup. Apple, 50% of the people never had a 18 stand from the app. Don't worry so much about the hookup thing. But maybe you want to hook up. I think you're all you guys, I think you can kind of get whatever you want in these app. You can get a free meal, drinks, a blow job. I don't know. That's all available for you. You choose. Okay, these are the things that I love. I love getting into this like data of what makes turns people on and off with the app. So here you go. Photos and descriptions are the most important factors when you're swiping. So what actually comes into play when using the apps? Photos most important for men. But if you look closely, you'll see that women cared more about the descriptions. So kind of just breaks down that men care more about the photos than the women. Which doesn't really surprise me. They broke it down to common interests, friends in common, whatever. So photos and descriptions take some time doing it. But here's the other thing. And I said this a few weeks ago on the show. Shirtless photos and group shots on are turn offs. I was saying this. I was like, why does every guy have a shirt off standing in a group of friends? First of all, I've got two. This is a quick. This is like fast food of apps. Like, I've got two seconds said if I like you or not, and you're standing there with six guys with sunglasses on that all look like you. I'm swiping left. I don't know who you are. Don't waste my time and just like, don't take your shirt off. I just, I don't know. I don't need to see your body. I'm not impressed or I am impressed or it doesn't matter. Just, I don't know what is. Guys, it's kind of goes in that dick pic family. Like, I don't want to see you with your shirt off before I know you, and I don't want to see your dick. Just don't. That's a turn off. And I think, I'm assuming they're talking about men here. And I think group shops for women. I'm thinking no one's gonna complain that women are doing shirtless photos. But I think that happens. And I think group shots with women too. Same thing we. I get if you're blonde in your first photo and if you're with your brunette friend, maybe we could figure it out. But just have shots of yourself. Just make our life easier. Finally, being funny is key when it comes to messaging. People are responding to people being funny saying something funny. Okay? It's not like you have to be a goddamn comedian. Just say something. Like, comment on their photo, you know, comment on their pictures. You know, like, say something. I don't know, whatever. Like, I'm trying to think of something funny right now. I need to fill out a nap. But just like, just say something other than. Okay, I was going to say something other than hey, but guess what? Here's the preferences. 29% want something funny, 23% they'd like a question that directly rates their profile, and 17% said that hey is okay. Saying hey works apparently not high, but hey. And only 8% want something flirty, and 6% want a compliment. And I agree. Guys who are like, you have a beautiful profile. Your pictures are great. I think to myself, I know that's why you swiped in my photos. So while I cannot emphasize the importance of compliments enough, on this show, I talk about them all the time. That when you're in a relationship or dating someone, compliment them ten times a day. And I know that menace always argues with me that that's too much. And I only say it's 10 because if you do it once, she'll be really happy and so will he. Men like compliments as well. First messages though, I know they get a lot of you stumped. You're like, I don't know what to say in the first message. You know, how do I do it? Even though, hey is okay, let's just try to get a little bit more creative. And I gotta admit, being on Bumble, I was like, oh my God, I have to. The first message. And it really took me like a day. I was like, oh, what am I gonna do? And now I'm like kind of enjoying it. I actually am enjoying it. I'm like, I got this. And it's not because I'm like knocking out one liners, like, oh. It's just like I can look at their profile and find something kind of to connect with that stands out and that's a little different. Okay, so here is an example. So here's a guy and he said in his profile that he is a music lover. Globetrotter. Globetrotter. He's 6:1. And with the hair, he's 6:4. So what I said to him was, just don't cut the hair. And this should work out fine. Hi. And I use his name. I always use their name because I think it makes it personal. So I like to say this, but hi, Bob. So see what I mean? I just looked at one thing. I made a comment, you just look at their profile and pull something out. So here's another one. He says, I'm sarcastic, I'm a writer, never lost a spelling bee, still live at home in my parents basement and need a girlfriend. So they don't think I'm gay. Okay, so he's a funny guy. I messaged him back. I said to him, they probably already think you're gay, but hey, we can give it a try. Hi, Bob. Again, his name's not Bob. So I just. And he was like, yeah, they know. And then we went on and on and he was really funny. He's like, yeah, they know. The kid angle didn't work either. And then, you know, then we got off on, you know, just chatting and it was really fun. So don't spend a lot of time Stressing about it. It's kind of fun if you look at it. Use your creek, get your creative juices flowing. But again, hey, works too. If you really don't feel like you can pull something out of here, but most people are giving you information, something from their photos. Even if you both traveled to Patagonia, mention that show that you wrote their. You know, because other apps, the women don't have to take the first message. So for man, woman, whoever you're dating, just show that you read the app, don't have a canned response. We can tell what that is. My point here is that just try some of these apps, stop writing them off if you're single, or just put yourself out there in the world if you want to meet somebody, you will. There are plenty of people on the planet for you to date, I promise. And I'm going to keep you posted on my journey here. Okay, now we're going to give a little shout out to our sponsors. Thanks so much for supporting them. We appreciate it.

Okay, now we're on to your emails. Thank you everyone for emailing me. You can just go to sexwithemily.com, click on the Ask Emily tab and then you just send a question and we get it right away right to our website. So easy. You can also leave me a voicemail. 818-275-7931. This is all on the website, all this information and also include your gender, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Okay. Hi, Emily. I've been dating a woman for about a month. We've had sex multiple times, but it's been conventional each time. She recently shared that she likes to be dominated in bed, tied up, spanked, blindfolded, etc. And I would love to give her what she desires, but I've never experienced that before. I want to give her amazing sex instead of just good. Any tips on how to approach it? Thanks, Calvin. Calvin, thank you for asking this question because I get. Calvin, I understand how hard it is for men. I mean, because first of all, when a woman in so many ways, sex is hard for men because you're supposed to take the leads you were expecting. You know, all these things that you don't know. But especially when it comes to domination, dominating women. Because all your life you're told, respect women, treat them kindly, you know, be gentle, don't hurt them. And it's really hard, I think, for men sometimes to like, draw, you know, draw the line between sexual contact and assault. Men are kind of raised Knowing where that line is. And then all of a sudden, you have a woman saying, spank me, choke me. And you're like, I don't know what to do here. And you literally might not know what to do. Like, do I do this? Once she gives you permission, which she did. She tells you what she wants. She wants you to be rough with her. It can still be bewildering because you're like, what exactly do you mean, rough? Because what she say she wants to be dominated in bed. You have to be, again, be kind to yourself because you probably think that you're expected to know. And again, you're not supposed to know this, especially if you've never done it. I remember it's like learning a new skill. And here's why I like that you ask this, because I'd say a good majority of the questions I get in are about couples trying to communicate out what they want in bed and then expressing their frustration that they're not getting it. They're like, I asked him three times. You know, I asked him to go down him, and he doesn't. Or, you know, I tell her that I really wanted to initiate sex, and she won't. And it's because we want to please our partners. We're in a relationship. I think all of us want our partners to be happy. But sometimes we hear those things. We're like, I don't know what you mean. Like, what do you mean by it? So it's never too early for you to have a conversation with her about it. This is great, Calvin, because she opened up to you. She told you what she likes, so you totally have the green light to ask her for more info. Clearly, she's okay talking with it. I mean, she was specific. She's like, I want handcuffs. I want blindfolds. I want to be spanked. That's cool. Say, you know what, babe? I've been thinking about how hot it would be to do this. Like, I would love to do this. So what did you have in mind? And maybe she could say, maybe she'll have some ideas for you. You could be like, I want to try this weekend. Tell me what you had in mind. Like, the other day, I was masturbating, thinking about you tied up, and it was hot. What were you thinking? Just start talking about it. Great way to start is verbal power play if you've never done it. And again, you guys, it's okay to try something new in bed and to laugh, feel uncomfortable and awkward. Okay? We are not all masters of sex at all. And especially when we're learning something new. But tell her what to do in a dominant way. Like, get on your knees. You could be like, okay, get on your knees. Put your head down. You know, show me your ass. You could say, good girl. Like, if she's like, good girl, good girl. If she's into that. And I know this might seem weird, but to me, like, she wants to be dominated verbally. You could do that. You can know how to speak. Try that. Be dominant. And also, a lot of it is just taking control. So when you're switching positions, which you should be doing, do it with confidence. Like, toss her around a bit. You know, move out of missionary, like, into doggy style. Like, grab her hips and, like, put her on her knees and do that. Or, like, pick her up and, like, throw her against the wall gently. God, I hate saying throw against the wall because I feel like I'm sounding, but you know what I'm saying? Like, push her up. Women want to be dominated in that way. So, yeah, throw her against the wall in the way. That's not gonna hurt her. It's okay to rip her clothes off every once in a while. Pull her hair. Holding her hands overhead. If you don't have the handcuffs yet while you undress her. Like, you could put her hands overhead and, like, use your other hand to, like, undress her to play with her. Blindfolds are so easy. You can use a necktie. You can use a handkerchief. You can get something from sports sheets. They've got, like, a beginner bondage kit, which, literally, you will have everything that you need. You've got a blindfold. You've got Velcro. Handcuffs high. You don't need a key. You can't mess these up at all. It's Velcro and, like, a little flogger. Pretty much. You'll have everything that you need to please her there. So I would start with some verbal domination, taking some control, and then suggest, like, a sex toy shopping date. In fact, I think every couple should go on a sex toy shopping date. Most towns have, like, local sex toy stores. If not, just go shopping on the website. I know we do most of our shopping online now anyway. I have a store now on my site, so check it out. We're always changing it up on the Sexual Emily website. Just click on the Shop with Emily Banner. And like I said, we've got sports sheets there. You could also, yeah, watch porn together also. That could be another great way if she can't quite explain what she means. See what Kind of porn she's into. You could read erotica together. Master Vo. It's a great book. Great way you can do that. There are some tips. I love it, Calvin. Go for it. Let me know how it goes. I always want you guys, when I say that, I mean that like I want foul through. I want to know what you did, Calvin. Like, I want to know that you made this happen. Okay, so let me know. Dear Emily, I'm currently in a long distance relationship for a little over a year. We see each other every two to three months. And in my opinion, our sex life is amazing. We're extremely sexually compatible and love to incorporate new toys and positions to keep things spicy. The only real issue that arises after sex. He often asks me, did you come? I cringe at that question. I suddenly feel self conscious and don't know how to answer because honestly, I don't know if I came. This might sound silly, but is there a difference between having an orgasm and cumming? I think he expects to see something more visual like squirting or a big explosion of cum. Because we don't see each other that often, it puts even more pressure on sex because we both want to pleasure the other one to the best of our abilities. I would love to squirt for him or visibly cum for him so that he knows how much I enjoy the sex. But apparently that's not how my body operates. So my questions are this. Do I have a dry vagina? Do I need to push my orgasms farther? Is having an orgasm and producing come exclusively correlated or is it normal to have an orgasm and not produce anything externally? I'm a big fan of the show and I value your expert opinion. Savannah, age 25. Hi Savannah. Okay, I like that you emailed me here because I so want to clear this up for you. When a woman has an orgasm, there are not visible. There's not fireworks. Okay, maybe in your head there are fireworks, but there's not like some explosion that's gonna for a lot of women. So I think that you're meaning that he can visibly see this is more of an issue with semantics than anything else. Because I read this, I read this twice. I'm like, wait, am I missing something here? Here's the thing. I'm with you. I don't like it when a guy says, first of all, I don't even like a guy says, when did you come? Did you come? Did you come? I appreciate that you want me to come, but I get that. First of all, it's a lot of Pressure, because you know that only 30% of women actually orgasm or cum during intercourse. So it's really not that common. And it gives, you know, we have a lot of pressure to actually come, I think. And in that moment, it makes me not want to. And it's like you don't want to say no. You don't want to disappoint them. Like this leads to women faking it and all that stuff. But here's the thing, the reason to know, okay, sending love to all you guys who've asked that. And I'm not saying that some women don't want you to ask that. I'm sending love to you because I understand that you guys are doing it because you care. Like, you want to know, did she orgasm? Am I a man? Like, did this happen? You know, a lot of guys just have no idea. I want to say that they're clueless, but it's also really hard to tell. Like with a guy, if he came a lot of times, we know, we can see. We see cum shoot out of his penis. If you're wearing a condom, you take it off and it's filled with a jacket. We know what's happening, right? So you just might need to tell him in the moment. Like, babe, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm going to come, I'm going to come. Because maybe you're quiet. A lot of women, I think might be kind of quiet or very bad. And from what I've heard from a lot of guys, they kind of like it when you speak up. They want to know when you have an orgasm or they want to know that you're enjoying it. So, like moaning and just feeling it. I think a lot of women and men, we kind of get shut down when having sex. Like, we quiet our voices. We think that like moaning sounds weird or porn starry or they're going to judge us. But if you kind of just don't give a shit what he thinks and you just kind of let your body react to how it's what you're experiencing in the moment by like moaning loudly or just. I don't know, I think if you stop muffling the sounds, I'm having a feeling that you're a quiet sex girl. I'm just going to take a gander here that if you start to play with it, not only will you be enjoying sex more often, because it's true that they say women who make, you know, this is science again, women who make more noises during sex actually have more orgasms. And tend to even enjoy it more. So there might be a part of you that's stifling it. That was the worst thing if you're, like, stifling these noises. But also it'll turn him on. It'll turn yourself on, and then he'll know that you're having an orgasm. This idea that he needs some sort of visual display is something that I think you find, like, cooked up in your head here. And I don't think it's what he needs. I don't think he's waiting for you to squirt. That's a whole other issue. But if you're worried, I just think you got to ask him. Say, hey, babe, when you asked me if I came, are you asking if I had an orgasm? Because I definitely did, and I'm going to work on letting you know when it's happening. And, yes, coming and orgasm is the same thing. I believe that that's what he's saying. Like, did you come? Did you orgasm? Like, typically, guys going, did you orgasm, babe? They mean, did you come? That's what he's saying. And just so you know, you're completely normal. You don't have a dry vagina. There are a lot of women don't have these signs of orgasm through ejaculation unless they're squirting. And like I said, with men, you know, they pretty much can tell if they came or not. So for women, the signs are, your breath is quickening. You get flush. Your clitoris becomes more engorged. I mean, that's really the only way the guys can really tell that you orgasm. If he's gonna get down there with, like, a, you know, a magnifying glass, I'm like, stethoscope. A magnifying glass would be like, is your clitoris engorged? I mean, that's why women can fake orgasms so easily. But you're having, like, lots of orgasms, which is so great, Savannah. So I think you just gotta, babe, I'm coming, and it's awesome. So, I mean, squirting, yes, you could learn to squirt. We will talk about that another time. But I don't think that's the issue here at all with him. I know you guys, a lot of you are like, don't just say you'll talk about it and you've talked about other shows. But you guys, I have done a lot of shows in squirting. I'll do another one soon. You can check it out on my website or go to a blog post. And we can talk more about that another day. But, Savannah, you're good. Just let them know. Communication, people. It's all about communicating. That's it. It helps so much. Hi, Emily. My question is around my sexuality first. I'm pretty sure I'm not gay. I like girls and I've had romantic relationships with girls, but I also have a strong attraction to guys that's purely physical. I've tried to date guys, but it doesn't feel right. So romantically I'm not interested in guys, but physically I'm attracted to them. I don't understand why that is. And when in a relationship with a girl, I eventually get urges to be with guys. I've told a few girls I've dated about it, but most are not accepting. I'm not sure what to do. Nobody would suspect this about me. Thank you, Dave. Okay, Dave, this. This is a really interesting question. I so appreciate you emailing this because I can understand this can be pretty confusing to you as well as the women that you're dating now. It could be that you are not allowing yourself to explore men because while you find them attract, you kind of shut yourself down for fear being identified as gay or even as bisexual. But it seems. Sounds to me these urges keep coming up and they're not going to suddenly evaporate because you certainly cannot repress these urges. That never works. And it's not healthy for you either. And I know that you said you tried dating men and you didn't find yourself romantically attracted to them, but is it possible that because you're holding yourself back that and you're afraid of this judgment, that maybe you thought that you didn't find them attractive because you're in this kind of confused state space. Maybe you are bisexual, you like men and you like women. And I think that you should just have an open mind about this and try dating men. Keep an open mind and let go of that fear that you identify as gay or whatever is holding you back. I always talk about duty dating. Like, just go out with that guy or that woman that you wouldn't typically date just to see if you might like him. Like I talk about this typically when people have patterns of dating, like bad boys or women who are unavailable, just like go out this without expectations. Like just kind of go out with them again and see what happens. And another possibility that you might be sexually attracted to men but romantically attracted to women. Let me just tell you something. This is a great time for you to be confused because let me tell you, we Are all so much more open right now. You know, there's all these different terms. You can be pansexual, omnisexual. Plenty of people are coming around the idea that sexuality is on a spectrum. So maybe down the line, you'll be with a woman who's like, cool, and she's like, you know what? You've sex with men occasionally. That's great. I'm also with women. Or I just think that's hot. Because if this is really holding you back, then I think that either you should see a therapist and talk about and have someone help you sort through these feelings. I mean, you are. I don't know how old you are. You guys, please include your age in the emails. It matters. It does. But I feel like maybe you're a little bit, little bit younger. Maybe you're in your 20s, let's say. And these things around our sexuality, I'm sure it's been popping up for you for a while. And whenever we try to repress anything with our sexuality, whether it be like, our fetishes, our desires, things you want to try, who we're attracted to. Are we gay? Not, you know, are we not gay? Masturbation's bad. You know, I've been faking orgasms my whole life. All this stuff, it just never goes away. By repressing it, it doesn't fix itself. So I would say you should delve deeper into this. I get it that the women you're dating, you say they're not so into it. What do they say? You said the women are not accepting. Well, those aren't the girls you need to be with. You will find what you're looking for, but I think you just gotta keep on trying. And, you know, I think there might be something about the men, so who knows? But keep dating. And I don't think we have to identify yourself, identify you with anything yet. Okay, Just go with what you're feeling right now and who you're attracted to. Emily, I'm a huge fan of your show, and it's taught me several things I want to. First, thank you for everything you do for my sex life. My question is about blowjobs and my wife. I'm the only man she's ever been with, and her sexual style has been molded by our relationship. When we first started dating and getting intimate, she stated that she had heard how gross cum tastes. So I told her she would never have to worry about that. I could go somewhere else in my mind. I thought this would be a temporary thing that she would Grow out of it after gaining experience. Well, 10 years later, we're in the exact same spot. Over time, I let her know that it's very important to me that she at least try it once and see if it's something she could handle. She always agrees and is stated that she really wants to do it. However, every time she does the deed, it's like the conversation never happened. I'm very frustrated, confused on what to do. Do you have any advice? Thank you again, Walter, age 34. Oh, Walter. Walter. Walter. Okay, this is a tough one because you have to accept the fact that she may never want to have your semen in her mouth. Like, it just might not happen. And are you okay with that? Are you okay with that? You may never see your semen shooting into her mouth. Okay, just saying that might happen. It is a preference. Something like, some women just don't like it. Like, they might just be like, you know, I don't like it. I'm not gonna try it. And I'm happy that she's giving you blowjobs. I would high five you if you were here. Some women don't like giving blowjobs at all. But here's the other thing. You had the conversation with her, and she's saying she wants to do it. Okay? So this is good news. Okay, so here's the part where we go, oh, my God. Good. Yay, Walter. It's gonna happen. Because if she says she wants to do it, she does want to do it, but she doesn't know how to do it for the first time. Right? I don't like onions ever. And if someone sneakily sticks an onion into my salad, I get super pissed off. I just don't want to try onions. I've tried them. Right? But there's been other foods. Maybe that's a bad example. I'm trying to think of something that I hated and that I've tried. Okay. Avocados. Before I moved to California, I'd never had an avocado. I actually thought they were gross and mushy and didn't taste good. And then you moved to California, and they're everywhere now. I love avocados. I can't get enough of them. So she's got this fear around it. She's got this fear around semen, Understandably, Maybe. You guys, she was, like, 20 years old. Her friends were like, ew, gross. If she's had this fear about that for 10 years, she's not gonna be like, okay, I'm gonna go for it this time. Even though she wants to, so you gotta work with her on this. Okay? And again, I'm gonna bring this to a more global issue here, you guys. This is all the couples. You think that if you have this conversation with your partner about anything, you wanna try something different in bed. You want to be dominated, you want more anal sex. You think that you can have that talk two or three times and it's just gonna magically happen and then doesn't happen, and you're frustrated and you're partner. The problem is changing behaviors takes time, and talking about it just isn't enough for a lot of these things. You don't just say, like, taste my calm, give me anal, and it happens. The good news is you can learn to communicate about it better. So, Walter, here's what you can do. You can say to your wife, I understand that you have this fear around semen about swelling my cum. However you want to say it, I understand it. I totally hear it. And I love when you go down me. I love bow jobs, but I just kind of feel like there's this thing missing. And I think what you have to add to it is it's about intimacy. Because it's kind of a trust thing. I mean, I think that for you, for a lot of men, like, when a woman swallows, you know, puts a penis in his mouth and just swallows the cum, you know, the fact that she's willing to take. You could say to her, like, it's about, you know, the willing. That the fact that you're willing to take my semen in your mouth is a sign of trust and connection. And when you don't do it, I feel like this is kind of a rejection. And I'd love it if we could try and work on this together. And maybe this would help her understand why it's important to you. It's not just, like, a thing to check off the list that, like, it actually makes you feel more connected to her. I'm gonna assume that's why you want it. Cause I think that's typically true for a lot of men. So I think we gotta work in some baby steps here. Maybe one at a time. I was thinking of this and, like, can you just, like, one day you come and you're like. She takes a little, like, her pinky finger and she tastes it. Like, I don't know if that's gonna. You know how that's gonna happen. I mean, I also don't think that you have to, like, sneak, like, sneak into a piece of, like, sharp cheddar cheese. Like, She's a puppy or something, so she can kind of taste it that way. Like here, Trey. That's how you take, like, a pill or a vitamin. I don't think you have to do that. I'm trying to think how you can ease her into it, but you could also. I think her fear is probably of the actual taste. And I think that as a lot of women, lesions of women are swelling come all the time. It's really not bad. But as much as we tell her about it, that might not work. So you could ease into it using a flavored lubricant. That's why they. One of the reasons they make flavored lubricant system. Joe's lube flavors are, like, delicious that I actually just sometimes just want to eat them. If there's no food in the office, I'm like, I can have the salted caramel here for dinner. It actually makes blowjobs fun more for both parties. Because the biggest complaint with blowjobs is, besides swelling come. Is that it's dry, is that they're dry. So she could put a little bit of, like, passion fruit. Okay? She can put passion fruit on her, like a lip gloss. This is what I tell women to do. She can put a little bit on her lips, and then she'd go down on you. First of all, she's already wet and slippery. She gets the end of your pee. It feels great. And your semen tastes like passion fruit. It's a win win. There's also masque strips. Okay. I started talking about these years ago. It's M, A, S, Q, U, E. And they. These are strips, kind of like Listerine strips that she puts on her tongue. And they hide the flavor of semen. Like, literally, they block out semen. These are made so when she has it on her tongue, she cannot taste a semen. But she only tastes. They come in four flavors, like strawberry, watermelon, chocolate, orange, maybe, I don't know, four flavors. But she puts the strip on her tongue, she will not taste semen. And your semen will taste like a strawberry sundae. So that's awesome. Also, good head spray by Doc Johnson. I'm using it right now. I actually use it in the middle of the show. I'm obsessed with this too. It's called wet head dry mouth spray. I use it because, like, during the show, not because I'm about to go give a blow job, but wouldn't that be funny if I was like, wait, hurry, I gotta get ready. I actually use it because it helps with Dry mouth. So I'm not like, like that. So for all you dry mouth blow jobbers, this helps, but also it tastes like strawberry. It's actually really delicious. So this is also on our website. It's called Goodhead Wet Head by Doc Johnson. So here's a few things just she could try, but also approach us with compassion. Let her know how important it is to you. Ease her mind, ease her into it. And she probably, like, has no idea, you know, that it wasn't just about the money shot. When you explain the intimacy aspect, I'm sure she will come around. No pun intended. Or maybe the puns. There's so many sexual puns, so little time.

Okay, guys, I wish I could go on and on, but I have to go give a blowjob. Just kidding. I'm not. I'm actually gonna go eat cake. For reals. Okay. Anyway, I. I love you all. Welcome to all my new listeners. I love my loyal listeners. And remember, you can all tell a friend about it. Listen to your with your partner as well. A lot of you are like, I don't know how to bring this up or that up. Couples love listening to the podcast together. You can be like, well, Emily said. And then. And then do that and you'll be like swallowing semen and dominating your partner in no time. It'll be awesome. Thank you all. I love you. I so, so appreciate all of you just listening to the show and it's just amazing. Of all these new listeners, you know, I love what I do and thank you for making it possible. So thanks to my amazing team. Thank you to Madison and Jamie and Michael, Helena and Ken and Lark. I love you all. Thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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