Cowgirls, Take It Away: How to Rock On Top

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Hey, everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show. I'm getting into your sex and relationship questions. How can you feel more confident during the woman on top position? What do you do when your rebound relationship is moving too fast? And is there a way to make putting on a condom hot? Plus, the best sex toys to help your partner have a G spot orgasm. And who doesn't want that? Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean?

Like laundry?

It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sex with emily.com, where you can see all the great things happening there. We upload new content every day. We update it. Everything there. Videos, content, podcasts. We do two a week. You could check it out. So you can have the best sex and relationships of your life. Which is why we're here, right? Madness. We want to help people.

Yeah. You're just banging out those podcasts two a week.

Two a week.

Wow.

Look at you. Yeah. I want to do five a week like we used to back in the day.

That'd be cool.

I know you wouldn't make it here, though.

I would try to take a quick.

Nap on the couch here.

Yes. As much as possible. But I'm here. I'm away. I haven't seen you in a month. Last time I saw you, you were just recovering from. From the time I saw you before that, which was in the hospital. So how are you? Let me see your hand.

Oh, my God. It's funny. It's been the most interesting year, I have to say. From the spider bait to the moving to them being sick for, like, two, you know, I just. I don't know. Things are. I mean, have been a little off, I think. But now I'm feeling like you're back in the groove. I'm back in the frigging groove. It was good. You missed the whole Valentine's Day, you know, busiest time of year. I feel like Santa Claus, you know, did a ton of press things and, you know, was very active on Valentine's Day.

I know. I tried to book you for the Woody show.

I know you're too busy for the only people. I was gonna get up at 6am for truly or 7am or whatever you do, but. But thank you for still talking about me on the show. I appreciate it.

We talk about you all the time.

My ego loves that.

Yeah, it's great. I. I'll tell you some more about that in a minute. So I haven't seen you in a month. Right, Right. So I'm also in the middle of moving and doing all this other stuff, and work is insane. It's going great.

So happy for you.

And.

But in between all that, I had a crazy surgery.

What?

So.

Oh, my God.

So if anybody's been listening the show for the past, I don't know, what, 12 years now or whatever that I get. So I get kidney stones here and there, and then. So this is the second time this has Ever happened where the kidney stone is too large that I can't pass it through my body?

Right, Right.

So, I mean, we can. We can get into details, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Dude. Yeah. People, I remember the last. This is gonna hurt. Okay, so sit down, everyone.

It's like the size of my. Of a marble, and it's stuck in my penis, right? So that is not good, because you have to be able to, you know, urinate and, you know. Yeah, yeah. So.

Ouch.

So that's happening. And then the doctor, like, couldn't believe, like, I don't even know how you got this thing that's so large this far, right? He goes, you have to have surgery immediately on my penis. So.

They'Re like, well, you have to go get X rays done. So I go do that. So then they. They. They do the X rays, and the X ray guys, like, yep, I can see it because it is so large. Right?

It's just like, we wake up, and you're like, oh, I heard I have cramps. And then they're like, I could.

I could feel the. Because if you had. You've had them for quite a while. The first time you ever have them, you have no idea what's going on, and you feel like you're going to die. You're like, all right, my. My appendix has exploded and I'm dead. Or something. Something bad has happened. But once you learn, you know, what the pain feels like and stuff like that, you kind of just deal with them. Some people deal with it better than others. I do. I deal with it very well. Like, I do entire radio shows in the morning, and you can't even tell that I am going through extreme pain. I just, like, kind of fight it.

You are a trooper.

Thank you.

You're like, I can't pee. There's a marble in my penis. But let's talk. Yeah.

So then.

So they do the X rays, and the doctor comes back, and he's like, actually, you don't just have one. You have three large ones, so we got to get you into surgery immediately. So I go into the surgery center, and then they have to knock me out. And there's, like, you know, five people in the room. So imagine this. I'm knocked out. Five people in the room. They have to go through the hole of your penis to go all the way up my penis.

Now I'm, like, having, like. So they're sympathy pain.

I mean, at least I'm knocked out. I have no idea what they're doing. But then I have to go through Like, a week of recovery, right? So. But I'm still. I'm still working, still doing.

Do they know that your penis was in surgery?

Yeah, yeah. I'm talking about all that kind of stuff. But here's another thing. They put a thing called a stent in. In my body. So it's like kind of like a rubber wire that goes. What's going through my kidneys towards my penis. So, like, when I'm walking around, I feel, like, sharp pains here and there. Right. But this is the effing worst part. Okay?

So it's there permanently. Right now you have this wire.

No. So this is the worst part.

Okay. Okay.

After a week, they're like, okay, we have to get this stent out of your body. Well, how. How do they get this out of your body? They go through your penis hole again.

They knock you out again, but this.

Time they don't knock you out. So you walk in. You walk in to the office, and. And the nurse goes, okay, well, we're going to take you to the room. So disrobe.

From the waist down. Right? And then they. So you disrobe to. From the waist down, and then they put you up on, like, this table. And then I have to get up in stirrups. Like, I'm having a baby.

Right, Right. Like we do with the gynecologist every year.

So then.

Or a baby.

So then they put, like, a towel over my body. She's like, okay, well, I have to do the. The numbing. Right?

I can't.

Okay, so I'm, like, laying down. I'm fully awake, and the nurse is, like, putting this, like, numbing gel.

Yeah. Okay.

My penis. And, like, it doesn't.

None that much. Okay. Jesus.

None that much. But then. So she's doing that, and then she has to go in the hole and inject it in the hole. Right.

I can't even handle the Madison's, like, we're, like, nauseous here. Okay, not nauseous, but wincing and pain.

What are you saying? Like, about to go through, right?

So. Dude.

Okay, I'm almost done.

No, I'm listening. I'm, like, having a hard time, like, feeling. Okay, go.

So then they. They do all that. So then three other people come into the room. The doctor, right? And then, like, two more assistants. So I'm here, like, screaming, you know, just spread out. And he's like, all right, well, we got to get that thing out. And they're taking, like, things that, like, needles that look like two feet long. And. And, I mean, there's like. There's a. There's a blanket, like, covering it. So I can't, you know, I. I can't see what's going on. But then they're, like, shoving the needles in. I can still feel a lot of what is going on.

Right.

So then he has to, like, go in there and, like, try to hook this thing. And then, like, slowly, like, pulls it out.

Oh, my God.

It was the most painful, embarrassed, embarrassing things.

Screaming.

Was your girlfriend there at all? Or like.

I know. Like, yes, I kept her out of the room.

Dude, that's so crazy and painful. Why don't. Can't they knock you? Do they tell you this is what's going to happen? It's going to hurt you Go to a good place, a good hospital.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would have visited you and done a Facebook live, like.

But I'm like, dude, I'm a guy that, like, just don't tell me anything. Let's just do it.

Yeah, that's true. I could see you. Oh, my God. Honey, I'm sorry.

So, yeah. So that happened. And then I'm so. Whatever that happened, I did not know this.

Okay. A month ago now, we've. Jesus, honey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Okay.

Yeah. And then just been in the middle of moving and.

So you guys having a lot of sex then? Probably the last few weeks. Just kidding.

No, no, no.

You can't have sex for a while, right?

Yeah, but no, not about sex. Yeah, but wait, I'm back in commission.

You are totally back. Because didn't this happen. Cause you were, like, drinking too much iced tea or something.

Yeah. So the first time this happened to me, where it was so large I couldn't pass it. This is when I was in San Francisco and I didn't go to a specialist. I went to the emergency room, and. Because it was an emergency, and then. So they don't have. They don't have a specialist on hand at, like, midnight in San Francisco. And so they knocked me out for that one. But then this one, they actually cut my penis, like, in a cross shape. Right. And then pulled out the rock.

This is crazy, right?

So when I went to my doctor in Los Angeles, who is a specialist, when I. They did it that first time, it took me six months to recover. No sex, nothing. Right. When I went to my specialist in Los Angeles, he goes, yeah, I don't know why they did that. Effing kidding me.

They all do things differently. I'm sorry. You guys always get a second opinion if you need Surgery.

But you were.

That was emergency then. Yeah, but you're right. You never know. Every doctor make different decisions. That's crazy, dude. I can't even believe it. Like I'm in so much pain. I'm like, oh, sympathy.

Oh my God, I'm sorry, but it's.

Like, no, but dude, that could happen, dude. I don't even know what to do. I'm like sitting here like writhing in pain. I'm sorry that that happen. Happened to your penis. I hope it's okay now.

I'm okay. Everything's.

You can't even tell. Like if I looked like, if I looked at your penis now it would look like it's.

It looks normal.

Okay, good. I'm glad.

But that's okay, dude.

I'm glad you're okay.

But then in a good way, like.

Dudes are like, I hope I get, I hope I get a kidney stone. So my penis looks swollen.

Yeah, I want to get swollen.

Anything for a bigger penis.

And then what else was I going to tell you? Oh, so go. Going back to talking about you on the, on the radio. So we were. Yeah, I mention you all the time because anything that comes up like sex wise, right?

That's where you learned. You learned everything about sex, sex, family.

So it was funny. So today. So it's the Woody show, by the way, if you guys don't know. It's on in Los Angeles on alt 98. 7 in the morning. And it's.

You can listen online.

You can listen online.

You just search the three hours a day.

It's a, it's a podcast. We, we don't talk about sex as much.

Only when Menace talks about sex. Okay.

And then we're on in Missouri on alts 149 in St. Louis.

Okay.

So if you want to tune in. Anyways, so today we did a contest where we go, what's your weapon of choice? So we had two women call in and they give it. They gave us three options.

Okay.

Of what sex toy that they use. So they, they describe themselves and they go. Then we had to guess like what sex toy is their favorite sex toy?

I think it's what weapon of choice. And weapon of choice means like what kind of vibrator do you use? That was when your segments on the show today.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh my God, you guys are so progressive. Ok.

So today.

Oh, dude. And they had to describe them and you're like, I know what that is. That's the magic wand.

They were like, yeah. So one of the contestants was the.

The.

It was one they had. Was it. They had the Hitachi Magic wand, Right. And then they had the. The Mimi, Right?

The beamy.

The Mimi.

The Mimi.

The Mimi, Yeah.

Dude, you knew all of this, and.

I knew all of them.

They're like a pebble. You're like, the Mimi. The magic wand.

Yeah. And they're like, oh, like menace. How do you know, like, all the names and all the kind of stuff?

And then. Crazy.

It's funny because I was able to, like, that's everything. Because I knew, like, what level they were at, you know, like, they go, okay, is it the bullet or was it the rabbit? Or was this. And then one girl's like, oh, yeah, I have, like. I have, like, 12 sex toys. I'm like, oh, she has a rabbit. She's like, not starting off with the bullet.

Dude, look at you. Were they like, look at you. You've mentally never even used a sex toy, and you know all about sex toy. I hope you pick some stuff up here.

So. But we definitely gave you a.

Thank you, honey. I appreciate it.

Podcast.

I love it.

All that kind of stuff. Well, because everyone was shocked. Like, no.

I'm glad to hear that you've learned something. I don't know how it's helped your sex life. I really hope for my. I hope that you're having amazing sex because of that. But if you've just become a walking encyclopa, you know, have encyclopedic knowledge of sex toys, that's good, too.

Yeah.

It's a good party trick.

Yes.

Okay. Speaking of penises, I would like to move into sex the news here, because your whole penis thing, I got. I got to kind of recover from that. But that is the sex the news is about dick pics, because that's all the rage right now. But there's actually been a study about why men send pictures of their junk to women. According to science.

Ooh.

Yeah.

According to.

Everything goes back to, like, evolutionary psychology and why men do anything.

Caveman shit.

Yeah.

Like, you were afraid of getting, you know, hit by a rock on your head or something. No, but here's the thing.

49% of women have received a dick pic that they could have gone another day without seeing. No woman wants a dick pic. No woman is sitting there saying, God, right now. I'm kind of bored at work.

I could want a dick pic.

Go get, like, a Frappuccino or wait for a dick pic. Okay, so 49% is so many dick pics. Okay, so when. So they've established, though, that like we've all established. I think guys know you're all listening to this. I feel like this is not a secret that we don't want dick pics. Like, unsolicited dick pics are not popular. Women are like, I've never met a woman's like, yeah, I loved it. And I get if you're dating someone or you asked for it. I'm just saying an unsolicited random dick pic, you match with a guy online or you go out with them once and you're like, here's dick pic. And here's why. Men are simply misperceiving women's interest in receiving photos of their junk. So like it says like they, they're just thinking like, she's interested in me and she probably wants this. So there's a large body of research that says they're not good. Men are not good at determining how interested women are in sex, like across the board. So reading body language is not the strongest quality of men. Obviously that may lead to a misunderstanding about her interest in receiving spontaneous pictures of your crot. So what guys tend to do is they confuse friendliness for blatant flirting. So he just thinks, oh, she's into me. She must, therefore she must want to see a picture of my penis. And here's the evolutionary theory. It's called error management. It suggests men and women have evolved specific cognitive biases that are likely to assist in successful reproduction. So over perceiving a female stranger's interest in sex, whether it's in Tinder or in the real world, could be viewed as an adapt. As adaptive. From the perspective of this theory that men will pass. Pass up the potential reproductive opportunities. So you're just saying men are like, I don't know, she, she smiled at me, so she must like me. And that goes back to evolution where we're always looking. You know, all the, all this stuff about sex and evolution is typically about finding a mate, staying long enough. Like the reason why people stray a lot of times in relationships or why there's the. The honeymoon phase is because after 18 months, it's like enough time to have a baby and men can move on.

And spread their seeds.

So all this stuff has to go back to reproduction. So but it's not going to work for women. So they're just saying, I know it's a lot of information, but it's going to fail to get the woman's attention. Most guys. So I just would not send the dick pic. But it happens all the. It's on snapchat I. I block you if you send me one.

Out of my entire life talking with women, I've. I think I've only found one woman that I talked to who enjoyed a dick pic. One pig. Not like multiple.

Right.

She enjoyed it and it was so weird because she said that the guy was so large that she didn't believe it. And then she actually. Her and her friend and when, like, went and stalked the guy and hunted.

Him because it was that impressive.

Don't get.

People don't.

Don't people like her and her friend went to this guy's neighborhood to like. To, like, look around for him and see he was up to.

Because they wanted to date him.

See what it was about.

It was real.

She was so intrigued with the size of.

Did anything happen?

No, I didn't ask for update, but I should because I feel like I've shared this story before where she actually went in, like, stalked the guy after a dick pig. But believe me, that's like. That's a one in a million type thing.

Yeah, no, that is you guys. And see, this is what concerns me now, guys, like, well, mine's impressive, so now I'll send it. But, you know, no, just don't, like, just even. No matter how big, small, doesn't matter. We don't. We typically don't want to see it. But I think it's interesting talking about how men don't, you know, misperceive women's body language and their interest in sex, which we always talked about how men have a harder time, you know, reading cues. And I realized that, like, I used to. I was talking about this on the show last week too, that it's. I used to. I was a big flirt. Like, I feel like I'm less of a flirt here. I don't know lately in the last few years, maybe, but I remember.

I would get accused of being a flirt, but it was more that I'm friendly. Like, I truly am, like, this friendly. I love meeting new people. I'm nice, and I feel like I just. I'm truly interested in meeting men. Women. When I go out, I get just as excited to have a great conversation with a new friend or new. New guy or girl. But it was often misperceived by guys that I was interested. And then the guys I was dating would get, like, jealous. And so I think it's confusing for women. So a lot of women don't show anything. Like, they shut down and they don't. They're not friendly or they're not they don't flirt because they're afraid that like men are just going to want to bang them. So it's all about evolution.

Yes.

Yes, exactly.

Can I bring something else?

So please. You can do other surgery. I feel so bad. It's. Any flowers, surgeries?

No, no, no. So this is something I'm sure you've talked about the show. Talked about on the show. I'm not on every show, so. I don't know.

Sad but.

Right.

That you talk about. But I was so intrigued by. It is. So I'm. I'm friends with this band called Madden Kib. Right. So they're. They're a band. They do a ton of major music festivals all over the place. And so they started video blogs and they do like interesting things. You can check them out.

Okay.

YouTube.comMankim where they go to like the abandoned zoo and stuff like that. But on Valentine's Day they did this video which was hilarious. About the app field. Have you heard about it?

No.

Okay, so cool. You haven't talked about it. So this app field I read about.

Someone just sent me something about it like. Yeah, yesterday. Okay.

Okay, cool. So it's basically like a Tinder, but you're looking to add somebody in. So like threesomes.

Oh, right. That's why.

Three sums and more. Whatever. Right.

Orgies. Whatever.

Jeez. Yeah, It's Friday and so they're like, let's get on this app and see like who's on there.

So they.

So they get on the app and there is a ton of people looking for threesomes.

Field.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's F E E L D. And they were like finding people in their neighborhood that were just like into it.

Never knew you guys being. I always say it's your neighbors probably having a threesome. Your neighbor's probably in an open relationship and you don't know it.

So the. The crew that I. That I work with on the Woody show. Or there's nine people now. Right.

Okay.

And we have like five people behind the scenes that help out with the show and one of them is like, yo, yeah, me and my partner were on field. I would, I would bet.

Right.

I would never think it's not just like I was at a million dollars.

Does he have a ponytail?

No, no, no, no. It was a girl.

Oh, oh, girl. Does her boyfriend have a ponytail? Men. So I see fingers of ponytails or people who have three slims of ponytails. But I think you notion.

Well, see thing is. Okay, so this girl, her. Her fiance's in the military. So I don't know. He most likely doesn't have ponytail because of the military.

Right. They made him cut it right when he got there to train.

Right. I don't know what it is, but I was so. See, I was so shocked on, like.

Yeah, dude, I'm too.

The whole crew. Like, who would be on the. On the app?

She'd be the last one.

She be the last.

She was like, yeah, I do it.

Believe it.

I know.

You know, I definitely. A lot of people that listen to the show are probably.

They're interested. I do some swiping, apparently.

It's great. Go check out the video. It's awesome.

Okay, cool. No, dude, that's. I think. Yeah. Who knows? Is that you? Is that your way of telling me that you. You've had a threesome now with your girlfriend on this app? No, dude, you'd be the last person. It wouldn't happen, but if it did, you have to tell me.

Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, I would.

Would she? I think it's time you guys have been together, you established ground. This is not something I always. You guys, we've done so many shows and threesomes, but if you're just in a new relationship and you're trying to spice things up, that's not the reason of a threesome. But this is not a threesome show.

We're not gonna be days. I could have, but probably not now, right?

You're too tired. I got you. Okay, so thank you for all that Menace. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break. We're gonna come back, we're gonna answer your emails. Yeah, thanks. Thank you, everyone for supporting our sponsors. We love them. I hope you do too. And thanks for listening.

We'll be right back.

Okay, guys, thank you for emailing us and sending in your questions. I love that you email us at go to sex emily.com Click on the Ask Emily tab, fill hit submit. That's it. You could also select that you want to be called. What we got.

We got an email into our show about me on this show.

What'd they say?

And they said in the email, like, menace, I love you on the Woody show, but I don't like you on Sex.

No way, dude. How did you feel about that?

I said, you know how I am. Yeah, like.

And they read it.

Yeah, yeah, they read it on air.

They don't like you on Sex that night. Yeah, you're controversial.

Whatever, everyone.

I'm controversial, But I love you.

You're the most open person.

I don't know why? But I'm just. Yeah, I think that's interesting. Well, you know, don't give up your day job. No, you're awesome, man. So, people, I think that you have. You're very opinionated about things and we could go on.

It's just like, you know, people that are like really like all about sex all the time. Like they want to be open to everything and which I don't knock and I support it. You. You can do whatever you want. I.

He's not judging you.

I don't mean.

People get mad at Anderson. He said something about. But people get upset.

Yeah, but I'm just saying. I'm just saying. It's just not for me and you shouldn't be offended by that.

Yeah, don't ever be. Please don't be offended by Matt.

My. My comments is not stopping you from doing anything.

No, he doesn't really count you guys. He's just here having fun, having coffee. He came for the coffee and the friendship.

Yes.

Of a long time. You're awesome. Oh, wait, I didn't finish saying how you can email because you caught me off.

Sorry.

So sex emily.com ask emily. You want to click on the tab. You can also say you want to be called. We'll be doing call shows which I actually am really enjoying because I love your emails. But with the calls we can just like get into your st in like three minutes. It's really fun. It's been really helpful for a lot of people. You can also leave a voicemail 818-AsksWe1 and always leave your, your gender, your age, where you live and how you listen. Okay, back to the email. Emily. I'm a 21 year old woman who hates being on top during sex. I've never liked it. Aside from feeling like my guy is getting really awful angle view of my body. I just don't feel like I do a good job. My man is a sweetheart and sticks to the positions we both like. But I know he wants to be on bottom sometimes. I want to be able that for him and find pleasure in it myself. How can I get involved with this position and not feel so uncomfortable? Are there techniques I should try? I know I have to work on letting go of the idea that he's seeing me from a poor angle and I'm trying. What's the best way to be on top? I like the idea of reverse cowgirl, but I feel like it's uncomfortable. Am I doing it wrong? Ugh. Help. Vanessa, age 21 Vanessa, this is a very good question and Always a good question. Because I think a lot of women can relate to having that confidence in the bedroom. You know, so many of us have insecurities about our body and our performance. So it kind of just boils down self confidence because you think, like, you're, You're. You're not gonna be flattering to your partner and that you might do the position correctly. And the thing is, is that, you know, it can be challenging when we're in our head. Like, men is probably worried now that there's, like, you know, marble coming out of his penis when he's having sex or. I don't know what you worry about.

No, no, there's no.

You have insecurities. No, more like you got them out.

Yeah, but I'm saying, like, no insecurities and stuff like that. And yeah, there is. It's weird. I know, like, a lot of men probably prefer a woman on top, right?

I think so.

And. But there's women out there that are just not into it at all.

And typically, this is why, because I think that they. They feel like it's not a great position. They're not confident with their bodies because they know that that's like, here you go, here I am in all my glory. And if you have any sort of body issues, which so many women and men do, it's not. It's gonna be like, nope, I'm not doing it. And therefore, since you haven't done it very often, you might be in a relationship where you're more comfortable now. And then you're like, but I don't know what I'm doing. So it's a common, like, conundrum for women. I totally get it. So. And also guys, you know, they want you to get on top. Cause yes, it looks really hot. I promise you that your boyfriend is attracted to all those things. And mostly what we worry about is not typically what our partners are thinking about. You're in bed with him, he's there, he's attracted to you. And I found this interesting stat that women consistently overestimate their body size as much as 25%. And they vastly overestimate how vest. Overestimate how thin men want them to be. And women with a negative body image report much lower levels of sexual arousal than those with positive self judgments. I mean, this is not a new study. This is not new information. But I'm just telling you that you can. That it's very common. And just reading stats won't be enough. So don't worry. I'm going to give you some. Some practical tips here. But if you can just know that like all these things that we're worrying about our head, like we're underperforming. I'm not doing it right. Are typically like just in your head.

I pretty much say this every other show. And for the past 12 years. Yes guys, 99.9 of the.

Give a shit.

No they don't. And Ben, with your penis size, we don't care. Like how many studies I have to.

Tell you, we're so happy you're having sex with us.

Right?

Guys are so simple. They're so stupid. That's why they out of when guys cheat, they always get caught because they're.

That yeah, guys, women are cheating just as much. But they're not getting caught.

They don't get caught.

God, men get caught. So I know.

Guys are dumb.

Guys are dumb. Okay, so listen. No, we're all. We all have challenges in these areas. We all. Blind spots. Okay, so here's the thing, sweetie. Vanessa, wear something. First of all, you don't just remember this. You don't have to be naked during sex. In fact, sometimes like it's. You wear like a sexy like T shirt or like a something that makes you feel comfortable. Like I have all these cute little like little tank tops or even if it's like a sweatshirt with your shoulders coming off. Something like that. Or sexy underwear if you're not as comfortable. But that's just like my first. Do that or don't do that. Like see if that helps you. But really, it's really about. Let me start with the sexual confidence part and then I'll get into positions for you. That sexual confidence is really the more self confidence you have. Like that will help you with your. The more sex confidence. Sexual confidence you have will help you with your self confidence. And the more pleasure that you allow your body to feel, the more you'll be able to relax and let go. So it's like baby steps here. I'm not saying that you're just gonna hop on top and feel like, oh my God. It's amazing because Emily told me so. Just know that the more sex you have and the more you try this, you also feel more competent. And also sexual competence helps you with sexual confidence. So even if your mind starts to flow, Vanessa, when you get on top, you're like, oh God, I'm having all these negative thoughts. You can in that moment say, okay, I'm thinking this thought not so pleasant. Put the focus back on doing something so it could be pleasing your partner. It could be focusing on the fact that you're on top of him and the pleasure that you're feeling. You know, just if it's a. It's a really a mind trick. Now that you've even said to me that you know that you do this, it's probably the thoughts. Once you notice the thoughts, you redirect them. So really, it's just like I said, it's like a negative feedback loop. The more that you think about it, the more destructive it will be. But the more you just do it and practice, you'll feel better. Now, here's some things. Once you get through some of this stuff or even just. It's all gonna work together. So here's how you do woman on top. Okay, this is super, super basic. The reason why women top is great not only because you look amazing and your partner thinks it's super sexy, is because you can control the motion, the depth, the penetration. Like you can. Like your clitoris typically needs more stimulation. You can rub it. He can rub it. You can use a toy. So he's lying on his back on the bed. Then you get on top and you put your knees on either side of him and you, like, straddle him. And then you slowly lower yourself down onto his erect penis. If it's not erect yet, put it in your hand. Give him a blow job first. But that moment, this is something too. That moment when you get to lower down onto a man's penis. When I was thinking about this, I'm like, that's freaking hot. Don't speed through that part. Don't you think you just kind of get into the fast sex? I always say to slow down, and I always say it about foreplay, but I think even that moment when you're like, for the first time, if it's been a while or whatever, it goes in, it feels awesome. So. So the key here is to go slow. That feels good. Also, here's the positions. So if you're straddling him, you can move up and down to build momentum. Or for a lot of women, it just feels really good to like, rub your chest, like your whole torso on his body and grind from side to side or in circles. And that way you might feel like a little less self confident. Cause you're not like up on. You're not like, you know, your breasts aren't all exposed, your body's unexposed. And that can feel really good. Like women. Don't you feel like women you've been with are like, have their chest on Top of you or moving back and forth.

Yeah.

Or they're on top. Or you get on your feet on top of the bed, of the mattress, and you can go up and down. But that's just like porn. I mean, I think that feels good. They love that. But I feel like typically for most women, it's the back and forth, the around motion that feels the best.

I do it again. Guys love anything, you know?

And men also last longer in this position.

Yes.

He can play with your breasts. You don't have to do all the work. Here's the other thing. He can grab your hands, help you drive. Right back and forth. That was a good woman. On top 101. Do you got this, Vanessa? So really, I think that, that it's. It's going to be intuitive once you get on top. But the more you can think about these thoughts, sexy thoughts, practice it. He's going to be psyched the more you do it. I'm telling you, it's okay if it doesn't feel great the first time. Like any new sex positions, you're going to get into this and you're going to get through this because we all do. We all get through these insecurities. Okay, Another email here. Hey, Emily, I love your podcast. My question is, I'm recently divorced and it wasn't a night break. I started dating, but I'm having some issues. The woman I'm seeing told me she loves me during sex. Oh, okay. So during sex. She did the whole I love you during sex, and now I set it back in the heat of the moment. She now texts me constantly. And I'm a single dad. I have my boys on the weekends. I work three jobs during the week for a total of 70 plus hours. She texts me all the time. Check this menace. 46 times in an hour. Like, that's bordering on stalking. Not that healthy.

I couldn't do that.

No, he's afraid. I'm afraid I let her on. I like spending time with her when I can, but it's now to the point of annoying me. So I don't want to spend time. I've known her for years. Don't want to hurt her, but I don't know what to do. Any advice would be amazing. Thank you, Eric. Age 45. Okay. When I read the 46 times in an hour, like I was done, I'm like, okay, that's a little obsessive. That is. That's a little bit like I'm worried about her. That's very obsessive. 46 times and I don't think he's exaggerating.

This is like, you need to like, slowly back out of this one.

I don't even double text ever. So you just got to be straight. And I'm a little afraid for her. Well being text me.

And sometimes it takes me like four days to get back to her.

Right. Dude, I know that. I'm always like, we gotta.

I couldn't. If I have 40 in a day, I would throw my phone in the ocean.

Like, only. You only text 46 times if. If there's like an emergency. Like, you got in a car accident, you're dying, something's happening. Okay, Your house is on fire. That's borderline. I have a problem with this. You gotta be straight with her. You just gotta say that your priority right now is on your family. It's on your work. You're with the boys. It seems you're. You know, that you really want to maintain, like, your friendship. You're glad she's in your life, but this just isn't working for you right now. And then you gotta cut ties.

Yeah.

And I know she's gonna be upset. And you've been friends for a long time. And that's why you guys, people always say, should I sleep with a friend? A lot of times it works. A lot of times it doesn't. But hopefully since you've been friends long enough, Eric, she can take your. Your honesty. Not too honest. You don't even have to bring up the texting. You guys, I think that sometimes you don't have to confront everything, but clearly this is delicate. She's really into you. And I just say, you got to back out gracefully.

Or you can just change your number.

And go, well, I know. That's why you got to just say, you know what? And it's not. You really don't have time right now. Some guys, who knows, might have been. Get off.

Actually, she knows where you live.

I just think that maybe if she and some women, like, they can't handle not getting when a guy doesn't get back to him. But usually if that happens, I'll text my friends and be like, why isn't he getting back to me? Why is he getting back to me?

Earphones broken.

Okay, that's just 46 times. Okay. Hi, Emily. I just discovered your show. I absolutely love it. Has improved my daily commute and sex life. Hopefully you can help me out a bit. I just started seeing a guy and he has trouble keeping it up with a condom on. I'm pretty strict about Condoms. They're my only source of birth control. My question is, how do I help my guy keep it up with a condom? He says they make it so he can barely feel anything. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. Love, Christine, 23, Washington, D.C. have you had this problem?

No. I always think.

We always hear this.

I always think guys are full of.

Shit when they say no, they're not.

I mean, they say that they can't feel anything.

No, no, no, honey. Every penis is different, like snowflakes, just like the women's. It is true that for a lot of guys, they're like wearing the wrong condoms or they had one bad experience. So in their brain they're thinking, I can't feel it. I can't feel it. Like, so much of sex is psychological, you guys. So much of life is psychological. It's the thoughts in our head prevent us from. We are hold ourselves back from so many things.

He doesn't say, okay, if he's able to stay erect with the condom on and no issues, or then. Then I think he's full of ish. But if he is not able to do that, then maybe, yeah, maybe he's not lying.

He's probably not lying. If you really can't, who knows why? But there could also be these wearing the wrong size. Maybe he doesn't like latex condoms. Typically, women have latex allergies, but men can as well. And there's so many condoms on the market. And guys, I think they're just like loyal to some brands and they're just like, this is just. Every condom's the same, you know, like every what is everything the same anymore? Like, it doesn't matter what kind of.

Toilet paper I buy.

Like, it doesn't matter. No condoms actually matter. So I'd steer away from latex. I always recommend skin condoms. Sky. And they have them in every drugstore, every brick and mortar. I think you can buy them on our website. In the store. It's the best. Their whole to I was a token tagline slogan. Closest thing to wear nothing. It truly is. It's non. Again, non latex. It's polyisoprene. They feel really, really good. Every person I've ever recommended to is like, thanks me. It could also be the size could be wearing too tight of condoms. So you could get a variety pack. I think they're also on our website. Lifestyles makes them as well. Lifestyle condoms are great. Skin is a part of lifestyles. But they sell these packs that are like Elite Studded, large, original. And he could buy A variety pack. So try four different kinds and see what works. Just make sure it's like. Also like, you could put lube in the tip of the condom, which enhances the sensation for him. I always recommend a few drops of lube. Lube in the tip of the condom before he puts it on. So these are all things you could do. Water based lube, tip of condom, try new freaking condoms. Then if you can't get hard, then if you can't stay hard, we can talk about other things. But you guys, this whole condom thing, just try like toys. I wouldn't just buy one toy and be done. It's kind of similar in a way. Like condoms. You're so loyal. So loyal. Maybe it's not condoms.

I shout it out the Womanizer.

You did?

Yeah.

Dude, look at you. You're like a Rocky.

Yeah, because they were going through all the sex, the sex toys and this girl's like, oh, I got all these blah, blah. I'm like, do you have the Womanizer?

Did she.

Like I was acting like I knew what I was talking about. And she's like, no, but I heard about it. I was like, oh, I tell him.

To go to my website next time you say buy them. You guys know you can buy all this stuff. My website?

Yeah. And I was like.

Well, you need to get on it. That's the hot thing right now.

It is? No, the Womanizer. I mean, it's so funny because Again, in the 12 years we've been doing this, someday we'll be like, in the 30 years, soon, like your car will come with a toy, a sex toy. Like, it'll be crazy. But the Womanizer, truly in the 12 years, is one of the most unique toys that is just not going. Like everyone stills talk about it because it's so unique. Like it's that pleasure air technology that you indirectly. It's like giving little butterfly kisses to your clitoris, which is what I think many women want. That lighter touch. It's like simulates oral sex. And it's the one minute orgasm. If you haven't heard me talk about it in a while, do you want one for your crush?

A womanizer?

Yeah. Like, I feel like you don't pick. I just want her to come here and like, will she come one day? Just take a toy. I just don't get it. How could she not like orgasms?

Oh, well, you claim that she could never have.

I'm assuming that maybe you're busy and you're tired sometimes and she might. Or you could do it together just to mix it up. Because toys do not take away from your relationship. They enhance it.

Why are you judging me?

I'm no judgy. No judgy. I want you to experience. I want your girlfriend, who I don't know, to experience.

I just want her to experience pleasure.

You're just a pusher.

I am a pusher. You're a pusher, too. On the show. I just feel like you got to put your money where your mouth is now. Okay, so, yeah, that was enough of that answer. Condoms do that. We got time. Another email here. G spot, more toys. Let's see if menace can answer this one.

Okay.

Emily, My wife and I have an amazing marriage and sex life. Your show has helped in many ways. We've enjoyed g spot stimulation for some time now, but it has always been me using my fingers on her. This is fantastic and always intense for both of us. But I want to purchase her a toy so she can pleasure herself. She's very. She's very petite. Hands has been unable to achieve a G spot orgasm by herself. There are so many options for toys, both dildos and vibrators, it's hard to know where to start. I'm interested in the njoy pure wand. Was hoping you had an opinion on this product. Your feedback would be greatly appreciated. Brian, age 42. Thanks, Brian, for your question. A great, great question here because let's talk about the G spot. Okay. Typically, for women who have not found their G spot, it does help. Fingers are a great way to find it. And for a lot of women, their fingers just don't do it. So I often suggest your partner can do it. So you guys have been doing that. I'm glad you found it. I'm glad she has intense orgasms. And I also get, like, wow, again, toys. It'll be a totally. It'll still be G spot orgasm, but a different sensation. So the njoy pure wand, I. God, this was one of the first. First and probably only dildos I got that I really, really loved. I don't really talk about it that much because I. I'm such a vibe girl and. But when I started thinking about talking about it, I actually got kind of excited because it's 1.5 pounds of stainless steel. It's like you could club someone over the head with it. Okay. It's a very luxurious trip. You wouldn't, though. No, but, like, it looks like a weapon, but it doesn't. Like. It's also beautiful, luxurious. It looks like it's like a curved shape and has Two bulbous ends on it. And it. And it's. I mean, it's strong, it's heavy and it's. The larger end is for G spot stimulation. The smaller is for prostate. Although it could easily satisfy either. It's eight inches long. And the thing is, you don't have to insert very much to stimulate it. It's like you could very easily with your hand. It's so easy. And like the weight and the. The feel of the steel, the stainless steel, like it's solid metal. It just feels really good. And the pressure, since it weighs so much, it's like pounds of steel. It feels. You're not pounding away, but you don't need that much. Like once you target it, you just like hit up against it with these gentle movement. It's the coolest thing. It's like steering a ship or something. Like, it's just. It doesn't. I can't explain. It's like. It's so. For many women, adept way to find your juice spot. Now it can be also a little bit advanced for people. And so that's why some women want the Vibe. Like, there's no vibration. That's just like a dildo. No Vibe. I like the Rave by We Vibe. We did a review show on it. It's just a great. I love the way it's shaped. I love all the vibration patterns. You can also use it with a smartphone. You can control it. Bluetooth.

Bluetooth. Because we talked about it too. The We Vibe.

You talked about the We Vibe sync. Probably. And now.

Yeah.

The couple's toy.

Yes.

Dude, you don't even need.

But you can use it solo. You can use it solo as a hand job. Yeah, yeah.

But this is the Revive the Rave by we vibe. There's also the Fun toys. G Vibe, which splits like this. It splits in two directions. That's. This is a great toy because it's kind of like a three fur. Because it's. It's. You do the G spot. You can do the enter of the vagina. You can also use it on your. On the men's prostate. It's just a really cool toy. It's also on our website. These are all great juice boy toys. The Rave. The Fun toys. Or I would say yes, get the N. Joy. You guys know where her G spot is? I think you'd like it. It's a really cool toy. You can also make it hot or cold. Put it in the freezer. You can boil. It feels really good. That's what I'm gonna say. Say I'll give you one of those two menace. Load it up, load it up, baby.

Yeah. Have a big trunk. Today I have the Toyota Mirai, which is a hydrogen powered car.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it's crazy.

What do you do? How do you. Wow.

There's hydrogen stations around California and other parts of the country.

You never have to get gas. You just plug hydrogen.

Well, if you buy one of them, they give you three years of fuel.

Really?

That you can.

That's really good. I hate getting gas. I run out of gas. Like more than the average person. Like more than teenagers.

This wouldn't be good for you then because you have to actually go find the station. No, I do just pull up anywhere.

I want to get that in my brain. That. Like when it says you have one or two miles left or when it says low fuel, most people get gas, but I'm like, oh, I've got 30 miles.

Yeah.

But I typically, my commute's three minutes, so I really don't need gas that often. And I always think, I can go. I can go. I can go.

Yeah.

And then I.

Sometimes you should do a half electric, half hybrid.

I just. Yeah, that's true. I just got a car that I. Okay. I think. Sorry. I know, because this stupid gate that you don't pull into, we've all crashed.

Our car in it.

Have I not talked about this ever? It's very interesting. But there's this goddamn gate coming. There's. You don't park in the. Right next door, but we've got this little narrow lot and there's a gate that came out too far and all of us. I'm telling you, there's probably been $3,000 collective of car damage because if you pull in too quickly, you don't pay attention sometimes. The gates used to swing open. My landlord said he fixed it. Not sure if he. Did you crash your car? We've all done.

It sucks.

Yeah. So that's fun. Okay. That's all we got time for, honey.

Good to see you.

It's great seeing you. I hope that you and your penis are. Well, I'm sorry. I would send your penis flowers.

Yeah. But thank you to all the listeners to. You know, I. I get. I'll be random places that people tell me they listen to sex the only. So that's great.

And they all love you. And I love you all for listening. Thank you. Follow us on Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, all that stuff.

I've been posting. Any hot pics on Instagram?

Yeah, totally, dude. Every day. And facebook.com sexwithemily subscribe to our newsletter and you know, a lot of people say they're listening. My friend was listening. Like, oh, it's on Spotify. And I was looking at podcasts and you came up. So you guys realize that you can find us on Spotify, Soundcloud, Google Play. It's not just itunes anymore. It's awesome. Did you find any hot pictures?

Yeah, well, there's some cute ones. You're not really showing off any skin, which, you know, that's what really sucks.

Okay, I'm putting a naked picture up today, so check out my Instagram. Okay, thanks everyone for listening. Thank you so much.

There's one. You're showing off your stomach. Stomach.

Really?

Guys would like that. Yeah.

Okay, look@my stomach.com.

The Woody Show. Oh, sorry, sorry. That's what I say every day. Instagram.com sex Emily, who has to go.

Wait, you do the slash with the Instagram?

Don't be able to say, well, see, like, some people are not on their computer, they're not on Instagram, but they still want to see the photo. They can just visit it like, you got it.

That's really smart. Thank you. Madness. God learned so much from me today. Okay, everyone, thanks for listening. Thank you to my whole team. I love you and was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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