Dating, Mating & Pulling Out

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend, cuz? My man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my. That feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can sign up for our podcast. You can easily subscribe. We do two a week, which is pretty amazing. We upload, you know, every day, blog posts, videos, everything, everything that we can to give you the information and the power to have the best relationships and sex and that you want. That's what I'm all about. And there's some things happening here. I'm now on Snapchat. Cause who isn't? Found me. Exwithemily on Snapchat, exweethemily on Twitter and Instagram and facebook.com sexwithemily and also our YouTube channel. There are sex with Emily everywhere. Love it. Thanks everyone for listening. I'm here with Anderson. Yo, yo, what up?

I don't even hear me. Oh, there I am.

I hear you. What's up baby? How you doing?

I'm doing good. How are you, Em?

Good.

Late night.

This is late. We're doing.

It's the latest we've ever done.

This is 12. It's 12:40am yeah, it is.

It's like 3:40am back in New York.

I know. How about that? Yeah, I like it though.

Bars are about to close.

Is it Bar? Who's getting laid right now? I Don't even know. So I. It's good to see you. How was your trip?

It was good. The wife was sick, so she couldn't come to any of the shows. But Denver, a beautiful town.

You went to go see Wean? I can't believe. I didn't really know. I'm a dead fan. I didn't know wean.

1 in 20 of your listeners probably know Wean. Not a massive fan, but they're big for me. Yeah, I love them.

That's good. Well, it was a good time. Why don't I got your dog Stanley?

It was awesome.

I mean, if you missed any portraits, selfies of Stanley.

And you know what? I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm like an old Jewish mother when it comes to, like, my dog Stan. And I was. I was looking at Instagram and whatnot. I was throwing a few things of my own on there. Cause, you know, I was on. On vacation like you do, and I saw a couple of your Valentine's Day Instagrams and videos and whatnot. And I kept looking for my dog and I'm like, wait a minute.

I'm sorry. The dog.

She loves the dog and the dog's not. Did something happen to my dog?

No. But the dog was down there. Eventually.

Okay. Yes, eventually.

Sorry about that for Valentine's Day because we already. We did the video. We did some fun videos with the Office, and Stanley was not there the day that we did it. But I hope you had a good time. Valentine's Day and all that.

Valentine's Day. Not until next year do I get to hear you say Valentine's Day.

That's when Michigan accent comes out. I love it. There's another thing I gotta announce here. The March 10th at the Hollywood Improv. Remember we were at the Improv before. I'm doing a show, the Love and Sex live from the Improv with myself and Brian Howey of the Great Love Debate. We're doing a live show there on March 10th, and it's going to be amazing. It's a live podcast. And come see me. It was a really good time. And we just check back on my social media, all that for more information, how to get tickets. I think you probably just go to.

The Hollywood improv hollywoodimprov.com and they have all the different calendars.

It's really fun. Live show. I'll be there. I want to hang out.

What time?

Yeah, it's seven to nine, I think. So I'll be.

You realize this? Do you realize this?

What?

There's a slim chance that I might be doing one of my shows up in the attic. Like, Right.

No way.

To the actual mainstream.

Which one?

At the Hollywood Improv? No, but which podcast are you doing after Disaster? We've been doing it in Mike Corona's office up there. And we have to kind of be quiet and then we get loud sometimes and I'm sure that the audience can hear us doing our show.

That's so funny. Could I come up there and make a special appearance? Do you guys have guests ever?

Rarely. Rarely. But that'd be pretty fun.

That would be hilarious.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah, we're doing that and. And then you could also be recording your podcast and cinematography.

It's exciting. I didn't know that you were doing a.

We just planned it. We just planned it like yesterday. So I'm very excited to tell you because I had such a blast at my 10 year anniversary show.

Sweet. You're telling jokes. You gonna be a prop comic? You gonna bring dildos up?

I might bring. You know what? That's a great idea. We are debating. Cause the Great Love Debate is a great podcast too. And they talk about why people are still single. Debate, Single in America, all this stuff. That's what they do. They do these things all over the country and they talk to people about being single and dating and all that stuff. So it'll be a good time. No, I don't think so.

Match.com she sponsored this thing.

They should sponsor it. Damn it. Let's give them a call. I don't know if they're not, but I had a big week. I went to the Grammy. Grammy? The Grammys?

Yeah, the musical.

My niece called me. She's like, how are the Emmys? I'm like, the Grammys. It was fun.

Yeah.

I mean, I've never been to ord show dressed up. I did. I thought you checked my Instagram.

Ah, well, you're always dressed up.

No.

Did you pass all the religious zealots out front?

No, I didn't see them every year.

They're out there.

I missed him. I was running late.

I won four years in a row.

You did?

Oh, yeah. I used to go to the Grammys all the time.

I didn't know that about you. It was amazing, though. I mean, it really was to be there, watch the performances. I mean, I, you know, tell the story. Which one?

How you almost got kicked out.

Yeah, I almost got kicked out the day two days before. There's something called the radio remotes at the Staples Center.

It's a zoo.

It's a zoo. All these radio people come. Like, I was there with Dr. Drew. And we go to talk. There's, like, 25 radio stations. And we go in, we talk, we do, like, promote our show. And then afterward, there's the. Actually, they're rehearsing.

Doing the actual Grammys.

Yeah. At the Staples Center. So we go. And, you know, there was, like, VIPs who go watch the rehearsals in, like, it's Cavern Staples center. There's, like 20 of us in there. We walk in, and they're like, okay, listen, put your cameras away. There's guards there. You can't take pictures. And we walk in, and Justin Bieber is practicing. And I'm like. So first thing I do, I pull out my phone. I'm like, well. Cause my niece, right? She loves Justin Bieber.

Everyone's got a niece that loves Justin Bieber.

Well, this is what happens. So I pull out, and the second I pull it out, this guy goes, put your phone away.

Like, immediately.

Immediately. Like, literally immediately.

You know what that means?

What?

He was checking you out.

You think he was.

You think he liked me, like, looking at you?

Then he says to me, God damn it. And the problem is, I shouldn't say this, but I thought I turned my phone off, but I didn't like the video because he yelled at me. So I have 11 minutes. Justin Bieber, 11 minutes. Well, because I was so nervous, but you hear the conversation of Dr. Duke going, Emily, what are you doing? Can't believe you got in trouble. And the guard, and he was like, you don't think that everybody's got a niece or daughter's 12 years old. So I kind of got in trouble.

11 minutes.

I got 11 minutes video of Justin Bieber and Rob.

You guys need to do something with that.

No, I'd be in so much trouble now. I'm so grateful to be at the Grammys. I don't want to.

Allow me not doing it.

I'm not doing it. But it was funny. But the Grammys were great. I mean, the thing is, it's. You're sitting there for three and a half hours, though.

Yeah.

I don't think I've sat still for three and a half hours since, like, the SATs or something.

What are the best musical acts across the street?

What do you mean? Were they across the street?

The few times that I went, they'd be like. And now we're going to, like, Dead Mal 5 and Deadmau 5 would be across the street at the Nokia center, and they'd type in video.

The best. One of the best part was. Well, there were some great parts. I liked the David Bowie tribute. I liked.

You know, how about when Adele's mic fell into the.

Yeah, that was good. She cried about it the next day.

Did she cry?

Yeah.

Did she cry? Gravy.

Well, I saw it. I saw something on the Internet. On the Internet. On the Interweb that she was like, don't make fat jokes.

I know.

Terrible.

Way better than that. I'm sorry.

No, you're terrible.

I love Adele. I'm a dick. I'm sorry.

It was a good time. It was a great time, and I was honored to be there. And it was fun. So, yeah, that was a Grammys. But speaking of the Grammys, I got some sex in the news.

Oh, I love it. Let's do it.

Which is very inspiring for me. Listen to music out loud, you have more sex, and you're happier. There's a study, and this is a real study. If you listen to music in your home, you will have more sex. They say music is a language of love, and now there's a study to prove it. Sonos commissioned the research project using their own gear, along with Apple's iPhones and the Apple Watch. So it sounds like, oh, this is skewed, but I'm going to get to that part, because it's really not. Music led to 67% more sex. They rounded up 30,000 people in the United States. What? UK, Germany. It showed that listening to music out loud as opposed to in your headphones, is good for lovers, with 67% more bedroom fun time happening compared to those who don't play any tunes. Also found 47% in the study were likely to say I love you, and 24% felt more moved to say love you by the songs they heard.

And 99% probably call their partners, babe, yeah, hey, babe.

And they also found that music drew family and friends together. They were happier overall. Had more sex. Families were happier. The act of listening to music together made a difference. So bottom line, if you wanna be happier, have more sex, listen to music. And I believe that when I remember to listen to music when I'm home, rather than just the voices in my head, it does make me happier.

Can I tell you that I had a routine for many, many months where I'd wake up and listen to, like, spoken word on my phone, like an app for my stupid Pittsburgh Penguins hockey team, and I'll just listen to news about the Penguins every morning. And it stopped working. They just don't have it Anymore. So now I'm forced to listen to music. And I hate to admit it, but I'm a happier person. I think I'm a little dumber, but I'm happier.

No, that's good. See, I listen to, like, podcasts and radio and I listen to Howard Stern. But now I'm going to listen to more music.

Music. Just like I try it. Like when I get in my car, I'm like, listen to music instead of talk radio. Because talk radio will make you mad. But I want to be informed.

I know. Me too. I feel like I don't have a lot of time to get stimulated. So when I'm working out, I'm listening to, like, podcasts, I'm listening to news, but I'm going to listen to music now because I definitely want to be happier.

And you want to bang more.

I definitely want to bang more. I need some banging in my future.

Odd study. Especially with the whole out loud rather than earbuds. Like, how does that.

Because it's bringing you together. If you're having sex together, you're in the home and you're all listening. I think maybe just when it's in your ears. I mean, I can. It probably still can make you happy, but I think it's the act of listening to it together. Like, I always think would go into homes growing up like family, friends, or listen to music. And I thought it was always so nice, even if it was like classical. And I was like a kid, I was like, that's really. It's calming.

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, sweet. My family wasn't happy. They should listen to music. Damn it. It's another thing to get my mad at my mom always. My mom always says, add it to the list.

We're old enough. We remember like having the old record player and like we'd go in the family albums and like pull out an act. I remember pulling out Michael Jackson's Thriller and putting it on the record player in my house. And you'd have to listen to it with everybody else, right?

Exactly. It's a different world now. We're so. We're all so in our own heads.

My brother would jump up and next to it to make it skip and laugh. I'm like, stop it.

Yeah, that's the news I got for you because we've got a lot to cover today.

Pull out.

I have a little mini pull out method.

I love that.

Exactly. A few weeks ago, I answered an email about the pull out method as a form of birth control. Someone emailed me And I received interesting feedback. So I thought I'd go a little deeper into the topic of pulling out, AKA the withdrawal method. Hi, Emily. I discovered your show and I love it. I'm going to try to catch up on all the older episodes, so I'll probably be emailing you a lot more. I download the podcast with my iPhone and it's great. I can listen without using any data. That's a good point. Everyone, side note here, people think you need to use your data. Just download it and it's on your phone.

You got the WI fi at the home, you just download it up.

I do. If I go on a run, I'll download a few podcasts. Okay. I love how knowledgeable you are and I've already learned so much. And I was surprised to hear you say the pull out method is completely ineffective though. I've been using that for most of my life and for me it's been effective.

Maybe she's barren.

I also have friends that use it and have been affected for them. I don't know if you're being hyperbolic to encourage safe sex, but. But I feel you misleading listeners about this based on my experience. Hope you're not mad. Love, Kelvin, 34, Manhattan.

Wait, is that a dude or a girl?

It's a dude, I think. Calvin, I'm not mad at Calvin. Calvin, I'm not mad at you at all. I'm just concerned for you. I'm concerned for Calvin and his friends. His freewheeling free ballin' freeload.

Freeloading.

Yeah, friends. Because, you know, I understand the appeal of the pull out method. And I gotta be honest, when I was younger, I might have done the pull out method before I knew all the complications. It's easy.

Way better than the pull out. No, it's easy.

Easy. It's free. Everyone's doing it. For women, it can seem definitely attractive because you don't have to take the pill and have all the side effects. You don't have to put your body through that and there's no side effects.

But it's cheap.

Here are the side effects. STDs. Pregnancy.

Yeah, that's an STD.

Yeah. For guys though, they might like it because they're like, oh, no condoms. I understand that. And it requires little preparation. I'm understanding this, Calvin. I'm understanding why it's easy and you're lucky. But according to bedsider.org which is a. Bedsider.org which is an amazing site. If you. If you guys have any questions about. I recently discovered this site. If you have any questions? If you're on a birth control pill or you're using any methodology, extensive data on there about every form of birth control that you're on, different kinds of pills and what the side effects are. So if you're, you know, if you have any questions, I'll go to bedsider. But in the mo. In the most recent US national survey, 5% of couples said they were relying exclusively on pulling out as a way to prevent pregnancy. Right. And if you count couples using another method plus pulling out like birth control or IUD, about 10% of couples use withdrawal. But just because other people doing it does not make it safe.

All right, let me, let me catch up here. So 5% are using just the pull out. It's 1 in 20. And then 10% are doing pull out plus.

Plus contraceptives. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so I stated my views on the withdrawal method and I wasn't just being hyperbolic really to make a point. I gotta be honest, it might be better than nothing, I get that. But it's not the most effective form of birth control at all. And it can be super risky, especially those for lack of experience. Because the truth is it does not protect you against STIs, STDs, HIV.

Pregnancy.

Bacteria and viruses can be present in pre cum. Right, that lovely pre cum.

It's that pesky precum that ruins the pesky precum.

I mean I'm getting into pre cum leaky faucet. And it might not be as much if you've been tested, you're in a long term relationship, you might have to worry as much about STDs. But if you're single and you just started dating someone, put that goddamn condom on. I mean seriously, especially nowadays with Tinder.

And everything, Em, you know what I mean?

Oh my God. And don't ever. I'll never forget this. When some people, friends of mine, actually smart people, they've said, well, I know the person, I know the guy wouldn't lie about her. She wouldn't lie. Yes, yes, they might lie. Okay? And it's not as easy as it sounds because according to research, pulling out is 90. Here's the thing though, I gotta tell you this. It is 90%, 96% effective when it's done correctly every time. But unfortunately. Do it correctly. Do what? It means do it correctly. Nobody friggin does it correctly.

Well, pull out.

Yeah, this is what you got to do correctly at the height of your sexual arousal. Well, like everything's amazing. Not too early, not too late. The Guy pulls out, doesn't interrupt the orgasm. That usually happens during ejaculation. Everything's great, but the guy has to be able to tell exactly when he's gonna ejaculate and have the discipline to pull out on time before he ejaculates.

Yeah, I think most.

And for a guy to know ejaculatory inevitability, not so easy. The point of return, and this is from the Mayo Clinic. You always like to knock my sources sometimes. For every 100 women who use a pull out method, 28% will become pregnant. Wow, that's a 72% success rate. That's like a C minus.

28% do get pregnant.

Yes.

Yeah.

Like, would you purchase a car that had like a 72% and if you.

Were to leave it in, if you were to leave it in, I bet like, you know, only 60%.

Exactly.

Of those. We're talking.

If you're doing it right. Exactly, exactly. Like, would you be satisfied? Like, you know, if you had like a C minus, you know, in college or like a restaurant has a C minus rating, you wouldn't go. Okay, so let's talk about the precom because there's a lot of, like, people debate, like, oh, there's no semen in precom, but there's a rumor saying that it doesn't contain sperm. I don't know who started, but the results in studies show a third of the sample they collected still contained live sperm.

I thought that it was even more. I thought there was like super sperm.

Right.

Or super.

No, I mean, the thing is that they couldn't prove that precom will get you pregnant, but findings prove one important thing. That it could. It can't say it will, but it could. So even if you're a master, masterful at pulling out and you got it, you still got a little precom. You don't know that you have precom. Right. The other thing that people say is it interrupts the pleasure. No, I'm not gonna be as good. Because withdrawal is the ultimate sexual interruption. Okay. Have you ever had one of those, One of those experiences where it's amazing, right. And you're about to come and she's about to come and you're like, oh my God, like we're gonna come together and you're like, I'm gonna pull out. But you just don.

You don't.

That's really hard too. Right. So if it's your go to method, you can't have simultaneous orgasms and you can't focus on your partner because you're worried that you're gonna calm and you gotta pull it out. So like just use protection because you know, but all you're thinking is like I gotta evacuate. And then you can't have. You can't have the multiple orgasm. You can't have the simultaneous. And couples who use this method say that they're more anxious during sex.

What the pull outers?

The pullout. Yeah. Yep.

Well, I could see why.

Because tracked.

Yeah.

So you know, do that. And also another thing I would say though, here's who it might be okay for couples who are using withdrawal in combination with other methods of birth control. But again will not protect you against STD is just pregnancy.

Right.

Men who have a lot of self discipline, like a lot. And they're very, very in touch.

Right.

But they could still have pre come. I'm just trying to like give you.

Like guys sexual ninjas. Like they know they can completely control when they finish. And there's very few of those guys.

Oh and you might be drinking. You might be really caught up in the moment. It feels really good. All this one time she's about to get her period. No. So Calvin, it's your life. I am not the pull out police. I might. I'm not going around and say don't pull out. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not policing your home. But they don't call it the pull and pray. Have you heard it called the pull and pray?

Pull and pray.

Oh, pull, pray, pray. Do you pull out babies? There are. I have so many friends who've been pregnant as well. So. Calvin, you're lucky. Do your friends.

Do your friends tell their kids they're total mistakes?

Like, dude, you were not. My friend got pregnant on honeymoon. She's like, pull out doesn't work. She called me like a month later.

That's what we call you.

Exactly. So.

And can I just tell you.

Yeah.

That I'm so. I was excited when we're in the parking lot before we did the show tonight when you told me they were going to be doing this. This topic because I actually had a long discussion with the wife about the pull out method. And I was talking exactly what Kelvin was talking about. Because for years I've been hearing the hyperbole of it. Zero percent effective. And I've always thought that was absurd. And I. You finally put that to rest by saying it's 96% effective against pregnancy. Which I get that it's 0% effective against STDs. But when talking about pregnancy, it's Obviously somewhat effective. And the wife and I were talking about it a little bit in the, in the security line at the airport.

No, no, I didn't say that. I said it's nice. I said it's 96% if you do it right.

Right.

Meaning you pull out exactly at the right time. Okay, but you could still get the. Yeah, you could still get pregnant in the precom and all that.

But I came up with an analogy and she was very upset and she told me to stop talking about sex in public because she doesn't like when I talk about sex at all. But you know, I was whispering. I didn't let that we're in the, in the big line for security at the airport. But I'm so, I forget why it came up. But like I heard somebody or we saw an ad pull out method because.

You'Re pulling off your shoes.

Maybe because of the shoes, I don't know. But I'm like, you know what? And I thought about it. I'm like. And I couldn't wait to talk about it on the after disaster. But I'm talking about it with you here. Now I said, here's why that's not true. You go to the gas station, you put the nozzle in, you pay for like $40 worth of gas, you do a couple pumps and then you just start spraying your car with the gasoline. You're not gonna drive down the street. You're not impregnating your car. Your car is going to run out of gas almost immediately if you spray your entire car with gasoline rather than put it in the tank. So that's what that was my argument for pull out method works.

Yes, but what about the pre Com.

But you know, your car can go a little bit for a little while. If you had a Prius, you're probably able to drive for a while. Right, so the Prius might get pregnant.

Exactly. So I just want to clarify that because, you know, Calvin, but I'm saying good for you and your friends, but this could still happen. And if you're cool with having a pull out baby, you know, keep going. And that might have hiv. Terrible. Oh my God, the hiv.

Baby, you went down dark roads.

I don't mean to. Okay, let's get into the email. Oh, but first, you know, why don't we give a shout out to the people who help keep this show free so you can listen to it and also who make amazing toys. So the genius design team at WE Vibe, they've done it again. The brand new Nova by WE Vibe. Is quite simply a dual stimulation superstar. It expertly pleasures your clitoris and your G spot at the same time without missing a beat. That's the point. It doesn't miss a beat. And you might be thinking, it sounds like my Rabbit vibe, but it's not. Because unlike traditional Rabbit vibes, they lose contact because you put it inside you and you got the little tentacles on the outside that touch your clitoris. But when you pull that out, it loses contact with your clitoris. But this one, you slide it out with the shaft outwards. It has. The Nova has an external stimulator that's extra long and curved. It's like this curved little snail. And it never loses contact with your clitoris. And you can maneuver the G Spot stimulator however you like it and it never leaves it, which is why. And the majority. The majority of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. And we actually just. Just came out if you guys want to know more about this. We did a sex toy review show. We talk a lot about it. There was four of us in the office who tried it. And it's fun to hear people always like our shows. We have, like, four women. Like, one toy. We talked about four women, three toys. And to find out, like, what. How we all felt differently about it. The Nova has easy to use controls. You can cycle through all the vibration modes. It's just the coolest toy. It really is. And you can also use your smartphone, connecting the web and using the We Vibe app. So you can, like, instead of even having to, like, touch the buttons, because sometimes it can be challenging. You just have your phone next to you, and you can do all the patterns and draw it with your head. It looks like a sound. You know, you do sound, really. You can up and down with your finger. You touch it, and you can make.

The vibrations while you're doing it, too.

You can text, you can touch, you can sex, the whole thing. So the Nova We Vibe is so unique. You gotta try to weave it. And it's really powerful. My gosh. Go to sex with emily.com look for the Nova banner. And then you go to We Vibe. Use code Emily at checkout. You get a very special discount.

Oh, you guys should make a little video of you guys using the you. The We Vibe as, like. Like horseshoes. And you should have a dildo standing up, and you should be playing horseshoes with it because they look like. Yeah, you guys.

Well, not this We Vibe, but this one does have a little circle in the end of it. But the We Vibe.

It's like a U shape. Yeah, like a horseshoe.

Exactly. That one. That's the four. Plus, that's what they're known for, their number one couples vibe. Oh, I love all their toys, but this one's their new one, so we reviewed it and you'll all love it. Cool. Okay, emails. Thank you everyone for emailing me. I love it and I love that you guys have been listening and including your name, how old you are and how you listen and where you're from totally helps us. Right?

And your sex.

And your sex life. And your sex. Male or female?

Yes.

Okay. Hey, Emily, thanks for the podcast. It's awesome listening to your podcast with Jordan Harbinger as we speak. He stated that you should make the bar your home base. That's cool and all, but I don't drink. What's another place I can make home base?

I'm so confused.

Thanks, Cody. I'm explaining to you. Okay, here's a deal of the home base, which is what Jordan meant. It's. It's like. It's that place that you feel comfortable and confident, like where everybody knows your name. Kind of like cheers. Does anyone know Cheers?

I think the only thing that does.

Right? No, it's kind of like a place where you go into like your local coffee shop or a restaurant if you know your friend works there.

The perk.

The perk.

That's friends.

Oh, and friends. Exactly. Hey, everyone. You walk in, everyone knows you. So that's what he means. A place where you know someone, you feel comfortable, you're confident, and you just feel like yourself. So Jordan was talking about a bar, your local bar. It could be your local restaurant, coffee shop, massage parlor, where you get a happy ending. You want to take your date there. So it could be your coffee shop, a smoothie place, a gym, a dog park, hot place to eat people. When I had my dog in San Francisco, I went there like three times a day. And it was like my posse. Like, I had my people. And then I started dating this guy and I brought him to dog park and they. I was really cool.

But then when you guys break up, you need a new dog park and your dog's sad.

I need a new dog, a new dog park, and new boyfriend. But it was messy. But the point. That's the point of it. So it just. The point is that you'll feel more self assured when you approach women. If you around your friends maybe know you. Hey, Anderson, what's going on? Hey. And you got this woman you just. You put at ease, automatically for sure.

That's why I was confused. I didn't hear the beginning when you said that they were with somebody else.

Yeah, he's like, well, Jordan Harbinger. I did a great podcast if you want to check it out.

Oh, that guy, The Jordan guy?

Yeah, The Art of Charm. And he gives a lot of great dating advice for guys. And he was saying, like, one of his tips was, like, have a home base, like the bar where you go to and everyone knows your name. That kind of thing. So it's all about feeling comfortable and more comfortable. The more comfortable you are, as we all know, the more.

We feel like more of ourselves. Confident.

But it can backfire with guys, too. I used to go to this one bar where everyone knew me and drunken idiots would be like another girl. Anderson, way to go, bud.

Oh, that's the worst.

You gotta be careful. Like, bars, especially. Especially late night. Yeah. Can't believe it. Every week you're in here with a different one. Thanks, dude.

Yeah, you're drunk friends. You're absolutely right. The bar can totally backfire. In fact, I've had that with, like, guys I date, you know? Cause girls get chatty. Like, oh, I just want you to know, girls really try to cockblock someone. He's been here before. He's here all the time. Like, people just open up their mouths.

Guys do that too.

They do. Right under the bus, almost about to.

Hook up with this girl and this guy friend of mine who I thought was a friend of mine. I guess he liked the same girl. And like, we. We weren't in the same circle anymore, but it's a guy that I went to high school with, but we were friendly in high school. I found the girl to stop talking to me, and I found out, like, six months, maybe a year later. I'm like, it was really. It was heartbreaking because I really like this girl. This had told her that I had herpes.

This made stuff up. No. Are you serious?

Yeah.

And she broke up with you then?

No, we, like, we were dating. We went out like three or four times, and then she just stopped returning my call.

That's like.

Well, she sucks too. I mean, if just she thinks that I have herpes, she just stops. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

I'm still looking for that guy. It's been like 15 years.

That's terrible. People do say, though, especially now with, like, everyone, like, posting stuff online. That's just not true. You can't debate it. People always think, oh, where there's smoke, there's fire. Like, signs there's truth and things that you read. People believe that stuff. Sorry that happened to you. That it wasn't worth it.

You know what? Ironically, I bet she might have given me herpes. You know, I might have them now because of herpes.

Maybe she was projecting because she's like, she didn't want to face her own herpes syndrome.

Maybe she was dumb and thought she could get double herps.

You know, people are dumb like that. So true. Okay, threesomes. Picking up women for threesomes. People want to know about it.

Tall order.

It is. And also, did I mention feedback at sex with emily.com is where you can email me. Dear Emily, me and my boyfriend have been together for over four years. He's 48 and I'm 26.

We've been to a nude resort a couple times. We're planning to host a nude party this National Nude Day coming up.

When is national nude?

July 14th.

Where are these people calling, emailing from?

I'm sorry, I don't know if it says yet. Let's see. You've opened my eyes and opened our horizons. We are both very open and loving people and would like to try new things. However, I'm very shy and it's hard for me to flirt or hit on people. Any advice? I'd like to have more threesomes, actually with my boyfriend. And I'd like to be the one that gets the girl, if you know what I mean. I want to feel the rush and the exhilaration of asking, going forward and getting it and the enjoyment that we get from the memories that we make of it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as we begin this new year and try new things. I'm always open to new adventures. Thank you and much love, Alice. Okay, Alice, first of all, you guys go to nude resorts. I would think you would find a third there. But I get what you're saying. I totally understand. I understand the thrill. Like, I don't know, I'm not a dude, but I understand the thrill as a woman too. But like I wish I could get that like you go in like hitting on a woman, like a beautiful woman at the bar, asking to come home with you, like meet your boyfriend. Like, I don't know, I guess I've never done that. Guys do that more so. But I can see as a woman that you wanted it to. Okay, I get that. But I think it's a great thing to work up to. But you might want to just build your confidence by like chatting up open mind people. Open minded people who you know, will be open to the people, to the idea. Like the people at the nude resort or like your like minded friends. Because then you're not being shot down right away, which could also hurt confidence, which we hear from guys. Not that men and women don't. Women don't hate on people, but men. How many emails do we get from guys who are like, I don't have the confidence. I was rejected. So that's one thing. Just go where you, you know, you know people and you know that they might be open to it. There's also apps like plenty of fish, OkCupid. They make it possible now for couples to search for unicorns. You know, the unicorn.

What is the unicorn?

The unicorn is like a single woman who is unattached and who's kind of ready to have a threesome. Ready, Willing.

Okay.

They call it the unicorn.

I thought it was the G spot.

What? They call her the G spot?

No, the unicorn.

No, the unicorn's like a woman who's like, single and ready to mingle.

For me, like, the G spot is also unicorn and a leprechaun. Because I can't find.

Okay, you can't find the G spot. You can't find the G spot?

No.

Really?

I've alluded to that many times. Anyways, back to the unicorn.

Exactly. There's also thrinder, which is a new app. It's 3ndr and FetLife. They could also be great resources. And then, like, I don't know where you live, Alice. You didn't say. But if you attend, like, local workshops, like here we have like the pleasure chest and the stock room. I don't know where you live, but there's often, like, sex toy shops, Hustler, Hollywood. That could be a great place to find resources, learn about local swing parties, and just keep your eyes open. Like, if you're at a bar, though, and you see a woman that's like, attractive. I mean, I've had women talk to me at bars all the time, and I'm like, I don't know how to. Parties just strike up a conversation. And the other thing, just like I tell guys, don't go in with that, like, feeling that this has got to be the one and I got to close the deal. I mean, being a woman talking to another woman, you know, just start talking. Like how you would talk to a friend and see what happens and think of how you'd want to be approached because you're a chick, you're a woman, have some drinks, get to know her, and then See how she feels if she's single, you might say, yeah, you know, do you have a boyfriend? No. Oh, well, I've got a boyfriend here. And we've been thinking, you never know, conversation, have a few drinks, it could open up. You might say to her, you never know, she might end up coming home with you in the car that night. Right. Worst thing that happens, she says no.

You know what I don't get about this one?

You don't die if someone rejects you. What?

She says she's shy, but she's all about being nude. Usually nude people aren't into being shy.

I know. Well, I think she's probably nervous about approaching a woman. But practice makes perfect. But here's the other thing. I'm not even gonna get into your age difference either. 26 and 48. Yeah, they've been another four years. Yeah. But it seems like they're happy and it's working. So I'm not even gonna touch that right now. I'm just gonna touch on the topic at hand. I mean. Cause age sometimes the only number and there are couples that it works for.

Right.

So I'm not gonna go there.

26, 48, that's 22 years difference. He could have a 22 year old daughter.

He could.

Yeah, easily. Wait, yeah, he could be his grand, her grandkid.

Her grandparents would be great if they live somewhere where that you have young kids. Yeah, totally. But I like that you guys are open to expressing things and I get it. But I'm just gonna give you the same advice that I. You know, you gotta have confidence. So. And practice. Practice makes perfect.

And you know what?

Put yourself out there. Here's the other thing. It doesn't have to be at a bar. Start practicing talking to people three times a week. When you're getting in line for coffee or at the gym, wherever you are, work, talk to people you don't know.

Yeah, I hate when people talk to me.

Do you realize that nobody does it anymore though? Because everyone's on their phone.

On their phone. I know, it's so depressing. No, but a lot of the time if I'm in the right mood, like you know, hey, how you doing? Hey, what's going on? Hey, you're using this. Thanks, man. Just like that kind of thing just makes everything go so much smoother. Smoother. You know what I mean? But she also has this July 14th big nude party that she's having. Right.

She's got a big new day. She had six months practice. Four months.

Yeah, exactly. Six months of Practice goal.

You'll find something by that. I feel really good about this, Alice. Keep me posted. And I'm so glad you found the show and you love it. Let me know how it goes because I always want to know. I was. I would love to do like some people. Like, people always email me and they say, you changed my life. You gave great advice. Which why do this? But sometimes I want examples like what specifically happened or follow up if things worked.

Exactly. Yeah, because you want proof. You want some kind of like illustrated actual, right?

Like when Calvin gets girlfriend pregnant. Like, I want to know she got pregnant because you kept pulling out.

Because you forget. Like, it seems like there's just the two of us in this room. Or like when you.

I do sometimes forget.

How does the party work? You think, do you think that they obviously they can't show up at the door naked, so they're gonna be wearing something on the way over there. Is there a room that they go to change in or do they just come in the threshold?

Especially if they're like in winter, in.

Winter foyer, they just immediately completely stripped down. Do the clothes. Do they have cubby holes?

They probably have robes.

They probably have robes. Do they bring your own robe? Do they supply them?

Depends how fancy the party is.

So many questions.

I have so many questions too. But if they're like a nudist place, it sounds like it was like a nudist, one of those vacations where everyone's nude. But I think you can. Like, what if you meet someone like.

A sarong and you want to get their number or something and you don't. You don't have your phone on you. Where do you put the card?

Where do you put your phone if you're naked the whole time? Because everyone's so addicted to their phones. But I could imagine they might have a no phone policy. Because you don't need pictures pictures.

Because Emily might be there saying, but my niece loves nudes.

My niece loves nudes and Justin Bieber. I should send her this. But no, I'm not gonna send the video. Not the nude. Not a nude either.

Yeah, I want her to email you back after the nude party.

Me too. Alice. I want to hear. Yeah, I want to hear how this goes down. And again, just start practicing. But I do want to hear how the new party. I want to go to nude party. This is my year of experimenting again. Like when I started the show 10 years ago, I did a lot of the last first five years experiential things. Went to swinger parties. Got My clitoris robbed by the people.

What I went to that one.

Taste like I did a lot of stuff. And I still do sometimes. But I'm gonna be doing. I have some things coming up which I can't tell you about right now.

Really? Yeah.

I should go to a nude. Now I've been invited to these nude party things. But yeah, I gotta get back in shape. I'm pretty in shape.

That is great motivation to get in shape, right? If you got like a mandatory nude party.

Cause you can't wear your Spanx. You can't suck it in. You're nude.

Yeah, I think I might just go the other way.

I used to go to this place in San Francisco I went to. Have you ever been to like a nude place? It's called Harbin Hot Springs. Which is really sad because it burnt down a few months ago. But. No, it's sad. It's been around for, God, so many years in Northern California, like two hours north of San Francisco. And we used to go there, my friends, like in our 20s, we went. And it's nude optional, but they have these hot springs, right? And you go in the hot and the cold. And people would be naked, men, women, and it's not. And you go there and you. They give you beads if you don't want to be taught. If you don't want anyone to hit on you. So we'd wear these beads so guys would not talk to us sometimes. But sometimes we would take them out, we'd forget to wear the beads. And then sure enough, guy just sits down and starts talking. He's like naked, his balls hanging out.

What? As soon as, like you take the beads off, they're just like on you.

Oh, yeah, like flies on.

And when you got the beads on you, you're trying to cover your nipple.

Yeah, exactly.

Why do you take a picture? But it's kind weird on poop. Really?

Is that what it is?

Not white on rice. That's a lot. Nice.

That's what I wanted. Flies on rice. What is it?

White on rice.

I don't even like poop.

Flies on poop. No.

So sorry I said that. Yeah, it was really good time, but it was uncomfortable for. I was like, oh, I've never been naked, but I did that. I shoot that again. But it burnt down.

Well, I think they can build around the hot springs. I doubt the hot springs themselves actually burned, you know?

No, but the whole area.

The whole area burned.

Yeah, well, like the whole resort.

All right.

You got massages, New massages.

Of course.

Okay, Another no one had a phone.

On them to call 911 for the fire department to come because they were wandering around their ball.

Exactly.

All right. Email.

Yep. Okay. Hey, Emily, I'm a 21 year old female and I listen to you during work on itunes.

Oh, I bet the boss loves that.

You're doing really well. Work. So a little over a year ago, my ex boyfriend of three and a half years broke up with me. He was emotionally and sexually abusive person and that obviously took a toll on me. Since he broke up with me. Yeah, both emotionally and sexually. Since he broke up with me, my life made a 180 and I began to sleep around the following months. Now I have my life more in order and I'm starting to actually date without sexual as my main focus. But I feel that I get bored with people easily or I find little quirks about them that end up being deal breakers. I understand I have major commitment issues. However, I don't know what to do about it. My main questions are, should I take a step back out of the dating pool and just work on myself more or should I keep at it, pushing through the quirks and see what happens? I was listening to Different Strokes for Different Folks, which is one of our podcasts, and you mentioned how you went with your gut and how you feel about your dates. Well, my gut is always putting up red flags, but I feel it could be wrong sometimes. If that makes sense. Please help me with this. I just want to lead a normal dating life. Thanks. Xx Jordan.

Okay, Jordan, there's a lot in this email because I think you should do both. I mean, I think you have to work on yourself. You never, ever, ever stop working on yourself. And we do some of the great work on ourself when we're dating because oftentimes people are a mirror onto ourselves, onto our own issues, and we can, you know, if you're a good communicator and you learn how to talk about things, you can really, you know, look at it as practice. You can do some duty dating, which is when you kind of make your force yourself to go out with people that you wouldn't necessarily go out with that aren't maybe aren't your type just to kind of get the experience. And also you might surprise yourself. I mean, you were in an abusive relationship and so you might be attracted to guys like that. And so to force yourself to go outside maybe once, even twice, if the date wasn't that great and you're not trusting, you know, you're saying your gut goes back and Forth. And I get it. I might have said, I trust my gut. But I also say, you know, we all kind of second guess, so don't overthink it. And don't hold yourself back. And maybe it would force you to push yourself through those, like, those little red flags, like those little nagging ones. And be mindful, because some red flags, which are like little annoyances, they might be a barrier from, like, actually getting her to commit.

Right.

She'll be like, oh, I don't like the way he, like, you know, chooses food, which can be annoying. I admit.

He's too nice.

He's too nice.

He doesn't sexually abuse me.

And you might be coming up with stuff to protect yourself from getting hurt again, which I totally understand, because chances.

Are she has a broken picker, as they say.

Picker is broken.

She's. She's attracted. As opposed to a broken pecker types of guys.

Exactly. So. Right. People do that. We are attracted. We have patterns.

And we're like, sabotage the good relationships because they don't feel like they're good enough for these relationships. Relationships. Which is very sad. And I see it happen to a lot of people that I'm very close with.

Right. And it sucks because it's the familiarity is what they know. And also all the times we recreate patterns from our childhood.

Right.

Of how our parents treated us. We don't even know that we're doing it.

The trauma from childhood become arousing and.

Exactly. And so these are patterns. If you think there is some of that and why you allowed yourself to stay in this abusive relationship, there might be some therapy.

Yes.

I think there definitely has to be some therapy work, especially. How long was she with them?

Three years, three and a half.

You know, there are some therapists that specifically deal with trauma, but the thing about dealing with some trauma, whether it was just in your relationship or childhood, and the relationship is that we often think that it's just gonna go away, that we can fix these patterns on our own. But with something as severe as trauma, you just. You might not be able to do it on your own. You probably can't. And I'm a huge fan of therapy. So the other thing is that I would. The concerns that you have, though, like, let's say you're like, oh, but I didn't like this. I didn't like that. Do you have a friend or somebody that you trust? Like, not just like your. Yes. Friend, but like, even could be like an aunt or somebody you work with? I don't know that you just trust. And you could kind of bounce it off and be like, God, you know, it's kind of weird the way he, you know, opened up the gas container on his. The gas tank on his car and the way he plugged it in made me think. Plugged in the gas made me think. I don't know. People think of the weirdest thing.

I like the face that he makes when he pets his cat.

That's a better example.

Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yes, I know what you're saying. We can come up with all of these things, so just check yourself, because you might also be preventing yourself from meaning, right, guys?

Did she say how old she was?

No, she failed one of the laws here. I mean, 21, 21. 21, 21.

Yeah. You know what? She's settling down anyway.

Jordan, you are not a failure. Yeah, Jordan.

Okay, dating around.

Thank you for bringing that up. You were with this guy for three years. You're 21 years old. This is the time. This is the time to date. This is the time for you to figure out what you want. So I would say, no, work on yourself, but date. Why don't you just date people to get to know people? And don't even have the notion you should not be getting into a relationship right now. In fact, I'm going to tell you, don't get into a relationship right now and practice and.

And you're not going to sleep around.

No.

You go out and date and experience yourself through other people.

Exactly. Exactly. And build friendships and maybe wait to have sex. You said she. You also said that you started sleeping around. And that is not. I think that sometimes can be a band aid and maybe it makes you feel better temporarily. But a lot of times I just like. I actually like dating. I like meeting people. I like having conversations. I love learning about people. Actually, I think I'm a really good dater.

You've been doing it a while.

I've got a lot of experience dating. And so don't think I don't know that you've commitment issues. But I think you're figuring out what you want and you're learning how to date again. So I would date, but proceed with caution. How about that? Did you ever change your type? Like, do you have, like, a type and you change your.

Oh, yeah. Do you think I was dating the wrong types forever until I met my wife.

Similar types, always the same.

Yeah, always. Trauma passed, like no father, and I was the rescuer. Every single time.

Really? You took care of them every.

Every. Every relationship. I Had. I don't, I can't. Every, not every girl I slept with necessarily, but yeah, every relationship where I, I'd swoop in and I'd try to be their protector and. Ridiculous.

And did you consciously recognize that and then you try to change it or just.

A lot of the time I would, but I, I, I actually love them, so I want to, like, you know, think about it. And by the time that I actually realized that, it was too late. And yeah, looking back, I, I wasted a lot of years of their life in my life too. Yeah.

But that's how you learn. And you know what? I like also that she's 21 years old. And I think all the sooner that you recognize these patterns that you have. We all have them.

Yeah, but that means she's been in the relationship since I, like, she's been in a relationship, 16 or 17.

Right.

So she's very inexperienced. And she might be like a serial monogamous serial dater. Right. So she might be looking for the next thing to cling on to and sleeping with everyone in between. Yeah. Just settle down.

Right?

Settle down.

Work on yourself. Build your friendships. My friends are like, get me through. I love my people. So I think that's all we got time for. This was fun. I like this late night thing.

Do you? Yeah, it's hot.

At first I was like, I don't know, I'm sweaty. You're sweaty. Time to go.

Oh, it's just Em likes to have it hot in here. It gets tropical.

I do keep it hot in here, baby. Gets me in the mood. Well, thank you, Anderson. Also, your podcast, Cinematics.

Cinematics is my new film podcast. Yes. And we cover. Actually, I just saw one today. It's called Triple nine. It's by a very good director named John Hillcoat who did Lawless. Emily, I don't know if you ever saw Lawless or the Road, but it's a really good movie and it came out Thursday. I, I mean, in February, which is weird. Let me. Can you.

Yeah, totally. You know what I love about your podcast is that. Is that you. It's the movies that are coming out that week.

Yeah.

So if you're, like, thinking this weekend, I really want to see movie, what should I see?

Our show comes out Wednesday and we're gonna cover. It's so Good Friday.

And they get an itunes and all that. Actually, someone tweeted me and asked me for your podcast link.

It's Cinematics, which is kind of hard to spell, but it's like cinema, then addicts it's with one a form. Like drugs, like, addict, like. Or addicted to cinema.

I like it, but I got to.

Actually turn my head and read the. It's such a good cast. And usually February is a bad month for movies, but this is. This was a really good movie.

I need to go see Triple 9. I see that every day. I'm not gonna say.

Starring Casey Affleck, chiwetel Ejafor from 12 Years a Slave. Anthony Mackie, Aaron Paul from let's Cook from Breaking Bad.

Oh, my God. I'm gonna go see it.

And Woody Harrelson as well.

I love Woody Harrelson as well as Kate Winslet. I got high with him once. Kate.

Back to that in a second. Kate Winslet in Triple 9. She plays a badass Russian Jew. You've never seen Kate Winslet, so not Kate Winslet. She's fantastic. Wow.

Okay. See, now I'm excited.

Yeah.

Okay, this is good.

I'm gonna hi with Woody.

I know. Is that funny? Cause, like, yeah.

Do you guys talk about Cheers?

Nope. It was. He was in San Francisco. God, it was like, 10, 15 years ago, and he was doing a play. And, you know, he's a big stoner, and I'm not Or had smoked a lot then, and I. Yeah, I went back to his house.

What, just the two of you?

I was actually with Bob Weir from the Grateful Dead and the.

Some other people.

You forgot?

No, I didn't forget. I just probably shouldn't say. No. I never. Not a mayor, but a politician who actually was in charge of. Of. Of. Is that. He's like, ah, $5 fine. He was, like, getting high. It was crazy.

$5 fine. What?

San Francisco, like, get a hire. 25 fine. But it was. I'd never seen anyone, like. I mean, I could barely hold, like, you know, I was like, one. I hadn't smoked, like, in forever.

And I'm sure that Woody's got some, like, high.

God. I mean, the whole time he's, like, spoken bong spoke, like, literally, like, three hours, just, like, watching. Like, how are you still alive? He's a nice guy.

Yeah. Yeah. He's been doing it a while. He's about to have his own weed license in Hawaii.

Really? Like, how is he not dead? Like, I guess. People. People can handle it.

Some people can. I can't also. Real quick. Sorry. The Film Vault, which is my main film podcast. I do two film podcasts.

How do you even, like, have time for me?

I barely have time, but we're doing. This is our big episode, the Oscar Locks. Our top five Oscar locks. A lot of people have Oscar betting pools and whatnot. So on the film vault, Brian and I, we bring you because we've seen everything. So we'll talk about what movies are most likely going to win.

What's going to win?

I don't know. I've done my research yet. But dude, Leonardo DiCaprio. That's the layup. He's going to win best actor.

Is he that good? He is that good, right?

I think he deserved a nomination.

But he freaking wins everything.

Yeah. No he doesn't. He rarely wins awards.

He's nominated for everything.

Yeah, that's true.

And he sleeps with everyone. Okay. I love it. I hope he doesn't. I hope he. I'm sure he doesn't pull out. He for sure uses protection. Cuz he'd have like a million kids, right?

Or he's sterile or he got snipped. Does he have any kids?

Okay. Thank you, Anderson.

Thank you.

I love you. And thanks everyone for listening and for checking me out and oh, come checking me out and come see me on March 10th at the holiday Prof. Yeah.

Thursday exactly. March 10th. Seven.

Seven to nine. Yeah. Then I'll come to Loveline after.

Sweet.

Thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

Okay everyone, thanks for listening and let's talk about it. Let's be honest. You can be honest with me. By now you've probably bailed on your New Year's resolution to work out more. I mean, like, how many of you made a New Year's resolution to work out? Quit smoking. I mean, it probably feels great to be in shape, boost your confidence and your libido. But are you ignoring the one muscle group that can have the biggest impact on your sexual performance? Well, don't worry because there is a product that will do the workout for you. I wish there was one that would go to the goddamn gym for me and do the sit ups. But no, there is one that does your Kegels for you. The intensity is unique. Insertable device strengthens your pelvic floor with gentle electrostimulation, delivering an extremely effective and automatic Kegel exercise. The shaft inflates, inflates so perfectly positions the conductive pads will. They will directly stimulate your muscles. I use it every day. I have to say that I'm really proud of myself because I'm not, not that great with consistency. But I've been very consistent this year doing it like pretty much like I'd say five times a week. Not only does muscle group give you more control over your pleasure during intercourse? More orgasms. It's also responsible for preventing urinary incontinence. Urinary incontinence after childbirth or just as you get older, you sneeze and you pee and it's a friggin bummer. Oh, Intensity also has a vibrate option because hey, why not have an awesome orgasm while you're working out? I'm telling you, this product truly has changed my sex life. And if you listen to our show where we did the sex toy review of like the Nova and the Rave and stuff, I talk about how I can have these G spot orgasms now. Like I've always I've been able to, but I've also even more intensely because of my killer strong Kegel muscles. So order your intensity. Go to sexme.com click on the intensity banner. That's pour more. It takes you right to pour moi and you can get it there. Thanks everyone for listening. I'm going to tell you about promescent.

Oh yeah.

So.

So.

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