Dating Survival Podcast

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jeju. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20% off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Is your fear of rejection holding you back from fully joining the dating scene? In this show, I'm teaching you how to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. How to handle rejection in any area of your life. And bounce back. Back. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man e here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God. I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I so appreciate you guys supporting the show and my sponsors and the incredible people at Good vibrations. That's right. Goodvibes.com carries all the best sex toy brands on the planet. They don't carry any of that schlocky stuff that's gonna fall apart and blow up your vagina? Nope, they carry the best toys. They carry the vibratex Dahlia, which is great for extra G spot stimulation. Of course, they carry the most, strongest, most orgasmic vibrator of all time, the magic wand. And now the biggest trend, if you haven't heard, is the wearable Bluetooth vibrators that you can operate. Like, if you're in a long distance relationship, you can have, like, you can operate your partner's vibrator from, you know, across the country. How amazing is that? Check them all out. Good Vibes is the greatest toys. If you go to my website, sexwith.com, click on the Good Vibes banner, use coupon code GVMILY20, and you get 20% off all your purchases. That's goodvibes.com coupon code GVMILY20. Thanks for listening.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list. Do that right now. Cause you'll love my emails. We update, we get blogs, we got things to help you. And I love you all for listening and it's great to be here with Menace today.

Hello.

Hello, my darling.

When we started the show, you were talking about, you know, Bluetooth devices and having, you know, sex with people across the country and stuff like that. That's, you know, something that I've been talking about four years. We could have been millionaires by now. But no, you never listened to me.

You did say that years ago, but you called it the dump truck. A.

No, no, no. That's just my other toy. But I was just talking about, like, probably like seven years ago. I was just like, wouldn't it be cool if you're, you know, in one place in one state and then you're like, doing something to somebody else in another? That's crazy.

It is so cool. Oh, my Bod makes it. And Jaeju makes this new one that's coming out called the dua and I have it on my phone. You should see this. That they have a watch that can throw at CES right now because my friend runs oh My Bod. And I'll show you these pictures. It's a watch that can control it. They have apps on your phone. And so literally, if we were in a relationship menace, like a sexual relationship, I could be wearing the vibrator. And I only wish. Oh, Menace, this is actually the perfect solution for you. You don't not so into using sex toys, neighbor. You haven't Tried it yet. But if you're away a lot with your, she could be wearing it and you could just be like sitting on your phone anyway and just be vibing her on your phone.

Oh, I can be vivid.

And then go back and Twitter. Yeah. You could be posting a picture, getting off your girlfriend. It's awesome.

That's amazing. But you should, I think like within the next two years, it's just gonna be like full on, you know, virtual reality, wearing goggles and stuff like that. Because there's already these goggles out that are people that can buy for their house. That's all like 360 virtual reality, crazy stuff. Facebook invested in it. It's insane.

Google's where they can goggles. Google where they can watch.

Yeah, it's called Security Optimus or something like that. I know. Can you look it up? I forget the name of it. Say, but it's really cool.

What does it let you do? What does it allow you to do? I was thinking six years.

No matter where, once you put on the glasses, no matter where you look, you see something. So it could be any type of situation.

That's cool.

I. I envision.

Ever leave their home.

Yeah. But I envision like imagine both of you wearing these, right.

And you talking to Matt. He's talking to Madison, who's sitting here.

Yeah, sorry, Madison, but I, I'm talking about like both of you could be wearing the glasses and live streaming each other, you know.

What do you mean though? Like, what would like for instance, I'd be seeing what she sees and she'd be seeing what I see.

Yeah, yeah, that totally can happen. It can already happen right now.

It's probably happening at this moment.

People are testing it, you know, everywhere.

It's called the Oculus Rift.

Yeah, Oculus Rift. It's crazy. They're not using it for sexual purposes yet, but I'm telling you that's gonna happen probably within two years. And the self driving car, I'm telling you, you're gonna be on the freeway having sex in the backseat.

That freaks me out. But actually I do need a self driving car because I should not be allowed to drive, as you know.

You were talking about ces, which happens in Vegas if people don't know it's the consumer electronics something show. That's where they show off all the gadgets and what's happening in the future. And they had one of the self driving cars there and one of the writers was trying to actually crash it and it wouldn't crash.

Oh my God, that Would be much better driving record than I have. Yeah, right. I mean. No, I'm not kidding you. I would totally get that. But it'd be scary.

Yeah. So you could be like hanging guys all over the world through virtual reality and you could, you know, being be in a car that's driving itself.

And road trips would be so much more fun.

Yeah. Getting fellatio, right?

Exactly.

No problems.

I mean, yeah. Roadhead. Yeah. You could just. It would be much more safer to do roadhead. That would be the biggest benefit. I would think. One of them. I would love a self driving car.

So the future is crazy.

The future is now. But the problem is, is that I think it's all great, a virtual whatever, but people are not. People are losing their skills to actually have intimacy and communicate with people head on. No one wants to make a phone call. No one wants to, you know, talk to each other.

Yeah. We're saying even outside of sexual stuff.

Yeah.

Just having a conversation in real life, people don't know what to do. Like people are IM ing each other and emailing each other, like from cubicles two feet away.

Oh, yeah. You know, all the time. It's very true. And I just think that a lot of people have like social anxiety and just any kind of anxiety about public speaking. You know, public speaking and death are like two of the greatest fears that people have. People are afraid of dying and they're afraid of public speaking. And public speaking leads into, you know, just even just talking to people or social anxiety. There's a lot of people, that's why they drink a lot before they go out. Or people have a hard time in crowds going to parties. And so now they're like, I can do it all online. And I just think it's more and more technology we have and people are going to lose that skill, lose that. And the thing about social anxiety or any kind of, any kind of fears, which is actually what the show's about, that the more you do it, the more you practice, like anything in life, it becomes easier. It does and it becomes more comfortable. No one's being forced to do it now like the first time. Okay. Today's show is about rejection and about how to deal with it in any realm of your life. So, you know, it could be dating, it could be someone breaks up with you with love. It could be your fear of approaching a woman or a man, you know, when you see him on the street, because you're afraid you're gonna get rejected. And the thing about rejection, like we always say, you Always stay crazy. It's not gonna kill you. Like to go up and talk to someone. You're not gonna die if she says no. Or the worst thing that happens, and you. And you get better. But I think about it, like, also working in entertainment, you know, all about rejection all day, all day long. And I didn't know that when I started that, you know, the first time I got rejected, I did a pilot that didn't get picked up. I was devastated. You know, I was like, in bed, I was like, I can't. My life is over. You know, Then you just realize, oh, that happens, actually, all the time. My mom's like, George Clooney had 13 pilots, I think get picked up before he had, like, okay, Mom, I get it. I get it. And now you do get it. And you get. And also being on, you know, so you get that it's gonna be rejection and that it's just about. It's not about, you know, how many times you fall down. It's about how you get back up. And the truth is that the things in life, you know, I think our success in life is built on a lot of rejection because it makes. If you keep going and you keep going and you don't stop yourself. So I think we all just have to, you know, learn. Learn to deal with it and look at it as a gift. Sometimes when you get rejected and how you can move forward from that and create the life that you want. Sound like a.

Don't dwell on things.

Don't dwell on it. But I was gonna also say is. Oh, and also, like, the fear of speaking. I used to be terrible when we did the live show. So Menace and I are going on the 10th year of doing this show I was live on. I started as a podcast, and then I was live on the radio. Live. Never been in a radio studio before the first night I was on. So the first year, I was. I was terrified. Or the first six months. Like, I would prep for 12 hours before the show that whole day, and then the whole time driving to the station, I would have this huge pit in my stomach, and it's scary. And now I'm like. I walk in, I don't think about. You know what I'm saying? You get used to those things and you get better at it. So I believe that everything, you know, you didn't used to be afraid of being on the radio sometimes.

Yeah. I could barely speak. They had to have to put the volume up all the way.

Yeah. Now look at you. You can't shut up so.

Well, kind of.

I'm kidding, but I'm just saying I.

Still fumble when I have a lot of people looking at me at the same time. I do a morning radio show where there's three other people in the room and at any moment I'm thinking they're not interested in anything that I'm saying. And then I start fumbling over my words because they're like all looking at me.

Cause you get in your head. Yeah.

And I go crazy.

I think we're all so afraid of being judged and we think like rejection is like such a, you know, it's a death. It's like our worst thing ever because we all have self doubt. And so if someone rejects us, we think they're right. You know, we take their side, they're right, they're rejecting me. And then we make up stories, oh, he doesn't want to date me. He didn't call me back because I said this, you know, I insulted, you know, his mother over din about what she did for a living, or my dress was too short, or I was really slutty, or I drank too much. And most times the things that we worry about aren't even really what's happening. So when you're sitting there on the morning show, you're awesome on the show. They're not thinking, menace is a boring tool. They wouldn't have you on. But in our minds, we tend to go to that place and it makes.

Us feel, oh, I'm the worst person ever.

Right. I'm the worst person ever. And they're right. So rejection gives us a chance to like, you know, be mean to ourselves.

But and another thing too, believe it or not, rejection or even if they're into you is awesome either way. Why? Because if you get rejected, you're not wasting any more of your time on that person, you know?

Exactly. You're not a gift.

Yeah.

Because then you think they showed you who they are, they're not into you.

Move on, you can be cool with them or not. And then you get to move on and move on to the next person.

Exactly.

If you just stay in that friend zone or just in that limbo, you don't know if they like you or not. And you don't. You're too afraid to, you know, make that next move. You're gonna waste so much time in your life or other opportunities that you can meet somebody else.

And that's why you should. Exactly. You're absolutely right. And so I always say you sense what people when you hear we're gonna get into this in a minute. But when you hear, you know, we went on two dates. It was the best dates. I thought he was the one. And then he didn't call. It's like, okay, well, better. He did you a favor actually because you thought it was great. It wasn't. This is gonna hurt maybe for a few weeks. But don't, you know, go, you know, don't, don't criticize yourself and think it's something that you did. He showed you exactly who he was. Maybe he's not into. It's probably, maybe he has another girlfriend. Who knows what happened? It doesn't matter. Put that aside and move forward because so many people are in relationships for way too long when it should be over like in five minutes. And they're together for three years. So that's what the show's about tonight, reduction. And I also wanna say one thing real quickly is that this weekend I'm going to be at the Sexual Health Expo in Los Angeles. It's at the Sofitel Hotel and I'm freaking excited about it because it's blowing up, man. Lots of people going sexualhealthexpo.com I know, it's really cool. Tell swanky locale there's gonna be sex educators speaking, like really cool seminars you can learn. Like, not like seminar sounds boring. They're like workshops like how to get fellatio, how to talk to your partner about sex, how to relationships. I mean every topic in the world. And then there's like parties at night. I'm giving the keynote speech on Sunday. It's $20 gets two people in. And I just hope to see you there. I'd love to see. Meet people who listen to the show and just come learn some stuff. It'll be fun. So that's what I gotta say about that. And then we got a little bit of sex in the news.

All right, what do we got?

Ok, so did you know Menace? Cheating women prefer humor over sexual pleasure.

Cheating women prefer.

So they're not just trying to get their rocks off. They want to laugh their ass off.

They want to have fun.

Exactly. So you can laugh someone into bed. According to a study which found that cheating women look for humor over sexual pleasure. A study by a dating website for attached people looking to cheat. Whatever. It's like one of those sites I'm not gonna mention, not even Ashley Madison, which I just mentioned. That's good. Emily found a good sense of humor is the top turn on for 75% of women. Does this mean that all their husbands are just putting them to sleep or something. They found that being funny is more important than intelligence and oral sex.

Wow.

I beg to differ. They didn't interview me for this study. The study shows that most women across the globe prefer a funny man, but there's always an exception to the rule, with German and Polish women ranking intelligence over hilarity. Okay, I guess Germans just don't.

But see, I think the funny guy is just fun. You know, you're in a relationship, probably not having fun. You know, you're bored.

Exactly.

Something like that.

It takes you out of yourself.

Here's like some funny guy that's fun. And, you know. You know, women, they see something shiny, they want to go after it.

Yeah, exactly.

That's what happens.

But would a man ever leave his wife for a funny woman?

No.

He would never cheat. It'd be like, she's got a great ass. My partner, I'm tired of her ass. Even if it was. And that's the ass that I want. See, women, we're much more flexible. I mean, we know it's our brains. It's a thing. Like if a guy. It's true that after you talk to a guy for, you know, that is what's attracted to me isn't. I would say intelligence and humor, but they go hand in hand.

But it is cool, too, to get around a woman that has, like, an awesome personality. Believe it or not, coming from man, it is. It is fun just to, like, have discussions. I know stuff like that. But, yeah, again, I don't think guys are really thinking about it in a sexual way.

Right, Exactly. The problem is. And then they get with someone who they're really attracted to, and guess what?

They're bored.

Doesn't matter. The sex is gonna change after a while. After you're with everybody, you know, what's that saying? Find a hot woman in a bar and I'll show you guys tired of having sex with her. So, okay, so Brazilian women voted for oral sex, though, as the most important skill a man should have, while Peruvian and Mexican women want their men playful and experimental. All right, so good looks will fade and sex drive may diminish, but seeing the light side of life is a quality that never gets old. A great sense of humor is a must for the majority of cheating women, even if it's just for fun, fling. Listen, if you're cheating and you're going to one of these websites, I would say turn into your turn towards your relationship. The time that you're spending on the site, this Is a short fling. This isn't going to last very long. It's like doing drugs for a night or something. And I like the fun of this, that, you know, it's funny to think that women like funny. But you should either break up with your partner and then go bang someone or, you know, not. Don't go on this website. Okay. Sexiest smells. Not what you think. If you want to turn on a man, you may want to put your face in a pumpkin pie or rub some pizza grease behind your ears.

I don't know about pizza grease, but pumpkin pie is dead on, dude.

That is the number one thing. Yeah. So it says that the real signs of sex appeal, which is a book that just came out, looks how 46 different scents affected penile blood flow in 31 men. The study found. The book finds that lavender and pumpkin pie, individually, not combined, increased penile blood flow by 40%. That's a lot.

Wow.

But cheese pizza increased it by 5%. So maybe you should wear lavender oil instead of pizza grease if you want the sure thing.

Not for me. Not lavender, because my mother grows lavender.

Oh. And it just makes you think of your mom. Yeah.

But the pumpkin pie is definitely.

Isn't that funny. The pumpkin, I mean, it's just like. It's really interesting. I always thought it was vanilla. I always heard vanilla. But okay. It also says 30% of women found that vaginal blood flow was increased. It said 30.

Vaginal blood flow was increased by pumpkin pie smell as well. But the winning combination was a scent of cucumber and Good and Plenty licorice candy, which increased vaginal flow by 13%. So I guess next time you go to the movies, you bring a cucumber salad and you get the Good and Plenty. That's kind of a weird combo. I think I'd be a little confused. I'd be like, am I healthy having a smoothie, or am I eating Good and Plenty? But that's going to increase your blood flow. So you should just bake a pumpkin pie with plenty of lavender, licorice, and cucumber topped with cheese and tomato sauce. I guess the point is that pizza actually does do something. It's 5%, but not as much other things. But that's just. Pizza isn't good for you.

Okay.

Hilarious. Okay. Were you gonna say something?

No, I was just gonna say that, you know, women give a guy a pumpkin pie. I don't know a guy that doesn't like pumpkin pie. I know women that don't.

But how come they make pumpkin perfume? I Mean, they make pumpkin spice, latte, Starbucks. But now they're gonna. If I was a. I am an entrepreneur, but if I had time to make something, I would make one of my candles. My Emily and Tony candles. I should make a pumpkin.

Hell, yeah, dude.

That's next. Done. Okay. The topic of the show is rejection, but it's not to bring you down. I'm gonna teach you how to deal with it, because we all have to deal with it in life. So what I realized doing the show when I first started Menace is that I didn't realize that every guy that I've probably dated in my life, you know, whether, you know, however I met him, he approached me at the bar. We met fixed up. He came up to me at Whole Foods, whatever. It's because this guy had the guts to come up and ask me out.

And I didn't realize that the only guy. Most women go out with me nowadays, there's online dating. Everyone's doing that. But really, there's all these, you know, are the guys who have the courage to come up and approach you. Well, there's all these really, really nice, shy guys in the corner kind of cowering because they're so afraid to talk to women.

Yeah.

Until I started in the show and I started hearing from thousands of men around the world, realizing that this, like, men's got a huge. Not that I didn't. I didn't think about it. I was like, there's lots of guys around, but I didn't know. There's, like, a nice guy who. Right. How many girls did you want to ask out in life that you didn't early on?

Oh, so many.

Right. Guys go through this, and typically, men are the ones who have to do all the asking and are dealing with the rejection. Sucks. And so, you know. Right. It does suck. And so I feel, you know, I feel for these guys, and I get it, that it's really what holds a lot of men and women back from dating because, you know, women are afraid to approach. They're also afraid of getting, you know, being rejected and putting themselves out there. You know, a guy could come up and say hi to them, and they just get, you know, I have friends like this who get social anxiety. There's, like, they're really attracted to a guy, and the second they see the guy they, like, they get all nervous and flushed. And so, you know, that's also. It's because we're afraid that, you know, this could be something. And then there's a possibility looming in the future that we could reject it. So it's not necessarily because people don't know what to say or they don't feel like they have much to offer. Again, it's this crippling, crippling fear of rejection.

You've been crippled totally.

So when women get rejected, I think they also blame themselves. Was I not pretty enough? Was I not smart enough? And I think that when we start to think these thoughts, it's never what you think. And even if it is, it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. You'll never know why this guy didn't call you back or this girl. And don't let it wreak havoc on your self esteem because you know, it's important to like we always this women are already so hard on themselves for their looks and men are judgmental or women are judgmental. We're all judgmental. And that if you. So I'm going to go through some steps here about what happens and how to deal with it. But it is true that we tend to make up stories that will never be validated. We're never going to get the information that, you know, in our minds. We think, oh, it's because I drank too much dinner. For example, he might have not called you back because he actually got back together with his girlfriend or because, you know, maybe he didn't like the fact that you were late and he actually had nothing to do with your three. It doesn't really matter because you guys aren't meant to be together for whatever reason. But don't spend time over analyzing and thinking that you could change yourself and there's something wrong with you if you get rejected.

Yeah, just move on.

Move on.

Don't waste time.

The quicker you move on in life from any kind of rejection, the quicker you will succeed in life because we all face it in life. And, and I kind of think life is a series of rejections until we die. But the rejections are what make us turn. It's true. Like not just rejections. I don't just mean this is like life. Like you get rejected. And by rejection is a huge umbrella term like things don't always go the way you planned.

Oh no.

And it's, it's about what you do with the things that don't go your way and how you move forward.

Yeah, life is probably 90% rejection.

It kind of is. But not to be negative because I'm. When I come back, got a quick word from our sponsors. I'm going to tell you exactly what to do in every scenario and how to get over this stuff, all right? So you can go on and have a happy life. Happier life than you're already having. Okay, everyone, Speaking of candles that I was talking about earlier, my new pumpkin spice latte candles coming out. No, really. Emily and Tony, I make these massage candles, okay. And I've been talking about them for about a year, and I feel like I might not have always done a great job of explaining them because a lot of people don't know what a massage candle is. And so I gotta explain it to you because it's the kind of thing that you really need to experience, and people feel freak out once they try them. It just looks like a regular, beautiful candle that you'd have on your. You know, you could light at dinner. You can light it for atmosphere, or you could have it next to your bed. Smells amazing. Aromatherapy gets you in the mood. But what happens is it actually, when you blow out the candle, it turns into the most luxurious massage oil. It's not hot, it's not waxy, it's not sticky. It's not gonna burn your partner, but you can give them a luxurious massage and. And it really hydrates your skin. It's made of coconut oil and soybean oil, and it feels amazing. And people even told me that it's improved their sex life because it's like it's something new to try in the bedroom. Massage is always a great gateway for sex. And I had a reader say to me that. Email me and said my girlfriend was skeptical at first, but agreed to try the warm oil on me first and gave me a back rub. Then I reciprocated and we had amazing sex. She could not stop talking about how good the candle smells and how great the massage oil feels. I'm convinced that the scent and the candle helped us through some of the barriers to sex that we have faced lately. Okay, guys, so I created these candles so you can have the best sex of your life. So check it out. Go to emilyandtoni.com, use code EMILY, and you get 20% off your first purchase. And you'll love them.

And they're awesome.

Do you love it? Do you need another one?

I do. Okay, give it to me already. God.

Come to my trunk after the show. All right. Okay. Blah, blah, blah. Rejection. I said a lot about that. I know I'm going on because I really just want people to understand that we can all. This is what I want to say.

And then we're going to go on after we. The thing about rejection is it can be Very bone crushing, right? Especially when it comes to love. It's like your knife goes through the heart. When someone doesn't text you back, call you back, or if you're in love with them, even more. So, like you're in a relationship, you think, am I not worthy of love? Am I not good enough? Is it me that needs, you know, do I need to change? Is it my problem? And the initial shock of rejection can make you feel like you can't breathe. And you think, you know, I'm going to become someone else because this person doesn't like me. So what I'm saying is that if a relationship is done and someone rejects you, it's how you move on. So dating is a numbers game. You just got to keep putting yourself out there and the possibility of being rejected looms. Sure does. And you, you will get rejected. You might reject it a hundred times, but you keep going until you meet someone and it is not going to kill you. And I guarantee makes you stronger. So let me move on to the tips of this. So let's say you're at a bar.

All right, I'm at a bar.

And you're chatting up someone. And seem. Things seem like they're going really well. And let's say you asked for their number. Yes, chick for a number.

And she says no. How would you respond?

Say, okay, thank you.

Right. Okay, thanks. Moving on. Okay, thank you. So. Right. And then maybe you talk to someone else, hopefully. So I think, yeah, the best way to say, okay, maybe you might want to say you missed out on a great time, but it was nice to meet you and move on. That's it.

No, no, don't do that. She'll think you're adorable.

Okay, fine. Just say, okay, thanks, whatever. Have a good night. And then there's a million other people in the bar. Don't let this stuff, you know, get you down on it. There's no point in letting one miss connection ruin like an entire night of being out and about. So the other thing is, next one is like, it's an online dating ghost trick how people kind of disappear online. So let's say you're messaging with someone. It's going great. You have the same taste of movies, you know, you find out that you have, like, the same dog. You went to church camp with their neighbor or something. And there's inside jokes. You guys, you already have pictured, you know, you guys walking down the aisle together, something, and the conversation goes on maybe for a while, and things are great and you have plans to meet and then all of a sudden this person cancels a date.

What do you do?

Don't message them or talk to them at all.

Stop it immediately. Yeah, if this ghoster, because they disappear, they don't respond, you know, to your last comeback. Don't sit there and over analyze it and think, I shouldn't have said this, I shouldn't have said that. Why did they talk? And you didn't talk to your girlfriends for two hours about it? It doesn't matter. Don't message them, delete them. Don't see if they've already been back online. Oh, they were on their account three minutes ago. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. And so what I'm saying is these things hold us back and we let it paralyze us. But the more you, the quicker that you move forward from these things. You just gotta let it go. You've no idea what was wrong. Maybe you've no idea what happened to them and it doesn't matter. You didn't even meet this person. It really doesn't matter. So keep on matching and winking and swiping and try your luck with someone else. So don't, you know, don't let that.

Don'T harp on things.

Don't harp on things and don't. I guess I just hear this all the time because you, we always talk about this how women and I will agree with you on this, that women tend to. Guys don't really talk about it. You might be upset if a woman doesn't get back to you, but you're not going to sit and analyze it for two hours and show your friends the series of text messages and listen to, listen to his voicemail and watch all the messages. We went, this is what women do. And I'm telling you it is a way you could, you could solve world hunger. Really? With all the time that women spent analyzing like ridiculous and men dates and things that didn't go your way. So this happened. This is happening more and more online too. I think that you get interested in.

Someone and then you're going through everything about them online.

Yeah, my picture was bad. I knew I shouldn't put that photo up. Maybe you know, it was the way I said this.

Yeah.

Who the hell knows? And even in life, bigger picture, the things that we worry about happening are the reasons why we think got fired from the job or didn't get the loan or didn't get the raise is not what you think anyway. So just let it go and work on yourself. And also it's important too, when things happen. Like even if you get rejected from a job or something, let's just say you didn't get an interview, you didn't get the job and the interview went well, there's nothing wrong with looking at it and saying, hmm, I wonder why, you know, maybe I didn't get it. And then going back and saying, you know what? I'm not going to dwell on this. I'm going to take all this energy that I could spend being really bummed out to. Let's say you're applying for a writing job. I'm going to go home and I'm going to write for hours, three hours. Tonight, I'm going to really improve on this skill. It's not that. Maybe it wasn't even that you were a bad writer. Maybe they wanted a brunette instead of a blonde. It doesn't really matter. But the truth is, the more that you work on yourself and you put all that negative energy that you're thinking and improving, whatever it is, your self esteem, your skills, you'll fare better in the world.

I believe. I believe you, Emily.

You do?

Okay.

What?

Nothing. What?

You want me to talk more?

No, you don't need to talk more.

No, I totally believe everything that you just said though.

Okay, good. What? Nothing. No, I'm telling you, I'm just breathing.

No, you're thinking something.

No, I'm really not. There was something else that I was going to say.

Look at me. Did you want me to say more?

No, no, not at all. I was just.

What?

When you go off on a tangent and I agree with you, what more do you want me to say?

Nothing at all. Nothing. I'm just reading.

See, this is, this is the problem and I think with your relationships.

Did I talk too much?

You talk for a lot and if a guy doesn't talk back, you get very upset. I know you're so annoyed by my text messages. When you like text message me so much stuff and then I reply, yes.

That'S how most guys do. My brother, I would. I will text him a whole heartfelt like long K. The longest he's ever text me is K. And then when I was meeting him in Florida over the break over Christmas, I was at my mom's before I went to go meet him and I said, really excited to see you. Can't wait to see a whole bunch of things. And he goes, can't wait either K or K. Can't wait either. My mom's like, that's really good for him. He has said Cam, he's never texted that much. I think that's why he's so successful, is because he really doesn't spend a lot of time verbalizing things.

Yeah, just straight to the point.

Yeah.

Yes, no, maybe, Right. All right. But I think you definitely need somebody that communicates and talks a lot in your life. Don't you?

Don't you think maybe communicates. But they don't need to talk a lot. In fact, I've had things where I.

Think they need to listen, they need.

To be really good listeners. I've had times where I think I. First of all, not every guy could date me because I do talk a lot. The famous story of my boyfriend who said, can you not talk after 7 o' clock at night, before 8am I.

Know you have a lot of new listeners. You gotta say, let me tell you this story.

So I was dating a guy for a while and we were. This was years ago. And we were dating and things were really, you know, it was a good relationship. But after we were in it for a few months, we spent a lot of time together. He's like, or I tried to have conversations, like at 8, 9 and 9. Like, let's talk about that.

Yeah.

Finally, when he said, emily, can we just not Talk from like 8pm to 8am? Like, have like a no talk time.

How amazing.

I said, no way. There's no way I can do that. There's no way. And I'm out.

Yeah.

That's how I broke up with them. But it's true. And then, you know, my family when I was little, used to play a game when we were on road trips in the car. Cause they couldn't get away from me. They play a game and they'd say, we're gonna play as my brother and I, we're gonna play a game. Whoever talks first loses.

I always lost.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure you did.

I know we were talking about that with my nieces. I'm like, does Daddy ever play this game with you? They're like, no, no, you don't talk too much. I don't think if I could be with someone who didn't talk. But I also had moments of insecurities where I thought, God, I just talked too much the whole time. But I always like, when I'm already, when I'm dating, I'm like, I'm really good on it. You know, I'll ask questions and listen. I can listen too, but. Well, sometimes when I'm with someone, I'm processing. I externally process a lot that could be a challenge. Okay, there's the disappearing dater.

Yes.

This is more men than women. And there's actually a lot written on this. I talk about all the time, why he disappeared. Guys just disappear. I mean, we're talking about you're having three, four dates. You could be together three months and he just vanishes. Women, not as much. Have you heard this before? But the men. Have you ever disappeared at a woman?

Uh, yeah. Just like, you know, less and less communication until it's totally cut off.

A slow fade.

Yeah.

So this happens, the disappearing dater. You know, you feel like I want to file a missing person's report. Maybe he's in the hospital. Remember that book? He's just at the. Like, maybe he's in the hospital. Maybe he had to work late. Maybe his mom's sick. No, none of those things. He's just not that into you and he's showing you that. Cause he disappeared. Yeah, he's probably not dead. And even if he is dead, you only knew him for a few weeks anyway. No, I'm saying he probably didn't disappear. It just happened. So what you can do is you can either launch a full scale manhun. You can call emergency meeting with your girlfriends, or take it as a blessing in disguise and move on to the next state. Because usually we spend so much time, like I said, overanalyzing it, trying to figure out why you didn't call, and it doesn't matter. 90% of the time, the disappearing act has nothing to do with you. Nothing at all. Again, it's a favor. So he's doing you a favor. He disappeared and it hurts because you're like, we connected. And even I've had dates with people where I, like, I didn't even like him, that I liked him, but it was okay. And then they don't call and it, like, it's that rejection thing. Like, why didn't you get back to me? Is there a reason? Did I do something? So the sooner that you just realize that, you know.

He'S doing me a favor, there's nothing I did wrong. You can also, you know, nothing wrong with looking back at the dates and saying, okay, well, maybe I, you know, maybe I did get a little too drunk. I mean, I'm trying to think of, like, the infractions that really could piss off a guy that you think, well, I know it was because I drank too much, but, I don't know, I slept with them on the first date, which, you know, goes both ways. I don't have a Strong opinion that because there's a lot of people, whenever I say wait to have sex, which I do think is optimally the best choice to not have sex the first few dates because then it becomes all about the sex. But sometimes people bang on the first date. Lots of couples end up together for the rest of their lives after sleeping together on the first date. I'm just saying whatever it is, you could look at it and if it didn't make you feel good, then you could change that behavior. But don't assume that that's why it happened because you'll never know. So just do that analysis. And if there was something you don't feel happy. Yeah. Happy about, you can change it. Yeah. So it's also okay to say no to someone. Here's another thing about being rejected. I used to do this when guys would come up to me, they'd ask me out. I felt like I had to say yes. Give my number.

Yeah.

I felt like I don't want to reject them and I don't want them to, you know, and maybe women would do. Yeah, maybe. He seemed like a nice guy. And a lot of guys don't come up, especially in San Francisco, ask you out and well, why do we do that? Why do we end up saying yes to these guys that were to go second, third, fourth date, sometimes three years. And this is from Psychology Today. Psychology Today says human beings, we don't like to reject people. We don't like to cause other people pain. Rejecting undesirable dates may then be quite difficult to do, perhaps harder than we anticipate. And this desire to avoid hurting others feelings may be part of what leads us to start to build relationships with people who don't meet our ideals. So not everyone who comes up to you and hits on you, whatever, should you nest there, say yes to you. Because we don't want to reject them.

Yeah.

And guys do it too. They're like, oh, she's nice, I don't want to hurt her. Cheat on her on the side. People just, no, I don't know. But really like do. But guys don't do. Typically guys, they say, decide within 30 seconds or less if they're going to sleep with someone.

Yeah, pretty much. But you know, often girls aren't that aggressive, so you don't get put in that situation, you know, or she's saying, oh, you know, we should hang out and Right. Yeah. Which they should be. If you're really into a guy, you should approach them.

Because guys can't read the signs. But this Is my tip. This is what I do now. I don't say, I've actually learned not to say yes people. I don't want to say yes. So I actually, because it's my job too, to help people, give people more encouragement. I say, lately this has happened to me. Thanks for asking me out. Thank you. Ask for my number, whatever makes me feel so good. I appreciate it. Not in a place to date right now, but I think it's awesome that you're asking me out. And don't take this as a rejection or discouraging you from asking out other people. I know that sounds really silly. I've even said, and keep doing it. That was awesome. Thank you so much for asking me. And I'm telling you, I'm just not in the place right now. But keep asking them out. I give them a little encouragement.

Nice.

But one time lately some guy's like, hey, so do you have a boyfriend? And I was like, one point of advice though, don't start with the boyfriend thing. That doesn't work for you. So I give them feedback and I want to encourage them. Okay? So here's what I want people to do when they are rejected. Because this is what I've been talking about, rejection.

Okay? So.

The person, whether they say to you it's not working out, whatever it is, they could say to you, you know, I don't want to date you anymore. They don't call you back. It could be you didn't get the job. Just bow gracefully. Don't try to reject and say, convince them that they shouldn't reject you. The sooner you'll never win that argument. You'll never be able to convince them that they shouldn't reject you if they don't want to date you again. You can ask for an explanation if it's just like a few dates or something, or something happens and understand why. And this is how you'll learn that the rejection probably isn't about you and that it's not personal. We always think that it is personal. And then our self esteem takes a nosedive and it's a disaster. So you couldn't ask. However, if it's a matter of love. And he's like, I just don't love you. That's one that you just leave, turn around, don't look back, get out of that one. Also, if you get rejected online or something happens, you have a bad date, you might want to take to bed with like Ben and Jerry's and sit there for like weeks on end and be sad and Cry and all this stuff and give up and delete all your dating prior. Delete all your dating profiles and like, take a vow of celibacy. But I think what you should do is spend that time channeling all that energy that you would have done being depressed and upset. And I mean, you can do a night or two of that, but do things that make you feel better about yourself and grow as a person. So if online dating is pissing you off and getting you down, then just say, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna tell two friends today that I'm single and they should fix me up. Cause that's a great way to meet people. In fact, people to either meet online or through mutual friends. Yeah, just like, like Facebook through friends. Like I have people, you know, friends of friends. Like how you. Whatever. So that's what I suggest to get over rejection. Also just remember that practicing it makes perfect. It is a numbers game, and it's.

A total numbers game.

And by that we mean that there's so many fish in the sea not to be fishing. But I just feel like we waste a lot of time in life, even with rejection, over anything, getting down on ourselves and all the things, the worst case scenarios we imagine are not typically true. So the more that you go back inward and work on yourself, you will be able to deal with rejection. It does get easier and can move on and find someone that makes you happy.

Yeah, you're not gonna have any problems. Nothing bad's gonna happen to you.

You're not gonna die.

No. You're gonna end up finding somebody that you really like and you can hang out with. That's what's gonna happen. That's gonna be the end game.

I agree, Mattis.

So it sometimes it takes a little bit longer than others.

Emily, I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but it is true that. And I think about the people because I do. I, I, my heart, like, hurts for the guys who are just like great guys. And I say guys because I think it is typically guys in their teens and 20, you know, they just, sometimes it goes into later in adulthood, but they just can't get over it. And I'm just telling you that if you practice talking to women whenever you're out, could be women you're attracted to or not, or men or whoever it is. And you practice those conversation skills and you get off your virtual reality goggles or whatever, and you start learning being out in the world that you will feel more confident, get better at it, and all that. Okay, that's what we got time for.

All right. Oh, real quick question.

Yeah.

So if you're having virtual reality sex.

Yeah.

With some person in another state, is that cheating?

Yes, you are. Absolutely. It is. It's almost worse. Like emotional cheating is almost worse. I think that. Or virtual cheating. Any of that. People think, is this cheating? Is it blowjob cheating? Yeah, it's all frigging cheating. It's cheating emotionally.

All right, fine.

Okay. All right. Menace.

No computer cheating.

Follow menace. Where Instagram, Instagram.

M E N A C E. Instagram and Twitter. M E N A C E. Where a lot of Sex with Emily listeners like to reach out is on Twitter.

Totally.

Yeah.

Same with me. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Sex with Emily. I love hearing from you as always. You can email me your questions to feedbackexwithemily.com also I've got a survey that's on my website. I'm gonna be tweeting it out, all that stuff, Facebook. And it'll take you two seconds to fill it out. Two minutes. I'm not exaggerating. And it's 2015 is all going to be about taking the show to the next level. And I wanted to show be a show that you all love. So answer the questions and it'd really help. So thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

Okay, everyone, thanks so much for listening to the show. Fleshlight is the number one sex toy for men and probably the only one that you really want. Let me tell you this. Wouldn't it be amazing if you could feel the pleasure of having sex anytime, even when you didn't have a partner? The Fleshlight simulates the actual feelings of having sex. And the results I've heard from people are amazing. I don't have a penis. If I did, I would sit with my Fleshlight the entire day. So I know guys, you got your hands and you're like, that's all I need. But just try the Fleshlight and then we'll talk. Because I'm telling you, it'll just mix up the whole experience. It's made of body safe materials. You can use it over and over again. It's discreet and poor, portable and it is.

Hypoallergenic, natural, paraben free, all that stuff which you might not care about, but the truth is this material they make, these masturbation sleeves was invented by NASA. It's the coolest thing. They have all these different textures. Try the stamina training unit if you like. Porn stars. She might have a mold up there of her intimate parts and you can put that your penis inside of it. So go to stacksoftelmy.com, click on the Fleshlight banner, use coupon code Emily and you can buy Fleshlight and get a bottle of their award winning flesh tube. So check that out@sexwithelmy.com thanks for listening. There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health. Magnesium. And here's the thing, no single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualialife.com sex with Emily for 50 off. And here's a bonus use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15 off your order. That's Q U A L I A life.com sex with Emily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.