7 Dec 2025 · 41 min
Emily Morse breaks down dating slang like ghosting, benching, and fobo, then takes listener calls about breakups, disclosing sobriety to new partners, scheduling sex in marriage, and safe practices. She offers practical relationship advice with humor and personal stories.
Chapters
Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jeju. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20% off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r a so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show. I'm talking about the ever growing list of dating terms. What they mean and what to do about them. And I'm taking your calls. Topics include. So you took a break and now your partner wants to break up. Now what? You're sober and dating. When do you bring up your past? So you love rim jobs, but how do you keep things as clean as possible? And you took my advice. You started scheduling sex, but your partner never keeps to the schedule. What the heck? All this and more. Thanks for listening.
Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.
Bedroom eyes, they call them.
In a bygone day.
Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man e here, he just.
Got his heart broken.
He thinks you're kind of cute.
A girl's gotta have standard.
Oh my.
Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.
Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.
But you know, Emily's not the kind.
Of girl you just play with.
You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com you're gonna love our site if you haven't been there. Lots of great information for you. And also we love when you comment and subscribe and. And you can also find me on SiriusXM radio, Starz channel 109, Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific. You can even call in with your questions. Even if you don't have Sirius 889-478277. Or if you want a free 30 day trial, go to sexwithemily.com sxm and if you wanna follow us on all social media, it is exwithemily across the board. And I totally think you should. Cause we're a good time. All right, guys, I hope you enjoy the show. I love this. There's new terms for dating behavior that's driving us all crazy. But these just made me laugh so hard because dating is so confusing right now. We don't know what it means. Someone ghosts. You guys have heard of ghosting, right? You make plans, maybe you go out with them once and then they ghost you. And then, you know, and then they disappear. Or they put you on the bench. Like they bench you. You're like in their rotation. And so these are some great new terms that I have not yet heard. And I thought they were hilarious. Okay, Career zoned. When someone rejects you romantically but wants to connect professionally. Says the hazard of living to D.C. where some daters would rather be LinkedIn than hooking up.
Oh, my God, that's hilarious. I have a funny story about that.
Okay.
No, just because I think it's like, my friend, she went out, she met someone, she hooked up with them, but she was kind of drunk and she accidentally put. She didn't mean to give them the wrong phone number, but. But she accidentally texted the wrong phone number. So she found him, though, somehow on LinkedIn and messaged him like, hey. Like. Cause she's also like, I kicked him out after we slept together. Cause I can't sleep with other people in my bed. So I'm like, you realize you gave him the wrong number and you kicked him out after you hooked up. So he probably thinks you hate him, right? And then she's like, no. So I went. But she's like, I found him on LinkedIn and I tried to message him. I'm like, that's not gonna help either.
No, you can't.
LinkedIn. No. He's gonna be like, great, she wants a job now. Oh, my God. Let it go. She's gotta let it go. Okay, Textual chemistry on text. Your connection is off. The charts Hot in person barely registers. Example, My Bumble Match and I were messaging till 3am sparring about the Oxford comma. But once you met up, the vibe was so awkward. It was nothing more than textual chemistry. I've so had that great texter. Can't. Can't you see, in person, you're like, should we just pull out our phones and text through dinner? Because that's all the chemistry we had.
Right? I would. I wonder why that happens. Because it's not like, well, for example, for you. You can talk to a wall.
Yep.
But that's just interesting how, like, you can't create that.
You can't create the spark, the chemistry, that elusive banter that, no, you can't create it. Now you gotta also say someone. You understand. People could have nerves on a first date, but, yeah, sometimes it's just not there to stop all the texting. And sometimes that could take a while to figure out because you're like, what? Because usually when you start dating someone, you're texting more of these days more than you're actually seeing them. And it could be confusing because you're like. But then we got off the date and his texts about the date were so fun. Then you see me again. You're like, in my head.
Can you ever bring that up to someone?
Yeah. Be like, so can't you bring up to someone?
I guess, but it's like, like, what would you say to be like.
So, like, I feel like you're really say. You could say. And your text. I feel like I really know you. But when we're sitting here, I feel like it's different. Like, I would like to hear whatever it is. I feel like you're more open or jokey or whatever. I'll just say, like, I really like texting with you. I'm not a great texter, but talking to you just seems like, yeah, you're a different person. I never told you that. What is it about texting? I think that might. That could put someone.
I don't know.
I think that's fine. I usually say things in a very, like, PC, like, don't attack them. But I don't know if I would feel attacked by that way. I think I'd be like, interesting. And then they might tell you something. They're like, well, I've been nervous. Or sometimes I feel like I go off on conversations that people don't want to hear. And then that would be a vulnerable moment me, Right? You go off on things you don't. People don't Want to hear I just.
Assume no or something.
Some people also, they know that they are different. Like, they already know it. They're just like, oh, I know. I'm like the worst.
Well, that's the thing. I would be like, yeah, totally. Like, I know that already protects you. I do not like texting.
Yeah. Do you think that would make you.
Like, better at apps or. Not really.
Because you can't better if you're a texter.
Yeah.
Oh, my God. My guy friends or women friends who are amazing texters get a million dates. Like, they just. They just get it out. I'm like, I don't have time. I don't look at it. I don't think about it. Forget they texted me. No, don't like it. But you got to be into that. You got to be able to, like, want to text people that you might never see and then spend that time and then you go get that time back. I'm all about time management. I mean, I'm bad at time management. So to me, I'm all about not wasting my time on that. I know that my time is precious and I'm not going to send the time texting other people that I'll never see. Even you, Jane, with this dude, you're going out with something. Maybe you're like, she interpreted this thing, but that it meant something.
Oh, no, it was just because, I mean, he's. The opposite is true. Which is fine. I'd rather have less texting because I don't really prefer that. It was more of just one of the words that he said.
Right, Lex?
Yeah, it wasn't really about the amount of texting. I'm cool with that because I'm like, just like, text me when you want to be.
No, it was the time that you spent interpreting what a text meant when it never means anything that we say or didn't mean.
Oh, yeah, exactly.
That's all that's what I'm saying. Okay, here's another one. Soul mining. This is a verb. This is great when someone tries to cram three months of emotional intimacy into your first three hours together. May seem exciting in the moment or scary, but it's usually followed by never seeing each other again. Think of it as an emotional one night stand or a before sun sunrise reenactment without the sequels. I love Before Sunrise. Have you guys seen that? It's the best movie. Like Ethan Hawke or whatever. Who was it? And like Julia, what's her face? Julia Roberts.
Julia.
No, Julia Dempsey something. She was great. I love. I love When I know a reference. I thought it was example. I thought it was sweet that my Tinder date wanted to do the 36 questions to fall in love. But once she ghosted, I realized she was soul mining me.
I love how they're like, use it in a sentence.
Yeah.
This one made me go ugh. At first when I read this, it's just like, no, gross. Like, let's not do that.
Oh, well, Yeah, I would never, like, get that much. I can't even get emotional intimacy three months in at all.
So I might just not to be. I just share a lot.
Well, you like to. What you like to do is to bring out things that you can compare to, you know, to make yourselves alike, which I think is really nice, and it makes it comforting to talk to you.
Yeah.
But on the other side, it's like people who just word vomit their entire lives towards you. You're just like, whoa, I just. I don't even know your last name yet.
Exactly. I've had that too.
Well, yeah, because then it's like. It's. It's kind of funny to think about this. It's like there's these people in that you meet, that you date, that know random shit about you that are just off in the world that you never see again. You know what I mean? Like random conversations that you have.
Exactly. Exactly. Or I think about that too. I'm surprised no one's ever called in. I keep thinking that could happen like someone I've gone on a date with 20 years ago. I don't know. But. Right. They know you had an intimate moment. Maybe you shared a meal, maybe you told them something.
And. Yeah, they just know these random things about you, but then they go off on their way.
Right. So I think it's tricky, those first dates, what to share, what to not. I think you want to be authentically yourself, though. Heart bargain. Here's another one. Heart bargain. It's a verb or a noun. Okay. This is the law student or lawyer who tries to reason their way out, into or out of an emotional decision, such as a marriage proposal or a breakup behavior, also commonly found in our nation's capital. Example. It's amazing. I said we should move in together, but he heart bargained me down to a weekend in Chino Tweek, whatever that is. Someplace some romantic heart bargained. Yeah. It's so true. Talking your way out of emotional emotions, that's like deflect.
It's like a. It's like a deflection kind of. Exactly. I'd probably be probably be me.
Yeah, because. Yeah, you're just getting in touch with feelings, as am I. I understand. It's a process. A lot of us repress our feelings. We don't know how to talk about them. Okay. Owl, the person who texts only when you're asleep. Not in a booty call kind of way, but because they spend their days in a sensitive compartmented information facility. Or they just want to seem inaccessible. Problem is, if you can't find time to text when you're both awake, how will you ever meet up? It's an OWL example. Who. Who could be texting me at this hour? Oh, right. It's my owl.
It's.
Ow.
Yeah.
Hello? Hello?
This makes sense, though. I mean, if you're trying not to be. I think I would like to think of it more of the not being bothersome, like, throughout the day.
Listen, I message people all hours a night. Like, I assume they turn off their phone or, like, I'll do that.
Right.
I just assume, like, you're not gonna wake up to it, but you'll see it in the morning. You can respond.
Yeah, I hope everyone turns off their phone at night. Although my friends with kids, I can't text them that late because they. If you have a kid, you never can turn your phone off. Like, until they're older. Like, you're like. Yeah, you can't. You really can't. I mean.
I can't sleep knowing my phone's on. Like, that. Somebody could call me and wake me for.
I put mine on. I put mine on. Do not disturb. Because I use my phone as my alarm.
Same. But. But, but you still could get a phone call. No, it won't ring. Right. Do not disturb us. I just turn off my ringer. But what I'm saying is people. Yeah, you can't do that if you're a kid. I guess you could just say, my kids can call me and no one else. You can sit anywhere. You guys know what to do. Okay, here's another one. This is amazing. Instabate. It's such a good word. I'm good at like you. Uploading Instagram stories to prod a FOMO prone crush to get in touch. So he's. Fear missing out may work in the short term, but effects are likely to disappear quickly. Example, I haven't heard from Anna in days, so I instabated her with pics from that hot new bar we talked about checking out. She DMed me. We should totally go. We never went.
That amazing is amazing.
That's amazing.
Yeah, I've done that. Guilty.
Have you?
Yeah. You're like, oh, yeah. I'm like, I'm a post this. Cause I know this person's going to hit me up for it, and then we'll be. And then they'll just recognize me, and I'll recognize them recognizing me, and that's it.
And then even if they don't reach out, though, you just know. You're like, I know that you're watching me.
Yeah.
So who's really.
Yeah.
Who's at home and who's out?
Right.
I'm out.
Amazing. I've done that. But not an Instagram, but just, like, told them I went somewhere.
Yeah, yeah, I'll do that.
The same thing.
I had the best night and you didn't do anything.
Pretty much.
You literally did nothing. Like, I'm totally going to meet friends at night. Like, you're already in bed.
Yeah.
God, I haven't done that in a while. But that is fun. This all hearkens back to days. Okay, Foe. You're fobo. Yeah, foe. Okay. The guy who acts like a boyfriend as a ruse to just continue his string of hookups. Example. He introduced me to his friends and his parents. Even brought me to a work dinner and then said he wasn't ready for relationship. What a faux bow.
Okay. Yeah, that's. How do you make the distinct. Cause, I mean, maybe some people are just really close with their family or their friends. But I would feel the same way. Like, if I was into someone and he was showing me around and showing me off.
Yeah. But how would you know I'm not.
Ready for a relationship? I'd be like, then why do you. Why do I know all the people in your life?
Exactly.
I wonder if they've had the exclusive talk.
Probably not.
Probably not.
Nope. It's probably just commitment issue. People get. So. I don't know. I think that people. I think this is a great service to everybody, that if you've been listening, you should define it right away. If that happens to you and you've got this fobo and you're like, say, this is weird. I'm meeting your parents. Or if you don't think it's right yet to meet the parents, like, let them know.
Do you think it's because they're trying to.
Maybe that's happening with your friend?
Yeah, probably. What if, like, do you think it's because they're trying to make it seem like they have this cool person?
Yeah, I've had gut. They're like, okay, yeah, they want to Bring you home to their mom. Show them that they're not a total loser. This goes for women and men.
That could be. I don't think that's the case for my friend, but that could totally be a reason.
Look, Mom. Look what I.
Look what I got.
They have a job.
They have a job. I don't know. Okay. Social squatter, that one is. This is my favorite one because I've totally been down this road. Someone who breaks up with you, but wants to keep seeing your friends. Platonically understandable, because your friends are awesome. But this is totally unacceptable. Example, Aaron dumped me, but then tried to get my besties to join his bocce team. What a social squad.
Who plays bocce?
Hey, a lot of people.
What do I have? Soccer team. I don't know. Bocce.
I don't even know what bocce is.
Like bocce ball at the beach.
Oh, that's fun, actually.
Is that bocce ball?
I was all judgmental for a second.
I've actually become friends with a lot of my boyfriend's friends. Exes. They become friends with mine actually too. But I love a lot of the guys I date. I've met some very good women through them. Like some of my best girlfriends I met through guys I dated. We're all still friends, but I. It's a good way to meet good women. Like if a guy. First of all, I love when a guy has good girlfriends. I think it said such a sign. And women who have been good guy friends, like real good guy friends. Just like, you can tell they can kind of hang with everyone. And there's not like jealousy and weirdness. Like, if you like this person enough to date them, you're probably gonna like their friends.
Right.
I think that says something. If you don't like their friends, that also says something.
Yeah. Like their friends say a lot about.
Absolutely.
Person that you're gonna date.
Yeah, Especially.
But then when you're the friend and you really like someone's significant other and then they break up and you're like, fuck. Like, I still wanna be friends. Like in a group. Like, yeah, but then it's like, how do you navigate that? Or you just don't. You just have to go with that.
You just gotta let it go for a while, I think. And then eventually. But yeah, there's be some time that passes. Basically. Things can happen when you let time pass and you can be friends with them.
This last one I just think is funny because it's called Ted.
Okay, Ted. Ted. It's a noun. That person who doesn't realize the type of grand gestures that look like devotion on screen. Like when Ted, Ben Stiller's character in their Something about Mary goes to extreme to track down his high school crush years later, are actually super creepy when performed in real life. In less severe cases, could also apply to something the hopeless romantic Ted Mosby from the sitcom How I Met yout Mother Might do. Example, I broke up with Dan and he pulled a Ted. He showed up at the airport where he professed his love through a flash mob. And everyone watching started chanting, take him back. Take him back. I got on the plane alone and safe.
Oh, my God. Like, I can't even imagine.
I had a guy who did that once. He said he was in. I was visiting my best friends for their 30th birthday in Chicago, and I was dating this guy in San Francisco. So into me. My friends still joke about this to this day. And he was like, hey, I was flying to New York to see my family. I was living in San Francisco at the time. And he was like, I just happened to have a stopover in Chicago. Like, he didn't want to be away from me for the weekend. And he'd like, what are the freaking chances he's in Chicago? And it was kind of stalking. Weird.
Oh, my gosh.
It's creepy.
Creepy all the places.
But I liked him. But I like that I did. I liked some of them, I think.
You say, I liked him.
I get my four best friends out of here from college. They could just tell you, regal you with the story that I don't always remember.
Sexual past with Emily.
Yeah. Just all the weird dudes. They're like, oh, my God. They all have this one guy that I'm talking about. And they roll their eyes. Oh, God, that one.
It's true. They're like, oh, my God, he was weird. I'm like, I know, I know. He didn't have. He had a fake layover in Chicago. Leave me alone.
Oh, he just wanted to see you.
He did. He did a lot of ecstasy and danced, went to Vegas.
That's amazing. It was fun.
I gotta lay over. And she's probably talking to me. Let's go.
Dj. Thank you.
Oh, go, God.
Never dated J. Oh, dj. Okay, guys, we're gonna take a break. And we come back. We're gonna get into your calls.
We have Brittany, 30, in New York. She wants to know, should she contact her ex again or just get over him?
Hey, Brittany, thanks for calling.
Hey, how are you?
Good. So tell me about this ex. Okay, tell me everything. My first thing is no, just when I hear about an ex, just so you know. But I need to hear what's going on.
Sure. So him and I started dating about two years ago. I actually knew his father. It was really great. Hot and heavy at the beginning. He's actually three years younger than me, just turned 27 in January. We looked at engagement rings, we got a dog together, he had a house. He started turning his house into a home.
He got me really close to his family over the course of the two years and it was just a great overall what I thought to be a really good relationship slash friendship. I was over there four or five times a week. I was about to move in, I was supposed to move in this past April. And I just think that he ultimately started to get cold feet towards the end because at the beginning of our relationship it was always him, babe, I love you, I care about you, I want this, I want that. Like have children together. And I was kind of like, no, no, like let's pump the brakes, let's wait a minute. But then as I started, you know, as women, it takes a little bit for us, I started to get emotionally involved and after being together close to two years, I started bringing up, yes, I'm ready for kids. Yes, let's do this. Yes, I'm ready to move in. And he almost started to take a backspin and go the other room. So now I'm like, what the hell? So him and I basically took a two week break about two months ago. He was like, you know what, Bright, I love you, I care about you. I know the grass isn't greener on the other side. I really want to be with you. I just need some time. So we took a two week break. It was really hard for me. Obviously we said some things that we didn't mean. I'm a very like stubborn person. So I was like, what the hell? What do you want me to do? Date other people? I mean, you know how girls are. We start to get jealous.
So yeah, totally.
I did say some kind of rusiness to him before taking a break and ultimately we came back, he ended up deciding that he wanted to break up and here we are now I'm like six, seven weeks into it and I don't know what I should do. I've been crying all the time and I can't get myself mentally focused. And I've tried reaching out to him off and on about our dog and I still keep in touch with his parents because I Got very close to his parents. His parents are actually upset that we broke up. They actually were encouraging us to get married. I don't know what the hell to do.
Well, okay, so. Well, sounds really painful that you guys just. That. So you haven't talked to him in two months? You said six.
It's been. We've talked off and on, but it's been about simple. Not simple things, but not really about our relationship. It's been about our dog just got neutered. Okay. How is he doing? It's not anything. Basically, I haven't seen him since April 1st. That's when we broke up. And we haven't even had any, like makeup sex or anything like that. And I'm like, what? How do you go from saying that you love and care about me and holding hands and also me almost moving in back in April, breaking up, and it basically being cold turkey right now.
That'S really, really hard. But what was. I know you said some mean things, but. But what. What was the reason that it had ended again in April? It was more like, we're just not ready. Or was that a break? You said it was a break. First you had a two week break and now you have a breakup. Were you expecting that you were gonna see him again in this last month?
So that's where it also gets kind of tricky. So him and I, off and on for the last two years, I think kind of going back to what we spoke about before, he really wanted kids, really wanted to move forward, really started turning his house into a home with me. And as I started getting more into it, he started getting less into it. So I would say around Christmas time, when I started bringing up kids and whatnot, he started to really get freaked out. And.
I think ultimately he felt pressure both from his family and in myself to sort of move forward. And I think him being a 27 year old, when shit started hitting the fan, I think he just kind of got cold feet and was like, crap, is this really what I want?
Yeah.
So maybe kind of want it.
Yeah, no, I get that. But wait, did he. Did what was the reason for the breakup the last time? Was it like, let's just take a. Did something happen?
Well, the reason for the break was so that he could kind of see if he. Which sounds kind of weird and I didn't understand it. He said that he wanted to see if he missed me during that two week break. I think he was trying to see if he was in love with me and not just loving me or caring about me. So he wanted a two week break, according to him, to see how things would be. But I feel like even on that break, I was putting pressure on him. I would text him every once in a while and be like, hey, babe, like, you know, I love you back. I want to know if we're moving forward or moving on type of thing, you know?
Okay. And then you got back and after two weeks, he said, what? Like, I'm just trying. I just feel like.
You haven't heard from him. It's been. I feel like if he said he wants to see if he misses you and you obviously miss him and you're wondering and you guys were together for how long?
It would have been two years this month. And I was supposed to move in with him in April.
Was everything great in the relationship? Were you having amazing sex? You thought it was your partner? Sometimes what happens is we end up with someone and we forget that. Things were kind of rocky a little bit.
The intimacy was actually really good the whole two years that we were together.
Four or five times a week, sometimes more than once a day, which was great. We would hold hands while we were sleeping.
Right.
The interview, the intimacy was really good. I just think over the winter, and I know that guys go through phases. He started playing video games a ton, like on his headset. And we would butt heads because I'd be like, babe, like, come lay down with me. Like, let's go lay down. Let's go watch a movie. And he would rather play his video games. And so we started to butt heads regarding things like that.
Yeah, that's never going to end, by the way.
Sorry. The video game thing's never gonna end. If he's found video games, they're not gonna end. I mean, here's the thing. You're young. I mean, he's 27. I'm telling you, my rule is don't get married before 30. How many other guys have you been in serious relationships with?
So my story is kind of interesting too. I don't know how much time we have, but I did. My high school sweetheart for three years. I dated another guy for five years, gave back an engagement ring because he was a complete moron. Then for like six or seven years, I was single, but, like, dated a bunch. I'm in the entertainment industry, so I kind of really wanted to tie down, but I hit 28, 27, 28. And I was like, damn it, you know what? I start looking for my soulmate. And then I came across Anthony. So.
Right, right.
I mean, I don't Know, I think it's hard for me to let go because he's the most recent.
Yeah.
Long term relationship that I've had where I became really vulnerable and I really truly felt like he was my soulmate. That's why I think it's so hard.
No, I get it. I'm so proud of you though, for being vulnerable and opening your heart, because that's so not easy. So I think if this is really when you guys are engaged and you're gonna move in together. You said you are engaged or you were engaged, right?
No, I was engaged to a different guy.
Okay.
I thought you said you were talked about this guy. We talked about getting engaged. We got a dog together.
Right.
I was very close to his family.
I get all that. But do you feel like. Okay, so are you asking me, should you call him again and have one more conversation to see if it's really done or not? Or does it feel like it's already done and you, you want to contact him?
Yeah, it's kind of one of those things where I kind of want to just get your advice. Like, where do you think this is going? Is it in your mind? Do you think it's completely over with? Or do you think he might reach out to me down. Down the road?
I don't know. I actually, I can't. This is so tough. But I want you to, like. Like, I think that you look at what's happening right now. Like he understands that you guys have been together for. For a while. He want to take a break. I mean, we can go look at the history, the back and the fourth. And maybe he got cold feet. Maybe he's just really into video games and he realized, like, I am young to be having sex with one person right now. I gotta find who I am. I gotta find myself. It's just. It is. I know it doesn't seem like it's young, but I'm telling you it is. And so I feel like my advice to you would be to try to spend some time without this relationship and kind of build your friendship, your community, you know, build people, you know, your focus on yourself right now. And I wouldn't go back to it because you don't want to be the one. I don't know. I mean, if you needed to call him one more time, you can let him know that I'm really interested in moving this forward. And if not, I need a clean break. Because then here's what you gotta do. You have to decide this. And if it's one more call you're allowed to talk to him one more time, Brittany. But then what you have to do is you have to promise me. You have to unfollow him on social media, you have to block his number, and you have to say for three months, 90 days, I am not going to talk to him, stalk him, read him, talk to his parents or whatever. Like that's how you move past someone. So I feel like it's unfinished. And so if you want to talk to him one more time and like, kind of lay it out. Yes. And then otherwise, because then you're going to be in this limbo stage, which is still going to be hard when you do that cut. I've had to do it, I'm telling you. But it's how you move past someone.
So you think that I should at some point try to ask him one last time where his husband.
I mean, you have a dog. Yeah. If it's because I can't get here. How clear it is. It sounds like you're on a break or a half break or. He said need time, but you haven't heard, but you share a dog. So I feel like. Yeah, I feel like I need some clarification. Do you still want the dog? Maybe there's some visitation rights, but you got to have, like, someone who, a friend of yours. Pick up the dog and drop the dog off. Like you just need some support with this. So it sounds like there has to be one more conversation. Tell them that you want to be with him. Does he want to be with you? Figure that out, see what he says. And then if you don't get a satisfied answer, then you got to do the clean break and you can have that. I don't have a problem with you calling or you guys are together for two years and it's unclear, but it would be a conversation of you guys, like, saying, I need to know. I need to know if I should. If we're together or we're not together. And then once you get that answer, you gotta stay with them or you gotta move on.
Well, I think in his head, we did technically full on break up, but.
But what?
In my head, I feel like there's still no complete closure.
Because.
Closure is kind of bullshit. I gotta be honest with you. I used to think that too, but closure isn't a real thing. Closure is just like, I want to see him again, and I want him to think that he misses me so much and that he can't live without me. And he's gonna whip out the ring and we're gonna move in with the dog. But it doesn't really work like that, and that's what sucks. And I find that, too, with my ex. I still think, well, maybe I should just call him. Like, no, like, it's not. We want that. We want that feeling and that. Affirmations. And we wan. We want that to happen. And the only. And you're saying, well, why did he come back to you? He might. Like, maybe he will, but we don't know that. And the best thing that you could do right now is work on Britney. Cut him. And it'll be hard, but you've got your friends, You've got your family. You've got to be interested and interesting and go out there and build your life and be sad and cry and do all the things, because that's the hottest thing in the world, is a woman who truly has her life and has everything together and isn't relying on a man and isn't reliant on that relationship. So it sounds like that there's some growth that you have to do on your own, and if he comes back and you're. You still want him, amazing. But if it's a break, it's. If it's broken, it's broken right now. That's my advice.
It's so hard to hear that.
I know.
I'm.
I know. I'm really sorry, honey, but that's. That's. That's what you got to do. You got to move on. You got to cut it. And your friends will be there to help you, lift you up. I'll be here. I'm here every night. Okay, Brittany, thank you.
Thank you.
You're so welcome.
You can literally call back tomorrow. People call back all the time. I'm like your therapist on demand. 10 hours a week. Okay. Brittany, I'm sorry. Okay. Of course. My pleasure.
Eric, 55, in Oregon, wants to ask about rimming.
Okay. Hey, Eric.
How are you?
Good. How are you doing?
I'm doing great.
Good.
So my question is, my wife and I have been together for 15, 16 years, and not only do I really like going down on her, but I really like going down on her butt. And she used to be more into it, but now she's gotten really worried about any kind of infections she could get with any commingling with her. With her vagina.
Right, Right.
I don't think she's ever got anything. I don't really want to use a dental dam.
But I just don't know if there's anything that can be done or that can ease her concerns to make her more willing to be open to that.
Right? I mean, really, you never want to go. Obviously you notice you don't want to go from the anus to the vagina. You just want start with the vagina and go to the anus. I think that if you guys, you know, maybe you like, you know, take a, take a shower, you know, ahead of time. Like if you guys, you know, have some baby wipes by the bed, I don't really think there's really not going to be a problem after. Like if you just start in her vagina and then you go, you look around and use your fingers. I mean, I don't think that she really has to worry about that. You guys have been together for a long time, so is it more you really. Yeah. In your long term relationship, you really don't have to worry, so.
Yeah, you really don't.
That's kind of what I thought. And I didn't know if you'd been using like an antiseptic wipe on my mouth afterwards. Like I said, she used to be more open to it. Now sometimes she's like, I don't want you to kiss me afterwards.
Okay, I get that. I get that.
Drinking enough?
Well, here. Oh, she hasn't been drinking enough. Maybe some mouthwash by the bed. I kind of get that. Making out after rimming. Mm. Jamie's like, what would you want to. I understand that because there isn't more bacteria in there. And I think if that's her thing, then go to the bath, you know, use some mouthwash by the bed. I think that's it. I think that's the best thing to do. And then, you know, wash yourself after. But how would you feel if she didn't want to make out with you right away, right after, or if you wanted to take a drink of water? I just take a drink of water?
Yeah, No, I don't think. Yeah, that's not a big deal.
Okay.
Yeah, No, I think just make sure that she's clean and comfortable and. Yeah, you have nothing to worry about.
Cool.
Let's have a relax. Give her a massage first. Maybe you massage her anus before you go in there. If that feels really good. Just kind of grab the butt cheeks, give a massage. So thanks, Eric. Thanks for your call. Rimming. There you go.
Okay, we have Erica, who's 40, in Iowa, wants to know when the right time is to tell her partner about her past with addiction.
Oh, hey, Erica.
Hey.
Hey, thanks for calling. Hey, girl. Tubby.
So I don't have a partner yet. Oh, I'm actually, like, three years and four months sober. And I'm, like, literally just getting ready to move into my own place, start dating. And I just. I haven't, like, I haven't had a healthy relationship in a long, long time. Nothing in three years. Before that, for 12 years, drug relationships. So I don't.
I don't.
I. It's kind of like a foreign territory, and so I don't want to. I don't want to say too much because I am a talker, but then. And scare someone off, so I just don't know.
Well, I think, Erica, I think that's such a good question. You know, I think that it's a big part of who you are, right? Are you. Are you in, you know, the program? Are you in aa? It's probably. Your sobriety is a big part of your life, I would think right now.
It is. It is, yeah. It's everything.
So, yeah, I mean, I get, you know, I have a lot of friends. I've actually watched a lot of friends go through this and start dating again after, you know, when they get sober. And I don't think you have to get into. Now, this is where I understand what you're saying. You're like, I want to tell them everything, but you could just say, yeah, I don't drink, or I don't do drugs, or, you know, that's all. I'm sober. You don't. I think just saying, like, I'm sober, you don't have to right away get into all the stories, because we all have things in our life like, you know, we don't have that, but we might have other things, right? Like trauma or other things that I think you'll know the right place. But I think you absolutely should tell people that you're sober. I think that that's a big part of who you are. It's like someone disclosing if their religion's important to them. So I think as soon as, you know, when you meet someone and you start talking now, I don't think you have to, like, lead with it on your dating profile or tell them on the phone. But, hey, let me tell you something first. I. I'm sober. You know what I mean? But I think when you meet up, you know, I'm not drinking. Oh, no, I'm sober. You know, I'm not gonna have a drink or whatever it is. I think that that's fine. And if you. Does that help you? Because I know you're saying you Said you think you talk a lot.
Yeah. Yeah, I think just saying yeah, I'm sober would be fine. I think I. I think I feel so awkward still about it. Like, I still worry what, what people think about me. That's. That's my biggest hang up in life is what do you people really think? Because I've been judged so much in the past, I don't know how to. I don't know how to kind of lose that part of me and just be okay with everything. So I do worry, like, what is he gonna think when I do say that? Is he gonna think something inside of his head? Is he like, oh, God, she's an ex drug addict? I like, I just. I don't want to overthink and then over talk or.
I totally understand that, that judgment thing. But I think, Erica, honestly, it doesn't mean you, you know this working on what people think, but it really. It doesn't matter what they think. And the truth is, if someone judges you for that, they're not your person, they're doing you a favor. I mean, I think I have the totally different perspective. I have such admiration for people who are sober. Like, if someone I. Look, I want to hire people who are sober. I want to date people who are. So, like, I think it's. But I'm also. I'm not an addict. So I think that people who are confused by that, maybe they have their own issues with it, and they're probably not your person, but I think someone who understands what it takes in your life and the struggles it takes to get sober, to me is like a trait that I want someone who's done their work and, like, that's serious work. So to me, I commend that. And you want to find someone who does, too. You don't have to explain to them.
Definitely, because it's hard work. It's pretty hard work.
I know it is. I know it is. And at 42, I mean, I get it, Erica. You know, I'm a few years older than you, but the truth is that that is a journey, not caring what people think. I think we all do it to maybe people we really care about or family and friends. But this people you're going on a date with, like, you've been doing such hard work on yourself, it doesn't matter. You're on that date for you to figure out what you want. It doesn't matter who likes you. I think this is the whole thing you got to switch in your head about dating. Remember, you're there for you're there to see if, you know, they get to date you. Doesn't matter, like, you know what I'm saying? Like they're there interviewing, like for you to see if this could be my match. So anyone who can't handle it or you feel is judging you is done. It's gone. And this is how you're going to find your person. Just weed them out quicker, you know, I like that.
I like that they're there for me.
Like they are.
Remember that the actual. Yeah, okay, yeah, do that. Cause it took me a while when I started dating. I mean, I think a lot of us, we've talked about that, that we think like, oh, I hope they like me, I hope they call me. And then we forget to think of, well, what do I want? What matters to me. And so Erica, you're at the place where it's all about what you, what you want and what you need right now.
Okay, so we have an email from Brian, who is 34 in Georgia. He writes, My wife of seven years together for nine and I have been out of sync for a while so we agreed to schedule sex. She has not been interested in those nights and I don't know what to do. We still have sex occasionally two to three times a month, but it bothers me that she's making excuses on our scheduled nights and we are yet to have sex on one of those nights. What do I do?
Alright, okay, now here's the thing, Brian, I'm so glad that you are scheduling sex. Because if you hear scheduling sex and you think that's not sexy, which a lot of people do, you it's actually great because what he's saying here is like, let me explain this to you all because you're probably going, oh, two to three times a week or two to three times a month, you know, well, that should be okay. Or why can't she, you know, why is that a bummer? Because when couples agree to schedule sex, it is such a great way to make sure that you guarantee that you are going to have sex on this one night. So maybe Saturday nights are date night sex night. Because what happens in couples is when we don't have a schedule sex. And this helps with couples who can't quite, they're not having enough sex as they want. So what happens is, you know, it's Saturday night, so it's not like you have to come home and Tuesday night Brian tries to sleep with his wife and she pushes him off. And then Wednesday night, now they go, oh, Saturday night, that's our night. And then they look forward to that. And then hopefully for women who might not be in the mood or they're, you know, not always ready for sex, this gives you time to kind of look forward to it. Build up, keep your pilot light lit, continue to like send sexy texts to each other. Maybe you like, masturbate ahead of time. So masturbate ahead of time. So it's a whole thing that can really help couples. So Brian's bummed because he's like, I friggin rescheduled it. And now she's just not keeping up her end of the bargain. And so, Brian, I know you don't want to force her to have sex.
So I think you could just let her know though that, you know, listen, scheduling sex, sex is a commitment that you made. And what you can tell is when that happens, you could just say, you know what, babe, I know we try. And this is again, not right after it happens because you're going to be upset. So if you're like, we had a plan. It's more like, okay, so I know we both have the goal of having. We want to continue to have incredible connected sex for the rest of our lives. And so our agreement to have scheduled sex seemed like a good idea. And now I've noticed the last few times it hasn't worked out. And I'm curious if you know why. Like, tell me why you think it's not happening. Because maybe she's, you know, you know, been stressed out. Or maybe she's just having a little libido. Maybe there's something else going on. Maybe she's not even turned on yet. So you have to remember this, you know, if she's really sick, obviously she should tell you she's sick. And the best thing to do would say, not tonight, honey, but I guarantee you Tuesday. But it sounds like she's just bailing. So it also might be that maybe she's. It stresses her out having the scheduled night because she's still not in the mood for sex. For whatever reason, you're not having sex. And so I think this, in this conversation where you're talking about the scheduling sex, you can also say to her, I want to know, like, what, what would get you in the mood? Do you know what would get you in the mood? Because maybe, you know, the alarm goes off Saturday night at 8 and she's like, oh, I'm still on the mood. Because women require, we require foreplay, we require some turning on, we require thinking about it. And so maybe she needs Your help. Maybe she needs a little bit of love, your love, languages, kissing, some sexy text, some settings, babysitters if your kids are home. Like, I don't know what's happening, but she might need to just have the right setup.
Yeah.
Because what I'm thinking of is that whenever, you know, like, see you have plans for something and it's like hard to like excite yourself up about it. Like, maybe he just needs to go and take the extra step to like send her those sexy texts throughout the day and be like, you know, I can't wait to see you in the bedroom with the camera.
Right? Like, Saturday night's gonna be hot. I can't wait to like, you know, go down on you. I can't wait to see you naked. I got you this sexy, you know, whatever. I got that new toy for us because you built like looking forward to like a great meal or a vacation. Like, the excitement is part of the fun. So if sex is just, she looks at her calendar and it's like sex with Brian.
Like, what? I'm bored still. So maybe I love your intention here. Don't, don't, don't throw in the towel, Brian, but try to figure out what you can do to make it actually work for you. A little bit more work to do here, but not a deal breaker. You're fine. You're gonna figure it out. Just talk to her. Alright, guys, I hope you enjoyed the show. Thank you for supporting the show, for listening, for calling in, for sharing it with your friends, for subscribing all the things that you do so we can continue to do this show into our 14th. I love you all and thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.
There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health. Health magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive of magnesium support. And personally I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really noticed calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualia life.com sex with Emily for 50% off and here's a bonus use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15% off your order. That's Q U A l I a life.com sexwithemily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.