Deep End of the Dating Pool with Girls Gotta Eat

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That makes sense.

And I thought, well, what if we just fucking set an alarm for 50 minutes into a date and be like, okay, so how do we think this is going?

That's like some black mirror shit, right?

Yeah, but why not?

I think if you're not vibing on any level, it's doomed.

Okay. This is just what you're.

I think when women. When men grow on women, quote unquote, it's because the woman has something that's blocking her. Whether it's their looks, whether it's their level of success, what they make, but they do vibe with them. Like, as far as sex goes, we're so much better now, right? I was out here dirty talking in my 20s.

No, don't you wish you could?

The stuff that comes out of my mouth, I'm like, what? You go, girl.

You're like, wow, who said that?

What do you say? Like what?

I think you have to just talk about a guy's dick.

Thanks. For listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by Raina Greenberg and Ashley Hasseltine from the Girls Gotta Eat podcast. And we're talking about efficient ways to date and how your sex life actually gets better as you get older. How about that? And I'm taking your calls and your emails. Topics include non negotiables. Are they only meant for relationships? Or they can be applied to sex and dating, too. Being a sexual person, what does that really mean to you? The perfect positions when you're told you're just too big. Plus, you're bold over the phone and in text. But in person, you become extremely timid. What do you do? All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes they call in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

Well, you know, Emily's not the kind.

Of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com because you're gonna love our site if you haven't been there. Oh, also find us at all social media across the board. It's sexwithemily. And you can find me on SiriusXM radio Monday through Friday from 5 to 7pm Pacific on Sirius XM Stars 109. And you can also call in even if you don't have Sirius at 889-478-277 because I answer your questions at that time live. Or you can get a free subscription at 7sexwithemily.com sxm it's actually a 30 day subscription, but it is free also. Guys, what else? I don't know. I guess that's all. Enjoy the show. I'm very excited to welcome my guests podcasters. They also have podcast. This is like a big podcast site. Girls gotta eat. Hi. Hi. Hi. Welcome, you guys. Welcome. Thank you for being on the show. Raina Greenberg and Ashley Hazeltine. Haseltine. Hasseltine.

It's fine.

You got it right.

Everybody gets it wrong.

I go by both. Okay.

But you guys.

So, Radon, Ashley, tell me. Girls got eat. How did you come with that title?

So the show is gonna be about dating and relationships. I have a food Instagram account, but we were trying to marry the two, and then Ashley actually came up with the idea.

Girls gotta eat the girls out. Girls gotta eat. We gotta do what gotta do. We gotta hustle. Okay, so tell me. Okay, so I've been listening to your show. I love it. I was like. Okay. I was like, all the stuff, like, the dating and how it's changed. Cause you guys are in your 30s now, right? Early 30s.

Allegedly.

Yes.

Okay, can we talk about age?

Yeah.

Because last girl, let's just say. Or Jamie's in her 20s. We talk about things in her 20s. How has it changed right now? What's going on? What are you looking for?

Like, how is our dating life different in our 30s than our 20s?

Yes.

I think my standards are lower. Cause the pool is smaller, the bar is low.

Do you really think it is?

Yeah. You be in New York in your 30s, you'll take anything.

I do not think that's true.

I mean, well, it's true.

Okay, why is that? Because they're all going for girls in their 20s. Like, I really have to understand this.

I think it's a smaller pool of people. I think in New York, it's interesting. I mean, every city has their own breed of terrible. I'm sure in LA there's a different reason why it's terrible.

Yeah, terrible everywhere. Everyone thinks they live in the worst town.

Right. I think in New York, it's just every woman is so amazing, beautiful, successful, dynamic, works out every day, has hobbies.

And, well, the options are endless. Yeah, like.

But look at you. Girls like women.

Yeah, we're part of that.

Girls. Do I say girls or do you say women?

We say both.

Well, the podcast says girls in the title.

Exactly. Girls gotta eat.

We try to say women. I try to say women as much as possible.

I do, too. But I did that a lot. And then I came back to girls. It's just easier. But I get it anyway. You hear what I'm saying?

Yeah. We go between the two.

Okay. I feel like I don't feel like that's true. I feel like this is your negative beliefs that you're telling yourself that there's no magic.

And look, I moved here with positive beliefs.

Where'd you move from?

I moved from Atlanta, which I thought was bad that I moved to New York. And I was like, oh, I was so wrong.

No. Okay, so Ashley I don't think that's true. I think that. Do you feel this, too? That there's. Because that's what you're gonna keep finding, is that there's no one here. Okay, tell me why you feel.

Oh, I don't think that there's no one here. I just think that. Yeah, I mean, I think that we live in New York for a reason. I think the most interesting, amazing men in the world live here, too. I think that, like, the pool of men is incredible. I think the reality is when you're in your 30s, there are just less people. I wouldn't want to go to another city.

Where did they go? No, I know. I'm just. Oh, I'm not. I'm just.

I'm just trying to lift it up here. And people get married later, so there's kind of a Neverland thing of, like, there's no pressure to ever settle down. And it's a very, like, reach the top, next best thing. There's somebody better around the corner. There's a better job around the corner. There's like, you meet some woman, she's wonderful in every way. There's somebody that's like that woman, but a teeny bit hotter. That's the mindset, right? It's like.

But that's what people have been saying even before dating apps. They say, like, oh, bigger, better deal. Someone's looking. Especially in la, people are looking over your shoulder. And there's always something else. So do you guys. Cause here's what I want to know. Do you know specifically what you're looking for in a partner? Like, do you have your non negotiables? Are you still kind of in the dating. Figuring it out? Are you ready to.

He likes me.

Come on.

You have to check them out. You guys go to.

No.

Okay. I'm just like.

Yeah, we also, Rain and I are. We're building this business. We are. We're having a great time. Like, we're not really on a really. You're not putting a lot of pressure on each other.

No, I know. Okay, so what is it? So tell me what the show that you've been doing now a year, and you've had this wild success, which is amazing. You guys, there's like a gazillion podcasts right now, and their podcast is killing it. And you guys have successful businesses, so you're not really focusing on the dating thing. But your show talks a lot about dating, right? So in the last year of talking about dating, how has it impacted your lives?

I think it Is really. You know, we have a lot of guests on the show from a wide range, so everything from sex toy shops to therapists to comedians. And from interviewing all these people, I think we've amassed such a wealth of knowledge about how dating works and relationships and love and sex and all these things. And it's helped me to just relax.

Good.

It's helped me to be less judgmental of other people's behavior. It's helped me to just be like, okay, maybe somebody's not into me. That's fine. Maybe I'm not their person. And it's not. I don't take things so personal as much as I do.

That's good. That's healthy. Cause don't you feel so. Okay. So we talk about this on the show. So let's say you go on a date with someone and. And you probably hear this from listeners, like. And they don't. They don't call you. Right. You think it's a great date. It's amazing. And then you don't hear from them. Or if you, you know, and then. Can you let that go? Or do you think that you do you have to analyze it and wonder what happened? Like, what have you learned from that first that happened to you?

And maybe it has. Of course it happens to everybody, you know, And I think that's one reason why people love our podcast so much. And we are in our 30s, but are we the listeners that range from, I mean, 18. We've had girls be like, I'm in high school. We're like, this is a little too much for you. But all the way to 50s and older. So everybody's dealt with that. I think it helps people to hear it being talked about. You're like, oh, everybody's getting. Everybody's dealing with the same shit. Yeah.

Yes. So do you.

But what I think we preach more than anything is to love your life and what you have going on, and then those things don't bother you as much. Like, I think women put a lot of pressure on. I gotta find this guy. I gotta get married. I gotta settle down. So when these little things happen, you know, freak out. So you're like, that set me back in this quest for my partner. And we're just like, no girl. Get a career you love, get great friends, have a great job, have great hobbies. You have to love your life other than this man, because you'll. Then that's. I mean, you can't have that be the one thing that fulfills you.

Exactly. It's so true.

So we just. I mean, Rayna and I were lucky to have this platform. But like, this, the terrible, quote unquote, stuff that happens to us, that happens to everybody. Like, we are able to laugh about it. It is the best. Like water.

And for your listeners, it sounds like just kind of be like, this happened to me. And then you must be like, oh, yeah, that's all happened to everybody. So you guys dating? Mostly on the apps. Are you meeting people out when you meet them, even though there's no one?

No, I don't feel like.

I'm like, no one. Everyone thinks it's terrible.

Every relationship I've ever had, I've met people in person and like, through friends, through work, things like that. So I meet people a lot. In real life, Ashley and I are really fortunate to travel a lot. So we meet guys on the road. We get to see our ex boyfriends on the road. In my case, you know, that's fun.

To have an ex to date in an ex. I used. I was telling Jamie. Yeah. Not to date, but my producer.

Yes.

I used to have an ex in New York. I had one in la. I used to have a toy.

That's the part.

I had a man in every port. I'm like, Jamie. I was like, I used to. But not. It's been over. They got married, whatever happened. But maybe they're divorced by now. But it was fun just to kind of show up. Just to show up for you. I'm gifted. But just. Just to kind of show up, be like, yeah, it's confused with me. Yeah, we already did it. We know how it works.

And that's kind of. That was my goal for 2019, was like, to get a guy in every city. And so still. I'm still sort of happ. I'm headed to LA next week. I'm like, lining up my 2.

Where you're gonna be in LA next week. You have to go check out Ashley and Raina. Cause you guys are not. You're not committed relationship.

No, we're not, but she's taking, like, a friend trip. I'm actually not gonna be with her. Oh, I know.

It's.

And I'm going to a friend's comedy taping, so I'm, like, kind of doing.

Got it. Okay.

But Rainn and I, we are in a committed relationship together. If that's what you are. It feels like that's what you were getting at. Yeah. We have a marriage. We have, like, a business.

I love that it all works out. It does, right? I mean. Yeah.

And we didn't really. You know, it's funny. Cause people are like, what's your origin story? How long have you guys known each other? You must have been friends. But we really met and then started the podcast pretty shortly thereafter. And I mean, we always laugh because we never thought, like, can I be in business with this person? Do I trust this person? And, you know, I trust Ashley completely. Like, I was in Cuba for the last four days, so I was like, really out of pocket. And I was like, I have a partner who I can trust to respond for me, represent me. I didn't know that that was gonna be the case.

That's so hard. And a lot of times it's not the case.

Absolutely.

Truly not like a lot of people to know that. I'm so glad you guys. So okay, when you go on the road then. So you'll be going. Where are you going next?

San Francisco.

San Francisco. That's right.

Portland, Seattle.

Cute guys in San Francisco.

Oh, yeah, we've heard pop.

That'll be great. San Francisco. I'll tell you what, they're gonna love you in San Francisco.

We can't wait. Yeah. And Denver, we have heard, is good.

Yes. Denver's like a thriving metropolis.

Chicago's not terrible. New York and LA are notoriously terrible.

But is it that bad? Yeah, I guess so. I mean, the guys, it just. So you're not on the apps or are you on the apps doing.

I do Hinge.

Hinge. Hinge is a good one. People like hinge Just quality.

Like, I like the way it's set up. I can figure out someone's funny, kind of.

So what's your rules on that now? How long do you have to know someone before you go out with them? I mean, how long do you have to text? Do you text before you go out with someone?

Do you ever FaceTime with, like, one text each?

Well, I agree, right? Like, literally, I'm not continuing a texting relationship with you. Is that what you tell people?

Like, yeah, we feel pretty strongly that there's no reason to get into these, like, long pen pal relationships with a person on a dating app. So, like, you know, text back and forth for like a day, see if you've vibe. Like, I want to see if I like your sense of humor. But, like, I don't need to know, like, what you had for lunch and what you're doing at the gym today. Like, I don't know you. So, like, meet up with me, have a drink. Let's see if we vibe or, like, let's dead this. But I don't want to prolong this weird conversation cycle.

Yeah, I. I'm on the same page, because if. If I've seen relationships work out. I have a guy friend that's. He's getting married. He's engaged to someone he met on an app. It was one of those things of like, hey, I'm in Zoho. Or they just met on an app. He was like, she looks like my type. Do you want to meet right now? And they're getting married. So that if you're in the mood and it happens, that can work. Or, you know, I'll text the guy for a day or two, see if I'm feeling it.

But how's sex different now for you guys in your 30s and your 20s?

Well, I'm better at sex.

Yeah.

I think I'm just less scared to ask for what I want. I think before, I mean, I've always enjoyed sex whether it ended in an orgasm or not. I've always just enjoyed the whole act of it and pleasing somebody else and all that. But I think now I'm just much more willing to ask for what I want, do what I want.

Would you say so, too? You too?

Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm in a little bit of a dry spell right now, but.

Right. Same. Is it funny? Like.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm selectively. I mean, it's a purposeful dry spell. Yeah.

Like, it doesn't have to be.

Yeah. Right.

You could sleep with him.

Nick.

Nick.

Do you want.

You feel like my aunt. Aw, that was on air.

Rejection.

That'll dry you up quick. You're like my aunt.

Okay, New York Times.

If I lose my relationship. Emily.

Yes.

Gotta choose my words carefully.

Thanks, Nick.

Changed your mind real quick there. I'm in a relationship.

What can I say?

You gotta be careful out here.

She's not listening. We already talked about her.

You also need to be on LinkedIn at this point because you need a new job.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

We just.

As far as sex goes, we're so much better now.

Right.

I wasn't out here dirty talking in my 20s.

No. Don't you wish you could?

The stuff that comes out of my mouth. I'm like, what? You go, girl. I like, high five myself.

Wow.

Who said that?

What do you say? Like, what? Tell me.

I think you have to just talk about a guy's dick, right?

Yeah. Like, it's the best dick you've ever seen.

That's it. The best dick you can't say the biggest. Cause they know. You guys know if it's not the biggest, you know, right? But if it's. If it's the best, that's object. That's, you know, that's objective.

I love that. That is so smart. I got you the best. The best, right? The best, but biggest, like, eh. Really?

They're like, I know what I'm working with. It's not the biggest, but that's like.

It's just. You can't say stuff like that. Like, if a guy was like, can't.

Speak into pro tips about the penis.

Tits I've ever seen. I'm like, okay. Liar.

Like, well, in my case, it is.

It's with yours.

It's.

Yeah, Yeah.

I have double D boobs.

They are the biggest you've ever seen.

Wow. Do you show them ever?

Like, during sex, Right?

But not. Not like, for the show. You guys already have a big following. You don't.

You don't need to cover your eyes.

But they're amazing. I don't know.

He's like, you're like my aunt's sister. Please don't show your tits.

He's like, these old.

Younger girls back, right?

We want to see their titties.

You guys are amazing. Stop. O. What do you guys do, though, if you're. I have a question for you because we talk about this a lot. How do you get out of a date if you're on a date, a bad date? Just talked about this. Oh, my God, stop. What do you do?

We just talked about this date.

Cause I had.

Right at the beginning of the podcast, I had this experience with this guy who was so rude to me. Like, had no interest in hearing anything I had to say. He wanted me to split the check with him, which is fine. I don't care. Really?

You don't care?

Oh, we can.

I just. You know, honestly, I'd appreciate it if you offered to pick it up. Cause you invited me, but whatever. I don't mind buying a couple drinks.

Okay.

He made me go to an ATM and get cash out.

Oh, God. You're like, dude, I have Venmo. Whatever. Right?

And. Well, also, like, it's my job. Well, it's my job to like, the.

Sound of the money coming out atm. Like you lost your boner.

Yeah, no, no, no. It's just we didn't fuck at the end of this date for sure.

But you wrote it out.

I really wrote it out for work, you know? Cause I have to.

Now you know the whole story. Going to UCM is A good part of the story.

I was really ashamed of myself that I wasn't just like, hey, it doesn't really seem like you want to be here. And I don't really want to either. So, like, let's just dead this. And I'm disappointed in myself that I didn't do that.

Cause it's hard.

Yeah. Well, we were talking this. What we talked about was it last night that there's this. I came up with this idea. There was some study that says in 42 minutes or less, men and women know if they want to sleep with you.

That makes sense.

And I thought, well, what if we just fucking set an alarm for 15 minutes into a date and be like, okay, so how do we think this is going?

That's like some black mirror shit, right?

Yeah, but why not? But why not? And then, like. And then we talk. Well, then the guy might think, why. You probably think it's going bad. But you could be playful, like, okay, sweat, you know, it's 15 minutes in, so what do you think? I have a good time. Like, just kind of.

I think that's kind of funny.

I like it because then. Then you're getting real. You're not like, so where did you grow up? What's your mind? Do you have a brother or sister? You wanna fucking treat yourself right? I don't care if they have a brother or sister. So then it gets a real. I mean, you might, but not have a brother.

Cause he's other than you. Then I might wanna know if you have a brother.

Exactly right. But then you could be like, what? What? No one ever asked him. Cause we've assumed dating should be like, we're not gonna talk about it, or whatever. But then it goes on for three hours maybe, or whatever. I don't know if it's.

Yeah, this was like three hours.

You can't get. Ugh. You can't get that time back. Never. So what if it was 50 minutes?

I just find a check to be like, yeah, radio, blame me, whatever. This, like, expert told me that, like, 50 minutes in, I would know whether I wanted to sleep with you or not.

Do this in the video.

I have to jump in. Men, I think, know. There's tons of studies about men. Men know if they want to fuck you or not. Women guys can grow on them way more. So I've even had that experience with guys that I've dated, fallen in love with. Was like, 50 minutes in. I was like, I don't want to fuck this person. Third date, I'm like, I Love you. Marry me.

Okay.

Right, so. But men, actually, it is more proven than that. Women don't just, like, grow on them. They wanna fuck you or they don't from, like, sight. First sight, I agree with you.

So I had that same thing. I've totally had guys grow on me. And I've. But then I thought about it. I thought, okay, but what if this conversation. Like, what? Let's say I'm not into him at the 50 minutes. Maybe I'm honest. I'm like, I'm just. And he's like, I'm into it. I'm like, you know, I'm just not sure. And then he'd be like, why? And I probably wouldn't say. I'm like, I'm not sure if there's chemistry. What if I even said that? And he's like. And then what if he said something hot? Like the thing that I have to wait for the third date, that he's actually sexy. I'm just playing it out here.

What would he say to you? To turn around.

Really? Like, let me kiss. What if he tried to. What if he.

Well, that would be crazy. If I was like, I'm not into this.

Or what if he said, like, something that was. What if I gave him a chance to be a leader? To be, like, a man who's like, I'm not gonna. What if he just did something funny or turned it around?

Yeah, I get what you mean?

Do you know what I mean?

But I don't know.

I feel like guys would clam up now.

I'm on the spot. Okay. What if it wasn't the chemistry thing and I was just like. Let's say it wasn't an attraction thing. It was more like, let's see, 50 minutes in. Why? Let's think of a scenario. The last date you were on, why were you maybe not into the guy? Or why were you not into him?

Because he was, like, boring and stupid.

So boring and stupid.

Yeah. Not funny. I mean, humor is my turn on.

Right. You're like, we haven't laughed yet.

Yeah.

And then what if he cracks a joke?

But I think that, like, if you.

Joke now, like, hey, why the fuck he crossed the road?

Why?

Come on, stand up. Said he's like a secret.

No. What if he says something? I'm just saying, this has got to be a way. I'm just trying to be efficient at dating. I don't want to have three hours go by. I can't get that time back, that money back.

I think that's how you Leave. I think if you're like, I'm not in this anymore. I want to leave. Then you say to the person, I feel like 50 minutes in, I should just know, you know, like, that's not a way for me to get somebody to act better.

I think if you're not vibing on any level, it's doomed.

Okay. This is just what you're.

When I think when women. When men grow on women, quote, unquote, it's because the woman has something that's blocking her. Whether it's their looks, whether it's their level of success, what they make, but they do vibe with them. Like the connection and the banter and the chemistry. I don't know if that grows. Like, my experience with my ex, I was like, he just doesn't have a shit together. He's not successful. He's younger than me. But I am feeling this connection. So I think if it's. None of it's there. You don't want to fuck the person. They're not making you laugh. You are not vibing. Just get out of there and never look back. Like, I don't think 50 minutes in, someone's gonna say some crazy thing that you're like, yeah, no, I wanna fuck. Like, I just don't.

I think he's like, jump across the table and stick his tongue to yourself. That wouldn't be. Yeah, okay, but it's just a good way to get out of it. I heard a study.

Yeah, I feel like it's a great.

Way to get out of it.

That's where we go. Yeah.

And I'm. I was really ashamed of myself that, like, I didn't just say to this guy, like, hey, you don't really seem to want to be here either. You know, like, why did I stay? I wouldn't that polite to Ashley if she was being rude to me. So why am I being that polite to a total stranger who I owe nothing to?

But see, this is a good lesson because you won't do it again. And this is such a good lesson for women too, because I think we're pleasers and we kind of were there to like, I don't want to hurt his feelings. And now he's already here. Maybe it'll get better. It's a good drink or good alcohol or good food. But I also think we do that sexually too. We, like, I'm gonna give him a blowjob and not care if he goes down on me. Like, I think it's just a good sign to say that. Like, you Know women, right? Like, they gotta give to you. We love.

Nikki Glaser is a friend of ours, a comedian. She's in here, you know, she's a series. We love her. Rule of, like, I'm not having sex with a guy unless he makes me want to so bad. Like, where I'm just like, I'm turned on, I'm wet, I'm ready for it. Like, stop sleeping with guys you don't want to sleep with because you're scared of how they're gonna react. Because, you know, not to get too dark, but women are scared of the way that rejected men were act. They could be scary.

Yeah.

You don't want to get into the amount of times that women do stuff they don't want to do just because they're scared of the awkward. Or like, anger is just staggering. So, you know, we try to give women the tools. Like, this is how you can leave a date, and this is how you can say, no, I don't want to have sex with you.

Right. De escalator. You can.

Like, we've both done it. God, I've slept with so many people. Sometimes because you're like, what do I do? No one wants a hand job. I don't want to blow this guy.

Just easy.

I'm here. You know, I'm here.

When you're 22, you don't know how to get out of that. When I'm in my 30s, yeah. I guess I could say no and leave, but I'm 20, 21 years old. I guess sometimes here, like, I don't know, we're like halfway there. I can't say no. I guess I'll just do this.

We didn't know that. That either. Yeah. I've had so much sex. I'm like, really? Did I need to do that?

Right.

But luckily, I don't remember a lot of it now, but.

But you block it.

You block it, right.

Well, unless you. If you're blacked out going into it.

Yeah. If you're blocked out. Exactly.

You're blocking it out somehow.

You're blocking it out somehow. Exactly. Because sometimes you. You might want to have sex then, but it's going too fast or they're not doing something right. And then you could just say, you know what? Let's go back to kind of pulling back up. Let's go back to the kissing, the making or whatever it is and not. But are you saying. What's your advice? If you just want to leave, Is that it? Just to not get leave during sex.

Or leave on A date, everything.

Leave during sex.

I personally am probably not at a man's apartment, like, after I've been drinking late at night or if I'm not gonna sleep with them. And maybe that sounds slutty to some people. It's just. I know me. And I know after you get there.

You'Re gonna have sex with them.

Yeah, I know me. And after, like, a few drinks, things seem like a good idea that, like, sober me does not think is a good idea. I'm not out. I'm not an alcoholic sleeping with people I don't wanna sleep with. But, yeah, you have a couple drinks, things are, like, fun. It's late. You're kissing, you're like, mom, here. You know, and then you wake up in the morning, you're like, I just.

Why did I do that?

I just think, do whatever you want.

I had a guy that was over at my house, and we were making out, and I'm like, I don't want this at all. My lips were chapped.

It was.

His beard was hurting. He had this little tiny pencil dick. And I was like, I don't feel well. I'm sorry. I just. I don't feel well. I might have had too much to drink. And he was like, do you want me to. I'm at my place. It would have been easier if I was at his place. I could have left. And I. He was like, do you want me to leave? And I was like, yeah, yeah, that's the best feeling.

When they go, yeah, yeah, just leave. I don't feel.

It's just.

I don't feel good.

Work it.

Because you really don't feel good about my decision to have you over in my bed, right? Yeah. Yes.

I don't feel. Whatever you need. We always say, like, I never. I do not lie. Like, I'm just the worst at it.

And I hate it, though.

Honesty is number one policy for me. But you can lie your way out of an uncomfortable situation with a man. Like, if you need to make something up. My dog is sick. I mean, whatever. Like, I'm sick. Yeah, get out of there. Girlfriend has an emergency, do what you need to do and deal with it later. Like, he might be a little annoyed. You know, Worst case, you know, something happens, you go to the police. But, you know, I'm just kind of like, that's probably not gonna happen. He might be a little annoyed. Who cares? What's not gonna tell his friends she wouldn't fuck me. And I'm so pissed. They can't say that.

They can't no. Get yourself out of your smart. No, absolutely. Oh, my God, you guys.

Well, thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

I love your TED Talk. You're right. Women. Just say no or just don't. Just leave. It's okay. Okay, you guys, this is awesome. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. I have to ask you guys five questions first, but Girls Gotta Eat podcast dot com. And where else can they find you at? Girls Gotta Eat.

That's the Instagram.

And you guys have your. Oh, my God. And they. Okay, so they also have Instagram fame before their podcast, which is awesome. One Hungry Jew. Yeah, I'm a hungry Jew, too.

Yeah, we have tons of them in New York.

I love it. I love New York. My mom's from New York. Like, I feel like I could be in New York.

You look like you could be in New York.

Yeah.

You're gifted. Okay. And yours is Ash. Your other one. Don't you have another podcast?

Bros being basic. Love that.

Bros being basic.

Love it. Bros being basic. No, I know it. I've seen it. I love it. Bros being basic. Yeah, check it out, too. And Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. Okay, I have five questions I ask everyone. Okay, ready?

We're ready.

Here we go. Biggest turn on. Let's go back and forth.

Humor. Really?

You weren't gonna say somebody who tells you that they're into you?

That's Admiral.

That's my number one requirement.

Yeah. Yeah.

I don't like guys that don't like me. What's wrong with you?

Right?

Yeah. Exact humor. It's hard to find the banter that. I mean. It's numero uno.

Exactly.

Yeah, I think so. I think a lot of women would say that. Right? Humor is really tough for me.

Some people.

Yeah, I need it. Like, I need banter more.

Do you ever date comedians?

Pretty much anything.

Side note, does she date comedians? I don't know who you're dating.

I just tried to fuck every comedian that came on our show. That's why she's laughing so hard.

Cause I'm a comic and I do not date comedians. Cause I know. You know, I know too much. But Raina is new to the scene.

Cause they're so charming. Yeah, yeah. But they're fun with that.

They're.

Damn.

You guys have a fight with good stories. Biggest turn off.

Oh, somebody who negs me. Someone who just, like, needs to sort of, like, poke fun at me in, like, a way that I don't enjoy. Cuz, like, I have a sense of humor. Nobody on earth would say I don't I know when something's funny, and I know when you're just being shitty, and I don't like it.

Right. No one.

Yeah, don't do that.

I don't like that. I gotcha. We're not gonna with Reyna. Okay. Biggest turnoff.

Just any dishonesty, I'm done. Also, if you don't like me, like, you're so, like. I cannot tell you if I. If I'm into a guy. Raina knows this. I was obsessed with this guy, and then I just felt like he lost interest in me. I'm like, I'm out. Vagina dried up, right? Went inside of itself. You have to like me.

Are you sure he didn't like your duva prematurely?

It's the whole thing.

He's just like. He doesn't have a dad, you know?

So tall, hot, no dad.

Forget it. Funny and no dad.

Okay. Got it.

It is a recipe for disaster.

And beautiful.

Oh, like the hottest guy you've ever seen.

Yeah, but he. I could tell. I was like. He pulled back. It was a whole thing. I mean, I don't. That's a very long story. We don't have time for it. But when I tell he wasn't interested in me again, I was like, I'm out of here.

Right? It's.

That's my number one thing. I've never chased guys that don't like me. It's so gross.

No, no, I get it. I get it. I have abandonment issues. Like, yeah. Before they even get. I pre. Pre. Leave. I get it. Okay. Number one, sex tip. Ooh. I didn't have a question.

Oh, geez.

I think just be honest about what you want, you know, this is a time for you to enjoy yourself too. You're there as well. So if you like dirty talk or butt play or whatever it is that you like, ask for those things. And, you know, if you don't enjoy what's happening, ask for it to not happen too.

Yeah.

Okay. Did you answer that?

Cosine.

Okay. Cosine. Perfect. Thanks, girl. All right, guys, we're gonna take a quick break, and then we come back. We're gonna get into your calls and your email emails.

Right now. We want to answer an email because this just got us all thinking. Got us all in a Twitter.

Yeah, a flutter in a Twitter.

We tweeted that we were fluttering about this.

Okay, so this comes to us from Ashley, who's 27 in Georgia. Hi, Dr. Emily. Ooh, so formal. I'm reaching out because I could really use some help. My Boyfriend of over a year just announced to me last week that he's unhappy with our sex life. FYI, we have sex multiple times a week because he doesn't see me as a sexual person in the way that I behave, dress, talk, etc. And that he's beginning to believe that I'll never exude sexuality. I'm so worried this will ruin our relationship. Emily, what on earth do I do about this? I like to think I'm a sexual person, but clearly I'm not showing it. How can I become more of a sexual person without changing who I am? Thanks in way a advance for your input.

Okay, Ashley, I love this email. We all loved it. Because I was like, what does that mean? Because first I read these and I'm like, okay, well, you know, I read them a few times, you guys. I take your questions very seriously. Just letting you know, because first I read this and I'm like, well, don't let him label you and say that you are not a sexual person. And they kind of like, what does that even mean? And so obviously in his definition, he's saying that maybe she's not dressing the way he thinks a sexual person should act or talking. And then he labels her as not being sexual. So in his mind, a sexual person means someone who's, I don't know, showing cleavage or talking about sex all the time. I mean, how do you define it? Like, what does that mean to be a sexual person? And like, what does that, you know, what does that mean to you? I mean, it's like, what I think we all get to decide. And I would tell Ashley specifically, but then I want to talk about this more, is that you get to ask him for some clarification, like.

What.

What does that look like to him? How would you, Ashley, have to change your behavior? What. What to him would make him go, aha, you're finally sexual. Because in a. You're chasing your tail around and trying to figure what that means. But I want to know what being a sexual person means to you, Ashley. And like, and then finding out, like, now perhaps, like, let's just do some talking here. He's saying, the way you dress like that to me is stuff. You can dress sexy, you can not dress sexy. But also would. It could also mean, like, maybe he would love if you initiated sex more. I know that one of the top questions I get asked for men or requests are like, my partner does not initiate sex enough, so maybe for him, initiating is more of a thing. Or maybe, are you talking about sex Are you sharing fantasies? You know, are you? I just need to know you know more about that. Because in thinking of, like, what a sexual person thinks, I was like, okay, well, even before I did the show, we were talking about this earlier. I was like, people always assumed I was a sexual person. Like, oh, you're sexual. Like, my boyfriends were like, you're a sexual person. I was like, oh, I know that I was always really flirty because that could also be taken. Someone could think someone who's flirty is sexual, but they're not necessarily sexual. I think if you're comfortable with sex, meaning probably comfortable. I've always been comfortable talking about it and comfortable naked because I thought I have the best. I love my body. It's not that you guys, I do love my body now, but I think I've just, you know, you go through things. I think just being naked was just. I don't know, you guys, maybe I was lucky there wasn't as much porn around. Or I just fucking know that if I'm with a guy in bed, I'm not thinking about my body or his body. There's chemistry. There's a connection. I am someone who's felt comfortable. Didn't feel like I was a sex expert all the time, but I felt like, okay, we're in this together, and I feel comfortable and comfortable naked and comfortable with him. And I was never taboo and caught up in sex, thinking it was weird if someone requested anything. And so, you know, another thing could be, like, maybe you masturbate a lot. Then some of that person could be seen as sexual.

I thought this was super interesting as well, because also, too, I would rather have someone who doesn't exude sexuality but is sexual, they're having sex multiple times a week than someone that it's exuding it but is not sexual, actually.

Well, that happens all the time.

Well, that's what I'm saying. So that's why I'm like, it's a little confusing here. And I would. I would be the same with her. I'd be like, what do you mean?

What do you mean?

Does he need more language from her? Does he want her to make more noises in bed? Does he want her to, like, kind of say, like, oh, baby feels so good? Like, maybe she's one of these women who isn't as vocal.

I'm just like, I wonder if he's a sexual per. Like, exudes that, you know, like, maybe he's learned up.

Exactly. Maybe he's not exuding it because you guys, a Lot of times when we go after a partner for something, it's actually something within ourselves that's lacking. It's like a mirror. Sometimes we look at someone and we, oh, you never do this. Maybe he's actually having some things, but the way he expresses sexuality. So we understand that a good portion of the world believes that porn is real and that porn is actually a literal adaptation of life, of, like, how sex should be. And it's not. It's made for entertainment. So maybe that's all he's seen. And so he thinks, well, she's not purring in the ways or, you know, that's. Yeah, so that's gonna be a blowjob in the way I've seen in porn. This.

This email reminds me of that saying, lady on the same streets, freak in the sheets. Yeah, that whole sexual essence that you give off, it's like, do you only keep that in the bedroom? And when is it too much out in public? And.

Yeah, and they're in the south too. Like, let's just be you guys. Sex in the south was different than maybe how we are in California. You know, there might be different mores. So, I mean, I guess her. The desperation or things like, help. What on earth do I do? I'm not. How could I become more sexual without changing who I am? You know, it's like I just want every woman, every man listening, listening just to think about, like, you get to decide what it means to all things sexual mean to you. And then if you don't know, then I would say that's your job to, like, figure out what your fantasies are, what turns you on, how often you want sex. And I don't even think that you might fully know at 27.

Okay. But we are going to talk to an Eric.

Oh, Eric. That's what it was.

Oh, 52 in Texas. His wife says he's too big and it's uncomfortable during sex.

Hey, Eric. Eric, how you doing?

Trying to figure out what to do. I'm not sure what to do, you know, and it's messing up my actions, so.

Yeah, yeah, I hear you. No, no, I get it. Eric. So how long have you guys been together? So you're too big. It hurts. How long?

Well, we've been together for 34 years.

34 years, yeah.

But what has. What has taken place in the last few years is that, you know, I lost about 130 pounds. She's lost almost, too. So, you know, we're at the gym every day. We're sitting now.

Wow, congratulations.

Thanks. So you know, so now, you know, now it's a big problem. You know, when we was younger, it wasn't as much as a problem, you know, but as we was big, I guess it wasn't too much of a problem. But now it's really a problem.

And it's so your penis, it's too big. It's too hard. And how old? I mean, too, too, too big for her. It hurts your penis. Okay, so here's the thing. You probably had some skin like in the COVID If you guys lost all that weight, it probably just wasn't able to go in as deep. But here's the other thing. Eric, how old's your wife? Is she the same age?

She's 53. She's a year older than I am.

Okay, Because, I mean, I do have some positions. It's funny because there's probably a lot of guys going, oh, wish I had that problem. But no, I actually hear from men, more men who have a large penis and it's a problem because it hurts their partner than some small. She might be having more pain now also because of menopause. I don't know if she's gone through menopause. But for women, they can have more sensitivities. The lining becomes thinner inside their uterus and they've lots of estrogen just causes. So that. That's part of it. My other thing is just using a ton of lube. I don't know if you use lube, but you need to use a lot of lube and go slow.

I use lube, yeah. But I'm not sure what kind of lube because the other lube, I have one that I use at Walmart. But there's another type of lube, other loose I use. It's been kind of sticky.

Don't do anything. I don't recommend lubes that they sell at Walmart. I recommend. I love Uber Lube. Uber Lube is an amazing lube. It has a pump, it's silicone and you just use a pump and it's by your bed, which I love because you don't have to like. It's a beautiful glass bottle. You just. It's easy to use and you gotta apply, reapply, reapply. And it's more slippery, it lasts longer. You're gonna love it. But also, really, when you have a larger, you know, penis, the positions that are better, like shallow thrusting positions where it's just, it's more shallow. So like, first of all, if she's on top, she can control the Depth and the motions and all that. And then, like, more like shallow thrust. Like, also, if you put, like, a pillow. If she puts a pillow underneath her, that could also help. And it's really just more about what are the. Some of the more shallow thrusting positions when he's.

The coital alignment.

That's another great position, the coital alignment technique. But is that for the large part, penis? I'm just trying to think.

Well, just because that way it's more of a sliding pound.

Yeah, don't ever pound. But with the coil alignment technique, this is great for everybody, actually. Women. It's called the cat position. Women are more likely to orgasm in this position because it's when she's on the bottom and you're on the top. So missionary, but you're on top of her. And it's more of, like a grinding, like, I mean, it's more of an up and down than, like, going like, your head's above her and you're sliding up and sliding back. And so those are some things. And making sure that she's really turned on, that she's warm. You know, maybe she has an orgasm first. And that kind of helps her be more, you know, be more lubricated. And we're going to put this position in the show notes. If you go to sexfelmily.com Spooning can also be another great position for larger members.

And what did you say the name of the lube was?

Uber Lube. It's amazing. Uber Lube. We've got it@sexthemily.com like an Uber driver, right? It's like an Uber driver. But no, it's seriously the best. It's such great lube. It's silicone. It lasts longer. You don't have to reapply it. Just remember, go sl. Make sure she's turned on. And then my other thing is, we will put some of these positions in the show notes, but it could be more painful because of menopause. And women have to. She has to go to her doctor, get her hormones checked. There's a lot of great technologies now for women who do have pain during sex that can help her. Okay. Okay. All right. Thanks, Eric.

We have Christy, 40, in California. She said she can be bold on the phone or over text, but gets timid in person.

That's a good one, Christy. Thanks for calling. Hi. Hi, Christy. What's going on? So I hear what you're saying. So you're confident in the texting and the phone. And then you see him and you're Just like, tongue tied. Tongue tied, exactly.

It's like. It's like he said over the phone the other night, you know, you're so bold. Over the phone or through text. And then, like, we get into the bedroom, and it's like, I just. I'm like a deer in headlights.

Oh, in the bedroom. Deer in headlights. Okay, so. So has this always been the case, or is it just with someone new? Like.

Well, I was in a marriage for, like, 15 years, and it was all about him, never about me. Yeah, so it's like the minute. The minute I'm with my boyfriend, it's like, that's the first thing I think about. It's like, okay, it's just about him, and that's it.

Right. Okay. Okay. So you're in a relationship now.

Yes.

Oh, good. Okay. This is good, because now you guys can work on this together. Does he know that this is what you're experiencing in the bedroom that you had to hold 15 years? If it's all about his penis, you're like your ex's penis and his pleasure and not yours.

Exactly. Basically, yeah. I have told him that.

Okay.

And. And he. And he's told me, you know, I really want to make, you know, to make you happy. It's all about you first.

Yeah, he's right.

Then we get there, and I'm just like. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to ask for or how to ask for it. You know, I'm so bold and, like. And over the phone, I tell them exactly what I want, and I have a hard time articulating that.

Okay, but the things that you're saying over the phone, are those the things you actually want in the bedroom? Okay, so could you just. Could you just bring your phone? I don't recommend phones in the bedrooms, but maybe you could look at what you read and just say it to them.

That would be good, actually.

Yeah. Yeah, just say, I'm gonna get used to this. You could say it in the shower to yourself. Just say it ten times out loud next time you're driving to us. Or just read it on the phone and be like, yeah, I meant it. I meant that I want you to go down on me for 45 minutes. Or whatever you say. Yeah, that's just a little hump you gotta get. I mean, here's the thing. First of all, what I love about this, Cristy, is that you recognize that, yeah, your husband, it's done. It's the past. But we all get into these patterns, like Our entire life is about beginning in patterns and then breaking those patterns. So I love that you know what it is and that you have a lover right now who's like, I'm down, babe. I wanna please you. So baby steps. If you actually want those things. Things, you know, just say it in the. Use your phone. Just say, like, I'm sorry, I'm nervous. Just say it. I want it. And then, like, try to just breathe and not react and get, you know, maybe you get nervous. That's fine. And then just practice it. And then lay back and let him please you.

Yes. That's what happens is I'm like, oh, my gosh, I don't know what to do. You just go ahead and do what you're gonna do.

No, he let him know, say I. And you could even text him and say, tonight we're gonna try something new. I can't wait for you to do blank whatever you're gonna say, and I'm gonna tell this to do again. So, you know, I'm gonna be waiting for you on my back. Whatever you want. But I think set the stage and don't, you know, allow that. You know, just read it again and read it in front of him, and you'll be fine. It'll get easier, I promise. Especially because he wants to please you, so. And especially because the first time you just. Just make a promise, you're gonna just do your best to do it next time because it sounds like you're going back into the same pattern of like, no, I just want it to be you. But he's already saying, you know, he wants to please you, so I think you're gonna be okay creating Christy.

All right. Thank you.

You're so welcome. Let me know how it goes. All right, guys, thank you so much for listening to the show. I hope you like the girls. Gotta eat. Had such a good time with them, and I just love you all. Thanks for supporting the show and thanks for sharing this show with a friend, letting them know if you heard something on here to share with them. Also, you know, we all need a little sex help. Also, we love when you subscribe, so wherever you listen, it totally helps us if you want to leave a nice review on itunes. Thanks for supporting the show and thanks to my incredible T team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwith emily.com.

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