Dirty Married Sex & One-Night Bangs

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Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today's show is all about you and your sex and dating questions. What's the best way to introduce analingus with a new partner? Need help breaking your biting habit? Biting during sex. Plus tips on how to get the dirty married sex you crave. All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes, they're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they called them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

'Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry?

It shrinks?

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, it feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com and have a party there because there's a party happening every day. We've got amazing content that we upload, download, all that. You can do all of it there. We've got our podcast, you could subscribe, you can go shopping at our store. You can subscribe to all of our social media because we do a lot there that I think you will find entertaining and fun. And, uh, it's just a party. It's a party here now with Anderson.

It's a party. Hi, we're all partying. What's up?

How you doing?

I'm partying.

You're partying?

I like to party. My name is Anderson. I like to party.

You do like to party. We need to party more. We talk about it.

We never party ever, but we need to party. Want to get some stuff? I want to get some stuff. Have a little party. You cool, man? You cool? That's always like a dead giveaway that a guy has blow.

Oh, right, yeah.

You want to party?

You want to bump? You want to bump?

Let's go to the bathroom.

Yeah, all right.

So then all of a sudden you're in the bathroom for 2 hours with a guy you don't even like, but he's got the blow. Yeah.

Oh, those days, those are good fun days. Those are good fun times. But here's something fun that you could do that, um, you don't have to do any blow at all, and you might even get laid if you learn how to flirt. Oh, um, there's a flirting workshop. It's this weekend, February 12th. It's in Manhattan Beach by Celeste and Danielle, uh, from the Somatic Institute. They're coming down from San Francisco And this is kind of a really great opportunity for you guys. They're not down here that often and they changed my life last year. It's 10 to 3 is the flirting workshop, but it's not just about flirting, you guys. Whether you're single, dating, trying to keep up the spark in your long-term relationship, a little flirting can help us all in our day-to-day lives. It's called Flirting Your Way to Success. And then there's also a 2-hour intro to Somatica. It's awesome. Check it out. Go to the— I'm going to be there. My team's going to be there. Go to somaticainstitute.com. /somaticaskills. That's on Sunday the 12th. On Saturday the 11th, we're doing a Facebook Live. We're doing it here at Sex with Emily, so you can kind of get a little taster for it.

Who's going to be here? What's going to be going on?

Myself, it's going to be Celeste, Danielle, Madison.

It's going to be a Saturday for those of you who like don't live in the Manhattan Beach area. Out here on the West Coast, get a little taste of it, uh, the day before.

Exactly. Yeah, let's see. What are we doing in here though at 5 PM?

That's what I'm saying. Pacific Standard. It's going to be with like the same similar things are occurring.

Yeah, totally. But it'll be in our office, it'll be fun. Uh, that Facebook Live is Saturday, February 11th, on our Facebook, which is facebook.com/sexwithemily, as is all of our social media.

What time?

Uh, 5 PM Pacific Standard.

Pacific, so 8 o'clock if you're over there in New York.

Thank you.

God knows, in Australia, I need your help with the math.

Um, so I have an interesting story. My mother— interesting, it's been kind of troubling.

Yeah, your mom was here last week, so it was really intense.

And I feel like it was great. Love having her here. Um, but you know, moms— and it's like my mom comes, she stays with me, and she's there for 5 days, and mostly it was a good time. It was all a good time. Um, I actually miss her. I like shed tears when she leaves. But I was thinking today about this funny story. So my mom— this is just— my mom was out with her friend. She's got her gym group because my mom goes to the gym every day. She's very healthy.

And she never went to the gym, right?

Wouldn't that be weird? They said, um, let's say a bunch of dudes named Jim.

That would make sense.

So they're sitting around, and it's the same 5 women like every day, you know, most of them are there, and but she— one of their friends was not there that day. But that friend that was missing, let's call her Barb, was texting Jane, who was there.

Okay, Barb didn't drop—

Barb didn't show up, but Jane and my mom and 4 others are having coffee, and she said, oh my God, um, Barb, who's not there— Barb was— Jane goes, Barb's texting me right now. She's saying that something about you. Oh, funny, she's listening to your daughter's podcast.

Oh no.

And then she says, oh, oh, and she goes, maybe I shouldn't say this out loud. These good women are in their 70s. I'm like, what, Mom, what? She's like, well She said that your daughter's talking about giving a blowjob on her porch.

What? On her porch?

My mom was like, when did I— front porch or the back porch? She called me, she wanted to know the front porch or the back porch, because she's got a front, right?

I understand that she has a front, but the back one's— I didn't think she was doing sexual innuendos with you there, Em, but that was her concern. Wendy, I don't remember you talking about me neither.

So I had to go into my archives, which is Madison, and say, when the hell did I talk about that? And I think it was a show we were talking about sex at home over the holidays, and I talked about this guy I was dating, and this was probably 8 years ago when this happened, the blow— the porch blowjob story. Yeah, and he lived in Michigan as well, so he happened to be from Michigan but he lived in LA and we were dating.

One of those things where you guys go back for the holidays, you haven't seen any, you're all grown up.

Come on over for Thanksgiving and I'll give you a BJ on the porch, right? The old Morse friends. But the fact that my mom's friends are listening to the show and the blowjob, it was fine.

Does that bother you sometimes that it's not like the kind of show that like your mom's friends could or should— I guess they should. Well, I don't know why they're listening. I love that they're listening listening, but it was just like a news show. They'd be like, oh, I'm listening to your daughter. It's like, oh, everything's good. But like, because it's this show, it's like, oh, listen to your daughter. And I'm sure your mom's like, tightens whatever coffee cup she's holding on to, or her teacup.

It's a show about dating.

Yeah.

And love is what she tells people. No, my mom's pretty cool. My mom is pretty cool. But it was, it was a very funny story. But I think, speaking of it's a show that's about sex, I think with all the crazy stuff going on, and I don't want to get into it in our world right now, that sex is something that's like pleasurable and steady and like happy and like it makes you feel good. And if it doesn't make you feel good, that's probably why you're emailing me. And like, listen to Sex with Emily. Someone tweeted me, they're like, everyone's talking about politics at work, so I've got my headphones on listening to Sex with Emily. I'm not saying you should put your head in the sand, and there's a lot we should be doing right now, but it's some levity.

And there could be an argument made that sex is the most important thing in the world, for sure. Without sex, there are no politics happening right now.

That's true. It— in a lot of politics do about go back to sex. I do agree with that. War in the Middle East.

But like all species, without sex, that species doesn't—

it wouldn't be here.

I like when I take out my little dog and I take him on a walk, right?

Which little dog?

Stanley. When I take Stanley out on a— it's your, it's your little buddy as well. When I'm out of town, you watch them. When you love, you love your Stan. And I, and I've had this thought many times when I'm watching, I'm standing there waiting, you know, as dog owners, you know, like when you're waiting for your dog to pee, you got nothing to do but just stare there at your dog peeing and, uh I can't tell you how many times I've had this thought where I'm looking at his wiener and I'm thinking, don't give me that look. I'm looking at this wiener and I'm thinking, that is the most important piece of that entire entity, that entire little body, that entire little like, uh, creature. That's by far the most important thing is because it, it is the, uh, the go-between to get, uh, more of Stanleys in the world, right? His little wiener is so important. I just think of it as a piece pee fountain, you know.

You never think that when you're peeing and looking at your little—

you know what, I've never thought that. Yeah, I've never done that. Ironically though, with Stanley, his testicles are probably even more important than the penis, and I had those removed.

So, oh yeah, yeah, that explains it. Um, no, I get it. Sex is a foundation for so many reasons, but also, you know, there's global reasons why it's important.

There's, um, biological reasons, obviously, and then 700 7, 7.5 billion people in the world, then every single one of them was created by at least one sexual encounter.

Just one. Exactly. No, you're so right. And so it matters to everybody, and that's why I think this show has universal appeal. Yeah, I'm just trying to help you all. I want us all to have a better life, better sex.

It's helped. That is your motivation. That is truly—

still is. And I love that. I'm grateful that I have found that this is— I mean, it's been a while now, but this is like, I will never stop. I will never stop until everybody's having great sex and orgasms.

You ever talked badly about anyone? I've never seen it. Um, I've never seen you talk badly about anyone. I've never seen you catty. I've never seen you—

you know, it's only with people like— if I do, it's like you're like the real genuine article.

Like, like you're what hippies I think aspire to be like, but you're not hippie yourself.

I'm a little hippie.

You are a little hippie, but you would never see it, notice it walking down the street.

No, you wouldn't think I was happy.

You don't smell like patchouli?

No, but I have some.

I don't know, patchouli, no, but I have those like, you know, chapa, like incense that I light at my house sometimes, but those aren't as I was talking to my buddy Tyler last week about you, uh, because you were supposed to be on the show the after disaster and you didn't show up. And I was talking about how, you know, she's a little bit all over the place sometimes and she's not the most centered person that I know. And it doesn't surprise me that she couldn't make the show tonight. She'll be on sometime before, uh, at some point. But, and then we— I just started talking about you and your personality and how, like, you're maybe the most genuine person that I know because you just— it's not like— I know plenty of people go like, I don't talk badly about other people, I just think it's rude and it's wrong, but Mary is kind of a bitch, right?

Right.

They do that. Like, you I don't even know if you could if you had to. Like, you just don't have it in you.

I just, you know, it's— yeah, I don't, I don't think it's— first of all, I don't think it's— it doesn't, it doesn't feel good to talk badly about other people. If you have a problem with someone, it feels so good. I know, because I think— here's the thing, I think it's how we— the reason why we do it, and the reason why, you know, people love the gossip magazines, love all the gossip sites, is because it makes us feel better about ourselves. It elevates us, and it's distraction from our own suffering. And so I think, like, I just look at the— I just can see everybody's side of things, and I wasn't raised that way. My mother doesn't do it. I think I was with her and I thought, God, you know, I'm so grateful my mother for, you know, we all have issues with our parents, but she really taught me how to be kind and resilient and grateful.

It comes off as effortless. It absolutely comes off as effortless.

I've never heard her talk bad, you know, nonjudgmental. And it's not that like I'm a pushover, but I also just don't think it's helpful for anybody. And there's so many other things to talk about. And I think typically to me, I hear people talk— and also here's the other thing, people, if you got a friend, you're like, every time we're together, all she does is talk about other people. Guess what? When you're not there, she's talking about you.

Absolutely. It's a hard reality. It's a harsh reality, but it is true.

It's always so sweet.

It's so much fun to hate that guy that doesn't let you over in traffic when you would let him over in traffic though. And it makes you feel better because like, I'm a good person, I would have let him over in traffic, but that he's not let me over, you know.

And it's like a nice event.

It's at least you hate that guy, but you don't know that guy.

But you don't talk about people that you—

I talk about them when they're in the room too, so that kind of makes it uncomfortable.

But I feel like you're not—

I don't talk behind people's back.

No, no, you really don't. You hate like unnamed people who are driving cars and cut you off.

Absolutely.

Um, but so yeah, I'm glad we covered that. Um, I love individuals. Everyone should just focus on— every time you're gonna say something bad about someone, I think that you should just Say one thing you're grateful for, send love for yourself, and then masturbate. Okay, sex in the news.

Depends on where you are.

I don't know.

Everyone, be careful with that advice.

What?

Because I'm usually mad at people in traffic.

People do it. Don't— I wouldn't recommend it.

Everyone's done it. At least I think all guys have beat off in the car at least once.

Really?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, really.

Was that you?

That's like—

I want to do it. Oh, that's where you got—

you want to beat off in the car?

No, I've done it. What? Yeah, I remember in San Francisco, I was driving to my friend Heather's house. And I don't remember, it was like a Saturday night. I remember thinking this was so far in San Francisco, driving 20 minutes to her house in the Marina.

Right, so you're in heavy traffic.

Heavy traffic for 20 minutes.

Tinted windows?

And, uh, nope, just my little Mini Cooper.

In the Mini?

I was really into this new vibrator I had. What kind of— what it was?

This is way worse than being on a plane.

I was home, I think I had a glass of wine, and then I'm gonna drive over there. And I remember just the whole way I couldn't stop having orgasms, and I just kept masturbating the whole way to her house. I don't think I ever told her. I like put the seat back when I got there. I don't know, she's a really good friend. I have no secrets for my friends.

You put the seat back?

I was— it was really good. I couldn't— like, I have these times where I masturbate and like I can't stop orgasming.

When did you put the seat back?

I think when I pulled up, I wasn't done yet. 20 minutes. Yeah, it was fun, but it's not safe to have it with those hills. Like, you don't want to like have an orgasm when you're going down Hyde Street or something. Um, so everyone masturbates in the cars too? A lot of people do.

But what if a car didn't run unless you're actually masturbating inside of it? Can you imagine what traffic would look like?

Oh my God, even run cars or something.

Well, it's just everyone would be like stopping and going and like swerving. It would be a wreckout. There'd be a mess.

I say pull over, pull over.

Okay, sorry.

Okay, here's some sex in the news, which I'm trying to relate to masturbation, but I can't.

Sex in the news.

But I'm trying to do a nice, uh, dovetail, if you will. But women regret one-night stands and men regret not having more of them.

That's— I totally agree with that.

Isn't that awesome? So waking up in a stranger's bed can fill us with regret. Scientists found 35% of women tend to feel guilty after having a one-night stand, but only a fifth of men regret it. Plus, 60% of men are annoyed by their decision to turn down their most recent opportunity of casual sex.

How many? What?

60% are annoyed. I get it. This probably doesn't seem like news to you, but I think it's interesting, which is news because there was some study, but the reason why women tend to feel guiltier could come down to evolution, it suggests, which this always, I think our orgasms, a lot of it is tied to evolutionary psychology. Um, men have orgasms during sex to a far greater extent than women, which is true, especially during one-night stands. Typically women don't have orgasms with new partners when they're not in complete trust zone, how she works. No, and she's like, doesn't feel safe, she's drunk, whatever it is. So if women tie in emotions and societal guilt to feeling, you know, feeling slutty, etc., getting no call after, so the whole thing is like a vicious cycle for them. So they didn't get the orgasm, they got emotions, they feel guilty, whatever. So while both genders were more regretful about one-night stands that did not— oh, there was another thing in here that says that they didn't have orgasms, they were more pissed off. If they didn't have orgasms, they were upset. Women were even more upset about the one-night stand.

So if they had the orgasm, I wonder if that would give them false hope.

Well, because you're more attachment. Here's the thing also though, when women have orgasms, they get more attached, but I think you're also going to get attached if you just are with somebody, the oxytocin still gets released.

But if you have— don't have an orgasm, maybe you feel like the connection is real and it's not just a fling. And then it maybe on some kind of like evolutionary level, like biological level, you're feeling like, yeah, you're going to see that person again and this could turn into something. Because also it's just the way that, uh, it's set up in science. Like, women, uh, are trying to get pregnant and then nest, right? When we— every time you have sex, there's some level somewhere in your, in your brain and in your chemistry where you're trying to get pregnant. So you— even if you're past the point of being able to get pregnant, right, right, there's still— it's still going on. These things, connections are still being made in your primitive brain. And, uh, you want the guy to stick around, so it feels like a failure if he just flees right afterwards.

Rejection. It's absolutely true. It's absolutely true, because we're supposed to be there, yeah, procreating and finding our match and have a guy stay around for at least 18 months to help.

Yeah, to help fend off the predators and whatnot, right?

And then he leaves after 18 months, which is why the honeymoon phase dies after 18 months.

Felt such shame and like shit after, you know, a number of one-night stands. I can't imagine what the ladies must feel with all this extra—

Have you mostly felt that, or—

Oh yeah, mostly.

But is it because you did it because you didn't call them?

Uh, it's because I didn't want to have to call them.

But it wasn't because of the sex.

I mean, the sex at the time is great, right? Yeah. I mean, I think a lot of guys just regret as soon as like they're done, whether they're actually having sex with a stranger or, you know, looking at Not when you're like with somebody and you're actually in a relationship, but I think a lot of guys that can finish, like, you know, looking at the internet, you're like, yeah, no, I know, you're just filled with shame.

You want the person to leave?

Oh yeah, perhaps. That's what I always do at their place, right?

Is that what guys like? I'll come to your place, gotta go. I've had a few one-night stands, but they were consensual, and it was like usually when I'm traveling and I know I'll never see them again anyway, right?

Mexico, exactly. Was that a one-night stand or was that a two-night stand?

It was one night. I love him. I forgot about— I didn't forget about him, but He lasted, well, let's see, if you date someone for a night, they say it takes half the relationship to get over it. So I knew him for 12 hours. It took me a good 6 hours. Thank God we did a show right after that, 'cause I would've forgotten the whole story. My brain's like a sieve. He was a sweetheart. Yeah, I've had some great travel stories though. And I don't feel guilty about it, but I understand why people do. And that's another reason I gotta tell you, I knew this as a young girl when I was in college. I would never have a one-night stand because my brain was like, I knew for some reason that if I ever did, I would never want a guy to feel like, oh, I was with Emily and I didn't— I touched them, I banged her, I didn't call her, or I used her, or I would feel used. I already was thinking ahead, thinking I don't want him to think like I had Emily.

That's the exact—

maybe that's sort of a— in a way I'm a feminist, but also it's kind of like, why couldn't I have said I'm having sex for my sake? But I wasn't mature. I was— didn't think that way then. I just thought, I don't want this guy to think Emily, check her off the list.

I was trying more of like an ego, you know, articulate that on your show with you a couple weeks ago about how I would feel with, with girls after like we broke up or like when we were still friends or whatever. I really cared about them, but like I didn't want to be romantically involved with them anymore, but I was really fearful of them being taken advantage of by bad guys, right? And I'm sure I was projecting myself onto these bad guys as well, but that's— I didn't want guys wandering around out there because I had such respect for these, these girls and I liked them so much in certain areas, and I didn't like want strangers out there going, yeah, I banged that bitch, right?

I was like, exactly, I got her one night. I don't know if But does that make me a misogynist?

It might make me a misogynist.

No, you're more of a—

Because why can't she be like—

Interested. Wait, wait, what do you mean? Why can't she be like, I wanted that sex.

Yeah, like I could see a feminist really being angry with me.

A lot of women do say that. Absolutely, women can be mad. I thought I was a feminist in college. Later on in college I was more so, but even then I would have equated this feeling to that, to being like, I could just have sex for my sex's sake. I wasn't as empowered then sexually at all. I really was thinking like a lot of women still do unfortunately, and I'm trying to change that, that sex was more for the guy, right? I was giving it to him, that there was no way that I'd walk around going, I banged that guy, right?

And you don't— and you want— you got to be careful of that too. You don't want to do that because that's— I mean, we're from working on Loveline for all those years, and you've gotten the training and you understand, and we're working with Drew, and that, that is a fine line. And women that do, do that, uh, a lot of time there is from trauma in the past, and they can't just be empowered by it, right?

Right. But hopefully, you know, that character on Sex and the City was dangerous, right? Another thing about this show Another thing that the show is about though, is really trying for men and women just to feel healthier about their sexual decisions and to have a healthy sex life. To be sexually healthy and process it. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break. We're gonna give a shout to our sponsors, who we love, by the way. You know, I only work with people that I love, sponsors. I've tried the toys, I've tried the food, I've done it all. I like it, and hopefully you will too. Thanks for supporting them. We'll be right back. TaxAct understands you haven't memorized the tax code. That's why TaxAct has live experts TaxAct can even do it for you if you prefer. It's the easiest way to know you're doing it right. Well, other than going back to college and obtaining a bachelor's degree in accounting with a minor in finance, then interning somewhere and becoming fluent in all tax forms. But that might be hard to accomplish before tax day. So maybe just stick with TaxAct. TaxAct.

Let's get them over with.

Okay, emails. Love the emails. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show, I love it. Just submit them at sexwithemily.com. Click on the Ask Emily tab, fill out the form, hit submit. That's it. We get it. We read them all. We read them on the show. You can also select the fact that— select the fact— select the box that says call, and we will set up a time to call. So you can call into the show, and then I can get down and deep on your problems and your issues and help you. I love that. You can also leave us a voicemail, 818-ASK-EMILY. Morse, S-W-E-1. As always, include information that will help me— your, your name, your age, where you live. You use a fake name, that's cool, but where you live, how you listen to the show.

Yes.

Ready? Emily, love, love, love the show. Love your confidence, and you inspire me to be sexy, which is great for me and my man. My question: how do I get my bad boy turned good to want to treat me like a dirty little whore? Because it totally turns me on. Backstory: before we met, we had a past that included drug— before we met, he had a past that included drug-induced sexual relations that were probably pretty wild. Think tweaker sex. He totally turned his life around when we have been— we've been together 2+ years, married in August 2016. We have great sex now, and it's not like we only do missionary, but I could take it up a notch on occasion just because I love having sex with him, and we would love to try and do all kinds of things. "I just think he might be a little turned off about treating me like some of the girls he was with in the past. Is there a way to help him to let go and let me be his dirty girl and his wife? Thanks. Please don't use my name. I don't want his stuff out there. Love ya, girl and menace and Anderson." You threw the Anderson in there. Dude.

You absolutely did.

But you're their insecurities.

I'm absolutely insecure.

Full on says Anderson. If it just said menace, I wouldn't say it. To be honest, that's happened.

No, because I, I'm giving you shit, but I caught you doing that once before.

But you caught me doing it? Yeah.

No, but this time it was early in the show though, when I first started doing it.

No, I probably did do that. She for real said Madison Anderson.

This is very interesting, a very interesting email. I like this one a lot. Yeah.

Oh good, I'm so glad. Um, so yeah, I mean, I think the first thing I thought was that whole like Madonna whore thing where some guys are like Madonna, you know, you know, the whole Madonna, like the guy who And I know there's a drug thing and that's a little different too, but once you get married, you look at your partner and you think, she's my wife now, I can't have dirty crazy sex with her.

That's a whole different thing.

That's a whole different thing, but also with the drugs.

For those of you who might not know, or maybe you too, Em, but what tweaking sex, whether it's tweaking sex or cocaine sex.

Yeah, I know you know, talk about tweaky sex.

It just goes on and on and on to the point of absurdity. A guy has a really hard time finishing and you gotta, ramp it up and get it to— you got to take it to different levels that are more increasingly, um, thrillish for you to be able to actually complete, whether it's, uh, putting in different places or doing different positions or having porn. It's got to become more and more extreme, and that only, uh, gets worse as you travel down the drug road.

Okay, the person— that's— then that's— that makes a lot of sense.

Sometimes it takes 6, 7 hours, and it's just not fun. And, uh, at the time, I, I guess that you can look back on it as fun, crazy sex, but but it's not fun for him.

So he's kind of— so he's afraid that if he does engage, he opens up this— she's like, I want it to go crazy, he's gonna be like, I'm gonna backslide. Yeah, it's a trigger.

It could be a trigger.

So part of his recovery is probably like, I, I don't want to have that kind of sex again. Maybe he shut down that part of himself.

But that's not totally fair because there's so many different ways of having crazy sex. You know that if anyone knows, right?

And so she might need to show— you do actually, Kay, you're gonna need to lead the way and let him know that, you know, you love being with him, all that, the affirmation, sex, because it is great and you love having sex with him, but you're going to have to get him— you're going to have to work with him, I think, to get through the shame and the guilt and the fear that he's going to backslide into this kind of behavior or that that kind of sex— you know, when you've done things in the past, you just kind of shut it off like that wasn't me or I'm over it.

You compartmentalize it, and sometimes it's so awful you can't even accept it as your own, which is a problem, and you should. Right, you should work it out in therapy, but most of us don't ever do that.

Exactly. So he's going to need to know that this is, uh, something that's important to you. So I'm not sure, again, with a lot of people that, that email, I'm not sure if you have even have talked to him about sex yet. I don't know this, Kay, if you guys have broached the topic, but he's been, you know, sober now for what, 2 and a half years? And sex is important, so maybe there's, there's a way to introduce it to him. Maybe he needs some suggestions because he probably doesn't have the— he probably doesn't even know what, like you mean maybe when you say you want to take it up a notch, he probably just equates it to this faster, harder. So I think that you— maybe this is a great time for whatever, whatever you're picturing, okay? Like, you're— if there's fantasies, or when you say take it up a notch, do you mean using a sex toy? Do you mean having sex outdoors? Do you mean what?

Sounds like degradation to me. Sounds like that's kind of where she's—

oh, dirty little whore.

Thank you.

You want, you want some, you want some domination.

She wants to, you know, maybe like have him finish on her face or call her names, maybe slapping and choking.

Yep.

And all that's like dirty drugs.

And she said dirty little whore. I don't think it has to be drugs. I've had that sex not on drugs.

What?

I've had sex like that.

Yeah, I know, but I'm sure that, uh—

okay, so she needs to redefine it for him now. You're married, you guys are in this, and so I think that he might need some boundaries here, and he might need to know exactly where you're going with So I would say, if you want— let's say you want to be tied up, you have a fantasy of him using cuffs on you, blindfolding you, and spanking you. Let's just say that. Um, maybe you guys go shopping or you go online, you order like some handcuffs, you go to the Sportsheets stuff, which I love, which is really easy to use. Under-bed restraints, or just get some— leave them under your bed, you know, all the time. I love you. Cuff yourself up. And he might need to know, like, this is the scenario. You might need to walk him through it and tell him that it's safe with you, and this is the kind of sex you want. Because he might— if you just leave it to him and say, let's spice it up, he'll take it back. Yeah, make do a little whore, he, he— it's scary for him.

So what you're saying is make it your own thing, make it like have her—

make it about you—

her fingerprints on everything, and it's her stuff. It's like different colors, different styles, different materials.

And yeah, and he can learn to love it. I mean, he can put— if that what he was into before, perhaps it wasn't just about the drugs. There's ways to find joy in things that you used to take pleasure in. A lot of people are sober now who still like going to parties, right? Not as much, but No, but you know, who's still like doing things they did when they were messed up. So I think that you're gonna have to really talk to him, and he might need permission again even to know that it's safe to go there with you.

So, right. But then there is the whole other side of this where it might be just one of those traditional guys who, uh, always thought that, you know, he's gonna be, you know, treat women like this.

That's why I said the lady in the streets, they're just saying it's like the lady in the streets, the freak in the sheets. Like, I, I don't want my— what if I want you to marry me?

Different thing, right? I don't know.

I don't know what kind of advice you give for Yeah, well, like, for that, I think a lot of it is— sometimes people don't change. Like, if you grew up in a very, like, religious background, you hold that very tight to you. For some people, like, you know, all the talking in the world, you can't change someone's deep beliefs, their shame they have around sex. A lot of guys who feel that way— well, once you're my wife, I can't have anal with you, or I can't tie you up because I respect you, the mother of my child, right? You know, there's a lot of guys—

and you're speaking about compartmentalizing. I know a lot of people who, like, when they're kids, they're kids, and they do this and that's okay. And then as soon as they're adults Oh, all that's behind me and now things are going to be like this and I can become different people.

I think like men and women, I'm really good at compartmentalizing as well, but we can do it— some people can do it more easier than others, right? So I think for if you guys are— if you're involved in the whole like, why won't my husband just like spank me or tie me up or throw me against the wall, um, you need to— again, you need to talk to him. You need to let him— let him know that there's something that you desire, but there's probably some issues beneath that that could be shame and guilt that came from wherever he gets these feelings, religion, how he was raised, that might need some therapy, some deeper unraveling.

Maybe listen to this episode.

Listen to this episode, you guys. People listen— a lot of couples listen to the show together. It's fun. Go on a road trip, listen to 12 Hours of Sex with Emily. I get those emails all the time, and then they come back.

People have been conceived that are walking around today that were conceived to this show. Oh my God, little 10-year-olds out there.

Yeah, there are 10. Email me if you've conceived listening. I should send them a t-shirt. I had sex, Emily, and all I got was a t-shirt, but it's not really true because you got a baby.

My parents banged to Sex with Emily and all I got is this onesie, right?

Oh, onesies— no one's gonna put their kid in a sex onesie. But that's a good point. Okay, another email. Thank you, Kay, for that. And, uh, this is one I'd like to hear how this goes. I really would. I mean, I always want to hear. You guys should follow up. Okay, analingus. Can't talk about analingus enough.

What?

Okay. Hi, Emily. I don't know, I'm— why not? I'm a huge fan of yours. I've been a listener for a long time. I'm a 29-year-old— but do you have a child? I want to have your I'm a 30-year-old male who is single. I don't have as much success with dating as I do with hookups, although that's something I want to change. I do have a question about sex. I'm a huge fan of giving analingus to my partners. I consider it my biggest fetish. What are your thoughts on it? Also, if a woman has never gotten it and you want to try it with her, how would you touch on the topic so she's comfortable? Thank you. I knew you were gonna do that. Thank you. Keep doing what you're doing. You make a huge difference with your work Thanks again, Sean. Thank you, Sean, um, for all the great words there. That was really sweet. And, uh, let's get into some analingus. Okay, so if you don't know what analingus is, it's, um, basically it's— they call it rimming. I think they just call it— they still do.

Tossing the salad.

Well, no, tossing the salad I think is more when you— that's also licking. Yeah, it's all— what else, um, do they call it?

Rim—

okay, it's licking the anus. Licking the anus, licking around it, teasing with your tongue. That's what we're talking about.

If you listen to Nicki Minaj, you know all about it. Yeah.

So here's the thing about it. The reason why, you know, it does feel good for many men and women because there's so many nerve endings there. Um, just like anal sex, it feels— can feel wonderful. Um, you want to know how to do it if a woman has never been into it? Consensual. You got to make it consensual. You got to make sure she's okay with it. You cannot force it upon her. You can't just stick your tongue there. If you're not certain with it, you can always just, you know, say to her like, I really want to lick your ass when you're having sex, when you're fooling around. I want to lick you. I want to— I want to taste you. I want to lick your What? I mean, do it. Put your finger there. Like, I really want it. Guys say that shit all the time. Women say it. What? Or have a, you know, have a—

I think I always say in the throws of sex, or is this like over dinner?

I typically say if you need to have a talk around sex, do it the next day. Do it over breakfast. Don't do it in the moment. But this is the kind of thing you can clearly tell if someone's into it. Be like, I think it'd be so hot to taste you, you know, taste your butt. And if she's like, oh, I'm not into that, then you don't. Or you can also, if you're comfortable with this person, you'll be like, well, so what do you think about anal play? Like, I think that's a super healthy way to do it. Then you don't have to be shut down in the moment. And that would make you feel uncomfortable, might you lose your boner, Sean? I don't know how you can handle these things. So you have to figure out the best way for you, but you don't just want to force it upon her.

No, of course you don't force it, because that's assault, right?

Right. But like, you don't want to keep licking if she doesn't want it.

But that's like, you shouldn't get creative with it. Like, you know, like, uh by mistake spill some chocolate there and go, I'll get it, you know what I mean? But you could probably kind of— I think you could work your way down towards it, maybe like brush with your finger and kind of, you know, be really in tune with her and figure out if she's responding to that in a good way. And then you can maybe kind of make your way from like top down to bottom, like slowly but surely. Make sure you don't go back and forth though.

Don't go back and forth.

No, no, back and forth.

No, ass to mouth, mouth, ass to mouth, right? I was like mouth to ass, okay, ass to mouth. No, that's true too. That was my other suggestion, is that you could be going down on her like you normally do I'm sure you do, Sean. You're licking, you're doing your thing, and then you start to use your hands.

She'll push it away.

You know, you put your finger like on her perineum, like see how that feels. Maybe you start, and then you start using your tongue to the taint, and then you start like maybe rubbing with your finger. And then it's true, some guys might just like lick, lick, lick, and oops, my tongue just licked, you know. And if she's cool with it—

really, my tongue was that long? Sorry.

No, but I mean, the truth is I'm just telling you like the— if you're not sure, that like I'm telling you like the right way you could do it, like a very safe way. But I know there's plenty of women that you just lick there and they won't stop you, and then you'll know that it's okay.

And if you're reading her along the way, Sean, even though it sounds like you're more hooking up than, uh, dating, right?

Yeah. So it might be hard to kind of learn, right, if it's just like a hookup. But, you know, I think that people are— I feel like people are more open to anal play now than they were 10 years ago. But that doesn't mean every single woman. But just remember that cleanliness is essential. It's great to start with a shower, bath, condom on your tongue. Condom on your tongue, right? God, people don't use the dental dams. They really don't. Um, again, great foreplay because they don't work. Um, yes they do.

They're terrible. It's not good. Technically, you're not even touching anyone. It's like you can almost do that with a hooker and go like, honey, I didn't do anything.

No, that's not true.

We never touched. There was a dental dam between us.

No, actually, I gotta be honest, they feel good. Dental dams, like, I think the fabric on the clitoris doesn't matter.

There's a thing called anal dam.

No, but it would be the same thing that you use on your— and the dental dam, which is like a condom but it's flat, right? Like a sheet.

Where do you even get those? I've never seen one.

Sex toy stores.

First time I've ever heard about them.

You can make one with a condom.

I haven't heard about them since.

You cut the tip off of the condom and then you cut it lengthwise and then you open it up and there you have a dental dam. I know I had to do it.

It would be like a square, wouldn't it?

Yeah, it would be square. There you go. You have, well, you probably don't have condoms, but you all have dental dams and if you have a pair of scissors and you got condoms, you got a dental dam.

Cellophane, no good.

But back to the— no, cellophane is no good. You could suffocate the anus. Penis. Um, no, it's just not as safe. Okay, listen. Okay, so if it's clean— listen. Oh, Anderson. Yeah, no, nothing that stuff. Get the whole thing. Um, okay, so tin foil, real bad. No, tin foil is not good. Um, start by teasing her. Explore inner thighs, her butt. Warm her up like always. I just would not want a guy to go right to anal play. That's just me.

That'd be weird.

I actually had that happen.

Did you really?

In the recent past. In the recent past, in the not so distant past, in the not so distant past, right? Not too long ago, recent future, somebody went straight for your bum. I was like, what, really? Like, can we just start with the touch my boobs?

It was—

so I think we all know this except for this guy I went out with once, but, um, one time, not twice. So warm up with foreplay.

Please tell me that the, the straight for the butt happened the second time, not the first time.

Second time.

Okay, good. I would question you if it was the first time and then you went out a second time.

I never do anything on the first date. Not never, I'm kidding, I have.

But of course you have. It wasn't like a guy that went straight for the butt.

No, no, we had a lovely date. We might have made out on the first date and then he— I was like, what? What? This is a really funny story. I can't get into it now though, but remind me to tell the story. It's a great story and I'm ready to tell it. It's a longer story.

I'm not gonna be able to help you. I have no idea where I even met her.

Madison, my mind does maybe. Okay, 'Cause she's asking you, are you asking me how to do it? Or you're just asking me how to do it? Like, do you wanna know how to do it? Can I get more into it? So anyway, you know, there's lots of nerve endings. It can be a huge turn-on for her. Positions, you can lay her on her back, like you could put a pillow like under her back so she can lay back and spread her legs open. She could also be like laying just, yeah, so she could have a pillow, get it, and she's elevated. So without her back, so her butt's up. She could also toss her legs back. You know, and like I said, start with her perineum like you would cunnilingus, slide down, and you lick. You lick very gently, use your tongue, you can just kind of poke, and then you can kind of tell if she wants more. Is she moving towards you? Is she moving away from you? Anal cavity here, I wrote.

What?

I wrote this down. I was like taking like, insert your tongue into your partner's anal— I wrote anal cavity, just came out.

Don't do that. Don't write that.

I've never even said that out loud. Do you ever say the anal cavity? Like the dentist?

Usually I only talk about that if somebody's like using a prison purse. You know what I mean? Or being certain it's a prison purse. You know, cavity.

Oh, your anal cavity.

Yeah, but I want to, I want to talk about it in these, uh, terms.

Well, trying to make it sex when you are plucking the anal cavity, but just into your tongue, like around. Gentle, gentle. You always want to go gently, gentle, soft, slow, and then see if you want more. But that's how you do it. Warm her up. Warming up just works for so many things. Don't go right for the anus. To be continued. Okay, we've got some, another email here. Dear Emily, I really enjoy biting my partner's chest/shoulders during intercourse and find that it helps keep me in the physical moment. Losing physical contact between my mouth and my partner's body and mouth tends to result in me thinking more about the fact that I'm having sex instead of feeling, instead of fully feeling physically present. This is from a woman, by the way, if you're trying to think about this. My previous and current partner have not been a fan of the marks left on their chest in the aftermath. Do you have any other suggestions for other physical actions I might try that won't result in physical aftermath but can keep me in the moment? Do suggestions for doggy style type positions as well. Thanks, Liz, age 26.

Wow.

Have you ever had one bite you? Oh yeah. And what do you think?

I don't mean to say it like that, but yeah, marks have been left. And, uh, the only time it's really problematic is if there's other people in the mix, right?

Right.

Or if it's really super, uh, noticeable outside the shirt, you know, I don't want to go to work the next day with hickeys over my arm or my neck. But it's so weird, I get this like, uh, connection with the mouth, and it's so primitive. It is.

It's so—

who knows where it comes from, but it's like, I get it.

Uh, it comes from these primal— like, well, animals, you know, it comes from that, like, I'm feeling this pleasure and I really want this connection. And I— so I used to be a biter. This actually reminded me that I was a biter, and I don't— I'm not a biter anymore, but I remember several boyfriends in a row were like— it was like a funny thing. They come over like, do you see this? They lift their shirt and they think bites all over that. I was like, I did that? Like, I really wouldn't remember that.

I remember.

No, I mean, like, they said I bit him. I was like, I did not bite them. I'm like, oh yeah, but I was in them. I really was out of my mind. I was like not in the moment. I would bite.

Yeah.

And luckily they all kind of found it kind of funny.

It could be fun.

Yeah, I mean, and it wasn't like in, you know, remarkable places.

Sounds like she's got a few partners and they probably have a few partners That could be it.

I get it though. Like, sometimes it feels involuntary, like it's a way for connecting. Yeah, maybe her guys didn't— that's true. These days, I guess maybe a lot, she's— he's— they're dating other people, right? Um, yeah, yeah, she's 26. So, but what you're asking is— I get what you're saying about keeps you in the moment, keeps you present, turned on. Um, that like raw energy of just having sex and like the orgasm, the intense physical connection, can really like like it can really, um, the pain also for guys too, like that you're giving, like that can also help with endorphins. Like, did you feel anything when they were doing it to you?

I mean, I was aware of it. It might have taken me out a little bit of it, if anything, but I, it was a good sign, right? I always thought it was a good sign, right? If you're like on somebody else, and like, you know, if I was, if I wasn't in a committed relationship, I would be like maybe a little bit worried at that moment too, going, oh geez.

These were my— I'm thinking these were my committed partners, which has been a long time since I've— so yeah, it was a while ago. But you're right, I could see that being a problem. So I did— things I thought about that— maybe you want to be bitten during sex. A lot of times we give what we want to receive. So Liz, I'm wondering if you want to be bitten. Um, I think that some guys can think like biting— like if they bite you, it can lead to like punishment or pain for the partners. They might not be biting you back, but it does cause a rush of endorphins, blood to your genitals, makes women's orgasms stronger. So I'm curious is, um, if it's something that you want as well, uh, just— that just came to me. And also, if you— if you're into, um, maybe more like, I'm just asking for alternatives. So I think like a ball gag, maybe if you're restrained, like if there's some other physical force on you, or like if you could bite down on something, or if your hands are back, you'd be feeling the force of the, um— or if he's using his hands, or if the handcuffs— I'm holding my arm, you know— that might be a way to kind of are moaning really loudly and really like screaming or like getting it out there. Like, I do that as well. I don't think I bite and moan. I think I've started to get louder and not bite. I'm trying to— this is very—

I bet there's something else that works. And like, if you, if you could just try a bunch of different things, like in a, like, just in a comfortable setting, which would be hard because it's in the throes of passion, right? It's really hard to kind of do a controlled test there.

It's true.

But maybe just like holding him real tight from behind while biting your own hand or something.

Yeah.

Yeah, that might do the trick. Or bite him somewhere where no one would see it except for you.

I don't know if that's why they don't like the biting. I don't know if it's because they're afraid of leaving marks because they're actually—

Why else would you be upset about it unless it hurts, right?

I don't know. Who knows? I mean, there's a lot of reasons.

It happened to multiple guys in your life and they all thought it was funny.

But I was that— because I'm that great of a lover. No, I don't know. They never were upset, but they were boyfriends. I don't know. So I think you could try moaning. You could try other forms of dominant. I just think you might want to be dominant.

You know what this probably is? And this is totally just a blind stab in the dark because I'm not a scientist, even though I like science. Uh, this could be like leaving the mark. Like, this could come from a place where you're trying to mark your partner.

Yeah, I think— yeah, perhaps. So a lot— this is a very primal, very—

I take it off the market. This person has the sex mark by me.

I mean, I think— I— well, here's the thing. I think that men could think— I've heard guys say that, like, oh, she did this. Yeah, to mark me. There's a lot of reasons here, you know, so yeah, you're right though, maybe she is, but I don't think so. I think like it is because just because I have— I say I'm a victim of biting, I've had victims of my biting that I wasn't doing.

I lost a finger once.

Right, I was going to ask you about that. Um, but I would— they'd have marks somewhere and I was like, oh, I mean, not horrible, but I'm just saying I wasn't trying to mark them. But sure, there's a lot of different scenarios here, but you're asking how not to do this anymore and try to replace it, so I'm giving you some suggestions here that could be great. You also asked me about Doggy style. I cannot speak highly enough about the Sportsheets doggy style strap, which was like— you asked for alternatives to doggy style. It's that. It allows you to be at a 45-degree angle, it's a 90-degree angle. It's a— the strap goes around your pelvic area. Well, he can hold you and kind of move you around in different ways that it just is hitting your spots and his spots. Because for a lot of women, doggy style is just not as comfortable. It supports your pelvis so you don't have to be on all fours, takes the pressures off your knees and wrists. Um, and makes it easier. You can use your hands on yourself, you can pleasure because you're not holding up your weight. Like, think about it, he's holding the strap, like he's pulling on your pelvis. Do you got it? Doggy style. Um, you can also try this out lying down in your stomach. Place a pillow or a sex wedge— I love the sex wedge— underneath your pelvis so it elevates it. Have your partner enter you from behind, um, lying on top of you or kneeling between your legs. It's great to kind of just have these pillows around, like have sex pillows in your or a wedge. I'm telling you, the elevation works for performing oral sex, either on you or on him, he on you, she, she, whatever. Whenever you want the pelvis up more, you put a pillow under your back.

Who doesn't have a pillow?

Everybody's got pillows. Or you could buy pillows that are just for sex, like the sex wedge, which is awesome. Liberator makes them. They're super cool. Yes.

Have you ever heard any excuses as to why people have hickeys? Like, have you ever had like a boyfriend who—

I guess since I was like 17. I mean, do people still do it?

I, uh, I remember when I was after college, I, I was with a girl for a minute and, uh, she had hickeys. And, uh, not from you? Not for me. And she told me that she was on a golf course and got hit in the neck. That was her lie.

Oh, so people lied? It's one of those—

I've never heard any.

No.

I had another friend. I remember she was a girl and she was freaked out because she had a boyfriend, she had hickeys, and she was trying to come up with excuses. Uses, and she came up with some kind of suction cup that, uh, like, it was in her kitchen that she would, like, clean, like, her dishes with. And she's like, do you think he'll buy it that I said that I stuck it on my neck? And I'm like, no, he's not gonna buy that.

No, that's a hickey.

Yeah, the golf ball was the best though.

That's a good one.

Like, you don't even golf, what are you talking about? She's like, I went golfing with my friend. I'm like, did he give you a hickey when you went golfing with him?

This was your girlfriend or your friend?

That was a girl at that.

The blood vessels doesn't usually— you can't really hide them either. You just wear turtlenecks for, like, a month. For girls, curling wands.

Curling wands.

Oh, like marks. Yes, necessarily. They don't look like bruises, but they're dark. That's true.

I've had really bad— like, and you got blamed for—

people are like, it's a hickey.

Yeah, like, no, I swear to— like, it was like from my straighteners. Like, perfect. Like, I actually shaved once and I got like a little bit of an abrasion, and I was dating a very insecure girl and she didn't talk to me again after that. I was fine with it because she was kind of a pain in the ass, but she was certain that I was cheating on her.

I'm like, all right, people are so—

if I knew that, I would have shaved that way 3 weeks ago.

We always think for ways to make ourselves miserable. I mean, well, we don't know we are, but we're so worried about cheating and about our partners being faithful, driving away. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Sorry that happened, but not sorry. Sorry, not sorry for you. Okay, another email. We have time for one more. One more. Let's do it. Okay. Hi Emily, I've been divorced for 5 to 10 years. Which one? I mean, like, have you been divorced 5 years or 10 years?

Well, sometimes I could tell you this, sometimes divorces take around 5 years, so maybe they got separated, began the process, and then it took about 5 years.

I get it. Okay, we'll say 7 and a half maybe. But, um, I've had several physical relationships that were strictly FWBs, friends with benefits. I was fine with having one foot out the door due to trust issues. My ex-wife left me for another man. However, I recently met an amazing woman that captivates my head and heart more than my libido. She's recently out of a 5-year relationship that ended because he had an affair. I don't want to rush anything physically because we have so much fun and have so much in common that I don't want to scare her off or end up being in another loveless physical relationship. We've acknowledged we like each other for all the same reasons, but since her last relationship was less than a year ago, I'm worried that it's going to rebound. Um, I guess that you'll be the rebound is what you're worried about. The topic of sex hasn't come up. We haven't had our first kiss, and oddly enough, I'm fine with I'm excited to make out like hormone-bursting high schoolers when the time is right. Maybe I'll give her a hickey. How can I proceed and not fall into the permanent friend zone? George, age 45, California. Wow, George. Okay, George, I understand you want to take it slow and don't fall in the dreaded friend zone. I swear to God, I feel like that's one of the top dating questions over the years.

Does that happen in the 40s and 50s?

You know, it's funny. No, it is funny. You don't think about that, but oh yeah, it happens. It happens. I do it. I've done it. Not on purpose, but yes, for sure. It happens all the time. I've been friend-zoned, they've been friend-zoned, the whole thing. I don't think it ever stops because the reason why people go into the friend zones, I think typically, is because for me, I think that like when I would do it, I'm not saying I have a problem doing it now in some way, but not consciously, but it's because you want the attention of a suitor. You want someone who's after you, but yet I don't want to be in a relationship, but I want that guy who's there for me. Drew, you think it's called the boyfriend zone?

Bulb in.

Yeah. And it's not fair.

No.

And it's not fair to the person, you know. So I think that it does happen at all times in life. And, um, I think that we're, you know, they're not conscious of it. I was never like, oh, I want you to be my friend. Now I've just tried to make it a lot clearer. Now I am a lot clearer. I think also I might have been in the past like, oh, maybe I will, it will happen. But here's the idea, of course. But, um, there's a delicate balance between being her friend but making it clear that you desire her. And I think that guys— have you ever fallen into the friend Oh, I've been in the friend zone.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't see you as the friend zone guy, but—

well, it didn't stay the friend zone. I never— yeah, it didn't stay the friend zone. There are actually a couple friends I have kept in the friend zone. Yeah, they're still good friends with mine, and you can point— pick them out because they're in my wedding photos. Okay, they're invited to my wedding. But for the other ones, no, I didn't want anyone that I had sex with at my wedding. But he also has to take into account— so do you with this one— that, uh, you know, she's coming out of a divorce that was involved in affair and his trust issues, but so does he.

So his ended 5 to 10 years ago.

But we don't know why.

But she had an affair. His wife had an affair. Her husband had an affair. So they're kind of the same place. Yeah, no, but they're kind of— because his was 5 to 10 years ago or 20. So they fall into the friend zone, I think, when they act like friends. Like, you literally, like, you feel like you act like a friend. You fill her car with gas. You're there when she's bored. You listen, take her to the airport. You listen to her rant about her friends that she hates or her ex-boyfriends. You're available when she's bored and wants to hang. So essentially you become a friend. Friend. So I think the steps that you have to take to not be in the friend zone is you have to make your intentions clear, right? So you said that you've both acknowledged that there's an attraction, and I get you're concerned, and what if she's a— what if you're a rebound, and what if she's not over yet? I get all that, but you have to make it clear. Um, you have to let her know that, like, you find her attractive, that there's chemistry, you're cool with taking it slow, but your interests are, you know, you're fine being a friend, but you're attracted to her, you find her attractive, you know, like, you— that, you desire in that way.

This is what Valentine's Day could be good for.

What?

Because you can make your intentions known on that day. It's a romantic day. That's true. You could give her a Valentine's Day card. True. I know you're 45 and it seems kind of childish, but you can maybe, like, right now get a nice reservation at a nice—

that's true.

But you also have the chance of this blowing up, because I think that if she has trust issues, which she probably does, he does too. But I don't think it's quite as intense for guys to have—

he's got 25 years to get over it.

Uh, it's true, right?

No. 5 to 10, right?

But she might value their relationship so much that she doesn't want to muck it up. And I think that is a real thing sometimes. I really do.

I find out— but I think that he should find out if that is true, um, because you don't want to waste your time having her— like, she's there, there's a chemistry because they haven't even kissed yet, right? And maybe this is a little premature because it sounds like you haven't even kissed her yet, but you're asking me how to avoid the friend zone. I'm telling you, so make it clear And don't— like, another reason why guys fall in the friend zone is because they try too hard. And you might not realize you're doing this because you do— he does care about her, he wants to listen to her, he, you know, he wants to like be there for her. But again, the women do it, or guys do it, because we want the attention. We want someone there who's like gives us that rush of someone who likes us, but we don't really have the energy.

Yeah, all the benefits without the messiness of sex, which you probably can go out and get somewhere else, right?

Right, exactly.

And he'll always be there.

And you're gonna know if this exists because it doesn't exist in a relationship which is reciprocal. So if you feel like you're the one who's only giving and she's not giving you back the same behavior, get out. Yeah, get out. You know, you're trying too hard.

Sounds like George is really falling for her though.

I know, I know, George, you are. And I think that, um, here's the other thing. I think we also think, well, I don't want to be the rebounder. There's plenty of cases where people break up with someone and they— and it works out. I know a lot of people are like Yeah, I, I met them the day after I broke up with my ex. We've been together for, you know, my mom, we were talking about this, so her husband of 32 years now, she met him 2 days after she broke up with the guy that she was dating for a year and a half, and she was devastated, and she wasn't even gonna go out that night. She met my stepdad. So I'm just saying, these things happen, and she was in her 40s, right?

So maybe she is a serial monogamist.

So you could— yeah, exactly, she might be ready for it. I, I don't know. So I think that the way you do it is, like, like I said, make your intentions clear. You can still be a good friend and not be in the friend friend zone.

Good advice, Em.

Thank you, Anderson. Thank you too. Good advice from your end as well.

Thanks.

It's good to have you here as a man and a friend.

I don't like it when I don't come in here for 3 weeks.

It hasn't been—

Do I get put on timeout? Do you guys, uh—

Well, no, we don't timeout you.

No, no, I don't get suspended for a couple weeks.

No, no, you don't. We don't do it. We— no, we, we, we, we— I have a rotation.

I know you do.

Um, but I love you. I'm gonna see you.

That's why I don't leave marks on your, uh, mic when I'm here.

I appreciate it. Yeah, I love that you're here. And Congratulations on all your amazing success.

Thank you very much, Emily.

Really. And thank you. Thank you everyone for listening. I love you all. Happy Valentine's Day. It's coming up. Yeah, just here, like in a few days. So yeah, sending you lots of love. Thank you to Madison and Eddie and Jamie and Lori and Ken. I love you all. And thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.