Dirty Talk, Dealbreakers & Disappearing Dates

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20 off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Thanks everyone for checking out this episode of Sex with Emily. Tonight we're answering your questions because I love hearing from you@feedbackexwithemily.com Some of the topics include how to spice up the missionary position, what kind of lube you should be using, and how to improve sexual timing with a partner and overall, how to have better sex and relationships. So thanks for listening. First, a shout out to my sponsor, Fleshlight. It is the number one sex toy for it is the only one that you could possibly want. Because how about this? What if you could have amazing sex anytime, even when you didn't have a partner? That's what the Fleshlight does. It simulates the sensations of actually having sex. It's a male masturbation sleeve. So you have options to just using your hand because you know, as women we have so many other options. We've got so many toys. Because let's be honest, if you could feel something other than your hand every now and then and it felt amazing, wouldn't you want to try it? The Fleshlight was engineered to look and feel like the real deal. It has a patented skin like material. It feels like flesh and some people say it even feels better than sex. So you got to check it out. It's body safe materials. And I think that for every woman that has a vibrator, every man should have one of these. And also you got to use some lube with it. And the flesh lube is award winning. And for all my Sex with Emily listeners, for a very limited time, they're giving out free bottles of fresh lube with your order of a flashlight. So go to sexwithemily.com, click on the flashlight banner, put in code Emily at checkout and you'll get a flashlight that you like. There's so many different choose from. And a bottle of their award winning lube. That's go to sexwithelily.com, click on flashlight, use code Emily. Thank you for listening.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean?

Like laundry?

It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can sign up for our mailing list. And when you do, you get our report. The five biggest mistakes you're making in bed. If you're a man or woman. Because let's be honest, every once in a while you're making a mistake. And you know what? You might even be making it more often than that. And that's what this show is about. I just want to help everyone have better, more interesting and more long lasting sex and relationships. That's why I'm on this earth, on this planet. That's why I walk the earth. Right, Anderson? That's right.

You're the sex goddess.

No. Yeah, I am. I am a sex goddess. Thank you. And I know I've helped you with your sex life. You won't tell me how, but you said you knew a thing or two.

It's mysterious, mystery. But yeah, I bang better.

Does your wife say you bang better now, Emily?

Helping people bang better since.

Since 2005.

That's a bumper sticker.

You need to make note to self.

Put that up there with the boots and the what sex should look like.

Exactly. I've got so many projects on the list for 2014, 15. It's gonna be banner year coming up. Okay. Tonight's show, like I said, I'm answering. It's all about you. I love hearing from you. I read all the emails that you sent to feedbackexwithemily.com it's awesome. Also on Twitter, on Wednesdays from 12:30 to 1 Pacific Standard Time, you can email me your questions. It's exwithemily on Twitter and I answer them. How about that? Just it's the free easy sex advice, relationship advice right there when you need it.

It's actually you. You don't have them ghostwritten?

No, it's me. It's real time Twitter.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Have you ever been on. Have you ever been on the Twitter?

I don't do the Twitter.

You don't do the tweets.

My thing is. What is tweet? I don't even know.

Twitter is a good time. We do a lot of tweeting, a lot of followers. Follow me. If you're on Twitter and you don't follow me, then I'm pissed at you.

I'm@andersoncowan.com oh, okay.

And he has a podcast called the After Disaster, which is Film Vault and the film. Why won't you talk about the After Disaster and the Film Vault?

It's not a moneymaker.

Okay. The Film Vault is going to put his kids maybe through college.

I don't have kids. Yeah, but it's gonna put me to dinner.

No. It's an amazing podcast. If you wanna know anything about film and you wanna be entertained and informed and about the latest and greatest films, you should check out his podcast.

Thank you.

Yeah, so you really should. And he's not just a pretty face. Seriously. He makes really good podcasts. Also, we are looking for interns at the Sex with Emily office. And I have to say it's a pretty good time. I actually have one sitting here. Can she talk for a second? Madison. Madison was my intern and now she works with me. I've just recently. Which is awesome. Madison being an intern for sex with Emily. Not a bad gig, huh? No, Honestly, as far as internships go, you really can't complain.

I don't know any other internship where.

On your first day they hand you.

A vibrator and they're like, alright, have fun.

Thanks for coming in. Yeah. And I said like, take it and go home and write a review if you'd like and have a good time. And we do other fun things in the office. Intern.

I get it in.

Oh, that's Funny. No, but you don't actually have to even use sex toys. We don't force them upon you. But there's lots of fun things to do here. So email me or where can they find the description of the internship?

Internships.com we have two internships open, I believe.

And then very soon, Intern Match. Right now, Intern Match. And also Kimber was my former intern. I just hired her as my assistant. But funny story, if you ever see me out and about and you think, oh, that's if, you know, I don't know people. She saw my reality show whatever and she didn't say hi. She's like, it's so funny. A few months ago and I didn't want to say hi. I would love if you came up and said hello to me because I love when people say hi. And if she'd say hi to me, maybe she would have been my intern a lot sooner.

Maybe she'd be sitting where Madison is right now.

Exactly. Well, she works with me too. Just saying. So that's my deal with interns. And what else? Oh, Thursday nights, Pacific Standard Time, 8:30 and 9:30. You can now watch the show live. You can even call in when the phones work, which we're working on. But if you go to sexelmwe.com we have a. It's used by ustream. Right, Madison. And you just check it out and there's a link and you can watch what's happening in real time, which is, you know, really exciting.

Phones aren't working now. Don't call one out. Wait, they can't call now anyway because they're pre recorded. Okay. Sexual Health Expo, January 17th and 18th in Los Angeles. First of its kind event and I am the face of it, the keynote speaker. But also the best part, during the days, two days, it's in Hollywood, they will be having the leading sex educators in the country, if not the world, teaching workshops. There will be parties at night, there'll be the booth set up with like the latest and greatest. All the products I talk about, they'll be there. So you can actually put your hand inside of a flashlight or your penis if you want. Probably not there in the room, but you know, check it out. So if you want free tickets, I'm giving some away. So email me feedbackexwithemily.com tell me why you want to go. And each ticket is worth two tickets. So bring a friend and also like us on Facebook and follow me on Twitter and Instagram. Sex with Emily.

That's the Sex Health Expo.

Yes, sexualhealthexpo.com what's that mascot look like? What do you mean?

Usually Expos have, like, a little mascot that runs.

I'm the mascot.

You're the mascot. Okay.

Go to the website I'm on. I am the mascot.

Oh, yeah, There you are. Oh, it's S H e she Sex Health Expo.

Yeah, but it's not just for women. It's for men and women and couples. Gay, straight.

That's why they made the pink S and then the H e is blue.

Right?

Clever. I like that.

You like that?

January 1718. Yeah, Sofitel Hotel's a sweet place.

I know. It's really nice. Do you want to come? I can give you a ticket if you tell me where you want to go. Offline. Email me. Okay. A little bit before we get into the emails, a little bit. Sex in the news. Apparently dating apps are leading to less sex and more texting, which I did not have to read an article to tell me this, but it's so true. I find that even though I'm not dating online, that nobody talks on the phone, and it's all about texting and sexting. And I don't even think people are getting late as much as they're talking about it with each other texting. So dating apps like Tinder and Hinge have made it increasingly easy for people on the hunt for everything from casual sex to a relationship to find each other. But according to the New York Times, that isn't happening. What is happening, people are increasingly finding themselves in text only relationship, or as the Times jokes, less casual sex than casual text. I'm so glad that this is documented in the New York Times, because this is my life lately. I swear to God, I have more texting relationships going on that my fingers hurt. They're, like, bleeding at the end of the night. I'm exhausted. I'm like, I would have you wish you would just come over. We could have had sex and then you could have already been home and I could be sleeping. But a texting conversation is like three hours long and you get nowhere and you don't see them. And I'm still alone.

A lot of beating around the bush in those taxes.

Exactly. Stop beating around my goddamn bush already. While anecdotally. Anecdotally many believe that millennials are getting laid right and left, that is not the case.

What is that? What's a millennial?

Millennial is like Madison. Oh, It's a generous 20 something. Hello. Yeah, they're supposed to be really sort of.

What's the word self involved. Self involved. And not really her word. Expecting that everything's gonna happen for them.

But how many likes did it get? But how many likes? What should I hashtag.

Should I take a selfie? Right. The whole thing, it's all document. Their whole life has been documented online. Like mines and photographs maybe, apparently their entire life. I could, like, Google Madison and see her when she was, like, two.

Remember when you go over, like, you meet a guy and sometimes, like, you break out the photo album.

Yeah.

What are the millennials gonna have to do?

They just whip out their iPhone. You probably have your second birthday on your phone. They're like, check out my throwback Thursday from last week. Right. I was a child boner killer. Yeah, exactly. So that's what they're all about. But they're not having sex. Apparently so. From 2000. So, okay, comparing results from 1988 to 1996, from those 2012 to 2010, fewer respondents in the latter group reported having sex within the past year. So 59% versus 65% saying whatever the hell that means just means that your generation is having less sex. Could the rise of dating apps be what's to blame for millennials having less sex? Normally, we'd say to each their own. But seriously, people, you cannot have a relationship and sex the computer. At least not yet.

Wait, less sex, but more partners?

No, there's less sex, more text. Don't even listen to what I said before, because it was confusing to me, too.

No, no, I get it. But I would think that they're having.

No, they're not even having sex because they're home texting and Facebooking and Instagramming and stalking each other with the video.

Games and the hashtags, the whole thing.

They're like, I liked my. He liked my Instagram photo. Do you think that means that he, like, likes me? Or he just likes my photo? But then he also liked my friend's photo. Look. Look at him. Look at his profile. Like, no one has time to even date because they're just documenting the entire relationship in their head on what someone else is doing online. And they're watching them through cyberspace or whatever the hell you call it, through all their social media networks. It's not even like you have enough to be on Tinder. It's like Facebook stalking. Like, I have had issues with men that I've dated who have taken my social media very seriously and think that I'm actually talking about them when I'm not. I can only imagine what. Oh, yeah. All the Time. They're like, I was really upset. I'm like, dude, I just thought I had nothing to do with you.

I was talking about somebody else's dick.

Yeah, your dick is fine. His dick is really big. Yours is medium.

There you go.

His dick is really small and yours is fine. You know, things like that. So I can just imagine now that, that, you know, used to be like, I'm going out with a guy, he's 5 foot 10, he's brown hair, Like, I couldn't be like, here he is, look at his entire life. So just a different world and they're just consumed with it. They are, they're not awful people or anything, but they're just having less sex than previous partners. And that could explain the case of disappearing daters. So if you heard about this, I mean, this has been going on for a while, but it's when you go on a couple dates with a guy and then he disappears completely and you never hear from him again. And men are more notoriously disappearing daters than women. And I again hear this too. And it's happened to me. I've gone out with guys at a great date and it's amazing. Everything is fabulous. And then just don't hear from him again.

Do you, do you bang?

No. No, I didn't even bang him. And that's it. Didn't even get to banging. It was like a great date or maybe two dates. Maybe we made out on the second date or maybe he felt my breast on the second date. We didn't have sex, but something happened and it was amazing and oh my God, kiss, kiss. Didn't want to leave you. And then you just never hear from him. And it could be because, you know, they had such a great time, they passed out and died.

Deployed. He got deployed. Exactly. Oh, it's Veterans Day coming. It was Veterans Day. No, really, he. Whatever it is, they disappear. And I think it's because there's lots of options. A lot of men are emotionally unavailable and they want to keep their optional. Who the hell knows, but they disappear. So that's all I want to say about that. Have you ever been?

Oh, I disappear.

And I've just, you know, to be honest, I've disappeared. I disappear all the time sometimes if.

It'S not a whole lot invested, it's just the best thing.

Yeah. What are you gonna do, break up after two dates? Well, this is the dilemma. Do you like a two date breakup? Hey, I really enjoyed having coffee with you at Starbucks. And the second time then we met up for that concert where we barely talked. But I just don't think this is working out.

Yeah. No, you don't want to do that.

No, you just disappear. But then you. But then you gotta go over with your girlfriend. This is my last test. And then you stress about all the things that you might have done wrong, why you didn't call, and why she. It's never what you think. And usually it's because they're banging someone else. Right?

Yeah.

Bigger, better deal.

Not always bigger. Yeah, right.

Oh, for girls. Always bigger. No, but. Or they circle back. Like, I had a guy that I went on a really good date with. I thought, like, six months ago, seven months ago, and then all of a sudden he, like, pops up on my Facebook because he had to become friends with me before to see if I was hot.

Oh, you're a relief pitcher.

My what?

You're like a bull in the bullpen.

What do you mean? Why? Oh, right.

You're like. He's like, starting rotations, kind of getting tired of.

Yeah, he's like, six months later, he's like, hey, looks like you're always out of town. When are we ever gonna get together again? I was like, like, it's been six months. I haven't heard it. I'm like. I was taken aback. And I was like, yeah, I'm out of town a lot, but you're not every day for the last six months. What's your point?

Oh, were you a bitch like that?

Oh, kinda. Because I was like, yeah, a little bit. Because you know why it annoyed me, the whole thing. I was just like. Cause I knew. I know men so well. I know men before men know men, and it's a blessing and a curse. So I know the whole thing. And he's like, well. And then I gave him shit for it. And then he came back again a few days later, and I just ignored him. And then again, I was like, dude, what's up? Like, we're not waiting a good time, and I'm hearing from you, like, what's the deal? Like. And he's like, oh, I was seeing someone. Just ended. I said, sorry to hear that. Good luck.

Oh, he's probably seeing someone when he went out with you.

No, he was the only one. Yeah, he was. Met someone or he was dating two of us. I went out with him once, and I didn't even like him that much even. It was just. It was annoying. I don't know. I was.

I don't know why I am, but I got a feeling. I think this is the one. I think he's the one.

Really? I don't think so at all. Okay. There are only two personality traits you need for a lasting relationship. Do you know what they are, Anderson? Because your relationship has been lasting communication and money. Nope. Okay. John Gottman, who I actually love. He's actually. He's a psychologist, and he actually does the most, I think, impressive, influential, important studies on couples. And he does. He's in a lot of studies about the predictability in which he can look at couples and meet with them. He'll know, like, there's certain, like, six points that he measures them just to be able to. What's the word I'm thinking of? To dictate to, you know, to be able to predict in the future if they will last or not. You know what I'm saying? So he's gone back to these couples after studying them. Six years later, he went back and found out that couples that stay together are kind and they're generous with each other.

So kind and generous, or that's the answer you're looking for.

The couples that were more judgmental, the couples who sniped each other, the couples who were. I mean, I've read all these studies. The couples that were more condescending to each other, the couples who were critical are not the couples that last.

Oh, so people that like each other stay together.

Yeah. That are nice and kind and generous and sweet. But if you've got this snippy relationship with your partner and you're bringing him down and you're making him feel bad or fat or lazy or ugly and never good enough, and you never appreciate anything they do, and you're critical. You're probably gonna get a divorce.

I know those guys get together. I know those couples.

So they should just break up now?

What are they doing together? It's so weird.

You know, they get off on it somewhere. They don't realize how dysfunctional they are. But John Gottman, who is a leader in this field, will tell you that you're about to get divorced. So you might as well just listen to me or go to therapy and work on it, because you've anger issues. And you know what? The fact that you're criticizing your partner so much and you're being so judgmental has nothing to do with your partner and everything to do with you and your siblings. It's a mirror.

Yeah.

Go work that shit out and then get a partner. But don't take it off on this person that you're gonna abuse emotionally. And then when she or he moves onto their next relationship, they're gonna be all beaten up because you didn't do it.

A lot of time they turn around and they beat up the next person.

I know, it's all messed up.

Just like.

Just like your girlfriend who dumped you in high school. Yeah.

I've treated girls like shit for so long.

I know. See what I mean? It lasts forever. So people, just stop in your tracks now and get some help. Okay. We are gonna move into some emails now. Oh, before we do that.

What?

We're gonna give a shout out to our sponsors.

Hell yeah, we do.

Because we love them. You know who I really love? I love Good vibes, good vibrations, goodvibes.com. they carry all the best toy brands that you should get because they only. They vet all their toys. So if you go to sexwithemily.com and you click on the Good Vibes banner, you can see I have a toy store there. It's my own store. And I picked out everything. I tried every single toy, every lube, every product, every. And they truly are all body safe. The best ones out there, they're split up into sections. Like, you know, you can get like different cock rings for couples toys, like the We Vibe, which is amazing. Or for women, clitoral vibrators like the Vibratex girls. They're these little. They come in little pink pouches. They're leather. You zip them up and you can just like whip it out. It's like a makeup bag. But then you have like your little vibrator and you can use it during intercourse or alone.

The girls look like Weeble Wobbles.

Yeah, they're so cute. I brought them in last week. You can also get the most orgasmic vibrator of all time. The magic wand. Go to sexwithemily.com click on the Good Vibes banner and use coupon code GVMILY20 for 20% off. Also, if you want to continue having great and amazing sex, I know you listen to the show, but you might not be able to last as long as you want in bed. And I can't help you. I give you tips, I tell you things that you can do. But you can also use the only FDA approved treatment for premature ejaculation and lasting longer bed. And that is promescent. It's a quickly absorbing delay spray that allows you to have the sex you want and you don't even have to think about baseball. Guys do that. They think about baseball. You know that, Anderson?

Yeah, I used to do that, but then I really like Geena Davis and I think of her own. And then I would just finish.

Oh, now you just think about your wife. Right? Okay. So you don't. You can focus on your partner's hot body now that the people at Promescent have created this spray that closes the arousal gap. So check it out@promescent.com and now your emails because. Because I love hearing from you all@feedbackexemily.com all right. I feel like singing. Okay. Dear Emily. Okay, so this email is from Stan, who writes us a lot in Boston. And he wanted to know, are there lube questions? Because as you know, I'm a huge fan of lube. I, I want my dream, my dream. And I've got a few dreams, but this is in the top of the list. That there should be a lube on every nightstand in the world. That you should not be shameful of your lube. That you should leave it out there loud and proud. Because lube improves the relationship for every man and woman in a relationship, especially women. Women are more likely to orgasm with lube. Blah, blah, blah. So Stan has a question. The difference between lubes. Because there are so many lubes, you go to the store and there's like hundreds of kind. You're like, I don't know what to do. So there is a difference between silicone and water based type lubes. So he also wants to know the difference between the ones that are compatible with condoms and our flavored lubes. Really good to add some variety to oral situation or do they cause sensitivity? So let me just break it down for you. It can be a very personal preference which lube works. I always lean people towards water based lubricants just because they're safe, they're less expensive and they're less likely to cause yeast infections and they can be used with every type of condom. So water base is safe. And I really like don't. And there's also. Okay, there's also glycerin and non glycerin. So I say water based without glycerin are the most common. It does. The lube does dry out quicker. But again you won't cause any problems with, you know, sensitivity with the female genitalia. So if you have. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So there's glycerin ones like KY Gel, like the ones like Ky KY liquid. I don't recommend those. Those are water based with glycerin because they have a slightly sweet taste and they're slick. So y' all like that slickness of it, but it still has some ingredients in it that can cause a sticky texture and yeast infections. So I say non glycerin water based. Then you move on to silicone based lubricants. Silicone based lubricants.

I love silicone based lubricants because they're the longest lasting of all the lubricants. They're exactly what you want in a lubricant. They're like slippery and sticky and they feel really good. And it's safe to use with all condoms. The advantage of using silicone based lubricants includes their effectiveness for women with sensitive genitalia. They can be used in water and they're great for sensual body massages. So the thing about like I love.

Uber lube is one of my favorite lubes right now.

Does it come pick you up?

It does. I just call, yeah, it does pick me up. Every time it picks me up, baby, it takes me exactly where I want to go. You know what I'm saying? I also love Pujur P J U R. They make an amazing lube. And that's silicone based lube. So that's the difference between. He also asked about the flavor lubes and the warming lubes. I just think you should stay away from those because they can cause yeast infections with women. And you just got to be really careful. Anytime someone adds a scent or a smell to it and something that's like warming or lubing or numbing. Lubing. Lubing is fine. Numbing, I say no. Did I answer all those questions? I think I did. The different types. Yeah, we covered it. Okay, that's a good lube rundown. I bet you just learned more about lube than you ever thought you would, right, Anderson?

That was a lot of lube talk.

Okay. Also, Dear Emily, this is about being bored up. This is a woman who's bored on the bottom.

Missionary. We're gonna mix up the missionary position.

There's more to life than you love being on top. What is the deal?

It's easier for many women to achieve orgasm on top, and many women like missionary, but it just gets friggin boring. And it gets boring. Doesn't ever get boring for you. You're never like, really missionary. You're just like, yeah, bring it.

I'm a Christian man. Do as the Lord tells me.

Okay. Dear Emily, when my partner and I have sex, I found myself getting bored if I'm on the bottom and if I'm on the bottom and always end up on top Don't. Oh, listen to this, Anderson. So you're wrong. Don't get me wrong. I love the control, but I feel he needs to have some as well. Is there anything you could do? Suggest for a more thrilling sexual experience? When I'm on the bottom? So no. Not every woman is climbing on top trying to get her own goddamn orgasm. Some women want to stay on the bottom and enjoy it.

It's clearly stated that she likes being on top.

She said her boyfriend pushes her on top all the time and she wants to enjoy missionary. If you were listening. So here's some answers to you, Ella, about how to spice it up. The one that I talk about the most is the cat position, which is the coital alignment technique. And you, even if you're a dog person, you would like the cat position. So you have him scoot forward about 3 inches from the usual missionary position. You following me? He's scooting forward. Go to my. Okay, first of all, so like he's.

Even taller than him.

Yes. And on my website there is a post called Mixing up missionary or something like that. Just search missionary, it'll come up so you can see the pictures. He should rest his body on you, moving slowly up and down instead of in and out. So it's an up and down. You're not going pound in and out, you're going rubbing in and out. And you can also wrap your ankles around his calves to secure him in the position. So in cat position, you have the greatest chance of experience a simultaneous orgasm with your partner, which is a double whim because you're hitting a clitoris and you're rubbing.

Did you name this one?

No, I didn't write it.

Why is it cat? Where's the cat?

Coital alignment technique.

Ah, I see.

Got it.

Cat, right?

Yeah. Then there's the anvil.

That sounds like something you would hate.

This can work for some women. Instead of just lying there, drape your legs over on the bottom. Okay, get this, you're lying there. Don't just lie there. Drape your legs over his shoulders while he kneels from above. This will increase the intensity of his thrusts while he hits your G spot because your legs are over your shoulders and you can even put a pillow underneath you, which will even help him reach your G spot more readily.

And it's super comfy and you'll be on your way to amazing orgasm number three. I've got three friggin tips for her to spice it up. So Ella, you're welcome. The third one is the wraparound well, he's on top of you. You wrap your legs around his whole body with your ankles crossed, so you're pulling him in. This secures him in a missionary position while making everything tighter down there. Clench your thigh muscles together. Rock back and forth with him so you've got your legs around his back. You're clenching. You're rocking back and forth. You are rocking your G spot and your claris.

Does that one have a name?

The Wraparound.

The Baby Monkey.

What?

The baby monkey.

Do you want to rename it in my next book?

Because you know how, like, baby monkeys wrap around, and he's like your baby.

Monkey, and if he gets up, you'd still be clinging to him like a koala bear. Oh, we're going to the kitchen to get something to eat. I'm still wrapped around you.

Hey, you talk about this as though the G spot is A, real, and B, everyone has one.

It is real. Mm. You don't think it exists? Uh, tell that to my vagina. Tell that to her vagina.

Say that again.

Tell that to Madison. Again, I said tell that to my vagina. Thank you very much. Tell that straight to Madison's vagina.

Is that part of the requirements to become an intern is you must have a G spot?

No, I've had interns. Yes, now every single one of your interns. No, I've had interns who've never had orgasms until they worked for me. And I'm very proud that I launched their orgasm.

Let's be clear that Emily didn't give them.

Their first orgasm.

No, no, no. I did not give it to them. I explained to them how and. Or I gave them the magic wand, which is kind true. So what was the question? So G spots. No, they're elusive. There is debate in the community, medical community, mostly by men, that the G spot doesn't exist. It's named after Grafenberg. He was made after a man. And the truth is, the whole region is kind of, you know, down there.

Grafenberg is what the G spot stands for.

Yeah, it's probably German. Or a Jew. German. Jew.

Graffenberg.

Grafenberg sounds like German. So listen here.

You're hitting my Grafenberg so hard.

Not every woman has been able to find her G spot, and not every woman will find, like, not everyone will be able to orgasm internally. That's true. It doesn't mean that she doesn't have one or that doesn't exist. However, a lot of women give up because they're not able to reach it during intercourse, and so there's so many other ways women can reach it. They can use their fingers. He can use his fingers. Whatever. If she's got a female partner, fingers are great. Let's just say that you let your fingers do the walk in to find your G spot. Just great toys. They're just G spot stimulation toys. There's a whole bunch of ways. Why are we on the G spot? Right? What are they talking about? Oh, you asked me about the G spot, dude. That wasn't even fine.

No, I needed to know, Benny. People wanted to know. I'm actually writing down Grafenberg in my phone right now.

You know this? I guess. You okay? I'm sorry.

I bet most people listening to this didn't know it was, like, Grafenberg.

Well, I guess they wouldn't know that, but they wouldn't. And people do question if it exists or not. And the truth is that hope. Like, for example, the pelvic region. If you're having sex with the woman, you're fooling around with her, putting your fingers inside of her, performing oral sex. If you press down on her pelvic mound or pelvic. Her pubic muscles, her pubic. Her pubic bone, like, above her pubic hair, if she has any, which she probably doesn't, that is also connected. Can be internally hitting her G spot as well. So there's different ways to reach it. So people can say, oh, it's all part of the same.

You can hit from the outside, is what you're saying.

Yeah, absolutely. You can also hit it anally, but we're not doing a show about anal sex right now.

Have you ever seen that Asian dude that he, like, does it without touching the women? Like, floats his hand over their vaginas?

I really want to go. I'm gonna go see that guy over Christmas.

Do you think that you just lay there? Do you think it's like.

No, I think it's. I know. I'm going over to India, I swear to God. You really am.

And you're gonna get, like, a phantom orgasm.

Wouldn't that be awesome? If anyone should have one, I deserve one. Just the hands.

His hand just hovers.

No, I know. A whole film coming out. I just went to the preview of it. It was very small screening, private screening.

What was it called?

Can't tell you.

You're not allowed to tell me.

She's waiting here, getting Sundance. Can't tell you. Okay. And she went and she did this. And I want to go to India just for that reason. And I. It's so funny. Okay. I just Got distracted myself. So. No, he really does this. And it's true and it's real. And I just think that there's. What I'm saying is not every woman can have what?

Not every woman.

Very distracting to everyone involved.

I know. Drew. Did you want some too?

Drew? Dr. Drew is standing to my right holding a Jack Daniels bottle.

I bought some for Amber.

You rarely see.

Okay, so. But what was I even saying? Now I'm all distracted.

We're talking about G spot. And then we moved on.

No, I moved on to an Asian man. Oh, that Asian man. He's actually Indian. And here's the thing about orgasms. So this goes back to the G spot thing. There are sweet. Our bodies have such potential to experience so much orgasmic bliss that we don't even know. We don't even know possible. Which is why I talk about women not being disappointed by their partners. Because really, you're giving yourself like, it's not his responsibility or her responsibility. Whoever you're with, it's your responsibility. And once you take the time to learn your body, you might not have. You might not find your g spot. The first, second, third, 50th time you look for it. But it'll show up. You got to put the time 51st. Who knows? I'm just saying, people like, oh, it didn't work. I never had it. I've never had. You might not have it with a partner. You may can only have it with a toy or a finger. But, you know, keep exploring. Yeah, keep going. Life is too short just to have sex the same way every time with the same person. No, you can't sex the same person.

A lot of women think that their vaginas are flat, but they're actually round like the earth.

Right. And they blossom beautiful like flowers. Like Georgia o'. Keeffe and I can't believe you didn't agree with me on that.

I was old ancient history, Emma.

Let's move forward. No, I'm just really sad that you don't think a blossoming turn on vagina is beautiful. You probably just don't pay attention if you're gone down there and looked at it. And like, it depends.

Like out of context. Especially, like right after we're done, we're looking at that thing. It looks like something out of Predator.

Some might feel that way. And some think it's beautiful.

Not after. Nothing's really beautiful after.

You mean after. After you freeze all over it.

Maybe a shower.

Cigarettes are good when I smoke. It was delicious. Okay, so do we have Time. We don't even really have time for another question right now.

Yeah, yeah, we do.

We do. Awesome.

Is it a good one?

I have no idea.

I'm sure it's a good one. If it was bad.

Well, I have a lot of them, but I'm just looking for a shorter, ish one now. Okay. Just because. One that I can easily. We can all easily digest. Dear Emily, I am struggling with some aspects of my relationship. I love my boyfriend of seven months, but we disagree on certain things. He insists on paying for everything in our relationship, despite the fact that I make more than him. I am also uncomfortable with his dirty talk. He constantly calls me whore and slut when we are having sex. What should I do? Thanks, Sarah.

What if you put rich in front of you?

What's wrong with whore and slut? What? What if it was like, you rich whore. You rich slut, sugar mama. Maybe she just wants to be sugar mama. Not whore slut. I have to be honest, though. Dirty talk is a subject that, you know, you need to talk to him about. You need to talk to him when you're not in the bedroom. And you don't have to because a lot of people are into it. How long has she. How long has she been with them?

Seven months.

Seven months. Okay. That's not very long. I get it. People usually wait a little while to talk about things and you just gotta tell them that that's not really, you know, my jam doesn't make me feel good. When you say that in the bedro. I love it. No, first you have to say, sex with you is amazing. I love having sex with you. Your penis is so beautiful. When we're really getting on, I'm really turned on. And then sometimes you call me, say some things to me when we're having sex. It just kind of kills the mood for me. So please don't do that. I would like it if you would no longer use those terms. Let him know that you are very satisfied. And sometimes you just get uncomfortable with things. He says money. So, you know, what would you say to that? I mean, the thing is, maybe she doesn't like horn slut, but there's other things, like, oh, baby, that's so hot. You really turned me on. Your ass looks great. I don't know, maybe she doesn't like horn suck. She's obviously a feminist like most women, many women. And she's upset about the money thing, which is very, very interesting because I always say men. I tell men, you know, default towards paying and all that, but they're in a relationship and she wants to pay. And I get it. I feel that way too. When I'm with a guy, I will pay the whole thing. But money can be so difficult to navigate in a relationship because. Oh, God, money, sex, children, the biggest killers of people's relationships. And sex drives, because money is so charged, right? Especially for men. It can be emasculating if she makes more, if she makes more, if he makes less. If he makes less and he feels inferior. And they're very sensitive. So you have to approach this with caution, this subject with caution as well. You can suggest staying in and maybe doing things that don't cost as much. But you can also say, we're going to only get her to. We're only going to dinner tonight if it's my treat. And so ahead of time, before the bill comes to be slapped down on the table, you've already dealt with it ahead of time. You can also, you know, buy groceries, buy him treats for his house, make him feel good. But really, this is really, really touchy. So the fact is he wants to be the man, which is sort of this in the male brain. I mean, part of it is paying for things, hunting, gathering. Right. Anderson, you know, would you be down paid all the time?

To an extent. But I mean, I think seven months you can ask. Just ask the dude, be like, what's this all about? Why do you have to pay for everything? This is not right. I'm not used to this. It makes me uncomfortable.

Yeah.

And stop with the slut whorl.

You know what I like about this email, actually, with Sarah, most of these emails are sort of fatal. And I just want to say it's not going to go anywhere.

It doesn't sound like it's a good match.

No, no. This to me is actually totally. This to me seems totally doable. Like, these are like not a big key.

What, he can make more money than her?

No, no, no, no. They can handle the money situation in a way that he still feels like he's the man in the relationship. She can find ways to make that he still feels like a man and he's cool with it. And they learn how to compromise when she's going the dirty talk. I mean, maybe a lot of women liked it and she doesn't.

I don't know. I just think this is fatal flaw that freaks me out.

You think this is a fatal flaw?

Any guy who's having sex with her and calling her a slut and a whore, I think, and demanding to pay for everything does he work around metal, as Carola would ask?

He might, he might. But I don't know. To me, and it's only been seven months, so I think, Sarah, you gotta deal with this tomorrow. And, yeah, don't wait and see.

I can't imagine caring about anyone enough to have sex with them. And then while I'm calling them slut and whore, I get like, dirty talk. But the slut.

There's a lot of women that are into that kind of thing, so also like being spit. I don't know that he escalates. Like, I wonder if the first date he was like, oh, baby, you're my slut, you're my whore. Like, usually you escalate to that. Which I always have done a ton of shows on Dirty Talk that you really shouldn't start with the slut horror. Things that are too out there.

So you're down with being called a slut and a whore?

I did not say that at all. I said that there are many people who are down with that. They want to be called things that are even more extreme. Some people just want, like, hey, baby, that feels so good when you're inside me. Go, Keep go. Don't stop. Feels amazing. Oh, my God, I'm gonna come. That's it. That's dirty. So you know, there's a range. So I wouldn't say passion behind that. Oh, baby, don't stop. That feels so good.

And you just lost a lot of listeners.

I wasn't.

They're finished. Now they're moving on to other things.

I wasn't in the moon type 30. I had to be in the mood.

No, it was good.

Which one?

Suggesting that they came and now they're done.

What I'm saying is this seems negotiable, but by right. If he is not respecting that you are a modern woman who's independent, makes your own living, and doesn't want things in the bedroom. And he's like, my way or the highway, then you're done. But I think what I'm saying is, either way, she's gonna figure out very quickly if this is something she should live with or something she should just.

Talk to him about it. Seven months in, you should be able to talk.

People don't talk about anything until it's time.

Crisis while having sex.

No, that's the worst thing. The worst part.

When he's calling you a slut and a whore, he'd be like, yeah, you have to pay for everything. What's that all about, little man?

Yeah, exactly.

That's her dirty talk.

Okay, cheapskate. Or yeah. Hey, loser wins. Last time, your pay stub is shorter than your penis.

That's a great way to call the relationship right there. No, never bring it up during sex. It's a bad time to give feedback. Unless it's like, ouch, you're come. Came in my face, and I can't actually see that I'm in pain.

And now you have to pay for glasses.

Exactly. Okay, this is a great show. I'm having such a good time, but I'm afraid that we just have to wrap it up. But it's been amazing. You're amazing, Anderson. And like I said, everyone, check out his podcast, Film Vault. And After Disaster. And check me out everywhere. Sex with Emily Feedback. What she Sexual Health Expo, come to that. It's all on my website. And also, yeah, follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. Sex with Emily. And thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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