Does Size Matter? 15 Years of Penis Questions

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You're listening to Sex with Emily. On this show we talk about basically how to prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Because hey, remember this, there should be no shame in your sex game. I know you're going to enjoy today's episode because whether you're a new listener or you've been with us since the beginning, we want to celebrate 15 years of sex with Emily by bringing you some of our favorite clips and content over the last years. In this 15th anniversary episode, we're talking about all things penis. But the episode isn't just for penis owners, it's for the people who love them too. We talk about everything from how to please the penis, how to deal with erectile challenges. Once we cover that, we move into how to get pleased by the penis with porn star veteran Joanna Angel. And of course, a compilation episode of 15 years of penis. Advice would be incomplete without addressing the age old question, does size matter? We're talking about all this and more, so stick around and make sure you like, subscribe and Most of all, share this episode with a lover or a friend, because believe me, if you got something out of it, they will too. All right, hope you enjoy the show.

You're thinking about baseball scores. You're thinking about your grandmother naked. You're thinking about dead skunks on a soccer field. You're like, everything possible not to ejaculate.

I know women who have left men because they were unimaginative and had a little penis. But if he's imaginative, he can really blow their socks off.

I have special powers where I direct people having sex, you know? And I'm like, I know you think the dick's all the way in you.

But it's really not. Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day.

In this special anniversary episode, we're starting with some old calls about common penis perplexities. And by old calls, I mean, early on in my career, do you have trouble coming to climax with a partner, or are you reaching orgasm too quickly? First, I'm throwing back to an episode with Jeff Abraham, CEO of Promescent. Enjoy. Hello, Jeff Abraham. I'm so glad you're here.

Glad to be here.

Jeff is the CEO of Promescent. You guys, I've been talking about Promescent you for. For three years on the show.

Little over three.

Little over three. Wow. We're like old friends.

Very old friends.

I love this. I'm so glad to see you. I do get a lot of questions about erectile dysfunction and PE as well. So tell me, Jeff, like, about. I mean, if people don't know, they've been listening for a while. Let's just give them the lowdown on Promescent and how it got started. And why do you need that?

It was started by a urologist, Dr. Ronald Gilbert in Newport beach. And the reason he developed promescent, being a urologist. If someone came in and they had problems with ed, he had Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, Trimix shots. They came in with incontinence. He had three to four options. They came in with prostate issues. He had three or four options. They came in with pe. It was like, good luck. You know, Learn how to. Yeah. Learn how to do. Learn how to be real good at cunnilingus because there's nothing I can do for you. But then it was like, well, wait a second. They can be good at cunnilingus and also last a little bit longer. So they actually had A medical.

Solution, so called solution. It was SSRIs, the depression drugs, the serotonin reuptake inhibitors. And what they do, unfortunately, is they give you dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, loss of libido. You're like, excuse me, that's worse than having pe. So he didn't want to use those. He said, there's got to be something better. So he, in conjunction with a research chemist at the University of Georgia, developed a eutectic formula that changes lidocaine. It changes a crystal structure from crystal to oil aqueous. When it does that, it penetrates the dermis or the stratum corneum. So it gives the man a higher degree of surface sensitivity because it goes beneath. But you still have that control and it doesn't transfer to the female.

So let's talk about using it. So you're with. I mean, I've used it. I think everyone here has used promescent. So. But like, let's just talk about work. So you're a guy who maybe you have pe, but you just would like to last longer in bed. So you've got a bottle of herescent next to your bed and you just. You put a pump or two on your penis and you put it on and you have to wa. This is important. You do have to wait like 10 minutes.

It takes about 8 to 10 minutes for it to absorb. So if you want maximum efficacy with the product. But the one thing I need to make clear, everyone always goes, if you have pe, you're obviously familiar with the arousal gap and the orgasm gap.

Yes.

That the Average man lasts five and a half minutes. The average female takes 18, 19 minutes. So there are guys that go, I don't need it. I last long enough. And I asked them this question. I go, have you ever been in a situation that the last two minutes, you're like, oh, please, I hope she doesn't get on top. Oh my God. I hope she doesn't go reverse cow. Go, oh my God. And then you're thinking about baseball scores. You're thinking about your grandpa, grandmother naked. You're thinking about dead skunks on a soccer field. You're like, everything possible not to ejaculate. And they'll go, well, yeah, but everybody does that. I go, how would you like not to do that? That is actually a larger segment of the population than people who have pe. People who go, I last long enough, but they're using all these techniques and they're numb mentally because they're going, I don't want to feel the pleasure So I go over the edge. And we've had people tell us that they enjoy it more often and they enjoy it more fully because the anxiety of going, oh, is she done yet? I can't go. And we've actually. And we laugh about it because we have people that email us and they'll go, the question now is not going to last long enough. Do I want to give her two or three, you know what I mean? You know, and it's, it to me it's all about making the most out of everything you do in life. And we're a society that wants to maximize things. Why wouldn't you want to, if you're a man, achieve the maximum pleasure? Why would you want to be. Have anxiety ridden during intercourse or whatever type of sex you happen to be having? You want to enjoy it. You want to take one more variable out of the equation, right?

And I think there's a lot of guys who, yeah, it's not necessarily Pete, but they just want, that's true. I've been with, they want to last longer. And I know especially like when I'm with guys for the first time or second time, they were like, don't do that because I'm going to come. That's exactly, I'm like, don't do what?

Don't do what? That's what I want to do. You know what I mean?

What do you mean? Don't do that? And I get it. This happened to me recently, I was like really like one of those. But he was a kid and it's X in a while, but I get it. I'm like, if he.

But one of the things too, I got to tell you this, if you're a man, the first time you're with a woman, there is a heightened sense of anxiety, right? And with a heightened sense of anxiety, there's a higher predisposition to not last as long because you're so turned on. And I tell this to people all the time.

It was like this first section together.

I've never been married, so I've never been in any more than a four or five year relationship. But I, I know this for a fact, even at this point in my life, I'm 59. The very first time you're with a woman, that idea of I don't know exactly how she's going to act in this situation, it's extremely enticing, right? And it's, I'm just being honest, you.

Know, it is new, fresh.

And even though everyone has two breasts and a vagina and every guy, the first time you undress someone, it's hot, right? It's hot. It is freaking hot. I swear to God. There's just no denying. Yeah, it is. It's extremely hot. And anytime it's hot and you're aroused, you're obviously going to have a higher degree of arousal and it's going to be harder to maintain a longer period of time. When you've been In a relationship eight, 10 years, I don't care how creative you are, certain things become a little bit routine. So even though it can still be a pleasurable relationship, there's not that heightened arousal. Like I know you know exactly what's going to happen next. You've had sex 4,000 times together.

So you have question we get asked is, you know, how do I, you know, how do we spice it up? How do we keep it interesting? And it is, it is possible, but it is possible. People don't realize that relationships take work and that even sex, you got to prioritize your sex life. If you're, you know, you want to keep, you want to keep interesting, then you know, you got to like try new things. You got to talk about it. Like talking about it is so hot and couples are so afraid, especially guys who are, you know, and women just having challenges with anything with their penises or with making time for sex and keeping it hot. And people just don't realize it does change over time.

Never had this happen.

It's okay. Can't we be excited about the fact that like, guess what? Sex won't always be like this. But look where sex can go. It can be like this and be excited about talking about sex with your partner and be excited about trying new things. That's what I want people to think about when they think about like long term sex.

We have John from San Francisco Sex Information. He can answer all your questions. Any sex questions at all. Okay, we're gonna talk to Joe in Livermore. Hey, Joe, thanks for calling. Sex with Emily.

How you doing, Emily?

Great. How are you?

Oh, great, great. I have a question.

Sure.

Every time I can masturbate, you know, it'd be good. But then when I, when I'm with a woman, I don't know, maybe it's shyness or what, but I mean, I love it. The sex is great, but I just can't finish. You know what I mean?

Yeah. You can't have an orgasm when you're having sex with a woman. That's normal. John says it's normal.

I could give a woman, I mean, Multiple. Multiple. I mean, I go all night.

Really? Yay, Joe. Joe. Multiple. Multiple. But you can't.

Your MySpace account.

So what's the problem? No, just kidding. Okay. No, I've heard this a lot, Joe.

I don't know if it's because I never. Like, my dad left when I was 9 months old or something. I don't know if it has something to do with my head or. I mean, I'm kind of worried about it.

It's what you have to do with your hands. You're usually masturbating a certain way, and you're used to a certain form of stimulation, and a completely different form of stimulation is going to be different and something you have to get used to. And sometimes it could be oral with your partner to you different. And you have to let it go and relax, and it'll happen. It might not happen the first, second, or third time, but it's not that you're broken. It's just that you're used to a different form of stimulation and you have to get used to the new and understand that you're gonna have a lot of different forms of stimulation and you can do things to, you know, shall we say, finish the situation that can be really hot. That you could deal with your partner that really brings you both into each other more sexually and more intimately.

And you could have her. Like, you might not. You talking about, like, you can't. You're not able to ejaculate when you're actually. But she could help. She could help. I mean.

Yeah. Don't get me wrong. It stays up. I mean.

No, baby, that's fine. I hear you. I hear you. I do this a lot.

Right? Yeah. What about if she helps you? Like, she uses her hand?

Oh, yeah, yeah. But I mean, we're into it. We're into it probably about two and a half hours and.

Right.

But, you know, here's something.

She's worn out.

Here's something to try, you know, it's not like, let her go at it for another hour orally or whatever it might be. That's going to be traumatic for some people at a certain point. You have to go. Common sense. We're doing this for like 10 or 15 minutes. Try something different. Even a warm shower between the two of you, which will relax you a little bit. You can start up again. If you're sitting there in a situation where you can have a shower with your partner that's going to relax you, go back into it and start being sexual again in a different manner. It's kind of like resetting you. There are different things you can do that way. It shouldn't be people toiling in a coal mine trying to bring you to the orgasm. It should be something fun and pleasurable and you can do things to. Mix it up.

Yeah, mix it up. I don't think it has to do. I mean, I don't know. He shouldn't. I don't know if you should stop, but I think it's a good point, is that, like a lot of times it's in your head, you think you're not going to be able to, and then just to kind of like try alternative, you know, other ways. Have her help you. Might not be during traditional intercourse, but nothing's wrong with you, baby.

Okay, thank you.

Okay, thanks, Joe. Thanks for calling. Sex with Emily. Yes, Menace. Menace, our board op producer. What's up?

I was going to say that it.

Happens to me all the time.

Really?

Like 80% of the time, you can't.

Have an orgasm during sex. Why?

Yeah.

What do you think? What happens in your mind? Like, you turn on and then you lose it or what happens? No, no, I just. It just doesn't happen. Do you finish off after? Yeah, yeah, you do, or she does for you? I do. And then sometimes she does in other ways. Interesting. Okay, so why do you think that you don't Menace. During sex, during intercourse? Honestly, I don't know. That's why I tell you, like, I can go for, you know. I know.

Menace, are you wearing condoms with this?

Do you wear condoms? Yeah, but I.

But here's the thing. Stay away from intercourse. When you're not being able to get to the point like you are, remove the condom and have her do something or have you do something. Here's something else. You can finish yourself, but if you're making, like, eye contact and she's telling you what to do or whatever, that could be so hot and, like, interesting and different than what you've done. You might have a pretty interesting orgasm. And that's the other thing we get guys go, oh, my God, I have the same orgasm over and over. Well, it's like, dude, don't do the same thing over and over again. Masturbating.

Nobody has the same orgasm over and over.

They don't understand the differences. Like, you know, like, oh, well, women are so lucky because they can have like a little one or a huge one. And all the stereotypes that go around female orgasm. Guys can, like, you know, if you sit there, practice, you know, masturbation is sort of like Working out with a gym. You know, you go there and it's sort of a way of practicing and understanding your own body. Now, if you do the same thing with the same hand at the same time, whatever your fantasy is in your head at the same time of day, every whatever, then it's gonna be programming yourself. If you mix stuff up, Menace.

Do you mix? Yeah. Do you mix it up, Menace? Oh, yeah, I mix it up.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Randy. Hi.

The most important thing is creating an environment where both people are comfortable talking about what their wants are and what makes them happy. And, you know, it's very important to read your partner and always be re. Reading your partner because, you know, people's taste. I'm 32, and I've learned that over the years, my sexual preferences and tastes have evolved.

Right.

And, you know, reading your partner on a constant basis and really kind of being in touch with what's going on, creating an environment where they can express themselves.

Right.

It kind of helps you stay to where you're able to please them. But with a lot of guys, like. And I wanted to comment on your small penis caller earlier.

Right.

With the. A lot of guys don't really spend a lot of time learning about sex.

So I'd say, yeah, most of them do not learn about sex, you know.

And I mean, it's always been something that's really been really fascinating to me, so I've studied it.

Right.

And, well, the difference between a G spot orgasm and a clitoral orgasm is major. A blended orgasm is a fun thing to give your partner, and you don't necessarily need a large penis to be able to stimulate a woman with the G spot orgasm.

Yeah, it's true. Exactly.

So, like, if that guy is really concerned about his penis size. I know women who have left men because they were unimaginative and had a little penis, but if he's imaginative.

Exactly.

Can really blow their socks off if he's really willing to learn it and develop some confidence.

It's true, Randy. I totally. I've heard that too. And it's really not about. It's not about the size. And I think she was kind of using that to hurt him or something, like. Because, like, you don't. I don't know. You guys. You don't recover from that stuff.

Well, you know what kind of helps bolster your ego is even if, you know you have a small penis, if you have the capacity to make a woman have multiple orgasms, you can find some security and some solace in that.

Right? Like I've been. I've known men who had small penises, and they were. They knew it, but they were creative. Yeah. Yeah, Randy, we're on the same page here.

Well, I have a lot of female friends, and I've heard a lot of small penis stories. And some have happy endings, right?

Exactly.

Kind of involved unimaginative guys. So I really have to put the onus on the guy to not, you know, not really put it. I've never discussed with a woman I'm 32. I've never discussed with a woman how large my penis is. I really don't know how I stack up and compare.

Randy, you kind of know, don't you?

I've gotten reactions that were telltale reactions, but at the same time, it's just an awkward point of conversation, you know?

Okay. Because I just feel like guys know, like they. The locker room thing, and they just kind of know at a certain point. And I remember asking a guy friend, he said. He said to him, like, how did you know? When did you know that you were. Had a nice penis? And he was like, oh, I just knew because girls started saying it to me, like, wow, you have a really nice penis. But then I wonder if guys who don't. Or they're smaller, maybe they don't get told that. I don't know, Randy.

Well, to share too much information with you. And it feels like that's what this show's about, which is why I'm enjoying it right now.

Yeah, share it, Mandy.

To share too much information with you. I've watched quite a few, you know, pornos. I mean, every guy has at some point, and I've watched quite a few.

We talked about that last week. Yeah.

I've gotten a good gauge for where I am.

Right.

But at the same time, I still.

Huh.

And you're good.

I think I could probably do for a little bit more length for certain positions, but I think with. Is pretty satisfying most women. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Randy, you sound like, good. Like, you know this.

Knowing what you're doing, you got to.

Know what you're doing. And you know what? Another thing, I think people, men and women, like, we blame the other one. Like, this woman's like, well, you're not satisfying me with your size. And I think that we all point the fingers like, she does not this. Or she's not doing this to me enough. And I think it's just communicating what we want. And we can all try to make each other happy. Just like what you started with, Randy. Yeah.

Women make the best Teachers like, I learned a block about how to do a clitoral orgasm and manual stimulation from a woman. I learned oral sex from a woman. I learned about a G spot and where to find it from a woman. And a lot of women, same woman, where their G spot is.

It's true.

You know, a lot of women are having orgasms.

It's amazing to me because we're not taught this. So I think, and I think a lot of women. You know what's Randy is amazing is that I think a lot of women wait for men to. To figure it out what they want. And what you're saying is you've been lucky enough, Randy, to have women that actually taught you.

Oh, yeah.

And that's good.

You kinda gotta put your ego aside.

Exactly. Randy, you're. You're a good guy. Thanks for calling. Good luck to you with all this.

Well, I'm a join. I'm a radio guy too. I worked in radio for 10 years. You guys have fun. You're doing a great show.

Oh, thanks. Thanks, Randy. It's true. I have to say that. Yeah. I think a lot of times women are like, oh, he's not doing this or that. And we're expecting our partner someday. My. What was it, Elizabeth? Someday my prince will come and so will I. Yes, that's it. That we think our prince will come. And then Carole Queen said this to us. Well, prince will come and then I'll come, Right? Not always gonna happen. You gotta make yourself. You gotta make yourself feel good and then tell your partner.

I'm here tonight with the lovely Anderson.

Hi, sweetheart.

How are you? Hi, I'm good. How are you?

I'm good.

So a big penis. Sex with a big penis can hurt. Every man's dreaming about having a huge penis. There are a lot of men whose penises are actually too big. I've had a lot of people call in and a lot of listen. Listeners email me over the years saying, my boyfriend's penis is too big. I don't know what to do. And guys who say, I can't have sex with women, I will use an excuse on me once. And he's like. I said we gotta use a condom. And he's like, no, my penis is too big, it won't fit. And he actually was like, the penis. The condom wouldn't go on his penis. But I didn't have sex with him because I was not gonna have unprotected.

Sex trick that he probably does.

He probably buys his trick. Exactly. It was he shrunk or something.

You know, magnums aren't even longer, they're just, they're wider.

Right, the girth. Exactly. So maybe it said magnum but really stuck in some faux condom. But sex with a big penis can't hurt. So make sure you spend a long time on foreplay before having sex. Because women, they love foreplay. It's not only that they need it, you know, but they need it to get ready for sex. So it's not just like we're like, oh, foreplay would be really nice and I enjoy going shopping and hanging out. No, no, we need it. We're not warmed up. So if you're wondering why perhaps your lover is not wanting to have sex as much, it might be because you're not doing foreplay. And by foreplay, I don't only mean like making out with her, undressing her slowly. You could have foreplay all day long. You know, send her sexy notes, make her feel good about herself, whatever it is that turns her on. And women, the brain is our largest sex organ. So do what you can to make.

Sure it's true for men too, man.

It is true, right?

Our largest sex organs are our brain.

It's true. It is true. Stick around, because you're not going to want to miss advice on navigating your penis dilemmas with porn star Joanna Angel.

Up next, you're listening to my conversation from 2017 with porn star Joanna Angel. I so enjoyed listening back to this. I mean, think about it. There's no one better to hear sex position advice with your partner than from a porn veteran of 15 years. Then a conversation with Dr. Clark Grove from a super early show. I think it was 2007. And listening back, I remember I was still learning so much since then. And I've learned so much since then. But you'll also see not a lot has changed, at least when it comes to penises. So I hope you learn a little with me while listening back. I'm excited for my special guest today, Joanna Angel. Hi, Joanna.

Hi, how are you?

It's good to be back. It's good to see you. Joanna angel is amazing. She's an award winning performer, writer, director in the adult industry.

I call myself a porntrepreneur.

Porntrepreneur. I love it. Okay, now onto your emails. Dear Emily, after being with a few guys, I've noticed that it doesn't matter the size of a guy's penis or where we're having sex. Whether it be the couch, the floor, or the bed. If I'm on top of him. Either front facing or reverse cowgirl. His penis always slips out. It's always when it's getting good. And I probably get carried away, but my question is, am I doing something wrong and how do I stop it from slipping out? Mandy, age 27. Australia. She's having some slippage. I'm thinking she's probably just doing a little too up and down and to do some more grinding. She might be.

She might actually be doing something wrong.

Oh, really? Okay, tell me, what's she doing wrong?

I mean, it could be like his penis might be like a little curvy. And she's not like. She's kind of like going against the curve.

Oh, okay.

I've actually seen this happen a lot in porn movies. It's like, sometimes the girls, like, try leaning back. You know what I mean?

Like, right.

When you lean back, it can really go all the way.

All the way in. Okay.

You know, it's probably. It sounds like it's almost like going halfway in and then falling out.

Right.

You know what I mean?

So she should go for. She should lean forward, back when it's. When you're.

When you're not facing the guy.

Reverse cowgirl.

Right. I don't know why I always get this wrong. I've only been informed for 15 years.

You know, when you're. Because you don't even need a name. It's like. It's like you lean back and then.

The guy can kind of you, Right.

Almost, you know, you're laying back on him. You're leaning back.

Like, you know, you're leaning back and.

The guy can be like, right. See what she's doing? Yeah.

Like she, you know, so then he can kind of get deeper in you. I think he's like not going deep enough in you.

Right. And so how she could do that is by. Let's see how. Girl, lay back on his chest.

Yeah.

Lay back.

Yeah. Like put your arms back and like lay back. You know, not all the way back, not like you're lying down, but just lean back. So his penis is kind of like sliding up into you in an angle.

Okay.

And then the other way, lean forward.

Right.

I think you need to like 90 degree angle.

Exactly.

She might be too much, like up and down straight.

I think a lot of women look at missionary or not missionary. They look at cowgirl in reverse as going up and down. Because you'll be doing porn a lot up and down. But for me, even I need more thrusting. I need more of the grinding.

Yeah.

And my clitoris, like, then if you're grinding back and forth. He's not going anywhere. Yeah, I kind of think that's good too.

But try and make sure.

I mean, it is.

It might be the shape of his dick, but it's like when you first do it, go all the way up and all the way down, like, really slowly, you know, to make sure you're actually getting the whole dick inside of you.

Right, exactly. That's true, too. It might not already be there. Might not be fully hard.

Right?

Yeah, but it could have occurred. That's a good point, too. Yeah.

I think she might have to angle herself a little bit each.

So she's saying, yeah, cowgirl, and it's cowgirl. So, yeah, I would say that's a good point.

I have a feeling just from. I've watched this a million times where the girl does it and she gets into the groove and it slips out, and she gets. It gets in the groove. She slipped out. It's because the dick's not, like, really fully in her.

Right.

And I can see it from the outside. I'm fortunate enough. I have special powers where I'm. I direct people having sex, you know, And I'm like. I'm like. I know you think the dick's all the way in you, but it's really not. I can. I can show you.

You know, his dick has never been in. It's three inches longer than maybe his penis has never really been inside.

There's a hole, and it's, like, kind of going in and falling out because she's like.

She might be.

You know, so she's.

So go slow, I think.

Go slower. Go all the way up, all the way down, all the way in, all the way out. And, like, get yourself in an angle where he can kind of fuck you too.

Yeah. I think this is great, and I think that's great advice. It absolutely does make sense.

It makes sense in porn.

And I think that. Yeah, I think it would be sl. Making sure that it's actually, you know, you got it fit. Right. And also, I understand that's happening a lot, and that can be annoying, but really, it's kind of normal that sometimes it just slips out. I wouldn't say no.

I've seen it happen.

Yeah, it happens. I mean, just use it. You could also use his penis to, like, stimulate your clitoris. Right. Use your hands to put it back in. Make sure that. I think when you're using your hands to guide it in, you're gonna know if it's in the right position. Very helpful. Thank you. Joanna, we're talking to Dr. Clark Grove. He's an expert on getting inside the skin, sexual minds of men and women. Okay. We're talking to Lisa in San Mateo. She has a question. Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for about six months now, and we've had impotency problems. However, he's been able to have no problem while watching porno online or also just magazines or whatever. But it just seems that there are certain times where we have impotency, and I just wanted to know if there's a correlation between the two. That is a really good question. The doctor was furiously shaking his head here. He has something to say about that, but. So you're saying when you're together, there's problems, but other times he's more rise. Okay, Dr. Grove.

Okay. So when we start looking at erectile dysfunction, we try to separate out what's going. What's happening, because half of what's happening is usually a medical condition. But if he's able to have erections and ejaculation, then it's usually a psychological or emotional issue.

Okay.

I don't know if it's necessarily. It's not necessarily related to sex addiction. Addiction. Do you think that's an issue that's current, that's going on with him also?

You know, I'm not sure. I haven't asked, so it's uncomfortable to talk about. So I haven't gone down that road yet.

What's your fear if you talk about it?

Just that it's. He's gonna be embarrassed, that he's just gonna shut off completely. Yeah.

And I understand that fear.

Are you able to talk about other things in the relationship fairly clearly?

It depends on the subject, but for the most part, we do have a good communication.

Well, let me add a little bit, too. In terms of when there is some kind of a sexual addiction, such as pornography, often the relationship suffers. The intimate relationship suffers with the partner. So your question is a valid one. But without really talking with him, it's hard to really know what is going on, whether he has this dysfunction that's more generalized, or it may be in response to him looking at pornography online and kind of desensitizing himself to his relationship with you.

Okay. And how would you suggest having that conversation, or what questions would you ask?

I'd suggest coming from a place of your fears and your concerns.

And not asking him questions, but saying, this is going on inside of me. I don't know if it's right or if it has any validity at all. And I'd like to talk about it with you.

Okay. Okay. Thanks. Lisa. Thanks for calling. Sex with Emily. Have a good night. You too. Thanks.

Thank you.

This can't be a coincidence. I mean, what is it with, with the numbers? A third of men I read have some kind of erectile dysfunction.

Let me give you some fairly recent numbers.

Great.

And for the men out there, I also have a reference, a book that's really a wonderful book. And the book is called the New Male Sexuality. And it's by. The author is Bernie Zilbergeld. And it's a wide ranging book that really helps men kind of feel, normalize what they're going through. And I'll give you some statistics that he quotes. Seven percent of men have chronic erection problems. Ongoing, often lifelong.

They're always erect or they can't get.

They can't, they can't get erected.

They can't.

37% of men have chronic rapid ejaculation. Could be premature or rapid. 5% of men have difficulty ejaculating with their partner.

I've heard of this lately. Okay.

And 10% of men have low sex drive or hyposexual. It's called a hyposexual disorder.

Okay.

And that can be related due to low levels of testosterone or psychological emotional issues.

So let's go back to what we're talking about. Men, they don't want to be given directions. They don't want to be told what to do. But yet, if a lot of men, are we saying have some sort of erectile dysfunction, then what do we do about it? Because they're not going to get help. I mean, right now you're talking about it, but I think a lot of men just don't want to deal with it and they don't really think it's a problem or they get over it, or they drink or they take Viagra, perhaps. But what do you. I think you said that you first, you rule out the physical, but a lot of times this stuff could be rooted in other issues.

Right.

The physical is important because often erectile dysfunction can be a sign of an underlying disease process. So someone can have hypertension or heart disease or something like that that's causing it. Also medications can cause it. There is a 50% risk, increased risk of erectile dysfunction if you smoke. Also alcohol and drugs can create the problem. So the other half. The other half has a lot to do with psychological, emotional.

Let's get into this. We rule out physical. You're not a smoker, you're healthy. It's psychological.

So a primary issue for men in life, not only in sex, but in life, is.

Being able to produce and produce anything. Interaction in their work.

Okay. Right.

In their family life, somehow do something corrective, etc. Yeah. And there's a real difference between men and women in terms of feeling value in oneself. Women tend to have a natural value in that they are biologically able to have children. There's a sense that in terms of evolutionary forces, that their value is set for men. They don't have a value that's set so easily. And so what they often what men feel like they have to do and they're taught they have to do is that they have to produce and protect women. Produce things in the world and protect women. And if they're not able to do those things, then often anxiety or depression is a response to that situation.

So they can't get an erection and they're feeling like they're not fulfilling their basic manly duties.

Yes.

They get depressed and then they get anxious, and then they're less likely able to have an erection.

Yeah. The anxiety is often like a snowball. When they have an erectile difficulty, they get anxious and worried. And so the next time they go into the situation, they're anxious and worried going into it.

And it, like, triggers.

And it triggers again the. Because to have an erection, you need to be relaxed because you need to have the blood be able to flow. And so when you get anxious, you tighten up and you decrease the possibility that you're going to be sexually stimulated.

So, like, what can they do? Like, how do you get through it? Sexual dysfunction. Can people get through it?

Absolutely, depending upon the condition. There are sex therapists who specifically work with these issues. For instance, for, like, premature ejaculation, there's some real behavioral techniques that you can do that actually help mend and decrease their premature ejaculations.

Good.

So everyone can all be helped.

Yeah.

Okay. Dr. Grove, thanks for joining us. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Stay tuned after this message from our sponsor for the ultimate answer on penis size.

That's sexwithemily.com open.

Okay, so I got this email today, and I was like, hold up. This needs to be addressed tonight with all of you because it resonates deeply. Dear Dr. Emily, I'd like to make a plea for sex experts to change the way they talk about small penises because it concerns me greatly. I read a lot about the subject, and experts are forever saying that most women don't care about penis size. I find this problematic. If women don't care about penis size. Why do they always talk badly about small penises? Mine is 3.5 inches. You don't see women sharing memes that are nice about small penises like they do about big ones. You see an endless roster of female celebrities like J.K. rowling, Madonna, Lady Gaga, famous women, body shaming, small penises, but they don't do it big ones. You don't hear your female work colleagues making fun of big penises like they do with small ones. You don't see female contestants on Naked Attraction, which is dating show in the uk, picking men with the small penises. I know how women feel about it because they never stop saying it. I know how the lady reacted. One time I got intimate and she put her hand to her mouth, laughed at it, and kept asking me, is it in? And all the time I read sex therapists saying women don't care about penis size. What they mean is, women don't care about penis size as long as it isn't small. The experts always quote studies showing that 85% of women are happy with their partner's penis size. But that study tells us nothing about women's attitudes towards small penises for the simple reason to ask them about the penises they've accepted as opposed to the ones I rejected.

Oh. He works for a psychologist in the UK who also works as a sex expert. He's like, she talks about the importance of body positivity, but in her private social media dms, her friends mock small penises all the time. He was hoping that in the privacy sex experts do things differently. And he feels that sex experts with the public platform should pretend most women don't like it, but women really don't like it. And he thinks it's deeply hurtful. Compounded when I see sex experts. So it's a lot about sex experts, but just women in general. You know, it might be an uncomfortable truth, but it's never going to be challenged if we don't start by admitting that the overwhelming majority of women hold a bias against small penises. Thank you for your time. Kind wishes, James. Okay, so I want to unpack this here because first to address just the one part is I. I don't secretly turn off the mic and say, oh, God, this weekend I was with a small penis. You know, we don't body shame women, men, vulva owners, penis, anyone.

But what I want to say is this, is that first off, in my 15 years of doing this, and I have had the podcast for 15 years, I've been with you, it for two years on Sirius, almost two years on Sirius XM, I've received thousands of emails.

Tens of thousands, but like thousands on this topic. And I could tell you that most of the emails about penises size has to do with this penis is too big and it's painful and we can't have sex and I can't get it in and it's really uncomfortable and what do I do about it? And then we have men with pig penises calling in and saying it's a problem, you know, what do I do? And some people, they literally can't penetrate anyone because it's that big. So that's what I hear the most now. I hear what you're saying. Your penis is small, smaller, average penis is about 5 inches. So. But what I want to say is it is a preference. I, I can't tell you. Not only do I just hear about big penises. Let me just preface this. I hear from women who say I don't, I don't actually want a big, like big penises hurt or whatever people say. I actually only get off from smaller penises because, listen, the internal clitoral nerves, the G spot, the most sensitive part of the vagina is in the first third, the first 2 inches, 3 inches inside. It's not even about deep penetration. So for many women too, they find a penis that they like because they know how to hit all their hotspots. And we also know that only 20% of women actually orgasm from penetration. 20%. So that's just the facts. Okay, now, are there some women who only want to be with a large penis? 100%, yes. That is very true. Are there some people who prefer to be with women with large breasts?

Yes. I'm not with those people because my breasts are smaller. I'm not their person. I'm okay with it. Is there a lot of media and memes about women with small breasts and they're glorifying it, how sexy it is? Nope. Large breasts, yes, all the time. Not only that, we now have porn, right? So then in pornography, we see women not only shamed about their breasts, maybe, perhaps, but then about their vulva, thinking that, oh, my lips are different colors, my labia, oh, one's longer than the next, or I look different from the women in, in porn. And you know, we get shamed for that. That, right. Our, our butts, right. We don't talk about men's asses, we talk about women. So it's like, I get what you're saying and I don't know how to change culture. Like, I don't. I mean, I think I could start sending around memes. I don't even do memes. No, I can't do that. But what I can tell you because I think this has more do with you because I actually. How angry you are, James. I hear like you're like. And, and I. And first off, I have to say that I'm so like, sorry that, that you were shamed like that. Because what I found is that it just takes one person, one person shaming us, telling us we're a bad kisser, telling us our laby is a funny shape or color, telling us that our penis isn't working. And we carry that around for the rest of our lives. We just wear it like a shame blanket. We are with a partner every time, and the first thing we think is, oh, I can't kiss because I'm a bad kid. Oh, my penis is going to be. And it just. Just us up. And so I think the first thing to do is to kind of look at that messaging around the shame. And now you're bringing in culture and everyone hates a pee my penis. Not only this past lover, but everybody. And that's how we get stuck.

Sexually. We get stuck there and then we live there. And so I don't want you, James, to get stuck in a place where you cannot show up for your partners. You can't meet someone new because the second you get in the bedroom, you're like, oh, God, my penis. Listen, the sexiest thing is somebody who is invested in their partner's pleasure. So let's just lead with you. Being a great lover is about you knowing your body, but also thinking like, what does my partner need to be turned on? How can I be a great lover? How can I go down her? How can I do all these things? Now I'm just talking about oral like, I'm talking about kissing and making out and touching her breasts. The breasts are so ignored. And then it comes time, you know, then she goes down in you or penetration. I'm just saying that you will find somebody. There's a lot of men with your size penis who are in relationships and happy. So this is not your dead end. This is nothing to be shamed about. And that's. That's what you do. I live with my breasts. You live with your. We all live with our things. And it's not even something I'm saying you have to live with. I think you're. You are. It functions, it works.

Learning about sexuality is a process. But we're all in this together. I'm always learning, aren't you? We're learning together. Subscribe to Sex With Emily for more sex, dating and relationship advice. I'm Dr. Emily find me Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific on SiriusXM stars for even more sex talk calls and interviews. Also, follow me on social media. I'm sexwithemily on Instagram and Twitter where I I'm always posting the best tips and tricks to help improve your sex life. There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health, magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger, and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really noticed calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body which which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualialife.comsexwithemily for 50% off. And here's a bonus Use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15 off your order. That's Q-U a L I a life.com sex with Emily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.