Doggystyle Hacks & Vagina Facts

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20 off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r a. So if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show. I'm giving you a myriad of vagina facts and some might just surprise you. Plus, I'm answering your emails. Topics include. Okay, so you broke up, but you actually want to stay friends. How much time has to pass and is it possible? So doggy style is getting a little painful. How to make it rock. If there's no sexual contact with some bdsm, is it still considered cheating? And you've been friend zoned. Is there a way out? All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man e here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Ow. Oh my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind.

Of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com cause you're gonna love it. We got a lot of posts there, blogs to help you have better sex and relationships. You can also find our podcast. Wherever you listen to podcasts, we love when you subscribe to the show. Write us a review that's helpful. And you can also find me on Sirius XM radio. It's StarsChannel 109 and I'm there Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific in the evening, 8 to 10 East. And it's been amazing, you guys. And if you want to call into the show, even if you don't have Sirius, that's cool. It's 889-478277. Or get a free trial at sexwithemily.com sxm Also, you can follow us on all social media. Sex with Emily across the board. All right, guys, enjoy the show. So vagina facts, I mean, we're never done learning, right? And did you ever really learn it in the first place? So get your notepads out. You're gonna wanna write some of these down, I promise. Here's the first point is that your vulva is not your vagina. So I often like, if you were a lot of like my sex ed friends could be listening and they might say that I sometimes don't always. I try to use the words here, but just so you guys know, there's a difference between the vulva and the vagina. The vagina is like the internal part that you think that it is a 3 to 6 inch long canal that runs from the cervix, the lower part of the uterus, to the outside of the body. The vulva. The vulva on the other hand is all the outer stuff. Like that's like when you're performing oral. That's the vulva, right? The labia, urethra, the clitoris, the vaginal opening. And I just think for men and for women it's important to know the difference, to understand your own anatomy. Because I think it helps to actually like when you're like having sex and you can just distinguish it yourself. And I think the reason why the vulva doesn't get as much attention is because we talk about the penis, vagina, like they're equal. But when it comes to, when I'm talking about sex, sexual instruction, I'm mostly talking about the vulva. Like I'm mostly saying the clitoris, the labia, this is the thing, vulva. But then I feel like I often don't. I'm not sure this is as well known. This is something that I like to bring up every day, so I will again. Most people cannot orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. So only 18%. A little bit. 18% or over vagina owners say they can reach orgasm from penetration alone. For the other 80%.

The key is the clitoris. That is where the magic is happening for them. Now we can all sometimes experience a vaginal and a clitoral orgasm at the same time. That's a blended orgasm. Totally achievable. And there's a lot of people who never get there, who never have it blended. And it's also the way it has to do with your anatomy, how close your clitoris is to your vaginal opening. I mean, there's a lot of things going on here, but if you haven't tried yet. The blended orgasm was something that I figured out on my own through myself, love and time. So that's something. Not all people with vaginas are women. So it's not an indicator of gender and it can be harmful to assume. So there are many people who aren't women. They also identify as a man or non binary. Vaginas and childbirth, yes, they're gonna change. I understand they might change a little bit. They might tear a little bit, but that is totally normal. So 79% vaginal deliveries include tearing and require an incision. And these injuries are an episiotomy, it's called. That sounds scary, but it's not insurmountable. And so your vagina is super resilient. Just so you know, having a baby does not mean your vagina is. The game is over. It's resilient, it's got a lot of blood supply and it will heal quicker than a lot of other parts of the body.

That's actually cool. I did not know that at all. That it was. Well, no, I knew it teared, but it tear tore. I didn't. But I didn't know that it heals quicker. That's really cool.

Yeah, it is cool to have a problem. It's gonna like take care of it.

The human body.

Human body's amazing. If you do have a G spot. If you controversial. If you're like, think it's controversial, whatever, it's likely because of your clitoris. So I agree with this. So it's. We are obsessed with the G spot, thinking that people feel like they, oh, I have to have a G spot orgasm. I only have a clitoral orgasm. The G spot though, if you want the front wall of your vagina touch or st. It could be your clitoral Internal network. So I think that we have a G area for many women that's the internal, like towards your belly button. But an internal orgasm could also be just the internal clitoral legs. And maybe it's all the same thing. I don't think we have to put a name on it. Could be your internal clitoral nerves. If you want the front wall of your vagina. Touch. Which is actually where. Yeah, it could be. How do you know? Clitoris, G spot.

Either way, if it feels good, touch it.

Touch it. And if you don't know if it feels good, like try it out if you've never tried it.

The clitoris, you guys, just the tip of the iceberg. It's not just a little pea sized nerve endings tucked away under the clitoral hood. There is a hood. You know, if you use a mirror, like I tell you to like masturbate and pleasure yourself, you'll see the hood has to move back a little bit when you get aroused. And then there's clitoris. And it can be hard to find. But just so you know, it wasn't until 2009 when a group of French researchers created a life size 3D printed model of the clitoris. And now we know it's an expansive network of nerve endings. So a lot of the nerve endings of the clitoris are beneath the surface. And it's like 10 centimeters from tip to tip. You guys, it's like a four prong wishbone. Actually looks like a wishbone. There's now a huge. Well, there was a clitoris. There was a clitoris monument statue in. In France until someone stole it. I wonder if it's been returned. Remember there was a.

They were like, let's make this like reality so no one can find it.

Yeah, exactly right. They're like, we still don't want people to find the clitoris, but yeah, there's a lot of different ways to steam it. Exactly. That's funny.

Another thing. Vaginafax.

The A spot. That's another possible pleasure center. The anterior fornix or the A spot. It's a little alcove. I love talking like an alcove. The vagina twists and turns. It's alcove that sits way back on the belly side of the cervix. It's a good distance deeper in the vagina than the G spot. So it's a way to create more lubrication in the vagina. 15% they say that they can reach orgasm within 10 to 15 minutes of a spot stimulation. I've Heard this as well. I've had orgasms all over. Like, I think it can be. You have to be very. This is why it's important to be in tune with your body. If you're in tune with your body, you'll know the difference. If you have an A spot, interior wall orgasm or G spot or.

I'm starting to find that spot. The A spot and not, like, during. That's why I actually really like doggy style. Because it gets in a lot deeper.

Yes.

And it's more of, like. It's true. It's like, you don't want to be, like, too rough because it could hurt. But if you find that right amount of pressure, like in the. That's when thrusting actually feels good.

It does. But you got to find the spot. So it's up to us through to move around and make sure that they find that spot. Like, if sex doesn't feel good, the way it's happening, don't assume that it just can't happen. Like, you could. You could alter your positioning. You can move to the left, to the right. Know which way you know doggy style. Go down in your. Leave your butt in the air. Go down in your hands, your forearms. I mean, there's different ways to find.

That's why I also kind of like a slightly curved penis.

Slightly curved or slightly curved toy. What would be a good. Oh, the California dream of the Cal Exotics. They make some cool ass toys that could help you find your interior love spots.

Yeah. And they're pretty.

They're so pretty.

Different colors.

I know. I love them. We just got a lot in pretty colors.

And those are. Those are. Some of them are curved. The rabbit ones. Yeah.

Little curve. Little curve. That's how men calling like, oh, I wish I'd be concerned about my curved penis.

No.

The clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis. So the penis, which is very sensitive. We know. We always hear how sensitive. Has 4,000 nerve endings. And the clitoris, 8,000 nerve endings.

And they're a lot more concentrated because.

It'S all one place. The penis is, like, spread out through the shaft. The tip just. The clitoris is 8,000 of them. Just think about that for a minute. Clitoris, nerve writings everywhere.

Sorry, I thought you were gonna make, like, clicking sounds for all of them.

Click, click, click, click. No, I'm telling you, this is the reason to pay attention to it. If you haven't had an orgasm during intercourse, that is fine. But have you added orgasm on your own? And do you continue to stimulate Yourself on your own, whether you're in a relationship or not. It's so important for vagina holders to.

Pleasure ourselves all the time, you guys. It feels good. You'll get in better moods. It helps with your everything.

It's my newt. I love that.

What?

Vagina holders.

Vagina holders.

It sounds like shareholders like they're taking stock in the vagina. Vagina holders. Love it.

It's true.

It's gonna be the new raising stock on wall Street.

I wanna do that. You guys have been having really great.

One liners and I'm writing them all down. They're amazing.

Vagina holders.

Vagina holders.

Vagina holders to the left. You know your concert T.

I got will call.

Yeah, will call. Exactly. Got all vagina holders at will call. So vaginas. You guys, how's about this? They're supposed to have a scent, a smell. So it has a lot of bacteria that work to keep your vaginal ph healthy and balanced. And it could have a scent. It's true. Like bacteria, they do have a smell to it. So if it's a little tangier, you get a whiff totally normal. And please don't use douches or scented body washes or perfumes. Now if it's a new scent, it's an odd scent, it's a different scent, then definitely get checked out. But the vaginas are. They're self lubricating. They're self cleaning. Like an oven. Self cleaning oven. We're self cleaning the vagina. Our ph. We clean it ourselves.

Okay, so this is one thing that regardless of what sex ed is teaching, when we learn about the body, why don't we, why don't they like say this? I don't know, because it's like not good. A lot of people are washing with soap and you're like on the inside and you're not supposed to do that.

I don't. We don't. Because we don't tell anything. We just scare people.

That's not even about sex. That's just like hygiene.

I know. We don't teach hygiene in schools. We just hope the parents are gonna do it and the parents are gonna be like, babe, don't use it. The parents don't know not to use soap internally in their vagina. This is why we're here every day. The vagina is self cleaning. You guys really let it do its thing.

So to keep your vaginal ph at the right level and you want to not have other hostile bacteria taking over your vagina, it's totally gonna Clean itself. So using a douche is a bad idea. And if you see discharge and stuff, it just means that your vagina is cleaning itself. Like if it's a normal discharge, you know about the abnormal. But normal is like your vagina is like cleaning itself. How amazing is that? It's like doo doo, doo. It's like keeping busy, doing stuff.

More things should be self cleaning.

I know. How nice is that?

Like my life.

Your life should just clean, right?

Something in my life should just clean.

I know. Wouldn't it be nice if we would do all the goddamn work? I think that's nice of the vagina.

It's very nice.

Think about it. Whoever created us, you know, like, think about it. Thank you for being self cleaning. You can get wet without being turned on. So you can be wet without being sexually aroused. So people assume when the vagina is wet that the person must want to have sex.

And that is just not true. I think that's one of those fallacies, one of those myths around sex. I want everybody to understand. We get wet for a lot of different reasons. And it's not just because we are aroused. Our hormones change every day. The vulva has a lot of concentration of sweat glands. We could automatically produce lubrication when we're touched, regardless of arousal. So it should never be in vaginal wetness. Never. Because a sign of consent. Ever. Consent, we have to always verbalize.

Oh my God, is that. Wow. That would be like. No. Like what? Yeah, how is, like, how is that me consenting? Just because.

Well, people say, well, she's turned on, she wants it. No, we can be wet, we can be touched and get wet. It does not mean we're aroused. That's why lube, you guys. If you're still protesting lube, if you're like, oh, lube is bad, just add a few drops of lube every time you have sex. Every time you do anything sexual, whether it's masturbate, touch a part of a body, your partners or your own, use a little bit of lube. Because you can't guarantee arousal, especially if you're playing with your clitoris and a toy. You really do want to add some lube because your clitoris is not going to lubricate on its own. It's not. Not going to happen.

What else? Vaginas get deeper when we're turned on. So when you're like, the vagina opens its doors for you when you're having sex. So somewhere. So the vagina, normally a vagina is between 3 and 6 inches long, 12 to 5 inches wide, 2 to 5 inches wide. But with arousal, 1. 2 inches. 1 to 2 inches wide. Now, after arousal, the upper portion of the vagina. So after you actually are aroused, the cervix and the uterus, they go deeper into your body, making room for penetration so that it actually opens more when you're aroused. Which is why getting aroused takes some foreplay, takes some kissing, some touching, and then the vagina is ready. But if you just shove it in, the vagina can be painful and go, ouch, and it hurts.

I think that's, like, the coolest thing that it opened. Doesn't make sense. The penis grows. The vagina has to get deeper.

Yeah, exactly.

But it just like.

But we don't know how to work that. The vaginas. But the problem is the penis gets very hard before the vagina is often open and ready. Which is also why a lot of women have pain with sexual. Because they are not getting aroused first.

Yeah, that makes so much sense. It's like, no, my vagina literally is not open for business.

Exactly. My vagina is literally not open. Like, I'm. I will be open for business. And here's how I will be open. I'll be open as soon as you go down on me. Like, as soon as you use this toy, as soon as you talk dirty me, as soon as you take out the trash, whatever turns you on, then I'll be aroused, but not yet. So it's like, patience. It's such a huge thing with sex. Like, we have to be patient, and we have to pay attention to what our partner needs.

There's like, just like, a little sign right there. Like, the pool rules before entering. But now it's like, the vagina rules before entering.

That would be the only tattoo I would get. I mean, I don't know. I haven't gotten a tattoo yet, but it'd be like, vaginal rules.

You'd think that guys I date would have listened to the show or something. Some have, some do not. I'm like, can you just. Can you just listen? They change color.

Oh.

So when you guys get aroused, when you have sex, when you're. You're just like, blood rushes everywhere. Like, a lot of our arousal and sex. Really great text is about. Is about blood rushing for the penis, too. When your blood's rushing, you're going to get an erection. When your blood's rushing and you get turned on, the blood rushes to your vulva and your vagina, and that makes the color of your skin in that area Appear darker. So for women who are like, oh, why is it dark? Why? What's wrong with me? No, it's when you get aroused. First of all, nothing's wrong with that. You're seeing sometimes bleached areas or whatever in porn or it's lit up or there's makeup on it, but it does go back to regular shade after you have sex. But please don't trip on the color of your vagina.

I didn't know this either.

Yeah, it changes. Everything changes. That's why I'd love you to look in a mirror, look at it, and see what it looks like when you get turned on. You can lift weights with your vagina. Kegels. Do your Kegel exercises. You guys, There are lifts. There are. There are vaginal lifts. There are vaginal balls you can do that are like lifting weights so your vagina can become stronger. Kegel camp. I have an iPhone app called Kegel Camp you could download. It reminds you do your Kegels twice a day.

You can use it with Kegel balls. It can remind you to do it, and then you do your Kegel exercises around these balls. It's literally like lifting weights for your vagina. And why this is good is because a stronger pelvic floor is just part of having a sexually healthy life, and over time, it is going to weaken, especially after childbirth. And I know that we all kind of know we're supposed to do Kegels, but we don't remember to. So that's why the app is cool, because it reminds. You do it, and then the balls are just an extra. Like, you do your Kegels around the balls. It just strengthens like any other exercise with weights. Makes sense for the vagina.

It does feel cool once you can. Because when I started using the bloom, you start out with the first one, and you go move up. Like, you do feel the difference. You're like, oh, I'm actually getting stronger.

Exactly. You feel it. You do it. You actually. You have more orgasms. You feel it, like, in your. Yeah, I like it when you're having sex.

Exactly. And it's like, you don't want to start out with, like, the first, the heaviest weight. Like, I tried that. I was like, I'm cool. I can do it.

I was like, no, it falls like, no, it's too heavy. You build up. I build up. You start with the lighter one. That's what's so cool about the Bloom. The we vibe bloom. Is that you. Yeah, you put it in the lighter weight, then it's Heavier. And you're like, oh, you actually can tell your progress. You can measure your progress. The size and location of your clitoris matters for orgasm. This is a big one, you guys. The reason some people with vaginas have trouble orgasming during penetrative sex is because of a relatively small clitoris that's located a little bit too far from the vaginal opening. I'm going to say that again because I wish I knew this. I wish I knew this 20 years ago. The reason why a lot of people with vaginas, vagina holders, cannot have trouble orgasming during penetrative sex and why only 18% of do and 80% do not is because they have a small clitoris that's located a little bit further from the vaginal opening. So if your clitoris is small and or located further from your vaginal opening like a thumb or more, you're gonna have a problem orgasming. You just start. I mean there's other reasons. It could be in your head, you could be on medication. But if you were just never one of those women where it happened, it is because of your anatomy. You were born this way. That's why we need to put freaking talk about the magic of the clitoris more than the magic of the vagina though. It is magical. Alright guys, one more vagina fact. Got cramps? Your vagina can help with that. Oh, I love ending on this one. To give yourself an orgasm to stimulate the release of feel good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin. Those are all the feel good hormones and chemicals that come out after orgasm. There are some natural pain relieving effects and these can help you with menstrual cramps. The afterglow of an orgasm relaxes those muscles. So using a vibrator, touching yourself is so helpful for you to get the feel good chemicals that make us happy, that make us get rid of pain.

And it's true. I think there's, it definitely works. I use it for migraines. I also use it for when I'm having menstrual cramps. Yeah, because I didn't realize until you told me actually that cramps are your muscles contracting.

Yes.

And then I was like, oh my God, that makes so much sense. Because when you orgasm you do relax just automatically.

Right? Because they're clenching all the time. We walk around tense, clenched. Yep. All right guys, we're gonna take a quick break. When we come back, we're gonna get into your emails.

Alright guys, I love answering your questions. It's why I'm here on the planet. And if you'd like a question answered on the show, go to my website, sex with emily.com, click the Ask Emily tab, fill out a short form and check yes if you'd like to be called or just email me feedbackexwithelmy.com. but you have to always please include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Thanks, guys.

Alright, this first email comes to us from Veronica, 29, in Kansas City. Hi Emily. I recently ended things with my boyfriend of a year and a half due to a lack of communication and effort on his part. He's only 25 and was not ready for how serious we were naturally becoming. In truth, it is a relief. I've been working hard to keep the relationship afloat for a long time, but the truth is we're not compatible. That said, I think it is because we had such a strong connection in the beginning and were friends for a few months before we started dating. As a listener, I know that you have stayed friends with many of your exes for the same reason. I don't want to lose him from my life entirely because I really value him as a person. I'm wondering if you can offer some insight on staying friends. How much time is a good amount of time to take away before reconnecting? Can you help me with this situation so I don't lose my friend? Thank you for your help.

Okay. Veronica. Yeah, I've. I've talked a lot about how I am friends with many of my exes, but I have to, you know, not all of them though, not all of me want to stay friends with, but many. And here's the thing, Veronica, I mean really, you have to gauge this and see what feels good to you. Because our instincts is like, well, we can be friends right away. You know, it's okay, we still love each other. But no, I'm telling you, you're going to need a separation. I think three to six months without contact so you guys can kind of move on with your lives and rebuilding your friendships and doing things and healing. And then you could test it. I say go for a lunch, a coffee, not a dinner. Even the first time you see each other in a few months, you don't know, it can get tricky. So make it kind of like our coffee or something quick and then see how does it feel. So you don't want to go too fast, too soon, you know, when you after the first time you see them. Because this has happened to me before. I was once broke up with someone and I was still really bummed. And I think I saw him about four months after we broke up, and I wasn't ready yet. And I said, you know what? I need a little bit more time. And I think, like, after another few months, I was like, nah. And now we're good friends, so you have to judge this to yourself. But I'm telling you, I know he's a dear friend of yours. I mean, you still love him. So really the best way not to lose him is to be respectful to each other, give yourself time to heal, and then circle back when it feels right to both of you. And also, here's something that could happen you might realize after time passes. Maybe he's not someone that you want to have in your life. So you guys get to decide or you get to decide what works for you. Thanks, Veronica.

This next One came from Anonymous32 in the United States. Dear Emily, big fan of the show and love all the work you do to keep us educated and entertained. My girlfriend has told me on numerous occasions she really prefers doggy style and enjoys having her hair pulled and being spanked. This turns me on and I really want to be able to do this for her, but I actually find the position to be somewhat painful for me. She prefers sex to be on the harder and rougher side sometimes, but this causes soreness and bruising on my pelvic bone and also hurts my balls when we go at it hard like this. I find that the best way for me to get the most pleasure and least discomfort is when she's on top. But I know that doing this position repeatedly is getting boring for the two of us. My question is, is there something I can do to minimize the discomfort and pain I feel from doggy style? Also, is this pain normal for men or is this something I should be concerned about? Appreciate any advice you can offer me. Love the show.

All right, Mr. Anonymous, here's the thing, just so you know that it's 41% of men have fractured their penis during doggy style. That is the most challenging position for men where there's been discomfort. The second is missionary and the third is woman on top. So yeah, I don't know how common it is, but if they're gonna fracture themselves during sex, it's gonna be during doggy style. So really what I'm concerned about is you right now. If the pain is really intense and you feel like something has happened, you know there' recent developments. Definitely go to your doctor and get it checked out just in case. A few other things you Said that your girlfriend's really into, you know, hair pulling and being dominated and spanked. There might be other paths here to pleasure for her to get the same results. And it's not just in doggy style. So you guys could get to explore this together, but you could do some research. You could watch some porn together. You could, you know, figure out, like, what other. What other acts would actually make her feel better and have that same feeling of you being dominated and rough in bed. Now, there's something else that's new we want to mention. It's called the O nut, and it's a silicone ring that you put on your penis that just doesn't let you go all the way in. So it can kind of act as a barrier so you're not hitting your pelvic, your pelvic bone, your pubic mound too hard, which is actually sounds like that's what's happening. So if you're comfortable with that, it means you won't be going in as deep. It's like a penis stopper.

You could also try different variations of doggy style. You could, you know, her with her legs closer together and when she's lying flat on her stomach, this can be a lot more pleasurable for women as well, because for many women, when they're squeezing their legs together, they also get to activate their pelvic floor muscles. And that's where the magic happens. Orgasms. She could also, like, have her face down or be in her forearms with her butt high up. Also a pillow. If you have a pillow that. That is between you, that still allows you to pene, you know, that could kind of make things a little bit softer. I always think pillows should just be used. Have a lot of pillows on your bed that you don't mind using for sex. They can help kind of with a lot of different uncomfortable positions. So I think it's all about exploring and finding research. I mean, I love that she's so vocal about what she wants. But again, doggy style isn't the only way to go here. So I want you to be careful and not fracture your penis. So I think you guys, you know, she seems like she's pretty open. You guys could have some fun exploring. I have a book called hot sex. Over 200 things you could try tonight. And it's awesome because you can just open it to, like, any page. And there's so many positions. There's different variations of all the different sex positions, and I think you'll like it. Thanks for the email. And just be Careful. All right. Anon.

That's why my bed is full of pillows and comforters.

I love it, James.

Gotta make it comfy.

And sex toys.

And sex toys. Is very true. All right, this next email comes to us from Wesley, 24, in Georgia. Dear Emily, first off, love listening to the show. I drive a lot, and someone told me to listen to podcasts, and I came across yours, and within a week, I've listened to every single one. I have made my wife listen to some of them to be able to help us with our sex lives. Part one. I'm relatively new to pegging. I decided one day that I wanted my wife to put something in my butt, and we gradually worked our way up to buying a strap on and her pegging me with it. I absolutely love it. She doesn't seem too enthused to do it. She says she does, but when it actually comes down to it, I don't feel as if she's getting into it as much as I'd like to. What do I do? Part two. I love the pegging so much that I want to feel a real man inside me. I'm not sure how to try to find someone to ask. I actually want to feel a guy finish inside of me. And with all of my experimental thoughts, even considered wanting to give a guy a blowjob just to see if I like the feeling and like doing stuff with men, I'm not quite sure how to ask or tell my wife the way I feel about all of this. So how do I bring this up to her? I want to try experimenting with men because I can't think of too many other things to do with my wife or any female that I haven't already done. Please help me, Emily. It would mean so much.

All right, there's a lot to unpack here, Wesley. Let's start with the first part. Well, first, I want to say I think it's awesome that you found the podcast and that you have had your wife listen to it, because a lot of couples email me and they love. They enjoy listening to the show together because I know the sex conversation is hard. So by having me say it, you can be like, hey, babe, what do you think about what Emily says? Should we try that? So I think that's. That's awesome. And I think that's a good tip for all of you in a relationship. Okay, so you're new to pegging. Let me just say this. Part one. She might not be as into it. That's okay. Like, she might not be as into all of your kinks as you are. This is going to happen in a relationship for sure. I love that she's actually participating. That is amazing. She could experiment, try to find more pleasure for her. She could put a vibrator between her vulva and the harness, so she's still getting pleasure. We love the moxy from We Vibe. How much do we love the Moxy? Like, this is, like the best vibrator. I mean, we should give out the vibrator words of the year. I mean, I think this would be like, in my top.

Oh, yeah.

Five, three.

Yeah.

I mean, this is like the panty vibe. When I was cleaning out my garage with Kristen, I showed her, like, the older versions of other companies that tried to do panty vibes that were not good. They were not, like, it's a good. In theory. Right? Essentially, this goes into your underwear. It's a remote control wearable panty vibe. It has a really strong magnet so it stays in place. So she could put the harness like I said. And also, she could also. Well, I guess he doesn't want to be controlling anything when he's getting pegged, perhaps. But she can control it with the We Connect app or with the remote. It's really strong. It's really silent, and we just love it. You can check it out@sexwithemily.com we vibe. That's just a side note. Or, you know, any other small vibes she could put in there to get pleasure for herself. You could also ask her, like, what are ways that, you know, would make it more pleasurable to her? In reading your email, I'm thinking, okay, have we talked much to your wife about what turns her on? Like, what are her fantasies? What does she want to try, you know, that might make you feel like, you know, not as, like, guilty or she's not as into it. If you guys both do exploring together, which is something I encourage all couples to do, is to keep exploring on this journey, you know, in your relationship, in your sex life, especially when you're married, you know, keep seeing what feels good to her. Okay, number two. Well, first I want to say this. When I was reading this, I thought, okay, no, I don't think you need to, like, lead with this with your wife. I don't think you even know yet for sure that it's something that you want to try. Because when you say here you want to try experiencing with men, because I can't think of too many other things to do with my wife or any female I haven't already done. And to me, that's a different question than the other part of part two. You know what I'm saying, that little side thing, and what I can't tell is, are you saying it because you kind of feel like maybe you don't. You're not ready to look at the fact that it's something like it's even harder for you, even though you wrote me this email that perhaps you might be bisexual or you are attracted to men, or is it really just like, I've done it all with women and I might as well try men, because you're 24 years old. And I'm going to say there's a lot more things that you can do with women, believe me, that you just haven't tried yet because you haven't as many years on the planet. So even if you've a lot of sex, I believe if you. And if you and your wife go on a journey together, perhaps one of the first things you could do is download our yes, no, maybe list from our website. A lot of couples find that like to be a great facilitator of conversation. Essentially, it lists a lot of different sex acts and you can figure out, like, which ones you're into. But, you know, spanking, you know, dirty talk, using a toy. And then you could start from there and see where you both kind of meet and maybe you'd find out. And again, also doing research, you guys, I mean, I love that you're all listening to the podcast, but there are some great books out there and blogs and things that you could. Some movies, things you can read. Movies. There are movies. Porn. I mean, there is some helpful porn that could help you. So. But let's say that. So going back to your question, though, specifically, no, I don't think that you want to lead telling your wife that you want to be with other men, but once you start this process of exploring with her and just saying, because I think both of these questions, your questions go together and say, you know what, babe, I. I so appreciate the indulging. It's been so hot of my fantasy, but I really want us to build a team, to be a team in this together and figure out what really turns you on. What really turns me on. And then we can kind of go from there and create like an even playing field. So I feel like once you guys start talking about fantasies, then you can say, you know, I've been thinking about it after pegging maybe, you know, I've thought about having experiences with men and see if that's something you should be into. But again, this is not the first conversation you have. This might be after a few conversations with her talking about your sex life and how you can prove it. I mean, who knows, maybe she'll be like, yeah, I'm into a male, male, female threesome. You know, So, I mean, you guys are married, though you are committed. So I feel like you have to take this slowly and carefully and just have some really honest conversations, but you don't have to. I appreciate your honesty here with me, but. And I think you can get there with her, but just remember to go slow and to really do some. Do some in earthing together of your sex life. So I think.

Yeah, I'm not sure if that's true.

Yeah, maybe.

Because maybe if she was just super interested.

Right, right. Well, yeah.

And.

Well, that was my point. Yeah. I mean, and also what you might find during your exploration phase is perhaps you are just as inspired by what you could do with your wife and you'll no longer be thinking about being with men and what else is out there. Although I can't tell yet. We don't know. All right, thanks for the question. Keep me posted. I love when you guys send me your follow up emails about how things have worked or not worked. I'm cool.

Yeah, we always want to know.

Give me another answer, another try.

This next one comes to us from Jess, 32, Massachusetts. Dear Emily, my husband and I have been married for 11 years. Two kids. Every time he comes inside me, my vagina gets itchy after for a while. This has been happening forever. We both have never had sex with anyone else. He was my first, I was his. When we use condoms, I'm not itchy. But when I was on birth control years ago, he would come inside me, I would get itchy. Both pregnancies, I would get itchy after him coming. I thought I was allergic to sperm, but he recently got a vasectomy in January 2019 and now when he comes inside me, I'm still itchy. Can I be allergic to semen? My friend said to take a Claritin before sex. There's never any order or discharge, just itch that lasts about 12 to 24 hours.

All right, here's the thing, Jess. I gotta tell you, you can be a allergic to his semen. It's way more common than you think. I like that you're using an allergy medication that could, you know, that definitely probably is working. But for now he might just need to have to pull out. Or you can go back to using condoms or Using dental dams, which I know is kind of a bummer. I'm thinking she could also see, like, us. I mean, I don't think that you should just take my word for it, though. That's what it sounds like to me. But I think, you know, getting to see a doctor, I mean, there's a lot of things we could take these days, and maybe if you want to take something more like organic, there just might be other workarounds for this. But I would get tested and see if it's actually as a semen to confirm that and then see what. See what you can do. But the allergy. If the allergy medication is working for now, go with that. But that would be. You know, I wonder. And I wonder if with the vagina being such an interesting place, with our ph balance and things are changing with hormones, I'm wondering if there's, like, a lifelong. You know, that she would always be allergic to it. You know, we change. We can have certain allergies that change. I'm just wondering if there's something that she could do with a doctor or holistic practitioner that could maybe help with this as well.

That would be interesting. And then I'm not sure if she's actually tried the allergy medication yet, but.

That can help for women.

But I think. Yeah, I think that. That.

That's just like a. Yeah.

I mean, I get it's. It's a bummer. But also.

Yeah, no, really, that's. Yeah. I just wanted to get a little more. I just feel like right now there's so many different ways, but. Yeah, allergy medication is a good first step.

Yeah, I mean, it just. It's an interesting problem to have.

Yeah, it is. We don't hear it that often, but it is a real thing, for sure.

Okay, this next one comes to us From Mike, who's 50 in the United States. Hi, Emily. Love your Show. I'm Mike, 50 years old and been married for 15 years. I've always been into bondage until the last couple of years. I finally got my wife to give it a real try, meaning impact play such as spanking. She also lets me tie her hands up, but is very apprehensive about taking it to a higher level, such as flogging or whipping. Would having a BDSM session with an old flame. No sexual contact whatsoever, be considered cheating? Please help.

Okay, Mike, I would say that, yes, this is what this would be considered cheating. Absolutely. So if you're hiding from your spouse and you think it's something she's Gonna be mad about. Yes, it's cheating if she finds out, you know, infidelity. I feel like, though, you're kind of jumping the gun here, Mike. If you found out that your wife, you know, you guys have been together for 15 years, and the last couple years, she's into it. She's tying her hands up. But higher level flogging or whipping, I feel like you could also talk to her about it. You could try to give her time to warm up and be patient. Our partners are not always going to be what we are into, but maybe she needs a little bit more information about it, needs to experience it. You know, a lot of times we're just fearful of things. We're like, oh, that would really hurt. So I would recommend, when I first read this, you're like, would having a BDSM session. I thought you were gonna say, like, with a dominatrix who could, you know, who could help us out. And maybe she could, like, learn from professional and they could kind of test it. Because it's not just about, like. I think that when people. We have very limited views, especially someone who knows as much about bdsm, like, there might be other ways to play with it. Like, just because she's down to the flogging or whipping part, you guys might be surprised if you visit dominatrix or did some research on your own that you don't need to cheat, you don't need to go outside of marriage. But there is, like, a workaround so you guys could find, you know, perhaps a way that you could still get aroused. She could get aroused. And I'd love to know more about her fantasies as well. Two way street here. So I feel like the fact that she came onto everything else in a few years after 15 years is a good sign. So be patient and do some exploring with her. I know this thing you really want now, Mike, he's like, you know, I want the whipping and I want. But just be patient. Ask the questions, explain, explore. And again, you guys, I think this is for everybody. We all need to do a lot more research. This is what this whole show is about, is how do we actually explore. I think our view of what sex is is so limited. And what's on the table. We don't even know what's on the table. We know, like, doggy style and we know missionary, and we know, like, spanking with this bdsm. But again, together, you know, a lot of times our partners say no to things or they're shut down for things because it just sounds Awful or painful, which it can be if you don't do it right. But maybe in your. In your path to exploration, you might find, you know, something else that works for both of you. So please don't cheat. Thank you.

Yeah, and a BDSM dominatrix or coach might be able to just give you, like, a talking consultation.

Yeah, exactly. They could give you a talk. You go visit a dungeon. I mean, you could find out. There's, like, so many. Where does he live? In Texas. I'm sure it's everywhere.

Yes, he lives in the United States somewhere.

You're in the United States of America, and you could find someone who's reputable. You can go to FetLife Fat Life, which is a website where you could probably find someone to kind of help you guys out, to see if she's into it. It's kind of fun. I went to Dominatrix once with a guy. Did I tell you this? No.

What?

By seven, my things just pop up in my head.

Oh, my God. Putting a pin in that. And we're talking about that later.

Okay, perfect.

Okay.

All right. Okay.

Okay, this next last one. No, seriously, we're gonna bring that. See, it's one of those things I'm not gonna gloss over. No, I'm not gonna gloss over it. I'm not gonna gloss over. I'm gonna bring it up later. All right, this last one comes to us from Walter, who's 29 in Texas. Hello, Emily. I recently met an amazing girl. We really hit it off and have been going out for about a month until this week. I asked her how she thought our relationship was going and if she'd think about being exclusive with each other. Her response was, we haven't even been intimate yet. And then says, I think we should just be friends. I'm devastated that she put me in the friend zone. Broke up, basically. She did stand me up on date the day before. We had this talk. How do I get her back? And how do I get out of the friend zone? I really need her in my life. My heart is broken.

Walter. Walter, I hear you. It is tough. It is so tough when someone doesn't return the love that we are showing that we are giving them. And the rejection, it is painful. And I get it. And I get that you want her back right now, but I'm gonna tell you, you don't. You're not gonna get her back. And she's let you know at least right now. Like, who knows what could happen, Walter. But you definitely have to go about your life. Right now of letting go. It doesn't. You know, she flat out told you that she is not interested in anything more with you. And I think that you. You have to respect that. And definitely, if you're asking her to be exclusive, you guys hadn't been intimate yet. So maybe your enthusiasm for her was really intense. And perhaps, you know, my advice to you would be to get to know the next person you date and just to kind of maybe be a little bit more. I know this is tough when you're really into someone, but really get to explore and see how you feel with them, go out with them a few times, wait till it gets even a little bit sexual to maybe talk about things about exclusivity. But at your age and where you guys are at, maybe, you know, it just. She wasn't returning the feelings. So here's the thing, Walter. I understand, like, I hear it in your voice here, and I hear the devastation. But I think this is going to be a great learning tool for you if you choose to accept it that way. That, you know, we learn from all of our relationships, you know, how long or how short they are, we can learn from them. And I think in the future, you know, you're gonna realize that, like, you know, in relationships, obviously, you know, you wanna look for the signs, like, are they returning the same emotions? I think that before you get overly excited, and it's so easy to do, when we meet someone we like, we start picturing us, like, spending the rest of our lives together. But I think that maybe you just kind of, you know, instead of asking to be exclusive, maybe you say, like, well, so how are you feeling about this? Like, where do you see it going? Or what kind of relationship are you looking for? There's some question. Questions that kind of can lead up to that rather than just asking for exclusivity right away. So I think, Walter, this is such a good time to learn. There's so many women out there. There's so many right matches for you. But learn from this. And. And I would say to you that you're in the friend zone. But I would. I would beg you, Walter, if you take any of my advice, you guys aren't gonna be friends right now because you can't be friends with her because you still have emotions for her and you want to be with her. So you're going to torture yourself for another three, six years if you're like, friends. So I would say get yourself out of the friend zone, caught off ties with her, and continue to build your life, meeting people, women, friends, building your life in a really rich way. And then you're going to be able to find the next person. All right, Walter, thanks for your email. Thanks everyone for your emails. We read all of your emails and we love hearing from you. So thanks everyone. Thank you for listening to the show and let us know what you think. You can always email us any questions you have or comments. Thank you to my amazing team. Thank you Jamie. Thank you Ken, Kristin, Michelle, and Michael. So was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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