Dry Spells & Deep Throats

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them.

In a bygone day.

Hey, Emily.

Boyfriend.

Cuz my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's got to have her standards. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. Well, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can do so many things there. God. Our site is fun menace. Have you seen it lately?

It's great.

It is so fun. We have a brand new website. Well, it's like a few months old, but it's getting better every day, right? Just like we are.

We have to do like a incognito domain name. So when people, they want to go to sex.

Oh, at the office we tried to do that redirect thing. We tried that. It didn't work.

I'll fix it now.

People can do it. And also we've got. It's really easy when you get there because you should subscribe. That helps us as well. And we do two a week and you'll never miss a show again. So you subscribe and then just follow us. Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, sex with Emily across the board and facebook.com sexwithemily so you've.

Been Snapchatting like crazy or what?

Yeah, you know. Okay, so I go in Snapchat phases, but I. Yes, pretty much every day. Well, you don't look at my Snapchat probably, but maybe it's fun. It's a good time. I have to say, yesterday, so I was on Playboy TV yesterday. I was on a show called Talking Dirty in Burbank, you know, where they film to go to the Playboy studio. And so my friend Kimberly. Have you met Kimberly? She was on a show before. Anyway, maybe I think she went incognito cause she was talking about dirty things. But her friend owns this skincare line called Perfect. And it's like, do you see how I kind of look shiny and tan right now, but I'm not. It's this makeup that you just put on your skin, but it's, like, called Liquid Glow. What was this one called? Madison? Like, Liquid Glow or. And then Liquid Gold.

Oh, nice.

And he was rubbing. He's gay. It's cool. But he was, like, rubbing his hands up and down my legs. And we're doing this really funny shoot because for Playboy, I'm like, what do I. Because the show's called Talking Dirty. It's a talk show. And they're like, I'm like, what do I wear? Like, oh, like, what you'd wear out, like, if you're going to the Playboy Mansion. I'm like, you know what? Like a bunny suit? Like, what would I wear? Like, let me think about it.

A swimsuit.

Yeah, exactly. So. So I wore a sexy hat, black dress, and then I looked super tan and sparkly. And they were doing. We just shot really funny snaps about that. But here's the funny thing. So I go on this talk show with Dan and Andrea, who were the hosts of the Playboy morning show. And this is a new show called Talking Dirty. So it's like, we're just shooting the episodes right now, and we're sitting there. It's like a normal. It's myself and a comedian, this guy Sean. And then we're talking, like, you know, I mean, having normal conversations. They kind of set it up. Like, watch what happens live with a guitar bar. So we're sitting there drinking, talking, and we're, like, civilized and asking. You know, there's questions about, like, how should men last longer in bed? They're like, well, let's cut to the tv. Let's check out the models on the screen and see what they have to say. And then all of a sudden, we're, like, sitting there. There's like, models, like, this is how I like to be turned on. Or this is what I. I want a man to last in bed at least 30 minutes so he can please me. And then they get naked. So, like, all of a sudden, you're sitting there and you're, like, having this. And they cut to. Cause it's Playboy women. And then the next thing was like, they're like, I really want a man to take it all. And I'm like, whoa. Like, I'm not. I wasn't expect. So they shock you with that. And then they go back to us talking, and then they say, how would you set this mood for sex? And I'm like, you know, giving my ex. You know, you gotta stress de stress for better sex. And, you know, play music, turn off your phones. Like, well, let's see what our Playboy models. And they cut to the screen again and there's like a woman with a bathtub outside in the wilderness. She's like, this is a great scene for me. Sex. And then she gets naked and has sex with the woman. But it's not like a two, it's like a 40 second clip. And then they go back to like, hi, we're having a talk show.

Wow.

Yeah. Playboy.

Super fun. I remember, like back, back in the day, I set up my. My buddy who lived in Los Angeles. I told them that I had to. I had to come to Los Angeles with some winners from a radio contest and I had to drive them somewhere, right? But I said, yeah, man, come with me. So I set him up to meet me somewhere and then I. I hit him up. I said, hey, dude, I can't make it. Can you do me a favor? Can you drive these winners to this place? Right.

Okay.

But the whole setup is he didn't know that these two winners were actually Playboy models.

Oh.

And then they started like making out with each other in the backseat, taking their clothes off.

Was it his best day ever?

It was the best day ever.

But he's married, he's Mormon, and he.

Had a girlfriend so he wouldn't sign off on it.

Oh, man, that's so good. You think you're just driving some guests from wherever and it's a Playboy bunny making out. Playboy bunnies. Making in your car. That's hilarious. So that was Playboy? Yeah, it's a. I like going over there and saying hi to those people. Yeah. And then I had my birthday party. Yeah? Yeah.

I have something for you.

You do?

Your birthday? Yeah.

Oh, you're sweet. Thank you. I love it. It's the best present I ever got.

Life is like so crazy right now, but next time I see you.

Yeah, next time you see me, I'll be waiting for it. But it was fun. You know, I. My best friend Charlotte came in from San Francisco, you know, Char, and I just. I never feel like. I don't know. I've let you know I have friends here, but I want to plan and I just don't like planning. I just want to hang out with friends. I don't want to be alone. So I just invited some people to meet at this restaurant called Maya. I decided like the day Before. And I'm like, people show up. Maybe they won't. It's fine. But then, like, a lot of, like, really good people showed up that I was excited to see and end up being a fun. Like, there's no pressure. Just, like, show up, have drinks, dinner. And then, like, people on my team were there. Friends were there. My former agent, like, people I knew from all over my life. And that felt really good. And I think it's important to do something with. There should be. Here's my deal with birthdays. What I've learned. Never have a party where there are shoulds on the list. Like, that you should invite this person. You should. Life is too short to spend time or have to hang out. People, especially on your birthday, the people you think that you have to invite, friends because you've known each other since kindergarten. It was just people I loved. So it was a great way to ring in the new.

I wish I was there. I'm sorry.

Except for you were not there. So there was a tiny little piece of my heart that was broken. But the rest of the night was a blast, from what I recall.

Cool. Well, I'm happy you had a good time. Yeah, I was. Unfortunately, I was in Las Vegas, but that's okay.

I don't think you've been at one of my parties since, like, 2007.

What?

Dude, it's fine. I don't go to yours either. But we love each other, and here we are.

Yeah.

What's up with. So you gallivanting on the World? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I was in Las Vegas and stuff like that, but I'm on a couple shows. I've been mentioning that I hooked up with the Habit Burger and done all these different charity organization fundraising. And we did hopeful pause. We did lymphoma research foundation and Parkinson's. Right, Research. And we raised a ton of money. And we just got some grand totals in today. It was great.

You raised.

Raised about over $15,000.

You did alone.

Yeah, it was crazy. Well, I mean, the Woody show, the morning show that I'm.

But you were the one that there were, like, legions of fans, and they had to call, like, pepper spray or something. Like, they had to call the cops. Pepper spray?

No, no, no. I mean, they. Yeah, I was out.

I was, like, impressed, like, that all these people showed up for you. I mean, I would. I. Of course I would show for you if we had that kind of relationship.

There's a whole.

Okay, fine. Congratulations. You guys are doing good work.

Yeah. I don't want to say it was all me. It wasn't.

Glad you're giving back to the community.

Trying.

Yeah. You're doing a good job. Okay, listen, we gotta talk about something really important right now, all right? Okay. Sexual health awareness. And we get a lot of questions about STDs. STIs. Like, people say, like, one in three people have something like, how do you know? How do you know if the person you're sleeping with, like, I'm fine, I'm clean. And you sleep with them. Without the people, I feel like they still don't use condoms.

Never?

Never. Like, even my friends are like. I'm like, did you use a condom? No. But, like, here's the thing. 110 million Americans are affected with STDs any given time. And here's the thing. It's not as bad as you think, is the other thing. I'm going to talk you through what happens, the difference between an STD and an STI. Because STI is fairly new. Remember? It was just STDs. So how many are out there? The risk this is going to be just little touch up here, a little freshen up from what you probably did not learn when you were in high school.

What do you got? Lay it on me.

Okay, so common questions about STDs and STIs, so they're kind of interchangeable. An STI, which is a sexually transmitted infection, means that it hasn't developed into a disease yet. Right? So, like, a woman who has HPV and she shows no symptoms of an infection, but if she develops cervical cancer as a result, she has an STD. Okay, so the reason why STIs came around because it's kind of has, like, a less negative connotation than, like, a disease, but that's just the difference. So you all know we get asked that all the time. 27 STIs are listed in medical textbooks. Geez, I know. That's a lot, right? An infection can turn into many different types of diseases. Hard to know how they all originate. But here's the most common ones. These are super sexy. I should say I'm really dirty or something. Most common infections.

Yeah.

Chlamydia.

Ooh, that's sexy.

Genital warts. Ooh. Hpv.

Oh, love it.

Genital herpes. Most common diseases.

Yeah.

Gonorrhea.

Pid, pelvic inflammatory disease, and syphilis.

Oh, fun.

Yeah. Hepatitis B, C, as well as HIV are also well known and very serious. So that's why you just gotta get tested. Okay. Every six months and I don't want to hear you don't have health insurance. I don't want to hear, you know, there's also, like, we're going to tell you a minute about easy. You can do it online. You can order it on Amazon, a kit, get tested at home. You think it's not going to happen to you. Most people think it's not. They're like, oh, I've heard this excuse. Well, I knew the guy. I mean, he was a friend of my friend. Like, you wouldn't lie to me. A lot of times people don't know that they even have one. Sometimes you're a carrier. So even if they're the most honest person in the world, you really just have to make sure that you're taking precautions. Okay, so.

Young people, most at risk and those in the LGBTQI community, far more likely to become infected.

To those groups that you just mentioned, one of them, the young group. I know. I know a guy who had to go through chlamydia, and then the other one was LGBT community. He went through chlamydia, too. And they're telling me how get rid of that thing is like a huge needle that gets stuck in your ass.

Yep. Well, you take a pill, too, for, like, a day or two.

They both said needles.

Okay, well, my friend. Okay, so here's the thing. Chlamydia. Just FYI, chlamydia is on the rise right now because I've had two friends, two girlfriends who had chlamydia, and it was one night she had sex out of condom with the guy, and it was like, the next day, she had, like, an itching, went to the clinic, and she took a pill, and it was. It was gone or two.

But, okay, maybe they caught it early.

Maybe. But what I'm saying is, it's like I never even had friends. I mean, people tell me everything, so it's not like they weren't telling you. Now they're telling you. Like, people are getting it. So. So guess what? Condoms are awesome. And here's the other thing. Young women, they're more susceptible to getting an STD or STI because they check this due to their anatomy. Did you know this?

No.

Underdeveloped cervixes and smaller bodies are more likely to tear and leave women susceptible to infections. So we have little tears. That could happen. Aggressive sex, pounding something. We're more likely. Another reason why women suffer more. Yeah. Once a month, we're like pms. We're angry. I always realized, like, a quarter of my life, I'm like, probably PMSing, or at least like four or five days. Like, that's a long time if you add up those days to suffer. So women smart thing. So be careful and use condoms. But if you think that you're not immediately this. If you're like, oh, I'm straight guy, I'm male, I'm just gonna do a pound. Everyone, this weekend, forget the condoms. Even if you're serum monogamists, going from one serious monogamous relationship to another, that increases your risk of contracting sti. Because if you stop taking precautions because you're exclusive with someone. So let's say you're like, oh, we've been together three months and now we're gonna be exclusive. And like, you stop wearing condoms. But you don't get tested. You just think we're exclusive. Now, that person could still be a carrier. And a lot of times you could have something for months and not know. So the point is, I know. Do you wanna get tested? After? I've got this kit you can use.

Oh, let's get tested.

Do you wanna do like a Sex with Emily testing day? Like, make it fun. Like, I have clowns in a carnival.

I actually had a buddy who did a morning show and they wanted to do. Do a bit where they read his results on air and he wouldn't do it.

No, no, no, no. That's not good. There you go. There goes your life. You think you can't get laid before?

Yeah, but the. So but you, you kind of mentioned there's home testing kits, right?

Yes, exactly. It's called my lab box. My M, Y, L, A, B, B, O, X and God, do we still have it in our site, Madison, like, blog.

Learn them, treat them, test them. Learn them, treat them, test them. So check that out.

Sweet.

I know, right? Okay, how are they spread and transmitted? So they are spread through contact with an infected area, skin or mucous membranes, sores in the mouth. So you could have one of those, like, canker sores in the mouth, go down in someone. There you go.

Damn.

I know. And these could happen during vaginal and oral sex. And people always ask me about kissing. And kissing, it won't carry, like, the risk of infection, but if you like an open sore or an oral sore, they could transmit it. Damn it. I know, dude, stop digging your tongue in everyone's throat.

But I can't help myself.

I know, it's so sexy. So how do you stay protected? The most common way, use a condom every single time. And if you use condoms in the past and they suck and you're like, oh. But I couldn't feel anything. It was like wearing a raincoat. I'd rather not. There are great. They've changed a lot. Okay. There's a lot of different sizes. They have little bumps and ridges, and some are like, mint. And they think they feel good. And, you know, try them out. So they're the only form of birth control that prevent STIs. And just do it. Okay. But don't ever try wearing two condoms, because that doesn't work. Oh, okay. I gotta make a note here about oral sex. So the other day, I was driving in the car with my friend from San Francisco, called me. And she's mostly. I've been friends with her for 20 years. And she's a serial monogamous. She's probably, you know, she's not a virgin, but she's had a lot of monogamous relationships. And she's been with a lot of men over the years. Not a lot. But the point is, she said to me, emily, I've got a really serious question. I'm dating a guy, casually now. What do I do about giving him blowjobs? Like, about protection? I was like, really? Like, I'm like, you've never given just like, a random blowjob to someone that you weren't in a committed relationship with? And she said, no, I have not. And she said, I know. And I thought. I felt. First of all, I was really proud of her. I thought they sounded really interesting. But she's like, what are the risks? What are the risks? I'm like, well, this is a great question. I mean, you could wear a condom over his penis when you're giving a blowjob. Like, that's really the only way that she could. Or just don't give him a blowjob. And she was like, that's really it. And it's. It's true. But the risks. I mean, it's not as high as, you know, having sex without a condom, but it's still up there. But, you know, definitely inspect the penis before it goes in your mouth. I mean, if there's an outbreak or weird sores, then, you know, and same with the vagina. Something going on there. And then when you're going down in a woman, there's a dental dam, which nobody ever uses. Like, we all joke in our sex community. Like, they're, you know, what they look like dental dams or like a piece of latex you put over the vagina. Like, who? Like, hold on a minute. Let me use my dental dam. But the truth is, I tried one once for fun. Cuz I'm like, I got to try. It actually feels good. Because.

Wait, you had it on yourself or you tried it?

No, a guy was going down on me and he put. He like, used dental dam. And the thing is, that material against your. Your lip, your. Your livia, your. All the nerve endings, the clitoris, like, if it actually feels really good, like I always say, like, touch a woman over her underwear, like over something silky. Like if it actually wasn't horrible.

Where do you even get a dental dam?

Get them at any sex toy store. And you know what? You could even make a dental dam out of a condom. I did this. Do you remember the. That was on the doctor's TV show.

Oh, yeah.

Years ago. And they're like, could you come on? And we'd like you to talk about dental dams. I was like, sure. And then I get to like, the call sheet and they're like, dressed like you're going to church. I'm like, all right. And like. And talk about dental dams. So I get on stage and I had to show everyone at home how we should post this on the website. How to make their own dental dam. So you cut a tip off a condom, and then you cut it down the middle, like the long way. And then you open it up. Condom. I'm like, everyone can do this at home. And mom's like, I'm so proud of my daughter. Like, in a way, she's on the doctor's TV show, but she's also talking.

About.

She told everybody to tune in.

So proud of me, Tune in. Wait a minute. Turn it off. So, okay, so if you want to be safe, you can try flavored condominium. Tastes like mint. If you want to suck the penis over the thing.

I think in my day I've had a strawberry flavored condom.

Really?

I don't know how it tastes. Because I wasn't the one.

Because you were not blowing yourself. Right. I'm saying that you absolutely should try it. Because I actually like the dental dam. And if you're at all worried, like, here's the thing. Life is all about trusting your gut and your instincts. If you're with like a foreign penis or a foreign, you know, vulva, and you're like, I'm not so sure about this person. No one's gonna like, judge you and say, like, why are you doing that? Just go for it and be safe. It's important.

Yeah. No guy's going to turn it down.

He's not going to be like, oh, sorry, I don't want a blow job with that on. Yeah, right. No, and if he does, guess what? You certainly don't want to give him a blowjob. He doesn't even deserve your lips around his penis. Okay, so here are the symptoms. How you might know that you have something. Sores, itching, burning sensation. You're probably familiar with those, but there's more. Like, that's usually how it starts. Have you ever had anything?

No.

See, women get. We even get, like, we get UTIs all the time. We get bacteria. In fact, we'll get.

What are they called? Urinary tract infections and yeast infections. Thank you. Which is, like, so not sexy. But what happened? So we know the itching and the burning, but this is what happens to men as well. But testicular pain in men can happen for sign of gonorrhea.

Oh, really?

How your testicles feeling?

Great.

And for women in the lower belly, they're going to feel that occurring in them. And flu, like, symptoms could indicate hiv.

And here's the other bummer thing I just want to close out with and just pay attention to this. If you have no symptoms, it doesn't mean that you're in the clear. Because the most common hpv, gonorrhea, herpes, chlamydia, the symptoms can be totally mild and not show up for years. So you might not even know that it happened, that you're carrying it. You don't know that you have it, and then all of a sudden, you haven't had sex in a year, maybe, or six months, and you're like, here, I have this thing. So just pay attention to it. Some are treatable, curable. What's the difference? So a lot of them are treatable.

Can't young people now get an HPV shot?

They can. And there are still, like, they say to, like, the age 26 or 27. And they should. There's no reason not to. No one's saying there's any risks with it. But I've also heard lately that there's studies that you could actually do it a little bit older than that.

Really?

Yeah, totally. So why not? Why not do everything that you can to prevent it? And the ones like chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, you can cure with antibiotics if its treatment is sought early. Early enough. Herpes, warts, hepatitis B, hiv, they're viral infections. They can be treated, not cured. Yeah, you're with them. So even though testing might be scary and awkward and you're worried about it, obviously it's worth it. And it's my lab box. Check out if you want to do it at home. No one needs to. You never have to leave your house. So, any questions? How's your itching and burning?

My itching and burning is fine. It's very good, though, for people just to educate themselves. And again, I think that the home kit is awesome because so many people probably don't get tested because they're too embarrassed to go exactly. Do anything. So I definitely. I suggest if, you know, if you have no clue what's going on with your body and you're too shy to go to the doctor, just definitely get one of these home kids. You'll have it up@sexemily.com right?

Totally.

Okay. Okay, cool.

That's good. Okay, so now we're gonna get into some sexy stuff. I can still talk dirty, though. But we're gonna give a big shout out to our sponsors real quick. All right, I have a confession. I'm not what you'd call a good cook. Okay. To be honest, I've never really tried. Let's just say I don't cook at all. And it's not because I don't want to. I love food, but I just don't make the time. But I've tried. And you know what? I do menace. At least a few times a year, I get super inspired. I buy a bunch of groceries, I commit to lunch, dinner every day, and next thing I know, I'm tossing out produce like, two weeks later. Have you ever done this? Like, been really inspired to cook?

Yeah. I mean, I love cooking.

Okay? So I. Maybe I'm the only one who does this, but I throw it away. I don't do it anymore. I can't do it. I can't cook.

But I'm with you, though. I just don't have time.

No time. That's the thing. So I get out now. I get home every night. I'm starving. I want to make dinner. I have zero food, zero plan. But now it's changed. Blue Apron. Do you know about Blue Apron? Have you heard about Blue Apron?

I've been hearing about Blue Apron for a long time.

I am so obsessed. They develop gourmet meals. They measure the ingredients for you. I don't even need measuring cups. And they ship them directly to me, 100% ready to cook. I open the box. Even I can follow the simple instructions. And I have this amazing meal that I cooked. I, like, made a Peruvian roast chicken and potatoes. I made a Japanese rice bowl and mushroom tempura. Like I don't even know what that, like how you do that. I did it. And it's so high end and quality. I impress myself. I love everything about Blue Apron. It's quality ingredients. You can follow the recipes and the incredible meals and you have like different ones every week that come to you. So it's not like you're getting the same meal every single day. And just like what you'd find like a high end restaurant. I know this sounds way too easy to be true, but get this, it is also incredibly affordable. Their gourmet meals cost as little as $10 a person. And right now you get two meals free and free shipping. Go to blueapron.com Emily to see this week's recipes. Get your two free meals. That's blueapron.com Emily. Check it. All right, menace, let's answer some emails. But seriously, do I seem healthier to you now? You do.

You seem like you have a lot more energy.

I do, yeah.

Cause I'm eating more than usual three times a day.

Okay, let's go on to some emails. Cause we love everyone and we love when you email us@feedbackexwithemily.com and pretty much you guys are pretty good at answering the instructions or like answering our questions. But people aren't putting their age and it makes a difference sometimes it really context and we, you know, we are going to be having a voicemail soon set up that people can call and leave a message. We'll be taking callers. It's happening in the next few months. But for now just age, age where you live, how you listen.

Yeah. So if you listen on itunes.

But like I love you. I'm still going to read, right?

Yeah, you listen sexalmy.com I'm still going to read it.

But yeah, but help me out, sister brother.

It does help.

Okay. Thank you. Hey Emily, I've just gotten into podcasts and found your shows really helpful. It's so good to know that there's someone else who shares the same similar problems. I did a quick scan through your podcast for tips on deep throating. Do you have any experience that you can share? My girl have been trying to do it. My girl's been trying to do it for a long time but it seems she can't take it past the curve. It seems not so much a gagging issue. It's more like she's just unable to open up her throat that far. Any tips on how to do a real deep throat? Thanks, Ben.

Let me just make a note here that nobody Asked about deep throating 10 years ago, and this is directly due to what people are seeing in porn. Agree or disagree? Menace.

Agree.

Like, were you even thinking about deep throating then? Not that you're thinking about it now?

I was never into it because I always think that the girl. Because.

Because you care so much about women.

I absolutely do. But the thing is, I always. That they're choking and they're going to barf on me because. Because it happened in high school. Not. I wasn't barfed on, but my buddy was because he.

She might have been drunk, though.

But I don't. I don't get the appeal because I think it's like stopping down. Because doesn't it mess up the flow? You know, by having this.

The flow of the sexual flow, like the energy in the room.

Well, I know she's gagging like she could die, right?

Like she could. She could.

Like, it takes you. It doesn't take you out of the moment. I'm asking the person that's into this. I mean, if they want more, want to email in and ask, I want to know what.

Right. What really turned you on about. I think it's.

But the only thing. See, this is what is so frustrating about doing the sex on me show for 10 years. When we try to ask somebody why they are into a certain thing, they can never give me a freaking answer, you know? So I don't even know why I'm asking people why they're into that. But for me, definitely, because when I'm receiving a blowjob, I. I want a fluid motion going on, and I think that would disrupt it.

You know, I get it.

Also, take me out of.

Right.

You know, oh, thinking that the girl's sexy, I'm like, oh, she's dying. She's gonna barf on me. How is this hot?

You know, she's willing to die for my penis.

But some people are into getting barfed on too, so whatever.

It's not that you always get barfed on, but it can hit your gag reflex. And back to high school, I think a lot of that happened. And in college, girls were just really drunk. Yeah, that always happened. My friends all have stories. Like, last night I barfed at a guy's penis. And then I passed out. Like, giving a blowjob. That happens. But with the deep throat thing, it's like. I think it feels really good because the tip is really sensitive. It's in the back, and they're like, oh, she's taking it in and she's willing to gag and her eyes are watering, and that's really hot because I'm so big and I'm making her feel this way, I think. And it's visually can be stimulating, but I know what you're saying that you want the back and forth pressure, and then it's just sitting on the back of your throat. But just because it's hitting the back of the throat, she could still be taking it in and out, and it keeps going down back to the throat and then out again. It's not just sitting in the back of the throat choking her, but maybe for a few seconds. It is. Whatever you're into, email us. I know you're like, what, are you dying? Do you need water? Should I call 911? Yeah. Okay. Ben, welcome to the show. I'm so glad you found us and we found you. But before I get into tips for your girlfriend, are you playing by the deep throat rules?

Okay.

Okay. Those rules, that means no pressuring, no rushing the process, no thrusting, and zero head pushing. We are in no head pushing zone here at Sex with Emily. That's no fun ever. Never push her. Even if you're just in the car like, babe, here's my penis. She knows you have a penis. She knows that it's probably hard. Don't ever push her head into your lap. Okay? So she needs to feel relaxed. She needs to feel in control and that, you know. She also needs to be able to trust you that you're not going to hurt her. And keep in mind that she's putting herself through mild discomfort to fulfill your desires. So make sure you're being kind and returning the favor, AKA going down on her as well. So now that we got that out of the way, here's what she could do to deep throat relax. So the most important thing is your muscles. Anytime you're trying any anal sex, people tend to tense their muscles, right? But it's all about breathing and relaxing. So when you're doing this, she has to relax her throat muscles. Like, they tense up. Because if she's starting to perform oral, so what really can relax her is first thing, like, make sure that she has hers. So if you knock off a few orgasms and she's, like, already in the mood and relaxed, you're golden. She'll be like, oh, my God, I said three orgasms or one, it's fine. And she also should be loose, too. So tell her not to worry about, like, her lips. Everything should be loose. So she should, like, lay back, she should be breathing, and she shouldn't Worry that her lips are, like, super tight around his penis while she's going down. And she could kind of like, let her lips fall open so she can open up her throat more. So, like, you practice. Like, it's not like you're squeezing it. Like, I'm trying to show medicine with my mouth. Like, you're suctioning it. Like, your mouth is open. You're just trying to get it to the back, back. And if she's worried about getting drool, little extra lubrication never hurt. And it might help her lube up her throat. So just make sure she's breathing in a comfortable position. And also there's a position that makes her feel comfortable. Okay. This isn't necessarily for you. So depending on your length and your girth, deep throating works at different angles. Okay, now we're getting technical here. She can experiment with, like, different positions and see which ones are a little bit easier. So some women like kneeling. Like, so they're kneeling over the part partner, like, on the bed, because they can go at their own pace. And some women, like, even lay back. Like, check this, their head back on the bed. They're lying back in the bed, and their neck is going off the bed, right? So he could look at him trying to show you. So he could be standing behind it. But her neck's way much more open up, which is kind of weird because she's, like, off the bed, but that's the way your neck's gonna open up. But you didn't know that. So also, there's just. It's just practicing. There are. So while she's doing that, she wants to breathe. She can get in comfortable position so she's in control. Like, if she's, like, crouched on her knees, you know, like, women get blowed up, and you're like. You're tense. So she just has to make sure she's in a position where her throat is open. But the thing is, she can also train your gag reflex to open up. Like, you can practice. So what you do is you place a finger in your mouth, or you can use toothbrush. So you know when you get to the back of your throat. And, like, whenever you start to gag, you're probably not. You probably don't need to do this menace. But if you do want to, it's like, right to the point where you get. You're like. And then you hold your finger there for as long as you can, like, 10 seconds. And you do that, like, five times a day. And then eventually you'll be Able to move it further and further back. Either a toothbrush or your finger.

Yeah.

And it'll open up your gag reflex. But you gotta practice. And when you're doing this, you breathe through your nose, relax your throat, and you resist the urge to gag. You can try it with a dildo, you can try it with his penis. He'd probably like helping you. And just don't push yourself quickly.

And it takes time to volunteer.

And here's the thing. If it doesn't work, so what? Use your hands. It's fine. She can't do it. But that's how she can do it. So you guys can listen to the show together. But also, again, your hands are your best friend during a blowjob. So her hands can provide the suction. And it's a great way to do it. Deep throat. Was that more than you ever want to know about deep throats? Or that more than you ever could have possibly imagined?

I like that. The technique to learn how to do it slowly.

You know, work into it.

Another thing, do your kegels. Do your gag reflex exercises. Meditate, masturbate. That's like my entire life. It's like meditation, masturbation, Gag. Gag exercises, gag reflex. And cooking. Blue apron. Sweet. It's a really good time. Okay. Hi, Emily. I recently discovered your show and you've changed my sex world. I have so much more libido and self confidence than before. Your show is totally honest, realistic and kind. And I feel like you're my friend. I feel like I'm your friend.

Nice.

I do have a question though. My partner and I have been monogamous for a year. We both got tested when we started dating. We were both negative and have been having sex without condoms. I have an IUD for birth control. However, I can't stop the nagging. Thought that maybe the test might not be accurate. I heard especially if a herpes, this can happen. We've both had lots of partners before and I would feel more comfortable if we went back to using condoms. But he thinks this is a strange request since we've been tested and have already have condomless sex. So we should have already transmitted anything we have already. So he thinks that what's water in the bridge, he is willing to do it and we've only been having condom sex recently. But I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable. What are your thoughts? Thanks so much. Ella, 26, Washington, D.C. listens to the podcast app on her iPhone. Bam.

Nice.

See, she freaking nailed that.

That's what we love. Ella Ella. A.

A hey, Ella. Okay. I love that Ella is being conscientious about her health. Amazing. Because I understand her concerns. Like, at least, like before, we're talking people who never even think about using condoms. She's in a committed relationship. They've been tested. They've been having sex without a condom for a while, but she's still, like, you know, worrying about it, so I understand that. And she's right on. Herpes. You can only test herpes if there's an outbreak. Like, they don't even do herpes test now because you can't tell if you're carrying it unless there's an outbreak.

Wow.

So if one person is a carrier, you won't know until you're already infected. So you've done everything you can do there. And I kind of. I gotta say, I agree with your boyfriend friend. You're on the iud, and you guys are truly monogamous. You're not going to get pregnant, and you really don't have to go back to using condoms. So I just think what you guys got to do is go back and get tested in six months, like every six months, put on your calendar. You know, you'll feel more confident. You guys can go together. You can order it online and do it. But. And then I think that you can put the condoms to rest for now.

Tell people what IUD is.

The IUD is the. It's a method birth control that you put in your arm and you can have for. Do you want the.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like for years.

For years. Yeah. That can last for years. And a lot of women have that. And they don't have to, like, take a pill every day, just side effects and. But just like any other. Other research control. Yeah, but. But she was saying she's on iud, but you could be on a. What she meant is you could also be on the birth control pill. There's a lot of different ways now. Birth controls are so much better now. Like when I. Well, I haven't been on it in a while, but they don't tell you now. And here's the other thing I want to say. I might have said this on recent show, but I can't say it enough that when you go on the birth control pill, a lot of women, you know, in high school, whenever you go to college, the doctor just gives you a pill and you assume, okay, I gotta take this pill for the rest of my life. This is it. But what they don't tell you is that sometimes the side Effects can be really bad, and you don't know that that's what it's coming from. And you don't realize that you can actually switch pills. You can get higher. Like, higher estrogen, lower estrogen. You can play with it. Because birth control pills affect everyone's system differently. And so women sometimes can have loss of libido, inability to orgasm, headaches, things like that and that. You. So, you know, just go to your gynecologist every six months. And again, it's okay to ask for one, because you could. Sometimes you just got to try a few.

Don't your boobs get bigger?

Yes. Do you remember this? My. Do you remember when I went on the pill?

No, but you told me about it.

Dude, I knew you then. It was 2009, and I went back on the pill, and I. I had, like, a size and a half bigger. And my boyfriend at the time, he was like, oh, my God, it's a bad. It was like, all of a sudden, I had, like. Not that I have small boobs, but they were, like, big and hard. It was like, I got a boob job. People were like, my friends thought I got a boob job. It was the best birth control experience ever.

Sweet.

And I, like, lost weight and had really big boobs. I looked like a porn star. Maybe I should. I wonder if it would have that happen the same way. I just don't like taking something like. And I used condoms because I want to be safe anyway. Why should I? Yeah, yeah. Boobs. Yes. Of course I did. For years, I was. But if you miss a day, you realize that it's not as effective. Like, you're pale that month, so you should double up on condoms. Anyway, that's the problem is that a lot of people are not as great. Put reminder on your goddamn phone.

Well, I mean, you have a staff of people here.

Oh, I have a stat. No, I'm not me. I'm saying people.

Madison will help you out. Make sure.

Madison, would you feed me my pill every day? No, I'm not taking it. I'm saying a lot of people don't remember, and that's why you should set an alarm. Have you ever, like, gone out with someone and she went on the pill and, like, things happened or she seemed different or.

No, not at all. No.

Okay.

Why you think it. It makes you.

Sometimes it's hard to tell. We're, you know, emotional beings. Okay. Hello, Em. My name is Marcellus. I'm a longtime subscriber slash listener to your amazing show since 2013. Nice I'm a 26 year old male from South Carolina. I usually listen to your show. Well, on the road, I'm a truck driver. Now to the matter at hand. Me and my girlfriend have recently hit a rough patch and because of this, she wants to cut out sex to focus more on the friendship and relationship aspect. I was fine with that then, but now it's becoming a problem. I find myself more tense and small things she does gets me upset. I'm not saying sex keeps me happy, but it has kept me stress free in some aspects. It's now been almost four months of no sex and I'm tired of masturbating. Here's another issue. During these months, I find myself being less and less sexually attracted to her. And now I'm at a point where I kind of don't want sex from her at all. I really want to tell her. I really want to tell her this and work on it, but I don't know how. Please help. P.S. i know it's no longer masturbation month, but I would love to hear your masturbation routine, Marcellus. I guess I haven't really. We'll get back to that. Marcellus, you've got a lot of questions here. We don't have time. Hey, this show is not about me.

Oh, yeah, it is. It's sex only show.

Okay, if I will tell you at the end a really good masturbation story. But let's dance. Let's help him first.

Okay.

Okay, so here's the deal. A lot of times I do tell couples, you've heard me say this minutes. If you're having an issue in your relationship, take, let's say you're having a sex issue. In particular, I always say take sex off the table. Table. Like you're not gonna have intercourse for a month and you're going to reconnect intimately. So you're still gonna like do foreplay and kiss and touch and cartilage massage. But you know, you, you're just like, don't have intercourse. However, you should never, ever take sex completely off the table because she's using it as a bargaining chip. And this is what women and men should never do. Because once you take away the sex, it completely backfires as it is for him. Because without sex at all, she's turning their relationship back into a friendship. Do you see what she's doing? Yeah, you know, mission accomplished. So that's why he's feeling less attracted to her, because she's like, oh, no end in sight. I want to work on Our friendship. I want to work on our relationship. So I'm just not gonna have sex with you.

Yeah, that's.

And he's like, I'm masturbating. My penis is chafing. Like, I don't know what to do. You cannot move through any issues in a relationship by just, like, abstaining from something or just take or using something as a. You know, sex as, like, a weapon.

Something else is going on.

Exactly. So these rough. It's a rough patch, and it's not gonna go away because she stops giving you blowjobs. So that's not how it all goes down. So if you want to work through it, I got it. You know, you got to go back to her asap. And I'm not sure how you guys were communicating about this rough patch before. I am assuming there's a lot here. Obviously, I don't know. But it wasn't working. So let's say it's something big, right? Like, let's say you cheated or something bad happened and she's trying to punish you, so you might require some, like, professional help to work through it. A lot of times, couples get to a place where they've been together so long, and resentments build, and typically, when you stop having sex and you stop feeling that connection, it's because something else. There's a lot of things maybe have built up, and you haven't talked about it, and eventually you're not feeling sexual. So I think he got. He has tell her how he feels, and the next time, like, they're relaxed and home, he's got to bring it up again and just say, you know, this isn't working for me. Like, I miss you. I miss, like, touching you, smelling you, being intimate with you. But, like, sex is crucial. If he takes away the sex, they're like, roommates. Yeah. What do you think about when you heard that? What did you think?

I think she's like, it's something else going on. Is there somebody. I. I hate this, because I know everyone jumps to this conclusion.

I mean, on the guy's side, they always say, oh, he's. He's hooking up with somebody else. But on the women's side, 90 of the time, something else is in the picture, and I don't know what, you know, And I don't want to accuse her of doing that. I mean, if she is focusing on the relationship, every time you're together in their friendship, make sure that vibe is going on. If that vibe is not going on, something else is going on.

Yeah. You mean like she could be have some.

I'm not saying she's having sex with anybody, but somebody's like, trying to get her attention, right? You know?

Yeah. Something's going on and I don't know what it is, but you just got to say to her when you're home, say, listen, it's really not working for me, you know, using sex as this, like, bargaining chip. It's not helping us. I miss you. I miss being intimate. And there's an happy medium between the sex and the friendship aspects, but this isn't working. So it's okay for you to be feeling the way you're feeling?

Yeah.

Okay. That's all we got time for, but do you want me to tell you a masturbation story real quick?

Yes.

Okay. It's not.

It's not necessarily about my own master. Well, it is. Okay. So my friend, I was talking to her on the phone and she was saying that she went to this, her doctor, but it's like one of these, like, holistic, like San Francisco friends, healer, hippie, dippy doctor. But he's like, he's got an adjuster, like an energy healer. Adjuster, like, kind of like, you know, have you heard of like Reiki massage and stuff? They would release energy, whatever, Northern California. But he said to her, and she's been going on for 20 years, like, she's helped him her back and fixes like all this stuff. And he says to her, like 10 years ago, when she first went, he was like, I think she'll go in for 20, but 10 years. He was like, you know what? I have two pieces of advice for you. She's like, what? He's like, have two orgasms a day.

Oh, gee.

And she's like, really? Like, I can't even make myself. He's like, because. And I've said this before, but I thought it was an interesting way of putting it that, that it really impacts your physiology. Like having an orgasm and having that release is going to impact your mood, which is also going to release stress and help you relax and help your body. So, like, orgasms are important. Like, you should be prioritizing your orgasms. And I know you're thinking, I don't have time, but it's like you feel so much better when you have. I feel like sometimes too, even though it's my job, I'm like, I haven't masturbated, and then I will. And I'm like, ah, I'm a new person. So that's my story. I'm Happy?

Yeah.

My job. And whenever I'm not, I'm like, your job is to master. Because, Grant, I'm not happy as I seem all the time. Like, you're sitting in a house full of vibrators. Your whole life is about, like, helping people have better sex and relationships. And I love what I do and this is what I know. And I'm like, I should just pull out old vibrator here and have a good day and then everything's better.

Do it.

I do it all the time.

All right.

That's why I was late today. I wasn't really late. Okay. Minus. That's all we got time for.

Thank you for being here, talking to you as always. And thank you to all the listeners that download the podcast constantly.

I mean it, you guys. Thank you so much. We've been just doing. People are listening and they're hitting us up and they're like loving us, sending.

Emails and we reach out on social media. Don't be shy.

Tweet us, tweet us, Facebook us, Snapchat, and also send us your questions. We love hearing from you. Feedbacklme.com and we love when you review us on itunes. But no crash. Okay, everyone, thanks for listening. Was it good? Good for you. Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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