Emily's Blind Tinder Date: Live!

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that lock our secrets. Bedroom eyes, they called them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, it feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. You can also go right to iTunes and subscribe, which is so damn easy, because then you'll never miss one of our shows again, ever, because we're doing more and more shows now, 2 to 3 new shows a week. And you, as you know, these shows change your life and change your relationship. You should also sign up for our mailing list. Go to sexwithemily.com. You know, I am not just making you great podcasts every week. I also have an amazing website, and I don't want to toot my own horn, but we could give you blog posts every day that are really informative. It's all free. We've got videos, we've got blogs, we've just got interesting things going there, and I think you'll like it. Not only that, if you sign up for the mailing list, which you should— I will not spam you, I will not sell your name, but I will send you tips. First of all, when you sign up, instantly you get the 5 biggest mistakes you're making in bed. You can choose if you're a man or a woman. And you know what, I know we all like to think we're perfect Adonis in bed or goddesses in bed, but we've We all tend to make a mistake here and there, so that might help you as well. And then I'll just send you a little letter every now and then, a little email with some tips on it for better relationships and sex and maybe some discounts for your favorite stuff. Hey, Anderson, great to be here with you tonight.

Great to be here with you, Sex.

This is a really big night.

I— He's like literally big.

Like literally big?

He's big.

He's big?

I was in the bathroom with him.

Oh my God, you were? I love that you did some reconnaissance. Okay, so here's what's going on, everyone. This is a first for Sex with Emily Morse. I've probably done about 2,000 shows. And so I've just started Tinder. Have y'all heard Tinder? It's a popular app sweeping the nation. It's kind of started like Grindr was the gay app, and everyone thought you meet people by geography and they're like, oh, that'll never work. Everyone hooks up. So Tinder is an app you download for your smartphone. They are not my sponsor. Anderson wanted me to make that clear. Just my friend. I was in New York a few weeks ago. She's like, you're not on Tinder. And so all you do is you put in your, what you're, it's very simple, which is why I think people like it. You put in your age range that you're looking for. You put in if you're looking for men or women, and you look at how far away you want them to be. I don't wanna be anywhere from, I only wanna be 8 miles away or less. So pictures show up, and then I put up a profile. I put up 4 pictures and a little bit about me.

You're a little nervous right now.

I am.

You're a little bit nervous.

I'm talking because my— I have a private— okay, so the cut to the chase is I did Tinder and I met this guy. And you see, so you have a match if you like. So you see all these pictures come up, right, Anderson?

I've never done Tinder because I'm married and it sucks, right? It doesn't suck that I'm married, but it sucks this technology was not around 10 years ago, right?

So it's kind of fun because I'm, you know, I'm really busy. I don't have a lot of time to date and it's kind of a game. So you just swipe, like you basically look at the pictures if you like them.

Is it, is it like buying a car though? Can you put in like what kind of like size?

No, you can't put in like how tall and how much money. No, it's not like anything like Match or those sites, which are also great, but it's just, you just literally put in age range and geographical proximity to you and you don't put ethnicity, you don't put height. and then, so what happens is if you, you have an X and a heart, if you like someone, you press a heart. Now, if they like you, eventually, let's, let's say they're swiping through and they like you, then it says you've got a match, and then it puts it in the right, and then you can get message each other. But if you like someone and they don't like you, or if you're not matched, that means they didn't like you. It doesn't matter. So I had this guy that I liked and he liked me. We had a match and he was funny. We just started messaging and I said, I do this show every night. And I said, I, You know, he doesn't— I didn't tell him. I don't know anything about him. But just to make this clear is that he said to me, I recognize your picture. I knew it was familiar. He had worked briefly. I did a reality show a few years ago on Bravo. He briefly worked at the production company and he recognized a picture from that. So he knows it was called Misadvised on Bravo. So he knows that about me, but I know nothing about him. All I know is his name is Chad. And that— so I said, uh-oh, when he said that. And he was funny, like, I love funny. And we were texting, he said, can you get together Monday, Tuesday? I said, I'm doing a show, doing a show, doing a show, which is kind of all I do. And he said, what do I have to come on, we have to date on the show? And I thought to myself, that's a friggin great idea. I've never had a blind date or a blind date on the Sex with Emily show.

So let's do this.

This is like, I've never seen him. He's like hidden in the room. Anderson's seen him. Gave him a thumbs up.

I did. He's a good guy, but he might have just been putting on, you know, I'm kind of like the father of the situation.

Right.

He's trying to impress you.

So I am a little nervous, I guess. I've never done a date with anyone while on television, but this is real.

All curtains down.

We've got some wine here too.

Yeah, you're drinking. There's candles. There's actual— your candles are lit in there. Smells fantastic.

Emily and Tony candles, which smell— have you ever smelled all of them, 3 of them together?

Just now when I lit all 3 of them for you.

People don't realize that they all smell Amazing.

And they make your person smell pretty good too. I used it on my wife over the weekend.

You did?

'Cause she was having lots of pain in her back, and I'm like, all right, let's light this thing up. And I gave her a little rubdown.

It looks smelly.

You know what it was? Her butt was hurting. She would kill me. Her butt, 'cause she went horseback riding for the first time in a long time, and her butt was really sore from the horseback riding.

Like right above her butt, like to the lower back butt?

Yeah, yeah, her haunches. So I gave her a little massage. Then the next day, next morning, woke up, and she always smells lovely, but she smelled fantastic the following day.

What kind was it?

Do you remember what you used?

Coconut? Whatever you gave me. So they all smell amazing. They're not sticky, waxy, hot. It's massage. It's warm, you know, burner. It's like warm coconut oil.

Are you gonna rub some on your dick?

Well, here's the thing. Right now I just— so I use them at my house as atmosphere all the time. But if you want to give someone a massage, I feel like everyone needs this goddamn candle. Maybe I'll— who knows what could happen in here, Anderson. Maybe I'll be giving a massage in 10 minutes.

And the next half hour.

Or maybe I'll be coming up with an excuse to end the show because I'm not attracted to him.

You know what, before he gets in here, give me a signal or we should come up with a safe word. For things not going well and you want me to end the interview somehow?

How about, looks like we gotta go.

That's not a very clever one.

How about, um, tell me about yourself, Anderson.

This red wine is very dry.

Mm.

All right, and if it's going good, the red wine's tasty.

This is good red wine. Lauren, my assistant, just picked this up. I'm like, get the wine.

All right, so a comment, good or bad, about, if the wine, if the date's not going good, you talk about how you don't like the wine much. If it's going good, you talk about how you like the wine.

No, I'm probably gonna mess it up and say it's really good. Okay, so if it's bad wine?

If it, no, if it's a bad date, it's bad wine. If it's a good date, it's good wine. Oh, this is easy, this is easy.

I'm nervous.

Okay, you are.

You're very nervous right now. Now, you said to me last night— now, on Tinder you see pictures, right? Last night you said, uh, I saw a picture of him, so I kind of have seen him now. But you already saw the picture on Tinder.

I saw a picture on Tinder.

Another picture?

No, no, no, just on Tinder. I just saw like 4 pictures on Tinder.

Oh, you get— how many pictures can you put up there on the Tinder?

6. Okay, I know nothing about it, but he knows Sex with Emily because—

good pictures.

Yeah, it is hard to find for some people. Yeah, so that's all I know. And then I don't remember what he wrote in his profile. Mm, I just liked him because I thought he was cute.

Should we bring this dude in? Yeah, you are really nervous.

I just have never had a date on the air.

No lies at all. Emily's more frazzled than she normally is.

I'm normally really frazzled, but right now I'm good. I can handle this, and we're doing a show. It's not like you guys aren't gonna learn anything about sex.

You know how I could tell you're nervous is you never pop the microphones and you were popping them.

I am popping?

Yeah, you're a little poppy.

Can you change that in post?

No, I won't.

I want to make me pop.

I want the listener to know.

Why would I be popping more?

Because you're nervous and you're like closer. You're getting close to that big mic, black mic. All right, let's, uh, let's get him in.

Oh my God, Anderson, you promised. You said he was cute. Nice.

I can't tell if a guy's cute. I can't tell, but he's cool.

Would you stick him into the front of the television to watch sports?

I'm like, here, dude, there's a— did he like sports around the corner? I have no idea.

I'm not so into a guy who loves sports, but if he likes sports, that's okay.

All right, that's a good sign because when I went to check on him, he wasn't looking at the sports, he was looking at the phone.

Oh, well then he's obsessed with his phone, that's bad too. Oh, hi Chad!

It's flowery in here.

I know, I set a special atmosphere for you. My date has arrived. Hi Chad!

Hello, how are you?

Hi!

Are we gonna hug hello or something?

I think so, we're gonna hug.

We should, definitely.

Right?

Hi, how are you?

Good, how are you? Good, so nice to meet you. Have a seat there, Lauren, and we got some wine for you.

Do people usually hug on the first date?

I, you know, absolutely.

Yeah, absolutely. Why not hug on the first? Why not hug on the first date?

Anderson's married, so I don't know what he does now.

You already know he's married?

I saw the ring on the finger.

He told me all about it. Oh, he's married. He likes to talk about he's married, which is kind of— I know— He doesn't share enough. Although you did just share that you gave her a butt massage last night, which I appreciate.

Put it this way, I know more about Anderson than I know about you now.

What? Really?

Yeah, I know where he lives. I know where he used to live. I know where he grew up.

Okay, but I did just let people know that. Okay, so I filled in my audience. Cheers! Oh, so nice to meet you.

I know, I've— my manners.

Hello, welcome, welcome to the, um, Sex and the City.

She did the look in the eyes thing with the cheers.

Yeah, you're supposed to. I know, and I'm still looking at you.

That's the thing, like with dating, girls do that. They're like, look in the eyes.

Oh, I don't do that. That's annoying. I know, I'm not annoying like that. I wouldn't be like, look in the eyes, do this, do that, but I did it naturally.

You did.

I'm just a natural like that.

But I think you were waiting to see if I was going to look back.

No, I wasn't. I wasn't waiting to see. Okay, so this is what I said, Chad, is that you say you know more about Anderson, but I got to be honest, before you came in here, I had to explain to my audience that I've done 2,000 shows. I've never had a date on the show. And I said, I explained to them about Tinder, if they don't know, which they've been living on a rock maybe, or they're married, but everyone's kind of doing Tinder. And I just started recently, and I said that you messaged me. We liked— we mutually liked each other, right? And then you said that my picture looked familiar because you kind of knew me from Misadvised, television show that I did.

But yeah, it took a second for me to put it together. I'm like, she looks familiar, and then I was like, oh wait, she was on the show, and I knew about the show because of work.

And right, so okay, but so you could have Googled me, but I don't even know your last— I literally don't know your last name. I know nothing.

Yeah.

Yeah, so, but that's all we know. But you probably didn't Google me much or anything.

No, I didn't. Absolutely not. No, because I remember you from the show. I remember I liked you when you were on the show, and I was at the premiere party for the show.

Okay.

And I was like, she's smoking hot. And, but you were too busy being— you're too busy being sort of a celebrity in the moment.

Yeah, that was like 5 minutes of fame.

Your show was launching. I'm like, oh, she would never notice a guy like me.

Oh, and look, I noticed you on Tinder. That's why Tinder is great.

Exactly.

So, um, how many Tinder dates do you have this week?

None.

Come on. No, none.

I'm not like a big Tinder dater. No, no, I've only done—

they all say no.

Well, first of all, I think we got to be honest that the fact that there was some sort of connection, connection through work, made it a little bit easier, right?

Because I wasn't— because then, because Anderson, when I told him I was gonna do this, he's like, we should get a security guard in. I'm like, no, no, there's sort of a connection, although I don't know him, right, Anderson?

Yeah, there was some legitimacy to it all. The legitimacy to it all.

It feels like a plug, but it's not. Let me just tell the listeners, this is not a plug for Tinder. I know, I was really upset.

I should have gotten him to respond to the show before.

Or just call them Binder or something. I don't think we should be giving them free plugs.

Whatever, I'll have them try. I'll have them sponsor before we release it and I'll give you a percentage.

Or we can talk about other dating sites like Grouper and OKCupid.

Yeah, well we were going to because I've actually, I've never dated online before.

I got a quick question, guys.

Go.

Quick question. So on Tinder, you're swiping through, you're just looking at randoms, and then somebody's gotta like somebody first, right? And then somebody's gotta like somebody back.

Exactly.

Where to begin?

But you don't know who went first.

We don't know who went first.

Oh, you guys don't know?

No, but if I like someone and then you instantly like them, then you know that they liked you. It could have been 5 minutes ago, it could have been 10 minutes ago, or I could like someone and then the next day—

so you could have a bunch of likes, both you guys could have a bunch of likes, but you have no idea and they're just floating out there waiting.

Exactly. There could be, there could be likes like, like beckoning, screaming in the distance, waiting for me to like them back, or vice versa.

Hot commodities waiting.

Exactly. But here we are. So you haven't— have you done— so Tinder's new to you? What made you go on Tinder?

It's not that it's new. I mean, I've been— again, you know so little about me, but I know nothing. I know No, so, um, no, I mean, I've been out there. I date in the real world, and I just, I, I sort of like the whole adventure of all of it. And I don't cut, I don't, you know, cut off my nose to spite my face. I try it all. It's, I can meet someone at a bar, I can meet someone through work, and I'm like, why not cast the net wider and meet people online? And it seems much more acceptable now to do that. Yeah, it's not like the onus that was on it way back when we're like, you know, when you go to a dating guru and they have to help, like a matchmaker.

Right, exactly. There was such a stigma. I feel like it's sort of like how people used to not talk about their therapist and now everyone's like, oh, I was in therapy last week. I feel like with online dating everyone's like, oh yeah, I was on this site, that site. And it's almost like, I think they say like 3 out of every 5 people met online, but maybe it's the dating sites releasing those stats.

Yeah.

But it makes sense.

It's a weird culture because, you know, from people I've spoken to about it, apparently really like things like OkCupid, they're real, their job is really to keep you single.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow.

Because that's how they make their money.

Oh, right.

Yes, they have their success stories, obviously. But someone was explaining it like the business model is really— because what happens, you find, is like you go on all these dates, like on OkCupid or Grindr or whatever, and they're fun. I mean, it's like these social experiments, but you don't really meet— I mean, yes, it happens, but on the over— like, the majority don't meet that person.

Right. And so why though? Why? And OkCupid, for example, or why? Because But like, is Matt— you're saying all sites or just that site?

I think it's dating sites in general because again, they make their money off memberships and subscriptions.

Yeah, but don't they all have these like money back if you don't find your— I don't know.

I don't— I've never— I've never done paid date sites.

Okay.

I feel like there's— I think when you're paying to be on a dating site, there is an inherent expectation right away because you're paying to be there. So you're expecting something or And again, I've been— I, uh, God, it's so funny because you're going to learn so much about me.

This is the point. Hello, it's our date.

But it's going to explain so much, I guess, about like what I used to be looking for, what I'm looking for now.

And but I want to know everything. Yeah.

But the point being, I feel like there's a vibe when you go on online dating, especially where there are people who are really on a mission to meet the one, right? And it really, it shines through like the sun, basically. It's so—

Is it because you're talking about women, for example?

And men too.

Okay, so do they— is it because what they say in their profile? Like, I don't know—

I'm looking for the one, or don't—

That just made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Sorry.

Look, and I'm a romantic to a degree.

I do believe— No, just because you shouldn't say it. Okay, go ahead.

It's sort of like an act of desperation almost.

Right.

And it's hard because I mean, I get it. You really want to meet someone and there, there are people, men and women who, and again, it's not just women, it's men too, who have a hard time just breaking through and figuring it all out. And, and then it just gets to that desperation point and it's like that, are you my, are you my husband?

Right.

Are you my, are you my wife?

Right.

And I, and things like for me, and this is my personal opinion, of course, like things like JDate or Match.com, I think it, it's built for a certain kind of person.

True. There's different profiles for like every kind of site, I think. Like Plenty of Fish is for certain people. Yeah. And people, everyone I tell them I'm on Tinder, they're like, that's a hookup site.

I don't know. I mean, I have a good friend who I think is gonna marry a guy she met on Tinder.

See, this is what I'm saying. I don't think, I think it could be, like, okay, so I don't want to call out Lauren, my 22-year-old assistant, but I'm going to, is that she—

What up, Lauren?

Is that she, okay, she just moved here from LA, And she moved here from San Francisco.

No pictures, Lauren.

Yeah, not of him, but of me. From me on the date, so we can show the atmosphere.

Yeah, yeah.

Don't worry, we're keeping you incognito.

Please.

I'm on a date, drinking wine during the show. Okay, so she was showing me some profiles of some guys, and I get it, like she just moved here, he was like a bodybuilder.

No shirt?

No shirt. Like all pictures were no shirt. And she said to me, she's like, what do you think? I'm like, yeah, like maybe you wanna hook up with him tonight. She's like, but it's weird, he's not asking anything about me. I'm like, okay, so he's already showing you that he's gonna be, he's more interested in himself than you. He wants to get his body, but go out and fuck with him tonight. Like, I don't care if you have sex with them. So I think for some people, it just depends. Not saying Lauren's like that, but there are certain people— yeah, it depends what you're looking for. It's not like if I went out with someone on Tinder, it's like I— he's expecting to hook up with me. I don't know, it depends on your dialogue.

I think every variation's out there, you know. I, I have a thing that I've been trying—

unless you thought that I was gonna hook up with you tonight.

No, no, I wasn't thinking.

I'm not saying I wouldn't.

All right, well, hopefully we'll see what happens.

Really? What about it? Okay.

What Anderson doesn't approve.

So, the sites hooking up, yeah.

Oh, wait, the point I was gonna make, the quick point about like women who talk about, especially on like OKCupid, it's, you know, if you're looking for that one-night stand, keep walking.

Right.

But meanwhile their photo is them sultry with their boobs out, and I'm not, I don't wanna take the line of like, oh, they're looking for it, but I think it's how you present yourself, and I think if you present a picture of yourself with, you know, laying on your bed with your— in your lingerie and saying, I'm not looking for fun.

It's a little contradictory.

Exactly. And I think you can be beautiful in any number of ways. Like, I think there's nothing sexier than a woman in t-shirt and jeans, right?

Totally. I agree with you. So the guy without the shirt on, I'm just like, okay, you're just there to hook up. Or the girl. But I do have a picture of me. My first pictures you saw is kind of— I'm lying on a couch.

That's a hot picture.

I know, but like, I didn't—

maybe I shouldn't have better than the red carpet shot you got.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I didn't know. I'm like, should I? Because then like I just was reading about like online dating tips.

Yeah, she's got a red carpet shot on there.

Is that lame?

Yeah, wait, what is it?

Take it off. It's like, oh, she's got a step and repeat behind her.

It's like, I'm in show business.

That's so lame. I'm taking it off now. I'm seriously embarrassed. I don't even look at it.

I'm in show business.

Can I just tell you that I don't even pay attention to this? Now I'm taking it off.

What's going on on the couch? What's going on?

That's hot, that's hot. I'm lying to my friends.

in, in Napa, and I mean, that was in Napa, in Palm Springs, and I'm lying on a couch and my foot's up, and I guess it's got a hot—

it's a hot opener. It's a good, it's a good opening shot.

I hate that the separate— I thought I took that down. No, because, because Facebook grabs your photos. I don't spend a lot of time on it, to be honest.

I don't—

it's fine. I'm so embarrassed. But that brings me to a point that I was going to make about online dating, is they say the last— these are some tips, Reba— the last picture you should post should be your interesting picture. So now that someone finds you as like good-looking, they need something to help start a conversation.

Interesting.

Yeah. So that— this is— these are just tips that people say. Have to start, you know, set yourself apart, have a bold intro, outro, whatever. I didn't even write anything.

My friend told me that there's a guy that has it down to a science where he knows how to message a girl to get a response.

Oh, I know. I know these guys. There's like a certain—

I think it's just cocky confidence, and I think women tend to like someone who just has that sort of Like if a guy says, hey, like your picture, hi, how's your day?

I don't even answer them because I'm already bored. I already fell asleep on the date. I just projected and I was sleeping.

So see, what's worse is like women who post, don't message me and say hey. It's like anytime you try to dictate something, right, you're set up for failure.

Exactly. I'm just thinking it, so if they do it, I'm not exactly—

and that's all it should be. It's like, it's my flower rule. Like if you're in a relationship, I think you have— you at the onset, you should say You know what, I really like when I get flowers once in a while. At that point, it's up to the guy. And if you have to keep reminding him—

Exactly.

Game over.

People do not pay attention to the cues. And a lot of men and a lot of women don't. But I'm glad that you brought that up because— Why?

Did I just get Anderson in trouble?

No, no, but it's really funny because, okay, I'm just gonna tell you right now that I, I love receiving flowers.

All right, good to know.

And sending flowers online kind of sucks 'cause a lot of time people send flowers and they're really, really bad. They've been burned. Like you put in the money and then you're— this chick you're dating gets like really ugly flowers. Mm-hmm. So we've all been burned. Like you spend like $19.99 and somehow it becomes $74.50 and what shows up isn't what you ordered. I can tell you that that's why the geniuses at TheBouqs.com, T-H-E-B-O-U-Q-S.com, launched a whole new way to send flowers. That's T-H-E-B-O-U-Q-S. Because they took bouquets and they simplified them. So the Bucs sends flowers straight from sustainable farms located on an active volcano in South America.

What's that part, dude?

I don't know. It's like, like people who are— care about this. I know, like maybe they blow up when they get there, something. But it's true, seriously. It's, uh, you know, that's real volcano flowers. So it's kind of a little twist to it. And they charge a flat rate of only $40 with flat delivery, so your loved one gets beautiful flowers You save cash and you don't have to worry they're gonna get some specialty flowers. So for a limited time, The Bouqs is offering 20% off with promo code Emily. So go to TheBouqs.com, that's T-H-E-B-O-U-Q-S.com. Click on the shop button at the top of the page. Send me a Bouq. Don't forget, order today with promo code Emily to get 20% off flowers from a freaking goddamn volcano.

Active volcano.

Now here's the deal, active volcano. So, so here's the deal though, is that it's true. So we're talking about at the beginning of a relationship, If someone has to tell you something a few times, I hear this all the time from listeners. Like, I've told them, I've told them, like, just come in the door, like, ask me how my day was. Please pay attention to our anniversary. Valentine's Day is important to me. And like a lot of men and women, equal opportunity, don't listen.

Absolutely. I think, you know, it's, it's unfortunately, you know, people go into these things, you sort of have to accept at the onset, you really can't change somebody unless they want to change. And that's just the truth. Like, I mean, I trust me, I know more than anyone. That, and I don't say that in a bad way, but I think you have to just, you know, people just so feel they can change somebody and it's up to the individual to sort of, they may agree with you and then they'll change, but they have to, it's sort of like self-acceptance. It's like trying, you know, if it's like an intervention of someone's, you know, they have to accept what's wrong with them. You can't just do what someone's telling you. Like you need to go to help.

You need to get help.

Exactly.

And they're not gonna want to. I always say don't date on potential. Don't date on what they could be.

Exactly.

Nobody changes. Unless they want to change. And so there's so many people who are in a relationship like, well, I think he's going to get a job and he's going to start being nice to me and then we're going to get married. It's like, no, no, no, you should date with what you see right in front of you. And if they want to change and then you see them saying, taking steps towards that change. But that's like one of the biggest mistakes that people make. We just did a show on this about deal breakers, about how people just should pay attention to like, you just, so many people and a lot of women, I think, I think men do it too, but women more than ever, like I can change them. Like, I know that for me he's a bad boy and I'm gonna tame him. No, no, no, you're gonna be wasting your whole life with this guy because everybody pretty much shows you who they are on the first date.

It's true.

Third date. My mom says the issues you have on the third date you have forever.

Well, first date's sort of like the presentation. You're not getting a true representation of who they are.

Exactly. I'm totally not like this.

I like a girl actually who doesn't wear a ton of makeup because I feel like they're, they're putting on the facade. And I really like— I like— I always say I like to see what a girl looks like in the morning when she wakes up. Really, that's the person you're waking up to.

Are you saying you wanted to wake up with me? No, I have a little makeup on tonight. But no, no, you look great.

Like, you're not overly done. No, no, no, you look great.

Yeah, I would have, but I didn't have time.

But to your point about people changing, the problem with that is if you're really in a long-term relationship, is in time we all change, right? So even if you are truly in love with someone in the beginning and it is great, 10 years later, people just evolve. That's just life.

Exactly.

And your needs may change and you may become different people. And so there is, you know, there's, I guess, inherent signals. I can say, oh, I can change that, right? Then yeah, that's probably a bad sign if it's in the beginning.

But exactly. But no, expect someone in a long-term relationship to change. You hope you change and grow. We're always changing our entire lives.

We are.

But you shouldn't date someone thinking like, oh, it's okay that he drinks too much now, or it's okay that he's always— he's, you know, he's mean to me in public. Talks bad to his friend. That's not going to change. But yeah, you could expect and hope that if you're with someone for life or a partner, whatever you want, that, that you will grow and change together and you'll have active communication and you'll see them changing in like a positive way and support it. Yeah. Yeah.

It's, it's, it's, it's an interesting conversation about relationships, I think, as far as, you know, I don't know what your— do you have a position like on marriage and those sorts of positions? Yeah. Like, do you believe some people don't believe in it anymore?

You know, I've never, I've never wanted to get married. It's never been like a goal of mine or a focus. And it's funny because he was like, you're gonna get married, what you're thinking. I've never, um, so personally I've never been focused on marriage. I've never thought, I've never was a little girl picturing myself in like the wedding dress with the white picket fence, ever. Um, but I just, you know, I thought, well, if it— I'm open, like I'm such an open— like I think I'd be disappointed if I didn't get married. And my another position I have is that people probably shouldn't get married before they're 30.

I disagree.

Because we really—

Yeah, absolutely.

Why did you get married?

Nothing beats being young, dumb, and in love. It is the most fun you can ever have.

Oh, really?

Oh, absolutely.

Were you dumb? Did you get married in your 20s? Uh-huh.

Absolutely.

Oh, you did. So that's why. Okay. So how did it go?

It was fantastic. I was married for, uh, well, I'm trying to tell the truth. I want people to know it's me though.

Well, like, so they won't fake a few years.

No, no. Yeah. So say I was married for 14 years.

Oh wow, good for you.

Yeah, but we were together for like 19.

Oh my God, that's amazing. I want to toast that because that's a major accomplishment.

It was actually—

people always look at divorces like failure. You got divorced? Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, she died.

I don't want to like make assumptions, but I always assume that like people always like think of divorce as a failure. Here's my other position, and I'm like, it's fantastic. Yeah, I'm like, 19 years, like, that's a merit. That's really impressive.

Successful. We had a— I, by all intents and purposes, it was a success.

Yeah. Until it didn't work out, right?

Right. And actually, well, my belief, it's sort of like this. I look at it, I mean, obviously I think I have an evolved way of thinking because most people take divorce very personally.

Right.

It's rejection. And it's, you know, most of them are ugly. I, both my ex and I came from very nasty divorces with our own parents.

Right.

So we were just sort of resolute, like, we're not going to go down that path. We get along very well. We're very good friends. But I think a relate— a marriage is neither a beginning nor an end. End of a relationship, right? You know, you meet someone, you start dating, it's going great, you know, you fall in love, whatever. And then, oh hey, we're going to live together. And that's another step in the relationship. And oh hey, we're going to get— we're going to— I'm going to ask you to marry me. We're going to, you know, now we're fiancés, right? And then now we're married.

That sounds fun, the fiancé part.

It is. And but then you're married and the married part's fun. And then shit happens, right? And you know, it's sometimes it's better not to fight it. Or again, it's not about— it's not a personal thing, I think, unless you're outwardly mean to someone. Like you said, like, if sometimes—

some—

sometimes life happens.

Yeah. And you just— you do grow apart no matter how— I'm sure you tried, went to therapy, maybe.

I think a little bit.

Yeah, a little bit. So yeah, it's more to it, but it happened, right? But, and then, and obviously I think when there's kids involved, there's more— to me, yeah, there's more of a reason to— there's more of a reason to, I think, have a good connection, right? But obviously most people don't when they get divorced. So for me, it's like So, okay, so we're no longer the married couple, but I— your family, I still— because you just— that's it.

Yeah.

And, and the truth was, I mean, when I met her, when I met her when I was in my early 20s, uh, you know, my mom was like, you know, ill, and, and she really, you know, she became my family. So, and that's 100% it. She is my family, and she's the mother of my children, and she's a strong woman, and, you know, I got nothing but respect for her.

That's great.

For, like I said, for me and I got to be single and 40 and have my shit together.

How fun is that?

The most— I've had the most, right? Yeah, I've had the most fun the past 5 years.

That's good.

I didn't have in my early 20s.

Exactly right, exactly. So I've had fun all the way. No, I haven't. I've worked a lot in my 20s. No, I worked— I was still working.

I don't know how old you are, so I'm not gonna assume.

I'm not supposed to ask. I know I'm supposed to ask, but I, um, you've been in long-term relationships. I just—

what's the longest?

I'd say about 3 years. It's not that long compared to you.

Again, I don't know, I don't know how old you are, so I don't know if you're in your 20s.

Yeah, I'm 21.

Fantastic.

Um, so yeah, where did your fascination with sex come from?

That's what I want to know, because you were like, you're 24/7 flashlight.

Yeah, exactly. Well, I like the flashlight because, because I think it helped— men think that they talk about toys all the time. They're not just for, you know, women.

I know, but when did this start?

Okay, so this started for me— it's interesting how, um, it happened is because my background is actually politics.

Politics.

Okay, enough. I worked in politics in San Francisco. I moved there— I went to University of Michigan. I moved there after college.

Are you from Michigan?

I am from Michigan.

Bloomfield?

Yeah, close by. Yeah, Birmingham, Bloomfield. Do you know it? Yeah. Are you from there?

No, no, no, no, no. I have a— no, my, uh, my ex's family.

Oh, okay. So you've been there? I—

not once, not with her, but I've been there once.

But anyway, so I'm from, yeah, suburb of Detroit, and I grew up there. And then I, I went to University of Michigan, and I studying, uh, studied psychology and politics, but I was really interested in political science. I was really interested in politics. And so I thought I moved to San Francisco after college because there's all these, I wanted to work for women helping them get elected to office. Moved to San Francisco, worked in politics for a while, like 6, 7 years. And then I sort of became disillusioned. I loved it. Like I was helping women, but I, then I became disillusioned with it sort of because it was all about money. And I didn't really, at first I was really idealistic. I was like, I wanna change the world.

This isn't about money.

No, this is about, but this for me, Unfortunately was about, so back up, is that my whole life I was like thinking I was never driven by money. I was all about, because my parents raised me, they, to, my mother told me, never rely on a man to take care of you. And my father hated what he did. Think my parents are divorced too, but my dad did.

Was he divorced or good divorce?

Good divorce. Oh, that's good.

Yeah.

Um, but, but then my dad didn't love being a lawyer. And then I realized I was gonna law school. I took the LSAT and he's like, I don't like it. So I thought, okay, I can never rely on anyone else to take care of me. And, and so I better figure out what I love. So for me, my big passion in life, and I've always been a very, like, I was like a straight-A student. Like I worked really hard cuz I was like, I've gotta find out what my passion is. So politics was my passion in college until I, until it wasn't. And then, oh, and then I read this book, Do What You Love, the Money Will Follow after college. And I really, really truly believe that. I thought like if I find my passion and I'm really good at it, and when politics it did, but then I wasn't anymore cuz it was the whole thing. So then I decided one day to make a documentary film, which I'd never made a film about Willie Brown, who was the mayor. Yeah, in San Francisco. So I'd never made a film, didn't know anything about it, and I, I, whatever, I don't even know, I found someone who had a camera and I started shooting this film and I made a film, got into film festivals, and I didn't, you know, took me like 3 years and edited it, shot it, directed it. That's awesome. Yeah, it's good. It's called See How They Run. You can get it on iTunes and Netflix.

Very cool. I'll check it out.

Yeah, it was on PBS.

I love documentaries.

Do you? Me too. So I was obsessed with documentaries. That happened. I started becoming really interested in film. So from there I decided, okay, I did not like the producing as much. I didn't like the, all the, I like, I'm a good editor, but I just, I loved interviewing people.

Yeah.

And everyone talked to me cuz I'm pretty open. I'm like, okay, I love the journalistic side of it. What can I do for my next project? That is something that, that obviously, you know, when you do documentary or film or anything creative, you gotta be like passionate about it. I was like, I've always been passionate about relationships. Why they work, why they— because I've never wanted to get married. So like, why they work, why they fail.

And why do you think you never want to get married? Just to stop there, why do you think you never— because your parents?

Yeah, my parents. Like, each— I attended 4 of my parents' weddings before I was 25. Like, they each got married 3 times. My dad died when I was 19. Like, I had a very, like, tumultuous childhood. So I think that—

tumultuous?

What? I bet we could have a tumultuous runoff here. What's it called?

A, uh, I had a stepdad who walked around naked.

Oh, that's pretty bad.

Yeah, it was pretty good.

Do you have a good body at least?

Oh, it was awful. He would yell at me in the nude. It was the worst.

Oh, that's terrible. Mine was abusive, but he wasn't naked, thank God. Although I did walk in, you know.

You haven't lived until you've been yelled at by your stepfather with his dick in your face.

That's terrible. No. Are they still married?

A big— a veiny is a vein.

Oh, you'll never forget that. Oh, I love— I should drink more during the show.

Absolutely.

This is really good wine.

Is it good stuff?

It's really good.

I love that wine. I can't even taste it.

Do you want some?

I kind of do, but here's the deal, guys. I'm not not paying attention to the show. I'm looking down, but like, you guys should be awkward and you're not. You're totally natural. I don't care. It's unbelievable. I feel awkward because I feel like the overbearing maître d' staring at both of you. That's why I'm looking down.

Did you have any questions for us?

What's the soup?

No, we're having like a real date. This is for Rizzle.

I know, a couple times you got to say Rizzle.

Did you say Rizzle?

I am sorry, but I say it ironically.

Minus one meow bean.

That's even worse.

I don't say it, no, but I don't say it Whatever, you just— you don't know me, don't judge me.

Okay, so then, so then, you know me.

So then parents, whatever.

So I was like, I realized no marriage, you want to do relationships, whatever, right?

And I thought, so I invited a bunch of friends over, so I thought I'll do a podcast.

I'm still waiting to see how this gets to sex.

I'm telling you, I did a podcast. I thought I'm gonna do something about sex and relationships tied in together, like how do you have good sex? Because those were all the things that confounded me.

I thought, okay, but wait, stop right there.

I hadn't had the best sex of my life.

You had not?

I knew that I had not.

Okay.

I thought everyone else is talking about the best sex, and whenever someone would say to me, oh my God, it was the best sex, I'm like, what do you mean? Because I'm a questioner.

But don't you think they're full of shit?

Yes.

Because I've ran into so many girls who do— who, they promote sexuality, but they are indeed not.

How do you know? Because you got them in bed and they sucked, or what?

Yeah.

Right, exactly.

And if they can't— I mean, a deal breaker for me is making out.

Right, if you can't kiss them, exactly. Well, you can get better.

I'm not gonna sit there and go, all right, you're not gonna say, right? It's like that. It's a, it's a deal.

It's a deal breaker. But just, but that doesn't mean they're not great in bed if they couldn't kiss you. I don't think that's a good litmus test.

But as far as like a relationship, like, making out is so amazing.

No, it is. It's true. It's very important. But sometimes the first time you're with someone, you would be nervous. So no. Okay, I think that's your deal breaker. That's your deal breaker.

Now there's all this pressure. God forbid we make out.

God forbid, um, date 2. But this is really good to say is that just so I can finish my thought, which I don't often do. No, no, because just because then I want to get back to the kissing because I have a lot to say about that.

Oh geez.

So I thought, so combine my interest in relationships, which I think you hadn't had good sex, everybody. And then I thought to myself, I don't think I've had the best sex in my life. And everyone's like, so I invited a bunch of friends over to my house.

No orgasm.

Gay, straight. I had orgasms gay, but not, you know, gay, straight, married, divorced. And I said, I'm just gonna interview you guys separately on a pod. I created a podcast. I called it Sex with Emily. It came with that name and I posted on iTunes.

Right.

And it became very popular after a few months, probably cuz it had sex in the title. And then I got a live show on CBS Radio and that's how it all happened. So when I started, I was not necessarily an expert. Everyone's like, oh, you know, but then I got a live show on CBS Radio. I started getting callers and questions and, and then I interviewed hundreds of people. I read every sex book and, and I got my doctorate last year and I feel like, you know, now not 8 years That's really where it started because I thought, you look at all these failed relationships and there's many things that can go on, but a lot of times it's turned— and you see all the problems people have with sex in relationships. After a while, the sex wanes, you're together. And I just became really, and I think it's something that I get very bored easily. And I thought, this is gonna keep me interested for life because it's so expansive. There's so many things to learn and I still never run out of idea for the show.

But are you one of those people that feel like you gotta keep it spicy in the bedroom and dress up in costumes?

No. See, the thing is, okay, well I'm not gonna tell you, but people expect that. So, so first, I think people who try that hard have much bigger problems. Yeah, well, no, but I think the couples who've been together for a while might need to do that. But I'm not—

if they needed to keep the relationship going, then that's a bit like— if they're inherently like, yeah, let's, you know, if it's just sort of— or I'm all about organically, things happening organically. I think when, you know, it's like, we've got it, we've got to try something, and it's like, well, Because to me, those are just symptoms of a bigger problem that are happening underneath.

But sometimes people are together for a long time and they don't talk about their sex life. I'm not— I've never been with someone where that happened, but many people are together for a long time and they don't talk about sex. So absolutely, they might need to do something.

Oh, my sex was much better post, right?

See, no, why?

But here's the thing, I would never say it was bad.

No, but why wasn't it amazing? Because you had kids.

I was so young, probably.

You shouldn't have gotten married before 30. I told you.

That's all right. I don't I don't regret it.

Okay, no regret. I don't believe in regrets either.

I know.

Um, but anyway, I thought— so sex was the thing. So yeah, I thought— no, okay, so the number one question I get asked on personal level is like, are guys like intimidated to date you, or do they expect— I think, yeah, they expect that they're gonna go on a date with me, I'm gonna have like a sex swing in my bedroom, and I'm gonna have sex toys laid out, and I'm gonna be drunk. No, I mean, honestly, I'm like—

that's the image at least.

Totally.

And that you can understand why they think that. I know, but it was weird because when we were texting each other before this came down today. I didn't get that vibe. Like, like, your persona— and I don't want to like ruin anything for your listeners— but like, I was like, oh, she seems cool.

No.

And then it's like, sex, sex, sex, sex. So, you know, I'm curious.

You mean like my Twitter and my—

yeah. Oh yeah, you know, do you have to pee or you're about to blow your G-spot? You know, that's—

I'm educated.

No, I get it. I just— I'm trying to figure out who the real— who the real, um, person is, right?

You know, so, um, Yeah, who is the real person? Will the real Emily please stand up?

Who is the real Emily?

I'm, you know, I'm all about helping people have better sex. That's my professional thing, helping people have better sex and relationships and sex information.

Communication, I think, is the key to better sex, period.

I always say communication is a lubrication.

Sure, that's a good one. Communication is lubrication.

You hate what I'm saying, but it's true.

No, no, no, I think— no, it's just a great catchphrase. No, you put that on a t-shirt.

I should. Write that down.

Communication is lubrication.

No, but it is true. And I think that couples who don't— and I think that couples need to communicate at the beginning if just what they want, what you want, their desires. Like you said, even about the flowers, like talk about it. So the problems come in relationships where people like don't talk. They've been together 10 years. I'm like, well, do you know what? Because all I do is answer emails, questions, callers about how to help people with their sex life. It's like, well, have you ever talked about your— no, we've been together 20 years. You've never talked about it. You don't know what turns her on. Do you know if she's had an orgasm? I mean, people like, you can't believe how far they get in relationships. So I'm like, talk from the beginning.

It's so taboo. In our society and talking about it.

I mean, we don't— we're not trained to— we don't get like— there's not like a class on how to talk about sex unless you listen to my podcast. But yeah, I think that I'm not— I'm like a nice girl from the Midwest, really.

No, you seem very cool, actually.

But I'm not. But I do have a sex talk show, so that runs into some problems when people don't know me and they do think that I'm gonna be this crazy sex girl.

Yeah.

And to be honest, yeah, that's all I'm gonna say.

I mean, I'm not— look, I'm pretty open-minded, so I come in— I think I have a reasonable reasonable expectation of people. I wasn't expecting to come in and be on the Dr. Susan block show.

Did you think I was gonna have a sex swing in here?

No, no, no, you don't.

Because I think I was gonna be wearing lingerie.

No, because I'm pretty aware. And so like, if our tech— like, I— again, you, you text like a normal, sensible person.

I am normal.

That's what I'm saying. So, but if your texts were like, oh, it's gonna be great, we're gonna pull out dildos and lubricant, and I'm like, I'm not gonna do those.

Those are my bag. I'm gonna pull them out after that. Fantastic. This is in 10 minutes. Excellent.

Yeah, a couple weeks ago.

No, really?

Yeah, I do talk about sex toys a lot because I do think that a lot of women—

I think they're hot. I love— I mean, do you? Oh my God, my— tell me my fetish. You want to make it my— yes, a girl, a woman masturbating is probably the hottest thing in the world, right? Yeah, I don't watch porn with guys in it.

Emily's thinking you've come to the right place.

Oh my God, I always talk about mutual masturbation is like the hottest thing you can do, or just a guy watching a woman, because A, it's hot. And B, you know exactly what she does later on, and then you can kind of repeat that.

I've actually cut down on my amount of sex a lot now.

Why?

Because I did it so much after my divorce that I kind of killed it. I kind of killed it, I think. And for me—

So now you're just using the flashlight? No, no, no.

But I think there's a lot of other fun things to do besides— I think intercourse is a very personal act.

Right.

And I think I obviously had my fun, but it it lost something for me. And for me, if I'm with a woman, there's so many things you can do besides actual intercourse where you can get off. And for me, that— I have just as much fun. I'd rather— I'm holding the sex closer to the vest now.

Right. That's good. It's good not just to like blow it all at once.

I was a bit slutty.

Were you?

Oh, absolutely.

Of course. Absolutely. That's what divorce is like a reaction to.

Oh, it was great.

Was it fun to know that you could say this?

Because I was a really awkward kid. I was a really awkward kid, so I wasn't like— worldly experience going into marriage. So, right, um, coming out of it, I had a whole different attitude about it.

And, um, and you probably weren't having the best sex while you were married for a while. You don't say that, you don't have to confirm or deny.

But then, you know, it was fine. It was, it was fine. It was just fine.

Whatever.

I was with, you know, I was with the same person for a very long time, and it was— but it wasn't—

whatever. You had fun when you got divorced, so I get it. So now, so sex toys, what kind of sex toys do you like or turns you on, or have you seen, are you familiar with? When women use them on themselves?

I haven't had— I've not experienced that that much.

Oh, you've never—

a lot of girls are very self-conscious about doing that in front of a guy.

I know, and they shouldn't be because I think it's kind of hot.

It is kind of hot.

I think that men—

yeah, I mean, like I said, I don't watch— I don't like watching pornography with guys.

I don't—

I—

if I'm gonna watch porn, it's either a girl by herself or with another woman, because watching a dude have sex is like you feel like the weird guy in the room. Like, why am I watching this guy?

Exactly.

That's me right What?

You like what?

I'm the weird guy in the room.

You are the weird guy. You're like our third.

But we're not having—

how do you feel, Anderson? What's your commentary?

Is it weird?

Hey, Steve-O once said, and I totally agree with him here, uh, Steve-O.

Oh, Steve-O from Jackass. Okay, yeah, because he's worldly. He is.

Everyone knows Steve-O.

Yeah, no, I know.

We're gonna write this down.

Yeah, watching porn without, uh, dudes and dick is like watching, uh, uh, like skateboard ramps without skateboarders on them. It's weird.

There's something for everyone.

I agree.

I mean, I, I think that a lot of men have that like one dick theory, like they want to be the only dick in the room. Yeah, but then some men like, like watching lesbian porn. It's something for everyone, I think.

But yeah, I was lesbian porn when I was a lot younger, and this just sort of evolved, and like, I'll just watch a girl masturbate, right?

Which sites do you watch? Listen to? Watch? You don't tell me.

What's— no, I mean, um, well, what's great now, what's— I mean, it's killed the whole porn business. It's just all these free websites now.

So like, no, it's all free.

I'll get— I'll give a plug to nudevista.com.

Nude Vista. Okay, let's get them.

I don't know, they list everything. Is that like a tube channel? Yeah, it's just what were they like Every porn imaginable.

I came across one. A friend of mine sent me this horrible email, which I opened by mistake, and that's how I found out about it. And I've never went back. But there's one called Beautiful Agony.

Yes, that's what I was gonna say. I was just now— women are masturbating, you just see their faces. Wow.

Because you and I—

you just see their faces and they're masturbating.

I've seen one of those ones.

That's been around for a long time. Someone gave me their free password once.

There's nothing beats— nothing beats watching a girl have have an orgasm.

Yeah, it's true.

Weeks ago, I've been trying to say— I keep plugging into the date the wrong spot.

Yeah, major date, major date.

I'm sorry, it's like, would you like any more wine? Emily, is the wine good?

It's really good.

It's really good.

Yeah. Do you think it's good?

Yeah, I do. Emily, you like tasty—

I like— it's great wine.

Redwood Creek.

You guys are drinking— a couple weeks ago, Emily had a guest in here who, uh, was like the sex toy expert, and they were like literally fencing in there with sex toys. There was sex.

So I do do that. I, I have a lot of— my entire garage is filled with, with sex toys.

What's your favorite?

Um, I would say egg shape on the end where it gets—

it curves up and hits your G-spot.

So there's a million of those. Um, G-spot vibrators, maybe? I'm more into— yes, I do like some, like the, like the G-Key by, um, Jeju is a popular one, but I like, I like G-spot. I like, um Um, there's a lot of great G-spot vibrators, but if you go to sexwithemily.com/goodvibes, you can see the store of all my favorite toys. But right now, I like clitoral vibrators because the problem is a lot of women do not get enough clitoral stimulation during intercourse because the man's penis is nowhere hitting her.

Well, they're not— the guy's not spending enough time beforehand. That's true.

He needs to warm her up with foreplay.

It's such a—

guys don't do that.

But if you do too, it's just, it's tricky because, and again, a girl that communicates is really important because you can spend time in that area, and she's like, you're doing nothing, or you're doing too much, or too hard, you gotta lighten up. Like, you really— I've learned so much about, like, I'm apparently— I'm good with my hands is what I'm told. So I spent a lot of time working on that.

That's good. That's a good skill.

Yeah, yeah. And but, but that said, it's like when you're a guy and you're just like, well, I'll just rub it and rub, and sometimes you're— it's too much, right?

Every woman is different, like snowflakes. Like, you put 100 women in a room and they're all gonna be like touching themselves differently. And it's hard because there's nothing the same. So guys like, well, my last girlfriend always had orgasms, you know. So I like the Lea vibrator, L-A-Y-A, Lea. Um, it's a good clitoral one. And then for G-spot vibrators, I like the— it's called the Giki. How do I even spell it? It's like G-I-K-I.

But do you use both at the same time?

Or— I mean, it depends. Or, you know, I don't know. I'm not busy. Like, honestly, I have a garage full of vibrators and I like— I told my assistant, I'm like, you got— because I do sex toy reviews. I mean, I don't actually do them. I have like intern sex toy every day. I'm like, you have to schedule time. Yeah, they love it.

Interns review vibrators.

It's a great job. That's an amazing job. They get free toys. And, um, I'm like, can you just schedule, like, I'm kidding, but I'm like, I need to have like masturbation time on schedule 'cause I'm so busy, which is ironic. You think I would do all the time 'cause I have so many toys, but I have a store, sexthelmy.com/goodvibes, where you can see all my favorite things.

Right.

But I like all different fun, you know, I just think it's fun to mix it up, you know?

Well, is it different for you if you're doing like a quick sesh versus a real sesh?

Like a real sex, like intercourse?

No, no, no masturbation. Like there's like, oh, I gotta just get off really quick versus like the magic light, some candles and what, the Hitachi?

Yeah, it's not called Hitachi anymore, but it is the massager.

That's what I love about Brookstone. You go into Brookstone, it's all those massagers. Like, that's not for your neck.

Exactly. No, the Hitachi is like the 2-minute orgasm. It's, it's like, that's like quick, but like, yeah, exactly that.

But do you ever plan like a long, like, I'm gonna sit here for about 20, 30 hours?

Yeah. Yes, I think that all women should do that because the biggest— and men.

Absolutely.

Right, with the flashlight. But I think that'll— I'm kidding, I'm not gonna force a flashlight on you, but I think that—

Really?

I'm not. I think that a lot of women, the problem sexually, that I, 'cause I feel bad for men, honestly. If I was a man and I had to figure out the vagina, which I think is like the Rubik's Cube of life, it would be really hard because they're so, not that the penis are all different, but it's complex. Like it's what different women need. And I think the problem is though, is that men men are raised to believe that like, I gotta figure this out and give her an orgasm. Whereas I think—

you think that women don't think men are more selfish in bed?

They are, but then eventually maybe they— yes, I do think some men are selfish, but there are some men like, I don't have fun unless she's having fun, right?

That's a very— that's a deal killer. Like if a girl's like, just finish, and yeah, it's like, no, right?

But there's a lot of men who aren't like you, and there's a lot of men who are like, I don't give a shit what happened to you. But I think the problem is a lot of women expect that the man's gonna know, but they don't spend that time figuring out their whole bodies because they think the guy's gonna know, but he's not gonna know unless you know. So women have to spend more time masturbating, like figuring out what makes them feel good.

Absolutely.

They could have erogenous zones they, they never even dreamed existed and they didn't spend the time figuring out their own body. So I think it's important for women to do that, take that time.

So yeah, talking a lot about sex.

It's a sex—

I know, I know. But if we were on a real date, would we be talking about sex?

No, I actually always tell people that you shouldn't talk about sex.

However, I can never—

I can't escape it because no, of course, unless I try to hide what I do, which I can't. It's hard because they Google me or something happens.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, we're on a sex talk show, so exactly, it's not like I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe she talked about sex.

No, right? You're not going to judge me for that? No, no, because normally I wouldn't. Like, normally, in fact, I, I prefer if people don't know what I do for a living. When we— that's why I said, uh-oh, remember you messaged me? You're like, I knew you looked familiar to me. Misadvised. I was like, uh-oh, because I'm like, there he goes, he thinks sex with Emily. Like, I don't like that people people see me as Sex with Emily before—

what, what's the douchiest thing a date's ever said to you after finding out that you're Sex with Emily?

Um, uh, the dude—

I bet you could guess that.

Um, you better be like a bunch of douchey things. I think the obvious one is, I mean, you know, you want to do some homework tonight, or you want to—

yeah, you better be good in bed, or something. I don't know, one guy, but that was on the show. I don't know, like, just like— or they're super interested all of a sudden.

You know what, that should be right. What do you think of this douchiest and just like, like stories about like bad dates. Not that this is one.

This is the first bad date. No, just kidding.

Oh, that's just a wine talk.

Humor. I'm funny. That's me hitting my head against the microphone. No, but I think the douchey things are just like— no, I just think the guys all of a sudden become really interested.

I think the douchey thing is like Lauren looking at shirtless guys.

No, she's 22. She just moved here. Cute guys. She's just cute guys. That's what she likes. She's one of those—

with abs?

They have six-pack abs?

I said to her, he's a trainer.

She liked that.

I talked her out of it. Didn't I, Lauren? You didn't She said, "Wait, I can shake her head." I'm like, "Really? This guy's not even asking about you, and he's got his shirt off. Like, this is not your guy." But I'm also, you know, I can't tell her what she wants to do.

He could be Mr. Right now.

Right, you can sleep with him tonight, and as long as you're on time tomorrow to work, I don't care what you do. But the douchey thing, I just think that, you know, they probably don't say it to me, but they're thinking, "Oh, I—" So sometimes it's got to the point where they're like, "Oh, do they only want to date me because of sex?" And I'm like, "Is she really good in bed? Is she not?" Whatever. So, is she gonna have crazy sex? Sex stuff going on in her house, like a dungeon, which I don't have. FYI, show's over. Show's over. No dungeon. But I do—

I did take a tour of a dungeon once.

You did? Yeah, it was awesome.

It was in San Francisco. Of course. It was amazing. It was— it's— and again, no, what was it called? I can't remember.

I used to live there. I met this— oh, you know that kind of—

I met this girl, right?

She had a dungeon.

And it just, you know, we— again, I, I tend to do this thing where I really sort of build like, I like the dialogue with women. So it's not just about, like, you know, I just like to get to know people. And I was up there, and I knew that she was a dominatrix, or, you know, or I think— was it a date? No, we just sort of met up for, like, a drink. But then she's like, you want to tour the dungeon? I was like, yeah, right. I don't really have interest in doing— and I don't—

right, but you want to see it. Like, and I got a whole tour.

It was fantastic. It was like, here's, like, the sort of church-themed room. And then I remember we were walking by a bathroom and And she's— and I was like, oh, this is the bathroom. And she's like, yeah, that's where we pee and shit on people. And she pointed at the bathroom. I was like, that's horrible.

Dominatrixes, no, they do. Like, I know a lot, they make good money and they don't have sex. They just have to like do crazy shit to men.

They never have sex, it seems like. It's just about, you know, guys like getting stuff rammed up them. And, you know, they like being sort of embarrassed or ridiculed.

Exactly, exactly. It was very intriguing.

But that's sort of— that's been my whole sort of post Like, I just like— you had a good time. I just like the experience of it all. I really do. That's why I'm sitting here.

What's that? What was your safe word?

I said I didn't do anything.

This is why I like— this is why I think that sex is so interesting to me. And so what I said is— what I didn't finish my story was that my whole life was about like, what's my passion, what's my purpose, how can I change the world? And the first time I did my show, I thought I finally— like, I thought it was politics, that was film. I was like, this is it, because I knew that I enjoyed in hearing people's stories and I've, and, and that it would infinitely, there's nobody, I feel like who your audience, I'm like, who isn't my audience? Like, right. Who doesn't either have too much sex, not enough, they don't want it, whatever it is, it's something that touches everyone and I'm learning and everyone else is learning and I think we all learn from each other. So to me, I think it's something that's just interesting. Like, it's just, it's expansive. Right. And people are so limited, I think in their sex life, they keep doing the same things over and over again. And I think it's good to like, I'm not talking about doing crazy stuff, but just keep— your sexuality can be so expansive. There's like so many cool things that you could experience or feel that you don't even know because you're used to doing everything the same way. And it's just, I don't need— not even that, just, yeah, that. And just that when sex dies in a relationship, people think— there's a lot of people just kind of write it off like, it's okay, we're friends, whatever. But it's, it's really is the glue a lot of times. It doesn't have to be the most important thing, but if you stop having sex there's a problem. Like, if you— like, years go by and you're like, well, we're fine, I get it for the kids.

Years go by? Wow. Or month— people, even months. I mean, definitely months.

I'm not attracted anymore, and you don't even want to have it, but you tried and too much time has passed. I think that then you're roommates.

Yeah, no, absolutely.

And that we all need— I mean, unless you're like— unless you are not someone who's interested in sex, it's important. It's tough.

It's, it's hard. I mean, marriage is—

I know. I congratulate you for your 19-year commitment.

It was fantastic. It was fantastic. I'm sure. It was. Sounds wonderful. But, you know, it's a hard thing to sustain, and I think that, you know, our grandparents got married for different reasons, and our parents got—

Right.

You know, my parents were the first generation to get divorced, and then they were disasters at that.

Oh, so they had a bad divorce? Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. How did it affect— it was like, how old were you?

I was 6. Yeah. That's rough.

Where'd you grow up? Do you like to say or no? You'll tell me after. I'll say after. Okay, got it.

It doesn't matter. That's tough. It was horrible, yeah, yeah. But I don't know, like, but it's weird to see people who get married now and it ends in divorce and it gets really nasty. Again, because people take things personally.

Right, exactly. They do. They— what, they take it personally? That they— yeah, I know. And I feel like for people, hopefully you hand it well. And so you have children, like, you never want to be that couple who's like, you know, trashing your partner. No, absolutely not. But also it is, it is very hard on children. But I also think that— no, I was going to say is that marriage, I just think it's great that you— I don't look at it as a failure, like I said. No, I don't. I don't look at a lot of things like failure.

I'm very proud of my marriage. Right, like it sounds like— I did that. You did it right. I don't know if I'll ever do it again. Exactly.

But like, you had kids and you did the thing, and so it doesn't work. It doesn't mean that like your life is— that people just beat themselves up, I think. No, they do. The best thing to do from any kind of thing that you might perceive as a failure is, how can I learn from this? Yeah. What have I learned about myself? You know, there's some people who go through breakups and they blame their partner and they never look at themselves, right? And I think it's such a good, great time for growth and to learning about yourself when you go through that.

But that said too, I would say that as much fun as I've had in the last 5 years, and it's actually literally coming up on the 5 years of when everything went to shit, that I've been thrown sort of for like in a real tailspin relationship-wise, figuring out what do I want to do. I want— would I want to be married again? I don't, you know, so many— there's so many external factors that have contributed to who I am now, but it's hard. In some ways I'm very lost in the relationship front. It's like I've dated, I've met some really great women who I just I just couldn't go more than, you know, I think the longest relationship I've had in the last 5 years has been a month or two.

Oh, okay. And then do you end it or they end it or both?

I usually— I— here's the thing, like, I don't fuck around. Like, I— when I—

you can tell, like, game over.

I don't get people who stay together for 6 months and then break up.

It's like, don't you sort of—

if your eyes are open, I feel like most people's eyes aren't open though.

A lot of people had to create fantasies about— so I'm going to change them, whatever. So you end But that said, I also—

you can also be very self-defeating.

So it, you know, we're in a month-long relationship in the last 5 years. So now you're—

so now you're—

the pendulum has swung. You're like, okay, I did that, and now you're like, okay, maybe I want something more.

But it's also— but then it's also you have to look internally. Well, what kind of people am I attracting, right? And again, people who love to complain about, I can't meet the right girl, I can't meet the right guy, they want to blame everyone else. It's like, you kind of have to look at exactly why you're attracting that kind of person, right?

I always tell people, do that lesson. If you keep dating the same person over and over again, you are the common denominator, not right?

Or if you're going to bars, or— it all depends on how you're spending your days. Exactly. And so, but all that said, so, you know, I feel like I've met some better people lately, but it's, you know, again, I've been through so much, right? It's, it's— and life's so short, and I love having— I love just enjoying every minute. So I don't know, it's hard because I do— I, you know, I'm alone sometimes and sad. And do you get lonely? Oh, absolutely. Oh, and there were days, especially getting used to being— when you're with someone— what? Nothing. Go ahead. You know, when you're with someone for as long as I was with someone, you know, it was a— once you're suddenly alone, yeah, the whole—

oh, for sure, there's a whole detangling process, right?

Really messes you up.

It's like your wiring, you're like, this is just not— yeah, you probably have your kids half-time or whatever.

How old are your kids? My daughter's 15. Okay, you get into it. Well, it's gonna barely bring— we're gonna— no, no, I'm gonna say it, but we're not gonna spend time talking about it because this really isn't the show. Okay. I actually lost one of my children. Oh yeah, so we don't talk about that. But yeah, so that, that had nothing to do with the divorce or anything, but okay. But again, it all plays into who I am, for sure, what I'm doing. And no, no, no, don't know. I— it's not— this isn't the, you know, death and dying show, right?

So you've been through a lot.

Absolutely.

And you've been through a date live on the air. I know.

Is the show over? Yeah, I think we got to wrap up.

Wrap it up. We got another show going here, but thank you so much, Chad, for being on the show with me. I hope you had a good day. What do you think? Was it fun?

It was great. Sadly, I got— I left on such a low note. No, that's okay.

And then I lost a child. So anyway, Anderson, thank you for being here as my bodyguard, just in case he was a crazy person. But he's not crazy, he's really sweet. And everyone should check out Anderson's podcast. Where do they find it?

You always— I always forget. The Film Vault.

The Film Vault is a killer podcast. It is.

This week we're doing top 5 action actors that died too young. So once again, low note. Sorry guys, but this— yeah, right, music is making it nice date music. That's so romantic.

It is romantic with my Emily.

Candles.

This is my— my— these are my candle line.

It smells good. Massage candles. So this is a turn to massage.

Yeah, so if you— if you blow it out and you pour it on your skin, it makes your skin really soft, or you can give a massage, but it's like not sticky. He massages butt with it.

Hey guys, before we end the show here, can I get highlights and lowlights of the date?

Oh, okay.

There's a lowlight? Oh, there could be. Probably, probably me talking about the loss of a child.

No, I think that's really raw and honest. I wouldn't say that. I thought, I thought it was good. I thought we connected really well. We had good connection.

I think Chad's lowlight was when you turned and yelled at me and you got really mad at me. That part of this podcast I'm gonna cut out.

Okay, I can't remember.

But, um, I think I just talked too much and talked over—

No, you didn't. I think it's good. I don't have any lowlights except for— let me think. I can't think right now. Can we do it?

My highlight is Lauren looking at a guy with hot abs on Tinder.

So your highlight was my assistant. Do you want her number? No. Okay, absolutely not. Um, that's cool. She's hot. She is. She's sweet.

Are we gonna get a drink? Are we gonna do that? Yeah, do you want to get a drink after?

Yeah, more drinks. Okay, we're gonna get a drink, so I'll see you next week. Okay everyone, thanks Anderson, and thank you Lauren for being a wonderful assistant, and thanks everyone for listening. Oh, follow me Follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram, Sex with Emily. Thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com. Sex toys aren't just for women. Go to sexwithemily.com/fleshlight to discover the best sex toys for men. The Fleshlight. A lot of guys say it feels even better than sex and it helps build stamina, meaning you'll last longer in bed. Go to sexwithemily.com/fleshlight to see my Fleshlight recommendations and get one tonight.

Perhaps play a little game called Just the Tip. Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Hey, this is Jordan Harbinger, host of The Art of Charm podcast, the number one dating and relationship advice podcast in iTunes.

I'm Emily Morse, host of the Sex with Emily podcast, the number one sex and relationship podcast on iTunes and at sexwithemily.com. And this is Just the Tip.

Alright, Emily, boobs. What's the deal? A lot of girls want one thing, a lot of girls want something totally different. "Are there guidelines? I feel like sometimes I'm lost when I get a new pair." When you get a new pair of breasts, you don't know what to do about them.

Well, here's the thing, every woman is different. Some women love their breasts touched, they want to have them to be lavished with attention. In fact, a nipple orgasm, second most popular orgasm there is on the planet. Really? However, some women, they don't like to touch it at all. For women. Okay. Okay. So the deal is, yeah, exactly, it's for women. But I think with every new sexual act, every new pair of boobs you run into, you got to start Slowly, because you don't know what kind of pressure she likes. So you can start like rubbing her nipples very tenderly, gently. Start gentle and see how she reacts. Cup her breasts. You don't want to like, you know, rip them out. You don't want to like— you don't want to rip the boobs out. No, you want to lightly graze your fingertip around the breast, and then you might decide if she's cool with that. Then you move on to some light tugging and other nipple manipulations. Who knows, you might have nipple clamps by the end of the night.

I'm just thinking like Jack the Ripper mode. Like, you don't want to rip the breasts out. Oh, that's what I've been doing wrong.

Exactly, dude. That's why you didn't get a second date, right? No, but it's all about paying attention to how she is reacting. So she's moaning when you're ripping her boobs, then you're on the right track. She's leaving the house, running out the door, not so much, right? Got it. Excellent. So look for verbal cues— sighs, faster, sharper— and take a breath. Look at her body language. And you don't have to be a mind reader, but a body reader could score you major points.

Excellent. If you guys want to learn more from The Art of Charm about dating, relationships, and even networking for business, visit us at www.theartofcharm.com or check us out on iTunes and follow me on Twitter @TheArtOfCharm.

And check out the Sex with Emily podcast at www.sexwithemily.com and iTunes if you want to have the best sex of your life, that is. Also follow me on Twitter @sexwithemily.