Episode 274 - Jealousy Junction

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To his eyes, they're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cuz, uh, my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's got to have her standards.

Oh my, do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, that feels Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information about Sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can get all your sex news, information, tips, polls, answers to your questions, all your sexual needs— well, most of them— taken care of at sexwithemily.com. And thanks everyone for becoming Friends with Benefits members. We so appreciate it. It helps us, helps you, helps your sex life. It's 15 cents a day. We all got to make a living around here, and we appreciate it, and it's been awesome. And there's a lot of perks for you if you become a Friends with Benefits member. For example, you get 30 minutes free of Fire TV, which is FYRTV, when you become a Friends with Benefits member. So all you got to do, if you've already become a Friends with Benefits member, go to firetv.com, and you get a super hot movie called Wealth and Deception in your library, on your, uh, in your library to watch on your TV, computer, phone, and tablet but you also get 30 minutes free to watch whatever you want, wherever you want, any kind of porn. And they're like the Netflix of porn, they're so cool. So what you have to do is you have to sign up and register. You do have to put in your credit card, but they'll never charge you. And then you have to launch the chat window, tell them you're with Sex with Emily, and they'll give you 30 free minutes. We're gonna like work out the system so it's a little easier, but that's what you gotta do. So check that out. Also, um, if you want 3 months free of Sex with Emily, all you have to do is like the Sex with Emily page. Our Facebook page, and if you've already liked it, you're already entered. And every day, one person will be randomly selected to win Sex with Emily membership. So if you're selected, we'll send you a message and let you know. It'll be awesome. You'll have 3 months free and you'll be so happy. It'll be the best thing that ever happened to you.

We're going to try to up the numbers. Well, I'm loud right now. Sorry.

It's okay.

We're going to try to up the numbers on the giveaways too.

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Yeah.

And Also, you can call in. We've got a Skype number here. You can call 415-992-7392. So call us if you've got any questions at all. We will answer them. We'll do our best to answer them, and usually we're pretty damn good. And every Friday you can tune in for free, and that's what I gotta say. We don't do shows on Wednesdays, so if you were looking for the show yesterday, we weren't here. Today's topic is how to overcome jealousy. I know you've probably been jealous before in a relationship, or maybe you're with a jealous partner. We're gonna get into all of that, of how to deal with it, 'cause people Can ruin your relationship. And, uh, yeah, that's what we're doing. Hi, Menace. What's up?

How you doing?

I'm great. How are you?

I'm awesome. Oh, I was actually— that's funny that you brought up just, uh, jealousy because, uh, in the intro we play some clips from Entourage and, uh, I've been watching the new season and there's a whole thing with Ari Gold who is the— he's the publicist slash manager slash agent. Yeah. Uh, in this season he's having trouble with his wife, like they're through a separation. He, uh, well, she's gone over on and she's dating Bobby Flay, the, the, the famous chef, right? And then so he gets pissed off, he starts dating somebody else, but then she doesn't believe that he is— he's with somebody else. He's like, what, I can't get other— I can't get with other people? And then so what he does is take the chick, right, to Bobby Flay's restaurant.

Oh my God, he eats there. No way.

They have like this whole discussion. The chick finds out that It's Bobby Flay that's dating his ex and it blows up in his face.

Oh my God, that's great. I've only seen one episode of this season so far.

Yeah, and it sucks because they're only gonna have 8 shows this year.

Really? And this is the last season? That's it.

And I think there's gonna be a movie after that.

So I missed it last season when he became a drug addict. Yeah. Missed that whole thing. But yeah, jealousy is, uh, yeah, happens all the time to all of us, to a lot of us. People are snooping and there's more reasons for people to become jealous now, right? I mean, every day there's a reason to become jealous if you log onto your person you're dating or your ex's Facebook page and they became friends with some hot chick.

Yeah. There was a funny conversation actually. Um, I don't know what even sparked it, but some people started tweeting me, like listeners, uh, of my other shows and then friends of mine saying that one of my ex-girlfriends' current boyfriend saying like he's a better man than me and blah, blah, blah and all this stuff. And I go, I, I never even think about this ex-girlfriend.

Right.

This guy doesn't even cross my mind ever.

Right. So he's threatened by you.

Well, I don't know.

I don't know because I can't, I can't see what most jealousy comes from, insecurities.

I can't see what he's saying, right? But anyways, I just like blew it off. I know, that's cool. I don't care. I just kept— that's what I kept on responding with. I go, I don't care, whatever. I go, I never think about— I never think about my exes. I only think about the girls that I never took a chance on.

That's what my response was, and which is true, right?

And, um, also something came up where she was talking about there was a photograph where her current boyfriend is in, and I'm also in it, and she's in it too. And I don't know why this is brought up, right? So I also responded with, hey, I don't care about whatever he's saying. I go, but on a side note, I go, I have many photographs of girls that I hooked up with that she's taking pictures with, so I wouldn't be parading that around. I think my count is a little bit higher.

Who are these people?

I don't know, like, I was just—

he's obviously some dude that's dating your ex who's like threatened by you because you're super cool, I guess.

I don't know. I don't even know if it's him. I was just wondering if it was just other people that were just building up trying to start crap. But I just— I thought it was funny because I— they were trying to rile me up and I just didn't care.

Good.

But I thought I would share the story anyways.

That's a good story to share. I mean, I've gotten caught up in jealous gets jealous before, typically, a lot. Yeah, I don't get jealous, but I've dated people who get jealous because I'm—

well, you're overly flirty, so that's why I say that.

You think I am too? You— it's obvious.

Of course.

Oh man.

And then of course, if somebody's dating you, they're gonna get pissed off when—

yeah, they get jealous. And I'm just a flirt. I can't— I've been this way. I hate to say I can't help it, but really, like, I, I'm naturally in my bones a flirt. I don't even know I'm doing it. What's that about? We can analyze me if you want, but we don't have to.

I'm not a I'm not a jealous person at all. Like, I, I don't care, right? Like, and I also am not going to waste my time worrying and trying to prevent somebody from cheating on me. If they're going to cheat on me, they're cheating on me, right? Whatever. If they cheat on me, I find out, they're done. But, uh, there's only one thing that annoys me, and I've brought this up on the show, which I hate. I hate when— and it doesn't matter if it's a girl or a guy waitress or waiter. I just don't like when I'm at dinner or at a meal and you're overly talkative to the waiter or the waitress. I don't want you to be a dick to the waitress or waiter. I want you to respect them.

Well, do you think it's because they don't want to talk to you anymore? Why do you think they're talking to the waiter so much?

I just feel like a tool, a jackoff, when I'm just sitting there like saying nothing.

What do you mean they're talking to the waiter? Are they like saying, could you please repeat the daily specials?

No, they just like get into this whole conversation like, oh hey.

Do they do that with everyone though? Like the checkout person at the store? I mean, I mean, do they talk?

No, there would just be like situations where they just talk to the waitress.

You just don't like women who talk?

No, I like women.

You are every day bringing a point where women shouldn't talk. Do you think we should vote?

No, no, no, I don't like women that nag.

Should we vote? Should we drive cars?

Go ahead, drive cars. Okay, you can vote just as long as women nag.

No one wants to nag her. I mean, all the things you say is like, I just think you've dated women who are psycho.

Oh yeah, I guess.

Who nag, who are jealous, who whatever.

Nah, just people who—

That's why you say shit like that. Stuff like that.

Yeah, what's up with you and your filthy mouth lately?

I can't help it. It just pops out. Yeah? Yeah, I can't help it. I, you know, I'm just me, man. I'm just being me. Keepin' it real.

Yeah, so what's up with you and your life?

I've been going out. I have like a million birthday parties this week and they've all been really fun. I think you called me the other night about something and I was about to— I was having girls over and we were heading out to some party.

Drinking some wine.

Drinking some wine. My friend owns this really cool art studio space loungey club called Project One in San Francisco. Mm-hmm. And it was her birthday and a bunch of us went there and it was like a really good crowd. People I hadn't seen in a while and that was fun. And then I have two birthday parties this weekend, one in Stinson Beach, which is this great beach north of here. You've been to Stinson Beach, right?

No.

Never been to Stinson Beach?

Nope.

Do you like beaches?

I don't go to beaches here cuz they're too cold.

I know, but this beach is cool. You should come. You won't come, but whatever. Then I have another party in Sonoma. With a friend, another friend's birthday party.

Mm-hmm.

And, um, yeah, I've just been like hanging with friends, working, hanging with the dog, frigging dog park people, man. I've made all these friends, but every day there's like a new dog park person that comes in. They're like, my dog is super, super cool and gets on with every dog.

Yeah.

And is very friendly and she's a puppy and she plays with everyone. But she's like, your dog stole my dog's ball. Like people get angry. Like I was like, there should be some reality TV show about like the dog park drama because people are like, So obsessed with their dogs. I'm not obsessed with my dog yet. And they fight and they yell and they're like— this woman was like literally yelling at me. She's like, your dog stole my dog's ball. And I was like, I'm leaving this place. You people are mean and angry. Yeah, I hated them. I hated the whole thing.

That reminds me of a, uh, a clip of a woman at a dog park and I have to— I have to find it. I'll be able to play it for you guys.

My friend has this really funny porn site— porn site— website that he started called Hot Chicks Picking Up Dog Shit. Yeah, it's really funny and it's just Hot chicks picking up dog shit. It's hilarious. So, um, yeah, I go there in my 5-inch heels and pick up dog shit.

Nice.

Yeah, it's fun. It's good times. So yeah, and then, um, I don't know, I've got some sex in the news here I can read unless you have anything else that you're gonna share with me that's gonna change my life right now.

It will. It just— do you know what sucks?

What sucks, dude?

Is that on the keyboard here, the computer, the freaking V doesn't work.

I hate when the numbers break on— the letters break on keyboards.

Like, I can't press V, which, you know, we use You use the word vagina a lot.

I know, what the hell? What are you doing this weekend? Even though it's only Thursday, but it feels like Friday. Tomorrow's Free Friday. You better bring it tomorrow for the show.

Yeah, I, um, well, luckily I'm not leaving. I was gonna leave for Los Angeles tomorrow, but I'm not gonna do that anymore.

That's what it was.

Yeah.

Don't do that.

I'm not anymore, so I'm just hanging out. Yeah, I don't, I don't really have any plans this weekend because I'm going to Los Angeles the weekend after for The VMAs. Cool.

What are you gonna wear, fancy suit or something?

I guess.

I don't know.

No, I don't have any fancy clothes. I'll take you shopping. Not that you don't do a good job yourself.

No.

And you love shopping. Terrible. I know.

Okay, go ahead.

Sex in the news.

Go ahead.

I love this first one because it really makes me think— I think it's true. Do women really make sex noises to help men reach orgasms? Study finds women's sex moans are voluntary, not a reflex or consequence of orgasm. Expert Dr. John Grohol recently wrote about a study published in the Archive of Sexual Behavior, which found that women's sex noises are not generally a reflex or consequence of orgasm, but rather an effort to help the man reach the finish line. The researchers found that a woman's vocalizations most often occurred around the man's orgasm, just before or simultaneously with ejaculation. So it's true, when you make noises, you know that a man's gonna jack— like, it's kind of true as a woman, you kind of know that. But it's funny that someone's like doing a study on this. Um, did you know that, that women's noises get a little, get quickened when you're about to orgasm?

That they quicken?

That they get louder. That women are more vocal. Everyone knows that.

Yeah.

But they actually like did a study to prove it. It's a dissociative thing.

Where are they getting this money from? I need to see.

Can we like spend it in cancer research or something? The dude who was here, Billy Sunday Mars, the other day on the show, 2 days ago, if you guys wanna check that out, he was saying that if you really rock a woman's world sexually and give her these intense orgasms, she's not gonna make a peep. So all the sounds that they're making, I mean, are just for the men's pleasure is what they're saying. That's not true though. There's times that I make noises that are real. I'm not just like faking it so we'll get it over with. So it says, yeah, that it clearly demonstrates a disassociation of the timing women experience. So whatever. So she's making noises to get you, 'cause sometimes she's done and you're not done yet. We're done. So we're making noises.

I just want you to fall asleep after.

I get a ramble.

That's where I want you to shut up, is that part.

I know you do.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Let's talk about that. Let's talk about what just happened right now. Um, was I vocalizing in an inappropriate time?

Um, so what are we?

What are we? Where are we at?

And then I go, oh, we're two people that just had sex.

Exactly.

That's what we are.

Can we talk? I used to have that joke with one of my exes. I'd always be like, can we talk? Because it's such a cliché that girls, women say to men. And I was like, we really need to talk about us. But I've never said that to a guy, ever.

Oh.

Kandi Burruss is releasing a sex toy line.

Who's Kandi Burruss?

Exactly. She's from The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Oh.

I thought you knew television.

Kandi, oh, okay.

She's branched out from her online talk show and Housewives of Atlanta and started making her own sex toy line. We won't know much about the products in the line until launch party, which is happening sometime in the near future, but lots of glitter and animal prints.

She was the one that I was hearing Dr. Drew said— or maybe I'm quoting the wrong person— but was bashing her because she was saying that you should put sugar in the vagina.

Never put sugar in the vagina. Never put sugar in the vagina. You can use whipped cream, you can use chocolate, you can do all that stuff, but leave it on your breasts or leave it on your stomach, but do not get it inside the vagina. It's very bad bacteria, things build up. Don't do that. People do that shit, all that stuff all the time.

It's bad. Okay, before you go on to the next thing, I found that clip that I wanna share with you, and it's a woman at a dog park, okay?

Okay, can you like do the volume? Is that what you do?

Yeah, that's what I'm doing.

Smart. I love how smart you are with technologically.

All right, so this thing is about a woman probably like yourself, that just lets her dog just run rampant around the dog park and annoys other people.

Even after 10 years of teaching, I never know what's going to happen. No, hold on.

Oh my God. Oh, and he's going to be mad. We can add this to the website.

In the middle of teaching, and I look over my shoulder and there's this strange woman's dog that's attacking a man's leg.

I want you to come here for a second. No, no, no, no, no, you come here for— come here for a minute.

This way, it gets good. Swell, huh?

It's taking— this is like my type of park. There's all these personalities. People are like angry.

I'm going to have the dog taken.

All he was doing was walking through the park.

That's what's right.

I've had some things happen with this woman's dog before where I've been out at the park training my own dogs and that dog has gotten away from her and has come up after my dogs a myself and have had to run, and I just throw myself and my dogs in my car.

What if it was one of these? What if it was a child? Oh God, what if it was a child?

I can't see.

What if it was a child like one of these kids?

Oh my God.

So let me break down real quick what's happening.

Yeah, you have to, and then it's gonna get awesome right now.

Okay, so what happened was, is, uh, there's a dog park and there's a bunch of people at the dog park, and this woman's dog gets loose and the dog bites. So there was this man that was walking by the park and the dog ran up and bit the man. So now the man is, uh, upset, and then there's a bunch of children out there, and then so he starts pointing at the children, he goes, What about if it was one of these? What about if it was one of these? And now this woman, this woman is about to go ballistic and share a pretty funny story. Okay, so here you go.

It's not my fault. I didn't mean to. It's the dog's fault.

The dog has some serious aggression problems, and just because a dog is small doesn't mean that it can't hurt.

For many days I didn't bring them here. Because I suffer when he bites me. He bite me in my vagina when I'm walking, and he sees other dog, he right away he jump on my vagina because he gets so crazy.

He bites my vagina. Oh my God.

And he, he bites the Labrador on his penis. I don't want him to bite. Law enforcement.

It would be Van Nuys LAPD.

All right, you get the point though.

But this woman is crazy. She should, she should get rid of that dog.

You should, uh, go on YouTube if you want to watch the whole thing. It's, it's hilarious where she just goes on and on how the dog bites her in the vagina and bites other dogs in the penis.

That's hilarious.

So is that what your dog is doing?

No, my dog is awesome. My dog is like— the people tell me that they're like, when's Daisy coming back? When's Daisy coming back? Because Daisy exhausts all the other dogs because she has more energy than any dog. It's cool. So when are you gonna give Daisy when are you gonna give her up? When am I gonna give her up?

Yeah.

I've got a few more weeks to decide.

A few more weeks.

I don't want to give her up. I feel like, honestly, the dog is such a— it's such a personal thing. Like, I feel it would feel like a failure.

So just to prove everybody wrong?

No, I'm not that stupid either. I just feel like I should be able to, as a grown woman, have a dog. I like dogs and figure it out, but I'm also insanely busy and have a lot going on, that it might not be the best time.

Yes.

Right.

That's fine. That's a perfectly—

I'm trying to figure it out.

Good way to get out of it.

But it's like, she's— they love her. She's a pretty little face.

Okay.

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That sounds fun to me.

There's dating sites for every frigging thing and every frigging person.

I was just talking on the phone, uh, last night. I mean, like really with my buddy. Yeah. You know, I share the story where he's been my, one of my longtime friends.

Great.

And then he started, last time we hung out, he shared with me. He's like, yeah, I started dating chicks off Craigslist. And then he's had a couple bad experiences, of course, as you would if you, you know, uh, hook it up with people on Christian.

People don't say to hook up on Christians anymore. They used to.

But, uh, now he's on a dating website. I forgot which one he told me, but he said we were trying to break it down. He already has a date with somebody.

Okay, good.

So he was asking me about places in the city, what he should do, and should we meet up or should I pick her up? And I go, well, did you already go on a date with her once before? And he's like, yes. I go, well, then you got to go pick her up.

Right?

It's like really out of the way, right? I gotta go pick her up and go out on your date. But then he was telling me that whatever the dating website is, it recommends a new person every day with your, you know, criteria.

This is why no one's committing.

Yeah, and what happened was we're trying to break down and trying to figure out why, but he keeps on getting connected with little people. Oh, and he doesn't know, like, nothing that he doesn't have anything against little people, but he's just trying to tell— he is not little. He is a very large man.

Okay, he's—

yeah, he's, he's, uh, 6 foot, way taller.

Okay, that's odd.

Bigger than me. And, uh, he's like a linebacker, like he'll—

oh, why? Okay, little people, like real little people, like, like little people, like 4'10", 9'?

No, 4— no. It's like 4'8", 4'7". And then he's like, he's trying to figure out where's the glitch. Where there's not a glitch, but he just thinks maybe they're— maybe I don't know how it works, but maybe their criteria, that's what they like, is like what his description is. So we're trying to figure out, you know, how is—

yeah, there's some scientific study to be there. Like, why is he so similar to what little people want, what he wants? Yeah, when he is a very large person, when he's like, that is very interesting. Yeah, we gotta break that down.

I know.

We need to get some detectives on that or something.

We gotta call him up on Skype.

Call him up on Skype, man. That's interesting. I should— we should all date online. Just for better content. Better improved new daily content for me.

Yes.

To go on dates. I know, I've just never— I'm the only person I know who hasn't done it, because everyone else I know has done it. You've done it. Sort of.

Oh, through the social networks.

Right.

But not in real life.

I get asked out on Facebook a lot, but I don't really pay attention. I don't know who those people are.

Alright.

Not that you're not my friend if we're on Facebook, because we're friends. Okay, we've got some emails.

Okay, what do you got?

Some topics on today's show include what to say on your first online dating message, which might be what your friend says, something that—

I wonder what he says. What is his initial?

Kegel exercises, menopause, and sex and body image. And then later we're going to be talking about jealousy and how to overcome it, because you really can. You can.

You can. There's some people that are just insane.

I know, but I've, I've learned to overcome it. I'm not, I'm not a typically jealous person, but when I find myself having and I'm gonna get into this more, you really can like just change your thought patterns and to not going into that negative place.

I'm gonna keep on talking, but can you turn on the fan? It's getting hot.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Um, another thing is with me on the social networking, if I'm gonna ask somebody out, like my conversations will be so short, right? Because I'm not a writer.

Right.

So it would just be like, oh yeah. Oh cool. Let's, let's go hang out. So like the hanging out part would happen super fast, right? Because I'm not gonna sit there. Right, right.

Like, I'm better in person.

Yeah, I'm so much better in person. Writing, not my thing.

I know. Well, actually, we're having a—

or the English language.

Or the English language, right? No, you're better than you give yourself credit for.

I'm terrible. Go ahead.

Um, no, we're actually having— I don't know when the show's gonna air, but we have an expert. He's an online dating expert. His name's Evan Mark Katz. He's going to be on the show this Friday, but we're doing it later in the day, and we're going to play it in a few weeks. But, um, because he can only come up from LA at a certain time, but he It's amazing what he does. He's a dating coach and he profiles, he helps people write their online dating profiles. So for example, someone can go to him and be like, I've had this up on match.com for 3 months. I've gotten nothing. No hits, no interest. No one wants to date me. And then like he'll come in and be like, do, do, do, do, do, do, change the whole thing. It's like marketing. And then he gets like, this person will get like a million hits or he helps them individually with dating.

Yeah.

Yeah. So he's gonna be interesting. That's good. You'll like him. Okay. "Word up, Emily Morse. I just recently signed up with OKCupid to give this online dating thing a try." That's so funny, we were just talking about this. "Being that I am a newbie, I'm not up on all the rules and hidden rules. My question is, would it be cool to tell a girl she's cute in the first message? And is there any tips on what girls want to see in the first message? Thanks, Stan from Costa Mesa." He's a premium Friends with Benefits member. And if you're a Friends with Benefits member, you get your emails answered right away. We answer your questions. PS, by the time you read this, I would've sent a message to this girl to call my eye. I'm really interested into seeing if the message I sent was the right one. So he wasn't waiting for us to get back. He was writing her.

Um, I would say, yeah, you, I would say I, I never, I never do, but I don't know.

I'm, as a woman, I mean, I think you could say that she's cute in the first message, but I would really focus on like her interests and show that you really read her page and maybe you have like a similar interest or something that you can talk about. Because for example, like I just, posted on Craigslist. Let me just— totally separate thing, but it's like, you want to know that the guy has read your profile and isn't just like, hot chick, hi, you're hot, let's go out. Because then the girl feels like— the woman feels like, I spent all this time on my profile, you didn't even read it, you're just looking at my face. Which is probably what most guys do anyway, okay? But try to pretend that that's not what you did.

Yeah, you look deeper.

Just look deeper.

Common interest.

Wow, I noticed that you hiked the Appalachians. That sound must have been amazing. I was gonna do that.

Excellent in those photos.

Yeah, and then your, your titties look hot. No, don't say that. But, um, I would say that I would focus more about that and ask her a question. Like, try to find a question about something specific on her page. Try to come up with something funny. And you could say, I found your profile attractive or something, but I wouldn't lead with you're hottie because she's hearing that. You're— believe me, you're not the only guy who is sending her that message. That's what I have to say to that. So we don't want to hear that right away, uh, because we already know that.

I know.

I, uh, men never tells girls that they're cute.

No, don't do that.

Which I don't recommend either, because you should tell her 10 times a day.

Yeah, right.

Um, what else are you gonna say?

There was something else that, uh, I just texted my friend to see if we can call him. He might be—

oh, about his Little People debacle?

No, not that. I want to see, uh, what kind of conversation he has when he's messaging with these people.

That would be great to get them interested to go out. Totally. I mean, and I think that's what this, like, dating coach focuses on, is that there are right and wrong ways to do— oh, this is what I was gonna say. So for example, like, I was looking for new interns, right? So I posted on Craigslist and I said very specifically in the, in the thing, I'm like, okay, please send me your resume. Please send me this, that. Some people just are like, here's my resume. Like they don't even read the job profile. They don't even read the job description. And I'm like, delete. Like you didn't even read it. You didn't send me what I asked for. You didn't send your resume. You didn't send a cover letter. And I deleted those people. I think that people do that on when they're dating too, when they're online and they're like, this person did obviously didn't read my profile. He just thinks I'm cute. Delete. That's what I would do.

Okay.

I just want to thank you for developing this app. She's talking about my Kegel Camp app. My boyfriend and I both use it for kegels regularly, and I must say that our sex life has never been better. I did not write this, this is true. The feeling of a challenge and different levels have helped me to be successful in doing kegels with this app. Will there ever be any additional levels in the future? I think a few more levels would be great. Thanks again, Alicia. Alicia, thank you so much, that's awesome. We've got to be updated a few times and we're going to do another update. And, um, I forward this to my engineers, so hopefully we can do that. But just if you don't know this, I have an app called Kegel Camp that you could download, um, for the iPhone iTunes store. And it— Kegels are really the most important exercise that you are not doing and that you need to be doing. And Alicia just said it improved their sex life. They're doing it together. How cute! You and your boyfriend can do little Kegels together.

Um, do you have a friend that we can call about, about online dating? Don't you have friends that do that?

A ton.

Um, text them, say we're gonna call them, because I want to see— oh girl, because then we can see what does a guy say that gets you to go out with them.

Uh, who can I text right now? Stayed online.

Hold on, anybody?

Okay, I know, I know, I know. I called her by mistake.

Your filthy-mouth friends?

Yes, it's my filthy-mouth friend, but I just called her by mistake.

Oh, he said sure.

Okay.

Okay, I'm gonna call him first.

And call.

Okay, this is gonna be good. I love this guy. He's one of my favorites. Go ahead and keep talking while I—

Oh, you want me to talk?

Yeah.

Okay, dear Emily Morse— I'm just kidding. Okay, so, um, this is hilarious. Okay. Dear Emily Morse— you want me to start another question? Yeah. Dear Emily, my wife and I have been together almost 25 years. We love each other to death. She is going through menopause, and that has meant that sex may only happen once or twice a year. I have a very hard time in my mind dealing with it, and she has had a very hard time talking about it. What can we do to allow us to continue the much-needed special moments together? Love your show. Menace is a slut.

Yeah, right.

Seriously, didn't say that. It does.

Look, you said that.

Mark from Ontario, Canada.

How's Mark from Ontario, Canada?

He thinks you're a slut.

How?

I don't know, maybe it's an older email. You used to be a slut.

Hello?

What up? Can you hear me?

What's going on, man?

What's going on? So coincidentally, uh, here on the Sex with Emily show, we started talking about online dating, and then you and I just had a conversation yesterday about online dating, and the part of online dating that we want to know is What do you even say to a girl that you want to talk to? Like, what's the first initial email? What do you say?

It matters how, you know, like if you talk off Craigslist or you're talking off, you know, all right, like something like that. If I'm doing off of Craigslist, I'll probably base it on what they posted on Craigslist and kind of go, oh, I have this similar interest, or oh, Yada yada yada. Yeah, same thing, you know, if you do the Zeus, it's kind of like, oh, you're looking for a guy who has these qualities. Oh, you know, I have these type of qualities. Oh, you have these type of similarities. Oh, I do too. And yada yada, and ask some questions, you know. Well, what do you do? Or, you know, you like alternative music? What kind of bands do you like? And stuff like that.

That's good. I got a buddy here.

You don't say like nice rack or anything?

I love your titties.

You don't say like I like your tits?

I mean, if you see a picture off the bat, I guess you could.

No, I'm glad you don't send a picture of your penis and tell her how nice her rack is. That would be bad.

Do you, do you ask her to rate her blowjobs on a scale of 1 to 10?

Uh, no. You sound like a good guy. Do you handle it well? Because we just had a guy ask, like, should I tell this girl she's hot? I'm like, every guy's emailing her and telling her she's hot. You don't tell her she's hot. Pay attention to— we want feel like we are heard as women. When you read our profile, you took the time. You're not just like, hot chick, want to go out. So you sound like a good guy. How's the online dating going for you?

Oh, you know, it's going okay. I mean, you know, I'm meeting a few people here and there, going on some dates.

But don't you have a date tonight or this weekend?

Uh, Sunday, this weekend.

Sunday.

Wow, what kind of girl? Okay, so are you excited?

Oh yeah, most definitely.

Did you plan the date?

I've been out with this girl once before in the prior, so you know.

Did you make out with her on the first date?

Sure, yeah.

You did? You made out on the first date?

Made out on the first date, yeah.

Did you do other stuff on the first date? Did you touch her boobs?

Did not go that far.

We were out on the streets, you know, we kind of met. I've done that on the street, I'm just saying. Okay.

You can't talk over him on the internet thing, it cuts it out. There's no other way I can tell you. I have to tell you live on the show. Sorry.

No, that's fine. I kind of assumed, but you know, that's all good.

No, no, no. Um, go ahead, you can ask him a question.

Now I feel quieted on my own show. I feel shushed.

No, I'm just saying you have to wait for a minute.

Okay, so, okay, what is— so this girl, so what, you found her on Craigslist?

No, no, online dating service.

Okay, another online dating site. And what was it about her profile that like? Was it her picture? I know you thought she was hot, but like, what was there? Something she said? We're trying to give people advice about like writing online dating profiles. Like, are there certain things that a woman says that like catches you? Like, can you think of a phrase or something that was like, oh wow, she seems like a cool chick? Or conversely, the things that they say that you're like, whoa, run for your life. Like, she has 10 cats.

And one other thing, throw in there, and you can be honest, is it the first thing kind of the photo kind of catches you a little bit, right?

Well, sure, that's like the initial catch, you know what I mean? Because it's kind of, you know, when you first search somebody online, typically it's going to be just the quick contact information like their photo, their location, and how old they are. So it's kind of right off the bat, it's kind of your judge if you're going to click on this profile to see this person further. So right off the bat, yeah, you have to at least see this person, see, oh, is this person kind of somebody I could be into? And then if yes, then click on the picture and kind of see the different, you know, text on the profile and everything. Different, you know, signs that might be good, just similar interests. You know, I'm the type of person, you know, I don't want any drama or anything like that. So I kind of want something that's similar to me, or at least interests that like, hey, me and my friends, we do these types of things. I want to go on dates and do these types of things, right? And this has those types of things I'm into, right?

Got it.

Anything that's kind of— that would scare me away, or just, you know, right, right, right, right.

You just kind of run. Oh, maybe it's Mark.

Indecisiveness, maybe, where it's kind of like, you know, maybe it's what you're looking for, you know. If it's kind of like, oh, I just got out of relationship, I'm just kind of looking to see what's out there. Yes, you kind of know if you get into this, you might be in some indecisiveness, or you might be that, you know, rebound type of person, which, you know, if you're open to that, that's fine. But I'm kind of, you know Okay, so good.

I'm glad you're dating online. That's good. I'm thinking about doing it myself. It's on my list of things to do. I think that's good that you're doing it. I love that you shared your stories. Thank you very much. Good luck. Can you call us back and let us know if you touch her boobs on Sunday?

I'll let people know.

No pressure. You don't have to let us know. I just want you to have a good time. It's not about sex.

No problem.

Okay.

I have some, uh, some warning signs.

What?

With the online.

What's the warning signs?

Chicks that you do not want to talk to. Okay, here we go. Go there. And it all starts with their main image. Any chick that has a main image of a scenery, okay, sunset or anything like that. Any chick that has pets in their main photograph. Okay, any chick that only has one or two photographs, right? And they're all waist up, and they're all waist up, or no, but if they only have one or two photographs, or it's most likely, I would say 99.9%, not them. Because why do you only have two photographs of you?

How many do they say to post?

You can post thousands of photos there if you want to, but it's not legit. And the, the other one to look out for is the group photos. When there's a large group photos and you look You look through it and it's all group photos, right?

What does that mean? She doesn't think she's—

she's insecure. She's the less attractive one out of— just look for the least attractive one out of the group photo, and that's, that's the person's profile. It's science.

It's science. Scientific, really?

Yeah. Okay, it's a scientific study.

I don't know, we'll have to check that out. But like, her being in, uh, unattractive group pictures of yourself I mean, of you in a group, if you're trying to get someone's attention.

Yeah.

And then, you know what, I mean, I hate the guys if they're drinking a beer. Oh, with one of those like cozies on it with a cat. Yeah, I don't want to date those guys. No, no pressure, no offense. I mean, no, no, no, no offense. So, okay, cool. All right, this is with the letter, the email. Your friend's off the phone, right? Okay, so my wife and I— this is— I'm going to read this again, or Sum it up again. 25 years, we love each other to death, she's going through menopause and sex only happens twice a year, and he's got a really hard time dealing with it in his mind, and she's got a hard time talking about it, and what can they do? And he loves the show and menaces a slut. I don't know why he thinks you're a slut.

I don't know either.

The loss of extra estrogen following menopause can lead to changes in women's sexual drive and functioning. They may not be easily aroused and may be less sensitive to touching and stroking, which can lead to decreased interest in sex. You may want to— okay, lower levels of estrogen causes a decrease in blood supply to the vagina, which can affect vaginal lubrication, causing it to become dry and uncomfortable for intercourse. So you can really try to take a warm bath, relax, and use lubricants. Um, you can use a water-based lubricant like Astroglide, which you can purchase at Adam and Eve. You know, you can get anything at Adam and Eve. Emilymorse.com for 50% off most items plus 3 adult DVDs and a free gift if you use coupon code EMILY at checkout. So I think lube is great for a lot of sexual situations that people are having because she probably is more dry. And if the sex drive isn't what it once was, you, you don't think you need counseling, you should just try to take some time to have intimacy with your partner and rebuild the intimacy. It doesn't mean that you have to have intercourse. Maybe there's ways you can take intercourse off the table and start connecting in other ways, because I have a feeling that it's not just about the sex that you're not connecting, but there might be other ways in your relationship that you're not quite connecting and that you might need to go back and repair whatever's happened. Maybe you guys have got some issues with each other. You've been together a long time and there's ways to get in there with the issues or whatever issues you have and heal them first. What?

I'm sorry, I always go to the alcohol, but maybe she needs to loosen up a little bit, take the stick out of her ass.

She's going through menopause, dude. It happens.

Yeah, maybe, you know, soothe menopause with, you know, some alcohol. Just a little bit in your life.

I think you—

or maybe some, you know, you, you recommend some wacko drugs, like what is that? No, not lubricant, but that lubricant doesn't get you in the mindset.

I know, that's why I wish I could just pop a Viagra.

That's why, you know, I'd be a horny dog all the time. All the time just banging. Uh, no, you need something to help her get in the mindset. Exactly.

You've got to get her in the mindset. I mean, that is the thing is that so many times women don't want sex. Like, yes, she's going through menopause, she's greater challenges now because her sex drive literally is— has taken a nosedive. But for women, the brain is a larger sex organ. She does need to be warmed up. You do need to do things to set that intimacy, to set that romantic mood. Just because you come in and you have a boner does not mean that she's ready to go. And it's kind of a bummer for you, but she's going to need more time warming up. You might need to romance you might need to plan a special weekend away. There are ways to get it back.

And, um, on a side note, yes, I got tweeted by Marilyn, who's a listener in Arizona right now.

Okay.

And she said that she totally agrees with me on the profile pics online. Ah, cats, the scenery, the group photos.

Hilarious. Yes. Yes.

So I'm in tune. I know, I know the scientific—

You do know. So if I do date online, you'll help me shape my profile.

Yes, I will.

Okay.

Emily Morse, I'm glad to say I'm back from Baghdad all in one piece. I'm getting caught up on the podcast because I've missed the last few. I'm writing to talk about my sexual pet peeve. I can't tell you how much of a mood killer it is to have a woman, after we're both naked and about to make love, instantly become self-conscious. When we're both naked is absolutely the wrong time to lose all of her confidence. I don't care one bit if she's 10 pounds away from her ideal weight. I'm no personal trainer. I'm just trying to share an orgasm or two or three with her. If that's not enough to at least temporarily remove those insecurities, then it's a major buzzkill, and I'm not as into sex as I once was. What I'm saying— what I'm saying is she's got to see what's in front of her, and what she's got is a man who wants to be with her, all parts of even the flawed parts. As always, keep up the good work, and remember, go Navy, Jamal.

Hell yeah, Jamal, preach it, dude.

It is so true. One of the biggest issues that women have sexually across the board is with low self-esteem and insecurities about body and body image. And I think that if you're a woman and you're experiencing like issues sexually, you're not connecting with men, a lot of it has to do with your body image issues. And there are ways to get past it. Maybe you need to therapy, read some good books on it. God knows there's so many of them. But really, just like, start loving your body, start working out. If you don't feel good about your body, like, make yourself go to the gym. Like, go once a week. Like, that will make you feel better. There are things— eat healthier. I know it's easier said than done, and you've heard this a million times, but truly, if it's wreaking havoc on your sex life and you're having problems, then you should start to take— because no matter how many times a guy tells you, like, you're so attractive and you're so hot and I don't care if you gain 10 pounds or whatever, no one's going to believe it until they deal with it on their own.

Yeah, and then also you should say, hey, you see my dick right now? Is my— is, is it not erect? Like, does it not like what it's seeing?

Well, women feel like—

shut up.

I know, I know, it's a bad time. It's a bad time. So when should she ask you if her ass looks fat in the jeans? Not when— not when you guys are getting undressed during sex.

Well, you should never ask that. Never ask that.

I'm just kidding, but you know that joke. Do my ass look fat in these jeans?

Yes, they look totally fat.

Fuck you, I look fat. Um, okay, so yeah, insecurity is huge. I mean, I think we've done shows on that, body image issues with women, but that really is like the reason why women can't orgasm, the reason why men aren't enjoying sex sometimes, the reason why women don't want to get on top of a man is because they feel like they look—

They're overanalyzing everything.

I know, guys are just like, I'm psyched there's some boobs bouncing up and down on top of me. Okay, I'm 45, in good health, and I have the problem of too much stamina. So much so that often after a vigorous weekend, my girlfriend needs a couple days off from sex to rest because her vagina is sore. My girlfriend isn't complaining, I'm just saying, as she often says. I'm not bragging because it isn't as fun as some may think. When I say stamina, I mean an hour or longer of a full-on hard-on and active sex the entire time. We move through many positions oral, vaginal, and she even tried anal a time or two in hopes of bringing me over the edge. It is so bad that I often do not orgasm myself, and it isn't from the lack of trying or any lack of enthusiasm from my girlfriend. I've had several partners over the last— over the years, and this is— this one is the only one so far that can stay with me the longest without tapping out, so to speak. So anything I can do to encourage an orgasm on demand? How do porn stars do it for the camera all the time? You're the best. Sincerely, Paul from Hartford, Connecticut. Well, there are theories of delayed ejaculation, and they suggest by— that it's caused by fear of loss of control, hostility, and anger, and too much reliance on fantasy during sex to get aroused. It can also be— so maybe there's ways that you have your body trained during masturbation and you just can't with a woman. There could be some earlier things from childhood, um, some deeper things going on here. Also, the problem can be caused by a man learning to masturbate in a particular way which cripples his ability to reach orgasm through normal stimulation. So again, it has to do with the way you masturbate, but there's gotta be ways that you could work with her maybe because that's an hour every time, full on hard on. Like we don't all want sex for an hour every time. We just don't. Who has time?

Well, unlike—

I have to walk my dog.

You know how you say women, once they think about it, it's gone. But with men, you, I mean, you just gotta think about it the entire time. Just think about it and it'll happen.

Think about the orgasm?

Yeah. With guys, it happens.

What do you mean think about? How do you think about it?

Thinking about orgasming.

You're like orgasm, orgasm. That'd be awesome.

Yeah, and just think, you know, how awesome would feel and all that stuff. Then it will happen. We're different that way.

It's not working for him, so there might be some other underlying issues. But yeah, just think about your orgasm and breathe a lot. Yeah, yeah, sounds good. Okay, should we get into our, um— I think we should get into our topic of the day, which is jealousy. What? Okay, what are you looking at me for?

Nothing. I'm a little tired today.

I'm too.

Yeah, go ahead.

We should, we should forget the alcohol. Like, we need some kind of like uppers or something.

I have a Red Bull back in my other office.

I wish you brought me one.

Sorry.

Okay, so jealousy. Let me just say this. A lot of things about jealousy— jealousy comes up in every relationship, whether you're in a monogamous relationship or you're in an open relationship or you're a swinger or you're whatever. Jealousy is going to happen at some point in a relationship. It just happens. So, and usually jealousy is a byproduct of someone's insecurity because we feel threatened. This girl's hotter. She's, he's with someone who's better than I am. Her new boyfriend is a football player or whatever. I'm jealous. So, well, everyone gets jealous or suspicious. Experiencing jealousy on a daily basis is a problem. So if you're with someone who is really jealous all the time, like I've dated guys like that who were like super jealous and I wasn't even, okay, yes, I'm flirt. We established that early on. But there are people I've dated that are like, you, you were flirting with the waiter. I saw it. I'm like, I was ordering like my chicken. Like, I, I wasn't—

but you probably did it in a flirty way.

In a way, I wasn't flirting. I literally wasn't flirting. I'm willing to say when I was flirting, but I wasn't flirting. It was like, it was like a dis— it was like disassociation. And, and I think a lot of times people have issues with mistrust and jealousy when they come from homes, um, from alcoholic backgrounds or from parents who are distrustful. It's true. Like, parents A lot of times, if you, let's say you come from a family of alcoholic parents, a lot of times it builds, you don't have trust in people because everything your parents said, for example, were like, oh, for sure we're gonna show up at your first birthday party and then they're wasted on the couch. And then you feel like you constantly distrust people. So a lot of the issues that people have in relationships around trust come, don't even have to do with the person's behavior. So dating, like me, if you're someone who already has a problem with jealousy and you need someone like me who's a big flirt, you might have a problem, but a lot of it is like predisposed, okay? So according to the U.S. Department of Justice, 49% of nearly 3.5 million violent crimes committed against family members were committed because of spouses due to jealousy. It's become a problem. One-third of couples seeking marital therapy today, and 44% admit trust issues have put a big dent in their marriage. So 70% say You'd be jealous if your husband had a close platonic female friend. 53% of people say they secretly check his phone messages and emails. 53% of women flirt to make their man jealous. Maybe women think flirting is innocent and fun, but it's a way of testing your husband's love. But ask yourself, is it contributing to the, to the problems? So again, why do we get jealous? It may be because, uh, our partner wasn't faithful. Something that our past girlfriend or boyfriend wasn't— was jealous, but it's just there with you, and we have the jealousy.

I thought you said that you don't get jealous.

I don't get jealous, but I have gotten jealous in the past.

What made you jealous?

I'll tell you. It's interesting that you talk about that because I think that when people's like, I never get jealous, I think we all have it in us to experience a range of emotions. You can— someone can make you jealous. So I needed a guy who brought out my jealousy in me. But it wasn't— I wasn't jealous the first year we were dating, but after that, because of like some— like he was with some chick, we were broke, I don't know, he lied to me about something and he was with this girl. He sort of cheated on me, but not really, because we were kind of broken up. Long story short, I instantly distrusted him. Like everything he did, I was like, he says he's going to the drugstore, but he's really probably going to meet that girl on the corner. Like crazy thoughts go in your head, you become obsessive and jealous and from one thing, from one little thing that he did. So I think like I have it in me because I saw that, but typically I'm not looking for it. I come from like a trustworthy family, my background's pretty healthy, I don't have a history of men cheating on me, and I'm a pretty confident person in many ways that I feel like if a guy's with me, why would he want to lie and be with anyone else? I do believe that.

I'm the best.

Mm-hmm.

So when jealousy does strike, it's often because people are insecure. They feel like they're not good enough. A lot of times they compare themselves to their rival. So for example, like if we were dating, I'd be like, or like if I found out, like for example, whenever we find like the ex is dating someone, we always assume she's like some tall, hot—

No, but you guys always talk crap about her all the time.

Yeah.

But we make the assumptions. Our brain goes to like the worst possible place. Jesus Christ. You know, they feel threatened. They imagine the worst case scenario that our partner might leave us for someone else. And so not, not only is jealousy unpleasant, but individuals who are chronically jealous or suspicious often misinterpret what's going on. So they create stories in their mind. Mm-hmm. Like, do you know what I mean? It becomes this whole like self-perpetuating thing. Like you get a little jealous and you're like, he always go, he always, you know, he never drinks 2 cups of coffee. Like he must have been up late. Like whatever those crazy thoughts you have. Exactly. You know, being with a jealous person is difficult because highly suspicious partners can be over-controlling, needy, and invasive.

Invasive.

Terrible.

So there's some diff— yeah, have you been with jealous chicks, right?

Yeah.

And like, what do you do?

I just kind of blow it off because there's no reasoning with those types of people.

Right, it's not like you're really doing anything wrong.

Yeah.

Sometimes you are though.

If it gets overbearing, then just like, just cut them loose, man.

Right. Okay, I'll offer some specific advice here, okay? So for dealing with jealousy in 4 steps. 4 steps to deal with jealousy. Okay, talk about your insecurities. So this is the hardest part, because if you're a jealous person, you want to be like, no, it's you, it's you. You're constantly blaming someone. But you have to be like, you know what, I'm a little insecure about it. I've got issues. I'm afraid you're gonna leave me. I'm afraid that every time you walk out that door— and you just talk about it and you bring some light.

No one ever does that.

That's what you need to do. You need to just be like— and this is the kind of stuff that I think people need to talk about before they get married too. I mean, like, I'm jealous. I get jealous. It might make— I might be threatened if you all of a sudden become BFF with a co-worker and you start texting her late at night or whatever, even if it's not sexual. Well, but we might become jealous.

What? I don't know if I get jealous, but I do get annoyed. I do get annoyed sometimes.

You do get annoyed with what?

I'll be upset. I'm like, why are you doing that? It's not like I'm jealous, like I'm mad in that way, but I just get— I'm like, why are you even doing that?

Right, right, right, exactly. So as a general rule, when talking about jealousy, it helps to focus on your feelings and not your partner's behavior. So you don't say You did this and you did that, but it's like, no, this is how I feel when you do something like that. Because sometimes their behavior can be inappropriate, right? If they're flirting with a coworker or whatever. So another thing about interpreting about jealousy is that you can learn to interpret things differently. So if I'm in a relationship with someone and I interpret that every time he's working late, in my mind, he's sleeping with someone or whatever, you can change your thought patterns. So it's trying to think about the events that make you suspicious and you think about them differently. So for instance, if a husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend does not answer the phone right away, we could be thinking like, oh my God, he's out boning some chick. But you could also think like maybe their phone died, maybe they don't have their charger. I mean, it is true. Like you can switch those thoughts in your head. You're, cuz you're gonna make yourself a little crazy, right?

Mm-hmm.

You just gotta like be, because people who are very jealous, they jump to the worst case scenario always. What?

No, they, they do. And then they go to the extremes where they, you know, follow you.

They hire a spy, right?

But the best part is when they— the TV show Cheaters— when they are cheating.

Well, that's the thing. I mean, your partner might be cheating too, so we're gonna get into that.

Well, a lot of stuff— yeah, I mean, a lot of suspicion comes from a true place too sometimes.

Well, then, then we get into the whole how do you get more information? Like, if you tried to interpret things differently and you try to talk to your partner, Mary Dulce, and still not working, you got to get more information. So do you snoop?

And okay, so when you do snoop though and you don't find anything, that's when you need to drop it though.

You do need to drop it.

If you keep it going, then you're going to destroy—

right, right. So you can snoop, I guess, if you have to, but that's what it's going to take to, you know, make everything fine. But often the suspicion is fueled by a lack of information. So you don't have enough information, so you're suspicious. So if you do need to do some stuff, but if you— but if you find— if you look and you just set a time limit on it and you look and you don't find anything, then move on. It's your own issue, right? So I mean, when you're looking for it, so the thing is like, okay, so the whole thing is about snooping. If you mean, do you think it's right for people to like, I feel like in a way it's good to look for information, but also you're always gonna find something. Like there's always gonna be some ambiguous, weird XXO flirty text from someone, don't you think?

You're looking at the phone. If you're looking at your phone, yeah.

For sure. I don't want anyone ever looking at my phone.

That's why I delete, delete, delete, delete.

You delete all your texts?

Yeah, all the time.

Why? Because you have girls looking at your phone?

No, I don't even know whoever will look at my phone.

If you lose it like I did?

Yeah.

Okay, asking a lot of invasive questions is usually not a good way to go about discovering the truth. If someone is trying to hide something from you, they usually aren't going to go own up to it immediately. So you do resort to snooping, but there are ethical issues. But if you don't discover anything by a certain time limit, you just gotta let it go. So how do you deal with this jealous lover that you have? Okay, you got to deal with your fears and anxieties through communication. It's the same thing. It's not— a lot of times jealousy, like when I've been with jealous men, and I recently— I was last year when I was dating that crazy guy whose car I crashed by mistake. He was like so jealous about things that were just unfounded. Like, I, I know that I can be a flirt, but he was like making up stories in my— every time I was I was like, I'm sorry, I was at Whole Foods. Oh no, you were out. You know what I mean? The people who are like obsessively jealous, how do you deal with it? I mean, I think they're really hard people to deal with and they've got a lot of issues. And if you're willing to sit with this person and go to therapy and figure it out, but someone who's like obsessively jealous and, and is unfounded, it's a problem. So you don't wanna dismiss or discount their feelings. You wanna work with them on it, but you want them to get to the bottom of their feelings and not keep blaming you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It is really hard to deal with. Really hard.

You've had that?

Yeah, yeah, it's gotta— yeah, again, cut it off or go to therapy and try to work it out with them.

You do, I mean, you really do. And maybe someone cheated recently, or their past partner cheated. I mean, again, a lot of it is just like deep underlying issues, but I think that one of the key things is to really interpret things differently. Like, in your mind, if you are the one who's experiencing the jealousy and you feel like, I'm sort of obsessed with this jealousy, I sort of feel like it's taking over my life and I'm thinking about too much about stuff, you kind of and like, I've had to do that. Like, dating several— dating several people now, for example, not being in a monogamous relationship. You can— there are things that can happen that I can be like, oh, he's out with so-and-so, like I'm out with so-and-so. But I can think— I can think in my mind and go to the worst place and just think like, not really think about it and just be like, I'm being honest, he's being honest, and it's all fine. Like, I've learned to transcend jealousy.

Oh, you're above and beyond it.

When did this happen? It's been a a process that I've been working on.

Been working on? Uh-huh. So it's still going on?

Yeah, it still goes on, but I really just like flip it. I do, I flip it. I'm like, that's not happening, and I don't really care, and I'm awesome. I love myself. I love me.

Cool.

That's what we got.

Okay, that's it for the show today.

Yeah, that's it we got for jealousy. So everyone, don't be jealous, psycho person.

And I really like a couple things real quick.

Go ahead, man.

Sign off. number one, we're at the Stitcher Studios here in San Francisco. Stitcher.com, you can download the app and listen to the show on your smartphone, your Droid, your iPhone, and iPad, and all that kind of stuff on the go. I really enjoy talking to people on the phone. I know you just put the phone number now on the window, or people can go to the website and write it down. And then, uh, when we're having the show going on, give us a call. I want to talk to people.

We want to talk to you. Call us, we'll answer your questions. Okay everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.