Episode 280 - Whaddya Want (in bed)???

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that block sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cuz My man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry?

It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God. I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. Happy Free Friday. It's our Free Friday show for all of our loyal listeners. So thanks everyone for tuning in. As you know, you can listen live now Fridays one to every Monday through Monday. Tuesday every day but Wednesday. You can listen to the show from 1 to 2pm thanks to everyone for becoming a Friends with Benefits member. We so appreciate it. As a Friends with Benefits member, we answer Your emails right away. You get a lot of benefits. You get free Fire TV, 30 minutes free Fire TV when you become a friends with benefits member, Fyre TV and you just have to register with Fire TV and you get 30 minutes free of porn. It is the Netflix of porn. They're amazing. I'm so excited for today's show. Menace isn't here today. He's at the VMAs, so hopefully he'll come back having slept with a celebrity and tell us a story, but we don't know about that. That's just what I requested of him. So. But I'm so excited because I have intern Lauren here. She's a new intern on the show and she's going to be talking all about her sex life, sharing details, what women really want in bed. This is a series that I've been doing over the last few years. I don't know if you've caught any of these shows, but I kind of like. It's kind of like you're overhearing a conversation between two girlfriends just kind of talking about their sex life. So we're going to get into what turns her on, what makes her feel good, best sex she ever had, the mistakes guys are making the mistakes. You know, things that she's learned, masturbation, just everything, everything, everything. We're also, of course, going to do sex in the news and read your emails. Some of the topics of your emails include getting into the game, premature ejaculation, and how to touch a woman's breasts. Plus some sex in the news. So happy Friday. Oh, one more thing so important if you want three months free of sex with Emily, because right now, you know, we have a program called Friends with Benefits. We are charging for the show because we have to make a living doing it. And it's 495amonth, or it is 49.95 a year, 15 cents a day for the best sex of your life. It's worth it. However, if you want three months free of sex with Emily, all you have to do is like the Sex with Emily Facebook page page. And once you do that, every day, every day, one person will be randomly selected to win three free months. And if you're already a fan, you're totally eligible. The more active you are in our page right now, the more likely you'll be to be selected. And we'll send you a message on Facebook if you're selected. So go to my page. Go like it. Tell your friends to like it. Also, lots of announcements. Today, we are so Excited that we are. We are a finalist in San Francisco Weekly, is a local magazine in San Francisco. And we are selected as one of the top five podcasts in the Bay Area. And we would love, love, love your vote. All you have to do is go to sfweekly.com and you'll see a banner for their poll page and you click on it and we're number 20. We're item 20. Click on sex with Emily, press submit at the bottom. And we and you and you vote. You can vote as many times as you want. You can just sit there and keep voting all day if you want. If you have nothing else to do. I mean, it's Friday though. I don't know what you're doing. This weekend. I'm getting my clitoris rubbed for three days. I'm going on an orgasmic meditation retreat. We had a guest on the show a few weeks ago, Nicole de Doane. She's part of One Taste, which is an organization in San Francisco that I've been hearing about for years. And I've always been really intrigued by her orgasmic meditation practice. Basically, you massage the woman's clitoris and it's supposed to be very meditative. And I don't, I actually don't really know what it entails. Except for the fact that she's been on the show a few weeks ago and talked about it. I've never actually experienced it. So I'm going on a three, three day retreat. I'm giving it up. I don't know what it means. I don't know what's going to happen. All I know is that some strangers are going to be touching my clitoris, the quadrants of my clitoris. I always thought it's amazing if someone can just find the clitoris, but they're breaking the clitoris into quadrants. So I will report back on Monday and let you know everything that I learned and if I like it, if I don't like it, I don't know. But I figured, massaging my clitoris for three days, sign me up, why not, right? And it's for you, too. Because whatever I learn, you learn. So, okay, we have. Okay, what else do I want to say? What else do I have to tell you? Just that it's Friday and I hope you have a great weekend. I hope you have amazing sex this weekend and hopefully some of our sex tips today and this week have helped you. We've had a really amazing week of shows. So if you missed the shows, become a Friends with Benefits member, you've Got tons of shows to catch up on. We talked about yesterday about what makes a guy creepy, and hopefully you don't fall into that category. But if you want to know what we talked about on the show, you should go there and check it out. But we've also talked about awkward moments during sex. We've had some great shows lately, so if you've missed the shows, just become a Friends with Benefits member. It's 4.95amonth and we totally appreciate your support of the show, so thank you for that. Okay, sex in the news. Here we go.

Lots of sex in the news. Okay, this is kind of depressing. Finally, the cure for female masturbation. There's always these people who think masturbation is wrong. A group called Dirty Girl Ministries claims to treat women for porn addiction. But their definition of addiction appears to include what most people would deem completely normal. They seem to be convincing women that nearly all forms of sexual thought are dirty. 26 year old Krista Reynolds started Dirty Girls in 2009 after suffering from her own self described pornography addiction. The growing group of 100 plus members, which isn't that big, thank God, who participated in the forum, say that they masturbate or view porn twice a week or less. Really, that's not a big deal. These people should be finding something else to do. There should not be a cure for masturbation. Women should masturbate more to figure out what makes them feel good. Of course there is such thing as addiction to pornography. Doing it twice a week, not an addiction. The only doing it 100 times a day is not an addiction. Let me tell you that. How you know if you have an addiction to pornography or to anything is if it's ruining. If it's. If it's wreaking havoc on your daily life. Are you not able to go to work because you're masturbating with porn? Has it ruined your relationship? Are you no longer able to have sex because all you can think about is porn? Are you late to work? Are you doing it at work? Whatever it is, if it's having negative repercussions on your life, you have an addiction. Otherwise I don't know what these women are doing, but I mean, really, nothing wrong with porn. You should watch more porn. You should go to Fire tv. Fyre tv. We love them. Okay, this is hilarious. I had to read it like three times because I didn't even really know that this kind of thing existed. Both sperm spillage forces police to shut a Tennessee highway. Apparently a heavily trafficked Tennessee highway was shut down after police discovered four large canisters of bull semen on the road. Why are they transferring four canisters of bull semen? I wasn't sure either, but apparently they're on route to a breeding facility. But I just would not want to be driving through all that semen splashing onto my windshield. So I'm so glad I was not in Tennessee when this happened a few days ago.

Yeah, that's all there is to say about that. Bull semen does not sound good, does not sound attractive. Okay. The naked rambler. Stephen Goff was jailed again. So he's been jailed. So Stephen Goff had 60 seconds of freedom. The 52 year old Royal Marine was arrested outside Perth prison almost immediately after he was released from a 21 month sentence. You think, you think if you're in jail for 21 months you might have, you know, learned a thing or two? No. He was found guilty of breach of the peace at the court right after when he.

Got naked in court. So he had a contempt of court. He basically showed her up naked at his court date and he was put in jail for the same thing. So some people just want to be naked, I guess. And that's what happened to him. Okay, so we've got porn industry goes 3D to lift sagging skin flick sales. So the porn industry is suffering now because the Internet piracy is taking a major bite out of the bottom line and adult film producers are going through three dimensional effort to effort to lure paying customers. Well now they're thinking 3D porn is the way to dose. They've adopted 3D technology so they invested 1.5 million euros in the production of 100 3D films that are about 20, 30 minutes long. I've never seen a porn film in 3D, but I'm not sure. Like, can you imagine like the erections, 3D and the breast 3D. Like penises. Does it feel like the penis, like you could reach out and touch it? Do I want that? I don't know. I've never seen porn in 3D, but I appreciate their creativity. Okay, the harder they don't come. Findings from the largest ever study of orgasmic and ejaculatory dysfunction suggests that orgasmic dysfunction could be as prevalent among men as it is among women. The British Journal followed more than 12,000 men with mild to severe erectile dysfunction and found that two thirds of those men were unable to have an orgasm and more than half had problems with ejaculation. So a lot of them take medications like Viagra. And Cialis. And they've been successful in helping many of these men. But the study notes that it can also be caused because this is a huge. I get asked this question all the time about like premature ejaculation, orgasmic issues, orgasmic dysfunction. It can be caused by low testosterone and a minor brain injury such as that sustained by a motorcycle accident victims football player sufferings from concussion are soldiers by combat related head injuries. So that, you know, you might be taking Viagra, whatever, but you might have another issue. So I'm always saying you should get checked. Don't just pop the pills, get checked by your doctor. It's always a good thing to do. You know what I mean? Right? So, okay.

This is a return to crazy people in the world. There's a sex crazed loser. He crashes into an adult store and steals an $800 vagina.

I don't know. I don't know if he's like sitting. How do these things happen? Like, is he sitting around at home? He's like, that was a Hot 800 vagina I saw and I think I'm going to crash my car into the adult store and steal the vagina. And he did it. Okay. It was an 800 lifelike masturbator complete with female genitalia, legs and buttocks. Well, I guess it was pretty complete. It wasn't just a vagina. So maybe you would crash your car for that. The thief seemed to have had the expensive toy precisely in mind when he crashed his red stolen semi semi into the adult mart at around 2am Monday morning. He only got a quarter mile from the mart when police caught up to him, still in the truck. But with the sex toy missing, somehow he made a quick getaway on foot. And now local authorities are looking for him and the toy. You'd think they'd be able to find the toy and him, but I don't understand this at all. These people are crazy. You think? But I don't know, maybe he hasn't had sex in a while and he really wanted the 800 vagina. Clearly he did really want it. Okay. Meanwhile in Russia, there is a sex doll river race. Two sex doll stories today. I don't know what to make of it. What does it mean? What does it all mean? 800 spectators showed up at the 9th annual Bubble Baba 2011 challenge which took place near St. Petersburg. And participants stroked their way down the river rapids on male and female inflatable sex dolls. The entire event lasted three minutes. Like a lot of men I know. Just kidding. Okay. And Was conceived by organizer Dimitri someone. It started as a joke where the men got drunk and the women didn't show up. So it was a bunch of dudes on inflatable dolls going down the river. Sounds like a fun day. Sorry I missed it.

And more sperm stories. Swedish police. Swedish police have a sperm sniffing dog to help them find sexual predators. So these dogs are trained to sniff out semen. Now I just got a dog and I'm glad my dog's not trained to sniff out semen because the dog. When you have sex and they're there and you have sex in your room and it's on your bed and whatever, I wouldn't want my dog to sniff out semen. Not that there's a lot of semen in my house, I'm just saying. But that's what they're doing. Okay.

A Switzerland. This is interesting. We're always talking about sex ed on the show. Like there's not enough sex ed. There's too much sex ed. And wherever there is sex ed, you're always going to find people complaining about sex ed. But all I can say is we do need more sex ed in the world. More realistic sex ed. That's not like those old films from the 60s. And you know where you can learn real information. In Switzerland, kids ages 4 to 10 get their sex education with a wooden penis and a fabric vagina, which teachers use to show that contacting body parts can be pleasurable. Another part of this teacher's guide instructs kids to learn about pleasure while they rub themselves with warm sandbags while listening to soft music. That makes me a little nervous. I guess. The kids are sitting there clutching sandbags and rubbing themselves in the classroom. Age 4 to 10. So the Swiss are not happy about this. They're sending mean and angry letters to the government. Children should be encouraged to develop and experience their sexuality in a pleasurable way. And they're not happy about that. But I don't know if you want my kids sitting there with a sandbag listening to soft music. But I do think we need better sex education. I have no problem with the fabric vagina and the wooden penis, but I don't know about the listening to soft music. But I'm not gonna criticize. I'm just happy that there is sex education out there. So that's my sex in the news. That was a rapid fire sex in the news. And now we're gonna move into some emails. Yay, emails. And then did you hear that my sexy intern Lauren is going to be sharing all the intimate details of her sex life in just a few minutes. And these are the shows that I love to think. It's like. It's like the conversation overheard. It's like what you want to know about women's sex life that you were afraid to ask, that you didn't know that, that it's going to be really revealing and hot for. So just hang out for that. But first, we got to answer your emails. Thanks, everyone, for emailing me@feedbackexwithemily.com I love hearing from you. There's also really easy way to ask me a question on my website. There's the Q and A at the top bar. You click it, send me a question, I'll answer it. If you're a friends benefits member, your. Your emails go right to the top and we answer yours. And we love hearing from you. So thank you. Okay. Dear Emily, I love your show and I listen on my ipod often. I've been seeing a guy for almost a year now. He continues to tell me he likes me and is interested but needs baby steps. We spend time together, but every time we get to the bedroom, he can't get in the game. I attempt to make the best of it, and then I will go home and finish what I need to satisfy myself. He seems to have. He seems to have commitment issues. I don't feel that he is connected to me.

He says it is because his previous relationship had no sex and no touching. I made it clear that that is not me. I want to touch more. At times I think he tries, but other times I feel no connection from him. How long does a person tread lightly with a person trying to get into the game? He's not any medications and there's no drinking involved when the failure occurs. I've been more than open about what I want. Where do I draw the line? Thanks for all your help, Kathy. Kathy's a premium member from Evington, Illinois. Okay, so he can't get into the game. It sounds like he's a premature ejaculator because you're saying that there's a failure. So I'm assuming either he can't get hard or he's premature ejaculator.

And he has commitment issues and you don't feel connected to him intimately.

There's some issues here, Kathy.

Okay, the sexual issues. I'm glad that you told me. These are not any medications. He's not a heavy drinker because those two things really can impact orgasm issues in men. Premature ejaculation or inability to get an erection. There's steps that he can take. There's a great book called the Multi Orgasmic man that teaches men how to, how to deal with that. There's exercises you can do, there's masturbation techniques he can do where he gets himself right to the point of orgasm and then he stops. So you learn. So men can learn to know their own bodies when they. So men can learn when they're about to orgasm and then they can train themselves to stop at that point. There's a bunch of things. I'm actually going to get into that next with another email. I'm going to get really into premature ejaculation. But I don't like that there's no sex and no touching. I've been with men like that. It's really kind of cold. Like when there's men that have intimacy issues and they're not as warm and.

Cuddly as I like, let me just say I love to cuddle and to touch and I make excuses for those men because they're great in other ways. But honestly, if you. It sounds like a lot of your needs aren't getting met here. It sounds like intimately you're not. You don't have the intimacy you want. You don't have the sexual satisfaction you want. You're going home and pleasing yourself and you feel like he has commitment issues. So I'm not really sure if this is your dude. I mean, you've been dating him for a year. People can change, but they only change if they want to change. So you can try to talk to him about all these issues. And I don't know how old you are either. I don't think you said how old you are, but a lot of times, like, I don't know, Maybe in your 20s, 30s, like men have a lot of work to do. Women tend to mature faster than men.

Men.

And if he's ever had any, I don't know if he's had any therapy, but that can help men open up. You can try to open him up, but if he's already like telling you that he's got human issues, he's got some sexual issues and you feel no connection from him. I'm wondering what the benefits that you are but that you are feeling from this relationship. Like what are the good things? Because these seem to be in my book, major top of the list things that you need non negotiables and I want to know what the pluses are. So maybe you should do a little pro and con list. I've done that with Men, I'm like, pro. He's this, he's this, he's that. And sometimes the con list is really long. Like, what are the benefits that you're getting? Are you just kind of moving along? Because let me tell you this, Kathy, I just said this, but I'm gonna say it again, because if you're hoping that he's going to change, he is not going to change. Men don't change. Women don't change unless they want to change. Now, you can tell him and you can talk to him and you can say, I wish we were more connected, and I wish you touched me more, and I wish you please me more and all this stuff, but he doesn't really see the problem. And maybe you can convince him, and then he'll want to change. But if he's just kind of going along with emotions, and it's been a year, I mean, I would say. I'm not saying dump him. I'm saying try to talk to him. Try to express your needs to him. But if he doesn't come around, I give yourself a deadline. I give it like another two months. And you talk to him now about all these things, and if he doesn't change, then it's time to move on. Because life is too short to waste your time in a relationship where you're not getting your basic human needs met.

Okay, Kathy, thanks. Very thirsty today. It's Friday. It's hot in San Francisco. Finally. Okay.

And it's free Friday. You're all watching the show for free. Isn't this fun? Don't you wish that you could have sex with Emily every day? You can if you become a Friends benefits member. Every day but Wednesday and Saturday and Sunday. But it's awesome, so you're gonna really like it when you join. Okay. Dear Emily, thanks for the tips. I read. I read that you are some. You are some. You are an expert in so many sexual topics. I want to ask you about early ejaculation.

I'm pretty sure that any tip could help me with that. Besides Kegels. Thanks for your time, Esteban. Well, Kegels can help with that. Kegel exercises. I'm not sure why you said besides Kegels, but I'll just say that Kegel exercises are for men and women. And just real quickly, that is when you isolate your PC muscles, which is those P. Stopping muscles. So you know when you're going to the bathroom and you're peeing and you want to stop, and you stop and start and stop and start. That's that's the PC muscles. And you just learn to contract and release. You hold and you release, and you hold and release. And you do it. You hold for a second and you release. You hold, you release. I actually have an app called Kegel Camp. You can get it on your iPhone and it reminds you to do your exercises. And I've gotten so many emails. People have said that it's like, totally change their sex life. But if you don't want to hear about Kegels, I've got some more. I've got some more ideas for you first. Okay, before your penis even comes into play, we got to talk about anxiety reduction. A lot with premature ejaculation has to do with performance anxiety levels, because a lot of times we're just anxious. And anxiety has a lot to do with it. It's not like there's anything wrong with you. It's just that you're anxious about it because maybe in the past, you. You've been a premature ejaculator. So what happens is you're thinking, I'm going to ejaculate. Oh, my God. What if I ejaculate? Oh, my God. And there you go. And you ejaculated because you're afraid. So you fear around it and you're thinking. Anxiety, it's associated with. A lot of times, premature ejaculation is associated with infrequent sex, and men with low frequencies of sexual activity get extra excited and aroused, which can manifest in performance anxiety. When sex prevents itself. Even men with frequent sex get extra rows. So reducing anxiety is different for everyone. A lot of things that work is meditation, hypnosis, imagery, just like an athlete works out with a sports psychologist. You can do the same sexual imagery in the bedroom. So you can imagine positive sexual scenarios, envision your interactions, and what behaviors you would change. Imagery is like a positive mental plan. So you can, like, in your. In your mind, kind of picture, walk through the scenario that you would like to happen. Like, visualization is huge. Visualization is huge in our life. Visualization is really big. Like, if we're trying to picture our life goals and where we want to go, what we want to manifest in our life, like, the things that we want to happen. It's all about visualization. So if you can do some meditation and think about what you want it to be, that's something that can help you. Also helps. Talk to a partner or friend or a therapist about it. Don't keep it to yourself. Guys are not like chicks. Like, if girls were premature ejaculators I'd be like, hey, I just premature ejaculated. What do I do? We'd all be talking to our friends, we'd post it on Facebook. You guys don't talk as much. So this is why it's good to talk to a friend or therapist. There's also the start stop method, which I just mentioned in Kathy's email.

This is a tried and true tested method that really works for men. It's learning ejaculatory control and lasting longer. So what happens is a male stimulates his penis until he's ready to have an orgasm and then he stops. So why this self administrated torture you're training yourself to find when your ejaculatory inevitability occurs, your point of no return. So when is that point? When you're about to ejaculate and you can't stop yourself. So if you practice that during masturbation, you'll become really, really in touch with that. And then when you're having actual intercourse with someone, you'll be able to recognize that part of your body when you're about to orgasm and then you can stop yourself. And this also involves, so this is the moment. So basically it's a point of no return. The moment before when you're about to accept explode. So instead of ejaculating, you refrain from stimulation and allow the feeling of orgasm to subside, subside, so you can pull out. And people often squeeze their PC muscles at this point to help hold back the orgasm and ejaculation. Basically you're teaching your mind and body to get comfortable with heightened states of arousal and learning to stop the ejaculation. And also.

A lot of things to do with premature ejaculation have to do with masturbation. A lot of times masturbation is a learned form of behavior. So maybe you learn to masturbate really quickly because like you were afraid your mom was gonna come home or you lived in a house with a lot of kids and guys have like a fast track approach to orgasm and so to masturbation. So you know, you need to change your mentality of the way you masturbate. And it really is the best practice of sex. So try to take 20 minutes before allowing yourself to ejaculate. So this would mean you would be doing the start and stop method. So hopefully one of these will work for you. Oh, one more thing. Sex positions. Man on top more likely to orgasm. Women on top less likely to orgasm. So put the woman on top. Man on top. Also other Things are side to side. Spooning and rear entry. Doggy style is another way to kind of help prevent men ejaculating. But usually men ejaculate easier when they're on top. So hopefully some of those tips helped you. Those were a lot of tips. I'm feeling very tip friendly today. Okay. Hey, Emily and Menace. I love the show. I found you in itunes about a year ago when I was looking for podcasts about. Wait for it, sex. Imagine that. He was searching for sex and he found us. We are top podcasts on itunes and you should go review us right now. As a side note, review us on itunes and give us five stars if you feel like it. Okay, so he found us on itunes. My fiance has glorious boobs. So glorious, in fact, that she turned me from a buttman to a boob man. She's never really told me what she likes for breastplate, so I'm very interested in hearing about it so I can surprise her with a few new tricks. Also, her absolute favorite thing is when I go down on her while inserting a finger or two. So I'd love to hear more about fingering. So how about a show dedicated to breastplay and fingering? A foreplay extravaganza. Love that idea. Let's write that down and do a show on that.

Lastly, I know this has played out, but I really don't understand why there is a hand job debate. Any guy who thinks it feels better to do it himself should stay home to play with himself and leave all the willing ladies to those of us who enjoy the touch of a woman. Keep up the great work. Don from New York City. Wow. This is Chuck Full. Don. Lots here. We got lots to tackle here. So first, let's just take it in order. Boom, boom, boom. Your wife, your fiance has glorious breasts. Awesome. And turned you into a breast man. That's so cool. What are some tips? Start slow. Here's the thing. A lot of men are like, wow, boobies. I want to, like, pinch them and squeeze them and pull them and knead them and. No, start slow and soft. Anytime you want to touch the breast, you want to start slow and soft. Because it's different for every woman. She might like nipple clamps eventually. She might like all that stuff. And a lot of women actually can orgasm through their breasts. So I would just start by asking her, like, what feels good? What feels good? Does this feel? And you can just start by I mean literally licking, sucking, squeezing, pinching. All women are different. So, you know, cupping your hands and don't Ignore. A lot of men do this. This is annoying. This is a pet peeve of mine. They just touch one breast. They're like, oh, one breast is enough. Touch both breasts. Not. It doesn't have to be the same time, but pay attention to them. Use your mouth, use your fingers. You know, wet your fingers like new saliva on your fingertips and, like, make circles around her nipples and have her nipples get hard. That is the second most common orgasm is women through their nipples. So honestly, tips, I don't know. Put whipped cream on them, lick the whipped cream off. That would probably feel amazing to her. But don't do it on her vagina because it's not good to put sugar in the vagina because she'll get a bacterial infection. And maybe you can eventually advance. Maybe she does, like, more pulling. So what I'm saying is start slowly with some light pinching, light nibbling, light sucking, like, light. Okay. Do you hear me? Light. Five times lighter than you think you should do. It's five times lighter than you want to do is what you should start with. And she might tell you. Like, ask her, say, what do you want? Like, does that feel good? Would you like it harder? Like, talk her through it. And she might not even know. She might not have. She's.

She.

She might have glorious breasts, and I'm. That's amazing. But she may never have had a man who really took the time to understand her breasts. So she might not even know. It makes herself feel good. So I look at this as like a journey you can take together with her breasts to explore what makes her feel good. But all those things like sucking, nippling, nippling, sucking, pinching, lightly, lightly biting could all feel good for her. Okay, so you want to talk about fingering? You'd love to hear more about fingering. Okay. Fingering. Some women can orgasm that way. You can reach the G spot that way. A lot of women. Which is. Which is. It's located in the upper two thirds of the vagina. And we've done a bunch of shows on the G spot. Hopefully you know where the G spot is. But that's how a lot of women can orgasm. And it might not be the first or second time. It's when you. It's like when you. When you do find it, it might make her feel good. It might make her feel like she has to pee. But a lot of women like G spot stimulation. So you could try to. You and her. You and she can try to have a little G spot locator weekend. A lot of Women like really hard pressure. They want, like, tons of fingers in there, and they want, like, three fingers, and they want hard and fast. They can't necessarily orgasm that way maybe, but they really, like, think it feels good. Some women just want you to, you know, touch them on their clitoris. It sounds like she likes to insert a finger or two. That sounds great. I would explore with three fingers, four fingers, if you want to explore. I would start with. I would. Again.

It sounds like if she likes it when you insert a finger, that. Again, it might be about the G spot. So maybe I would try to, like, make sure you find her G spot and you guys can do that together. And lastly, the hand job debate. So if you're just joining us and you haven't heard about the hand job debate, it's been going on with Menace and I for about three years now now. And since he's not here, I'm going to tell you the truth about it. Here's the hand job debate.

So one day we were talking on the show about hand jobs, and I thought hand jobs is something that you kind of do in high school when you're younger, and then you kind of move on to blow jobs and you stop giving hand jobs. And I was like, I want to bring back the hand job. I think that women should start giving men hand jobs more, because hand jobs, like, you guys give yourself hand jobs, you masturbate, but if you use lots of lube, it can feel, like, amazing. Okay? It can feel so good for a guy, and you can use two hands. Women can do, like, all these different things to a man's penis that he doesn't normally do because he's usually doing masturbating the same way. So I said, let's bring back the hand job. Like, let's just. Let's just have women start giving hand jobs now. I was not saying. I was not saying he's gonna hate me if he hears because he's got a whole other theory. But I was not saying that you should stop performing oral sex, and I wasn't saying you should stop having intercourse. I was saying it's a nice accoutrement. It's something that you should add to your sexual repertoire, that you should throw in a hand job every once in a while, grab some lube and do it. And I think it's fun, and I think that people stop doing it after a while. Mendes thinks, on the other hand, that a woman can never give as good of a hand job as a guy can. And so what's the point. And I think that's stupid. I think that's just like, why not just, okay, maybe your hand job dude is the best. But what if hers feels really, really good? And I love that. Don from New York City agrees with me. He says the man that feels. The man that thinks that it feels better to do it himself should stay home, play with himself. So I agree. And maybe they're not for everyone, but how could you not want a woman with lots of lube touching your penis? I'm not saying, like, stop doing blowjobs. That's my story. That's the handout debate. If you'd like to come back into the handout debate. It went on for years. We've been, like, answering literally hundreds of thousands of emails about it, but it hasn't come up in a while. So now I feel like I'm stimulating it again. But I would like to bring the hand job back if it's been gone. Maybe it's been. Maybe. Maybe it's been in your life. Maybe you have had hand jobs and that's awesome. But a lot of women maybe forget to do the hand job. So I'm just saying, reminder, do a hand job, give a hand job. Okay, what time is it here? Okay, so I think we've got time for one more email here. Okay.

Okay.

Hi, Emily Menace. I love the podcast and I always look forward to your advice every day in all things sex and relationships. I'm very inexperienced in relationships, so please excuse me if the situation sounds silly. I've been interested in this girl I met at work. We texted each other every day for the past couple months. I eventually told her how I felt about her, and she felt the same way about me, except she wanted to take things slow because her last relationship ended very badly. As weeks went by, she had been very distant. As weeks went by, she was very distant. Every time we talked, it was about all the problems she's going through. We've never been on a date. Despite my efforts to get her to go with me, there's always an excuse not to go. I asked her if she's still interested in me, and she says she does not know what she wants. Her indecisive answer leaves me feeling that maybe something could develop later on. I really like this girl, but I don't know what to do. Any advice, guys? Keep up the great work. Darren from Toronto. He is a Premium Friends with Benefits member and we are answering his email now because that's what we do. When you're a Premium Friends with Benefits Member? Okay, here's the deal, Darren. Uh, she wants to take things slow. There's always an excuse not to go. She doesn't know what she wants, and she's complaining to you about all the problems in her life. She sounds like a real treat. She doesn't sound that great. I understand that you have a crush on her. I understand that. But she's getting out of a relationship, and she's making excuses, and you've never been on a date, and she's always an excuse. So I would just have to say she's just not that into it right now.

I would say that you need to diversify and start dating. And don't be hung up. It sounds like you might be a little borderline obsessed with her right now. And I would just say that you've tried. You've asked her out, you have. You worked together, you've been texting her. You told her how she felt. Okay, she tells you she felt the same way, but she wants to take things slow. And now she never wants to make plans with you. So either A, she's lying, or B, that's true. But even if she wants to take it slow, you're a young. You're a virile male. You probably want to go out and start dating. So I would say don't put all your eggs in one basket. And in fact, she might find this more attractive if you just start dating and you're out there. I wouldn't obsess about it too much because people are pretty truthful in their actions. And her actions are saying, I'm not available. She's saying, I'm not open for business. Now she's saying, I like you. And if that's true, she's not open for business. So you can't force it. And in fact, by trying to force it, and if you keep texting, you keep asking her out, it might kind of annoy her a little bit, and she might not like you anymore, because sometimes women get a little annoyed when guys are a little too pushy. So. And then you said you asked her if she's still interested in you, and she said, I don't know what I want. So I kind of feel like we have to listen to what people say. It's so funny because sometimes, like, I had a guest on the show recently, and he was saying, you know what, Emily? He's a dating coach. And he said, you know, I had someone say to me once.

He had a woman say to him once.

Tell me what this means. I'm Dating a guy and he said to me, I don't want a relationship. What do you think he means by that? The woman asked. He doesn't want a relationship. The answers are there. They're telling you what they want. She's telling you she's not sure if she's still interested in you. So I'm saying it might be time to move on and just to like, I know it hurts, it's hard, harsh, move on. But just start seeing other people, keep yourself busy and kind of step away. I would, I would start to pull back. I wouldn't keep texting her and asking her anymore. I think you've done that and I think it's time to take care of yourself. And she's not going to change that much. So that's what I got for you. Those are our emails for today. And right now. Yay, sexy intern. Lauren, come over here. This is what this is. This is when we talk about. Okay, Lauren. Okay, come over here. So this is what we do. This is the deal. I've done several shows like this. I haven't done it since we've been doing the Friends with benefits show. But I think that we are all interested, men and women, in learning about the sex lives of women because we're fascinated by it. Right. It's complicated. Like men, not that we don't want to learn about your sex life, but women, we've got a lot to share and I kind of feel like these shows are.

Just kind of like you're overhearing a conversation between, between two women talking about what makes them feel good, what turns them on, how they learned about sex, how they learned about masturbation. And Lauren here is going to share that with us. Hi, Lauren.

Hello, Emily.

How are you?

Good, how are you?

I'm good. Are you excited?

Yes.

How are we doing? Are we both on camera? Let's look. It's hard to tell because we don't have other people in here right now.

What do you think?

Looks good?

I think, I think we look friggin great.

Okay, so I'm glad that we have this topic because you don't know how many times I wish I could hear just how guys talk about sex.

I know, me too. Do they talk about one? But you know what Mena said yesterday? You weren't here. But he said that guys don't talk about sex.

I don't believe that.

They're like, I banged her. This is what this is. They say I banged her. I didn't bang her. I'd like to bang her or I want to bang her friend. I think that's all the guys talk about. But women, we get into it. I'm like, with all my friends, I'm like, how do you orgasm? Were you on top? Were you on bottom, Was it clitoral? Did he come? Like, don't you think with your girlfriends you get into it all?

Oh yeah. My girls know every probably a lot more than they should.

They do.

I feel like a lot of girls have those though.

And so we want is your experience that you think that men do talk about sex more.

I feel like they do. Because, you know, sometimes, you know, people let things slip and it's like, how would you know that?

Right, Exactly. But I think this is a great thing to do because I think that men, I think it's a great way to learn from a real woman about sex and what to do, what turns her on. So we're just gonna just throw out some questions, we're just gonna start a conversation and just, just, just, just hang out with us, hang out with us for a little bit. Because it's Free Friday on Sex with Emily. Okay, so first tell me, how old are you?

I am 20. I'm 20 years old and I go to college here in San Francisco.

Okay, 20 years old, that's awesome. Okay, now how did you first learn about masturbation or when did you first masturbate?

I feel like I was pretty old. I feel like I really didn't do it until I was 16.

Okay, that's not, that's, that's pretty good. And how did you, did you have an orgasm? Did you use your hands?

So I didn't orgasm. And I thought for the longest time I was one of those girls who hasn't yet reached orgasms. Pre orgasmic, I guess is the word, right?

Pre orgasmic.

So I was so nervous and so scared, I actually bought my first sex toy because of that.

Yeah, got it. So the sex toy is what helped you have an orgasm?

Actually, no, because I wasn't sure how to use it at the time.

Oh, wow.

I had my first orgasm after I thought I would never have an orgasm. I kind of just gave up and I had it with the guy I was dating.

Wow. Wow.

Yeah, we celebrated with a little cupcake with an O on it.

That's awesome. Now, was it during intercourse?

Yes, it was. Yeah, I believe it was like G spot orgasm.

Wow.

Which I hear is not as easy as the closest.

No, you hit the, you hit the friggin orgasm jackpot.

I did.

Your first orgasm was A G spot orgasm, I think. I don't want to talk to you anymore. I think this interview's over. I'm done. That's awesome. Okay, that's good. That it is rare for women to have G spot or so. So since then, have you. Is that how you continue to orgasm?

Yeah, I didn't have a.

An orgasm from like clitoris stimulation until much later.

Okay.

Yeah.

So you can have both kind of orgasms?

Yeah. I've never had a breast orgasm.

I know. Don't you want one?

I want to see what that's like.

I know. I have several friends who can do it. Like, it's the second most common. It's the second most common type of orgasm is a breast orgasm. And I want one so bad. And I have a lot of friends who can. Not a lot, but a few friends who have it. And I think that would be amazing. I. I almost had one once.

Really? How long ago was that?

A few years ago, this guy that I. I wasn't even that into and I don't know what happened, he just kept playing with my breasts, playing with my breasts, playing the breasts. And I. I didn't have one, but I felt like I was close, so. But yeah, I would love that. So how did you. Okay, so how old were you when you lost your virginity?

I was 18.

So not that long ago.

I know, it's great because I feel like, you know, every experience is like a whole new learning. Yeah, everything's new.

Everything's new.

It's still new, but.

Right, of course.

You're 20. Jesus. Okay, so you lost your virginity and you had an orgasm the first time. Was that when you.

No, not the first time. Oh, that would be so nice.

Yeah. Then I'd really end the show.

Right now I feel like everyone just feel like off. No.

Thankfully the guy I was with happened to have been quite the ladies man, which is sometimes a good thing because he was really into the other person, so to speak. He was really into pleasing me.

Right.

So he was one of those few guys who goes out and researches and researches and finds out what's good and tests it out.

Love it.

It was amazing. I got really lucky. I feel like.

So what did he do that was so, like, what were his tricks and tips that we could share with people? That he did? It was kind of unique and special. You can think he was really.

He never kind of bumbled around. He knew exactly what he was doing. Like, there was always so much confidence in him, which is probably my favorite part of a partner now.

Oh, my God. Confidence.

Especially, like, when they have this confidence in bed, right? It's so attractive. It turns me out so much.

I know. It's so attractive. And so many men don't. That's why they listen to the show. Now. What do you mean by confidence? What exactly did he do? Like, if you give me one thing, did he know how to touch your clitoris? Did he know how to touch your breath? Did he kiss well? What did he do?

Surprisingly, he wasn't even that good of a kisser.

Yeah, sometimes they're not.

Yeah, but, like, I did not mind in the least right after.

So what did he do that was so. That he made.

What?

What did he do? This is a good way. You said that confidence in bed is. And that is so true that you do. We do polls on this all the time. Like, the thing. The number one thing that women find sexy about a man is confidence. So you just, like, nailed it. Like, that is what I've interviewed porn stars, I've interviewed, whatever, and they're all like, confidence. What is that confidence? What did that look like to you?

To me, it was like he would, like, he would try these new positions, like, just right off the bat, like, no hesitation, just, you know, like, never pushing boundaries unless, like, we talked about it.

Right?

But.

Like, I remember we were talking one day, just hanging out, and I was wearing this cute little outfit. I was about to go out, and he was just, like, sitting down on the bed. He's like, I can't even deal with this right now. I was like, what are you talking about? He, like, stands up, goes past me, like, throws the door closed and just grabs me.

And he was just like, that's so hot.

It's so hot.

All women want to be, like, grabbed sometimes and thrown against the wall and rip our clothes off. Don't you think?

Yes.

And guys don't do that enough. Not all the time. I'm not saying rape. I'm not saying, like, inappropriate, but I'm saying there's nothing hotter than a guy being like, I want you now. I have to have you. Like, if you're wearing a little skirt and he just, like, pulls up your skirt and just kind of. Ah, it's hot.

It's hot. It's so hot.

Why don't guys do that enough?

I have no idea.

Guys do that more. Not every time, but, like, women want to feel adored. We want to feel desired. We want to feel. We want to feel worshiped and cherished.

Yeah, I didn't really appreciate it at the time.

Right. And then later, it's never gonna happen again.

No. I was dating this guy, and, like, he once asked me, like, oh, can we have sex? And I was just like, what? Like, what? You just gonna ask? Just like that.

What do you mean? He said, can we still have sex?

No, like, can we just have sex? This is someone else. This is later in life. He was just so timid and so, like, unsure. And with the first guy was talking about, every sexual encounter was a seduction. Like, he never hinted that we were gonna have sex. He never like anything like that. It was just more of, like. It was always just him, you know, making moves, like, so. Like, you know, slowing down the voice, like, getting close. Like, never sleazy, never creepy. Like yesterday's show.

Are you a creep?

Listen to yesterday's show. You might be. So. So what happened to this guy?

He loved the sound of his voice more than anything else.

I can't relate to that at all.

He kind of went a little too far with the confidence, but.

Okay. But it was a good start.

It was. I. It was so good that even after all the, you know, breaking up, I can still respect the fact that he was awesome in bed.

Okay. That's great that you had such a good experience.

Oh, yeah. I didn't even realize how good it.

Was until, like, until you've had bad. Right. Until you have bad sex, you're like, oh, yeah, that was really good. Damn, it's hard.

But we have.

As women, we have to, like. We have to teach men and tell them what feels good, and they have to be receptive. A lot of men, you know, men don't like asking for directions. Like, they don't want to hear from you. Like, they don't want to hear directions. So what about performing oral sex on a man? Do you like it?

I like it. I like.

A lot of guys think that women don't like it, and they're like. They're like, okay, here I go.

Yeah, no, I. I think it's great because, I mean, it may not give, like, women pleasure, like, you know, sexually, like, at the time, maybe, like, mentally. Yeah. But I think it's great because you're in control. You're the one giving the guy. You're into all this pleasure. It's. It's all you're doing.

Right?

That's. It's.

And guys love it.

Yeah. You're controlling that.

Right.

I love that.

Right. So what would you say turns you on the most, like, during sex? Is there something like a body part or something guy can do like, kiss your ear or is there something that a guy does that just, like, rocks your world?

I love it when a guy gets really.

Hands on art, I guess. How do I say this?

Uses his fingers or just touches your body all over?

I don't want to say rough, but I kind of like. I love it. I get so turned on when, like, all of a sudden, yeah, we are up against the wall.

I know. It is so awesome.

So, like, you know, cinematic, like theatrical, but still, like, sexy.

We want men to be men sometimes. We want you to take control. And we don't want to be timid. And we don't want to ask if it's okay. If we have. Want you to, like.

Throw us against the wall, can we. Have we made that clear? Okay. So do you have fantasies? So you masturbate now?

Yes.

Okay. Oh, Lauren is going to be doing a sex toy review, thanks to adam andeve.com. let me just thank you at Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve sponsors our intern sex toy review days. And we're going to have you probably do it next week. But let me just say something about Adam and Eve before we get into your masturbation story is that Adam And Eve rocks. Adamandeve.com if you go there, you get 50% off most items. Plus, they've like, hundreds of thousands of sex toys. They have games, they have laundry, they have movies, they have DVDs. Everything you want for sex life. 50% off. 50% off most items. Three adult DVDs, plus a free gift and free shipping. And all you have to do is enter coupon code Emily at checkout. So do that right now. Thanks. Okay, back to masturbation.

So how often do you masturbate?

Well, now that I broke up with my boyfriend, probably.

Like once every other week.

Once every other week.

Okay.

Women don't masturbate as much. Are they going. Do you feel like you go in phases sometimes?

Yeah, I go in phases. Like, I've had times where it's been like, like three months. I haven't masturbated. I have times where it's like, been like three times a week.

Right, right, right, right. And do. Do you use a sex toy or do you use your hands?

Well, ever since I got this fabulous new sex toy From Adam and Eve.com, i've been using that, and that has just changed everything.

What was it? What is the toy? We can do a little preview of the toy.

It was called the Underwater Jackrabbit.

The Underwater Jackrabbit. So you know the rabbit. Everyone from Sex and the City.

The rabbit.

This is, like. This is like, on the. The under. This is like the rabbit on steroids.

Yeah, it really was nocturnal rabbit there. What's it? Nautical. There we go.

Nautical, right? Because it's underwater. It can be. It's waterproof.

Yeah. I was kind of nervous at first. Like, I didn't know if that's, like, should I bring this electronic device in the tub with me?

Right, right, right. But it totally worked.

Oh, it was awesome. It changed the experience. Yeah.

Wow. So you had, like, powerful orgasms and stuff from that.

But I had to, like, keep it down low, though. Roommates.

Roommates. Masturbation with the roommates. Tough with the roommates. I know. There's actually silent. You can actually search by this when you go to buy your toys at Adam and Eve. Right now, as you're doing, you can search by toys that are silent. If you want silent toys. Maybe we'll get you that next.

It was pretty quiet for.

Like, it had two settings. Vibrating. And then. I guess we'll talk about that next week.

We'll talk about that next week. We'll get into it. But when you're masturbating, do you fantasize? What do you think about?

Yes, you do?

What do you think about?

It really changes sometimes. Like.

Usually it's like a guy that, like, I haven't had sex with.

Oh, like someone that you want to have sex with.

Yeah.

Okay.

But. And then it's been times where it's like, someone you have.

But do you need to fantasize to orgasm?

No, I don't need to fantasize.

Okay.

Yeah.

Just curious about that. And are there. Are you dating now?

I'm actually going on a first date tonight.

Oh, you are?

So it's been, like, my first date in a while, like, since I did break up with that last guy.

Oh, my God, that's so exciting.

Very excited.

Do you know what you guys are doing?

I have no idea yet. He's gonna call me after I get off. Sorry. And he hit me up this morning.

Okay.

Said he's excited.

Oh, that's good. I like when guys are like, I'm psyched to see you. I don't. Like, the guys are, like, playing games and whatever, but he's like, I'm psyched to see you tonight.

Because he said he. He messaged me yesterday, and he was like, so, like, I'll call you tomorrow and we'll talk about, like, what we're gonna do. And I was like, okay. And then, like, you know, I was Getting kind of nervous. I was like, what if he, like, what if he doesn't call? And the fact that he, like, hit me up, he's like, hey, I'm excited about tonight. It's like, okay, so I know this is for sure.

You know, it's for sure. That's awesome. What made you. What? Why are you attracted to this guy?

He's really cute and he is 6 4. I love that.

I love that too.

So I like tall guys.

How tall are you?

I'm 5 11.

Are you? That's awesome. See, I'm only 5 2, but I love tall men. Love tall. Okay, so what do you think is the worst move a guy can make?

The worst move?

Like, have a guy ever done anything? And you're like, really? Like, is there anything? Even if it's like a.

Yeah. Like, it doesn't have to be even a sexual thing, but just like.

On a date. Or is there something bad, like a turn off, like a guy, Something that a guy does. It totally turns you off.

As soon as a guy gets kind.

Of like, whiny, I want to say, oh, okay.

Oh, my God. Biggest. Biggest turn off. Like, as soon as he starts, like, complaining or thinks that he can't do something. To me, thinking that you can do something is like the ultimate, like, pussy. Why am I wasting my time with someone who has no confidence in themselves?

Exactly. So that's what we're saying. It's a flip side of confidence, you know, so important. Right. So would you. What would you say is a good. Oh, wait, I was gonna ask you. There's one more thing. What was I just thinking to ask you.

Okay. What would you say is. What would you say is your bigger turn? Your biggest turn on?

Turn on.

Copy. Throwing you against the wall.

Yeah, that was great. But if it's someone that I haven't had sex with and you know, things are just starting, probably the biggest turn on would be that kind of, like, underlying, like, mystery about how it's gonna be. Like, they don't really leave all their cards on the table.

Exactly.

Open about everything. You kind of have that you're holding something back and it's like, what is that?

That's what they say, like seduction and chemistry and all that stuff and how you maintain that in a relationship. Because a lot of times after you're with someone for a few months.

Months.

Sex life wanes. And it's like when you still keep your cards a little bit close to you and you still keep that mystery. That mystery is what is so. Can be so hot. So, okay, what is. Do you have any good dating tips? Have you gotten really good dates or like, you were like, wow, that was an awesome date.

I really haven't been on that many great dates.

Like.

Maybe tonight.

Yeah, hopefully. I. I went on a date once, I ended up in a graveyard. I don't know how that happened.

Did you go on a second date with him?

No.

No. Okay.

But hopefully tonight. We're keeping fingers crossed.

I can't wait to hear about it. I almost feel like you need to report on Monday now because everyone's gonna be curious what happens on your date. So you gotta tune on Monday. Okay. Do you.

What else is gonna ask you? There's so many things. Oh, what about when a man performs oral sex on you? How do you feel about that?

That. So I'm not. In all honesty, I'm not completely comfortable.

That totally makes sense. Younger women. I wasn't either when I was your age. I. Yeah, I think it's common. Not comfortable.

Yeah, like, I like it, like once I. It depends on, I guess, the situation, like when we're really into it, then, yeah, it's great. But sometimes I'm just like, okay, is.

It because you feel like he doesn't want to do it or it's not. You feel like it's like not clean or not. I'm sure you're clean, but you know, you know, women have. I just remember when I was 20, same thing, I was dating a guy and he went. And I was like. I remember it was like the first time, I was probably 20, when a guy performed oral sex. I mean, I was freaked out.

I think it's. It has a lot to do with the guy who's doing it though. Like some guys, like, like for girls, like, do you like when a girl is. Just looks like she's, you know, doing manual labor when she's giving you oral sex?

Like, right.

You like when she's into it, right?

We want your, like, whole thing in there. We want you to be really into it.

And it's not good when they don't know what they're doing.

I know.

They just think, okay, all I have to do is like, you know, go wild down there.

Right? Or you know what the worst is when they do it for a minute and it's like, why did you even bother when you could have been like getting me a glass of water or something at this moment? Like, why did you even go down for a minute? We need like 10 minutes. I hate that. That's just a little pet peeve. I have. So have you ever hooked up with a woman?

A woman?

I think it's a yes because she hesitated. You don't have to go there with.

Me, but I had an interesting experience.

Okay.

And. Yeah.

That's all you can say? That's all you have to say about it. Okay. I think that. I think, you know, we're almost done here. You're awesome. Thank you so much for sharing.

That was fun.

Isn't it fun? Do you love being an intern or what? On text with Emily?

Being an intern for you? Yes, with Sex with Emily.

I love having you. Thank you so much for sharing, Lauren. I appreciate it. And hopefully everyone learned a lot about sex and what pleases a woman. And thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. And remember, go vote for us@the sfweekly.com their poll. It says poll. There's a banner, you click on it, you go to number 20 and you click on Sex Emily and you click submit. And we're going to win also, if you want, because we're the best podcast in the Bay Area, we should win. And if you want three months free of Sex with Emily, just go to our Facebook fan page and check it out and like us. And we will be sure to. We might win three months free of Sex with Emily. Have a great weekend. Seriously, go have some awesome sex and enjoy it. Enjoy the last few days of summer. So thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com there's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep.

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