Episode 295 - Walk of Shame

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"Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they called them in a bygone day." "Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend?

'Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute." "A girl's gotta have her standards." "Oh my." "Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge?" "What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks?" "Can we not talk about sex so much?" Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can see all the cool shit happening on our website.

Wow, just off the gate.

I'm swearing. I kind of never swear. Sometimes I do lately. I can't help it. Um, we've got polls, we've got podcasts, we've got a whole— we've been doing daily shows, and today's Free Friday. I love free Fridays. Feels so good. It feels so liberating.

I like it.

Free Fridays. I like it too, Manis. Good to see you.

Because I'm very excited for the weekend all the time.

I know. I woke up this morning and I leaped out of bed. I was like, it's Friday! So happy. Because every day I wake up and I open my eyes and I'm like, is it Saturday? And it's not. Tomorrow's almost— it's almost here.

Yeah.

So I'm very excited. Um, today's show we have a guest. I'm very excited. Cunning Minx. She's the host of Poly Weekly. Very popular podcast. And we're gonna be calling her in a little bit. She's gonna be talking all about polyamorous relationships, you know, my favorite topic, and jealousy, how to overcome it, her recent trip to Burning Man, all the things she did and experienced, and she's super fun, and we're gonna chat shortly. And we've also been doing shows all week, so if you want to check that out, hopefully you become a Friends with Benefits member. We're giving away free Friends with Benefits memberships to everybody who likes our Facebook fan page, Sex with Emily, so please go do that. And if you've already liked it, you are eligible. So, uh, do that. We've also got our sponsors, Adam and Eve. We love Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve, go to adamandeve.com for all your sex toys, sex needs, lingerie, DVDs, anything you need. Go to adamandeve.com, use coupon code EMILY at checkout, you get 50% off most items, 3 adult DVDs, special gift, free shipping. They're awesome. Hopefully you'll support them ASAP because it's the weekend. Get a sex toy. I have so many sex toys that I have these new drawers. Remember I told you about my new bed that I got?

Yeah.

So I got this bed, which is awesome, and it's like, because I have a really— my apartment doesn't have a lot of storage, so it's a storage bed, right? So it's like having 2 dressers. I've got 12 new drawers, and I know that might not sound exciting to anybody if you have a lot of dresser drawers, you have a lot of space, but I live in San Francisco and I don't have a lot of storage, so I can have 2 full drawers just devoted to my sex toys, just filled with my sex toys, and they're all laid out.

Is it already full?

Yeah, they're full.

So you can't put any more in there?

Uh, not really, no. But they all have like chargers and things. Like, I tried to make them really organized. Like, I sort of became obsessed. I sort of became obsessed. Yeah, like Jimmy Jane toys are awesome. I love Jimmy Jane vibrators. They've got great little chargers. You can't even— they're beautiful. You can't even tell that it's charging, and it's like this really cool thing. So those are great vibrators as well. So, um, I've been doing that, organizing my house with a new bed. Very exciting.

I just came up with a million-dollar idea.

Like I always do. Go, go, go.

What about solar-powered sex toys? Don't have to charge them.

Yeah, we know what the bummer would be. The bummer would be if it just didn't somehow get its charge and it died right when you're about to go over.

I was trying to be so green, so San Francisco.

There probably are solar-powered—

no way there isn't. But I always, you know, come up with an idea and somebody sends an email.

That's true. So let us know, are there solar-powered vibrators? I know there's green vibrators and that stuff that's more healthy for you and stuff like that. Um, but, um, yeah, I've got a lot. I realized I've got all my sex— it's like my— I'm proud of like my, my collection.

I never see them when I go over.

I mean, I don't want to see them, but you don't want to see them? Yeah, I would show them to you now that they're all displayed beautifully in my new bed. Yeah, so it's exciting. And, um, it's Friday, so I am— I'm hosting a fundraiser tonight. If you live in San Francisco, there's a woman named Joanna Reiss running for mayor. I endorse her, and it's going to be at Ro Nightclub from 6:30 to 8:30 on Howard and 3rd. Anyone's welcome to come.

How classy.

Isn't that classy? Yeah, I'm classy.

I've been seeing the invite here and there and on a few places.

So you're gonna come?

It should be, uh, I think Rose by my house, isn't it?

No, it's on Howard and Third, across from the W Hotel.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm gonna do that. That's what I'm doing tonight, and then I'm gonna go out with a bunch of friends later because a lot of my friends are going to be there.

Sweet.

I've already got drinking and doing crazy stuff. Wow, I'm really ready for the weekend. It's been a long week.

Long week.

Yeah. How about you? What are you gonna do?

Um, this weekend, well, I'm gonna go Pixar today. You watch a movie called Drive. Okay, that's early.

Pixar like every week.

Yeah, because they have movie screens there all the time. I get invited and it's amazing. If anybody sees a position where they can apply for a job there, I strongly encourage you to do it. It's a really awesome, really cool company. Yeah, I unfortunately I'm not smart enough to work there because their jobs are just— it's so amazing.

You just don't have those skills. You're plenty smart, menace.

Yeah, yeah, I just don't have the skills required to work there, right? If I did and I was able to get a job there, I would work there in a heartbeat, right? Of course I would still do the Sex and Emily Show, but you always will do Sex and Emily.

Yeah, until we're like really old and not having sex anymore.

Yes.

Right, but you're not really having sex now.

Yeah, I'm celibate.

You're not celibate. So yeah, that's cool. And then I'm gonna work— I am, it's lame, but I'm gonna work during the day this week and then I'm gonna go out tomorrow night with a friend who has 2 kids and I never see her and we're gonna do like a girls' night out. Cool. Can't wait. Yeah, it's gonna be super fun.

Yeah, I am. Maybe I'll just share with you, there's another thing that I want to work on, you know, that I don't do enough, but everything that I do is towards radio, and I kind of just want to have like a project that's not radio-oriented.

And what are you doing?

Um, I think I want to get involved— you're gonna laugh at me— but something with, uh, cooking. Cooking and video.

Really?

Yeah, because I, you know, I have this huge video background, but I never really get to use it outside of radio.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I'm just always editing interviews and stuff like that. And you know me, I love food. And why just put two together?

So, so you're gonna start doing cooking, but where you get, like, in your apartment?

Yeah, in my apartment.

So you really know how to cook?

Yeah, it's gonna be like—

I like don't believe that you know how to cook.

It's gonna be like a couple months from now because I got to get a bunch of pieces together, but I think I'm gonna do it because I'm looking for something outside that I do normally.

That's good because you work all the time and you need something outside your work.

Yeah, I'm just kind of—

I agree, I do. Everyone does. I think everyone needs something.

Yeah, or one of, you know, I want to be able to do something different. That's all.

Wow, I've never heard you say this before.

Yeah, I mean, I love radio. The radio is my first— No, it's your life.

It's everything that you do. But I think that's amazing. You do cooking videos, and maybe I would even learn something from them. You would.

I know.

I don't know.

But it's not gonna be like healthy cooking. You know me, it's gonna be like—

Right. There's so many cooking shows though. How you— Yeah, but I think that yours—

I'm doing it for fun. I'm not doing it because, oh, I think I'm gonna be the next hot internet sensation when it comes to cooking. I'm just doing it because it'll just give me something to do outside of it, right?

I think that's important. I like it.

That's all.

I like it, man. Yeah, you need any help, I would come over.

It's funny because I brought it up to friends, they're like, oh, you can do this, this, and this, and you can put it here, there, there. I'm like, no, I'm just gonna do it for fun, right?

That's cool. I totally think you should. Yeah, I need to do stuff for fun that's outside of work, but I think my work is pretty fun. Yeah, so it's hard, but I really need to, um, diversify, except for not this weekend because I am going to work all weekend.

So I've got—

so today's show, we will be doing Um, like I said, we've got this guest, Cunning Mix. She's a host of Poly Weekly. Check her out. And then we've got emails that we're reading, some really good emails today about being married for a long time and people having issues in their long-term relationships, and some stuff about dating. And then we've got sex in the news. And, um, that's what we got for you. We got our results from our poll.

And what was that?

Have you ever had a threesome? 7% said yes, but it was not fun.

Really?

21% said nope, not my thing. 22%, yes, and I'm excited for my next one. And 50% said no, but I'd like to. Our listeners have not—

it's so hard to come together. It's timing.

Very hard to come together, no pun intended, but it is hard for it all to work it out. And we've gotten a lot of emails about that lately too, like how do we find a third person. And I think probably Cunning Mix could speak to that too, even though she's just polyamorous, not necessarily like swinging, whatever. But there are ways in different cities. People ask that a lot, so we're going to get into about today. Like, if you are interested in having a threesome, like, how can you find someone else? How does that work out? A lot of people think it can destroy the relationship, but if you do it right, you lay ground rules, it can all work out, right? So here's our new poll. All right, how often do you wait to have sex after the first date?

30 seconds.

Uh, first date, why wait if it were— how long do you wait to have sex after the first date? Okay, so first date, why wait if we're compatible? 2 or 3 dates, don't want to seem too eager. 2 weeks to a month, I like to take my time, or 1 to 3 months, I like to wait until I truly know the person. What do you think? First date, 2 to 3 dates? The truth?

The truth, it doesn't matter.

2 to 3 dates or 2 weeks to a month is how long I wait.

Wait, that's you?

Yeah.

No way.

What, what do you think it is? First date?

You're sexy.

Yeah, that's the expectation. And do you know that I told you I've been interviewed by this reporter this week and it's been like my full-time job, really, like dealing with all these questions and whatever, and she's doing this profile piece on me, and I— she wants to know, what do the guys I date think? Like, what's their expectations? Do guys just date me because— and she's not the only one. A lot of people ask me that. Do guys just want to date me because I have the sex talk show? And do they have expectations? Yeah, I'm just gonna show up in like a, like, lingerie or a, uh, you know, dominatrix something. So, yeah, um, yeah, but I like to wait just because maybe the expectations are that I don't. Yeah, but I would wait anyway.

I think you should—

people rush into sex too quickly, and I think you should wait. You shouldn't have sex the first date. There's no reason to ever have sex on the first date.

Yeah, I think the problem is with me, if I really like somebody, I'm so, I'm so standoffish. Like, I don't, I, I don't want to do anything where they would think that I'm a creep, right? So I'm like trying to get into their pants or anything like that. So they kind of just like, they kind of have to initiate it.

I know you say this.

I know it's weird. It, uh, it sometimes it works out and sometimes—

could you kind of give them just enough that they can tell that you like them but you're a little shy?

Yeah. So I'm not gonna like full-on go for it, you know?

Right, right. But I think that people should not have sex on the first date. But I've done it. I'll admit it. I've done it. I'm not proud. I have. Yeah, because there's no— why not wait? Yeah, believe it or not, why not wait until you actually know the person, until you've spent more time together. Like, there is no— I don't see the benefits. There is no reason to rush into sex. You might as well get to know the person and see if you want to, because then it's all about sex. Then you have sex, and of course you'll be like, let's get together again, have sex. If it was— if it was half good, and then, then, then you become about the sex and you don't become about getting to know— knowing the person. And that's when relationships don't work out, is when we just base things on sex and attraction, and you're like— you overlook the fact that, you know, he's kind of a deadbeat, or he's a misogynist, or whatever your issues are with men. That's when they say love is blind. It's because you don't see the signs once you start having sex too soon. That's what love is blind means, I think.

Why'd you look at me when you said misogyny?

I don't think you're a misogynist. Good. I do think you're kind of a misogynist, but I think you've gotten better.

Why am I—

I don't think you hate—

I'm a realist.

You're a realist now. But, you know, but, but I, I don't think that you— there are some issues that you have with women, like women gonna dump guys they're dating if they get more successful, or women. I just feel like there's some things— no, not facts.

I don't think so.

I don't think so. But I think that you do sometimes have some negative things to say about women. That's okay.

So, but there's stuff that you can say negative things about men. It doesn't matter. I know it's because you're a woman, I can't say anything.

No, you can. I appreciate you, and I appreciate you. And, um, this is what I want to say to people. They can also call in. We've got a phone number here. It's 415-992-7392. And you can also anytime leave a voicemail on our message, on our, uh, at our number, and we'll answer your questions on the air. So if you don't, we get tons of emails to feedback@sexwithemily.com, or you can go to Sex with Emily and just send it right from the website. But we're gonna start playing your messages on the air and answering your questions. So just call up that number, 415-992-7392, and just leave a message with your question and we might answer it and leave a way to get back to you. And all that.

Cool. Can we also recap last Friday? I introduced you to a new drink called the Panty Dropper.

Oh my God, and I dropped my panties. No, I didn't, but I almost did. It was awesome.

Should— I'm gonna break it down for everybody because it's Friday.

Break it down. We'll drink it on Saturday night.

Let's do it over the weekend.

Okay, go ahead.

Okay, so this is what you do, people. You grab some type of vodka. Emily prefers the classy vodka. Last time I didn't get classy enough.

You really got that vodka?

What? Stoli vodka is like one of the best.

It's a Russian vodka, right?

I'm sorry, it's not Grey Goose. Yeah, Grey Goose, all that stuff tastes the same. It is. Okay, if I put that— if I put that—

I know it's a whole Two Buck Chuck argument. If we had Two Buck Chuck and we added a very— I didn't give you—

it wasn't cheapest. Bottle of vodka.

Thank you, honey. Thanks for sparing me from that.

Anyways, so I put the— you put, uh, you count to 4. 1, 2, 3, 4. That's 1 shot of vodka. And you know, if you want to do a double shot, that's fine. You count to 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

Got it.

Pull the bottle back up. Then you take, uh, you take about 3, 3 drops of, um, Canadian Dry Ginger Ale, right? So you go 1, 2, 3. So it's not clear anymore, you know, has a little— not too see-through.

I'm listening really hard. Yeah.

And then you take— this is where you screwed up— you take a lime, chop the lime in half, and then squeeze out, uh, you know, almost half the lime into this.

I used the lemon when I tried to make it for my friends. I'm like, I'm so excited, I have a new drink, Panty Dropper! And it is, and right, it's so easy.

What happens is the reason they call it a Panty Dropper, with that with that mix, you really can't taste the alcohol at all.

So the stretch is it's a panty dropper because women are going to get so messed up on this drink that they will drop their panties and not even know what's happening.

But if you want to make it—

we don't condone that, by the way.

If you want to make a true panty dropper, also find some grenadine and then put a drop of grenadine. It was amazing, and it'll be pink.

I—

oh, so try it out this weekend.

Okay, try out— we should have like Friday drink day, like new drinks every Friday.

I actually found an old photo of me, uh, bartending Really? Yeah, I was looking. I'm cleaning up my digital life online.

That's a long— it's a big job.

Yeah, and deleting a lot of old accounts and stuff that I don't use anymore. And I have this photo account and I went through and I found a picture of myself bartending in like 2006.

Where were you bartending?

That's what I met here in San Francisco.

Really? Yeah, that's when I met you, 2006. Yep. Yeah, that was so fun. It's good times when we met.

Yes.

Yeah, so I think we should have drinks. And do you know a bunch of drinks? We should do drinks on Friday. Yeah, or like sexy hot drinks. I think that's a great idea, Emily. Thanks.

Post it on the website, intern listening.

Intern listening. Say, uh, hi, Lisa, she's listening right now and she's writing notes. Do the panty dropper. We should post it for sure.

All right.

Okay, sexwithemily.com. That's where everything happens, all your news and information that you need. Forget any other new breaking news, but we have all the breaking sex news. So here we go, sex in the news.

And tweet it out too once you post it.

Tweet it out, the panty dropper? Yeah. Okay. We will. Thanks, Manus. Thanks for all the instructions. Okay, Beyoncé has bizarre pregnancy cravings. It's kind of sex because she had sex and got pregnant already. Yeah, she does. Apparently she's been driving the crew of their $400,000 a week yacht insane as she and her husband Jay-Z cruise around Italy and Croatia. A source says usually guests sip crystal champagne while nibbling on lobster. Instead, Beyoncé is having odd cravings. She's snacking on Oreos and pickles and ice cream with hot chili sauce, and she loves dipping bananas in ketchup. For breakfast, she's been having croissants with melted chocolate bars inside.

Whoa, she's gonna get so fat.

She is gonna get shivers, but I guess that's what happens when you're pregnant. I don't know. So, but you always see them on their yacht, so now it's probably just a little different. She's having bananas and ketchup. Sounds disgusting.

I'm still trying to confirm if one of my friends is pregnant because she's like, oh, I've been craving blah blah, and I'm only 6 weeks. And everyone's like, wait a minute, you're pregnant? She didn't tell anybody. And that's all she said.

I'm 6 weeks. Yeah, that means you're pregnant.

Yeah.

Wow, good friend?

Yeah, good friend of mine.

'Cause usually you're not supposed to tell till 3 months. You're not supposed to tell till 12 weeks.

I know.

That's the rule. But I probably would tell everyone because I would want everyone, just 'cause I have a big mouth about myself. I'd be like, oh my God, it's been 5 minutes, I'm pregnant. Okay, True Blood stud Joe Manganiello splits from his fiancée. Do you watch True Blood? I've never seen it, but people love it.

I had—

I'd like to add it to my DVR.

They were really into it. So one, one weekend I wasn't going— I wasn't going out, imagine that— and there was— it was on demand, so I watched all 13 episodes in a row one weekend.

Okay.

And caught up on it, and it was really good. But then I didn't watch any of the seasons after that.

People love it. So his real—

because people are having sex in it all the time.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know why I don't watch it. That's what my friend was telling me. My friend Charlotte was like, oh my God, like, it's so hot. Like, she's like, I want to have sex with the vampire. Like, it's amazing, it's the best sex ever. And then you have these dreams or something that like, like you're having sex with them and it's like the best feeling ever. I kind of got turned on just hearing about it.

Yeah, we gotta set up your DVR.

But the hunky 30s, 40s actor who plays Alcide on the HBO hit and Audra, an actress model, have called off the engagement for unknown reasons. However, sources say it's hard— it's It's totally over. But recently, the heartthrob was seen chatting up actress Rose McGowan in New York, wasting no time. Rose McGowan's dated like everybody, right?

Rose McGowan? Oh, I thought she was still with the director, um, what's his name, right? Robert Rodriguez. Yeah, he left his wife for her.

Oh, that's never a good sign. When someone's leaving someone else and they're cheating, they're gonna cheat again or whatever. It's true. I just heard a story like this. Someone leaves their partner and cheats with someone else, they're likely gonna cheat on that person too. Because I think if cheating is a pattern—

Yeah, Rose McGowan went from, I believe she went from Marilyn Manson to Robert Rodriguez.

Uh, oh, right, right, right, exactly.

Um, is there something important on the phone right now?

Yeah, yeah, there is. Alicia says that, uh, intern says she emailed Knox, she can't see or hear the show. She wants to make sure everything's going okay.

She can't see or hear the show, but she emailed them. Okay, I will check it out right now.

Okay, anyway, okay, Brad Pitt finally opens up about Angelina Jolie. This has been all over the press. Have you seen this? In a new interview with Entertainment Weekly, he opens up about his professional and romantic relationship with Angelina Jolie and their family life. He even discusses meeting the seductive actress on the movie of their 2000 film when he was still with Jennifer Aniston. Oh no. He said, we had some— Angeline and I had some good workshops beforehand, had some good laughs and ideas. That was just a great collaboration that turned into a greater collaboration. Despite ruining his marriage, he desires to work with Jolie on a movie set again. We should be doing movie together, but they can't because they always want one of them home when the other one's working on a movie. So whatever. He finally opens up about it because it's 6 years later and things are amazing. Never said anything, and, um, they're happy apparently.

Yeah, she, um, if you want to see her naked, she did an awesome movie about one of the original supermodels. Um, I think it's called, uh, Chi, I believe. I could be wrong. Okay, but look it out, and she's like naked through all the— throughout the—

it's like an earlier film. Yeah, interesting.

Yeah.

Okay, is it working or no?

It's not working.

Oh cool, love that. Okay, that's awesome. So, so people can't really tune in now. Okay, here's 5 tips for surviving the walk of shame. Okay, this is just like a news story that came up. We just clipped this because I thought it was funny. Okay, you're not fooling anyone. Look, you're going out in daylight wearing a dress that might have been cute last night but looks skanky out of context with your panties balled up in your purse, or you're wearing clothes borrowed from the guy you shacked up with. Either way, you're doing the walk of shame. I say toss off that bed head, raise your chin, and smile as you embark on the journey. You should still freshen up. Yes, you're obviously a slut, but why not wash your face and brush your teeth? You're not a slut if you had a walk of shame. But brush your teeth. Don't leave anything behind. I love this. Oh, you guys, you may be impulsive to perhaps leave a key item for the guy to remember you by, like your panties. Obviously I've never done that, but that's kind of creepy. The hair ties.

The hair ties.

The hair ties. We leave the hair ties everywhere.

And it is true.

And my guy friends are so convinced that women, that women leave something behind so they'll be asked back. So I've said this before, whenever I've done that, not necessarily after one night stand, but if I leave something in a guy's, I'm like, I swear to God, I didn't leave it on purpose.

No, I don't think they do it on purpose. They just—

You've never heard that theory?

Uh, yeah, but I honestly don't believe it's true.

I don't believe it's true either. Okay, but do leave a note. If you don't want to wait for the guy before you go, leave a note. That's okay. Mornings are awkward. And, uh, thanks for a fun night. And your number will suffice. You can leave your number. But that's kind of a bummer if he doesn't ask for it.

Oh, it's, uh, the movie was called Gia.

Gia. Oh yeah, yeah, I remember hearing about that, but I don't think it did very well. But she's naked the whole time.

She's naked. 7 out of 10 stars.

Cool.

Yeah, okay, she's, she's naked. It's just about, yeah, one of the original supermodels that got caught up on drugs, and then it just follows her life.

Okay, good to know. Okay, uh, be honest with yourself about what happened. We're talking about the one-night stand. Spending the night at the guy's place doesn't mean he's obligated to study with you at the library, take you out to frozen yogurt, call you, or even acknowledge you in public. Which can really suck, especially if you shackled up with a guy you've been crushing on for a while. So, and definitely don't waste your nights stalking his Facebook status updates. So it might just be a one-night stand. A one-night stand could be a one-night stand walk of shame. Fess up. Be real. He might not be into you. Does everyone really stalk everyone on Facebook?

Yes.

I don't have time.

Everyone does.

I see all your updates, but I'm not stalking you just because you update all the time.

Yeah.

White mess.

People— They just can't help it, I don't think.

Right.

Constantly checking out. How many stories do you hear from your friends? Oh my God, I saw his picture.

Oh my God, what does that mean? And he hasn't updated in a few days. Or you see, where is he? I remember when I broke up with a guy once a few years ago, and it was like the day we broke up, he went out that weekend, and he had like on Monday morning like 15 new girlfriends. Like, yeah, girls that are friends, because it says who your new friends are. And so I did sort of stalk those chicks.

Oh my God.

I didn't stalk him, I clicked on him. I'm like, he really just made friends with 15 girls this weekend because we just broke up? But that's about the extent of my stalking.

I would too.

Shoot.

You would stalk? Or you'd make 15 new girlfriends?

No, I'm—

And then he constantly had new women that are friends. Yeah, Facebook is not— it's not gonna be a good thing. But do you think it's gonna be around forever?

Facebook will be around forever? No, I give it maybe 4 more years.

Okay.

Until something new comes out.

Okay, so they make billions upon billions of dollars. Okay, study came out that said men value love 60% more than sex.

Men?

Men. This is why this is so surprising. A new survey out of Los Angeles claims that men would rather pay for a date if they knew they were headed for true love, which means maybe we need to give guys a little more credit. The results of the survey were announced by What's Your Price, a dating website where users can buy or sell their first dates. So what did the researchers find? They found that men who value love more than they value sex paying $73 for casual or no strings attached relationship as opposed to $121 for casual dates and $194 for full-on falling in love relationships. That's a lot of money. Mm-hmm. We often hear the stereotype that men value sex and women value love. Our online dating study shows that this stereotype is wrong. In fact, men value love more than sex by over 60%. What do you think about that?

I think that it's true.

Wow.

Okay, I think it's true. Yeah, of course, you know, we all want to have sex. We're guys, we want to have sex. Yes, of course. I, I think you're attractive, I want to have sex with you. That's just a given. But I want to have sex with you and then I want to have a good relationship with you.

Do you meet women or you put them instantly— can you tell in the category, like, want to sleep with her, want to have a relationship with her?

Yes.

Right away?

I can do that right away. I can read them right away.

You're like, I'm not spending anything. Oh, you don't spend any money on chicks anyway. You're like, buy her a drink.

No, no, I have a rule. I've said this many times. If a girl's out with me, then I'm gonna pay for everything. I don't care if it's the first date or the 10th date.

It's—

that's how it is. But I'm not gonna buy— I'm not doing charity where I'm out just buying random chicks drinks. I'm not gonna do that. But if you're rolling with me, of course I'm gonna take care of you. But going back to that, I would rather have sex with you and be in love with you and be committed with you.

I know, it would be so nice.

It's simple, and I want you to feel the same way.

But you have to have the dates and the sex that could lead to the relationships, but they're saying that if a guy feels that someone— so what they're saying here is like the ones that are— the guys that just realize it's just for sex, they're not gonna pay as much, but that makes sense, I guess. They're like, well, I'll just go back to my place and have a bottle of wine or something. I got it. Okay, we've got some emails too, and then we're gonna call our guest, Cunning Mix from Poly Weekly.

Alright.

From the Poly Weekly podcast.

Let's do it.

Okay, this is kinda long, this one, but, um—

You're gonna go through it.

I'm gonna go through it because it's, it's, it's— this guy needs our help.

Okay.

Emily, I found you a few months ago and I had to go back to the beginning and now I'm all up to date. The reason I'm writing is because I married my high school sweetheart and we have two beautiful daughters and I just found out today there might be another guy. She's out of town on a work-related trip in which numerous people from all over the state go to a week and get to know each other. I wanted to see what she's been up to because a coworker she is with is known to be going through divorce himself because infidelity, which is why I'm insecure when they're both together. While looking at our wireless summary on the net, I found numerous unknown phone calls and texts, some at 2 AM. I decided to look even further and I came across some texts between the both of them in which they made comments on the night prior. Comments to the night prior. Text about how my wife's friend left them behind at whatever location they were at. My wife mentioned this guy that her friend jokingly told her not to do anything she will regret in the morning. I confronted my wife without disclosing that I've seen those text messages, but she swears nothing happened. She does not even admit to being out with a guy anywhere. I then asked about the text at 2 AM and she offers no valid explanation. We've been married for 8 years. I've made mistakes in the past and she knows this. She cheated on me before with someone very close to me and has ruined all relations with this person. It is a bad situation I'm in because I recently decided to quit my job and finish my master's. Therefore, I have no income and I have to think of the kids. Any suggestions, tips, or comments would be appreciated. Thanks. Keep up the good work. Jay from Texas.

Oh, Jay, Jay, Jay.

Sounds like she's cheating to me. I don't want to like— or she's about to cheat, or there's something going on in their relationship. Um, high school sweetheart, they have two beautiful daughters. That's really challenging. I mean, I think that's challenging. High school sweethearts, they haven't had sex with other people, they've been together. I do not think people should get married in their 20s at all. This is what happens. It happens anyway. But maybe she needs— she's feeling like she had kids and she's not feeling sexy anymore, which a lot of reasons why women go out and they cheat, because maybe there's other guys giving her a lot of attention. Um, I'm not saying the relationship is over, Jay from Texas. I'm just saying that you guys might need some intense therapy and some working this out because it sounds like she's not really telling the truth to you right now. That's what I think. It seems sort of sketchy. Yeah, if you know about those and she's not copping to them, then I'm not saying she's out banging right now, but yeah, there's something going on that, um, that you need to look at because, um, I don't know, this whole thing with like the text messaging and the emails, and I mean, there's so much information that you can find out and it just doesn't sound good to me.

And if you both made mistakes in the past, then I guess that's some— it's just something that you're gonna have to talk out. Exactly. Because, you know, I have the mentality if somebody cheats on me, I'm gone.

Right.

But if it's both ways, then— Well, he cheated before. Yeah, then I'm up for conversation in this situation.

Yeah, okay, good. Up for conversation and maybe some therapy. Might need a third party person to help you guys mediate this because it's definitely a situation—

Or just bringing a third person in the bed. Hey.

A third person in the bed. Not a threesome. A threesome with your therapist. No, you should. I think it's really important because a lot of times couples get into these situations and they can't get out of them on their own. And you just have to know that asking for help and going to see a therapist is not a way— it's not saying that you're weak. It's not saying that you have a problem or like, it just shows that you need some help. And I think couples sometimes get into this rut where they're discussing the same, well, you cheated. Well, you cheated. Well, I didn't. Back and forth, back and forth. And you can't— couples get into this rut where they're having the same conversation over and over again and they need help being pulled out. So I think if infidelity comes in the mix, you need some help. Yeah. And, uh, good luck to you, Jay, but I wouldn't leave her yet. I would just say you gotta try and work it out.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Emily Morse: I've been married to S for 20 years now, and I have to say the sex does get better with age, although I need it more than she does. I guess it's mainly vanilla sex, but I do fantasize big time about girls at work and her friends. I often ask S if she ever has fantasies, but she says no. I can't believe it, which makes me keep my secret, although some do inadvertently leak out. Is she just kidding? S tells me dirty things about her friends' relationships when we go for our walks on the beach, which she gives me— which gives me a real hard-on. I ask her if this girl talk makes her horny and she says no. If she's telling the truth, how do I get her to fantasize about other cock, etc.? I have this fantasy about her being effed by other guys and it really turns me on, although I wouldn't like it to happen in reality and neither would I want to carry out my fantasies because I still find her quite hot. Perhaps you could recommend some good quality chick porn I can introduce her to. Regards, Chris.

Well, there's a— not to plug our sponsor, but Fire TV, man, is pretty It's pretty legit. Yeah, technically, it's on a technical level, it is pretty freaking awesome.

Yeah, Fire TV, fyretv.com. If you're a Friends with Benefits member, you actually get 30 minutes free. You can, uh, we can let you know how, but it's like the Netflix of porn. They've got over 20,000 titles. They have it broken down into porn for couples, porn for— and I would just look online, like, honestly, there's a lot of chick-friendly porn. There is good quality chick porn. and, um, I don't know what she's into, but I think that's a great way to watch porn together if she's open to it. That's like more chick-related. We like plots more than men.

No.

We like the plots and the thing, but there are— there's tons of porn out there for couples, and I would do that. Adam and Eve also sells porn for couples, and so I would think that you should find some stuff, and maybe when she's— because a lot of times women don't have fantasies. Like, they're not lying to you when she says she doesn't fantasize. A lot of women do, but a lot of women don't. Not as, not as much as men. So a lot of times women need help kind of figuring out what their fantasies are. And so watching porn can be a good way to figure out what might turn her on and what doesn't. It's not a great way to learn about sex, but it's a great way to learn about, um, it's not a great way to learn about specific tactics for intercourse, specific tricks and techniques, because a lot of times porn is shot just so it looks good, but it doesn't mean you can learn anything from it. But you can learn about her fantasies. And also, if a woman says she doesn't have fantasies, another way to to get her to talk about it and to get her to figure it out is to ask her what she really likes about sex. Like, what's her favorite part? What turns her on the most? And maybe from there, when you have that conversation about like what really turns her on, or what's the most memorable night she's ever had with you, or what was the best sex ever and why— if you start asking those questions, it can lead maybe perhaps into fantasies.

And yeah, just take her out, have a hotel night, take a little trip.

We totally have a hotel night.

—Or just a little weekend trip and stuff like that. Just see where it goes from there. Exactly.

And, um, I think that, yeah, it's totally fine that you fantasize about her being with other men, but you don't really want it to happen. Fantasies are twofold like that. Some fantasies you actually have fantasized and you want to happen, and a lot of fantasies you have, you don't really want to happen, right, Menace? No. Okay.

Do you know what has mentally destroyed me since yesterday? So what? Keeps on popping into my head. Uh-oh. Is you kept on— there was the vagina and wiener injuries and stuff like that. Yesterday's show. Oh my God, I can't believe I'm telling you this. I'm— I've been mortified ever since. Okay, because you shared the story about the woman shoving up a potato up her vagina and then it was growing vines, vines down her leg. Yeah, and I went home, I went grocery shopping, I went home, and on top of my refrigerator was a potato. Okay, now I cannot get it out of my mind when you're just reading stories and stuff like that. I'm just thinking about the woman with the potato. Yeah, up her vagina.

Like, yeah, this older one, elderly woman was afraid that, um, her uterus was falling out, so she stuck a potato up there to hold it in, and then it started growing vines down her— out of her vagina.

That is just crazy. People do crazy things with their vagina and penises.

So I— that's just a note to all of you to, um, to not stick things inside there that shouldn't be in there.

I just weird, like, it takes for that kind of stuff, it takes maybe sometimes a good year to get out my head. Really? Before I forget about it. There's a part in a movie, there's a, there's a part in a movie that I think about maybe a couple times a week. It's just like, what, what is it?

Is it a sexy thing?

No, it's not sexy. It was like disturbing. Disturbing. What is it? What is it? Okay. Oh my god. There's this movie. It was really popular like a couple months ago. People start talking about it. It's on Netflix and it's really disgusting. It's called The Human Centipede, right? Oh, I've heard about this. Now, it's not— it doesn't have to do with the human centipede itself. It's just a part in the movie where this woman has an IV hooked up to her and she like tries to run out of the bed and then the IV like comes out of her arm and and it's really graphic. And then I'm always like, I think about that. Like, I think about an IV coming out of my arm, and it—

I don't know why this stuff— you gotta get this stuff out of your head. I don't know, you need more images to go in. Yeah, you just need to like, um, transfer those, replace those thoughts.

I'll just be, you know, la la, have a nice day.

And all of a sudden you're like, IV, human centipede, like, oh, menace. I don't think about the pain that—

if that was real life, how painful that would That would be so painful. Now I have that and the potato in the vagina.

Sorry. Yesterday's show, everyone, if you missed it, penis and vagina accidents. They're hilarious. If you go to Sex Family, you become a Friends with Benefits member, you can listen to the entire show. Sweet. Okay, let's call our guest now. Alright, let's do it. I'm really excited. Cunning Mix is her name. She's the host of Poly Weekly, which is a really successful podcast, and, um, we're gonna chat with her. Let's give her a ring, right?

Hold on, give me a second.

So yeah, it's a podcast responsible for, uh, non-monogamy from a kink-friendly pansexual point of view. Podcast devoted to tales from the front of responsible non-monogamy, kink-friendly, all this stuff. She's going to talk about— very excited. You calling her? I'm trying.

Hello? What? I want to dial a number. Okay, okay, hold on. Okay, 267.

And then, um, some things we're going to talk about is— so she's been polyamorous relationships, poly dating 101. Like, if you've been thinking about polyamory, you're thinking about opening up your relationship, how do you do it?

Uh, Remember, don't talk over because it'll cut out.

Hello? Hi, Cutting Mix?

Hi, yes it is. Hi, we're gonna call on Skype.

No, we— I actually emailed you. We're calling you on your cell, so because it doesn't work Skype to Skype, it's a little bit delayed.

So hi, can you hear us?

Sorry, yeah, the cell phone's AT&T, so it drops a lot. Oh no.

Yeah, it's just, uh, there's a delay factor when we try to talk on Skype. What? There's a delay factor on Skype.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

Okay. Okay, there's a delay factor on Skype.

This is not going to work. We'll try her.

Do you have her Skype number? Okay, I don't have yours. Give me yours. We'll try your Skype number. What's your Skype number?

No, not on the air.

Not on the air.

Okay. Uh, just have the intern email it right now.

Okay. Uh, let me—

okay. We'll call you right back.

We'll call you back. Oh, okay. Okay.

Thanks. That damn AT&T. I swear. Uh, I have AT&T and I'm not afraid to say that it blows. I know. In this area or a lot of areas, you can't— I know it's, it sounds ridiculous that, oh, well, if you're inside and you're using your cell phone, you, I mean, you should be using a landline. Well, some people, I don't even have a landline. At my house. I just use my cell phone. Luckily it works at my house.

Yeah, exactly. So we'll call her back. Okay, we're gonna get that number in a second. Um, yeah, AT&T, that's why I don't do it. But I am getting an iPhone this week. Oh, this week? No, probably next week. Oh man, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Do it.

I want to get you on Instagram because Instagram is my favorite app ever. Why?

Why do you love it? Because everyone's looking at your photos all the time.

It's just visual, right? It's a visual— it's something visual added with all these like status updates, you know, versus Twitter and Facebook.

Do you every day— Instagram? Update Instagram?

I don't every day.

We should do a picture of us today. It's been a really long time. I think we're so cute together. Okay. Yeah, totally. Okay, I, um, I could probably find the number here if I do a search on my email. All right. Is that annoying?

I don't know. We just gotta—

we just gotta do it. Hurry it up. Okay, well, I didn't bring it because I thought it wouldn't work, but maybe it will work. Okay, okay, I got it ready.

Back listening to this.

All right, you guys listen to me.

Okay, okay. No, no, you can't read it out to me. Look at the top one. Okay. All right. Okay, 206. That's all I'm gonna say.

Okay, we can talk. So anyway, we're talking to Connie Mix. She has a really successful podcast called— really interesting podcast called Poly Weekly, and we're going to talk to her.

Here we go. Hopefully this works.

Is that a busy signal on Skype?

I don't know, it's ringing. I think it's a ringing thing.

Really? Oh, hi! Can you hear us now?

Still can't hear you guys very well. That's, um, that's annoying. I know, we're so sad.

We're dying to talk to you.

It's just, uh, hello?

Hello? Yeah, can you hear it?

We can hear you perfectly fine.

You know what, let me try putting on the headphones and see if that makes it.

Oh, that might make a difference. It should be good. Thanks everyone for your patience.

The headphones should be better. All right. Okay.

How about that? Can you still hear me?

Yeah. I can hear you fine.

Let me turn the volume up on you guys. Is this on— was this on the 206 number that you called? Yes. Yes. Okay. That's really funny. I thought it rang to Skype first, but I guess it rings straight through to my cell phone. Oh, that just didn't help at all, did it?

No, no. Uh, can you go stand outside?

Just turn off your cell phone and we'll call you right back.

Yeah, do you want to turn off your cell phone and then it won't ring to your cell phone? Is that true, Menace?

We're gonna try it.

I haven't tried. Um, yeah, if we've got time, let's try that.

Okay, we'll do that. We've got time. Why not? People love this. It's free Friday. Yeah. Okay, all right, again, turn off yourself.

Okay, everybody, you can just—

anyway, these are some of the— these are some of the relations— these are some of the questions I'm going to be asking her is, um, because polyamorous relationships are people who love many. They're in— they have a primary partner and they date other people, and they— do you got it, Menace? Okay, so the primary partner, and, um, you know, they have many other partners. And I think it's, it's interesting. Today I was talking to my intern Alicia about it, and she was saying that how does someone— you know, it's confusing, like, how do you decide that you're in a relationship with someone and you love them, and the whole premise is like, we— I just have enough love for this one person. But their whole theory is that there's— you can have love for many people. So we're gonna get into that.

All right, let's try it again. Okay. I can't believe that ringing sounds so weird. So weird. Gotta call my buddy, he works at Skype.

Oh, we needed a Skype buddy yesterday because we couldn't Hello, you've reached Heidi Miller.

Oh no. All right, one more time. I'm gonna do one more time and then we're just gonna have to give up. She can't call us, right? She could call us. Oh, I'm getting frustrated. Sorry. Okay, I'll calm down. I'll chill. Really will calm down. All right, here we go again. We didn't confirm emails about this. What do you mean, about the landline?

No, we did. I just said I did. I said to her, hello, you've reached Heidi. That's it, I'm done. Okay, email her.

We'll, we'll talk to her. Okay, uh, on Monday.

Okay, we'll talk to her on Monday. Yep, um, talk to her on Monday. Okay, great. That's fine. All right, so, uh, sad.

So over the weekend And you're gonna go to all these parties. Are you gonna have sex or what? Uh, what kind of sex would you have?

I would have amazing sex. No, describe it.

I don't want to hear, oh, it's amazing, and you leave it at that. No, I want to hear how you would get down and dirty. Like, how would you like it if you had sex this weekend? Well, what kind of mood are you in? Are you in a— angry— in an angry mood? So you, you would want it like a a doggy? You would like people like to take out anger on you, or would you like to take the anger out on them?

Yeah, I think I would like, um, I think I would like slow, soft, sensual sex that leads into hard, rough, angry sex.

And what position would you like this?

I would like to have sex in, um, a lot of different positions.

Give me freaking one position. Stop being so biased.

I like being on top. I like having sex All different ways. I like sex to be— I'd like a lot of foreplay. Okay. I would like a lot of making out.

And now, would you be sitting on top of the gentleman while you're making out with them?

Probably straddling them. I like to do that. I like to, because I'm small and I can kind of like get into someone and, and get on their lap and make out with them. And yeah, and then lead to that. And then, um, Maybe some outdoor sex in the forest. Maybe, I don't know, in the forest or in the car. I don't know, is that kind of—

in the car?

I don't know, somewhere outside.

What's the last time you've had sex in a car?

In a car? Um, actual intercourse or just like foreplay? Actual intercourse. Um, I'd say actual inner— intercourse in the car has been a long time, but I know that I've performed oral sex in a car. Recently? Not recently, but in the last year or two. Okay. Yeah, because I didn't actually— I didn't remember that I did this, but I ran into a friend that I sometimes sleep with and he was like, oh, don't you remember that you whatever? Didn't remember it.

Oh, too many glasses of wine.

Too many glasses of wine that night. I must have. So, um, yeah, I don't have a problem with that, especially if you're not driving. Because the other day in our crazy penis and vagina accident story, someone was performing road head on a guy. They got an accident. Bit his penis off.

Why are you so anti-roadhead? I know that's one— bit his penis off. That's one story out of a billion times roadhead is given out. So yeah, there's a story out the other day that there might be arsenic in, uh, apple juice. Should people stop drinking apple juice just because one out of a billion people might die?

Yes, don't have roadhead on the road, go do it inside. Oh You're terrible. But, um, I guess you're no fun at all. I should try something different this weekend. Maybe. Yeah. Just cuz I should practice what I preach. Mm-hmm. Which is to always try something different to spice up your relationship. I mean, we're going into the weekend right now. What have you done differently lately in your relationship? Cuz I feel like personally what I know, people have sex the same way over and over and over and over again. Like you get into a relationship, you get in a routine, you're like, I'm gonna go on top, then she's gonna go on top, then I'm gonna do her from behind. That's when I'll have an orgasm or whatever it is. Try to do something different this weekend. Like try to do something like slow everything down. Slow is good. We had that amazing email yesterday from that listener who said he took all of our advice and he had amazing sex and gave his— what his— because of, because of our show, his girlfriend had 3, her first, not only her first orgasm, but 3 orgasms because he slowed it down. He forgot everything from his past. He was like, I'm not gonna do what my past girlfriend wanted. He paid attention to her body and how she reacted to him performing oral sex on her, and then he rocked her world.

Do you think tonight, since you're going to a political party, that there'll be a lot of sex being had? No. No? Not during the party.

Not during the party. I think everyone gets drunk.

No, I'm saying afterwards. Maybe people get drunk. People get really horned up around political stuff.

They do? I don't know, maybe they do. You worked in politics? I did work in politics for a long time, and it was— it's a very passionate It's a very, you, it's very intense when you work. Mm-hmm. Because I used to work on political campaigns and you get very intense and you get very caught up with it. And I, I, I had a boyfriend on the campaign. We couldn't tell anyone we were dating. It was secret. Yeah. We'd have sex in the office and no one knew. It was really fun. Uh, but yeah, it is very intense, especially the people you're working with. Talk about yesterday, we had a long talk about should you sleep with your coworkers? And I did on campaigns cuz literally it was 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. And I ended up sleeping with someone on the campaign.

It seems though the guys that are not on top are kind of annoying because they're really super passionate about— they're actually passionate about what people are running for, you know? And every time I— I mean, I'm not sleeping with these guys, but every time I get around them, they're so passionate and over the top, I kind of find them annoying. And I'm wondering if these guys are— they're getting laid, the ones that are not, right? Not the Not the ones that are in power, but the ones that are just working on the campaigns.

They seem like very— yeah, I think they do. They do. Yeah, they don't get as lit as much as the people on top though. As much as the candidates? No. Who are cheating on their wives or whatever? Yeah. No, they do. There's a lot of sex. Sex and politics are kind of very much related.

Um, yeah, but the problem with politics is they never talk about it. You're not— you're supposed to be very pure.

And I know, which is BS, because everyone who's in that field has the same— I mean, they say the reason why men in power— I'm just talking about like male politicians— and the, and the men in power tend to cheat more because they're more, they have more testosterone and they're more likely to take dares and they're mostly take risks in their life. And so that behavior leads to, um, you being more likely to cheat cuz you have all that. Yeah. Like all the things that lead you to to do something, to take risks and all that, is also something that you're going to be risky about your sex life and you're going to be cheating and you're going to be doing whatever. So that's like men in power, be like, why do they cheat? Why do they cheat? It has to do with— it's those behaviors go hand in hand. So people who are in politics are very driven, they're very, um, you know, they're smart, they're driven, they're aware, they're whatever, they're involved, they like people, they like meeting. So I think a lot of sex goes on in politics. Yeah.

And then with women cheating, I feel is a lot of times they're just trying to trade up. They're trying to trade up. Really? True or not true?

Aren't men trying to trade up all the time? No, they're always looking for the bigger, better. No, they just want to get laid.

No, no, no, they're good. They're just getting laid.

They just want to diversify. Yeah, they don't necessarily like want to go up. Women are always trying to date up. I don't— I don't know.

They're trying to date up all the time. That's the number one reason I think they cheat. They're trying to date up. And, and then the second reason is they want attention. They love attention.

And then sometimes they're not getting it at home. Women love attention?

They love attention. They feed off it.

Men love attention too, man. Look at your career. Don't you love attention? Uh, I think that you're projecting on me because I think you really love attention. You're tweeting, you're this, your pictures of this, you talk about your own stuff. You— I think you love attention. No one's in this career if they don't like attention. I think we need to look at that right now. Do you want to lay down on the couch and we can have like a little therapy session?

Uh, I don't— okay, I'll I'll admit this, I like getting attention for things that I have, that I've done, not attention, uh, for me. Does that make any sense?

Yeah, totally.

Like, I, I like, like, if I wear a really cute outfit, I've done that.

No, I'm just kidding.

If I got the most, uh, you know, most people to visit my blog in the entire company, like, I want people to know.

And you do that all the time.

I do that all the time, but I like it when that is the focus, not that because me as a person though, right? Just like accomplishments. I like getting accomplishments, right? I like getting those, getting attention. Exactly. So that's basically it.

But attention is a big, is a big factor in relationships. So if you're a guy dating a woman, like, just give— if I do think that women like to feel adored and they like to feel loved and adored, and so the more you can tell them how The problem is sometimes I'm afraid to give them too much attention. I know, but Menace, this is your problem.

Yeah, because then they take advantage.

No, we've had this conversation. It's not true.

They take advantage and then they're like, oh, this guy gives me attention all the time. So when I do, it doesn't— it's not as— it's not special. Yeah, it's not.

I mean, I'm not saying all the time, just 10 times a day, but I think that, um, I think that, uh It is special, and I think that you think that the woman, if you compliment them, they're gonna think, oh, I've got him, I've got him, I've got him, so I'm gonna move on to someone else, and that's not true. They do, they do. Women need that. You guys get bored.

You guys get bored.

It's not even like attention, but we need to know that you adore us. You guys get bored.

We do get bored. You're falling asleep on me on a Friday?

It's Free Friday, I'm just a little tired because, uh, last night was Free Thursday. No, it wasn't Free Thursday, it was just Crazy Thursday.

Um, we have somebody trying to call us, why don't we just answer it?

Answer it. Maybe it's our friend.

Hello? Hello? And they hung up. All right, no, uh, there was a listener thinking we were trying to call them, but that was just an accident. All right, we're wrapping it up. Okay, we're on Friday.

Thanks so much for listening.

We apologize for the technical difficulties. I promise you on Monday, uh, the show will be awesome. I— we just need to get through this week. It's been, it's been a little bit of a rough week.

I think it has been a rough week.

It's been a rough week. I guarantee you on Monday we are gonna be back in full force.

Full force. And I'm so sorry, Cunning Mix. I really, really was so psyched to talk to you. I've been looking forward to it.

We'll get it worked out for Monday.

We're gonna have her on Monday if she can do it. Okay everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Happy Friday. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.