Episode 309 - Hot Sex

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Restrictions apply. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they called them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because, uh, my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my, do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean, like laundry, it shrinks?

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can get your sex information. Thanks everyone for tuning into the show. A lot of you are watching right now. Hi, thanks for being here with us from 1 to 2 today. I'm so excited for today's show and, uh, I can hardly contain it. Today is— I have my co-author of the new book that I just wrote. I'm going to hold this up. It's Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight. Jamie Waxman is my co-author. She's sitting here and she knows so much about sex. We're going to be talking down and dirty about everything today. So I'm very excited that she's here, and we'll get into that. And, um, hi, Menace!

Hi, how you going? How you doing? How you going? How's it going?

I'm good.

It's Friday. I'm already drunk.

Free Friday! Are you drunk?

No, no, I like rushed over here. I was hosting some, uh, an artist stopped by and did a performance.

And yeah, happy Free Friday! This show is free to everyone. You know, we do shows, um, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursdays, but this show's free to the world. Everyone can watch it. So thanks for joining us on our special Free Friday, which is awesome day because we get to talk about sex.

Yeah, everything. So the, the book show, the book party.

So last night was the first book launch that we had. Jamie and I had this book launch at Good Vibrations in San Francisco, which is this amazing sex store at their new location on Mission Street. And they actually emailed today and said it was the best book launch they've had in the 6 years that the woman's been— that she's been working there. And we sold out all of our books. We had a great turnout.

I didn't know that they were even for sale.

Yeah.

Really? I would have bought one.

They were sold out, I think.

Oh, okay.

Maybe not. Excuse me, I'll get you one. So, um, so yeah, it was a really exciting night and lots of people were there and we signed books and I'd never signed— but it's my first book. Jamie's an old head. Jamie's written tons of books. I've— it's my first book. So someone's like, will you sign it? I'm like, oh, okay.

What?

Yeah, it was exciting. Uh, we got tons of pictures, which Jamie, I can't wait to share with you. We just got them back, so we're going to be posting those at Sex with Emily on Facebook. So go— you have to go like my page and we'll be posting them. And our Twitter, we'll tweet some out. Yeah, Sex with Emily.

You post them on sexwithemily.com.

Oh, and sexwithemily.com too.

Yeah, exactly.

It was really fun. It was a nice little website. It was so exciting.

And, um, yeah, I did stop by for like 10 minutes. I was, I was so dragging ass, like I only slept 4 hours the night before, and I, I was gonna take a nap so I can be ready for the— and I was gonna clean up for that. I had to go straight from work to the event, and I just— and you started introducing me to everybody.

I know, you were like, please don't, please don't, please don't.

I don't want to talk to anybody.

I want everyone No one wants to meet Menace. And then he was like, please don't. And then he slinked out.

Yeah.

And I caught him though.

I know, I was trying to like leave without saying goodbye to you.

Yeah.

And then you totally caught me and brought over more people for me to talk to.

I know, because I wanted you to go.

I didn't want to go.

I didn't know that. You didn't send me a memo. You weren't like, don't introduce me to people.

It was the one time you didn't have your phone on you.

Well, I know, because it was in the back, right?

Yeah. And I was trying to text you.

Usually it's attached to my face, but it was in the other room.

I was trying to text you about things and then you didn't.

It was very exciting.

You texted me back way later. Whatever.

But we're having another one and a party. We'll talk about this later. I know. And if you guys want to call into the show, or you can leave us a message anytime, 415-992-7392. We can always leave your messages, your comments, your questions, anything you want. We might play your message during the show and answer all those questions. We've got your emails today, and we're gonna be talking to Jamie, and it's exciting. So what are you up to this weekend?

This weekend, one of my favorite comics and one of my friends, Ralphie May, who is big comic. You'll see him on HBO and doing specials all the time, right? He's in town.

Your fancy friends.

Yeah, he's in town, and so I'm gonna go check him out at Cobb's Comedy Club. I'll go do that, and then Sunday, all the ladies' favorite, I have to go to Incubus. Okay, Brandon Boyd, which the ladies just swoon.

Ladies love him. I don't know anything about anything about that.

Brandon Boyd?

Nope.

Anybody? Anybody in the room?

Yes, everyone loves him. I don't know.

Yeah, pop culture. There is one lady in the room, like, saying that she loves him.

Okay, that's good. That'd be fun.

I'm sure if I showed you a photo, a photo of him, I'm sure I would fall in love with him.

Yes, but I'm sure that I probably wouldn't know who he is. Yeah, but that's cool. Okay, so also, um, our book Hot Sex— we're showing to the camera now— we're going to be giving away a few copies. And if, if you want a copy of the book, you have to email me feedback@sexwithemily.com and, and plead your case. Why does your sex life need improvement? Tell me why you need this book, because the book has over 200 things you can try tonight, and they're like totally Improve Your Sex Life. So if you would like to win a free copy of the book, email me feedback@sexwithemily.com why you think you need this book, and then we will choose a winner next week.

Well, just the— you know where this should be also? This book is like at, uh, like WonderCon in the— and like comic type things, just because the illustrations are beautiful.

Yeah, that's a good point. Easy, we could do that.

And nerds got money, by the way.

Nerds have it in the nerd sacks.

Go buy the book.

Right, that's a great idea. We should write that down.

My friends the Suicide Girls are there all the time and they have a book that's like—

Cool, that's a great idea. But didn't it just happen, Comic-Con? Or does it happen all the time?

No. Don't look at me like that. No. You don't know?

You're like a menacing father or something.

It's in July of next year.

Okay, got it. Well, we'll do that then. Also, we have a new poll on our site. Please go vote right now. How would you rate your current sex life? A, what sex life? B, I satisfy myself. C, at least I'm getting some. And D, no complaints here. And E, mind-blowing. We want to know about your sex life, so go to sexlily.com and please vote for that. That would be awesome. And, uh, yeah, that's what we got. Okay, so we can go into— we're gonna skip a little Sex in the News today. Let's just read because Jamie's here. Okay, let's put Jamie on camera out now. Okay, okay.

I thought it was a different time, but it's okay.

No, I changed my mind. Okay. Hi, Jamie. Say hi to everyone.

Hi, everyone.

How you doing?

I'm doing well.

What's going on? Why didn't you talk to me at the party last night?

You know, because I never saw your face before, so I didn't know who you were. Why didn't you talk to me?

Oh, I wait for the ladies to come to me. That's my problem.

That's his problem. Jamie, can we—

No, actually, it's not a problem.

We could analyze and break down Menace today for the entire show. He needs a lot of help.

I don't need any help. You're the one that needs the help.

Are you doing Yeah, I'm ready.

No complaints. Where are you on the poll?

Where are you on the sex poll?

On the sex poll?

Yes, he's not having sex that he remembers because he's always drunk.

Yeah, I like— I like drunk sex. It's the best.

You can agree, uh, drunk sex can be more adventurous for sure, but it's definitely not the only way to experimenting time, right? Um, I mean, more people experiment during drunken sex, but I think that experimenting other times is more memorable.

Do you know how much anal happens because of drunk, uh, sex?

Awesome, Menace. Let's promote that. What would you say? More?

I said more.

More anal sex. I'm not promoting it, but anal sex happens. That's good.

Like, we're not promoting, we're just talking truth.

Menace talks about it. Okay, so, uh, let's move a little closer to each other here and then we'll turn in. All right, how's that, Kels? Awesome. Okay, so, um, Yeah, drunken sex. That's Ben's big thing, so it's awesome contribution.

Yeah, that's the book I'm writing, Drunken Sex.

That's a good one. Drunken sex, I bet you so.

With missionary and—

Yeah, yeah.

Oh my God, let's all work together.

That's a great idea, dude. Let's do it. Let's do it.

Hot Sex 2, the alcohol edition.

Exactly, for alcoholics. Done deal. Dude, I know we have a new— I have a new margarita recipe.

Oh, you do?

No, not newer than the one that I knew last time.

Well, there's this one, there's this drink that I've—

I only know one.

There's this drink that I've shared with Emily called the Panty Dropper. And then we could like put that together with something.

So that's what it does.

I would call it the opener. What is it? We'll use it as the opener. It's, uh, have you ever heard of a Moscow Mule? It's basically, it's vodka, um, ginger ale, like, you know, Canadian dry ginger ale. And then you take lime and then you squeeze the lime in there and you mix it all together. It's delicious. But to make it a true panty dropper, you got to take a little drop of grenadine to make it pink. There you go.

And probably to make it a really true panty dropper, a lot of vodka. Right, exactly. A double shot.

A lot of vodka. We can agree that it's a delicious drink.

I'm not a big drinker, like I can't— I don't like the taste of alcohol. I was sucking down like 2, 3 of those when we went out, so I was psyched about it. My panties did not drop though that night, I'll have to say. It's true. Um, okay, let's get into some emails. We're just gonna do a few today because Jamie and I have a lot to talk about. Um, okay, so, hey Emily, my name is John and I'm a huge fan. I listen to all your podcasts. I just got home from work and was very stressed, so I did something I've never done before— masturbate. I was just stretching to help with my stress when I noticed I had an erection and the thought just popped into my head. Like I said, I had never done it before, so I was not sure what to expect, but I had heard stories, and let me tell you, it was the greatest thing I've ever felt. Forgive my foreignness, but when, how did you discover masturbation? From John. And I don't know how old he is. I kind of want to know how old he is.

I can't believe John's never masturbated. I can believe he wants to know how you discovered masturbation.

Right. Well, I— yeah, exactly. I can answer that question in a second. And, um, but, uh, oh, okay. How I discovered— I'll answer it now. Really, really freaking late. Like, it never occurred to me. Like, it never— I never thought to touch myself. And it wasn't until I was like 19 or 20 that I was like, oh, what's this orgasm thing? I'm learning about it. And then I finally did it. And it just took a long time to figure that stuff out.

I'm actually the exact same way, Emily. So yeah, I was sexually active at a very young age. I mean, I was kissing girls, well, a girl at the age of 11, did that for 4 years, like a lot. And then I met my first boyfriend and I was with him from 15 to 24 with one in-between breakup. And we had, We were sexually active. I mean, I did wait, make him wait 8 months for his first blowjob and a year and a half to have sex. But after that, we were having sex regularly and, but we were making out a lot.

Right.

And I didn't know if I'd ever had an orgasm. I was listening to Howard Stern talk about the Pocket Rocket when I was 21 years old.

Oh my God.

And I mail ordered away for a vibrator for my first vibrator at the age of 21. Had my first orgasm thanks to a slimline vibrator. And realized I had never had one before.

Oh my God.

And hadn't really thought anything of it. And I had never really masturbated. Right. Because I was doing it other ways.

Right, right, right.

So I am so there with you.

Pocket Rocket was my first too. I love the Pocket Rocket. I tell everyone to start with that. And if you guys want a Pocket Rocket, go to adamandeve.com, use coupon code EMILY at checkout. You get 50% off most items. You get 3 adult DVDs, a free gift, free shipping. Go buy your Pocket Rocket now. And it's a great vibrator to use during intercourse.

It's the one I always recommend first too.

Me too.

Because you don't want to spend a lot of money. It's out of the way.

I know, I love it.

You don't need to spend a lot of money. You can make it multi-speed by changing the batteries or letting the battery die, you know, just die down.

Right, okay, it's very powerful for a—

Very powerful.

It's not like the Hitachi, but it's, yeah.

It's powerful enough.

But speaking of masturbation, I think that we should—

Oh wait, can I tell you how I discovered masturbation?

Oh, please, dude, go.

My blanket started getting crunchy and I was wondering what was going on. Sorry, it's a guy's thing. Joke? It's a guy's joke. Oh, but it's real, right? Because guys masturbate so much that it like becomes an entire, like, your, Your blanket's not even soft anymore.

Right, exactly. So that's how you learn about it?

It's a nice, thick, crunchy layer.

Oh God, I bet you they're still crunchy.

Oh yeah, they're awful.

How often do you do laundry?

Uh, I do laundry every weekend, every Sunday.

Oh, that's good. That's good to know.

If I ever come to your house, I know not to sit on the blanket.

Yeah, on Monday.

On Monday, 'cause you'll wash the blanket.

Yeah, Sunday afternoon you're good.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, like on the weekends, stay far away. But I think that we need to talk about Tanga for a second, speaking of male masturbation.

I love male masturbation and Tanga! Okay, we love Tanga.

Okay, so Tenga is, let's start with their Mac Daddy here. Tenga is a male masturbation device. Uh, basically people think sex toys are for women. A lot of people.

Yes.

And men can have just as much fun with sex toys. These are revolutionary products from Japanese company Tenga that does the masturbation for you. Mm-hmm. It takes all the work out of it. Uh, it's a lot better than your left hand. Using Tenga products will also help you to increase your stamina, which will help you prevent premature ejaculation. So we get a lot of emails about premature ejaculation. This could be the answer to your prayers. So this one is the one that Menace is gonna use when we lose our bet. Um, this is the, this is the Tenga Flip Air. And okay, look, I'm showing the camera right now. It is amazing. It's got all these little rubbery nubbly things in here.

Now see, the thing that I, when I first saw it.

Yes.

On this, I thought it was this side. I'm like, all right, if everybody could see it, I thought it was that side. I'm like, it, it just chops your wiener off.

Right.

But no, but everybody, there's that side where it looks like a vagina.

Exactly. It's awesome.

So then here it is.

And you pour— they come with lube. You put the lube in it, you close it around your penis, and then it has these air pocket— air buttons that like increase the suction. So you can increase— you can, you can decide how much pressure you want on your penis, and then you move it in and out, and it's amazing. It's Tenga, T-E-N-G-A.com.

But then you put, you put lube in, you put lube in it, right?

You put lube in it, and it's—

and doesn't this come out for washing?

Yes, you can totally wash it, and it comes out with your dishes, or maybe with your dishes or whatever. But then Then Tenga came up with these new masturbation sleeves. So if you don't want this whole device, which is amazing— okay, let's hold some.

These are my favorite, these two.

These are masturbation sleeves.

Wait, I don't— are you supposed to flip them inside out?

Flip them inside out. Okay, so they each have like nubby ridges on them. So this one in your hand is called the Zen Spiral. Oh, the Zen. The Zen.

This is the Spiral.

They all have different names. This is the Spiral.

Let me touch one. Not that I'm going to use it, I just want to see.

Yes, you are going to use it. This is the module and this is the polygum. And see how it works? You flip it inside out, it makes noise, put some lube in there, and then this, and then you put on your penis and you're like, and it feels amazing, right? Jamie, tell me what you've heard about this.

Well, I actually love to use these with partners because it's another way, a fun way to do a hand job without having to, um, just use your hands, right? And also, uh, if you wanted, which you could do, is cut the tip off here so it comes out both ends and then use it during a blowjob as well, so you don't have to to go down as far. And then when he's ejaculating, you lift this up, up, up, up, up, so you collect the cum in here and then wash it out.

Oh my God, so that's your trick not to swallow?

Well, you know, my trick not to swallow is just to tell the guy, I want you to cum on my chest, or I want to see you cum somewhere else. And then they're like, oh my God, she or he's so hot, she knows where she wants me to cum.

Are you not a big swallower?

Uh, no, I am. I'm just saying it's my trick for not swallowing.

That's a great trick for not swallowing. So these masturbation sleeves, everyone should check these out. It's a great gift for men too.

Girls always try to spit it back on you with like playing with girls.

Not always.

Yeah, but that's like one of their tricks.

Well, it's not a trick, but it happens.

Yeah, yeah, they spit it back on you. I've never done that.

Yeah, they slowly like spit it back onto your, your wiener.

Right, right, right, right, right. Okay, I've seen that in porn.

Yeah, no, but that's what happens.

Like a lot of girls get that initial taste in their mouth, or guys, and they're like But if you go to the center of the tongue, that's where you're going to taste the most. So if you take it all the way back, if you know the person, if you don't know the person, I would say, and then you just plug your nose and just swallow.

No, that's not true.

No.

And then, but if you really love them, you swallow, right?

Wait, Jamie, I love your, your, your blowjob advice.

Yeah.

I mean, and also the masturbation This is so awesome. I—

this one actually feels really good right now.

And go find some guy out there and ask him.

I feel the other ones.

Yeah, feel them.

This one feels really good too.

It feels so cool. And you can get any of these sizes, so everyone go to Tenga, T-E-N-G-A,.com and check them out. It's a great present, it's a great gift, it's great for guys. And Menace, you're gonna really love it when you take it home tonight. Menace and I have an ongoing bet that it's just—

it's gonna happen in November, right?

Okay, yeah, sum it up. Mila Kunis was invited to the Marine Corps Ball. What?

What is Marine Corps Ball?

The Marine Corps Ball. Some guy did a YouTube video and invited her, and I'm like, there's no way she's gonna go. And Menace thinks she's gonna go. So I said, if you lose— when you, when you lose, you will use this Tenga masturbation sleeve and take it home and do it, the Tenga Flip Air. And then if I lose, you just have to eat a banana. I have to eat a banana during the show.

Yeah, slowly, slowly, slowly.

But a big banana.

Yeah, but propositions because you'll get extra potassium, and why wouldn't you want to try this?

Exactly.

But it's just because I just want to prove a point, because I like to prove that I'm always right.

Oh, right.

99.9% of the time.

He's right. He's right sometimes. Okay, so did we answer his question about that? He just— yeah, well, good for you, John.

Good for you if you've just discovered masturbation.

Yeah, good for you, and, and you're gonna have a good time with it. Have a good time. Buy it. Buy a Tenga masturbation Okay, next question. What?

No, no, I was just thinking about my joke about, uh, the blanket being crunchy, and only guys got that joke. That's why you guys—

no, I got the joke.

What are you talking about? It's a young— it's a young male. Yeah, it's a young male's joke.

Yeah, no, we got it. We think you're funny. No, totally.

It's a guy's joke.

Okay, Emily Morse: I've noticed through personal experience that older women my age or older, 50+, are reluctant to accept oral attention. Women in their 40s will accept it to a certain extent, but generally don't want more than 5 minutes as a warmup. I found that younger women, 20s and 30s, are extremely accepting of licking and kissing of the vagina. Do you think this is a byproduct? Do you think that is a byproduct of changing attitudes of oral sex on women during the past 20 years? From Robert. That's interesting. I've never heard that before. I didn't know that there's trends in oral sex. I think that some women, I actually thought what I would've guessed is that women, younger women in their 20s, are more uncomfortable with oral sex, maybe because they're not as comfortable with their bodies, or I don't know. I just— at least that's how I know.

They just thought you— that you just thought everybody was like you, and you're obsessed with it. No, I love it, and you promote it daily.

What, oral sex? Yeah, it's my favorite thing in the whole world, and I don't get it enough. Let me just say that.

Okay, I agree.

Have you heard this though, that certain women age—

I mean, no, I haven't. I, I would assume it would be a byproduct of just culture and society and, and how people view their bodies, maybe.

Right.

But I haven't heard that in the '50s. I would actually think it was the opposite, like you said. But I also was thinking that maybe something has to— maybe some of it has to do with too that women are obsessed with like being bare down there in their 20s now. Right. And so it's this like, the hair made me feel dirty, right, factor, which I think does affect some women and their views of oral sex. Right. But, um, it—

that's an interesting trend though, that, that women in their 20s, no hair. 30s, maybe a little more. I don't know, what do you think? I've heard that it's like different age groups have different hair.

I asked a group of guys not too long ago, um, I was, I was part of a workshop and we were allowed to ask them anything, and I asked— it was men of all age ranges— what do you think of pubic hair? And I was shocked how many of them, older men, did not want it. And I thought for sure this was like just, yeah, a porn trend or a young trend that was going to go away, but really more and more people are, prefer not to have it. The interesting thing right now, I'm growing out my armpit hair. It's pretty hairy. I can show it to the camera if you'd like. Um, and I'm doing, cause I wanna do an article on people's feelings around female, female armpit hair. And I'm getting a lot of varying reactions. Some that think it's really sexy and others that are like, I want hair nowhere.

Like, right.

Pubic hair is gone. Armpit hair has been gone forever.

Like, don't give me that. Right, right, right. You're like taking to the next level.

So it's, it's fascinating. I think it depends on the person and I think too that that some women just don't like oral sex. I have read a lot of articles in the last few months on women who are like, oral sex, check please. Like, right, they just don't like it. So it depends on the person.

Going back to the hair real quick, I, uh, I went to art school and for film— for filmmaking, but they made me take like all these dumb classes like sculpting. And there was this girl in one of my classes, she was super hot, right? But we had to go down to the basement where there was like no air conditioning to go work on some project So then she ended up wearing like a tank top and shorts, and it was like full-on arm hair and leg hair. And after that, I was done. Like, I wasn't— I wasn't really bored.

Okay.

Yeah, I couldn't— I couldn't embrace it after that, right?

It's hard.

It's like, I don't know, maybe because I didn't— I didn't envision that's what I was gonna see.

No, right, exactly. What kind of reactions are you getting?

Yeah, well, leg hair, I've been shaving. It doesn't do it for me. For me. Well, especially I live in Los Angeles, right? That's just like, I go to the gym and I'm like, they're stretching and I'm going— I've actually started to embrace just being like, let me see what people's faces look like. I know when I was, when I was younger, I did it because I thought it was sexy and feminist and all of that. And now the interesting thing is it's been over 2 months that I've grown my arm hair out, and it's not that long. Today was the first day I thought, okay, it's getting a little long, and like You know, if the body— with hooking up with men, I sometimes go, okay, I'm sorry if you see this and it doesn't work for you, but I've had everything from someone going under my armpits to sniff them and like lick them and love them, to other guys being like, I really thought you were cute. And I mean, not all guys that I would be sexy with, like, just like going from this to this.

How long are you going to grow it for?

I need to write this piece soon. I think I'm done. Oh my God, last night at the book party, I wanted to wear a shawl because I was in a tank dress and I just didn't know how how it would be perceived. And I didn't want that to be what people focused on.

That is so interesting, Jamie, that you're doing this. Well, who's the article for? Do you know?

Uh, well, I write for Cafe Mom, which is a blog. Okay. And so I'm gonna do something there first, and then I might take it even into a bigger space because the other part is men's hair too. There are places, I did a blog post a few weeks ago, uh, on the Stir about where men can or should have hair and where they shouldn't and polled lots of different people.

Mm-hmm.

And it was really fascinating too. Like some people are like, bring it on, you know? And other people were like, hair on the back, hair in patches. Or, you know, hair. Some people hate facial hair. Some people hate hair on the toes, hair in the nipple. I mean, anything, right? Trigger— it triggers—

and men are definitely trimming more, right? Yeah, landscaping. I think that's important.

I love the back hair, and I'm finding, uh, women in their 30s, uh, like that I talk to, they're kind of having like a backlash on pubic hair in, in the private area. Like, I don't want to shave anymore. I'm not, you know—

oh, so they have bushes down there now?

Yeah, but a couple of them it hasn't worked out for them, so they went back. Oh, but they're, they're trying to rebel against—

because it's a pain in the ass to get all the hairs ripped out. I don't blame them. Or get them.

But what I do like about waxing is when you— because I do still wax my, my pubic hair, like, I like being trimmed down there. Um, when you wax and continue to wax, it grows back thinner. So even though you have to deal with the pain— I brace myself every, you know, time I go— but, um, it's nice to see it grows back slower.

Yeah, that's true. It's been years now, so, okay. That I've been doing it, and it is not as bad, but it does hurt. Okay, let's do one more, and then we got to get into the book and, uh, hot sex. All right, over 200 things you can try.

It's not hot drunken sex though.

Well, you guys haven't even mentioned what's the number one place you can get it right now. Oh, pre-order it.

Amazon is the best place. Amazon, it's available October 11th. Okay, um, and you go to Amazon and you put in Hot Sex. There's actually another Hot Sex book that was a long time ago, so you have to put in Emily Jamie, and then you can find it.

Yeah.

Yes, it should be there right away. Okay.

Or you can also come to our book parties next week in LA.

Oh my God, we've got two book parties in LA next week that you have to come to if you live in Los Angeles. You're doing your first workshop. I'm— okay, Jamie's like an expert. We're going to get into your bio and all that, who this, who this wonderful woman next to me is. But I've never had a workshop. Like, I teach stuff on the show, but Jamie and I are teaching a workshop. Which night is it?

We're teaching Wednesday night at the Pleasure Chest.

The Pleasure Chest. Yes.

Which is a Pleasure Chest. Oh my God, I see that on reality shows all the time.

Do you?

I'm a reality show junkie. I think the last time I saw the Kardashians.

The Kardashians?

Oh, that's so funny. So we're teaching a workshop there called—

well, uh, I think it was just their 40th anniversary, so I know that the last time this workshop was pitched, it was something like 40 Things You Can Try Tonight, but it will just be hot sex. Over— we have 200 tips, and I think we'll get at least 40 of them in.

Yes, exactly. It's going to be so fun. So that's— and then all this information is on my Facebook page, Sex with Emily. You can check that out.

And so you're gonna talk in front of people?

Yeah, yeah, I can do that.

You do that well.

Oh, thank you.

You do that well. You did that well last night. And then we'll do a book party at Freddy and Eddie, which is another sex shop on the west side, because you know in LA it's a weird thing, right? Eastsiders don't go west and west don't go east. So we're gonna do that one, and that I think is going to be outrageous. I have a— I'm trying to get a friend of mine who does this thing called the Fourth Wall Project, different art that from all over the world where people can contribute, to come in and put either a fishbowl down where people can put their sexy hot sex secrets, and then he draws them as the night goes on.

Oh, that's so cool.

So there'll be an interactive piece.

I'm so excited. It's in Venice?

It's, it's gonna be in Venice on Washington Boulevard at Freddy and Eddie.

Very exciting. Lots of stuff happening. I have friends in Venice.

I'll tell them to stop by.

Yes.

Yeah. Do it. Do it. Do it. Okay. One more. Emily Morse. I love foreplay, but I need some help getting my hubby into it. I tell him it's so necessary for me, and if I'm gonna orgasm during vaginal sex and his solution is to go down on me, which is amazing, I always cum, but I miss my penis-induced orgasms. So a little variety and more foreplay is a must. So how do I make him a foreplay believer? Talking isn't working, and when I tell him what to do, he does it totally half-ass. Please help. We need to get our sex groove back. Side note, he just started a new job and he's working his ass off. He's also traveling a lot. It's been harder for him to find the time and energy to get it on. Signed, Emily. Another Emily. Okay, how do you— would you talk to your partner? Like, so she's talked to him, she's showed him a few times, he doesn't do anything.

So what I think would be a great idea, Emily, is to actually, instead of talking or telling him, is just, you know, through whatever. This is what I would say: answer the door naked, in a robe, in a sexy outfit, whatever, next time he comes home. And instead of being like, what would you like to do, or this is what I'd like, push him on the bed and say, kiss my neck, kiss my ears, I want you to kiss me for 5 minutes. When you do that, I will give you a surprise, whatever that might be.

Tenga masturbation sleeve, blow job, suck my toes.

Eat my pussy, whatever the next steps are. But I think she just has to do it like it's a game, but she's in charge, and then make it be something he's not even thinking about and realizes that he's just—

that is a great idea.

So you love what you just said?

Yeah.

And he doesn't love anything. Wait, really?

No, because remember, I always remember, always say that I, I just want some— because it's always reversed. Because you say, oh, I just want a man just to come in and grab me and ravish me and blah blah blah. What about the guy wants that sometimes?

So you would love if you came home and your roommate or someone—

or some—

kidding, some chick that you're seeing, you get to her house, she invites you over for a special dinner or something. Yes, some drinks. Sorry, Menace doesn't eat, he just drinks. So, so the doorbell rings, whatever, you ring the doorbell, she opens up, and what? And she's wearing nothing. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, yeah, bondage tape, whatever.

I love bondage tape.

Bondage tape makes for great outfits.

Oh really?

And you could wear a whole roll as a dress.

Okay, I love bondage shape. It's like, you know, I've talked about it a lot.

Yeah.

Okay. So, um, that's a great suggestion. I've got nothing else. Try that, Emily. Try that. Try naked and showing them.

And the other thing I could say too is, um, you can send some email suggestions to him tonight when you come home. Here's what's on the menu. And then just list 5 different acts that you will, you know, gladly perform and just say, um, of course this is after we get through the cocktail hour and hats, you know, whatever.

I love it. You just have to play with Jamie or email Jamie and, uh, she'll do that. Okay, that's great advice. I love that you're here answering these.

Yeah, you can follow me on Twitter @jamye and I'll answer any questions.

Absolutely. J-A-M— what's your website?

Uh, jamiewaxman.com.

Okay, J-A-M-Y-E, you got to remember that. Okay, so Jamie, let me tell you a little about Jamie because she co-authored this book. She's the author of the award-winning book Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation.

I love that book too.

Oh my God. As well as Women Loving Women: Appreciating and Exploring the The Beauty of Erotic Female Encounters. She has a 3-part video series of adult education erotic films titled Personal Touch, put out by Adam and Eve Pictures, and her latest educational film, 101 Positions for Lovers. She's worked as a consultant. She's done a lot of stuff. She's got videos, she's got advice. This is all this on your website, right? Yes. Is there anything else you want to say? Like, do you teach workshops all over?

I teach workshops all over. I'm actually finishing up my PhD, and I really think I'm gonna do some groundbreaking work on, um, adult pleasure-based sex education, which is something that you do here every day on this podcast. So I'm really excited looking at the alternative sex education outlets that are out there and what is out there for adults. So I'm very excited about it.

And you're in LA, but you travel everywhere and do your workshops, right?

Yes.

And she's in high demand.

And I was at the Pleasure Chest too for Playboy TV. I worked on their last show, Sex Stream Makeover. So I did 4 episodes.

How'd that go?

I was really fun.

What was that? What'd you have to make over? Who'd you have to make over?

The first couple, this was probably the most challenging in terms of a couple. They— he wanted to be able to have anal sex with his wife, not drunk. And, um, he said his penis was this thick around, basically.

Okay.

And he said, I want to put my penis in her gaping asshole. So I knew where we had to start. It was language, right? Who really wants to hear about their own gaping assholes, right?

Exactly. Like, honey, don't call my asshole gappy.

I mean, it's not appealing to think about something like that. So, but yeah, it was—

so you taught them the language to use?

I taught them language and we actually, um, molded— I suggested they do their own dildo so that they can then practice slowly. She could also warm up when he's not around if this was something that she was willing to do. Of course, that's the first key is that the other partner has to be willing to do it.

Exactly. That's a great way to ease into anal sex. Cause we get a lot of questions about that as well. Like, how do I get my partner to do it, to try it, to do like a clone a willy thing?

Yeah, like do a clonowilly, and then this way you have the same size if it's something that you're really into. And also, breathing is— breathing and lube are the two most important things for anal sex, right?

Lots of lube.

Lots of lube.

Start small with finger too.

Yeah, I gotta get the Playboy Channel. I don't even have it.

No, they have reality TV now.

I know.

What are you missing?

No, I actually, years ago, I set up something useful. I set up my buddy, uh, one of, one of their hidden camera shows. That they had. And the whole setup was the story that I told them. I go, yeah, these radio listeners, I'm flying them out to LA to go meet with some band, whatever, right? And then last minute, I couldn't— I couldn't get on the plane. I had— I had an emergency. So they were out there, and my buddy, I said, dude, you got to do me a favor. You got to pick up these chicks from— from the airport. And he goes, okay. And I go, there's already gonna be a car. So that's the car that had the hidden cameras in it. There's already gonna be that. Down there, drive them. He's like, all right, cool. And the chicks that he picked up, they just started in the back to start taking off their clothes and like making out and getting crazy. But he— my vagina of a friend wouldn't sign off on it because he was just— he was really serious with a girl.

Oh man, I see.

Guys, don't—

come on, don't get serious with anyone. That's just my opinion. Okay, let's get into the book. Okay, Hot Sex. Hot Sex is our new book, which you can buy in stores October 11th, and you can order on Amazon, pre-order on Amazon today.

Now, is it 200 pages or Or is it 200?

No, it's, it's, it's not—

it's more than 200 pages.

More than 200 pages. It's beautiful. People—

yeah, let's talk about those pictures. Okay, this illustrator, Benjamin— I can't pronounce his last name. He really did an amazing job with these illustrations. And I love Waking Life and Scanner Darkly, the rotoscoping images from those movies. And this book is those movies without the shaky— I don't like the shaky parts of the right.

I mean, they are beautiful illustrations and they're not like— they're not going to freak you out. They're going to actually like turn you on, I think, and you'll be happy about it.

So, um, yes, they were real people. I get that question a lot.

These were real people having sex that we had illustrated. And the book is broken into different sections: tease, play, entwine, and explore. So what should we start with here, Jamie? How do we even— like, we should—

I think that, yeah, I mean, go, you can even pick a page.

Okay.

I love it. It's all about being fun. Sex is fun.

Let's get in something.

Okay, let's get into the back. Oh, let's see.

This is how guys are.

Yeah, but no, we're talking about all the time.

Oh, you talk about tease all the time.

Yeah, you gotta tease me.

I love you.

Women love to get teased, blah blah.

Can you explain to him why women love being teased?

Yes, here's the thing.

Men are like micro— microwaves. Women are like ovens.

It takes us a lot warmer, a lot longer to get around about society, and that's why there's out there.

It's so true. Okay, so I like, I like this page, and it reminds me—

we can go to that page.

Okay, All Tied Up. This is about bondage. Am I— do I have my head in the camera?

No, just keep it still and then people can see it.

So all about bondage. Look at the beautiful photographs, illustrations. Okay, so we talk about cuffs. Bondage cuffs are quick and easy way to restrain your partner, no special knots required.

Yeah, and they're a great way to explore. I think it's a really— cuffs are a great initial introduction to, uh, the bondage, domination, submission lifestyle-y type of play. If you're interested even just a little, a pair of cuffs are great. I would be warned to not get cuffs that are just metal because they are— can hurt someone's wrists. And, um, it's a little scary at first to have cuffs with keys and to think you can't get out if you need to. Okay, so Velcro is a great alternative for a cuff, or you can make cuffs from ties or scarves or whatever.

Exactly, that's what I did when I first was starting out. And then we've got the handcuffs that are, uh, metal— the metal handcuffs, but the fluffy handcuffs, they have the fur on them, the fur on them. And then ribbons. Ribbons are great for simple, simple bondage.

Do you think bondage chain wedding rings are the worst cuffs out there?

Haha, that's funny, Menace.

Okay, depends on the relationship.

So, ooh, serious sensations. This is a woman with her—

no, oh, you hate women like this where they get all I don't hate them.

I just— I— women who can orgasm through their nipples, I've just— well, what are their breasts?

Are your nipples sensitive?

Yeah, but I've never had an orgasm through them, and I wish I could.

Have you?

Mine aren't very sensitive, so I recently started to like be like, damn, why? I need to explore this. And I've noticed actually that my right nipple is more sensitive than my left. Okay, I'll still never have an orgasm through them most likely, but I like once I'm aroused for people to play with my nipples. But beforehand, not so much.

Don't you find that guys guys, or whoever you're with— okay, men, if you're with men— that they don't— they don't like— you think that men love breasts. Maybe there's the guys with— but they don't know how to touch them that much. And we talk about that.

Yeah, can you explain that?

How to touch the breasts?

What would be like the best way?

Start soft.

Starter. Start, start handling with your hands. Like, you don't have to touch your own nipples, but like with your hand. Like how?

Like lightly, like cup them.

With your full hand?

With your— no, like around the, like, the bottom of them. I would, like, lightly trace your fingers maybe around.

In the middle of sex, or am I just making out with you?

Foreplay or sex. It's amazing. But if you're starting out, it's foreplay. I would just start really slow because you never know. Some women are really sensitive on their breasts. Some women, like, like it really hard. Like, here we have a picture of a woman with nipple clamps.

All right.

You can use clothespins too.

Clothespins. Yeah.

And I like to either— I love being like my boobs being sucked on, but otherwise, like, just a light brushing back and forth like this. So it's a gentle tease.

Toes with the hand, with your hand or your mouth.

Yeah, feathers, wieners.

Guys are really into that, into the wieners.

You want to rub your wiener over wrestlers?

Yeah, they really like it. But like rubbing them on breasts, that would feel good. Does it feel good or not? Yeah, it's light enough. You can be honest.

It would depend on where it was.

It's not good.

Slap your penis on my boob if I'm hot and bothered and ready. Yeah, I think it's fun. I like silly things during sex.

Yeah, me too. So yeah, I mean, you could Start softly, always start soft and slowly and yeah, brush your hands and then you could trace her nipples with your finger, you could lick your finger and go around her nipple and blow on it.

And then you can pinch them with your hands.

You can pinch them sometimes, but start pinching slowly.

Yeah, I wanna know like what's the most extreme, like from the beginning to the extreme. Like what not to do.

What not to do is twist them. Like don't hold onto them and then twist them. Them like a titty twister.

See, yeah, guys don't know that, not to twist.

They don't. I mean, someone might like it. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to ever say never. There's no never, because there's some women are going, what the hell, I love when you twist my breasts. But that's— I would say I wouldn't start with that. Okay, I wouldn't start with the twisting of the breast. What else is a no-no?

I actually wouldn't even start with— for me, I wouldn't start with the breast. Like, go there again, like, once you've started kissing. But if you go right there and go, that's another no-no.

Yes.

And grab the boob.

Don't grab the boob.

Breaking out with a girl, I never even the first session of making out with a girl, I'm not gonna grab her breasts.

No, no way. Okay, how is it?

She's like taking off her clothes, then yeah, of course. But I'm— even then, I'm not even gonna be like all about feeling up on the breasts. I'll wait, I'll wait till another— okay, because I want to be respectful. Honestly, I'm not very respectful when I talk on this show at all because, you know, I'm just being funny. But honestly, like, if it's a girl that I'm really into, like, I'm not gonna be like like, right, fondling.

So what should Menace do the second time he's with her and he wants to touch her breasts for the first time? So she takes her shirt off. Yeah. And you're wondering how to touch them.

I would even start over the shirt, right?

Oh, that's hot. Over the shirt, take her bra off even, or if she has a bra off, or like— and it feels amazing with the material over your breasts. Your nipples can feel really good.

If you'll feel like you're 14 if you're trying to go under the shirt and grab the breast, go through the bases.

I love that.

I do too. It's so fun.

So you, and you endorse that as a, as a 30-year-old man?

Yeah, totally.

No, as a 30-year-old man to like go under and like just touch the breast while you're ready.

See, this is the problem with what happens as we get older. We think that we can't— like, the sex, the sex contact I had, the sexual touch I had in high school was some of the best I had because we anticipated. We didn't go fast, and then all of a sudden we had— we got laid, and now we're like, oh, every time, right away.

No, right, right.

Oh, slow. Do that.

Slow down. She will love you for it. Like, I remember the first time I like almost had an orgasm, but I didn't. But the first time I was super turned on by a guy, I was in high school and I was like, you know, 17 years old. And I remember like my parents were upstairs and we were like fooling around in the living room downstairs. You know, you do that in the living room downstairs. And he like took my pants off and I still remember I was wearing these pink satin panties or something, and he was just brushing me like lightly over the panties. I was so That's why it doesn't matter what the hell it was, and it was slow, and he wasn't trying to get in them at first, but he was just like touching it, and I was so turned on. It's like those tender moments of youth. If men could just slow everything down.

Yeah, if you pet over the panties, she will like be screaming for you to get in there.

Yeah, most men—

the thing is, when you get older as a guy, you think your, your, uh, your erection is not going to come back.

Stop thinking about your erection.

Yeah, yeah, that's the problem.

See, menace doesn't He doesn't—

I'm making statements. You think that like I'm talking about myself?

No, no, this is good. I'm saying, I'm saying a lot of men— okay, right— that, that, that, that touching a breast, and if you go slow, that he'll lose his erection. But a lot of guys get turned on by doing these things because you're going to see me turned on by doing this stuff.

And then also, I'm going to tell you this, if it keeps on going slower— and I'm just, I'm just stating what I know as fact with other people that I've talked to, okay?

Got it.

I'm not talking for all men, all right? Anything like that. But if you do spend a lot of time teasing or making out, which I do endorse making out, the teasing thing I think is kind of dumb, but I'll do it. I'll do it to get laid. And the wiener, if it keeps on going up and down, up and down, by the time you have sex, he's gonna be a minute man, you know.

Yeah, but honey, a lot of men, their wiener doesn't go down because they're so turned on because you're teasing me, and I'm so turned on that you're gonna be turned on and you won't lose your erection because, you know, You've said this before, guys, they get, they get aroused in what, 1, 2, 3?

Yeah, that's it, 3 seconds they're aroused. And so they have to stay aroused that entire time. And you guys are like, I need you to tease me for this amount of time, and by that time I'm gonna be so aroused, by the time I actually get my wiener into the vagina, right? I like using baby terms, right? It's, it's gonna be over.

It's gonna be like, it's gonna be like 2 minutes too, because for premature ejaculators, one of the big, uh, recommendations is to touch and touch and touch and get the erection, and as soon as you have the erection, to let go and let it go down and then build it back up again to train yourself to not come so quickly. So it could go either way by having losing the erection and having to build it back up. But I think one of your big fears about losing the erection, if you just let go, if you got an erection in the first place because you're with somebody and and you wanted to be there with them, even if it goes down because you're touching her nipples and that's not as arousing to you, if for some reason it isn't, then it will come back when you get into something else that works really well for you.

So they'll come back.

And I tell, I tell guys that are premature ejaculators, they just need to masturbate before they go out on a date. It's just something from, from About Mary, you know, right? I don't know what that movie is about.

Something about Mary.

Something about they do the— they go through the whole process. It works.

It does.

For some men it works.

It makes you relax before because you're just too excited, right?

Pregaming is what we call it. Exactly. Um, okay, so— oh, this I love, the dripping the hot candle.

Okay, okay, explain this to me.

The hot candle wax?

Yeah, I want to know, like, does it— there's that one candle that you really like that you always talk about.

Jimmy Jane.

Oh, those are— the fig is my favorite.

Oh my God, Jimmy Jane. JimmyJane.com makes the most amazing candles that you— so how do you You explain it. You explain it.

I love that she's here. Um, they're, they're soy-based, so they burn at a lower flame. You don't want to use a regular candle.

No.

Uh, let's—

these are special massage candles.

And these are massage candles, so the actual wax turns into a massage oil, and you can get whatever scent you want. And then you can see— I mean, I have experimented by like throwing it on myself, dripping it on myself, just to feel the temperature. It doesn't get that hot that it's scary. Of course, the higher up you hold the candle, the less, the less heat there'll be. The lower down you pour the candle, the more heat there'll be because of how quick it takes to, to hit the body. And then after you get the massage oil candle on your body, you use it to massage somebody.

Yeah, it's amazing. And the heat, it feels good, the heat. And then the candle, it's all sexy and hot, and it smells really good.

If you do like some wrestling moves on a mat, where's the best place to, uh, drip the candle?

Wax?

I think starting on the body, on a woman's body. Oh wow. I mean, you could drip it— I'd start on her back, but you could flip her over. You could drip on her breasts and then massage her breasts. Massage her breasts. Do that with the boobies. Do you want me to get you a candle?

Why are you guys staring at me like you're suggesting for me to do this? No, I'm just saying like, like, oh, you should really do that. I'm not gonna go do that.

Why?

Because it's too messy. I don't like that. I gotta— again, I have to put like a tarp down or something. Like, something that's not— that's too messy.

It's not if you drip it in a very concentrated area, in like the middle. I would just stay away from like the lips and things that are the sensitive skin.

I don't like— do it in the shower first, just to like— so I can wash it off immediately.

No, it won't work in the shower. But have you ever gotten a massage from someone or given someone a massage?

No, I don't like massages. I need— I need like a chiropractor.

After.

This is not rough enough. I like it really rough. Like if somebody's like touching my body. Uh, yeah, no, both ways, it doesn't matter.

But when you touch a partner, do you touch rough?

No, it only if that's what they want, you know.

That you want to be touched rough?

No, no, no, not sexually. I'm just talking because you guys are talking about massages, right? Like I don't like when somebody's like trying to give me a massage and then they're just like barely like, you know, touching me because I need, I need my back cracked. I like when women stand on my back. That feels so good.

Well, that's what I need. Yeah, no, that's good. But that very light touch can be really annoying. There's an amazing sex educator named Barbara Carellis who does a workshop called Urban Tantra, and she talks about the resilient edge of resistance, like the Pillsbury Doughboy, where you push in his belly and it pushes in and pops back out. Like, you want to find that edge on people. When people are very like hesitant in their touch, it's, it's very dis— you just don't feel like they're there or into it, right? Afraid of something.

We're saying go slow, but then we're saying don't be hesitant.

Well, don't be hesitant to use touch, to be confident in what you're doing, but do it slowly, right?

What's the process that you like for touch or for intercourse?

Well, it's funny, I like to switch things up. My system is— I love a person who makes out, but honestly, I've met a lot of men in my last few years of being more single that don't really like to kiss.

Yeah, during sex or just in general?

In general. I know, I think it's like too intimate, too much. Like I have had, you know, so, and that really, that's gonna turn me on first. And then from there, I like a guy who initially will go down on me first, will not be like waiting for me to go down on him, will be like, ah, I love this, munch, munch, munch, ah, whatever.

Yeah.

And I find that those guys are also fewer and far between.

Don't you find, okay, here's my theory that there are men who love the vagina and men who don't love the vagina and you just can't get it. The ones you don't like, for whatever reason, they, they, they're never gonna come around. And then there's guys who are like, I I love the smell, the taste. Did you get waxed? Like, they notice everything, you know? They get into the whole vagina. And those are my guys. But I— when I— in my single times the last few years, like, that I've been with several men, they, um— there was a series that were like not into the vagina. I was like, there's something wrong with my vagina? But clearly not, because then I met some who are. And I like those guys. Yeah, no, I mean, those guys need to— the women that we talked about earlier who don't like oral sex, that's— we should just match those people up.

And I have girlfriends who don't like to go down on guys too, right? Like, wow, they should just be with other people who don't like oral as well.

Exactly.

Those people should stick together. But then I like to go and have sex in whatever positions, and then I like to go back to having oral sex again, or making out, or masturbating. Or honestly, my big problem, because I talk a lot, is sometimes I'll just stop and talk, you know, in the middle.

Like, if I'm having— that is the worst.

I do that too.

I'll be like, man's nightmare right there.

That is his biggest nightmare. I do. I sit there, I'm like, oh my God. So, and I forget that we were having sex because I'm like so excited. I'm like, oh yeah, so anyway, hi, how was your day? Whatever. No, and I talk about what we're doing and then he's like, let's keep going with this, right? That is so funny.

I'll be like, what are you doing right now?

Menace doesn't like women who talk.

Well, maybe then you need to get into ball gags.

Well, yeah.

There's a picture in here too.

Bogax, there is. I like that picture.

Let me tell you something though about the kissing. The kissing— some girls, I, I just don't like feel a connection on the kissing level. Like, we have great sex, it's just like kissing is just not that great. And there's like some women I just love kissing, and maybe the sex is not even that great with that person.

Wow, you just love making out with them.

I love making out with them, and I kind of like those people better even though we don't have like a great sex.

Kissing is good. I know, I love the kissing too, and you can't kiss enough.

And I think if you have good kissing with someone, that you will have good sex if you keep working on it, most of the time. But you're right, not always. I've had relationships where the sex was better or the kissing was better, but not some. I like the ones that are fairly balanced.

Yeah, so that's why I'm just saying, like, sometimes that's my— you just don't have that kissing connection. That's why guys not making out with you.

But don't you think that if you kiss them— what do you think? What's your theory, G-Man? Kissing— can you teach someone to be a better kisser?

I know there are books out there that say you can, so yes, I do believe you can teach someone to be a better kisser, but I also believe that you have to have an initial chemistry around kissing, right, to make that person a better kisser for you, right? If like the guy— I mean, I've been with men where I've been like, oh, that was bad, and I don't think no matter what I do that they're going to be a good kisser for me, right? But I think they could be a good kisser for someone else.

Yeah, totally. There's totally— there's enough kissing to go around. There's enough people doing like oral sex, so we're gonna match that together. Forget all these dating sites, they're like, do you like hiking? Do you like swimming? It's like, just do you like oral sex?

Yeah, that's a great question. That should be on dating sites.

Should be on dating sites.

No, one of the riskier questions.

But okay, how about this page? Speaking of kissing, Triple Your Fun. It's a threesome page.

Okay, have you had threesomes?

I have. Have you?

Yes, of course. No, I mean, not so much. It's much easier for women to get laid and it's easier for guys to get married.

Oh my God.

Oh. True.

It is true.

It really is.

She's speaking so much truth today.

Do you love Jamie Waxman or what?

I do.

The golden rule of any threesome is to play fair, to make sure that no one feels overwhelmed or left out. Start slowly with lots of talk and making out so everyone has a chance to get comfortable with one another. The man should take his lead from his partner. No pressing, pressing for anything she's not comfortable with. That's huge with threesomes. Like, a lot of dudes want a threesome, they have fantasy about it, or women too, but like, let her take the lead. Yeah, let her direct. Like, have the rules set out beforehand.

Like, know how far you're gonna go, if the person can sleep over afterwards or not. If you're the one in the relationship, I really think that needs to be discussed beforehand. I had a threesome once with a boyfriend who brought home one of my girlfriends without asking me, and, you know, I went with it for a little while, although I wasn't extremely attracted to her. I was like, yeah, whatever, it's awesome, she's one of my best friends.

Right.

Um, then she was kissing me, got gum in my hair. Oh no, very upset. Were they chewing gum? We were drinking.

Yeah.

Um, and then it was many years ago, but then I went in the bathroom to remove the gum from my hair, and I thought like, you know, I'd come back out and they'd be sitting there like waiting, waiting for you. He was going down on her when I came back out, and in the middle of that I just said, this has to stop right now. I'm sorry, my friend, you need to go home, and my boyfriend, you and I, we need to talk. And he was so upset with me after, like, I can't believe you broke up that threesome in and I said, I can't believe I let you have a threesome without talking with me. So, you know, you shut up. But it was, it was devastating, and it taught me a lot about threesome etiquette that night.

There is threesome etiquette. You can't just bring— especially one of your friends.

Yeah.

Did you guys break up soon after?

Um, he and I, yeah, pretty much that was for me the end of it. I have a switch. I don't know if you're the same way, but I can really like somebody, and then something just happens. They do this one thing, and it's like the light just went off, and I can't flip it no matter how much I still adore them and I'm friends with them.

There's so many women like that where it's just automatically, uh, yeah, not interested in you at all. And the guy can never redeem himself.

Nope.

Ever.

That's not bad.

It's crazy.

I didn't murder anybody. Big one.

Hilarious. Okay, what else do you want to show? We got like a few minutes left.

So, um, I— well, first of all, again, like, the— there's that picture in the shower that I love. That shot, I think it's page 56, because I was looking at it last night. It inspires me on two levels. One, first of all, it was the hardest picture for Benjamin to draw, if I remember correctly, because he couldn't get the water right at first.

And I love that.

I love how much it's— you know, I love that he did and how great it looks. Um, but the other thing was, I was never a huge fan of shower sex. Like, I liked it if we were gonna try something very messy or you know, if, uh, or whatever. But I started to really like it in the bathtub shower where you can use the bathtub ledges. Oh, I think it's right there.

It is.

There it is. Okay, this is an awesome photo.

She's not gonna bang her head, she's safe, everything's fine.

Um, I was doing that and a girl passed out.

Like, just like that?

Yeah.

Oh well, you know, I think too, plain— if it's hot water, you have to be careful. Yeah, if there's alcohol involved, you have to be careful.

There was no alcohol, but it was in like Palm Springs, super hot, hot water. And just, I thought she was joking and she just like fainted and I thought I killed the bitch, killed the lady, killed the lady. And then you ran and I ran. Well, I slapped around a little bit, saw her eyes start opening, and then I ran naked to Palm Springs. No, I'm just kidding. But yeah, uh, I, I endorse shower sex though. Yeah, I like it a lot.

I think it's great. And I think also for couples who have kids at home or something and you need a place that you feel like there's water running, you can be, you know, you have some privacy for a little bit. And it's all cleaned up for you afterwards. Shower sex is great.

I love shower sex. I do. It's fun. Super fun from behind. There's lots you can do.

And, um, hotel shower sex.

Silicone lube is good to use in the shower.

Say that. Let's talk about lubes in the shower. Okay. Silicone lube is the best to use in the shower. What about, what do you think about silicone versus water-based lubes?

Well, I like, I, I was a huge fan of silicone for most of my, uh, for a lot of my life. I've liked silicone the best, but honestly, I've become a little more of an organic girl. Um, I'm very big into like the aloe cadabras and the Sliquids right now.

Sliquid and Alakadabra. Okay, those are good lubes.

But if I was going to be playing in the water at all, I would be using a silicone lube because silicone is waterproof and it needs soap and water to come off of, of the objects that it's on. So it's great for slippery shower sex.

Okay, great.

It's cool.

Thanks, Jamie. Okay, so it was awesome writing this book with you.

It was so much fun.

I love—

like, we are very similar in a lot of ways. I mean, we are— we come from different— oh my God, by the way, I think I know someone that went to high school with you. I'll tell you after.

Oh my God, tell me.

Okay.

Um, but, uh, I feel like what's so nice is that we come from similar yet different backgrounds. Right. And that this book like gives us a chance to talk to so many people about sex. And you know, as you can hear today, like we're just these two normal girls. Like I, everyone's a sex expert in my opinion, in the sense that they have sex, they know what they like.

Exactly. But we, you're an expert on yourself.

I'm happy to talk to as many people in the world who wanna talk sex.

Exactly. We love it. And Jamie's all over, so you can find her at Give it your website again.

JamieWaxman.com and on Twitter @JamyE.

Okay, great. Thanks, Jamie. The book is Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight. You can get it on Amazon right now, pre-order it. It comes out October 11th. Happy Free Friday, everyone. Happy weekend. Thanks everyone for listening to Sex— what were you gonna say?

Oh, I was gonna say we gotta give a shout out to Stitcher. Stitcher is, um, an app that you can download for your phone. It's free. You can stream the podcast whenever you you want, just type in S-T-I-T-C-H-E-R.

Awesome.

And then once you download it, type in Sex with Emily, and, uh, the show is on demand whenever you want it.

There you have it. Love it. Okay, thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.