Episode 328 - She's Faking It

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that block our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, it feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. Well, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

Me. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can see all the sex stuff going on. It is your sex. Your daily sex newspaper.

You can see the video stream that. I just moved the camera. Sometimes I just like move the camera while you're talking.

That's appreciated.

It's very professional.

Okay, that's good. Menace. I'm here with Menace. Hi, how you doing, my love? I'm great. I'm so good. Everything is really good. Today's show. I'm really excited about the topic.

What is it about?

It's about faking orgasm. No, it's not about polygamy. I'm not a polygamist. Although I might have a date with a polyamorous soon. But anyway.

Oh, your dream. No, it's not your dream to go out. It's not your dream to go out with a polyamorous? No, no. I tell you what your dream is.

Ah, menace.

The guy is only exclusive to you and then you can date everywhere.

Not true, not true. Where am I gonna find a guy? I wouldn't even respect him if he. I'll just wait home for you while you go bone other guys. That's not what I want.

Well, that's what you want.

That's not what I want, baby. That's not what I want.

If he can pretend to be a man and accept that, then I totally believe that you would be for it.

I think that I am trying to figure out what I want. And I'm going on the journey of dating different kinds of guys to figure out what that is.

What are you gonna use to take that journey?

Boat, plane or car, everything. Yeah, but I'm gonna go out. This guy is really cute. I talked to him today and I think we're have a date in a few weeks. I don't know, I'm not sure. And then there was this other guy that asked me. I don't feel like there's like new guys in the circulation. But that's not what I'm talking about at this moment. I'll get back to that in a minute. This is what our topic is today. Think she's faking it? How you can tell if she's faking an orgasm, why she fakes an orgasm, how to know if she's faking it and what she can do about it, what you can do about it if she has been faking it.

The question is why do I care?

That's a good question. And why should I just call her out right there? Oh, you're faking it. What does that. What does that even change anything?

Honey, a lot of women fake orgasm. And do you know that tomorrow is national don't fake an orgasm day or something like that? We're gonna get into that in a minute.

So how do you find all these wacky holidays?

Dude, because it's my job and my interns jobs. But no, we're gonna be talking so all about orgasms. And then we also gonna be answering your emails. Some topics include masturbation guilt. And we've got some topics on happily married but not having great sex and sex issues. And you can also call us anytime. Leave a message on our voicemail 415-992-7392 and thank. Good morning. Good morning. Yeah, so that's good. And we've had a really good few days in the office. I have to tell you, I've never seen. My interns are pretty happy. We have a good life there. Right? Sex family. But yesterday, Jimmy Jane, which is amazing sex toys. They're like high end vibrators and just beautiful sex toys. My interns each got to pick out what they wanted from their website and they sent because they're gonna do reviews and they sent them all and they came in this big box and they're like just the most beautiful vibrators. And they got a Form 2, a Form 3 and a Form 6. And they were like ecstatic. Like took pictures. They're beautiful vibrators that you just can like, you can leave them on your nightstand. You can't even tell they're vibrators. They're so cool. I like that it was sex toy day.

Before I forget, can you please put like a gift basket together? I know somebody at a huge dot com office that I'm not gonna name that's by your office. And then we can present it to them.

Okay.

From the show.

Sure.

Totally cool.

Tell me why we would do that. You tell me offline why we would want to do. Okay, cool. I can give anyone sex toys. But not true. And they're like my friends anyway.

Why don't you just jump at you like why are you hogging all the sex toys? I'm not like sure, menace. I would love to put a gift.

You think that Jimmy Jane can't. They're like hundreds $100 sex toys. More than a little more than that. You can go to jimmyjane.com and check them out. But like they're just the most beautiful vibrators I've ever seen. And you like plug. Like the plugs are beautiful, right? The way you plug and you charge them and they just. They're just amazing. They're all charged in the wall and they're like designer sex toys. And then they're also. They got to do an order with Adam and Eve. Cause we're also gonna do Adam and Eve toy reviews. And so those are coming. So I just feel like why would they ever leave Me, right? My interns, if they get sex toys, I just gotta keep plying them with sex toys and alcohol. Maybe from time to time. But Adam and Eve has this really cool new mobile site. So people can just like go order their sex toys online. And if they use coupon code Emily at checkout, they get three adult DVDs, a free gift, and 50% off any item. So that's my sex toy information of the day.

They get to go home with something. Yeah, I just have sex with my interns. That's it. I don't really actually give them anything.

You do have sex with your interns? Yeah, mine are all girls. Not anymore. Except for one. Not anymore. You're over having. Okay, so this is what?

They don't have any new ones?

Hell, you just need some new in the mix. Do you want to borrow some of mine? They all think you're cute, I think.

No, they don't.

Yeah, they do. No, no, they do. They're a little afraid of you because you're kind of gruff sometimes.

Why?

Well, because you got some. You got an attitude, you're a little aloof, but you're really not. You come across that way.

I just. I like quick answers.

I know, whatever.

Quick answers.

But here's what they ordered. I feel like you can tell a lot about your people's by what they order. So they got to order from Adam and Eve. So one of them picked a cock ring, which I'm a huge fan of. Cock rings. C rings.

You like the vibrating ones?

The vibrating cock rings. That's what they ordered. Another one ordered a Kama Sutra DVD and a bullet vibrator. And that's what they ordered. So that'll be fun. And they're gonna review all these toys for people. Hands on.

I like when they get on here because they're just very loose.

I know.

They're like talking, whatever.

I know. I love it too.

So I can just sit here and drill them for an hour straight.

I know. That's what you do. It's so good. You love drilling our guests. Tomorrow. Our guest actually tomorrow show, which is free Friday. Free Friday. Nicholas Shear is our guest. He's the director of Inches for Charity. It's a documentary focusing on penis size with the goal of raising money for AIDS and children's organizations in South Africa. Basically, he started this documentary. He was on the show like four years ago when he started it. And it's men who are trying to grow their penises for charity.

Yeah, Very wacky idea.

Wacky idea, but love it. Let's have them on the show. We could talk all about penis size and does it matter and all that stuff.

I want to know if they actually grew.

I do too. It's been four years. Did they grow? Did they not? We'll find out. We will find out on free Friday. So what's up with you going to.

Disneyland tomorrow while I'm leaving for Disneyland tomorrow?

What time? After the show.

After show. Oh yeah, I forgot. I still got to do the show.

We could do it earlier if you want. We'll talk about it.

Yeah, I'm supposed to be somewhere in the bay area at 2 o'.

Clock. Yeah, we'll talk about it.

Did leave to la, okay. But I'm very excited about that because, man, I was just gonna do this really just laid back trip with my friends. Just go to Disneyland.

Right?

That's it. But I don't know, for some reason every time I go to LA, it just becomes this whirlwind. I know, 24 hour extravaganza of just madness. Once I put it out there on Twitter today that I would be down in Southern California, I started getting phone calls. Dude, I'm gonna pick you up at 2:00'.

Clock.

We're gonna jet down there, we're gonna go party it up. Then our friends are having a private party with elephant lmfao. We're gonna go to that. And then in the morning we're gonna wake up and have breakfast.

Oh my God.

Disneyland Resort and go to the tiki bar. Then go to Disneyland. It's just. It's just crazy.

Honey, you're so popular. You should feel good about it.

But you say I'm such a mean person.

No, I'm kidding. You're not mean. Everyone. You have so many friends and everyone loves you. I'm just kidding. You just put off. Because you're you. You just put off this like very. Yeah, like just cut to the chase, you know. If I talk too much, you're like, what's the point? Cut to the chase. Whatever. You know, you like one word answers.

It's fine.

I'm teasing you.

Which I think is terrible. And I will admit this. I'm very, very. It takes me a lot to get something out sometimes, right? Which is really bad.

But you're just a lovable little tiki tiki Tiki bear. What's your costume? Tinky Winky.

Tinky Winky?

You're just a lovable little Tinky winky from the inside. That's who you are.

I guess so.

You're just like A Tinky winky.

Yes.

Yes. So that's fun. Disneyland.

Yeah. What's up with you? Anything else other than going on dates, meeting guys?

Going on dates, meeting guys. Oh, wait.

You know what? We haven't talked about it in a long time.

Talk to me.

Whatever happened to your dog? Did it die? I haven't heard about the dog in, like a month.

My dog is in the office and I hope Kelsey walks the dog because she has to pee. I'm sure I've still got the dog. And I was counting today. It's been four months and I. She's still alive and she has not been hit by a car or anything. And I love her. She's cute.

How much stuff has she tearing up in your house?

She just tore up my rug and my couch and she still shits in the house sometimes, but she's getting better at it. She slept in my bed last night. She doesn't always sleep in my bed, but that's. I woke up and she was, like, pushing me off the bed.

I hate that.

Oh, I love it. I like cuddling.

I was so with Kim Kardashian. That was on part of the episode of them staying together in the same house that Kris Humphries brought his two dogs and he wanted the dogs to sleep in the bed with them.

And she said no.

And she said no, she doesn't want it. But then she kind of folded for a little bit and said, okay, the dogs can sleep in the bed if they sleep in these, like, these special mattresses that she got them.

Is that why they got divorced?

I would divorce a chick if she wanted to.

You wouldn't even date a chick with the dogs?

No, no. It's just like dating a chick with a kid. Not that I'm knocking dating, but it's a big dynamic. It's a big responsibility.

Right, right.

I'm just not ready for that.

I got it. I'm not even ready for the dog. I don't know how I've been lasting this long, but I have been.

I could kind of maybe date a chick that has a cat. Maybe. But they shed like crazy.

I know. This is dog.

You're just covered in hair all the time.

So true. But I mean, I don't know, it just. I'm living with the dog. It's. I'm not getting rid of.

But if I can find a girl that has an I, everybody Google it. II If I can find a girl that has a II from Madagascar, then I would definitely date her.

What is that?

You're Gonna have to Google it and find out what it is.

Okay. It's called an II Is it a sex toy?

No, it's. It's only found in, like, jungles in Madagascar.

I can fix you up with someone who has that.

Yeah, go for it.

I can find.

If you can find a girl that has an eye, I will. I don't care what she looks like.

Girl that you're dating.

I'm not dating. Girl.

The one that you're going to Vegas with.

What. What does that matter? Why do you want to date her so bad?

What I want?

And why you want to meet her so bad?

I just want to see this woman. I want to see who you bone.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, well, be careful.

Bring somebody to your party when you have a party.

Whatever party sometime. You're gonna come? Yeah. Okay.

Next time you have one.

Perfect.

Honey, are we there?

Okay. I just wanted. I just want to. I just want to say hi, and then I want to pull her in the corner and quiz her. Hi. I just want to interrogate her.

What do you ask her?

I'd be like, what? I'd be like, tell me about Menace. Is he like. What's it like? Is he romantic at all? Is he. What's. What do you guys do together? What's your relationship like? Is he good in bed?

Is he adventurous?

I would say the only thing that I do that I don't really do around any other people. I like talking in funny voices.

With girls.

With girls?

When you're having sex?

No, just, like, in general, just to be funny.

Really?

Yeah.

Like, what kind of funny voices. Do it now. Do it now.

No, no, I'm not gonna do it now.

Okay.

But I like to.

I would just like to grill them. So just be forewarned.

Okay.

In a really nice way. Okay.

Don't worry. I'd love to meet a guy that you're dating. I would.

You've met some guys I've dated. They've, like, come to the studio.

Yeah, but you're always, like, closely guarding them. If I just had, like, two minutes with them, I would just destroy them.

I know. And you'd be like, what are you wasting your time with this crazy chick?

You know she's dating five other dudes right now, right? No, I wouldn't do that to you. I'll let you.

I know. Have each other's best interest. You'll have to be a player, yo.

But I would drill him about himself.

Yeah. Okay.

I would annihilate him.

I want to know about this chick, too. Like, I. You know, what I would want to know from her, not just about you in your sex life, because that would be rude. I just want to figure out. I want to make sure that she's not, like one of the typical psycho chicks that are obsessed with you, that you date, who don't want you to work, and who holds you back from being the real menace that you are. And I want you to shine, and I want you with a girl who celebrates all your menaceness.

Thank you.

Yeah. So I just got to make sure that she isn't trying to change you and that she appreciates you for all that you. All the good things that you are. That's all I want.

I wouldn't mind dating a girl that wouldn't want me to work as long as she could pay all the bills. Dude, like, I would. I would fully embrace that.

Right. But you'd still.

But you know, I can't. I can't find women like that.

Right.

That want to date me, at least.

Exactly. Well, I could check you out, but. Okay, let's get into some. What?

Oh, go for it.

Sex of the news. Okay. Lindsay Lohan's sentence delayed for naked Playboy pics. Lindsay Lohan was not immediately sent to jail because the judge decided to allow her time to complete her nude photo shoot for Playboy. TMZ has learned.

What a nice judge.

She has a contract, Playboy, a contract of nearly 1 million. And the shoot must be completed this week. If it isn't, she'll be in breach of her contract. So the judge cut her a break and gave her one week to surrender. She will surrender for the camera in the next two days. Can you believe the judges, like, gave her offer to go to Playboy magazine? She must have no money, right?

Yeah, I think that. I think that was cool of the judge to do.

Super cool, L.A. judge, Playboy magazine, whatever. Yeah.

I don't know if. If she wasn't famous, if they would let him do it. Good. Say, look, I am on financial hardships. I can make a million dollars right now if you allow me to do that. I hope other judges would do that for people that.

Would you post naked for Playboy for a million dollars?

For a million dollars, everyone would be able to see how I look naked.

Yeah. Would you play a girl? I guess.

Or something?

I probably would not, Right?

Okay.

How about you? You totally would. For a million dollars.

Maybe I would.

You totally would.

I would. Maybe I would. I've never thought about it before, but I think it would be.

I don't know if people want to see Me naked? Yeah, maybe. Million bucks. That would really help things. And I could go shopping, get some new shoes. Okay.

But everyone would know what you look like naked. Every time somebody saw you, they would visualize you naked. Like they already don't already, but they would actually know.

I know that's kind of weird. And I have to really exercise a lot and go tanning and do a lot of other things, but I am on my gluten free diet. Okay, this next story is for you. And I just feel like this is the best news I've heard all day for you.

I think I know what it is. And I have been skipping ever since.

Okay. Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard split up.

Yes.

Menace is in love with Zooey Deschanel.

Finally. She will be mine.

She will be yours. How long were they together? He's the death cat for cutie frontman.

He's a puss.

Oh, they were married?

Yeah.

After two years of marriage.

Yeah.

A representative. I thought they were just dating. A representative for the couple says they've split up. They were married in 2009 after their manager introduced them and it was mutual. Mutual and amicable breakup. It's sad because they really did seem like they worked well. However, now they're back on the market. Madness was having a heart attack when we were at Treasure Island Music Festival a few weeks ago. Because she was there. Right. And you wanted to.

Oh. Supposedly I never saw her, but I've been in the same vicinity as her.

At least three times. Been like 10ft from her before. And I'm just saying.

What do you love? Why she. What she. Why is she your type? Like, why do you love her?

I just think that she's cute and funny, but, I mean, I don't really know.

I know you don't know Zoe.

Zoe is. But what she gives off is like a type of girl that, like, cool, right?

Like hip, hip.

Yeah, she's totally cool. Funny. Have you seen any of her movies or TV shows? Anything? No. I like her style too.

Right.

You know I like women with style.

Right. She's kind of funky. Hipster style.

Yeah. And she's a musician, which is kind of cool. I like that.

Okay, well, I'll fix you up with her.

I've seen. Yeah, I've seen her perform. Live like a bunch of times.

She's good musician.

Yeah.

Okay.

I like her stuff.

Honey, she's on the market and you're going to la. Maybe you can find her in la. I know Disneyland. Go find Zooey Deschanel.

No, I gotta figure out when's the next time I'll be around her again. Probably if I go to south by Southwest, she'd probably be there.

Let's go. This year, I'm totally down. I always wanna go with you wherever you're going. I'm like, yeah, we're gonna go. And then it wasn't happen. That's cool. Okay. Vibrators are not intimidating to men, a survey finds. If you've ever thought that men are threatened by women using vibrators, a new national survey set might prove you wrong. According to the survey, which pulled 3,000Americans aged 18 to 60, the idea that vibrators are intimidated to women's sexual partners is largely held by women. While 70% of men professed they had no problem with the buzzing toys, 37% of women either agreed or strongly agree with the idea that using a vibrator would be upsetting to their partners. So. And it found that 45% of men owned up to using a vibrator with their partner. So this is good news, everyone. Because I've held that belief until I saw this study, I always thought. And because we've also gotten a lot of emails about it and I've had a lot of conversations with them, and I think you're intimidated by vibrators. And I think that a lot of men are like, well, I'm not. I actually have a friend who recently. I talked about this a few weeks ago, that he was like, I'm bummed. She has to use a vibrator to have an orgasm with me. She has to use a vibrator. And it pissed him off because he felt like he wasn't really doing it, because he isn't.

He's not bringing it to the table.

No.

Some women need clitoral stimulation foam.

Your wiener's too small, dude.

That's why he doesn't have a small wiener. I saw a picture of it.

You can't satisfy.

Because I said the same thing. And then he had a picture of his wiener.

Yeah, but he probably. There's. There's ways you can angle your. Your wiener to make it look bigger in a photo.

Really?

Yeah.

You've done that?

Yeah, it's like they call them MySpace Angles.

MySpace?

Yeah, it's like on MySpace, like, you can make yourself look skinnier and stuff like that. I mean, this is like when. I know. I'm talking about MySpace and it's all about.

Yeah, MySpace. Who? What?

But the terminology came from MySpace. I can break it down for you real quick. You want it's kind of funny.

Yeah.

Okay. Not. Not dissing.

Overweight people because I am. I am 40 pounds heavier than I usually am, so I am also overweight. But this is what you can. These are the signs. Okay.

If it's a big girl, number one, her main photograph is a sunset scenery. Okay. Number two, it's of children. That's her main, not her. Number three, maybe cats, animals.

Number four, if it's a group picture of, like, a bunch of girls. And then you just look for the girl, the largest girl in the group. That's the girl that owns that profile.

How it's just a picture of her face.

Yeah. And then that's also. If every single photo is just a picture of their face.

Right.

Then the rest is. Is very large. And I'm not knocking big girls. Big girls.

Big girls are fine. But you can just spot them out on.

I'm just saying, just don't try to hide it. That's all. Don't try to hide it. Just point it up.

You know, your big fat booty should be your picture on Facebook if you're.

On there to look for some men. Just lay it out on the table. Don't try to hide from it.

Right. You know, this is a good topic, actually. Like, what are the. What. What does it mean, people's pictures? Like, the guy, like, if you're on a dating site, like, match or what? Any dating site. And it's like the guy with his art, like, the girls cut out, and it's like his picture of his arm, and you can still see, like, her blonde hair on. But that's like, the best picture you have is you and your ex, and he's holding, like, a red cup, drinking. Like, those are the worst pictures.

Yeah. I immediately unfollow any dude that doesn't have a shirt on.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

I defriend him. Like, I don't want to be a friends with a dude that's like. It's taking a picture of himself with his camera phone in his bathroom with his shirt off.

You guys do that?

Yeah, I don't.

I don't. I don't know.

Yeah, they do. Reject.

I should go through my Facebook and delete all those people.

I do.

That's a good idea, actually. Okay. The Depo Provera birth control shot could cause memory loss. Bad news for the women out there who prefer taking their birth control in shot form from Depo Vera. It may cause memory loss. A new study from Arizona looked into the effects of Dep Rivera's active hormone on rats. And the results weren't great. When the rats attempted to work their way through a water maze, the ones given the hormone exhibited signs of memory impairment. So the good news, that the problem has only been proven on rats right now. But I know a lot of women who get the deprivara shot because it means you don't have to take a pill every day. It's pretty popular.

So those are classy women.

And you'd think that with my memory loss, I wish I could blame it on. Those are classy women?

Yeah.

Why?

I'm just. My buddies make fun of girls that get the shot.

Really?

Yeah. They're like, oh, those are whores.

No, it's.

I am just saying this is. What.

Do you take a pill every day?

No.

Do you have to put makeup on every day? Do you look in the mirror every day? Do you have to wear something different every day? Do you have to buy 10 different pairs of shoes every day? Do you know how hard it is to be a woman?

Did I say it was my statement?

You can wear your fucking T shirts every day and be the same thing. We gotta take pills, we gotta get our nails done, we gotta get bikini waxes, we gotta get our hair colored.

But if you get the shot, you're a whore. That's all.

That's the dumbest thing you've ever said.

It wasn't me. Whatever my buddies say, that's.

That's cruel.

They're like, oh, she's such a whore that she doesn't even have time to take a pill because she's always boning.

You have dumb friends. No, I don't want to meet your dumb friends. Forget it, okay? The courts are still ruling on Janet Jackson's super bowl nipple slip.

Are you serious, dude?

How much taxpayers money, taxpayer money are they spending investigating her goddamn nipple slip from three years ago?

That's more than three years ago.

Two year 2009. Just today an appeals court in Philly threw out the case. Now might be headed back to the Supreme Court. Yes, the Janet Jackson nip slip was heard by the Supreme Court in 2009 and sent back to the appeals court now. So I guess it was 2009 is when it went to the. Maybe it was 2008. Who cares?

Who cares?

I mean, I'm sorry I even brought it up. I had no choice.

It has affected the industry totally. All broadcasting. But it seems like radio is such the whipping boy for fcc. It is so bad. That's why it was almost completely impossible for you. And I To do a show on Trust yout Radio. Remember?

Exactly.

Like you couldn't say. It used to be like so free flowing before that happened, like we wouldn't have all the.

I know. That's when I started doing terrestrial radio too. And menace. I would have heart attacks because I would by mistakes say stuff that I wasn't allowed to say. Yeah.

And I would have to take. I would have to use this thing called the dump button. But it's affected. Why? If you, if you turn on your radio and you remember like, oh, 10 years ago, I remember there was all these funny, wacky morning shows and where are they?

Yeah, that's why. Because the radio took them down because they were too wacky and swearing and they're not like. They were swearing too.

Yeah, too risky. Because now, you know, you get hit with a fine and the companies just fold. Back then like you get hit with a fine and then they would fight it.

But now that's why I like that we do not have to deal with any regulations whatsoever. We can do whatever the hell we want.

Yeah.

We can sit here naked on camera. You could swear. Maybe one day after my Playboy shoot, I'll just walk around naked all the time because then I'll be like, everyone's already seen me. I've got nothing to hide. Yeah, yeah.

What the hell.

Okay, we can get into some emails.

Go for it.

Okay. Dear Emily, I go to church. Even my pastor says masturbation is normal. I try to think of only my wife, no porn. Try to stay away from the porn because I'll watch it and then feel guilty and be cranky to my wife because of my guilt. I'm still struggling with pornography and still feel guilty about masturbation. What advice can you give to me to get over that guilt of masturbating? I'm living in sin for wanting to watch porn. I also want you to know I just love your show. Thanks, Jason. He's from Oregon and he's a premium Friends with Benefits member.

Oregon. They hate when I.

What'd I say? Oh, Oregon.

Oregon.

Oh, Jason, my love, I'm so glad you wrote in because this is a huge, huge topic. A lot of people feel guilty about masturbation and it all comes from religion. And I'm glad that your pastor said that masturbation is normal because it is a hundred percent normal. Watching porn is normal. Fantasizing about somebody other than your wife is normal. There isn't. You are not doing anything wrong. Many people do feel shame or guilt around masturbation and it does come from religious messages from growing up from. It's mostly religion. It really is.

There's so much shame.

There's so much shame, right? No, but there is. Did you grow up. Well, you didn't grow up super religious, did you?

No, I didn't.

But I have so many friends who grew up with like their parents saying if you masturbate, you go blind. They go to Catholic schools and the schools are all saying don't masturbate. So it's really hard messages. And people who receive these negative messages when they're young often carry these feelings into adulthood. So he must have started young. And you know, it is like all the stuff from childhood we carry into adulthood until we really work it through and we release it. It's totally natural. And I would say talk to. I would tell you, Jason, that the most important thing you can do because these are like deep seated issues. It's almost like abus in a sense of someone who had like severe abuse or who'd been raped or whatever. When they're younger, they need therapy. They need to talk to a sex. Maybe you could go talk to a sexuality educate a sexuality sexuality educator, a counselor or, you know, a therapist to move through these issues because I bet that they're a lot more deep rooted than you think. And I don't think this is an issue that you're going to be able to think your way out of because it sounds like you're doing a number on yourself with all the guilt in your head and it's going to be hard to work on that on your own. And I'm glad that you did talk to your pastor about it being normal. But it sounds like even though your pastor gave you the green light to masturbate, you're still feeling like it's not normal. And so all I can say is that you need to like break this down with someone in therapy and release it so you no longer carry around these negative images, these negative issues around masturbation. Because, honey, it is completely normal.

The guy that I saw at 7am in an empty parking lot when it was foggy masturbating, holding up a wallet sized photo of some chick should be shameful. I'm just saying that.

I don't know, you should feel shame that I had to see that.

Yeah, well, you. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I'm not saying. But the bottom line is that masturbation is normal, but in public, masturbation is illegal.

Oh, believe me, it happens here all the time.

I know it happens all the time.

And what's up with the guys? They are not mentally stable. I hear about all the time on public transit of guys.

I know.

I've heard this, like, looking at girls in public transit. That's why I don't take public transit.

Me neither. I don't want semen on my ass from sitting on the seat. I mean, I only want semen on my ass if I choose to have it.

Yeah, definitely. Same here.

I. Yeah. And I don't even like taxis. I hate. I hate taxis.

Here. Dirty. You're kind of a dermaphobe, aren't you?

No, I'm not. Well, ever since I did see that movie that I mentioned the other day, but. But I am a big supporter. They're not a sponsor of Uber. Everybody that's in a major city, New York, Chicago, L.A. san Francisco. Well, not LA. Coming to LA. Use. Uber is a private car service that you just open up the app and they'll bring a private car right to you.

I've heard about that. Yeah.

Use it all the time.

Yeah, I've heard about it. It's here.

Who were you with? You don't got some dude?

No, no, I don't have an iPhone, but. Yet. But I'm getting one, but some dude I was out on a date with a while ago.

Oh, really? How'd that go?

Oh, that's a good dude.

See how I pick up on these things? I'm like, oh, you don't got the app.

I don't got the app. Yeah, some guy used it. I was impressed. The car was right there. It was like last Halloween or something. I was going on a date with someone. Really? It's a while ago.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, it was a long time ago. I can't remember. Okay.

I mean, it's always. I can't remember.

Well, I mean, it was a long, long time ago. The date. Okay, I kind of want to get into.

The topic of the day.

Okay.

Okay. So we just did one email, but I'd like to move into the topic because it's all about faking orgasms. A recent poll done by Cosmo magazine revealed that 86% of women have faked an orgasm before, and 90% of the fakers do not plan on telling their partners. Furthermore, another study showed that 25% of men fake orgasms.

I don't see how men fake orgasms, but they do. But either you ejaculated or you didn't. But if they have a condom on, they could whip the condom off and pretend. Have you ever faked an orgasm?

No.

Right.

And I don't believe that the younger generation fakes orgasms.

You do or you don't?

I don't believe. I think women these days just call out guys or just tell them straight up that I'm not doing it. I think that was.

Faking. The orgasm was maybe, I don't know, seven years ago where it was big.

I think where people talk about all.

The time, where it became from that famous movie scene. Where was it?

Harry Met Sally.

Harry Met Sally. That's where it was exploding all over the scene.

Yeah, but I think the younger women fall into it because they're like, I have all this pressure that I'm supposed to orgasm and I'm not. And I feel bad.

And again, 30. 30 somethings. 40s maybe, but not. Not these. The younger kids. I don't think they're doing that.

Okay, well. Well, do you fake it? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com and you can also find me on Facebook and Twitter. Sex with Emily. I don't say that enough.

You don't.

I know. Facebook, Facebook, sex with Emily. I know.

Just like the page.

Like my page. For God's sake.

Somebody's gonna see that. I like the. I like the page that said sex on it.

Ooh, yeah, whatever. Get over it, dude. Okay. And tomorrow, November 4th is national don't Fake it day.

Yeah.

And women are promoting and are they're promoting women to stop pretending and actually have the climax you deserve. Or at least fess up to your guy. Why it's been happening so you can work on the situation together.

Tequila.

Tequila is not going to help you not fake it. It just might help you tell the truth, that you're not having one.

Really? No. It might help you.

You never know what's going to happen.

Because you always say the big reason why there is a. Not an orgasm. I'm so tired right now. The big reason why is there's so many things in their head.

Right. We can't let go of the shopping list to do list shots.

Get that out of your.

No, you're right.

Get that too.

Take a shot.

It goes away.

Oh, my God. I got no problems.

Oh, I got a call today. My Justin Timberlake tequila came in.

Oh, it did?

Yeah. So I gotta go pick up the bottle. Ooh, I wanna try some 901 tequila. And a tequila company, Tres Agave's for my birthday. Said they're coming by tomorrow and dropping off like, a bottle. Oh, my God, let's drink so many tequila.

I'm drinking off. I really like Feel like my drinking habits has gotten.

You'd have so much more fun.

I know I would. I'm gonna become an alcoholic.

And then you would see everyone that you hang out with is so ridiculous. And then you, like, menace. I need to hang out with you so much more.

Right. And I've hung out with you drunk before. Yeah.

And the people that I hang out.

With, you're on your phone the whole time texting and tweeting.

Yeah, because I'm drunk texting a bunch of chicks.

Are you? Yeah. That's good. Good times. Okay, top 10 signs that she is faking it. All right, she's done before you are. As much as men like to believe they have the lasting power of a Duracell battery, this truth is, studies show the Average man takes three to five minutes to achieve orgasm. Meanwhile, takes the average woman 15 to 40 minutes.

Jesus H. Yeah.

Yeah. So if she comes before you do all the time, that is rare. She could be faking it. It's true. Okay, number nine. Okay, that was number ten. These are the top ten signs. Number nine. Too much talking.

Yeah.

You have to understand that when a woman reaches an orgasm, she loses all control of her motor skills and have seriously restricted speech. So during her supposed climax, if she's yelling out lines from your favorite porno, she's likely pulling a fast one on you.

You bitch.

If she's like, ugh. Ugh. Baby, baby, I'm coming. Uh, uh. She might be faking it. Not all these are just the signs.

She's definitely faking it.

Number eight. She's glancing at the clock. Remember those grade school days when your eyes were glued to the clock in sheer boredom? Well, the same goes for your woman in bed. If you catch her peeking at the clock, you're in trouble. I've totally done that before. Not when I'm faking it, because I try not to fake it. I don't fake it anymore. I have faked it in the past. But women get insecure that it's taking too long, and we do look at the clock and we do say, like, oh, my God, it's been 12 minutes. Like, are he's going down on me? We are stressed. We have a lot of pressure to orgasm from you guys. And I've looked at the clock, but I didn't fake it necessarily. Okay. Brushing your teeth was the closest you came to foreplay. Next to watching Sex and the City reruns, foreplay is one of women's favorite activities. If you jumped into bed and got right to business, chances are she won't end the session with an authentic, oh, you need to do foreplay for an hour and a half.

Shut up.

Just kidding.

You just said that to F with me right now.

No, an hour. Women need foreplay. We are not warmed up. Two hours. Women are not warmed up. So if you just, like, go in and you, like, rip her pants off and you do all this stuff.

Okay, no, I'm gonna make out with you if I like making out with you. If not, then don't force me to. Like, maybe I like having sex with you, but maybe. Remember I told you there's some people you just like kissing? And some. It just. It just doesn't work.

Yeah, but I'm not talking about kissing only. You could be touching her breasts and not kissing her. You could be kissing her down below.

Yeah, but they don't like it when you just touch the breast and you don't kiss them. They're like, put your hand away.

I think that you have too many restrictions. I think that the women that you think you don't like to kiss, you actually would like to kiss.

I kiss them, and then I immediately know if I like.

You can't know immediately. It takes a while to get to the groove.

I. You don't. You never kiss somebody immediately knew that you like kissing them?

I have, but I usually.

I immediately know every single time.

See, I think the fact that you think that you know, you don't know. How.

How are you telling me?

Cause I don't believe anything. I don't believe that you.

You've never.

You never kissed somebody immediately.

I have. I've immediately known that it wasn't good, but I've usually worked to make it.

No, I'm saying good, like, oh, this is gonna be a. This person is gonna be amazing.

Yeah, I have.

Every time.

I have.

Yeah. But I've also had people who weren't so great, but I still make out with them.

So what am I saying is not true then?

I don't know. Yeah, see, I just like to tell you that you're not.

Gotcha.

I thought you were saying that I can tell right away if I don't like kissing someone. So I'm not gonna kiss them again.

I will kiss them, but I'm not just gonna spend an hour kissing them.

Right.

Okay. Like you want me to. If I just don't have that. If I don't have that kissing connection with them, then I'm not gonna spend my time kissing them.

Okay.

Sorry. Not gonna happen. Okay, but if I like kissing them, I Can't kiss them for three hours.

With plenty of women that you don't kiss.

Like, I'll make out them for a little bit. Cool. But I'm not gonna put in the time.

I love kissing.

I do too, but only with people that I have, like, kissing connection with.

I understand kissing connection. You need it. Okay, number six, your socks are still on. And she doesn't care. These are signs that she might be faking it. Everyone knows some of the best sexes during the honeymoon phase of a relationship these days. The days when she's always wearing the sexiest lingerie and you manage to shower every day. Further down the road, she conveniently keeps forgetting to shave her legs and you leave your socks on during the sex. During sex. One of the most unattractive things men can do.

Why?

If she doesn't seem phased, you may as well forget the orgasm. What? Not attractive. Man in socks. Men in black socks. What man? Like, I just picture black socks. I don't know why picture men are.

Supposed to wear black socks.

I know, but, like, I don't want to see a naked man with only his black socks on.

What's wrong with that?

I lose my boner.

Full hazmat suits and had sex.

Do you. Have you had sex in your tinky winky uniform?

No, not yet. I think I gotta cut a hole in it still.

You haven't done that?

No.

Oh, I'm surprised.

I did have a friend, though, one of my DJ friends, that he had ingrown toenails so bad that he never wanted to take off his socks when having sex. We made fun of it all the time.

Ugh. Just go to get a pedicure. Oh, yeah, socks are not great. Okay, number five, it wasn't free. People say money can't buy happiness. Granted, these people are usually broke. Money can, however, buy orgasms. Don't believe me? Oh, God. You're gonna like this one. Buy your woman dinner, some diamonds and tickets to the south of France all in the same night. And you'll have the best sex of your life. And she'll pretend to have the best of hers.

God damn right. Because they. Those women got those mining hats on. They're digging. They're digging for that gold.

Some women, not me, they got the.

Light on on the hat and everything.

Okay, number four, it's your birthday. If out of all 365 days of the year, today's the day. You seem to be rocking her world. It might just be a birthday present. She might not have really had an orgasm.

Yo, again, if she's faking it. Why do I care?

Because if she's not.

I mean, I love this. I love the satisfy her. But if she can't get there, what am I supposed to do?

You're supposed to.

That.

That's coming up next. Okay, but I've been talking for six years with you about how people. How to help enhance her.

We'll get her a sex toy. Awesome. But in the moment, you know, why do you care?

Don't you feel kind of bummed that she had to fake it?

She doesn't have to fake it.

But she did. Don't. Don't you wish she didn't?

I wish. I wish that she didn't. I thought. I wish that she would just be real. So I'll try harder next time.

Okay?

Okay.

Yeah.

How about that?

That sounds much better.

I don't need her.

But women fake it all the time. And tomorrow is natural don't fake it day. Okay. Body language. The most famous type of body language is the O face, which is not only impossible to fake, but what woman would actually. But. But what women would actually want to look like the Exorcist. Not every woman will show all the signals from her body, but looked for flushed cheeks, twitching of the legs, lip biting, arch back during climax, and hard nipples. The most famous sign might be the O face, but the one that occurs nine out of 10 times and is impossible to hide with those nipples. And if you just had sex, she's clearly not cold.

Yeah.

So she gets cold right away.

I had a cramp all the way down my leg from my. From my hip down to my leg. I thought I was gonna die when I had to stop in the middle of sex.

Like, did you have an orgasm or. Yeah, later.

But I had to, like, pause because my leg was cramping up so bad. Seriously, I thought that I was gonna die.

Wow.

Yeah. Have you ever had that happen?

Like, not during sex, but I've had a cramped leg. I've never had a cramped leg during sex.

Oh, man. It was so bad.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

It was so bad.

What does it have to do with faking orgasms?

I don't know. I just wanted to share that story.

Thanks for sharing, baby. Okay, the Venus Trap number two. Uncontrollable downstairs muscle spasms are one of the biggest indicators or indicators, because it simply can't be faked or hidden. This is her nether region spazzing out during the orgasm. Your girl will have possible up to 10 contractions with the first few Being the strongest when they take grip, the feelings is impossible to ignore. And number one, her clitoris is gone.

Where'd it go?

The clitoris head retracts just moments before she orgasms. The disappearance of the clitoris gives you a broad hint. Keep the temple and keep it up. You do not have to be down there to see it disappear, and neither do you have to put the lights on. It is something you can feel. Position yourself at an angle where it's possible to rub her clitoris while you are still pumping under the pretext of giving her added pleasure. Feel the situation with your hand to establish whether or not you're about to be duped. If she. If her. If it. If she's acting like a person on the throes of passion and the clitoris is still there, she's faking her orgasm.

I'll pull a gun on the clitoris and say, break yourself, clitoris.

Break yourself, clitoris.

You don't get it.

I get it. I don't get the joke. So that is the 10. Those are 10 reasons how she might be faking it. And we don't have time to get into now.

Oh, damn.

Why she fakes it tomorrow. Yeah, why she fakes it.

Break yourself, clitoris. That is so funny beyond belief. And you're totally not getting it, right?

No, I'm not getting it. I don't know. Lauren, are you getting it?

She's dying right now.

Okay, you're funny to like some people. Okay, tomorrow we're going to talk about why she fakes it, what you can do about her faking it, and for the ladies, how to tell them that you've been faking it. Okay, You've been listening to what?

Nothing.

What else are you gonna say?

Break yourself, clitoris.

Break yourself. What's it from?

It's just a street term.

I don't know. Street.

It's when you're, like, robbing somebody, you say, break yourself.

Oh, I've never been robbed, nor have I known anyone who robs.

And then that person becomes shocked and they're, like, excited. So that's why I would say, break yourself, clitoris.

I get it.

Yeah. You should have T shirts that says, break yourself, clitoris.

Those will be my next round of T shirts. And meanwhile, you never wear your sex loving T shirt.

I do, but the one that you gave me had, like, a giz stain on.

I know. They weren't perfect. They were imperfect. All right, okay, everyone remember, you can find me on Facebook and Twitter. Sex with Emily. And thanks so much for listening to the show. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackextwithemily.com there's one overlooked mineral.

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