Episode 330 - How to Successfully Date Online

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cuz?

My man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my. Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex? So? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. And it is your daily sex news information.

It's your new center. Thanks, everyone. Happy Monday. Made it through another weekend. Magnus probably barely made it through another weekend.

Oh my God. I got back into the bay area.

At 1:00am oh, my God, are you so tired?

And then I Woke up at 4.

Yeah. I don't know how you do this.

But I feel fine.

You do. You look good. I was gonna tell you you looked good. You had your haircut or something.

Well, I shaved.

Oh, you shaved?

Shaved a little bit. And I got maybe a little bit of sun while I was in Anaheim.

You love getting sun?

Yeah, I love it.

Yeah. That's good. So Disneyland was fun.

Oh, my God. It was the best ever.

Really?

The best ever. So I. And let me tell people that are gonna. If they're gonna visit Disneyland, what to do. Because my entire life of going to Disneyland, never able to consume alcohol because they don't sell it. Right.

Well, most people are going when they're children, but youth.

Yeah, but you know, when you're. You're older.

Okay, you want alcohol?

You want some alcohol? Okay, check this out. They have this thing called Lectronica, right? It's at California, the Ventureland, whatever the hell it is. The park outside the park, right? At night they have a Tron themed, like, rave where it's just giant. Just, like, area where people just dance. And they have a DJ in the middle.

Wow.

And they sell alcohol and it's called. They have these things called glojitos, right? And they're like mojitos that glow. That glow.

And that is so cool.

They were amazing.

Wow.

What was the crowd like? Was it.

It was like all types. All types of people. It was. It was awesome. And everyone was, like, dressed in like, Tron outfits and stuff like that.

Oh, my God, that's so cool. I had no idea there was a rage rave going on at Disneyland.

It was so much fun. And then at the Disneyland hotel, they have a tiki bar. Oh, my God. Full on bar.

You walk in menace, likes his alcohol. Yeah. And they had nothing about Disneyland or Mickey Mouse.

They had these. The themed drinks. So this is called the shipwreck, right? So you order a shipwreck and then they change the lighting real quick and they hit all these sound effects like a ship is going down.

Oh, my God.

And then the bartender starts yelling, save yourself. Save yourself. I thought I was like, you know, at Senior Frogs or something in Mexico.

Right, right, right, right, right. Senior Frogs, totally. I've been there.

Ridiculous.

That is so great.

But I left out a quick story.

What?

I pissed off some people that I know really bad.

Why? What'd you do?

In between going from the Tron thing to the tiki bar, I stopped at this place because some other people I know, from the Bay Area were in town and there were these two girls right there.

You go.

So I go in there and I immediately see them with these bros, like these douchebag type guys, right? And it wasn't my place and it was me. I can say it was my fault. I started talking so much crap to these guys, right? Yeah. Such a dick. And I go, so what do you guys do? They're like, oh, we're club promoters. I go, really? I'm already disgusted.

Right?

And I go, okay, cool. What clubs in the city? And then they name off these clubs. I'm like, oh, really? They go, oh, do you know the owner? Because I knew the owner of those clubs personally. And they go, no. I go, oh, you must be really high level then.

Oh, God. Did you put. You gonna fight?

My friends started yelling at me and told me to get the F out of there.

Yeah, honey, why do you have to pick fights?

But these guys are like, totally, like.

I know. They're like trying to pick up your friends and they were trying to be cool guys. If they're promoters and you're like, you're so not a promot or you're lucky if they let you in.

Yeah, you're so like such D bags. Like frat boy looking dude.

Right.

But it wasn't my place to do that. And I did feel bad about.

I'm glad that you didn't get your ass kicked because that would have been.

You think I would get my ass kicked? Seriously?

I don't know. Would you?

Hell no.

Okay. Okay. Glad you didn't.

I wouldn't punch anybody, but I would defend myself.

That you liked.

No, but I. It's because I know them very well. So may. I was like, trying to be protective, right?

No, I get that. If the guys are being.

They're like. They're D bags.

D bag, Good.

So, yeah, I did have women tell me off.

Okay.

Over the weekend, but it was an amazing weekend.

Oh, I'm so glad that you had fun. I went to a party Friday night with Chaka Khan was playing. Really? Yeah. Love Chaka Khan. I know, it was really funny. It was for the Amfar benefit gala and it was. It was. It was really fun. There was lots of people there and it was a good party. Drinking. It was a Moroccan theme party and I had to dress all colorful and Moroccan theme. I didn't know what it meant either, really, but I wore like, colorful dress and Chaka Khan. And then you know that guy Andy Cohn from Bravo who's like, does all the talk shows. He was there and really he was so funny and he's like, oh my God, I saw you on the Today show. So that was really funny. And then. I know, it's really cool. So I met lots of interesting people.

Did you go out with anybody?

I didn't go out with anybody, but I have a blind date, I think next Sunday night. I know nothing about him.

Yeah, didn't you? Then who did you go with?

Oh, I went with my friend. With my friend Heather.

Really?

Yeah. No dudes. It was a.

Do you get any numbers?

I didn't get any numbers. No, it wasn't that kind of thing. It was a big gay party. Lots of gays.

Uh huh.

So I'm not saying I couldn't get gay phone numbers. But not nothing for dating. No. No new numbers for dating.

That's lame.

I know. That is lame. Kind of, right? And then Saturday night I just went. Just went to the friend's house for dinner and hung out. Oh, who worked? Oh, my friends. My friends. My good, My good friends that I always go to the cabin with.

Good friends. Oh, it was your friend.

It was like a group of friends. It wasn't a dude's house. I mean, it was a dude's house, but it wasn't a guy that I've dated.

Why is your story changed?

No, it wasn't a guy that I've dated. It was just a good friend. I was, I was. Because I was working all weekend. Boring. I know, but it was like mellow. And we just talked. Oh, and I gave my dog to the baby daddy for a few days because it's too busy for me to take care of her. But I actually miss her right now. And I'm sort of like. It's the first time I miss her.

I love how, I love how you're changing the subject, but whatever.

No, there was no dudes. There was no sexual contact. I did not have any sexual relations or anything. I had no sexual relations. Did you?

No, I didn't.

No sexual relations.

No. But I really, I was so excited because this, this girl that I knew in high school who I haven't seen in like 10 years. And every time I go down south, I try to hang out with her and there was like, it always. It never works out, but she lived like 30 minutes from Disneyland. So I hit her up and she came by and she couldn't be more like, like the coolest person on the planet.

Oh, that's awesome. So you're like new BFFs again?

Yeah. And My, my friends loved her and she's super cool. Yeah, she's super hot too. She's super hot cool. You wanna see a picture of her? I'll show you.

Are you not friends with only super hot chicks?

No, no, but just. She just happens to be super hot.

God, that's awesome. I love that. Love that, love that, love that. Well, today's show, I can tell you a little bit about it. We are talking about online dating. Tips, tricks, myths, what you should do, what you shouldn't do, what you say in your first message, what you should say in your online dating profile. We' some of the dating sites because everyone's dating online now. So we thought we'd give you the information about what to do. 411.

I could totally tell you the tips and tricks.

Okay.

The biggest thing, you gotta try to not come off as a creeper.

Yeah. You can't be creepy. You can't. We have lots of stuff about what kind of photos to post, what you say in your first message to someone. So we're gonna get into that. We've also be reading your emails and different topics there. Foot fetishes and stuff like that.

Fetishes of the foot.

Fetishes of the foot.

And we've been trying to diagnose that for years.

I know. Well, we're going to talk about it a little bit today and we've got stuff on just the normal like been with my partner for years and the sexist and great stuff like that. And you can also call us anytime. Leave us a message 415-992-7392. We'll play your message during the show if you want to ask us a question that way instead of emailing. But you can email us@feedbackextwithemily.com youm can also find me on Twitter and Facebook. Sex with Emily. So also I have to say that I tweeted out my Adam and Eve stuff the other day that you know, if you go to AdamAndEve.com which has every sex toy, sex accessories, sex clothing under the sun, you go to AdamAndEve.com, you put in coupon code Emily at checkout, you get 50% off most items. You get three adult DVDs, you get free shipping, you get free gifts, you get all this stuff. So if you want to buy any sex toys at all, Hitachi magic wand, a pocket rocket, a C ring for a couple. It's great for couples. If you want to get sexy games to play, you can get them all. Adam and Eve and they have this super cool new mobile site that you can just do it on your phone. You can just order right now. You can just pick up your phone and buy some sex toys.

It's good because you're a girl on the go.

I'm a girl on the go.

You know, you don't have.

I'm a girl. I don't have time to sit on my computer. No, no, no, no. I'm really busy. And then the new poll on the site, which you put up on Friday is what's on your sex bucket list. What do you want to do before you die sexually? A, sex in the rain. B, get handcuffed. C, sex on an airplane. D, a threesome. Or E, sex on a famous landmark.

And you.

We don't have the results yet.

Okay.

Or people are still voting.

We talked about this.

Yeah, we.

We knocked out a couple of them.

We did knock out a couple of. We've. We've done them all. Menace and I are, like, a little.

Bit more advanced now, except for the landmark. I would like to do a landmark.

What landmark?

What landmark?

I don't know. Honestly, I don't know yet.

Maybe Disneyland.

Maybe Disneyland.

Maybe, like, you should have had sex in the castle. I got. People have had sex at Disneyland. I wonder if I have. No, I don't think I did. I went there in high school. After high school.

I did, but did mention that I don't even want to have sex. I just want to kiss a girl at the Coit Tower, which is so sexy, right?

No, that's cute. You should tell it, honey. That's so doable.

I know. That's easy. But I haven't been to Coit Tower in years.

Right, me neither.

But it's so many years.

But, you know, why not? It's very phallic looking. It's a tower in San Francisco. That's a big phallic object that Menace would like to see.

It's a lighthouse.

It's a lighthouse. It's a phallic lighthouse. It's a phallic symbol in San Francisco. If you look at the skyline, it's phallic.

Yeah, because it's upward.

That's why you want to kiss someone.

No, because this is the reason I do it subliminally. No, this is the reason I want.

Unconsciously, preconsciously.

No, this is the reason I want to do it is because I actually went up there with a chick one time and I was too shy to give her a kiss.

Oh, it's one of those. It's like a makeup.

Yeah, I gotta.

You gotta go back.

I gotta right my wrongs.

Exactly. You gotta right your wrongs. I'm just a landmark. What'd you say?

I said of my days of being a pussy.

You're not a pussy anymore, I don't think. No, you just do wait for chicks to come to you. But that's my only issue with you. You. Well, not my only issue with you, but you wait for chicks to hit you up. And I think there's chicks you want to be with that you don't ask out because you're afraid of getting shut down. And I just don't get it.

No, you know me, I have the do or die mentality. The thing is, if I really like them, I move way too slow.

Right. And then they're already dating someone and have three kids, so I. Yeah, I know what you mean, though. I'm gonna start asking guys out and dating online and I got blind dates coming up. So I'm kind of kicking it up into high gear right now.

As you should.

As I should. Right. Like, why? I've been like, kind of not really dating and single and so I was just really busy with other things. But now I'm like, I got to do all that I wanted. It's like the time, like, I want to be the guinea pig. Like, I want to try all the stuff I haven't tried for dating.

Yeah.

Like the advice I give to everyone else. I want to do myself.

Dating online.

What do you think is the number.

One thing that I want to do? Yeah, well, I think I'd like to try dating online just because I haven't done that and I get fixed up on dates a lot. But this will be interesting. So I'm going to. I feel like just for my own knowledge, to my own edification, I should know about that whole process. I mean, I know a ton about it because we've talked about it for years, but I'm going to do it myself. So I think that'll be fun. Yeah, I've already gone on blind dates. I'm going on more, but you should do.

I'm sure you've already had crazy ones like this, but the.

Extreme 12 hour date. Because last night I was driving on the 5 back here to San Francisco and we had a girl in the car and we're all talking, they're like, oh, what's one of the craziest nights you ever had? And I go, I think one of the craziest nights I ever had was when I. It was My first date with some chick and I decided I'm gonna.

Oh, go to Vegas. That's right, go to Vegas.

And then I planned it out from, like, beginning to end to be back in San Francisco.

I love it.

At 6:30. And we left at 9:00 clock at night to Vegas.

Wow.

And, yeah. And it was.

Whatever happened to that chick after that?

I don't know.

Exactly.

I don't know.

The craziest date I've ever had. I've never had it. No. I've never had anything where they like, flew me to Vegas for the night. That would be awesome. I. I think I've, like, second date was in Mexico. That was kind of crazy. Like, we went to Mexico for four days. Wow. Yeah, it was fun.

Yeah.

But I wasn't crazy crazy. But it was kind of like four. It was kind of like, wow. Really? I guess we had a good first date. And he's like, yeah, I got, I got us tickets. Let's go to Mexico. I was like, sign me up.

I know things cost money, but you can still do extreme things without totally.

Oh, my God.

We just.

Exactly. You don't have a jet.

I had a really cool first date one time with the chick where I was in Los Angeles and I didn't even know, but last minute I got. I got tickets to the Grammys.

Oh.

I was supposed to, like, go out with this chick a bunch of times and we just happened to be in LA at the same time. And I go, what are you doing? She's like, nothing. I go, all right, let's go to the Grammys.

I love it. You're so man. If I got that, I'd be psyched if I wanted to go to the Grammys. That's really cool. I mean, I've had guys take me to nice places and do cool things. Like, I think I. I mean, I just. Like when they plan something, I just want it to be planned out today. I don't care what it is. Like dinner, we're going to the museum, or going for a walk or going for a hike. I don't care. Just like, plan it out. First date. Don't just be like, I don't know.

I was just talking to my friend today actually about that, where she was upset because her man wouldn't make plans. She knew that he was free and then, then he wouldn't make plans. So she goes, all right. This is weird for a woman to give a guy like, three options on things that we can do and he still couldn't decide. It was like role reversal.

Wow. But there are some women who are more controlling who date men that are less dominant.

Yeah.

So maybe she liked, like, have being in charge of.

No, no, no.

She didn't. She was turned off.

She just want. She wanted him to take control.

Right. That's all we want. We do want guys to take control. Not every time, not all the time, not forever. I'm a feminist. I'm just saying on the first date, like, a guy can take control and have a plan. Yeah, that's what we're saying.

And don't say, oh, so what do you want to do?

What do you want? Right. Just have a plan.

This is what we're doing. We're going in this, and if you don't like it, then too bad.

And I have to say something else, especially on a first date. Maybe some people are more judgmental and whatever, but I just like that the guy makes an effort. And I've been on a lot of first dates, and never have I ever been like, oh, I don't want to do that. Oh, I dread that. I don't. I'm like, oh, cool. You plan something new, fun, whatever it is. I'm just like, to go on the first date. I don't care that much what we do. It's more important that he made a plan than it is what we're doing. So make a plan. Okay, I've got some sex in the news for us.

Do you know any updates on Zooey Deschanel? Because I've been out of town.

No, I don't think so. Did you see anything in Zoe Deschanel divorce? I don't think so.

When are you setting up a date with me and her?

I will hook you up, man. I will hook you up.

You were texting me the other night. I was already in bed. Don't you know that I go to bed early?

Yeah, but what did I say?

I go, I met somebody to hook you up with.

Oh. I met this really cute chick, and I was trying to say I took a picture of her for you, but then I never got around to sending it to you.

You totally don't know my type.

She's hot. No, she is your type. I want to show you this picture. She was really cute, and I'm like, oh, my God. She makes sex toys. She designs it.

I'm off board. Off board already?

Okay, just look at it right now.

I don't want to. She's cute, but if she's already designed sex toys, I'm good.

She's your type.

Just because she's Asian.

Oh, God.

No, she won't. She won't. She does this on the side.

No.

Anyway, I was texting you to fix you up, but whatever, fine. Just you could dis. You know, see how you doing in your dating life on your own. You know what I'm saying, baby?

I'm good. Yeah, I'm fine.

Okay. As long as you're cool. That's fine with me. Okay. Cervical cancer Sores in young rise in unprotected sex sees cases soar. So cervical cancer has risen dramatically among women in their 20s, despite rates falling for all other age groups. Over the past decade, the number of new cases of the disease among women in their 20s has risen by more than 40%. There are now 300 cases diagnosed in this group annually. And here's the kicker. Scientists blame the rise in the fact that girls are having unprotected sex at a young age and with more partners. People use protection.

It's all Paris Hilton's fault.

Why? Because she didn't use. No. Use protection. The earlier a girl starts having unprotected sex and the more partners she has, over time, the chance of being infected with the cancer causing strain goes up. It kills about 950 annually. And I'm just saying people use protection. All right.

You have to.

Okay, thank you very much, everyone that just needed to tell you that Lindsay Lohan's free after grueling five hours in jail. She was in jail for five hours and she said it was scary. Even though she was never placed with the general population.

She's always in jail. How's that?

She's always in jail. She was alone in her cell during the time in custody. And she says that it was cold.

Is it.

It's a jail cell. It's cold.

I don't believe. If Lindsay Lohan. I swear to God. And people will say that you're lying. If Lindsay Lohan said, menace, I got a room at the Four Seasons, your favorite place, and I would like to have sexual intercourse with you. I don't think I would do it.

Why? You don't think she's hot? Skanky.

She's just too skanky. She's not even trying to change her.

Change her image.

Yeah, she has crazy bleached blonde hair.

I know.

I'll talk crap about her because I met her and she's a effing bitch.

Really?

Yeah. So, you know, I usually don't like to talk about.

Yeah, you do. I love talking crap about people. I met this one. He's A douche. I met this one.

Yeah, but it's weird because, like, all the chicks that people say, like, you know, I was making fun of Paris Hilton, but I met, I met Paris Hilton. Super cool. Sister's super cool. Kardashians, all cool. Lindsay Lohan, go f yourself.

Okay, got it.

And you look like crap. But at least her teeth were like all wrong. At least she fixed her teeth.

Oh, she did.

She just did. Recently. Yeah, she posted a Twitter a tweet about it.

Really about her new teeth because people.

Are giving her so much crap.

Why were her teeth all messed up from like smoking.

Smoking or whatever.

Oh, God. People stop smoking. Yeah, okay. Scarlett Johansson laughs off nude photo scandal. She's proved she's going to get some naked nerve. She's proved she's got some naked nerve. After laughing off her nude photo scandal, the Lost and Translation star told Vogue, it's not like I was shooting a porno. When asked about the saucy photos she sent her former husband, Ryan Reynolds. The photos were stolen by a hacker and published online. And while many women would be mortified at the intrusion, the 26 year old actress was upbeat. I know my best angle, she joked. Having a sex tape you made with a former love plastered all over the Internet and the media might seem like the most embarrassing incident imaginable, but if you're even mildly famous, it could set you on a path to more success. History shows that sex tapes don't actually harm a celebrity's career. In fact, they often turn out to improve them. So I'm just gonna do a sex tape this weekend.

I thought, do it.

I should, right? The Atlantic cover story, all the Singles Ladies, all the Single Ladies is option for TV series. So there was a. I read this, actually there was a November cover story in the Atlantic called All the Single Ladies. And it's a piece about how more and more women are choosing not to get married right away, or at all, and are fine with it. Today. She's 39, she says, with too many ex boyfriends to count and I'm told with two grim seeming options to face down. Either stay single or settle for a good enough mate. So that article is very timely because it's kind of what's talking about how women have higher standards and fewer men are living up to them. And women aren't wanting to get married. They don't see the need to get married. They're working, they're.

What's the common theme in that?

What do you mean?

She's a common theme that she has so many ex boyfriends to count.

Yeah, but what do you mean? So she's like, I've got ex boyfriends, I've been dating. Oh, maybe she's not good at.

Take a look in the mirror.

Yeah, that's true. Maybe. But I think it is true that that is a trend that there are so many. Most of my friends are like single. Like, it's funny, like in our 30s and. What? Single?

Why are they all single?

I think they will by choice. My friends all have like active careers and they date, but they're not like all married, you know.

How's their backgrounds?

They're good. They're not like jail and stuff.

They have good track records.

Yeah, they have good track records. But I do think this is a trend. That's why it's an option for television series or movie or something. Because it says it's for TV series. Because I just think that's the way it's going now, that women don't need a. Like, I think that it's changed out that women don't feel like they need a man like they used to 20, 30 years ago. It's like, it's nice to have a guy, but we have so much other things around. We have a baby without a guy. We could.

If it's a movie. I can't wait for the sequels. When they're old, dried up women and they don't have any menace.

You're so dark and depressing.

That's you. When it comes to marriage. But I'm just saying I think you're wrong.

I think that I will get married one day. I just don't know when. It's not on my, like, it's not on my like to do list. But if it happens, that would be great. I'd be happy. It'd be good. Be fun. I'd invite you to the wedding. You can stand up and give a toast to make fun of me. All right. Okay. It'd be awesome. Okay. We can.

I'll be so wasted.

You'll be so wasted at my wedding. There'll be so much alcohol. Okay, we can get in some emails.

Do it.

Okay. Hi. Thanks. Please don't feel weird about this email. My name is John and I'm 25 and I've been going out with a girl for two years and I have a foot fetish but never told anyone about it. I wanted to tell her, but I don't know how to tell her. I don't know why feet is a turn on for me, but I guess it Is I heard you guys been talking about foot fetishes a lot on the show and never got into details about it. Like licking the feet, sucking the toes, foot massages. I think it's a very common fetish these days, but don't know how females would react to it from Mr. Foot Fetish. So I have to say there are many men who find women's feet extremely arousing. Since there are plenty of women who enjoyed having their feet massaged, it's likely that you know that. That this could satisfy his needs. But if you reveal that you have a foot fetish, maybe too soon in the relationship before you know someone, like on the first date. So I've got this foot fetish, and I'm not against being honest right away. I mean, it might kind of turn some woman off. However, if you are really into your foot fetish and that's something that you're into, then you should just find someone who's like, down with it. Who's like, okay with it. And as far as the origins of a foot fetish, a lot of fetishes go back to our childhood. So I don't know if there was something like maybe you saw your first grade teacher's feet and maybe like, that had some impact on you, or maybe your mom had you walked around the house barefoot. I know it's weird. It's like some oedipal complex thing, but.

That sexy high heels on.

Sexy high heels on or something. And yeah, a lot of times it's heels or pantyhose or garters or things that men are attracted to. And I don't know what clicks in your brain that turns you onto that, but it's. It is very normal. It's a normal thing, and it is very common. And so I think that I wouldn't let it get in the way of your relationship. And make sure that make her know that she turns you on. Not just her feet, but her feet would be nice. And I was just a fetish guy, and he's like, I just really want to massage your feet. I'd be psyched. I want a foot massage. I love foot massages.

He'd probably buy you a bunch of shoes.

He'd buy me shoes. Okay. I think that's what I'm going to put in my dating profile. I'm looking for, for a foot fetishist. I want. I want free shoes. I want massages on my feet, and I want. Yeah, I'm down with that.

And you just gotta be perfectly normal, and that's just your thing.

And you can give a hand job with your feet too. Yeah, you put lube between your feet like a monkey. Like a monkey. So didn't we talk about that a few weeks ago?

Yeah.

So I feel like foot fetishes are like a win win. I think you had nothing to word about, Mr. Foot Fetish. I think you're all good.

You're fine.

I'm fine.

My phone keeps on going off. Breaking news.

What?

That Conrad Murray found guilty of manslaughter.

Oh, really?

Jackson case.

Oh, wow.

I wonder if his hot girlfriend is gonna stay with him now.

Oh, my God. He's convicted of murder.

Oh, manslaughter.

Manslaughter. I mean, do you think that was gonna happen?

No, I thought he was gonna get off, actually.

Yeah, that's a big deal.

But would you wait for your man for seven years?

No way. No, I mean, I wouldn't wait. I'm not. I wouldn't even wait for seven minutes. I mean, I'm busy. You think I would be loyal and faithful? I don't know. Are they madly in love? How long have they been together?

I don't know. Well, let's say. Let's say you're dating a guy for four years. He messed up, gave Michael Jackson, killed Michael Jackson.

Pop icon.

Pop icon, Screwed up, gave him a little extra, he died. Now he has to be locked up for seven years. You've already been in a relationship with him for three years or four years. What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna just mourn those four years of my life that I spent with a criminal and break up with them.

Are you serious?

No, no, honey, I don't know. You can't say because I don't know what the relationship was like with them. Maybe they're madly in love, they've got kids and she's gonna wait for them. But if you.

So many reasons that you would dump your man. I know, it's weird.

Like, you're done, I'm done. I get done. But you get done too.

Yeah, but that's.

You're right, there are. I mean, yeah, like jail sentence for. For murdering. For murdering a pop icon. Like, to me, that's enough to.

What about if it wasn icon?

It was just like a random, you.

Know, it was an accident.

I just think someone going to jail for seven years. What would I do for sexual intercourse for seven years?

Adamieve.com. you're supporting your sex toys all the time. What about this person that you're on.

A cuddle, get a pillow I've got a pillow. I've got a cuddle. I miss cuddling.

So just done. You found the love of your life? This guy's a doctor.

I don't know. I've never found the love of my life. Like, if I found the love of my life and I really loved him and we had a connection, I don't think I would have necessarily dump him.

But you totally would.

But seven years without sex, I'm supposed to be loyal. Like, hopefully he'd be cool and he'd be like, I'm okay. If you get down with other people, that's your dream. That's my dream.

I can't believe.

What would you do if a woman you were with was convicted for seven years and going to jail? You wouldn't have sex with anyone else?

No. I mean, if it was something that was an accident, probably.

Then you give up your sex life. You would just masturbate for seven years?

Probably. I don't know. Sex is not that important to me.

That is. That. That is your first problem.

What? That it needs to be my number one priority. And I shouldn't be number one. But top three, having a relationship with somebody.

Yo. But sex is very important. If people. If couples don't connect sexually, it's hard for them to connect in other ways. Even though I know plenty of couples who write it off. Oh, it's fine. We're not having sex anymore. We're best friends. Blah, blah. I think.

Imagine the amazing sex I'm gonna have.

With her after seven years. Seven years is a long time. Seven months maybe, but not seven years. No way. Okay. Hello, Emily.

I was the a by your man.

I mean, if I'm in love and we've got kids and a family, I can't say anything.

But it all goes back to you. If you found the love of your life that I. And he wanted you. His fetish was he wanted you to dress up in the hamburglar outfit from McDonald's. You wouldn't do it. See, that's. That shows how down you are for your man.

I would. The Hamburglar outfit, I just wouldn't feel sexy in it.

Oh, it's so. It's always all about you.

Yeah, well, if he thought I was sexy, that might turn me on. But I can't imagine clomping around in those stripes and those big feet of the Hamburglar outfit with the crazy head.

I have no idea what kind of superman needs to come by for you to fall head over heels.

I know. Me neither.

Effing clue who that would be.

I don't either. And I'm waiting for him.

I can't even paint a picture of that guy.

I don't believe that. I think it's timing. I think a lot of finding the right person to do with timing. And I don't think I was necessarily ready before, but I think I'm getting ready.

See, the problem is, I think I.

Met a lot of nice guys and I just wasn't ready.

I think the guy that you're gonna fall head over heels with is gonna be a player because he's gonna know how to talk to you and this, like, spit words out, and you're just gonna melt, and then you're gonna end up being the one getting screwed.

Yeah, you think?

Definitely.

You think I'm so not a player.

No, but I'm just saying that's what's gonna happen.

I don't want to thank. That's great. That's like a little. It's like a hex you just put on me or something.

I didn't put a hex.

But I'm just being that some man is gonna come along and hurt me.

That I think that's what's gonna happen. And then that will happen. And then you. Then it's gonna click in your brain like, oh, all these, like, cool guys that I should have been with. It's gonna be like this whole scenario that you should have had in young.

Why are you projecting negativity into my future?

I'm not.

I don't think it's gonna happen. I don't think I'm gonna. I don't fall for players, and I don't fall for D bags.

Really? Because I've seen a couple.

I know. You're right. They were when I changed my locks after we broke up. That wasn't good.

Don't get over that one. That's like one of a couple that I've seen.

I know. You're right. So I haven't made the best choices? No, I've made good choices. They just weren't the right guys for me. It's okay.

Cool.

Hello, Emily. I was wondering if you could do a show on men that don't meet society's standards of an attractive guy. Tall, slim, well endowed, et cetera. Because I don't seem to fit any of those characteristics. I've slimmed down a lot in the past few months, and it has had a huge psychological impact on my life. I'd be glad to hear what you have to say. Leo from San Jose, San Jo, San Ho Leo, I think that that's great that you slim down because. Just because it's better for your health. And once you start working out, it makes you feel better about yourself and then you feel more attractive to people, to, to women and to others. So I think you should keep on that track. And I think that a lot of guys don't. The tall, slim, well endowed. I mean, if they did, if they did, there's, you know, and I don't think that that is, that that is necessarily the standards in society. I think that many women are happy with many different types of men. And I, I don't have a. I. That's what I have to say about it. I, I think that you're fine. It's good that you're slimming down, you're taking care of yourself. That will boost your confidence. Therefore, you will be more, more attractive to women because you're confident. Confidence is the sexiest thing, I think for women. You ask them across the board, what do you like in a man? And it's confidence. So if you've got your confidence together, I think you're going to have no problems. Even if you're not tall and well endowed.

I gotta give them some props for, you know, taking.

Totally. It's hard to do.

I don't even want to post any. I'm honestly, like, all the photos I took over at Disneyland, I don't even want to post any of them.

Why?

Because I'm like, I so need to get back into shape.

Oh, honey, you've been saying that for a while.

I know.

So what can you do? You just have no time.

I just don't have time. And I really want to after work. Yeah.

There's gyms in your neighborhood. You can go five or six o'. Clock.

I just told myself, I'm like, wow, really? Like when I looked at it on Sunday, like, you don't even realize it sometimes I know.

You look at the photos and you're like, when did my ass get so big?

I'm like, what?

Right? Because you can't see yourself, but you always look adorable.

No, no, no. I really want to get you effed.

Up drinking a shipwreck or whatever.

Oh my God, that was so much fun.

I know. You had the best time. I'm so glad. Did you drunk and tweet?

Not too much.

Okay. Because you were. I was looking forward to it.

I was with my friends and I was with my friend that I haven't seen.

Good. You put your phone down.

Yeah.

That's so healthy. It Was cool. I love when you put your phone away. Okay. Hi, Emily Menis. I love your show. It's definitely helped me evolve sexually and make me want to be more adventurous. Question for you. I've been doing some online dating lately, and a problem throughout my dating life is that as soon as I really like someone enough to sleep with them, I want sexual exclusivity. I'm not asking them to my boyfriend just yet. How soon can I ask a man for sexual excuse exclusivity? How many dates? Sex is such an intense and intimate thing for me that I really don't like the idea of my partner being with anyone else. And I don't want to increase the risk of STDs in today's dating scene. Everyone just sleeps with everybody after two to three dates. And men in general don't seem to feel the way I do. Thanks, anonymous dater. So this is from a woman and she says that online dating. I see that there's a lot of people who do want, after they have sex with someone, they want to be sexually exclusive. How soon is too soon? How many dates? I can't say. I think it's a case by case basis. But I think that the problem is I think that you should wait to have sex. Wait till you feel really comfortable with the person having sex. Because I think what happens is we rush into sex too quickly. We get attached to the person, especially as women, because the chemicals go crazy in our body and we get attracted to men sometimes that we have sex with and we think, oh, I want him for my. I want him for my own. Because it's like literally like our oxytocin levels are like, oh, I need to have this guy. And it's not even that you even want this guy or know anything about him. It's more that you are attached to him because of this, of having sex with them. So I'd say first wait to have sex. And I understand that it's intense and intimate and STD thing, you're right. But I don't think that you should. And I can't give you a thing like after three dates, but if you start seeing each other for a few weeks and you're sleeping together continually, I think it's okay to have that conversation after a few weeks.

Yeah. And then if they say, you know, I'm not really looking for a relationship now.

Yeah, Then you should jump. And don't think you're going to change them.

Yeah. Just bail.

Exactly.

Bail. If that's not what you want, do not Stay with it. I know so many people are not happy in that situation.

Me too.

Just. Just pull the ripcord, man.

Exactly. He says no to you. And I think that that's a big thing that people always want to do. I was talking to a woman last night who's been married for 30 years, and she said, people always ask me the secret to my success of my marriage. And she said, it's because we never tried to change each other. And I thought that was such great advice, because when you get into a relationship thinking that you're gonna change your partner, we do this all the time and do this. I was like, oh, if only he were A, B, C. Then if you were these three things, and it'd be perfect. So I'm gonna go about trying to change it. Men do that to women too. But you can't ever be with anyone thinking that they're gonna change. Only if they want to change and they initiate it. Because if you think that you're gonna do it, it's not gonna work.

Yeah, that's what I got. I totally. I agree with you.

I love when you agree with me. Okay, let's get into our sex tips about our dating. Tips about online. Online dating, my favorite. I know. Okay, so. So writing your. Okay, let's see what thing. Okay, so writing your profile.

The profile is all about show, not tell. So use details. Get. That means. So don't be like, I like, you know, hiking and running and biking or whatever, but be like, you know, I really enjoy. Like, just be more descriptive and more specific about what you like. Like, I think it's so lame when someone's like, I like hiking, dating, fishing, swimming, jumping, running.

Yeah.

Okay. The goal of your profile is to create intrigue. You don't have to write your whole life story. I think you have to be a good writer, and you have to do something that's interesting and fascinating. Gonna catch someone's attention. So look at what everyone else is doing and then do something different.

I'm not a good writer at all.

I know. You have your assistant do it for you, probably.

Oh, yeah. But I mean, on my online profile, you're totally describing, like, what my profile is. It's totally nothing. I mean, I have a couple of funny things on there it goes. Religion. I go radio.

Political beliefs. I put pizza. You know, just like, that's funny, sorta. It's, you know, just quirky stuff like that.

Right? Quirky's fun. I mean, I think that's better than being like, I like hiking. I don't know. I live in the Bay Area. Everyone likes hiking. Who cares?

It goes books. I put the Giving Tree. That's it. That's all I have.

Which profile? How is it going with you? Did you find a lot of dates via Facebook?

Yeah, that's my Facebook thing.

I never saw it. I may have never read your Facebook page, but I will. It's all about sparking interest and providing just enough information to make them want more. So it doesn't have to be like your whole thing, but you want to be intriguing. Make sure the entire profile is written to the proper length and free of spelling errors. Write short and snappy paragraphs and add culture. Don't go on and on about your whole life history for paragraphs on end. Just write a few short sentences. Even I think would be fine.

Yeah, yeah.

Now that I know. Now I'm learning. What photo mistakes do people make when online dating? What do you think? What are the big photo mistakes?

Photo mistakes? I talked actually about a couple of these last week, and the big one is, is face shot only. Also, I'm totally turned off by a chick that only has portraits of herself.

What else do you have portraits of her house?

No, but just like maybe, like, you know, maybe trips that she went on or out with her friends and stuff like that. But there's some girls that if you click on it, it's only photographs of the girl.

Well, that's what I would do.

I think that's totally, like, narcissistic. I totally turn off. I know what the f you look like by the tenth photo.

Okay, honey, you were saying last week that you shouldn't post pictures with your friends or that's only if you're fat. I said.

I said you can tell if it's a fat girl and not knocking fat girls. I again, I am a big boy right now. It's.

Yeah, fat boy.

I know. It's just you totally give it away when nothing but the photos are all group pictures.

I got it.

We know, guy. As guys, we know who to look for in those group pictures. In which one you are.

Right. And it's not the one that you want to date. Okay, but here's the thing. The photo is the most vital part about attracting singles online. If you don't post a picture, you are wasting your time. I guess some people don't post photos.

Oh, yeah. You just look like a stalker or spammer.

Exactly.

Right? Like no photo. Nearly 90% of online daters won't read a profile without a photo. It may be scary putting yourself out there. But there are millions of singles who have had the courage to do so. So just put your phone. Have you ever gone to see 90 people without photos?

Hell, no.

Okay. A photo taken from a bad angle with an awkward facial expression, poor lighting, and a confused background is going to hurt even the most stunning individual. A great photo has a person's eyes peering into the camera with a confident look on their face. Faces. Okay, like that. You can't change your overall attractiveness. However, you can choose pictures that make you look best.

True.

The close cropped picture of a person who's probably overweight is a classic example. Minimizing your flaws is the opposite of what you should do. If you have a big nose, play it up. How about that? Play up your flaws.

Yeah, big nose.

Just have a picture of your nose. They're not saying that, but play it up. Don't try to hide it.

Yeah, yeah. Don't try to hide your things. Because once the people meet you in person, then they're gonna know that it's all exactly a facade online.

Right? So you might as well be honest. Don't lie about your age and all that stuff. Avoid these common photo mistakes. Blurry photos, Too far away. Bad poses are showing too much skin. This is for guys and girls.

Yeah.

No skin. Total skin.

I defriend any guy that takes a picture of them. They have their shirt off taking a picture of themselves.

I don't think I have any friends like that. I think on Twitter. I do. Like, my Twitter followers have their shir.

Don't do it. Every chick that I ever talk to, they don't even think that's attractive. I go, is this attractive? Because then I won't knock. I won't knock the guy. And they're like, no, instant douchebag.

Not attractive. I don't want to see a guy's chest and everything like that first. No, just a picture of you just being normal. Please, people. Okay, what is the perfect first message? How do you capture someone's attention and interest without sounding creepy or generic? What do you think? Creating a magical first message.

Magical first message is find a common denominator. Like, I noticed that you like.

You like Ghostbusters 2. I really love Ghostbusters too. I actually have a collection of toys from Ghostbusters. And I notice here in this Florida area.

Right, exactly. You say something like that. You know, don't waste the first line with a nightmarishly overused. I can't believe I'm doing this.

Oh, no.

Yeah, people do that. Like, I've never done this before. But be unique and be fun in your profile. It's time to have fun. Fun. This will be their first impressive impression of you. So a captivating first message. Much must pick their interest. Separate yourself from your online competitors.

Yeah. And sometimes girls, they don't, they don't really react if you're being nice to them because if they're like, you know, extremely attractive, they're always, always getting people messaging them anyways.

Right.

So sometimes you just, if you see something that on there that you can make fun of, make fun of it.

It. Right.

Send a message like, really? You really like that band? They're terrible.

Yeah, you can do that. Or you could just, just be unique and funny.

Yeah, I think that's being funny too.

Yeah. Be like, how about like everything about your profile sounded great until I got to the Ghostbusters part. Yeah, that's what you could say. Okay. Be literate. That's, you know, nets bad grammar and bad spelling are huge turn offs. I know you have your assistant do it. Avoid physical compliments. How about that? Don't say nice rack in your first email. Although the data shows this advice holds true for both sexes, it's mostly directed at guys. People like compliments. I love them. But when they're used as pickup lines before you even met in person, they don't work. On the other hand, more general comments do work, like saying someone's particular interest is cool. So wow, I love that you like drive in movie theaters. So do I. Yeah.

It goes back to the Ghostbusters.

Do you think the Ghostbusters, right?

Yeah.

Use an unusual greeting.

I'm trying to think if I ever. Oh, in the subject line.

No. But the way you choose to start your initial message to someone is your first impression. The three most popular ways to say hello from the beginning were all actually bad beginnings. Hey, hello. Hi. Even the slangy holla and yo perform better even though they go against the best literate rules. In fact, it's smarter sometimes to use no greeting at all. Just dive into whatever you have to say rather than saying hi. How about that? Don't say hi, hello, or hey, just go. Just say, came across your profile and even though you have a big nose, I'm psyched date you.

I would say also whatever you're gonna use as the opener should be in the subject line, not in the subject line. And it shouldn't say hello or anything.

Right. It should say like Ghostbusters. Really?

You go to. Oh, you're alumni of San Francisco State. San Francisco State. Alumni question mark.

Right? How great so am I. Yeah, totally.

You know, nothing like, like, because the hello stuff is definitely, it seems like.

Seemed interesting. Like something more unique.

No. Well, it seems like spam. Like anybody that says hello to me online, I don't even open it because I'm like, oh, that's some spam thing. They like, they would have to. They have to put something in the subject.

You gotta sing. Intriguing. I totally agree. So you can bring up specific interests, talk about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone in ways to make a connection. In fact, every niche word that we have significant data on has a positive effect in messaging. Even more effective are phrases that engage the reader's own interest. So show you've read their profile. So that means that again, specifically, like hone in on specific things they said. Not like, loved your profile. Let's go on a date. Like, it really is your first impression. So here's some common online dating mistakes. Common mistakes.

All right, what's the first one?

Number one, one mistake is hoping the right person will find you. You shouldn't hope your dream partner will. Partner, will email you out of the blue. You will get much better results if you pay for premium membership and write to people yourself. This is for men and women thinking that you're just putting a great profile up there and someone's just going to come knock on your email door. It's not going to happen.

No, it won't happen. Especially with girls. Girls won't approach you.

Okay. They won't, right?

No, not at all.

That's right. See, that's why you don't date online, because you got to approach that. Them.

Yeah, but I mean, I. I've met people through every social network there is.

I know. And you've banged chicks from every social network I know you've loved to tell you love.

No, I don't say that. I'm just saying it's not like I wait. You're trying to say that I wait for them to hit me up online. They don't. So that's what. Okay, I'm saying you can still be.

Successful, so you should never hope the right person will find you, ever. No matter if you're a single man or a single woman and you're. Whether you're dating online or not, you have to do your work to find someone. Someone to think that that person just going to fall in your lap is probably not the right person for you. Because you have to know what you want and go out there and get it? Mistake number two, sending one liners. It's amazing how many people send letters of the type. Hi, liked your profile. Please see my profile. This is what we're talking about. Most likely they were just delete your email. So write letters that have some substance to them. I bet you so many people do that. Highlight your profile. Look at my profile. That's so lame.

That's stupid.

Okay, number three, sending form letters. Letters. Don't do it. If there's. If there are no personal references in the letter, they'll know the letter was not written specifically for them. That's like when I put up posts for listing for my intern for interned list curve. Like a job listing. And someone's like, hello, here's my resume. It's like, no, say something unique and I delete all those. Like, I got hundreds of responses for interns and the ones that are just like, here's my resume and cover. Here's my resume. Done. Delete. Like, take some time. You should do the same thing with online dating. Like, if you're applying for a job job. Be specific. Okay, number four, Sending writing boring letters. Remember, it's not about you. It's about them. Tell them what you liked about their profile so much that you decided to write them. Some things may be uncertain in their profiles. Ask questions and guess the answers.

Yeah, because they want to talk about themselves.

Write interesting letters. The types of letters you'd like to receive. Anyone could do that. Even if you can't write menace, you know what to say. You just dictate. Yeah, yeah.

In. Listen, people, I found this new amazing tool. It's on the iPhone 4. It's called Siri. Siri. I don't know. I don't have it yet, but my friends had it. And it will tell you everything you want. Like, it'll spell everything for you. You just have to talk.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Oh, cool.

I mean, it is amazing. How many miles is it from here to the sun? Boom.

Tells you that's the new iPhone. Does that right? Do you have the new one?

No. I want it so bad.

Me too. I'm getting it. I'm gonna get it before you.

That hurts my feelings.

I'm sorry.

But yeah, it's a new tool to help you be a pimp. Honestly, like, to have so much game, you could use this thing. Like, if you want to say something suave in a different language, you just say, how do you spell da? Da.

That is amazing.

It is amazing is the app that does it.

Or. I thought that was part of the phone, right? Yeah. That's really cool. I know.

People just use that to your advantage.

People.

If you know a girl's birthday, say hey, set birthday for da da da. Then you'll never forget it.

This is your new tool for men actually to never forget anything.

To never forget anything. Oh, right. And does it. Write it and put it in your calendar or something.

It's crazy.

That is amazing. I totally want to get it. Yeah, okay. Okay. I'm gonna get it like this week.

Go for it.

Mistake number six, giving up. Oh, no, no, sorry. Mistake number. I'm sorry, I missed mistake number five. Contacting dozens of members at once. Once you'll pay for their premium membership. They tend to contact dozens members at once. Stop for a minute. What are you looking for? All you need is one person.

All you need is only one person, but the one who is right for you. Spend more time reading the profiles on the site and select the few you most want to write down to. So don't just, it's like resume, same thing. Don't just blankly email everybody. And I did, they saw your profile, but really be like, oh, I'm interested in this person. I could do this.

Yeah. And then you can't even keep track.

You're like, which one were you?

Yeah, what did I say?

You got to do it right? Okay. And then number six, giving up. You tried this and that. Nothing works. You give up. That's the biggest mistake of all with all dating. Giving up is a mistake. We get so many emails. People are like, there's no men in my town. There's no women in my town. I think that's bs. We've told you so many times time and time again that you have to make the effort. If you're single and you're looking for someone, you tell everyone you know. It's just like again like looking for a job. You tell everyone you know what you're looking for and then you get take some time getting clear on what you want. Like what kind of person do you want? What's non negotiable. If you see something in a profile about someone that's a turn off, like a smoker or whatever it is, you just, you know, you have to learn. You have to spend time figuring out what you want and weeding out those people.

I think that's what I'm doing these days. When I was younger, I was definitely doing hitting up multiple people at the same time. But now it's just like now there's just a few. Just a few. Not even Any. I don't hate up anybody online.

I know you don't anymore.

Because I've learned also, people can, you know, just be real, too, when it comes to this stuff. Like we were talking about the photographs and all that stuff, but just in all the statements that you're putting online of, you know, your work history or stuff that you like, just be real, because all that stuff is gonna catch up with you.

Exactly. Always be honest and be real. And if you don't want to fill something out, there's. Then don't. But don't lie about it. It. Yeah, don't lie. Okay, so you give it up. So I would say look at profiles of other people that attract you and compare it with your own private profile. Maybe you need a new photo with a happy smile. Like, there are professionals that over that remake. Redo your online dating profile for you. But if you can't, like, afford to go to an expert, you could talk to your friends, have your friends over for dinner, and be like, okay, I want the four of you to read my dating pile or the two of you to read my dating profile and have your friends give you honest feedback. That's not you, dude. That doesn't represent you. Here's a better photo. Or, like, ask around because maybe that's why you feel like you've been failing.

I want. I want to write yours.

Will you? Yeah. I would never let you write it.

Why?

Maybe I have you on the committee.

The committee?

The committee to help me write it. The committee to help me decide if it's a good one.

Why can't I just write it for a week and see what happens?

Because I don't trust you at all.

Why? I would write an amazing one for you.

No, you wouldn't.

Yeah, I would.

No, you don't know me.

And it would probably. If the. If the guy contacts you after I write it about you, then that is the guy that you're gonna follow head over heels.

I don't think that you know what I like. I think you think you know.

You don't know what I like either.

Yes, I do. You like this chick that I just tried to fix you up with. I think you'd like her.

No.

Okay, whatever. So listen, make it your habit to check new listings every day and just write to one person. One person. So if you've already. This is. If you're giving up, this is mistake number six. If you're just. You're like, I'm done. I know. A lot of you were like, it's so Frustrating. So just say I'm gonna do one people and then borrow ideas from other people. Look at other profiles again that you like. Borrow ideas from other people. And I just want to say that online dating does work. They say, and you just got to gain experience. Practice makes perfect. That's what we got for you with online dating. And I'm going to be an online dater very shortly. I know.

I can't wait.

And you're not writing it, but you can be on the committee when I have people over to analyze it. I love anal. I love when people are like, this is good. This is good.

Who else is going to be on the committee?

So I can analyze them.

Yeah, I know. Maybe you won't be.

Why?

I don't know if you're good at mixed company.

You don't want me to be. You don't want me to be around your friends.

I don't know.

You think they'll start yelling at me?

Maybe like, these, like, my friends are not D bags. My friends are awesome.

No, they're cool.

You've met them?

Yeah.

Yeah, they're all right. There's like, one you don't like. Whatever. We're not going to.

No, there's a couple I don't like.

Oh, come on. I've never really met your friends, but hopefully I'll meet them this week.

You met all my friends? My friends are amazing.

I bet they are. You're amazing, and I'm amazing, and we're all amazing.

You just don't hang out with amazing people other than me.

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