Episode 331 - Rough Sex... and Rougher Sex!

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, that feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you get all your sex information. It's your daily sex newspaper. Basically it is online. Online, online paper, online information. And we talk about sex every day. We're here Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday. Thanks everyone for becoming Friends with benefits members. We love you and appreciate you and adore you and think it's awesome that you're supporting the show. And remember, when you're a Friends benefits member, you get your emails answered right away. There's other special perks. And we just. You get the shows every day on demand, with video, with audio, all that stuff. So it's super fun. And yeah. Today's Tuesday. What's up?

I'm, like high right now. What is. Did you just paint your nails or something? It smells like nail polish.

No, no nail paint.

It smell like nail polish. I thought you, like, put some nail polish.

No. Do I have nails? I need to get my nails done tonight, but I'm going to. But no, I didn't do that.

Oh, really? What kind of. What kind of things are you gonna do to your nails?

I'm just gonna get, like a color.

I never get white tips.

No, no, that's not me. I'm not gonna get fake nails with white tips at all. But no, that's. But I am gonna do that tonight. I've just got lots of running around and errands. Super fun stuff going on. I'm moving offices to a bigger office with sunlight, so upstairs. So it'll be great.

Really?

Yep. I'm excited about that. Cause my interns, we need a little sunshine. It kind of can get depressed. My office is very cute, but we're moving upstairs.

It's very quaint.

We're moving on up. It's very quaint. Let's put it that way. It's cozy. It's cozy. Cozy, cozy. So, yeah. And if you ever want to get in touch with us and leave us a message, you can do it at 415-992-7392. How you doing today, Menace?

I'm good. I'm very stressed. A lot of stuff going on with work, like, constantly.

Right. It's endless.

Yeah, we.

This is why we're on the planet, to be harassed by our work.

I know. I mean, on top of being on the radio, we're throwing like three separate concerts. Dealing with three dealing with about 20 different artists and bands and stuff like that. Personalities, egos out of control.

And are you in charge of getting everyone together?

Well, just like getting the information out. And it's just like you have to get it out perfectly because before you give it to the public, and, you know, there's one little thing wrong, the. The public goes crazy. So, I mean, I'm losing my mind.

Right.

And then, you know, all I want to do is go to Vegas.

I know. And aren't you going Soon. Or you were going to.

Yeah, I'm going to Vegas for Thanksgiving.

Oh, that's right. That's like the typical Vegas place.

Yeah, it is.

A typical Thanksgiving place is going to Vegas. That's hilarious. With some chick that you may or may not have sex with.

Yeah, true.

I'm sure you will.

Maybe. Whatever.

Maybe Whatever. Are you driving or flying?

Flying.

Flying. Good.

Virgin America, baby. My favorite.

I love Virgin America.

They're not my sponsor. I just love them to date.

I love them, too. I want to take them everywhere I go.

Go.

I really, really do. So today's show, we're gonna be.

What not to do any plugs because they're not our sponsor yet. Check this out. My friend is part of this new company. It is so badass.

It's called.

You go to cherry.com. right.

Charity.

Cherry.

Cherry. Like pop your cherry.

Yeah, Pop your cherry. Right. And they're cherry on Twitter. Whatever. It's a new car service. They just come to wherever your car is and wash your car.

Oh, my God. Perfect.

You don't have to go anywhere.

I love that.

Yeah. How sick is that?

That's so sick. Because in San Francisco, getting your car wash takes half hour. It's expensive.

It's a nightmare.

It is. I just did it yesterday, as a matter of fact, because I have a dog that has totally devoured my whole.

Car wash. Told me I could have got you a car.

I didn't know. I would love to know. I just did it yesterday. But we'll have to do that another time.

It'll be like me doing a manly thing, but I actually don't have to do it.

No, you could just order it up for me. Today's show is one of your favorite topics, I think. Menace. We're talking about rough sex, hair pulling, spanking, biting. Like a little bit of rough sex.

Bats, chains.

Yeah, exactly. Bats, chains, hacksaws, whatever. Whatever floats your boat. Whatever turns you on. We're talking about some of the lighter, rough sex moves. We'll also be reading your emails. And we've also got some sex in the news.

Good. Anything else going on in your life other than hectic things?

Hectic things? Anything exciting? I mean, I know that I have a blind date on Sunday night. I know nothing about him. And I don't know where we're going yet. And I don't know what's happening. My friends are setting it up for me, like a truly blind date. So that'll be fun. I'm looking forward to that because I haven't gone on Dates in so long.

Now who's setting you up? Your friends?

Yeah.

So they. Your friends.

One friend knows this guy, and another friend concurred that I would like him. So now there's, like, all this buildup around the guy, and so I'm excited. I love. I love dating. I think dating is fun. Like, bring me a new guy. Like, I don't even care if we get along, whatever happens.

So you don't know what you're doing or where you're going or anything?

Probably dinner. I'm assuming you know me somewhere that takes reservations.

Yeah. What about if he takes you somewhere that doesn't take reservations? Like, oh, I know this cool little.

Like, Long John Silver or something.

No, I know this, like, little cool, you know, diner or something.

That's fine. I'm not judging. Yes, it is fine. It is fine. Don't say it's not fine. I totally don't care about that stuff. So then I got that, and I've got. What else do I have going on? I'm gonna. Nothing, really. Just work. Exciting. How about you?

Other than all the crazy stuff in my life, I have just been enjoying. I know this. So nerdy. Just enjoying technology.

Oh.

Like, lately, like, there's a lot of cool things coming out.

Like what?

I'm obsessed with this new thing, it's called 360 video, where you can actually capture. Like, I'll put a camera in the middle of you and me, right? And. And I'll capture video, and I hit play, and I. While the video is playing, the video could be on you. But then I can just move the cursor and the video itself. The video file will move around and face me.

Oh, that's so cool.

It's insane.

Wow. You don't turn the actual camera. You just turn the little.

No, you turn the actual video out. Like, let's say you're watching YouTube, right? You're like, oh, I want to turn around and see what the cameraman looks like. You can take your cursor and move it. I know. It's a weird concept.

That's so cool.

I know.

I totally even grasp for some people.

Because it's only been out for, like, a couple weeks. I'm, like, obsessed with it.

See, that's what I love about you is that what you do for a living is social media and all this stuff. But you really do love it and you're passionate about it.

Yeah, it's fun.

Just like me with sex. Except for I haven't been having that much lately, but I'm passionate about it.

What about this blind date?

I don't know. I could bone him on the first date. But I actually had a call from a friend last night who was really distressed. She lives in Chicago. And she was like, you know, I slept with this guy on the first date. And she felt really bad about it, like it was a bad thing. And I just told her, it's not that big of a deal. I don't think that you should necessarily. She goes, I knew he wasn't going anywhere. I knew it wasn't gonna be anything, but I still slept with him. And I felt bad. And I was like, you know what? What?

No, no. Is she originally from Chicago or.

No, no. She's actually just visiting there. She lives in New York. But she was like. She's, like, living there for work for six weeks, and she met a guy, and she's like, I know it's not going anywhere. I don't live in Chicago. But I slept with him anyway. And she was beating herself up. And I was like, a lot of people sleep together on the first date, but if, you know, it wasn't going anywhere, that's fine. But if it was a guy that you really liked, I just think it behooves people to wait.

Yeah, it's weird, because the Chicago. The reason I asked if she was originally from Chicago, because the Chicago women I know, you have to take them out a couple times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you love the women in Chicago.

They love to be courted, right?

They do. They do. They're good. Like, it's like me. Well, if I was still lived in Michigan, I'm.

Before you got all whacked out.

Before I got exactly San Francisco. I'm so wacky. I can't wait. You know what? I'm excited, too. Well, you're gonna meet my brother. He's coming to town. I don't think you've ever met him before.

No, I haven't.

No.

I can't wait to talk with him.

I know. He's awesome. You're gonna love him.

It's gonna be amazing.

I know. We should have him on, actually. It is gonna be amazing.

Where is he? Is he here now?

No, he's coming tomorrow.

Yes. This is gonna be awesome.

It's gonna be awesome. I'm excited for that. And he's grades coming out, his family, just to see his sister, so it's good. Okay. We could get into some sex in the news.

All right. What do you got?

Do you have any sex in the news to add anything About Zoe?

No, but I did, actually. I just recorded a radio commercial that's playing right now that all my friends are making fun of me about.

Okay.

It's weird that it seems like we're plugging a bunch of things right now, but we're not.

As long as we tell you we're not. Pl. We're not.

I'm not. Yeah. So I. Well, I am sponsored by this new thing called Roku. It's a video streaming device that you hook up to your TV and you can just watch stuff on demand, like your Hulu Plus. Okay, so Zooey Deschanel has a new television show called the New Girl. Right? And then. So I started off the commercial and I say, I don't know if you guys heard this, but Zooey Deschanel has just newly become single.

And.

And she also has a new television show called the New Girl. So when I want to keep up on my lady, I just pop on my rug.

You did that on commercial?

Yes. This whole commercial about how I love Zooey Deschanel.

You gotta send it to her.

Yeah. Oh, she doesn't care. Dude, you know how many guys are trying to probably get at Zooey Deschanel right now? No, and it's probably not the good time anyways, because she just broke. Just gotta, you know.

Yeah.

I don't know if she's the type of girl that's on to the next one. You know what that means?

On to the next. On to the next. Yeah, I get it.

On to the next one means after you immediately break up.

Yeah, you go to the next person. I get what it means. I used to be that girl. I used to break up with one guy. And that that night I'd be dating a guy for two years, and that night I would break up with him, go out with my friends and meet the new guy and date him for two years. Like, I literally.

I hate your type.

I hate. No, but I know that's. That's not my type anymore. That used to be my type. I was. I couldn't stop. I would, like, be date guys and. And then I would try to delay the commitment, and they kept wanting to commit, and then I did, and then I was regretted it, and I'm like, I just need to be alone. And then I did that, and then I was alone for a long time. Like now, without men.

Can I break down a profile of a certain girl for you?

Oh, God. This is.

This is one of the girls that I absolutely hate. Okay, so they'll be like you. They'll be dating a guy for like couple years, immediately break up with them. First thing it is, first thing they do is go on their social networks, Facebook, whatever, immediately announce it to the world. Okay, I'm so single, blah, blah, I'm about to go party it up. And they do that. And then all the girlfriends that they haven't been talking to in a couple years because they've been off with their man, right?

They call.

They call them up like, girl, we need to go out.

I have those friends, right?

So then they go out, they're all dressed super slutty, and then by the end of the night, they're so drunk, and the girl just starts crying. And she's the girl that's like outside the club with her heels off and her purse is on the ground, and she's trying to go through her purse and find her keys, and she's just crying her eyes out because she misses her man. I hate you. I hate you, I hate you.

We've all been those kind of girls at some point, but you hang out at too many nightclubs.

You're like the worst girl on the planet.

No, I've never actually cried over a guy at the end of the night drunk. But. But I've seen those girls. But I feel like you're. You're typical. The women that you often describe, whether it's the women that you sleep with or the women that you know, are very different than the women I'm friends with because I know those girls at the bars, like, late night with their shoes off and losing their keys, but I've never been that girl. Or. But you hang out in weird crowds.

I know, I don't. I hang out in the general public.

I don't know, I'm just. You go to nightclubs.

I don't.

Work related. I don't like. I'm not out at nightclubs cruising for chicks.

I know. I'm just saying you're nervous, but I get that type. I get that type that's like crying about her guy because she got too drunk and can't find her keys or her wallet.

Yeah. And you know what? I was actually thinking about you yesterday in bed. Bed as I was masturbating.

Okay.

No, I was thinking about you. And you know how you got this television set and you got cable and all that stuff and then you say, you. You never watch tv. I just can't figure out what you do. I mean, you say, okay, like, all right, you. You do. You do work all day in the office and you do the show. Right. Then after.

Where. What happens in between that time and bedtime?

I go home and I work more. I do sex tips every week on Sirius satellite. I have to record those. There's, like, endless. There's like.

And there's no food in your house, so you must leave.

I do. I go to Whole Foods, which is right around the corner. And then I come back home. And then I usually am online, like, doing stuff that I didn't get to during the day. And then I just don't think to watch TV because it's not in my consciousness of who I am. I've never watched tv, but I did watch.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Oh, I love them.

Do you?

Yeah.

I thought that they were interesting, but they all have bodyguards and we're gonna kill each other, so I thought that was kind of weird.

How's it weird?

I don't know. I didn't know. I didn't see them.

It's amazing.

I've never seen it, so. Yeah, so I've been watching some stuff, but that was just. I've watched two shows. I think I've already mentioned that I watch that, so. No, you're right. I don't know what I do. I work, I clean, I organize. When I'm feeling stressed, I organize my apartment. Like, I organize, make sure. Because I have such small space. Like, it's a big apartment, but there's not a lot of space. It's kind of weirdly space. I'm always obsessively trying to figure out ways to. But I'm not watching tv. Like, I don't know what I do. I will watch more tv, though.

Well, I'm not saying what I do with my life. I have no idea. I have no idea.

There's a lot going on right now. Let's just say that.

Okay.

Okay. Building a brand, you know? Okay. Sex in the news. Stiffy's drink removed for linking alcohol with sexual success. A drink called Stiffies will be taken off the shelves after a complaint was upheld that it linked alcohol with sexual success. Apparently, the name alludes to sexual success. The 20% proof Stiffy's Jaffa Cake and.

Kula Caboose drinks will be removed from.

The shelves after the decision. The panel found that while the company might have deliberately set out to link the product's success to sexuality, the brand name alluded to sexual success and accordingly found the product in breach of the responsibility code. And Stiffy Shots maintained that the name had been chosen because Stiffy was the nickname of the person involved with the development of the drink. And now they changed their name to Stivvies.

That's dumb.

What do you think? Do you think stiffies was really there? Why gives you a stiffy?

No, but I mean, I don't see why they didn't take the angle of, oh, that's a stiff drink. Because that's a common term, you know?

Yeah, that's a good point.

And they're. They're definitely doing that as a joke. Stiffies. Yeah, but they're. I should have been on their. I should have been their lawyer and I know, totally.

So anyway, you can't have a stiffy drink. You can have a stiffy. Okay. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are having the most boring love affair ever.

Really?

Blake Lively and Ryan Levels are having a blandest love. Bland love affair. This weekend they stayed home and walked their dogs. The weekend before, they stayed home and walked their dogs. Before that, they stayed home and walked their dogs. And before that, they sat next to each other on a train. Considering that Leo took Blake on whirlwind tours of Italy and to Monte Carlo yacht parties, Ryan should maybe step it up. Unless, of course, they're having kinky hermit sex in that apartment, in which case a dishy quote or two from the maid will do. So what? They're walking their dogs.

Let them do what they want.

That sounds cute. That means they're bonding. They're not. Like, they don't need, like all this external stimulation, all the flash and dash of an early relationship. So they're walking their dogs. That's cute. They're domesticating.

Yeah. They don't need to go to. They don't need a jet set to places.

No. Or go somewhere with reservations.

These people need to shut the hell up. Whoever reported.

I don't know who reported this stuff. Okay? Women claiming to have Justin Bieber's baby already tried the same same stunt on her ex.

Mariah Yeater, the young woman who claims her son is a product of her statutory rape of a virgin. Justin Bieber apparently already accused her ex boyfriend of fathering the kid. Have you heard the story yet? She came back here from California telling me she was pregnant with my child, and I said, this is impossible. You've been in California for two months and back here for only a week. He tells the New York. He also says that Yater threw a brick through the windows of his Honda and slapped him. So she may have some anger management issues. None of this obviously means her 32nd backstage bathroom dalliance with Bieber didn't happen. But it doesn't really show up her case, so she's just blaming all the guys she slept with in that window of time, saying that, well, chicks are.

Crazy anyway, so there's gonna be some kind of crazy thing.

See, these are the kind of chicks that you're friends with. I bet you know this girl.

Yeah, probably. No, the.

If you look into anybody's past relationship history, there's. You're gonna find something crazy. There's gonna. They're gonna try to say.

Like, discredit this chick.

Yeah.

Immediately.

Right.

You know, and who. How could she. How is it not possible if she was gone for two months to be. Not be two months pregnant?

I don't know. I don't get it. Right.

I'm saying. I'm not saying this is true. It's like. I pretty much think it's 98% not true. But all this stuff is still.

There might be some kernels of truth. Right. You don't never know. I always say. I had a friend who said that everything that you read is gossip. There's always a kernel of truth in it. He believes there's always something in there that's true. It's never like. Like, all the celebrities are always like, that's totally false. That's untrue. None of that happened. But my friend maintains that even if it's in, like, the Inquirer, there's a kernel. Little tiny minutiae of truth.

There's a tidbit.

Tidbit. What do you think?

Disagree.

Okay. Is Kim Kardashian already regretting her divorce? She is apparently conflicted about her divorce from Kris Humphries and flew to Minneapolis to see him and talk face to face. TMZ cautions that it's definitely not accurate to call this a reconciliation, but that the door is definitely not shut.

Yeah, I heard this.

So they got a fight, and she, like, files for divorce. Like, why not get in a fight and then have the talk and then file for divorce if you can't reconcile? But why did she. Do you think she just did that to prove a point? She's like, I'm gonna play the divorce card. Like, who does that after two. Two months married?

I know. I.

Maybe they weren't in their right mind. They had a huge fight, and then, yeah, she freaked out.

Will they reconcile? I don't know. They're gonna look pretty stupid if they do. But then they already look pretty stupid if they got divorced after two months.

Yeah, that's true. I mean, I guess I would hope they could get Back together. Yeah.

I mean, if you went through all.

That ten million dollar wedding.

Ten million dollar wedding. You're on television, like, showing your love, and then they actually. There's a whole nother season that hasn't even aired yet where they're together in New York City.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I didn't even know in these 72 days they were married.

Yeah. It's Courtney and Kim. Take New York.

Okay.

And it's.

Or Courtney and Chris or Chris and Kim.

Huh? Yeah. Chris. Sorry.

It's confusing with all the K's.

Yeah. So they. They have an entire season that hasn't even aired yet. So what if they're still divorced right now? They're gonna show this whole season of them.

I know.

Together. That's crazy.

That is crazy. But I just think this sends a good message to America about weddings and marriage. How easy it is to get, you know, know that, like, you should have this lavish wedding and then, like, get divorced. Like the. I think. But I think the message that is good is. I think it glory. It glamorizes marriage as being this, like, thing like, oh, I want this fairytale wedding like Kim Kardashian. Well, this should tell everyone a story that. That, you know, you shouldn't rush into things. They were only together for a few months. You shouldn't, you know, just kind of steamroll over the whole relationship and just plan a wedding. Like, they probably could have been working on some of these issues, like instead of planning the wedding for the same amount of time they knew each other. Just don't rush into weddings. People wait till you're 30 to get married at least and do know the person for at least a year or two.

I would love to have a huge wedding if I could afford it.

Yeah.

Big, lavish.

Or you just got a married chick whose parents can afford it.

Yeah.

It's not the way the woman pays for it, but.

Yeah. So changing these days. It's always on the man now, is it? Yeah, I mean, it depends who you.

Marry, but usually the parents. I don't know.

I want to find, you know me. I want to find something that's traditional, so hopefully.

Traditional how?

Please.

No sense to me.

Please pick up the tab.

You want her traditionally?

What do you mean, traditionally? You know, they do pick up.

Oh, you want the traditional one, right? I thought you meant you want, like, a traditional down home girl. Yeah, I just want her traditional for the marriage.

Well, no, I want. I do want a traditional girl, too, but. Which I think was gonna be funny is my reception, because it's gonna be so eclectic. So crazy. It's gonna be hilarious.

Yeah, I can't wait.

I'm just afraid because my, you know, my family never has really met, like, too many of my friends and has never even met anybody that I've dated ever. So when they show.

Yeah.

So when they. When they show up to my wedding or my wedding reception and they see all the different types of people that.

I'm friends with, they'll tell a lot about you.

It's gonna be crazy.

That's. I think that's cool. I think that's a great way. Like, I love when my mom comes out and I have parties. I'm like, these are my friends. Like, you know, it says a lot about who you are. And I'm gonna make a really funny speech at your wedding.

Oh, hell no.

I'm already planning it. I can't wait. I'll be briefing your new bride about you sexually. I'll be like, this is what menace should try.

This is what I know. Yeah, you're gonna ruin my wedding before.

No, I'm not going to ruin it. Okay, let's get into some emails.

Okay. What do you got?

Okay, this is what I've got for you. Topics include achieving orgasm, increase libido, loss of sexual identity, and friends with benefits. Hi, Emily. You are my last hope. I can't. Can't watch your show because it's not available in my country. So please help me. I'm 18 and I can't have an orgasm. My boyfriend is freaking out and I feel like I disappoint him. I have your Kegel Camp app and I'm going to stick to it. I hope it works. Can you suggest anything else? I am desperate. Hazal Kaya from Istanbul.

Istanbul. The video. You can't watch the video.

I'm trying to think. She, she, she. Because she says her boyfriend's freaking out.

Okay.

I would say, well, Kaggle Camp, when.

She started, there was a technical problem. I started switching to that mode. So I apologize.

I said there was a technical problem.

No, yeah. Well, she said something about the video, so I was just.

Oh, she can't watch intercom. I see, I see, I see. You were trying to figure out. Yeah, but I would say, Hazel, if you can't have it, first of all, Kaggle, I have an app. It's in the itunes store called Kaggle Camp. And you can for your iPhone and it helps women have longer, stronger orgasms. I think you should definitely try the app. So thanks for getting the app. But also I want to Know, a lot of times when people can't have orgasms with their partners, it's because they haven't explored their bodies themselves. So I'm wondering, Hazal, have you masturbated? Do you know how to. Have you orgasmed alone? Can you show your partner how you orgasm? You know, with your fingers or with a sex toy? You need to be able to do those things that you do when you're alone with your partner so you can show them what you need to happen. So I'm wondering. I'm sorry that your boyfriend's freaking out. I don't. And you feel like you're disappointing them because it is not the man's. You know, I hope he doesn't freak out on you. It's really tough for women. We don't appreciate when guys are like, when are you gonna come? When are you gonna come? You didn't come. That sucks. I feel so bad. I mean. Cause that's all about them. It's not even about you. It's that he felt like less of. Less of a man because you didn't orgasm. So I say, like, that is not cool for him to make you feel bad. And I just think you need to chill and relax and know that only 30% of women have. Have orgasms during intercourse anyway. And that you'll get there, sweetheart. I promise you'll get there. And I would say with masturbation and my app, you will be fine. And just don't let him pressure you or dump him.

I just noticed that I think they. They put a new tower in this area. And I have the app that I was trying to see if I can play some. Here we go.

Just follow along with the app.

Tense.

Relax.

That's me with my app. I do. I do narrate it.

I just search Kegelcamp in the iTunes store.

Yeah, you can download it. And it's awesome. It's awesome.

Sweet. Yeah, There you go.

There you go. Kegel Camp. Everyone download it.

Also, we had some questions, actually, video questions from the audience, which I need to remind. Can we make a note of this? People want to see if we can switch the video soon to HTML5. And do you know what HTML5 is?

No.

No. Well, there's this whole thing with Apple products and Flash and Adobe. It's a huge long story. But you can't watch video on the iPad or on.

Oh, you can't watch Flash, right?

Yeah. So people are asking, is there any possible way to switch it to HTML5? So if we can email our people.

Yes, yes. We'll write that down. And we will, because we're actually having a call with them tomorrow.

Okay, then we have to readjust the video settings here, too.

Fine. Do you know everyone can watch this show? You could just. Just more on my to do list because I don't have enough going on. Yeah, okay. Dear Emily, love the show. Been married 20 years and between life and kids, the relationship has taken a backseat. Have spoken with wife about working on sexual side of things. She's 51. I'm 46. What type of things would you suggest to raise her interest in improving our sex life? I've made sure to look after her needs to relieve household pressure on her and suggested books and articles to help her become more open. Thanks, Tracy. He's a friends with benefits premium member from North Battleford, California. Do you know where that is?

I've never even heard of that.

Me neither. So, okay, here's the deal. There are some things that you could try out with her. I'm not sure if she just has low libido right now, if she's stressed. First of all, I want to say kudos to you for helping relieve household pressure and stuff like that. Because that is a lot of times women resent their partners because they're not helping out around the house as much. And they're not. They feel like stressed or overworked. And so I think it's great that you're helping her in that way. I'm wondering if you've ever tried sex toys before. Sex toys are a great thing. You could go online. You could go to AdamAndEve.com and you can get any item at 50% off. Use coupon code Emily at checkout. That is a great thing to do. And pick out like a pocket rocket or cock ring. That's great for you, great for her. So I think toys are a great thing that can help. Also, I would say my book, hot sex over 200 things you can try tonight is a really. And I'm not just saying this because I wrote it, but it is a book you can get on Amazon. You can buy it at bookstores. There are 200 things you can try tonight. And they're all easy to do. Little tiny things like dressing up or trying different positions that are not hard to do. You could try doing different things in the bedroom, like mixing it up with different positions. Or you could set a romantic night for her. And all this stuff might seem cliche to you, but women need to be romanced. You've been together a long time, 20 years. And it sounds like you had the passion, you had the romance before. And to spice it up, you. You're gonna have to do things like the quintessential, like make a romantic night, take her away for an evening. Maybe you have friends with kids, and you can. You can. You know, friends. I don't know if you have kids, actually, but you have, you know, friends who have a vacation home you go away to for a week if you can't afford, like, to go to a hotel for a weekend or something. So I think you have to get out of your ruts. You have to get out of your routine and shake things up. So, yeah, I would say Sex Toys are my book.

And the book, honestly, is amazing with all the drawings.

I know it's easy to find.

It's just a visual for the guy's perspective because we don't like to read all that stuff.

Yeah, you don't have to read it. You can watch it. Yeah, I mean. I mean, the illustrations are quite amazing in the book.

So you can just flip through the illustrations, see the ones that you really like, and then you can read up on them.

Exactly. It is like. I feel like it's the new Joy of Sex, my book, I have to say. So you should get that.

It's really good.

I think it's really good, too. Okay, so that's what we got to say about that. And then we should. What? Why are you laughing at me?

One of my buddies is in New Orleans right now, and he actually does all these, like, awesome sex illustrations, like, in a comic form.

Okay.

And I was like. I was texting him right now, hey, what's your website so I can tell people about your drawings? They're really cool and funny. And he first. He texted me. He goes, well, tell them first that I've shaved my whole body, and he's not joking. And then all the way down to my butthole.

Oh.

I guess it's his new sexual thing. He's really into porn and stuff like that. But he's a lead singer of a. Like, a big band.

Okay.

Signed to a major label.

Shaved his butthole.

Yeah. I don't know why.

Tmi.

Yeah. But what would if he. I actually. It's what's weird that he says that because I actually know other guys that the shave their com. Their whole body.

Right.

Well, how would you feel about that?

That's a really good question. That's all about, like, manscaping and stuff like that.

Yeah, but this is, like, extreme manscaping where they. There's like, something that they're prickly all.

Over when it starts going. Five minutes. I don't want a guy who's spending more time shaving than I am. Yeah, yeah. I'm not. Wouldn't be that into it.

But why is he.

Why? Why. Why is he doing it?

I'll ask him. Why?

Yeah. Like, I want to know why he's shaving his entire body. But there are guys. It's funny, because when I was in New York, there was this guy. I was trying to fix up my friend. I'm like, isn't he cute? Isn't he cute? She's like, he shaves his chest. Like, she could see through his shirt that there was, like, prickly chest hairs growing back, and she was kind of grossed out by it.

Yeah, it's very. It scratches. I mean, I. Scratches.

Yeah. So it's like that, but it's, like, all over your body. Like, prickly things coming out of your butt. Like when it starts to grow back. Your butt hair.

Y. His name is. You can find it.

Oh, great. You're gonna tell his name?

Yeah, no, he's cool with it. He's totally cool. I'd love to have him on the show sometime, but he's on tour. His name's Eric Victorino. His drawings are on.

He was on the show before, was he? Yeah, he started a magazine, like, years ago.

What?

Wasn't he on the show years ago?

No, that was another Eric.

Okay.

Yeah, this is Eric Victorino. He's a singer for the Limousines.

Okay.

And he's on tour with the Sounds right now, but he has these crazy drawings. Look it up on Etsy. Eric Victorino. And it's hilarious. I'll show you some. You'll die laughing.

Will I die?

Yeah.

Okay, if you say so. Let's move into our show topic.

Okay.

Rough sex. Rough sex. So rough sex is like, you know, spanking, hair tugging.

You don't like rough sex? You always say, oh, I like it slow.

No, I like everything. I love rough sex.

I don't like it rough.

I like it rough, and I like it soft.

You don't like the rabbit style? I just want.

I don't want jackhammer sex.

No, I want you to make love to me.

I'd never say that, Dude. I've never said that. I've never said that.

Go so slow that you'll not be erect anymore. That's what you want, right?

I did not say that. And then you'll never say, go so slow.

You'll never orgasm. And then you have to go to the bathroom later and masturbate. That's the type of sex that you want, right? That's what you say.

No, I've never said that in my life.

I don't like rough sex.

I love rough sex every once in a while. How do you know? Do you like rough sex?

You never say, oh, I like it rough. Ever since I've met you, I've said.

I like rough sex. I want to be thrown against the wall. And like, I like having my hair.

Pulled for like five seconds. And then some guy has to, like, slow down.

No.

Take his time.

That is so not true.

I need them to go down on me and take.

For 45 minutes.

For 45 minutes and take their time with it.

Yeah.

But never once I said, oh, I want it rough.

Well, because I'm. Because. Because you know why I've had. First of all, you're wrong. If we played back the hundreds of thousands of hours of tape we have. Yeah, you won't.

You won't. Oh, all. The only thing you'll say is, I want you throwing me against the wall. That's it.

Okay, well, let's talk about why we like it rough. Okay, go for it. First of all, pain and pleasure are not that different in that they both relieve endorphins. So this is why a lot of people like the pain and the pleasure. Like the pain, getting spanked or getting your hair pulled releases endorphins in your body. So that's why people get sexual pleasure from that. So experiencing sexual pleasure releases endorphins, and so does the spanking. Endorphins are likely released and experiencing pain in order to soothe the mind. However, the pain during rough sex does not need to be intense. It all depends on what the two of you are up for. So rough sex doesn't have to mean violence. You get a safe word if you want, and you know, get a safe word that says like, you know, that's like. It can be anything. Benign. It could be like banana or something. You can just be like, banana. Stop. But if you're going to engage in some rough sex activity.

Yeah.

If you say that you. That you like rough sex, then what do you like?

I particularly like. I like. I like to be. I like spanking.

See, you can't even come up with it.

I like spanking.

You like spanking?

Like spanking on my ass. That feels good.

A little spanking.

A little spanking feels good. I like. I don't mind getting my hair pulled.

Hair pulling.

Hair pulling.

You don't mind to be like high down.

That'd be hot. Tied up. I would love to be tied up. No one ties me up.

Really?

No one love being tied up. I've been tied up before, but no one has in a really long time. No one says, like, let me tie you up and just ravage you. Love it.

I had this one girl, she really wanted me to hold onto her wrists and I felt like I was gonna break her hands off.

Right. That is a wrist hold.

Yeah, that's a whole topic. A whole topic.

Another way to make sex rough is to hold down their wrists so your partner can't move their arms. This way they will be momentarily den the pleasure of touching you and feel like they're being dominated. She wanted to be dominated by you. This move is best done when you hold him against the wall.

And I dominated the hell out of it.

Did you?

Yeah.

Did you like it?

Yeah, it was cool.

Did you think it was hot?

I thought it was hot. It was hot, but I was afraid that I was doing it too hard.

Did she say, hold my wrists?

Yeah. And then she would say like, harder. I'm like, dude, can you even feel your wrists anymore?

Cause it turns her on. I mean, she's comfortable. You could hold her wrists above her head with one arm and use the other hand to place your fingers inside of her while you kiss her. Intense. You could take both her hands, hold her above her head, and then finger. That'd be hot.

And then finger.

Finger.

Put her in a pretzel formation. Sure.

Whatever. Biting can also be fun. Biting is another form of rough sex. I think biting is hot. Nibbling your partner's lips while kissing is a good way to start and then eventually start nibbling on different parts of the body.

And then full on biting.

Yeah.

Shoulder, hips, outer thighs, butt. You can nibble on all different parts of the body.

You can't take a chunk out of them, though.

Don't take a chunk. Don't like use your. Don't.

Don't break skin.

No, but it's like, don't break skin. Biting with more intense. You don't want to break the skin. But like, I think like little nibbles. And I like. I like all these things.

Why don't you ever say that?

I don't ask for them.

You don't ask for them.

Because I. I don't know. I have really good sex. I just don't. I guess I haven't ever asked for it. Cause I never think about it. I don't prioritize it. I'm gonna prioritize it. Next guy I'm with, I'm gonna be like, I want you to bite me and spank me at the same time.

Ample my hair and talk dirty to me.

Oh, I love talk dirty. Talking dirty. So hot.

What kind of words can they call you?

Anything, bitch, whore, whatever.

Really?

Yeah.

That's classy of you.

Thanks. Totally fine with that. Okay, so spanking People don't understand spanking. Like, they think, first of all, you have to spank. You have to be careful by that. You don't spank any of the bones, like, in your back or, like, where you're bony. Like, you just spank on the fleshy part of the butt. And start by touching and massaging your butt, your partner's butt, in a playful manner, and then you, like, lightly slap it. So if here, this is the butt. It's like from the bottom up like that. Instead of like that hitting down, so you're hitting the back. It's from the fleshy part up. That's how you spank someone.

And then you gradually go.

Gradually go faster. It's harder. Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah. Do you like butt? Have you ever slapped someone's butt?

You just said butt sex.

Do you like butt slapping?

Do I like butt sex?

I know you don't like butt sex. I'm assuming you do sex.

And I keep on. I need to catch myself. I need to put a. A piece of paper. I hate saying too much on the show. I. I do like butt slapping. It's.

It's. You know, you like slapping someone's butt. You like your butt slap.

I don't want to be.

You don't want your butt slapped. I got it.

I need to be dominated. I don't need to be tied up or in chains or anything like that. But if my partner wants that done, then totally, I would do that for them.

You will. Would you be turned on or would you get it limp?

I would be turned on. Yeah.

Wouldn't that turn you on?

Yeah.

Because you're always saying that all this foreplay stuff is gonna make your penis.

Limp because it takes too long.

Yeah. Which I think is lame because you should be turned on by slapping her butt, holding her wrists.

Well, also, too, if you take too long with all the teasing, then I'm not gonna last that long because I'm so excited. Once I actually start having sex, then I'm not gonna last that long. And I don't want to be known as the. The one minute man.

Right. You've not by this time. You would Already be known. I'd know if that was your moniker. Yeah, no Menace the One Minute Man.

Yeah, I'm trying not to be known as that guy. So that's why, you know, just get into it. But no, gotta take your time. Sorry, no rough sex.

So now I like rough sex. Okay, so hair tugging, that's another thing.

Yeah.

If you're doing it doggy style, lightly pull on her hair so her chin tilts back a little bit. That's hot. She'll get a glance of you doing her from behind and get super turned on.

I once took out this girl's entire weave.

You didn't know she had a weave. You're kidding, right?

Yeah.

Okay, that's like from a movie or something, right?

No.

Okay.

I pulled her whole wig off.

When she is on top, place your hands at the back of her head. Pull her head back by the roots of her hair so she's forced to lean back. Like when she's on top, pull her hair.

I pulled her hair so hard that her mustache hair came off.

Shut up. Have you ever pulled a girl's hair before?

Yeah, of course.

What do you mean of course? Nothing's of course with you.

Of course I've pulled a girl's hair. I'm not gonna touch your. Ha. Is that. Guys do that? Yeah.

Not enough. Guys don't do that enough.

They don't.

No. I'm glad we're having this chat because you thought I want everything soft, slow and sensual and I don't. I want some rough sex. I want it now.

You want to get your hair pulled?

I gotta go. Yeah. I want my hair pulled. I want my ass slapped. I want. I want spanking.

This is news to me.

I want my wrist held down. I like it all.

I don't believe it.

I do. In increments. Not every day do I want my wrists held. But sometimes I'd like a guy just to be like, hold my wrists. Hot.

Hot.

Okay, so next there's really, really rough sex. So that was just like the rough sex stuff?

Like rough sex?

Yeah.

That would be handcuffs.

Okay.

So which is not gonna. Handcuffs would not be put on me.

Right. She's gonna steal you a lot.

There's gonna be a fire, earthquake. She's gonna rob me. Hell no. Am I gonna be put. And the handcuffs, they hurt, man.

You know what I like?

I've talked about this before, but bondage tape is great for handcuffs. Bondage tape, you can get it. Adam and Eve. It's friggin awesome. It's reusable. It sticks to each other, and it's a really. It's easier than handcuffs, but you can easily bondage. Bond someone, bind someone. It's really cool.

Okay, how does it. Like. Like, what ways do you want to get tied up?

What ways do I want to get tied up?

I would like to get tied up. Like, my hands back or behind my head.

Mm.

And then even my feet could be tied up, spread apart.

Okay.

I don't know.

Like that to a bed or just to yourself?

To a bed. If you have a bed that. No one has beds like that anymore.

No, they don't.

Right.

They all have IKEA wooden beds.

Exactly. That's what I had, but I just got a new bed. But tying down her arms and legs once you give consent, so you have to get consent. But, yeah, I would like to be tied up for sure.

What about if I tie you up to a DeLorean? Would you think that was hot?

Where's these? Why a DeLorean?

I don't know.

With it in motion, and then they drag me.

Yeah.

No.

You think that's hot?

I would not think that was hot.

If I picked you up in my DeLorean and I tied you up inside of it.

Only if I was dressed like the Hamburglar.

Yes. See, now you're talking about stuff that's fun.

It is fun.

I found a place where you can get a DeLorean in the bay Area, too.

Really? I don't want to be tied up to a car. I want to be tied up to a bed or to a door.

To a door.

I don't know. You could tie me up to the door handle or something. I just made it up. I don't know. I don't want to be. I do. I feel like one guy tied me up once, and it was fun.

Can I just leave you there all day?

Do you know that a lot of people who are into bdsm, bondage and stuff, they. They. They do that. They leave each other all day long. People are into being the dominant. They're. I mean, the. They will tie up. They're being dominated. Or the dominant will tie their submissive partner up all day and not know when they're coming back. But that's people who are really into extreme bdsm, bondage, discipline, sadomasochism.

I would so just take a nap until they got back.

Or you just leave them in the room and go watch TV and then go back and.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's not so bad. So handcuffs, choking, and then he would.

Try to make the sound. I'd be like, shut up, bitch. Because they're into that kind of talk.

You asked for it, bitch.

Shut up, whore. I'm watching Family Guy.

That would be so hot. Oh, my God. Okay, choking. Have you ever had anyone want to be choked?

Yes.

Really?

I think that's in right now.

Why do you think it's in? With all the recent girls you banged, they want to be choked. Why do you think it's in.

A lot of girls just want to be choked for some reason.

Like, choked hard. Like.

Yeah, hard.

If you really. Okay. But if you only hold her neck rather than actually choke her, it could provide the sensation of submission and control. Please be careful and proceed with caution when it comes to asphyxiation.

Yeah, I almost murdered a chick one time.

No, you didn't. But how. Why do you think it's trendy that women want more?

Luckily, I buried her in the Nevada desert, so it's fine.

It's fine. No biggie. But why? She asked for it. Why? Why? Why do you think it's trendy? Like, the last three girls you slept with wanted to be choked or why do you think that's a trend?

A lot of girls just like it. I mean, if you just try it and then you, like, gently put their hand on there, then they, like, squeeze it.

Oh, it's crazy, Todd. No, they're not. Girls are great. Cause it could. It's like. It's the same thing that women. A lot of women and a lot of men want to be dominated.

So do you want to be choked?

Maybe hand on my neck would be hot, but I don't want to be choked.

Choked. Hands full on.

You scare me when you do that because I feel like you want to choke me.

And then they shake you.

They shake me into oblivion. I don't know about choking. I don't think I've ever really been choked. I've been like. Had the hand on my neck, like it's simulating choking, which a lot of people want. A lot of people aren't into the full on choking, but they want, like the simulated choking. But I'd be down.

Cool.

I'd be down for anything. I'd be down for trying anything.

Down for trying anything, huh?

Yeah.

Well, let me get a list together. Things that you should try.

Okay. I've said everything I want to try and that I've done. I've done a lot of things, but not everything and not as frequently as I want to.

Give me the sequel to your book. I'll help you with it.

Okay, thanks, honey. Okay. The last thing we've got of really rough sex is playing hard to get. This is a huge fantasy for the sexually. So this is a huge fantasy for women. Basically, she pretends like she doesn't want to have sex and for. And you force yourself on her. It's like the rape fantasy any day to day. It's like the rape fantasy. It's like acting. This is acting. And she has already consented to this act beforehand. She tries really hard to push you off and keeps you from penetrating her. And you try your hardest to get inside. This is where a safe word becomes important.

Any different from everyday life?

Why you you women pushing you off them every day?

No, I'm just saying that's because it's.

Kind of like the rape fantasy. Like you want your guy to like, force him. And you're like, no, no, no. And you're like, yes, yes, yes.

They say, no, I'm gone, man.

I know, but some women might be playing hard to get.

So you're saying yes means no?

Not always.

No means yes.

Not always. Just sometimes in sex.

Wow. The stuff that you promote on the show.

I'm not promoting it. I'm just saying this is what some people want. Some of the people's out there, really rough sex. So I hope everyone learned a little something about little rough sex today.

I'm sure they did.

Yeah. And you seem to be up, down with it too, which I didn't know that about you either. I assume that you're down with nothing.

I'm down to.

To do whatever they want. I don't need anyone.

Out of all these things, though. Biting, wrist holding, handcuffs, choking, spanking, hair tugging. Which one's the hottest to you done?

Every of them. All of them. Except for the handcuff stuff.

Okay. Wrist holding, biting, hair tugging, spanking. You like it all the same.

Yeah. Yeah. All on an equal level. You can leave spanking out there. That's kind of whatever. That's what she wants.

Fine, that's what she wants.

It doesn't.

You know, a lot of women want this stuff. So I would say the key to really rough sex or rough sex or whatever is that with all of these things, she might really want it. Like I'm saying, I would like more of it. And I, you know, I could probably initiate it, whatever. But it'd be good for an I. I have initiated stuff before, of course, in my life. But with all these things, you start slowly. So if she wants to be bitten, you start lightly nibbling on her nip her lip. And if she's her nip her nipple or her nip or her lip. And if you get a positive response, like with any of these things, if you lightly tug her hair and she moans and you know, okay, I can go a little harder. So you always start slowly with every movement and then you go a little harder and harder. Harder, harder, harder, harder, harder, more, faster, faster, faster. Until they say no. Until they're safe. Word bananas. Okay, so that's all we've got time for today.

Yeah.

Yeah. It just flies by. I know. Okay, honey. Well, thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sex with emily.com.

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