Extreme Screen-Dating with Amy Nobile

Okay, so let's talk about one of.

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You know, 50 are millennials of my clients. The other 50 or 40 plus millennials can't flirt for like, they just can't. And the reason they can't is because they grew up on technology right when I'm on because I can be logged in at the same time as my clients and I sit in New York City and I have different tablets in front of me and I trick out the GPS of wherever you live. I can swipe for you. But like, I'm watching my millennials. Like I'm watching them, I'm watching them and they're like throwing up their resume and it's like a battle of who went on a cooler trip. And then they watch me with the same bank of guys and I'm like, oh, wow, great. Good for you. Oh, that trip looks fantastic. And then it's like, you're amazing. Oh my God. It's just a little bit of validation, a little bit of like warmth and Midwest flat warmth and flowers.

Learning.

It's a human to human interest in getting curious about somebody else and not worrying that they're gonna like you or not. It's just, wow, how interesting. Like, tell me more. That does so much more than trying to like grandstand and teaching the millennials how to flirt. Not like sexy, but like just charming. And I believe I know it because I That's how my relationship started. But like, you can feel chemistry on text. You can feel it on the app, you can feel it on text. It's like magic. And when you feel it, you translate it to real life and off you go.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily.

I'm Dr. Emily, and on today's show, I'm joined by founder of Love Amy, a dating concierge service, Amy Nobley, to.

Talk about ways we can continue to.

Date and connect even while doing it virtually. Topics include best tips for your dating.

Profile, down to the specific types of.

Photos you use, ways you can learn.

To flirt and banter, and tips on sexting.

Why FaceTime dates are great during quarantine, but are also a wonderful idea to.

Vet your potential dates. Once we stop all this social distancing and the best questions to ask someone to get to know them better.

All this and more.

Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my. Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry?

It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

But, you know, Emily's not the kind.

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Feedbackexwithemily.com all right, my intentions for the show. So what's intentions with Emily? So when you're listening, think about, what do I want to get out of listening for this episode?

You can even write it down and think, like, how would this help me?

It could be, oh, my God, Emily.

I'm going stir crazy. I need some human connection, but I also need tips. Or I want to cultivate some better ways to date.

To date, to take with Me when.

The quarantine is over.

My intention for the show is to give you some tips and insights on how you can be a better dater.

And still create human connections while social distancing and have some great skills to take with you so you can meet.

People out and about. And also, a lot of you ask about dating apps. And I was very excited to talk to Amy about this. Guys, I have a great show for you tonight. It is my friend, Amy Nobley. Hi, sweetie. How good are you? I'm great. Good to see you. Me too. I'm so proud of you for all of your. I mean, you've had so much success. I feel like I want to introduce you to everybody. Love Amy. Amy Noble. We've been friends. We went to high school together.

Yeah.

Which is just amazing to me, which is, like, yesterday insane to me. And you've had so much success. You're the founder of Love Amy, a dating concierge service that you help people. You help people figure out how to date in this whole crazy online world right now, creating their profiles, becoming essentially their dating coach, their dating concierge. And I think it's really, really brilliant what you're doing. Also the author of four books. You are just such an innovator, Amy, and everything you're doing, you just knock it out of the park. And when I heard about this, I was like. Because we had dinner in New York probably about four or five years ago. Yeah. So before you got divorced.

Yep.

And then I read, and then I was like, I heard what you were doing here with. So first, let's tell your story, Amy Nobly. But right now, things look very different with dating. But people are. You know, we're still. Maybe we're in a relationship or we are kind of flirting online, but we can't leave the house yet. First, I want to hear your story so people understand that you truly are. You had to go in and learn how to date, make all the mistakes that everyone else is so you could become the expert to help others. So tell me about your story before we get into how we're going to help people. And they can send questions as well.

Perfect. Yeah. I'll try to make it, like, brief, but. So, yes. I'm the author of four books, and they're all sort of socially anthropologic books about women and the different stages. The first book is about motherhood. The third book was about reinventing your marriage after kids. So. And I've written everything with my best friend Tricia. So we wrote our last book. Our fourth book came out in 2018, and it's called Just when youn're Comfortable in your Own Skin, it starts to sag.

Best title.

It's literally about kind of like, it's the roadmap that our mothers never had to give us because they're just such a different generation. So it's like, once you hit 40, it's like, do I have permission to question my life, to reinvent my career, to question my marriage, question my relationships, my friendships? And in the course of writing this book, like, I could not, in good faith, like, put this book out and not face my own issues within my marriage. And at this point, I had been married 20 years, and I decided to leave. And it was, like, the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the most freeing thing I've ever done. So, like, just about two years ago, I was thrown into the dating world after 26 years, and I was sitting around with my gaggle of beautiful single girlfriends, and they're just like, oh, it's sucks. You're gonna hate it. The apps are terrible. There's nobody good. And I'm, like, looking around this table, I'm like, hold on. Like, you guys are rock stars. You're gorgeous. Like, there has to be your counterparts, like, existing out there. And so they're like, oh, good luck, sister. It's gonna suck. And so I took on kind of semi social anthropology brain. So I took on dating. Like, it was my job. And I literally was dating. I don't recommend it, but I was dating four to six people every day.

And I made every mistake. So, like, I was giving away a whole Saturday night for my first date.

Oh, yeah.

I was at the same house, and, like. Yeah. And I'm like, this beautiful, like, you know, finance guy walks up to me, and then we're. We're sitting at the bar, and I'm thinking, oh, my God, this is awesome. And then he lunges over the bar, and he's like. To the bartender, and I'm like, oh, my God. Fml. Like, I. Okay, so one of my biggest rules is, like, 30 minutes, first date, coffee, juice, whatever. But so I was. And I passed the net really wide. I was dating tall guys, short guys, bald guys, like, every ethnicity. Like, I was just like, I'm going to. I'm going to learn one new thing from every person that I'm sitting with. And so almost two years ago, I met the love of my life. On Bumble.

On Bumble. Okay. Yeah. I love this.

Yeah. And I mean, literally. And it was insane. And I was dating, really. Once I cracked the code, I was dating really quality guys. And all my friends were like, what is going on? And so we'd be sitting there, and I grabbed their phone and I'm like, what is this profile? Like, what are these pictures? What are you doing? And so I would, like, revamp it, and then they would still sit there and they weren't dating. And I'm like, what is wrong with you? So I started logging in as them.

Okay. I love it. Yeah.

Their voices. I would get their schedule, and I was spitting out more dates for them in a month. They were going on all year because I was able to, like, key into, like, psychologically, like, who they are, what their blocks are, like, but, like, in their voice. And I was sort of them, but better without all the baggage.

Right. Because we come with all of our own stuff. And you're like, I've known you forever. You're my friend. This is how you show up on a date and you would text or how you would promote, market yourself. Yeah, okay.

Branding. All of it.

Literally. Okay.

And just kind of getting back to the basics of, like, flirting and being warm and charming and, like, chivalry and all that stuff. And. And so love. Amy was born almost a year ago, April 1, and it was rain. Like, half my clients. My clients are 25 to 75 men and women, and half my clients are millennials, and the other half are 40 plus.

And I sounds like my audience, so that's perfect. My audience, I always say it's like 18 to 85. It's like everybody who's interested who's has sex wants sex, you know, so it's like dating. And it's true. These days, we're going through multiple relationships. We're getting divorced. You're right. We didn't have a guidebook from our parents. It was a different generation. And so. Okay, so. So now, I mean, I love the idea of you taking your friends phones and figuring out what they're doing wrong. And I love that you work with men and women.

Yeah.

Which is great. So tell me about. So what are some of the mistakes? And during the quarantine, if you guys can ask us questions and we're all staying at home stating, still happening. Like, I've heard different. I've heard different things. Like, I've heard that people that it's up right now that people are looking to flirt more, but then they're not great at flirting. So what are some of the mistakes we're making with, like, profile or that you're seeing that women make.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think the biggest mistake that people make is they're, they're leading with what they think men want to see. Right. And so almost I would say 90% of the time when I'm like glancing at, I'm looking at their profile or whether it's a friend or a client, it's like, sexy girl, hey, like, I'm in a bikini.

They're like, hey, like.

And.

I work with so many clients where I. Because I make them fill out a 10 page intake form. I really get to know them. And nine times out of 10, they're leading with what they think men want to see. And really it's like, it's your quirkiness. It's all the qualities that like your best friends would say, like, oh, this is her dirty little secret. It's like, what are the things that make you funny, unique, different, like nerdy, whatever. And those are the things you want to put in a profile. Like, one of my clients travels with a blender because she's obsessed with smoothies. And like, I literally like put it in her. Like, we did this fucking hilarious profile and she is getting like dating like the right type of guys for her who are like, that's hilarious, you know.

Right. So give me. What are the things that women that you kept seeing that they were saying, what do guy. What do they think men want here? Is there anything. I'm just. Is there anything like this again, like, because you could probably tell.

Oh yeah. Wondering if one more profile says, like, on a spiritual quest to find myself.

Okay, don't say that. Right.

Like, it's just like stuff that we have to get way more specific and, you know, specific.

Okay, great.

Specific, quirky, fun, memorable traits. Like I am deathly afraid of like spiders or you know, I can yodel and I want a spelling bee in third grade. I mean, it sounds silly, but those are the things that sort of humanize us and make us, you know, the more self effacing you can be, the more vulnerable. Those are the things that people are connecting to. Especially now. Now people are sort of like, oh, like, what is going on?

Like, okay, well, let's talk about that. But right now, I mean, I guess we can get into the men's stuff in a second, but. Well, really, what do we do now? It is an odd time for dating and relationships. People still want it, they need it. What can we do? Or the app, what's happening on the apps right now?

Yeah, it's really interesting So I think it's almost like the of grief. Right, like, right now we're almost in like a state of shock. Like, what the actual what is going on? If you, if you are online, if many of you are on the apps, it's sort of like a ghost town. Weird, eerie feeling. It's mirroring what's happening in real life.

Yeah.

But as we're going and I'm seeing, so it depends, like, New York's ahead of a lot of other cities because of the trajectory of the virus. And so I'm already seeing in New York, people are like, oh my gosh. Like, I've got to connect with people. I'm feeling really alone. I'm feeling my mortality. Like, I need to find someone. And so there's a lot of like walking and talking dates going on in New York City where, you know, it's literally like six feet apart.

Six feet. So they're doing that now. They're just okay, yeah, like first date.

But before that I'm counseling my clients. Like, do tons of FaceTime dates. Do old fashioned phone dates. I mean, there's a lot of phone sex happening right now, which I think is awesome. There's a lot of face time sex going on. Zoom is fun. Somehow you look better on Zoom. I don't know why.

Like, okay, yeah.

All right.

Oh, didn't know that well. Okay, so let's talk about the tips for that then. Like, okay. So I've been telling my team for a while. A lot of them are. I tell my team, but I tell everybody but my assistant Kristen, who's listening right now. She's probably taking notes. She's like, I told her that she was doing all these guys and doing a lot of the things I said. Do a FaceTime date. This is before everything that's been happening now, but do a FaceTime date. Like, do four of them in a row. And I just to vet them and be like, am I into this person? Am I not? Just before you leave the house right now, like, how do we do now? It's a whole like now we actually.

My clients, like, just like I say, like, it's a 30 minute coffee date. When you get on FaceTime, do a 30 minute coffee date on FaceTime and literally be like, oh, my gosh, I have an appointment. You know, I have a phone appointment with my therapist. I don't even care. Make something up. But like it's 30 minutes and so by the time you're done with like two cups of coffee, you're moving on. So you could. You should be doing a few coffee dates a day if you want to, or definitely a week, you know?

Okay. And especially now. I know. Do you always tell people do it even outside the stay home quarantine?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

You even do that.

Okay.

Okay, good.

So what.

Okay, let's set up these FaceTime dates, because I think now how do we do that? What do we do? Like, hey, nice to meet you. Like, are there certain questions, things that you think we should be talking about right now?

Well, I mean, obviously the icebreaker.

How do we know?

Yeah, Yeah.

I mean, the icebreaker is like, there's nothing more real than what's going on right now in the universe. And so the icebreaker is like, are you going stir crazy? How's your quarantine? Like, are you like a cat person yet? You know? And also, like, what my clients are doing too, is just like, it's okay to, like, be yourself. Like, you don't have to do hair and makeup. I mean, do a little bit, but, like, you really should be yourself and, like, give a tour of your surroundings. Be like, hey, there's my dog Hank.

You know, it's so real.

Yeah, it's real. And it's. It's real in a way that's. It's way more real than meeting at a coffee shop where you're like, hi, yes, I'm an accountant and I do da, da, da. It's just like, let's cut to the chase and just be real.

Did you think that we should talk about things like what we're looking for? Like, I love that you work with all ages, people in their 20s, every decade, literally. 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s. Is it different for people in their 20s, what they might be looking for than someone in their 40s, for example, the kind of conversations they should have.

I think, I think a lot of the conversations should be the same.

Okay.

I'm a big fan of peeling back a few layers, even on the first date. Like, it's easy to keep it really surface. And then. And then my clients will call me and be like, I don't know, should I go on a second day? I mean, chemistry works in reverse online. And that's something, a big lesson I learned. Like, if you're playing that dinner party and you're connecting with someone across the table, and you're like, oh, my God, I feel the spark where, you know, this is a very manufactured world and it's like a petri dish. So the first date is often going to be kind of transactional and so it certainly worked with me, and it's. It works with most of my clients where it kind of, like, works in reverse. But I think it's a good idea, even on that first coffee date, to sort of, like, break the ice, too, and be like, okay, so.

Like, you know, where are you in your life? What do you. Like, a big question to ask is like, tell me about your last relationship. Because that'll kind of open the door to, like, what people really want or negatively about that person.

And you're like, yeah, that's kind of a deal. I always say, like, if they're still trashing their exact. Then it's. They haven't. They haven't gotten through it yet. Game over. I agree. You're just like, but how soon? Okay, how do you get off of a FaceTime date that you. That is just like, you know, in five. Like, the guy at the Soho House that was like, waiters. Like, what's the equivalent of FaceTime date if you know, in five minutes, not your person. Well, I'm such a pleaser. I don't know how to like.

I am, too. I am too. I've learned. I mean, we're Midwest, nice. But we're a bit. We know, like.

I think, you know, just asking some, like, getting down to the real stuff faster and. Okay, you know, I mean, this sounds so cheesy. I get it. It sounds like such an interview question, but, like, finding a way to say, like, kind of where they want to be, you know, like where. You know, depending on their age. I mean, but any age, where do you want to be? And, like, what do you do? And what last relationship? And then, gosh, all right, so fast forward. Like, do you want kids? Do you want. There's a way to get at that because we don't have time to waste. Like, we need to tick the boxes and tick them fast. You know, I always say it's like three dates, and we, like, you either know or not. Like, let's keep going.

Three dates, you know, I love that. I love that. Tell me some more. But we should know after three dates. I think that's true. We waste so much time. I mean, that's something I realized dating over the years. Yeah. I used to spend half my relationships trying to get out of. In my 20s, it'd be like two and a half years, but didn't really matter because I was in my twenties. It didn't matter. But then you get old. You're like, okay, but even now, even if you're in your 20s, 30s, like, you could just. You figure it out. We should know by then, right? Like, we should know.

I mean, you should at least know after three dates if it's even worse. I mean, 90% of the time, it won't be worth pursuing. It's a numbers game and chemistry. But. But we're not asking the right questions quickly enough. And I think we're, like, floating like feathers in the wind, hoping it's going to work. And it's like, we have to raise our vibration. I'm sorry. Super spiritual. So sorry, but, like, no, I gotta raise your vibration, and people are either gonna meet it or not. And why not go first? Like, as women, we're so scared to go first. It's like, put it out there, you know, ask for what you want or tell people what you want, and they're either gonna, you know, meet you or go let them go.

You know, Exactly. Like I always say, like, lead with, like, beyond. If you know that you're looking for a relationship or you know that certain things are deal breakers or you want to be monogamous, like, you want kids, why wait? Like, if someone rejects you because you're speaking what you authentically want, they saved you a lot of time. They did you a favor.

Bullet dodge. I say it all the time.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes. That's it.

Oh, my God.

Okay, so what about flirting? Because I know that you help people. Like, I've been getting fixed up lately because I'm with someone who. I don't love the apps. I've been on the apps. I took a year and a half off of dating. Well, I feel like I think I'm going to call you out. We should, like, talk after this. Or it's like. Because when I saw it, I was like, we could do an experiment. Because I just suck at texting. I suck at getting. Communication is not my thing on text. But the point is, is that, like, I. Yeah, but people are like, I hate apps and people. First question always like, come on, are they real? Is everyone just looking to hook up? I'm like, no, everyone's meeting online now. Like, some studies show that more people are gonna meet online. So if you can't beat it, join it. You're helping people join it. Do it right.

That's what a gift it is to have a portal that, you know, where everyone can go. I mean, the thing is, like, people will say, like, oh, I got on the apps. And, like, I wouldn't date 99% of the people. Guess what? Go walk around your city. Would you date 99% of the people.

No, exactly. Right.

Same thing. You just have to learn how to weed through quicker, you know, more quickly. Like, that's what I just help my clients kind of like really get perspective on it. It only takes one and fantastic people. Trust me. I mean, I see it. My success rates 80%. So, like, I see 80% success rate.

Because it really is a numbers game. And you're kind of like, you're like a therapist, you're a dating coach.

Yeah.

You're just really freaking smart. You get people. You have the spiritual elements. You're not just like this superficial. Like, you get it on all levels. Let's also talk about, like, flirting. Like, I think I'm such a. Better, like, I'm such a. They pick up the phone, I'll flirt. But do you think people should do that more now? Texting online? Okay.

Yeah. So it's really funny. So, you know, 50% are millennials of my clients. The other 50 or 40 plus millennials can't flirt for shit. Like, they just can't. And the reason they can't is because they grew up on technology. Right. So they're like, when I'm on, because I can be logged in at the same time as my clients and I sit in New York City and I have different tablets in front of me and I trick out the GPS of wherever you live, I can swipe for you. But like, so I'm watching my millennials. Like, I'm watching them, I'm watching them and they're like throwing up their resume. And it's like a battle of who went on a cooler trip. And I'm literally like. And then they watch me with the same bank of guys and I'm like, oh, wow, great. Good for you. Oh, that trip looks fantastic. And then it's like, you're amazing. Oh, my God. It's just a little bit of validation, a little bit of like, warmth and Midwest. Warmth and flirting.

I always say it's our Midwest.

Like, yeah, it's genuine, but it's just a, it's a human to human interest in getting curious about somebody else and not worrying that they're gonna like you or not. It's just. Wow, how interesting. Like, tell me more. That does so much more than trying to, like, grandstand and, and so teaching the millennials how to flirt, not like sexy, but like, just charming. And I believe I know it because I. That's how my relationship started. But like, you can feel chemistry on text. You can feel it on the app, you can feel it on Text, it's like magic, and when you feel it, you translate it to real life, and off you go.

Okay, wait a minute, Amy. So you're. I. Because I've had some really good texting. Because when I. When I want to and I focus on it, I feel like I can be a good texter, and I've had great text, and then I meet them and it's not. I'm like, can we go? It's not as great. But you think, yeah. To me, it was like. That's when I was like, oh, we should start FaceTiming. Because then I could at least have another element there of seeing them, another sense.

But yeah. Yeah.

Don't you. But maybe. I don't know. I just.

I mean, some people give good text, and then they. They are more awkward in person, but more often than not, I find that, you know, if they can give good text and sort of like, if you feel the chemistry, then it will translate, but it just, you know, it depends.

Okay. Okay. I'm not saying because, I mean, you've been doing this for people, and you've had this success rate. I think that's so fascinating. All right, we're gonna take a quick break, and we come back more with Amy Nobile.

People want to sext more now.

Yeah. Oh, it's.

What are your tips for sexting? I'm talking to Amy Noble. Loveamy. Co. If you. You need a baby.

Instagram. I have.

Oh, Instagram. Oh, you don't. But are you. But this shows your Instagram, I think, doesn't it? It does, but show me. Yeah, but okay, like, please follow Amy. Yeah. Amy Nobley. No. Love, Amy nyc Sexting.

So it's so funny. It's like, I, like, kind of teach sexting classes. Like, I'll do, like, mini, like, little, like, online, like, you know, zoom sexting classes.

I want to do it. I know.

It's so fun. Millennials are hilarious because they're just, like. They whip out the big guns right away and like, whoa, slow your roll. Like.

Like, they're, like, naked right away with devices.

I'm like. With, like, Dilda. I'm like, I know.

I've seen this, my friend. Yeah.

And it's like, literally no one wants that. I mean, they've been conditioned to want it, but they don't really want it. I mean.

Right.

So more or less, like, my sexting, like, advice is. And you've done. You've given so much great advice, but it's. It's like, less is more sometimes.

Yeah.

And it's like the teas, the slow T's, and, you know, black and white. And I had this one client. This is so embarrassing and funny. I can't believe I'm saying this, but, like, she's, like, my age, and she was terrified of sexting my exact body type. And so I might have given her a couple of black and whites to start with.

Of your body, Right? Okay. Yeah.

Here's some poses. Like, you know, headless. But, like, I don't even know.

I never said. I just started sending some pictures.

I don't know.

I really. I tell people what to do, but I don't do it on my own.

Yeah, you.

I know you think I would. But then I was like, I don't know. Amy, I need your help.

Here's the deal. I will send a still photo every minute of the day, but ask me to FaceTime. And, like, just. No. Like, to me, like, that is really hard. No one looks great naked on FaceTime.

No, they don't. So you're saying send artful pictures, but don't include your face.

Don't include your. Just out of safety.

That's what I think. Yep.

Don't include your face.

Okay. That is a really good tip. So sexy. What about the. Just the texting. Like, the sexting, texting. Do you think sometimes you'll prematurely sexcalate?

I like that. Yes. Millennials kind of go too fast, too far, too fast. But, like, you know, like, I had a client. She's so cute. They're in their 30s, and they're starting to date. They're a month in, but they have, like, a great little thing going. And. And she was. She's really shy sexually. And she texted me this little exchange. She goes, I can't believe this. I'm like, okay, show it to me. And he was like, I went on this run today, and it was long and hard, and she's like, oh, really? And it was the cutest. Like, it went from just this cute.

It was just like, a long and hard run. And she was like, yeah.

And she was like, really? Tell me more. And, like, it went into this really sweet. But, like, with their boundaries, it was just nice. And I think, you know, I think it's just like, knowing what your own boundaries are and kind of, like. But not being afraid and kind of going for it when you feel it, you know?

So what I love is it sounds like you really help people get out of their own way, become their authentic self. Because would you say that's the thing, is that is that the tips are. It's a numbers game when you're dating online. But also you got, you have to just like, where am I holding myself back? Like, we think we want something, but it's not what we actually want.

Yeah. And the other thing too, like we all think we have a type. You know, I mean, we're conditioned. Like, right. So I, when I interview my clients, it's like this huge 10 page intake form.

And I love that you do that.

Yeah. And I have this exercise that I do. So I give them a white piece of paper and I say, okay, fill it. I'm gonna give you 20 minutes. Fill it out with your perfect person. Like inside, outside, every trait. Like, spare no detail. So they sit there and they're like, you know, and then they like pass it across the table and I take it and I look at it and I'm like, oh. I rip it to tiny shreds. They're like so pissed. And then I give them another piece of paper and I say, okay, think of one non romantic person in your life. It can be like your gay best friend, your cousin, whatever, and list their, the qualities that like bring you joy. Like, what are their qualities? Right. Like, such a good exercise. Yeah. And then those, every single time, that's your person, those are the leading core quality qualities they will have. And we don't know the package they're going to come in. So I always condition I have to like unravel all the conditioning that we've done to say, wow, he's got to be this tall and I have to have this. And dark hair. You know, it's not that at all.

It's not that.

Right?

It's really not about the tall. And even though I like a little tall, even though I'm short, but I. It's not about that because when you find your person that you help them kind of get real with themselves. This is so Amy. I love what you're doing, you guys. If you want to ask questions, they can ask questions. Questions about dating. Like love in the time of the coronavirus. How do you know chemistry? But I want to get back to one thing and it's LoveAmy co c o. You are a dating concierge. You can help people. You control the texting for them because you log into the apps at the same time. You probably help them find out, figure out which apps are right for them as well.

I do, I do. And it's sort of like training, right? Training for a marathon. It's like I get them the first Couple weeks, you know, we're both logged in. They're watching me. The last three clients that found their person said to me, I never would have swiped on that person ever.

So that is really interesting. They're like, nope, I would. This person would have been a no. Yeah, yeah. That makes so much sense. Okay, so what have we talked about?

Women.

Some of the mistakes that women make. What about men?

Yes. I mean, this is no surprise. And I love my male clients so much because they literally just do what I say and off they go.

Yeah.

And they're. And they're just like willing to take any kind of constructive criticism. So like this is no surprise. But the number one is like the gym selfie. Right? It's like the douchey gym selfie. And then I sit them down and I'm like, oh, oh, Bob. And they're like, really? Oh, okay. And, and poor little lambs, like they literally just don't know what they're doing.

And I think, you know, it's the same.

They have their glasses on. I can tell you, they're groups of men. They all look alike. They have their sunglasses on in every photo. Like, I can't see your eyes. They're airpods that are there and they.

Have like a stunt baby and a stunt dog.

And you're just like, okay. I mean that's kind of cute, I get it. But like, you know, they don't know.

How would they know? They need you.

They don't know. And they're just like willing to take direction and they, it's like amazing, the transformation. So. Wow.

Okay. So does anyone. Okay, so if you guys have questions, we're talking about dating right now because I feel like people are dating. Like I think. Do you think after this people are going to start dating? Like more like long. Like we're going to be kind of more cautious about, you know, we're going to have to do more of the courting like we used to back in the day.

Yeah.

There won't be as much casual sex. It's going to be a little bit more getting to know each other before you get physical.

Yeah, totally. I mean, I think, you know, I think there will be some habits formed where like we're moving a little more slowly or we're taking the time to like talk a little more and ask the questions. I mean, talk about old fashioned, like walk and talk. It's like, let's go on some walks. Let's like have dates.

I love that. Yeah, we can social distance together. Like you're saying People are doing that in New York. Like, I. That makes so much sense. And then you, You. I mean, I just think you're moving your body, which is so great to, like, kind of. You're so therapeutic, too, I think, to have, like, a meeting when you're walking. I know therapists now who do therapy walking with their clients. It just would make sense that if you're active, you're not sitting across an awkward table doing, like, bike.

Like, they're biking, they're running, you know, keeping the. And so now you're at, like, you're active, you're doing an activity, doing novel things together, moving forward, like cooking classes, things that, you know, adventurous little, like, activities.

But.

Yeah, okay. Eventually. Let's see what people are asking here. I know we've got a lot of questions coming in. Okay. Okay. So we've got S. John Stoneheart, how to keep your current relationship alive while social distancing.

I know, that's a great question. That's a great question.

Great question.

So it can, you know, it's the ultimate relationship test. This social. This. Well, being in quarantine, first of all, is like, you know, I'm in it right now with my boyfriend of two years, and it's sort of essential that you still maintain your own stuff. So don't be afraid to go in the other room for two, three, four hours and just do your thing.

You know, social distancing is. It makes. It's. People are lonely. I think, again, it's sort of back to the basics. It's like, you know, doing things together, playing board games, playing cards. Like, you know, just basic, basic stuff.

Cooking, Even, like, doing something you've never done, like. Yeah, I like even putting a puzzle together, playing games together. Now, what if you are quarantined apart? So that's. I always say it's a good time to have, like, the intimate conversations about sex that I always tell people to have anyway, like, hey, now we're not having. It's kind of like you get foreplay for, I don't know, two months, I guess, if we're not gonna be able to see someone or it's long distance. But having those questions about, like, what are the most memorable times we've had sex? Or what are some things you're looking forward to and, you know, in the future, flirting, having a real date, setting up a real date, having dinner, having a glass of wine.

Yeah. I mean, I think I'm counseling clients who are a part to sort of, like, play, like, the memory game. And that is yes. Memory game a couple of times a week, or even every morning, if you can. It's sort of like, here's a memory that of us, you know, I miss you. And here's a memory. Do you remember this time? And, you know, kind of sharing memories back and forth.

That is a great one because it takes you back. You have, like, a visceral reaction. Your whole body is like, oh, you can smell it, you can taste it, you can feel it. I think that's a really good one.

Yeah.

Send photos or. Yeah. Yep. Like, this is what I remember. Okay, we got a question from Belina Applebaum. What are the do's and don'ts for a woman's online dating photo? So we talked about this a little bit earlier, but, like, I think that women are trying to be a little too sexy, a little too filtered a little. Right.

Yeah. So here's the deal. So you need six photos. Six photos, two that are sort of like headshots. And I think people make mistakes. Like, they wear sunglasses. Like, we need to see the sparkle in your eye. The sparkle that your best friend knows so well. Right.

Okay.

Most of the time. And I take them myself for clients because I'm so picky. But it's like the. It's that golden hour outside where you're sort of like, the sun's in your eyes and you're just like. I make my clients, like, twirl around and laugh and like, that's the picture. Or you're sort of like, looking off into the distance laughing, like, we want to. It can't be this, like, professional photo. Right? Right. Use your iPhone on portrait mode and have your best friend take it and just start laughing and get goofy. So two headshots, two full body, because we have to.

Okay.

And they can be just like, T shirt, jeans, you know, two different outfits. But, like, you know, again, just like, you can be running on the beach laughing. It could be from a wedding maybe. But, you know, there can be like, a bathing suit picture, but nothing like, too polished, cozy, weird. Like, you could be on a boat. Like, woo. And then two action shots. And action shots are like you skiing or you holding a dog or a stunt dog or whatever.

Stunt dog, neighbor's dog.

Like, playing with your lab. Like that. Like, so two headshots, two full and two action.

So good. Okay, we have another question from N B. Field wants to know what's the worst date Amy's ever been on and what did she learn from it?

Oh, my gosh, this is so true.

Because you were so Many.

Okay, yeah, yeah. So there was this guy and he was definitely. This was. Early on, I made the mistake of going out for dinner. So this was my mistake.

Don't do dinner.

Yes. And he really was misrepresenting himself in his pictures. They're probably 10 years old.

He really was. I mean, we sat down. We were ABC Kitchen. And we sat down and it was. I timed it. It was 45 minutes before he actually asked me anything. And the only question he asked me was like, were you a cheerleader in high school?

Which you were.

I was a pom pom girl.

Pom pom girl.

Different.

Okay. We went to high school together.

It was different, okay?

It was different. Our school was different.

More athletic means for pom pom girls.

It's true, it's true. It's true. They're way cooler.

But it was so obscene. And I just remember that's a weird first question. And I. Well, and I was down wine like a fish. And I remember, like, I went to the bathroom and like, the waiter came up to me. He's like, are you okay? I'm like, no. Do you not see that I'm in distress?

Do you not see it?

Can you not ask for the bill? Like, it was just so anyway, that Contributed to my 30 minute first date roll.

Well, I mean, I love that you went on all the bad dates, so we don't have to. Men and women can learn from what you did. You were the guinea pig. It's funny, like, in doing your research and all the stuff you've been doing, it kind of sounds like how I went after sex. I woke up, I was like, sex is not satisfying as it could be. Everyone's always talking about amazing sexism that I would. I thought, I'm not going to have bad sex anymore. So I kept trying to, you know, I had a lot of bad sex before I figured out how to have great sex. Honed in on it.

Exactly.

You were like, yeah. You're like, I'm not going to fuck her. I want to find my person.

Yeah.

For a day. Four day. You did it like four or five dates. How long did it take you? A year to find your guy?

No, it was a handful of months. It was intense, though, because I was dating a lot. But it was.

Was it like the Bachelor? Like, did you have to. Like, at one point, was there, like, a few to decide or when you met him, you just knew because you had been primed, you had been dating so much.

It was. It was interesting. Like, again, the chemistry worked a little Bit in reverse. And it was a heavily, like, chemistry texting situation.

Okay.

I went on a trip right after that first date, he went on a trip, and then we were just texting all the time, and I was like, okay, let's go on a real date. And. And then after that, like, we. We had this great dinner, and then we went to play ping pong. And then in the middle of the ping pong game, we were just laughing. I was like, you know, I was like, oh, my God. But we're in. All of a sudden, he, like, dropped the paddle, he walked around and kissed me, and I was like, ah. It was like my knees went weak in a way that I just did not expect. It wasn't like I was sitting across, like, the dinner table all night and I never looked at. But I mean, that was crazy.

And it's the first date.

The chemistry is only getting stronger almost two years later.

Oh, my God, Amy, this is amazing. I love this. Chemistry is such an interesting thing, isn't it? Like, first of all, that story just, I think we're all going, oh, my God, we want that. We want what you have. But Amy, don't you think chemistry is like, do you think it builds? Like, you know, they would say, oh, man, this is like a trope that men know in the 5 minutes, 3, 30 seconds or less, whether they want to sleep with one, but for women, it kind of grows. Do you think that we pretty much know whether or not we want to sleep with someone? We talk ourselves into it, or what have you found? The patterns are with chemistry.

It was fascinating to me because I always thought, like, I know, I mean, I know in 30 seconds. And it's training, it's retraining yourself. It's not that way. It's not that way. And did you watch that crazy show Love is Blind?

Yeah, I watched. I have to finish it yet, but I need to. Yeah. So what do you think about that?

Yeah, it's a crazy show, but I think it proves. Proves the point where you can feel chemistry in other ways than just staring at somebody. You can feel it. And so we have to give ourselves the chance to feel it. And it takes a few dates. It doesn't take. You're not just gonna know. And I think, you know, leading with our core values, leading with, you know, being self effacing, leading with their nerdiness, our goofiness.

That'S. That's the thing that, you know, makes the difference. And, and I see it with my clients all the time. It's like totally Works in reverse. It's so interesting.

That is interesting. And I love what you're saying about, like, you. You give your clients a 10 page form, so they have to actually, like, think about what are my values. Right. Like, what is important to me.

Yeah. Their best friend fills out some of it. They fill out some of it.

Really amazing.

It's really, really interesting. And, you know, and then it's sprinkled in with all the quirky questions that I need to fill out their profile. So it's like, you know, two truths to lie and like, does, you know, deserted island. But there are a lot of things in there that, like, it takes people a little bit to fill out because they're like, oh, okay, I haven't thought about this.

Wow, Amy, this is so cool. Okay, so let's see what else. If we've got more questions and then we'll maybe everyone has to just check you out. Amy, I'm so proud of what you're doing.

Thank you, Emily.

Okay, so I think we're good. Amy, this is amazing. We're gonna put this in the podcast. You are awesome. Tell everyone where they can find you again.

Yeah, we've got you on. Love, Amy nyc.

Yeah, please. I have such a little crazy, small Instagram following.

So you guys follow her because she's got great tips, she's really smart. I've known Amy since high school and everything she does is brilliant. And you kick ass.

Thank you.

I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for your success and then your love. And I can't wait to meet him. Thank you and thank you, everybody. I love you. Thanks, Amy.

Thank you.

Stay safe, honey.

Bye.

Thank you everybody for staying with us.

For supporting our sponsors at this time. You know, they're here.

They're able to keep staying in business.

Because of you, and so am I. So I love you all.

Stay safe. And thanks to my awesome team, Ken.

Kristin, Alisa, Brian, Robin, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you?

Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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