Fake-Up Sex & Sexy Strangers

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jjoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the Hera and right now you can get 20 off the HERA using code EMILY20@sexwithemily.com HERA that's EMILY20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com H E R A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Okay, let me guess. The weather's heating up, but your sex life? Not so much. In this show, I'm walking through one easy way to keep things exciting and fresh in the bedroom. Plus, we got your emails, dirty talk gone wrong, disappearing orgasms, and so much more. Don't miss it.

If you've listened to the show the last couple months, you've probably heard me talk about a unique product called the Womanizer. A while back, the owners of the company asked if they could send me one to test out, which of course, you know me. I agreed to it. I own and review a lot of toys and I was fairly confident. I've tried every category product around. But I was wrong. The Womanizer was designed in Germany and unlike anything else on the market, it indirectly stimulates the clitoris using suction. It's kind of like a sexy ear thermometer. It has a silicone cylinder on the face that you place over your clitoris. Kind of like how a partner might use their mouth. And while it's on, you can vary the suction and move it around to create an amazingly intense experience. In fact, most women in their focus group achieve orgasm in one minute. That's right, a 60 second orgasm. You can just knock it out if you want. So I tried the Womanizer and they weren't kidding. It's amazing. The suction is adjustable, and you can position it to create so many different sensations. The Womanizer is really in a category. Category of its own, and I suggest you check it out for yourself. Go to sex with emily.com and click on the Womanizer banner for more information.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can check out all the podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list, which you should totally do. We have a new website. Everything's better there. And also, thanks, everyone, for subscribing on itunes and for reviewing the show and for telling your friends so they can enjoy the show. And while you're at it doing all that fun stuff, you can follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, across the board. And now Snapchat. Totally into Snapchat, right, Anderson? Do you understand Snapchat? I'm gonna snap this.

No, I don't. I can't do Snapchat.

It's a little confusing.

I don't have. I can't.

And by the time I learn it, the kids will be on to something new, so.

Well, I had, like, a weird 10 minutes the other day where I. I mean, I've been on it, but I didn't really. Like, they don't tell you anything. It's all kind of mysterious. But I sat there because I couldn't get into my house. I was locked out. And I sat in my car, and I looked at it, and I was like, okay, I'm focusing. And then I got it. And I understand it because it's actually really cool that you can do, because oftentimes I'll have ideas or things that happen throughout the day. I'm like, this would be a really funny tweet, or I should tell everyone this. And then I don't remember and I write it down and then it goes away. And. But if you just snap it in the moment, there's your story, there's your day. It does go away after 24 hours, but you can capture moments in time, interesting stories.

I'm into filmmaking and stuff that lasts forever, so it also seems a lot more.

You could download it.

Why would I want to do that?

I don't know.

I know you got mad at me once. Cause I was talking badly about Snapchat.

Oh, right.

So I try not to talk about it.

Why am I even bringing it up? See, I didn't forget what we're talking about.

Snapchat. Love it.

Okay, but this is. I also want to say happy masturbation month. We're into May now, so this is a big month for not only the sex with Emily family, for all of you. Because all month long we've got lots of great stuff planned, as we usually do. We're gonna do a lot of giveaways because you're gonna need those toys and products. And we're doing a. We're doing a get tight for summer giveaway, which is a contest to encourage you all to work on your pelvic floor health and to strengthen it. And so check out the website for more details. It's for 30 days. We'll be giving away stuff and we want to know how you self love. How do you masturbate? Tell us your stories. Feedbackexwithelmy.com for your masturbation routine, I wanna know, what do you do? Do you light candles? Guys don't like candles. You just flip on the porn. You lock the bathroom door. We'll choose our favorite submissions to win some pretty great masturbation friendly prizes. You know what that is? Some fleshlights, maybe some sexual flashlights.

Probably right?

Yeah, sure.

Why not a third hand?

A third hand? Yeah. And also we've been doing great shows lately. If I do say, I must show myself. Say so myself. I told you, Anderson, I can't fuck.

Yeah. So.

Two shows a week, and one we did was spring cleaning your love life. Anderson. That was a really popular show about, you know, when it's time to break up, do you have to reevaluate, you know, your relationship, your sex life, clean out your closets and do all that. So do it with your relationship. How do you know if it's time to break up? We give you some. I think we give you some great tips in there. If I do people really like that.

Anderson, how many relationships do you think we successfully ended up in?

That.

Yeah, I'd like to say at least 12 people.

Yeah, I hope so. I mean, people that were ready to go.

12 couples. 24 people.

24 people. I want to know.

Actually, I'd like to think that somebody is still crying right at this very moment because I got dumped.

But you know what? Remember, when someone. When the relationship ends, there's always a reason for it, and there's always something better for you around the corner. So if you're suffering. We've also done shows. Our next show is going to be how to get over a breakup. But I just hope it got you thinking.

Am I gonna do that show with you? I'm not gonna do that show with you.

Why? Are we doing show some more?

Yeah, I don't know, but I don't know. I don't know if I'm scheduled for that one. Well, let's schedule, because I'm really good at getting over breakups.

Yeah, well, you're already scheduled. Then. How do you do it?

Oh, no, that's. We're gonna save it for the shine. But I've had my heart broken so many times that I'm, like, a bit of a love addict, and I. I've learned little tricks to get.

You got to get under to get over. Is that one of them? What, have you never heard that? Got to get under to get over your bang.

You got to go out and bang. That doesn't always help. No, no, no.

You're not going to tell me. Okay.

Mind tricks and a lot of.

Get her back.

No, no, you got. Hey, you got to get like.

You envision that she's dead and you enter a funeral.

No, it's not quite that bad. Well, no, but I do have some good little tricks, you know, here's. Here's my. It's a good teaser in case I can't be a part of your show. Here's one that really, really worked in case. In case you do you schedule it. You do it with.

Man, you need to talk about why. Okay.

You might. I might not be able to schedule it with you.

Whatever.

Because, like, things are changing around here in a minute. All right? But here's what I did. Did a couple times ago, and it really helped. And I use it twice, and it really, really helped. I saw how pathetic I was being, how heartbroken and sad and wallowing and just like, this fixated and obsessed. Yeah. And then I imagined a woman out there who was going to end up to be my wife, and I imagine that she could, like, look down, be, like, omnipotent and. And stare down at my plate and just kind of look at me pitifully and. And. And shamefully. And I felt embarrassed, and I'm like, she's out there. And I. So I would stop right at that moment. I would, like, shape up a little bit, and I'd like. Because I wouldn't want to be embarrassed in front of the woman that I knew I was going to end up marrying, whether I married or met her or not. And it ended up being Jillian, who I'm married to now she's pregnant. And, yeah, if she saw me, like, wallowing over some of these ridiculous breakups back in my past, she would have been laughing at me and going, like, you're a pathetic. What are you doing?

That's interesting. So that really got you. You know, I think visualization, it really, really helps even. Just think about what you want in your relationship.

Like, I've lost 20 pounds over relationships. I, like, just stopped eating, stopped sleeping. I've had times.

I know, I know. We've all gone through that. And I think it's the most important thing is to see what you've learned. You know, a lot of times there's anger. We want that person to apologize or see what they did. And you can go through that. That's fine. But I think, you know, it is important to just also give yourself time to heal from it and to think about what you learned in the relationship. Because what I found in most relationships are, yeah, a lot of men, everything's gonna end eventually, right? We're all gonna die. But you do learn from a relationship. You learn the most about yourself in a relationship. And so you can think, well, what. What worked for me there? What didn't work for me? And what am I gonna take in the next. Take into the next relationship? But also, like you said, picturing, like, what kind of partner do you want? What do they look like? What's their values like to really, like, write that? I mean, I've. You manifest that person.

You're, like, picking up whatever comes along, which is so.

Oh, my God. I used to do that.

I was at Disneyland a couple days ago, and I saw tons of people that obviously have just settled. They've settled on their partners. They've settled on life. They've just settled. They're wheeling around with their obese bodies on. They just gave up scooters, you know, like the adult scooters. Like, they're like kind of wheelchairs, but they're painted red and they got three wheels. You know those.

Yeah.

And then they got painted. They're all Disneyland with the Disneyland. Like, I'm with her, he's with me. Like with the Mickey Mouse fingers pointing. So much settling going on, guys. Figure out what you deserve and what you want.

It's so true. I think that there's no. There's no reason to settle. And just remember, also, the hardest thing to do is to end a relationship, too. Because the easy thing to do is stay into it. And settling and staying in a bad situation is easy. That's the easier choice. Because it's scary to leave something or to try something new. So, you know, go towards the fear of people. That's where you grow. So, Anton, let's talk about why you're thinking that you're not going to be on another show, which isn't true, but.

I wasn't saying that. I just. You've already got one scheduled here coming.

Up, so I do.

You just said break it up.

Well, I didn't schedule it yet. I just thought about. We did the. We did the. How do you know what time to break up? We didn't schedule it yet.

I'm gonna be out of town and we're both gonna be out of the studio forever.

So. Yeah. Okay. So I've been doing Loveline, guest co hosting Loveline radio show. If you don't know what it is, it's been around for 30 plus years. And Anderson has been the engineer of Loveline for 17 years. And we just announced last week that Loveline's going off the air. And so it's over. And it's sad. It's the end of an era. I mean, the show's helped a lot of people and Anderson's been here for a long time.

I was like in my early 20s when I started. It's weird.

Yeah, that is so weird.

Mid 20s. Yeah.

And then you. Yeah.

I mean, I've grown up with this show and the show's really done a lot for me and I've been very fortunate. It was supposed to be the job that put me through college, and then I went through college and I just. I could never let go of Loveline. It's like a relationship.

It is kind of like you're breaking up with Loveline right now.

And I always wanted to leave Loveline before Loveline left me, so I didn't. I failed. But.

I'm not. I'm not necessarily really sad about that. I'm actually kind of looking forward to this. This new chapter, as cliche as that sounds. But it saved. It saved me so much Heartache. And I've learned so much, and it's kept me out of trouble, you know, being in here five nights a week. The prime time of where I used to get in trouble before Loveline, 10 to midnight is where I go out and start stirring stuff up.

Wow. So for 17 years, five nights a week. Well, it hasn't been five nights a week.

Was it since five nights a week for me.

Yeah.

Since I began.

So you literally have not missed a night.

I've never called in sick ever. And I've had vacations and I go to that camp. I'm a counselor at a camp every summer. But I've never ever, like, said, hey, I can't make it tonight.

Or I've been doing it with Drew, Dr. Drew, like, every night for a month, five nights a week for about a month. And I'm going insane. Like, I can't sleep. Like, I don't know how. So you should be commended. But also, Anderson, I think that you said you wanted to leave before you wanted to leave it, but I used.

To have, like, drop dead dates. Like, if I'm not out of here by July 1, 2002, I am a loser. What's wrong with you, Anderson?

Really?

Yeah, I used to have those. But then I would never go out and try and like, find another job. Right.

You're like, oops, it's life first. But let's me to say this, Anderson, when you're talking about, you know, visualizing that way, what about the next? You already know. Anderson is a prolific filmmaker right now. He did six shorts last year.

I did five. I've been making and tinkering with movies.

For a long time. He's got a script coming out. He's got. You have two very successful podcasts, the After Disaster 3. Sorry, excuse me, After Disaster, the Film Vault and Cinematics. So you have a lot going on. People are interested in your script. I just feel like, I feel like. And I feel like this about relationships as well. It all sounds so cliche, but when one door closes, another one opens. And that for you, it's like, it's almost like the show had to end. So you. This is gonna year year. Like, I know this.

Oh, that's.

And it's not even like you just sit and visualize your future job looking at you and looking at you. Pathetic. Because your future job is already here. You've already written it. And I think the more that you know, it is sad that this ends, but you, you're. You actually are doing it. You.

I'm Excited about script. I'm excited for you too, because, I mean, you're definitely gonna be able to focus more on your other endeavors as well. I, we, we all. Loveline was such a. A sweet, fun, beautiful mistress. And I think that a lot of us were conquered by her allure. And it's kind of nice that she's going off into the distance and we can focus on.

It's true. And it's helped so many people and I'm honored just to have sat here and been a part of it.

I'll be very sad, though, if you and I lose touch.

Well, okay. So. No. Okay, here's the thing. I just signed. This is a big week for me. I just signed a lease on a new office. And it's three times the size of our current office, which. Our current office is only 300 square feet. It's very small, but it's a studio. But now that's a bigger place and we're building a studio in the office, Anderson. So that means we can work around your schedule, if you will, and you can come in whenever.

My schedule is pretty free these days.

I know mine now. I still have a crazy. I mean, mine still is crazy, but coming in here every night has been insane. So, yeah, no, we'll be doing shows.

Let's get on with the program. But it's funny when you said prolific filmmaker because I made five shorts last year. I saw this documentary about the making of island, the island of Dr. Moreau earlier in the week and I talked about it on Cinematics that's out this week. That's available right now. But it's the guy that directed that. I looked up his credits on IMDb he's directed 159 things and it just made me feel like so much. I lose.

You don't think we can do.

And I've never heard of him. 159 things, right?

That stuff doesn't matter. Comparing yourself to others, you won't imagine, like looking.

That's how you must feel like when you see Houston's 500. Right? The chick that had sex with 500 people.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm like, I could never.

I could have done that. No, I don't ever. I actually.

I don't. Right. I wish I did that. I don't compare myself to others. I do other very destructive things. But we can always look at stuff like that and say we can always feel weak for ourselves.

How do you not? I think everyone compares themselves to everybody.

Else because I never think that. I always think you Know what? I could never be them, and they could never be me. I'll never be as good at being Anderson as Anderson is being himself. And you'll never be me. And I just feel like we all have our own gifts. I don't know. I just really don't do that.

Same with Anderson. I see something here I don't get.

And I think maybe that's in part of it. Like, people at the beginning, they're like, what if somebody takes your idea and there's, like, they do, like, sex with Amy or something? I'm like, so what? Like, I remember thinking, even early on when I did not know what was gonna happen in the show, I thought, well, well, that'll be Amy. Like, that won't be Emily. And I think that it is really destructive because it's another way that we try to, like, hold ourselves back and we use fear and we think that everyone else is so successful. And, yeah, we're not, but we're all just have our own paths.

I think for you and I, too, to get a little distance from Dr. Drew would be. Is going to be good, because you can never feel good about yourself when you're in here with Dr. Drew every fucking night.

I could answer this question from the.

Caller, but I just did five shows just this afternoon. I was on five television programs, did three podcasts, and I saw, like, nine patients this morning. Let's take some calls.

Well, here's the thing. And I know I do that with friends who are like, I got out.

Of bed at noon.

Yeah. My friend texted me and she said, should I feel like a loser? I've been in the house. It's Saturday. I've been in the house for two hours. I haven't. I haven't gone out. I've been home for two hours during the day. And I'm thinking, I feel good when I leave the house for two hours on a Saturday. You know what I mean? Like, it was just so different. She's so type A and gets all this stuff done. And I just think we're all different.

All different. It's got to make it work for.

You and accept your own path. And that's another thing I learned this year in the last few years, is that I think I do know. I mean, I'm hard on myself about things. I think I should be more efficient or better at this or that. And I think, you know what? When you can just learn to accept that this is your own path and this is who you are, and this is how you do life, it's so much easier.

Yeah.

Still not there yet, but I'm working on it. It's getting better.

You're an inspiration now.

Oh my God, dude.

Thank you. What's the topic now?

You want to get in the show, huh?

Yeah, let's do it.

Fine. Okay. First sex in the news. I gotta do this one because I found this very interesting. And also actually this is a comparison and I felt kind of bad. Researchers reveal the 12 most sexually satisfied countries. We're not on the list.

We are not.

We're not even on it.

12. Of course we're not.

This depresses me.

It's gonna be like the Norwegian, the Scandinavian countries where people are beautiful.

Switzerland.

Switzerland, number one. Oh, yeah, I was just there.

Yeah, they were sexually satisfied.

You know what? Everyone was inside. I saw very few people on the streets.

See. Well, was it winter or was it.

No, it was October. Early October.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think they're inside banging.

Yeah, they probably are. So it says despite the age to. What does it say here? Mexicans describe their sex life as fulfilling with just under half feeling regularly satisfied.

With the top five countries having a sexual satisfaction rate above 50, is it time to move abroad? So here they are, number one. Or should we start at the bottom? We already said Switzerland, but I'm going to start number 12 because that's how you do lists. China.

Wait, wait.

So they're sexually satisfied?

They're number 10.

Number 12.

Number 12.

It's China. I'll go this quick. I'll do this quickly. Number 11. Germany. 10. Nigeria. 9. Australia. I thought that would have been more up. But they just seem like they're always having a good time.

Yeah.

8. India. 7. Mexico. 6. The Netherlands. 5. Greece. Very sexy country, passionate people. 4. Brazil. Same thing. This all makes sense. Three Italians. Italy. Number two. Spain. One. Switzerland. And I was just bummed that we weren't. I mean, you know why I think Americans, we've really messed up sex with. With the proliferation of porn and sex addiction and meds and drugs. Yeah. Puritanism and judgments, but yet so much porn. And also I think meds. We're such an over medicated society that I think that even birth control pill, that women aren't told that guess what, your libido's taking a nosedive because of the pill or I don't know what it is, but we're not. We're not happy. So I'm moving to Italy.

How did they conduct this study? They just asked people how satisfied they were.

What was their criterion for satisfaction?

Yeah, maybe they're just more positive countries, you know, maybe they just have a more half glass.

I was reading this, but it's an alt. It's an alternate study. It says that they did the most. UK was beaten by Greece. They don't get into it. Okay. Italy came in third, recently named as the home of the top lovers in the world. Brazil in fourth place. They said that they have sex once a week.

Spain said 90%. Yeah, maybe they are just more positive about sex. But I just. I know I said the same thing. How do you measure satisfaction? But I guess that was. That was the question. And I just want everyone to. If you're competitive, then step up your sex game. So thanks for listening to the show.

Step it up.

That's what I'm trying to do here, people. Okay, now we're gonna give a little shout out to our sponsors and we'll be right back.

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Rolling eyes.

Okay? You're going to think, oh, it's weird, that's embarrassing, that's awkward. Like, I'm not going to be the pizza delivery guy and like she's waiting, you know, there for me and I'm not gon, you know, be the school girl. Like, that's so cliche and that's so uncomfortable and it's so awkward and how could I ever do it? But you don't have to be like the French maid. You don't have to dress up and all that. I'm going to give you little tips of how you can do this. And I'm telling you, it's a lot easier than you think. Play a little game with your partner. Like we're talking about playing mind games, Anderson. Sometimes you just got to put yourself in another state. Well, think about life, right? If you get a new car, you get a new tv, like what do you. Right? Getting new things. Novelty, exciting, right?

Right.

Okay. Same with your sex life. So why has your sex life gone stale? I'll tell you. One of the key ingredients that was there in the beginning is the novelty.

The novelty is when it's new and fresh. That's the early sex. Everything is new, everything exciting. They smell so good, their body feels amazing. No one's ever kissed you like this. And then you settle into a long term relationship, and that's great because you have stability and you have a deeper love and connection and comfort. But the problem is comfort and predictability cancels out novelty and newness and excitement. So that's why it's often hard to maintain.

So when it's gone in the relationship, that's the reason why you don't want to have sex, because you don't feel like you have anything new to look forward to. You know exactly what's going to happen next. Okay, here's the part where he comes home, he kisses me for two seconds and then I take his clothes off. And then it's over in five minutes and we resume Netflix okay, so that's why you need to spice it up. Here's how. It's okay if you haven't taken, like, an acting lesson or, like, you loathe Halloween, or, like, role playing sounds like your biggest nightmare. Because the good news is it doesn't require, like, costumes or, like, the crazy bells and whistles or, like, sexy French accents. Unless you want to, because you might find that you really like it, and then you want to take it to the next level. You can create that same thrill. Hear me out. Of being with someone new while still being with your current sex partner. Just take on a new role and you don't have to be the doctor. Like, hello, nurse, can you pass me these charts? What do doctors say? You can just play yourself, but in different scenarios that your partner can relate to. So how do you bring this up? You're thinking, like, how am I gonna do this? I don't even know what you're talking about. You could just suggest, first of all, listen to the show together. You know, a lot of couples listen to the show, or sometimes one person listens to the show and they tell their partner about it. Let's do it together. Be like, you know, I heard this interesting thing that could help. You should definitely bring it up beforehand. You know, whether it's obviously have to. Because if you're just like. If you're just like, I've been a very bad girl instead of blue. Yeah. Like, you'll probably be so confused.

Catch them off guard.

Yeah, you catch them off guard. You can't do that.

So the next time they'll probably start laughing. You don't want to begin with a.

Laugh, but here's the thing. You're gonna laugh. Sometimes when anything's new, it's gonna be uncomfortable. But bring it up before whether it's, like, during, like, you know, when you're, like, already occurring. You know, when you're already having sex and you're like, oh, you know, it'd be sexy. Or, you know, bring up a whole new topic. And then the next time you're in the bedroom, you could say, hey, remember we were talking about that roleplay thing? Let's do it. And again, no matter how I tell you how to start it, it still might be awkward. But you're going to get through that. You're going to be like, wow, Emily, thank you. And I can't wait for those emails. So here's the first one. Ready, sexy stranger? For this scenario, all you got to do is pretend you don't know each other, which Actually shouldn't be that hard because you. There was a time where you didn't know each other and there was a time when you first met and your eyes locked across the room or locked across Tinder when you swiped on each other's photo. I don't know, but it's not such a stretch. So spend your time apart during the day. Maybe you live together, maybe you don't, but it's like, make sure you don't see each other if you can, you know, for as long as possible and make a plan to meet up somewhere. And when you get there, these are the rules. You gotta act like you're complete strangers, that you don't know each other and your eyes will lock across the room. Maybe you send over a drink and you introduce yourself like it's like the very first time you met. So think about it like, hey. And I know you think you could laugh, but if one of you cracks, that's fine. Just try to stay with the role. Does it seem silly? Can you see doing this?

I've never tried this, but I feel like I'd be good at it. But I think I'd be really awkward and weird with it.

It is awkward and weird at first, but I'm telling you, I. I've. I've actually done it. I didn't go out of the bar, but we did it like as a. Like, he started it. And I was like, wait. Because I can kind of roll with things. I'm like. Then I got into it. I'm like, this is kind of his deal. His deal was like, so, like to do that sex show. We were walking home. We were in la, walking back to his house from somewhere, I think we were getting a bottle of wine. He was like, so, how long have you been doing the sex show? And I kind of got like, what do you mean? He's like, no, really. And we got into this whole thing and it was really hot. It was like he first met me. He's like, so do you guys think you're kind of slutty? And it was like. And it was so frigging hot because we played this. I think. What about you? You're. Which I say is. I don't wanna say you're a.

Well, astronaut. Accountant. I could not.

Accountant.

That's really hot. The way you crunch the numbers.

Accountants.

You're an actor. I always thought actors were really kind of cheesy. I actually assumed you were dumb when I met you. Cause you're good looking, but you're stupid. So we got to say all these really funny things that actually weren't true. And then it just. I got to kind of be myself, but not myself and present it again in a way where I already know that he likes me. So I got to kind of bring up all my best parts. Cause you know, when you're first start dating, it's like they always say you're dating someone's representative.

Yeah.

Because we don't always reveal everything. So think of those things that you first found attractive in your partner and, you know, chat them up. Try to prolong it as long as you can. And even if you both laugh and fall out of character every once in a while, that's fine. But it's like a new game. You're creating a new scenario together. And I'm telling you, it's hot and it works. It's easy. You're gonna go to a bar anyway. You're gonna go to a restaurant. You could have a whole meal.

You ever watch a show, Modern Family?

Yes.

They the two leads. There's a lot of leads in that. But Phil and his wife. I can't remember her name. What is her name?

What's her name?

Julie Bowen plays.

Right, right.

Anyways, they have that recurring sex role playing that they do. It's happened probably three or four episodes. And they meet at a hotel and they always get dressed in different clothes and they pretend like they're just meeting at the hotel bar.

That's so funny.

It always goes poorly, though. Someone always ends up naked in the hall.

That's hilarious.

That could happen.

But it's a good story. Now I. Modern Family is funny. See, Modern Family is interesting. It's like my nieces watch it, but there's like sex. Do you think they understand that? It's about role playing. Now I'm worried about my.

No, they're fine. It's all tame.

Do. Am I overthinking this? Worried about some girl? Females. Women out there. Males too. But I could see this going south with an insecure girlfriend saying, why do I have to pretend to be somebody else?

No, you're pretty. You're being yourselves.

You're being yourself. Okay. So reiterate.

Okay, so I'm sorry. I didn't want to say that my ex is profession and I couldn't think of anything. So I was like. Because I was gonna say.

You didn't want to say.

So he said to me, we were walking home and he said, so how long have you. I don't remember.

Something like the way you do it is you play Yourselves.

We play yourselves. You play yourselves. Which is totally easy to do because there was a time when you were new to each other and you're like, okay, so you do that. Love lunch. You know, it's like, how long have you been doing that? What's. What's. What kind of calls do you hear on there? And it's like you. You get into that role and it's kind of fun because we all like talking about ourselves. And yeah, you're just playing yourself like you first met again. You're paying strangers to yourself.

Cause there is like the next level where you're playing completely different people.

I've got four scenarios here, ready. Oh, the other thing I want to say is that another great tool is I have a book called hot over 200 things you can try tonight. Came out like four years ago. Anderson has it. He keeps it in his bedroom. No, but you can flip open to any page. And it's a pretty cool book because it can just. Again, you don't have to talk, but it can guide you through different scenarios that are in there as well. Okay, the next one is like mock makeup sex. Anyone can do this. You get a fight, things are all heated, and then you make up sex. Do you do this, Anderson, Are you a fighter?

I'm afraid, I'm afraid I do argue quite a bit, yes.

And do you have makeup sex?

I've gotten much better with the, with the, with the marriage because I don't try and win the fights. I just try and come to an agreement or an understanding so we can avoid that fight. I never want to have the same fight twice.

Oh, good.

Whereas before everyone else, I always wanted to win.

Because the thing is, sex after a fight is like always hot and supercharged.

Because it's like the exact opposite of where you just were. But you still have that pent up energy and you realize that you're past the. The bad part.

Right. It's almost like you get that newness again. You get that, like, thrill because you thought it would make. Could have been over. And you get that jolt. Right. So you could fake.

You can even use it to get out of fight sometimes. Like, if you guys are really not seeing eye to eye and you can't get anywhere.

You could be like, let's just cut to the chase. Let's get to the makeup sex. And sometimes that. That actually fixes it.

Exactly. So you could have a fake, you know, fight. So, so the thing. Yeah, because the thing is when you fight and then you make up, it's hot. Supercharged, all that. And this is because, like, you've worked through whatever issue you guys were fighting about. And as a result, you guys feel closer, you feel connected, right? You feel safe. And that is hot makeup sex, which I have to realize. I'm not. I'm not a fighter. I'm not a really big fighter, but I know the energy in it, so I know the breakup. I know sleeping with my ex energy. So let's just say that. That it's like you broke up, but you didn't. Or we don't see each other for a while. We've many fights, but good news, you don't have to really get into an argument. You can create, like a stupid argument. Okay, you could say, like, you could say something like inconsequential, like, you know what the best serial is? All time. My favorite movie of all time. I don't care how stupid the fight is. But sometimes these fake feuds can kind of boil, reach a boiling point. They can, like, resemble a real argument and have a little fight, have a funny fight, get out your energy. Maybe you feel like.

So you're saying like, pick a fight.

Pick a fake fight.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's dangerous.

Why? It could escalate into something else. But pick it up for something that's like little. Like, I think that you know, and you guys kind of know that you're joking.

So you get the fake fight. So you can have the fake makeup.

You get the fake makeup sex. And depending on what you fight about, you know, real or fake, you can kind of set that tone of the, like, the interaction. So it was a heated, angry fight. You can make tender, loving sex to make up for it.

That's like pretend to throw your car keys off. Off the cliff pretend.

Exactly.

But you never know that. You could slip. You could slip into a real fight.

I think you want to do it when you guys are at a good place. And if you've never even had a fight, sometimes this is fun too. You just kind of make up.

Oh, you know, hey, if you've never had a fight, you guys aren't gonna make it. Right.

You gotta fight. Fighting in relationships is super healthy. And I realized that I. I never really. Well, no, I have been in relationships, but usually it's usually towards the end. But that's the same reason I can't be mean to Collars. I mean, I think I have to be better with anger. Yeah, I have to get mean mad at people more often.

No, I don't think so.

I tend to blame myself.

You're holding it all up.

Well, I don't think. I think that you don't have it in you.

You're not that type of person.

I'm not? No. But I think oftentimes I can always see both sides of things. So even if I'm gonna get mad, I'm like, Well, I think I always see my part because I think oftentimes a fight. Like, to think that you're always. I'm definitely. There's a lot of people in the world who walk around, think, like, they're always right.

Right.

I'm certainly not. I'm like, I can see my part towards the.

I am always right. I'm one of those.

I can't believe we got along. I know, but I want to say.

Everyone else is wrong, and I hate being surrounded by everyone who's always wrong. And it's. It's. It's really difficult.

I know it must be really hard for you. I'm glad that you just put up with me, your time with me, even knowing that I'm just terribly wrong.

You're. You're. You're.

Okay, here's the third one. Control playing. So if you guys have settled, you're in a relationship, and you kind of are in comfortable roles, one of you might be a little more submissive in bed, and the other one's a little more dominant. And maybe one of you initiate sex all the time, and, you know, the other one doesn't. And I have to tell you, one of the biggest complaint I hear often from men is that their partner, women don't initiate sex enough. And I'm not saying that men can't initiate sex more often. So to do a switch here. So if you're typically more reserved during sex, you can make more demands. You know, you could say, like, I want you to go down me for 40 minutes. That's. That might be what I would say. Or you can start with something like, take off my dress or kiss my neck if you're not comfortable with it, but just switch roles. And again, you're thinking, how am I going to tell my partner this? Well, right now, if you're having sex, it's not that interesting. Or it's the same thing. How hard does it say? But you know what? I heard this show. Or let's try this. Or like, you know what? I'm gonna initiate sex tonight. Or you always tell me what to do. I'm gonna tell you this one thing I've always wanted, even if it is massage my feet.

What you're saying Is like, make a deal. Like, make a deal with a person, with your partner. Say anything I say you have to do, and then we'll flip it.

Yep, exactly.

This is very different than when I thought you were gonna talk about dressing up like the pizza guy. I did.

No, exactly. That's why I was like, everyone's gonna roll their eyes. Turn off the podcast.

Not that at all.

No, not that at all. So you could also assume each other's these. You know, like, if your person's, like, big on oral, they'd probably love it if you, you know, were big on oral. It's kind of control play. So you're flipping your control. You're flipping your roles. And try being dominant. It's hard because I'm more submissive. But, like, when you're dominant, you think, I. You always think you can't, and then you do it and you're like, oh, wow, that was different. That was fun. I like it. You're never gonna regret.

You gotta try things that are uncomfortable.

You're not gonna regret trying something new sexually. And then the last one, I love this one fancy fantasy. So a certain point in every relationship, you're wearing T shirts, right? You're wearing your sweatpants, you're hanging around the house. You're not doing anything that sexy. But we all have those outfits that we're like, oh, sometime we'll go out, we'll get dressed up, we'll do this fun thing. So the last one, I'm gonna call this a fancy fantasy. So at a certain point in a relationship, we've all been there when we're just wearing sweatpants and we're not getting dressed up and we're not making efforts, and we tend to forget, like, oh, like, he looks great in a suit or she looks nice when she gets all dressed up. And we all know also for ourselves, like, I have these things. I'm like, I bought this dress, this super sexy dress that makes me feel amazing, but I have nowhere to wear it. I never wear it out. I just wear jeans and whatever. So if you want to say in your relationship you plan something, like maybe it's once a month or once every few months. And you're like, we're gonna go out tonight. We're gonna dress up and we're gonna go to, like, a restaurant. Something like, save, you know, nice restaurant, or go to a concert and save up for something. So it's like a night where you can dress up and you can, like, be.

Fancy people.

Yeah.

And also, if you're like, we have no money to go out. Then friggin do it at home. Because sometimes when you wear something that makes you feel good and sexy, it will actually reflect that in your. It will when you wear something that makes you feel good and sexy.

I've heard that from you ladies.

Yeah, it's true though. Like the laundry.

Like I got a guy friend, my best friend's a lawyer, he can't conduct business unless he's wearing a suit on the phone. It's like, dude, what are you doing?

But it's kind of true. Fake it till you make it dress the part. I think it's true when I sit home when I didn't have an office and I was home all day, like it kind of bummed me out. Like it does. So when I get dressed up, put on makeup, you feel better. So it's also for you. And it's something to look forward to and you get to look at each other, feeling the best and doing something fun for yourself.

And you know what?

I deserve it. Don't save. Don't save people who save money for a rainy day. Like you could freaking die. You get hit by a bus.

Yeah, yeah. You gotta live life to its fullest and seize the day. Carbon diem. But if you take your lady out or your guy out too, and you get all dressed to the nines, as they say, and you go to an event or concert or dinner or anything, you'll notice too that like other people might be checking out your, you know, your significant other and it makes them sexier in that very moment.

It does, right.

It doesn't make you jealous unless you got a toxic relationship. If you got a healthy relationship and you see like other guys checking out your lady, you're like, yep. And I'm with you.

Guys love that, don't they? Never gets old. That guy wants her.

It does when you're dating a bartender.

Because everyone wants her.

Yeah. It just sucks with a stripper.

What was it?

It goes. It goes whole hooker, stripper, bartender, hairdresser. That's that from my experience.

Your experience of women who.

Ladies who like, attract the certain types. Yeah.

Okay, gotcha. No, no, no.

That are difficult to date and feel like you're in a trustworthy.

Have you dated one in each category?

Never dated a hooker. I've had a hooker on my car, but I've never dated one. Okay. I was in bumper to bumper traffic on Hollywood Boulevard trying to get to my friend's gig. And this hooker, her name was Princess, I'll never forget, and she Says, I know where you're going. I'm like, no, you don't. And it was just bumping. I was yelling out the window because I was so frustrated and stuck in traffic. And then she's like, I'll show you where you're going. She hopped in my car. I'm like, why are you in my car? She's like, I just need to ride two blocks. I'm like, you can walk much faster than me. And then she started waving to, like, her pimp that was going by. I'm like, stop it. He's gonna think I'm a trick.

That is amazing. That is a good short film.

It was terrifying.

Wait, that's actually a good short for.

And then I dropped her off two blocks later, which was about 15 minutes later, and I said, bye, princess, nice meeting you. And I felt like my car was solid. Felt like I needed a new car.

It probably was cute.

She was pretty.

We tempted. Was she like 15?

No, she. She was very. Yeah. Not my type.

It's a good story though. Hairdressers, though. Did you get free haircuts?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I've dated a number of hairdressers. Okay, so you were hanging out at like a hair salon. Like that was my hangout. Because there's nothing but good looking ladies and they're all like catty and they'd all be staring at each other in those mirrors, like behind each other's backs.

Just so unhealthy. That's so toxic. See, that was.

It was really fun. I enjoyed it.

Anderson, I'm so glad I know you as an adult. And that is like the Anderson whenever. Ten years ago, maybe five years ago. Okay, everyone, we're on to emails. Thank you for emailing me. Feedbackexwithelmy.com We've been getting some awesome emails. I have to say, the emails we always get a lot, but we're getting a lot more. And I love it, love it, love it. Maybe it's because we launched our new website. It's so much easier now to ask a question. We've got an Ask Emily button. You just click on that, you write it, send a form, click send and there it goes. I get it right there in my inbox.

Nice.

Okay, and email me and include your age, where you live and how you listen. Is that our things and where you're from? Hi, Emily, new listener here. And I couldn't have started listening at a better time because I've recently experienced a new sexual experience and I don't know how I feel about It. My fiance and I have been together since 2010 and are to be married in November. We recently attended a friend's birthday party, and needless to say, the drinks were flowing. At the end of the night, we were all over each other, which is normal after a few drinks. So we started engaging in hot sex, and he starts talking really dirty to me. Normally, I'm really receptive this, but receptive to it. However, he brought up a friend we were hanging out with earlier that night. This mutual friend we have is, number one, gorgeous and young. Number two, an awesome person. And I'm normally open into dirty talk in this way. However, it made me feel really inadequate because he made it seem like he wanted to be with her. I didn't feel good afterwards. It almost felt wrong. Am I just being insecure or should I write off as a typical male fantasy? Thanks. Love your show. Lots of O's. Ally, so do you get this scenario here? So she's got her fiance. They've been together six years, they're getting married. Dirty talk. They go from a party, they see one of her friends. He's like, so what if Alicia was here right now? We were having a threesome. Right. So I've said this before, that I think if you in a relationship, sometimes you don't want to have a threesome. It's kind of hot to talk about it, but you don't. Ally, you have every right here to feel kind of disturbed by this. I'm so glad you found my podcast, because you do need it. Now. This is the thing about dirty talk. It can be great, but it can be a huge distraction when it goes wrong. So, again, your feelings are totally valid. This was upset. Any woman, I'm upset, it would make them feel insecure just as you're feeling and threatened by your friend, which you sound like. You know, you love your friend, she's a great girl, but you do not want. No one wants to hear their boyfriend talking about how hot anyone is, for that matter, and specifically your friend. So I'm sure this was not his intention. You know, it's inappropriate for him to bring up this other woman, especially since because you guys have never discussed it before. And there is a golden rule in threesomes that friends should just be off limits. Unless, you know, unless you guys discuss it and you're like, let's hook up with our friends. But I never think it's a good idea. And even in this fake threesome fantasy, that was a mistake. And it is a typical male fantasy. You are right. Two Beautiful women. The problem is he took it too far. He took it too far. He mentioned her friend's name, like you can't do that, right? Anderson, don't you know this like male code? Like when you're with a girl, even the hairdressers or whoever you're with now.

This is a move you do with a girl you've been with for like three weeks. You know, it's coming to an end soon. And I keep trying like, you know, swing for the fences. You don't do this with your six year anniversary. I mean, six year relationship, fiance getting, get married. I mean that's. Was he drunk?

Yeah, they were drunk. So they usually get drunk and talk dirty and this time it went too far. So you gotta, you gotta address it and you gotta, you know, he included someone that you already know. So just tell him that it made you feel bad, it hurt your feelings and tell them how it made you feel. When you are often having these communication discussions with your partners about anything. Remember, you don't want to go on the attack. You want to say how things made you feel because no one can argue with your feelings.

And hopefully she's strong enough to get past this and keep that friend as well. It's gonna be really hard for her to have both of these people in her life forever.

So I think also, Ally, if you've got the bigger questions and you wanna know, like, hey, so you hot with my friend?

You gotta ask, how good of a friend is this? I wonder, I wonder if she'd be willing to put on like 15, 20 pounds to become unattractive.

It's a mutual friend. It doesn't say, but you know, doubt.

She'D probably take one for the team, like cut her hair all off.

Right.

Move, stop washing.

Exactly. Have a fake boyfriend.

So I think you gotta tell him, made it feel bad. And also address all the issues. Cause you can't if he's. Sorry, babe, I don't remember. I was drunk. When you gloss over things, they don't go away on their own. So you're gonna have to know, is he attracted to her? Is there something more going on? You gotta dress up?

Well, he's definitely attracted to her. But you know, there's a possibility that he was like so drunk, he was like blackout drunk and just saying. Nonsensical.

Right.

And that's, I mean that's not ideal, but that's one of the only ways you can get out of this unscathed.

Yeah. So just let them know and you know, I like, I Said I've had experience in threesomes with this guy and it actually was a turn on. It was the first time anyone had ever done that. And he was like, hey, so I'm picturing you with this woman. Did you marry him? Yes, I married and divorced him. No, but I should have. No, I was kidding. I don't have any regrets. But he was. It was like my most profound relationship as far as I think it sexually opened me up in a lot of ways. And.

But that's you, Em. And this is. You weren't in a relationship with this guy for six years, about to get married.

No, this is what I'm saying is what he did was. He did some nameless, faceless woman. That was the God thing was when you're like, oh, there's another woman here, she's doing this to you, she's doing that to you. That's what's.

Okay, I gotcha.

Yeah, it was more role playing. This. Naming the person in your friend is wrong. So you got to discuss it. And friends and acquaintances and all that should be off limits. So let him know he hurt you. Okay? Next email. Disappearing orgasm. There goes Hate that shit. Hiya. My partner recently discovered how to give me clitoral orgasms from vibrators. We moved from a bullet vibe to a rabbit and now we're up to the magic wand. The other night he grabbed the rabbit for old times sake. And I couldn't get off on it anymore. This happened to me before when we went from the bullet to the rabbit. And I'm worried that I'm ruining myself somehow and that one day I won't be able to have any more orgasms. Does this happen? Thanks, confused. Phoebe? Phoebe. This is a great question because people always ask, oh, is the vibrator gonna ruin me? And you know, men wonder or think it's gonna replace guys forever. No, here's the thing. You just gotta mix things up. But think about this. Let's say you wanna get in shape, Phoebe. And you start running every single day, right? You run every day. Every day. And you lose weight and you're psyched. You're like progress. You keep running. You keep running and then what happens? You plateau. It's always happening. You stop seeing any results at all. Because your body gets used to it. That's why they say you gotta cross train. You gotta try different things. Orgasms, same exact way. So it's not that you're becoming desensitized, losing sensitivity. Your body is just getting used to that amount of vibration and pressure. And so it can't respond to anything else. It doesn't mean that it requires. I mean, right now your body's gotten used to it, but it doesn't mean, like your orgasms are gone. It means you have to retrain your body. So take a break from the high intensity stimulation. Not forever, you know. And this can be actually, this can be something fun you can do with your partner. So you can wean yourself off the vibrator and like up the foreplay. You can say like, okay, like, you know, he's gonna go down to me or use his fingers or we're gonna have sex and then we're gonna bring in the toy. Or you can like use it for a few minutes on a lower level and then bring something else in. I mean, you just gotta like switch up what you're using. You could also quit cold turkey if you want to Try this and. Cause I'm sure you had orgasms before there were any vibrators. It sounds like you have. And just see, you know, like, don't beat yourself up. But don't think, where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Because a lot of times it's our mind that's making these orgasms disappear, as you say. So just scale back. Start trying these other, other things with your partner. Because that's fun. Like, it gives you guys a chance to be more creative and explore other ways to get each other off. And when you step up the foreplay, you've proven that you can have a clitoral orgasm. So your boyfriend can get you there using his mouth or his hands. And once you just take off a little time, you will feel those orgasms come back. And then you'll remember, like, it's just, you gotta just always mix it up. Use the bullet, use the rabbit, you know, just try. Have sex without toys. Because there's nothing wrong with toys. But again, just like your workout routine, you use the circuits and you lift weights. And you don't only run because it helps you become in better shape and same as sex. So always you mixing things up in the bedroom. And I think also with like masturbating and all that. Like, that's why I'm always trying guys to get a flashlight. Like you do things the same way. And the other great thing about this, the final thing I'm going to say to you, Phoebe, is that I'll bet there's so many other ways that you can orgasm that you don't even know about. And because I know that, like without using toys or using different kinds of things. I found that because it's my job, but I kind of always think of it. I've just, like, tapped it, and then, like, something else will happen. So there are, remember, eight times 8,000 nerve endings in your clitoris. And it's not just a little button, it's the labia. And all those areas that there's so many Roger Stones that I want you to film with this. And it's not that you like the sense that something bad happened. It's like, wow, this is fun. I'm gonna try something else. And I want you to email me when you have 18 orgasms from him touching your knee. Thanks, Phoebe. And thank you, Anderson. That's what we got time for. And of course, we're not. Dude, we're just beginning. Check out your podcast. All that After Zester.

Cinematics After Zester, the Film Vault. If you want to be up to date, if you're a real film lover, that's cinematics for you. If you want more, Anderson, you want entertainment and some knowledge. The Film Vault, which I've been doing with Brian for eight years now.

Wow.

And. And then if you want just a good old time, Mike Carano and Tyler and I do the After Disaster.

They're the best people.

And yeah, people really respond. We just sold out the the Improv again on Saturday.

That's so fun. Okay, well, congratulations. I love you, Anderson, and I love you all.

Thank you so much for.

Hey, dude, stop. Thanks, everyone, for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com for more than 30 years, Fibrotex has understood that giving women options means more than offering a variety of colors. They know what feels good to you might not always feel good to someone else. And exploring your own self pleasure is not only fun, but it's an important part of learning what works for you. And to help women explore. Vibratex was among the first to introduce toys that rotate and twist to stimulate all your sensitive areas. A favorite of mine is the Sugar Pop. And what makes the Sugar Pop so unique, the Sugar Pop so unique is that it's like a belly dancer. It looks like motion that twirls its shaft and, like, spins around and it hits you in all the right spots. It makes it even more irresistible is that it's got this really unique shape external vibrator for your clitoris. So it's got this belly shaky thing going on that goes inside you, and then you've got this clitoral thing that's just like dancing all over your clitoris like just how you want it to. And it features four intensity levels, five vibration patterns and five rotation patterns. And so there's all these ranges. Like you can customize your sensations so you can be like oh, I want this to go faster and this to go slower. And it's splash proof and it's made of Vibratex is supple and 100% body safe elastic. So if you want a unique experience you can have with a vibrator, I suggest you give the Sugar Pop a twirl. Got it. Because it twirls, the Sugar Pop is one of more than 50 unique Vibrotex products available for you. So go to vibrotex.com to see the full selection or learn more about the Sugar Pop. Thanks for listening.

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