Fantasies and Fellatio

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, that feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're Listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com and you can check out all of our podcasts. You can easily check them out if you go to sexwithme.com podcast for our entire show archive, which you will enjoy. You can subscribe to our newsletter. You can check me on social media, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter are all Sex with Emily. And we love when you subscribe to the show. And if you want to, which feels great, review us on itunes. Super helpful. It's awesome because I hate people with bad recommendations and those come up first. Like years ago, people didn't like things, so. Right. Anderson. I'm here with Anderson.

What did you just say? You just said a bunch of things.

I said that people review the show sometimes in the past. Like five years ago. Ten years ago.

Right?

Eight years ago. When I, like, had to charge for a while. I tried everything to keep it afloat. She charged. I pay people.

Oh, you had behind a paywall for like a month. Who told you for a year?

Well, I did. It was like eight years ago. I was like, I'm not making anymore. Six. Whatever. People just write things. But if you love the show, it helps. Go to itunes and do that. I'm here with Anderson and his son, which is going to sound really weird because it's a sex show. He's got an eight year old son on his lap.

He's eight months old. It would be a lot worse if he was 8 years old.

8 months. 8 months.

8 year olds. Probably shouldn't be in the room for this.

No, no, no, no. This is totally healthy. Even though it seems like it's not.

Because we say shit. Fucking.

See, you can say shit. Fuck. Get out of your system right now with the baby. Oh, he's so cute. Okay, everyone, thank you for listening. I'm here with Anderson. What else?

Sorry to cuss so, so strongly right off bat. That didn't feel right.

You're making me cuss.

I apologize.

You're making me cuss.

My apologies.

Please don't make me cuss.

I'm here with my son. Yeah, I'm here with my son. This is what happens when you. You follow the advice of sex with Emily.

You get kids unless you use protection. And you don't want kids. Right. And you. Which some people don't. Which is totally fine.

And what is so weird that something so innocent and sweet and cute can come out of like, dirty, dark, nasty sex? You know what? I Mean, it's. It's. It is still funny. When you look at the population, you look at how many people there are, and you just think, like, every single one of those people is a product of a sexual act.

Exactly. Weird. It is weird. It is really weird. No, you really don't until you have your own little baby there. So that's. Yeah. So speaking of sex.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I haven't seen you in a while.

Yes.

And started having sex again.

Oh, you started having sex again. Good for you.

I was not having sex again.

You weren't for a while.

I wasn't. It wasn't, like, on purpose. I wasn't like.

I remember when you talked to me, you were concerned. You're like, you know, I'm not. I do this show, Sex with Emily, and I was not having sex.

Well, because I've been having. Okay, let's say been doing it for 12 years.

You're, like, doing a movie podcast and not watching movies or something.

I know, but here's the thing. Here's why it was so good for me. Because for 11 years, I was having sex. 12 years of the show. The 12th year, not as much sex.

Not as much.

So you know what I did? Which it wasn't like, oh, my God, I wasn't trying to have sex, and I could not have sex. Let me just put that out there.

She would have her. Her random, like, go down to Mexico and banger.

I did bang the masseuse in Mexico. I'm not like, I wasn't, like, a born again virgin last year. Let's just say that. But I realized his name again.

Oh, she. You forgot his name?

Yeah.

Oh, you changed it.

We changed it to Carlos. So cute. I loved him. I almost moved there.

You almost moved.

Then I forgot about him. You know, they say it takes. It takes half as long as the time you were with someone to get over him. And I was with him for, like, four hours.

Two hours.

I was over two hours. Yeah, probably, if I told you the story. No, that was hot sex, though. But since then, yeah, I've just started, like, dating. And I realized that, like, all this stuff that happened in the last year to me, like, doing my Somatica sex therapy training and all this stuff I've done is sort of really coming in handy because I feel like. I know. I don't know. I've just learned a lot about myself and about not having sex and then feeling like when I am having sex, it's actually better.

And so that's good. You can tell the difference. Because you're always preaching everyone should have more sex. You never regret having sex. It's like going to the gym. You never go, oh God, why did I just go to the gym? You say you equate that to having sex too. Now you can actually, you know, practice what you preach and understand the difference of not banging and what happens and how it changes your. Affects your mood.

It affects my mood, Exactly. I have to say that.

Say that you didn't have sex for a while for a purpose of a study. Study.

Yeah, it was a study. And in fact it was a full blown study where I had sex and it was really good sex about a few weeks ago. Not that I hadn't, obviously I've had sex, but I'm saying this, this sex, all this stuff unleashed. And I feel like my entire life has like changed. I've had clarity, I've had focus. And I do believe that when you don't. Not that I wasn't masturbating stuff, but there's something about like co creating with somebody and having the sexual experience that a lot of stuff just gets released and gets clear in your head. And like we need sex. Not all the time, not every day, but when you have it, it's great. So that's me. Yeah. How's your sex life? It's okay. You don't dance or even eight or eight months old.

It's fine. Actually, we're gonna try and have another child here. Probably within the next six months. We're gonna hope to get pregnant, so we're gonna have to ramp it up.

You're gonna do that again?

We don't wanna have an only child.

I want some lube. I get it.

We wanna be able to leave them alone like we did. We had one dog and then we got two dogs. Cause it's like you don't feel guilty.

When that's why you're going to get it. So they can talk to each other.

We can put them in a room together, close the door and then get.

A babysitter, have adult time. Okay. No, but I think that's awesome. I think you will get pregnant. It'll be great.

Well, thanks for the vote of confidence.

No, I know you will.

You ever do an episode where like best ways to have sex and to conceive?

Yeah, we've done a lot of. We actually have a lot of blogs on our site now about like pregnant sex and stuff like that.

Really?

No, no.

To conceive.

Like I used to be on top, on the bottom, like the lube and that you can eat and stuff. I've never done a show on that, but I've talked about it. Would you like some tips?

No, no, no. I just. I. The only thing I know is from watching the Big Lebowski where there's a scene where she. She's bringing her knees up to her chest after the dude bangs her, and. And she's saying that that's the best way to conceive. I don't know if there's any truth.

I don't think that you should probably take sex lessons.

Hanging one of those upside down things right after you have sex.

I don't know. I can. I can give you some advice on that. Okay. But let's get some sex in the news, Anderson.

Let's do it. Sex.

Because I'm glad you're here, because it's about men. Apparently, guys are less sexually satisfied than women at the start of a relationship. I would think that everyone's pretty satisfied at the start, more than not, because it's the honeymoon phase. It is weird. So women say that 74. 74% of women are, like, really satisfied, only 51% of men. And then it switches, okay, six months to a year, the men are, like, way more satisfied. Women a little less satisfied. And then it switches again. Women are more like. So it goes down two to three years. This is the. The doctor. This is out of the UK always the UK. 2000. No, no, I'm sorry. It was a thousand Americans and a thousand Europeans. And so basically, they're saying that the percentage of sexually satisfied women dropped significantly, falling to 47% after six months. Men's increases. So what does it say to you? I think it all boils down to everything that we talk about, and that is communication. I think that there's a lot of unfulfilled needs that people have in a relationship. And I think that when people don't know how to talk about what makes them feel good and what they want, they get dissatisfied, resentment grows, and you just stop talking about it. And then after a while, no one's satisfied. You see the last graph on here? It shows that after four years, women are 48% satisfied. Men, 37%. It just goes down.

It goes up, down, up, down, up.

Yeah, but it just goes down, down, down.

But then by the end, it goes. I'm just surprised that men are not. Because usually it's believed that guys are always happy with a new partner. Right. And women. I would. I would have inversed those if I had to guess. So that's surprising. It's weird. I wonder what that is. You know what? Maybe. Maybe it's just going purely off of satisfaction. Because men are. No, because less men are satisfied.

Right.

Women are. Because it takes a guy a while to learn how a woman works to every woman.

Well, that is another site that came out a few months ago that said that men typically are, you know, if a woman's unsatisfied to them, like, sex isn't as great, and women need more safety, comfort. They need, you know, to be in a place with someone where they feel like. And it takes time for a guy to learn the body, so. To learn a woman's body. So that's why you guys. You could talk about women. Your vaginas are like snowflakes. I feel like you need to start talking about sex right away. I don't understand why, like, if you're at a restaurant, you're on first date, second date, you'd be like, you order for yourself what you want. Like, you're not, like, you can order for me. You know, I like steak. Why should he know what you want in the bedroom? And why do we play this game of, like, he should be a mind reader and he should know when they just don't. And it takes. People never realize this at the same time.

Like, if. If you're, like, on a second, third date having sex for the first time, and the woman's like. Or the guy, for that matter, like, do it like this and do it like that. It's like, it'd be a little bit weird if you're that forceful. I think you got to kind of ease into it. Right. I'm a big fan of speechless communication in the bedroom.

Okay. How would you do it?

You just, like. If you're a guy, you pay attention to their breathing, to the lady's breathing pattern, and you know what she's into, what's affecting her? You really pay attention to her. Yeah.

You're not just flailing around, touching how you do. Like, I think that a lot of guys are so excited they're having sex or they're with a new partner and.

Probably you want to impress her. Just pay attention to what she's doing and how. What you're doing to her and how it's affecting her and, like, kiss her.

Neck and tease her and do all that stuff a lot longer than you think you should.

And you really shouldn't be selfish, especially at first. You shouldn't be like, I'm gonna do what I saw on a porn last night to this woman.

Don't do anything you saw in porn.

Don't do anything ever that you saw in porn. Unless it's lesbian porn. Then do everything you saw in the lesbian.

Exactly. Only do what you saw in lesbian porn. But as far as, like, if you're with a new partner, I really think that being with a woman, which I think are a little more complicated, that you really do just want to, like, take your time, go five times slower than you think you should with the part, and just keep kissing, keep touching, like, doing all that stuff. And then the more that you, you know, pay attention, get to know someone, I think that they're in their head and they're like, I got to take off her clothes. I got to do this. And then get our pants off. We are not turned off.

Now, once you do figure out works for speaking as a guy and you're a woman, once a guy figures out how you do work and how to start your engine and how to finish you off and whatnot, is it all right if he does kind of the same routine over and over again there, if it works or.

To bring you to orgasm?

Yeah. Or is he expected to try different routes?

I think it depends on the person. But if you assume that they should just do that, they might not. They might not have the creativity. They might not know what to do differently. And that's why, master, I'm saying, okay.

Like, let's say that there's a couple, they're together, and the guy figures out that she, you know, you got to go A, B, C, then D. And that works for her. Is it okay as a woman for the guy to do A, B, C and D the vast majority of the time? Moving forward?

Yeah. I mean, forever and ever and ever.

I think that forever's a long time.

But, you know, I think it depends on the person. I think I get bored of different things all the time.

I guess my question was, like, are you more concerned about the end game or the journey to get there?

It's the journey. Yeah, it's the journey, man. It's not about the destination.

Yeah.

Well, I think that you put effort into sex. And also I think what you want changes. And the more comfortable that you get being with one person, it changes further down that people don't know how to do it. They're afraid of getting rejected. They're like, I would touch her left nipple and her right.

No, I don't know where the rabbit hole term comes from.

No.

Because people that bang like bunnies and.

Bunny hole get down the rabbit hole.

I Hope not.

Rabbit vibration.

Now every time I hear bunny rabbit hole, I'm going to picture a rabbit's vagina.

I'm glad that Easter's gone. Okay, so that's it. Talk about communicate. That's like my stop now my whole career and just tell you to talk. But I'm not going to stop. I will never stop.

I don't trust that study.

Why?

Because I think that guys are probably more. Less. Wait, what does it say again?

Women are like 74% of the satisfied and men 51%. It's not saying they're off cheating. It's just not quite what they want. Yeah, I guess. And I think for guys it's like the newness. I think they would be psyched, but.

Maybe I would think that that would be reversed. Yeah, I would think that more guys would be excited about a new partner and women would be like, I'm not sure about this yet.

I think it's because it takes women, this woman, say, a while to warm up and to actually be comfortable in their bodies and to be open with a new partner for many women. And so guys aren't satisfied, but they get more satisfied because they stay with the woman. The more comfortable she gets with him and the more safe she feels. She's more connected to him and he feels better too. And then she's like, I'm bored, and it drops down 47%. That's what I think. I think it takes women a little while. Why is that weird?

It just is.

You're weird. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break. We're gonna give a shout to our sponsors. You guys, thanks so much for supporting them and we love our sponsors and we love you. You guys should totally know each other. And thanks for listening to the show. We'll be right back.

All right, we just said goodbye to Anderson because little Atticus had to come and take a nap. But I love that he's like a working dad. I mean, he's like a stay at home dad, but he's still working and coming here. So now we're gonna go ahead with emails. Hey, Emily. My. And I'm 29 years old. Due to self confidence and religious reasons, I've only been sexually active for a little over a year. I've been in my current relationship during this time and I'm absolutely in love with her. One of my favorite things to do is going down on my girlfriend. However, she rarely reciprocates. After listening to your show, I decided to ask her about it and she said she Just doesn't like giving oral. My body issues immediately made me think my size was to blame. I'm not breaking any records here. Is there anything I can do to make oral more enjoyable for her? I manscape my groin and clean it daily. I was just curious if there's anything else I should be doing. Thanks for answering my question, and I look forward to hearing your answer. P.S. i heard your voice in my ear already saying, flavored lube, so I'm purchasing some. Thanks, Sean. 29, Indianapolis. Hey, Sean. Flavored lube. No. Yes, flavored lube is helpful. But here's the deal, Sean. First of all, you use. I think that men will use any excuse to blame their penis for problems. And there is nothing wrong with your penis, your size, anything. She's with you. She loves you. The deal is she's just not that into oral sex, which might be true, but it's. I'm sure it has nothing. She's not discriminating against your penis. It could be because she's uncomfortable with it, she had a bad experience, says she doesn't like it. Maybe she might, yeah, again, feel insecure about her. Her ability to perform oral. But you can't make her, you know, do oral. And you can't, like, make her like it. But what you can do is you can kind of try to understand where she's coming from. Like, work backwards and be like, I get that you don't like it. You don't want to make her feel guilty about it, because no one likes being guilted into sex. But I think that you got to just. To me, that'd be a deal breaker, to be honest, if someone, like, never wanted to perform oral. So I think you got to find out what that's about. And I think for a lot of younger women, I don't know how old, GSB or 29. I'm assuming she's in her 20s. We're not born with these skills. Okay. So it's something that takes, you know, we've got insecurities around it. So find out. Be like, well, what is it that you don't like about it? This is this whole talking thing we're talking about. So I'm just curious. Is there anything I could do, you know? Yes. Flavored lube. It would. I don't know if it's a taste thing, if she said it's a taste thing, that might help her, but maybe it's a she's not sure what you like thing, or someone once told her she was really bad at it or you know, so we got to get to the bottom of what that is. And I just have to let you know that it's really, again, not about your pen. Just like women, we tend to think like a guiding call because he. We need. We gained two pounds. Or he noticed that, like, my left boob is bigger than my right boot and it's boob and it never has to do with these things. Okay. So, I mean, in all the years I've been doing the show, like, I've, I can't tell you, like, I hear more from, you know, people are like, his penis is too big and it hurts. Then I have, like, his penis is small. I broke up with him. I hated sex with him. I mean, that is the truth. So I think it just gets comes down to, you know, talking to her, finding more about this. But also, you said.

You'Ve been active a little over a year and you're in love with her. I just want you to be careful here. That was a trigger for me because it's your first relationship, you've waited a while to have sex and you're madly in love. And so I just want to make sure that this is based on really who she is and who you both are together. And you're evaluating your relationship and not because you've waited long to have sex or it's your first relationship you've been in. Just because it is doesn't mean it's necessarily the woman that you have to spend the rest of your life with. So I just want you to check in with your emotions around that because, you know, again, it's your first relationship, your first sex partner. And so I think what you could do is, and what could help you figure out is to start talking about sex. What she likes, what she doesn't like. Maybe there's something else she wants. So start doing that. I talk about that a lot on the show and I think you'll be fine. But telling you your penis is fine. All right. Hi, Emily. I love the show and I've been listening for about six months, basically a week after I had sex for the first time just to hear other women to see if I was normal. LOL. About 7 months ago, I started a relationship in college and it's amazing. Both of us are pretty mature for our age. And it's a very serious relationship. He's from France, so we're in a long distance relationship for the summer. We have really good sex. And after listening to more shows, I've learned a lot about my body and I Orgasm quite frequently. How can I keep our sexual relationship interesting long distance? I'm very open minded. However, new things take time for me to ease into. I like the idea of sexting, but I don't know how to initiate it and I don't want to sound silly. Thank you, Ashley, 19 from Kentucky. Ashley, you're awesome. I love that the show has helped you have more orgasms and understand your body and now you're ready to communicate with your long distance guy. So the thing about long distance relationship is, okay, you're 19 and how's your French? I'm curious because that's gonna matter too if you're gonna be able to sextum. I'm assuming it's cool. But the good news is that we've got FaceTime, we've got Skype, we've got all these ways that you guys can connect. Because one of the problems used to be when you're in lock and it's so much better now. But when you're in a long distance relationship, one of the things that we really miss is like seeing our partner and that intimacy and strangely enough, being able to see them. Even though you can't like touch them or smell them, you can see them and you can talk and you can communicate. So that can really be a hot way to keep the communication going and try some like facetime sexy time because you guys can, you know, look at each other, talk about things. You could get a toy. And here's the cool thing, there's so many great toys out there right now that are like app based. Like you could use the app and he could control the vibrator while he's watching you. So We Vibe has a few using their We Connect app. It is so cool. You have to see this because you could get a toy like the Rave or the Nova and he could download the app as well on his phone and he could like control the vibration. So you could be using inside you view and he could be watching and that could be super hot. I don't know if you guys are there yet, but they also have messaging back and forth on it like it's a pretty cool app. You can even use it even when you're not on the phone together. I mean if you're. It could be really hot. He could still use his app and you guys could be talking on the phone if you don't want him to watch. And then that could be really hard for him to hear you on the phone like giving you an orgasm. But he's not here. So that's one thing. The other thing about sexting is it's not like there's a right or a wrong. The best thing is, like, just to really use it as a tool to kind of talk about things that you remember. Like, you're not in the same city, you're not looking, you know, in his eyes, and you can use it. It sort of gives you a little bit of anonymity that you can without having to see him ask for things that you want. So you could even explain things that have happened in the past. Like, that was really hot the day you left and we were, like, making out. I keep thinking of your tongue and how your hands fell on my body. Or you could tell him about stuff that you look forward to doing. Or, like, I can't wait to be touching you again or tasting you. And so really, that's a great place to start is describing things from the past, things that you want in the future, things that have happened. And I think that, you know, that's a good way to get. Use your own voice and see where it goes, see how he responds. And then you'll start to develop your own language. But it's the kind of thing that comes from practice. So I would just say practice with it. And also, yeah, just let him know, like, see what he's up for. But I would say that you guys should just need to stay connected, keep talking, and even if it's just like FaceTiming all that stuff, because that intimacy is hard to keep going when you don't actually see each other. I also have some blogs on my site that would be really helpful. There's an Ask Emily called Intimacy and Long Distance Relationships. I go over all this stuff and go in the distance, keeping the sex live no matter what. So check those out on my show and good luck to you. I'm so glad that you're having awesome sex. And remember, while he's gone, you can still keep masturbating and keep having more orgasms and figuring out your body. That's something you can report on. I fantasized about you today, and here's what happened. So you've got this, Ashley, and good luck with the relationship. Hi, Emily. My husband and I have been married for 25 years, and we have been in an open marriage on and off for 15 years. When we opened our marriage, we started off with a unicorn. A woman we met at the gym, of all places. A unicorn, by the way, is the woman, like, who's typically the third in a relationship who is not attached we played alone and together with her. She was single so there wasn't any complication from her side. Lately with having more time. Our kids moved away. I started chatting with a guy friend. Just a friend from way back. Over time and with my husband's push, I asked if he wanted to play. My friend is vanilla and married, but in a sexless marriage. It was scary at first being that it was my first guy in over 25 years. We now meet once a week during the day at my house. But he we have this fear that he'll get caught since he's married. This has added a lot of spice to my marriage since my husband knows. But I feel bad my male friend is cheating on his wife. What's your feeling on open marriage and playing with a married person? And.

Okay, and wow, there's a lot going on here. So first of all, kudos to you for being married 25 years and having successfully being an open relationship for 15 years. I'd love to have you call on the show one day and talk about how you've made that work because that's pretty amazing and that your husband's cool with you. Having sex with another guy is also really cool thing and I'm sure your relationship is still pretty healthy. The thing is, is obviously this has to do with like your individual like morals and values and stuff like that. But my feelings on an open marriage and playing with a married person, not great. Just like how you don't feel great about it. I mean, what I would tell your guy friend if he called me and he's in a sexless marriage, I would say go back to your relationship and really, really work on the sex life, like intently work on it so you know that, you know, who knows what could happen. You can bring the sex life back, you can work on it, but if you can't and he tries really hard, doesn't work, then you should leave. But I think to cheat is kind of a cop out and that you're kind of in your mind going, well, of course cheating is more fun than your sexless marriage, but really he owes it to his wife, his long term relationship to work on it. So that's my feelings on it. I get that you're having fun with this guy, playing with him. I'm not judging you at all because as you know, I'm the least judgmental person on the planet. But I feel like you're having a lot of emotions around this and it's gonna stop being as fun for you in a while. And what if she finds out. Because people always find out these days. They just do. I'm telling you, every day someone's finding out that there's partners cheating. And do you really want to have, you know, do you really want to be that person? Like, do you want to have to deal with that and his emotions and all that. And so, you know, I get that it's fun. I guess he's someone you. I get that he's someone you know. But now, you know, you like being with another man. I'm sure you could find other men that are single that would be just as fun to play with. So, Ann, do what you will with that, and good luck to you both and just keep talking about it. Okay, Ann, that's what I got for you. And, yeah, you're gonna have to make your own decisions on this one. But just know that, you know, this could end really messy, and I just don't. I don't want you to have to deal with that. But, you know, you'll do what you have to do. And I think you probably know the right answer, so you'll know what's right for you. Thanks, Ann. I appreciate hearing from you. Okay. Another email. Hi, Emily. I've been masturbating a lot lately. I can't stop doing it even when I'm having a conversation with a woman over social media. I feel good when I do it, but anxious that maybe I should calm down. I don't want to put women off with my frequency. Also, I've not had sex in 11 months, even though I keep thinking about sex. So my question is, is it healthy to masturbate every day? Should I be doing something else to orgasm, sexually satisfy myself? Michael, 23, North London. Okay, Michael, you're 23. You're masturbating a lot lately. Nothing wrong with that.

Chatting with women over social media. I think guys do that all the time. So here's the thing. When masturbation becomes a problem, it's when there are consequences, right? So if you feel like it's inhibiting you or prohibiting you from meeting women, getting out there actually having sex in the real world, and you can't keep a job or you're losing your relationships, then we have a problem. But it is healthy to masturbate every day. And so I think that's completely healthy. And don't beat yourself up for masturbating every single day. Like, I talk about it all the time. And it's completely part. It's a. It's a normal part of a healthy sex Life. So I'm wondering why you haven't had sex in 11 months. And if you're chatting with women on social media, maybe you need to just ask them out and say, why don't you meet me for a beer tonight? Because it sounds like you're spending a lot of time at home chatting in social media and inside your head worrying and beating yourself up. So I'm going to tell you, you're not doing anything wrong. Masturbation is healthy, but also I think it's time to go out there and start. Start meeting people. So, you know, you can do this, Michael, but only, you know if there is a problem with this. So I just kind of laid it out for you. If you're having consequences, which sounds like you're getting anxious and all that, then maybe you should just kind of take a break and force yourself to go out and meet some people. And I think this is all going to sort itself out. Okay. Thanks, Michael. All right. Hello. I enjoy listening to your podcast. I work with a woman who is a hot librarian type, and I've worked with her for over 10 years. I've never tried anything with her because I'm married with kids and she's also married. I have recurring thoughts of this fantasy. Renting a hotel room and leaving work with her and spending eight hours naked with her and having sex. Any suggestions and how I deal with this fantasy? Thanks in advance. Daniel, 45, Utah. Hey. Hey, Daniel. No shame in your fantasy game. No. Here's the thing. There's a lot of different reasons why we have fantasies, right? A lot of them we don't actually want to happen in real life. And I would say that you're married with kids and you're not the first guy to have a fantasy about a woman that you work with and about, you know, an elaborate fantasy. So I think how you deal with it is that you take this fantasy and you get a babysitter for your kids for the night. Maybe you've parents in town that could watch her. And you get a hotel room with your wife and you guys go out of town for a day or two or even a few hours. Why don't you recreate this fantasy with your wife before you deal with the woman at work, which would just not end well. You work with her and it would be disaster. Which, you know, if you want me to finish the fantasy for you, I know that's a buzzkill, but basically, her husband would find out, your wife would find out, and then your marriage would be over and you'd probably have to leave your job. So the good news is that fantasy is also a part, including, just like masturbation. It's a huge part of a healthy sex life for men and for women having fantasies, you know, again, a lot of we don't want to share. I'm not saying you need to share this with your wife, please don't. But that fantasy, like hotel sex is hot for a reason, is because it's new. You're getting out of your comfort zone. You're probably been having sex with your wife for over 10 years in the bedroom. And that becomes boring after a while. Like, everything does. Like, if you worked out every day the same way and you're running on the same track for 10 years, you'd be bored. You wouldn't want to work out anymore. So I'd say all this energy with the fantasy you took, the time you wrote in, I'm sure it's consuming you, I get it. But I would say what could you do and what have you learned on the show that you could put towards your marriage and towards your relationship and work on it? It could be like literally a few hours in a hotel, a night away, going shopping for sex toy store to a sex toy store and getting like, you know, a new toy or a blindfold or something a little bit different. You just need to do that and you can do it. I know that you've got kids, but I'm telling you, people with kids also have fabulous sex lives. It just takes some work. But it's a really fun kind of work, Daniel. So that's what you gotta do. These are some great emails, everyone. I love hearing from you. Thank you so much for getting in touch. Welcome to all my new listeners. Thank you to Anderson, who had to run off and be super dad, and thank you to my amazing team and thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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